♪ ♪
>> START THE CLOCK.
♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: APPRECIATE IT,
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
HOW ARE YOU?
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, GREAT TO BE
BACK.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU, I APPRECIATE THAT.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH -- PLEASE,
WE GOT A BIG SHOW.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, I'M HAPPY
TOO.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU SO MUCH.
AND I'M HAPPY TO BE BACK WITH
YOU TOO.
I AM.
WE'VE BEEN OFF FOR A MONTH BUT
THE OTHER REASON I'M VERY HAPPY
AS WE WERE GOING TO HAVE A MASK
MANDATE REINSTATED IN
L.A. COUNTY AND TODAY THEY SAID
NO, WE'RE NOT GOING TO -- IT'S
GREAT TO SEE YOUR FACES.
WHAT I LOVE IS THE CITY OF
BEVERLY HILLS, THEY SAID EVEN IF
YOU HAVE A NEW MANDATE, WE
AREN'T GOING TO COMPLY.
YES, BEVERLY HILLS.
THEY SAID OUR CITIZENS HAVE
SPENT TOO MUCH ON THEIR FACES TO
COVER THEM UP.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
AND COME ON.
MASKS?
CLOTH MASKS IS AN AMULET, IT'S A
ST. CHRISTOPHER METAL.
OKAY.
I SEE GUYS WITH BIG BEARDS -- IF
YOU HAVE A MASK OVER A BIG
BEARD, IT LOOKS LIKE A WOMAN IN
THE 1970s WEARING A BIKINI.
IT'S A TERRIBLE LOOK.
ALSO COME ON, BIDEN IS 79, HE
GOT IT AND HE'S FINE, DR. FAUCI
GOT IT, THE QUEEN IS 110.
YOU CAN COME OUT FROM BEHIND A
DOOR AND YELLED BLUE TO THOSE
PEOPLE, THEY DIED BUT COVID?
NOTHING.
WE HAVE A NEW ONE WE HAVE TO
FREAK OUT ABOUT, MONKEYPOX.
EVERYONE IS FREAKING OUT.
THIS IS WHY I SAY NEVER LET
MONKEYS ORDER THE BAT AT A WET
BAR.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
APPARENTLY AMERICA IS NOW
LEADING THE WORLD IN MONKEYPOX.
THEY SAY IT'S MOSTLY WITHIN THE
MEN HAVING SEX WITH MEN
COMMUNITY.
[LAUGHTER]
WE FORGOT THE NAME FOR THIS
COMMUNITY -- IF YOU ARE IN THIS
COMMUNITY, PLEASE WERE MEMBER TO
WIPE DOWN YOUR PACKAGES.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
YOU KNOW WHO HAS A MONKEY
PROBLEM OVER IN YAMAGUCHI
JAPAN -- NOT MONKEYPOX, MONKEYS.
ACTUAL MONKEYS -- I DON'T KNOW
WHY THEY ARE TERRORIZING THIS
TOWN BUT THEY ARE GOING INTO
NURSERY SCHOOLS, SNATCHING
BABIES, CLAWING PEOPLE.
IT'S COMPLETELY DISRUPTING DRAG
QUEEN STORY OUR.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
DID YOU SEE TRUMP BASICALLY
DECLARED HIS RUNNING AGAIN?
HE'S GOT A WHOLE NEW ACT.
HE WAS IN WASHINGTON, D.C., A
COUPLE DAYS AGO FOR THE FIRST
TIME SINCE HE LEFT OFFICE, DOING
SOME OF HIS GREATEST HITS.
[LAUGHTER]
WORKING IN SOME NEW SHIT, HE'S
GOT A NEW HUNK ABOUT HE WANTS TO
EXECUTE DRUG DEALERS.
I DON'T THINK DRUG DEALERS
SHOULD BE KILLED UNLESS THEY ARE
VERY, VERY LATE.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
YOU KNOW IT WAS INTERESTING WHEN
TRUMP WAS IN D.C. -- YOU KNOW
WHO ELSE WAS THERE ON THE SAME
DAY MAKING A SPEECH?
MIKE PENCE.
AWKWARD TO.
[LAUGHTER]
FOR OLD TIMES SAKE, TRUMP
INVITED HIM TO HANG.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
ALSO, TRUMP HAD A GOLF
TOURNAMENT A COUPLE DAYS AGO,
DID YOU SEE THIS?
THE SAUDI ARABIANS HAVE A NEW
GOLF LEAGUE EVERYONE HAS SHUNNED
THEM, TRUMP OF COURSE INVITES
THEM IN.
I'VE PLAYED IN A SAUDI GOLF
TOURNAMENT ONCE, MY HANDICAP WAS
THEY BEHEADED MY CADDIE.
[LAUGHTER]
HE HAS THIS GOLF TOURNAMENT WITH
THE SAUDIS AND 9/11 FAMILIES
THOUGHT IT WAS A LITTLE TACKY,
THEY WERE VERY PISTOL OFF ABOUT
THAT.
HERE IS TRUMP'S QUOTE, HE SAID
NOBODY HAS GOTTEN TO THE BOTTOM
OF 9/11.
YES, IT WAS PROBABLY ANTIFA, I
WOULD IMAGINE.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
HE SAID OKAY, THE SAUDIS DID
FINANCE TERRORISTS WHO CRASHED
PLANES INTO THE PENTAGON, BUT
WHO HASN'T SENT A MOB TO ATTACK
THE DESK OUT FUCK.
A BUILDING IN WASHINGTON IS
WHERE I WAS GOING WITH THIS.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
LISTEN TO THIS, THE DOJ,
DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE SAYS WE
ARE GETTING CLOSER, I THINK WE
ARE GOING TO MAYBE SEE A GRAND
JURY -- HOW ABOUT THIS FOR AN
IDEA, WE PUT TRUMP IN JAIL AND
TRADE HIM TO RUSSIA FOR
BRITTNEY GRINER.
OKAY, WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW,
JOHN MCWHORTER AND SAM STEIN ARE
HERE, BUT FIRST.
HE HOSTS THE NEW PODCAST, "THE
CHRIS CUOMO PROJECT" WHICH
RECENTLY BECAME THE NUMBER ONE
PODCAST WITH ITS SECOND EPISODE,
PLEASE WELCOME CHRIS CUOMO!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
HOW ARE YOU?
CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR PODCAST,
THAT SOUNDS GREAT, SOUNDS LIKE
IT'S OFF TO A GREAT START.
AND ARE YOU HAPPY BEING BACK IN
THE SADDLE DOING WHAT YOU DO?
>> HAPPY, PROBABLY NOT THE RIGHT
WORD.
>> Bill: YOU MISS CNN?
>> I FEEL LIKE I LOST A SENSE OF
PURPOSE FOR A WHILE BECAUSE OF
HOW THINGS ENDED.
AND I REALLY BECAME KIND OF
CLEAR -- WE'VE TALKED ABOUT
THIS, JUST SO YOU KNOW, BILL IS
NOT JUST GOOD ON THE SHOW, HE'S
GOOD OFF THE SHOW.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I THANK YOU FOR THAT.
>> Bill: WE ARE JUST FRIENDS.
[LAUGHTER]
JUST SO PEOPLE DON'T --
>> WHEN YOU SAY THAT, NOW THEY
DON'T BELIEVE IT.
[LAUGHTER]
I WANT TO HELP, I WANT TO GET
BACK INTO A WAY OF DOING A FORM
OF WHAT YOU DO.
BREAKING THROUGH THE TOXIC TO
SOME OF POLITICS AND SPEAKING TO
THE VAST BODY OF PEOPLE IN THIS
COUNTRY WHO ARE JUST REGULAR.
>> Bill: YOU DID THAT ON YOUR
CNN SHOW WHICH I SAW RECENTLY IN
THE PAPER, IT WAS A STRUGGLING
NETWORK WHILE YOU WERE THERE AND
YOU ARE ONE OF THE SUCCESS
STORIES.
NOW THE RATINGS IN THAT
TIME SLOT ARE DOWN 53% -- THAT'S
GOT TO FEEL GOOD TO.
>> NO.
>> Bill: COME ON.
>> HONEST.
IT'S A GREAT ORGANIZATION AND
THERE ARE GREAT PEOPLE THERE.
I DON'T DO THAT SHOUT IN FRIGHT
SCHADENFREUDE THING -- I THINK
THE WHOLE ENVIRONMENT IS DOWN
NUMBERS WISE.
I WANT GOOD THING FOR PEOPLE
THERE, I DON'T LIKE HOW IT ENDED
I HAD A GREAT TEAM I DIDN'T GET
TO SAY GOODBYE TO COME I JUST
WANT TO MOVE ON.
THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO COME I
EVERYBODY TO DO WELL, JUST --
>> Bill: FOR PEOPLE WHO DON'T
KNOW WHO YOU ARE, YOUR
BROTHER --
>> I'M BILL'S FRIEND.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: THEY MAY RECOGNIZE
YOU, YOUR BROTHER WAS THE
GOVERNOR OF NEW YORK, AND YOUR
FATHER WAS THE GOVERNOR OF
NEW YORK.
HOW WAS YOUR BROTHER DOING, HOW
IS ANDREW CUOMO?
I HAVE NEVER SEEN A FALL QUITE
THAT STEEP.
HE WAS ABOUT TO BE THE NEXT
NOMINEE FOR THE DEMOCRATIC
PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES
WHEN COVID HIT, HE WAS PUT UP
THERE AS THE POSTER BOY WHO DID
THE BEST JOB WITH COVID, HE WAS
ON TV EVERY DAY.
THEY MADE AN EXCEPTION SO YOU
COULD INTERVIEW YOUR BROTHER
AGAIN, THEN HE HAD THIS GIANT
FALL, HOW EASY, IS HE OKAY?
>> I'M SUPPOSED TO SAY HE'S
GREAT.
BUT THAT WOULD LEAVE WHAT WE
CALL BULLSHIT.
THIS HAS BEEN HARD AND YOU LEARN
A LOT ABOUT THE PEOPLE IN YOUR
LIFE WHEN YOU WATCH THEM
STRUGGLE.
IT'S TRUE WHEN YOU STRUGGLE YOU
LEARN WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE, I'VE
ALWAYS KNOWN WHO MY FRIENDS ARE
FOR A VERY LONG TIME.
HE HAS BEEN IN A STRUGGLE.
I HAVE WATCHED IT AND I AM PROUD
OF HOW HE'S HANDLING HIMSELF.
IT'S HIS JOB TO TELL HIS OWN
STORY AND FIGURE OUT WHAT HE
WANTS HIS FUTURE TO BE BUT HE
HAS DEALT WITH A LOT AND HE'S
DOING WELL.
>> Bill: DID YOU EVER THINK
HIS DOWNFALL WOULD BE WOMEN?
I NEVER PICTURED HIM AS THAT
GUY.
THE KENNEDYS?
OKAY, SURE.
BILL CLINTON?
COME ON.
EVEN HILLARY ONCE SAID HE'S A
HARD DOG TO KEEP ON THE PORCH.
I NEVER THOUGHT THAT WOULD BE
ANDREW CUOMO'S DOWNFALL.
>> ME EITHER.
"OH, BOY, DID YOU HAVE IT WRONG,
BILL."
YOU DON'T H FORESEE THESE KINDSF
THINGS, HE'S NO DIFFERENT FROM
ANYBODY ELSE THAT WAY.
>> Bill: HERE'S THE THING I
DON'T UNDERSTAND ABOUT WHY YOU
HAD TO LEAVE.
THEY WERE MAD AT YOU --
WHATEVER, THEIR STORY.
I DON'T KNOW THAT YOU WERE
ADVISING HIM WHEN HE WAS GOING
THROUGH THIS SCANDAL.
>> I WAS.
>> Bill: YOU WERE.
>> YEAH.
LIKE I SAID ON TV TO ALL OF YOU.
THIS IS MY BROTHER, OBVIOUSLY
I'M NOT OBJECTIVE, OBVIOUSLY I'M
GOING TO HELP HIM, I'M NOT GOING
TO COVER IT HERE, WE HAVE 23
OTHER HOURS IN THE COMFORT OF
PLENTY.
>> Bill: CNN SAID IT VIOLATED
THEIR JOURNALISTIC STANDARDS AND
I SAID SY CNN HAS JOURNALISTIC
STANDARDS?
I'M KIDDING.
THEY DID I DIDN'T MEAN THAT IN A
SNARKY WAY.
ALTHOUGH IT DID COME OUT THAT
WAY.
WHAT I MEANT IS THEY MADE A
CONSCIOUS DECISION TO MOVE MORE
TOWARD OPINION, THEN JUST GIVING
A STRAIGHT NEWS.
WHICH IS SORT OF TRUMP DILEMMA,
YOU HAD TO DO THAT.
IF YOU CAN'T PRETEND THE THINGS
THAT TRUMP WERE DOING WAS
NEUTRAL.
>> I THINK FOR THE SAKE OF
COUNTER POSITION, I DON'T SEE
THAT AS A MOVE TO OPINION.
I THINK THAT IS ADDRESSING THE
NEED OF SERVING PEOPLE'S
INTERESTS.
WE WERE FACED WITH SOMETHING
THAT THE MEDIA HAS NEVER SEEN IN
THIS COUNTRY BEFORE.
WHERE SOMEBODY WEAPONIZED THE
TRUTH AND WON PRETTY MUCH EVERY
FIGHT HE GOT INTO BY ULTIMATELY
BLAMING THE SYSTEM THE PEOPLE
REJECTED, INCLUDING THE MEDIA.
UNPRECEDENTED RISK IS GOING TO
REQUIRE AN UNPRECEDENTED EFFORT
TO.
I DON'T THINK IT WAS ABOUT
MOVING TO OPINION NOT RELYING ON
FACTS AND ANALYSIS BUT THEY HAD
TO TAKE IT ON.
I FELT VERY MUCH THAT WAY, NOT
EVERYBODY DID IT TO THE DEGREE I
DID, IT WAS RISKY TO DO WHAT I
DID TO.
YOU WERE BETTER OFF KEEPING YOUR
HEAD DOWN AND SAY YOU'RE PLAYING
IT STRAIGHT.
AND I SAY THAT'S NOT WHY I DO
THIS JOB, I'M NOT HERE FOR
CONVENIENCE.
I'M NOT HERE TO HIDE, I'M NOT
HERE JUST TO GET THE CHECK AND
THE START OF.
YOU GOT TO TAKE THE RISK WHEN IT
MATTERS.
IT WAS ROUGH.
IT IS STILL ROUGH TO BE SEEN AS
AN ENEMY OF THE FORMER PRESIDENT
WHICH IS NONSENSE, NOT AN ENEMY
TO ANY PERSON, I DON'T WISH HIM
ILL.
I JUST WANT LEADERS TO LEAD AND
TELL THE TRUTH.
I DON'T SEE CNN THAT WAY.
I SAW A LOT OF BRAVE MEN AND
WOMEN DECIDING TO TAKE SOMEBODY
ON WHO HAD A TREMENDOUS ABOUT OF
POWER AND WHO HAD COME AT THEM
BY NAME TWO THAT'S A SCARY
THING.
>> Bill: THE REASON WHY THEY
CAN DO YOU COME, THIS ADVISING,
I'VE READ MANY TIMES THAT SEAN
HANNITY FROM FOX, LAURA INGRAHAM
WERE TEXTING TRUMP ALL THE TIME.
>> YOU WANT ME TO FIRE THEM OR
SOMETHING?
[LAUGHTER]
>> Bill: ISN'T THAT THE SAME
THING?
WE ARE AT THIS PLACE IN SOCIETY
NOW WHERE APPARENTLY THE MEDIA
HAS MERGED -- KIND OF LIKE THE
WAY WE ARE MERGING WITH
ROBOTS -- WITH POLITICS.
THERE'S NO SEPARATION.
LOOK TO THE WHITE HOUSE PRESS
SPOKESMAN IS, IT'S ALWAYS
SOMEBODY -- THE DEMOCRATS ARE
GOING TO HIRE SOMEONE FROM
MSNBC, THE REPUBLICANS ARE GOING
TO HIRE SOMEONE FROM FOX.
WE EACH HAVE OUR OFFICIAL
PLACES, CNN WAS SUPPOSED TO BE
THE MIDDLE.
NOW THE NEW BOSS AT CNN I THINK
HAS SAID HE'S TRYING TO RESTORE
THAT.
IS THAT POSSIBLE IN THIS
PARTISAN COUNTRY THAT WE LIVE IN
TO HAVE THE ONE PLACE I WOULD
LOVE TO SEE THAT, THE ONE PLACE
WHERE I DON'T FEEL LIKE I'M
GETTING ANYBODY'S NARRATIVE.
I JUST FEEL LIKE -- JUST TELL
ME, JUST TELL IT TO ME.
>> FIRST OF ALL, THAT'S CALLED
YOUR SHOW.
THAT'S HOW YOU PHONE AN AUDIENC
AUDIENCE.
>> Bill: TRYING.
>> I'M A FAN OF THE SHOW I HAD A
LOT OF TIME ON MY HANDS
RECENTLY, I'VE BEEN ABLE TO
WATCH BACK EPISODES AND THE
PODCAST WHICH I LOVE BECAUSE
IT'S SUCH A DIFFERENT FEEL,
THAT'S WHY I'M DOING THE CHRIS
CUOMO PROJECT.
I BELIEVE PEOPLE TO WANT AN
ALTERNATIVE.
I BELIEVE THE MAJORITY OF THE
PEOPLE IN THIS COUNTRY ARE WHAT
I CALL FREE AGENTS.
OPEN MINDS AND OPEN HEARTS, THEY
ARE NOT ABOUT PARTY.
[APPLAUSE]
THEY ARE ABOUT RESPECTFUL
CONVERSATION AND YOU CAN
DISAGREE, WE JUST DON'T HAVE TO
SURRENDER TO HITTING A PERSON
YOU DON'T AGREE WITH AND THERE
OPEN TO THE IDEA THAT MAYBE --
>> Bill: OR SEE THE WORLD
DIFFERENTLY.
>> I DON'T THINK IT'S ABOUT
MIDDLE, HERE'S WHY I DON'T LIKE
MIDDLE AND I DON'T LIKE
INDEPENDENCE.
IN AMERICA, WE HAVE TO BE
INTERDEPENDENT.
WE HAVE TO CARE ABOUT EACH
OTHER, YOU CAN'T JUST BE OUT FOR
YOURSELF.
THAT'S WHY I BELIEVE IN
FREE AGENT AS A TERM INSTEAD OF
INDEPENDENCE.
IT MAY BE A SEMANTIC DIFFERENCE
FOR SOME BUT NOT FOR ME.
IT'S THIS TOXIC TO SOME,
EVERYONE HAS BEEN FORCED TO THE
FRINGE, TO PICK A TEAM.
IT'S LIKE BEING A JETS FAN, THE
JETS JUST SUCK AND I AM A JETS
FAN, YOU KNOW THEY ARE GOING TO
SUCK.
LOOK AT THIS DRAFT PICKS, THIS
IS THE YEAR -- YOU DON'T BELIEVE
IT'S.
NOBODY BELIEVES THAT BUT YOU SAY
IT BECAUSE IT'S YOUR TEAM.
OUR POLITICS IS NOT SUPPOSED TO
BE THAT.
I BELIEVE THERE IS A GREAT
CHANCE AND WE ARE AT A TIME IN
OUR HISTORY WHERE THERE IS AN
EXHAUSTION OF BEING FORCED TO
PLAY A GAME THAT PEOPLE DON'T
WANT TO SEE PLAYED.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
YOU'VE HAD PEOPLE IN THIS CHAIR,
I'VE WATCHED THEM SPEAK TO THIS.
MOST PEOPLE IN THIS COUNTRY THEY
AGREE ON ABOUT 80% OF THE
THINGS.
BUT WE NEVER SPEAK TO THEM.
WE DON'T ADDRESS IT THAT WAY, WE
GET FORCED INTO THE GAME AND
THAT IS THE PROBLEM FOR THE
MEDIA AS WELL.
MY DEFENSE OF THE MEDIA IS
THIS -- EVEN THOUGH IT DIDN'T
END SO WELL FOR ME MOST
RECENTLY -- IS THIS.
YOU CAN'T EXPECT THE MEN AND
WOMEN IN THE MEDIA TO NOT PLAY A
GAME THAT EVERYONE ELSE IS
PLAYING.
YOU'RE WATCHING BECAUSE OF THE
GAME, YOU'RE ALLOWING YOURSELF
TO BE PUT ON TEAMS OR IN TRIBES
OR ANYWHERE YOU WANT TO
DESIGNATE IT BUT THEY ARE
SUPPOSED TO SOMEHOW BREAK AWAY
FROM THAT WHEN IT'S WHAT YOU
WANT -- WHEN IT'S WHAT RESONATES
WITH YOU?
I THINK CULTURALLY WE HAVE TO
END THE TWO-PARTY SYSTEM.
IS NOT IN THE CONSTITUTION, IS
NOT IN THE LAW.
PRESIDENT WASHINGTON TOOK MOST
OF HIS FAREWELL ADDRESS TO SAY
AVOID PARTIES AND MEN WHO WILL
SEEK ADVANTAGE IN THEM.
WE DIDN'T LISTEN.
WE NEED MORE PARTIES, WE NEED
RANKED CHOICE VOTING AND WE NEED
A SHAME CAMPAIGN ON PURPLE
STATES TO APPORTION THEIR
ELECTORS.
>> Bill: YOUR FATHER WHO I
ADORED, I THOUGHT SUCH AN
ELEGANT GUY.
>> HE AGREED WITH NONE OF THIS,
BY THE WAY, THAT I JUST SAID TO.
>> Bill: REALLY?
>> HE BELIEVED IN THE
DEMOCRATIC PARTY BUT IT WAS A
DIFFERENT PARTY WHEN HE WAS IN
IT.
>> Bill: ACTUALLY I THINK HE
WOULD COME UP BECAUSE WHAT
YOU'RE SAYING WOULD RESONATE
WITH HIM AS MORE OF THE PARTY
THAT HE KNEW.
>> HE WOULD'VE SAID SHUT UP,
YOU'RE TALKING TOO LONG AND NOT
SAYING ENOUGH.
>> Bill: YOUR BROTHER WAS A
GOVERNOR, YOUR FATHER WAS THE
GOVERNOR, I DON'T KNOW WHY HE
DIDN'T RUN FOR PRESIDENT I
THOUGHT HE COULD HAVE BEEN --
>> YOU WANT TO KNOW THE ANSWER?
>> Bill: HE COULD'VE BEEN THE
ADLAI STEVENSON OF THE 80s, HE
COULD'VE LOST TWICE TO REAGAN
BUT NO BELIEF.
>> HE WASN'T AFRAID OF LOSING,
HE DIDN'T WANT TO RUN FOR
PRESIDENT, IT WASN'T BECAUSE WE
ARE IN THE MOB.
IT'S NOT OFTEN I HEAR THAT --
IT'S REALLY NICE, CUOMO,
MAFIA -- NOT NICE.
HE DIDN'T RUN AND I THINK THIS
WILL RESONATES.
HE DIDN'T RUN BECAUSE HE DIDN'T
THINK HE WAS GOOD ENOUGH TO BE
PRESIDENT.
I SAT AT THE TABLE I LISTENED TO
MY MOTHER, TO MY BROTHER, OTHER
PEOPLE, SAYING YOU CAN BEAT THIS
GUY, YOU CAN BEAT THIS GUY, HE
SAID THAT'S NOT MY MEASURE.
I DON'T BELIEVE I AM THE MAN FOR
THAT JOB.
HE RESPECTED IT.
HE RESPECTED WHAT IT MEANS AND
HE DIDN'T JUST SEE IT AS AN
ARTICLE OF HIS OWN AVARICE AND I
THINK WE CAN GET BACK TO THAT IF
WE START EMPOWERING PEOPLE.
>> Bill: HE WOULD'VE BEEN SUCH
A BETTER PRESIDENT THAN ALMOST
EVERYBODY WHO'S COME AFTER HIM.
THAT'S JUST MY OPINION.
MY LAST QUESTION, WHY NOT YOU?
THE FATHER, THE BROTHER, YOU'VE
GOT THE CROWD WITH YOU LIKE
THIS, WHY DID YOU CHOOSE THIS
INSTEAD OF POLITICS?
YOU SEEM LIKE SUCH A NATURAL.
>> I SEE ALL OF THAT AS INSULTS
BY THE WAY.
I WANT YOU TO KNOW.
>> Bill: YOU SEE TV AS HIGHER
THAN POLITICS?
>> TV?
OF COURSE NOT.
>> Bill: YOU ARE ON TV, YOU
CHOSE BROADCASTING.
>> YES.
>> Bill: WHY IS THAT BETTER?
>> I THINK I CAN MAKE A
DIFFERENCE, ESPECIALLY NOW.
>> Bill: MORE THAN A
POLITICIAN?
>> THEY ARE STUCK IN A GAME I
DON'T HAVE TO PLAY.
[APPLAUSE]
I RECENTLY DECIDED I WANT TO DO
THE CHRIS CUOMO PROJECT, I WANT
TO GROW -- IT'S FREE.
I WANT TO GROW IT AS A PLACE --
I THINK THAT MATTERS, I WON'T
PAY FOR PODCASTS.
>> Bill: MINUS THREE TOO.
>> AND REALLY GOOD.
I WANT TO BUILD THAT COMMUNITY
AND I'M GOING TO NEWS NATION
BECAUSE I BELIEVE IN AN
INSURGENT MEDIA AND I THINK NEWS
NATION HAS A CHANCE TO NOT BE
SEEN AS GROUPTHINK AND A FRESH
APPRAISAL OF WHO'S IN FRONT OF
YOU.
I BELIEVE IN THAT.
I BELIEVE OUR POLITICAL CULTURE
AS LONG AS IT STAYS TWO PARTIES
IS ALL ABOUT FIGURING OUT -- AND
YOU WILL FIND A WAY.
UNFLAWED AND YOU WILL BEAT ME
WITH MY OWN FLAWS AND THAT WILL
BE GOOD ENOUGH.
I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH
THAT.
>> Bill: CHRIS CUOMO NOT
RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT BUT HE
SHOULD.
GREAT TO SEE YOU, YOU DID GREAT.
I WILL DO THE PODCAST AND YOU
WILL DO MINE.
>> IN PERSON.
>> Bill: LET'S MEET OUR PANEL!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪
HE'S WHITE HOUSE EDITOR FOR
POLITICO AND AN MSNBC
CONTRIBUTOR: SAM STEIN.
BACK WITH US, SAM STEIN.
HE'S THE AUTHOR OF THE NEW YORK
TIMES NEWSLETTER AND CONTRIBUTOR
TO "THE GLENN SHOW" PODCAST:
JOHN MCWHORTER.
I DIDN'T MENTION THIS IN THE
MONOLOGUE BUT IT'S THE BIG STORY
OF THE WEEK.
JOE BIDEN BEFORE HE WAS
PRESIDENT WAS KNOWN FOR
BASICALLY TWO THINGS.
HAIR PLUGS AND ONCE SAYING BIG
FUCKING DEAL.
THIS WEEK HE ACTUALLY SIGNED A
BIG FUCKING DEAL.
WE THOUGHT THIS ERA WAS OVER
WHERE PEOPLE COULD MAKE DEALS.
IF YOU HAVEN'T BEEN FOLLOWING
THIS, JOE MANCHIN FINALLY SIGNED
ON.
I WANT TO SHOW YOU WHAT'S IN
THIS DEAL, THIS IS WHAT THEY
CAME UP WITH.
IT'S NOT QUITE SIGNED, SEALED
AND DELIVERED BUT WE PROBABLY
WILL GET THIS.
$369 BILLION FOR CLIMATE,
ELECTRIC VEHICLES, METHANE
CONTROLLING, SOLAR PANELS,
INDUSTRIAL POLLUTION REDUCTION,
THIS MEANS A LOT TO ME.
I DON'T WANT TO BREATHE
POLLUTION, OKAY?
MEDICARE -- WHY IS THIS IN THE
SAME BILL?
I DON'T KNOW WE WILL ANSWER THIS
ON A DIFFERENT SHOW.
IT'S LIKE WITH CABLE TV, WHY
CAN'T I JUST GET HBO AND NOT
THESE SIX CHANNELS I DON'T WANT
TO?
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THIS WAS ORIGINALLY THE BUILD
BACK BETTER BILL WHICH WAS A
$1.7 TRILLION BILL, THEY GOT IT
DOWN TO 450 BILLION WHICH USED
TO BE A LOT.
NEGOTIATING PRESCRIPTION DRUG
PRICES, NO BRAIN OR THEY
SHOULD'VE HAD A LONG TIME AGO.
WE HAVE OBAMACARE, 15% CORPORATE
MINIMUM TAX ON COMPANIES THAT
MAKE A BILLION DOLLARS IN PROFIT
ANYMORE, THIS IS A BIG THING.
SORRY AMAZON, YOU'RE GOING TO
HAVE TO PAY SOMETHING.
IRS, FUNDING OF THE TAX POLICE.
REPUBLICANS DEFUNDED THE TAX
POLICE.
$600 BILLION A YEAR GOES
UNCOLLECTED AND DEFICIT
REDUCTION, THERE IS SOMETHING
FOR THE CONSERVATIVES.
THIS IS WHAT A MATURE GOVERNING
USED TO LOOK LIKE.
I GUESS MY QUESTION IS WHERE ARE
WE ON BIDEN NOW?
A WEEK AGO HE WAS DEAD IN THE
WATER.
IS THIS SAVABLE NOW BECAUSE OF
THIS?
>> I THINK IT'S A BEAUTIFUL
THING.
IN THIS ROBERT CARO,
LYNDON JOHNSON ERA WERE THINGS
ACTUALLY HAPPEN BECAUSE OF
COMPROMISE -- WHAT I DON'T GET
IS WHY WE HAD THIS BAIT AND
SWITCH, WHAT WAS THE SURPRISE,
FIRST JOE MANCHIN IS FOR IT,
THEN HE'S AGAINST IT.
HIS HISTORY CHANGED ON THE BASIS
OF SOMEBODY WHO IS A BOOB?
[LAUGHTER]
A [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
WAS HE NOT PAYING ATTENTION?
>> Bill: IT WENT FROM
$1.7 TRILLION TO $450 BILLION.
$1.2 TRILLION IS NOTHING TO YOU?
IT SEEMS LIKE THEY PAIRED IT WAY
DOWN TO SOMETHING MUCH MORE
PRACTICAL.
>> MENTIONS IMPRINT IS ALL OVER
THIS.
THERE WERE BAIT AND SWITCH, A
LOT OF TIMES THE LEFT FELT LIKE
THEY WERE THE VICTIMS OF IT, IN
THIS CASE THE RIGHT FEELS LIKE
THEY ARE THE VICTIMS OF IT
BECAUSE HE WAS AGAINST THE
CLIMATE PROVISIONS, THEN SAID HE
WAS FOR THEM ONLY AFTER THE
SENATE PASSED A TOTALLY
DIFFERENT BILL SO McCONNELL
LOOKS A LITTLE BIT SILLY.
TO YOUR POINT, THIS IS A HUGE
DEAL.
IF THIS GETS PASSED ANY ONE OF
THOSE POSITIONS PASSED UNDER
PRIOR PRESIDENCY, DEMOCRATIC
PRESIDENT WOULD HAVE BEEN
HISTORIC.
THE PRESCRIPTION DRUG THING HAS
BEEN A THING THEY WANTED TO
ACHIEVE FOR DECADES, THEY WILL
GET THAT IN ADDITION TO THAT,
$370 BILLION IN CLIMATE
INVESTMENTS, THAT'S A HISTORICAL
MARKER FOR A PRESIDENCY.
THE PROBLEM IS EXPECTATIONS WERE
MADE SO HIGH -- PARTIALLY HIS
OWN FAULT, HE SET THEM HIGH,
WHEN THEY GO THROUGH THIS
LOGICAL COMPROMISE THE LEFT
FEELS LIKE IT'S A LETDOWN.
>> Bill: IT'S NOT.
THIS IS OUR GOVERNMENT USED TO
WORK, THAT'S HOW GOVERNMENT DOES
WORK, IT'S THE ONLY WAY IT
WORKS.
>> I STILL CAN'T GET PAST TWO
WEEKS AGO WE THOUGHT NOTHING WAS
GOING TO HAPPEN AT ALL IN TERMS
OF CLIMATE CHANGE AND ALL OF A
SUDDEN IT WAS.
IT ALMOST SEEMS AS IF MANCHIN
WASN'T PAYING ENOUGH ATTENTION
AND HE SAW HOW UPSET PEOPLE WERE
AND CHANGED HIS MIND?
IT SEEMS ON STATESMEN LIKE HE
CHANGE SO ABRUPTLY AND FOR NO
EXPLANATORY REASON.
>> Bill: I'M NOT GOING TO BACK
THERE WITH YOU.
YOU HAVE A HARD ON FOR
JOE MANCHIN I DON'T KNOW WHY.
>> WHAT THAT HE DO TO YOU?
SPEAK OF CLOUD THE TAKING OVER
THIS COUNTRY IS STILL
DONALD TRUMP.
HE WAS MAKING THIS SPEECH IN
WASHINGTON, HE SAID THIS -- THIS
IS THE END OF HIS SPEECH WHICH I
REALLY THINK -- IF I RENOUNCE MY
BELIEFS IF I AGREED TO STAY
SILENT, IF I STAYED AT HOME AND
TOOK IT EASY, THE PERSECUTION OF
DONALD TRUMP, THIRD PERSON WOULD
STOP IMMEDIATELY.
THAT'S NOT WHAT I WILL DO, I
CAN'T DO THAT, I HAVE TO SAVE
OUR COUNTRY.
THIS SCARES ME -- IT'S
MESSIANIC.
I HAVE TO SAVE OUR COUNTRY.
TO ME HE'S BACK IN THE RACE.
>> 100%.
IT'S REALLY A MATTER OF WHEN HE
WANTS TO DECIDE HE'S GOING TO
DECLARE HIS CANDIDACY.
THERE'S SOMETHING IRONIC WITH
HIM SAYING I COULD STAY HOME AND
TWO DAYS LATER PLAYING IN THE
PRO-AM AT THE LIVE GOLF ORNAMENT
AT HIS COUNTRY CLUB -- I THOUGHT
THE SPEECH WAS PECULIAR
ESPECIALLY FOR A TRUMPET SPEECH
TOO, THE BIG POLICY IDEA WAS TO
TAKE HOMELESS PEOPLE AND CREATE
TENT CITIES OUTSIDE OF CITIES
WHERE YOU CAN STORE HOMELESS
PEOPLE.
>> Bill: I DON'T WANT TO GET
OFF ON THIS TOPIC TOO MUCH, THE
COMPASSIONATE VIEW FROM THE LEFT
IS KEEP THEM ON THE SIDEWALK.
I DON'T GET THAT EITHER.
WE ARE THE MOST COMPASSIONATE
PEOPLE, STAY ON THE SIDEWALK.
[APPLAUSE]
>> IT MAKES THEM BORING AND
"LEAVE IT TO BEAVER" FOR THEM TO
THAT WANT TO HAVE A HOME, IT'S
TOO CONFORMIST TO PUT THEM IN
HOUSES.
>> Bill: WALLY JUST DIED TO.
>> I FORGOT ABOUT --
>> Bill: TOO SOON, TOO SOON!
>> I SHOULDN'T HAVE BROUGHT IT
UP.
[LAUGHTER]
>> Bill: THIS IS FROM A GUY
NAMED JACQUELINE CHECK, THESE
JANUARY 6TH HEARINGS, I GOT TO
SAY I WAS SKEPTICAL, THEY HAVE
BEEN PRETTY PROFESSIONAL.
THEY REALLY HAVE DELIVERED, I
KNOW A LOT OF PEOPLE WEREN'T
WATCHING BUT IF YOU DID, IT'S
PRETTY IMPRESSIVE BECAUSE THE
OTHER SIDE IS GOING TO SAY IT'S
ALL POLITICAL.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
IT COULDN'T POSSIBLY BE ALL
POLITICAL BECAUSE ALL THE PEOPLE
WHO ARE WITNESSES AND
PROSECUTING IT ARE REPUBLICANS.
THIS IS TRUMP LAWYER, THEY ARE
PLAYING THE EMAILS NOW.
LISTEN TO THIS ONE.
"WE WOULD JUST BE SENDING IN
FAKE ELECTORAL VOTES TO PENCE SO
THAT SOMEONE IN CONGRESS CAN
MAKE AN OBJECTION WHEN THEY
START COUNTING VOTES AND START
ARGUING THAT THE FAKE ONES
SHOULD BE COUNTED."
THEN HE SENT A FOLLOW-UP EMAIL
SAYING "YOU KNOW, ALTERNATIVE
VOTES IS PROBABLY A BETTER TERM
THAN FAKE BOATS."
ADDING A SMILEY EMOJI.
>> WE SHOULD GO TO THE LINGUIST
ON THIS ONE.
>> Bill: PLOTTING A COUP TO
SEIZE POWER, HAND CLAP EMOJI.
>> WHAT'S THE PROPER EMOJI?
IF YOU WANT TO BE
"COMPASSIONATE," IT SEEMS TO ME
THE ONLY WAY TO EXPLAIN ALL THAT
AS THE ACTIONS OF RATIONAL
COGNITIVELY SOUND HUMAN BEINGS
AS THEY REALLY DO BELIEVE WE HAD
A COMPLETE REVOLUTION IN THE
SAME WAY AS THE UNITED STATES
BROKE AWAY FROM BRITAIN.
WE NEED TO BLOW IT ALL UP AND
START AGAIN, EXCEPT THAT IT WAS
THE MEGALOMANIACAL NOTIONS OF
TRUMP PERSONALLY AND CRAVEN
PEOPLE FOLLOWING HIM, THE
COMPASSION DOESN'T WORK BUT I'M
TRYING TO MAKE IT CLEAR IN SOME
WAY THAT THESE ARE ACTUAL
HUMAN BEINGS AND TRY TO
UNDERSTAND THEM.
IT SIMPLY DOESN'T WORK, IS IT A
REVOLUTION OR IS IT ALL ABOUT
DEALING WITH THAT BABY AND
TRYING TO BASE YOUR CAREER ON
THAT?
WE'VE SEEN ALL THESE MEMOIRS
COMING OUT WHERE PEOPLE TRY TO
EXPLAIN WHY THEY DID IT.
>> Bill: YOU HAVE THIS PHRASE
A SMOKING GUN, IT ALWAYS COMES
UP -- WHAT DO THEY WANT?
THEY HAVE THEM ON TAPE SAYING
CAN YOU FIND ME 11,000 VOTES?
THEY HAVE THIS GUY -- AND I
UNDERSTAND MERRICK GARLAND HAS A
BIG DECISION HERE AS THE
ATTORNEY GENERAL OF THE
UNITED STATES.
WHETHER TO CALL A GRAND JURY.
I GET THE ARGUMENT WHY NOT
BECAUSE THEY ARE GOING TO BE
CRYING THERE TEARS IF THEIR BOY
IS IN JAIL.
LET ME ASK YOU THIS, IMAGINE THE
SCENARIO AND TELL ME YOUR
REACTION.
WHAT HAPPENS IF THEY ACTUALLY DO
GO TO COURT WHICH THEY SHOULD IN
MY OPINION, WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF
WE -- WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF YOU
DON'T?
THERE WILL BE SUBSEQUENT
ATTEMPTS, HOW DO I KNOW THIS?
BECAUSE HE'S ALREADY ATTEMPTED
SUBSEQUENTLY, HE'S ALREADY DOING
IT AGAIN.
WHAT IF THEY DID THIS AND WON
THE CASE?
IF YOU GUYS BRING THIS, YOU GOT
TO WIN THE CASE, HE'S IN JAIL.
MY THEORY, THE REPUBLICANS WOULD
SECRETLY LOVE IT.
I THINK THEY WOULD FUCKING LOVE
IT.
HE IS OUT OF WAY, NOT OUR
FAULT -- THE WAY ARAB COUNTRIES
SECRETLY LOVED IT WHEN ISRAEL
WOULD BOMB IRAQ OR IRAN.
>> THERE'S SOMETHING TO IT, THE
SLOT OF REPUBLICANS IF YOU TALK
PRIVATELY CAN'T STAND THE GUY,
WHICH SHE WOULD GO AWAY -- I
DON'T KNOW IF THEY WANT HIM
SHACKLED BUT THEY WOULDN'T
TOTALLY DISAPPOINTED.
>> Bill: THEY CAN PRETEND THEY
ARE PERSECUTED WHICH IS WHAT
THEY LOVE TO DO MORE THAN
ANYTHING.
>> THEY WOULD FUND RAISE WELL
OFF OF IT.
MEANWHILE IT WOULD BE LIKE WHEN
HE WAS OFF TWITTER.
>> TO THE SUBSTANCE OF THIS HE'S
GOT TRUTH SOCIAL NOW.
>> Bill: NOT IN JAIL HE
DOESN'T.
>> HE'LL HAVE SOMEONE SENT OUT
HIS TRUTHS FOR HIM.
>> AND IT WILL BE LIKE PAUL
SORVINO -- TOO SOON?
>> COME ON!
>> TOUGH WEEK.
>> WE SHOULD TAKE A MOMENT.
[LAUGHTER]
>> THE MERRICK GARLAND SITUATION
IS CRAZY COMPLEX.
I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S AS SOLID OF
A CASE BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY THE
EVIDENCE IS NOT ADMISSIBLE IN A
CRIMINAL TRIAL VERSUS A
CONGRESSIONAL HEARING AND OF
COURSE ALL THE POLITICAL FACTORS
THAT COME WITH IT.
THE REMEDY FOR THIS IS OUR
CONSTITUTION, THEY HAD A SECOND
IMPEACHMENT TRIAL AROUND THIS
ISSUE.
CONGRESS PUNTED THE ISSUE, THEY
SAID THEY DIDN'T WANT TO DEAL
WITH IT, THEY DIDN'T WANT TO
PURSUE THE REMEDY OF PROHIBITING
HIM FROM RUNNING AN OFFICE WHICH
THEY COULD HAVE DONE TRIAL.
THAT IS WHAT THE SYSTEM OF
CHECKS AND BALANCES ARE.
GARLAND CAN GO FORWARD WITH
THIS.
>> Bill: HE WILL HAVE TO
BECAUSE CONGRESS CAN'T CHARGE
SOMEONE WITH A CRIME, THEY ARE
LAYING OUT THE CASE AND SHOWING
THE BLUEPRINT.
IF ONLY THE JUSTICE DEPARTMENT
CAN DO THIS AND
MERRICK GARLAND -- HIS STATEMENT
WAS THAT JUSTICE DEPARTMENT IS
MOVING URGENTLY.
>> NO.
>> Bill: IT'S BEEN A YEAR AND
A HALF SINCE THE CRIME WAS
COMMITTED I WOULDN'T CALL THAT
URGENT.
IF HE'S GOT IT IN HIS BACK
POCKET, I GET IT, WE HAVE THE
HEARING'S FIRST.
BRING TO JUSTICE EVERYONE WHO IS
CRIMINALLY RESPONSIBLE, THIS IS
THE KEY PHRASE -- CRIMINALLY.
OBSTRUCTING A JOINT SESSION OF
CONGRESS, I THINK THAT WOULD BE
FAIRLY EASY TO PROVE IN COURT.
IF YOU GET SOMEONE ON THE JURY
WHO IS A DYED IN THE WOOL
TRUMPER, THAT'S THE PROBLEM.
SPEAK OUT THAT'S THE PROBLEM AND
THAT'S ALSO OUR SYSTEM.
>> Bill: YOU'VE GOT TO TRY.
>> IT'S SAID THE IMPORTANCE OF
THIS IS PROBABLY MORE FOR THE
HISTORY IN THE MATTER OF
PRINCIPLE THAN IN EFFECTING WHO
WOULD VOTE FOR THE MAN IF HE RAN
AGAIN AND HOW PEOPLE WHO ARE
ALIGNED WITH HIM FEEL.
IT SEEMS TO BE NO MATTER HOW
THIS COMES OUT INCLUDING TRUMP
WINDING UP BEHIND BARS THAT
ACTUALLY HE WOULD STILL HAVE THE
SAME AMOUNT OF FANS, IT WOULD
NOT AFFECT WHO WOULD VOTE FOR
HIM BECAUSE BELIEF IN HIM HAS
BECOME A KIND OF RELIGION.
WOULD IT AFFECT THE WAY PEOPLE
FELT ABOUT HIM IF THIS CAME OUT?
>> Bill: ELECTIONS ARE WON ON
THE MARGINS AND WE SEE THIS.
IT IS NOT A LARGE PERCENTAGE OF
REPUBLICANS WHO HAVE BEEN
AFFECTED BY THE JANUARY 6TH
HEARINGS, BUT IT COULD BE
ENOUGH.
LIKE 6%.
MORE THAN THAT OF INDEPENDENTS.
>> DO YOU MEAN THEM SAYING THEY
HOPE HE WON'T RUN?
OR THAT THEY WANT TO VOTE FOR
HIM?
>> Bill: THAT'S THE THING,
THEY SAY THEY HOPE YOU WON'T BUT
THEY WOULD STILL VOTE FOR HIM.
THAT'S HOW MUCH THEY HATE THE
DEMOCRATS.
>> I THINK BILL IS RIGHT, YOU
HAVE TO LOOK THROUGH A COUPLE
DIFFERENT PRISMS.
YOU LOOK AT THESE FOCUS GROUPS
OF TRUMP VOTERS, I'M JUST SO
TIRED OF IT.
THEY WATCH THESE HEARINGS I
DON'T WANT TO DEAL THIS ANYMORE,
THAT COULD POTENTIALLY HAMPER
THEM IN A PRIMARY BUT LET'S SAY
HE DOES WIN A PRIMARY, HE'S
PROBABLY A FAVOR TO DO IT IF HE
RUNS AGAIN.
>> THIS IS BETWEEN HIM --
>> I THINK ON THE MARGINS, 2020
WAS A TEST RUN OF THIS, ON THE
MARGINS THERE ARE ENOUGH PEOPLE
IN THE MIDDLE WHO WILL FLIP JUST
BEFORE BUT MORE THAN THAT
THERE'S A LOT OF PEOPLE ON THE
REPUBLICAN SIDE IN 2020
SPECIFICALLY WHO VOTED FOR DOWN
BALLOT REPUBLICAN CANDIDATES BUT
DID NOT VOTE FOR TRUMP.
WHEN YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT AN
ELECTION DECIDED BY 10,000 VOTES
IN ONE STATE, 20,000 IN ANOTHER
THAT MATTERS.
I THINK TRUMP IS INHERENTLY A
WEEK GENERAL ELECTION CANDIDATE.
>> Bill: THESE ELECTIONS ARE
COMING UP IN THREE MONTHS, ONE
OF THE CANDIDATES IN GEORGIA IS
HERSCHEL WALKER.
[LAUGHTER]
SOME HERSCHEL WALKER FAMINES.
HE WAS A GREAT PLAYER BUT I GOT
TO TELL YOU FOOTBALL IS A ROUGH
SPORT.
THIS GUY -- THE REPUBLICAN
ABILITY TO NOMINATE PEOPLE WHO
HAVE ZERO INTEREST IN HOW
GOVERNMENT WORKS OR IN HIS CASE,
ANYTHING.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
HE HAS BEEN COMMENTING ON
SCIENTIFIC MATTERS THIS YEAR, HE
SAID "SINCE WE DON'T CONTROL THE
AIR, OUR GOOD AIR DECIDED TO
FLOAT OVER CHINA'S BAD AIR, SO
WHEN CHINA GETS OUR GOOD AIR,
THEIR BAD AIR GOT TO MOVE.
UP SO IT MOVES OVER TO OUR GOOD
AIRSPACE.
SO NOW, WE GOT TO CLEAN THAT
BACK UP."
THAT'S HIM ON CLIMATE CHANGE.
THIS IS WHAT HE SAID ABOUT
EVOLUTION A FEW MONTHS AGO HE
SAID "AT ONE TIME, SCIENCE SAID
MAN CAME FROM APES, DID IT NOT?
IF THAT IS TRUE, WHY ARE THERE
STILL APES?"
>> AT COMIC NOTICE IT'S AT ONE
TIME SCIENCE SAID THAT.
>> Bill: HE HAS A NEW BOOK
CALLED "THINK ABOUT IT."
YOU'VE HEARD OF BILL NYE THE
SCIENCE GUY?
THIS IS HERSCHEL WALKER THE
SCIENCE STALKER.
ALIEN LIFE: THE PLANET PLUTO
MUST BE POPULATED WITH ANIMALS.
OTHERWISE, WHY IS IT NAMED AFTER
A DOG?
THINK ABOUT IT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THE EARTH: ANYONE WHO THINKS THE
EARTH IS FLAT HAS NEVER SEEN A
MOUNTAIN.
THINK ABOUT IT.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
FOSSILS: THESE ARE THE REMAINS
OF ANIMALS FROM A LONG TIME AGO
WHO DIED AFTER TURNING INTO A
ROCK.
THINK ABOUT IT.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
TIME TRAVEL: TIME TRAVEL IS
POSSIBLE, BUT YOU CAN ONLY GO
ONE WAY, INTO THE FUTURE, AND
YOU CAN ONLY DO IT ONE SECOND AT
A TIME.
THINK ABOUT IT.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
POLLINATION: FLOWERS CAN'T HAVE
SEX.
SO THEY MAKE BEES CARRY THEIR
LOAD TO THE SEXIEST SUNFLOWER
AND BUST A NUT IN ITS FACE.
THINK ABOUT IT.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THE HUMAN REPRODUCTIVE CYCLE: IT
CAN TAKE UP TO SIX DAYS AFTER
SEX FOR THE SPERM AND THE EGG TO
JOIN UP AND START A BABY, THUS
ALLOWING THE MALE TIME TO GET
AWAY.
THINK ABOUT IT.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
MOLECULES: MOLECULES ARE MADE UP
WHEN TWO ADAMS COME TOGETHER.
OH MAN, I JUST REALIZED
MOLECULES ARE GAY!
THINK ABOUT IT.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THE EQUATOR: THE EQUATOR DIVIDES
THE EARTH INTO A TOP AND A
BOTTOM.
OH MAN, I JUST REALIZED THE
EARTH IS GAY, TOO!
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I PARTLY DID THAT BECAUSE I READ
WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT HERSCHEL.
YOU SAID IT'S HARD TO IMAGINE
REPUBLICANS BACKING A WHITE
CANDIDATE SO PROFOUNDLY AND
SHAMELESSLY UNSUITED FOR THE
ROLE.
REALLY, MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE?
SARAH PALIN, DONALD TRUMP?
>> I HONESTLY THINK THAT TWO OF
THOSE PEOPLE, MARJORIE TAYLOR
GREENE AND SARAH PALIN COULD AT
LEAST FAKE IT OR IN SARAH
PALIN'S CASE WERE ON THEIR WAY
TO BEING ABLE TO FAKE IT IN A
WAY THAT HERSCHEL WALKER SHOWS
NO SIGN -- DONALD TRUMP IS
ACTUALLY DIRECTLY COMPARABLE AND
HE SEEMS TO BE THE ONE WHO IS
PRIMARILY RESPONSIBLE FOR GIVING
WALKER THE CAP TO BE A S SEPIA
VERSION OF HIM.
I CAN'T HELP THINKING THAT PART
OF IT WAS THE IDEA THAT HIS
BLACKNESS WOULD TAKE A CERTAIN
NUMBER OF VOTES AWAY FROM THE
BLACK RAPHAEL WARNOCK.
IT'S A SHAME BECAUSE IF ANYBODY
FEELS THAT IT'S WRONG TO CALL
WALKER OUT FOR BEING PROFOUNDLY
UNQUALIFIED FOR THE OFFICE ON
THE SENSE THAT IT'S RACIST, I
MUST SAY THAT I WORRY.
I IMAGINE THERE IS GOING TO BE
THIS BLACK PERSON STANDING UP
THERE IN THE ROLE OF A SENATOR
AND HE WOULD LOSE AN ARGUMENT
WITH A BOX OF HAIR AND
NEVERTHELESS IS BEING PROPOSED
AS A SERIOUS PERSON AND HE'S
BLACK.
THE OPTICS OF THAT WOULD BE
TRULY AWFUL AND I WOULD HATE FOR
PEOPLE TO USE KID GLOVES WITH A
WALKER OUT OF A SENSE THAT IT
WOULD BE WRONG TO ZERO IN TOO
MUCH ON HIS FLAWS BECAUSE HE'S A
MEMBER OF A PREVIOUSLY OPPRESSED
RACE.
I THINK IT'S A SHAME, YOU HAVE
TO CALL IT THAT YOU SEE IT
SOMETIMES.
[APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: AND YOU DO SO WELL.
WE DO SEEM TO ALWAYS BE THESE
DAYS PRETENDING THINGS.
ARE NOT TRUE OUT OF RACIAL
SENSITIVITY OR ICY WITH
MONKEYPOX, I THINK 99% IS --
WHAT WE CALL IT NOW?
MEN HAVING SEX WITH MEN
COMMUNITY?
[LAUGHTER]
BUT THEY DON'T WANT TO MAKE IT A
GAY THING?
DIDN'T WE SEE THIS MOVIE, SHOULD
WE BE PROTECTING PEOPLE FROM THE
DISEASE, NOT THE LANGUAGE?
>> I'M STILL GRAPPLING WITH THE
IMAGE OF A B BUSTING ON NOT ON A
FLOWER.
[LAUGHTER]
I AGREE YOU LOSE A LITTLE BIT OF
THE PUBLIC POLICY IMPORTANCE,
THE COMMUNICATION IMPORTANCE,
ESPECIALLY IN THE COMPLICATED
AND HARROWING HEALTH CRISIS IF
YOU CAN'T USE SIMPLE HEALTH
LANGUAGE.
HEALTH PROFESSIONALS
PARTICULARLY, THIS IS NOT JUST
ABOUT LANGUAGE, THEY HAVE BEEN
SO CONSUMED WITH TRYING NOT
TO -- TRYING NOT TO DISSUADE
COMMUNITIES FROM DOING CERTAIN
THINGS AND BEING OVERLY CAUTIOUS
WHEN ALL PEOPLE REALLY WANT IS
THE TRUTH.
TELL ME LIKE IT IS AND I CAN
PROTECT MY FAMILY.
>> IT'S INTERESTING ABOUT
HISTORY, THEY SAY WE ARE
SUPPOSED TO LEARN FROM HISTORY.
IF YOU READ A LITTLE BIT OF
HISTORY AND I DON'T MEAN ANY
SOPHISTICATED WAY READ A
BIOGRAPHY OF ANGLIN ROOSEVELT OR
THURGOOD MARSHALL, THERE'S A DOG
THAT DOESN'T BARK, SOMETHING
MISSING.
VERY EARNEST PEOPLE WERE NOT
CONCERNED WITH WHAT THE NAMES OF
THINGS ARE THE WAY WE ARE AND
LOOKING AT THIS STUFF, YOU THINK
WE ARE MISSING SOMETHING NOW,
THERE'S SOMETHING WE COULD TEACH
THEM, YOU NEED TO SHIFT TO THE
LANGUAGE AROUND IN ORDER TO MAKE
LIFE BETTER FOR PEOPLE.
THERE IS NO INDICATION THAT
HAPPENS, YOU CHANGE THE NAME OF
THINGS, YOU SHAME PEOPLE FOR
CALLING THINGS AND LIFE GOES ON
END.
IT DOESN'T HELP ANYBODY THAT YOU
CHANGE THE NAME, WHAT WERE THOSE
PEOPLE MISSING?
WE NEED TO GO BACK TO WHAT THEY
DID WHICH IS DO THINGS THAN TALK
ABOUT THE NAMES OF THINGS.
>> Bill: YOU MORE THAN ANY ONE
RIGHT SO ON THE IDEA THAT WORDS
DO SHAPE IDEAS, IDEAS SHAPE
ACTIONS.
>> THEY SHAPE IDEAS FOR ABOUT
TEN SECONDS IN THE SENSE OF
GIVING THINGS DIFFERENT NAMES.
IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT IS
THOUGHT OF SOMETHING -- AFTER
ABOUT 10 MINUTES, THE GNATS THAT
SETTLED ON THIS SETTLE BACK ON
THAT NAME.
WE HAVE CRIPPLED, HANDICAPPED,
DISABLED, NEXT YEAR IT WILL BE
SOMETHING ELSE.
>> Bill: LET'S GO BACK TO WHAT
WE WERE TALKING ABOUT 5 MINUTES
AGO.
>> THE BE?
[LAUGHTER]
CAN'T GET OVER IT.
>> Bill: DEAD TV STARS.
NO, INSURRECTION.
THE DEMOCRATS WANT TO CALL WHAT
HAPPENED AT THE CAPITAL
INSURRECTION, THAT WORD -- AND I
THINK IT WAS AN INSURRECTION --
LEADS YOU TO CRIMINALITY.
TRUMP IS SUING CNN BECAUSE HE
DOESN'T WANT THEM TO KEEP
CALLING IT THE BIG LIE.
THEY CALL IT STOP THE STEAL.
WHAT DO WE CALL PEOPLE?
I READ 538 HAS COUNTED ALL THE
GOVERNORS, SENATORS,
CONGRESSMEN, SECRETARIES OF
STATE ALL THE PEOPLE WHO ARE UP
FOR OFFICE IN THREE MONTHS, 120
ARE ELECTION DENIERS.
WE HAVE ALL THESE TERMS.
IS IT THE STEEL, THE LIE, THE
INSURRECTION -- WHAT DO WE CALL
PEOPLE WHO ARE I THINK -- I
THINK THAT IS THE RIGHT TERM.
THEY ARE GOING TO SAY THAT'S
JUST YOUR LANGUAGE.
>> IT'S TOPS, I'M IN AN INDUSTRY
WHERE THESE THINGS REALLY DO
MATTER.
WE WANT TO BE ABLE TO CONVEY A
STORY IN A SENSE THAT THE
READERS CAN TRUST IT AND FEEL
LIKE WE AREN'T PUTTING OUR
FINGERS ON THE SCALE AND I TAKE
CHRIS'S POINT IN THE PANEL, WE
HAVE TO EARN READER TRUST BACK.
IT'S AN X ESSENTIAL CRISIS THAT
WE DON'T HAVE IT AND WE'VE LOST
IT.
THESE ARE COMMON EDITORIAL
DEBATES, HOW DO YOU ACTUALLY
PROPERLY DEFINE THE PEOPLE WHO
STORM THE CAPITAL AND DO THE
PEOPLE WHO WERE THERE FOR THAT
COMMON DEFINITION?
IT'S NOT SO EASY, WE STRUGGLE TO
FIND THE RIGHT TERMINOLOGY.
IT WOULD BE NICE AND CONVENIENT
IF WE COULD AGREE ON CERTAIN
WORDS TO DESCRIBE CERTAIN
THINGS, IT'S DIFFICULT TO.
>> THERE ARE ALWAYS GOING TO BE
COMPETING TERMS IN THE IDEA THAT
THE TERM YOU USE IS GOING TO
CHANGE THE WAY PEOPLE THINK
ABOUT SOMETHING IS OVERBLOWN.
ONE NOW I'M ADHERING 2 OUT OF 1
CAUTION, TWO I HAVE BIGGER FISH
TO FRY AND THREE I KIND OF
UNDERSTAND.
SLAVE AND SLEEVED PERSON.
SLAVE IMPLIES IT'S THIS PERSON'S
PERMANENT STATE AND ENSLAVED
PERSON SHOWS IT'S A HUMAN BEING
WHO WAS IN THE CONDITION OF
BEING ENSLAVED.
I AM QUITE SURE IN 20 YEARS WE
WILL BE TEACHING THE YOUNG
PEOPLE THAT ENSLAVED PEOPLE WERE
NOT INHERENTLY ENSLAVED, IT'S
THE CONCEPT THAT HAVE TO CHANGE,
NOT THE NAME OF IT.
I THINK WE NEED TO PAY A LITTLE
LESS ATTENTION TO IT BECAUSE
IT'S EASY TO TALK ABOUT -- TO
TALK ABOUT NAMES OF THINGS AND
I'M NOT ACCUSING YOU OF THIS OF
SHAMING PEOPLE FOR USING THE
WRONG WORDS, YOU GOT TWITTER,
YOU SUCK.
IT'S HARDER TO CHANGE THE WORLD
BUT LIFE HAS ALWAYS BEEN HARD.
>> Bill: IT'S SO STUPID.
HOMELESS OR PERSON EXPERIENCING
HOMELESSNESS, WHAT DOES IT
MATTER IF YOU'RE LIVING ON THE
SIDEWALK?
DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT.
IT'S SO SILLY, WHAT A STUPID
COUNTRY.
GREAT TO BE BACK, TIME FOR NEW
RULES, EVERYBODY!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪
NEW RULE: DEMOCRATS MUST ADMIT
THAT WHILE THIS PICTURE MAKES
JOE BIDEN LOOK WAY TOO OLD TO BE
THE 2024 NOMINEE, IT ALSO MAKES
MAYOR PETE LOOK WAY TOO YOUNG.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
NEW RULE: NOW THAT THE HIPSTER
TECH COMPANY SHOPIFY IS LAYING
OFF 14% OF ITS WORKFORCE, THEY
HAVE TO TELL ME WHO'S GETTING
THE AX.
IS IT THESE GUYS PLAYING
FOOSBALL?
[LAUGHTER]
OR THE ONES IN THE ROOM FULL OF
STUFFED BEARS?
[LAUGHTER]
OR THE ONES IN THE WOODEN
TEEPEES?
WHAT ABOUT THE GUY IN THE
HAMMOCK ROOM?
THE GUY IN THE EMPLOYEE "JAM
ROOM"?
THE GUY RIDING THE OFFICE
GO-CART?
WHERE ARE THESE POOR LAID OFF
WORKERS GOING TO FIND ANOTHER
WORK ENVIRONMENT LIKE THAT?
OH RIGHT -PRESCHOOL.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
NEW RULE: NOW THAT RUSSIA SAYS
THAT RELATIONS WITH AMERICA ARE
SO BAD IT DOESN'T WANT TO BE
WITH US ANYMORE AND IS GOING TO
MOVE OUT OF THE INTERNATIONAL
SPACE STATION.
FINE, WHATEVER.
GO.
DON'T LET THE DOCKING MODULE HIT
YOU IN THE ASS.
ENJOY YOUR NEW SPACE STATION
WITH YOUR WHORE GIRLFRIEND!
BECAUSE I FOUND A YOUNGER,
HOTTER ASTRONAUT ON TINDER AND
I'LL BE ZERO-GRAVITY-BANGING HER
IN OUR OLD BED.
CALL IT A REBOUND, I DON'T GIVE
A SHIT.
THEY'RE TWICE THE COSMONAUT
YOU'LL EVER BE!
[LAUGHTER]
I KNOW.
FOR BEST PERFORMANCE IN A
DRAMATIC --
NEW RULE: THE AIRPORT SMOKING
LOUNGE MUST BE RENAMED "THE
SHAME ZOO."
GO AHEAD, KIDS.
TAP THE GLASS.
THEY CAN'T HURT YOU.
SOME OF THEM WILL EVEN EAT
NICORETTE GUM RIGHT OUT OF YOUR
HAND.
[LAUGHTER]
NEW RULE: SYLVESTER STALLONE HAS
TO COME UP WITH A SECOND THING
TO DO IN A PICTURE BESIDES,
"I'MA GUNNA PUNCH YOU."
ROBERT DOWNEY?
PUNCH.
ARNOLD?
PUNCH.
DENIRO?
PUNCH.
STATHAM?
PUNCH.
BRUCE WILLIS, TRAVOLTA, MICHAEL
DOUGLAS, MICHAEL B.
JORDAN, KEVIN SPACEY, ROD
STEWART, SOME GUY, SOME KID, A
STATUTE.
AND HERE HE IS PUNCHING DON KING
BUT NOT CHRIS ROCK, BECAUSE
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
CHRIS IS SUCH A GREAT GUY NO ONE
WOULD EVER, OH.
AND FINALLY, NEW RULE.
THE RECENT REPORT THAT INFORMED
US THAT IN NOVEMBER OF THIS YEAR
THE POPULATION OF THE EARTH WILL
HIT 8 BILLION IS NOT GOOD NEWS.
AND THOSE WHO REGARD IT AS SUCH
SHOULD BE TREATED FOR TIKTOK
BRAIN.
THE SECRETARY GENERAL OF THE
UNITED NATIONS, OF ALL PEOPLE,
SAID THAT WELCOMING OUR
EIGHT-BILLIONTH PERSON WAS "AN
OCCASION TO CELEBRATE OUR
DIVERSITY' -- YES, WHAT A
COMFORT THAT PEOPLE OF ALL RACES
WILL BE CONTRIBUTING TO AN
ALREADY UNSUSTAINABLE CARBON
FOOTPRINT AND CHOKING AND
STARVING EQUALLY.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
HAVE YOU SEEN WHAT'S BEEN
HAPPENING WITH THE CLIMATE IN
RECENT YEARS?
DID YOU SEE ENGLAND LAST WEEK?
ENGLAND IS PRETTY FAR NORTH, BUT
THE RUNWAYS ARE MELTING?
OUR FARMLAND IS SHRINKING DUE TO
SCORCHING TEMPERATURES AND
DROUGHT.
ONE OUT OF FOUR PEOPLE ON EARTH
IS FOOD INSECURE -- WHAT WE USED
TO CALL "HUNGRY" -- AND BILLIONS
[LAUGHTER]
THERE'S ANOTHER ONE.
AND BILLIONS
FACE SOME FORM OF WATER
SCARCITY.
WATER ISN'T THE ONLY THING WE'RE
RUNNING OUT OF.
CLEAN AIR QUALITY SOIL RAIN
FORESTS WETLANDS.
THE PRECIOUS METALS THAT MAKE
OUR PHONES WORK.
WE'RE EVEN RUNNING OUT OF SAND
-- WHICH MAY NOT SEEM IMPORTANT,
BUT WITHOUT IT YOU CAN'T MAKE
CONCRETE OR GLASS.
LIKE FOR WINDOWS, SO YOU CAN
LOOK OUTSIDE AND SEE THE WORLD
ENDING.
[LAUGHTER]
ALL OF THIS IS NOT UNRELATED TO
THERE BEING EVER MORE PEOPLE ON
EARTH.
WHO TEND TO USE THINGS.
TRACY STONE-MANNING, OUR
DIRECTOR OF THE BUREAU OF LAND
MANAGEMENT, HAS SAID "IF THERE
WERE FEWER OF US, WE WOULD HAVE
LESS IMPACT.
WE MUST CONSUME LESS, AND MORE
IMPORTANTLY, WE MUST BREED FEWER
CONSUMING HUMANS."
YES.
I THOUGHT THIS WAS A "DUH" --
AND UNTIL VERY RECENTLY, IT WAS.
BUT NOW THERE'S A GROWING
MOVEMENT OF PEOPLE MORE WORRIED
ABOUT POPULATION DECLINE --
DECLINE, THAT'S WHAT WE SHOULD
BE CELEBRATING!
BUT ELON MUSK SAYS
>> THE BIGGEST PROBLEM THE WORLD
WILL FACE IN 20 YEARS AS
POPULATION COLLAPSE.
>> Bill: OH COME ON, OF ALL
THE EXCUSES NOT TO WEAR A CONDO
CONDOM.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
POPULATION COLLAPSE?
HAS HE BEEN TO DISNEYWORLD ON A
SATURDAY?
THE ONLY THING THAT'S COLLAPSING
IS THE DUMBO RIDE UNDER THE
WEIGHT OF ALL THE OBESE
EIGHT-YEAR OLDS.
[LAUGHTER]
I'M NOT WORRIED ABOUT THE
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
POPULATION COLLAPSING, I'M
WORRIED ABOUT THE GLACIERS
COLLAPSING AND THE FOOD CHAIN
AND THE ELECTRICAL GRID.
I'M A BIG MUSK FAN BUT I HAVE NO
IDEA WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT
WHEN HE SAYS "EARTH COULD
SUSTAIN MANY TIMES ITS CURRENT
HUMAN POPULATION AND THE
ECOSYSTEM WOULD BE FINE."
IT'S NOT FINE NOW!
NATURE WORLD NEWS JUST REPORTED
AN UNPRECEDENTED GLOBAL
EXTINCTION CRISIS WITH MORE THAN
A MILLION SPECIES EXPECTED TO
DIE OFF IN THE NEXT FEW DECADES.
THE BEES ARE ALL DYING.
AND THE CORAL REEFS.
FISH POPULATIONS IN THE OCEAN
ARE COLLAPSING.
WHAT ARE THESE PEOPLE TALKING
ABOUT?
AMERICA'S POPULATION IS NOW
ABOUT 335 MILLION, AND THERE'S A
SUPPOSEDLY SMART GUY NAMED
MATTHEW YGLESIAS WHO WROTE A
BOOK CALLED ONE BILLION
AMERICANS ARGUING THAT THERE
SHOULD BE A BILLION OF US -- A
BILLION AMERICANS.
INSERT YOUR OWN TRAFFIC-ON-THE
405 JOKE HERE.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
HIS ARGUMENT IS BASICALLY THAT
THE COUNTRY WITH THE MOST PEOPLE
HAS THE MOST POWER, AND THAT
SHOULD BE US.
AND WHY NOT, WE HAVE PLENTY OF
SPACE!
OKAY, FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME,
LET ME REPEAT FOR THE
THINKING-IMPAIRED: YES, WE DO
HAVE SPACE.
POINT CONCEDED.
IT'S NOT ABOUT SPACE -- IT'S
ABOUT RESOURCES.
DIDN'T WE JUST RUN OUT OF BABY
FORMULA?
WAS THE PROBLEM NOT ENOUGH
BABIES?
YES, THERE'S SPACE ON EARTH FOR
MORE PEOPLE, BUT SOMEHOW THEY
ALL SEEM TO WANT TO GET ON THIS
TRAIN.
YOU CAN MAKE A BILLION
AMERICANS, BUT THEY'RE STILL NOT
GOING TO WANT TO LIVE IN NORTH
DAKOTA --
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
AND EVEN IF THEY DID,
WHAT ARE ALL THESE NEW RESIDENTS
OF THE GREATER BISMARK METRO
AREA GOING TO EAT, SOYLENT
GREEN?
THE FAMOUS THEORY PUT FORTH IN
1798 BY THOMAS MALTHUS THAT
POPULATION GROWS EXPONENTIALLY
-- BUT WATER AND FOOD DO NOT --
HAS NOT CHANGED.
WE'VE IMPROVED FOOD GROWING
ABILITY, YES, BUT IT'S STILL
FINITE; AND YOU CAN'T GROW
WATER.
THE PLANET'S RESOURCES ARE
FINITE BUT OUR PREDILECTION TO
ALWAYS BE DOWN TO FUCK
APPARENTLY IS NOT.
SCIENTISTS SAY IT WOULD REQUIRE
ALMOST AN ENTIRE OTHER EARTH TO
PRODUCE THE RESOURCES WE NEED TO
SUSTAIN THE POPULATION WE HAVE
NOW.
IT WOULD TAKE FIVE EARTHS TO
SUPPORT THE POPULATION IF
EVERYONE CONSUMED LIKE THE
AVERAGE AMERICAN.
WHICH MOST OF THE WORLD WANTS TO
DO.
TO DENY THESE FACTS MAKES YOU --
I DON'T KNOW, KIND OF A
FLAT-EARTHER OF POPULATION
SCIENCE.
THERE JUST IS NO "THERE" THERE
TO THE ARGUMENT THAT WE CAN KEEP
ADDING PEOPLE WITH NO
CONSEQUENCES.
THE "ARGUMENT," AS FAR AS I CAN
TELL, IS THE SAME ONE PEOPLE USE
FOR BITCOIN: WE HAVEN'T THOUGHT
IT THROUGH, BUT WHO CARES.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
IT SEEMS LIKE IT'D BE GOOD FOR
BUSINESS.
AND BUSINESS IS AFFECTED BY
DECLINING BIRTH RATES -JAPAN IS
OFTEN CITED AS A FRIGHTFUL
HARBINGER OF THINGS TO COME IN
OTHER COUNTRIES -- YOU SEE, FOR
SOME REASON, SOME YEARS AGO IN
JAPAN THE MEN DECIDED TO STOP
HAVING SEX AND JUST MASTURBATE
ON THE SUBWAY.
[LAUGHTER]
THE ENSUING DECLINE IN BIRTH
RATES WAS ROUTINELY CALLED A
"POPULATION CRISIS," BUT A IT'S
NOT A CRISIS, JAPAN IS DOING
FINE, AND B: THE "CRISIS" IS
REALLY JUST ONE OF GDP GROWTH.
YES, A FALLING BIRTHRATE DOES
CAUSE SOME PROBLEMS BECAUSE WE
NEED FRESH, NEW PARTICIPANTS
ENTERING THE WORKFORCE TO FUND
THE RETIREMENTS OF THE PREVIOUS
GENERATION OF WORKERS.
AND YES, IF BIRTH RATES DECLINE
TOO MUCH AND PEOPLE KEEP LIVING
LONGER, THE RESULT IS A SOCIETY
OF THE AGED AND ENFEEBLED -- OR
AS IT'S KNOWN TODAY CONGRESS.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
BUT ISN'T RUNNING OUT OF WATER
AN EVEN BIGGER PROBLEM?
FINITENESS AS A CONCEPT HAS NOT
BEEN REPEALED.
WE'VE FORCED UPON OURSELVES AN
ECONOMIC MODEL WHERE BUSINESSES
NEED EVER MORE CUSTOMERS, BUT
MORE CUSTOMERS MEANS MORE
CARBON, MORE WASTE, MORE PLASTIC
IN THE OCEAN, MORE MOUTHS TO
FEED.
LET'S FIGURE OUT A WAY TO BE
HAPPY WITHOUT ALWAYS HAVING TO
GROW AND GROW AND GROW AND
ALWAYS KEEP GROWING -- WHAT ARE
WE, AN ALIEN ON A SPACE SHIP?
STOP SPAWNING, PEOPLE!
CLIMATE ACTIVISTS SHOULDN'T BE
CHAINING THEMSELVES TO TREES.
THEY SHOULD BE BLOCKING COUPLES
FROM ENTERING RESTAURANTS WHERE
THEY PLAY THE VIOLIN.
OKAY, THAT'S OUR SHOW.
I'LL BE AT THE CHICAGO THEATRE
IN CHICAGO, SEPTEMBER 10TH, AT
THE UPTOWN THEATRE IN KANSAS
CITY, MISSOURI SEPTEMBER 11TH,
AND AT THE FOX THEATRE IN
DETROIT, OCTOBER 8TH.
I WANT TO THANK MY GUESTS SAM
STEIN, JOHN MCWHORTER AND CHRIS
CUOMO.
NOW GO TO YOUTUBE AND JOIN US ON
OVERTIME.
THANK YOU!
♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]