>> START THE CLOCK.
♪ ♪
>> Bill: THANK YOU, HOW ARE
YOU DOING?
[APPLAUSE]
ALL RIGHT.
APPRECIATE IT.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
OKAY.
[LAUGHS]
I KNOW.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
I KNOW.
[APPLAUSE]
I'M HUMBLED.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
I KNOW WHY YOU'RE HAPPY TODAY.
[LAUGHTER]
FOUR STATES -- MORE STATES NOW
HAVE LEGALIZED MARIJUANA, AND
NOT A MOMENT TOO SOON.
[APPLAUSE]
ALMOST THE WHOLE COUNTRY NOW.
AND THIS NOT ONLY STRIKES A BLOW
AGAINST A REPRESSIVE PROHIBITION
THAT HAS COMPROMISED JUSTICE IN
THIS COUNTRY FOR WAY TOO LONG,
BUT IT SIGNIFICANTLY EXPANDS
WHERE I CAN TOUR.
[LAUGHTER]
OREGON, HOW ABOUT THIS, OREGON
DECRIMINALIZED COKE, B-17,
ECSTASY, AND HEROIN, AND EXPERTS
SAY THIS IS A MAJOR WIN FOR
CHARLIE SHEEN'S CARGO SHORTS.
[APPLAUSE]
BUT -- OKAY, SO LET'S SEE, WHAT
ELSE IS IN THE NEWS.
[LAUGHTER]
OH, YEAH, BIDEN WON THE
ELECTION.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
NOT THAT WE ARE TAKING SIDES.
I JUST WANT TO REPORT THAT.
NO MATTER WHO YOU VOTED FOR, WE
CAN ALL BE PROUD WE LIVE IN THE
THIRD MOST DEMOCRATIC COUNTRY IN
NORTH AMERICA.
[LAUGHTER]
I DON'T KNOW, I MEAN, IT'S 4:00,
WE GO ON A 7:00 IN THE WEST, THE
NETWORKS ARE STILL TOO CHICKEN
SHIT TO CALL IT, BUT PLAINLY, HE
HAS WON THIS ELECTION.
ELECTIONS IN AMERICA, THEY ARE A
LOT LIKE LOSING YOUR VIRGINITY
WHEN YOU ARE A LESBIAN.
[LAUGHTER]
BETWEEN THE LATE BALLOT AND THE
RECOUNT AND THE LAWSUITS AND THE
ELECTORAL COLLEGE, IT'S HARD TO
ACTUALLY KNOW WHEN YOU'RE
FINISHED.
A [LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
NOW, OF COURSE, UNTIL ALL THE
BALLOTS ARE COUNTED,
PRESIDENT TRUMP IS TELLING
AVERAGES THAT CALM AND CLASSY
AND RESPECT THE PROCESS -- OF
COURSE HE'S NOT.
HE IS THROWING A TANTRUM LIKE
THE 2--TON WHINY LITTLE LITTLE
BITCH HE IS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
HE DOESN'T LIKE THAT FOR THE
FIRST TIME HE IS ON THE OTHER
END OF AN EVICTION NOTICE.
[LAUGHTER]
HE DOESN'T -- [LAUGHS]
HE DOESN'T LIKE IT THAT HE
PROBABLY WILL LOSE THE POPULAR
VOTE BY AS MUCH AS 7 MILLION.
[APPLAUSE]
BIDEN GOT THE LARGEST PERCENTAGE
AGAINST AN INCUMBENT SINCE FDR.
IT LOOKS LIKE THE DEMOCRAT,
BIDEN, WILL WIN GEORGIA.
GEORGIA.
[APPLAUSE]
AND...
AND ALSO, THE MOST CONSERVATIVE
STATE EVER, ARIZONA.
ARIZONA.
[APPLAUSE]
IT SEEMS LIKE ARIZONANS LIKE
PRESIDENTS WHO DON'T SHIT ON
JOHN McCAIN, YOU KNOW.
[APPLAUSE]
IT'S FUNNY, DURING THE WEEK,
WHILE THEY ARE COUNTING AND ALL
OF THESE DIFFERENT STATES THAT
ARE STILL OUT, TRUMP'S GOONS
WERE OUTSIDE THE COUNTING CENTER
SAYING "STOP ACCOUNT" IN
PENNSYLVANIA, AND "COUNT THE
VOTE" IN ARIZONA.
[LAUGHTER]
WHAT DO WE WANT TO?
WHEN DO WE WANT IT?
NOT NOW.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
I MEAN, TRUMP -- TRUMP'S WHOLE
THING, I'VE SEEN SOME PRETTY LOW
THINGS, SOME PRETTY LOW TRICKS
BY THE DEMOCRATS, BUT COUNTING
ALL THE BALLOTS?
[LAUGHTER]
THAT IS A BRIDGE TOO FAR.
OF COURSE HE IS SAYING IT IS A
FRAUD AND A HOAX, AND HE IS
SUING.
HE HAS BEEN TELLING US HE'S
GOING TO DO THAT FOR A YEAR.
I'VE BEEN TELLING YOU FOR THREE.
[APPLAUSE]
AND YET --
[APPLAUSE]
AND YET, THE MEDIA IS
PERPETUALLY SHOCKED BY THIS.
[LAUGHTER]
THEY ARE LIKE THE ANNOUNCER AT A
WRESTLING MATCH.
OH, MY GOD, HE'S GOING TO HIT
HIM WITH THE FOLDING CHAIR!
[LAUGHTER]
YEAH, IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME.
A PUNDIT ON FOX TODAY SAID TRUMP
MAY HAVE THE MAY KNOW MY
GREATEST MOMENT OF HIS CAREER,
BRINGING US TOGETHER WITH HIS
CONCESSION SPEECH.
REALLY?
BECAUSE THIS IS MORE LIKE THE
END OF "SCARFACE."
CONCEDE?
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
CONCEDE?
I'LL BE SURPRISED IF HE COMES
OUT OF THE BATHROOM.
[LAUGHTER]
BUT LOOK, LET'S BE GRACIOUS IN
VICTORY.
I JUST WANT TO SAY, MR. TRUMP,
IF YOU ARE WATCHING AS YOU DO
SOMETIMES ACCIDENTALLY.
[LAUGHTER]
YOU MAY HAVE LOST THE ELECTION,
BUT THERE IS ONE THING THAT YOU
ALWAYS HAVE, AND THAT IS THE
KNOWLEDGE THAT YOUR FATHER NEVER
LOVED YOU AND YOUR MOTHER HAD
SEX WITH AN APE.
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW.
ROSA BROOKS AND MALCOLM NANCE
ARE HERE.
BRINGING IT BACK TO THAT, WE HAD
TO DO IT.
HE'S CO-FOUNDER OF
THE CENTER FOR HUMANE
TECHNOLOGY, WHO IS FEATURED IN
THE NEW NETFLIX DOCUMENTARY
"THE SOCIAL DILEMMA,"
TRISTAN HARRIS.
HEY.
HOW ARE YOU DOING?
GREAT TO SEE YOU.
OKAY.
SO, FIRST OF ALL, WHAT A GREAT
DOCUMENTARY.
NOT ALL DOCUMENTARY, THERE ARE
SOME REENACTMENTS IN THERE, AND
I'M GOING TO GET THAT IN A
MINUTE, BUT I WANT TO ASK YOU
FIRST ABOUT THE ELECTION.
EVERYONE WHO VOTED THINKS THEY
MADE A FREE AND FAIR CHOICE.
CERTAINLY FREE.
MY FREE WILL.
BUT WHAT YOU ARE GETTING AT IS
THAT BECAUSE OF THE MANIPULATION
THAT GOES ON FROM SOCIAL MEDIA,
WHERE MOST PEOPLE GET THEIR NEWS
NOW --
>> YEAH.
>> Bill: IT REALLY WASN'T A
FREE CHOICE IN EVERY SENSE OF
THE WORD, WAS IT?
>> NO.
THE THING I THINK PEOPLE NEED TO
GET HIS WE ARE TEN YEARS INTO
THIS WAR WHAT WE HAVE BEEN FED
AND INDIVIDUALIZED REALITY, YOU
HAD ON HERE A FEW YEARS AGO, WE
GOT 3 BILLION "TRUMAN SHOW."
BECAUSE EVERYONE THINGS --
IMAGINE A HUSBAND AND WIFE
COUPLE, THEY FOLLOW THE SAME
FRIENDS ON FACEBOOK, THEY HAVE
THE SAME FRIENDS THEY OPENED UP
FACEBOOK, THEY SHOULD SEE THE
SAME FEED.
THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS, THEY
WILL ACTUALLY SEE COMPLETELY
DIFFERENT REALITIES BASED ON
WHAT THE ALGORITHMS WILL SAY
THIS IS THE THING THAT IS LIKELY
TO KEEP YOU HERE.
WHAT THAT IT IS TO THE SHARED
REALITY WE HAVE, PUT IT THROUGH
PAPER SHREDDER, AND GAVE EACH OF
US A MICRO REALITY IN WHICH WE
ARE MORE AND MORE CERTAIN THAT
WE ARE RIGHT ON THE OTHER SIDE
IS WRONG, AND IT'S TOTALLY
CONFUSED US.
WE ARE SO CONFUSED -- WE ARE TEN
YEARS INTO THIS PROCESS NOW.
>> Bill: WHICH NOBODY VOTED
ON.
IT JUST HAPPENED, AND WE COME OF
COURSE, ARE ALWAYS SEDUCED BY
CONVENIENCE.
NO ONE WANTS TO GIVE UP THE
PHONE.
I CAN'T IMAGINE DOING THAT.
ONE THING I LOVE THAT YOU
PORTRAY, AS I WAS ALLUDING TO A
MINUTE AGO, IN THE MOVIE, YOU
PERSONIFY WHAT AN ALGORITHM IS,
REALLY.
AN ALGORITHM IS JUST INSIDE THE
COMPUTER, BUT YOU HAVE THREE
ACTORS THERE --
>> FROM "MAD MEN," IN FACT.
>> Bill: RIGHT, THEY ARE
WATCHING THIS GUY ON SCREEN, AND
WE SEE THEM MAKING DECISIONS
ABOUT HOW THEY CAN MANIPULATE
HIM.
OH, WE ARE GOING TO SEND HIM AN
ALERT.
OH, WE ARE GOING TO SAY HE GOT A
LIKE ON THAT.
OH, WE ARE GOING TO TELL THEM
THERE IS A WOMAN HE IS
INTERESTED IN WITHIN A HUNDRED
FEET.
>> OR HIS EX-GIRLFRIEND, MAYBE
THAT WILL GET HIM BACK.
>> Bill: WITHOUT PEOPLE
ACTUALLY DOING THAT, THAT IS
WHAT'S GOING ON, RIGHT?
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
EVEN TAKE --
>> Bill: THAT'S EVIL.
>> IT IS EVIL.
BECAUSE OF THIS COMPETITION FOR
ATTENTION, THE COMPANY STARTED
GETTING REALLY AGGRESSIVE ABOUT
WHAT COULD THEY DANGLE IN FRONT
OF YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM TO GET
YOU TO COME BACK?
IF YOU EVER TRY TO DELETE YOUR
FACEBOOK ACCOUNT, IT WILL
ACTUALLY SHOW YOU FIVE FRIENDS
FACES AND SAYS "ARE YOU SURE YOU
WANT TO DELETE YOUR ACCOUNT?
THESE FIVE PHOTOS, THESE FIVE
FRIENDS ARE GOING TO MISS YOU."
IT'S LIKE A DIGITAL DRUG WAR,
WHEN YOU TRY TO LEAVE, THEY TRY
TO DANGLE SOMETHING TO CONVINCE
YOU TO COME BACK.
IT'S DESTROYED OUR MENTAL HEALTH
OF OUR TEENAGERS.
IT'S POLARIZED OUR SOCIETIES.
IT'S ADDICTED EACH OF US, AND IT
IS REALLY WARPED, I THINK, THE
PSYCHE WE ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF
WITH THE SELECTION, BECAUSE MUCH
LIKE A PSYCHOTIC PATIENT HAS A
MIND THAT IS FRACTURED AGAINST
ITSELF, OUR NATIONAL PSYCHE IS
NOW FRACTURED AGAINST ITSELF.
IF YOU LOOK AT THE EXAMPLES, THE
COUNT OF THE VOTE PEOPLE AND THE
STOP THE COUNT, THERE'S A GREAT
STAT THAT A THIRD OF
DEMOCRATS ARE LGBTQ, EVEN
ONLY 6% ARE.
38% OF REPUBLICANS MAKE MORE
THAN $250,000 A YEAR, EVEN
THOUGH IT IS ONLY 2% OF
REPUBLICANS MAKE THAT MUCH MONE
MONEY.
WE REALLY HAVE BEEN CONFUSED BY
THESE INDIVIDUAL REALITIES THAT
HAVE WARPED OUR PERCEPTIONS.
>> Bill: END OF THE SEXUALLY
DANGEROUS NOW BECAUSE A GREAT
DEAL OF THE COUNTRY IT
IS GOING
TO BELIEVE THIS ELECTION IS
STOLEN.
THAT JOE BIDEN IS NOT A
LEGITIMATE PRESIDENT, AND THEN
WHAT HAPPENS?
BECAUSE IT'S NOT LIKE FACEBOOK
IS GOING TO SHUT THAT SITE DOWN.
OR ARE THEY?
YOU'VE TAKEN THE COMPANIES HAVE
NOW TAKEN MOVES WE NEVER
SAW UP UNTIL A FEW MONTHS AGO.
>> A LOT OF PUBLIC PRESSURE.
THERE'S A WEIRD SITUATION IF YOU
LET THE FRANKENSTEIN RUN WITHOUT
ANY CONTROLS, GOES VIRAL AND
GETS THE MOST CLICKS AND RIGHT
NOW MIKE LIKES THAT REWARDS --
YOUTUBE, FOR EXAMPLE,
RECOMMENDED ALEX JONES' INFO
WARS 15 BILLION TIMES, MORE THAN
THE COMBINED TRAFFIC OF NEW YORK
SOMETIMES, GUARDIAN,
FOX NEWS, COMBINED.
YOU REALIZE THE SCALE OF ALL OF
THAT, THEY ARE DANGEROUS BECAUSE
THEY ARE LIKE A TRUST BOMB, THEY
WARPED YOUR PERCEPTION OF
EVERYTHING THAT COMES AFTER IT,
AND THE BEST PREDICTOR OF
WHETHER YOU BELIEVE IN A NEW
CONSPIRACY THEORY IS WHETHER I
ALREADY GOT YOU TO BELIEVE IN
ONE.
ONCE YOU BELIEVE, FOR EXAMPLE,
THE ELECTION IS RIGGED OR
STOLEN, THEN YOU PERCEIVE
EVERYTHING THROUGH THAT LENS,
AND IT WARPS ALL OF YOUR
PERCEPTIONS.
>> Bill: ALSO, I DON'T THINK
THEY ARE DOING IT WELL.
TWITTER, CAN I READ WHAT WAS
BLOCKED ON TWITTER JUST LAST
WEEK?
THIS IS FROM THE HEAD OF U.S.
CUSTOMS AND BORDER PROTECTION,
MARK MORGAN.
I DON'T REALLY AGREE WITH THIS
COMMENT, BUT THIS IS WHAT HE
SAID, HE IS TALKING ABOUT THEY
ARE CONTINUING TO BUILD THE WALL
EVERY DAY, WHICH IS HIS DOMAIN.
"EVERY MILE HELPS US STOP GANG
MEMBERS, MURDERERS,
SEXUAL PREDATORS AND DRUGS FROM
ENTERING OUR COMPANY.
IT'S A FACT, WALLS WORK."
I COULD TAKE ISSUES WITH THINGS
THERE, BUT IT IS AN OPINION!
THIS SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN
BLOCKED.
THIS FEEDS INTO THEM.
>> RIGHT.
>> Bill: SAYING YOU JUST DON'T
WANT TO HEAR ANYTHING THAT YOU
DON'T AGREE WITH.
AND THIS IS A PLATFORM, TWITTER,
IT'S ABOUT EXPRESSING OPINIONS.
AND HERE SOMEBODY EXPRESSES A
PINION, I DON'T AGREE WITH THAT,
BUT LIKE, MY OPINION IS IT YOURK
ON MY PLATFORM ABOUT OPINIONS.
THAT'S FUCKED UP, TOO.
>> IT IS.
[APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: WOW, I GOT THE
LIBERALS TO APPLY FOR THAT,
GOOD.
>> NO, WE HAVE TO PROTECT
FREEDOM OF SPEECH.
I THINK THE DISTINCTION THAT
THEY MAKE IS FREEDOM OF SPEECH
IS NOT THE SAME AS FREEDOM TO
REACH, MEETING WE ARE GRANTED
THE RIGHT TO SPEAK, BUT ARE YOU
GRANTED A FOOTBALL STADIUM SIZE
AUDIENCE TO SAY ANYTHING YOU
WANT WITHOUT ACCOUNTABILITY?
AND WHEN YOU LET THAT BECOME THE
DEFAULT, THAT IS WHAT MAKES UP
OUR INFORMATION ENVIRONMENT,
THAT THE DEFAULT INFORMATION ALL
OF US ARE CONSUMING IS EACH OF
US GET A FOOTBALL SIZE STADIUM
AND SAY WHATEVER YOU WANT
WITHOUT ANY ACCOUNTABILITY.
IMAGINE HOW YOU WOULD FEEL ALL
OF YOUR EX ROMANTIC PARTNERS
COULD GET ON A FOOTBALL STADIUM
TV SCREEN AND SAY WHATEVER THEY
WANTED WITHOUT ANY
ACCOUNTABILITY.
YOU DON'T END UP WITH A HEALTHY
INFORMATION ENVIRONMENT.
AND YOU ALSO GET MORE REWARD OF
THE MORE EXTREME THINGS THAT YOU
SAY.
AND THE MORE EXTREME THING YOU
SAY, THE MORE LIKES AND
FEEDBACKS YOU GET, WHICH FEED
INTO OUR DISTORTION THAT HEY, WE
ARE RIGHT, WE HAVE ALL OF THE
SUPPORTERS, WE ARE THE RIGHTEOUS
SIDE OF HISTORY.
>> Bill: WHAT IS THE ANSWER?
HOW DO YOU PROTECT FREE SPEECH,
WHILE ALSO -- [LAUGHS]
NOT LOOKING LIKE YOU ARE
CENSURING.
I SAW TRUMP MADE THAT OUTRAGEOUS
STATEMENT YESTERDAY.
I NOTICED CNN DIDN'T CUT INTO I
IT.
BUT MSNBC, RIGHT AWAY.
>> TAKING AWAY --
>> Bill: RIGHT AWAY, TO SAY
THIS IS BULLSHIT.
AND OF COURSE, IT WAS BULLSHIT.
BUT THE PEOPLE WHO DON'T KNOW IT
IS BULLSHIT, OR HAVE BEEN
TRAINED TO NOT SEE THAT IS
BULLSHIT -- AND LET'S BE HONEST,
THE UNDERLYING OF ALL OF WHAT WE
ARE TALKING ABOUT IS THE
AMERICAN PEOPLE ARE JUST TOO
STUPID TO BE GOVERNED.
[APPLAUSE]
THEY HAVE NO BULLSHIT DETECTOR.
THEY BELIEVE A LOT OF KOOKY
STUFF ON THE LEFT COME IN ON THE
RIGHT, THEY BELIEVE IN QANON.
I MEAN, THERE IS NO BULLSHIT
DETECTOR, THERE IS NO KNOWLEDGE
OF THE PAST.
YOU CAN'T SCARE THEM BY SAYING
"TRUMP IS BECOMING A
TOTALITARIAN."
WHAT'S THAT?
YOU KNOW, LIKE EAST GERMANY.
WHAT'S THAT?
DURING THE COLD WAR.
WHAT'S THAT?
I CAN'T CARE SCARE SOMEONE WITH
THIS IF I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M
TALKING ABOUT.
NOT THIS AUDIENCE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
IT'S TRUE.
YOU COME TO THIS SHOW, YOU ARE
NOT THAT GUY, BUT THAT IS WHAT
WE ARE DEALING WITH, RIGHT?
TECHNOLOGY WOULDN'T BE SO SCARY
IF PEOPLE HAD A BETTER BRAIN TO
DEAL WITH THAT.
>> RIGHT, BUT WHAT HAS
SOCIAL MEDIA --
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: WHAT'S THAT?
>> BUT WHAT HAS SOCIAL MEDIA
DONE TO OUR BRAIN?
>> Bill: YES.
>> SOCIAL MEDIA IS THE
DOWNGRADING OF OUR ATTENTION
SPAN, CRITICAL THINKING, OUR
ABILITY TO FORM AN OPINION ON
EVERYTHING THAT IS NOT HYPER
PRESENT, WE DON'T READ BOOKS
ANYMORE, WE HAVE POLARIZATION,
CONSPIRACY THEORIES --
>> Bill: THAT'S A TIME SUCK.
>> ABSOLUTELY.
>> Bill: TIME SUCK.
WE JUST DON'T HAVE TIME TO DO
THINGS THAT ARE DEEPER.
>> RIGHT.
>> Bill: BECAUSE...
>> THE BUSINESS MODEL AS WE ARE
THE PRODUCT.
WE ARE WORTH MORE WHEN WE ARE
ADDICTED, DISTRACTED, OUTRAGED,
NARCISSISTIC, POLARIZED, AND
DISINFORMED, THAT IF WE ARE
THRIVING AND INFORMED CITIZEN OF
A DEMOCRACY.
THE SAME THING IS TRUE -- A
CHILD IS WORTH MORE THAN WHEN
THEY ARE NARCISSISTIC AND
ATTENTION SEEKING AND HOW MANY
LIKES THEY HAVE COME OUT RATHER
THAN BEING A FREE,
DEVELOPING KID WITH THEIR
FRIENDS.
THE INVENTOR OF THE LIKE BUTTON,
IN THE FILM, HE SAYS IN THE END,
SO LONG AS A WHALE IS WORTH MORE
DEAD THAN ALIVE COME AT A TREE
WORTH MORE AS A TWO BY FOUR THAN
AS A TREE, A NEW MODEL OF THIS
ATTENTION BUSINESS MODEL, WE ARE
AT A WHALE.
WE ARE THE TREE.
WE ARE THE THING THAT IS BEING
MINED --
[LOUD NOISE]
THAT WAS A BALLOON.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
DID YOU PLAN THAT?
>> Bill: IT -- IT WENT
SMOOTHER IN REHEARSAL, BUT I
THOUGHT WE PULLED IT OFF.
[LAUGHTER]
ALL RIGHT, BUT ONE MORE THING,
AND I WILL LET YOU GO.
YOU SAID A FEW MINUTES AGO ABOUT
WE DESTROYED THE MINDS OF OUR
TEENAGERS.
HOW CAN YOU TELL?
>> HOW CAN WE TELL?
I FEEL LIKE YOU SHOULD BE MAKING
MY POINTS FOR ME.
>> Bill: BUT THAT'S A POWERFUL
STATEMENT.
>> YEAH.
>> Bill: BECAUSE THEY ARE
GOING TO BE THE LEADERS SOON,
AND THE VOTERS.
>> TEENAGERS AREN'T STUPID.
I WANT TO MAKE SURE I'M REALLY
CLEAR.
I DO NOT WANT TO DO NAIVE MORAL
PANICS.
WE ALWAYS WORRIED ABOUT
TELEVISION, RADIO, VIDEO GAMES,
ET CETERA.
I PLAYED VIDEO GAMES AND A KID
AND GREW UP ON TECHNOLOGY, I AM
PRO-TECHNOLOGY.
THE DIFFERENCE IS THIS
TECHNOLOGY, THE BUSINESS MODEL
IS CONVERTING US INTO SOMEONE
WHO CARES MORE ABOUT THE NUMBER
OF NEW LIKES AND FOLLOWERS AND
COMMENTS THAT WE HAVE BEEN
LIVING OUR LIVES.
SO IF EACH US GET TO PARTICIPATE
IN A SYSTEM THAT PROFITS FROM
SOCIAL PERFORMANCE, WHERE WE
EACH PERFORM, THAT IS WHAT WE'RE
DOING WITH OUR TIME, INSTEAD OF
ACTUALLY DOING ANY OF THE OTHER
THINGS WE CARE ABOUT.
IF YOU LOOK AT IT FROM A
NATIONAL SECURITY PERSPECTIVE,
THE MOST LIKE, THIS IS YOUR
BRAIN, THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON
DRUGS.
TAKE THE UNITED STATES BRAIN,
ADD FACEBOOK TO IT, DOWNGRADE
JUST COMPARED TO SOCIETIES LIKE
CHINA OR RUSSIA OR OTHER
COUNTRIES I DON'T DO THAT, THEY
ARE NOT GOING TO HAVE THE SAME
PROBLEMS.
IT'S ACTUALLY A COMPETITION OF
WHO DOWNGRADES THE POPULATION
LEAST.
>> Bill: GREAT JOB, HE DID A
GREAT JOB WITH THE MOVIE.
KEEP THE MESSAGE GOING, PEOPLE
NEED TO HEAR IT.
LET'S MEET OUR PANEL!
♪ ♪
[APPLAUSE]
HEY!
I WILL NOT TOUCH ANYONE.
♪ ♪
I REALLY DID MY FALL.
AALL RIGHT.
SHE IS THE FOUNDER -- THIS
FUCKING THING.
GOING TO BE THE DEATH OF ME.
SHE IS THE TRANSLATION INTEGRITY
PROJECT AND AUTHOR OF THE
FORTHCOMING BOOK?
"TANGLED UP IN BLUE: POLICING
THE AMERICAN CITY," OUT IN
FEBRUARY, ROSA BROOKS.
GREAT TO SEE YOU.
[APPLAUSE]
AND HE'S A CAREER U.S.
COUNTERTERRORISM INTELLIGENCE
OFFICER AND MSNBC CONTRIBUTOR,
MALCOLM NANCE.
IS OVER HERE.
MY FRIEND.
OKAY.
WHILE THE BALLOONS WILL STILL BE
POPPING, I WANT TO MAKE -- WE
HAVE TWO MORE SHOWS FOR THE
YEAR.
WE USUALLY END TODAY, BUT I KNEW
THE ELECTION WAS NOT GOING TO
REALLY BE OVER.
OKAY, SO YOU'RE ON FOR TWO MORE
WEEKS AFTER TONIGHT.
THE BEST NEWS -- IS IT TWO MORE
WEEKS?
YES.
THE BEST NEWS IS, I THINK,
DEEP STATE, WHICH I SAY WITH
AFFECTION.
>> YOU'RE WELCOME.
[LAUGHTER]
>> Bill: RIGHT.
WHICH TRUMP HAS BEEN HOLLOWING
OUT.
WE SAW ALL EIGHT FBI LEADERS WHO
WERE THERE, THEY ARE ALL GONE.
I MEAN, CHAD WALLACH IS HEAD OF
HOMELAND SECURITY.
JOHN RATCLIFFE IS THE DIRECTOR
OF INTELLIGENCE.
THESE ARE STOOGES.
BILL BARR.
I'VE ALWAYS BEEN ASKING, HOW
DEEP DOES THIS GO?
NOT TO THE LEVEL OF LOCAL
ELECTION OFFICIALS.
THESE PEOPLE DID THEIR JOB.
WE HAVEN'T GOTTEN THAT BAD.
[APPLAUSE]
NOW, ANOTHER FOUR YEARS?
MAY BE.
YOU KNOW, WE ARE NOT, YOU KNOW,
IRAQ, SADDAM AND HIS SONS.
DON JR. AND ERIC, THEY RAN THAT
COUNTRY.
[LAUGHTER]
AND BACK INTO IRAQ, THE ELECTION
OFFICIALS WOULD ALL HAVE TO BE
BAATH PARTY MEMBERS.
WE ARE NOT THERE YET, RIGHT?
>> NO, ALL PROCESS DOES NOT
SUCK.
>> Bill: RIGHT.
>> IN ARIZONA, A REPUBLICAN
LEGISLATURE AND GOVERNOR, AND WE
STILL HAVE THE ELECTION
OFFICIALS SAYING "HEY, SHUT UP,
THINGS ARE FINE, THERE IS NO
FRAUD."
THE SAME IS TRUE IN GEORGIA.
THE ONLY PERSON SAYING THE
ELECTION HAS BEEN STOLEN IS
BASICALLY DONALD TRUMP AND HIS
STOOGES.
AND I KEEP THINKING, WHO DO YOU
THINK IS STEALING THE ELECTION,
THE VOTERS?
>> Bill: WELL, HE SAID --
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
TO BE FAIR, WHAT HE SAID IS
THAT, "WE HAVE CLAIMED" -- I
LOVE THAT, WHAT IS HE, BALBOA?
[LAUGHTER]
"WE HAVE CLAIMED MICHIGAN."
SO, WILL ANYONE, FOX NEWS, ANY
REPUBLICAN -- WILL ANYONE TELL
HIM "YOU LOST!"
WILL ANYONE GO TO HIM LIKE THEY
WENT TO NIXON DURING WATERGATE?
REMEMBER, THOSE FOUR SENATORS,
BARRY GOLDWATER, I THINK, WAS
ONE OF THEM, AND THEY TOLD HIM,
"YOU ARE OUT, BUDDY."
WILL ANYONE DO THAT TO HIM?
>> YOU KNOW, IT'S INTERESTING,
BECAUSE I WAS UP ALL LAST NIGHT
WATCHING ELECTION COVERAGE, AND
YOU KNOW, THERE IS THIS
RELUCTANCE TO COME OUT AND SAY
WHAT WE ALL KNOW.
I MEAN, THESE COUNTS IN OTHER
STATES WERE EASILY THROWN AND
CALLED BY OTHER NEWS
ORGANIZATIONS, BUT THEY WON'T DO
IT FOR THESE LAST FOUR.
AND, IN FACT, TO BE QUITE
HONEST, YOU CALLED THE ELECTION.
>> Bill: YES, I HAVE CALLED
THE ELECTION.
EXACTLY.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> YOU HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VOICE
IN MEDIA TO ACTUALLY COME OUT
AND SAY "JOE BIDEN HAS BEEN
ELECTED."
>> Bill: IT'S OBVIOUS, HE DID.
>> IT LOOKS THAT WAY.
IT DOES LOOK THAT WAY.
>> Bill: YES, THERE IS NOT
GOING TO BE A GIANT UPSWING IN
VOTES FROM PHILADELPHIA FOR
TRUMP.
[LAUGHTER]
THAT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.
THE DIFFERENCE IS, YOU KNOW, I
MENTIONED TO NIXON, THEY ONCE
ASKED TRUMP ABOUT NIXON, AND HE
SAID, THIS IS TRUMP'S EXACT
WORDS, HE SAID "I LEFT, I DON'T
LEAVE, BIG DIFFERENCE."
REMEMBER THOSE WORDS.
"HE LEFT, I DON'T LEAVE, BIG
DIFFERENCE."
>> THE MOST HOPEFUL SIGN TO ME
RIGHT NOW, I'M USUALLY THE ONE
PREDICTING DOOM AND APOCALYPSE
AND CATASTROPHE, BUT WE HAVE
SEEN SOME RATS SWIMMING AWAY
FROM THE SINKING SHIP --
>> Bill: SOME.
>> SOME G.O.P. OFFICIALS, LIKE,
NO, NO, NO IT'S OKAY IT'S FINE
WE HAVE TO COUNT THE VOTES,
SHUT UP.
TO ME, THAT'S VERY HELPFUL.
I THINK IT IS NOT ACTUALLY
IMPOSSIBLE WE SEE THE KIND OF
NIXON INTERVENTION WHERE TRUMP
IS STILL STAMPING HIS FEET AND
SULKING AND HAVING TANTRUMS AND
WE GET, MAYBE EVEN MITCH
McCONNELLS OF THE WORLD SAY,
"DUDE, YOU ARE GONE."
>> Bill: I DON'T KNOW, 48% OF
THE PEOPLE VOTED -- MAYBE THAT
WILL GO DOWN -- BUT THAT IS A
LOT OF PEOPLE WHO VOTED FOR
DONALD TRUMP.
A LOT OF THEM, AS WE WERE JUST
TALKING ABOUT, INC. THIS IS
ILLEGITIMATE.
NIXON DIDN'T HAVE THAT GOING FOR
HIM.
AND, I'VE BEEN SAYING IT FOR A
LONG TIME, BUT I DON'T THINK
TRUMP IS GOING -- I DON'T KNOW
WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN, BUT WE
HAVE A STALKER NOW, WHETHER HE
IS THE PRESIDENT, OR NOT THE
PRESIDENT, HE IS THE EX-HUSBAND
WHO KILLS HIS FAMILY ON
CHRISTMAS EVE.
[LAUGHTER]
SERIOUSLY.
HE'S O.J., AND HE DOES NOT LIKE
SEEING AMERICA DRIVING AROUND --
>> PRIVATE ISLAND, NO
EXTRADITION TREATY, PRIVATE
ISLAND, HOW ABOUT THAT?
>> YOU KNOW, THIRD WORLD LEADERS
USED TO TAKE A BILLION DOLLARS
AND WOULD RUN OFF TO THE FRENCH
RIVIERA.
>> YEAH.
>> AND SETTLE.
THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN WITH
DICTATORS ANYMORE.
IN EGYPT, ALL THESE GUYS COULD
HAVE TAKEN THEIR MONEY AND GONE.
DONALD TRUMP IS LIKE THEM.
HE WANTS TO STAY HERE, HE WANTS
TO BE PART OF THE SYSTEM.
>> Bill: RIGHT.
>> Bill: .
>> A BETTER ANALOGY WOULD HAVE
BEEN SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY,
RIGHT, WITH THE TOWELS.
WE ARE GOING TO HAVE JOE, KAMALA
KAMALA, DONALD, EVERY MORNING
YOU COME AND THERE'S GOING TO BE
AN EXTRA TOWEL IN YOUR BATHROOM.
AS FUNNY AS ALL THIS SEEMS, WE
ARE GOING TO HAVE A REALLY
SERIOUS PROBLEM --
>> Bill: YEAH.
>> WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A
POLITICAL PARAMILITARY
INSURGENCY.
IN WHICH DONALD TRUMP WILL BE
SADDAM HUSSEIN, WE ALREADY GOT
HIS SONS AND HIS DAUGHTERS.
>> Bill: SO YOU ARE STAYING
MILITARY, PARAMILITARY, IN OTHER
WORDS, NOT ACTUAL MILITARY.
THEY HAVE THEIR BOOGALOO BOYS.
>> BOOGALOO BOYS, PROUD BOYS,
THE REST OF THE VANILLA ISIS
CREW.
>> Bill: REMEMBER, HE CALLS
HIM "THE ROUGH PEOPLE," BIKERS.
>> THE PROBLEM IS, THESE CONVOYS
WE SAW IN THE RUN-UP TO THE
ELECTION, WHAT I AM MOST
CONCERNED ABOUT --
>> Bill: PROUD BOYS.
>> THESE ISIS-LIKE TRUMP
CONVOYS, TRUCKS OUT THERE, WHAT
HAPPENS WHEN SOMEONE SAYS "WE
DON'T RECOGNIZE JOE BIDEN'S
ELECTION -- BOTH
>> Bill: EXACTLY.
>> THEY START BLOCKING HIGHWAYS.
>> Bill: THEY ARE NOT NOW?
>> WE HAVE SEEN SOME IN
MARICOPA COUNTY WITH ALEX
JONES --
>> Bill: THERE ARE STATES WITH
OPEN CARRY.
>> YEAH, THERE ARE STATES WITH
OPEN CARRY, BUT WE ARE TALKING
ABOUT MOVING FROM THE LEGAL
REALM TO THEM BELIEVING THEIR
WORLD IS LEGITIMATE, AND THEIR
WORLD, DONALD TRUMP REMAINS
PRESIDENT.
>> Bill: THERE IS NOT A WORLD
WHERE THE REPUBLICANS HAVE A
"COME TO JESUS" MEETING.
[LAUGHTER]
AND THEY ALL GET IN A ROOM,
MITCH McCONNELL, AND THEY SAY
TO THEMSELVES, "LOOK, WE GOT OUT
OF THIS GUY AS MUCH AS WE COULD
HAVE HOPED.
WE GOT THREE SUPREME COURT
PICKS, WE THREW A GOOD SCARE
INTO THE LIB TARDS, LET'S CUT OR
LOSSES -- NO, BECAUSE OF THE
PEOPLE IN THE STREETS.
>> I'M MORE OPTIMISTIC THAN YOU,
MALCOLM, WHICH IS REALLY
UNUSUAL, TRUST ME.
BUT I THINK, YOU KNOW, HOPE FOR
THE BEST, PREPARE FOR THE WORST.
THE SCENARIO YOU OUTLINED IS NOT
IMPOSSIBLE, WE NEED TO TAKE IT
REALLY, REALLY SERIOUSLY, BUT IT
IS ALSO NOT INEVITABLE.
I THINK MOST OF THE REPUBLICANS
IN CONGRESS, ALL OF THE EVIDENCE
IS THEY SECRETLY HATE TRUMP'S
THOUGHTS, THEY WILL BE SO HAPPY
TO SEE THE LAST OF HIM,
THEIR INCENTIVES ARE STARTING TO
DIFFER FROM HIS, THEY ARE
BEGINNING TO THINK, "YOU KNOW
WHAT, MAYBE MY --
>> Bill: BUT THEIR VOTERS,
THEIR VOTERS LIKE HIM BETTER
THAN THEY LIKE THEM.
>> THIS GOES BACK TO HEAR WITH
KRISTEN.
THERE IS GOOD NEWS AND BAD NEWS,
AND IT DOVETAILS WITH WHAT
MALCOLM SAID.
THE GOOD NEWS IS I DON'T THINK
THE 48% OF PEOPLE WHO VOTED FOR
TRUMP ARE NUTS.
I THINK A LOT OF THEM ARE
MISINFORMED BECAUSE OF ALL OF
THE ISSUES TRISTAN RAISED.
I DON'T THINK THEY WANT TO SEE A
CIVIL WAR.
THERE IS BAD NEWS -- MALCOLM
LOKNOWS THIS MORE THAN I DO -- U
LOOK AT ISIS AND AL QAEDA AND
OTHER TERRORIST GROUPS, YOU
DON'T NEED TO HAVE A MAJORITY OF
PEOPLE SUPPORTING THEM OR EVEN A
PLURALITY, JUST A REALLY TINY
GROUP THAT IS REALLY RUTHLESS,
REALLY WELL ARMED, REALLY
WELL-FINANCED, AND REALLY
ORGANIZED, TO CAUSE HAVOC IN A
SOCIETY FOR QUITE A WHILE.
THAT SAID, I DON'T THINK WE ARE
THERE IN THIS COUNTRY YET.
I THINK, RIGHT NOW, THOSE
ORGANIZED RIGHT WING MILITIA
GROUPS ARE NOT VERY ORGANIZED,
FRANKLY, THEY ARE VERY MESSED
UP.
>> Bill: DO THEY NEED TO BE
ORGANIZED?
>> THEY KIND OF DO, BECAUSE THEY
KEEP GETTING CAUGHT, THEY KEEP
SCREWING UP SCREWING UP.
>> Bill: WELL.
>> AND OUR JOB -- AND THAT COULD
CHANGE.
MALCOLM, YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT
TO BE WORRIED ABOUT THIS,
BECAUSE THIS COULD CHANGE.
OUR JOB IN THE NEXT FEW YEARS IS
TO MAKE DAMN SURE THAT THOSE
GUYS DON'T GO FROM BEING A BUNCH
OF CLASSES TO BEING AN ORGANIZED
GROUP.
>> THIS IS WHY I WAS SAYING IT
IS MORE LIKE A PARAMILITARY,
POLITICAL PARAMILITARY
INSURGENCY.
PHASE ONE INSURGENCY STARTS OFF
WITH IN A CERTAIN POPULATION,
AND THEN A SUPPORTIVE TERRORIST
OR PARAMILITARY --
>> Bill: THE BAT PARTY.
>> I'VE SAID MANY TIMES THIS
WEEK, WE ARE LOOKING AT BAGHDAD,
APRIL, 2003, WHERE THE BAATH
PARTY DISAPPEARS AFTER THEY ALL
LOSE THEIR JOBS --
>> Bill: RIGHT.
>> THERE IS NO IRAQI ARMY
ANYMORE, AND WE THINK WE HAVE
OCCUPIED THIS COUNTRY.
AND THEN COME OUT OF NOWHERE
COMES THIS LOW-GRADE INSURGENCY.
GRANTED, A LOT OF THESE GUYS
WERE A BUNCH OF ROOMS WITH
RIFLES, AND THIS IS WHY WE FUND
S.W.A.T. TEAMS, RIGHT?
TO HANDLE PEOPLE WHO WORK
OUTSIDE OF THE LAW, BUT IN THEIR
MIND -- THIS GOES TO WHAT
TRISTAN WAS SAYING -- THEY LIVE
IN AN ALTERNATE REALITY, WHICH
HAS BEEN CRAFTED BY THEIR OWN
PROPAGANDA, WHICH HAS BEEN USING
THIS SOCIAL MEDIA DISTRIBUTION
SYSTEM, TO ALLOW THEM TO BELIEVE
THAT THERE AMERICA IS THE WE,
THE PEOPLE AMERICA OF THE
REVOLUTION, AND I'M SORRY, THESE
GUYS THINKS THEY ARE THE SONS OF
LIBERTY.
>> Bill: OH, I KNOW THEY DO.
>> YOU SEE THEM SAYING WE SHOULD
TAR AND FEATHER PEOPLE.
LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THE
69 MILLION PEOPLE THAT VOTED FOR
DONALD TRUMP.
I'M GOING TO CHANNEL MY INNER
EDDIE CLOUD AND JASON JOHNSON.
THEY HAVE BEEN ON AIR SAYING
THIS.
THESE PEOPLE HAVE REVEALED
THEMSELVES FOR THE RACIST THAT
THEY ARE, FOR THE TRIBALISTS
THAT THEY ARE, THEY DON'T CARE
ABOUT E PLURIBUS UNUM, FOR MANY,
ONE, THEY CARE ABOUT, "I GOT
MINE, YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULDN'T
GET ANYTHING OF YOURS."
>> Bill: YOU THINK THAT IS
EVERY TRUMP VOTER?
>> THEY VOTED FOR THIS,
CONSCIOUSLY, KNOWING WHAT
DONALD TRUMP STOOD FOR FOR THE
LAST FOUR YEARS.
THEY KNOW HIM!
[APPLAUSE]
LOOK, THEY ALMOST -- ALMOST A
LEVEL OF FANATICISM I'VE ONLY
SEEN IN SOME CULT GROUPS AND
RELEASED TERRORIST GROUPS.
>> I'M GOING TO DISAGREE WITH
>> PLEASE DO.
THAT --
>> I BELIEVE THIS WAS BACK TO
TRISTAN'S POINT, RIGHT?
EVERYONE IS IN THEIR INFORMATION
BUBBLE.
I TALKED TO TRUMP VOTERS, THEY
ARE LIKE PARALLEL LINES, THEY
DON'T INTERSECT.
THEY ARE IN THEIR WORLD, WE ARE
IN OUR WORLD, WE THINK SOME
REASON OUR WORLD IS
REALITY-BASED AND THEIR'S IS
NOT, BUT THEY ARE LOOKING AT
STUFF, THEY ARE LOOKING AT ALL
OF THIS CRAP, AND THEIR READING,
LIKE, "TRUMP HAS DONE MORE FOR
THE BLACK PEOPLE THAN ANYONE
SINCE ABE LINCOLN."
THERE LIKE, WOW, THAT IS GREAT,
THAT IS AWESOME, HE IS NOT
RACIST, LOOK HOW GOOD HE HAS
BEEN.
AND THEY ARE BEING FED A LINE OF
CRAP, YES, BUT AS TRISTAN SAID,
EVERY ALGORITHM IS FEEDING THEM
AT CRAP, AND IF THAT IS ALL YOU
ARE HEARING, UNCLE JOE AND UNCLE
BOB SAY THE SAME THING, AND
COUSIN MARY SAYS THE SAME THING,
AND THE GUY AT THE HARDWARE
STORE SAYS THE SAME THING, AND
ONE OF THE REALLY SINISTER
THINGS THAT'S BEEN HAPPENING IS
THE FAR RIGHT HAS BEEN BUYING UP
DYING RADIO -- DYING LOCAL RADIO
AND TV STATIONS, KEEP THE SAME
LOGO, KEEP THE SAME BRANDING,
90% OF IT IS STILL COVERAGE OF
BAKE SALES AND HIGH SCHOOL
FOOTBALL GAMES, 10% IS QANON
CRAZY, YOU KNOW, BUT IT IS SORT
OF LIKE IF SOMEONE BOUGHT OUT
MPR OR WHATEVER, AND WE DIDN'T
KNOW, AND 10% IS NUTS, WE'D BE
LIKE, "OH, SHIT, THAT IS
TERRIBLE."
I DON'T THINK IT IS THAT PEOPLE
ARE DUMB, I THINK IT IS THAT
PEOPLE, YOU KNOW, HOW DO WE KNOW
WHAT WE KNOW?
WE KNOW WHAT WE KNOW BECAUSE
PEOPLE WE TRUST TALK TO US, AND
IF EVERYONE YOU TRUST IS BEING
FED THE SAME SHIT, THEN, YOU
KNOW --
>> Bill: TRUMP DID A LOT.
CAN I --
PAUSE
[APPLAUSE]
TRUMP DID A LOT BETTER THAN THE
BLACK VOTE THAN LAST TIME?
>> WE DON'T KNOW THE OUTCOME OF
THE EXIT POLLS WERE PEOPLE WHO
SHOWED UP AT THE POLLS.
100 MILLION AMERICANS ACTUALLY
VOTED BY MAIL, SO I'M NOT SURE I
BUY THAT.
THAT'S IN THE SAME THREAT OF
PROPAGANDA WE DO NOT GENERALLY
GET FROM PRESE CONSERVATIVE SPIE
ON THIS I READ IN
"THE NEW YORK TIMES."
>> [LAUGHS]
>> Bill: NOT CONSERVATIVE.
>> THEY ARE ONLY GOING WITH THE
DATA THEY CAN GET ON ELECTION
DAY, AND WE ARE ONLY GETTING THE
VOTES THAT WON'T SHOW ON
ELECTION DAY.
>> Bill: SEE YOU JUST DENY THE
PREMISE?
>> NO.
>> Bill: MAYBE YOU ARE RIGHT,
THAT IS TRUE, THE MAIL AND
VOTES, MAYBE WE DON'T KNOW.
>> WE DON'T KNOW.
>> FOR ONE THING THAT IS FOR
SURE IS THAT THE FAR RIGHT, THE
EXTREMIST, VIOLENT, WHITE
SUPREMACIST FAR RIGHT, HAS BEEN
RAGING IN INSURGENCY WARFARE,
PRIMARILY INFORMATION WARFARE
FOR SEVERAL YEARS, AND MALCOLM,
YOU HAVE A BOOK COMING OUT ABOUT
THIS, AND I THINK IT HAS TAKEN
UNTIL QUITE RECENTLY FOR
DEMOCRATS, THE LEFT, CENTER, TO
EVEN WAKE UP AND NOTICE.
SO, THEY ARE SO FAR AHEAD, IN
TERMS OF SOPHISTICATION AND
CREATIVITY, OBVIOUSLY OUR SITE
IS KIND OF CONSTRAINED BY THIS
SORT OF QUAINT LOYALTY TO
TELLING THE TRUTH.
THEIR SIDE IS NOT.
>> LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING
HERE I'LL TELL YOU SPY STUFF
HERE APPEARED TO OR MAYBE PEOPLE
SEE THE WORLD DIFFERENTLY, YOU
KNOW?
I THINK HE IS A TERRIBLE LEADER,
BUT I DON'T THINK IT IS TERRIBLE
THERE IS DIVERSITY IN THE BLACK
COMMUNITY, OR IN ANY COMMUNITY.
[APPLAUSE]
>> I MEAN, I WAS A COLIN POWELL
CONSERVATIVE WAY BACK THEN, NOW
CALLED FAR LEFT LIBERAL, RIGHT?
LET ME TELL YOU SOME SPY STUFF,
I WORKED THE RWANDA MISSION BACK
WHEN RWANDA HAD ITS GENOCIDE.
>> Bill: WOW.
>> IN THE RUN-UP TO THAT, COME
IN FRENCH LANGUAGE, ALL OF THE
RADIO BROADCAST, WAS USING WHAT
WE CALLED "ELIMINATION NEST
RHETORIC."
>> Bill: BERMAN.
>> ELIMINATIONIST RHETORIC.
I SEE THAT RHETORIC ALL DAY AS I
MONITOR RIGHT WING SITES AND IT
IS STARTING TO PERCOLATE INTO
THE MAINSTREAM A PUBLICAN PARTY.
>> Bill: QANON IS IN CONGRESS.
>> BY NEXT YEAR, I EXPECT THE
REPUBLICANS PARTY WILL BE THE
QANON PLATFORM, ALL DEMOCRATS
ARE A SATANIC CULT AND MUST BE
PUT TO DEATH.
I SEE IT NOW ALL THE TIME.
IT'S BEYOND --
>> Bill: WE HAVE HAD A
TRADITION ON THE SHOW, THIS
STARTED IN THE 2004 ELECTION,
THAT AFTER A HARD BOARDED
ELECTION IS OVER, THAT WE WOULD
SALUTE SOME OF THE PEOPLE WHO WE
WON'T BE SEEING ANYMORE.
I'M KIDDING.
WE ARE SAYING GOOD RIDDANCE TO
SOME OF THE PEOPLE WHO YOU WILL
NEVER HAVE TO SEE AGAIN PEERED
SO IF YOU WOULD PLEASE COME OUT
ROLL OUR REMINDER.
[APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: FAREWELL, DUCHENNE
BAGS.
[LAUGHTER]
A TRADITION HERE SINCE 2004,
FAREWELL, DUCHENNE BAG JEWISH
AGAIN, THEY ARE NOT ALL GOING
AWAY.
I MEAN, EVEN IF TRUMP DOES NOT
PREVAIL WITH HIS RECOUNTING
STUFF, I JUST WANT TO SAY, A FEW
WEEKS AGO I DID A SHOW HERE, AND
I WAS SAYING HE'S GOING TO GUS
ELECTORAL COLLEGE, GUS IS MY
PASSWORD MEANING THE MOVIE WE
TALK ABOUT IT, WHERE THEY SIGNED
A MULE TO KICK FIELD GOALS --
[LAUGHTER]
THE TEAM DID COME IN THE MOVIE,
BECAUSE OF THE RULEBOOK DOESN'T
SAY SPECIFICALLY THAT YOU CAN'T
HAVE A MULE ON THE TEAM.
BECAUSE WE DIDN'T THINK WE HAD
TO WRITE IT DOWN.
[LAUGHTER]
AND WE HAVE SEEN TRUMP GUS
ANYTHING ELSE.
IF YOU DON'T SPECIFICALLY WRITE
IT DOWN, HE DOES THAT.
>> WRITE IT DOWN, HE STILL DOES
IT.
>> Bill: WHAT?
>> IF YOU WRITE IT DOWN, HE
STILL DOESN'T.
>> Bill: >> Bill: TO A
DEGREE.
BUT A LOT OF IT IS NOT WRITTEN
DOWN.
THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE, THE FACT
WHOEVER WINS THE MOST VOTES IN
THAT STATE GETS THE ELECTORS,
NOT WRITTEN DOWN, NOT IN THE
CONSTITUTION.
I SAID HE'S GOING TO GUS THE
ELECTORAL SYSTEM.
HERE IS STEVE BANNON YESTERDAY,
STATE LEGISLATURES CONTROLLED BY
REPUBLICANS, CONTROLLED BY TRUMP
FACTION, GET TO SELECT THE
ELECTORS.
I KNOW YOU DON'T LIKE IT -- AND
HE MENTIONS ALL THE MEDIA
OUTLETS -- BUT THAT'S REALITY.
PEOPLE ARE GOING TO SAY, OH,
BANNON, YOU ARE SAYING THE QUIET
PART OUT LOUD.
IT'S TIME TO SAY IT OUT LOUD.
WE WON THIS, WE WON CONTROL OF
EVERY PIECE OF THIS, WE CONTROL
THE COURTS, STATE LEGISLATURES,
WE CONTROL THE HOUSE AND THE
SENATE.
MARK LEVIN SAYS THE SAME THING.
"REMINDER TO THE REPUBLICAN
STATE LEGISLATURES, YOU HAVE THE
FINAL SAY OVER CHOOSING THE
ELECTORS.
GET READY TO DO YOUR
CONSTITUTIONAL DUTY."
THIS IS THEIR NEXT MOVE, TO
STEAL THE ELECTION.
>> I DON'T THINK THEY ARE GOING
TO ACTUALLY SUCCEED IN DOING
THAT.
I'M NOT EVEN SURE THEY ARE GOING
TO MAKE A SERIOUS EFFORT,
BECAUSE I THINK THEY ARE ALREADY
HEARING, EVEN FROM THOSE --
AGAIN, FROM THOSE REPUBLICAN
REPUBLICAN-DOMINATED STATES LIKE
ARIZONA AND GEORGIA, THEY ARE
ALREADY HEARING "NO, THAT IS
JUST NOT HAPPENING.
THE VOTE COUNT IS ACCURATE."
I THINK THEY ARE GOING TO GET
PUSHBACK FROM WITHIN THEIR OWN
PARTY.
AND I DIDN'T THINK THAT A FEW
MONTHS AGO.
I WAS MUCH MORE WORRIED, BUT,
YOU KNOW, THAT IS A CRAZY
NUCLEAR OPTION, NOTHING IS
IMPOSSIBLE, BUT I DON'T THINK
THEY ARE GOING TO -- I DON'T
THINK THEY'RE GOING TO GET AWAY
WITH IT.
>> Bill: WHY DO YOU HAVE IS
OPTIMISM --
>> SO WEIRD, I KNOW.
[LAUGHS]
>> Bill: EVERY TIME, I'VE BEEN
HAVING THIS ARGUMENT FOR FOUR
YEARS ON THIS SHOW, AND I'M
ALWAYS THE GUY SAYING "WHY DON'T
YOU SEE, HE DIDN'T STOP BY THIS
OBSTACLE YOU PUT IN HIS WAY, WHY
IS IT ALWAYS THINKING, OH,
BUT THIS ONE -- MAYBE?
>> I'M ALWAYS LIKE, "THE SKY IS
FALLING."
>> Bill: BUT YOU SAY NOW IS
GOING TO STAY UP?
>> BECAUSE I THINK THAT
THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS AND
THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE WORKED
REALLY HARD TO PREPARE FOR
THIS -- EXACTLY THIS.
CALLED UP THE PEOPLE AT THE
STATE LEVEL, CALLED OF THE
PEOPLE AT THE NATIONAL -- DO YOU
WANT TO BE THE GUY WHO FUCKS UP
AMERICAN DEMOCRACY PERMANENTLY?
REALLY, ARE YOU SURE?
AND I THINK THAT ACTUALLY HAD
SOME EFFECT, I REALLY DO.
>> Bill: AND WHAT IF IT GOES
TO THE SUPREME COURT.
HE IS TALKING ABOUT THAT.
LAST WEEK, WE SAW BRETT
KAVANAUGH, HE TRIED TO STOP THE
VOTE IN WISCONSIN.
AND THE RULING HE ISSUED WAS
LAUGHABLE.
THE THINGS HE CITED, IT LOOKED
LIKE HE HAD BEEN DRINKING.
[LAUGHTER]
NO, REALLY, I MEAN, FOR A BRIGHT
GUY --
>> HE IS A MAN WHO LIKES BEER.
I MEAN.
>> Bill: HE SAID IF YOU COUNT
THE BALLOTS AFTER ELECTION DAY,
THERE'S GOING TO BE CHAOS.
THIS IS A POINT, A TALKING
POINT, HE TOOK RIGHT OUT OF
TRUMP'S ASS.
THERE IS NO EVIDENCE -- THERE IS
NO EVIDENCE OF IT.
WE'VE DONE IT MANY TIMES.
EVEN SOME REPUBLICANS LIKE MARCO
RUBIO ARE SAYING, YES, THAT'S
WHAT WE DO, IT TAKES SOMETIMES A
FEW DATES TO COUNT THE VOTE.
AND BRETT KAVANAUGH HAS ALREADY
TIPPED HIS HAND THAT THAT'S WHAT
HE IS ON THIS, DO YOU TRUST HIM?
>> YOU KNOW, YOU ARE RIGHT.
FOUR YEARS OF YOUR HEARING
PEOPLE SAY THE QUIET PARTS OUT
LOUD, THIS ADMINISTRATION TELLS
YOU WHAT THEY'RE GOING TO DO --
>> Bill: RIGHT.
>> FIRST, LET ME SAY SOMETHING
ABOUT STEVE BANNON.
LION GOD'S NAME ARE WE LISTENING
TO THAT FAT CRIMINAL BASTARD
TALK ABOUT ANYTHING?
HE IS LITERALLY TRYING TO CREATE
A FASCISM ACADEMY IN ITALY WHERE
HE CAN PERPETUATE ALL OF THESE
THINGS WE HAVE BEEN WARNING
ABOUT.
THESE PEOPLE -- LISTEN, THEY MAY
NOT BE ABLE TO DO IT.
THE MECHANICS OF IT MAY NOT WORK
FOR IT, BUT THEY ARE THINKING
ABOUT IT CONSTANTLY.
>> Bill: THAT'S MY POINT.
>> ABSOLUTELY.
>> Bill: AND NOT JUST THINKING
ABOUT IT, THEY ARE PUTTING OUT
THERE.
>> THEY ABSOLUTELY ARE.
>> Bill: IF REPUBLICANS ARE
GOOD AT ANYTHING, IT IS
KINDLING, FIRE, THEY ALL GET IN
LINE, THEY PLOT IN THEIR EVIL
LAYER, THEY ALL GET ON THE SAME
PAGE.
DEMOCRATS NEVER DO THAT.
THEY GET ON THE SAME PAGE, HAVE
GREAT MESSAGING, GREAT WORDS,
THEY NEVER SAY STUPID THINGS
LIKE "PACK THE COURT."
>> IT SOUNDS LIKE, "WE ARE GOING
TO THE SUPREME COURT," AND HE
REMINDED ME -- ARE YOU GUYS
LAWYERS?
[LAUGHTER]
IT REMINDED ME --
>> Bill: YES, I AM.
>> CLASSIC FIRST-YEAR LAW SCHOOL
THING, THEY OUTLINE A RIDICULOUS
SITUATION WERE SOMEBODY HAS
ABSOLUTELY NO BASIS FOR A CLAIM
AGAINST SOMEBODY AND THEY SAY TO
STUDENTS, CAN THEY SUE?
OF STUDENTS ARE LIKE, NO,
BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE ABSURD.
AND THE PRESIDENT SAYS, SMUGLY,E
ANYBODY FOR ANYTHING.
ANYONE CAN GO TO THE
SUPREME COURT ABOUT ANYTHING,
DOESN'T MEAN THEY CAN WIN.
RIGHT NOW, I AM NOT SEEING ANY
NONRIDICULOUS ARGUMENT THAT
REPUBLICANS HAVE.
REPUBLICAN JUDGES ALL OVER THE
COUNTRY HAVE BASICALLY BEEN
THROWING OUT THEIR CLAIMS
BECAUSE THEY ARE CRAP.
IT'S NOT IMPOSSIBLE, YOU KNOW,
OF COURSE THEY WILL TRY TO GO TO
THE SUPREME COURT, BUT I THINK
EVEN THE SUPREME COURT, EVEN
WITH JUST AS CONEY BARRETT, THEY
KNOW -- THE ELECTION OF 2000,
BUSH OF IGOR
, BUSH V GORE, DEVASTATING TO
THEIR LEGITIMACY, WE SAW ALL OF
THE MEASURES, PUBLIC CONFIDENCE
IN INSTITUTIONS PLUMMETS AFTER
THAT.
I DON'T THINK -- I THINK EVEN A
LOT OF THE CONSERVATIVES ON THE
COURT -- MAYBE NOT BRETT
KAVANAUGH -- YOU KNOW, I DON'T
THINK THEY WANT TO BE THE ONES
WHO ARE SEEING FOR THE SECOND
TIME IN 20 YEARS, FOR PARTISAN
REASONS, TIPPING THE ELECTION TO
THE GUY WHO DID NOT WIN THE
MAJORITY OF VOTES.
>> THIS GOES BACK TO YOUR POINT,
ABOUT MAYBE THEY ARE GOING TO
HAVE A COME-TO-JESUS MOMENT.
MAYBE THEY ARE ALL GOING TO SIT
TOGETHER AND DECIDE, WE ARE NOT
GOING TO DO ANYTHING THIS TIME,
WORK WITH BIDEN, THIS IS NOT
HAPPEN.
HARD REALITY TIME, PEOPLE.
WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE, FOR
EVERY IDIOT THEY HAVE IN
LEADERSHIP, THEY HAVE TWO VERY
INTELLIGENT PEOPLE WHO MAKE
MONEY OFF OF THAT IDIOT.
AND THEY HAVE LAWYERS, THEY HAVE
SCHOLARS, WHO HAVE JUSTIFIED
EVERYTHING THAT THEY ARE DOING,
OKAY?
THE SAME WAY, YOU KNOW, A REGIME
IN THE 1930s AND '40s, DID
EVERYTHING.
IF YOU'VE SEEN THE MOVIE "
"JUDGMENT OF NUERNBERG," THAT IS
THE SUPREME COURT IN
NAZI GERMANY PASSING LAWS TO
JUSTIFY THE GENOCIDE IN
NAZI GERMANY.
DON'T THINK THEY ARE NOT GOING
TO DO ANYTHING THAT THEY SAY OUT
LOUD.
THEY WILL MAKE AN ATTEMPT.
>> Bill: RIGHT.
[APPLAUSE]
AND I MUST SAY, I THINK BIDEN IS
GOING TO GET 306, BUT IT DIDN'T
HELP THAT IT WASN'T MORE OF AN
OVERWHELMING VICTORY, WHICH WE
EXPECTED -- FOR SOMEONE WHO IS
AS REPUGNANT AS A HUMAN AS
DONALD TRUMP, AND AS INEFFECTUAL
AS A LEADER, WHO DIDN'T DELIVER
THE WALL OR HEALTH CARE OR JOBS,
FOR SOMEONE THAT BAD -- HIS VOTE
TOTAL WENT UP.
WHENEVER I WOULD ASK PEOPLE FOR
THE LAST THREE YEARS ON THIS
SHOW, HE'S NOT GOING TO LEAVE,
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?
FIRST THEY WOULD SAY, YOU SMOKE
TOO MUCH POT, THAT'S NOT GOING
TO HAPPEN.
[LAUGHTER]
WHICH IS WRONG, I SMOKED JUST
THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF POT.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
AND THEN I WOULD PRESS THE CASE
AND SAY, BUT WHAT IS THE PLAN?
WHAT DO WE DO?
FIRST, WE'VE GOT TO WIN BIG,
WHICH ALWAYS PISSED ME OFF
BECAUSE WE SHOULDN'T HAVE TO WIN
BIG.
WE SHOULD WIN BY ONE VOTE AND
IT'S THE SAME AS THEM, ONE VOTE
SHOULD WIN.
THE FACT HE COULD WIN BY
7 MILLION AND WE ARE SWEATING
THIS OUT, THAT'S THE ELECTORAL
COLLEGE, WE'LL GET TO THAT, TOO.
DID NOT WIN AS BIG AS WE THOUGHT
HE WOULD.
WHAT IS IT ABOUT THE 70 MILLION
PEOPLE WERE STILL VOTING FOR
DONALD TRUMP?
WE LOOK AT THEM AND GO, "HOW
COULD YOU PREFER HIM TO WHAT WE
ARE SELLING?"
"WHAT ABOUT HIM -- OR WHAT ABOUT
US -- IS SO OFF-PUTTING THAT YOU
DON'T SEE THAT WE ARE BETTER?"
WAS THE ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION?
>> WELL, I'M GOING TO GO BACK TO
YOUR ORIGINAL GUEST.
THERE IS A DISINFORMATION BUBBLE
OUT THERE THAT HAS ALLOWED
PEOPLE TO LIVE THEIR TRUE
SELVES.
YOU KNOW THAT JOKE EVER HAS BEEN
MAKING ABOUT THE HOODS ARE OFF
NOW?
YEAH, THE HOODS DIDN'T HAVE TO
GO ON.
THIS IS THE WAY THEY LIVED.
BUT IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THAT
THEY ARE RACIST.
THEY CAN BE NICE, THEY CAN MAKE
APPLE PIE, THEY CAN BE YOUR BEST
FRIEND -- I HAVE A NEIGHBOR WHO
HAS A GIANT TRUMP SIGN IN FRONT
OF HIM.
I THINK HE MAY HAVE STOLEN MY
GIANT BIDEN SIGN, BUT I DON'T
HOLD THAT STUFF AGAINST THEM.
I AM SEEING NOW, THEY HOLD THIS
AGAINST THE OTHER 60% OF
AMERICA, AND I'M AFRAID THAT
THEY ARE GOING TO LIVE IN THAT
BUBBLE, WHERE THEY ARE GOING TO
HAVE TO DO SOMETHING TO RESTORE
THAT, AND WHETHER THAT'S, YOU
KNOW, LIKE I SAID, A LOW-GRADE,
YOU KNOW, POLITICAL INSURGENCY,
OR DONALD TRUMP GIVING THEM
ORDERS VIA TWITTER, AS YOU SAY,
HE AIN'T GOING AWAY.
THIS MAN IS GOING TO SUBVERT AND
UNDERMINE EVERYTHING THAT
HAPPENS FOR THE NEXT FOUR YEARS,
AND HE THINKS THAT HE CAN PUT
HIS REGIME BACK INTO POWER.
SOME OF THEM MAY THINK THAT
ARMED FORCE MIGHT BE THE WAY
THAT THEY DO IT.
I DON'T KNOW.
I'M JUST NOT TAKING ANY CHANCES.
WE NEED TO RULE -- WE NEED TO
LEAD --
[APPLAUSE]
WE WON THE ELECTION.
JOE BIDEN NEEDS TO RUN THIS
COUNTRY FOR ALL AMERICANS.
THEY RAN THE COUNTRY FOR 40% OF
AMERICA AND RAN ROUGHSHOD OVER
60%.
WE NEED TO DO IT RIGHT, AND IF
THEY WANT TO COME ALONG, THEY
WILL GET FREE HEALTH CARE,
Y'ALL.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
>> I THINK WE NEED TO DO TWO
THINGS AT THE SAME TIME.
ONE IS THAT WE NEED TO GET WAY
SMARTER ABOUT ESSENTIALLY THE
INFORMATION DOMAIN, THAT WE'VE
GOT TO BE ACTIVELY AND
CREATIVELY FIGHTING THAT
DISINFORMATION FROM THE RIGHT,
BECAUSE IT'S NOT GOING TO STOP,
AND IF WE DON'T TAKE IT
SERIOUSLY, THERE IS A REAL
DANGER THAT IT RIPS THINGS UP
INTO STUFF THAT WE DON'T EVEN
WANT TO THINK ABOUT, RIGHT?
BUT AT THE SAME TIME, I ALSO
THINK, YOU KNOW, WE ARE NOT THAT
GREAT AT FIGURING OUT HOW TO
TALK TO PEOPLE WHO DISAGREE WITH
US WITHOUT SAYING "HEY, YOU'RE
PRETTY STUPID, OR YOU WOULD HAVE
REALIZED THAT DONALD TRUMP IS AN
ASSHOLE.
YOU'RE PRETTY DEPLORABLE, YOU
MUST BE A MORON."
NOBODY'S MIND EVER GOT
CHANGED --
>> MAYBE THERE DISINFORMATION
WEAPON SYSTEM, FACEBOOK, NEEDS
TO GET BROKEN UP.
>> THAT WOULD HELP THEM TOO.
I THINK WE KNOW A LOT -- NOT
ONLY DO WE KNOW, FROM THE WORK
LIKE PEOPLE LIKE TRISTAN AND
OTHERS HAVE DONE, WE KNOW ABOUT
HOW TO MAKE PEOPLE HATE EACH OTR
AND IT TURNS OUT IT'S PRETTY
EASY, WE SEEM TO BE HARDWIRED
FOR DIVIDING PEOPLE INTO MY
TRIBE, YOUR TRIBE, I HATE YOU.
>> Bill: THE ALGORITHM --
>> THE ALGORITHM.
WE ALSO KNOW A LOT FROM SOCIAL
PSYCHOLOGY ABOUT HOW YOU CAN
BREAK DOWN DIFFERENCES.
IT'S HARDER, IT'S LOWER, IT
CONSISTS NOT OF SAYING "YOU
SUCK, YOU ARE RACIST, YOU ARE
SEXIST, YOU ARE A JERK, YOU JUST
OBVIOUSLY DON'T KNOW ANYTHING."
IT'S SAYING, "HUH, WHAT MADE YOU
FEEL THAT WAY, THAT'S
INTERESTING."
>> Bill: I WILL END ON A
POSITIVE POSSIBILITY, IF THE
REPUBLICANS DO AS YOU SAY, THEY
MAY BECOME TO HIM AND HE KNOWS
HE CAN'T ACTUALLY GET THERE
ANYWAY, I THINK HE IS SUCH A
NARCISSIST THAT HE LEAVE EARLY.
BECAUSE HE KNOWS --
>> AND PENCE WILL PARDON --
>> Bill: IF HE KNOWS HE'S
GOING TO GET THROWN OUT ON
JANUARY 20TH.
HE'S GOING TO GO "FUCK YOU."
ALL RIGHT, TIME FOR "NEW RULES,"
EVERYBODY.
"NEW RULES"!
♪ ♪
[APPLAUSE]
NEW RULE: IF YOUR POSITION IS
THEY HAVE TO STOP COUNTING THE
BALLOTS IN THE STATES WHERE
YOU'RE AHEAD OR IT'S "FRAUD,"
AND THEY HAVE TO KEEP COUNTING
THE BALLOTS IN THE STATES WHERE
YOU'RE BEHIND OR IT'S "FRAUD,"
YOU HAVE TO CONSIDER...
MAYBE IT'S YOU WHO'S THE FRAUD.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, WHEN YOU'RE
CONSTANTLY PULLING THINGS OUT OF
YOUR ASS, IT MAKES IT HARDER FOR
THE DOOR TO HIT YOU THERE ON
YOUR WAY OUT.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
NEW RULE: STOP SAYING YOU STILL
CAN'T BELIEVE COVID DIDN'T KILL
TRUMP.
IT MAY HAVE, BUT WHEN THE
GRIM REAPER CAME FOR HIM,
TRUMP REFUSED TO GO.
[APPLAUSE]
"YOU'RE DEAD!"
"NO, YOU'RE DEAD."
"MANY PEOPLE ARE SAYING, VERY
STRONGLY, I'VE JUST BEEN BORN."
[LAUGHTER]
NEW RULE: SOMEONE NEEDS TO BREAK
IT TO THE WOKE KIDS ON TWITTER
WHO SAY IF TRUMP WINS, THEY'RE
MOVING TO CANADA...
CANADA DOESN'T WANT YOU.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
IT'S CLEAR.
CANADA'S IMMIGRATION POLICY IS
TO FAVOR SKILLED PROFESSIONALS,
AND SORRY, DRAWING A FLOWER IN
THE CAPPUCCINO FOAM DOESN'T
COUNT.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
CANADA'S IDEAL CANDIDATE IS A
35-YEAR-OLD DOCTOR WITH NO KIDS
WHO'S WILLING TO RELOCATE TO THE
NORTHWEST TERRITORIES AND OPEN A
CLINIC FOR INDIGENOUS PEOPLE.
THAT'S A LONG WAY FROM
"ART SCHOOL GRADUATE WHO SELLS
CANDLES ON ETSY."
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
NEW RULE: NOW THAT OREGON HAS
BECOME THE FIRST STATE TO
DECRIMINALIZE HEROIN, COKE,
METH, AND MUSHROOMS, THEY HAVE
TO CHANGE THEIR TOURISM SLOGAN
TO "OREGON: COME FOR THE HEROIN,
COKE, METH, AND MUSHROOMS: STAY
BECAUSE YOU'RE UNRESPONSIVE."
NEW RULE: SOMEONE MUST INVENT
AN ENERGY DRINK CALLED
"5-HOUR KORNACKI."
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
IT'S PART COCAINE, PART THE PILL
BRADLEY COOPER TOOK IN
"LIMITLESS."
[LAUGHTER]
AND IT ALLOWS YOU STAY UP FOR
AN ENTIRE WEEK, AT PEAK
PERFORMANCE -- [LOUD NOISE."
AT PEAK PERFORMANCE, WEARING THE
SAME CLOTHES.
AND FINALLY, NEW RULE: NOW THAT
THE ENGAGEMENT OF GWEN STEFANI
AND BLAKE SHELTON IS INSTAGRAM
OFFICIAL, THEY MUST HURRY UP AND
DO IT AND STAY MARRIED!
FOR THE GOOD OF THE NATION!
[LAUGHTER]
FLESHMAN
BECAUSE IF THERE'S ONE THING
AMERICA NEEDS RIGHT NOW, IT'S A
SYMBOL OF RECONCILIATION BETWEEN
RED AND BLUE AMERICA.
[APPLAUSE]
A MONTH AGO, THE TABLOIDS WERE
FILLED WITH DISTURBING STORIES
ABOUT THE IMMINENT BREAK UP OF
THIS HANDSOME, CHARISMATIC
COUPLE -- AND IT SHOOK ME TO MY
CORE.
[LAUGHTER]
IT'S TRUE.
"US WEEKLY" REPORTED, "THE
PAIR'S OPPOSING POLITICAL VIEWS
HAVE BECOME A BIG PROBLEM" --
WHICH I COULD HAVE PREDICTED.
HE'S A GOOD OL' BOY FROM
OKLAHOMA AND SINGS ABOUT TRUCKS
AND BEER AND THINGS THAT HAPPEN
DOWN BY THE RIVER.
[LAUGHTER]
AND SHE'S THE POP PRINCESS
HOLLABACK GIRL FROM
CALIFORNIA -- OF COURSE THEY
VOTED FOR DIFFERENT PEOPLE!
I DON'T KNOW THAT FOR A FACT,
I JUST KNOW IT'S TRUE.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
COME ON, SHE'S WHOLE FOODS,
HE'S PIGGLY WIGGLY.
[LAUGHTER]
SHE GREW UP PLAYING PUNK,
HE GREW UP HUNTING SKUNK.
SHE STANDS IN LINE TO VOTE,
HE STANDS IN LINE TO DANCE.
SHE THINKS GUNS ARE CRAZY, AND
HE THINKS THE BEST CHEESE COMES
IN A CAN.
JUST THE FACT THAT THEY'RE
TOGETHER IS ALMOST
SHAKESPEAREAN: "RODEO AND
JULIET."
[LAUGHTER]
BUT THEY MAKE IT WORK BECAUSE
THEY SEE EACH OTHER AS MORE THAN
JUST WHO THEY VOTED FOR.
THEIR BIGGEST ISSUE WITH THE
PERSON SLEEPING NEXT TO THEM
ISN'T PARTY AFFILIATION, IT'S
UNTREATED SLEEP APNEA.
[LAUGHTER]
AND THEY SAY,
"YES, WE'RE DIFFERENT, BUT
THAT'S ALSO MORE FUN, AND WE'RE
GONNA MAKE THAT WORK FOR US."
THEY SEE THE WORLD DIFFERENTLY,
AND THEY LOVE EACH OTHER --
WHAT A CONCEPT!
I'D LIKE TO TRY IT --
[APPLAUSE]
I'D LIKE TO TRY IT IN AMERICA,
BECAUSE THAT'S HOW I FEEL ABOUT
MY COUNTRY: YOU COMPLETE ME,
ALABAMA.
[LAUGHTER]
BECAUSE "YOU COMPLETE ME"
DOESN'T MEAN "BECAUSE WE'RE
EXACTLY ALIKE."
IT MEANS, "BECAUSE WE ARE
DIFFERENT."
I DON'T WANT TO LIVE IN A
COUNTRY WITHOUT THE RED STATES.
I LIKE TRAVELING THERE.
WHEN PEOPLE TALK TO YOU IN
OKLAHOMA, THEY'RE NOT SCANNING
THE ROOM TO SEE IF THERE'S
SOMEONE MORE IMPORTANT.
BECAUSE, FRANKLY, WHEN I'M
THERE, THERE NEVER IS.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
ALSO, THEY LAUGH LIKE NOBODY'S
WATCHING.
THEY DON'T HAVE A NON-DAIRY,
GLUTEN-FREE, HYPOALLERGENIC
STICK UP THEIR ASS.
EVEN THE PRO-LIFERS WILL LAUGH
AT A GOOD DEAD BABY JOKE.
[LAUGHTER]
LOOK, I'M PRO-CHOICE, BUT I
ALSO GET IT THAT A FETUS IS
IRREFUTABLY BECOMING A HUMAN
LIFE...
SO, CAN I SEE WHY SOME PEOPLE
THINK YOU ARE ACTUALLY THE ONE
WHO'S DEPLORABLE?
YES, I CAN.
SO, LET'S ALL STOP DOING THAT.
LET'S ALL STOP SEEING EACH OTHER
AS DEPLORABLE.
WEDNESDAY, BIDEN SAID, "WE HAVE
TO STOP SEEING OUR OPPONENTS AS
ENEMIES."
LOOK AT THIS GUY.
DO YOU THINK HE'S A RACIST?
I DON'T.
AND I DON'T THINK GWEN STEFANI
WOULD MARRY ONE.
ONE OUT OF TEN TRUMP VOTERS
VOTED FOR OBAMA.
I DOUBT IF BLAKE SHELTON WAS ONE
OF THEM, BUT THAT'S OKAY.
WE DON'T ALL SEE THE WORLD THE
SAME, GET OVER IT.
DURING THE CAMPAIGN, THERE WAS A
LOT OF TALK ABOUT WHO CAN UNITE
US.
NO PRESIDENT CAN UNITE US.
WE HAVE TO UNITE OURSELVES.
[APPLAUSE]
THERE ARE ONLY TWO WAYS THIS
COUNTRY CAN GO: EITHER WE COME
TOGETHER AND FORGIVE OUR
DIFFERENCES, OR WE TURN INTO
THE BALKAN.
FOR DECADES, SARAJEVO,
YUGOSLAVIA, WAS A DIVERSE CITY,
WHERE SERBS, CROATS, AND
MUSLIMS LIVED TOGETHER AS
FRIENDLY NEIGHBORS.
IN 1984, THEY HOSTED THE
OLYMPICS.
EIGHT YEARS LATER, PEOPLE WERE
GETTING SHOT BY SNIPERS WHEN
THEY WENT OUT FOR MILK.
DON'T TELL ME IT CAN'T HAPPEN
HERE.
IF TRUMP HAS TAUGHT US ANYTHING,
IT'S THAT "IT CAN'T HAPPEN HERE"
IS A TERRIBLY OUTDATED PHRASE.
IT NOT ONLY CAN HAPPEN HERE: IT
IS HAPPENING HERE.
PEOPLE WERE AFRAID IN THIS
ELECTION TO DISPLAY LAWN SIGNS
FOR THE CANDIDATE OF THEIR
CHOICE IF IT WAS IN A
NEIGHBORHOOD WHERE THAT WAS A
DECIDEDLY MINORITY OPINION.
THAT'S LIKE GANG NEIGHBORHOODS
WHERE YOU DARE NOT GET CAUGHT
WEARING THE WRONG COLOR.
NOW, MORE THAN EVER, WE NEED AN
EXAMPLE OF CROSS-CULTURAL LOVE
TO SEND A MESSAGE TO OUR BROKEN
NATION THAT LOVE CAN LIFT US UP
WHERE WE BELONG, LIKE A MAJESTIC
EAGLE SOARING ABOVE THE FRAY AND
SHITTING ALL OVER THE HATERS
BELOW.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
AND THAT'S WHY I SAY, FOR THE
SAKE OF THE NATION: GWEN, BLAKE,
YOU HAVE TO MAKE THIS WORK.
I'M SERIOUS.
IT WOULD BE PSYCHOLOGICALLY
DEVASTATING IF YOU COME OUR ONE
SIMPLE OF AMERICA'S
TWO HALVES COMING TOGETHER, SHIT
THE BED.
SO, DON'T.
GET MARRIED, DO IT QUICKLY, AND
MAKE IT STICK FOREVER.
NO PRESSURE.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S OUR SHOW!
I WANT TO THANK ROSA BROOKS,
MALCOLM NANCE, AND
TRISTAN HARRIS.
WILL BE BACK NEXT WEEK,
HOPEFULLY!
[LAUGHTER]
THANK YOU, FOLKS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪