♪"Is You or Is You Ain't My Baby?" by Anita O'Day♪
♪Is you is or is you ain't my baby?♪
♪The way you're acting lately makes me doubt♪
♪Youse is still my baby, baby♪
♪Or has that flame in your heart done and gone out?♪
♪A fella is a creature♪
♪That has always been strange♪
♪When you think you're sure of one♪
♪He's gone and made a change♪
♪Is you is or is you ain't my baby?♪
♪Maybe baby found somebody new♪
♪Or is my baby still my baby true?♪
-Are you a top or a bottom?
-I beg your pardon?
-I mean in real life.
-This is real life.
-Let me put it this way: do you think we should get out of Iraq?
-Is your daddy paying for this?
-No.
You're taking a picture of yourself at Ground Zero.
Do you smile?
-Get on the fucking bed!
♪Is youse still my baby?♪
♪Or has that flame in your heart♪
♪Done and gone out?♪
♪Is you is♪
♪Is you ain't my baby?♪
♪Or maybe baby's still my baby true♪
[moaning and heavy breathing]
[piano keys ringing]
[moaning]
-Are you in? -[Rob] Yeah.
[moaning]
Oh, yeah.
[moaning] Oh, yeah.
-[man VO] If you could have any superpower,
what would it be?
-The power to make you interesting.
-[gasps]
Do you think you'll ever have kids?
-You only have an hour.
-It's my money.
-You fucking trust fund hipster piece of beta shit!
-I'm sorry!
-"I'm sorry" what?!
-I'm sorry, Mistress Severin.
But I'm serious.
What are your thoughts on procreation?
Ahh!
-I wanna do it by myself, in the dark,
like a worm.
♪♪♪
-[groaning]
♪A fella is a creature♪
♪That has always been strange♪
♪Just when you think you're sure of one, girls♪
♪Gone and made a change...♪
[moaning]
[giggling]
[moaning]
-[man] Can you describe your last orgasm?
-It was great.
It was like time had stopped and I was completely alone.
-[gasps]
♪Is you is, is you ain't my baby?♪
-[Severin] Let's go, partner.
-No, not yet.
-I'm gonna miss my fucking train.
-[moaning]
♪Or is my baby...♪
[all moaning]
[heavy breathing]
-Oh, easy, easy.
♪♪♪
-Huh.
-Were you sad afterwards?
-Yeah.
-[man] Why?
-'Cause time hadn't stopped.
And I wasn't alone.
-[cries]
-[man] Hey, Hon, I'm home!
-Hey.
-You doin' yoga?
-[James] Yeah.
-Sorry, I would have been here sooner but somebody threw
themselves in front of the L train.
Hey.
-[James] Hey.
-Mmm.
[kiss]
God, you're so sweaty, I love it.
[cat purr]
-I just jerked off, actually.
-You did?
Did you think of me?
-[chuckles]
[kiss]
I'm gonna put on some clothes.
-[Jamie] This is recording!
-[James] Oh, fuck!
God...
[camera beeps]
-When are you gonna let me see what you're working on?
-[James] Soon.
-[whispering] Thank you.
-Oh, thank you.
[chuckles]
Cutie.
-That was-- oh, God, that was incredible.
-[chuckles] Definitely.
-Oh, God, I feel sorry for people who don't have what we
have.
Like Brad and Cheryl.
-[Rob] Brad and Cheryl?
-Yeah, the couple I've been working with.
Can you keep a secret?
-Of course I can keep a secret!
-Yesterday, Cheryl told me she's been faking her orgasms.
-Oh.
-She won't tell Brad because she's afraid he'll break up with
her, so I finally told her what I think she should do.
-What should she do?
-She should keep faking.
It's a completely legitimate strategy to buy time.
-R-- really?
-Because the thing is is if she tells Brad,
he's-- he's gonna think it's all his fault.
You know?
-I--
-And the thing is an orgasm isn't something Brad can give
her.
She has to claim it for herself.
What do you think?
-What do you mean what do I think?
[buzzer]
-[chuckles] I hope.
-Hi.
Jamie and Jamie.
-Actually, I just started calling myself "James" again.
-I'm sorry. -That's all right.
-I keep forgetting.
-Jamie and James.
Tell me about yourselves.
-Well, I'm, uh, Jamie Mitchell.
I was a child actor.
I was on a TV show called 'One of the Family.'..
where the rich Black couple adopted the poor white trash kid
and they didn't have the heart to tell him he's not Black.
I'm an albino!
-I'm Canadian.
-[laughs]
Well, Jamie and I met when I was doing research for 'Taken from
the Streets.'
I played a street hustler and James was,
um...
He was escorting at the time.
-[Sofia] James, what do you do now?
-Well, I don't hustle anymore.
Um, I guess I'm, um...
-He's a lifeguard.
-Yeah, at a, like, a--
-A gym jacuzzi.
-Can you tell me why you're here?
-Well, um, recently, we started talking about opening up the
relationship, you know--
-Sexually.
I was a little surprised when Jamie mentioned that he wanted
to do this, and then I thought, you know,
we've been together five years and...
I mean, let's face it: monogamy's for straight people,
but we thought we should get an impartial opinion from-- from a
sex therapist.
Dr Lin?
-Actually, I prefer the term "couples counselor,"
although I have a great deal of experience in sex therapy.
Jamie, I'm wondering: can you do me a big favor?
-Sure.
-Leave us alone.
-[Jamie] Okay. -[whispering] Yeah.
Thanks.
-[Jamie] All right.
[door closes]
-Why are you here?
-Well, something did happen at work last week.
Um, would you mind if I taped myself talking about this?
See, I'm making this little film and I just wanted to tape myself
telling this story.
-Uh...
-[James] Just me.
-Sure, okay.
[camera beeps]
-So, I was at the-- at the gym last week.
♪pulsing pop music♪
[sighs]
-Oh, Jesus!
There's something in there.
Something's in the bottom there.
-Can you help me?!
♪sparse ambient music♪
[electricity flickers]
-Whoa, what was that?
-It must have been a brown-out.
-Are you okay?
-Yeah, yeah.
-Everything's fine.
You know, we were making some progress.
You know what?
I got to hear from James, and now,
I'd love to hear from you, Jamie.
[door closes]
Tell me what you need in your life right now.
-Well, I need Jamie.
-[Sofia] Besides James.
-We love each other...
so much.
I just...
[sighs]
I don't wanna lose him.
And I think about him and other guys and...
and then I think about me and other guys and...
I think, "Maybe there's an opportunity here."
I mean, there's a lot of good and cute people in the world who
don't have any love in their lives,
and I think we could help them.
I mean, I love cute people.
-Tell em what you need in one sentence.
-I love everybody.
-That's not a need.
-I need to love everybody.
[laughs]
Oh, wait.
Did you just hear me?
"I need to love everybody?"
How can I love everybody?
I can't even meet everybody!
Whoa, you're good!
Thank you!
-[Sofia] Jamie-- -That-- thank you!
'Cause-- Honey, I'm having a breakthrough!
-Jamie, that's actually called a "false epiphany."
-Oh, come on, gimme a breakthrough!
You can him a breakthrough!
-You don't just dole out the breakthroughs!
-[Jamie] Well, you can!
-[Sofia] No, you--
-Why don't you give yourself a breakthrough?!
-I don't need a breakthrough!
-[Jamie] You look like you need a breakthrough!
-Well, I do not need a breakthrough!
-We all need breakthroughs!
-You shut up and sit down!
-You shut up! I'm not gonna take this!
-Sit down! -No, you listen--
-Oh my God, I-- [chuckles] you know what?
I-- I am so sorry.
I'm-- I'm not gonna charge you for this session.
It's, uh...
I'm pre-orgasmic.
-Does that mean you're about to have one?
-No.
I've never had one.
♪"If You Fall" by Azure Ray♪
♪Let's talk♪
♪And we'll fill the air♪
♪With imagery that lasts forever♪
♪So this is love?♪
♪Yeah, that's a lovely thought♪
♪You have to care for it to keep it together♪
[Polaroid camera snaps]
♪Let's talk♪
♪And we'll fill the air♪
♪With melodies that blend together♪
♪You speak so sweet♪
♪With words so delicate♪
♪A glass I hope will never shatter♪
♪And if you fall, will you get up?♪
♪You're stuck in a dream, will you wake up?♪
♪And if you fell in love, will you hold onto it?♪
♪And if it's cold, will you stay warm?♪
♪You drift too far, will you swim towards the shore?♪
♪And if you fell in love, will you hold onto it?♪
♪And if you fall, will you get up?♪
♪You're stuck in a dream, will you wake up?♪
♪And if you fell in love, will you hold onto it?♪
♪And if it's cold, will you stay warm?♪
♪You drift too far, will you swim towards the shore?...♪
♪Bossa Nova music playing softly♪
-[Justin] Get the hell outta here.
-[Donut] Unhand me! -[Justin] Everybody hates you.
-Do you know who I am?!
-Yes, I know who you are.
-Doctor Donut! -Eat my twat, Doctor Donut.
-Yeah, no, fuck you!
-[Justin] I hate carbs!
What are you lookin' at?
-Nothing.
Uh, um, Jamie and James told me to come here.
-What's your name?
-Sofia.
-Oh, Sofia!
I'm Justin Bond.
I'm the mistress of Shortbus.
Come on.
[indistinct chatter]
[glass breaks]
-[man] My earring!
-[Justin] Do you know what a Shortbus is?
-No.
-You've heard of the big yellow school bus.
Well, this is the short one.
It's a salon for the gifted and challenged.
-[Alice] Hey!
-Hiya!
That's Alice.
She's got a cunt like a wizard's sleeve.
This place has really taken off in the last few years since all
these young people started flocking to the city.
-Well, why would they come to New York?
It's so expensive to live here.
-9/11.
It's the only thing real that's ever happened to them.
Now, in here is our performance room,
but tonight, [whispering] we're having a film festival.
They're boring as hell, but I find the more boring they are,
the more intelligent people think they are for watching
them.
[crowd murmurs and chuckles]
-[man] I'm an albino!
-[Jamie] Thanks!
-[Justin] Oh, there's the Jamies.
-Hey!
Mm, good to see you.
-[Sofia] Hi, James.
-Hey.
-I'm so glad you came.
I just have to switch some films.
We're gonna do a three-hour Gertrude Stein documentary.
-That sounds like a real weenie-shrinker.
Come on, let's go get laid.
-You're gonna be all right?
-[Sofia] Yeah, I'll-- -[Justin] Yeah, I've got her.
-[Jamie] What's the matter?
-Nothing.
-Are you sure you wanna...
try this tonight?
-No, let's do it.
It'll be good for us.
Are you okay with it?
-Yeah.
If you find somebody and I don't,
you know, that's totally cool.
But if I find somebody and-- and you don't,
that's a dealbreaker for me.
I can't do that.
-No, no, don't do that.
-I spend half of my time blowing the NYPD to keep this place
open.
I barely have any time for myself.
Here's the Sex Not Bombs room.
This is where it all happens.
Aren't they beautiful?
♪upbeat folk music♪
It's not your average sort of Friday night event,
but people seem to be enjoying themselves.
Last week, we had some people in here.
I had to throw 'em out because, you know,
this is my house.
♪♪♪
[laughter]
♪♪♪
Oh! This is Creamy.
She's your maître d'.
-[Creamy] Pleased to meet you.
Can I offer you some condoms or lube?
-N-- no, I'm fine, thank you.
-[Creamy] Well, then maybe some blondies.
There are cannabis-free, the potcorn isn't.
-Excuse me.
-Mm, potcorn.
-These are actually not all for me.
Thank you so, so much.
-Well, why don't you come in and have a look.
After all, voyeurism is participation.
-Well?
Oh, come on.
These bitches in there eatin' ass and suckin' cock,
and then they show up at the buffet and say they're vegan.
Hi.
-[Ceth] [laughing] Hi.
-Mm. -What's urp?
-Any bites? -[Ceth] Um, no.
-[Justin] I love these little gadgets.
Oh!
This is Sofia, she's a friend of the Jamies.
-You know the Jamies?
-Yeah. -I love the Jamies.
They're like the cutest couple in the whole word.
Do you think you could introduce me to them?
-Yeah, probably.
-I'm Ceth, with a C.
-[man] Justin.
-Mm-hm?
-Someone just came on your cat.
-[Ceth] [laughs]
-Ugh, it's not funny.
Why can't they leave my pussy alone?
-What is that?
-It's a Yenta 650.
It's supposed to find me a husband.
-[Sofia] How does it work?
-[Ceth] Well, I put in my profile--
-[Yenta] Have I got a match for you?
-[Sofia] Oh.
-[Magnus] Hello.
-Hi.
-I'm Magnus.
And you are Keth.
-[Ceth] It's actually "Ceth."
So you're 1.9 meters tall?
What's that in feet and inches?
Mmm, do you know?
Where are you from?
-Canada.
-Oh, really? -He's six and a half feet.
-Six and a half?
So that makes a 15 centimeter dick...
-Oh my God.
-Maybe we can talk about this if we sit?
-Yeah, I'll be right there.
-[Magnus] Great.
-Is my hair okay?
-[Sofia] Yeah, it's fine.
[phone camera snaps]
-Thanks.
-Sofia, come sit with us.
-Okay.
-[Jamie] You make it sound like the Loch Ness monster.
I mean, it doesn't seem like it should be so hard to-- to find.
-It is so elusive, you know?
I'm starting to wonder if it's even natural.
It's not necessary for procreation, is it?
It only seems to appear in a handful of species,
like the rabbit and the ferret, the bottlenose dolphin,
the macaque, the bonobo...
-[man] Hey! I'm an albino!
-[laughs]
Thanks!
-Well, I am, so it-- it meant a lot to me.
-Oh, that's-- that means a lot to me, actually.
-Hey.
-[man] You gonna be around later?
-Sure.
I'm sorry, go on.
-You know, I feel like we're inundated by images of these
super-deluxe babes in the throes of the ultimate orgasm.
I-- I think it's just some myth to sell more magazines.
-Whoa, whoa, a myth?
Did you just say that female orgasms are a myth?
-Yeah.
-I'm here to tell you, sister, they're not.
-Here we go. -I've seen 'em happen before.
They're completely real.
-Shabbos, Sofia, Sofia, Shabbos.
-[Shabbos] Hey, kids.
-Hello.
-Nice to meet you, I'm Shabbos Goy,
and if you're Jewish, I can help you turn on your lights.
-I'm agnostic.
-Do you like performance art?
-Yeah, I do. -Okay, I'm gonna do a show soon.
I think that you should come to it.
It might be, uh, sort of therapeutic for your little
problems.
-Excuse me?
-I have to say, I find that fact that you can't have an orgasm
completely unacceptable.
I would really like to work with you.
-Shabbos!
-Maybe I can help her.
You know, I'm sort of like a orgasmic superhero.
-[Yenta] Have I got a match for you!
-[gasps] -[Yenta] Boy, oh boychik.
Oy, shayna punim.
Shayna punim at 11 o'clock!
Skedaddle, go!
Why you so picky?
-Shit.
-[breathing heavily]
-Sir, I'm so sorry, are you okay?
-My pacemaker.
This...
odd vibration.
-I'm so sorry.
-No, no, no.
-I think that was my Yenta.
-Your-- your who?
-Do I know you from somewhere?
-Well...
I used to be the Mayor of New York.
[laughs]
-Oh my God!
-It's called "Ode to the Female Secretion" and it works in five
different movements: lubrication,
lactation, ejaculation -- which is my favorite -- then,
urination and menstruation.
-[Jamie] I think my throat's closing.
-I can do the last two.
-Are you a really heavy bleeder?
-On my second and third days.
-Oh, that's so hot, that's so hot.
You know, I use-- I use menstrual blood as makeup in my
show.
Tampons, just pull 'em right out,
fresh from the fruit, and use it as lipstick.
-It's a period piece.
-[laughs] -You're kidding.
-You should totally use that in the show.
That's the first funny thing you've ever said in your life.
Would you be interested in doing that?
-You mean donating my--
-Some of your menstrual blood.
For my face.
-Oh, come on, now!
-[Shabbos] What?! -Drawing the line!
Whoa!
-Did that make you--
-N-- yeah!
-[Shabbos] You know, I think it just made you uncomfortable
because you're a little baby homo.
-Does this really have anything to do with an orgasm?
-[Shabbos] It comes from her fucking pussy.
Why are you so uncomfortable about it?
-I can deal with pussies!
I'm around them all the time!
-I'm not talking about your fucking boyfriend.
-Gah!
[hollering and cheering]
-[Shabbos] Get off of me!
You are--
-Ahh! -[Jamie] You've got a boner!
-That's my cell phone, you fucking albino butch faggot!
-Why don't you fuck me then, with your mangina?
-[Shabbos] I'm gonna kick your ass just for cockblocking me,
you fucking dick!
[indistinct chatter and laughter]
-Hi. -[woman] Hi!
-Hi. -[woman] Hi.
-Are you okay?
-Um, uh, there's just, uh, lots of-- lots of, uh--
-Men?
-[chuckling] Yeah.
-My name is Bitch.
-Hi, Bitch.
-You are ?
-[Sofia] Sofia.
-[Bitch] Hey, sister.
Sit down.
You're in the right place.
-[woman] You're in the Pussy Palace.
-[woman] We won't hurt you.
-So you're a sex therapist but you've never had an orgasm?
-Actually, I prefer the term "couples counselor."
-Have you ever been with a woman?
-Uh, no.
You know, I'm-- I'm not sure if I'm wired that way.
-[woman] Mm-hm.
-You know, Rob's the only person I've ever been with.
-Whoa!
-[woman] Oh my God.
-How do you-- you must have some major blue clit?
[laughter]
-You ever do those PC muscle exercises?
You know, the PC muscle that controls your pee.
So when you're peeing next time, um,
just, uh, you know, [sucks in] squeeze it up and then let it
go, squeeze it up, let it go.
-[woman] And that's good for your orgasms.
-I'm doing it right now.
Can you guys tell?
[laughter]
-Can I ask you a question?
I wanna know, what did your very best orgasm feel like?
-Welcome to Lifetime Television.
It's all about your pussies.
[laughter]
-This is gonna sound really cheesy but,
um, I felt like I was shooting out creative energy into the
world and it was merging with other people's energy,
and then there was no war and there was peace.
-[woman] Aw, that's sweet. -Wow.
-[woman] Nice.
-Well, mine was definitely with Little Prince.
-[woman] Aw.
-[Bitch] We had this incredible connection.
We just, like, made it, like, really slow and still,
and I felt like I was finally not alone.
-[laughs]
-Mine felt kind of like I was talking to the gods or
something, you know?
-[laughs] -[Little Prince] And they were--
-Shut the fuck up.
-Excuse me!
-So Sofia, if you've never had an orgasm,
then how does it feel like for you to have sex?
-Great. -[Jid] Yeah?
-Yeah, oh, man...
[laughs]
Sex is really awesome!
I love sex!
[laughter]
We all know that, right?
We all know that-- that sex feels terrific.
-[Jid] That's great.
Totally.
-And I love it, love it a lot.
It's a great workout, it feels good,
and I love, you know, loving my husband.
It's just, you know, there comes a point sometimes where it just
gets really-- a lot of pressure and kind of like -- ahh -- it
feels a little bit -- ahh -- kind of like,
um-- like, uh-- like somebody's gonna kill me and I just have
to, you know, smile and pretend to enjoy it,
you know?
And that way, I can survive.
[Polaroid camera snaps]
-[woman] Fuck, Severin!
-Excuse me, that was totally inappropriate!
-[Little Prince] Don't mind her.
-[woman] Freak!
♪"Language" by Scott Matthew♪
-[Tobias] But you know what's the most wonderful thing about
New York?
-[Ceth] [chuckling] What?
-It's where everyone comes to get fucked.
-[laughs]
-No, really!
[laughs]
It's one of the last places where people are still willing
to bend over to let in the new.
-[laughs]
-And the old.
[laughs]
-♪Memory's a secret handshake♪
♪She would speak my language...♪
-New Yorkers are, um...
permeable.
You know what I mean?
-Yeah.
-[Tobias] You sure? -Mm-hm.
-[Tobias] Yeah.
Therefore, we're sane.
Consequently, we're the-- the target of the impermeable...
and the insane.
[laughs]
-[Ceth] Yeah.
-And of course, New York is where everyone comes to be
forgiven.
What have you done wrong?
♪♪♪
Tell me, how have you sinned?
I'm sure it was nothing serious.
-How would you know?
-Well...
I'm...
I'm sure you did your best.
But imagine if you grew up here like I did.
Home...
can be very unforgiving.
It's true.
People said....
that I didn't do enough to help prevent the AIDS crisis
because...
I was in the closet.
That's not true.
I did...the best I could.
I was...
I was scared...
and...
impermeable.
Everybody knew so little then.
I know...
even less now.
♪Oh, we wished for Heaven...♪
-[moaning]
♪Now only seems like torture♪
♪Memory's a secret handshake♪
♪She would speak my language♪
♪I cease to believe♪
♪You're gonna leave♪
♪Leave♪
[electricity flickers]
[murmuring and grumbling]
[cheers and applause]
[indistinct chatter]
[distant subways screeching]
[distant indistinct shouting]
-Chip?
Hon?
-No, I'm okay.
-Who's that?
-Uh, if he's wearing a blue shirt,
it's me.
-[Ceth] It's you.
-I made that for him.
-Oh, yeah? -Yeah.
-That's Jamie there on the back.
-[giggling] Oh my God!
-[James] [chuckles]
-[Ceth] Shut up, that's so cute.
-[James] [laughs]
-How old are you guys?
-Seven? -Six.
S-- somewhere around there.
[chuckles]
-I think I'm actually gonna go.
-[James] What?!
No.
-Yeah. -No, it's okay!
It's cool.
-Are you sure? -No!
-Yeah!
-Yeah, yeah.
Hang out for a while.
-Okay. -[chuckles]
-Come on.
-♪You are my head over the edge of the bed♪
♪I remember it now, but at the time♪
♪I thought I was dead♪
♪You put a pan there♪
♪And held back my hair♪
♪How can I repay you for saving me?♪
♪How can I repay you for saving me♪
♪And my hardwood floor?♪
-[both laugh]
-[Jamie] How do I be a model?
-How do you be a model?
-How would I be a model?
-"How do I be a model?"
A lot of it's instincts, to be honest,
but there are some basics.
The way I like to think about it is like geometry,
like lines and angles.
♪Shoo-bie doo-bie doo-wop♪
♪I overdid it at the soda shop♪
♪Thanks for bein' my girl at the♪
♪I-Don't-Know-When-to-Stop sock hop♪
-[laughs]
-Boom.
-[Jamie] Wow.
[laughter]
-I like that. -[chuckles]
-[Ceth] Boom.
-[Jamie] See, that's perfect!
That's like an ad right there.
See, you got it!
-Whatever, I hated it, it totally sucks.
♪I read my upheaves much like tea leaves♪
♪They said, "It's over, so get sober♪
♪Or you'll die again."♪
James?
-Yeah?
-Can you actually use your other hand?
'Cause I usually kinda come at it from a different angle.
-Sure.
How's that?
-[muffled] That's good.
[all moaning]
-Oh, fuck.
That feels really good.
-[Jamie] [muffled inaudible]
-[laughing] What?
-Huh?
-[laughing] Could you just say something?
Make more sounds.
-[Jamie] [muffled inaudible]!
-[Ceth] [muffled] Oh!
-[Jamie] [muffled inaudible]!
[high-pitched muffled inaudible]!
-[Ceth] Eat it, girl.
-[Jamie] [muffled] ♪O say, can you see♪
♪By the dawn's early light....♪
-[laughs]
-[Jamie & James] ♪O say, does that star-spangled banner...♪
-[all] ♪Yet wave...♪
♪O'er the land of the free...♪
♪And the home of the brave?♪
[laughter]
-Is that the first time somebody sang the national anthem into
your ass?
-No.
[laughter and groaning]
[pee streaming]
[pee stream stopping and starting]
-[Ceth] Okay, rotate.
-[chuckles]
Carpet burn.
[crunching]
[kissing]
-Jamie, can I watch you fuck him?
[heavy breathing]
♪I can't give you anything but love♪
♪Baby♪
♪That's the only thing I've plenty of♪
♪Oh, baby♪
♪(Yes, what am I supposed to do?)♪
♪Dream a while--♪
[music reverses]
[typing]
[tapping]
♪You're sure to find♪
♪Happiness♪
♪And I guess♪
♪All those things you sure do pine for♪
♪Gee, I love--♪
-[whispering] I want you, yes.
I-- [clears throat]
I want you!
You!
[sighs] Oh, yeah.
[loud vibration]
[heavy breathing]
[vibration stops]
[loud vibration]
[grunting] Yeah, that's it.
♪energetic rock music♪
[whispering] Okay.
[music muffles]
[loud vibration]
[grunting and heavy breathing]
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Okay.
Fuck!
[music unmuffles]
Rob!
-What?
-It's too loud!
-No, it's not! -[Sofia] It is!
-It's not! -[Sofia] It is!
-It's not too loud! -I can't concentrate!
-I'm looking for a job, okay?
-What kind fo a job, a hand job?
-[laughs]
-For Christ's sake, turn that fucking music off!
And look at this place!
I just got the fucking cleaners in here yesterday!
There are my dried cranberries and--
-You bought everything in this house!
[both screaming]
-[Sofia] Fuck...
you!
-[in unison] We agree to come from a place of love.
-I feel your warm and loving hands...
and I feel worried that you think I'm ugly--
-[Rob] [scoffs]
-Because why else would you be doing that on the computer?
-While squeezing your perfectly round shoulders and following to
your clavicle and your collarbone,
I just wanna let you know that you're incredibly attractive,
I think you're incredibly sexy...
and I'm just-- I'm just distracting myself.
-I feel...
the sleeves of your t-shirt -- they're dry against my clammy
hands...
-Your skin is perfect; I could never get this on the computer.
-I guess I'm just, ugh, blocked.
-Totally.
Yeah, we're both blocked and--
-[sighs] Oh God, that feels good.
-[Rob] Right? -Yeah.
Shit, it's so crunchy up there, eh?
-[Rob] Mm.
How about you unblock these beautiful breasts,
your pertinent nipples--
-"Pertinent?"
-They're very relevant.
-[Sofia] Ah, geez!
I am not a cow!
-I know you're not a cow, baby.
-[Sofia] It felt that way.
-Okay.
-[Sofia] It felt like I was a cow.
You know what?
-Right, that's how you felt. -[Sofia] Yes, I own that.
Can we try it again?
[sighs] I'm feeling your strong biceps.
They are so...
tender and smooth.
Oh God, and when you flex them, they're just like breasts.
And I feel the delicate wisps of your receding hairline--
-I'm not balding.
-Yes, you are, honey--
-[Rob] [muffled] I'm not balding.
-You are balding, and I love your balding,
virile head.
-[Rob] I feel really small.
-That's because we are small.
We are so very small.
-[chuckling] No!
I'm saying that I feel small.
I feel like I can't take up enough space.
I feel like my cock isn't big enough for you.
-This is your own issue and you have to own it,
because I am not a size queen.
I don't care about--
-I can't bring you any money, I feel like I'm not
contributing...
-[Sofia] I love the fact that you deliver Meals on Wheels.
You're a volunteer; it's beautiful.
Why would you-- why would you--
-Bullshit, I can't even give you an orgasm.
-Uh, yes, you-- many times, you have.
-Bullshit!
-I think we can get over this.
We can.
We can work this through.
-[Rob] Uh-huh.
-We've been through a lot of stuff together.
-I can't give you an orgasm!
[buttons beeping]
[ringing]
-[Severin over phone] Hello?
-Hi, um, is this Severin?
-[Severin over phone] Yeah.
-Hey.
It's Sofia.
[truck rumbling past and honking]
[water rippling]
-[Severin] So, do you, like, jerk off?
-Of course I do.
What are you doing with a cigarette in here?!
Please, put that out!
This is a non-smoking environment!
-That's totally absurd; we're completely surrounded by water.
It's like a dream smoking environment.
-You're gonna kill us in here!
-[exhales deeply]
[whispering] Feels good.
[cigarette sizzles out]
-Thank you.
-Well, what about your husband?
Does he ever try to get you off?
-This is not about Rob.
70 percent of all women have trouble achieving orgasm.
-Yeah, well, 70 percent of all men are assholes.
-[Sofia] He's not an asshole, he's a great guy.
If it wasn't for Rob, I'd still be a bank teller.
He totally changed my life around.
He's my best friend.
-Look, why is it so important to you to have an orgasm anyway.
-[Sofia] Why do you think?!
-I mean, it feels good, but it's,
like, not gonna save your life or anything.
-I wanna be welcomed into the secret society of women.
I was never a Brownie, I haven't had an orgasm...
God, I wanna be able to save my marriage!
-What does it have to do with your marriage?
-It has a lot to do with--
-I mean, it has nothing to do with the other person.
Like, I can only come if it's my own hand--
-But it has everything to do because...
y-- you need t-- two people to make love and-- and...
-[chuckling] No, you don't.
-[Sofia] Have you even had a relationship?
-So, were you, like, abused as a child?
-[sighs]
No.
-[Severin] Were you?!
-No!
No, I...
I come from a very traditional Chinese-Canadian family--
-Oh, wow, I love Chinese-Canadian food,
but what does that have to do with it?
-Chinese families are very strict.
My mom was a disciplinarian and my father was...
-Mm.
-[Sofia] My father's a great guy.
[sighs] No, that's--
-[Severin] Did he touch you? -No.
No, he didn't touch me.
He didn't touch anyone ever.
And he never liked touching--
-Oh, I see; negligence, father wasn't there,
can't feel anything between the legs.
-You are so far behind you think you're first.
God.
He was always there for me.
It's just, he was always there for me,
that was the problem: he was always watching me.
He was always...watching me.
-Watching you how?
-[sighs]
You want me to say "He raped me without touching me?"
-Well, did he?
Did he?!
-You don't know what the fuck you're talking about.
-Oh, I'm sorry...
-"It's submission versus domination,
black and white."
It's-- it's not as simple!
Relationships are much more complex than that!
-Are you saying that I can't understand your relationship
with your father who "watched" you...
because I'm a dominatrix?!
-Well, yes.
-That's really funny, because you're a sex therapist and you
can't have an orgasm.
You should be im-- where are you going?
What are you doing?
-I am not one of your clients who pays to be dominated!
-Please, Sofia, this is, like, the best conversation I've had
all year!
-Let go of my arm, it's hurting me!
-[Severin] Okay, I won't grab you!
Please, I'm-- [sighs] I'm sorry, okay?!
I just...
Sometimes, when I get [sighs] uncomfortable,
I get mean.
-You are not gonna keep me keen by treating me mean.
-Look, I know I can help you have an orgasm and maybe you can
help me, like, have a real human interaction with someone,
you know?
Maybe we could meet here every week for an hour.
-I'm in a crisis.
-All right, every night this week,
starting tomorrow.
♪muffled smooth jazz♪
You're sitting all by yourself, and you look up and there he is,
with his lunch tray.
What's his name, again?
-Phil.
Phil Mud.
-Severin's not my real name.
-[Sofia] What is your real name?
-[Severin] So Phil Mud says...
"Is anyone sitting here?"
And you say, [whispering] "No one's ever sat here."
-Okay, I'm goin' down.
-[Severin] Feel the thought first,
then, get on the bus.
-Just whisper it to me.
Whisper it in my ear.
-[tearfully] I can't do it.
Oh, Phil.
I want you to see his lunch tray.
He's got a carton of homogenized milk.
Pour that all over you.
Oh, look at his Converse.
He markered them all up?
-[whispering] Okay, if you can't say it,
then just simply write it down.
[whispering] Feel the thought first.
-Then, get on the bus.
[water rippling and brisk breathing]
♪♪♪
All right, you gotta pull the bus over, all right?
You're not riding safely.
Park.
-[sighs]
[chuckles]
[softly] Jennifer.
That's a lovely name.
Aw...
[whispering] Jennifer.
What's your last name?
"Anniston?"
[stifles laughter]
Jennifer Anniston.
There's room for two in this world.
Good goin'!
It's okay!
See?
It's all right!
Good work today, Jennifer.
-[groans]
-♪I walk a tightrope and live with the high hope♪
♪That somehow, we still feel the same♪
♪And through this catastrophe, it's quietly telling me♪
♪"Welcome," there's that word again♪
♪I don't care if the world's upside-down♪
♪If you're lost or you're found♪
♪And I know my feet will stay far from the ground♪
♪If you'd just stick around♪
♪I know the shots you call♪
♪Gentle 'cause I could fall and break♪
♪You hear what they say...♪
-It's a remote-controlled vibrating egg.
-[Rob] What?
Where'd you get this?
-That's not important.
Okay, so here's the plan: we'll mingle separately to see what we
can experience safely, and once in a while,
I want you to check in with me with this.
-Jesus Christ, Sofia.
-[Sofia] I want you to have control.
So if you're feeling threatened or horny,
or if you just wanna check in and say "Hey,"
buzz me.
'Kay?
Come on, it'll be fun!
It'll be hot.
[buzzing]
Ooh...
[both chuckle]
-Come back, bitch.
-Okay.
[laughs]
[buzzing]
-That's "Bumblebee kisses."
-Aw, that's nice.
[kiss]
-♪Ahh♪
[giggling and moaning]
♪Far out at sea...♪
♪♪♪
-Rawr.
It's just like the '60s...
only with less hope.
See anything you like?
-Oh, geez, there's a lot of stuff that I'm seeing,
it's incredible.
-[laughing] Oh!
For a minute, I thought that man didn't have an arm.
[both chuckle]
Phew.
So...
how's the big O coming?
Oh, everybody's talking about it.
-Oh my God... -Everybody here knows...
[whispering] that's the girl that can't have orgasms!
-[whispering] Jesus...
-Oh, here, you're sitting over here in your corner with your
flower choking your throat.
I mean, sweetheart, you gotta loosen up a little bit.
I mean, you have nice boobs.
You've got what it takes, sweetheart.
What's the hold up?
-I think I have some sort of, you know,
clog in my neural pathway somewhere between my brain and
my clitoris.
-That's disgusting.
-No, I'm serious, somewhere between my--
-Don't think of it as a clog, think of it as some sort of,
like, magical circuitboard -- a motherboard -- filled with
desire that travels all over the world that touches you,
that touches me, that connects everybody,
you just have to find the right connection -- the right
[whispering] circuitry.
Look at all these people out there.
They're trying to find the right connection,
and I personally expect a few blown fuses before the night is
over, and maybe one of 'em will be yours.
-Are you suggesting that Rob and I aren't compatible sexually?
-Who the hell is Rob?
-My husband.
-Well, where is he right now?
-I don't know.
-Well, then it's time to play.
You've got the whole world.
It's your playground.
What do you think it would take?
-Maybe somebody who's just starting to explore their
sexuality, somebody who--
-Like a child?
-[scoffs] No.
-[chuckles]
-Not a child.
-No, I'm not recommending it, I'm just asking.
I'm just trying to help you, dear.
-[Sofia] You're touching my thigh.
-[Justin] Oh, I'm sorry.
-[Sofia] It's okay.
I don't mind.
[both chuckle]
Hey...
Okay, what if I asked you, um...
if I could kiss you?
-Well, I don't know.
I mean, I get really scared sometimes but...
-[laughs]
-All right, if you want to, just real gently, though.
-[laughs]
Okay.
[others moaning]
[buzz]
-[chuckling] Wow, that was fast.
-No, it's my husband.
-Oh.
-He's trying to communicate with me.
-Oh.
[buzz]
-[man] I've never even been here before.
-[Severin] Oh my God, that's so sad!
Are you-- do you want a hug?
-[whispering] I just wanna have a good time!
-Can I see your leash for a second?
-Please--
-You fucking piece of shit!
[buzzing]
-Jesus, what do you have, a cell phone in your twat?
-No, it's, um-- he's got the remote control and it's,
um, this vibrating, uh...
uh...
-[chuckling] Okay, lady, well, you know,
best of luck, thanks for everything.
As my dear departed friend Lotus Weinstock used to say: "I used
to want to change the world.
Now, I just wanna leave the room with a little dignity."
Excuse me while I crawl outta here.
-Um...
[sighs]
♪mellow crooner music♪
-That was fun.
[laughs]
-Right?
-Are you guys hard? -Hey!
[laughter]
-I'm gonna go get something to drink.
I'll be right back.
-[James] [clears throat]
-Wow. [clears throat]
So weird.
He's awesome.
Do you think that...
-What?
-[sighs] I don't know, I mean...
I've heard of three-way relationships but they're most
in Berkeley.
-[laughs]
-[Jamie] What do you think?
-I don't know, it's-- he's great!
He's great and, you know, I think we're learning a lot,
you know?
It's good.
It's a good thing.
What?!
-"It's a good thing?"
-Yeah!
-What's a good thing?
-I just think-- -Do you hear yourself?
Do you even know what you're saying anymore?
'Cause I don't!
I'm sick of having to drag every little thing out of you!
I mean...
I know you get depressed, but come on!
I'm tryin'!
Do you love me?
You don't love me anymore.
-[man] Severin, wait up!
Wait!
♪cool indie rock music♪
-[sighs]
-How's it going?
-Pretty great.
[chuckles]
-You had an orgasm?
-No, but...
I made out with somebody.
-Who?
-Justin Bond.
[laughs]
-He's a homosexual!
[laughs]
-[Sofia] Apparently not!
-Oh my God!
-[Sofia] [laughing] Well, he's really cute.
-Yeah, he is.
-I saw, um, Rob, by the way.
-Yeah.
What was he up to?
-Uh, he was getting fucked up the ass.
It was really intense.
-Oh my God. -[Severin] Yeah.
[laughing] I'm just kidding.
-You brat!
-No, seriously, though, he was.
[laughs]
-I should probably go find him.
What's wrong?
-That fuckin' trust fund muppet Jesse is, like...
the longest relationship I've ever had.
-You deserve so much more than that,
Jennifer.
-Thank you, but I-- I can't respond to that name yet.
-[Sofia] I'm sorry.
-[voice cracking] I can't do it anymore.
[cries]
[crying] I can't.
I just, like, wanna have, like, a house and,
like, a cat that I can pet, you know what I'm saying?
-Yeah.
-I'm sorry.
-No, you shouldn't apologize.
I'm glad that you're telling me these things.
I've been wanting to hear you say these things.
-I'm gonna save up all of my money...
and then I'm just gonna make art for a year,
you know?
Nothing else.
-[Sofia] I know you can do it.
-[crying] But everything's so fucking expensive.
I mean, what if I can't afford to live in New York anymore?!
Where would I go, Fresno?!
[cries]
-[whispering] It's okay, it's okay.
It's okay.
[kiss]
-Your skin is so soft.
[kissing]
[sighs]
[kiss]
[kissing and heavy breathing]
[buzz]
-Oh...
-[Severin] Oh, Jesus...
-Rob.
-[chuckling] Hey, Rob.
♪gentle ukulele music♪
[buzz]
[both sigh]
Oh my God.
[laughs]
[buzz]
[buzzing]
Oh, man.
[moaning and heavy breathing]
Oh, God.
♪♪♪
[buzzing and moaning]
Oh my God.
Oh, don't move.
[moaning] Oh, don't move.
[moaning]
[sighs]
[whispering] I'm so sorry.
-[whispering] It's okay.
-I'm sorry.
-Don't apologize.
-Fuck.
[sighs]
[sighs] Just-- I'm, like, so sensitive.
-I should find Rob.
-[sighs]
[voice cracking] You can tell me all about it tomorrow.
[sniffles]
In the tank.
-Actually, um, uh...
I can't make it tomorrow but, um,
I will give you a call.
I'll give you a call later this week.
♪mellow jazzy music♪
[chatter and laughter]
-Oh, make it clean this time!
-[Tobias] Enjoy every minute of it.
-[sighs] Christ.
-Truth or dare?
-Truth.
-Out of everyone here, who would you wanna make out with the
most?
-No one. -What?!
Buzzkill!
[laughter]
Okay, spin!
-Dare.
-You and Severin have to go in that closet,
you do whatever the fuck you want to to her for five minutes,
on me, while we take a pee break.
[laughter and clapping]
-[laughing] Oh my God!
[door opens and closes]
-[sighs]
-I'm not gonna make out with you, okay?
-[James] I'm James.
-Severin.
What is that?
-It's my film.
-[Severin] Well, what is it about?
-I have a hard time saying.
-Are you showing it here tonight?
-I don't know.
-[Jesse outside door] What are you guys doin' in there?
[laughter]
-[sighs] I hate him.
-He could be a lot worse.
[chuckles]
At least he's cute.
That's pretty unusual.
-What's pretty unusual.
-I never had a John that cute.
[chuckles]
You know how I got started?
-[Severin] How?
-After watching 'My Own Private Idaho.'
-[chuckles]
-I grew up in a small town so I didn't know where to go,
you know?
So I...
I waited outside the theater where it was playing and--
-[chuckles]
-[chuckles] And waited for somebody to come out,
and that's where I met my first john.
-So it was a choice?
-[whispering] Yeah.
I loved it, actually.
I knew exactly what I was worth.
You know...
exactly what I had to contribute.
-What was, like, the most you ever made on a date?
-[chuckles]
Uh, well, uh, with cab fare, $389.
[Polaroid camera flash]
-[Severin] That's pretty good for a small town.
[laughs]
You're with that guy who looks just like you, right?
-[chuckles] Yeah.
-He's cute, he looks like a jelly bean.
-Yeah.
He's great, actually.
I've never let him fuck me.
I've never let anybody fuck me.
-[Jesse outside door] What are you guys doin' in there?
[both sigh]
-Are you an artist?
-No, I suck.
-[chuckling] Hey, me too.
Do you take that camera everywhere you go?
-Eh, something like that.
Are you okay?
-[cries]
-Why are you crying?
-[crying] You know...
I look back...
at things I wrote when I was 12 years old...
and I'm still looking for the same things now.
-[Jesse] Time's up.
[laughter]
♪You've been talkin' sweet to me...♪
-Hey!
What are you doing?
-I'm looking for my husband.
-I just found mine.
[chuckles]
Both of them.
I'm totally in love with them.
But together, not so much separately.
I hope they know it's gonna have to be a monogamous relationship.
Where does that even happen?
-Excuse me, wait a minute.
What the fuck do you think you're doing?
-Who are you?
-Who the fuck are you?!
-I'm Sarah.
Sarah Problem?
-You're not funny.
-I thought it was kind of funny.
-[Caleb] No, you're not!
And you're a horrible therapist.
-[Sofia] Oh my...
-Listen to me.
James and Jamie are perfect.
Just leave them alone.
-I think you need to leave.
-No, no, you're fucking with something very pivotal to them
and to me!
Just walk away!
-Fuck you!
-You motherfucker, what the hell is the matter with you?!
-Hey, hey, hey, hey!
-No, he just threw a fucking drink on me!
-Hey, time out, time out!
-[Caleb] You need to calm-- [buzz]
-Sorry, I-- [buzz]
-Oh, Jesus Christ!
-Are you okay?
-No, I've got an egg vibrating between my legs!
-[Ceth] Jesus Christ!
-Rob, Rob!
Rob!
-[Ceth] Oh!
-Oh!
[shouting and cheering]
-Relax!
[buzzing]
[rattling]
[buzzing]
-[Sofia] Ow!
Rob!
-Get away from her!
-What the fuck is going on in here?
-Hey...
[kiss]
-Are you okay?!
-You gave it away?!
-I just misplaced it.
-That's...
-I know you're hurt.
-I am not hurt, I am-- I am furious!
-I totally honor your feelings--
-[Sofia] [scoffs]
-But I want you to own them.
-Shut up with your "honoring your feelings!"
And do not tell me what I own, because I know what I own,
you balding, impotent liar!
-All right, sister!
[cheers and applause]
-All right, show's over.
We're gonna be processing in the next room now.
-[Severin] Hey.
♪energetic oom-pa-pa music♪
-[Sofia] Fuck!
[shouting] Get out of me!
Out, out, out!
[electricity flickering]
[heavy breathing]
[distant subway screeching]
-[kiss]
[deep breathing]
[muffled noise]
[muffled splash]
[muffled struggling]
[coughing and groaning]
-[coughing]
-[Caleb] Yes, hi, I need an ambulance.
Uh, I'm at the P-- Polestra Gym.
It's, uh, 99...
[beep]
♪sparse ambient music♪
[medical machines beeping]
[deep breathing]
[phone ringing]
[beep]
-Hello?
-[James] Who is this?
-Oh.
Hey.
How are you?
-Do I know you?
-No.
-Did you follow me?
-Why would you wanna do that to yourself?
James, I-- yes, I followed you to the gym.
-Why?
-Let's not talk about this on the phone.
What does your afternoon look like?
-Hi, I was, um...
calling to-- looking for a friend,
his last name B-- Baysden.
B-A-Y...
What do you mean he checked himself out?
-[Severin] So, what do you want?
-I wanna be restrained, but I don't wanna totally lose
control.
-Good.
'Cause I can't be bothered to tie you up.
Turn over and hold the headboard.
If you let go, I'll leave.
You never asked your wife to do this?
-She wouldn't understand.
-All right.
This one's for her.
-[Cheryl] And, um...
I told Brad, "I think...
you're confusing me with someone who hurt you."
And he said, "No, Cheryl...
you're hurting me."
Right?
And, uh, that was-- that was an eye-opener for me.
And, um, remember I brought up my gastrointestinal problem...
-When did you start watching me?
-Um, a couple years ago.
I-- I work right out of here -- I proofread for a living -- and,
uh...
I don't have cable, I...
I remember watching Jamie cut your hair and...
it just seemed like fun.
[chuckles]
And you were always my favorite because you were sad.
-Do you have a boyfriend?
-Look, James, please.
You have to call Jamie, okay?
Just-- just call him.
You can use my phone!
[smack]
-[whispering] Why won't he come home?
Wouldn't you wanna go home?
-[Caleb] What are you doing?
I don't understand.
What are you doing here?
Ex-- explain it to me, please!
First, you bring...Ceth into the relationship.
Wh-- what-- what's wrong with you?
-I didn't want Jamie to be alone.
-How long have you been planning this?
What, so...
you've been making a suicide tape for the last six months?
-I just wanted him to know it wasn't his fault.
-Jamie loves you.
You have so much.
-[whispering] I know.
I see it all around me.
But it stops at my skin.
I can't let it inside.
And it's always been like that.
And it's always gonna be like that.
I can feel it in little moments with Jamie because he loves me
so hard.
He loves me as hard as the people who treated me like shit.
[whispering] I can't feel it.
Don't.
[crying] No.
No.
No!
Don't!
Go!
-Hey!
Hey!
-Don't you see?! I don't wanna be this!
-[Cheryl] If that makes people uncomfortable...
then it makes us uncomfortable, but at least it's truthful.
I don't wanna lie anymore.
Because that isn't who I am, and that isn't who I'm trying to-- I
don't think that's who we're trying to be...
♪soft ambient drone♪
♪disorienting drone♪
[heavy breathing]
[rustling and shouting]
-[Sofia] Ahh!
[waves crashing]
♪energetic folk music♪
-I have to get some sort of information,
because the patient that was there checked himself out--
-[Jamie] Ceth!
♪♪♪
-[heavy breathing]
♪♪♪
-Are you sure?
-[grunts]
♪energetic folk music♪
-[heavy breathing]
-[Severin] Are you glad you followed me out into the fucking
cold...
booked a date, so you could feel something?
It's hard not to feel anything in your life.
Feel it now, you little faggot?!
♪♪♪
[indistinct whispering]
♪♪♪
-[Severin] Don't fucking look at me!
Do not...fucking...look at me!
[indistinct screaming]
[electricity flickering]
-Ahhh!
[shrieks]
[electricity flicking off]
[water rushing]
♪soft acoustic guitar playing♪
-[man on radio] ...Office assures us that everything
possible is being done to get the power back on and is
advising calm, which seems unnecessary because there have
been no reported incidents of looting or violence of any kind.
So far, no explanation for what caused the...
-[Caleb] I might get some food and some batteries.
I'll be back in five minutes.
-[man on radio] No reason to believe that this is the result
of terrorist acts...
♪♪♪
-♪We all bare the scars♪
♪Yes, we all feign a laugh♪
♪We all sigh in the dark♪
♪Get cut off before we start♪
♪And as the first act begins♪
♪You realize they're all waiting♪
♪For a fall, for a flaw♪
♪For the end♪
♪There's a path stained with tears♪
♪Could you talk to quiet my fears?♪
♪Could you pull me aside♪
♪Just to acknowledge that I've tried?♪
♪And as your last breath begins♪
♪Contently take it in♪
♪'Cause we all get it in the end♪
♪♪♪
♪And as your last breath begins♪
♪You find your demon's your best friend♪
♪And we all get it in♪
♪The end♪
♪soft marching band music♪
[cheers and applause]
[loud marching band music and cheering]
[through megaphone] ♪And as your last breath begins♪
♪You find your demon's your best friend♪
♪And we all get in♪
♪The end♪
Everybody!
-[all] ♪We all get it in the end!♪
♪Yes, we all get it in the end!♪
♪We all get it in the end!♪
♪Yes, we all get it in the end!♪
-[screams]
-[Justin] Sing out, please!
-[all] ♪Yes, we all get it in the end!♪
♪We all get it in the end!♪
♪Yes, we all get it in the end!♪
-[gasps]
♪"Winter's Love" by Animal Collective♪
♪"Surgery" by Scott Matthew♪