[***]
HANK: You want another drink?
Uh, I think we're out of beer.
We out of beer?
You're empty. I'll go get some.
EDITH: I'll go.
TERRY: No, I'll go. I don't care.
EDITH: No, I'll go. I could use the air.
[MATATA'S "JUNGLE WARRIOR" PLAYING]
* Whoa ohhh *
* Ooh-whoa ohhh *
[OVER SPEAKERS] * Ooh-whoa ohhh *
[MOUTHS] * Jungle warrior *
["JUNGLE WARRIOR" CONTINUES PLAYING]
* Ooh-whoa ohhh *
["JUNGLE WARRIOR" ENDS]
[COUGHS LIGHTLY]
[CANS CLINKING]
[KEYS JANGLE]
Wait.
What are we doing?
[SIGHS]
I don't know.
Should we stop this?
Stop what?
[BOTH LAUGH]
[SIGHS]
[PANTING]
[WHISPERING] Oh, my God.
Should we stop? No.
Yeah, I don't ever wanna stop. I don't either.
I'll meet you tomorrow at 12 at Shane's.
Yeah, okay. All right.
[MOANS]
Okay.
[KEYS JANGLE, ENGINE STARTS]
Bye, you guys!
All right. Good night.
Come here! What?
Come here. Get in here! What?
What do you--? Terry,
what's the matter?
Listen to me. No more of this crap, all right?
From now on, we act like a married couple.
No more flirting around. You understand me?
No. How could I?
[LAUGHING] Who could understand such a flaming pile of bullshit?
Oh, Jack.
Come on. Don't play dumb.
Please. Terry...
Hey, why don't you have some wine?
Because we've been drinking gin and I don't want wine.
Let's not talk about this now.
Let's talk about this in the morning.
You're drunk and we're gonna fight
and you have that look of yours.
Forget that look of mine.
Let's talk about you and Edith.
The little trips you take.
[SIGHS]
These damn errands.
Huh? Somebody runs out of something.
Some goddamn egg rolls
and off you go, you and Edith.
Egg rolls? Really?
[LAUGHS] Egg rolls?
What are you talking about?
You know what?
You shouldn't leave me with Hank like that
and put me in that position.
What position, Terry?
Jack, listen to me... What?
...something's going on.
I mean, either you want it to...
or it is.
That is such a lot of horseshit, okay?
What is wrong
with me and Edith going off to get a goddamn
six-pack of beer?
What are you really worried about, Terry?
It's you and Hank being left alone here together.
That's what it is.
I see you two together.
You're horny for Hank. Oh, please.
Am I supposed to feel guilty because of that?
I'm horny for my husband.
Jesus Christ, Terry, we're not a couple
of fucking honeymooners anymore, for chrissakes.
Why aren't we?!
We've been married so long
that you're bored, is that it?
Terry-- No, is that what it is?
Because you can leave any time. Terry--
Maybe you and I should sit down and talk about
how long this thing's gonna last between you and me.
Terry! I am not going anywhere!
It's fine. The kids will be fine.
If you're suffering-- I am not suffering.
If this is such a disappointment to you--
Jesus Christ, you're the only wife that I know
that actually gets pissed off at her husband
for not hanging on her at a party!
Other husbands touch their wives!
Do you see Hank fondling Edith every second?
Hank doesn't love her.
He told me while you were out.
He said that to you?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
Why? Why did he tell you that?
He told-- I-I don't know. He just said it.
So, what were you guys doing?
He just blurted that out? Seems odd.
We were talking.
How else do people tell each other things?
Well, usually when people say things like that,
they're doing other things.
Yeah, I was blowing him on the porch. What do you care?
I don't. As long as you tell me the truth.
The truth?
Jack, you won't even admit the truth.
You don't really love me. Terry.
It's not true. You don't love me.
It's never been true.
I'll tell you something! You don't love me!
When you say shit like that, for one minute, it is the truth.
Do you understand me?
Fuck you! Aah!
[SLAMS GLASS] Fuck you!
Goddamn it.
[CAT MEOWS, DOGS BARKING]
[BOTTLES TINKLING AND SMASHING]
TERRY: Fucker!
[METAL CLANGING]
TERRY: Bastard!
[SHOES THUD]
[SHOWER RUNNING]
[SIGHS]
[***]
[BELL RINGING]
CHILD: Give it!
CHILD 2: I'm trying to concentrate.
Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah.
[CHILD 2 YELLS INDISTINCTLY]
[TOY ZAPPING, BLASTING]
[CHILD 2 YELLS INDISTINCTLY]
[CAN THUMPS]
Oh, shit.
CHILD: Dad!
[GROANS]
[ALARM BEEPING]
[BEETHOVEN'S "1ST SYMPHONY" PLAYING]
ELF [OVER TV]: Be careful with your new shoes, boy.
They're slippery.
[POTS CLANGING]
CHILD: Stop it! You're making too much noise.
Oh.
Oh, shit.
CHILD: Mom!
Stop it!
[CHILD 2 YELLING INDISTINCTLY]
Come back here!
Stop it!
[CHILDREN YELLING, SQUEALING]
Mom!
Stop!
Mom! What?!
[BEETHOVEN'S "1ST SYMPHONY" CONTINUES PLAYING]
Go to school.
It's summer. I don't have to.
You go to school.
It's Saturday. I don't have to.
So, what are you gonna do today?
Make up stories.
Why?
Uh, make people laugh, make people cry.
But why?
Hey, have you seen my keys?
EDITH: Yeah, they're up here.
The sitter's coming over in a couple hours,
then I'm gonna go out, do some things.
All right. I'm gonna go run with Jack after I finish writing.
Okay. I'll see you at dinner.
Okay.
Hey.
[SIGHS] [MOANS]
[SMOOCH]
[SIGHS]
Have a good day.
You too.
[SIGHS]
CHILD 2: Ha-ha, I'm beating you.
CHILD: Ha-ha, I beat you.
No, I'm beating you.
Hey.
JACK: Yeah?
You want lunch or breakfast?
What do you got?
Just cereal if you want breakfast.
But if you want lunch,
I could get us lobsters. Just for you and me.
Kids don't like them anyway.
I can't, I'm in a hurry. I'm taking the car in.
It'll just take half an hour.
I need the car there by 12.
You have to?
If I want the work done, yeah.
Well, what's the work?
Oil and a lube.
Oh, it doesn't take very long, so...
Terry, those guys have got work to do,
and they want the car now or not at all.
They don't care if you want lobster.
But if you do want one, you should get it before I go.
JACK: You petulant son of a bitch.
Just make love to your wife and have a fucking lobster.
Well, I don't want one by myself.
Why? You don't think it'd taste as good?
You know what I mean.
You want Cheerios or Grape-Nuts?
Grape-Nuts, please.
Dickhead.
CHILD: I'm working on that.
[CHILD LAUGHING]
[BEETHOVEN'S "1ST SYMPHONY" PLAYING]
[SHUTTER CLICKS]
Ah, fuck! [TYPES, COMPUTER BEEPS]
[SHUTTER CLICKS]
[SIGHS]
Jesus Christ.
Sean!
Sean, cease and desist, man.
You slept late. Yeah,
because it's Saturday.
It's because you were up late. You guys were fighting.
Oh, yeah? What did you hear?
Yelling and swear words. Then you left.
You know what, guys?
Grownups fight, especially married ones.
[***]
You want me to make something to eat?
I could eat a horse.
Give that to your brother.
Mmm.
If I promise not to get fat, can I keep our baby?
Want dessert too?
Do we even have any?
We never have dessert.
Oh, I'm a stupid papa.
I'll pick some up on the way home.
Where are you going?
I'm going to get the car fixed.
Can I go to get the car fixed?
No, because I'm gonna go running with Hank afterwards.
We don't mind. We'll watch you.
Noooo.
Oh, it's Mama!
I want us to start having desserts, Momma.
Yay, desserts!
We never have desserts.
I'm off. O...kay.
Did you get enough to eat? JACK: Yep.
SEAN: Bye, Dad. See you.
How come Daddy likes desserts and you don't?
Because Daddy's a daddy and Mommy's a mommy.
Mom!
Honey, uh...
we're different people.
We're not the same, we're different.
[CHAIR CREAKING]
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
Hey.
You sign up for summer classes?
Sure. Why not?
Oh, man.
If I were you...
I'd be at the beach every hour of every day this summer.
I have to make up some credits.
No, anyone who looks like you doesn't have to do anything.
See you, Mr. Evans.
Enjoy!
Won't last forever.
[SIGHS]
Yeah, just check the oil and... Mm-hmm.
do a little lube job if you can. Sure.
I'm just gonna go on a couple of errands with my wife over here.
In the car over there. All right. Okay.
We'll be back to pick it up at, what, 2?
[CAR HORN BEEPS]
Duck. I think he's on to you.
[CHUCKLES]
[***]
EDITH: Maybe I should start smoking your brand.
Maybe we should ask your husband to babysit our kids
while we go off and fuck.
He'd be glad to. Yeah. Well, she wouldn't.
I think he wants to have sex with her.
Why? Why?
Yeah. Because he likes her
and she's pretty.
And he hasn't had any strange pussy since that French cunt.
I mean, why do you think he wants to?
Because of the way he looks at her
and the way he looked at us when we came back from buying beer.
Oh, yeah? And how was that?
Sheepish. Hmm.
Does that bother you?
Me? No.
Good. We can all babysit for each other.
"She blooms, she blooms. And in May, so hurt."
In May, I was alone.
Mmm.
[SNIFFS]
[LAUGHS]
Stinky.
Oh. You'll get sunburnt.
No.
And then you'll get caught.
I should keep the sun off.
No, I can't, I can't.
Oh, come on. I'm done.
Yes, you can. I'm old. I'm old.
[LAUGHS]
I'm wasted.
Ohhh.
Have you eaten enough?
Hmm?
I don't know. Let me see.
I mean food.
Yeah.
Yeah, I had Grape-Nuts.
I got up late.
Yeah.
You know, you ought to live with me.
I'd feed you better than that.
Oh, she feeds me okay.
She gives me what I want.
It's a sublimely happy marriage.
Stop.
I wonder how we'll get caught.
[CHUCKLES]
Hank'll smell you on me at the gym.
No, I mean Terry.
If Hank caught us, I wouldn't care.
I wouldn't stop unless you wanted to,
but you probably would.
[SIGHS]
Wouldn't you?
No, I wouldn't.
Yeah, you would.
[BOTTLES CLINKING]
[LAUGHS]
What? Don't you think he's gonna notice?
Well, if he does, it'd be a miracle.
Oh, come on, Jack.
You're talking like he's Charlie Chan or something.
Like he gives a shit.
[CHUCKLES]
Sometimes I think--
Sometimes you think what?
Hmm?
Sometimes I think that I love you
even more than I think that I do,
which is a lot.
"Which is a lot"?
Impotent as you are?
Give me a cigarette.
[SIGHS]
My last one.
Until...
[SIGHS]
Till, uh...
I don't know. I'll call you.
[BOTTLES CLINKING]
I'm just gonna grab this, okay?
I'm gonna go home, take a nap,
keep the sitter another hour.
Ah. [ENGINE STARTS]
[***]
EDITH: You're okay with that?
BABYSITTER: No, that's okay.
Good, thanks.
Hi, Mom.
Hey.
[RAPID SMOOCHING]
Mommy.
What?
Mom, stop it.
Okay, okay.
What's this?
It's a show.
Yeah, I know it's a show, honey,
but what show is it?
Space. Hmm.
Do you wanna go into space someday, sweetheart?
No, unless--
I don't want to go to space unless Daddy goes and you too.
Of course Daddy and I would go with you.
Then, okay.
[ASTRONAUTS SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY OVER TV]
[SIGHS]
[SOBBING]
ASTRONAUT: ...agree with that, over?
ASTRONAUT 2: I, uh, definitely agree with this.
[ASTRONAUTS CONTINUE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
Houston, I think we got a satellite.
It's quite a sight.
Okay, copy that, D26-33, full proof in about five minutes.
Complete step-down. That looks good. Thanks.
Okay. So I don't need it.
The beta alignment key is obviously in place.
Go for rotate.
All right, thank you.
You can't write, you old fuck. Let's go for a run.
One goddamn page.
One page in four hours? That's sad.
Only three hours, 46 minutes.
Think I'd waste an entire four hours on one goddamn page?
Ugh.
Let's run.
[TALKING INDISTINCTLY]
Ugh!
Ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh!
Ugh! Mm! Mm!
[SPITS]
I take it you quit.
Goddamn right, goddamn it.
What's this? The eighth, ninth time?
The last time! They're pissing me off.
They're trying to kill me.
Ugh. Cigarettes don't have souls, Jack.
They don't mean you any harm.
[***]
Ha, ha, ha!
[DOG BARKING]
Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo!
[GRUNTS]
[PANTING]
[INAUDIBLE]
[BOTH GASP]
[BOTH MOANING]
Easy, sailor.
[COUGHS]
[RETCHES]
[SPITS]
[COUGHING]
You all right there, princess?
Yeah, I'm fine, you competitive prick.
You sure?
[PANTING]
[SPITS]
You're a little screwed up this summer.
Oh, yeah? Can you tell?
Yep.
I should've worked this summer, man.
Yeah, maybe. Maybe not.
Could use the money.
Ah, you need to work more.
You know, a man should be able to live idly with himself
for a couple of months
without losing his fucking mind.
Yeah.
Try writing.
I have.
I'm a reader, not a writer.
A pussy, not a fighter.
[CROWD CHEERING]
[DALE WATSON'S "IF IT'S OVER" PLAYING]
[SNICKERS]
* If it's over, say it's over *
Jesus, man. Just smoke it.
You're hopeless.
You must smell like an ashtray to Terry.
Does Edith to you?
No, not everywhere.
I haven't touched one since Jeanne.
Ah, yes, Jeanne.
Yeah, got me smoking fuckin' French cigarettes.
Make anybody want to quit.
* If it's over... *
Did you end up seeing her before she left?
Yeah, I saw her.
Well, you remember when I went to New York to see my agent?
I was in Portland.
[CHUCKLES] Oh, man.
Airport, tears...
that was very romantic.
I think about running into her in Paris in 10 years.
[LAUGHS] Jesus, man!
What can I say? I'm dedicated.
I refuse to let anyone go unloved.
[PLUNKS GLASS] Betty.
* Don't let me down easy *
* Let me down fast *
SEAN: Mom! What?
* If you hold the heartache The longer it lasts *
Mom. Don't hit her with that bat.
So why didn't you leave her, Hank?
Who?
Edith.
Why would I do that?
Because you're in love with another woman.
Jesus, Jack, this isn't the Middle Ages here.
What? It's happened.
Men have left their wives for other women and been happy.
Until they start cheating on their new wife.
Sure, whatever.
Aw, it's no use talking to you.
Why? [SIGHS]
You're too nice a guy to fuck somebody without feeling love.
Am I right? Right.
So doing it with someone with love in the mix,
you'd use as proof you didn't love Terry?
What, have you been talking to my mistress?
Look, just... love everybody you can.
Love your kids. Love your wife. Keep the peace.
Then once, just once...
try fucking somebody else just 'cause it feels good.
Your wife, you know,
may be living exactly according to these principles.
That's her business, Hank.
Oh, brave words.
But true.
What brought all this on, anyway?
I don't know. Nothing, I guess.
Just see you're unhappy, and I want you to be happy.
JACK: I have a girl, so Terry gets a lobster.
We get a bottle of wine, and the kids get this shit.
Oh, shit.
Come on, take it.
[SIGHS]
[MUMBLES]
* If there's a way to say I love you *
Come in for a quick one.
Oh, no, I'm late.
Come on. I shouldn't.
[CROWD CHEERING, APPLAUDING]
[CARTOON PLAYING OVER TV]
[VEGETABLES CRUNCHING, KNIFE THUMPING]
[GROWLS] [SCREAMS]
SHARON: Dad!
Brought home a present.
[HANK PATTING JACK'S CHEST]
[***]
[SMOOCH]
HANK: Drink?
JACK: Okay, we're goin' to 10.
That's two. [BALL PLOPS IN MITT]
SEAN: No, that's three. JACK: Okay, three.
Four. [BALL PLOPS]
Dad, when is it my turn?
Never.
You don't know how to pitch.
In a little while, Natasha. TERRY: Hey, gang.
Let's go for a bike ride.
JACK: No, we're playing catch.
NATASHA: Please!
Come on.
Come on, Natasha. It's late.
Oh, come on, Jack. It's not that late.
Yeah! Let's go to the river.
SEAN: Whoo-whoo-whoo! NATASHA: Yay!
Fine! Let's ride bikes.
NATASHA: Come on, Mom.
You know what, honey, you go with Daddy. I got stuff to do.
JACK: Sean, get your helmet on.
[BAGPIPES PLAYING SINGLE NOTE]
[BAGPIPES PLAYING IRISH JIG]
[BAGPIPES CONTINUE PLAYING IRISH JIG]
[FEET CLOMPING RHYTHMICALLY]
Hey, what's the name of this dance?
WOMAN: "The Angry Housewife."
[LAUGHING]
[MUSIC STOPS]
What is that?
The Death of Ivan Ilyich.
I'm thinking of teaching it this fall.
Oh.
I was crazy the other night. I'm sorry.
It's okay.
I shouldn't have gotten drunk.
Forget it.
No, I gotta grow up.
What, grownups aren't violent?
TERRY: Not with their husbands.
[JACK SCOFFS]
JACK: Read the newspapers.
Women murder their husbands every day.
Not people like us.
The other night, did Hank make a pass?
[INHALES]
Yeah.
But he was drinking.
And what? You're pretty.
Hank collects pretty women.
[SNORTS]
[CLOCK TICKING]
[DOG BARKING]
HANK: Do you know how much I love you?
Yes.
It's not just that. It's more than that.
It's what?
It's how far you've come.
How strong you've gotten.
Do you know what I mean?
Well?
"Well," what?
Well, what did he do?
None of your business.
All right, then, what did you do?
Nothing.
Come on.
He tried to kiss me on the porch, so I went inside.
Where? Here?
In the kitchen.
To get a glass of wine.
So he followed you into the kitchen, and...?
And he told me he loved me.
And he kissed me
and said he didn't love Edith,
and I felt dirty,
and we went outside and sat on the front steps.
Dirty because...
what he said about Edith, or because...?
Yeah. Edith's my friend.
She's sweet. She doesn't deserve that bullshit.
I don't want to be any part of it.
But before that you were all right?
I wanna know what you did.
Hey, can we stop this?
Or, uh...do you wanna know
if his nose was to the left or to the right of mine
when he kissed me?
You remember?
Yeah, we were lying on the floor,
and he was on my right,
so I guess his nose was to the left of me.
You were lying on the floor. Goodness gracious me.
I was squatting down to get my gla--
Shut up.
[CHUCKLES]
What? I'm just kidding.
No, you're not, Jack.
You're glad he kissed me.
Let's just say I'm not disturbed by it.
Well, I am!
[SIGHS]
Okay.
[SIGHS]
[CLOCK TICKING]
[SOFTLY] Jack.
TERRY: Hey.
Jack.
[***]
[INAUDIBLE]
TERRY: Look at me.
Look at me.
[BELL RINGING]
JACK: "It occurred to him
"that what had seemed impossible before,
"that he had not spent his life as he should have,
might, after all, be true."
[WHISPERS] Hey.
Let's go.
Wake up.
You want some pancakes?
SEAN: I want three pancakes!
Ready? Get your plate ready.
NATASHA: Ready. Hup!
Table one.
Hey, let's go.
All right. SEAN: It's mine!
Mommy! [LAUGHING]
Hi, you guys. Ah! Have a great time.
JACK: "His professional duties
"and the whole arrangement of his life and of his family
might all have been false."
JACK: "He tried to defend all those things to himself
"and suddenly felt the weakness of what he was defending.
There was nothing to defend."
STUDENT: Boring.
[STUDENTS CHUCKLE]
Jim.
So everything in his life turns out to be false?
Sure doesn't do much about it.
Doesn't do much? He finds God.
GIRL: That tiny bit at the end?
About seeing a light and there being no more pain?
Is that it?
[LAUGHS]
Well, the guy does do one major thing.
JIM: What's that?
He...dies.
And maybe Tolstoy didn't have it in his head
to write some big uplifting story
about the way we're supposed to live our lives.
Maybe he just wanted to show us what it was like to die.
HANK: This is traumatic.
I'm reading your stuff.
I see little things wrong here and there, easy to fix.
And I am noticing, all of a sudden,
that most of you can write just as well as me.
It's very depressing.
What happened?
There's a first half of a story here
that really starts to work.
Then just...pfft!
What?
You gonna tell me you ran out of things to write about?
I won't believe you.
I lost focus towards the end.
My new boyfriend just moved in, and...
[STUDENTS CHUCKLE]
Wait, you're telling me about your boyfriend?
I just mean that--
I just wanna talk about what's on the page.
[BEETHOVEN'S "1ST SYMPHONY" PLAYING]
[PAPER RIPPING]
[ELECTRONIC BEEP]
Sorry.
Are you kidding?
All right, uh...
Just... Just this stuff.
Oh, fuck.
[BEETHOVEN'S "1ST SYMPHONY" PLAYING]
[MUTTERS]
Um, can I get my highlighter, please?
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
Linden.
My mother sent some money. You wanna celebrate?
Um...
Yeah. Soon.
Okay.
Tomorrow.
EDITH: Okay.
[***]
[PANTING]
HANK: He wants to meet me and tell me how much he likes it,
but he doesn't want to publish it?
N-no, who needs that?
Look, you tell him to publish the damn thing,
and I'll move into his house and do his laundry.
SHARON: Ernie, wait!
God. Who's depressed? I'm not depressed.
SHARON: Tag, you're it! Bye, Jerry.
[SLAMS PHONE]
Fuck.
All you need is one yes.
[SIGHS]
Where you going?
I have to do some shopping.
You taking Sharon?
No, she's outside playing.
Christ! Edith, I was gonna write.
So write. She's outside playing.
[SIGHS] Oh, fu...
[INHALES]
[EXHALES]
[CHILDREN GIGGLING]
NATASHA: I want it. Dad. SEAN: I wanna hold it.
Where you going?
Uh, going to the library. I'll be back at 4.
What? Since when?
Since I have work to do.
What work?
Uh, work. [SCOFFS]
All right, give me 50 bucks.
Why?
Fuck why. So I can fly to California.
So I can pay the goddamn plumber.
That's why.
You blew through Monday's money already?
I can't believe this.
Yeah, my heroin habit's getting expensive.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Stop it.
[CHILDREN TALKING INDISTINCTLY]
[CHUCKLES]
SHARON: Give it to me!
Give it back!
Give it to me!
SHARON: Give it back.
Give it to me.
Hey.
You guys wanna see something?
He thinks it's shit.
Pretty cool, huh?
[RAUNCHY MUSIC, WOMAN MOANING OVER TV]
I hate her.
EDITH: No, you don't.
She's your life.
You really love Terry, don't you?
Yeah.
I think she's fantastic.
She is fantastic.
She just shouldn't be married to me, that's all.
Hey, you, uh, want some coffee or anything?
No, I'm great, thanks.
I went to the zoo last week with Sharon.
JACK: That's a depressing place.
Yeah, I know.
But...
We were standing there watching this gorilla,
and he took a crap in his hand and then he licked it.
[CHUCKLES]
It's a bit more interesting than the flamingos, I guess.
It made me cry.
Told you it's a depressing place.
[CHUCKLES]
He just seemed so human, you know?
Like he knew how trapped he was.
EDITH: Do you realize how sad it is watching you guys?
[JACK SCOFFS]
Hmm?
What do you think the difference is
between you and us?
Terry loves you.
So, you married?
Thirty years.
Wow.
Got kids?
Hm. Two. They're married now.
Does your, um, wife take an interest in your job?
I mean, does she know everything about plumbing?
No. No, not at all.
Nothing.
What does she do?
Oh, she likes to garden.
It makes her happy.
[SOBS]
Did I say something wrong?
[***]
You make me a good wife.
If I didn't love you, I'd have to love somebody else.
See, Hank needs us, but he can't really love anyone.
Only his work.
The rest is surface.
JACK: I don't believe that.
I don't mean his friendship with you.
He'd give you a kidney if you needed one.
Yeah, and he'd give you one too.
Of course he would.
But he wouldn't go to a marriage counselor.
You know, you're-- You're a funny girl.
After a long, carnivorous fuck
you're talking about a marriage counselor?
Who are you?
EDITH: You know what I wanted?
I wanted to know where we were.
Now I know.
JACK: And?
EDITH: You love the person you're having the affair with.
[SHARON SQUEALS]
[SHARON LAUGHS]
[CHILDREN LAUGHING]
[SHARON SQUEALS]
He'll be busting out soon.
Trust me.
I know the routine.
He's been hibernating with that novel so long.
Next thing you know, he'll look around and blink
and fuck the first thing that walks into his office.
Jesus, I hope someone goes in there before I do.
Well, he screws his wife
once in a while.
Why not another man?
And your husband making passes at my wife,
how do you feel about that?
Well, everybody deserves to be happy, right?
[MAKING MONKEY NOISES]
NATASHA: Stop!
[SEAN AND NATASHA TALKING INDISTINCTLY]
Hey.
NATASHA: Stop it!
You're annoying me!
[CLOCK TICKING]
Hey.
How'd the work go?
[SIGHS]
Burnt my novel, wrote a shitty poem.
Oh.
How'd the shopping go?
Fine.
NATASHA: Stop it!
[WATER SPLASHING]
[CLICKING SWITCH]
Get your work done at the library?
[GAS HISSING, BURNER IGNITES]
Yeah.
Hank and Edith are gonna come over
and watch an old movie on cable tonight.
Oh, great. That's good.
Hank called?
Yeah, he called.
What? Lobsters?
MAN [OVER TV]: Oh, she's beautiful.
There's no denying that.
But you know she does nothing all day long
but eat, sleep, walk about,
fascinate us all by her beauty, nothing more.
And an idle life cannot be...
[SNORTS]
...pure.
[***]
[BELL TINKLING]
[KNOCKING]
Hello?
Hey. Hey!
Hello?
[LAUGHS]
Hey.
Hi, guys. What's going on?
We're celebrating.
Well, I can see that.
Hank?
Uh, The New Yorker
is gonna publish one of my poems.
What? That's fantastic!
How exciting! What did Edith say?
I haven't had a chance to tell Edith.
She's out...shopping.
You don't seem very excited.
I am.
Yeah, what do you know?
Hank, people who know you like your work.
You're being published.
It doesn't really get much better than that, does it?
It's a poem, Terry. It's really not that important.
No, Hank, it isn't.
You want important, go work in a cancer ward
with people who are puking from chemo,
or teach math to a kid
who's brain-damaged from fetal alcohol syndrome.
No, those people generally aren't
that much fun to be around.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
Okay. All right.
Oh.
Thank you, Mrs. Linden. You're very welcome.
Pulling my head out of my butt.
How about a spoonful
of this "dream come true" jumbo split, huh?
I'd rather eat vomit.
Gotta fly.
Uh, hey.
Do me a favor
and don't tell Jack my news, all right?
Allow me the joy of gloating.
You'll see him before I will anyway.
You guys are running, right?
Are we?
Oh, yeah, yeah. We are indeed.
Okay.
Bye, honey.
See you.
[DOOR CLOSES]
[***]
Hi.
Terry's turning over leaves.
JACK: She said her life had reached a turning point.
She said she would work.
She would start right now by paying for being a slob.
For three days after that, she made all the beds
as soon as we got up in the morning.
She folded the laundry by 10.
She vacuumed by noon.
She wrote lists of chores for the rest of us.
Then, on the fourth day...
her momentum suddenly stopped.
So?
So then I checked his gym bag
and the clothes were folded and clean.
He didn't even go running. He fucking lied to me.
So confront him.
Can't you ask Hank?
Do you want me to ask Hank?
Yes.
Shit.
I don't even know. I don't know if I wanna know.
[REGISTER BEEPING]
Hey.
How was your run?
Great.
Lobsters.
[DRYER BUZZES]
Fuck you.
[CLICKS ON TV]
[TV PLAYING INDISTINCTLY]
[SIGHS]
SEAN: Mom!
NATASHA: Dad!
MAN [OVER TV]: Now available at stores everywhere.
[JACK & SEAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
Okay. There you go.
[MOANS]
What's the matter?
Still wet.
[SOFTLY] Good night.
Lay down. I'll be back in a second.
What else, Terry, huh?
What else?
What? Relax. I'm gonna do 'em as soon as I finish this.
It's not what you didn't do, Terry. It's why. Okay?
Why do we live in the foulest house I know?
Why is it that you say you love our children,
and they go unbathed for days at a time,
and right now Sean is upstairs sleeping in last night's piss?
I forgot.
Goddamn it!
Goddamn it, Terry!
Fucking lazy.
TERRY: It's okay, baby. It's okay.
[SIGHS]
Just gonna need more linen, okay?
I'll take the sheets.
Just a little bit wet. That's okay.
It's okay, honey.
I love you.
Night-night, honey. Go back to sleep. Love you.
[TERRY DESCENDING STAIRS]
[***]
[BOTTLES CLINKING]
All right.
I wanna talk to you.
I'm gonna do the dishes. No, now.
You could talk to me while I'm doing the dishes.
Now! Terry, I'll wash--
Sit down.
Don't you take anything. Listen to me.
[SIGHS]
I am tired of being judged.
Who are you to judge me?
Now, I forgot that Sean wet his bed.
But if you got them up
one morning out of every thousand,
if you loved them the way you say you do--
Oh, that was shitty.
Accusing me of not loving my own children!
Oh, man. That's just the way you fight,
like a catty, bitchy woman.
[WHINING] Me, me, me, me.
And you know what?
If you ever got them up Terry--
in the last four or five nights,
you would've known he hadn't wet his bed.
Come on, Terry.
He wet his bed three nights ago. I know that because he told me.
So what? So what?
So what? You never get the facts right!
You always get it wrong, Terry. Ehhh! Wrong.
You never, ever, ever get it right!
It's the same thing with the sheets, the bills.
You always find a way to blow it, Terry.
You always have an excuse, and you're always fucking wrong!
So, what do you want me to do?!
Do? There's something you can do?
Oh, you son of a bitch!
[GLASS SHATTERS]
Terry! Son of a bitch!
You son of a bitch! No!
Goddamn it!
Goddamn it, Jack! Goddamn it!
[SOBBING]
[WAILING] Oh, fuck!
Oh, fuck.
JACK: It was the day after payday,
and I gave Hank $50 I had owed him.
[BEETHOVEN'S "1ST SYMPHONY" PLAYING]
[ALL SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
...eight, nine.
Oh, my God!
I can't believe this. He paid me.
JACK: He made a big deal about how he didn't need the money.
Thank you so much.
[LAUGHING, SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
Then, later that night... Night.
...he fucked my wife in the front seat of my car.
[BEETHOVEN'S "1ST SYMPHONY" CRESCENDOES]
[DOOR CLOSES, ENGINE STARTS]
[CAR DEPARTS]
[DOOR OPENS]
[DOOR CLOSES]
[FOOTSTEPS ASCENDING STAIRS]
[DOOR CREAKS]
Where were you?
Oh, I, uh...uh...
woke up and couldn't get back to sleep,
so I went for a walk.
You don't have to tell me that.
I've been up since 1:30.
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLARES] [SCOFFS]
You're such a bastard.
Did you ever go to sleep?
Yes.
Sure you did.
What? I was tired. Yes.
Why didn't you just bring me to bed?
Why didn't you come to bed?
Because I need to be made love to.
You don't make love to me anymore.
You fuck me.
I sat on those steps
with Hank,
and he held my hand and he listened to me.
He listened to me
while I talked about this shitty marriage.
And he told me he felt close to me.
And I was happy when he said it.
And I was happy when I made love to him.
I was so goddamn happy for a minute.
And then I thought of you.
I just wanted to be here with you
and get us back
and be in this fucking bed in this house
with my husband and my kids,
where I belong.
That's a really admirable sentiment, Terry.
[QUIETLY] Oh, fuck.
Jack.
Right now, I love you,
maybe more than I have for years.
[VOICE TREMBLING] But I am angry.
I am so fucking angry, Jack, way down,
because you set this fucking thing up.
You set it up and it happened!
And I don't know what else is gonna happen.
Why? You gonna see him again?
God! Jesus Christ, Jack, I don't know.
What?
So then it's over? Is that--? Is that what you're saying?
What's wrong with you?
Think making love is like smoking? It's--
It's what?
[SIGHS]
It's-- It's a promise.
You promised him you're gonna see him again.
I didn't-- I didn't say anything.
Opening my legs is a promise.
And he didn't say anything either?
He must've said something.
Oh, my God, you like this.
You want details, huh?
Fine.
We drove around for a while.
He put his hand on my tit.
And I practically got off just from him touching me.
You know what happened then?
We parked, and we fucked like crazy.
And you know what, Jack?
I came before he did.
And the second time...
I was on top.
And I looked in his face.
I looked right in his eyes and I told him I loved him.
That's enough, all right?
Enough.
You should be knocking my teeth out.
But not you, huh?
Not you.
Because you like it.
Wanna watch us, Jack?
This comes to you--
You fuck whoever you want whenever you want,
but do not give me your half-assed insights
into the soul of a man that you have never understood.
Your insights suck.
[LAUGHS] Oh, Jesus Christ.
[SMASH] Gugh!
My "half-assed insights"?
Yeah, the soul of a man I don't understand.
[LAUGHS] You poor baby.
Oh, my God.
You poor
little...baby.
You talk and talk.
You think you know yourself. But you know what?
You're a pervert.
I'm gonna go to sleep.
We got a couple of kids that are getting up soon.
And you're not known for getting them breakfast.
I'll do it.
Forget it. I'll do it.
Thanks. It's one thing you can help with.
Unfortunately, you can't help me with my other problem.
See, Jack, I-- I'm not sure what to do.
I mean, tomorrow, what--? What do I say?
"Gee, Hank, uh...that was last night and this is now.
And I just don't know if I want to fuck anymore."
You gotta admit,
even adultery has morality to it.
So I got some things to figure out.
You do what you can, Terry. Thanks, Jack.
Good night.
I'll do what I can.
[JACK DESCENDING STAIRS]
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[***]
[DOG BARKING]
[CLOCK TICKING]
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
Hello.
JACK: They did it last night.
[WHISPERS] Come over.
[WHISPERING] Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Wait, wait. Where's Hank?
[WHISPERING] He's sleeping.
Upstairs? [ZIPPER ZIPS]
Yeah. He'll go to the bathroom first. Don't worry.
We'll hear him. Come on.
Come on, fuck me. Okay.
Oh, fuck.
[BOTH MOANING SOFTLY]
[MUFFLED MOANING]
[BOTH PANTING]
[***]
[CHUCKLES]
[SIGHS]
MAN [OVER TV]: Come on back here!
[GUNFIRE]
Come on! Take the gold. Get the gold.
Hurry up. Come on. Come on.
[GUNFIRE]
He's gonna hit that guy soon.
Which guy?
The big fat mean guy.
How do you know?
Because if he doesn't hit him,
he won't feel good about himself.
MAN 2: Where's your rifle?
Is that because--? [GUNFIRE]
[MEN YELLING INDISTINCTLY]
Go to sleep.
Hey, Tanya, we'll be back at 12:30.
Don't talk to boys.
TERRY: Hey, Tanya, can you put two shirts on them?
They get cold at night. [TV PLAYING SINISTER MUSIC]
Thanks. [MOUTHS]
NATASHA: Bye, Mom, Dad. SEAN: Goodbye, Dad.
Good night, gang.
[SINISTER MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING]
Hey. Finally! Congratulations.
Congratulations are in order. Hello. Thank you.
[PEOPLE CHATTING INDISTINCTLY]
HANK: Thank you. Thank you. I have to thank my lovely muse.
All strewn in violets this evening.
[SINISTER MUSIC BECOMES FUN, WILD JAZZ]
Hey, Joe. How's it going?
Good.
Hank looks like he's in good shape these days.
Hank's always in good shape. All days.
Mmm. Yeah, yeah, The, uh, New Yorker.
[WHISPERING]
[LAUGHS] You...
MAN: Hey, Hank, The New Yorker.
Hey.
Smooth.
[MUTTERS] Christ.
I don't know if I can handle this.
Be careful what you ask for, you just might get it.
So cheers to Hank.
ALL: Hank!
Thank you. MAN: Salud!
I don't know...
Don't know.
Good night. Bye, Jack.
Of course.
Hey, uh, Terry said she's tired.
I'm gonna run her home. I'll take your car, okay?
Have fun.
Enjoyed it. Nice.
Nice to meet you.
[BOTH SIGH]
He's giving her a lift home.
Among other things.
I think you should tell him now.
[SIGHS]
I can't. Why not?
I don't know. Why not?
I don't know.
[SIGHS]
Don't.
What?
I'd like to just concentrate on hating his guts right now.
[DOOR OPENS]
[DOOR CLOSES]
Not this way.
Not after 10 fucking years.
[BOTTLE CLINKS]
I just spent the last three hours at Willie's.
You know, that bar all the bag ladies drink in.
Alone in a bar for the first time in my life.
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLARES]
Alone in a bar.
What happened?
Never mind what happened.
[SHOES PLOPPING] All right.
That's one of your strikes against me, right?
I drink more than any woman we know.
I'm the only woman who keeps up with the men at parties.
I'm drinking in the afternoon.
You'll get rid of me that way.
[SNORTS]
So...
Yeah.
[POURING DRINK]
I drink a lot...
especially on nights like this
when my husband sends me off to fuck his friend.
Don't you wanna stop that, Terry?
Give me a reason, Jack.
[SIGHS]
I was...
thinking tonight about...
...when I was 10,
my dad taught me how to fish.
And I was just praying, "Please, God, let me catch one fish."
Just one, you know?
As if the luck of catching a fish would make me more lovable.
And then it would follow that to be unlucky is to be unlovable.
And luck isn't an element in my life now.
[LAUGHS] It just isn't.
And, for some reason, you still hate me for this house of mine
because it's filthy sometimes.
I don't hate you, Terry.
Jack, how would you know if you hated me?
You don't even know me.
I know you, Terry.
No, you don't, Jack.
I do know you. No.
You say, "You are what you do"?
Uh, who really believes that?
I mean, what does that mean?
Does that mean I'm a cook?
An errand-runner? A fucker?
A goddamn cleaning lady?
Because if you, you bastard, lost all discipline
and folded up and turned drunk
and got bald and lost everything,
I'd love you.
[SOFTLY] I love you.
You, Jack.
Oh, fuck.
But if you love me for what I do instead of for what I am--
And there's a goddamn difference, I know there is.
Then what are you loving when I fuck Hank?
What is it in you that lets me do that?
Or is that just another one of the tricks I do for you, huh?
Screw Hank, shake hands, sit, roll over, play dead...
fetch, love me like a dog?
I love Edith.
[GASPS] What?
I love Edith.
[GASPS]
[***]
Jack!
Don't do this, please. Terry--
[SOBBING] Come here, come here.
Please, please. Terry--
Please! Terry--
No!
Just take it.
Jesus Christ.
Just take it.
[QUIETLY] All right.
I'll take it.
So when are you leaving?
I don't know.
Maybe you should go today.
[SIGHS]
[CLATTERING]
[TERRY YELLING INDISTINCTLY]
[SIGHS]
[CLATTERING]
[TERRY TALKING INDISTINCTLY]
Terry, why don't you come to bed?
I wanna clean my house.
[TERRY TALKING INDISTINCTLY]
[SCOFFS]
[SIGHS]
[VACUUM WHIRRING]
[KNOCKS ON DOOR]
You should see the house.
[GROANS]
Oh... What's she doing?
She's doing everything.
[CHUCKLES]
Are you talking to Daddy?
JACK: Hey, come here.
[GROANS]
Is it true that you don't love Mom?
Who said that?
I heard Mom last night.
[SIGHS]
Wait a second.
Are you getting divorced?
Natasha said you were leaving.
I want to live with you.
I'm not going to choose.
Now, you guys, that's just Mom and Daddy fighting at night.
Mom said you were leaving,
and you love Edith, and you screwed her.
[SIGHS]
You know what that means?
Yes.
You do?
What?
What what means?
Now, listen to me.
Listening?
That's just adult foolishness.
Okay?
Understand?
Come here.
[WHISPERING] Let's go on our bikes.
Yeah. Yeah.
[NATASHA CHEERS INDISTINCTLY]
[***]
Know what's out there? The moon, the sun--
Yeah, I know.
SEAN: Uranus, Pluto, Mercury... NATASHA: Mercury.
BOTH: Venus, Mars, moon...
Saturn, Jupiter.
NATASHA: Did you know that the universe is so big
that nobody can even count how big?
How many feet it is?
So people say "googol." "It's googol."
Guess what? See these rocks? Yeah.
Guess how old they are.
Uh...100 years old?
Nope, these rocks have been here from the very first cells.
If the very first cells were the first thing on the Earth,
then these rocks weren't here.
NATASHA: Who were the first people
on the planet?
SEAN: Uh, if you believe in God,
it's...Adam and Eve.
And if you don't, apes.
Did you know that they've just found things
that said that God had a wife?
It's true. They did in real life. They did.
What if they don't believe in God?
No, I mean people that look for him thought that.
Do you believe in the Bible?
No. Me neither.
How come?
Because...
[RUMBLING]
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
Was it awful?
Was what awful?
[CHILDREN TALK INDISTINCTLY]
What's this? What are you doing?
I thought that's where you went,
to tell the kids.
[***]
Unpack it, please.
Why? Couldn't you tell them?
I don't want to.
Okay, I'll, uh...
call them in, and we'll both tell them.
I mean I don't want to leave, Terry.
Jack, I know it's the kids.
No.
Is it just the kids? 'Cause you can see 'em whenever you want.
I'm not gonna make a big deal out of it.
You know I wouldn't put us through that.
And if it's just telling them,
we can do it and get it over with.
It's not the kids, Terry.
It's not the kids.
Just unpack my bags, okay?
[SIGHS]
[VOICE TREMBLING] We can do this.
It'll be okay.
[SHARON SNIFFLING]
EDITH: She didn't mean it, huh?
[SNIFFLING]
Hey. Honey, what's wrong?
Somebody was mean to her at school.
It's okay, honey.
It's okay.
[INHALES, EXHALES]
Hey.
[TURNS OFF WATER]
Hey.
Edith wants to see you tonight.
She's gonna tell Hank.
She probably already told him.
She said he won't mind.
Yeah, I know.
I told her about Hank and me, and, uh...
she talked about you two.
Just, Terry--
[SCOFFS]
Please don't.
I'm sure it was a fine afternoon.
It was, in a way.
It's gonna snow.
[***]
JACK: Hey.
Want some coffee?
No.
Drink?
Yeah, a Scotch.
Take a seat.
[POURING DRINK]
[QUIETLY] All right.
[SIGHS]
Well, I think this is probably a good time
for me to go see a movie.
[DOOR OPENS]
[DOOR CLOSES]
Hey, Hank?
Hank?
[SIGHS]
What?
[INHALES]
You knew all along?
I'm not real slow. [CHUCKLES]
[SIGHS]
You okay?
[SIGHS]
I'm drowning in shit.
[CHUCKLES]
Ah, I'll be laughing soon.
Hey, listen,
I ought to dedicate my new novel to you.
I wrote three new chapters this week.
It's much easier living with a woman who feels loved.
[CHUCKLES]
[***]
[DOOR CLOSES]
He said he was happy for us, and now he's sad for us.
He's happy that you were taking care of me,
and now he's... sorry that you can't.
[MOANS SOFTLY]
[SOFTLY] I can't.
T-- Too sad.
[SIGHS]
[DOOR OPENS]
[DOOR CLOSES]
[BREATH FLUTTERS]
[GROANS]
What's going on?
Where's Sharon?
She's outside, waiting in the car.
I...
I'm gonna take her to my mother's for a while.
Why?
[LAUGHS] What's wrong? What's going on?
[SIGHS]
Edith?
Edith!
Stop!
Edith, Edith, Edith,
please stop.
I'll stop.
I'm not leaving you because you're unfaithful, Hank.
I'm leaving because I was.
Well, well, none of that matters anymore. That's over.
Isn't it?
[CHUCKLES]
Isn't it, Edith?
[CHUCKLES] Yeah...
It's over.
Well, then, why leave now?
B--
Because I can.
[***]
[WIND WHISTLING]
[TRAIN APPROACHING]
[DOG YIPS]