♪ ♪
>> START THE CLOCK.
♪ ♪
>> Bill: THANK YOU PEOPLE.
THANK YOU.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU, OKAY!
WHAT A HAPPY CROWD.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
OKAY, I APPRECIATE IT.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THANK YOU.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: THANK YOU VERY
MUCH --
>> I LOVE YOU, BILL!
>> Bill: I LOVE YOU TOO.
I THINK I KNOW WHY YOU'RE HAPPY,
I SAY THAT EVERY WEEK.
THIS WEEK BECAUSE YOU DID NOT
INVEST IN CRYPTO!
THAT WAS A VERY WISE THING.
[APPLAUSE]
CRYPTO, I WAS HOPING FOR THIS.
IT'S HORRIBLE FOR THE
ENVIRONMENT YOU KNOW.
IT'S JUST FUCKING STUPID AND IT
CRASHED LIKE A ROCK.
IT WAS ALMOST A TRILLION
DOLLARS.
PEOPLE IN THE METAVERSE ARE
JUMPING OFF VIRTUAL BUILDINGS.
IT'S ROUGH.
[LAUGHTER]
AND YOU KNOW WHO GOT --
MILLENNIALS, BECAUSE THEY
THOUGHT IT WAS COOL.
[LAUGHTER]
AND NOW THEY ARE LIKE, WAIT, YOU
MEAN IT WAS A BAD IDEA TO PUT
ALL MY SAVINGS INTO AN IMAGINARY
CURRENCY WITH A DOG ON IT?
[LAUGHTER]
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT'S DOING GOOD?
THE ACTUAL ECONOMY!
YOU KNOW, WHERE PEOPLE BUY SHIT
AND MAKE STUFF.
[APPLAUSE]
YEAH, THE ECONOMY GREW 5.7%, THE
MOST SINCE 1984.
OF COURSE WE STILL HAVE PROBLEM
PROBLEMS.
INFLATION, SUPPLY.
BUT YOU KNOW, WORKERS, THEY
CAN'T GET ENOUGH WORKERS.
AND LISTEN, IN THIS COUNTRY THEY
ARE STILL PARANOID ABOUT THE
VIRUS, THEY ARE PRESSURING
WORKERS BECAUSE THEY DON'T HAVE
ENOUGH, TO GO TO WORK WHEN THEY
ARE SICK.
I THINK I SAW IT THE OTHER DAY
AT THE SUPERMARKET, THE GUY WHO
BAGGED MY GROCERIES ASKED IF I
COULD HELP HIM GET TO THE CAR.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: BUT YEAH, I KNOW
PEOPLE ARE SUFFERING, THE
INFLATION.
DID YOU SEE THIS?
DOLLAR TREE, DOLLAR TREE --
[LAUGHTER]
IT'S NOT FUNNY, SIR.
PEOPLE NEED DOLLAR TREE.
DOLLAR TREE IS RAISING THE PRICE
OF ALL THEIR STUFF TO $1.25.
WHY DID YOU CALL IT DOLLAR TREE?
I FEEL LIKE YOU COULD SEE THIS
COMING.
YOU KNOW, 20TH CENTURY FOX.
[LAUGHTER]
SERGIO MENDES AND BRAZIL 66.
CAN'T YOU SEE IT'S NOT IN THE
FUTURE?
[LAUGHTER]
YOU JUST LOOK AT 20 LATE
BUT ANYWAY.
THEY ARE RAISING THE PRICE OF
ANYTHING AT THE DOLLAR STORE TO
$1.25.
THEY ARE GETTING VERY BOUGIE
ABOUT IT.
THEY ARE NOW CALLING THEIR
EXPIRED TOOTHPASTE VINTAGE.
[LAUGHTER]
AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON
M&MS.
I REALIZED HOW MUCH I DID NOT
KNOW ABOUT M&MS THIS WEEK.
EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT
FUCKING M&MS.
I DIDN'T HAVE ONE SINCE I WAS A
CHILD.
I DIDN'T REALIZE THEY HAVE
CHARACTERS, DID YOU KNOW THIS?
ALL RIGHT, I'M THE GUY THAT
DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT THIS KIND OF
SHIT.
BUT NOW M&MS, THEY ARE MAKING
THEM MORE INCLUSIVE.
[LAUGHTER]
SIX OF THEM OF DIFFERENT COLORS,
A ARE MALE AND FEMALE, SOME OF
THEM HAVE THE NUTS, SOME OF THEM
DON'T COME HOME
MORE INCLUSIVE YOU GET?
[APPLAUSE]
I'M TELLING YOU, I'M JUST
LEARNING ALL THIS.
THE GREEN ONE APPARENTLY, THEY
HAVE TO CHANGE BECAUSE SHE WAS
SLUTTY.
IT REALLY, SHE HAD LIKE EYE
MAKEUP AND HIGH HEELS.
THAT IS ALL GONE.
IS ANYONE OUT THERE SAYING IS
THAT M&M TRYING TO FUCK ME?
[APPLAUSE]
B1 IS THIS REALLY THE BIGGEST
THING WE HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT?
THERE'S A LOT OF TENSION ON THE
BORDER RIGHT NOW BETWEEN RUSSIA
AND UKRAINE THAT COULD LEAD TO
WAR AND WAR COULD LEAD TO
HOCKEY, I DON'T KNOW.
THIS COULD GO SIDEWAYS.
WE ARE VERY MAD AT RUSSIA, VERY
MAD AT RUSSIA, AND THEY ARE MAD
AT US.
THEY ARE MAD AT US BECAUSE,
WELL, THE OLYMPICS ARE STARTING
AND IT REMINDS THEM THAT THEY
SAY WE STOLE FROM THEM, THE
WHOLE THING ABOUT LETTING BIG
HAIRY GUYS DO WOMEN'S SPORTS.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: SO I'M JUST SAYING,
WHAT I MEANT TO SAY IS GOOD FOR
M&MS!
BUT WE DO HAVE MORE IMPORTANT
THINGS.
LISTEN TO THIS, BIDEN, OUR
PRESIDENT, REMEMBER HIM?
POOR GUY, HE GOES TO PITTSBURGH
TODAY TO SELL HIS INFRASTRUCTURE
BILL AND TALK ABOUT
INFRASTRUCTURE.
A BRIDGE IN PITTSBURGH FELL DOW
DOWN.
AND JILL BIDEN, HIS WIFE, SAYS
AS THINGS GET OLDER IT'S HARDER
TO KEEP THEM UP.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: ABOUT THAT BRIDGE,
THAT IS WHAT SHE SAID.
BUT BIDEN, DID YOU SEE THIS?
HE CALLED ONE OF THE GUYS AT
FOX NEWS A STUPID SON OF A BITC
BITCH.
AND A REPUBLICAN CONGRESSMAN, I
DON'T REMEMBER HIS NAME AND I
DON'T WANT TO, THIS GUY ACTUALLY
SAID ABOUT BIDEN CALLING A
FOX NEWS GUY A SON OF A BITCH,
HE SAID HAVE WE EVER SEEN A
PRESIDENT ATTACK EMMALINE THE
FREE
MALIGN THE FREE PRESS LIKE
JOE BIDEN?
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: YES, YES WE HAVE.
I BELIEVE HIS NAME WAS ARE YOU
FUCKING KIDDING ME?
[APPLAUSE]
THE OTHER THING THIS GUY HATES
ABOUT JOE BIDEN IS THE WAY HE
CAKES ON ORANGE MAKEUP, THAT'S
TERRIBLE.
[LAUGHTER]
BUT GOOD NEWS, LOOKS LIKE BIDEN
IS GOING TO GET A LITTLE MOJO
BACK.
HE'S GOING TO GET A
SUPREME COURT PICK, HOW ABOUT
THAT?
[APPLAUSE]
STEPHEN BREYER IS RETIRING AND
HE'S GOING TO DO HIS JUSTICE AND
APPOINT A BLACK WOMAN TO THE
SUPREME COURT.
[APPLAUSE]
YES.
AND TODAY ELIZABETH WARREN SAID,
I JUST REMEMBERED, I AM PART
THAT TOO.
[APPLAUSE]
BUT HOW ABOUT A HAND FOR
JUSTICE BREYER WHO IS QUITTING?
HE DID A GOOD JOB, HE WAS A GOOD
JUSTICE, BUT HE IS 83.
HE SAID I'M GETTING OLDER.
I CAN REMEMBER WHEN M&MS WERE
WHORES."
>> Bill: OKAY, WE'VE GOT A GREAT
SHOW, MATT WELCH AND FIONA HILL
ARE HERE.
BUT FIRST, HE'S THE FORMER
EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR OF THE ACLU
WHO WAS FEATURED IN THE
DOCUMENTARY "MIGHTY IRA: A CIVIL
LIBERTIES STORY," IRA GLASSER.
SIR, HOW ARE YOU?
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I WON'T SHAKE YOUR HAND BUT I
WISH I COULD.
OF ALL THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE SAT
IN THAT CHAIR OF ALL THE PEOPLE,
I WANT TO GIVE YOU A HUG BECAUSE
I FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE AFFECTED MY
LIFE AS BEING HEAD OF THE ACLU
AND BEING SUCH A PROTECTOR OF
FREE SPEECH, WHICH IS MY
BUSINESS.
>> IT SURE IS.
>> Bill: AND I'M VERY AWARE, I
ALWAYS HAVE BEEN, THAT I AM ABLE
TO ENJOY FREE SPEECH, ESPECIALLY
HERE AT HBO BEFORE ABC WHERE
THEY FIRED ME.
[LAUGHTER]
BUT IN GENERAL, AND COMEDIANS
WEREN'T ALWAYS.
YOU'VE BEEN WITH THE ACLU FOR A
LONG TIME.
WERE YOU THERE WHEN LENNY BRUCE
WAS GOING THROUGH HIS PROBLEMS?
>> NOT QUITE.
>> Bill: BUT YOU WERE AWARE HE
HAD LIKE, NINE TRIALS.
THEY PUT HIM ON TRIAL FOR THINGS
THAT EVERY COMIC NOW SAYS
OPENLY.
SO WHERE IS THE ACLU --
>> THEY TRY TO PROSECUTE PEOPLE
FOR WEARING FLAG SHIRTS,
AMERICAN FLAG SHIRTS.
NOW YOU SEE AMERICAN FLAG DECALS
ON EVERYTHING.
PEOPLE MAKE UNDERWEAR OUT OF IT,
TOILET PAPER OUT OF IT.
BUT IN THE '60s THEY
PROSECUTED PEOPLE.
>> Bill: YOU WERE AHEAD OF
THIS ORGANIZATION FOR 25 YEARS
ALMOST.
FROM 1978 INTO THIS CENTURY.
IT'S CHANGING.
I MEAN, IT WAS A STALWART
DEFENDER OF FREE SPEECH AND
CIVIL LIBERTIES.
IS IT STILL THAT?
>> NOT AS MUCH.
I MEAN, THEY JUST PRODUCED A
COUPLE OF YEARS AGO NEW
GUIDELINES FOR THEIR LAWYERS TO
USE WHEN DECIDING WHAT
FREE SPEECH CASES TO TAKE.
THIS IS A REQUIREMENT NOW FOR
THE NATIONAL ACLU LAWYERS.
BEFORE THEY TAKE THE CASE OF
DEFENDING SOMEONE'S FREE SPEECH
THEY HAVE TO MAKE SURE THAT THE
SPEECH DOESN'T OFFEND OR
THREATEN OTHER CIVIL LIBERTIES
VALUES.
IN OTHER WORDS, BEFORE THEY ARE
GOING TO DEFEND YOUR FREE SPEECH
THEY WANT TO SEE WHAT YOU SAY.
THAT IS THE ACLU?
NO, THAT IS THE GOVERNMENT!
WHAT IS THE ACLU DOING?
>> Bill: I READ THAT QUOTE,
VALUES CONTRARY TO OUR VALUES.
WHAT YOUR VALUE IS FREE SPEECH.
THE MOST FAMOUS CASE, DEFENDED
THE NAZIS BEING ABLE TO MARCH IN
SKOKIE, ILLINOIS, IN 1977.
I'M GUESSING THE NAZIS DID NOT
REFLECT YOUR VALUES.
>> THAT'S A GOOD GUESS.
[LAUGHTER]
ACTUALLY, MOST OF THE SPEECH WE
DEFENDED DIDN'T REFLECT OUR
VALUES --
>> Bill: OF COURSE.
>> THAT IS THE POINT.
>> Bill: THAT IS THE POINT.
HE MENTIONED THE FLAG.
THIS IS THE PROBLEM HUMANS HAVE
BUT NOW THEY HAVE A BIGGER
PROBLEM WITH IT THAN THEY DID IN
THE OLD DAYS WHEN THEY WERE MORE
SOPHISTICATED.
THERE'S CONCEPTS LIKE
FREE SPEECH, AND THEN THERE'S
NAZIS AND FLAGS, WHICH ARE
CONCRETE.
AND YOU SEE A NAZI, YOU SEE A
FLAG BURNING, YOU DON'T LIKE IT.
>> OR IF YOU ARE ANTITOBACCO IN
INTO SEE A TOBACCO AD, YOU DON'T
LIKE THAT.
OR IF YOU ARE FOR WOMEN'S
EQUALITY YOU SEE "PLAYBOY"
MAGAZINE, YOU DON'T LIKE THAT.
PEOPLE USED TO SAY TO ME ISN'T
IT HARD TO DEFEND FREE SPEECH
WHEN SO FEW PEOPLE IN THIS
COUNTRY ARE IN FAVOR OF IT?
IN MY RESPONSE ALWAYS WAS NO,
THAT'S WRONG.
EVERYBODY IS IN FAVOR OF
FREE SPEECH, AS LONG AS IT THERE
IS.
>> Bill: WRITES.
>> AND
EVERYBODY HAS AN EXCEPTION.
EVERYBODY SAYS WELL, I BELIEVE
IN FREE SPEECH, BUT.
>> Bill: AND IT DOESN'T WORK
THEN.
CAN I SHOW A QUOTE FROM THE
CURRENT HEAD, ANTHONY ROMERO,
I'M SURE YOU'RE FAMILIAR WITH
THIS GENTLEMAN.
HE SAID, I REJECT THAT WE NEED
AN ENTRANCE EXAM ON CIVIL
LIBERTIES TO ESTABLISH THE
BONA FIDES TO WORK HERE.
WHAT?
YOU DON'T NEED AN ENTRANCE EXAM
ON CIVIL LIBERTIES IN AN
ORGANIZATION CALLED THE AMERICAN
CIVIL LIBERTIES UNION?
WOULD YOU LIKE TO ADDRESS THEM
DIRECTLY?
>> YOU KNOW, THAT MIGHT BE TRUE
FOR HIRING PEOPLE TO WORK IN THE
XEROX ROOM.
[LAUGHTER]
>> Bill: YEAH, HE'S NOT
TALKING ABOUT THAT.
>> THAT'S EXACTLY -- BUT YOU
KNOW, IF YOU'RE HIRING A LAWYER
TO DEFEND THE FIRST AMENDMENT,
YOU WANT TO HAVE A REASONABLE
ASSUMPTION THAT HE LIKES THE
FIRST AMENDMENT, THAT HE
SUPPORTS THE FIRST AMENDMENT.
>> Bill: OR KNOWS OF THEM.
[APPLAUSE]
>> IF YOU'RE HIRING SOMEBODY, A
LAWYER TO DEFEND REPRODUCTIVE
CHOICE FOR WOMEN, YOU WANT TO BE
REASONABLY CERTAIN THAT THEY
BELIEVE IN REPRODUCTIVE CHOICE.
NOW, I'M SURE IT'S POSSIBLE FOR
A GOOD LAWYER TO DEFEND THINGS
THAT HE OR SHE DOESN'T BELIEVE
IN, BUT AT A BECAUSE
ORGANIZATIONS LIKE THE ACLU, IT
WASN'T SO MUCH YOU HAD TO HAVE
AN ENTRANCE EXAM, BUT WHY WOULD
YOU WANT TO HIRE SOMEBODY WHO
DIDN'T AGREE WITH WHAT YOU WERE
PUSHING?
>> Bill: IT SEEMS LIKE --
ORGANIZATIONS DO DRIFT.
I MEAN, THE REPUBLICAN PARTY IS
TO BE ABOUT SMALL GOVERNMENT AND
LOWER TAXES, AND NOW IT'S BECOME
AN AUTHORITARIAN PERSONALITY
CULT.
WE CALL THAT A DRIFT.
WE SEE IT IN TELEVISION.
NETWORKS DON'T EVEN DO WHAT
THEIR NAME SAYS, LIKE MTV WAS
MUSIC TELEVISION.
THEY HAVE NO MORE MUSIC.
THE LEARNING CHANNEL HAD SARAH
PALIN ON.
[LAUGHTER]
>> THAT'S A LESSON.
THAT'S A GOOD LESSON.
YOU KNOW, THE ACLU HAS BECOME,
NOT TOTALLY, THIS IS NOT 100 TO
NOTHING, BUT THEY BECOME MORE OF
A POLITICAL, PARTISAN, WHAT THEY
CALL PROGRESSIVE ORGANIZATION.
NOW, ORGANIZATIONS HAVE THE
RIGHT TO CHANGE.
THEY CAN DO THAT.
BUT THE PROBLEM IS, THERE ISN'T
ANY OTHER ACLU.
IF THERE ISN'T SOMEBODY WHO IS
PREPARED TO DEFEND WHAT YOU SAY
AND PREPARED TO DEFEND WHAT THE
NAZIS AND PREPARED TO DEFEND
WHAT PEOPLE FOR ABORTION SAY AND
PEOPLE WHO ARE AGAINST ABORTION
SAY, THEN THE GOVERNMENT GETS TO
DECIDE WHO CAN SPEAK, AND THAT
IS THE MOST DANGEROUS THING --
>> Bill: WELL, THE GOVERNMENT
AND THE TECH COMPANIES ARE
REALLY THE ONES WHO DECIDE THAT
THESE DAYS.
>> WELL, IT USED TO BE THE
GOVERNMENT AND THE NEWSPAPERS.
THAT'S TRUE.
YOU CAN HAVE FOX NEWS, YOU CAN
HAVE THE TIMES, YOU CAN HAVE THE
NATION MAGAZINE, A THOUSAND
FLOWERS BLOOM.
BUT THE REAL DANGER TO CIVIL
LIBERTIES AND THE REAL DANGER TO
SPEECH IS LETTING THE GOVERNMENT
PICK AND CHOOSE.
IMAGINE TRUMP PICKING AND
CHOOSING WHO GETS TO SPEAK.
IMAGINE RUDY GIULIANI -- I DON'T
HAVE TO IMAGINE IT, HE WAS MAYOR
IN MY CITY FOR YEARS.
WE FILED MORE FIRST AMENDMENT
LAWSUITS AGAINST RUDY GIULIANI
THAN ANY MAYOR IN THE HISTORY OF
NEW YORK.
HE DIDN'T LIKE A PAINTING IN THE
MUSEUM, HE TRIED TO GET RID OF
IT.
>> Bill: WRITES.
>> YOU
CAN'T ALLOW THE GOVERNMENT TO PE
WHAT SPEECH IS ALLOWED AND THE
ONLY WAY TO DO THAT IS DEFEND
SPEECH NO MATTER WHAT THE
CONTENT IS.
[APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: YES.
I MEAN, ALL THE THINGS YOU
MENTIONED, YOU ARE RIGHT.
THEY ARE THREATS TO FREE SPEECH.
I ALSO THINK THIS IDEA THAT
FEELINGS ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT
THING IS A GREAT THREAT TO --
>> WELL, YOU KNOW, I'M JEWISH
AND I HAD RELATIVES WHO WERE
VICTIMS OF THE HOLOCAUST.
AND I KNOW WHAT FEELINGS WERE
GENERATED BY THE HOLOCAUST
SURVIVORS IN SKOKIE WHEN PEOPLE
WITH SWASTIKAS ON THEIR ARM CAME
TO DEMONSTRATE IN THAT TOWN.
NOTHING COULD BE WORSE THAN
THAT, EXCEPT POSSIBLY HOW BLACK
PEOPLE FELT IN MISSISSIPPI WHEN
PEOPLE RAN AROUND WITH WHITE
SHEETS AND PILLOWCASES ON THEIR
HEAD AND DEMONSTRATED.
THOSE ARE REAL FEELINGS.
BUT I ONCE HEARD A PROPOSAL IN
THE ACLU WHEN I WAS THERE THAT
SAID, WHY DON'T WE SAY THAT IT'S
ALL RIGHT TO PROHIBIT SPEECH
THAT CAUSES EMOTIONAL STRESS?
AND I REMEMBER LOOKING AT THE
PERSON WHO SUGGESTED THAT AND
SAID, YOU KNOW, EVERY TIME I
OPEN MY MOUTH I'M LOOKING TO
CAUSE EMOTIONAL STRESS.
[LAUGHTER]
AND I'M ABOUT TO DO IT AGAIN.
YOU KNOW, BUCKLEY'S WIFE AND A
DINNER WE WERE AT ONCE SAID TO
ME, I USED TO BE ON HIS SHOW A
LOT AND SHE SAID TO ME, WHY ARE
YOU SO MEAN TO MY HUSBAND, BILL,
SHE SAID.
I SAID PAT, HE SAYS SUCH
TERRIBLE THINGS.
AND IT WOULD BE IRRATIONAL NOT
TO BE MEAN TO HIM.
THAT IS WHAT I DO FOR A LIVING.
[LAUGHTER]
AND SO, FOR THE ACLU TO DECIDE
THAT THAT KIND OF STUFF NEEDS TO
BE PROHIBITED, RESTRICTED OR
THEY ARE NOT GOING TO DEFEND IT
IS TO DENY WHAT THE ACLU IS
THERE FOR AND WHAT HAS BEEN
THERE A FOR EVER SINCE IT WAS
CREATED IN 1920.
>> Bill: I HOPE EVERYONE SEES
THE DOCUMENTARY "MIGHTY IRA" AND
YOU CERTAINLY ARE AND I AM GLAD
YOU ARE HERE TALKING ABOUT IT
BECAUSE WE NEED YOU.
IRA GLASSER.
LET'S MEET OUR PANEL.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: HELLO, EVERYBODY.
OKAY, HERE THEY ARE.
HE'S THE HOST OF
"THE REASON ROUNDTABLE" PODCAST
AND CO-HOST OF "THE FIFTH
COLUMN" PODCAST, MATT WELCH
IS OVER HERE.
TWO PODCASTS!
I KNOW EVERYONE IN AMERICA GETS
ONE BUT YOU HAVE TWO.
SHE'S THE FORMER SENIOR DIRECTOR
AT THE U.S. NATIONAL SECURITY
COUNCIL, MY OLD JOB.
SPECIALIZING IN RUSSIAN
AND EUROPEAN AFFAIRS AND AUTHOR
OF "THERE IS NOTHING FOR YOU
HERE: FINDING OPPORTUNITY IN THE
20TH CENTURY," FIONA HILL.
GOOD TO SEE YOU.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: OKAY, GREAT TO SEE
YOU BOTH.
LAST WEEK WE WERE TALKING ABOUT
COVID AT THE BEGINNING OF THE
SHOW.
WE ARE GOING TO DO IT AGAIN
BECAUSE WE ARE HAVING A BIG
NATIONAL DEBATE HERE ABOUT I
THINK LIFE AND DEATH AND WHAT
SHOULD WE DO MOVING FORWARD AND
WHO IS BEING SELFISH OR NOT, SO
A LOT OF PEOPLE ATTACK ME BUT I
JUST WANT TO SAY MY OPINION, WE
SHOULD GET BACK TO NORMAL.
I AM IN GOOD IF I'M CRAZY.
BECAUSE THE GOVERNOR OF
PENNSYLVANIA, HE'S A DEMOCRAT,
HE SAID THIS WEEK I THINK
EVERYBODY'S ANGRY, IT'S BEEN TWO
YEARS NOW.
WE ARE FATIGUED AND READY TO
MOVE ON.
I THINK A LOT OF POLITICAL
VECTORS ARE REFLECTING THAT.
OKAY.
I SEE DENMARK, I MENTIONED LAST
WEEK, THE U.K., BORIS JOHNSON
SAID WE ARE OPENING BACK UP.
NOW I SEE THE PRIME MINISTER OF
DENMARK SAID, WE SAY GOODBYE TO
THE RESTRICTIONS AND WELCOME THE
LIFE WE KNEW BEFORE.
AS OF FEBRUARY 1ST, DENMARK WILL
REOPEN.
MATT, I WANTED TO READ YOUR
QUOTE, I THOUGHT IT WAS REALLY
INTERESTING IN YOUR ARTICLE, YOU
WERE TALKING ABOUT KIDS AND YOU
SAID THAT, WE NEED RELIEF FROM
THE RESTRICTIONS IMPOSED BY
NEUROTIC STATISTS AND ULTIMATELY
SELFISH ADULTS.
[APPLAUSE]
I WOULD AGREE WITH THAT, AND
PARTICULARLY I'M INTERESTED IN
THE WORD "SELFISH" BECAUSE IT'S
ALWAYS LOVED PEOPLE WHO ARE
SAYING THAT WE ARE, THAT WE WANT
TO REOPEN, THAT WE ARE THE
SELFISH ONES.
IF YOU ARE FOR MAXIMUM SAFETY IN
ALL SITUATIONS YOU WERE THE GOOD
PEOPLE IN THIS IS SELFISH.
IT'S A GREAT QUESTION, WHO IS
REALLY BEING SELFISH AT THIS
POINT?
>> THE PEOPLE WHO ARE WANTING TO
KEEP SCHOOLS CLOSED, THERE ARE
STILL CLOSED IN FLINT, MICHIGAN,
WHO HAVE PERSONNEL PROBLEMS AS
WELL.
BUT PEOPLE WHO WANT TO IMPOSE
THE TYPES OF RULES THAT ARE NOT
BEING FOLLOWED OR RECOMMENDED
PRETTY MUCH ANYWHERE ELSE IN THE
WORLD.
THE WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION
SAYS DON'T MASK KIDS UNDER 5.
NEW YORK AND 14 OTHER STATES,
ALL OF WHICH VOTED FOR JOE BIDEN
INCIDENTALLY, FOLLOWED THE CDC
GUIDELINES, MASK FROM AGE 2.
MY DAUGHTER WHO JUST
TURNED 7 THIS WEEK HAS BEEN
WEARING A MASK FOR 30% OF HER
LIFE, AND IN JANUARY, AS OLD
MICRON IS THANKFULLY SHAPED AS A
STEEPLE, AS O OMICRON WAS
UPDATING, YOU HAVE TO WEAR A
MASK EVERY DAY IN YOUR SCHOOL
WHERE EVERY KID IS VACCINATED
AND EVERY TEACHER IS VACCINATED.
WHO ARE WE PROTECTING IN THAT
SCENARIO?
WE DON'T REALIZE WHERE WE ARE
DEPARTING FROM BASIC SCIENTIFIC
UNDERSTANDINGS OF THINGS AND
GETTING INTO OUR OWN
UNDERSTANDABLE AT FIRST SENSE OF
FEAR AND PANIC.
BUT WE ARE ADULTS.
WE HAVE TO ASSESS RISKS.
WE HAVE NOT BEEN DOING THAT AND
WE'VE BEEN INFLICTING IT ON THE
MOST VULNERABLE POPULATION, AND
IT'S A DISASTER.
IT'S BEEN REALLY, REALLY BAD.
[APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: OKAY WITH THAT?
>> YEAH.
>> Bill: WELL, DAVID LEONHARDT
I THINK IN "THE NEW YORK TIMES,"
THE ONLY SANE VOICE THERE IN MY
VIEW, FANTASTIC.
HERE'S A GREAT QUOTE FROM HIM.
THIS WEEK HE WROTE, MILLIONS OF
DEMOCRATS HAVE DECIDED THAT
ORGANIZING THEIR LIVES AROUND
COVID IS CORE TO THEIR IDENTITY
AS PROGRESSIVE'S.
THAT'S REALLY A KEY TO THIS.
BECAUSE AGAIN, THESE ARE THE
SCIENCE PEOPLE AND THEY ARE NOT
LISTENING TO BASIC SCIENCE.
I SEE PEOPLE IN CARS ALONE, IN A
CAR, WITH THE MASK.
DID THEY THINK THEY ARE GOING TO
GET IT FROM THE RADIO?
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
>> THEY MIGHT BE WANTING TO BE
INCOGNITO.
I HAVE TO SAY, I HAVE PUT THE
MASK ON WHEN I DON'T WANT ANYONE
TO KNOW IT'S ME GOING BY.
HAVEN'T YOU DONE THAT?
>> THE LEVEL OF NOTORIETY.
>> I HAVE DONE THAT, I HAVE TO
CONFESS.
>> Bill: BUT WHY CAN'T WE
PRECISELY TARGET, AND I DON'T
MEAN TARGET, PROTECT THE PEOPLE
WHO ARE VULNERABLE AND LET
SOCIETY GET BACK?
HERE'S WHAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND,
LANCET CAME OUT THIS WEEK, UP TO
90%, THEIR HEAD GUY SAID, I
THINK IT WAS THEIR HEAD GUY,
SAID OMICRON PEOPLE WHO HAVE IT,
ASYMPTOMATIC.
WITH THE OTHER VARIANTS IT WAS
LIKE 40%.
EVEN 40%, THINK ABOUT THAT.
THE HORRIBLE DELTA, THE HORRIBLE
COVID CLASSIC.
[LAUGHTER]
ALMOST HALF THE PEOPLE NEVER
EVEN KNEW THEY HAD IT.
THAT NEVER HAPPENED WITH
SMALLPOX.
OKAY, NOW HE SAYS, OMICRON, UP
TO 90% COULD BE ASYMPTOMATIC.
AND I KNOW SO MANY PEOPLE WHO
HAVE HAD IT BECAUSE IT'S
EVERYWHERE.
AND THEY ARE LIKE, IT'S NOTHING.
I'VE HAD HANGOVERS THAT WERE
WORSE.
[LAUGHTER]
REALLY.
BUT I ALSO KNOW THAT PEOPLE ARE
STILL DYING.
HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE A DAY.
I WANT TO KNOW HOW BOTH THINGS
CAN BE POSSIBLE, SO I'M
ASKING -- I'VE GOT, WHO IS
DYING.
99% FROM JUNE 2021 OF COVID-19
DEATHS, UNVACCINATED.
78%, I READ THIS BEFORE, OF THE
PEOPLE HOSPITALIZED OR DIED,
OVERWEIGHT OR OBESE.
PEOPLE OVER 65 MAKE UP 75% OF
ALL COVID DEATHS.
IN OTHER WORDS, WE COULD BE MORE
PRECISE ABOUT THIS.
WE COULD PINPOINT AND HELP
PROTECT THE PEOPLE WHO ARE
VULNERABLE IN THE REST OF US GO
BACK TO LIFE, IT SEEMS TO ME,
AND WE DON'T DO THAT.
WHY?
>> I THINK IT'S PARTLY THE WAY
WE'VE STARTED TO TALK ABOUT IT.
YOU'VE ALREADY TOUCHED ON IT,
YOU JUST SAID PART OF THE
PROBLEM IS THE DEMOCRATS ON THE
ONE HAND THINK ONE THING, OF
COURSE WE KNOW THAT ON THE
OTHER, REPUBLICANS.
I WAS LITERALLY IN A COFFEE SHOP
UP IN WISCONSIN WHEN I WAS
VISITING SOME OF MY IN-LAWS AND
THE GUY IN FRONT OF ME, I WAS
WEARING A MASK BECAUSE THIS WAS
IN THE PEAK OF THE
DELTA VARIANT, AND THE GUY SAID
TO HIS FRIEND, OF COURSE I'M NOT
GOING TO GET VACCINATED OR WEAR
A MASK BECAUSE I'M REPUBLICAN.
AND I IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT WHAT?
HOW ARE WE MAKING THESE
DECISIONS BASED ON A PARTISAN
BASIS?
THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE GETTING AT
HERE, PEOPLE ARE ACTUALLY
LOOKING AT IDENTITY POLITICS,
PERSONAL POLITICAL PREFERENCES.
WE'VE GOT SO POLARIZED WE ARE
NOT MAKING RATIONAL JUDGMENTS.
I AM PROBABLY WITH YOU GUYS, MY
DAUGHTER WHO IS 15, VERSUS MY
MOTHER WHO IS 87.
I HAVEN'T SEEN MY MOTHER IN MORE
THAN TWO YEARS.
SHE IS NOW IN A RESIDENTIAL HOME
IN THE U.K., BUT SHE IS
OBVIOUSLY AT RISK.
WHERE'S MY DAUGHTER IS IN A
COMPLETELY DIFFERENT CATEGORY,
SO WE NEED TO HAVE A SENSIBLE
CONVERSATION ABOUT THAT NOT
BASED ON WHAT MY POLITICAL
PREFERENCE IS.
>> Bill: THAT WE PROTECT THE
PEOPLE -- I WOULD SPEND ANY
AMOUNT OF TAX MONEY TO DO THAT,
THE PEOPLE WHO WERE TRULY
VULNERABLE.
STEPHEN BREYER DOESN'T WANT TO
WORK WITH C NEIL GORSUCH BECAUSE
HE WON'T WEAR A MASK.
HE'S 83, I AGREE WITH THAT.
BUT THIS IS NOT A COUNTRY WHERE
MOST PEOPLE ARE AROUND AND
83-YEAR-OLD.
IT JUST ISN'T, BECAUSE WE ARE IN
A JUST COUNTRY.
[APPLAUSE]
SPEAK I WOULD ALSO
LIKE TO -- IT'S COMPLETELY RIGHT
WHEN YOU LOOK AT THE DIFFERENT F
POLICIES OF MASKING, VACCINE
MANDATES AND WHATEVER YOU PEOPLE
HAD TO DO TO GET INTO THIS
BUILDING TODAY BY CALIFORNIA
LAW, UNSPEAKABLE ACTS ON
FAIRFAX.
BUT NO, IT'S BASED ON
PARTISANSHIP.
IT'S BASED ON WHO YOU VOTE FOR
IN THE ELECTION, WHICH IS
BANANAS TO ME.
SOMEONE WHO IS NOT PART OF THAT,
I WOULD LIKE TO PROPOSE THIS
KIND OF SEMITRUCE.
EACH SIDE, TEAM RED INTIME BLUE
DID ONE GOOD THING, ONE BIG
THING GREAT AND ONE THING
TERRIBLE.
TEAM BLUE, YOU DID SO GREAT ON
THE THING THAT MATTERS THE MOST,
YOU GOT VACCINATED.
IT'S THE GREATEST PROTECTION
POSSIBLE AGAINST THIS THING.
GET THE VACCINE, YOU'RE PROBABLY
NOT GOING TO DIE FOR HEALTHY.
>> Bill: 80% OF REPUBLICANS
OVER 65 GOT THE SHOT.
>> BUT THAT IS STILL NOT ENOUGH
AND A LOT OF THE PLACES THAT ARE
GETTING HURT RIGHT NOW,
REPUBLICANS DIDN'T DO THAT STUFF
GOOD, BUT REPUBLICANS DID KEEP
SCHOOLS OPEN, DIDN'T ISSUE
VACCINE MANDATES TO GO INTO A
BAR.
NEW YORK, YOU'RE FIVE YEARS OLD,
YOU CAN'T GO INSIDE AN INDOOR
BUILDING EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE
COMING FROM EUROPE, YOU CAN'T
GET A VACCINE IN EUROPE THERE.
THERE ARE ALL KINDS OF MAD
THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED.
IN BLUE STATES THEY GOT THAT
WRONG.
CAN WE ALL SAY THAT WE ALL DID,
AND I DID TOO, WE ALL GOT STUFF
WRONG.
IN THE MEANTIME CAN YOU GET RID
OF SOME OF THESE MANDATES WE
DON'T NEED ANY MORE AFTER THE
OMICRON STEEPLE GOES DOWN, AND
THEN ALSO GET VACCINATED AND
THEN WE CAN GET BACK --
>> Bill: BUT THERE'S GOING TO
BE ANOTHER VARIANT.
EVERY TIME ONE GOES AWAY WE ARE
LIKE, NOW WE ARE OUT OF IT.
WE ARE NEVER OUT OF IT.
IT WANTS TO LIVE AND IT WILL.
IT'S A VIRUS, IT'S GOING TO
EVOLVE, AND WE CAN'T BE LIKE
OKAY, IT'S WHAT WE SAID ABOUT
DELTA.
WHEN THAT GOES AWAY.
THAT CAN'T BE THE TEMPLATE, I'M
SORRY.
IT HAS TO BE, IT'S HERE, IT'S
A --
[LAUGHS]
>> Bill: AND I DON'T NEED MORE
CONTROVERSY.
>> WE HAVE THE PROTECTION FOR
EXPERIENCE BECAUSE THAT IS THE
MAIN ARGUMENT, WE HAVE THE
PROTECTION FOR IT SO WE SHOULD
BE ABLE TO -- AFTER THE ICU BEDS
ARE NO LONGER FELT WE SHOULD BE
ABLE TO --
>> Bill: AGAIN, WHICH CHANGE,
THE VACCINE DOESN'T STOP YOU
FROM GETTING IT AND DOESN'T STOP
YOU FROM TRANSMITTING IT.
IT STOPS YOU FROM DYING.
>> THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.
>> Bill: THAT IS PRETTY GOOD!
TAKE YOUR VICTORY AND GO HOME.
[APPLAUSE]
AND IF YOU DON'T, I CAN'T BE
MORE INVESTED IN YOUR HEALTH
THAN YOU ARE.
>> YEAH, IT HAS TO BE ABOUT
COMMUNICATION.
WE'VE GOT A SAFE SPACE AT THIS
TABLE, VERY SAFE SPACE WITH
EVERYONE OUT THERE WITH THEIR
MASKS ON.
WE HAVE TO FIGURE OUT HOW WE CAN
TALK ABOUT THIS.
>> Bill: IT STARTS TO LOOK
LIKE EVERY OTHER GOVERNMENT
PROGRAM AND WHAT IS THE COMMON
THREAD OF GOVERNMENT PROGRAMS?
>> THEY NEVER END.
>> Bill: EXACTLY.
>> YOU TALK ABOUT MONEY BEING
SPENT ON THIS, WE'VE SPENT A LOT
OF MONEY.
WHERE DID IT GO?
>> JEFF BEZOS TO AMAZON.
>> Bill: RIGHT, AND THOSE
MASKS ARE NOW POLLUTING THE
OCEAN.
THEY ARE EVERYWHERE.
BUT, EXACTLY.
GOVERNMENT PROGRAMS NEVER END.
THAT IS WHETHER IT IS A SUBSIDY
OR LET ME BRING UP THIS
GOVERNMENT PROGRAM THAT MAYBE
SHOULD HAVE ENDED, NATO.
LET'S TALK ABOUT THAT.
[APPLAUSE]
>> THAT WAS A FUNNY SEGUE.
>> Bill: YOU DON'T THINK THAT
IS A TRUE SEGUE?
>> NO I SAID IT WAS A GREAT
SEGUE.
>> Bill: OH, THANK YOU.
BECAUSE NATO WAS FORMED TO FIGHT
THE SOVIET UNION WHICH
DISAPPEARED IN 1991.
I MEAN, I'M NOT SURE WHAT WE
SHOULD DO ABOUT UKRAINE, IF
RUSSIA LOOKS TO INSTALL A PUPPET
GOVERNMENT, LIKE THEY DID HERE.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: BUT I MEAN, IS IT
REALLY OUR FIGHT?
AND AGAIN, WHY IS THERE A NATO?
WHEN THE SOVIET UNION WENT AWAY,
WOULD WE HAVE BEEN BETTER OFF
SAYING, WE STILL HATE YOU,
RUSSIA.
IT STARTS TO LOOK LIKE AND
EVERYBODY BUT YOU CLUB.
>> THAT IS DEFINITELY HOW
VLADIMIR PUTIN FEELS.
HE'S WATCHING THIS MONOLOGUE
RIGHT NOW GOING YEP, THAT'S
EXACTLY HOW I FEEL.
>> Bill: I'M NOT SAYING HE'S
NOT A BAD GUY.
HE IS A BAD GUY.
WE'RE GOING TO TALK ABOUT HIM IN
A MINUTE IN A FUNNY WAY.
BUT AGAIN, I'M JUST GOING BACK
30 YEARS AGO WHEN THE
SOVIET UNION FELL.
NATO WAS FORMED STRICTLY TO
COUNTER THE SOVIET UNION.
NOW IT DOESN'T EXIST.
BUT WE SIGN UP 15 NEW COUNTRIES
TO BE AGAINST THE THING THAT
DOESN'T EXIST ANYMORE.
OF COURSE RUSSIA STILL EXISTS,
BUT THERE'S GOING TO BE A
REACTION TO THAT.
WHAT WE HAVE BEEN BETTER OFF TO
DISBAND NATO WHEN THE
SOVIET UNION WENT AWAY, AS THESE
COUNTRIES BECAME FREE OF THE
SOVIET UNION BUT NOT A PART OF
AN ORGANIZATION THAT IS AGAINST
YOU.
>> IN EASTERN EUROPE AROUND THAT
TIME, BECAUSE THERE'S A
DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE FROM WHERE
YOU'RE SITTING AND STANDING AT
THE SAME TIME.
BECAUSE IN EASTERN EUROPE THEY
PROBABLY SAID LET'S KEEP IT, WE
WANT TO BE A PART OF THAT CLUB.
THE RUSSIAN PERSPECTIVE, THEY
WANTED IT TO GO.
>> THEY WERE INTERESTED,
ESPECIALLY THE FIRST GRADUATING
COUNTRIES, CZECHOSLOVAKIA,
POLAND AND HUNGARY, THEY WERE
INTERESTED IN THE COLD WAR
ENDING TOO.
DIDN'T GO SO WELL AFTER ALL FOR
THEM HERE THEY HAVE 100,000 RED
ARMY TROOPS ON THEIR SOIL.
THEY HAD TO GET THEM OUT OF
THERE AND THEY DIDN'T WANT
WASHINGTON HERE.
SO THERE WAS A BIG INITIATIVE AT
THE TIME TO SAY WE WANT A NEW
SECURITY GROUP.
IT WILL BE EUROPEAN, IT WON'T BE
RUSSIAN AND IT WON'T BE
AMERICAN.
IT WILL BE EUROPEAN, LET'S DO
THIS, WHAT DO YOU SAY, EUROPE?
AND CRICKETS.
CRICKETS AND ALSO YUGOSLAVIA,
BAD COMBINATION, GENERALLY
SPEAKING.
[LAUGHTER]
FRANCE, GERMANY AND ENGLAND
COULDN'T GET ANYTHING TOGETHER
SO THEY TRIED FOR TWO YEARS TO
CREATE A THING, NOTHING WAS
CREATED.
MEANWHILE THESE COUNTRIES WHO
HAD BEEN ABSOLUTELY DEVASTATED
BY 40 YEARS OF COMMUNISM AND
THEIR WHOLE HISTORY BEFORE HAS
BEEN BEING INVADED FROM RIGHT
AND LEFT FROM GERMANY AND
RUSSIA.
THEY WANTED A SECURITY
GUARANTEE.
SO IT'S NOT A QUESTION OF
AMERICA IN 1994, 1993, REALLY
WANTED TO EXPAND NATO.
NOBODY DID.
THOSE COUNTRIES DID.
THEY WANTED A PLACE THAT HAD A
SECURITY GUARANTEE --
>> Bill: WE DIDN'T HAVE TO DO
WHAT THEY WANT TO.
>> QUESTION IS --
>> Bill: WE JUST MADE A BAD
DECISION.
THE GUYS AFTER WORLD WAR II,
THOSE GUYS, THEY MADE BRILLIANT
DECISIONS ABOUT HOW THEY HANDLED
THE POSTWAR WORLD.
BRILLIANT.
AND I THINK THESE GUYS FUCKED IT
UP.
>> HE DIDN'T THINK IT WAS A
GREAT IDEA TO EXPAND NATO
EITHER.
>> Bill: OH OH, REALLY?
>> HE WOULD HAVE BEEN WITH YOU.
BUT THAT OF COURSE WAS, JUST AS
MATT SAID, THERE WAS A PUSH
COMING FROM ELSEWHERE TO EXPAND
IT.
AT THE TIME, IN THE EARLY PERIOD
OF THE 1990s, WE DID HAVE THIS
BIG DISCUSSION ABOUT SHOULD WE
HAVE SOME OTHER -- WITH RUSSIA.
UNFORTUNATELY WE DIDN'T AND NOW
WE'VE GOT PUTIN TRYING TO
DISMANTLE IT BY FORCE.
>> Bill: WE THOUGHT THIS WOULD
BE A GREAT WEEK TO DO "24 THINGS
YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT
VLADIMIR PUTIN."
I DON'T KNOW.
[APPLAUSE]
SOME OF THE FAVORITE DEPARTMENTS
OF OUR SHOW, BUT WE DO "24
THINGS YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT."
MAGAZINES DO 25 BUT I THINK OURS
IS BETTER.
LET ME TELL YOU, PUTIN IS KNOWN
TO BE SECRETIVE BUT WHEN WE
INTERVIEWED HIM FOR THAT HE WAS
AN OPEN BOOK.
[LAUGHTER]
FOR EXAMPLE, 24 THINGS YOU DON'T
KNOW ABOUT VLADIMIR PUTIN,
I'M SELLING THE PEE TAPE AS AN
NFT.
I DIDN'T KNOW THAT ABOUT HIM.
WHEN IMMERSED IN ICY WATER, MY
PENIS GETS BIGGER.
I AM AN OPTIMIST.
I LOOK AT UKRAINE AS
HALF-INVADED.
[LAUGHTER]
SOMETIMES I THINK ABOUT STEPPING
DOWN FROM LEADERSHIP SO I COULD
DEVOTE MORE OF MY TIME TO
SELLING STOLEN ELECTRONICS.
[APPLAUSE]
[LAUGHTER]
>> Bill: MY FAVORITE '80S HAIR
BAND?
MOTLEY CRUE.
HA!
YOU THOUGHT I'D SAY "POISON."
[LAUGHTER]
I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT RUSSIA
HAS PROBLEMS.
FOR EXAMPLE, THE SUICIDE RATE OF
OUR JOURNALISTS IS OFF THE
CHARTS.
[LAUGHTER]
LET'S JUST SAY I DON'T NOT DRINK
HUMAN BLOOD.
[LAUGHTER]
I OWN A SMALL HOTEL CHAIN IN
UNITED STATES CALLED THE TRUMP
ORGANIZATION.
[LAUGHTER]
TWO INTERESTING THINGS ABOUT MY
TATTOO.
IT SAYS "666" AND IT'S NOT A
TATTOO.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: OKAY, SO LET'S TALK
COLD WAR.
LET'S TALK ABOUT HERE.
I'VE HEARD YOU SAY WE ARE KIND
OF BEEN A COLD WAR HERE.
THAT IS INTERESTING.
THERE'S LOTS OF TALK ABOUT A
CIVIL WAR, BUT I KEEP SAYING HOW
COULD THAT WORK?
IT'S NOT LIKE THE FIRST
CIVIL WAR WHERE WE WERE ON
DIFFERENT SIDES.
WE ARE ALL MARBLED TOGETHER, MY
DRINK LEADERS BEHIND ENEMY
LINES.
THEY THEY ARE FORMALLY INTERIM
VOTERS IN CALIFORNIA.
THAT IS MORE THAN THERE ARE
PEOPLE IN 30 STATES.
BUT THE TIME OF TROUBLE IS IN
IRELAND, THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE
COMPARING IT TO.
THAT IS INTERESTING.
PEOPLE DON'T REMEMBER, IRELAND,
THE SAWED FROM WHICH I WAS
SPAWNED, THEY HAD 30 YEARS WHERE
IT WAS A LOW-LEVEL
CIVIL WAR BUT IT WAS JUST A
BOMBING IN VIOLENCE AND LIFE
WENT ON BUT HORRIBLY BRUTISH,
NASTY AND SMALL.
AND YOU THINK THAT COULD HAPPEN
HERE?
>> KIND OF INTERCOMMUNAL
VIOLENCE.
WE ARE ALL SAYING IT IS GOING TO
BE A CIVIL WAR, BATTLE AT
GETTYSBURG AGAIN, DOESN'T SEEM
TO GET IT FOR MOST PEOPLE BEER
BUT WAS GOING ON IN IRELAND FOR
VERY LONG PERIOD AND I WAS
GROWING UP IN THE NORTH OF
ENGLAND AND IT WAS ON BRITISH
SOIL MORE BROADLY, NOT JUST IN
NORTHERN IRELAND BUT ALSO IN THE
MAINLAND.
OF COURSE IT WAS ACTUALLY THE
BIGGEST IMPROVISED EXPLOSIVE
DEVICE BOMBING CAMPAIGN IN
HISTORY.
YOU TEND TO THINK OF THE PLO FOR
SOME OF THIS HAPPENING IN THE
MIDDLE EAST BUT IT WAS ACTUALLY
IN THE U.K.
THEY TRIED TO BLOW UP
MARGARET THATCHER DURING THE
PARTY CONVENTION FOR THE
CONSERVATIVE PARTY.
>> Bill: THEY DID BLOW UP --
>> DATED AND ASSASSINATIONS ALSO
OF VARIOUS MEMBERS OF THE
BRITISH PARLIAMENT.
BOMBINGS IN CITIES AND
EVENTUALLY, THIS WAS KIND OF
STOPPED BY A BIG CIVIL RIGHTS
EQUIVALENT MOVEMENT.
BASICALLY WOMEN GETTING ON THE
STREETS AND PROTESTING ABOUT
WHAT WAS GOING ON THERE.
BUT FOR SOME GROWING UP THERE,
YOU COULDN'T LEAVE BASICALLY A
BAG IN THE STREET BECAUSE PEOPLE
THOUGHT THERE WOULD BE A BOMB IN
IT.
I HAD FRIENDS WHO LEFT A CAR
PARKED SOMEWHERE AND IT WOULD BE
BLOWN UP BECAUSE PEOPLE WERE SO
PARANOID AND ON EDGE OF THE
WHOLE TIME.
LOOK, IT IS BASICALLY LIKE WE
ARE RIGHT NOW.
WE LOOK AT SOMEONE, WE
IMMEDIATELY GET SUSPICIOUS ABOUT
ARE THEY ON THE OTHER SIDE?
SOME GROWING UP, YOU WOULD NEED
AN IRISHMAN OR A CATHOLIC AND
YOU WOULD THINK, ARE YOU IN THE
IRA?
ARE YOU A SYMPATHIZER?
BUT IN ACTUALITY THE IRA WAS
ACTUALLY ONLY 400 PEOPLE.
WE THINK ABOUT INTERCOMMUNAL
VIOLENCE WE THINK ABOUT
MILITIAS.
WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT
THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE.
WE ARE JUST TALKING ABOUT A FEW
HUNDRED PEOPLE WHO ARE THAT
MOTIVATED.
>> Bill: THE IRISH REPUBLICAN
ARMY WAS ONLY 400 PEOPLE?
>> IT WAS ONLY AROUND THAT, THE
REAL HARD-CORE.
>> Bill: THE PEOPLE WHO
ACTUALLY DID THE VIOLENCE.
THE POLITICAL RING WAS MUCH
LARGER WHO SUPPORTED THEM.
>> CORRECT.
SO YOU CAN HAVE A BIG POOL OF
SYMPATHIZERS OR PEOPLE WHO
ACTUALLY DO BELIEVE THAT IRELAND
SHOULD HAVE BEEN UNITED INTO
DEPENDENT BUT THEY ARE NOT GOING
TO BE THE PEOPLE PERPETRATING
THE VIOLENCE.
>> Bill: LIKE TERRORISTS,
ISLAMIC TERRORISTS OR ISLAMISTS.
>> EXACTLY, BIG DIFFERENCE.
>> Bill: YES BUT ISLAMISTS ARE
GENERALLY PEOPLE WHO WOULD
APPLAUD WITH THE TERRACE ARE
DOING BUT THEY
WOULDN'T --
>> NECESSARILY DO IT THEMSELVES.
RIGHT.
>> Bill: YOU ARE SAYING YOU
DON'T NEED A OF A LOT OF PEOPLE
TO DO IT.
>> IT WENT ON FOR A DECADE
BEFORE, THERE WAS A MOVEMENT
FROM THE GRASSROOTS TO TRY TO
STOP IT.
>> I THINK WE NEED TO BE IN
BETTER SHAPE THAN THEY ARE
CURRENTLY.
>> Bill: WHO?
>> THE U.S. DOMESTIC TERRORIST
WHO ARE DOING THE NEXT SECRETARY
AND TROUBLES IN THE
UNITED STATES.
>> Bill: OH.
[LAUGHS]
>> PEOPLE ARE NOT THAT MOTIVATED
I THINK HERE.
WHEN YOU WALK DOWN THE STREET
YOU DON'T SEE SOMEONE WHO IS
READY FOR POLITICAL VIOLENCE.
OR TO CHEER IT ON FROM THE
SIDELINES.
I DON'T THINK PEOPLE ARE THAT
EMOTIONALLY INVESTED IN IT.
ESPECIALLY AFTER 22 MONTHS OF
THE PANDEMIC, YOU ARE
EMOTIONALLY INVESTED TO SURVIVE
THE DAY AND GETTING YOUR KID
INTO SCHOOL MORE THAN JUST ABOUT
ANYTHING ELSE THAT IS GOING ON.
>> BUT IT DEPENDS ON THE
CIRCUMSTANCE.
THINK ABOUT JANUARY 6TH.
NOT EVERYBODY WHO SHOWED UP AT
TRUMP'S RALLY THEN STORMED THE
CAPITOL BUILDING.
>> BUT THEY WERE MOTIVATED AND
WEIRD WAYS.
IT'S TRUE.
[APPLAUSE]
BUT SEE HOW DESPERATELY BAD THE
ORGANIZATION WAS.
IF YOU READ THE AFFIDAVIT OF
THEIR COMPLAINT, ON THE GUYS WHO
ARE NOW UP AGAINST INSURRECTION
CHARGES, IT'S A PRETTY PATHETIC
DAY THAT THEY HAD.
THEY WERE LIKE ALL RIGHT, DO YOU
HAVE A BOAT TO GO ACROSS THE
RIVER HERE?
GOSH, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
THEY WERE NOT COORDINATING WELL,
THEY WERE NOT ORGANIZED AND THEY
WERE THE SCARIEST BIT OF A VERY,
VERY SCARY AND TROUBLING DAY.
WHAT I WONDER IS IS THAT DAY THE
BEGINNING OF SOMETHING NEW?
DO YOU NOTICE PEOPLE GO THOSE
PEOPLE LOOK GREAT TO ME, THEY
WERE REALLY ON THE CUTTING EDGE
OF SOMETHING.
OR DO PEOPLE LOOK AT THAT AND
GET A LITTLE BIT SCARED
STRAIGHT.
LIKE MY GOD, WHAT DID WE DO ON
THAT DAY?
>> Bill: OKAY, LET ME MOVE ON
TO THE COURT BECAUSE I THINK
THIS IS A VERY HISTORIC WEEK.
WE ARE GOING TO HAVE THE FIRST
BLACK WOMAN ON THE
SUPREME COURT.
[APPLAUSE]
THAT IS PRETTY BIG STUFF.
IT'S ALSO THE WEEK WE LEARNED
THAT THE SUPREME COURT IS GOING
TO TAKE UP WHETHER WE SHOULD
HAVE, CONSIDER RACE IN
ADMISSIONS.
I'VE ALWAYS BEEN A PROPONENT OF
WHAT THEY CALL AFFIRMATIVE
ACTION AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF
THEY USE THAT TERM ANYMORE PEER
BUT I DON'T KNOW, IT'S BEEN A
LONG TIME.
MAYBE IT'S OUTDATED BECAUSE WHEN
I LOOK AT THE POLLING, 73% OF
AMERICANS SAY COLLEGE AND
UNIVERSITIES SHOULD NOT USE RACE
AS A FACTOR IN ADMISSIONS.
62% OF BLACK AMERICANS AGREE
WITH THAT.
I FIND IT WEIRD TO BE MORE ON
THE SIDE OF SOMETHING BLACK
PEOPLE THEMSELVES ARE NOT.
>> I MEAN, I THINK IT'S
IMPORTANT TO WORK BACKWARDS A
LITTLE BIT OR START WITH THE
FIRST QUESTION, WHAT ARE WE
TRYING TO DO HERE?
IF THE IDEA IS WE ARE TRYING TO
REDUCE THE BARRIERS TO PEOPLE
WHO HAD THROUGH NO FAULT OF
THEIR OWN DISADVANTAGES, WHAT IS
THE WAY TO DO THAT?
IS IT TO TRY TO START JUDGING,
DO YOU BELONG TO THIS CATEGORY
CALLED ASIAN OR BLACK AND
SOMETIMES BASED ON SOME PRETTY
WEIRD TESTS, OR DO YOU COME FROM
A SOCIOECONOMIC BACKGROUND THAT
IS HAVING A HARD TIME?
THAT IS HOW THEY DO IT IN
OXFORD, IT'S A SOCIOECONOMIC
THING, IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH
RACE AND A KIND OF WORKS A LOT
BETTER.
IF HE DID THAT, AND AT HARVARD
AND OTHER PLACES, GOT RID OF
LEGACIES.
THE 1 OUT OF 3 PEOPLE WHO ARE
ADMITTED BECAUSE DADDY OR MOMMY
WENT THERE, THAT WOULD DO A HELL
OF A LOT MORE THAN TRYING TO
FIGURE OUT WHETHER A BANGLADESHI
IS THE SAME AS A CHINESE PERSON
IS THE SAME AS A --
>> Bill: ESPECIALLY AS WE
MINGLE AND INTERMARRY MORE IT IS
GOING TO BE HARDER, IT IS
ALREADY HARDER TO SAY WHO IS OF
WHAT RACE.
>> I DO THINK WE HAVE TO BE A
LITTLE BIT CAREFUL ON THIS,
THOUGH AND I WILL SPEAK TO THIS
BECAUSE I DID GO TO HARVARD
FOR GRAD SCHOOL AND IT WAS
ACTUALLY AFFIRMATIVE ACTION.
I'M OBVIOUSLY WHITE BUT BECAUSE
I CAME FROM A VERY POOR
SOCIOECONOMIC BACKGROUND, AND
WHEN I WAS BEING SELECTED FOR
GRAD SCHOOL PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE
ON THE SCHOLARSHIPS FROM THE
U.K. WENT TO OXFORD AND
CAMBRIDGE.
NO OFFENSE TO OXFORD AND
CAMBRIDGE BUT THEY ALL BASICALLY
CAME FROM PRIVATE SCHOOLS.
ONE OTHER EXCEPTION BEER BUT I
WAS THE ONLY
KID BASICALLY UP TO THAT POINT
THAT WAS SELECTED FOR THESE
SCHOLARSHIPS TO COME FROM A POOR
BACKGROUND AND FROM A VERY UNDER
RESOURCED SCHOOL.
AND SO I WAS VERY GRATEFUL THAT
HARVARD ACTUALLY MADE THE EXTRA
EFFORT TO SEEK ME OUT.
AND WHAT I SAW WHEN I WAS THERE
WAS THAT WAS JUST ONE FACTOR.
I THINK THE SOCIOECONOMIC
ASPECTS, THAT IS VERY IMPORTANT
TOO.
WHEN YOU GET BACK TO THE
SUPREME COURT WHICH IS VERY
INTERESTING, THEY ARE LOCKING
INTO THE SELECTION RIGHT NOW,
ONE OF THE CANDIDATES THAT BIDEN
IS APPARENTLY CONSIDERING FOR
THE SUPREME COURT IS A BLACK
WOMAN FROM A POOR SOCIOECONOMIC
BACKGROUND WHO WENT TO A
NONIVY LEAGUE SCHOOL.
>> OH, REALLY?
>> SO I THINK ALL THOSE FACTORS
NEED TO BE CONSIDERED BECAUSE
IT'S NOT A QUESTION OF PEOPLE
GETTING AN UNFAIR ADVANTAGE
BECAUSE OF HOW THEY LOOK OR WHAT
THEIR ETHNICITY OR RACE IS, BUT
IT IS GETTING RID OF UNFAIR
DISADVANTAGE.
[APPLAUSE]
>> ONE OF THE UNFAIR
DISADVANTAGES UNDERLYING THE
HARVARD CASE, IT'S JUST AGAINST
ASIANS.
>> Bill: IT'S ABOUT ASIANS,
AND BOY, THEY HAVE DONE THEM
SOME DIRTY.
BECAUSE ASIANS, YOU KNOW, THEY
STUDY HARD, WHATEVER IT IS, I
DON'T KNOW, BUT THEY DO VERY
WELL.
SO WELL THAT HARVARD BASICALLY
WENT BACK DOOR TO MAKE SURE THAT
THEY DIDN'T BASICALLY DOMINATE
THE INCOMING CLASS.
SO THEY WENT TO SOMETHING ON THE
TEST CALLED POSITIVE
PERSONALITY.
SO THEY ARE GOING TO JUDGE YOU
ALSO ON YOUR PERSONALITY AND
THEY JUDGED ASIANS WERE LACKING
IN LIKABILITY, AND THESE ARE
BASICALLY, THEY ARE JUDGING
HIGH SCHOOL KIDS.
LIKABILITY, COURAGE, KINDNESS,
AND BEING WIDELY RESPECTED.
OH, YES, BECAUSE I REMEMBER
BEING WIDELY RESPECTED IN
HIGH SCHOOL.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
>> THEY USE TESTS LIKE THAT IN
THE 1920s AT HARVARD AND OTHER
ELITE SCHOOLS TO LIMIT THE
NUMBERS OF JEWS.
THEY ARE SAYING, ARE THERE TOO
MANY ASIANS, WE HAVE TO DO
SOMETHING PEER THAT IS
DISCRIMINATION AGAINST ASIANS.
>> Bill: THANK YOU, YOU ARE
GREAT.
IT IS TIME FOR "NEW RULES."
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
NEW RULE: NOW THAT BASEBALL'S
HALL OF FAME HAS DENIED BARRY
BONDS' MEMBERSHIP FOR THE TENTH
YEAR, SOMEONE HAS TO TELL THEM,
YOU'RE BEING RIDICULOUS.
[APPLAUSE]
HE'S THE GAME'S GREATEST HOME
RUN HITTER, LET HIM IN THE HALL.
IT'S NOT LIKE IT'S GONNA GIVE
HIM A BIG HEAD.
[LAUGHTER]
NEW RULE: IF YOU VISIT BANGKOK,
SKIP THE EXHIBIT CALLED
"THE BIRTH EXPERIENCE" AT THE
KID MAI DEATH AWARENESS CAFE.
IT'S NOT VERY REALISTIC.
NOT MANY BABIES STEP OUT OF THE
VAGINA FULLY CLOTHED WEARING A
STRAPPY SANDAL.
[LAUGHTER]
AND IF YOU HAD TO LEAVE THIS
PLACE IN A HURRY, IMAGINE WHAT
THE EMERGENCY EXIT LOOKS LIKE.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
> Bill: TERRIBLE.
NEW RULE: YOU CAN TWIST
YOURSELF INTO A PRETZEL TRYING
TO PRETEND IT'S "ISLAMOPHOBIA"
EVERY TIME I CALL THIS OUT AS
BARBARIC, BUT YOU HAVE TO ADMIT
THERE'S SOMETHING A LITTLE OFF
WHEN YOUR MEAT IS NOT WRAPPED
BUT YOUR WIFE IS.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: NEW RULE: IF YOU'RE
GOING TO MAKE SOMEONE AN OFFER
TO BUY THEIR CHILDREN, DON'T DO
IT AT WALMART.
[LAUGHTER]
A WOMAN IN TEXAS DID THAT, AND
NOW, WELL, SHE JUST LOOKS CHEAP.
[LAUGHTER]
GET A MACY'S BABY, OR A
NEIMAN MARCUS BABY.
AND TARGET ALWAYS HAS
EVERYTHING.
[LAUGHTER]
AND BE SMART ABOUT IT, DON'T
APPROACH THE MOM UNTIL HER KIDS
ARE THROWING A TEMPER TANTRUM IN
THE CEREAL AISLE, SHE'LL PAY YOU
TO TAKE THEM!
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: NEW RULE: NOW THAT THE
LOS ANGELES TIMES HAS WRITTEN
THE HEADLINE "PSYCHICS AND
ASTROLOGERS ARE HUGE ON
INSTAGRAM: NOW SCAMMERS ARE
IMPERSONATING THEM," SOMEONE
MUST SEND THEM AN ANONYMOUS TIP
THAT THIS GUY ON HOLLYWOOD
BOULEVARD MAY NOT ACTUALLY BE
SPIDERMAN.
[LAUGHTER]
AND FINALLY, NEW RULE.
IT'S DEPRESSING ENOUGH HAVING
JUST HAD A BIRTHDAY AND BEING
66, PLEASE DON'T ASK ME TO START
DOING GROWN-UP THINGS LIKE RUN
FOR PRESIDENT.
[LAUGHTER]
A FEW WEEKS AGO FOX NEWS'
DANA PERINO, A FORMER BUSH PRESS
SECRETARY, SUGGESTED THAT THE
DEMOCRATS SHOULD RECRUIT ME TO
RUN FOR PRESIDENT, WHICH IS KIND
OF SPECIAL, BECAUSE IT MEANS
THAT IN THE SPACE OF 20 YEARS,
BUSH PRESS SECRETARIES HAVE GONE
FROM TELLING ME I NEED TO WATCH
WATCH WHAT I SAY.
>> THEY NEED TO WATCH WHAT THEY
SAY AND WATCH WHAT THEY DO AND
IT'S NOT A TIME FOR REMARKS LIKE
THAT, IT NEVER IS.
[LAUGHTER]
>> Bill: THEY'VE GONE FROM
THAT TO WONDERING IF I SHOULD
RUN FOR PRESIDENT.
>> WOULD BE INTERESTING TO SEE
IF BILL MAHER IS RECRUITED TO
RUN FOR PRESIDENCY.
>> Bill: NOW, SOME PEOPLE
THINK THIS MEANS I'VE CHANGED.
I ASSURE YOU I HAVE NOT.
I'M STILL THE SAME UNMARRIED,
CHILDLESS, POT-SMOKING LIBERTINE
I ALWAYS WAS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I HAVE MANY FLAWS, BUT YOU CAN'T
ACCUSE ME OF MATURING.
[LAUGHTER]
LET'S GET THIS STRAIGHT, IT'S
NOT ME WHO'S CHANGED, IT'S THE
LEFT, WHO IS NOW MADE UP OF A
SMALL CONTINGENT WHO'VE GONE
MENTAL, AND A LARGE CONTINGENT
WHO REFUSE TO CALL THEM OUT FOR
IT.
BUT I WILL.
THAT'S WHY I'M A HERO AT FOX
THESE DAYS.
[APPLAUSE]
WHICH SHOWS JUST HOW MUCH
LIBERALS HAVE THEIR HEAD UP
THEIR ASS, BECAUSE IF THEY
REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT IT, THEY
WOULD HAVE MADE ME A HERO ON
THEIR MEDIA.
[APPLAUSE]
BUT THAT CAN'T HAPPEN IN THIS
RIDICULOUS NEW ERA OF
MIND-NUMBING PARTISANSHIP, WHERE
IF I KEEP IT REAL ABOUT THE
NONSENSE IN THE DEMOCRATIC
PARTY, IT MAKES ME AN INSTANT
HERO TO REPUBLICANS.
THE SAME THING HAPPENED IN
REVERSE TO DARTH VADER'S
DAUGHTER, LIZ CHENEY, WHO IS NOW
A HERO TO LIBERALS SIMPLY
BECAUSE SHE RECOGNIZES BIDEN
DID NOT STEAL THE LAST ELECTION.
WHAT A SAD COMMENTARY ON OUR
POLITICS, WHERE SIMPLY
ACKNOWLEDGING REALITY IS NOW
SEEN AS A PROFILE IN COURAGE.
PEOPLE SOMETIMES SAY TO ME, "YOU
DIDN'T USED TO MAKE FUN OF THE
LEFT AS MUCH."
YEAH, BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T GIVE
ME SO MUCH TO WORK WITH.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THE OATH OF OFFICE I TOOK WAS TO
COMEDY, AND IF YOU DO GOOFY
SHIT, WHEREVER YOU ARE ON THE
SPECTRUM, I'M GOING TO MAKE FUN
OF YOU BECAUSE THAT'S WHERE THE
GOLD IS, AND THE FACT THAT THEY
ARE LAUGHING AT IT SHOULD TELL
YOU SOMETHING: IT RINGS TRUE.
[APPLAUSE]
WHEN NORMAL PEOPLE READ THAT
SAN FRANCISCO HAS BASICALLY
LEGALIZED SHOPLIFTING, THEY
THINK DEMOCRATS HAVE GONE NUTS.
THEY THINK, YOU KNOW, THAT TED
CRUZ GUY SEEMS LIKE A REAL STIF
STIFF.
BUT AT LEAST HE BELIEVES IN THE
CONCEPT OF SHOPPING WITH MONEY.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: IT'S NOT MY FAULT
THAT THE PARTY OF FDR AND JFK IS
TURNING INTO THE PARTY OF LOL
AND WTF.
[APPLAUSE]
MEMBERS OF CONGRESS TWEETING
THINGS LIKE CANCEL RENT, CANCEL
MORTGAGE, AND NO MORE POLICING
OR INCARCERATION, DECLARING THAT
CAPITALISM IS SLAVERY, CANCELING
LINCOLN AND DR. SEUSS, TEACHING
CHILDREN THEIR OPPRESSORS AND
MATH IS RACIST, MAKING
MR. POTATO HEAD GENDER NEUTRAL,
AND NOW A EMOJI FOR PREGNANT
MEN.
REAL, I'M NOT MAKING IT UP.
[LAUGHTER]
CALIFORNIA JUST PASSED A LAW
REQUIRING LARGE RETAILERS TO
HAVE A NONGENDERED TOY SECTION.
A NON-GENDERED TOY SECTION?
ISN'T KEN ENOUGH?
[LAUGHTER]
WE NEED A LAW FOR THAT?
DO YOU HAVE TO INJECT YOURSELVES
INTO EVERYTHING, FROM WHERE YOU
CAN THROW A FRISBEE, TO WHO CAN
BRAID HAIR?
THIS IS WHY SO MANY PEOPLE WERE
TRIGGERED BY COVID POLICIES,
THEY WERE ALREADY SICK OF RULES.
REGULATION SHOULD BE A GOOD
ISSUE FOR DEMOCRATS, IT'S
CERTAINLY ONE THEY'RE ASSOCIATED
WITH.
AND I THINK THE AVERAGE VOTER
WOULD AGREE THAT BANKS AND
CHEMICAL PLANTS AND DRUG
COMPANIES NEED WATCHING.
TELLING A COMPANY "YOU CAN'T
DUMP THE WASTE FROM YOUR HOG
FARM STRAIGHT INTO THE WATER
SUPPLY," WE'RE MOSTLY ALL FOR
THAT.
BUT DEMOCRATS HAVE BECOME A
PARODY OF THEMSELVES, JUST
MAKING RULES TO MAKE RULES,
BECAUSE IT MAKES YOU FEEL LIKE
YOU'RE A BETTER PERSON.
MAKING SURE THAT EVERYTHING BAD
"NEVER HAPPENS AGAIN," WHICH YOU
CAN NEVER FULLY DO, IT JUST
MAKES EVERYONE ELSE'S LIFE A
DRAG.
THE BIDEN INFRASTRUCTURE HAS A
PROVISION THAT REQUIRES ALL NEW
CARS TO INSTALL AN ALERT SYSTEM
THAT GOES OFF WHEN YOU LEAVE A
BABY IN THE BACKSEAT, WHICH IS
SOMETHING DONE ONLY BY
CRACKHEADS AND PEOPLE WHO SADLY,
YES, DO IT ON PURPOSE.
AND AFTER EVERYONE OF US WINDS
UP BEARING THE COST FOR CARS TO
INSTALL THIS ALARM, YOU KNOW
WHO'S GOING TO IGNORE IT?
CRACKHEADS AND PEOPLE WHO DO IT
ON PURPOSE.
[APPLAUSE]
A SENSOR LIGHT IS NOT GOING TO
FIX THIS PROBLEM, AND DEMOCRATS
NO LONGER POSSESS THE COMMON
SENSE TO UNDERSTAND THAT NOT
EVERY PROBLEM IN THE WORLD CAN
BE FIXED WITH A REGULATION.
BUT DON'T TELL THAT TO THE
ADVOCACY GROUPS WHO ALSO WANT
EVERY FUTURE CAR IN AMERICA TO
ONLY START WHEN THE DRIVER BLOWS
INTO A BREATHALYZER.
OH, GREAT, MY OTHER CAR IS A
KAREN.
[LAUGHTER]
WELL, YOU KNOW, IT'S ALSO NOT
SAFE TO DRIVE WHEN YOU'RE
CRYING.
SHOULD WE MAKE A CAR THAT
FOLLOWS YOUR TEXTS AND STOPS THE
ENGINE WHEN YOU'RE DUMPED?
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: RACISM IS BAD, HOW
ABOUT A CAR THAT WON'T START
UNTIL YOU PLAY A MESSAGE ABOUT
TOLERANCE FROM GEORGE TAKEI.
[APPLAUSE]
REGULAR VIEWERS OF THIS PROGRAM
MAY RECALL MY LONG BATTLE TO GET
SOLAR POWER HOOKED UP AT MY
HOUSE.
IT INVOLVED THIS SHED, WHICH HAD
TO BE BUILT TO HOUSE THIS SOLAR
BATTERY.
YES, THAT BATTERY NEEDED A HOUSE
TO LIVE IN, AND NOT JUST ANY
HOUSE, ONE THAT HAD TO FOLLOW
THE SPECIFICATIONS OF THIS
CHART.
THAT'S A REAL CHART OF THE STEPS
WE HAD TO GO THROUGH TO GET THIS
THING TURNED ON.
[LAUGHTER]
DEMOCRATS HAVE TO STOP THINKING
THAT WITH THE VOTERS DREAM ABOUT
IS TO BE HASSLED.
IF YOU BUY A SHED AT COSTCO, IT
COMES WITH THIS WARNING.
WARNING: THIS PRODUCT CAN EXPOSE
YOU TWO WOULD DUST.
IT WOULD DUST, NO KIDDING.
WHICH IS KNOWN TO THE
STATE OF CALIFORNIA TO CAUSE
CANCER.
THAT'S RIGHT, CALIFORNIA THINKS
YOU'RE GOING TO SNORT YOUR SHED.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: I DON'T WANT TO BLOW
PINOCCHIO.
I JUST WANT TO PUT THE LAWNMOWER
AWAY.
OKAY, THAT'S OUR SHOW.
I'LL BE AT THE SMART FINANCIAL
CENTER IN SUGAR LAND, TEXAS,
APRIL 9TH.
AT THE TULSA THEATRE IN
TULSA, APRIL 10TH, AND AT THE
BORGATA IN ATLANTIC CITY,
APRIL 30TH.
I WANT TO THANK MY GUESTS
MATT WELCH, FIONA HILL, AND
IRA GLASSER.
NOW GO TO YOUTUBE AND JOIN US ON
OVERTIME.
THANK YOU, FOLKS!
♪ ♪
[APPLAUSE]
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[APPLAUSE]
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