PREVIOUSLY ON THE L WORD...
WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU?
I'M TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT I'M DOING HERE IN L.A.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE IN L.A.?
WHAT'S YOUR SCREENPLAY ABOUT?
A GIRL WHO BECOMES A BOY.
WHAT HE GOES THROUGH.
SO IT'S ABOUT YOUR LIFE?
OR MAYBE IT'S ABOUT YOURS, MAX.
I THINK YOU SHOULD DEEJAY RUSSEL SIMMONS' PARTY.
IT REALLY DOESN'T MATTER TO YOU AT ALL
WHETHER OR NOT I'M AT YOUR OPENING?
IT'S NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL TO ME.
I'M ALMOST OLD ENOUGH TO BE YOUR MOTHER.
MY GRANDMOTHER. I DON'T CARE.
WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS RIGHT NOW?
BECAUSE, TINA, WE HAVE AN AGREEMENT WITH ONE ANOTHER.
I'M REALLY IN AWE
WITH WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO DO HERE,
AND I'M LUCKY ENOUGH
TO BE IN A POSITION TO HELP YOU.
GAME, SET, MATCH, MISS FAIRBANKS.
THERE YOU HAVE IT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
DANA FAIRBANKS IS THE MERCEDES-BENZ--
I'M GOING IN FOR A NEEDLE BIOPSY ON TUESDAY.
WE'LL FIND OUT THEN
IF THERE'S ANYTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
[***]
WE'RE HERE IN D.C. FOR A CHURCH CONFERENCE
ABOUT HELPING PEOPLE TO OVERCOME HOMOSEXUALITY
THROUGH FAITH IN THE LORD JESUS CHRIST.
OUR MINISTRY, THE OUT FROM SIN MINISTRY,
IS IN BILLINGS, MONTANA,
AND WE'RE HERE
TO TALK ABOUT FREEDOM FROM HOMOSEXUALITY
THROUGH THE INCREASING SUBMISSION
TO THE LORDSHIP OF CHRIST
AND HIS CHURCH.
CAN I HELP YOU?
I'M SORRY, I...
CAN WE DO THIS A LITTLE LATER?
I GOT ME A FLAT TIRE.
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?
A RADIAL?
SOMETHING PRETTY BASIC.
IT'S A RENTAL.
I'M JUST IN TOWN HERE FOR A FEW DAYS.
NOW, THESE ONES HERE
ARE STANDARD ALL-SEASON PERFORMERS,
NON-SPEED AND T-SPEED RATED.
HAD A COUPLE COMPLAINTS, THOUGH,
ABOUT THIS ONE, TREAD SEPARATION.
THESE ONES HERE OFFER SLIGHTLY BETTER RESPONSE
AND HANDLING,
AND THEY'RE PRETTY GOOD OVER ROAD IRREGULARITIES.
YOU GO TO SCHOOL FOR THIS?
NO, IT'S JUST A SUMMER JOB.
I'M STARTING AS A FRESHMAN AT YALE
IN COUPLE OF WEEKS.
[***]
* GIRLS IN TIGHT DRESSES WHO DRAG WITH MUSTACHES *
* CHICKS DRIVING FAST INGENUES WITH LONG LASHES *
* WOMEN WHO LONG, LOVE, LUST WOMEN WHO GIVE *
* THIS IS THE WAY IT'S THE WAY THAT WE LIVE *
* TALKING, LAUGHING LOVING, BREATHING *
* FIGHTING, FUCKING CRYING, DRINKING *
* WRITING, WINNING LOSING, CHEATING *
* KISSING, THINKING, DREAMING
* THIS IS THE WAY...
* IT'S THE WAY THAT WE LIVE *
* IT'S THE WAY THAT WE LIVE
* AND LOVE *
YOU'RE LOOKING VERY, VERY SERIOUS, DR. SHAPIRO.
WELL, I WILL TRY NOT TO BE TOO SERIOUS, DANA.
THE RESULTS OF YOUR BIOPSY
INDICATE WHAT WE CALL INFILTRATING DUCTAL CARCINOMA.
DUCTAL CARCINOMA.
FROM THE TEXTURE OF THE LUMP,
I CAN TELL YOU THAT WE SHOULD BE PLANNING
EITHER A LUMPECTOMY AND AUXILARY NODE DISSECTION,
OR A MASTECTOMY.
ARE-- ARE YOU SURE?
YOU KNOW, DANA,
THIS IS NOT A DEATH SENTENCE.
CANCER.
WE ARE GOING TO TAKE VERY GOOD CARE OF YOU.
IS THERE SOMEONE YOU'D LIKE TO CALL, DANA?
WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO THIS ANOTHER TIME?
NO, I JUST...
I JUST NEED YOU TO TELL ME WHAT I NEED TO DO.
WELL, WE NEED TO SCHEDULE YOU
FOR SURGERY,
ASSUMING YOU WANT
TO RECONSTRUCT THE BREAST, WE...
RECONSTRUCTION...
ASSUMING YOU WANT TO RECONSTRUCT,
WE CAN DO THAT
AT THE SAME TIME AS THE MASTECTOMY.
IT WILL TAKE A LITTLE LONGER TO SCHEDULE
BECAUSE WE HAVE TO GET YOU IN FIRST
TO SEE THE PLASTIC SURGEON.
NO, I DON'T WANT TO WAIT.
I WANT IT OFF.
I WANT IT OFF NOW.
[***]
[TINA]: SOMEBODY IN THIS FAMILY'S
GOT TO MAKE A LIVING.
[BETTE]: I HAVE MADE A LIVING FOR THE LAST 15 YEARS.
I DON'T THINK MY ABILITY TO MAKE A LIVING
IS REALLY IN QUESTION.
[TINA]: I'M NOT QUESTIONING YOUR ABILITY.
I'M QUESTIONING YOUR DESIRE.
[EMAIL BEEPS]
[SIGHS]
[EMAIL BEEPS]
[SLAMS LAPTOP SHUT]
I KNOW IT'S A THRILLER,
BUT I STILL THINK WE HAVE CHARACTER WORK TO DO.
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A LOOK AT SOME PADDY CHAYEFSKY FILMS?
OH, MY GOD, NETWORK IS MY FAVORITE MOVIE.
I WAS ACTUALLY THINKING OF THE HOSPITAL--
YEAH, IN THE WAY IT USES THE INSTITUTION.
YEAH, YEAH...
THE OLD-AGE HOME IS OUR HOSPITAL,
AND THE MURDER-MYSTERY IS LIKE OUR SUBPLOT.
EXACTLY.
[PENCIL SCRATCHING]
WHAT?
NOTHING.
IT'S JUST, UM...
DO YOU KNOW HOW INCREDIBLE IT IS TO WORK WITH AN EXECUTIVE
WHO ACTUALLY THINKS ABOUT WHAT'S GOING ON
IN THE REAL WORLD?
NO, HOW INCREDIBLE IS IT?
THIS IS MY CELL.
[PENCIL SCRATCHING]
CALL ME ANY TIME.
[INTERCOM BEEPS]
BETTE ON 2.
TELL HER I'LL CALL HER BACK, ROSIE.
IS THIS YOUR DAUGHTER?
SHE'S SO CUTE.
THANKS.
UH, DID YOU ADOPT HER?
NO, I GAVE BIRTH TO HER.
SO, UM, WHAT'S YOUR HUSBAND DO?
HE'S A POWER FORWARD FOR THE L.A. CLIPPERS.
I'M SORRY. I'M JUST KIDDING.
I DON'T HAVE A HUSBAND.
MESDAMES ET MESSIEURS,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...
WELCOME TO BISEXUAL SPEED-DATING NIGHT!
YEAH!
[CROWD CHEERS]
NOW...
NOW, AS OUR LOVELY FRIEND TOM CRUISE ONCE SAID...
THE BAR IS OPEN!
SO GET OVER TO THAT BAR, GET YOURSELVES LUBRICATED,
AND WHO KNOWS, MAYBE YOU'LL NEED TO GET LUBRICATED LATER ON.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
[WHOOPING]
EACH DATE IS EIGHT MINUTES LONG,
AND WHEN YOU HEAR THE BUZZER...
[BELL RINGS]
OR THE BELL--
BLESS YOU FOR THAT--
YOU GET UP, TAKE YOUR LOVELY LITTLE CLIPBOARD THING
AND MOVE ONE PLACE TO THE RIGHT, OKAY--
ALICE, HONESTLY,
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING HERE.
LIKE, HELENA, I JUST NEED A FRIEND HERE
IN CASE I DON'T MAKE A SINGLE MATCH.
A WORD OF WARNING.
IF YOU DO NOT MOVE WITHIN 30 SECONDS,
A BURLY, OILY MAN WILL COME AND EJECT YOU FROM THE PREMISES.
I'M NOT EVEN BISEXUAL.
NO, BUT YOU HAVE THE CHOICE
OF CHOOSING ONLY GIRLS.
THAT'S THE BEAUTY OF BISEXUAL SPEED-DATING--
YOUR ODDS ARE TWICE AS GOOD.
OKAY?
LOOK AT THE WORLD AS YOUR BISEXUAL OYSTER
AND SHUT UP, OKAY?
LET'S SPEED-DATE!
[CROWD CHEERING]
TEAM ONE, TAKE YOUR POSITIONS.
[BELL RINGS]
OKAY, BISEXUALS, BACK TO IT.
SO, WHAT ARE YOU...
YOU KNOW, WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?
CREATIVE INTEGRITY...
COURAGE.
YOU KNOW, SOMEONE WHO'S WILLING TO TAKE A RISK.
MY GIRLFRIEND AND I ARE...
YOUR GIRLFRIEND?
OH-- OH...
[CHUCKLES]
OKAY.
OKAY, TAMMY.
SOMEONE WHO'S ORIGINAL,
WHO HAS VISION, YOU KNOW, A CLEAR POINT OF VIEW.
WE'RE TRYING TO START A FAMILY.
WE'RE HERE LOOKING FOR A SPERM DONOR.
OKAY.
I'M A LITTLE LOW ON THE SPERM TONIGHT.
LITTLE LOW ON THE SPERM...
[BELL RINGS]
MOVE TO THE NEXT TABLE TO YOUR RIGHT.
[RINGS BELL]
MOVE TO YOUR RIGHT, PLEASE.
NEXT ROUND.
BISEXUAL SPEED-DATING...
[KIT]: I AM NOT BISEXUAL SPEED-DATING!
OH, BE A BIG GIRL, NOW, AND JUST SIT DOWN.
AND YOU, YOUNG FELLOW, MY LAD,
HAVE FIVE MINUTES.
I WANTED TO SAY THAT THIS THING YOU'RE GOING THROUGH.
THIS THING?
THIS CHANGE OF LIFE IS REALLY...
IT'S BEAUTIFUL,
AND IT'S SEXY, AND...
FUCK IT, THAT'S WHY I BROUGHT THE GUITAR.
* DIDN'T KNOW WHAT I WAS
* WAITING FOR BUT MY TIME WAS RUNNING WILD *
* A MILLION DEAD-END STREETS
* EVERY TIME I THINK I'VE GOT IT MADE *
* IT SEEMED THE TASTE WAS NOT SO SWEET *
* SO I TURNED MY EYES TO FACE ME *
* BUT I NEVER CAUGHT A GLIMPSE
* OF HOW THE OTHERS MUST SEE THE FAKER *
* I'M MUST TOO FAST TO TAKE THAT TEST *
* CH-CH-CH-CH-CHANGES TURN AND FACE THE STRAIN *
* CH-CH-CHANGES
* DON'T HAVE TO BE A DIFFERENT MAN *
* CH-CH-CH-CH-CHANGES TURN AND FACE THE STRAIN *
* CH-CH-CHANGES
* JUST HAVE TO BE AN OLDER MAN
* TIME MAY CHANGE ME
* I CAN'T TRACE TIME
CLOCK IS TICKING.
* STRANGE FASCINATION FASCINATING ME *
* OH, CHANGES ARE TAKING THE PACE I'M GOING THROUGH *
* CH-CH-CH-CH-CHANGES TURN AND FACE THE STRAIN *
* CH-CH-CHANGES
* LOOK OUT YOU ROCK AND ROLLER... *
[BELL RINGS]
AND MOVE AGAIN, PLEASE.
* TURN AND FACE THE STRAIN CH-CH-CHANGES *
* GONNA GET A LITTLE BIT OLDER *
* TIME MAY CHANGE ME BUT I CAN'T TRACE TIME *
* I SAY THAT TIME MAY CHANGE ME *
* BUT I CAN'T TRACE TIME... *
[BELL RINGS]
OKAY, BISEXUALS, TIME FOR HIATUS.
HEY, ALICE.
CAN YOU PASS ME THE GRAND MARNIER?
THANKS.
OH, HA, HA, HA.
ALICE IS SPEED-DATING.
I'M SURE YOU AND DANA WILL GET A REALLY GOOD LAUGH
OUT OF THIS ONE.
ACTUALLY, I THINK DANA
HAS A LOT OF OTHER THINGS ON HER MIND RIGHT NOW.
[BELL RINGS]
OKAY, BISEXUALS,
BACK TO YOUR SEATS FOR THE NEXT ROUND.
PLEASE TAKE YOUR PLACES,
AND WE'LL START SPEED-DATING AGAIN.
SHRIMP, SHRIMP, SHRIMP, SHRIMP...
COME ON, EVERYBODY. GET TO IT.
READY?
NO, I'M NOT COMING. I'M ACTUALLY GOING.
GOING WHERE?
TO, UM...
GOOD LUCK. I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
WAIT, HELENA. WHAT THE FUCK?
GREAT. THANKS!
I CAN FEEL THE LOVE IN THE AIR, YOU KNOW.
IT'S A BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL,
BEAUTIFUL THING.
OKAY, ARE WE READY?
OW. ARE YOU OKAY?
HONEY...
IT'S JUST THE DOOR.
I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.
LOOK AT THIS.
HELLO!
IS ANYBODY HERE?
FUCK, CARMEN, COME ON.
CAN YOU GUYS COME AND CLEAN UP
YOUR FUCKING MESS?
HI!
WHAT IS THIS?
THIS LOOKS LIKE A FUCKING PIGSTY!
SORRY.
WE WERE JUST WATCHING A MOVIE--
NO, YOU KNOW WHAT, I'M SORRY.
I AM REALLY, REALLY SORRY,
BECAUSE I APPARENTLY
DON'T KNOW HOW TO LIVE IN A FRAT HOUSE--
OKAY, OKAY.
THIS IS DISGUSTING, MOIRA--
CARMEN, CARMEN, CARMEN, COME ON.
WHERE'S JENNY?
SHE WENT TO THE STORE TO GET A SIX-PACK.
SHE WENT TO THE STORE.
SHE'LL BE BACK. THEY'LL CLEAN IT UP.
GREAT, GOOD.
YEAH, LEAVE THAT ON THE FLOOR, TOO.
WE WERE GOING TO CLEAN IT UP.
WE WERE JUST WATCHING A MOVIE.
WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL ANYWAY?
I JUST REALIZED WHO YOU ARE.
DO YOU THINK THAT'S A PROBLEM?
WELL, I DON'T SEE HOW IT COULD BE A PROBLEM
THAT YOU HAVE GREAT TASTE IN RADIO.
YOU KNOW THE SHOW YOU DID
IN WHICH YOU REFERENCED JEAN ROLLIN'S
LE FRISSON DES VAMPIRES?
YOU MENTIONED AN ESSAY THAT I WROTE
FOR A COURSE I'M TEACHING
AT LOYOLA MARYMOUNT.
NO KIDDING.
MM...
WHAT'S YOUR NAME AGAIN?
UTA REFSON.
AND WHAT DO YOU TEACH?
I'M A VAMPIROLOGIST.
I TEACH A COURSE ON THE QUEER VAMPIRE
IN LITERATURE AND FILM
AND A SEMINAR CALLED DEMON DESIRE,
ABOUT THE VAMPIRE AS A LESBIAN PREDATOR.
OKAY, I'M A TOTAL VAMPIRE LESBIAN FREAK.
WHAT ATTRACTS YOU TO THE LESBIAN VAMPIRE, ALICE?
I DON'T KNOW, UTA.
UM... MAYBE IT'S JUST I LIKE THE DARK SIDE.
WHAT ABOUT TOMORROW?
WHAT?
LUNCH?
I PREFER DINNER.
I'M NOT MUCH OF A DAYTIME PERSON.
RIGHT, BECAUSE VAMPIRES DON'T GO OUT IN THE DAY,
DO THEY?
NO.
WE LIE IN BED WITH THE CURTAINS DRAWN.
[INHALES SHARPLY]
OKAY.
YEAH, TOMORROW NIGHT.
HEY.
I'LL THROW DOWN THE KEYS. CAN YOU LET YOURSELF IN?
SURE.
LINDSEY76, ARE YOU THERE?
WHAT?
DADDYOF2 WAS LOOKING FOR YOU.
HE SAID HE HAD A BIG HARD-ON.
UGH, INTERNET FREAKS.
GROSS.
HE PROBABLY GOT MY NAME FROM SOME CHAT SITE I USED
WHEN I WAS RESEARCHING
THAT STAY-AT-HOME DADS PROJECT.
SO YOU GO ON AS LINDSEY76?
JUST THAT ONE TIME.
JESUS!
WHAT?
WHY ARE YOU GETTING SO UPSET?
BECAUSE YOU'RE ACTING
LIKE I HAVE SOME BIG SECRET INTERNET SEX LIFE.
NO, TINA, I THINK YOU'RE THE ONE
WHO'S ACTING LIKE THAT.
I CHATTED WITH HIM FOR RESEARCH PURPOSES.
THAT'S IT.
I'M TIRED.
I'M GOING TO GO TO SLEEP.
THE POLICE CAME
WHILE THEY WERE BEATING HER WITH A BASEBALL BAT.
IT'S PART OF AN INITIATION RITUAL.
[SIGHS]
IS THIS TOO VIOLENT?
NO...
NO, I-- I'M ALL RIGHT.
OH, THEY DANCE IN THIS NIGHT CLUB.
AND, I MEAN, JUST GOING IN THERE,
IT'S LIKE TAKING YOUR LIFE IN YOUR HANDS,
BUT THIS NIGHT,
THEY SORT OF HALF-HEARTEDLY TRIED
TO GET ME TO LEAVE, BECAUSE AEISHA KNEW
THAT MISTRESS Q WAS COMING WITH A GUN.
[GUNSHOT]
HOW WERE YOU ABLE
TO GET CLOSE ENOUGH TO FILM THIS?
I LIVED WITH THEM FOR TWO-AND-A-HALF YEARS.
YOU KNOW, I ATE WITH THEIR FAMILIES,
I SLEPT ON THEIR FLOORS.
I WAS WITH SUMATRA
THE NIGHT SHE DIED OF A GUNSHOT WOUND.
YEAH, SHE WAS EIGHT-AND-A-HALF MONTHS PREGNANT.
YOU ALL RIGHT?
YEAH.
SORRY.
I'M SORRY.
PLEASE...
DON'T BE SORRY.
[DOOR OPENS]
[MAN CALLS OUT]: DYL, ARE YOU HOME?
UH, YEAH.
I'M EDITING.
[MAN]: I'M GOING TO BED.
THERE'S A DOGGY BAG FROM MON KEE
IN THE KITCHEN.
OKAY.
UM, I'LL BE IN IN A BIT.
GOOD NIGHT.
BABY, LISTEN TO THIS.
NOT ONLY HAVE CURE RATES LEAPED,
BUT MOST WOMEN
HAVE A MUCH GREATER CHOICE OF TREATMENTS NOW.
THEY EVEN TALK ABOUT THESE EXERCISES YOU CAN DO
TO RESTORE YOUR ARM STRENGTH
SO YOU CAN PLAY TENNIS AGAIN SOONER.
I'M NOT PLAYING TENNIS AGAIN.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? OF COURSE YOU ARE.
NO, I'M NOT.
MY CAREER IS OVER, LARA.
BABY, YOU DON'T KNOW THAT.
I MEAN, YOU COULD TEACH, OR--
UGH, I DON'T WANT TO TEACH.
I DON'T WANT TO COACH.
I DON'T WANT TO DO ANY OF THAT.
IF THEY DON'T HAVE TO TAKE AWAY
TOO MUCH OF THE MUSCLE...
I MEAN, DANA, IT SAYS RIGHT HERE
THEY USED TO AUTOMATICALLY REMOVE
THE PECTORAL MUSCLE--
LARA!
STOP TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL GOOD ABOUT MY CANCER.
PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER.
[LAUGHTER]
HEY, IS SHE HIGH?
HEY, DUDES.
HELLO.
HI.
OH, THANK YOU. YOU'RE WELCOME.
OH, HEY, JENNY.
CAN YOU-- ACTUALLY, CAN YOU SIT FOR A MINUTE?
I JUST WANT TO TALK TO YOU GUYS FOR A SECOND.
SURE, SURE.
YOU WANT SOME? NO, THANK YOU.
SO, WHAT'S UP?
YOU GUYS GETTING MARRIED?
UH, NO.
I JUST, UH...
GOSH, I--
[CELLPHONE RINGS]
I'M SORRY. THAT'S TINA.
EXCUSE ME.
[SHANE]: I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT.
WHAT?
EVERYONE, ALICE IS ABOUT TO GO OUT WITH A VAMPIRE.
NO, UM,
A VAMPIROLOGIST, ACTUALLY.
SHE'S KIND OF A DOCTOR--
WELL, NOT A DOCTOR, MORE OF A TEACHER--
AT LOYOLA MARYMOUNT.
SHE'S GORGEOUS.
IT'S JUST A FIRST DATE.
FIRST DATES ARE THE BEST, BY THE WAY.
GOOD LUCK. THAT'S COOL.
SORRY ABOUT THAT.
SURE. IT'S OKAY.
WHAT'S UP?
I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU GUYS
I'M HAVING A LITTLE OPERATION TOMORROW.
THAT'S IT.
AN OPERATION?
YEAH. WHAT KIND OF OPERATION?
IS IT OUTPATIENT OR IS IT OVERNIGHT?
IS IT SOMETHING SERIOUS, DANA?
ARE YOU GOING TO BE OKAY?
YEAH, I'M GOING TO BE FINE.
THEY, UM...
UM...
I'M HAVING A-- I--
THEY-- THEY FOUND A LUMP IN MY BREAST,
AND SO I'M HAVING IT REMOVED.
IT'S ROUTINE.
A LUMP?
DID YOU HAVE IT BIOPSIED?
YEAH.
WHAT DID THEY-- WHAT DID THEY FIND?
IS IT BENIGN?
IT'S JUST A LITTLE OPERATION, REALLY, IT'S...
EVERYTHING'S OKAY.
YOU KNOW, TINA HAD A LUMPECTOMY,
AND YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE THE SCAR.
[HELENA]: NO. NO, YOU CAN'T.
I MEAN, I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THAT SHE'D HAD ONE.
WELL, FUCK IT, WHAT TIME?
YEAH, I THINK WE SHOULD ALL GO AND SUPPORT YOU.
WE SHOULD ALL BE THERE.
LARA'S GOING TO BE THERE.
IT'S FINE, LARA'S GOING TO BE THERE.
IT'S OKAY, REALLY.
IT'S GOING TO BE OVERNIGHT.
I'LL BE OUT THE NEXT DAY.
OKAY?
ARE YOU SURE?
YES.
IS THERE ANYTHING WE CAN DO?
YEAH-- NO.
THANK YOU.
SO, MOIRA...
THAT'S A GIRL'S NAME, ISN'T IT?
YEAH.
I'M A GIRL.
I WASN'T SAYING
I DIDN'T KNOW IF YOU WERE A GIRL.
I WAS JUST ASKING ABOUT THE NAME.
OH, SORRY.
SO TELL ME A LITTLE ABOUT YOUR LAST JOB, MOIRA,
AT CHALDENE SOFTWARE, SKOKIE, ILLINOIS.
I WAS MOSTLY INVOLVED IN CODING AND TESTING.
WE DEVELOPED THIS SYSTEM USING TCP/IP SOCKET,
HTTP, CORBA--
VERY IMPRESSIVE.
UM, HOW ARE YOUR PROGRAMMING SKILLS?
MOSTLY I'M FAMILIAR
WITH WINDOWS PLATFORMS LIKE JAVA AND VISUAL OBJECTS,
BUT I'M A REALLY FAST LEARNER,
AND I'M REALLY GOOD AT TROUBLESHOOTING AND DEBUGGING.
AH...
IT'S A GREAT LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION
FROM CHALDENE.
HOW DID YOU GET ON WITH THE FOLKS THERE?
REALLY WELL.
HUH, SO NO PROBLEMS WITH YOU BEING...
YOU KNOW, HARD TO PEG?
HARD TO PEG?
YOU'RE KIND OF NEITHER FISH NOR FOWL, MOIRA,
IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
AND I'M NOT SAYING
THAT WE WOULD DISCRIMINATE AGAINST YOU,
BECAUSE THAT IS ONE THING
THAT WE DON'T DO HERE AT INTECHMODE,
BUT WE'RE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE WHO IS A TEAM PLAYER.
WE'RE TEAM PLAYERS HERE.
YEAH.
I'M A TEAM PLAYER.
WHAT SIDE DO YOU BAT FOR, MOIRA?
[LAUGHS]
I'M KIDDING.
I'M SORRY.
IT WAS TOO GOOD TO RESIST.
YOU KNOW, I THINK THE SCRIPT
NEEDS A LITTLE MORE REWRITING.
YEAH, WE CAN DO THAT.
THEN IT SHOULD BE FINE.
UH, I GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU.
I BOUGHT THIS ON eBAY.
OH, MY GOD.
THAT'S MY FAVORITE MOVIE OF ALL TIME.
GOOD.
JUST A LUCKY GUESS.
IT'LL BE INSPIRATION FOR OUR PROJECTS TOGETHER.
WOW. WELL, YOU SET THE BAR HIGH.
YES, I DO.
HERE YOU GO.
THANKS.
WOW. COOL.
I'LL SEE YOU SOON.
OKAY.
BYE.
GAME, SET, MATCH, MISS FAIRBANKS.
AND WHAT A GAME!
DANA FAIRBANKS HAS TAKEN IT TODAY
IN THE MERCEDES-BENZ CHALLENGE...
[SNIFFLES]
SHE'S DONE A GREAT JOB SO FAR.
SHE'S BEEN AMAZING THIS YEAR.
ABSOLUTELY. CONGRATULATIONS.
THE ENTIRE SEASON. I AGREE WITH YOU--
[CLICKS TELEVISION OFF]
YOU OKAY?
YEAH, I'M GREAT.
BABY, I THINK YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR FRIENDS
WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON.
I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU DIDN'T.
THEY DON'T NEED TO KNOW EVERY LAST DETAIL.
I JUST-- I DON'T THINK
I SHOULD BE THE ONLY ONE.
THEY'VE KNOWN YOU FOR A LONG TIME, BABY.
THEY LOVE YOU.
THEY WOULD WANT TO BE THERE FOR YOU.
IF THEY KNEW THAT THIS WAS MORE SERIOUS--
I TOLD THEM WHAT I WANTED TO TELL THEM.
OKAY?
FUCK...
[***]
CHASE, HAVE YOU HEARD FROM MY 6:00?
OH, IT'S A SHERRY...
SHERRY...
YEAH.
PERONI. SHE HASN'T CALLED.
SHE'S FUCKING LATE.
DO YOU WANT TO SET UP THAT BOARD?
WHAT, RIGHT NOW?
YEAH.
WELL, IF SHE HASN'T SHOWN UP, YEAH, FOR SURE.
JUST WAIT A LITTLE BIT FOR HER.
LOOKS LIKE A SLAMMING PARTY.
I'M SORRY I MISSED IT.
CHERIE...
WHAT THE FUCK...
WELL, THAT'S A NICE WAY TO GREET AN OLD FRIEND.
YEAH, I'M SORRY, CHERIE. HOW ARE YOU?
GOOD.
WHY ARE YOU HERE?
I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT TO GET MY HAIR CUT.
YOU DON'T JUST DO MOHAWKS, DO YOU?
BECAUSE I DON'T THINK I'D LOOK TOO GOOD IN A MOHAWK.
WAIT...
SO YOU'RE "SHERRY PERONI"?
I WENT BACK TO MY MAIDEN NAME.
I WASN'T GOING TO KEEP THAT FUCKER'S NAME,
BUT I...
CERTAINLY KEPT A SHITLOAD OF HIS MONEY.
IS THIS WHERE YOU WANT ME?
YEAH.
THAT'S NOT BEING SELF-CENTERED.
JUST-- YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME AT THE LAST MINUTE.
YOU KNOW, WE HAD AN AGREEMENT.
I THINK WORK TAKES PRIORITY OVER A MEDITATION GROUP.
IT'S NOT RIGHT, TINA.
[CHUCKLES]
WHEN DID YOU GET THAT?
IT'S VERY COMFORTABLE.
WHO KNEW BUDDHISM COULD BE SO EXPENSIVE?
IT WASN'T THAT EXPENSIVE, TINA.
I DIDN'T KNOW THAT YOU NEEDED SPECIAL CLOTHES TO MEDITATE.
FUCK IT.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
IF IT MAKES YOU THAT UNCOMFORTABLE, I'LL CHANGE.
OKAY, I'LL RETURN IT.
WHATEVER.
DAMMIT...
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, TINA?
IN THE SEVEN-AND-A-HALF YEARS
THAT I WAS THE SOLE WAGE EARNER IN THIS HOUSEHOLD,
I NEVER LORDED MONEY OVER YOU THE WAY YOU DO ME.
AND WE DIDN'T HAVE A CHILD THEN.
AND YOU DIDN'T HAVE A $300 HAIRCUT.
THE SCUMBAG LEFT ME FOR HIS BOOKKEEPER.
SHE'S ABOUT YOUR AGE.
YEAH?
WELL, I'M REALLY SORRY TO HEAR THAT.
NO, DON'T BE SORRY.
YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN HIS FACE
WHEN THE JUDGE AWARDED ME HALF OF HIS COMPANY.
WELL, AS LONG AS YOU'RE OKAY, RIGHT?
YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL, BY THE WAY.
YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULD COME OUT--
HEY, BABY.
THE RESERVATIONS CAME THROUGH FOR TONIGHT.
DO YOU WANT ME TO WAIT FOR YOU OUT FRONT?
UM, CARMEN, THIS IS CHERIE.
CHERIE, THIS IS CARMEN.
CARMEN?
FUCK YOU.
CARMEN...
LET GO OF ME.
STOP IT!
HEY, CALM DOWN. STOP!
CALM DOWN. SHUT UP.
WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?
CHERIE JAFFE.
I DIDN'T KNOW SHE WAS COMING IN.
BULLSHIT.
YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME?
GO LOOK AT THE BOOK.
GO LOOK AT MY BOOK IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME.
SHERRY FUCKING PERONI.
SHE BOOKED UNDER A DIFFERENT NAME.
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?
HUH?
OKAY, WHATEVER, THAT'S NOT THE POINT.
TELL HER TO GO FUCK HERSELF!
ACT LIKE YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND.
DID I HEAR HER SAY
THAT SHE WAS YOUR GIRLFRIEND?
YEAH...
CONGRATULATIONS, SHANE.
SHE'S PRETTY...
BUT NOT AS HOT AS YOU ARE.
WHY DON'T YOU COME OUT TO THE BEACH THIS WEEKEND?
YOU CAN BRING THE GIRLFRIEND IF YOU WANT,
BUT...I'D RATHER SEE YOU BY YOURSELF.
WE MEDITATE TO GET TO KNOW OURSELVES,
TO BECOME INTIMATE WITH WHO WE REALLY ARE.
EACH OF US HAS A LONGING FOR WHAT WE SENSE IS IMPORTANT.
IT'S A PROCESS OF GETTING SUBTLER AND SUBTLER,
AND THEN SIMPLY SINKING...
[***]
...KNOWLEDGE OF OURSELVES,
OF RECOGNIZING ON DEEPER AND DEEPER LEVELS...
THE LOVING AWARENESS,
THE PRESENCE THAT IS ALWAYS THERE
NO MATTER WHAT ELSE IS GOING ON IN YOUR LIFE.
[***]
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
JUST CLEANING.
STOP IT.
YOU DON'T NEED TO DO THAT.
YEAH, I DO, ACTUALLY.
WHY?
BECAUSE I'M NOT MAKING ANY OTHER CONTRIBUTION.
OKAY.
I AM GOING TO HELP YOU.
COME HERE.
ALL RIGHT.
HOW DID YOUR JOB INTERVIEW GO?
I'M NOT FISH OR FOWL.
OKAY.
STOP. STOP IT.
THIS IS BULLSHIT.
YOU'RE COMING WITH ME.
LET'S GO.
I DON'T THINK, UH-
I'M NOT REALLY IN THE MOOD RIGHT NOW.
NO, NO, NO.
I DON'T WANT YOU TO...
FUCK ME RIGHT NOW.
I WANT YOU TO GET DRESSED...
MAX.
I WANT YOU TO WEAR TIGHT TROUSERS.
AND IF THOSE DON'T FIT YOU,
YOU CAN WEAR A PAIR OF MINE.
ALL RIGHT.
THAT LOOKS GREAT.
DO YOU WANT SOME HELP?
ALL RIGHT.
CAN YOU JUST, UM, STICK THAT ON THERE?
CAN YOU JUST-- YEAH.
HERE.
[BOTH GIGGLING]
WOW...
YOU LOOK REALLY HOT.
[***]
HEY, CHASE.
HEY! HEY.
WHERE YOU BEEN?
JUST DRIVING AROUND. HOW'S THIS GOING?
YOUR GIRL'S BLOWING UP IN THERE, MAN.
SHE'S GOT SOME ADMIRERS.
OH, THE DEF JAM GUYS?
YEAH.
IT'S GREAT. THAT'S WHAT SHE WANTED.
GO GET A DRINK. ALL RIGHT, I WILL.
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING?
[***]
ALICE. ALICE!
HEY, SHANE!
THIS IS UTA.
SHANE, UTA.
NICE TO SEE YOU. HOW YOU DOING?
[***]
WOW, SHE'S PACKING.
SHE'S PACKING.
OH, YEAH, SHE'S GOING FOR IT.
THAT'S GREAT.
COME ON.
OW!
AH.
I'M GOING TO--
I'M GOING TO BE RIGHT BACK.
I'M GOING TO GET US A DRINK.
BE RIGHT BACK.
HELENA!
I THINK UTA MIGHT BE A VAMPIRE.
WHAT?
WELL, HAVE YOU SEEN HER TEETH?
THEY'RE...
WHAT?
THEY'RE SHARP.
THEY'RE...
WELL...
IT'S A HICKEY.
I DON'T KNOW...
I DON'T KNOW.
WELL...
YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT VAMPIRES--
NO REFLECTION.
OH, YEAH.
TRY IT.
OKAY.
HEY!
OKAY.
I JUST-- I THINK I'VE GOT SOMETHING IN MY TEETH.
I'M JUST, UH...
HOLY FUCKING SHIT.
WHAT?
OH, I JUST, I DROPPED MY RING.
WHY DON'T WE GET OUT OF HERE?
OKAY.
HOW WAS THE MEDITATION GROUP?
DID YOU HAVE AN EPIPHANY OR SOMETHING?
IT WAS INTERESTING.
JULIA TOLD ME
ABOUT THIS SPECIAL COUPLES RETREAT
UP AT THIS BUDDHIST MONASTERY
IN VERMONT.
I LOVE VERMONT.
I THOUGHT MAYBE WE SHOULD GIVE IT A TRY.
MAYBE.
I DON'T KNOW WHEN I'D FIND THE TIME.
SHE ALSO TOLD ME
THAT I'M ON A SHORT LIST OF CANDIDATES
TO HEAD THE WHITNEY.
THE WHITNEY?
THAT'S INCREDIBLE.
HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "HOW DID THAT HAPPEN"?
SOME PEOPLE ACTUALLY THINK THAT I'M QUALIFIED.
I DIDN'T MEAN TO IMPLY
THAT YOU WEREN'T QUALIFIED. I...
I JUST THOUGHT THAT YOU SAID
THAT YOU DIDN'T WANT TO TAKE ANOTHER MUSEUM POSITION.
IT'S THE WHITNEY. IT'S PRETTY HARD TO DISMISS.
WOW.
YEAH.
I MEAN, WE'D HAVE TO MOVE TO NEW YORK.
WE?
WELL, IF I TOOK THE POST, IF THEY OFFERED IT TO ME...
I HAVE A JOB HERE,
A JOB I LOVE.
IT PROBABLY PAYS MORE THAN A MUSEUM POSITION.
SO, UM...
YOU'RE SAYING THAT
IF I WERE NAMED THE DIRECTOR OF THE WHITNEY,
YOU WOULDN'T MOVE TO NEW YORK?
I'D HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT.
I LIKE MY LIFE HERE.
[***]
WOW, YOUR LITTLE HOT TAMALE'S
REALLY WORKING THE BIG BOYS, HUH?
WOW!
CAN YOU TAKE THAT?
CHEERS.
OH, SHE IS INCREDIBLE.
I MEAN, I DIDN'T THINK
I WAS EVER GOING TO HAVE SEX LIKE THIS AGAIN.
IT'S LIKE SHE HAS UNBELIEVABLE STAMINA.
I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN KEEP UP WITH HER.
IT'S LIKE--
[WHISPERING]: I JUST FEEL LIKE, I DON'T KNOW, I MEAN...
SHE SEEMS LEGITIMATE.
I MEAN, SHE'S GOT, LIKE, A TEACHING CERTIFICATE
AND EVERYTHING,
YEAH.
NO, IT'S REAL.
I THINK SHE'S THE REAL THING,
BUT THE PLACE IS CREEPY.
WHAT DID YOU FIND OUT?
OKAY...
VAMPIRES ARE IMMUNE TO DISEASE.
THEY NEVER GET SICK.
AM I SUPPOSED TO, LIKE...
LIKE, EXPOSE HER TO A DEADLY DISEASE?
BECAUSE I COULD BE ONE OF THE UNDEAD BY THEN.
OKAY, SUPPOSEDLY, THEY NEVER SNORE.
GREAT.
WHO NEEDS THAT?
OKAY, THEY ONLY LIKE TO GO OUT AT NIGHT,
DAH, DAH, DAH...
POSSIBLE MATCH.
THEY HAVE COLD HANDS AND FEET.
OKAY.
THEY DON'T LIKE TO DEBATE ABOUT RELIGION.
REALLY?
HMM.
THEY'RE STRONGER THAN THEIR BODIES MIGHT SUGGEST.
I GOTTA GO, I GOTTA GO.
HEY...
SORRY TO KEEP YOU WAITING.
OH, THAT'S FINE.
I HAD TO GO DOWN TO THE CELLAR FOR THIS.
MM-HMM.
I HOPE YOU'RE NOT GETTING TIRED.
WOW!
YOU'RE, UM...
YOU'RE A LOT STRONGER THAN YOU LOOK, THERE, UTA.
CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?
DO YOU REALLY THINK GOD...
IT'S JUST A QUESTION, JUST A QUESTION...
IT'S OKAY.
"NOSFERATU."
FUCK.
OH...
OH, WHAT THE FUCK.
[FOOTSTEPS]
PLEASE.
[CRYING]
I'VE GOT SOMETHING I HAVE TO TELL YOU.
WHAT?
I FUCKED DADDYOF2...
ON THE INTERNET.
I FUCKED HIM. I ONLY DID IT ONCE.
THEN WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME?
BECAUSE I JUST HAVE ALL THESE FEELINGS
THAT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH,
AND THEY'RE JUST SO FUCKED UP.
I DON'T...
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.
FEELINGS ABOUT WHAT?
FEELINGS ABOUT MEN.
[TINA SOBBING]
[***]
FUCK ME!
[***]