♪ ♪
>> START THE CLOCK.
♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: THANK YOU, PEOPLE.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, I
APPRECIATE YOU COMING.
YOU SOUND GREAT, I KNOW.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I KNOW WHY YOU'RE HAPPY TONIGHT,
BECAUSE YOUR BULLSHIT AND
LIBERAL ARTS DEGREES ARE GETTING
PAID OFF.
PRESIDENT BIDEN MADE IT
OFFICIAL, HE'S GOING TO PAY
OFF -- OVER $300 BILLION IN
COLLEGE DEBT AND TODAY HE WAS
VOTED THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE ON
SUGAR DADDIES.COM.
THE KIDS WERE GIVING UP ON HIM,
NOW THEY LOVE HIM.
I WAS ON MELROSE BOULEVARD
TODAY, EVERYONE IS WEARING
AVIATOR GLASSES AND THEY ARE ALL
GETTING "NO MALARKEY" TATTOOS,
IT'S AMAZING.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THE KIDS, THEY ALWAYS SAY THEY
WANT FRESH AND NEW AND THEY GO
BACK TO VINTAGE.
SPEAKING OF THAT, DID YOU SEE
WHAT HAPPENED IN THE CITY OF
CASSVILLE MISSOURI?
THEY ARE GOING BACK TO SPANKING.
YOU CAN APPLAUD THAT, YOU DON'T
HAVE TO BE AFRAID OF THAT.
IT'S NOT WORKING.
NOT WITH GEN Z.
THE PRINCIPAL WAS SPANKING SOME
GIRL AND SHE SAID THAT WAS HOT
BUT I'M MORE INTO CHOKING.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
JUST IN TIME FOR BACK-TO-SCHOOL,
THEY DID FIRE THE CHIEF OF
POLICE IN UVALDE, TEXAS.
HE WENT IN FOR HIS PERFORMANCE
REVIEW AND THEY SAID WAIT IN THE
HALL AND HE SAID WAY AHEAD OF
YOU.
[LAUGHTER]
OUR BIG SCANDAL IN AMERICA GOES
ON, BOX GATE ABOUT MAR-A-LAGO
AND THE BOXES TRUMP TOOK.
THEY UNSEALED THE AFFIDAVIT THAT
ALLOWED THIS RATE TO TAKE PLACE
AND MOST OF IT IS REDACTED TO.
STILL THE REPUBLICANS ARE ALWAYS
ON THIS PAGE OF "THEY RATED THE
FORMER PRESIDENT'S HOME!"
YES, BECAUSE THAT'S WHERE HE
BROUGHT THE SHIT HE STOLE!
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
IS LIKE SAYING TO A COP YOU
PULLED OVER MY CAR BECAUSE
THAT'S WHAT YOU WERE SPEEDING I
IN.
[LAUGHTER]
APART FROM BEING APOLOGETIC,
IMAGINE HIS LAWYERS THAT SHE'S
BEEN THROUGH EVERY LAWYER IN THE
COUNTRY NOW.
NOW HE'S GOT THE ACCIDENT GUY.
HE'S TELLING THEM HE WANTS THEM
BACK HE SAYS THEY ARE MY.
WHEN THEY OPEN UP HIS BRAIN --
THAT'S THE RULES IN HIS HEAD, IF
I'VE EVER TOUCHED IT WITH MY
HANDS IT'S MIND FOREVER.
IF I TOUCH IT WITH MY DICK, I
WAS NEVER THERE.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
AM I WRONG?
IN THE WHY CAN'T WE HAVE THESE
KIND OF SCANDALS CATEGORY, YOU
SEE THE SAGA IN FINLAND KEEPS
GOING ON THERE, THERE ARE
6-YEAR-OLD PRIME MINISTER, SHE
WAS IN TROUBLE LAST WEEK BECAUSE
WHY?
THERE WAS AN INSTAGRAM OF HER
DANCING.
WHAT IS THIS, FOOTLOOSE?
WHO GIVES A FUCK, SHE WAS
DANCING.
THERE WAS ALSO A PHOTO THAT CAME
OUT FROM THE PARTY OF TWO WOMEN
TOPLESS, KISSING.
THIS IS A SCANDAL?
IT'S A TRAVEL POSTER.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
BECAUSE WE LIVE IN THE AGE OF
THE APOLOGY, PRIME MINISTER
MARIN HAD TO APOLOGIZE FOR THAT,
SHE MADE A STATEMENT -- WE HAD A
SAUNA, WE SWAM, WE SPENT TIME
TOGETHER BUT THAT KIND OF
PICTURES SHOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN
TAKEN.
BILL MAHER, ASSOCIATED PRESS?
WHEN YOU WERE IN THE SAUNA, HOW
MANY OTHER ATTRACTIVE FIT FINISH
WOMEN WERE IN THEIR AND WHAT WAS
ULTIMATELY DECIDED ABOUT THE
BORDER DISPUTE WITH RUSSIA?
AND FINALLY, CONGRATULATIONS TO
NICK CANNON BECAUSE HE ANNOUNCED
THIS WEEK HE JUST HAD HIS EIGHTH
CHILD, THERE'S A NIGHT COMING IN
OCTOBER.
THAN THE NEXT YEAR A TENTH IS
COMING -- DIVIDE SAY
CONGRATULATIONS?
I MEANT TO PUT ON FUCKING
CONDOM.
OKAY, WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW,
SENATOR AMY KLOBUCHAR AND ROB
REINER ARE HERE, BUT FIRST.
HE'S A FILMMAKER, WRITER, AND
AUTHOR OF THE NEW NOVEL
LIARMOUTH: A FEEL-BAD ROMANCE:
JOHN WATERS!
JOHN WATERS, HOW ARE YOU?
>> I'M WELL, HOW ARE YOU DOING?
>> GREAT TO SEE YOU AT YOUR
UNDISCLOSED LOCATION.
[LAUGHTER]
YOU LOOK FANTASTIC.
>> THANK YOU SO MUCH.
>> Bill: I WONDER WHAT IT
WOULD BE LIKE -- ARE SUCH AN
ICON AT THIS POINT -- IF YOU AND
I WALKED DOWN SANTA MONICA
BOULEVARD IN BOYS TOWN --
>> IT DEPENDS WHICH BLOCK.
IT USED TO BE ON SANTA MONICA
BOULEVARD THAT THEY HAD
DIFFERENT BLOCKS.
OUT FRONT OF OKI DOG WAS THE
KILLER HUSTLERS, THEN YOU WENT
ANOTHER BLOCK IT WAS STRAIGHT
HUSTLERS, THEN BISEXUAL, GAY,
DRAG, AND TRANS.
THERE'S A LOT OF RED LIGHTS ON
SANTA MONICA.
IT WAS NICE TO WATCH.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: I WASN'T LOOKING FOR
ALL THAT INFORMATION.
>> I'LL STAND ON WHATEVER ONE
YOU PICK.
>> Bill: WHEN YOU WALK THROUGH
A NEIGHBORHOOD LIKE THAT, YOU
MUST BE MOBBED LIKE THE BEATLES
IN 1964.
>> PEOPLE ARE LOVELY TO ME
EVERYWHERE.
I GET TO THE SAME REACTION IN A
BIKER BAR OR IN JAIL WHEN I
VISIT PEOPLE.
THE GUARDS.
IF I'M ON THE SUBWAY I GET
RECOGNIZED BECAUSE OF THE CHUCKY
MOVIE.
IT ALL DEPENDS WHICH THING I'M
DOING.
I LIKE TO GO EVERYWHERE -- YOU
ARE RIGHT.
I AM GETTING SO RESPECTABLE YOU
WANT TO PUKE.
[LAUGHTER]
>> Bill: ARE YOU OFFENDED BY
THAT, BEING RESPECTABLE?
I THINK YOU MIGHT BE.
I SEE YOU ARE GETTING A STAR ON
THE WALK OF FAME.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> YOU HAVE ONE TOO, ON VINE?
>> Bill: ANYONE CAN FUCKING
BUY ONE OF.
>> YOU DON'T GET THE PICK BUT
WHEN IT WAS ANNOUNCED I HAD ONE,
SOMEONE QUIPPED ONLINE "FINALLY,
CLOSER TO THE GUTTER THAN EVER."
I KNOW YOU DON'T GET TO PICK
WHERE YOURS IS BUT I WISH MINE
WAS IN FRONT OF LARRY EDMONDS
BOOKSHOP OR THE BEST ON LAS
PALMAS, THAT'S WHERE THAT
NEWSSTAND USED TO BE AND THE
CHURCH WORLD THE HUSTLERS STOOD,
THAT'S WHERE DIVINE IT SHOWED UP
ON A GARBAGE TRUCK TO THE
PREMIERE OF FEMALE TROUBLE IN
THE THEATER.
[APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: I KNOW YOU'RE ALSO
GETTING AN EXHIBIT AT THE MOTION
PICTURE ACADEMY MUSEUM.
YOU CAN'T GET MUCH MORE
RESPECTABLE THAN MUSEUMS AND
WALK OF FAME.
WHAT IS IN THE EXHIBIT THERE
WHEN THEY GO TO THE JOHN WATERS
EXHIBIT, WHAT WOULD THEY SEE?
>> JUST THINK A DEFINES
IDENTIFICATION BIRTH CERTIFICATE
IS GOING TO BE IN THE SAME ROOM
AS DOROTHY'S RUBY SLIPPERS.
I'M TRYING TO GET DEVINE'S
CHEATER, THAT IS THE FAKE HAIR,
A FRIEND OF MINE HAD IT, HE DIED
IN THE FAMILY SOLD AT THE END
SOMEBODY CALLED ME AND SAID THEY
HAD IT AND TRY TO HOLD IT
HOSTAGE.
GIVE DEVINE'S CHEATER TO THE
ACADEMY EXHIBITION >> Bill:
SOME WHAT SHOULD ONE AS A ONE
ISSUE CANDIDATE ON THAT ISSUE
ALONE.
WHAT ABOUT PINK FLAMINGOS, THERE
MUST BE SOMETHING FROM THEIR --
ISN'T THIS THE 50TH ANNIVERSARY
THIS YEAR?
>> JUST GOT PICKED BY THE
NATIONAL REGISTRY, OUR
GOVERNMENT PICKED IT AS A GREAT
AMERICAN FILM WHICH IS REALLY
INSANE AND WONDERFUL.
CRITERIA AND RELEASED IT AND WE
DID BACK AND DID EXTRAS, I WENT
INTO THE HOUSE WHERE ONE OF THE
CHARACTERS LIVED AND THEY HADN'T
SEEN THE MOVIE AND I SAID CAN I
LICK THE BANISTER LIKE DIVINE
DID THE MOVIE AND THEY SAID YOU
CAN.
I PUT DEVINE'S CURSE BACK IN THE
HOUSE 50 YEARS LATER, IT WAS
EXCITING.
>> Bill: COULD YOU EVEN
PITCHED THAT STORY TODAY IF YOU
WERE GOING TO A MOVIE STUDIO AND
SAID YOU WANTED TO MAKE THAT
MOVIE, WITH THE EVEN LISTEN?
>> THEY DO LISTEN.
OF ALL THE POLITICAL CORRECTNESS
I MAKE FUN OF MYSELF AND THE
RULES THAT I LIVE IN -- I
HAVEN'T BEEN CANCELED.
MY NEW BOOK WE SENT IT TO THE
SENSITIVITY EDITOR, SHE WOULDN'T
CALL US BACK -- I THINK SHE
DIED.
WE DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
I HAVEN'T BEEN.
>> Bill: YOU'RE SUCH AN OG,
IT'S BAKED INTO THE CAKE.
>> I DON'T THINK I MEAN
SPIRITED.
I MAKE FUN OF POLITICAL
CORRECTNESS MYSELF IN MY NEW
BOOK, I HAVE PEOPLE WHO ARE
ADDICTED TO TRAMPOLINES AND
THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO ARE AGAINST
THEM -- I'M GOING TO TRY TO
IMAGINE EVERYTHING, EVERY
POSSIBLE THING THAT COULD
HAPPEN.
IN THIS BOOK I HAVE A DOG THAT
HAS HAD SO MANY FACE-LIFTS, DID
YOU KNOW, AFTER YOU HAVE YOUR
DOG NEUTERED YOU CAN BUY THESE
THINGS SO PEOPLE DON'T THINK YOU
ARE A BUTCHER, THEY ARE FAKE
TESTICLES FOR YOUR DOG A
QUESTION MARK I'M IT UP.
I'M NOT EVEN PRO LIFE FOR DOGS,
CAN DOGS GET ABORTIONS?
I DON'T KNOW, I GOT A DOCTORATE
RECENTLY.
I THINKING I'M GOING TO GO INTO
LATE-TERM DOG ABORTIONS.
>> Bill: YOU'RE RIGHT, YOU
HAVEN'T BEEN CANCELED BECAUSE IT
WOULD HAVE HAPPENED BY NOW.
THE POINT YOU'RE GETTING TO THAT
I WOULD LIKE TO GET TO HIS
YOU'RE NOT JUST A PROVOCATEUR.
THIS NOVEL MAKES A LOT OF GREAT
COMMENTARY ON SOCIETY AND THE
SUM OF YOUR MOVIES -- PEOPLE
FORGET YOU DIDN'T JUST MAKE PINK
FLAMINGOS, YOU MADE MADE THREE
MOVIES, YOU WORKED WITH
JOHNNY DEPP.
IT DOESN'T GET MUCH MORE
MAINSTREAM.
BY THE WAY, WHAT DID YOU THINK
OF THAT TRIAL?
>> I'M NOT GOING INTO THAT.
[LAUGHTER]
I WISH THEY WOULD GET BACK
TOGETHER AND MAKE EVERYBODY
CRAZY.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: IT SEEMS TO HAVE
EVERYTHING A JOHN WATERS MOVIE
WOULD HAVE HER KILLED SEX,
VIOLENCE, SHIT IN THE BED TO.
>> MY SHIT -- WHEN WE MAILED
SOMEONE A TURN TO COME OF THAT.
THAT WAS JOYOUS.
INTER DETERRED OF TERRORISM, IT
HAPPENS.
RATHER THAN SAYING I'M ANTIFA, A
PROUD BOY OR ANYTHING -- I LOVE
JOE BIDEN, I REALLY DO.
HE HAS A GREAT HAIR TRANSPLANT,
HE HAD DRUGS IN HIS FAMILY HE
CAN IDENTIFY WITH WHAT A LOT OF
AMERICANS ARE GOING THROUGH,
HE'S A CATHOLIC FOR ABORTION AND
GAY MARRIAGE, SO WHAT IF HE'S
SENILE?
MAYBE HE WILL SEND US ALL
500,000 DOLLARS, I HOPE SO.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: YOU'RE ABOUT THE SAME
AGE, CAN I MAKE A SUGGESTION?
>> THIS LOOKS LIKE I HAVE BAD
DREADS ON.
[LAUGHTER]
>> Bill: YOU SHOULD PLAY HIM
ON "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE."
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> I WOULD, THEY HAVEN'T ASKED
ME YET.
YOU CAN NEVER HAVE TOO MANY
CAREERS.
>> Bill: MONKEYPOX SOUNDS TO
ME LIKE THE TITLE OF A JOHN
WATERS MOVIE.
[LAUGHTER]
>> I CALL IT MONKEY BALLS.
YOU HAVE BIG BORDERS ON YOUR
BALLS, THAT'S A NICE LOOK FOR
SUMMER.
[LAUGHTER]
THEN I HEAR YOU CAN GET IT IN
YOUR ASS -- MONKEY HOLE, GREAT.
WAIT UNTIL STRAIGHT PEOPLE GET
THAT, THEY WILL HAVE A VACCINE.
>> Bill: SO YOU MUST --
[LAUGHTER]
YOU MUST FEEL AWFULLY PROUD THAT
GREG CREAN STORY HOUR IS A
THING.
WHEN YOU PUT OUT MOVIES ABOUT
DRAG QUEENS I WAS A TEENAGER, I
DIDN'T KNOW WHAT THEY WERE AND I
LEARNED IT FROM YOU.
>> LITTLE MISS HOT MESS, SHE
GOES TO SCHOOL AND TEACHES
CHILDREN ABOUT DRAG.
ARE YOU REALLY SURPRISE SOME
PEOPLE ARE UPSET ABOUT THAT?
HOW WAS SCHOOL TODAY?
LITTLE MISS HOT MESS TAUGHT ME
HOW TO PUT ON BOTTOM LASHES, GET
IT, GIRL.
DON'T BE SO SURPRISED.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: JOHN, GOOD LUCK WITH
THE BOOK, IF YOU'RE GOING TO GET
ONE BOOK THIS YEAR ABOUT A
STRAIGHT MAN WITH A TALKING, GAY
PENIS, GET JOHN WATERS BOOK.
LET'S MEET OUR PANEL!
>> YOU GOT TO GIVE IT TO JOHN
WATERS, THE COMMITMENT TO THAT
MUSTACHE AFTER 50 YEARS.
THE ONLY MAN WHO COULD PULL THAT
OFF.
>> Bill: LET ME INTRODUCE YOU
FIRST.
HE'S AN ACTOR AND FILMMAKER
WHO'S DIRECTED AND STARRED IN
PRETTY MUCH ALL OF YOUR FAVORITE
MOVIES.
ROB REINER IS OVER HERE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
SHE'S THE SENIOR DEMOCRATIC
SENATOR FROM MINNESOTA, MY OLD
JOB.
AMY KLOBUCHAR IS OVER HERE.
YOU TWO DIED IN THE WOOL
DEMOCRATS MUST BE VERY HAPPY
BECAUSE A COUPLE MONTHS AND AGO
IT LOOKED LIKE THE DEMOCRATS
WERE DEAD IN THE WATER, NOW
JOE BIDEN IS UP SIX POINTS IN A
COUPLE OF WEEKS.
I FEEL LIKE BECAUSE TRUMP IS
COMING BACK, BECAUSE ABORTION IS
A BIG ISSUE, PEOPLE WANT THEIR
ABORTION RIGHTS AND MOSTLY
BECAUSE DEMOCRATS ARE FINALLY
GETTING THINGS DONE.
YOU ARE A GETTING THINGS DONE
DEMOCRAT, YOU'RE NOT A DRAG
QUEEN STORY HOUR DEMOCRAT.
[LAUGHTER]
IN MY RIGHT?
THIS IS WHY THEY ARE UP.
IN THIS BUILD BACK BETTER
WHATEVER THEY ARE CALLING IT
NOW, INFLATION REDUCTION BILL
WHATEVER IT IS -- MEDICARE,
BEING ABLE TO NEGOTIATE WITH THE
DRUG COMPANIES FOR DRUG PRICES
FOR MEDICARE.
THIS IS SOMETHING THEY HAVE
WANTED FOR A LONG TIME AND NOW
IT HAPPENS.
OBAMA WANTED IT, HE COULDN'T GET
IT DONE --
>> EVEN WANTED IT, WHY DID IT
HAPPEN NOW?
>> I'VE BEEN LEADING THIS BILL
FOR A LONG TIME AND I BELIEVE
WHAT WENT WRONG WAS THAT THE
PHARMA COMPANIES THOUGHT THEY
OWNED WASHINGTON.
THEY HAVE THREE LOBBYISTS FOR
EVERY MEMBER OF CONGRESS'.
FINALLY THE PEOPLE SAID WE'VE
HAD IT TWO THIS WAS OUR MOMENT
WITH THE INFLATION REDUCTION ACT
AND WE TOOK A PROVISION WE HAD
BUILT INTO THE LAW 20 YEARS AGO
THAT SAYS YOU CAN'T NEGOTIATE
CHEAPER PRICES FOR MEDICARE.
IT'S LOCKED IN, THE COMPANIES
LOCKED IN THEIR PROFITS AND WE
SAID THAT'S IT.
WE ARE GOING TO TAKE THAT OUT OF
THERE AND WE ARE GOING TO START
NEGOTIATING FOR BETTER PRICES.
>> Bill: IS THIS THE MOST
POPULAR PROGRAM EVER?
>> 88%.
>> Bill: AND THEY STILL
COULDN'T GET IT --
>> THE DEMOCRATS HAVE BEEN ON
THE RIGHT SIDE OF VIRTUALLY
EVERY ISSUE FOR MANY, MANY YEARS
AND WE ARE HAPPY, WE ARE FEELING
GOOD BECAUSE THIS IS EMPIRICAL.
IF YOU LOOK AT THE FIRST TWO
YEARS OF BIDEN'S PRESIDENCY,
THERE ARE MORE ACCOMPLISHMENTS
OF ANY PRESIDENT IN THE LAST 60.
YOU CAN LOOK BACK TO LBJ AND SAY
IT MAYBE THERE WAS AS MUCH THEY
ARE.
BIDEN HAS DONE A LOT AND WE ARE
FEELING GOOD.
FOR THE FIRST TIME WE ARE SEEING
THE POSSIBILITY -- NOT ONLY TO
HOLD THE SENATE, I THINK WE ARE
GOING TO PICK UP TWO TO MECCA
FOUR SEATS IN THE SENATE AND FOR
THE FIRST TIME I FEEL LIKE WE
HAVE A SHOT TO HOLD ON TO THE
HOUSE.
IF WE DO THAT THEN WE SAVE
DEMOCRACY.
>> Bill: LET ME ASK YOU ONE
QUESTION ABOUT THE DRUGS THING.
OBAMA WANTED TO END TRUMP SAID
WHY DON'T WE DO IT?
WHY BECAUSE OF THE DRUG
COMPANIES.
>> HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING, PRICES
WERE GOING UP.
>> Bill: DRUG COMPANIES, BAD
GUYS BECAUSE THEY WERE BLOCKING
THIS ALL OVER THE YEARS.
THEN WE SAW THAT MOVIE DOPE SICK
AND WE LEARNED ALL ABOUT THE
OPIOID SCANDAL.
HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE
WERE KILLED AND THEY KNEW WHAT
WAS GOING ON.
DRUG COMPANIES, BAD GUYS THERE
TOO, RIGHT?
SOMEHOW IT COMES TO WHATEVER
THEY WANT TO DO WITH COVID, THEY
ONLY HAVE OUR BEST INTERESTS AT
HEART TO.
HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THAT?
>> THERE'S AN IMBALANCE
IMBALANCE OF POWER IN WASHINGTO
WASHINGTON.
WE NEED TO HAVE CAMPAIGN FINANCE
LAWS AND WE NEED TO PASS A
CONSTITUTIONAL AMENDMENT TO
OVERTURN CITIZENS UNITED.
MONEY EVERY SIGEL DAY IN
WASHINGTON, WE VOTED 36 HOURS TO
PASS THE INFLATION REDUCTION ACT
TO BRING DOWN, FINALLY THE
PRICES OF PRESCRIPTION DRUGS.
TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT CLIMATE
CHANGE FOR THE FIRST TIME,
PHARMA RAN ADS UNTIL THE VERY
LAST HOUR.
THEY TAKE IT ON THE PEOPLE GIVE
IN.
WE CAN'T HAVE PEOPLE IN
WASHINGTON AS ROB JUST POINTED
OUT THAT HAD BEEN GIVING INTO
THEM.
>> Bill: THAT WAS A VERY GOOD
FILIBUSTER.
>> EVERY WORD SHE SAID IS TRUE.
>> Bill: IT WASN'T A QUESTION
I ASKED DEAR CALLUM IF YOU'RE
LIKE A DRUG COMPANIES ARE BAD
GUYS BUT WE DO EVERYTHING THEY
SAY WHEN IT COMES TO THIS ONE
THING.
>> THEY HAVE DONE SOME GOOD
THINGS.
WHAT HAPPENS IS YOU GIVE TOO
MUCH POWER INTO MUCH
CONSOLIDATION.
>> Bill: JUST REMEMBER, THEY
ARE IN THE BUSINESS OF SELLING
DRUGS, THEY ARE NOT IN THE
BUSINESS OF MAKING YOU HEALTHY
ALTHOUGH THAT IS SOMETIMES A
SIDE EFFECT.
LET'S MOVE ONTO THE OTHER BIG
THING THAT THE ADMINISTRATION
DID, COLLEGE LOANS.
IT'S INTERESTING, THERE ARE
PEOPLE WHO HAVE COLLEGE LOANS.
THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE IN
AMERICA, THE VAST MAJORITY OF
AMERICANS DIDN'T GO TO COLLEGE
AND THEY DON'T HAVE COLLEGE
LOANS AND THEY ARE A LITTLE
PISSED ABOUT THIS.
THERE ARE PLUMBERS OUT THERE
SAYING WHY DON'T YOU PAY OFF MY
TRUCK INSTEAD BECAUSE THAT'S
WHAT MY MONEY WENT TO, MY LIFE
WENT TO?
IT'S AMAZING TO ME WHAT I READ
IN THE PAPER TODAY HOW MANY
DEMOCRATS ARE DIVIDED ABOUT
THIS.
THEY AREN'T COMPLETELY BEHIND
THIS IDEA THAT JOE BIDEN IS
PAYING OFF PEOPLE'S
STUDENT LOANS?
WHERE YOU ON THAT ONE?
>> I THINK YOU KNOW DURING THE
PRESIDENTIAL I WAS THE ONE WHO
SAID RICH KIDS WE SHOULDN'T BE
PAYING FOR THEIR COLLEGE, WE
NEED TO FOCUS ON APPRENTICESHIPS
AND FILLING THE HARD TO FILL
JOBS.
THAT BEING SAID THIS IS MORE
TARGETED THAN A BUNCH OF THE
PROPOSALS THAT WERE OUT THERE.
87% OF THE MONEY GOES TO PEOPLE
THAT ARE MAKING LESS THAN
$75,000 A YEAR.
[APPLAUSE]
IT HELPS NURSES AND TEACHERS AND
ELECTRICIANS.
A BUNCH OF PEOPLE HAVE COMMUNITY
COLLEGE LOANS.
THAT BEING SAID IF I COULD WAVE
A MAGIC WAND AND DO WHAT I WANT
TO DO I WOULD'VE TIED IT TOO
HARD TO FILL JOBS, WE HAVE
10 MILLION JOB OPENINGS IN THE
COUNTRY, 2 MILLION OF THEM ARE
IN HEALTH CARE AND ASSISTED
LIVING IF PEOPLE WILL GO INTO
THOSE JOBS INSTEAD OF BEING
HEDGE FUND MANAGERS WE COULD
ACTUALLY PUT THE LOAN REPAYMENT
HELP AND HAVE IT CONNECTED TO
PEOPLE GOING INTO JOBS WE NEED
TO FILL, I THINK THAT WOULD BE A
WAY WE COULD DO IT, FOR PEOPLE
TO UNDERSTAND THIS IS A TARGET
OF THE PROGRAM.
>> Bill: 50 YEARS AGO, 70% OF
GOOD JOBS REQUIRED A HIGH SCHOOL
DIPLOMA, NOW THEY REQUIRE A
COLLEGE DEGREE.
TRYING TO ADDRESS INCOME
INEQUALITY BUT IT DOES THE
REVERSE BECAUSE IT'S PEOPLE WHO
HAVE COLLEGE DEGREES.
>> BUT THERE ARE ALSO PARENTS OF
THOSE KIDS WHO DON'T HAVE
COLLEGE DEGREES WHO WANT THEIR
KIDS TO BE ABLE TO GO TO COLLEGE
SO THEY CAN HAVE A BETTER LIFE
THAN THEY DID.
WE HAVE TO ADDRESS THE COST OF
GOING TO COLLEGE.
I'M AN OLD MAN BUT WHEN I WENT
TO COLLEGE AT UCLA, IT COST ME
$242 TO GO TO SCHOOL FOR A WHOLE
YEAR.
NOW IT'S CRAZY HOW MUCH YOU HAVE
TO PAY.
IT DOES TARGET THE KIDS THAT ARE
MOST IN NEED.
>> Bill: I KEEP SAYING ON THIS
SHOW, NO ONE'S LISTENING --
>> BEVENTUALLY THEY FOLLOW MY LD
BUT IT TAKES YEARS AND SOMEONE
ELSE THE CLAIMANT.
I KEEP SAYING IT'S NOT ABOUT
AFFORDABILITY.
COLLEGE IS UNAFFORDABLE BUT IT'S
ABOUT MAKING COLLEGE MORE
UNNECESSARY.
IT'S A GIANT SCAM.
IT'S A CONSUMER PRODUCT THAT
THEY ARE SELLING YOU AS A GOLDEN
TICKET TO BE IN THE
UPPER-MIDDLE-CLASS BUT THEY
AREN'T REALLY GETTING ANY
EDUCATION.
>> DID YOU GO TO COLLEGE?
AND LOOK AT THE JOB YOU HAVE.
YOU'RE A BIG TIME GUY WITH YOUR
OWN SHOW, WOULD YOU HAVE YOUR
OWN SHOW -- MAYBE YOU WOULD COME
I DON'T KNOW.
>> Bill: YES I WOULD COME
EXACTLY!
>> BUT YOU WOULDN'T QUALIFY FOR
THE LOAN REPAYMENT.
[LAUGHTER]
INCOME.
>> Bill: I'M JUST SAYING MOST
JOBS DON'T REALLY REQUIRE, IT'S
A SCAM.
YOU TALK ABOUT NURSES, I'VE
TALKED TO SO MANY NURSES, MY
MOTHER WAS A NURSE I KNOW MANY
NURSES THAT WERE FRIENDS.
ADMINISTRATORS, TEACHERS, THEY
ALL HAVE THIS COMPLAINT THAT AT
A CERTAIN POINT THEY NEED MORE
EDUCATION TO ADVANCE IN THEIR
CAREER WHEN REALLY THEY KNOW
EXACTLY WHAT THEY ARE DOING.
IT'S JUST A WAY TO MAKE YOU GO
BACK TO SCHOOL.
I FEEL LIKE EDUCATION IS TO
DEMOCRATS WHAT TAX CUTS ARE TO
REPUBLICANS, THEY THINK IT
SOLVES EVERYTHING.
>> IT'S NOT JUST UPPER EDUCATION
ALSO TALKING ABOUT K-12.
THAT'S SOMETHING DEMOCRATS HAVE
CARED ABOUT FOREVER AND YOU SEE
REPUBLICANS MOVING AWAY FROM
PUBLIC EDUCATION, THAT TO ME IS
WHERE THE MONEY SHOULD BE GOING.
YES, THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO SHOULD
GO TO COLLEGE IF YOU WANT TO BE
A DOCTOR AND A LAWYER, YOU WANT
TO BE IN THE SPACE INDUSTRY YOU
HAVE TO GO TO COLLEGE.
THERE ARE OTHER JOBS YOU DON'T
NEED COLLEGE FOR.
[APPLAUSE]
>> I THINK YOU AND I KNOW WE
AREN'T GOING TO HAVE SPORTS
MARKETING DEGREES HERE, WE ARE
GOING TO HAVE A SHORTAGE OF
PLUMBERS AND ELECTRICIANS,
TECHNOLOGY WORKERS, SOME OF
THOSE JOBS REQUIRE HIGH
EDUCATION, SOME OF THEM REQUIRE
APPRENTICESHIPS AND WE HAVE TO
MEET PEOPLE WHERE THEY ARE AND
THAT'S WHERE I WOULD LIKE TO
TYPE TO THE JOBS WE N NEED TO
FILL.
[APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: I LIKE THE WAY YOU
ALWAYS COME BACK TO THE
PRACTICAL PART OF IT.
>> SHE IS A PROBLEM SOLVER AND A
GREAT ONE.
>> Bill: YOU WERE HERE DURING
THE LAST ELECTION SEASON AND HE
WERE RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT, I
SAID PUBLICLY WAS HAPPY TO DO IT
THAT I THOUGHT YOU WOULD BE VERY
GOOD IN THAT POSITION.
[APPLAUSE]
IT DIDN'T WORK OUT BUT I'VE
NEVER KNOWN ANYONE WHO RAN FOR
PRESIDENT ONCE AND JUST WENT YOU
KNOW WHAT TO?
I DID AT ONCE, DIDN'T WORK OUT,
NEVER MIND.
IT SEEMS LIKE I'LL EITHER RUN
FOR PRESIDENT OR DIE WHICHEVER
COMES FIRST.
LOOK AT BIDEN, HE FIRST RAN IN
1988 IT DIDN'T HAPPEN UNTIL
2020.
I GUESS I'M ASKING WHAT YOU'RE
GOING TO DO NEXT YEAR?
[LAUGHTER]
>> I AM FOCUSED RIGHT NOW --
>> Bill: DON'T GET ME THAT
ANSWER!
>> I JUST SPENT THE WHOLE DAY
YESTERDAY AT THE MINNESOTA STATE
FAIR!
WHAT WE NEED TO DO IS LOOK IN
FRONT OF US AND IT'S THE MIDTERM
ELECTIONS.
YOU HAVE A REPUBLICAN PARTY THAT
IS SO EXTREME ON ABORTION WHEN
IN FACT THE DEMOCRATS ARE
STANDING UP FOR THIS SIMPLE IDEA
IDEA THAT IT'S FREEDOM THAT
WOMEN DESERVE TO HAVE THE
FREEDOM TO CHOOSE WHAT THEY WANT
TO DO WITH THEIR OWN BODIES.
THEY DON'T WANT TO HAVE TED CRUZ
IN THE WAITING ROOM, THEY DON'T
WANT POLITICIANS.
THERE ARE SO MANY DIFFERENCES IN
THE MIDTERMS THIS ELECTION IS
RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER.
THAT'S WHY IT'S IMPORTANT WE
WANT TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THE
FREEDOM TO MAKE YOUR OWN
HEALTH CARE DECISIONS, THE
FREEDOM TO VOTE.
IF YOU WANT TO KEEP IN PLACE
THIS ECONOMIC RECOVERY I FIRMLY
BELIEVE THIS.
SPEAK OF THE SENATOR HAS A
POINT -- DON'T LAUGH AT ME I'M
MAKING A POINT HERE!
>> Bill: I'M NOT LAUGHING AT
YOU.
>> YOU'RE LAUGHING NEAR ME.
IN THE AREA OF ME.
[LAUGHTER]
MIDTERMS ARE CRITICAL, YOU HEAR
THIS ALL THE TIME.
THESE REALLY ARE.
>> Bill: IT'S TRUE.
>> IT'S NOT JUST WOMEN'S RIGHT
TO CHOOSE, DEMOCRACY, WHETHER OR
NOT WE HAVE DEMOCRACY IS ON THE
BALANCE.
YOU CAN'T ASK HER IF SHE IS
GOING TO FOR PRESIDENT.
>> Bill: I CAN ASK...
>> SHE'S GOT TO FOCUS ON SAVING
DEMOCRACY RIGHT NOW.
>> Bill: WHO ELSE DO THEY GOT?
>> JOE BIDEN HAS SAID HE'S
RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT AND I SAID
I'M SUPPORTING, THAT'S WHAT'S
HAPPENING.
>> Bill: THAT'S NOT REALLY THE
POPULAR POSITION WITHIN THE
PARTY IS MUCH AS HE HAS DONE
WELL.
>> HE'S DONE MORE THAN WELL,
IT'S IMPORTANT TO STRESS THIS.
I'M SERIOUS BECAUSE THE NUMBERS
DON'T REFLECT IT.
IF YOU LOOK AT HIS
ACCOMPLISHMENTS IT'S OFF THE
CHARTS AND IF HE DECIDES HE
WANTS TO RUN AND HE'S SAYING
HE'S GOING TO RUN AND HE'S FIT,
THEN YOU HAVE TO SUPPORT HIM.
>> Bill: I SAID THE KIDS ARE
GETTING NO MALARKEY TATTOOS.
PRIMARY SEASON IS MY FAVORITE
POLITICAL SEASON, SOME PEOPLE
LIKE THE HOLIDAYS, HALLOWEEN, I
LOVE PRIMARIES BECAUSE IT'S JUST
LIKE THE EARLY ROUNDS OF
"AMERICAN IDOL."
[LAUGHTER]
ANY LOON CAN RUN.
DR. OZ I MUST POINT OUT -- I
NEVER WATCHED DOCTOR'S MEDICAL
SHOW, NOT COME TO PASS JUDGMENT
ON WHAT HE IS AS A DOCTOR AT
THAT HE'S LESS CRAZY AS A DOCTOR
THAN PEOPLE ASSUME BECAUSE I
DON'T AGREE WITH MOST PEOPLE'S
VIEWS ON MEDICINE.
AS A POLITICIAN HE'S A MORON.
[LAUGHTER]
I THINK DR. OZ DISLIKES MONEY
TOO MUCH.
HE HAS 11 HOUSES, HE DOESN'T
REALLY LIVE IN PENNSYLVANIA
WHERE HE IS RUNNING HE WENT TO
THE MARKET -- I NEVER EVEN HEARD
THIS WORD, CRUDITES.
HE CALLED IT CRUDITES TWICE,
YOU'RE DONE WHEN YOU DO SHIT
LIKE THAT.
WE GOT A HOLD OF HIS CAMPAIGN
POSTERS, WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE
THEM?
HE IS OUT OF TOUCH.
LOOK AT THIS ONE, I NEVER MET A
MAN I DIDN'T TIP.
[LAUGHTER]
PUTTING PENNSYLVANIANS BACK TO
WHATEVER IT IS YOU PEOPLE DO.
[LAUGHTER]
HAUTE CUISINE IS HERE AGAIN.
[LAUGHTER]
DILL, BABY, DILL.
[LAUGHTER]
I'M WITH HERMÈS.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
HEY, I SAID NO EYE CONTACT!
[LAUGHTER]
OSCAR DE LA RENTA IS TOO DAMN
HIGH!
[LAUGHTER]
DR. OZ: IF I DIDN'T LOVE
PENNSYLVANIA, WOULD I PRETEND TO
LIVE HERE?
[LAUGHTER]
I KNOW YOU'RE ITCHING TO TALK
ABOUT THE TRUMP BOX GATE, THERE
WAS NEWS TODAY THAT THEY DID
RELEASE THE AFFIDAVIT.
IT'S REDACTED SO WE DON'T KNOW
MUCH BUT BASICALLY WE KNOW WHAT
HAPPENED TO.
WHAT I SAID THAT HAPPENED AND I
KNOW PEOPLE WHO WERE CLOSE TRUMP
WHO SAID YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW
RIGHT YOU ARE HE HAD NO IDEA
WHAT'S IN THE BOXES, HE JUST
THINKS IT'S MINE.
HE DOESN'T CARE, HE DOESN'T READ
HE NEVER SAW WHAT'S IN THE BOX
IS THE FIRST TIME BUT THERE IS
STUFF IN THERE -- WHEN THEY SAY
CLASSIFIED IT COULD BE ANYTHING.
LOTS OF STUFF IS CLASSIFIED --
>> THEY HAVE IDENTIFIED
CLASSIFIED THINGS, 184 OF THEM
AND THEY HAVE IDENTIFIED WHAT
THEY THINK IS IN THOSE
CLASSIFIED DOCUMENTS.
YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND, ON ITS
FACE THE MAN BROKE THE LAW.
YOU CAN'T TAKE IT DOCUMENTS THE
WHITE HOUSE TO YOUR PERSONAL
HOUSE.
[APPLAUSE]
THAT'S BREAKING THE LAW.
WE KNOW HE BROKE THE LAW.
THE QUESTION IS HOW BADLY DID HE
BREAK THE LAW?
HE'S GOING TO GET INDICTED FOR
THIS, NO QUESTION ABOUT IT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> SOME PERSPECTIVE ON THIS.
WHEN WE HAVE THESE CLASSIFIED
DOCUMENTS THAT WE LOOK AT,
TOP-SECRET DOCUMENTS I CAN'T
EVEN WEAR A FITBIT.
WE GO IN THIS SUPER, DUPER
SILENT ROOM CALLED THE SKIFF AND
WE LOOK AT THE DOCUMENTS.
THIS GUY WE NOW KNOW 184
CLASSIFIED DOCUMENTS, 25 OF THEM
TOP-SECRET AND BY THE WAY
COUNTRIES THAT WANT TO DO US
HARM WANT TO SEE THESE
DOCUMENTS.
HUMAN INTELLIGENCE IS WHAT THEY
ARE REPORTING TODAY.
THAT MEANS THESE PEOPLE COULD
HAVE A TARGET ON THEIR BACKS FOR
KGB HIT SQUADS, YOU NAME IT
GOING AFTER THEM.
HE LITERALLY PUT THEM IN A PLACE
WHERE THEY RENT OUT GOLF CARTS,
BADMINTON SETS AND CROQUET SETS.
THAT'S WHAT HE DID WITH THE
NATION'S TOP SECRETS AND THAT'S
WHY THIS IS SUCH A SERIOUS
BREACH.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> HE'S NOT GOING TO GET PAST
THIS ONE.
>> Bill: HE CAN'T GET PAST
THIS ONE?
HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I HEARD THAT
ON MSNBC?
WE GOT HIM NOW!
[LAUGHTER]
>> HERE'S WHAT YOU'VE HEARD TO.
YOU'VE HE WAS DEAD DURING THE
MUELLER INVESTIGATION.
WELL HE HAD A MEMO THAT DIDN'T
ALLOW HIM TO PROSECUTE EVEN
THOUGH HE LAID OUT FIVE EXAMPLES
OF A OBSTRUCTION OF JUSTICE.
HE WAS IMPEACHED TWICE BUT THAT
WAS A POLITICAL ARENA.
THAT'S NOT THE LEGAL ARENA.
YOU CAN SAY WHATEVER YOU WANT IN
THE WORLD OF POLITICS BUT IN A
COURT OF LAW YOU HAVE TO TELL
THE TRUTH.
MERRICK GARLAND KNOWS THIS MAN
BROKE THE LAW AND HE'S BEING
VERY CAUTIOUS.
>> Bill: HE'S GOING TO BE
INDICTED?
>> HE WILL BE INDICTED.
>> Bill: THAT WOULD TAKE A
GRAND JURY WHICH MAY HAVE TRUMP
PEOPLE ON IT.
>> MAY BE.
>> Bill: EVEN WHEN WE ARE IN
THE JUSTICE ARENA WE ARE IN THE
POLITICAL ARENA.
>> YOU WILL GET INDICTED -- IT
DOESN'T HAVE TO GO TO A GRAND
JURY, IT PROBABLY WILL BUT HE
WILL BE INDICTED.
WILL HE GO TO JAIL?
I DON'T KNOW, PROBABLY NOT.
HE WILL PROBABLY CUT SOME KIND
OF A DEAL AND NOT ALLOWED TO RUN
FOR PRESIDENT AGAIN, I DON'T
KNOW WHAT HE WILL DO.
THERE IS NO GETTING PAST THIS.
THE BIG TICKET IS JANUARY 6TH.
THE GUY LED AN ARMED
INSURRECTION TO OVERTHROW THE
GOVERNMENT TO.
THAT'S BEING PROSECUTED.
>> Bill: HE WANTED TO LEAD IT
BUT THEY WOULDN'T LET HIM GO.
[LAUGHTER]
LET ME ASK YOU A MORE NUANCED
QUESTION, IS IT OKAY TO HAVE A
CONSPIRACY TO GET RID OF TRUMP.
MY FRIEND SAM HARRIS IS ON A
PODCAST.
>> WHAT YOU MEAN A CONSPIRACY TO
GET RID OF TRUMP?
>> Bill: I'M GOING TO TELL
YOU.
[LAUGHTER]
>> I'M GOING TO DEFER TO MY
LAWYER HERE.
>> Bill: TRUE THEN YOU KNOW.
THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT HUNTER
BIDEN'S LAPTOP WHICH WAS A STORY
AND ALL THE MAINSTREAM PRESS HAS
FINALLY ADMITTED IT WAS A REAL
STORY, A REAL LAPTOP -- LET'S
NOT, HE WAS SELLING THE
INFLUENCE OF HIS FATHER,
JOE BIDEN.
MOST POLITICAL SUNS DO IT LET'S
NOT PRETEND THAT WASN'T GOING
ON, SOME GUY FROM CHINA GAVE HIM
AN $80,000 DIAMOND AFTER DINNER
AS ONE DOES.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
IF YOU ARE NAOMI CAMPBELL BUT IT
DOESN'T USUALLY HAPPEN.
HUNTER BIDEN'S LAPTOP WAS BURIED
BY THE PRESS, EVEN THE HEAD OF
TWITTER SAID THAT WAS A MISTAKE.
THEY BURIED THIS STORY BECAUSE
THEY REMEMBERED WHAT HAPPENED
WITH JAMES COMEY AND THE LETTER
11 DAYS BEFORE THE 2016 ELECTIO
ELECTION.
JAMES COMEY SAID WE HAVE TO
REOPEN THIS EMAIL INVESTIGATION
WITH HILLARY CLINTON THAT IT
PROBABLY -- SHE RAN A HORRIBLE
CAMPAIGN, DIDN'T GO TO
WISCONSIN, WE KNOW ALL THAT.
THIS IS PROBABLY THE LAST THING
THAT SUNK HER.
SAM HARRIS SAID IT WAS
APPROPRIATE FOR TWITTER AND THE
HEADS OF BIG TECH AND THE HEADS
OF JOURNALISTIC ORGANIZATION IS
TO FEEL THEY WERE IN THE
PRESENCE OF SOMETHING THAT IS A
ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME MORAL
EMERGENCY, MEANING TRUMP.
HIM HE'S SAYING IT'S OKAY TO
HAVE A CONSPIRACY TO GET RID OF
SOMEBODY AS BAD AS TRUMP.
IT'S A LITTLE BIT OF A THORNY
QUESTION BECAUSE ONCE YOU GO
DOWN THIS ROAD THIS IS WHERE WE
ARE IN THIS COUNTRY.
THE OTHER SIDE IS SO EVIL,
ANYTHING IS JUSTIFIED IN
PREVENTING THEM FROM TAKING
OFFICE, IS IT?
>> YOU KNOW IT'S NOT JUSTIFIED?
USING ARMED VIOLENCE TO TRY TO
KILL PEOPLE IN THE CAPITAL.
THAT'S NOT JUSTIFIED.
>> Bill: ANSWER THIS QUESTION.
THE QUESTION IS WHAT WAS IT TO
BURY THE HUNTER BIDEN --
>> YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT THE
PRESS DOING THAT?
>> Bill: HE'S SAYING THAT'S
WHAT THEY DID AND THAT'S IS WHAT
THEY DID THEY BURY THE HUNTER
BIDEN STORY BEFORE THE ELECTION
BECAUSE HE WAS LIKE WE CAN'T
RISK HAVING ELECTION THROWN
TRUMP, WE'LL TELL THEM AFTER THE
ELECTION.
>> WE KNOW FOR FACT THAT'S WHAT
THEY DID?
>> Bill: YOU DON'T FOLLOW
THIS?
>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY DID.
>> Bill: BECAUSE YOU ONLY
WATCH MSNBC.
>> THAT'S NOT TRUE.
>> THEN YOU WOULD KNOW ABOUT
THIS.
>> I DO WATCH FOX.
THE POINT IS WE ARE GOING TO
PROVE NOW THAT THE PRESS --
>> Bill: THEY ARE ADMITTING IT
IT.
THAT'S NOT EVEN AN ISSUE
ANYMORE, THEY ARE SAYING YES WE
BASICALLY DID THIS BECAUSE WE
DIDN'T WANT THIS TO THROW THE
ELECTION.
>> I DON'T KNOW THAT THEY'VE ALL
SAID THIS.
>> Bill: "THE NEW YORK TIMES"
DEFINITELY --
>> MY DAD IS A REPORTER, I
BELIEVE IN IT.
YOU HAVE TO MAKE SURE YOU'RE
TREATING PEOPLE FAIRLY.
I THINK THE POINT HERE IS WE ARE
DEALING WITH A MAN WHO USED TO
BE THE PRESIDENT RIGHT NOW WHO
LITERALLY TRIED TO LEAD AN ARMED
INSURRECTION AND THAT'S WHY WE
ARE SO FOCUSED ON THIS RIGHT NO
NOW.
I HAVE NOT BEEN AS YOU NOTICE AS
BOMBASTIC AS MY FRIEND HERE
ABOUT WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN --
>> THAT'S WHY YOU'RE IN THE
SENATE.
>> ABOUT WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN
WITH WHAT THEY GOT OUT OF
MAR-A-LAGO, JUST AS I DON'T KNOW
WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN IN THESE
CASES.
YOU HAVE TO LET THE JUSTICE
DEPARTMENT DO THEIR JOBS.
[APPLAUSE]
I HAVE BEEN SO SHOCKED AT OUR
REPUBLICAN COLLEAGUES WHO USED
TO ALWAYS BE ON THE SIDE OF
NATIONAL SECURITY AND TO SUPPORT
THE FBI AND THAT'S NOT HAPPENING
RIGHT NOW.
FROM A POLITICAL STANDPOINT I AM
GLAD WE ARE STANDING UP FOR
NATIONAL SECURITY.
[APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: THE OTHER BIG THING
THAT'S GOING TO PROVIDE WIND AT
THE BACK OF THE DEMOCRATIC SAILS
IS THIS ABORTION ISSUE.
THE SUPREME COURT DID YOU
POLITICALLY A BIG FAVOR BECAUSE
FOR A WHILE PEOPLE WERE LIKE I
DON'T KNOW IS THIS REALLY GOING
TO GET PEOPLE OUT TO THE POLLS?
WE HAVE ENOUGH EVIDENCE NOW WITH
THESE SPECIAL ELECTIONS IN THE
POLLING, WE SEE.
YOU KNOW WHO WAS UP IN ARMS
ABOUT THIS WE DIDN'T THINK WAS
GOING TO BE?
DADS DEAR CALLUM HERE'S MY
THEORY.
AMERICAN PARENTS SPOIL THEIR
KIDS SO ROTTEN THAT THEY CREATED
THIS CADRE OF MONSTER CHILDREN.
AND PEOPLE DON'T WANT THEM.
>> I THINK YOU'RE ONTO
SOMETHING!
>> Bill: I DO TOO.
YOU TAKE AWAY MY ABORTION
RIGHTS?
NO, I DO NOT WANT TO CHILDREN, I
DON'T WANT THEM AROUND ME.
I FELT LIKE THIS ALWAYS.
NOW AMERICA DOES.
>> A LITTLE BIT ON IT -- I SEE
IT MORE SIMPLY.
THE WOMEN OF AMERICA AND THE MEN
WHO STAND WITH THEM DON'T
BELIEVE THAT POLITICIANS SHOULD
BE TELLING THEM WHAT TO DO WITH
THEIR BODIES.
THAT'S WHAT THIS IS.
WE DON'T WANT TO HAVE A
PATCHWORK OF LAWS SO THAT A
10-YEAR-OLD GIRL WHO IS RAPED IN
OHIO HAS TO BE TAKEN TO ANOTHER
STATE TO GET AN ABORTION, THAT
HAPPENS.
PEOPLE IN KANSAS, THERE USED TO
BE THAT BOOK WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH KANSAS?
NOW MY ANSWER IS NOTHING AS THE
MATTER WITH KANSAS BECAUSE THEY
TURNED OUT -- MORE PEOPLE VOTED
ON THE SIDE OF REPRODUCTIVE
FREEDOM THAN VOTED AT ALL IN THE
LAST KANSAS MIDTERMS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THEY VOTED THAT WAY BECAUSE THEY
WANTED TO STAND UP FOR FREEDOM.
WE DON'T WANT A PATCHWORK OF
LAWS ACROSS THIS COUNTRY, WOMEN
IN MINNESOTA HAVE DIFFERENT
RIGHTS AND WOMEN IN TEXAS OR
NORTH DAKOTA AND FLORIDA -- WHEN
YOU AND I DISCUSSED IT WHEN I
WAS IN THE SHOW LAST OCTOBER AND
YOU DIDN'T AGREE WITH ME THAT IT
WAS AN ISSUE, I THINK IT IS.
>> Bill: I'M CERTAINLY
PRO-CHOICE.
I'M MORE PRO-CHOICE THAN YOU CAN
IMAGINE.
[LAUGHTER]
I DON'T THINK LIFE IS ALWAYS
PRECIOUS, MOST PEOPLE DON'T
THINK THAT.
WHAT I'M SAYING IS YOU SHOULDN'T
SAY TO THE OTHER SIDE YOU PEOPLE
HATE WOMEN.
THEY DON'T HATE WOMEN, THEY JUST
THINK IT'S A MURDER.
IF YOU THINK IT'S A MURDER, THEN
YOU CAN'T GO EXCEPT FOR PEOPLE
WITH A LEDGE VAGINA, THEY CAN CT
MURDER.
>> THERE ARE PRO-LIFE PEOPLE
THAT HAVE A VIEW THAT IT'S FINE,
THEY JUST DON'T THINK THEY
SHOULD PUT THEIR VIEWS ON
SOMEONE ELSE.
>> Bill: YOU ONE TO SAY THAT
ABOUT A MURDER WHERE, THAT'S
WHAT THE POINT IS.
>> I KNOW PEOPLE IN MY STATE
THAT'S A PERSONAL VIEW, THAT'S
FINE.
THEY JUST DON'T BELIEVE AND
THAT'S WHAT THEY ARE VOTING THIS
WAY DEAR CALLUM >> Bill: IT'S
NOT BECAUSE THEY HATE WOMEN.
>> THEY HAVE AN AGENDA, IT IS A
CHRISTIAN NATIONALIST AGENDA
THAT HAS BEEN PUSHED FOR A
LONG --
>> Bill: NOT EVERYONE WHO IS
PRO-LIFE IS A CHRISTIAN
NATIONALIST.
>> I'M NOT SAYING THAT'S.
I'M SAYING THE PEOPLE WHO THINK
IT'S MURDER AND THERE SHOULD BE
NO EXCEPTIONS FOR THAT, THAT IS
A VERY SMALL GROUP OF PEOPLE.
THAT IS NOT THE VAST MAJORITY OF
PEOPLE IN THIS COUNTRY.
>> Bill: IT'S A SIZABLE
MINORITY.
>> BUT IT'S A MINORITY.
>> THE BILLS THAT ARE PASSING
RIGHT NOW AS REPUBLICAN
GOVERNORS RUN TO THE STATEHOUSE
TO SEE WHO CAN ENACT THE
STRICTEST LAW, MANY OF THEM HAVE
NO EXCEPTIONS FOR INCEST OR FOR
RAPE.
>> IF YOU HAVE AN ECTOPIC
PREGNANCY, THE MOTHER CAN DIE.
>> Bill: I'M THERE WITH YOU.
SPEAK OF THE REPUBLICANS ARE
LIKE THE DOG THAT CAUGHT THE
CAR.
THEY WANTED THIS, NOW IT'S LIKE
YOU SEE CERTAIN CANDIDATES
RUNNING AWAY FROM IT.
THEY KNOW THEY ARE GOING TO LOSE
WITH THIS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> THAT'S WHY YOU NEED TO WIN
THE SENATE.
AT THAT FILIBUSTER WORKS -- IF
WE PICK UP JUST A FEW MORE VOTES
AND WE'VE GOT JOHN FETTERMAN WHO
IS GREAT IN PENNSYLVANIA, THE
OPPONENT BEING DR. OZ.
>> Bill: HE SHOULD EAT A
LITTLE MORE CRUDITES.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS ABOUT?
AND VOTERS DO NOT WANT
CANDIDATES WHO ARE OUT OF TOUCH
BUT THEY ALSO DON'T WANT TO HAVE
CANDIDATES WHO LIVE OUT OF THEIR
STATE AND DR. OZ HAS THE VIRTUE
OF BEING BOTH.
PENNSYLVANIA, WISCONSIN,
JUDGE BEASLEY IN NORTH CAROLINA
WHOSE OPPONENT IS CONGRESSMAN
BUD WHO VOTED AGAINST
INFRASTRUCTURE AND HER LINE IS
THIS BUD IS NOT FOR YOU.
>> WE ARE SEEING TIM RYAN IN
OHIO.
>> Bill: I THINK AOC VOTED
AGAINST --
>> VAL DEMINGS AND FLORIDA HAS A
CHANCE NOW.
HIM IF WE PICK UP TWO SEATS AND
HOLD THE HOUSE WE MAKE
ROE V. WADE THE LAW OF THE LAND.
>> Bill: THANK YOU, TIME FOR
NEW RULES!
NEW RULE: SINCE SCOTT DISICK
JUST CRASHED A SPEEDING
LAMBORGHINI INTO A MAILBOX AND
THE MAILBOX IS FINE BUT THE CAR
FLIPPED OVER, I NEED TO KNOW TWO
THINGS: ONE, WHERE DO I GET THAT
MAILBOX?
AND TWO, SCOTT DISICK IS THE
WORLD'S LEAST NECESSARY MAN.
WHERE'S HE IN SUCH A HURRY TO
GO?
[LAUGHTER]
NEW RULE: IF YOU WRITE AN
ARTICLE ABOUT A VIDEO, IT'S JUST
POOR JOURNALISM NOT TO HAVE THE
VIDEO EMBEDDED IN THE ARTICLE.
PLEASE, I READ THE NEWS FOR ONE
REASON: TO WATCH TV!
NEW RULE:
WHOEVER DESIGNED THESE BLACK
WEDDING DRESSES MUST TELL ME
WHAT THEY WERE THINKING.
A BLACK WEDDING DRESS?
WHAT THE FUCK?
BLACK IS THE COLOR WE WEAR TO
EVENTS THAT MOURN SOMEONE WHOSE
LIFE HAS COME TO OH NEVER MIND.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
NEW RULE: SOMEONE HAS TO THANK
THIS LOCAL ARKANSAS POLICE
DEPARTMENT FOR BEATING UP ON A
WHITE GUY THIS TIME.
I'M JUST SAYING, MAYBE THIS IS
THE UNIFYING MOMENT AMERICA
NEEDS.
WHETHER YOU'RE BLACK OR WHITE,
WHEN THE BLACK AND WHITE SHOWS
UP, YOU'RE GOING TO BE BLACK AND
BLUE.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
NOW, WHAT DO YOU SAY, WHITE
PEOPLE?
LET'S GO BURN DOWN A CRATE AND
BARREL.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
NEW RULE: THE CASHIER AT RALPH'S
MUST STOP CHECKING TO SEE IF MY
$100 IS COUNTERFEIT.
IT'S RUDE.
I'M STANDING RIGHT IN FRONT OF
YOU.
AND IF I COULD PRINT MONEY, I
WOULDN'T BE SHOPPING AT RALPH'S.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
AND FINALLY, NEW RULE.
THE PERSON THE WORLD NEEDS TO
HEAR FROM MOST ABOUT THE ATTACK
ON SALMAN RUSHDIE, THE PERSON
WITH THE STRONGEST MORAL VOICE
ON THE ISSUE OF ISLAMIST
INSPIRED VIOLENCE IS SALMAN
RUSHDIE.
[APPLAUSE]
AND THE FACT THAT HE CAN'T SPEAK
RIGHT NOW SHOWS US THAT THE
WRONG SIDE WON THIS ROUND.
AND MAKE NO MISTAKE -- THERE ARE
TWO SIDES TO THIS, AND NO, THEY
DON'T BREAK DOWN TO MUSLIM AND
NON-MUSLIM: THERE ARE MANY BRAVE
MUSLIMS, AND MANY COWARDLY,
STUPID LIBERALS.
IF ALL YOU CAN MUSTER TO SAY
ABOUT THIS EVENT IS "STABBING IS
BAD AND I'M AGAINST IT" WITHOUT
LOOKING AT THE REASONS BEHIND IT
-- YOU'RE USELESS.
AND THAT DESCRIBES PRETTY MUCH
[APPLAUSE]
THE ENTIRE MAINSTREAM MEDIA.
AND HERE'S WHERE THE TWEETS
START COMING AT ME: "HEY BILL,
NOT EVERY MUSLIM IS
RESPONSIBLE."
OF COURSE THEY'RE NOT, NO
SERIOUS PERSON EVER SAID THEY
WERE.
THIS IS WHAT'S CALLED A STRAWMAN
ARGUMENT, WHERE A PERSON DOESN'T
ENGAGE WITH THE ACTUAL POINTS
BEING MADE, BUT BRINGS UP A
COMPLETELY DIFFERENT POINT THAT
WAS NEVER BEING CONTESTED TO
BEGIN WITH.
IF WE'RE, FOR EXAMPLE,
DISCUSSING HOW TECHNOLOGY HAS
MADE OUR LIVES EASIER, AND I SAY
THE SMART PHONE IS A WONDROUS
DEVICE, AND YOU SAY "SO YOU
SUPPORT TODDLERS WORKING IN
SWEATSHOPS" -- THAT'S A STRAWMAN
ARGUMENT.
[LAUGHTER]
EVEN THOUGH I DO SUPPORT
TODDLERS WORKING IN SWEATSHOPS.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
BUT THE STRAWMAN ARGUMENT HAS
BEEN USED SO OFTEN WITH THE
ISSUE I'M DISCUSSING HERE
TONIGHT, THAT I THOUGHT TONIGHT
INSTEAD OF LETTING STRAWMAN'S
MISLEADING ARGUMENTS GO
UN-REBUTTED, I'D INVITE HIM ON
THE SHOW.
SO PLEASE, A NICE ROUND OF
APPLAUSE FOR STRAWMAN.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THERE HE IS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
AND HE IS MAN SPREADING.
NICE TO HAVE YOU ON THE SHOW.
I YOU HAD THE DIFFICULT FLIGHT,
THOSE OVERHEAD BINS CAN BE
UNCOMFORTABLE.
ANYWAY, THERE'S SOMEONE I'D LIKE
YOU TO MEET: THIS IS SILVANA
FARDOS.
SHE'S THE MOTHER OF THE YOUNG
MAN WHO STABBED MY FRIEND.
WHEN SHE WAS ASKED WHAT SHE NOW
HAD TO SAY TO HER SON, MS.
FARDOS SAID "I HAVE NOTHING TO
SAY TO HIM."
SHE SAID, "I'M DONE WITH HIM."
OKAY, THAT'S A HERO.
THAT'S COURAGE.
[APPLAUSE]
SILVANA FARDOS COULD'VE SPEWED
THE KIND OF WEASLY CRAP WE HEARD
FROM SO MANY FAINT-HEARTED
WRITERS AFTER THE CHARLIE HEBDO
MASSACRE, NONSENSE ABOUT HOW
THOSE MURDERED CARTOONISTS HAD
IT COMING BECAUSE THEY WERE
"PUNCHING DOWN" AND WELL, YES, A
ROOM FULL OF CORPSES, BUT ON THE
OTHER HAND, THOSE CARTOONS WERE
OFFENSIVE.
BUT SHE DIDN'T DO THAT; SHE HAD
THE GUTS TO SAY I GIVE NO
QUARTER TO PEOPLE WHO THINK LIKE
THAT, EVEN WHEN IT'S MY SON.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
AM I SAYING EVERY MUSLIM HOUSE
IS HARBORING A TERRORIST -- NO
-- WHAT I AM SAYING IS,
LIBERALS: INSTEAD OF SCREAMING
"ISLAMOPHOBIA" EVERY TIME
SOMEONE POINTS OUT THE UNIQUE
RIGHT THAT ISLAM DEMANDS TO KILL
YOU IF YOU INSULT THEIR GOD, YOU
SHOULD BE SUPPORTING PEOPLE LIKE
SILVANO FARDOS AND THE VAST
MAJORITY OF MUSLIMS WHO CAME TO
THIS COUNTRY BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T
WANT TO LIVE UNDER THIS KIND OF
THUGGERY AND THEOCRACY.
[APPLAUSE]
MS. FARDOS SAID HER FORMERLY
OUTGOING SON RETURNED FROM A
2018 TRIP TO THE
HEZBOLLAH-CONTROLLED REGION OF
LEBANON A RELIGIOUS ZEALOT AND A
CHANGED MAN.
WHICH RAISES THE QUESTION: WHAT
THE HELL HAPPENED IN LEBANON?
DID HE STAY AT HOLIDAY INN
EXPRESS?
[LAUGHTER]
AM I SAYING EVERYONE IN LEBANON
IS A FANATIC?
NO.
BUT HEZBOLLAH?
THEIR IDEA OF MODERATE IS A
HIJACKER WITH AN EMOTIONAL
SUPPORT DOG.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
WE CAN'T HAVE EXCEPTIONS FOR
VIOLENCE BASED ON RELIGION.
IN A FREE COUNTRY, WE GET TO
OPINE ON RELIGION, OR ANYTHING
ELSE, WITHOUT THE THREAT OF
VIOLENCE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
AND I'M NOT THE BAD GUY FOR
CALLING OUT THE BAD GUYS -EXCUSE
ME, I'M STILL TALKING, AND NO,
I'M PRECISELY SAYING THEY'RE NOT
ALL BAD GUYS!
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
AND I THOUGHT VICTIM BLAMING WAS
SOMETHING LIBERALS HATED?
WHY DO THEIR VALUES ALWAYS GET
TURNED AROUND WHEN RELIGION IS
INVOLVED?
WOMEN'S RIGHTS?
GAY RIGHTS.
PROTECTING CHILDREN.
SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE.
AND FREE SPEECH!
LOOK, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU GET TO
THE THEATER MUCH, BUT THERE WAS
A SHOW A FEW YEARS AGO, I KNOW
WE ALL REMEMBER IT, IT DID VERY
WELL ON BROADWAY: "THE BOOK OF
MORMON."
REMEMBER THIS SHOW?
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
IT POKED FUN AT THE
MORMON RELIGION, AND EVEN MORE
OFFENSIVE, HAD MUSIC.
LET'S NOT KID EACH OTHER.
MY FRIEND WE BOTH
KNOW WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF YOU
TRIED TO PUT ON A SHOW CALLED
"THE BOOK OF MOHAMMED" AND POKE
GENTLE FUN AT ISLAM -- AND NO,
AGAIN, I'M NOT SAYING MOST
MUSLIMS WOULD WANT TO BOMB THAT
THEATER.
BUT JUST AS CERTAINLY, SOME
YOUNG MAN WOULD.
AND SAYING SO DOESN'T MAKE ME AN
ISLAMOPHO LET ME FINISH.
FORGET IT -- BUT SILVANA FARDOS,
SHE'S WHO LIBERALS SHOULD BE
SUPPORTING.
SALMAN RUSHDIE WILL SURVIVE,
WARRIOR, HE'S A REAL WARRIOR --
BUT I WORRY IF THIS COUNTRY'S
COMMITMENT TO FREE SPEECH WILL
DO THE SAME.
OKAY, THAT'S OUR SHOW.
WE'RE OFF NEXT WEEK AND BACK
SEPTEMBER 9TH.
I'LL BE AT THE FOX THEATRE IN
DETROIT, OCTOBER 8TH, AT THE
HULU THEATRE IN NEW YORK CITY,
NOVEMBER 12TH, AND AT THE MIRAGE
IN VEGAS NOVEMBER 25TH AND 26TH.
I WANT TO THANK MY GUESTS ROB
REINER, AMY KLOBUCHAR AND JOHN
WATERS.
NOW GO TO YOUTUBE AND JOIN US ON
OVERTIME.
THANK YOU, FOLKS!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]