♪ ♪
>> START THE CLOCK.
♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: THANK YOU, PEOPLE,
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
HOW ARE YOU DOING?
LOOK AT THIS, HAPPY, HAPPY
PEOPLE.
I APPRECIATE IT, THANK YOU VERY
MUCH.
ALL RIGHT, IT'S GETTING
EMBARRASSING.
PLEASE, PLEASE.
THANK YOU, I KNOW WHY YOU'RE
HAPPY -- I DON'T KNOW.
[LAUGHTER]
LISTEN TO THIS, BIDEN GOT COVID
AGAIN AND HAD THE BEST WEEK OF
HIS PRESIDENCY.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I DON'T KNOW IF THIS IS RELATED
BUT TODAY KAMALA HARRIS WAS SEEN
RUBBING HERSELF WITH A COUGHING
MONKEY.
[LAUGHTER]
NOT FUNNY, THEY JUST DECLARED
MONKEYPOX -- REALLY?
IT'S A NATIONAL EMERGENCY.
LISTEN TO THIS, IN NEW YORK CITY
THEY FOUND ONE CASE OF POLIO,
THE HEALTH GUY SAID THIS IS THE
TIP OF THE ICEBERG AND WE FOUND
IT IN THE WASTEWATER.
I'VE HAD IT WITH VIRUSES, I
REALLY HAVE.
POLIO IN THE WASTEWATER?
FIRST I COULDN'T HAVE
UNPROTECTED GAY SEX.
[LAUGHTER]
THEN I COULDN'T EAT AT A CHINESE
WET MARKETS, NO I CAN'T PLAY IN
WASTEWATER?
FUCK THIS!
[LAUGHTER]
BIDEN HAD HIS BEST WEEK AND A
VERY LONG TIME.
JOBS WAY UP, WE HAVE ALL THE
JOBS BACK FROM THE PANDEMIC,
UNEMPLOYMENT IS 3.5%, GAS PRICES
WAY DOWN.
HE GOT HIS BIG CLIMATE BILL
TODAY.
KYRSTEN SINEMA FROM ARIZONA, ARE
YOU FAMILIAR WITH HER -- SHE
JOINED UP.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
IT'S GOOD TO SEE THE DEMOCRATS
CAN BE BIPARTISAN WITH
THEMSELVES.
[LAUGHTER]
SHE WAS HOLDING THIS UP FOR
SOMETHING CALLED THE CARRIED
INTEREST LOOPHOLE.
THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT TO HER,
THEY GIVE IT UP.
IT'S SOMETHING ONLY HEDGE FUND
MANAGERS CARE ABOUT, DO YOU CARE
ABOUT THIS?
SHE LOOKED AROUND SCOTTSDALE AND
SAID IT'S ABOUT TIME SOMEONE
STOOD UP FOR THE WEALTHY.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THIS IS A TAX LOOPHOLE THAT ONLY
INVOLVES HEDGE FUND MANAGERS.
I'VE SEEN MANY CAMPAIGN ADS IN
MY LIFE, JUST FIREMEN, FARMERS,
WELDERS, A KID PULLING A DOG AND
A WAGON.
[LAUGHTER]
IT'S RARELY HEDGE FUND MANAGERS,
I'M NEVER SEEN ONE WITH A GUY --
IT'S MORNING IN AMERICA, UP ALL
NIGHT SNORTING BLOW OFF A
HOOKER'S ASS.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU, MOM.
[LAUGHTER]
THIS IS THE BIG CLIMATE BILL.
NOT ONE REPUBLICAN VOTED FOR IT,
IT'S GOING TO BE 50 PLUS THE
VICE PRESIDENT PASSING THIS
THING.
THE ENVIRONMENT, THEY'RE JUST
NOT INTO IT.
IF THERE WAS JUST SOME WAY TO
GET THE EARTH PREGNANT.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
THAT IS THE BIG STORY THIS WEEK.
KANSAS!
HAD AN ELECTION.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
HAD AN ELECTION AND ABORTION
RIGHTS WAS ON THE BALLOT AND IT
WON BIG IN KANSAS.
YOU KNOW WHO SPENT A LOT OF
MONEY ON THIS TRYING TO GET IT
TO GO THE OTHER WAY AGAINST?
THE CATHOLIC CHURCH SPENT
MILLIONS, MILLIONS THAT COULD
HAVE GONE ON TO PAY OFF KIDS
THEY RAPED.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
IT WAS A MIXED DAY, TUESDAY,
ELECTION DAY.
A LOT OF ELECTION DENIERS WON IN
ARIZONA AND A BUNCH OF OTHER
STATES.
PROBABLY THE WORST ONE OF ALL ON
THE REPUBLICAN SIDE, ERIC
BRIGHTENS IN MISSOURI, HE LOST.
HE WAS THE GOVERNOR.
HE'S NOT NOT WELL-KNOWN BUT HE
HAD TO RESIGN FOR A SEX SCANDAL,
NOW HE ALLEGEDLY WAS COERCING
HIS HAIR DRESSER INTO GIVING HIM
ORAL SEX.
HE TIED HER UP, TORE HER CLOSE,
SPANKED HER, TOOK NUDE PHOTOS OF
HER WITHOUT HER PERMISSION, WHAT
WE IN HOLLYWOOD CALL CASTING.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THE OTHER BIG WIN THIS WEEK FOR
JOE BIDEN -- I KNOW YOU KIDS
DON'T KNOW WHO ZAWAHIRI.
HIM HE WAS THE MASTERMIND, HE
WAS THE REAL PLANNER, BIN LADEN
WAS A PIMP.
THEY GOT HIM.
TOOK THEM 21 YEARS, WHO WAS THE
KILL SQUAD, THE VOLTE POLICE
SQUAD?
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
LISTEN TO THIS BUT THIS IS HOW
BAD OUR MILITARY IS, THEY GOT
HIM STANDING ON HIS BALCONY,
DIDN'T KILL ANYBODY ELSE, IT
WASN'T A BOMB, IT WAS A HELLFIRE
ARE 9X.
IT HAS SIX ROTATING BLADES AND A
STRIP OF SOOTHING ALOE.
IT JUST -- IN TWO WEEKS, YOUR
8-YEAR-OLD WILL BE USING IT ON
CALL OF DUTY, THIS WEAPON.
THEY GOT HIM ON THE BALCONY
THERE AND IRONICALLY THEY WOULD
NEVER HAVE KNOWN IT WAS HIM IF
HE WAS WEARING A BURQA.
[LAUGHTER]
THE OTHER BIG INTERNATIONAL
NEWS, NANCY PELOSI WENT TO
TAIWAN.
LOVE PEOPLE DIDN'T WANT HER TO
GO, SHE SAID FUCK THAT, I'M
GOING.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
IT INFURIATED CHINA AND OUT OF
HABIT JOHN CENA APOLOGIZED.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
NANCY SAID I HAD TO GO, I HAD TO
MAKE THE CASE FOR PRESERVING
DEMOCRACY AND REJECTING
AUTHORITARIANISM.
IF THAT WORKS THERE I'M GOING TO
TRY IT ON THE REPUBLICANS.
OKAY, WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW,
MATT TAIBBI AND LIS SMITH ARE
HERE, BUT FIRST.
HE'S AN AWARD-WINNING ACTOR,
DIRECTOR, MUSICIAN, AND
BEST-SELLING AUTHOR.
HIS LATEST BOOK IS "THE
RESERVOIR: A NOVELLA": DAVID
DUCHOVNY.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪
YOU LOOK GREAT, THE PEOPLE LOVE
YOU.
I DON'T KNOW WHEN I LAST SAW
YOU, IT WAS A LONG TIME.
WE USED TO PLAY BASKETBALL
TOGETHER AT GARRY SHANDLING'S,
YEARS AGO.
>> GOOD DAYS.
>> Bill: I HAVE SO MUCH TO
CATCH UP WITH YOU ON BUT SINCE
WE HAVE LIMITED TIME I'M GOING
TO JUMP INTO YOUR BOOK BECAUSE I
FEEL LIKE THAT IS THE BEST WAY
TO GET TO KNOW WHO YOU ARE
BECAUSE THE CHARACTER IN THIS
NOVELLA -- I'M NOT GOING TO SAY
IT'S YOU BUT IT'S A GUY YOUR AG
AGE --
>> A MIDDLE-AGED WHITE GUY.
>> Bill: LIVING WHERE YOU LIVE
AT THE TIME.
>> HE DOES LIVE WHERE I LIVE.
>> Bill: RIGHT.
DOING WHAT YOU WERE DOING DURING
THE PANDEMIC.
>> YES.
>> Bill: I WROTE A NOVEL ONCE,
IT'S AWESOME TO NOVEL LIES YOUR
LIFE BECAUSE YOU CAN EDIT OUT
THE SHIT YOU DON'T LIKE AND
CREATE THE SHIT YOU DO LIKE OR
EVEN EXAGGERATE YOUR BAD POINTS,
IT'S FUN.
>> I THINK IT WAS NEIL SIMON WHO
SAID WHAT'S AN AUTOBIOGRAPHY
WORK, IT'S ALL AUTOBIOGRAPHY,
EVEN THE PARTS I MAKE UP.
[LAUGHTER]
IT ALL GETS FILTERED THROUGH
WHATEVER CONSCIOUSNESS I HAVE
AND WHEN I LAND ON THE CHARACTER
EVEN THOUGH HE LOOKS, RESEMBLES
ME, I GET THE SLANT OF IT AND
I'M OFF AND RUNNING WHEN I'M
WRITING THAT WAY.
IT IS AND IT ISN'T ME.
THE AMAZING THING ABOUT THE
PROCESS OF WRITING IS YOU COME
TO IT DAY AFTER DAY AFTER DAY
AND YOU'RE A DIFFERENT PERSON.
I'M NOT SCHIZOPHRENIC BUT I'M A
DIFFERENT PERSON EVERY DAY.
I SIT DOWN WITH A DIFFERENT
CONSCIOUSNESS AND IT BUILDS LIKE
SEDIMENTATION IN A WAY.
IT BECOMES IT'S OF THE THING,
IT'S NOT ME IN A WAY.
>> Bill: DO YOU WRITE HIGH?
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
IT'S NOT AN UNREASONABLE
QUESTION, SO MANY ARTISTS AND
WRITERS HAVE WRITTEN HIGH.
>> I REVISE HIGH.
[APPLAUSE]
I LIKE TO GET UP VERY EARLY WHEN
I'M WRITING, BECAUSE IT'S NOT
HIGH BUT I FEEL LIKE IF YOU'RE
COMING OUT OF SLEEP YOU'RE NOT
QUITE IN THAT CONSCIOUS REALM.
YOU ARE TRAILING YOUR
UNCONSCIOUSNESS WITH YOU, 4:35
IN THE MORNING, A LITTLE COFFEE,
READY TO GO.
>> Bill: COFFEE IS YOUR HIGH?
>> THAT'S JUST TO GET UP AND GO
TO THE BATHROOM.
[LAUGHTER]
I WAS GIVING YOU MORE OF MY
AUTOBIOGRAPHY.
[LAUGHTER]
>> Bill: WHAT GETS YOU HIGH?
YOU SAID YOU REVISE.
I HAVE THE SAME THING, I SAID
THIS BEFORE.
I HAVE A BICAMERAL MIND -- JUST
LIKE CONGRESS.
I HAVE TWO HOUSES.
>> WHO'S GOT THE GAVEL?
>> Bill: I HAVE THE SOBER AND
THE STONED AND THEY HAVE TO COME
TOGETHER ON LEGISLATION.
WHEN THEY BOTH AGREE, I WILL
SIGN IT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
IS THAT WE ARE TALKING ABOUT?
>> HAVE YOU EVER READ JOE AND
BICAMERAL MIND?
I MIGHT GET THIS WRONG SO
FORGIVE ME BUT HE BASICALLY SAYS
GOD AS WE'VE COME TO KNOW WHAT
IS ACTUALLY ONE HALF OF OUR
BRAIN TALKING TO THE OTHER HALF
OF OUR BRAIN AND WE MISTOOK IT
FOR GOD.
BE THAT AS IT MAY --
>> Bill: I THINK THAT'S GIVE
IT A LOT OF CREDIT TO PEOPLE WHO
DON'T EVEN HAVE HALF A BRAIN.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
IF ONLY THAT WERE SO.
>> TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION,
DUMMIES, I'M A BIG FAN OF
GUMMY'S, THEY ARE NOSTALGIC,
THEY REMIND YOU OF BEING A
6-YEAR-OLD.
YOU PUT VITAMINS IN IT AND NOW,
IT'S FANTASTIC.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: WHEN I WROTE MY
NOVEL, YOU ARE OMNISCIENT.
YOU'RE NOT THAT WAY AND ANY
OTHER ART FORM, REALLY, YOU
CAN'T BE THAT IN A MOVIE.
THE CHARACTER WAS THINKING THIS,
THEN HE WANTED TO DO THIS.
IT'S SO MUCH FUN TO BE
OMNISCIENT, THAT IS GOD LIKE.
>> IT IS GOD LIKE.
YOU POINT OUT AN INTERESTING
THING, THAT'S WHY IT'S HARD TO
MAKE A GOOD BOOK INTO A GOOD
MOVIE.
IT'S OFTEN EASY TO MAKE A BAD
BOOK INTO A GOOD MOVIE BECAUSE
IT'S POT ORIENTED TO.
THAT OMNISCIENCE, THAT
CONSCIOUSNESS IS DIFFICULT TO
GET THROUGH ON A FLAT SCREEN.
>> Bill: THE THING THAT'S NOT
FUN ABOUT NOVELS IS NO ONE READS
ANYMORE.
WE ARE GOING TO SELL SOME HAIR.
>> I HOPE SO, I CALLED MY
PUBLISHER AND HE SAID HOW DID WE
DO OUR FIRST WEEK AT HE WAS A
GREAT, WHAT'D WE SELL?
HE'S LIKE 4,000 COPIES, I'M LIK
LIKE --
I MUST'VE BOUGHT 2,000 OF THOSE.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: THAT'S WHAT ALWAYS
DETERRED ME FROM DOING IT AGAIN.
SO FEW PEOPLE --
>> YOU CAN SEE IT IS LIBERATING
BECAUSE IT'S JUST FOR YOU.
IT'S SOMETHING YOU'RE DOING FOR
YOURSELF AND 4,000 FRIENDS.
>> Bill: IT'S GOING TO JUMP TO
5,000 AFTER TONIGHT.
IT'S A GOOD BOOK.
I LOVE IT, I THINK IT'S VERY
CLEVER TO MAKE IT A NOVELLA
BECAUSE IN A LAND WHERE PEOPLE
DON'T READ AT LEAST THEY GO THAT
MEANS SHORT AND SHORT IS GOOD, I
LIKE SHORT.
>> PAINLESS.
THIS IS HOW I ADVERTISE IT, NOT
HOMEWORK.
>> Bill: YOU KNOW IT REMINDED
ME OF COME OF THE GYPSY EYES
WIDE SHUT?
THAT IS A NOVELLA.
>> I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.
>> Bill: YOU NEVER READ THE
BOOK?
>> I HAVEN'T READ THAT BOOK.
>> Bill: I'M NOT SHAME AND
GUILT.
YOU KNOW THE MOVIE WITH
TOM CRUISE?
>> I DO KNOW THAT WAS A NOVELLA.
>> Bill: IT'S KIND OF LIKE
YOURS, WHEN THE GUY LEAVES HIS
APARTMENT IN NEW YORK, YOU KIND
OF DON'T KNOW WHAT IS REAL AND
WHAT IS NOT.
AS SOON AS TOM CRUISE GOES OUT
OF THE HOUSE LIKE IS HE DREAMING
THIS?
>> I FELT THAT, I THINK WE SHARE
THIS ASIDE FROM BEING
AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL FOR ME BUT
DURING COVID, WE WERE INGESTING
THE WORLD THROUGH OUR SCREENS AS
WE DO NOW.
WE WERE SEEING THIS IMAGES AND
IT WAS VERY INTENSE, WE HAD NO
CONTACT WITH THE OUTSIDE WORLD.
THERE WAS A SENSE OF WHEN YOU
WENT OUTSIDE HE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT
TO EXPECT ANYMORE.
THAT HASN'T HAPPENED IN OUR
LIFETIMES.
>> Bill: THAT'S WHY IT WAS A
GOOD CONCEIT TO WRITE A NOVEL
AROUND.
BEFORE I LOSE YOU FOR TIME, I
HAVE TO ASK YOU ABOUT YOUR
FRANCHISE.
I KNOW YOU PROBABLY DON'T THINK
ABOUT YOURSELF AS A GUY WHO HAS
A FRANCHISE.
>> FOOTLOCKER?
[LAUGHTER]
>> Bill: I FEEL LIKE YOUR
FRANCHISE, IT'S GREAT TO HAVE A
FRANCHISE AND YOURS IS A GREAT
ONE BECAUSE IT WAS A GREAT
SHOW -- YOU DID IT IN THE 90s,
YOU REBOOTED IT A FEW YEARS AGO,
THERE'S BEEN TWO MOVIES.
YOU'RE GOING TO DO IT AGAIN AND
YOU SHOULD DO IT AGAIN.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
IT'S A GREAT SHOW, VERY
ENTERTAINING, YOUR GREAT IN IT
AND IT'S EVERMORE RELEVANT.
THERE'S NOT A DAY THAT GOES BY
WHEN I DON'T READ ABOUT -- THEY
ARE ALL SAYING, THEY CALL THEM
UNIDENTIFIED AERIAL PHENOMENON
BECAUSE UFO WASN'T GOOD.
>> THEY ARE REBRANDING.
>> Bill: AT THE SAME FUCKING
THING.
>> THAT I EVER TELL YOU MY
THEORY OF THE UFOs?
I KNOW WE ARE OUT OF TIME --
>> Bill: NO, GO!
>> YOU KNOW THE PHENOMENON OF
SHIP OF FOOLS BACK IN MEDIEVAL
TIMES, THEY DIDN'T HAVE PRISONS
BUILT OR INSANE ASYLUMS BUILT,
IT WAS BEFORE THAT.
>> Bill: NO, I DIDN'T READ
THAT BOOK.
[LAUGHTER]
>> THE IDEA IS THAT SOMETIMES
THEY WOULD TAKE CRIMINAL
OFFENDERS AND PUT THEM ON A SHIP
AND SEND THEM OUT TO.
WE DON'T WANT TO DEAL WITH YOU
ANYMORE, WE'RE GOOD TO PUT YOU
ON THE HIGH SEAS.
WE'LL BE TO YOU IF YOU COME UP
ON THIS SHIP OF FOOLS, THAT'S
WHAT THIS SHIP OF FOOLS IS.
PEOPLE HAVE DEALINGS WITH ALIENS
BUT TELL US STORIES, USUALLY
THEY GET THEIR TEETH DRILLED AND
THERE ANUSES PROBED.
MY THEORY IS SOME ADVANCED ALIEN
CIVILIZATION HAS GOTTEN FED UP
WITH THEIR SEX OFFENDERS AND
THEIR DENTISTS.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THEY PUT THEM ON AN
INTERGALACTIC SHIP AND SENT THEM
ON A GREAT SEA TO THE GALAXIES
AND SOMETIMES THEY COME AROUND
US.
>> Bill: OR IT'S TO THEIR
DENTISTS AND IT'S A VERY DEEP
CAVITY.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> PERHAPS THEIR ANATOMIES ARE
DIFFERENT FROM OURS.
>> Bill: WE KNOW WHAT THEY
LOOK LIKE, THEY LOOK THE SAME.
WHEN NAVY PILOTS ARE SAYING I
CAN'T TELL YOU WHAT THIS THING
IS AND NEIL deGRASSE TYSON WAS
HERE AND OF COURSE I HAVE THE
UTMOST RESPECT FOR HIM, HE KNOWS
THINGS I WILL NEVER KNOW AND
COULD NEVER KNOW, HE POOH-POOHED
THE IDEA THAT IT'S ALIENS.
HE SAID WHY DO THEY JUST REVEAL
THEMSELVES TO NAVY PILOTS.
IT TOOK ME A YEAR TO GRASP IT.
>> WHAT IS AT?
>> Bill: I FORGOT TO.
>> BECAUSE THAT'S WHO THEY ARE
WORRIED ABOUT MIGHT BE OPPOSING
THEM IF THEY ARE CASING US TO
ATTACK.
WHAT DID THEY GIVE A SHIT ABOUT
SOME GUY IN PEORIA, HE'S NOT
GOING TO FIRE A SQUIRREL GUN AT
THEM.
THESE ARE THE PEOPLE THEY MIGHT
HAVE TO GO AGAINST SO THEY ARE
SEEING WHAT THEY CAN DO.
THAT'S WHY THE REVEAL THEMSELVES
TO NAVY PILOTS.
GREAT TO SEE YOU,
CONGRATULATIONS ON THE BOOK.
HOPE TO SEE YOU SOON ON THE
BASKETBALL COURT.
DAVILET'S MEET OUR PANEL!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪
HELLO.
HE'S THE AUTHOR OF "TK NEWS" ON
SUBSTACK AND AUTHOR OF "HATE,
INC.: WHY TODAY'S MEDIA MAKES US
DESPISE ONE ANOTHER": MATT
TAIBBI.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANKS FOR THE SHUT OUT IN YOUR
TOM CRUISE COLUMN.
SHE'S A DEMOCRATIC STRATEGIST
AND AUTHOR OF THE NEW NYT
BESTSELLING MEMOIR "ANY GIVEN
TUESDAY: A POLITICAL LOVE
STORY": LIS SMITH.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
OKAY.
I MENTIONED KANSAS IN THE
MONOLOGUE TO.
I THINK A BIG QUESTION THAT WE
HAVE BEEN WONDERING ABOUT HAS
BEEN ANSWERED THIS WEEK IN
KANSAS BECAUSE PEOPLE WERE
WONDERING AFTER THE
SUPREME COURT GOT RID OF
ROE VS. WADE, WOULD THIS BE A
BIG MOTIVATOR?
THE POLLS SAID NO.
IT SHOWS POLLS ARE BULLSHIT,
PEOPLE LIE, WHATEVER.
IF THIS IS HOW THEY INDICATE
WHAT THEY CARED ABOUT.
KANSAS, YOU COULD NOT PICK A
MORE PERFECT STATE TO TESTED
THIS IN.
THE DEMOCRATS COME OUT MOTIVATED
BY GETTING RID -- AND NOT ONLY
THE DEMOCRATS, THE REPUBLICANS
TOO.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I THOUGHT THE DEMOCRATS WERE
GOING TO GET THEIR ASS KICKED IN
THE MIDTERM ELECTIONS, I THINK
THIS IS A DEAL CHANGER, I THINK
THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING.
I THINK NOW THE DEMOCRATS COULD
WIN THE SELECTION.
>> I AGREE WITH YOU, WE HAVE HAD
THIS CONVERSATION TWO MONTHS
AGO.
I WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU DEMOCRATS
ARE PROBABLY GOING TO GET
CREAMED IN NOVEMBER.
DOBBS DOES CHANGE EVERYTHING AND
IT CHANGES IN TWO WAYS.
WE KNOW THERE ARE A LOT OF
DEMOCRATS WERE DISILLUSIONED
WITH JOE BIDEN.
HE DIDN'T CANCEL ALL OF THEIR
STUDENT LOANS, HE DIDN'T DO
EVERYTHING THAT THEY WANTED AND
THEY WERE GOING TO SIT ON THEIR
ASSES IN NOVEMBER AND NOT VOTE
FOR HIM BUT THEY CAN'T DO THAT
ANYMORE NOW THAT THIS IS ON THE
BALLOT.
THAT IS ONE.
THE SECOND THING IS THERE ARE
THESE VOTERS I LIKE TO CALL THE
BIDEN VOTERS, THEY VOTED FOR
BIDEN THEN VOTED FOR GLENN
YOUNGKIN OUT OF DISSATISFACTION
BECAUSE INFLATION.
>> Bill: FOR THE KIDS I'M A
LET'S NOT TALK IN MSNBC --
>> I'M SORRY, I'M A JUNKIE.
IN THE VIRGINIA GOVERNOR'S RACE
AFTER BIDEN WON BY TEN POINTS,
GLENN YOUNGKIN --
>> Bill: HE'S A REPUBLICAN, HE
WON IN VIRGINIA.
>> A LOT OF THOSE SUBURBAN
VOTERS WHO WERE SWING VOTERS WHO
WENT FROM BIDEN TO GLENN
YOUNGKIN, THE REPUBLICAN IN
VIRGINIA.
>> Bill: DON'T INSULT THEM.
LET'S BE INCLUSIVE, I THOUGHT
DEMOCRATS WANTED TO BE INCLUSIV
INCLUSIVE.
WHAT'S YOUR POINT?
>> I DO NOT THINK THEY WILL VOTE
FOR REPUBLICANS WHEN ABORTION IS
ON THE BALLOT.
>> Bill: OKAY, THAT'S WHAT I
WAS SAYING.
>> I APOLOGIZE.
>> Bill: DON'T APOLOGIZE, HE
DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG.
I WANT TO READ GAVIN NEWSOM, I
FEEL LIKE FLORIDA AND CALIFORNIA
CRYSTALLIZE THE TWO SIDES OF
AMERICA.
IT'S SO INTERESTING,
REPUBLICANS -- FREEDOM WAS
ALWAYS THEIR BRAND.
NOW ABORTION RIGHTS TAKING AWAY
YOUR FREEDOM, IT'S KIND OF A NEW
BALL GAME WITH THAT.
THIS IS AN AD THAT OUR GOVERNOR
GAVIN NEWSOM RAN IN FLORIDA.
HE SAID FREEDOM IS UNDER ATTACK
IN YOUR STATE.
THIS IS GAVIN NEWSOM OF
CALIFORNIA DRESSING FLORIDA
VOTERS.
YOUR REPUBLICAN LEADERS ARE
BANNING BOOKS AND MAKING IT
HARDER TO VOTE, RESTRICTING
SPEECH IN CLASSROOMS, EVEN
CRIMINALIZING WOMEN.
I URGE ALL FLORIDA TO JOIN US IN
THE FIGHT, THIS IS SO OPPOSITE
OF WHAT THEY USED TO DO.
FREEDOM OF SPEECH, FREEDOM TO
CHOOSE, FREEDOM FROM HATE,
FREEDOM TO LOVE.
DON'T LET THEM TAKE YOUR FREEDO
FREEDOM.
MY QUESTION IS WHO'S GOT THE
FREEDOM FIGHT NOW?
I CAN SEE THE REPUBLICANS SAYING
WE STAND UP FOR YOUR RIGHTS TO
HAVE YOUR GUNS, COVID BULLSHIT
MANDATES, YOU HAVE YOUR FREEDOM
TO BE FREE, I DON'T ALWAYS FEEL
FREE IN THIS STATE I MUST SAY
AND I HAVE FELT FREER IN
FLORIDA.
BUT WHO WINS THE FREEDOM BATTLE
RIGHT NOW?
>> I'M KIND OF AN OLD-SCHOOL
LIBERAL, I THINK IF YOU DON'T
BELIEVE IN FREEDOM FOR THE
PEOPLE YOU REALLY DISLIKE YOU
PROBABLY DON'T BELIEVE IN IT AT
ALL.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪
MUSICAL AND BOTH PARTIES HAVE
BEEN BAD ABOUT THAT IN RECENT
ELECTION CYCLES.
YOU SEE THIS WITH THE VERY
RESTRICTIVE REPUBLICANS LAWS
THAT ARE BEING PASSED, A
NORTH CAROLINA BILL THAT
WOULD'VE REQUIRED PEOPLE TO
REPORT KIDS FOR SHOWING SIGNS OF
GENDER NONCONFORMITY, THAT IS A
REALLY SCARY BILL.
ON THE DEMOCRATIC SIDE YOU HAVE
ALL THIS INTERNET CENSORSHIP.
THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA HAS
396,000 REGULATIONS WHICH IS
100,000 MORE THAN ANY OTHER
STATE.
I DON'T THINK EITHER PARTY HAS A
PARTICULAR STRANGLEHOLD ON
FREEDOM, THEY ARE BOTH WEAK ON
THIS ISSUE.
>> THIS IS WHAT I DISAGREE.
I THINK THE DEMOCRATS WILL GO
INTO NOVEMBER AS THE PARTY OF
FREEDOM.
DEMOCRATS ARE STANDING UP R
THE FREEDOM OF WOMEN TO MAKE
THEIR OWN HEALTH CARE DECISIONS.
THE FREEDOM OF PEOPLE TO MARRY
WHO THEY LOVE, AND THE FREEDOM
TO KNOW THEY CAN SEND THEIR KIDS
TO SCHOOL WITHOUT FEAR OF THEM
BEING SHOT UP.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
TO YOUR POINT ABOUT THE G.O.P.
ARGUMENT ABOUT FREEDOM, OH, MY
GOD, -- BIG GOVERNMENT THEY ARE
MAKING US WEAR MASKS.
THE TEMERITY, ALL THIS -- THE
PEOPLE WHO SAID WE WANT SMALL
GOVERNMENTS, NOW THEY WANT TO
MAKE THE MOST PRIVATE
HEALTH CARE DECISIONS FOR WOMEN.
THEY WANT TO PUT MIKE PENCE IN
THE OB-GYN EXAM ROOM WITH WOMEN
WHEN THEIR FEET ARE IN
START-UPS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: AND WE ARE ALL
AGAINST THAT, BUT PRIVATE
HEALTH CARE DECISIONS, CAREFUL
WITH THAT PHRASE.
I READ IN THE FRONT PAGE OF
"THE NEW YORK TIMES" THIS WEEK
THERE IS A NEW VOTING BLOC, A
NEW CONSTITUENCY -- EMPTY
MANDATE.
IT'S MOSTLY PARENTS BUT THESE
ARE PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT GOING TO
VOTE BASED ON REPUBLICAN OR
DEMOCRAT.
THEY ARE GOING TO VOTE BASED ON
COVID POLICY.
I'M ONE OF THEM AND I DON'T EVEN
HAVE KIDS.
IT'S A MEDICAL ISSUE.
I DO NOT WANT TO BE DICTATED,
THERE IS NO "THE SCIENCE."
ESPECIALLY IN MEDICAL SCIENCE.
YOU CAN RECOMMEND WHATEVER YOU
LIKE BUT I MUST INSIST YOU DON'T
INSIST HOW I HANDLE MY HEALTH.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
OBAMA TOLD ME IF YOU LIKE YOUR
DOCTOR YOU CAN KEEP YOUR DOCTOR,
WELL I DID AND I DO.
AND MY DOCTORS SAY VERY
DIFFERENT THINGS BECAUSE DOCTORS
WERE AFRAID TO SPEAK OUT.
YOU HAVE WRITTEN ABOUT THIS A
LOT AND I WANT TO LISTEN TO THE
ONES WHO ARE SOMETIMES AFRAID TO
SPEAK OUT ALTHOUGH YOU CAN FIND
THEM.
>> I THINK THAT IS THE ONE ISSUE
WHERE DEMOCRATS ARE REALLY,
REALLY WEAK MOTHER THE FREEDOM
TOPIC IS THE FREEDOM OF SPEECH
ISSUE.
THAT HAS BECOME A DIFFICULT AND
FRAUGHT ISSUE FOR DEMOCRATS.
EVER SINCE THE BEGINNING OF THE
CONTENT MODERATION ERA ON THE
INTERNET, THERE ARE A LOT OF
PEOPLE WHO ASSOCIATE THE
DEMOCRATIC PARTY WITH PEOPLE
BEING TAKEN OFF THE INTERNET AND
PEOPLE BEING AFRAID TO SAY
CERTAIN THINGS.
THAT'S NOT A POSITIVE.
IT'S COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF WHAT I
REMEMBER LIBERALISM BEING ABOUT
WHEN I WAS GROWING UP.
>> Bill: ESPECIALLY IN MEDICAL
SCIENCE WHICH IS EMINENTLY
DEBATABLE AND THEY HAVE ALREADY
BEEN WRONG ABOUT SO MUCH IN THIS
PARTICULAR CRISIS THAT WE HAVE
HAD, NOT TO MENTION EVERYTHING
THEY HAD BEEN WRONG ABOUT IN THE
PAST.
DON'T SIT THERE IN YOUR WHITE
COACH TELLING ME WE HAVE ALL THE
ANSWERS.
YOU OBVIOUSLY DON'T.
I WILL FIND THE ANSWERS WITH
PEOPLE I WANT TO FIND IT FROM
HIM AND HE WILL NOT TELL ME HOW
TO HANDLE IT.
>> I DO AGREE WITH THAT AND
YOU'VE SEEN THAT IN THE
BACKLASH, ESPECIALLY AMONG
PARENTS WITH EDUCATION POLICIES.
I DON'T HAVE KIDS IN SCHOOL --
>> I'M A PARENT.
>> OKAY.
>> Bill: HOW WAS IT?
>> AWESOME.
>> Bill: IT'S TERRIBLE, I
NEVER HEAR A GOOD THING ABOUT
IT.
[LAUGHTER]
SPEAK OF THE DISTANCE LEARNING,
THE MASKING, AND WE WENT TOO FAR
ON THAT AND ALIENATED PEOPLE.
I SEE YOUR VIEWPOINT ON THAT AND
I AGREE WITH YOUR VIEWPOINT.
SPEAK OF THE DEMOCRATS ARE
EXPERIENCING AN UNPRECEDENTED
SWING AND APPROVAL NUMBERS ON
THE EDUCATION ISSUE.
AS RECENTLY AS THE OBAMA YEARS
THEY HAD A 29-30. LEAD, NOW IT'S
A DEAD HEAT.
YOU ADD THAT TO THE SWINGS AMONG
HISPANIC VOTERS, THAT'S ONE OF
THE REASONS TO BE PESSIMISTIC
ABOUT THE MIDTERMS.
>> Bill: WHAT IF THE FREEDOM
ISSUE -- THIS IS WHAT I HEAR
FROM A LOT OF RIGHT-WING PEOPLE,
FORCED CHANGE.
THEY FEEL LIKE IN THE LAST 5-10
YEARS THERE'S BEEN A LOT OF
FORCED CHANGE THAT THEY DIDN'T
VOTE FOR.
SOME THINGS I THINK MOST PEOPLE
ARE FOR NOW, GAY MARRIAGE BUT
THERE'S BEEN A LOT OF PRONOUNS
AND BATHROOMS AND PENISES IN THE
WOMEN'S LOCKER ROOM.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
CANCELING PEOPLE AND 6-YEAR-OLDS
WHO ARE OPPRESSORS.
I THINK THEIR VIEW IS TRUMP
ISN'T FOR REAL VOTING BUT WE
DIDN'T VOTE FOR THIS EITHER.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> WHAT I WOULD SAY ABOUT THAT
IS WHEN PEOPLE SAY OH, MY GOD,
IT'S THE DEMOCRATS WHO ARE SO
WRAPPED UP IN IDENTITY POLITICS,
IT'S NOT THE DEMOCRATS WHO ARE
OBSESSING OVER WHAT BATHROOMS
KIDS GO TO.
IT'S NOT DEMOCRATS WHO ARE
INTRODUCING BILLS IN PLACES LIKE
OHIO SAYING THAT SCHOOL KIDS
NEED CHECKS, THAT IS CREEPY.
THAT IS NOT FREEDOM >> Bill:
I'M NOT FAMILIAR WITH THE
CHECKS.
>> IN OHIO THERE IS A BILL
INTRODUCED THAT IF YOU SUSPECT A
KID ON A SPORTS TEAM IS OF A
DIFFERENT GENDER, THERE COULD BE
A CHECK OF THEM.
AND REPUBLICANS INTRODUCED THAT
BILL.
IT'S CREEPY.
>> Bill: IT'S CREEPY -- I
DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY -- SHOULDN'T
IT BE OBVIOUS?
>> IS NOT DEMOCRATS WHO ARE
INTRODUCING THAT.
>> Bill: YOU'RE SAYING THEY
ARE IMPOSTERS, THE PEOPLE WHO
ARE PRETENDING TO BE OF ONE SEX?
THAT'S WHAT IS PROMPTED THIS
BILL?
>> I THINK WHAT PROMPTED IT IS A
VERY CREEPY URGE AMONG
REPUBLICANS TO INVADE PEOPLE'S
PRIVACY.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: IT'S CEASES TO BE A
PRIVATE THING IF YOU'RE
COMPETING AGAINST OTHER PEOPLE.
THERE ARE MANY WOMEN ATHLETES
WHO ARE UP IN ARMS ABOUT THIS
WHO SAY I'M ACTUALLY COMPETING
AGAINST A MAN COME ON COMPETING
AGAINST SOMEONE WITH DIFFERENT
MUSCLE MASS WHO MAY STILL HAVE A
PENIS AND THAT'S NOT FAIR.
I WANT TO COMPETE --
I WANT TO COMPETE AGAINST PEOPLE
IN MY DIVISION BECAUSE THERE ARE
DIFFERENT PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES
BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN.
I'M NOT SAYING WE SHOULD BE
CHECKING UNDER EVERYBODY'S SKIRT
BUT THIS WAS PROMPTED BY
SOMETHING, IT DIDN'T COME OUT OF
THIN AIR.
>> WHAT I WOULD SAY -- LET'S
LOOK AT THE STATE OF MICHIGAN.
THERE ARE I THINK FOUR, FIVE
KIDS WHO PLAY IN A LEAGUE THAT
IS SEPARATE FROM THEIR BIRTH
GENDER.
THIS IS THE G.O.P. FINDING A
PROBLEM AND TRYING TO DO THIS TO
DIVIDE PEOPLE.
THERE IS NOT SOME BIG THREAT OF
MEN TAKING OVER WOMEN'S SPORTS.
[APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: MEN HAVE WON IN
WOMEN'S SPORTS IN RECENT YEARS,
IT'S NOT A BIG THREAT -- IT'S
SPORTS.
IT DOES MATTER TO PEOPLE.
>> I AGREE WITH THAT AND I THINK
THERE SHOULD BE COMMON SENSE
REGULATIONS AROUND IT.
>> Bill: IT IS AS I SAID
ENTERING THAT POLITICAL SEASON
AND THE JOCKEYING FOR PRESIDENT
HAS BEGUN.
JOSH HAWLEY WHO WAS LAST SEEN
RUNNING FROM THE CAPITAL -- I
LOVE THIS -- SHE WAS RUNNING AND
YET HE HAS A NEW BOOK OUT CALLED
"MANHOOD: THE MASCULINE VIRTUES
AMERICA NEEDS."
SAYS THE RUNNING MA'AM.
MAN.
TOM COTTON HAS ONE CALLED ONLY
THE STRONG.
THIS IS ALWAYS THE REPUBLICAN
BRAND, WE HAVE TO OUT MACHO AND
BE MORE MANLY MEN THAN THESE
GIRLY PEOPLE ON THE OTHER SIDE.
WE HAVE TO HOLD SOME OF THE
OTHER BOOKS COMING OUT BY THE
PEOPLE WHO WANT TO BE PRESIDENT,
WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE SOME?
TAKE A LOOK: TED CRUZ: AMERICAN
FUCKFACE: THE CASE FOR SHOVING
LIBERALS' HEADS IN THE TOILET.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
JIM JORDAN: ARE YOU THERE, SISSY
BOY?
IT'S ME, FIST.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
LINDSEY GRAHAM: POWER BOTTOM.
NO MORE LEADING FROM BEHIND.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
NIKKI HALEY: DON'T NEED A DICK
TO HAVE BALLS.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
MY AMERICAN STORY.
SARAH PALIN: I KILLED A
MOCKINGBIRD.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
RON DESANTIS: UN-CUCKED: LESSONS
FROM A STATE SHAPED LIKE A BIG
DICK.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
>> WE CALL IT AMERICAN SHOULD
LONG, LONG.
>> Bill: KEVIN McCARTHY.
THE CASE AGAINST
LEARNING: REAL MEN DON'T NEED
DIRECTIONS ON HOW TO DRIVE
AMERICA.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
RICK SCOTT: NO CLOTHES, NO
PROBLEM: TOURING THE RED STATES
NAKED ON MY HARLEY-DAVIDSON.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
MIKE PENCE: HUNG.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
HOW TO BE YOUR OWN MAN AS TOLD
TO MRS. PENCE.
KRISTI NOEM: A
GOOD WOMAN AND A COLD BEER: MY
PLAN TO TURN PETE BUTTIGIEG
STRAIGHT.
[LAUGHTER]
BY THE WAY, KRISTI NOEM WAS
SUPPOSED TO BE HERE NEXT WEEK
SHE WAS BOOKED FOR QUITE A WHILE
ON OUR SHOW BUT SHE CHICKENED
OUT.
I'M JUST SAYING TOUGH
REPUBLICANS ARE SO TOUGH THEY
CAN'T EVEN FACE ME.
I UNDERSTAND WHAT DEMOCRATS DO
IT BUT COME ON REPUBLICANS, I I
THOUGHT YOU WERE TOUGH.
>> YOU'RE A LITTLE SCARY, BILL.
>> Bill: YOUR BOY,
PETE BUTTIGIEG.
YOU WERE THE CAMPAIGN MANAGER.
>> SENIOR ADVISOR.
>> Bill: YOU WERE THE RUN, I
READ YOUR BOOK.
YOU FOUND THE GOLDEN BOY, HE
DOES HAVE REMARKABLE POLITICAL
SKILLS.
I'M A BIG FAN BUT I FEEL LIKE
THE DEMOCRATS HAVE NOT DONE HIM
A BIG FAVOR BY BEING ASSOCIATED
WITH ALL OF THIS RADICAL
SEXUALITY.
>> I DON'T THINK LEAH THOMAS
WINNING A FEW SWIMMING
MATCHES --
>> Bill: YOU'RE OBSESSED WITH
THAT.
>> WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS IT YOU
LOOK AT HIS POLLING NUMBERS HE'S
DOING EXTREMELY WELL.
>> Bill: REALLY?
YOU GOT 8% IN SOUTH CAROLINA.
>> I'M TALKING ABOUT THE MOST
RECENT ONES AND THE MORE PEOPLE
HAVE GOTTEN TO KNOW HIM
NATIONALLY, HE HAS THE HIGHEST
APPROVAL RATINGS OF ANYONE IN
THE BIDEN ADMINISTRATION.
>> THAT'S NOT SAYING MUCH.
[LAUGHTER]
>> TO ME WHAT IS IT THAT THE
DEMOCRATS ARE DOING?
IT'S REPUBLICANS WERE TRYING TO
RIP AWAY RIGHTS.
>> Bill: I'M SAYING EVERY TIME
THERE'S A PICTURE OF DRAG QUEEN
STORY HOUR I DON'T THINK PETE
LIKES IT.
WHAT HE'S THINKING IS OKAY, THIS
IS A NEW THING TO A LOT OF
AMERICANS.
GAY MARRIAGE, WE NEVER HAD A GAY
PRESIDENT THAT WE KNOW OF.
I'VE HEARD RUMORS ABOUT YOU
JAMES BUCHANAN.
YOU HAVE TO TREAD GINGERLY.
WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE TO HIM AS A
CLEVER POLITICIAN -- CAN WE JUST
COOL IT ON A LITTLE OF THIS?
PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO GET USED TO
THIS AND I'M TRYING TO WIN AN
ELECTION IN STATES THAT ARE
ALREADY A LITTLE WARY ABOUT THE
DEMOCRATS.
>> I WOULD ARGUE THE ISSUE WITH
PETE BUTTIGIEG AND I COVERED HIS
CAMPAIGN THE LAST TIME ISN'T
ABOUT SEXUALITY, IT'S ABOUT
CLASS.
I REMEMBER SEEING HIM IN
NEW HAMPSHIRE, HE'S GOT
INCREDIBLE POLITICAL SKILLS.
YOU WILL HAVE THIS THOUGHT THIS
GUY IS GOING TO BE PRESIDENT
SOMEDAY.
HE'S SO QUICK AND ACCESSIBLE AND
I WENT OUTSIDE AND INTERVIEWED A
BUNCH OF PEOPLE AND YOU KNOW
WHAT NEW ENGLAND TOWNIES ARE
LIKE.
THERE LIKE THAT GUY WAS FUCKING
WEIRD.
[LAUGHTER]
THE DEMOCRATS JUST HAVE TOO MANY
OF THESE McKINSEY CONSULTANT
IVY LEAGUE TYPES.
YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT
JOE MANCHIN.
ABOUT HOW THERE AREN'T ENOUGH
PEOPLE WHO KNOW HOW TO TALK.
>> LOOK AT HIS NUMBERS IN
NEW HAMPSHIRE, I'M PRETTY SURE
THEY WON HER CAME IN A CLOSE
SECOND THERE.
I'M GLAD YOU FOUND SOME PEOPLE
TO CRITICIZE THEIR BUT HE DID
PRETTY WELL THERE.
>> Bill: TO YOUR LARGER POINT
AND I'VE READ YOU ON THIS, THE
DEMOCRATS HAVE LOST THEIR SENSE
OF HUMOR.
>> I AGREE WITH THAT.
>> Bill: I SAW DAVE CHAPPELLE
GOT KICKED OUT OF HIS VENUE A
COUPLE WEEKS AGO IN MINNEAPOLIS
AND I'M LIKE WHAT THE FUCK IS
THIS?
IT JUST PISSES ME OFF, SO MANY
PEOPLE SAID CANCEL CULTURE ISN'T
A REAL THING.
THEY JUST KICKED HIM OUT OF THE
VENUE.
PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY BOUGHT
TICKETS WHICH IS AN INDICATION
THAT THEY WANT TO SEE YOU HAD TO
GO TO A DIFFERENT VENUE AND WHAT
HAPPENED TO FREEDOM OF ASSEMBLY
IN THIS COUNTRY, WE ARE FREE TO
ASSEMBLE AND SPEAK WHAT WE WANT
AND HEAR WHAT WE WANT.
>> IT'S NOT GOING TO BE POPULAR
WITH MY FRIENDS ON THE LEFT BUT
I AGREE WITH YOU.
I AM AN OLD SCHOOL COME ON WHAT
THE ACLU USED TO BE BEFORE IT
TURNED INTO WHATEVER IT IS NOW.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
MY VIEW ON COMITY IS COMEDY HAS
ALWAYS BEEN BOUNDARY PUSHING.
IT'S BEEN A LITTLE BIT OFFENSIVE
AND I LOVE DAVE CHAPPELLE.
THE ONE THING I WILL SAY ABOUT
DAVE CHAPPELLE IS THAT I FIND
COMITY A BIT FUNNIER WHEN YOU
PUNCH UP AT THE POWERFUL RATHER
THAN WHEN YOU PUNCH DOWN AT THE
POWERLESS.
THERE IS NO ONE MORE POWERLESS
THAN THE TRANS COMMUNITY IN
AMERICA.
>> Bill: I'M NOT GOING TO GET
INTO THAT ARGUMENT ALTHOUGH I
REJECT IT.
I DON'T THINK THAT IS WHAT IS
GOING ON.
THE BIGGER POINT IS YOU ARE
ALLOWED TO HAVE THAT POINT OF
VIEW AND DAVIS STILL ALLOWED TO
APPEAR IN MINNEAPOLIS AT THE
THEATER THAT HIRED HIM.
>> TOTALLY.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> HAS ANYONE EVER COME OUT
LOOKING GOOD BECAUSE THEY
CANCELED A COMIC?
WOULD YOU INTRODUCE YOURSELF TO
SOMEBODY AND SAY I'M THE GUY WHO
CANCELED LENNY BRUCE OR RICHARD
PRYOR OR DAVE CHAPPELLE WAS NECK
>> Bill: HISTORICALLY YOU
DON'T.
>> HISTORICALLY IT'S UNPOPULAR
AND THIS GETS BACK TO THE SAME
ISSUE.
IT'S AN IMAGE ISSUE FOR THE
DEMOCRATIC PARTY, THEY ARE SEEN
AS THE PEOPLE WHO ARE BEHIND
THIS.
>> Bill: I WANT TO TALK ABOUT
NANCY PELOSI BEFORE WE RUN OUT
OF TIME.
SHE HAD A BIG WEEK, DOMINATED
THE NEWS IN MANY DIFFERENT WAYS.
SHE DID GO TO TAIWAN AND IT'S
INTERESTING THAT A LOT OF PEOPLE
DIDN'T WANT HER TO GO FROM BOTH
SIDES OF THE AISLE.
BIDEN DIDN'T WANT HER TO GO AND
SEAN HANNITY DIDN'T WANT HER TO
GO.
[LAUGHTER]
BUT I FEEL LIKE SHE AT 82 AND
BIDEN BOTH LOOK SMART AND
MULTI-POLICY THIS WEEK.
I WANT TO KNOW -- THERE IS NO
LIMITS EXCEPT SENDING TROOPS.
COUNTRIES AROUND THE WORLD HAVE
TO UNDERSTAND WE ARE 100% BEHIND
YOU MEETING WE ARE 50% BEHIND
YOU.
IF YOU HAVEN'T GOTTEN THAT FROM
VIETNAM, IRAQ, AND AFGHANISTAN,
YOU HAVE NOT BEEN PAYING
ATTENTION.
AS MUCH AS WE CAN BE BEHIND
UKRAINE BUT TAIWAN?
WE SEEM TO BE TAKING THESE BABY
STEPS AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHAT THAT IS.
YOU EITHER BELIEVE THAT PLACE IS
A COUNTRY WHICH WE DO -- IT'S
KIND OF LIKE WHEN TRUMP MOVED TO
THE EMBASSY TO JERUSALEM WHICH I
THOUGHT WAS THE ONLY GOOD THING
HE EVER DID TO FEAR GALVAN IF
YOU BELIEVE ISRAEL IS A COUNTRY,
THEN THEY GET TO HAVE -- WHICH
IT IS -- THEN THEY GET TO HAVE
THEIR EMBASSY WHERE IT IS AND IF
YOU BELIEVE TAIWAN IS A COUNTRY,
THAN ANYBODY CAN VISIT FROM
ANYWHERE.
ESPECIALLY OUR POLITICIANS.
[APPLAUSE]
>> MATT IS THE EXPERT HERE.
>> Bill: SO YOU'RE GOING TO
TALK.
>> I'M GOING TO BE BRIEF HERE
AND JUST SAY THIS.
IT'S A LOW BIT APPLES AND
ORANGES BECAUSE RUSSIA DID
INVADE UKRAINE.
THEY ARE COMMITTING ATROCITIES,
THEY ARE DOING WAR CRIMES THERE.
CHINA IS SABER RATTLING BUT THEY
HAVEN'T REACHED THAT PLACE.
I THINK IT'S A LITTLE BIT OF A
DIFFERENT SITUATION.
>> Bill: YOU'RE RIGHT, THAT'S
A GOOD POINT.
THAT IS.
>> I HAVE KIDS SO MY ENTHUSIASM
FOR STARTING SHIT WITH
SUPERPOWERS IS KIND OF MUTED.
I WILL GIVE NANCY PELOSI CREDIT,
SHE HAS BEEN VERY CONSISTENT,
ONE OF THE FEW PEOPLE IN HER
PARTY WHO HAS BEEN AGAINST MOST
FAVORED NATION TRADING STATUS
FOR CHINA GOING ALL THE WAY BACK
TO THE 90s.
YOUR RELUCTANCE TO MESS TO MIX
IT UP WITH CHINA.
POLITICIANS ARE WARY SPEAKING
OUT OF ALL SORTS OF THINGS
INVOLVING THAT COUNTRY BECAUSE
THEY ARE GETTING MONEY FROM
COMPANIES THAT ARE PROFITING
OVER THERE.
IN THIS ONE SENSE I THINK IT'S
IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER THAT THEY
ARE A HUMAN RIGHTS VIOLATOR AND
IT'S WORTH TAKING A STANCE.
>> Bill: WHO ISN'T?
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I WANT TO SAY QUICKLY AND WE
JUST HAD THE SELECTION A LOT OF
PEOPLE ON THE REPUBLICAN SIDE
WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN THE CONCEPT
OF FREE AND FAIR ELECTIONS WON.
THE WHOLE SLATE IN ARIZONA WON
AND THREE OTHER SWING STATES,
PEOPLE WHO DO NOT BELIEVE IN
ELECTIONS, WHO ONLY BELIEVE
ELECTIONS COUNT ONLY WHEN WE WI
WIN.
INTERESTING IF YOU HAPPEN TO BE
FOLLOWING THIS.
THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY LED BY
NANCY PELOSI IS SUPPORTING THESE
PEOPLE IN THE PRIMARIES.
THEIR THEORY IS LET'S SUPPORT
THE RADICALS, THE TRUMPER'S AND
THERE ARE TWO WINGS TO THE
REPUBLICAN PARTY.
THERE ARE REPUBLICANS LIKE LIZ
CHENEY AND MITT ROMNEY AND EVEN
MIKE PENCE WHO BELIEVE IN
ELECTIONS AND THEN THERE ARE
TRUMPER'S AND THE DEMOCRATS IN A
PRIMARY OR SUPPORTING THE
TRUMPER INKING TABLE WIN AND THE
GENERAL ELECTION WILL BE SO
RADICAL, WE WILL BEAT THEM.
THIS IS PLAYING WITH FIRE, IS IT
NOT?
[APPLAUSE]
>> JUST QUICKLY, WE'VE SEEN THIS
BEFORE.
THIS WAS PART OF THE
JOHN PODESTA EMAILS, REMEMBER
THE PIED PIPER CANDIDATES THING?
THERE WAS EXCHANGES BETWEEN
PEOPLE IN THE CLINTON CAMPAIGN
ABOUT TRYING TO ELEVATE THE MORE
RADICAL CANDIDATES IN THE
REPUBLICAN SLATE AND LOOK HOW
THAT TURNED OUT.
TRUMP WON.
>> IT'S A CRAZY TRAIN OF THOUGHT
TO.
>> Bill: GOT TO GO.
IT'S TIME FOR NEW RULES,
EVERYBODY, NEW RULES.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪
NEW RULE: SOMEONE MUST ASK
PEOPLE WHO BUY A "PLUFL," THE
DOG BED FOR HUMANS: HOW IS IT
BETTER THAN A REGULAR BED?
I NEVER WATCHED MY DOG CURL UP
IN ONE OF THESE AND THOUGHT, "I
WISH I HAD A MATTRESS SO SMALL
IT FORCES ME TO SHOVE MY NOSE
INTO MY ASSHOLE."
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
NEW RULE: STOP MAKING KIDS GO
BACK TO SCHOOL EARLIER AND
EARLIER EACH YEAR.
SOME SCHOOLS IN CALIFORNIA START
NEXT WEEK.
WHAT IS THIS, CHINA?
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
WELL, IN PARTS OF LA, YES.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
BUT COME ON, GIVE KIDS THEIR
SUMMER BACK!
FOR STUDENTS, IT'S TOO NICE
OUTSIDE TO PAY ATTENTION.
AND FOR THE TEACHERS, IT'S WAY
TOO HOT TO DRESS UP IN DRAG.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
NEW RULE: NOW THAT APPLEBEE'S
HAS LAUNCHED SAUCEY GLOSS, A
LINE OF LIP GLOSS THAT TASTES
LIKE THEIR CHICKEN WINGS, THEY
HAVE TO DISCONTINUE IT
IMMEDIATELY.
GRANTED, FOR WOMEN IT'S A TASTY
TREAT -- BUT WHAT ABOUT THE POOR
GUY WHO HAS TO EXPLAIN TO HIS
WIFE WHY HIS DICK TASTES LIKE
HONEY BARBECUE?
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
NEW RULE: SOMEONE MUST TELL ME
WHAT'S SO ROMANTIC ABOUT A
COUPLES MASSAGE.
IT DOESN'T SAY, "LET'S CONNECT
ON A DEEPER LEVEL."
IT SAYS, "I DON'T WANT TO TOUCH
YOU.
YOU DON'T WANT TO TOUCH ME.
LET'S HIRE OTHER PEOPLE TO DO
IT."
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
CALL ME A TRADITIONALIST, BUT I
THINK SEX SHOULD BE SOMETHING
BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE WHO LOVE EACH
OTHER AND DESHAUN WATSON.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
NEW RULE: YOU CAN SPEND YOUR
ENTIRE LIFE REPEATING THE SAME
STUPID INSULT THE WAY TRUMP DOES
WITH, "LIKE A DOG."
>> LIKE A DOG TO.
LIKE A DOG.
>> Bill: BUT THEN YOU CAN'T
BURY YOUR EX-WIFE IN THE
BACKYARD.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
TRUMP BURIED IVANA AT HIS GOLF
CLUB IN IN NEW JERSEY.
WHICH IS WRONG FOR SO MANY
REASONS.
IT'S CHEAP, IT'S TACKY, AND WHEN
ERIC SEES IT HE'LL KNOW SHE
DIDN'T GO LIVE ON A FARM.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
AND FINALLY, NEW RULE.
EVERYBODY SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO
LET THEMSELVES GO A COUPLE OF
TIMES A YEAR.
LIKE NOW: THE DOG DAYS OF
SUMMER.
SCHOOL'S OUT, RULES OUT, IT'S
HOT, VACATION TIME -- NO ONE
SHOULD HAVE TO DIET ON VACATION.
AND THE HOLIDAYS, THAT'S THE
OTHER I LET MYSELF GO TIME OF
YEAR AND WHO CAN BLAME US?
IT'S THE END OF THE YEAR, IT'S
STRUCTURED AROUND FEAST DAYS --
NO ONE SHOULD FEEL BAD ABOUT
OPENING UP THE PANTS AFTER
THANKSGIVING DINNER AND DOING
THAT THING WHERE YOU UNDO THE
TOP BUTTON AND TRY TO HOLD IT
TOGETHER WITH JUST THE BELT.
[LAUGHTER]
THAT'S ALL FINE.
BUT NOT ALL YEAR ROUND.
AND THAT'S KIND OF WHAT'S
HAPPENED TO AMERICA -- LETTING
OURSELVES GO NOW AS AN ALL YEAR
ROUND THING; DOING THE
THANKSGIVING PANTS THING EVERY
DAY.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THEY ACTUALLY SELL A BUSINESS
SUIT NOW WITH DRAWSTRING PANTS:
I SAW THIS IN THE MALL AND I
SAID TO THE SALESMAN, "THIS IS
PATHETIC, IT SHOWS HOW MUCH
WE'VE GIVEN UP," AND HE SAID,
"NO, PEOPLE LOVE IT."
OF COURSE THEY LOVE IT -- YOU
CAN HAVE A MONGOOSE FOR LUNCH
AND THEN GIVE THAT BIG
PRESENTATION.
THERE'S A DISTURBING TREND GOING
ON IN AMERICA THESE DAYS:
REWRITING SCIENCE TO FIT
IDEOLOGY, OR JUST TO FIT WHAT
YOU WANT REALITY TO BE.
WE'VE GONE FROM FAT ACCEPTANCE
TO FAT CELEBRATION.
THAT IS NEW.
THAT'S NEW: TO VIEW LETTING
YOURSELF GO AS A POINT OF PRIDE.
WE USED TO AT LEAST TRY AND BE
FIT AND HEALTHY, AND SOCIETY
PRAISED THOSE WHO SUCCEEDED.
NOW, THE TERM "BODY POSITIVITY"
IS USED TO MEAN, "I'M PERFECT
THE WAY I AM BECAUSE I'M ME."
IT'S ORWELLIAN -- HOW OFTEN
POSITIVITY IS USED TO DESCRIBE
WHAT'S NOT HEALTHY.
OF COURSE, YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH
ANYTHING BAD FOR YOU FOR A WHILE
WHEN YOU'RE YOUNG, BUT LET ME
ASK YOU THIS: HAVE YOU EVER SEEN
A FAT 90-YEAR-OLD?
[LAUGHTER]
SCARY, ISN'T IT?
"HEALTHY AT ANY WEIGHT" IS AN
UNCHALLENGED LIE PEOPLE TELL
THEMSELVES SO THEY CAN GO ON
EATING WHATEVER THEY WANT.
FINE, I'VE DONE SELF-DESTRUCTIVE
THINGS TOO -- BUT NO ONE
PRETENDED THERE WAS "POSITIVITY"
IN SMOKING.
FAT ACTIVIST TED KYLE, FOUNDER
OF CONSCIENHEALTH SAYS "THE
MEDIA AND PUBLIC NEEDS TO STOP
CATASTROPHIZING OBESITY."
OKAY, A] THEY'RE NOT
CATASTROPHIZING IT, AND B] THEY
SHOULD BE --
IT'S A FULL-BLOWN
CATASTROPHE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
"POOR DIET IS THE LEADING CAUSE
OF MORTALITY IN THE UNITED
STATES."
"NEW YORK TIMES."
OF COURSE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT
HEART DISEASE, CANCER, DIABETES,
BUT ALSO AS COVID TAUGHT US,
OBESITY IS HORRIBLE FOR THE
IMMUNE SYSTEM.
WHICH IS WHY THOSE NUMBERS WERE
OFF THE CHARTS DURING THE
PANDEMIC.
THAT'S A CATASTROPHE.
IT'S LITERALLY A NATIONAL
SECURITY ISSUE NOW -MILITARY
RECRUITMENT IS DOWN BY THE MOST
SINCE THE END OF THE DRAFT,
MAINLY BECAUSE 17 TO
24-YEAR-OLDS ARE TOO FAT TO
FIGHT.
AT SOME POINT, ACCEPTANCE
BECOMES ENABLING -- AND IF
YOU'RE IN ANY WAY PARTICIPATING
IN THIS JOYFUL CELEBRATION OF
GLUTTONY THAT GOES ON NOW, YOU
HAVE BLOOD ON YOUR HANDS, FULL
STOP.
[APPLAUSE]
YOU CAN MAKE BELIEVE YOU'RE
FIGHTING SOME GREAT SOCIAL
JUSTICE BATTLE FOR A BESIEGED
MINORITY BUT WHAT YOU'RE REALLY
DOING IS ENABLING ADDICTS, WHICH
I THOUGHT WE DECIDED WAS BAD.
IT'S NOT JUST THE DRAWSTRING
BUSINESS SUITS -- COMPANIES LIKE
NIKE SPORTS ILLUSTRATED.
AND VICTORIA'S SECRET --
COMPANIES THAT ARE SPECIFICALLY
ABOUT FITNESS -- NEVERTHELESS
PROMOTE PEOPLE WHO ARE PLAINLY
NOT INTO FITNESS.
PEOPLE LIKE ADELE FACE SHAME
CAMPAIGNS FOR LOSING WEIGHT.
THIS IS MADNESS.
THERE'S A REASON THE FIRST THING
YOUR DOCTOR DOES IS MAKE YOU
STEP ON A SCALE.
[APPLAUSE]
WELL, IT USED TO BE.
THERE'S A CARD NOW THAT YOU CAN
GIVE YOUR DOCTOR AND IT SAYS
"PLEASE DON'T WEIGH ME UNLESS
IT'S REALLY MEDICALLY
NECESSARY."
IT'S ALWAYS NECESSARY!
IT'S LIKE ASKING YOUR DENTIST
NOT TO LOOK AT YOUR TEETH.
THERE'S A POPULAR T SHIRT THAT
SAYS "I DON'T OWE NO MAN A FLAT
STOMACH."
OKAY, NO ONE SAID YOU DID.
YOU DO YOU.
BUT YOU'RE NOT A FREEDOM FIGHTER
BECAUSE YOU WANT TO KEEP EATING
DONUTS.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
USA TODAY ACTUALLY WROTE THE
SENTENCE.'SCIENCE HASN'T YET
FIGURED OUT HOW TO SOLVE
OBESITY," AND TED KYLE CONCURS,
SAYING, "WE DON'T KNOW HOW TO
BLUNT THE RISE IN OBESITY
BECAUSE WE DON'T KNOW PRECISELY
WHAT THE FACTORS ARE THAT ARE
CAUSING IT."
YES, WHAT COULD IT BE -- WHAT,
WHAT?!
DAMNIT, THIS IS A HARD ONE.
PEOPLE SAY TO ME, "OH, COME ON,
BILL, PEOPLE STRUGGLE WITH
THIS."
OF COURSE THEY DO!
EVERYTHING'S A STRUGGLE, LIFE'S
A STRUGGLE.
BUT SOMEHOW 50 YEARS AGO THIS
COUNTRY LOOKED ENTIRELY
DIFFERENT.
YOU DON'T THINK IT WAS A
STRUGGLE FOR THEM?
YOU THINK CAKE WASN'T DELICIOUS
IN 1969?
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
AND THAT'S THE SADDEST PART --
WE CAN DO THIS.
I THINK.
BUT BY LYING ABOUT IT AND MAKING
EXCUSES, PSYCHOLOGICALLY IT'S
TELLING OURSELVES THAT LETTING
OURSELVES GO IS THE BEST WE CAN
DO -- AND I GOTTA BELIEVE THAT
AS AMERICANS, WE CAN STILL DO
BETTER THAN THAT.
OKAY, THAT'S OUR SHOW.
I'LL BE AT THE KLEINHANS MUSIC
HALL IN BUFFALO, NY, OCTOBER
9TH, AT THE FOXWOODS CASINO IN
MASHANTUCKET, CT, NOVEMBER 13TH,
AND YOU CAN WATCH MY PODCAST
CLUB RANDOM ON YOUTUBE, OR
LISTEN ANYWHERE YOU GET YOUR
PODCASTS.
THANK YOU, FOLKS.
I WANT TO THANK MY GUESTS MATT
TAIBBI, LIS SMITH AND DAVID
DUCHOVNY.
NOW GO TO YOUTUBE AND JOIN US ON
OVERTIME.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]