1
00:01:11,247 --> 00:01:13,616
PAULA DOESN'T NEED
TO WEAR MAKEUP.
2
00:01:13,683 --> 00:01:17,320
SHE'S SUPER-BEAUTIFUL
ALL ON HER OWN.
3
00:01:18,321 --> 00:01:19,388
[GASPS]
4
00:01:19,455 --> 00:01:20,456
OH, HEY, JOHNNY.
5
00:01:20,523 --> 00:01:21,657
UH, HI, PAULA.
6
00:01:21,724 --> 00:01:23,693
WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF MY UNIBROW?
7
00:01:23,759 --> 00:01:27,129
OH...I LOVE IT.
8
00:01:27,196 --> 00:01:28,531
[CHUCKLES] THANKS.
9
00:01:28,598 --> 00:01:30,666
IT MAKES ME FEEL
WILD AND FREE,
10
00:01:30,733 --> 00:01:32,735
JUST LIKE SALMA HAYEK
IN FRIDA,
11
00:01:32,802 --> 00:01:34,670
AND THAT'S HOW I WANT
TO LIVE MY LIFE,
12
00:01:34,737 --> 00:01:36,672
NOW THAT I'M TAKING
AN ART CLASS
13
00:01:36,739 --> 00:01:38,374
AN ART CLASS, HUH?
14
00:01:38,441 --> 00:01:40,309
YES. IT'S FANTASTIC.
15
00:01:40,376 --> 00:01:42,712
WE'RE GONNA STUDY
THE HUMAN FORM.
16
00:01:42,778 --> 00:01:44,280
I LIKE TO DRAW.
17
00:01:44,347 --> 00:01:45,214
IT'S NOT JUST DRAWING.
18
00:01:45,281 --> 00:01:49,352
IT'S LOSING YOURSELF
IN SOMEONE ELSE'S FLESH.
19
00:01:49,418 --> 00:01:52,154
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT'S LIKE,
JOHNNY?
20
00:01:52,221 --> 00:01:52,755
NO.
21
00:01:52,822 --> 00:01:54,524
WOULD YOU LIKE TO KNOW?
22
00:01:54,590 --> 00:01:56,692
YES, PAULA.
YES, I WOULD!
23
00:01:56,759 --> 00:02:00,229
LOSING YOURSELF
IN SOMEONE ELSE'S FLESH
24
00:02:00,296 --> 00:02:03,699
IS THE ULTIMATE
IN SPIRITUAL AROUSAL.
25
00:02:03,766 --> 00:02:05,434
DO YOU AGREE, JOHNNY?
26
00:02:05,501 --> 00:02:06,502
I DO!
27
00:02:06,569 --> 00:02:09,739
IT WILL BE THE CLIMAX
OF MY ARTISTIC EXPRESSION.
28
00:02:09,805 --> 00:02:12,675
DO YOU WANT TO CLIMAX
WITH ME, JOHNNY?
29
00:02:12,742 --> 00:02:13,576
YES!
30
00:02:13,643 --> 00:02:15,344
THEN, LET'S DO IT!
31
00:02:15,411 --> 00:02:17,413
OH, I'M READY, PAULA.
32
00:02:17,480 --> 00:02:19,715
[PANTING] LET'S...CLIMAX!
33
00:02:19,782 --> 00:02:20,449
OOH...
34
00:02:20,516 --> 00:02:21,284
JOHNNY,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
35
00:02:21,350 --> 00:02:23,519
IF YOU WANTED TO BE
A NUDE MODEL,
36
00:02:23,586 --> 00:02:25,588
ALL YOU HAD TO DO
IS SAY SO.
37
00:02:25,655 --> 00:02:26,589
NUDE MODEL?
38
00:02:26,656 --> 00:02:28,424
YEAH. IT'S
PERFECT TIMING
39
00:02:28,491 --> 00:02:31,327
BECAUSE, ACTUALLY,
MY ART CLASS NEEDS ONE
40
00:02:31,394 --> 00:02:32,228
FOR THIS AFTERNOON.
41
00:02:32,295 --> 00:02:35,598
THIS IS SOMETHING
WE CAN DO TOGETHER.
42
00:02:35,665 --> 00:02:37,500
I CAN DRAW YOU NAKED,
43
00:02:37,567 --> 00:02:39,435
AND YOU CAN JUST
STAND THERE.
44
00:02:39,502 --> 00:02:42,338
HMM. GREAT. UHH.
45
00:02:42,405 --> 00:02:43,406
OOH...
46
00:02:43,472 --> 00:02:44,540
WHAT'S WRONG, MAMA?
47
00:02:44,607 --> 00:02:47,543
IT'S NOT SOMETHING A MOTHER
SHOULD DISCUSS WITH HER SON.
48
00:02:47,610 --> 00:02:50,713
GOOD, BECAUSE I WANT TO WATCH
SOME BASEBALL ANYWAY.
49
00:02:50,780 --> 00:02:53,749
♪ TAKE ME OUT
TO THE BALL GAME ♪
50
00:02:53,816 --> 00:02:55,384
FINE! I'LL TELL YOU.
51
00:02:55,451 --> 00:02:57,720
BUT DON'T BLAME ME
IF IT MAKES YOU SQUIRM.
52
00:02:57,787 --> 00:02:58,521
YOU SEE, DOUGIE,
53
00:02:58,588 --> 00:03:01,257
MAMA LIKES A GOOD,
DEEP DICKIN',
54
00:03:01,324 --> 00:03:04,627
BUT LATELY, EVEN A GANG BANG
CAN'T FILL THE VOID.
55
00:03:04,694 --> 00:03:07,396
WHEN IN THE HELL
DID I LOSE SIGHT OF LOVE?!
56
00:03:07,463 --> 00:03:10,399
GET OUT OF THE WAY,
MAMA.
57
00:03:10,466 --> 00:03:11,634
DAMN IT!
58
00:03:11,701 --> 00:03:13,402
WORK, DAMN IT! WORK!
59
00:03:13,469 --> 00:03:14,337
I'M MISSIN' THE GAME.
60
00:03:14,403 --> 00:03:16,839
YOU FORGOT TO PAY
THE CABLE BILL AGAIN,
61
00:03:16,906 --> 00:03:17,640
YOU IMBECILE.
62
00:03:17,707 --> 00:03:20,376
YEAH, WELL,
NOTHING'S GONNA STOP ME
63
00:03:20,443 --> 00:03:22,612
FROM WATCHING
THE BIG GAME.
64
00:03:26,682 --> 00:03:28,384
Paula: JOHNNY,
WE'RE WAITING.
65
00:03:28,451 --> 00:03:30,419
YOU CAN TAKE
YOUR CLOTHES OFF NOW.
66
00:03:30,486 --> 00:03:31,854
ISN'T IT MORE
OF A CHALLENGE
67
00:03:31,921 --> 00:03:34,757
TO DRAW SOMEONE
WITH THEIR CLOTHES ON?
68
00:03:34,824 --> 00:03:35,725
NO.
69
00:03:35,791 --> 00:03:36,659
SHOW US YOUR TITS!
70
00:03:36,726 --> 00:03:38,327
WHAT'S THE PROBLEM NOW?
71
00:03:38,394 --> 00:03:41,464
OH...NO PROBLEM.
72
00:03:41,664 --> 00:03:42,798
Woman: JEEZ, THERE'S
NOTHING TO DRAW.
73
00:03:42,865 --> 00:03:45,267
WE'RE NOT DOING
STICK FIGURES HERE.
74
00:03:45,334 --> 00:03:46,402
[LAUGHTER]
75
00:03:46,469 --> 00:03:47,703
[TAKES DEEP BREATH]
76
00:03:47,770 --> 00:03:48,871
[STRAINING] HOW'S THIS?
77
00:03:48,938 --> 00:03:50,306
Man: BOO!
78
00:03:50,373 --> 00:03:52,742
[LAUGHTER]
79
00:03:53,609 --> 00:03:55,678
AH...THE PERFECT CRIME.
80
00:03:55,745 --> 00:03:57,613
Man: FREEZE!
THIS IS THE POLICE.
81
00:03:57,680 --> 00:03:59,649
COME DOWN
WITH YOUR HANDS UP!
82
00:03:59,715 --> 00:04:01,817
DAMN IT!
YOU GOT ME.
83
00:04:01,884 --> 00:04:03,886
WHOA! UNH!
84
00:04:03,953 --> 00:04:06,389
HO!
85
00:04:06,922 --> 00:04:08,791
OH, MY GOD,
IT WORKS.
86
00:04:08,858 --> 00:04:11,527
TODAY'S TOPIC,
THE SINGLES SCENE.
87
00:04:11,594 --> 00:04:13,429
HOW TO FIND
THE PERFECT MATE.
88
00:04:13,496 --> 00:04:14,830
FORGET THE PERFECT MATE.
89
00:04:14,897 --> 00:04:18,367
I FOUND THE PERFECT...
INMATE.
90
00:04:18,434 --> 00:04:19,368
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
91
00:04:19,435 --> 00:04:20,803
I USED TO CRUISE
THE BARS,
92
00:04:20,870 --> 00:04:23,372
BUT I FOUND LOVE
BEHIND THEM.
93
00:04:23,439 --> 00:04:25,441
YOU MEAN, LIKE,
BY THE DUMPSTER?
94
00:04:25,508 --> 00:04:26,375
NO, SILLY WILLIE,
95
00:04:26,442 --> 00:04:28,811
I MEAN INCARCERATED MEN
MAKE GREAT PARTNERS.
96
00:04:28,878 --> 00:04:30,746
THEY'RE DESPERATE,
AND THEY HAVE NOTHING TO DO,
97
00:04:30,813 --> 00:04:33,883
SO THEY'LL PAY ATTENTION
TO WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY.
98
00:04:33,949 --> 00:04:35,718
YOU'RE ONLY
AN E-MAIL AWAY.
99
00:04:35,785 --> 00:04:37,920
E-MAIL, HUH? HMM.
100
00:04:37,987 --> 00:04:41,357
Man: IT'S LIKE HE JUST
WENT SWIMMING.
101
00:04:41,424 --> 00:04:42,725
YOU'RE DOING GREAT,
JOHNNY.
102
00:04:42,792 --> 00:04:45,494
Woman: HEY, JOHNNY,
IS MR. TURTLE GONNA
103
00:04:45,561 --> 00:04:47,596
COME OUT OF HIS SHELL TODAY?
104
00:04:47,663 --> 00:04:49,398
NO, HE'S NOT!
105
00:04:49,465 --> 00:04:51,801
YOU SCARED HIM AWAY.
106
00:04:51,867 --> 00:04:53,436
Woman: HI, DEAN McHOOTY.
107
00:04:53,502 --> 00:04:55,705
HELLO, CLASS. I'M HERE TO
ANNOUNCE AN ART COMPETITION.
108
00:04:55,771 --> 00:04:57,707
ONE STUDENT'S SKETCH
WILL BE SELECTED
109
00:04:57,773 --> 00:04:58,541
FROM THOUSANDS OF ENTRIES,
110
00:04:58,607 --> 00:05:00,476
AND--AND WE'LL
MAKE A STATUE OUT OF IT,
111
00:05:00,543 --> 00:05:03,479
AND ERECT IT IN FRONT
OF THE NEW ART BUILDING.
112
00:05:03,546 --> 00:05:04,747
Students: HOORAY!
113
00:05:04,814 --> 00:05:08,651
DEAN McHOOTY, WILL YOU
CHECK MINE OUT FIRST?
114
00:05:08,718 --> 00:05:10,619
OF COURSE, MA'AM.
115
00:05:10,686 --> 00:05:12,455
DO YOU LIKE
WHAT YOU SEE?
116
00:05:12,521 --> 00:05:13,756
YEAH. VERY MUCH SO.
117
00:05:13,823 --> 00:05:15,758
IN FACT, YOU'VE WON
THE COMPETITION.
118
00:05:15,825 --> 00:05:18,661
CONSIDER THIS
ART COMPETITION CLOSED.
119
00:05:18,728 --> 00:05:20,362
Students: HOORAY!
120
00:05:20,429 --> 00:05:24,366
UH, DEAR INMATE
427-926,
121
00:05:24,433 --> 00:05:27,603
SO, YOU'RE LOOKIN'
FOR A PEN PAL, HUH?
122
00:05:27,670 --> 00:05:28,771
I'LL DO YOU ONE BETTER.
123
00:05:28,838 --> 00:05:30,673
I'LL BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND.
124
00:05:30,740 --> 00:05:32,775
SEE, I'VE BEEN
LOOKIN' FOR LOVE
125
00:05:32,842 --> 00:05:34,777
IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES,
126
00:05:34,844 --> 00:05:37,880
BUT THE ONE PLACE
I NEVER LOOKED
127
00:05:37,947 --> 00:05:38,981
WAS JAIL.
128
00:05:39,048 --> 00:05:42,585
TRADE IN YOUR CELLMATE
FOR A SOUL MATE.
129
00:05:42,651 --> 00:05:47,990
SINCERELY,
DAMSEL OF DEPRESSED.
130
00:05:48,057 --> 00:05:50,693
IN YOU GO, JENKINS.
131
00:05:53,662 --> 00:05:54,597
FRESH MEAT.
132
00:05:54,663 --> 00:05:56,632
OH, MY GOD,
YOU HAVE CABLE!
133
00:05:56,699 --> 00:05:58,801
THAT'S RIGHT, MEAT,
WE DO.
134
00:05:58,868 --> 00:05:59,602
I'M HARVEY.
135
00:05:59,668 --> 00:06:02,605
I'M DOUG. YOU KNOW,
I GOT LOCKED UP
136
00:06:02,671 --> 00:06:03,539
FOR TRYING
TO WATCH THIS GAME.
137
00:06:03,606 --> 00:06:06,408
YEAH, I GOT LOCKED UP
FOR CHOPPING UP 2 GUYS
138
00:06:06,475 --> 00:06:07,943
WHO LOOKED EXACTLY
LIKE YOU.
139
00:06:08,010 --> 00:06:09,812
SMALL WORLD, HUH, ESE?
140
00:06:09,879 --> 00:06:11,480
WHY'D YOU CHOP 'EM UP?
141
00:06:11,547 --> 00:06:13,449
SO THEY'D FIT
IN THE BAG.
142
00:06:13,516 --> 00:06:14,350
MAKES SENSE.
143
00:06:14,416 --> 00:06:16,585
HOW'D YOU GET ALL THESE
SPACE-AGE GADGETS?
144
00:06:16,652 --> 00:06:18,621
PEN PALS, BABY.
PEN PALS.
145
00:06:18,687 --> 00:06:21,423
I WRITE TO LONELY WOMEN,
AND WHENEVER I GET RAPED,
146
00:06:21,490 --> 00:06:23,993
THEY FEEL SORRY FOR ME,
AND SEND ME MONEY.
147
00:06:24,059 --> 00:06:26,562
OH, BOY. I HOPE
I GET RAPED.
148
00:06:26,629 --> 00:06:28,497
IT'S NOT AS FUN
AS IT SOUNDS,
149
00:06:28,564 --> 00:06:29,632
BUT IT SURE PAYS.
150
00:06:29,698 --> 00:06:30,833
MAYBE I SHOULD GET
A PEN PAL.
151
00:06:30,900 --> 00:06:32,968
HERE, GUERO,
YOU CAN HAVE THIS ONE.
152
00:06:33,035 --> 00:06:33,969
I GOT TOO MANY ANYWAY.
153
00:06:34,036 --> 00:06:37,740
I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH TIME
TO MAKE SHANKS NO MORE.
154
00:06:37,807 --> 00:06:39,041
THANKS. WELL,
LET'S SEE.
155
00:06:39,108 --> 00:06:41,977
HERE'S ONE
FROM DAMSEL OF DEPRESSED.
156
00:06:42,044 --> 00:06:42,812
YOU POOR BIRD,
157
00:06:42,878 --> 00:06:46,482
YOU'RE ABOUT TO BE
SWEPT OFF YOUR FEET.
158
00:06:46,849 --> 00:06:49,718
HOW DO YOU SPELL "WIENER"?
159
00:06:50,619 --> 00:06:51,687
HEY, JOHNNY.
160
00:06:51,754 --> 00:06:52,922
OH, HI, PAULA.
161
00:06:52,988 --> 00:06:55,991
YOU MADE A FANTASTIC
NUDE MODEL.
162
00:06:56,058 --> 00:06:56,926
THANKS.
163
00:06:56,992 --> 00:06:57,660
GUESS WHAT.
164
00:06:57,726 --> 00:06:59,728
DEAN McHOOTY SAW
MY SKETCH OF YOU
165
00:06:59,795 --> 00:07:02,765
AND DECIDED TO TURN IT
INTO A STATUE.
166
00:07:02,832 --> 00:07:04,500
WHAT?!
167
00:07:04,567 --> 00:07:05,501
[CRASH]
168
00:07:05,568 --> 00:07:07,002
ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY?!
169
00:07:07,069 --> 00:07:09,672
JOHNNY, AREN'T YOU
HAPPY FOR ME?
170
00:07:09,738 --> 00:07:11,874
IT'S GOING UP IN FRONT
OF THE ART BUILDING.
171
00:07:11,941 --> 00:07:13,576
IT'S A REAL HONOR
FOR ME.
172
00:07:13,642 --> 00:07:16,645
BUT EVERYONE'S
GOING TO SEE IT.
173
00:07:16,712 --> 00:07:17,746
EXACTLY.
174
00:07:17,813 --> 00:07:21,717
MY SKETCH WILL GO DOWN
IN COCONUT COLLEGE HISTORY.
175
00:07:21,784 --> 00:07:23,986
YIPPEE! [GIGGLES]
176
00:07:24,053 --> 00:07:25,054
♪ SHAKE MY THING ♪
177
00:07:25,120 --> 00:07:26,655
♪ BA NA NA NA NA NA ♪
178
00:07:26,722 --> 00:07:28,023
♪ SHAKE MY THING, YEAH ♪
179
00:07:28,090 --> 00:07:29,692
♪ 'CAUSE YOU KNOW I CAN ♪
180
00:07:29,758 --> 00:07:30,826
♪ I'M GONNA SHAKE IT ♪
181
00:07:30,893 --> 00:07:31,660
♪ SHAKE IT ♪
182
00:07:31,727 --> 00:07:33,662
♪ SHAKE MY THING,
'CAUSE I CAN ♪
183
00:07:33,729 --> 00:07:35,531
♪ YES, YOU CAN,
YES, I CAN ♪
184
00:07:35,598 --> 00:07:37,867
THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING
TO ME.
185
00:07:37,933 --> 00:07:39,902
I'M SUCH A GOOD BOY.
186
00:07:39,969 --> 00:07:42,905
OHH, I HAVE TO GO
TO THE BATHROOM.
187
00:07:42,972 --> 00:07:44,640
"AND THAT IS WHY
I NEED THE TiVo,
188
00:07:44,707 --> 00:07:47,710
"BECAUSE THERE ARE SO MANY
GAMES ON AT THE SAME TIME,
189
00:07:47,776 --> 00:07:48,744
"AND I NEED
TO WATCH 'EM.
190
00:07:48,811 --> 00:07:52,781
PLUS, LIKE YOU, I'M ALSO TIRED
OF MEANINGLESS SEX."
191
00:07:52,848 --> 00:07:55,517
WOW, THIS GUY
REALLY UNDERSTANDS ME.
192
00:07:55,584 --> 00:07:56,819
"I WANT TO LOVE SOMEONE."
193
00:07:56,886 --> 00:07:59,922
ME, TOO,
427-926.
194
00:07:59,989 --> 00:08:02,658
ME, TOO!
HEE HEE.
195
00:08:02,725 --> 00:08:04,627
"SO, WHAT DO YOU SAY
WE TAKE THIS
196
00:08:04,693 --> 00:08:05,728
TO THE NEXT LEVEL?"
197
00:08:05,794 --> 00:08:06,595
OH, YEAH.
198
00:08:06,662 --> 00:08:10,532
I SOWED MY WILD OATS,
AND I WANNA BE...
199
00:08:10,599 --> 00:08:14,536
MONA--MONON-A-GON-ON-GA...
200
00:08:14,603 --> 00:08:16,739
MONOGAGAMUS? MAGA--
201
00:08:16,805 --> 00:08:17,806
MONOGAMOUS. FUCK!
202
00:08:17,873 --> 00:08:20,943
"ATTACHED IS A PICTURE OF ME
WORKIN' OUT IN THE YARD
203
00:08:21,010 --> 00:08:21,944
"WITH A FRIEND.
204
00:08:22,011 --> 00:08:22,978
"THAT'S ME ON THE BOTTOM.
205
00:08:23,045 --> 00:08:25,848
"PLEASE SEND ME A PHOTO
OF YOURSELF, AND A CHECK.
206
00:08:25,915 --> 00:08:28,684
"AND REMEMBER, THE PLAYOFFS
ARE COMIN'.
207
00:08:28,751 --> 00:08:31,820
"AFFECTIONATELY,
427-926.
208
00:08:31,887 --> 00:08:33,956
"P.S. I'M FALLIN' FOR YOU,
209
00:08:34,023 --> 00:08:35,824
SO YOU CAN
CALL ME HARVEY NOW."
210
00:08:35,891 --> 00:08:37,793
OOH! HE'S FALLING FOR ME.
211
00:08:37,860 --> 00:08:40,963
OK, NOW, LET'S CHECK OUT
THE PHOTO.
212
00:08:41,030 --> 00:08:44,767
OH, MY GOD, WHAT A STUD!
213
00:08:46,802 --> 00:08:47,836
FUCK YOU, WORLD.
214
00:08:47,903 --> 00:08:49,571
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
MY GENERATION!
215
00:08:49,638 --> 00:08:53,142
[ANGUS SHOUTING
INCOHERENTLY]
216
00:08:54,810 --> 00:08:55,644
OH, HEY, JOHNNY.
217
00:08:55,711 --> 00:08:57,579
WE WERE JUST PLAYING
UNRULY ROCK STARS.
218
00:08:57,646 --> 00:08:59,048
GRAB A GUITAR.
219
00:09:00,049 --> 00:09:01,183
[SOBBING]
220
00:09:01,250 --> 00:09:03,018
WHAT'S WRONG?
YOU WANT TO PLAY BASS?
221
00:09:03,085 --> 00:09:06,088
THEY'RE GONNA ERECT
A NAKED STATUE OF ME
222
00:09:06,155 --> 00:09:07,823
AT COCONUT COLLEGE.
223
00:09:07,890 --> 00:09:09,959
[LAUGHING]
224
00:09:10,025 --> 00:09:11,026
EXACTLY.
225
00:09:11,093 --> 00:09:13,028
EVERYONE'S GONNA
LAUGH AT ME.
226
00:09:13,095 --> 00:09:14,997
EVERYONE LAUGHS AT YOU
ANYWAY.
227
00:09:15,064 --> 00:09:16,732
I THOUGHT YOU'D BE
USED TO IT BY NOW.
228
00:09:16,799 --> 00:09:18,867
THIS IS DIFFERENT.
I'M NAKED.
229
00:09:18,934 --> 00:09:20,869
PEOPLE WILL LAUGH
AT MY PEE-PEE.
230
00:09:20,936 --> 00:09:22,071
UNTIL YOU START
CALLING IT A DICK,
231
00:09:22,137 --> 00:09:23,072
NO ONE'S GONNA
RESPECT YOU.
232
00:09:23,138 --> 00:09:26,709
I'VE GOTTA STOP THAT STATUE
FROM BEING ERECTED.
233
00:09:26,775 --> 00:09:27,576
PLEASE HELP ME.
234
00:09:27,643 --> 00:09:29,878
WELL, I HAVEN'T
VANDALIZED ANYTHING
235
00:09:29,945 --> 00:09:30,779
FOR SOME TIME NOW.
236
00:09:30,846 --> 00:09:33,082
I DON'T KNOW. ANGUS,
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
237
00:09:33,148 --> 00:09:36,752
ARE YOU UP FOR DESTROYING
SOME UNIVERSITY PROPERTY?
238
00:09:38,921 --> 00:09:40,723
I'D SAY
THAT'S A YES.
239
00:09:40,789 --> 00:09:41,590
[CYNICAL LAUGH]
240
00:09:41,657 --> 00:09:45,627
"DEAR HARVEY, THANK YOU
FOR YOUR E-MAIL.
241
00:09:45,694 --> 00:09:47,162
"BY THE LOOKS
OF YOUR PHOTO,
242
00:09:47,229 --> 00:09:49,698
"IT LOOKS LIKE JAIL
AGREES WITH YOU.
243
00:09:49,765 --> 00:09:53,635
"I WILL REMAIN CHASTE
UNTIL YOUR RELEASE.
244
00:09:53,702 --> 00:09:58,707
SALUTATIONS,
HANDMAIDEN OF HAPPINESS."
245
00:09:58,774 --> 00:10:00,909
LISTEN TO THAT.
SHE CHANGED HER NAME.
246
00:10:00,976 --> 00:10:04,179
"P.S. I'VE ATTACHED
A PHOTO OF MYSELF.
247
00:10:04,246 --> 00:10:07,716
HOPE YOU LIKE
WHAT YOU SEE."
248
00:10:08,017 --> 00:10:09,918
WOW, WHAT A HOT
YOUNG BABE.
249
00:10:09,985 --> 00:10:12,721
YEAH, SHE'LL PUT SOME
CHEESE ON YOUR MEATBALLS.
250
00:10:12,788 --> 00:10:15,090
YOU KNOW, WHEN I FIRST
STARTED THIS THING,
251
00:10:15,157 --> 00:10:16,158
IT WAS ABOUT FREE MONEY,
252
00:10:16,225 --> 00:10:18,127
BUT OVER THE COURSE
OF THIS AFTERNOON,
253
00:10:18,193 --> 00:10:20,863
I'VE LEARNED THAT SOMETIMES
YOU CAN FALL IN LOVE
254
00:10:20,929 --> 00:10:22,231
WITH PEOPLE WHO GIVE YOU
FREE MONEY.
255
00:10:22,297 --> 00:10:24,933
COÑO, SOUNDS LIKE
BEING A PEN PAL
256
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:26,001
GIVES YOU
AS MUCH PLEASURE
257
00:10:26,068 --> 00:10:29,204
AS SHANKIN' PEOPLE
GIVES ME.
258
00:10:29,271 --> 00:10:31,140
OW! I'VE BEEN
SHANKED!
259
00:10:31,206 --> 00:10:32,908
HARVEY!
260
00:10:32,975 --> 00:10:34,710
OK, LET'S GO
OVER THIS PLAN
261
00:10:34,777 --> 00:10:35,778
ONE MORE TIME.
262
00:10:35,844 --> 00:10:38,113
JOHNNY, ANGUS, AND I
WILL GO FUCK UP THE STATUE--
263
00:10:38,180 --> 00:10:40,916
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
WHAT STATUE?
264
00:10:40,983 --> 00:10:41,850
JESUS CHRIST!
265
00:10:41,917 --> 00:10:43,685
WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS,
LIKE, A MILLION TIMES!
266
00:10:43,752 --> 00:10:46,088
WELL, WHY DON'T WE JUST
PUT CLOTHES ON THE STATUE?
267
00:10:46,155 --> 00:10:49,091
IT WOULD BE FUN,
LIKE DRESSING UP DOLLS.
268
00:10:49,158 --> 00:10:50,926
HERE'S THE NEW,
SIMPLIFIED PLAN, OMAR.
269
00:10:50,993 --> 00:10:52,995
YOU SIT HERE AND DO NOTHING
UNTIL WE GET BACK.
270
00:10:53,062 --> 00:10:55,798
OH, SURE, SIMPLE
FOR YOU, MAYBE.
271
00:10:55,864 --> 00:10:57,699
Computer:
YOU'VE GOT PRISON MAIL!
272
00:10:57,766 --> 00:10:59,701
HE WROTE ME BACK.
273
00:10:59,768 --> 00:11:00,636
OH...
274
00:11:00,702 --> 00:11:02,738
"MY LOVE FOR YOU GROWS
STRONGER BY THE HOUR.
275
00:11:02,805 --> 00:11:06,075
"YOU AND THE POSSIBILITY
OF A COLORADO CHAMPIONSHIP
276
00:11:06,141 --> 00:11:08,043
ARE THE ONLY THINGS
KEEPING ME ALIVE."
277
00:11:08,110 --> 00:11:11,013
DUDE SAYS
ALL THE RIGHT THINGS.
278
00:11:11,080 --> 00:11:12,781
"LIFE IN PRISON
IS HARD,
279
00:11:12,848 --> 00:11:15,117
"ALTHOUGH THERE IS A LOT
OF BEAUTIFUL MAN-LOVE.
280
00:11:15,184 --> 00:11:18,253
"ESPECIALLY SUNDAY NIGHTS
AFTER QUEER AS FOLK.
281
00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:21,790
AND DID I MENTION
I DON'T HAVE TiVo?"
282
00:11:22,324 --> 00:11:24,760
MY POOR BABY.
283
00:11:24,827 --> 00:11:27,930
NO ONE IN AMERICA
SHOULD MISS THEIR SHOWS.
284
00:11:27,996 --> 00:11:33,235
[SEXY YOUNG VOICE]
"I LONG FOR THE DAY THAT
WE CAN CONSUMMATE OUR LOVE...
285
00:11:33,302 --> 00:11:36,271
[NORMAL HARSH VOICE]
"BUT FOR NOW I'LL JUST
HAVE TO SETTLE
286
00:11:36,338 --> 00:11:38,841
"FOR STIRRING UP
MY OWN POT
287
00:11:38,907 --> 00:11:42,778
[SEXY YOUNG VOICE]
AS I LOOK AT YOUR
BEAUTIFUL PICTURE."
288
00:11:42,845 --> 00:11:44,980
AW. GUESS WHAT, HARVEY.
289
00:11:45,047 --> 00:11:46,849
SHE MASTURBATES
TO MY PICTURE.
290
00:11:46,915 --> 00:11:49,051
SHE SHOULDN'T HAVE
TO DO THAT, MAN.
291
00:11:49,118 --> 00:11:50,886
WHY DON'T YOU SET UP
A CONJUGAL VISIT,
292
00:11:50,953 --> 00:11:52,788
AND SHOW HER WHAT YOU
LEARNED IN THE YARD?
293
00:11:52,855 --> 00:11:55,057
I'M NOT GONNA HAVE
TO BEAT HER UP FIRST, AM I?
294
00:11:55,124 --> 00:11:57,292
NO, MAN, THEY GIVE YOU
A ROOM AND SHIT.
295
00:11:57,359 --> 00:12:00,762
MAN, JAIL JUST KEEPS GETTING
BETTER AND BETTER.
296
00:12:00,829 --> 00:12:02,931
I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE.
HEY HARVEY,
297
00:12:02,998 --> 00:12:04,199
HOW LONG YOU IN FOR?
298
00:12:04,266 --> 00:12:05,834
40 YEARS TO LIFE.
299
00:12:05,901 --> 00:12:07,136
YOU LUCKY BASTARD.
300
00:12:07,202 --> 00:12:09,805
I SHOULD HAVE
CHOPPED SOMEONE UP.
301
00:12:11,106 --> 00:12:12,174
[HUMMING]
302
00:12:12,241 --> 00:12:15,077
[HUMMING]
303
00:12:15,144 --> 00:12:16,912
[YAWNS, SIGHS,
WHISTLES]
304
00:12:16,979 --> 00:12:19,848
HE'S GONE.
THERE'S THE STATUE.
305
00:12:21,016 --> 00:12:24,186
Clay:
ANGUS, GET THAT TORCH
AWAY FROM MY BUTTHOLE!
306
00:12:24,253 --> 00:12:27,256
WHAT'S GOIN' ON
UNDERNEATH THAT TARP?
307
00:12:30,392 --> 00:12:31,793
AAH!
308
00:12:31,860 --> 00:12:34,796
AAH-HA-HAAAAA!
309
00:12:34,863 --> 00:12:36,265
AAH! AAH!
310
00:12:42,871 --> 00:12:44,806
[INSANE WAR CRY]
311
00:12:44,873 --> 00:12:46,008
WHEE!
312
00:12:46,074 --> 00:12:49,044
OMAR, START
THE FUCKIN' CAR!
313
00:12:49,111 --> 00:12:50,946
I'M A GENIUS.
314
00:12:51,013 --> 00:12:52,114
UNLOCK THE DOOR!
315
00:12:52,181 --> 00:12:53,048
LET US IN!
316
00:12:53,115 --> 00:12:55,117
[GUARD SCREAMING]
317
00:12:55,184 --> 00:12:56,218
HURRY, OMAR!
318
00:12:56,285 --> 00:12:59,087
HANG ON. I THINK
I'VE GOT IT.
319
00:12:59,988 --> 00:13:02,191
[GUARD SCREAMING]
320
00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:07,262
GOT IT.
321
00:13:09,965 --> 00:13:11,300
"CONJUGAL VISIT."
322
00:13:11,366 --> 00:13:13,068
MM-HMM, I LIKE IT A LOT.
323
00:13:13,135 --> 00:13:15,938
I'M FINALLY GONNA
MAKE LOVE TO SOMEONE
324
00:13:16,004 --> 00:13:18,173
WHO REALLY CARES ABOUT ME.
325
00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:20,375
NOT JUST BLOW STRANGERS.
326
00:13:20,442 --> 00:13:23,378
"DEAR MR. FRISKY WHISKERS,
327
00:13:23,445 --> 00:13:26,949
"I WOULD LOVE
TO CONJUGATE WITH YOU.
328
00:13:27,015 --> 00:13:29,851
"I SENT YOU A PIE
WITH A SPECIAL FILLING.
329
00:13:29,918 --> 00:13:34,389
[CHUCKLES]
"OH, I CAN'T WAIT TO TASTE
YOUR SPECIAL FILLING.
330
00:13:34,456 --> 00:13:37,859
LOVE, IMPISHLY IMPATIENT."
331
00:13:37,926 --> 00:13:40,162
HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT
"SPECIAL FILLING" MEANS?
332
00:13:40,229 --> 00:13:44,066
IT'S CODE.
CODE FOR APPLE.
333
00:13:44,132 --> 00:13:46,268
MY GOD,
THIS ISN'T APPLE.
334
00:13:46,335 --> 00:13:48,203
IT'S MY FAVORITE
CIGARS!
335
00:13:48,270 --> 00:13:50,205
DAMN IT, MY CODE'S
ALL SCREWED UP.
336
00:13:50,272 --> 00:13:52,241
WHERE'S MY PRISON PIE
DECODER RING?
337
00:13:52,307 --> 00:13:54,276
I LOANED IT
TO JIMMY TWO PIES.
338
00:13:54,343 --> 00:13:55,444
OH, WELL,
THAT'S OK, THEN.
339
00:13:55,510 --> 00:13:58,146
JIMMY TWO PIES
NEEDS IT MORE THAN I DO.
340
00:13:58,213 --> 00:13:59,181
WANT A CIGAR?
341
00:13:59,248 --> 00:14:01,416
CLARO.
342
00:14:03,518 --> 00:14:07,122
MY SHITHEAD SON
WON'T EVEN MISS THESE.
343
00:14:07,189 --> 00:14:08,357
WHEN HARVEY MOVES IN,
344
00:14:08,423 --> 00:14:12,928
I THINK HE'LL BE A GOOD
ROLE MODEL FOR DOUGIE.
345
00:14:14,062 --> 00:14:16,231
YOU KNOW,
STRAIGHTEN HIM OUT.
346
00:14:16,798 --> 00:14:18,267
THIS IS ALL
YOUR FAULT, JOHNNY.
347
00:14:18,333 --> 00:14:20,269
YOUR FRIEND BLOWMAR
BLEW OUR WHOLE PLAN.
348
00:14:20,335 --> 00:14:22,404
WELL, YOU'RE THE ONE
WHO TOLD HIM
349
00:14:22,471 --> 00:14:23,338
TO START THE CAR.
350
00:14:23,405 --> 00:14:25,274
AND YOU'RE THE ONE
WHO LOOKS PATHETIC NAKED.
351
00:14:25,340 --> 00:14:26,341
WHOSE FAULT IS THAT?
352
00:14:26,408 --> 00:14:28,176
Doug: HOME RUN!
353
00:14:29,077 --> 00:14:31,113
HEY, THERE'S MY DAD.
354
00:14:31,179 --> 00:14:32,147
HI, DADDY!
355
00:14:32,214 --> 00:14:33,181
Prisoner: WHO'S
YOUR DADDY, BITCH?!
356
00:14:33,248 --> 00:14:36,118
HEY, SON. I KNEW
YOU'D END UP IN JAIL
357
00:14:36,184 --> 00:14:37,085
'CAUSE YOU'RE A LOSER!
358
00:14:37,152 --> 00:14:38,287
JOHNNY, HE'S
CALLING YOU OUT.
359
00:14:38,353 --> 00:14:39,521
HE'S TRYING
TO PUNK YOU.
360
00:14:39,588 --> 00:14:40,322
DON'T LET HIM DO IT.
361
00:14:40,389 --> 00:14:42,157
YOU CAN'T SHOW
ANY WEAKNESS IN JAIL.
362
00:14:42,224 --> 00:14:43,325
BUT HE'LL KILL ME.
363
00:14:43,392 --> 00:14:45,460
HOW? HE'S BEHIND BARS.
364
00:14:45,527 --> 00:14:47,462
OK. I'LL TRY.
365
00:14:47,529 --> 00:14:50,165
♪ YOU LOOK STUPID ♪
366
00:14:50,232 --> 00:14:52,034
HEH HEH HEH.
HEY, DADDY,
367
00:14:52,100 --> 00:14:54,136
YOU LOOK STUPID!
[PRISONERS LAUGHING]
368
00:14:54,202 --> 00:14:56,338
JOHNNY,
YOU'RE DEAD MEAT!
369
00:14:56,405 --> 00:14:57,072
GUARD, OPEN UP.
370
00:14:57,139 --> 00:14:58,540
I WANT TO GIVE MY SON
A BEATING!
371
00:14:58,607 --> 00:14:59,641
I WAS JUST
JOKING, DAD.
372
00:14:59,708 --> 00:15:03,979
HEY, IF YOU BACK DOWN NOW,
YOU'LL ALWAYS BE HIS BITCH.
373
00:15:04,046 --> 00:15:06,214
TAKE IT FURTHER.
374
00:15:07,115 --> 00:15:07,949
IF YOU SAY SO.
375
00:15:08,016 --> 00:15:10,519
DRINKING A PINT
OF SCOTCH EVERY NIGHT
376
00:15:10,585 --> 00:15:13,522
DOESN'T MEAN
YOU'RE NOT A FAILURE!
377
00:15:13,588 --> 00:15:14,556
THE HELL IT DOESN'T!
378
00:15:14,623 --> 00:15:16,158
GODDAMN IT,
I NEED A DRINK.
379
00:15:16,224 --> 00:15:18,493
IT'S NOT GONNA WORK
THIS TIME, DAD.
380
00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:20,495
THERE'S NO SCOTCH
IN JAIL!
381
00:15:20,562 --> 00:15:24,566
ACTUALLY, THERE'S
A VERY FINE SELECTION.
382
00:15:30,305 --> 00:15:33,075
[SLURRING WORDS]
JOHNNY, WHAT ARE YOU
DOIN' HERE?
383
00:15:33,141 --> 00:15:35,043
YOU COME
TO VISIT ME, SON?
384
00:15:35,110 --> 00:15:37,012
AW, THAT'S MY BOY.
385
00:15:37,079 --> 00:15:38,380
I'M SO PROUD OF YOU.
386
00:15:38,447 --> 00:15:39,448
THANKS, DAD.
387
00:15:39,514 --> 00:15:41,116
THANK YOU, JOHNNY.
388
00:15:41,183 --> 00:15:43,385
THANK YOU FOR BEING
MY BOY.
389
00:15:43,452 --> 00:15:44,386
[SNIFFLES]
390
00:15:44,453 --> 00:15:47,122
HEY, YOUR SON HAS GOT
QUITE A NOSE ON HIM, HUH?
391
00:15:47,189 --> 00:15:51,026
I THINK BOTH OF MY NUTS
WOULD FIT PERFECT--
392
00:15:51,093 --> 00:15:52,494
WHO'S THERE?!
393
00:15:52,561 --> 00:15:54,396
[RINGING]
394
00:15:54,463 --> 00:15:56,264
WELL, TODAY'S
THE BIG DAY!
395
00:15:56,331 --> 00:15:58,567
I AIN'T NEVER DONE IT
IN A PRISON.
396
00:15:58,633 --> 00:16:01,470
YOU READY DOWN THERE?
397
00:16:01,770 --> 00:16:05,340
OH, WELL, I'LL OIL UP
BEFORE I GO.
398
00:16:05,407 --> 00:16:07,609
TIME TO CHANGE
MY UNDERWEAR...
399
00:16:07,676 --> 00:16:11,613
PUT ON THE SEXY STUFF
FOR MY HARVEY.
400
00:16:15,317 --> 00:16:16,518
[SNIFFING]
401
00:16:16,585 --> 00:16:19,488
THESE CAN GO BACK
IN THE DRAWER.
402
00:16:19,554 --> 00:16:23,024
SHIT, THESE ARE
ALL DIAPERS!
403
00:16:28,663 --> 00:16:30,065
[LAUGHING]
404
00:16:30,132 --> 00:16:31,633
YEAH...HEH HEH HEH.
405
00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:34,236
OH, MAN,
THIS INSIPID, DERIVATIVE
406
00:16:34,302 --> 00:16:38,106
SLAPDASH ASSEMBLAGE
OF DISCORDANT HUES
407
00:16:38,173 --> 00:16:41,176
AND PERSPECTIVES, MAN,
IS AN INSULT TO THE EYES,
408
00:16:41,243 --> 00:16:43,512
AND A LAXATIVE
TO THE SOUL.
409
00:16:43,578 --> 00:16:46,314
I POOH-POOH THIS MURAL.
410
00:16:46,381 --> 00:16:49,251
Clay:
LOOKS LIKE HE'LL BE OUT
FOR A WHILE.
411
00:16:49,317 --> 00:16:50,285
YEAH...
412
00:16:50,352 --> 00:16:51,052
WHAT'S WRONG NOW?
413
00:16:51,119 --> 00:16:53,054
I JUST WISH I COULD
TALK TO OMAR--
414
00:16:53,121 --> 00:16:54,589
TELL HIM TO
DESTROY THE STATUE
415
00:16:54,656 --> 00:16:56,591
BEFORE THE UNVEILING.
416
00:16:57,392 --> 00:16:58,527
KNOCK YOURSELF OUT.
417
00:16:58,593 --> 00:17:00,195
OH, THANKS, CLAY!
418
00:17:00,262 --> 00:17:02,230
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
419
00:17:02,297 --> 00:17:05,367
HEY, OMAR.
HI, JOHNNY. HOW'S JAIL?
420
00:17:05,434 --> 00:17:07,269
NEVER MIND.
I NEED YOU
421
00:17:07,335 --> 00:17:09,371
TO GO DESTROY
THE STATUE.
422
00:17:09,438 --> 00:17:10,038
I DON'T KNOW.
423
00:17:10,105 --> 00:17:12,107
I DON'T KNOW HOW
TO DESTROY.
424
00:17:12,174 --> 00:17:13,608
I'M ALL ABOUT
LOVE.
425
00:17:13,675 --> 00:17:15,477
WORD. BUT DO IT
FOR ME.
426
00:17:15,544 --> 00:17:17,446
JUST PRETEND YOU'RE
THE CORONA BROTHERS
427
00:17:17,512 --> 00:17:19,080
AND THE STATUE IS YOU.
428
00:17:19,147 --> 00:17:21,082
OH, LIKE, BEAT IT UP?
429
00:17:21,149 --> 00:17:21,817
YES!
430
00:17:21,883 --> 00:17:23,151
ALL RIGHT, JOHNNY,
I'LL GET ON IT
431
00:17:23,218 --> 00:17:25,086
AS SOON AS I
FIGURE OUT WHERE I AM.
432
00:17:25,153 --> 00:17:28,557
I'M A LITTLE TURNED AROUND
AT THE MOMENT.
433
00:17:28,623 --> 00:17:29,558
[CRASH]
434
00:17:29,624 --> 00:17:31,493
IT'S ALL TAKEN CARE OF.
435
00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:33,462
WHEW.
WHAT A RELIEF.
436
00:17:33,528 --> 00:17:36,665
NOW I CAN JUST
SIT BACK, RELAX,
437
00:17:36,731 --> 00:17:38,467
AND ENJOY MY SENTENCE.
438
00:17:38,533 --> 00:17:41,102
JENKINS, YOU GOT
A VISITOR.
439
00:17:41,703 --> 00:17:43,104
YOU GOT THIS?
440
00:17:43,171 --> 00:17:44,706
UH, CERTAINLY.
RIGHT THIS WAY.
441
00:17:44,773 --> 00:17:50,212
UH, THIS IS FOR YOUR GREAT,
GREAT GRANDDAUGHTER, RIGHT?
442
00:17:50,278 --> 00:17:53,114
NO, MISSY,
IT'S FOR ME!
443
00:17:53,181 --> 00:17:54,683
[GIGGLES, SIGHS]
444
00:17:54,749 --> 00:17:56,485
OH, YOU'RE ONE OF THOSE
CRAZY OLD LADIES
445
00:17:56,551 --> 00:17:59,120
WHO THINKS THEY'RE YOUNG
AND SHIT, RIGHT?
446
00:17:59,187 --> 00:18:01,256
JUST GIMME THAT!
447
00:18:01,323 --> 00:18:03,391
THE CORONA BROTHERS, HUH?
448
00:18:03,458 --> 00:18:05,160
"OMAR, YOU DUMBSHIT,
449
00:18:05,227 --> 00:18:07,529
"I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS
EVERY DAY!
450
00:18:07,596 --> 00:18:10,699
"I'M GONNA SAW YOUR HEAD OFF
UNTIL IT FALLS OFF!
451
00:18:10,765 --> 00:18:12,367
HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT?!"
452
00:18:12,434 --> 00:18:15,570
I'M ONE SEXY MAMA!
453
00:18:17,706 --> 00:18:20,141
OH, MY GOD!
454
00:18:20,208 --> 00:18:22,143
YOUR BRA STRAP'S
GONNA BLOW!
455
00:18:22,210 --> 00:18:25,180
IT'S NOT A LOAD-BEARING BRA!
456
00:18:25,247 --> 00:18:26,214
OW!
457
00:18:26,281 --> 00:18:28,416
SHIT, IT NEVER
HIT THE GROUND BEFORE.
458
00:18:28,483 --> 00:18:30,285
UH, A LITTLE HELP?
459
00:18:30,352 --> 00:18:32,721
FINE! I'LL GO GET
THE STOCK BOYS,
460
00:18:32,787 --> 00:18:35,524
YOU SLOPPY OLD
CRAZY BITCH!
461
00:18:35,590 --> 00:18:37,359
OH!
462
00:18:37,792 --> 00:18:38,426
HI, PAULA.
463
00:18:38,493 --> 00:18:41,196
JOHNNY, THEY TOLD ME
YOU TRIED
464
00:18:41,263 --> 00:18:42,464
TO DEFACE MY STATUE,
465
00:18:42,531 --> 00:18:44,299
BUT I DIDN'T BELIEVE THEM.
466
00:18:44,366 --> 00:18:45,634
TELL ME IT'S NOT TRUE.
467
00:18:45,700 --> 00:18:49,271
WOULD IT REALLY BE
SO BAD IF I DID?
468
00:18:49,337 --> 00:18:50,138
WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
469
00:18:50,205 --> 00:18:52,741
IS IT SO BAD GETTING
STABBED IN THE BACK
470
00:18:52,807 --> 00:18:54,209
BY YOUR BEST FRIEND?
471
00:18:54,276 --> 00:18:56,711
IS THAT SO BAD?!
YOU TELL ME.
472
00:18:56,778 --> 00:18:58,613
WE WEREN'T SUCCESSFUL.
473
00:18:58,680 --> 00:18:59,748
YOUR STATUE'S FINE.
474
00:18:59,814 --> 00:19:02,551
WHY DID YOU WANT
TO RUIN IT ANYWAY?
475
00:19:02,617 --> 00:19:04,786
YOU DON'T THINK
I'M A GOOD ARTIST?
476
00:19:04,853 --> 00:19:06,221
IS THAT IT?
477
00:19:06,288 --> 00:19:07,455
OF COURSE NOT.
[SOBS]
478
00:19:07,522 --> 00:19:10,325
I WAS EMBARRASSED
TO BE NAKED.
479
00:19:10,392 --> 00:19:12,294
DON'T LIE TO ME.
480
00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:13,461
WHEN YOU GOT
THAT ERECTION
481
00:19:13,528 --> 00:19:14,596
AT THE THOUGHT
OF MODELING NUDE,
482
00:19:14,663 --> 00:19:17,299
YOU TOLD THE WORLD
HOW MUCH YOU WANTED IT.
483
00:19:17,365 --> 00:19:22,537
YOU'RE A BIG FAT LIAR,
JOHNNY JENKINS!
484
00:19:22,971 --> 00:19:23,872
CLAY, GIVE ME YOUR PHONE.
485
00:19:23,939 --> 00:19:27,475
I'VE GOTTA STOP OMAR
FROM DEFACING THE STATUE.
486
00:19:27,542 --> 00:19:29,544
KNOCK YOURSELF OUT.
487
00:19:29,611 --> 00:19:31,713
OMAR!
OH, HEY, JOHNNY.
488
00:19:31,780 --> 00:19:34,382
DID YOU DEFACE
THAT STATUE YET?
489
00:19:34,449 --> 00:19:35,250
I'M ALMOST DONE.
490
00:19:35,317 --> 00:19:38,620
I'M DEFACING IT
AS WE SPEAK, MY FRIEND.
491
00:19:38,687 --> 00:19:41,222
IT'S VERY IMPORTANT
THAT YOU LISTEN
492
00:19:41,289 --> 00:19:43,258
TO MY NEXT SENTENCE,
OMAR?
493
00:19:43,325 --> 00:19:45,260
AAH! I'VE BEEN SHANKED!
494
00:19:45,327 --> 00:19:46,227
HA HA!
495
00:19:46,294 --> 00:19:48,430
THAT'LL TEACH YOU TO
CALL YOUR OLD MAN STUPID!
496
00:19:48,496 --> 00:19:53,602
DARN IT! NOW PAULA'S
NEVER GONNA FORGIVE ME.
497
00:19:53,668 --> 00:19:54,636
YOU GUYS ARE FREE
TO GO.
498
00:19:54,703 --> 00:19:55,637
BUT WHY?
499
00:19:55,704 --> 00:19:57,372
WELL, THE MAXIMUM SENTENCE
500
00:19:57,439 --> 00:19:58,173
FOR GETTING CAUGHT
UNDER A TARP
501
00:19:58,239 --> 00:20:00,275
IS 4 HOURS
IN THE STATE PENITENTIARY.
502
00:20:00,342 --> 00:20:01,843
YOU PAID YOUR DEBT
TO SOCIETY.
503
00:20:01,910 --> 00:20:02,777
THIS IS GREAT!
504
00:20:02,844 --> 00:20:05,413
WE COULD STILL GET TO
THE UNVEILING IN TIME
505
00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:07,515
TO STOP OMAR.
506
00:20:07,582 --> 00:20:08,550
Guard: YOU'RE FREE
TO GO, TOO.
507
00:20:08,617 --> 00:20:10,585
IN FACT, YOU WERE SUPPOSED
TO LEAVE 2 DAYS AGO.
508
00:20:10,652 --> 00:20:12,621
STEALING CABLE IS
ONLY A 2-DAY STINT.
509
00:20:12,687 --> 00:20:14,289
WE OWE YOU
A 2-DAY CRIME.
510
00:20:14,356 --> 00:20:15,390
I DON'T WANNA GO.
511
00:20:15,457 --> 00:20:17,392
YOU GUYS HAVE GOT
THE SPORTS PACKAGE.
512
00:20:17,459 --> 00:20:18,660
I'LL MISS ALL THE GAMES.
513
00:20:18,727 --> 00:20:21,296
HOW MUCH WOULD ARGUING
WITH THE GUARD GET ME?
514
00:20:21,363 --> 00:20:22,464
AN EXTRA COUPLE
OF DAYS.
515
00:20:22,530 --> 00:20:23,665
NO, IT WON'T.
YES, IT WILL.
516
00:20:23,732 --> 00:20:27,268
NO, IT WON'T.
THAT'S IT.
BACK YOU GO.
517
00:20:27,335 --> 00:20:29,270
THANKS.
I WILL NOTE
THAT "THANKS."
518
00:20:29,337 --> 00:20:32,607
SHAVE SOME TIME
OFF YOUR SENTENCE.
DAMN IT!
519
00:20:36,778 --> 00:20:38,313
HOME RUN!
520
00:20:38,380 --> 00:20:39,781
HEY, HARVEY,
YOUR CONJUGAL'S HERE.
521
00:20:39,848 --> 00:20:40,548
OOH, THAT'S MINE.
522
00:20:40,615 --> 00:20:43,351
YOU GUYS ARE SWAPPIG
CONJUGALS NOW?
523
00:20:43,418 --> 00:20:44,719
AW, THAT'S CUTE.
524
00:20:44,786 --> 00:20:46,688
Dean McHooty:
INSULT TO THE EYES,
525
00:20:46,755 --> 00:20:48,690
AND A LAXATIVE
TO THE SOUL.
526
00:20:48,757 --> 00:20:51,292
I POOH-POOH THIS MURAL.
527
00:20:51,359 --> 00:20:53,695
GRR...
528
00:20:58,700 --> 00:21:00,301
THIS IS YOUR ROOM.
529
00:21:00,368 --> 00:21:02,671
HARVEY WILL BE HERE
IN A MINUTE.
530
00:21:03,638 --> 00:21:05,640
FANTASTIC!
531
00:21:05,707 --> 00:21:07,575
I'LL JUST TURN OFF
THE LIGHTS FOR YOU.
532
00:21:07,642 --> 00:21:08,810
MAYBE YOU'LL HAVE
A BETTER SHOT.
533
00:21:08,877 --> 00:21:11,579
EAT SHIT, TURNKEY.
534
00:21:13,381 --> 00:21:14,716
[CHUCKLING CYNICALLY]
535
00:21:14,783 --> 00:21:16,818
McHooty: HEY, IT'S
THE VANDALIZER.
536
00:21:16,885 --> 00:21:20,455
YOUR CROP CIRCLE SUCKS,
FUCK FACE!
537
00:21:20,522 --> 00:21:22,390
[CHATTERING ANGRILY]
538
00:21:22,457 --> 00:21:24,592
DON'T GET EXCITED...
539
00:21:24,659 --> 00:21:27,662
[HOLDING BREATH]
HAVE SOME OF THAT.
540
00:21:31,666 --> 00:21:33,468
[BELL RINGS]
541
00:21:33,535 --> 00:21:35,637
IN THIS CORNER,
542
00:21:35,704 --> 00:21:38,373
THE SIRE OF SECOND GUESSES,
543
00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:39,741
THE KNIGHT OF NEEDINESS,
544
00:21:39,808 --> 00:21:41,810
THE PHARAOH OF FEAR,
545
00:21:41,876 --> 00:21:45,380
UNCERTAIN ANGUS!
546
00:21:45,447 --> 00:21:46,848
[FRIGHTENED GROANS]
547
00:21:46,915 --> 00:21:49,617
AND IN THE CORNER
TO MY LEFT,
548
00:21:49,684 --> 00:21:51,953
THE MONARCH
OF MIDDLE FINGERS,
549
00:21:52,020 --> 00:21:54,956
THE DUKE OF
DON'T GIVE A SHIT,
550
00:21:55,023 --> 00:21:57,425
THE BARON OF BALLS,
551
00:21:57,492 --> 00:22:01,663
COCKSURE ANGUS!
552
00:22:01,730 --> 00:22:03,565
[GRUNTS]
553
00:22:04,165 --> 00:22:07,402
ALL RIGHT, NOW,
I WANT A CLEAN FIGHT.
554
00:22:12,707 --> 00:22:14,843
[BOTH GRUNTING,
CHATTERING]
555
00:22:23,785 --> 00:22:25,620
ANGUS, DON'T LET HIM
UNDERMINE YOU.
556
00:22:25,687 --> 00:22:27,489
IT'S NOT IMPORTANT
WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK,
557
00:22:27,555 --> 00:22:29,390
ESPECIALLY THAT LARDASS
DEAN McHOOTY.
558
00:22:29,457 --> 00:22:31,993
TAKE IT FROM ME,
WHEN I WAS 4 YEARS OLD,
559
00:22:32,060 --> 00:22:33,795
I COULDN'T EVEN DUNK
A BASKETBALL,
560
00:22:33,862 --> 00:22:35,530
BUT I KEPT TRYING.
561
00:22:35,597 --> 00:22:36,664
BY THE TIME
I WAS 6,
562
00:22:36,731 --> 00:22:37,966
I WAS DOIN'
WINDMILLS OVER GUYS
563
00:22:38,032 --> 00:22:39,467
THREE TIMES
MY SIZE.
564
00:22:39,534 --> 00:22:41,669
IF HE GETS ANYWHERE
NEAR YOUR BELT,
565
00:22:41,736 --> 00:22:42,904
YOU FALL DOWN IN PAIN.
566
00:22:42,971 --> 00:22:44,572
THEY'LL TAKE A POINT
AWAY FROM HIM.
567
00:22:44,639 --> 00:22:47,842
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS THAT
YOU COME AWAY WITH A WIN,
568
00:22:47,909 --> 00:22:51,746
NO MATTER HOW CHEAP
THE VICTORY IS.
569
00:23:03,525 --> 00:23:04,959
PULL YOUR TRUNKS
UP HIGHER!
570
00:23:05,026 --> 00:23:05,860
A POINT'S A POINT.
571
00:23:05,927 --> 00:23:08,029
WHAT KIND OF FERRET
TO YOU WANT TO BE?
572
00:23:08,096 --> 00:23:10,932
AN ASS KICKER
OR A PUSSY?
573
00:23:12,767 --> 00:23:15,837
[BOTH GROANING]
574
00:23:15,904 --> 00:23:16,971
UNH!
575
00:23:17,038 --> 00:23:18,706
COME ON, ANGUS,
FUCK HIM UP!
576
00:23:18,773 --> 00:23:19,974
[GROANS]
577
00:23:20,041 --> 00:23:22,710
[STRAINING]
578
00:23:32,554 --> 00:23:34,856
I NEVER KNEW
THE CORONA BROTHERS
579
00:23:34,923 --> 00:23:36,024
HAD IT SO TOUGH.
580
00:23:36,090 --> 00:23:37,859
SAWING MY HEAD OFF
IS HARD WORK.
581
00:23:37,926 --> 00:23:40,862
I SHOULD SEND THOSE GUYS
A MUFFIN BASKET.
582
00:23:40,929 --> 00:23:42,463
OMAR?
583
00:23:42,530 --> 00:23:45,900
HOLD ON.
I'M ALMOST DONE.
584
00:23:46,734 --> 00:23:47,969
THERE YOU GO, JOHNNY.
585
00:23:48,036 --> 00:23:51,606
I DID IT.
I SAVED THE DAY!
586
00:23:51,673 --> 00:23:53,942
NICE.
587
00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:00,114
JOHNNY, LET'S GO.
588
00:24:00,181 --> 00:24:02,016
YOU DON'T WANT TO BE HERE
WHEN THE STATUE IS UNVEILED.
589
00:24:02,083 --> 00:24:03,718
THE LAUGHTER
WILL BE DEAFENING.
590
00:24:03,785 --> 00:24:04,953
BUT I WANT TO BE HERE
591
00:24:05,019 --> 00:24:06,988
TO SHARE PAULA'S
BIG MOMENT WITH HER.
592
00:24:07,055 --> 00:24:09,991
OK. IF WE STAY,
YOU BETTER BRACE YOURSELF.
593
00:24:10,058 --> 00:24:12,560
McHooty: WELCOME, EVERYONE,
TO THE UNVEILING
594
00:24:12,627 --> 00:24:15,530
OF COCONUT COLLEGE'S
FIRST STATUE
595
00:24:15,597 --> 00:24:17,999
DESIGNED BY
OUR VERY OWN FRESHMAN
596
00:24:18,066 --> 00:24:20,034
PAULA WISCONSIN.
597
00:24:20,101 --> 00:24:21,903
[APPLAUSE]
598
00:24:21,970 --> 00:24:25,640
AND NOW FOR THE UNVEILING.
599
00:24:25,707 --> 00:24:27,609
[ALL GASP]
600
00:24:28,943 --> 00:24:30,044
[CHEERING]
601
00:24:30,111 --> 00:24:32,513
IT'S RESPLENDENT, MAN.
602
00:24:32,580 --> 00:24:34,682
A TRIUMPH
OF THE HUMAN SPIRIT.
603
00:24:34,749 --> 00:24:36,584
I MEAN,
IT COMPLETELY TRANSCENDS
604
00:24:36,651 --> 00:24:39,087
THAT CRAP SKETCH
OF PAULA'S.
605
00:24:40,088 --> 00:24:41,623
TA-DA!
606
00:24:41,689 --> 00:24:44,692
THAT'S NOT MY FACE.
I'M SAVED.
607
00:24:44,759 --> 00:24:47,795
JOHNNY, I UNDERSTAND
EVERYTHING NOW.
608
00:24:47,862 --> 00:24:49,964
YOU WEREN'T TRYING
TO DEFACE IT.
609
00:24:50,031 --> 00:24:52,634
YOU WERE TRYING
TO IMPROVE IT.
610
00:24:52,700 --> 00:24:54,669
YOU'RE A REAL ARTIST.
611
00:24:54,736 --> 00:24:57,839
YOU DESERVE THIS.
612
00:24:59,707 --> 00:25:02,143
WE'RE BOTH SALMA HAYEK NOW--
613
00:25:02,210 --> 00:25:05,613
WILD AND FREE!
614
00:25:06,681 --> 00:25:07,815
GO GET 'EM, JENKINS.
615
00:25:07,882 --> 00:25:11,019
I'M COMIN'
FOR YOU, BABY!
616
00:25:11,286 --> 00:25:14,055
[PASSIONATE MOANING,
KISSING, GRUNTING]
617
00:25:14,122 --> 00:25:16,758
Doug: SOMETHING TASTES UNHOLY.
618
00:25:16,824 --> 00:25:17,959
Grandma: DOUGIE?
619
00:25:18,026 --> 00:25:19,727
MAMA?
620
00:25:19,794 --> 00:25:22,597
AAH!
AAH!
621
00:25:23,731 --> 00:25:24,832
YOU'RE NOT HARVEY.
622
00:25:24,899 --> 00:25:26,634
AND YOU'RE NOT
A LINGERIE MODEL!
623
00:25:26,701 --> 00:25:28,870
THIS WAS JUST
A CRAZY MIX-UP.
624
00:25:28,937 --> 00:25:31,739
BUT, MAMA,
WE WERE...KISSING.
625
00:25:31,806 --> 00:25:34,809
YEAH, WELL, I'M SURE
YOUR MOUTH HAS BEEN
626
00:25:34,876 --> 00:25:36,711
A LOT WORSE PLACES.
627
00:25:36,778 --> 00:25:38,713
I KNOW MINE HAS.
628
00:25:39,247 --> 00:25:40,014
THAT WAS QUICK.
629
00:25:40,081 --> 00:25:42,083
YOU EVEN GET YOUR PICKLE
INTO HER JAR?
630
00:25:42,150 --> 00:25:44,686
NO...IT WAS MY MAMA.
631
00:25:44,752 --> 00:25:46,688
THAT'S HOT.