YOU'RE DONE, CARMEN.
NEXT VICTIM?
[SHANE]: THAT LOOKS REALLY GOOD.
LOOK AT YOU TWO--
ANOTHER COUPLE OF DYKES WITH MATCHING TATS.
I'D RATHER SEE YOU BY YOURSELF.
I LIKE YOU.
A LOT.
I'M CHANGING...MYSELF FROM FEMALE TO MALE.
DOES JENNY KNOW?
SHE'S BEEN SHOOTING ME UP WITH IT.
HOW DOES THAT FEEL?
BETTER THAN THE FIRST TIME.
YOU WON'T GET IN TROUBLE FOR THAT?
MM-MM.
BIG SISTER'S OVER AT THE CHEMO CLAMBAKE.
[KIT]: I AM NOT GONNA HAVE IT.
I AM NOT GONNA HAVE THIS SHIT.
I AM TALKING TO YOU, BILLIE!
IT'S TIME FOR ME TO GO.
WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE?
YOU'RE NOT MY FUCKING NURSE.
YOU'RE NOT MY MOTHER.
YOU'RE NOT ANYTHING.
[GASPS]
[SOBS]
[***]
[SOBS]
I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN...
UM--
IF I CAN LIVE WITHOUT YOU.
OH, ALICE...
[CRYING]
YOU CAN.
[CRYING]
[***]
I CAN'T, I CAN'T.
I CAN'T, I CAN'T, I CAN'T.
I'VE GOT TO GO.
I HAVE TO GO.
[SOBBING]
I HAVE TO GO.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
[SOBBING]: DANA...
[***]
* GIRLS IN TIGHT DRESSES WHO DRAG WITH MUSTACHES *
* CHICKS DRIVING FAST INGENUES WITH LONG LASHES *
* WOMEN WHO LONG, LOVE, LUST WOMEN WHO GIVE *
* THIS IS THE WAY IT'S THE WAY THAT WE LIVE *
* TALKING, LAUGHING LOVING, BREATHING *
* FIGHTING, FUCKING CRYING, DRINKING *
* WRITING, WINNING LOSING, CHEATING *
* KISSING, THINKING, DREAMING
* THIS IS THE WAY...
* IT'S THE WAY THAT WE LIVE *
* IT'S THE WAY THAT WE LIVE
* AND LOVE *
[***]
[KIT]: PULL OVER!
PULL OVER INTO THAT OUTLOOK.
[ANGUS]: WHAT'S UP? ARE YOU OKAY?
[GASPING FOR BREATH]
OKAY...
OH...
BABY, WHAT'S WRONG?
OH, I'M JUST HAVING BAD BUTTERFLIES.
THAT'S ALL.
I'M HYPERVENTILATING.
YEAH, JUST-- IT'S ALL RIGHT.
JUST BREATHE SLOW.
BREATHE... THAT'S IT.
[CHUCKLES]: THAT'S IT.
YEAH.
IT'S EXCITING.
I'M EXCITED TO MEET YOUR FRIEND NONA.
YEAH...
BUT, HEY, MY FRIENDS, THE BETTY GIRLS,
THEY'VE COME ALL THE WAY FROM NEW YORK TO PRODUCE ME.
I CAN'T DO IT. I CAN'T DO IT.
YES, YOU CAN DO IT.
LOOK, THEY CAME OUT HERE
BECAUSE YOUR RECORD'S GOING TO BE KILLER, KIT,
AND BECAUSE THEY LOVE YOU.
AND THIS IS ALL HAPPENING
BECAUSE YOU TOOK CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE.
[BREATHING SLOWS]
OKAY. I'M GOOD. ALL RIGHT?
I'M OKAY. ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT. LET'S GO. ALL RIGHT.
OKAY.
READY?
YEP. HI-HO, SILVER!
WHOO!
SORRY, I DIDN'T MEAN TO TOUCH YOU.
I DON'T MIND BEING TOUCHED BY YOU.
OBVIOUSLY YOU DO.
WHILE I'M AWAY, I WANT YOU TO MOVE OUT.
WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO GO?
I DON'T KNOW. I JUST...
JUST MOVE INTO THE OTHER BEDROOM
UNTIL WE FIGURE IT OUT.
I JUST DON'T WANT YOU IN MY BED ANYMORE.
ALL RIGHT, FINE,
IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT.
THAT'S NOT WHAT I WANT, TINA.
I'M NOT THE ONE WHO DECIDED
THAT THE LAST EIGHT YEARS OF HER LIFE
WERE SOME MEANINGLESS LITTLE DALLIANCE
IN THE LAND OF ALTERNATIVE LIFESTYLES.
YOU KNOW THAT'S NOT TRUE.
I CAN'T HELP THE FEELINGS THAT I'M HAVING.
[ANGELICA CRYING]
WELL, I DON'T WANT YOU TO HAVE THEM IN MY BED.
I HAVE TO PACK.
DO YOU MIND?
I NEED TO SPEND A LITTLE TIME TO MYSELF
IN MY OWN ROOM.
IT'S OKAY.
HI, SWEETIE.
MOMMY'S RIGHT HERE.
COME HERE.
YEAH...
WHAT A BIG GIRL.
YES, YOU'RE A BIG GIRL, AND MOMMY'S RIGHT HERE.
WHO'S THIS?
SHE'S GOING TO NEED TO BE NURSED.
COME ON, SWEETIE, COME ON.
LET'S GO NURSE.
LET'S GO NURSE IN MY ROOM.
[DISCORDANT MUSIC PLAYS]
[MUMBLING]
[MUMBLING]: NO--
OW!
DON'T DO THAT LIKE THAT. THAT'S NOT GOOD.
CARMEN. CARMEN.
CARMEN. CARMEN?
HMM?
YOU WERE HAVING A BAD DREAM.
HMM?
YOU'RE HAVING A BAD DREAM.
YOU'RE KICKING ME.
I AM?
YEAH.
OH, I'M SORRY.
OH...
OH, MY GOD.
SHANE...
I HAD THIS DREAM
THAT WE WERE INSIDE OF WAX,
BUT IT WAS, LIKE... IT WAS REALLY TRIPPY,
AND THERE WERE ALL THESE PAINTINGS
THAT WERE FLOATING AROUND,
AND YOU WERE THERE AND I WAS THERE,
AND THERE WAS THIS LADY...
IT WAS CHERIE.
IT WAS CHERIE JAFFE.
YOU WERE GIVING A TATTOO TO CHERIE JAFFE.
LIKE THE ONE THAT WE HAVE,
THAT'S ON THE BACK OF OUR NECKS.
WHY DID YOU DO THAT?
DO WHAT?
GIVE HER A TATTOO?
I DIDN'T.
THAT WAS SOMETHING REALLY SACRED TO US.
THAT'S JUST BETWEEN US.
BUT I DIDN'T GIVE--
GODDAMMIT, SHANE, THAT'S SO FUCKED UP.
[BLENDER SHUTS OFF]
AL?
YEAH. COMING.
HOLD ON A SEC.
[BLENDER WHIRRING]
ALICE!
OKAY, I'M COMING!
OKAY, I PUT A LITTLE HEMP SEED IN IT
AND THAT GREEK YOGURT THAT YOU LIKE.
CHECK IT OUT.
HOT, HOT, HOT, ISN'T IT?
IT'S TOO BAD
LARA'S NOT AROUND TO SEE THIS.
MAYBE I'LL SAVE IT AND SELL IT ON eBAY.
ALL RIGHT. CAN YOU NOT BE SO MORBID?
AND DRINK THIS.
DRINK YOUR SHAKE.
I CAN'T.
I FEEL NAUSEOUS.
PLEASE, JUST...
IT'S GOOD FOR YOU. DRINK.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
HOLD ON.
REINFORCEMENTS.
WHAT IS THAT?
I DID A LITTLE SHOPPING.
GOT SOME BASICS.
OKAY? NOTHING--
THE SHAG--
"SHAGGY CHIC."
MM?
I KNOW THIS IS OUT, THE FLIPS, BUT...
UH...
BLONDES HAVE MORE FUN.
HMM? HMM?
YOU LIKE?
ROCKIN' REDHEAD!
I CAN'T WEAR A WIG, ALICE.
WHY?
UH, BECAUSE I'LL LOOK STUPID.
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO LOOK STUPID.
JUST TRY IT, OKAY?
OKAY.
JUST HUMOR ME.
NOT SO MUCH, THAT ONE.
NO. OKAY.
TRY ANOTHER ONE.
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
"SHARON FAIRBANKS."
GO AWAY.
WHAT'S YOUR MOM DOING NOW?
OH, SHE KEEPS CALLING ME...
[MIMICKING MOTHER]: "I JUST READ AN ARTICLE
ABOUT AN AMPUTEE WHO WON A TOURNAMENT."
MAKES ME NUTS.
YOU KNOW, SHE'S JUST... SHE'S TRYING TO HELP.
AND I DON'T THINK SHUTTING THEM OUT
IS REALLY GOING TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER.
WELL, THEN WHAT IS GOING TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER, AL?
I MEAN, LOOK AT ME.
I'M JUST... I'M DISAPPEARING.
I'M JUST DISAPPEARING.
[KEYBOARD CLACKING]
CAN I READ IT TO YOU?
JUST ONE SECOND.
OKAY.
READ IT TO ME.
"THIS IS TO INFORM
"ALL OF MY FRIENDS AND ACQUAINTANCES
"THAT FROM NOW ON...
"I'LL BE GOING BY THE NAME MAX.
"PLEASE USE ONLY THE MALE PRONOUN
"WHEN REFERRING TO ME.
YOURS TRULY."
WHY DON'T YOU SIGN OFF LIKE THIS...
[KEYS CLACKING]
[KEYS CONTINUE CLACKING]
YEAH. THAT'S COOL.
[CELLO NOTES PLAYING, TUNING UP]
I'M HOME, DEAR!
[SHRIEKING]
HI!
OH!
LOOK AT YOU.
YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE 29, GIRL!
HOW'D YOU STAY SO SEXY?
[BOTH TALKING AT ONCE]
OH, THE BETTY GIRLS!
HI, ALYSON. HI!
AMY! HI, GIRL.
HEY, KIT. HOW ARE YOU DOING?
MAKE ME SOUND GOOD!
OH...
THIS IS MY BEAU.
OOH!
THIS IS MY MAIN SQUEEZE, ANGUS.
HI. ALYSON. WELCOME.
ANGUS PARTRIDGE. NICE TO MEET YOU.
HI.
RIGHT ON.
GOODBYE, SWEETIE.
DON'T FORGET THIS.
DON'T FORGET.
HERE, GIVE ME A KISS.
GIVE YOUR MAMA A KISS.
IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE A TOTALLY SILENT RETREAT,
BUT JULIA SAID SHE HIKED
DOWN TO THE LAKE EVERY EVENING
TO CALL HER SON.
EXCUSE US-- CAN YOU--
CAN YOU CUT YOUR ENGINE UNTIL I'M READY TO GO?
THANKS.
SO I EXPECT YOU TO PUT HER ON THE PHONE WITH ME.
OF COURSE I'LL PUT HER ON THE PHONE WITH YOU.
I WANT TO CALL HER FROM THE ROAD THIS AFTERNOON,
SO WHERE WILL YOU BE?
I WAS THINKING OF GOING TO VISIT KIT AND EVERYONE
IN THE RECORDING STUDIO.
YOU'RE KIDDING ME.
NO. IS THERE A PROBLEM?
WELL, THE PROBLEM IS THAT YOU NO LONGER HAVE
THE PRIVILEGES OF BEING MY LIFE PARTNER.
WHOA! WHAT?
DON'T GET ALL GALLED AND AFFRONTED.
YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S BREAKING UP THE FAMILY.
I AM NOT BREAKING UP--
YES, YOU ARE, TINA.
YOU DON'T LOVE ME.
YOU'RE CHANGING WHO YOU ARE,
AND, YES, YOU ARE BREAKING UP THIS FAMILY,
AND YOU KNOW, IT'S ABOUT TIME
THAT WE BOTH JUST GOT REAL ABOUT IT.
SO, WHILE I'M AWAY MEDITATING,
I'M GOING TO TRY AND-- AHEM!
[BETTE]: WHAT IS SHE DOING HERE?
HI.
HELLO, ROBERTA.
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN HERE?
I'M GETTING READY
TO WRITE UP MY REPORT TO THE BUREAU,
AND I WAS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD.
THE GAY DADS OVER ON CURSON
ARE ADOPTING A CRACK BABY.
AND ARE YOU ENDORSING THEIR PETITION?
THEY'RE A WONDERFUL FAMILY.
THEY'VE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 19 YEARS
AND THIS IS THEIR THIRD CHILD.
HOW ARE YOU TWO DOING?
WONDERFUL. FINE.
IS THERE ANYTHING YOU WANT TO TELL ME?
ANY BIG CHANGES AFOOT?
WELL, I MEAN--
WELL, WE'RE WORKING OUT SOME THINGS, BUT--
I MEAN, FRANKLY, ROBERTA,
I THINK IT'S REALLY BETWEEN ME AND TINA.
COUPLES GO THROUGH CHANGES ALL THE TIME.
YEAH.
AND YOU'RE STILL INTENDING ON PROCEEDING WITH THIS ADOPTION?
OF COURSE WE ARE.
ABSOLUTELY.
LISTEN, I'VE GOT TO-- I'VE GOT TO GET GOING.
MY FLIGHT'S AT 10:30.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING,
IF I MAY ASK?
I'M GOING TO THE MAHA BODHI MONASTERY
IN OLYMPIA, WASHINGTON.
I'M GOING ON A MEDITATION RETREAT.
HOW LONG WILL YOU BE GONE?
10 DAYS.
WELL, I GUESS THAT'S FINE,
CONSIDERING ANGELICA WILL BE HOME AND SAFE
WITH HER MOTHER.
AND HER OTHER MOTHER
WILL BE HOME WITH HER IN 10 DAYS,
ENLIGHTENED,
AND BETTER ABLE TO COPE WITH ANY CHANGES THAT ARE AFOOT.
[KISSES]: GOODBYE, BABY.
I LOVE YOU, LITTLE ANGIE.
I LOVE YOU.
HERE YOU GO.
EXCUSE ME.
BYE, ANGIE.
SAY, "BYE, MAMA."
"BYE, MAMA."
BYE-BYE!
ARE YOU SURE
YOU WANT TO GO THROUGH WITH THIS ADOPTION?
OF COURSE I DO.
WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?
BECAUSE IT'S OBVIOUS
THAT YOU AND BETTE ARE NOT HAPPY CAMPERS.
WHAT IF YOU GET INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE ELSE, TINA?
I DON'T THINK THAT'S RELEVANT.
IT'S HIGHLY RELEVANT.
BETTE IS ANGELICA'S OTHER MOTHER.
YOU WOULDN'T EVEN BE SAYING THIS
IF WE WERE A HETEROSEXUAL COUPLE.
YOU JUST MIGHT WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT.
I'M JUST PICKING DYLAN UP.
SHALL I BRING YOU COFFEE?
I'M JUST TALKING TO ALICE.
OKAY, I'LL SEE YOU AT THE RECORDING STUDIO.
WHAT TIME ARE YOU GOING TO GET THERE?
OKAY. BYE.
HI.
I CAN'T TELL YOU.
I AM SO EXCITED TO MEET NONA HENDRYX.
I AM THE HUGEST FAN.
DO YOU MIND IF I JUST MAKE ONE MORE QUICK CALL?
I'M PRETTY SURE I'VE GOT THE JET FOR TOMORROW.
FOR THE GAME?
YEAH.
DANA'S THIS HUGE BASKETBALL FAN.
SAN JOSE LIGHTNING IS HER FAVORITE TEAM.
AND YOU'RE FLYING EVERYONE OUT ON YOUR MOTHER'S JET?
YOU THINK IT'S TOO MUCH?
YOU THINK IT'S TOO MUCH!
I DON'T. I DON'T THINK
IT'S TOO MUCH.
I THINK IT'S-- I THINK IT'S AMAZING.
IT IS.
IT'S, LIKE, THE MOST INCREDIBLE THING TO DO
FOR YOUR FRIEND WHO'S SICK.
I THINK YOU'RE AMAZING.
THANK YOU.
I'M GETTING IN THE CAR.
OKAY.
* 'CAUSE THEY'RE JUST TRANSFORMATIONS *
* VARIATIONS
* ALTERNATIONS
* DEVIATIONS
* YOU KNOW MOTHER NATURE
* RULES US ALL--
GUYS, UH,
CAN I MAKE A SUGGESTION?
I THINK
KIT SHOULD SING THROUGH THE FIRST CHORUS BY HERSELF,
AND THEN YOU GUYS COME IN ON THE SECOND CHORUS.
I DON'T THINK WE'VE HEARD ENOUGH OF HER YET.
YOU WANT ME TO SING THAT LINE BY MYSELF?
WHAT'S HE SAYING?
I THINK MAYBE WE DOUBLE UP ON THE FIRST CHORUS,
AND THEN DO THE SECOND CHORUS THREE TIMES
BECAUSE IT'S VERY STRONG.
UM. UM...
ANGUS.
WE'RE JUST TRYING TO DO THE SCRATCH VOCALS RIGHT NOW.
SO, YOU KNOW,
CAN WE JUST COMPLETE IT,
AND WE'LL TRY SOMETHING ELSE LATER?
OKAY.
OKAY, PAUL, LET'S TRY THAT AGAIN,
AND TAKE IT FROM THE TOP OF THE CHORUS, PLEASE.
* 'CAUSE THEY'RE JUST--
[TUNES BLARING]
OKAY.
WHO'S NEXT?
HEY!
HEY, SHANE.
HEY, YOU GUYS.
I'M SORRY, I'VE GOT TO TAKE THESE TWO.
COME ON.
HOW ARE YOU?
OKAY.
HEY.
GIVE ME THESE.
ARE YOU READY?
YEAH?
[GROUP CHATTING]
AUNTIE KIT...
KIT!
HEY!
HEY. ALYSON. HOW ARE YOU?
I BROUGHT FRIENDS.
HI.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR LETTING US COME.
OH, HELENA, YOU KNOW YOU CAN COME ANYTIME.
THIS IS MY FRIEND, DYLAN MORELAND.
HOW ARE YOU DOING?
NICE TO MEET YOU.
REALLY NICE TO MEET YOU.
KIT, UM, I DON'T WANT TO BE A PAIN,
BUT DO YOU THINK WE COULD INTRODUCE DYLAN TO NONA?
SHE'S A HUGE FAN.
OH, SURE, NO PROBLEM.
UH, NONA, COME HERE. COME HERE, GIRL.
NONA HENDRYX...
I WANT YOU TO MEET SOME OF MY FRIENDS,
AND YOUR BIGGEST FAN RIGHT HERE.
OOH, HELLO.
HI. IT'S SO GOOD TO MEET YOU.
[WHISPERING]: SO I THOUGHT YOU GUYS
WERE JUST FRIENDS.
WE ARE.
OH, GOD. YEAH, RIGHT.
WE ARE--
[ANGUS]: KIT...
PHONE CALL FOR YOU.
OKAY.
HI. I'M HELENA.
IT'S YOUR SISTER.
OH.
HEY, GIRL.
WHERE ARE YOU AT RIGHT NOW?
ALMOST AT THE AIRPORT.
LISTEN, KIT, CAN YOU DO ME A BIG FAVOR?
YEAH, SURE.
CAN YOU CALL TINA
AND JUST LET HER KNOW
THAT SHE'S WELCOME TO COME VISIT YOU
AT THE RECORDING STUDIO?
UM, TINA JUST WALKED IN.
SHE WHAT?
YEAH, SHE JUST WALKED IN
WITH HELENA AND HER FRIEND.
YOU'RE KIDDING ME.
[SIGHS]
HELLO?
BETTE?
BETTE...
LOST HER.
A SUBCUTANEOUS MASTECTOMY
IS THE REDUCTION OF BREAST VOLUME
TO A MALE-APPEARING CHEST.
WE PERFORM IT UNDER GENERAL ANESTHESIA,
USING A SEMICIRCULAR, U-SHAPED INCISION
AT THE JUNCTION OF THE AREOLAR SKIN
AND THE NORMAL SKIN.
THIS PROCEDURE RUNS ABOUT $7,500.
WELL, THAT'S ALL RIGHT,
BECAUSE I'M STILL COVERED UNDER CHALDENE
FOR, LIKE, ANOTHER SIX MONTHS
WITH MY POLICY WITH THEM.
I'M AFRAID THAT GENDER REASSIGNMENT SURGERY
ISN'T YET INCLUDED
ON ANY INSURANCE POLICIES.
THEY SEE IT AS AN ELECTIVE PROCEDURE.
OH.
HEY, LISTEN, LISTEN.
I JUST GOT MY ADVANCE.
SO WHY DON'T I USE, YOU KNOW,
THE MONEY THAT THE PUBLISHER GAVE ME,
AND I'LL PAY FOR IT.
JENNY, I DON'T WANT YOU TO PAY FOR THIS.
I WANT TO PAY FOR IT.
NO, I JUST WOULDN'T FEEL RIGHT ABOUT IT.
BUT I FEEL FINE.
THAT'S NICE, BUT I...
DO YOU KNOW WHAT A LOT OF PEOPLE DO?
WELL, NOT A LOT, BUT SOME OF MY PATIENTS,
THEY HOLD TOP SURGERY BENEFIT PARTIES.
THEY INVITE THEIR FRIENDS IN
FROM THE COMMUNITY, AND RAISE THE FUNDS
TO PAY FOR THEIR TOP SURGERIES.
YEAH, LET'S DO THAT.
YEAH...
* MOTHER NATURE RULES US
* I MOVE, AND I GO
* IN TIME, FAST OR SLOW
* I MOVE THROUGH DOORS
* EACH TIME LESS THAN MORE
[***]
* WET TO DRY EYE TO EYE *
* NO PLEASURE OR PAIN
WHAT'S THE TEMPO?
108.
YEAH, THAT'S WRONG. IT'S TOO FAST.
LET'S TAKE IT DOWN TO, SAY, 102.
NO, THAT'S NOT GOING TO WORK.
WHAT IS NOT GOING TO WORK?
THAT'S NOT GOING TO WORK.
UM, ANGUS, COME ON, BABY.
COME ON.
[GENTLY]: BABY, WHAT'S GOING ON?
NOTHING'S GOING ON.
DO YOU NOT WANT ME TO BE A PART OF THIS?
NO, OF COURSE I WANT YOU TO BE A PART OF THIS.
IT'S JUST A TOTALLY DIFFERENT THING
WHEN YOU'RE MAKING YOUR OWN RECORD.
THIS ISN'T
SOME DADDY WARBUCKS RECORD COMPANY, OKAY?
I JUST...
I WANT YOU TO GET EVERYTHING YOU ENVISIONED
WHEN YOU FIRST DREAMED--
* ALTERNATIONS
* DEVIATIONS
* MOTHER NATURE RULES US ALL
OH, WOW, LOOK AT THIS.
IT'S AN ALL-IN-ONE BOXER-BRIEF
WITH A BUILT-IN PACKAGE
AND A CHEST-BINDING VEST.
WOW.
I LIKE THIS.
THE PISSIN' PASSIN' PACKER.
"THIS DICK CAN BE USED AS A CLEAN, TIDY,
"STANDING URINARY DEVICE.
"YOU CAN HOLD IT UP AGAINST YOURSELF,
"FACE THE TOILET BOWL OR URINAL,
AND LET IT FLY."
BUT YOU CAN PEE STANDING UP, CAN'T YOU?
YEAH, I KNOW,
BUT, I MEAN, I'VE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO, YOU KNOW,
WHIP IT OUT IN A MEN'S ROOM.
[LAUGHING]: I SEE.
OH, THIS IS GREAT--
HEY, KIT!
YOU'VE GOT SOME NEW VISITORS.
HEY!
WHAT IS WITH THOSE CRAZY 'DOs?
DON'T ASK. IT'LL ALL BE EXPLAINED IN A MINUTE.
NO, NO, NO, IT'S... EXTREME IS THE NEW SEASON.
YEAH.
THIS IS THE NEW THING.
OKAY, SO WE WANT TO INTRODUCE YOU TO SOMEONE.
YEAH, SO PLEASE WELCOME
THE BRAND-NEW DANA FAIRBANKS.
COME ON, DANE.
COME ON.
[APPLAUDING]
YOU GO, GIRL!
LOOK AT YOU, DANA!
YOU LOOK FANTASTIC.
HEY, GIRL.
YOU'RE SUCH A BEAUTY.
THAT LOOKS AMAZING.
OH, YEAH, DOESN'T SHE?
YOU LOOK GORGEOUS.
WELL DONE.
DANA, I'VE GOT SOMEBODY I WANT YOU TO MEET.
OH! EASY.
NONA, THIS IS DANA FAIRBANKS,
OUR BEST FRIEND,
WHO CAME BY TO SHOW US
HER NEW CHEMOTHERAPY COIFFURE.
YEAH!
[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]
WHOA!
IT'S REALLY COOL TO MEET YOU,
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M DOWN WITH THAT 'DO.
THANK YOU.
PARTY ON, DANA. YOU LOOK GREAT.
ALL RIGHT!
[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]
ALL RIGHT, IT'S ON!
[***]
[SHANE AND ALICE TALKING OVER VIDEOGAME GUNFIRE]
MOTHERFUCKER!
BASTARD.
FUCKER.
YOU'RE NOT GETTING--
HEY, DANE, YOU OKAY?
WANT TO GO HOME?
NO, I WANT TO STAY AND HAVE FUN AND PLAY GAMES...
RIGHT THERE!
I SEE IT.
GET THE MOTHERFUCKER, GET THE MOTHERFUCKER!
OOH, I GOT IT, I GOT IT.
WHERE'S CARMEN?
[SIGHS]
I'M IN THE SHITHOUSE.
WHY?
CARMEN HAD A DREAM
THAT I GAVE CHERIE JAFFE A FUCKING TATTOO.
AW...
YEAH, NO, I'VE HAD THAT HAPPEN.
I HAD THIS GIRL WHO DREAMT THAT I FUCKED DAVID SCHWIMMER.
WELL, FRIENDS WAS ON A LOT.
FUCKER!
SHIT.
YOU KNOW, AL, ACTUALLY...
WHEN WE WERE GOING OUT,
I HAD A DREAM YOU WERE A MIDGET.
[CHUCKLING]
BUT I WASN'T MAD AT YOU
OR ANYTHING.
SHIT. DAMMIT.
WELL, HE KEEPS SHOOTING YOUR BACK.
I HATE BEING IN THE SHITHOUSE.
[***]
I'M GOING TO GET SOME TEA.
DO YOU WANT SOME TEA?
UH, NO, THANKS.
I'VE ALREADY HAD TEA.
[SIGHS]
[DISCUSSING VIDEOGAME STRATEGY]
HEY, GUYS.
YOU MAKING SOME TEA?
YEAH.
SO WHERE'S DANA?
UM, SHE WAS FEELING SICK,
SO SHE JUST WENT TO LIE DOWN.
DO YOU THINK SHE'S GOING TO BE UP
FOR TOMORROW?
NO, NO, NO, I THINK SHE'LL BE PSYCHED.
FOR SURE.
WELL, OKAY, LET'S GO.
YEAH, OKAY.
SEE YOU GUYS LATER.
COME HERE.
THIS IS FUCKING INSANE.
COME HERE.
I'LL SHOW YOU HOW FUCKING INSANE IT IS.
DO YOU FEEL THAT?
NOBODY MAKES ME WET LIKE THAT.
YOU'RE THE FIRST PERSON WHO'S EVER DONE THAT TO ME.
[GASPS]
TAKE ME HOME.
YOU WANT TO GO HOME?
TO YOUR HOUSE.
NOW.
HOME.
HEY, BABY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
UH-UH, NO.
I AM NOT HERE FOR YOU. I AM HERE FOR KIT.
AND I'D LIKE TO MEET NONA HENDRYX, OKAY?
YOU ARE NOT TO TALK TO ME--
I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING--
THAT'S IT.
GUYS?
UH, GUYS, CAN YOU KEEP IT DOWN?
OKAY, NOT ONLY DID YOU GIVE CHERIE JAFFE A TATTOO,
BUT THERE WAS A SCARY-LOOKING, LIKE, BIRD
THAT KEPT FLYING AROUND, RIGHT,
AND AT ONE POINT, IT WAS SCREAMING YOUR NAME.
IT WAS LIKE, "SHANE! SHANE! HELLO, SHANE!"
AND YOU SPROUTED WINGS,
AND YOU FLEW OFF WITH THE BIRD, OKAY?
THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE.
N'UH-UH. NO.
OKAY...
[WHISPERING]: OH, THEY SOUND SO GOOD.
WHAT DO WE GOT?
HEY.
[***]
THEY SOUND GOOD. OH, YEAH.
LATIN WOMEN.
CALIENTE.
HEY, GUYS,
I JUST WANT TO THANK YOU FOR A GREAT DAY.
IT'S GOING TO BE BETTER TOMORROW.
WE'RE GOING TO BE REALLY HOT, RIGHT?
YEAH. YEAH.
WELL, IF YOU THREE CAN WORK UP AN ARRANGEMENT
WHERE HER VOCAL DRAMA DOESN'T OVERWHELM
KIT'S FREESTYLE FUNK...
[GROUP SCOFFS, LAUGHS]
OH, NO, YOU DIDN'T SAY THAT.
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT, SOMEBODY'S GOT TO SAY IT.
COME ON.
I WANT TO TALK TO YOU NOW, RIGHT NOW.
MAN, THAT'S UNBELIEVABLE.
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
WHAT A BIG FAVOUR THESE PEOPLE ARE DOING FOR ME?
DO-- DO YOU?
THAT'S THE PROBLEM.
YOU ACT LIKE THEY'RE DOING YOU THIS BIG FAVOR,
WHEN YOU'RE DOING THEM THE FAVOR--
ANGUS, I DON'T NEED THIS.
THIS IS NOT HOW I DEAL.
THIS IS NOT HOW I WANT TO SET THINGS UP
WITH PEOPLE I'M GOING TO WORK WITH, OKAY?
I...
JUST...
JUST BACK OFF.
BACK OFF?
YEAH.
[SIGHS]
[DOOR CLOSES]
[SIGHS HEAVILY]
CAN GUYS GUYS GIVE ME A RIDE?
NO PROBLEM.
YEAH. WE'LL GET YOU HOME.
COME ON, KIT.
[***]
HELENA...
HMM?
WHAT?
I'VE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE.
I JUST HAVEN'T...
I HAVEN'T DONE THIS.
I MEAN...
DON'T WORRY.
IT'S OKAY.
I NEED HELP.
I CAN'T UNDO IT.
HEY...
THANK YOU.
I'M GOING TO... IF YOU COULD JUST...
I'M GOING TO CHANGE.
YEAH.
THANKS.
NO PROBLEM.
AH...
SHIT.
AL!
YEAH?
CAN YOU HELP ME?
[DOOR OPENS]
I-I CAN'T GET MY BRA OFF.
I GOT IT.
THANKS.
YOU OKAY?
MM-HMM.
I'M SORRY.
NO.
NO...
YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.
HEY, YOU'RE STILL AT IT.
MM-HMM.
ARE YOU STILL WORKING ON CHAPTER FOUR?
NO.
I'M WRITING A STORY ABOUT YOU.
ABOUT ME?
YEAH, WELL, NOT JUST ABOUT YOU.
SORT OF...
I DON'T KNOW, ABOUT US,
AND WHAT WE'RE GOING THROUGH.
WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT?
HEY...
DON'T DO THAT. STOP IT.
DELETE IT.
DON'T TOUCH MY FUCKING COMPUTER.
STOP IT.
HEY!
DELETE THE FUCKING SHIT.
I'M NOT OKAY WITH THAT.
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
NOTHING.
I WAS, UH...
I WAS WRITING LATE, AND MOIRA WAS--
MAX WAS WORRIED ABOUT ME.
IS EVERYTHING OKAY OUT HERE?
YEAH.
ARE YOU SURE?
IT'S FINE.
I'M JUST TIRED.
I'M GOING TO GO TO BED.
SORRY, YOU GUYS.
I DIDN'T WANT TO WAKE YOU UP OR ANYTHING.
ARE YOU KIDDING?
[MOANING]
ARE YOU SURE...
YOU'VE NEVER...
NEVER WHAT?
[GASPS]
NEVER DONE THIS. OH!
IS IT GOOD?
OH! OH!
I WANT YOU TO COME.
[GASPS AND MOANS]
OH, GOD...
OH, MY GOD.
HEY...
DID YOU HAVE ANY MORE OF THOSE...
DREAMS LAST NIGHT?
I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY THAT YOU'RE HAVING THESE NIGHTMARES
BECAUSE OF THAT FUCKED-UP THING I DID.
I KNOW.
I KNOW THAT, YOU KNOW, WE'RE...
WE'RE DOING THIS,
AND WE'RE TRYING TO WORK THIS OUT AND STUFF,
BUT I GUESS THAT...
I'M STILL HURT.
YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE.
I MEAN, YOU FLEW OFF, SHANE.
YOU TOTALLY TOOK OFF WITH THIS BIRD.
I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE.
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACH]
HEY, GUYS.
HEY...
I WISH I COULD GO WITH YOU GUYS,
BUT ANGELICA'S GOT A COLD,
AND I SHOULDN'T TAKE HER ON THE PLANE.
OH, I'M SORRY.
YEAH.
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACH]
HI, JENNY.
HEY, GUYS.
WHERE'S MOIRA?
MAX.
OH, SORRY.
MAX.
IS HE COMING OR WHAT?
I DON'T KNOW.
HAVE A GOOD TIME.
I SHOULD GO. SHE'S NOT DOING WELL.
OKAY. BYE.
BYE.
HOPE THE BABY'S BETTER.
THANKS.
[SLAMS BOOK]
HI.
HEY.
I'M SORRY ABOUT LAST NIGHT.
IT'S THE TESTOSTERONE.
IT, LIKE, AMPS ME UP.
YOU KNOW, YOU EMBARRASSED ME,
AND YOU SCARED ME.
IT'S UNACCEPTABLE TO YELL AT ME LIKE THAT.
I'M SORRY.
I REALLY AM.
IT'S JUST...
I DON'T WANT YOU TO WRITE ABOUT ME.
WHY?
BECAUSE IT'S PRIVATE.
BUT IT'S IMPORTANT.
BUT IT'S MY STORY.
NO, IT'S OUR STORY.
THE STORY'S NOT JUST ABOUT YOU.
IT'S ABOUT HOW WE MET
AND EVERYTHING THAT WE'VE GONE THROUGH
UP UNTIL THIS POINT.
[SHANE]: JENNY, COME ON.
I DON'T WANT TO FIGHT.
PLEASE, CAN WE JUST FORGET ABOUT IT,
AND JUST GO AND HAVE A GREAT TIME WITH DANA?
I DON'T REALLY FEEL LIKE DANA WOULD WANT ME THERE.
YOU KNOW?
I MEAN, SHE'S, LIKE, TOTALLY FREAKED OUT
BY WHAT I'M DOING.
I WANT YOU THERE.
I WANT YOU TO BE MY DATE.
OKAY?
OKAY.
ALL RIGHT, SO...
I GUESS I'M NOT GOING TO SEE YOU
TILL LATE TONIGHT.
IT'S GOOD, BABE.
IT'S A GOOD THING.
OKAY.
ALL RIGHT.
YEAH, I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER.
OKAY, BYE.
IT'S GOOD.
YOU CAN COME?
YEAH.
HE'S ALL RIGHT WITH IT? YEAH.
YOU KNOW, WE HAVE A PRETTY INDEPENDENT RELATIONSHIP.
WE'RE BOTH AWAY A LOT WHEN WE'RE SHOOTING, AND...
WHERE DOES HE THINK YOU WERE LAST NIGHT?
I DON'T KNOW.
HE DIDN'T ASK.
REALLY?
YEAH.
I MEAN, WE BOTH, YOU KNOW...
WE TRUST EACH ANOTHER.
[SIGHS]
THAT MAKES ME FEEL TERRIBLE.
OH, NO, NO.
NO. NO, PLEASE. DON'T.
DON'T LET IT.
I'M GOING TO TELL HIM.
YOU'RE GOING TO TELL HIM ABOUT US?
YEAH.
TONIGHT, WHEN WE GET BACK FROM SAN JOSE.
REALLY?
YEAH.
REALLY.
WHOA.
THAT'S NICE.
IT'S NOT EVEN MY CAR.
NICE JOB.
THANK YOU.
SO, ALICE, WHAT'S GOING ON?
WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE?
WE ARE TAKING YOU TO THE SAN JOSE/HOUSTON GAME.
THE BASKETBALL GAME?
THAT'S RIGHT.
ARE YOU THE PEABODY PARTY?
YEAH, THAT'S US. FOLLOW ME, PLEASE.
OKAY, COME ON.
[DANA]: GET OUT!
OH, MY GOD, Y'ALL, I CAN'T BELIEVE
I'M ABOUT TO GET ON A PRIVATE JET.
I CAN'T BELIEVE
WE'RE GOING TO A CHAMPIONSHIP BASKETBALL GAME.
[LAUGHING EXCITEDLY]
GUYS, GUYS, WALK OF SHAME.
DON'T BE NERVOUS.
HI.
HEY.
HEY. HOW ARE YOU?
GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?
HEY, DYLAN.
HI.
OKAY, EVERYONE, YOU GUYS REMEMBER DYLAN, RIGHT?
HI.
HOW'S IT GOING?
IS EVERYBODY READY?
YEAH!
LET'S GO.
THANK YOU.
IT'S MY PLEASURE, DANA.
IT'S INCREDIBLE.
THIS IS AWESOME.
DO WE GET, LIKE, FREE FOOD AND STUFF
ON HERE?
ARE YOU COMING, MOIRA?
MAX.
OH, RIGHT.
EVERYBODY, MOIRA'S DEAD!
LONG LIVE MAX.
OKAY, KIT, IT'S YOUR FIRST TAKE,
SO TAKE YOUR TIME, AND MAKE IT SEXY, GIRL.
THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME REALLY NERVOUS.
[***]
UH...
OH, WAIT, WAIT.
OKAY, OKAY, HOLD IT.
I WASN'T THERE YET.
OKAY.
ONE MORE TIME, ONE MORE TIME.
WE CAN DO IT, WE CAN DO IT.
SORRY, SORRY, LET'S GO AGAIN.
[CLEARS THROAT]
[***]
* RUST TO DUST US TO THEM *
* CHANGE YOUR MIND CH-- *
[SIGHS]
THAT'S OKAY, THAT'S OKAY.
TAKE YOUR TIME.
THAT WAS NICE.
OKAY. UH...
YEAH. OKAY.
WE HAVE APRICOT TARTS,
ALL KINDS OF FRESHLY BAKED COOKIES,
FRUIT, YOGURT.
WOULD YOU LIKE A LATTE OR A CAPPUCCINO?
YEAH.
I'LL HAVE A...
YOU KNOW WHAT, I SHOULDN'T.
SORRY, NEVER MIND.
ARE YOU TRYING TO QUIT CAFFEINE?
YEAH.
I'M TRYING TO STAY AS CLEAN AS POSSIBLE.
IS THAT BECAUSE OF THE MEDICATION YOU'RE ON?
YEAH, ACTUALLY.
ME TOO.
I'M REALLY SORRY ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH.
THANKS.
YOU KNOW, I WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT I COULD UNDERSTAND
WHY YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO BE AROUND ME.
I MEAN, YOU WORKED REALLY HARD TO CREATE THE BODY YOU HAVE,
AND, YOU KNOW, YOUR WHOLE LIFE'S BEEN IN THAT.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW...
I MEAN, YOU DON'T HAVE TO ACCEPT THIS.
MAYBE I SHOULDN'T EVEN SAY IT,
BUT IT'S LIFE AND DEATH FOR ME, TOO.
BUT YOU DON'T HAVE CANCER.
HELLO, LADIES. IT'S YOUR CAPTAIN HERE.
I HOPE YOU'VE ENJOYED THE RIDE SO FAR.
WE'RE GOING TO BE STARTING OUR DESCENT
INTO THE SAN JOSE AIRPORT
IN APPROXIMATELY 10 MINUTES.
OH, THAT DOES NOT LOOK GOOD.
I FEEL SORRY FOR HIM.
OH, PLEASE, HE SO DESERVES THIS.
I'VE SEEN KIT DO THIS OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
I CAN JUST IMAGINE
WHAT SHE'S SAYING TO THAT POOR BOY.
CAN YOU IMAGINE?
JEEZ.
DO YOU WANT TO KNOW?
HELL, YEAH. YES.
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
OH, GOODIE.
[ANGUS]: YEAH, YOU KNOW,
I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO WORKING WITH THEM
UNTIL WORKING WITH THEM
BECAME WORKING WITH YOU AND THEM,
AND "ANGUS, CAN YOU TAKE THE BABY FOR A WHILE?"
LOOK, I'M SORRY, OKAY?
I KNOW, I STEPPED OVER THE LINE,
AND I'M SORRY FOR THAT, BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.
I CERTAINLY DIDN'T MEAN TO EMBARRASS YOU
IN FRONT OF YOUR FRIENDS.
APOLOGIZE TO THEM, NOT TO ME.
WELL, I WILL APOLOGIZE TO THEM,
BUT YOU'RE THE ONE
WHO MAKES ME FEEL LIKE A FUCKING ADOLESCENT
BECAUSE I'M SO IN LOVE WITH YOU.
YOU ARE THE ONE
I WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH!
NO, NO, NO! LA, LA, LA, LA!
YOU ARE THE ONE I WANT TO MARRY ME!
THAT'S THE MOST RIDICULOUS THING
I'VE EVER HEARD OF.
I MEAN IT!
YOU DON'T MEAN IT!
YOU'RE YOUNG.
YOU WANT TO HAVE A FAMILY.
YOU WANT TO HAVE KIDS.
OH, I SEE.
NOW YOU'RE THE EXPERT ON WHAT I WANT.
I AM NOT THE EXPERT, BUT I'VE SEEN YOU WITH MY NIECE.
I'VE SEEN YOU WITH KIDS,
AND YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU'VE GOT YOUR WHOLE LIFE--
SHUT THE FUCK UP, KIT.
I'VE KNOWN YOU FOR 25 YEARS,
AND I'VE SEEN YOU BLOW MORE RELATIONSHIPS.
YOU'VE GOT A GOOD ONE HERE,
AND I THINK YOU OUGHT TO THINK TWICE
BEFORE YOU SEND HIM PACKIN'.
YOU KNOW, WHO ASKED YOU?
NO, WAIT, I THINK SHE HAS A POINT--
NO, YOU SHUT UP.
KISS THE BRIDE, FUCKER.
AND YOU SHUT UP, TOO.
NO...
YOU SHUT UP.
COME ON.
SHE'S GOING.
YEAH!
[CHEERING AND LAUGHING]
[***]
SO IS EVERYTHING GOOD?
I MEAN, THEY'RE READY FOR US
WHEN WE GET IN THERE?
IT'S ALL TAKEN CARE OF.
HEY.
HEY, AREN'T YOU DANA FAIRBANKS?
NO, SORRY, I'M NOT.
I DON'T KNOW.
YOU DON'T LIKE BEING RECOGNIZED, HUH?
NO, NOT LIKE THIS.
SO, UM, WHAT DID YOU MEAN
BACK ON THE PLANE
ABOUT LIFE AND DEATH FOR YOU?
THE FIRST TIME I TRIED TO KILL MYSELF,
I WAS, LIKE, 10 YEARS OLD,
AND I FOUGHT AGAINST IT,
BECAUSE I REALLY BELIEVED THAT IT WAS A SIN,
BUT I KNEW.
I WAS, LIKE...
I KNEW THIS WASN'T MY LIFE.
YOU WERE 10
WHEN YOU TRIED TO KILL YOURSELF?
YEAH,
BUT I KNEW THIS WASN'T MY LIFE.
I WAS, LIKE... I DON'T KNOW.
I THOUGHT MAYBE IF I DIED AND CAME BACK
THAT GOD WOULD PUT ME IN THE RIGHT BODY.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
WE HAVE SOMEONE VERY SPECIAL IN THE HOUSE TONIGHT.
LET'S GIVE IT UP
FOR THE 2006 MERCEDES CHALLENGE LADIES' TENNIS CHAMPION,
MISS DANA FAIRBANKS!
[CROWD CHEERING]
ARE YOU READY FOR LIGHTNING TO STRIKE?
THE SAN JOSE LIGHTNING CONGRATULATES YOU, DANA.
SPORTS FANS, MAKE SOME NOISE!
[STADIUM CHEERING DEAFENINGLY]
WE LOVE YOU.
WE'RE SO EXCITED YOU'RE HERE.
THANK YOU.
GET ME OUT OF HERE.
DANA...
IT'S NOT FOR YOU.
IT'S FOR THEM.
COME ON.
[MUSIC STARTS]
[NONA]: SISTERS...
FROM ONE SISTER TO ANOTHER FUNKY SISTER.
IT'S ALL ABOUT TRANSFORMATION.
IT'S ALL ABOUT CHANGE.
IT'S ONE THING A WOMAN KNOWS ABOUT.
CONSTANT.
CHANGE IS THE ONLY CONSTANT.
WE BLEED AND DON'T DIE.
WE SWEAT WHEN IT'S MINUS 50 OUTSIDE.
WE FIGHT IN THE BATTLE SIDE BY SIDE.
IT'S A SISTER THING.
IT'S A W-O-M-A-N THING, AND WE'RE COMING TOGETHER.
WE'RE PULLING OURSELVES TOGETHER.
SISTERS!
IT'S ALL ABOUT TRANSFORMATION.
* RUST TO DUST US TO THEM *
* CHANGE YOUR MIND CHANGE YOUR SKIN *
* LIFE TO DEATH WEAK TO STRENGTH *
* CASH A CHECK CHANGE YOUR SEX *
* PUSH TO SHOVE HATE TO LOVE *
* IN AND OUT IT'S ALL ABOUT... *
* IT'S ALL ABOUT
* TRANSFORMATIONS
* WHOA, WHOA, WHOA
* VARIATIONS
* WHOA-EE
* ALTERNATIONS
* I KNOW
* DEVIATIONS
* YOU KNOW THAT...
* YOU KNOW MOTHER NATURE
* MOTHER NATURE RULES US ALL
* I MOVE, AND I GO
* IN TIME, FAST OR SLOW
* I MOVE THROUGH DOORS
* EACH TIME, LESS THAN MORE
* WET TO DRY EYE TO EYE *
* YIN TO YANG PLEASURE OR PAIN *
* NO PLEASURE OR PAIN *
* GOOD TO BAD CRAZY OR SANE *
* YOU MAKE THE RULES THEN YOU PLAY THE GAME *
* OH, YOU GOT TO PLAY THE GAME *
* FIST TO GLOVE LOSE OR WIN *
* YOU LIVE A LIFE OF SIN THEN YOU'RE BORN AGAIN *
* OH, SINNER
* TRASH TO ART HEART TO HEART *
* BIG TO SMALL WE'RE ALL A PART *
* SISTERS
* TRANSFORMATIONS
* VARIATIONS
* ALTERNATIONS
* DEVIATIONS
* YOU KNOW THAT...
* YOU KNOW MOTHER NATURE RULES US ALL *
* RULES US ALL RULES US ALL *
* RULES US ALL RULES US ALL **
[***]
[CHEERING]
KIT, KIT!
THANK YOU.
GOOD NIGHT.