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Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com.
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NARRATOR:
It was over a hundred degrees
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00:00:12,049 --> 00:00:15,677
on the border of California
and Mexico.
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00:00:15,719 --> 00:00:18,347
But that was nothing
compared to the temperature
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inside George Sr.'s
desert sweat lodge...
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So hot.
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...where he had gathered
a group of CEOs...
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ALL:
So hot.
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...with the promise of
spiritual enlightenment...
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Anybody hallucinating yet?
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Did anybody else
hear that iguana speak?
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...as a stepping stone
to financial empowerment.
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Let's kill it.
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Okay. They're ready.
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Of course, there were
certain occupational hazards.
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- All right, guys, easy.
- (men murmuring)
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- I'm not...
- Kill the iguana.
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I'm not an iguana.
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It's part of the process.
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They're ready.
They're ready!
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NARRATOR:
Now the story
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of a family whose future
was abruptly canceled
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and the one father
who had no choice
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but to keep himself together.
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It's George Sr.'s...
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NARRATOR: George Sr. was
getting ready to motivate
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his gathered CEOs
after a narrow brush with death
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at the hands
of a Frito-Lay executive.
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(George Sr. whoops)
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Yeah!
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Now, that was the most
invigorating session yet.
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I feel good.
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You feel good?
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This is George Sr.
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I got you.
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You know, guys,
even I, Father B.,
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when I first started
these sweat lodges,
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I would come
out of there thinking,
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oh, God, I wish
I had a... a lemonade.
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Just like a child, you know.
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Cold water, some lemons,
a little sugar, you know.
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That's what I gave my power to!
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Can we have
the teaching pitcher please?
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Heartfire.
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Hey, guys, this is Heartfire.
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She is silent,
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but in that silence,
there is strength.
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She needs no words
to communicate to you.
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Boundless power
to you, too, Heartfire.
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Hell, I was so weak, you guys,
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I was willing to spend $10, 000
just a little...
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(slurps)
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...sip of this lemonade.
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MAN (breathily):
Fifteen!
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But now I can spend
two hours in brutal heat
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with a cup of this
cold, refreshing lemonade
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and just pour it in the dirt.
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- (yells, whimpers)
- Ah, come on, Daniels!
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You ran Bear Stearns,
for God's sake!
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I was like this.
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Just like this.
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Then I went to the desert
to seek answers,
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and now I have them.
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Actually, George Sr.
had come to the desert
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to escape questions.
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Years earlier, after duping
his twin brother Oscar...
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- You gave me up, George.
- George? I'm not George.
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...into taking his place
at a party
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the family held
on the Queen Mary,
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George Sr. stowed away
with a son
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who was also
fleeing the family.
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How was the party?
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Mom stole it.
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- The whole boat?
- She had.
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- As she fled to sea...
- Full steam, boys!
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...a strategy
their lawyer's son came up with
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on his first day back in
the country after law school.
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I'm wondering if
we shouldn't have a plan
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in regards to bookkeeping,
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in case we accidentally
make a mistake or get caught.
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What if we were
to become a... an-an... an NLC?
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- Ooh!
- A "No Liability Corporation."
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We just have no liability,
just nothing...
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Well, first of all, I would
avoid doing anything illegal.
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May I make a suggestion?
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- Sure.
- Take to the sea!
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Three miles out,
and it's a free-for-all!
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No rules, pirate radio laws.
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Really!
Is this true, Mr. Zuckerkorn?
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Sure.
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So we will stick together
and have
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all of our meetings on boats.
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Well, uh, I don't know
if that's necessary.
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Yeah, because they don't have to
be together, because you can't
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try a husband and wife
for the same crime, right?
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Sure.
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We have the best
(bleep) attorneys.
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You think we should go back?
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Absolutely. She's your mother.
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Family has to stick together.
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You're afraid
she'll turn on you.
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Won't even leave the table
during a dinner party.
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Okay.
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We're going back,
George Michael!
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It turned out, Lucille had
returned to shore, too.
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(over TV):
Why the alleged ship-jacker
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changed direction
is still unexplained.
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And soon the family met up
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at the beginning
of a fourth season...
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- My wife, how is she?
- ...that would never come.
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She's fine. You're lucky
we didn't have an autumn,
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otherwise she'd be colder.
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Look what they've done, George!
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Look what the homosexuals
have done to me.
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A joyride.
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That's what they decide to do
with the freedom
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this country has given them.
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(quietly): That's the best alibi
I've been able
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to come up with, because
our lawyer says he thinks
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he can get rid
of the SEC charges,
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but he's worried about
the pirating of theQueen Mary.
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Says they have
a suit against us.
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- Where is Barry?
- He's with the harbormaster.
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He's trying to dazzle them
with a suit of his own.
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Well, he hated the suit.
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Thought I was making fun.
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But basically, this is
a "good news/bad news" deal.
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First of all, won't be cheap.
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It's gonna cost you
a fortune in legal fees.
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- What's the good news?
- Oh, yeah.
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Well, from your perspective,
I can see where
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you think it's all bad news.
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It's all bad news.
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Also, it turns out
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that stealing theQueen Mary
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comes under maritime law,
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which, I just found out,
is an actual thing.
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It's a real thing.
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Don't you worry.
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We got three months
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to prepare for this hearing.
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And so, George Sr.
went to his competitor,
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Stan Sitwell, with an offer,
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so he could afford to cover
Lucille's high legal fees.
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Buy the rest of your stock?
You got to be kidding me.
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I already dumped the stock
I owned to Lucille Austero.
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Don't forget,
I was on that boat.
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And believe me, I lost
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more than just the 50 grand
on that sale.
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I also lost
a perfectly good pair of
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human chest hair nipple tufts
when we hit the water.
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Stan Sitwell
suffered from alopecia,
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a condition
that rendered him hairless.
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That's kelp;
why would I put it onto my chest
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or head or anywhere else?
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STAN: I was gonna
show those babies off
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- at the Jacuzzi after-party.
- Come on, Stan.
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I'm offering you
the chance to double
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- the size of your business.
- Way ahead of you.
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I've got a big project
coming up.
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And even you can't
compete for this one,
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with your business in the shape
that it's in.
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This is a biggie.
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I get this contract,
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and it gets government approval,
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I'll be bigger than Halliburton.
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Well, maybe not Halliburton,
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but definitely Halliburton Teen.
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NARRATOR:
Halliburton Teen was a leading
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00:06:05,943 --> 00:06:08,321
youth and lifestyle retailer,
despite the fact
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that it was a rebranding
of the tarnished Halliburton.
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Penitentiary and
Rendition Systems.
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It's also how their
deep-water drilling enterprise
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spawned this company.
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Anyway, you're too late.
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The contract is
practically mine.
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Even you can't underbid me.
(chuckles)
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Well, you may have
a bigger business than me,
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but you will never have this.
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And believe me,
I'm gonna find out
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that project you're working on,
even if I have to search
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the public records
for the blueprints myself.
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Unless you search
in this office,
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you will never find them.
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Oh... aah...!
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Ow, my hair!
My beautiful hair!
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(gasping, groaning)
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My hair!
My beautiful hair!
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(camera clicks)
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This isn't what it looks like!
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Oh, really?
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Because it looks like a monument
to George W. Bush.
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Well, you got me.
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You're in for
a rude awakening, Sitwell.
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It'll never stand.
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It's too thin.
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It'll never stand.
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(quietly): You see, the W's
and the word "bush."
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I mean, what else could it be?
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00:07:24,814 --> 00:07:28,318
You mean other than
a 20-foot-wide monument
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that goes five miles
into the sky?
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I know, I know. And I told him
it wouldn't stand,
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which I probably shouldn't have.
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It's a wall, George;
you're looking at it sideways.
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00:07:38,745 --> 00:07:41,289
The W stands for "wall."
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00:07:41,331 --> 00:07:42,499
The bushes...
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Stand for the bushes.
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Ah--this explains
the immigration booth
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10, 000 feet in the air.
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It's to separate
the U.S. and Mexico,
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to keep out the immigrants,
which was my idea!
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Was your idea. I remember.
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00:07:54,385 --> 00:07:57,221
You said that right after
Lupe got the bleach stain
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00:07:57,263 --> 00:07:58,723
on your teal blazer.
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00:07:58,765 --> 00:08:00,850
How did you miss this, George?
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00:08:00,891 --> 00:08:03,269
This is business we should have.
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00:08:03,311 --> 00:08:06,105
Is this how you're going to
let it all end, as a failure?
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- Is that your plan?
- No.
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00:08:07,940 --> 00:08:09,609
Of course not.
220
00:08:09,651 --> 00:08:12,612
It was his plan.
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NARRATOR: George Sr. felt
discouraged and alone...
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00:08:17,742 --> 00:08:20,244
Bluth for two--I mean, one.
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I thought I already seated you.
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...when he saw a familiar face:
his own...
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00:08:25,291 --> 00:08:28,586
...on his twin brother Oscar.
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00:08:28,628 --> 00:08:30,921
George!
Actually, we came in
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00:08:30,963 --> 00:08:33,174
to use the bathroom,
but they sat me.
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And they have mahimahi today.
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Will you join us?
Will you have a mahimahi on me?
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00:08:37,721 --> 00:08:39,889
- On you.
- Fine, but I'm gonna
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00:08:39,930 --> 00:08:42,851
sit opposite you,
so it won't look bad.
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00:08:42,892 --> 00:08:45,061
These are my friends; we all
live in the desert together.
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This is Heartfire;
she's an aura specialist.
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She did Matthew Modine.
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I will.
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00:08:53,486 --> 00:08:55,572
Heartfire would like
some more crackers.
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00:08:55,613 --> 00:08:57,574
Oscar, you don't believe
that nonsense, do you?
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00:08:57,615 --> 00:08:59,200
No, no, no. You're a skeptic.
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But I'll tell you something,
the desert changes you.
240
00:09:01,870 --> 00:09:03,913
Dr. Norman is
a disgraced anesthesiologist.
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00:09:03,954 --> 00:09:05,039
Oh.
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The bigger crime would've been
243
00:09:06,708 --> 00:09:08,626
the patient didn't wake up
and testify against me.
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00:09:08,668 --> 00:09:11,003
But nobody cares about the part
of the oath he kept.
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I'll tell you this.
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00:09:12,380 --> 00:09:14,674
If that nastiness
had never happened,
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00:09:14,716 --> 00:09:16,217
I never would've gotten
those prison pen pal letters
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00:09:16,259 --> 00:09:19,095
from the most beautiful woman
in the world.
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(loudly): If he as bad as the
state of California say he is,
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then why did I fall in love
with him, huh?
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Yo, (bleep) the state
of California!
252
00:09:26,853 --> 00:09:28,020
(bleep) 'em!
253
00:09:28,062 --> 00:09:31,941
Bunch of
California (bleep), yeah.
254
00:09:31,982 --> 00:09:34,652
As you can imagine,
her letters really stood out.
255
00:09:34,694 --> 00:09:36,404
Do you know China Garden?
256
00:09:36,446 --> 00:09:38,197
I know the downtown one.
257
00:09:38,239 --> 00:09:39,532
You know, I shouldn't judge.
258
00:09:39,574 --> 00:09:42,118
'Cause you have friends,
and I...
259
00:09:42,159 --> 00:09:43,536
I envy that.
260
00:09:43,578 --> 00:09:46,915
You're welcome
to my friends, brother.
261
00:09:50,167 --> 00:09:52,754
I don't want these.
262
00:09:52,796 --> 00:09:55,131
But perhaps due to
the absence of Lucille,
263
00:09:55,172 --> 00:09:58,259
the two brothers connected
as they hadn't in years.
264
00:09:58,301 --> 00:10:00,261
I'm not the big man
I thought I was.
265
00:10:00,303 --> 00:10:02,889
Forget the past, George.
266
00:10:02,931 --> 00:10:05,224
I don't know; maybe it's
because I live on the border
267
00:10:05,266 --> 00:10:07,351
between the United States
and Mexico and...
268
00:10:07,393 --> 00:10:09,228
Hold on. Border?
269
00:10:09,270 --> 00:10:11,606
You don't think I live
like this all the time, do you?
270
00:10:11,648 --> 00:10:14,651
That's why I had so much fun
at that party on theQueen Mary.
271
00:10:14,692 --> 00:10:16,903
And you paid for my haircut.
272
00:10:16,945 --> 00:10:19,155
And you made me...
dress like you.
273
00:10:19,196 --> 00:10:20,740
Forget the past.
274
00:10:20,782 --> 00:10:24,661
What were you saying about
that property on the border?
275
00:10:24,702 --> 00:10:26,943
And that's when George Sr.
first saw the desert property.
276
00:10:26,955 --> 00:10:30,291
And the much smaller sweat
lodge that was on the land.
277
00:10:30,333 --> 00:10:32,376
You live here?
278
00:10:32,418 --> 00:10:33,711
Ask him!
279
00:10:33,753 --> 00:10:35,755
Would you like
to watch us make love?
280
00:10:35,797 --> 00:10:36,923
No. You live here?
281
00:10:36,965 --> 00:10:38,508
We have been.
282
00:10:38,549 --> 00:10:41,135
You see, Mexico starts
right at the end of that gully,
283
00:10:41,177 --> 00:10:43,262
and we have to get
in and out of there
284
00:10:43,304 --> 00:10:44,931
so we can get at the maca root.
285
00:10:44,973 --> 00:10:46,599
What the hell is maca root?
286
00:10:46,641 --> 00:10:48,893
It's an ancient Aztec
power herb.
287
00:10:48,935 --> 00:10:50,144
It's an endocrine adaptogen.
288
00:10:50,186 --> 00:10:51,813
It's legal to grow in Mexico,
289
00:10:51,855 --> 00:10:53,940
but it's against the law
to consume it there.
290
00:10:53,982 --> 00:10:56,651
Of course, you can ingest it
here, but you can't grow it.
291
00:10:56,693 --> 00:10:59,654
And... you can bring it
into Mexico,
292
00:10:59,696 --> 00:11:02,239
but you can't bring it out.
293
00:11:02,281 --> 00:11:04,200
So it's, uh, hard.
294
00:11:04,241 --> 00:11:06,076
So you guys are knowingly
breaking the law?
295
00:11:06,118 --> 00:11:09,455
But it's worth it, because maca
has powerful properties,
296
00:11:09,497 --> 00:11:12,166
especially when combined with
an hour in the sweat lodge.
297
00:11:12,208 --> 00:11:15,503
It gets up to 110 degrees
in there.
298
00:11:15,545 --> 00:11:17,045
Sounds fun.
299
00:11:17,087 --> 00:11:19,007
Oh, but you have to do it
with us.
300
00:11:19,047 --> 00:11:21,049
You'll find a power
you didn't know you had.
301
00:11:21,091 --> 00:11:23,887
But, um, you want to do it soon,
302
00:11:23,928 --> 00:11:28,182
(sobbing): because they're
kicking us off of the land.
303
00:11:28,224 --> 00:11:29,642
I'm sorry.
304
00:11:29,684 --> 00:11:31,561
Oh, great.
Now you're gonna make me cry.
305
00:11:31,602 --> 00:11:33,021
Oh, lizard! Look!
Look, a lizard!
306
00:11:33,061 --> 00:11:34,188
Cute!
307
00:11:34,230 --> 00:11:35,857
What if I were to buy
this land?
308
00:11:35,899 --> 00:11:37,984
I don't understand;
why would you want to do that?
309
00:11:38,026 --> 00:11:41,404
Well, I always talk about
being a great man.
310
00:11:41,445 --> 00:11:44,281
Maybe a way to do that is
not by being
311
00:11:44,323 --> 00:11:46,367
the biggest businessman in
Southern California, it's...
312
00:11:46,409 --> 00:11:50,038
It's by being the best brother
in Southern California.
313
00:11:50,078 --> 00:11:51,956
George Sr. was going to say,
314
00:11:51,998 --> 00:11:54,417
"By gouging the government
when they needed the land..."
315
00:11:54,458 --> 00:11:55,752
You bet.
316
00:11:55,793 --> 00:11:58,212
Hey, guys, we're staying.
317
00:11:58,254 --> 00:11:59,589
Oh, thank you, brother.
318
00:11:59,630 --> 00:12:00,965
...but he'd save that
for Lucille.
319
00:12:01,007 --> 00:12:03,843
- Thank you, maca.
- Thank you, maca!
320
00:12:03,885 --> 00:12:05,469
And I can get this land
for a song.
321
00:12:05,511 --> 00:12:06,888
George was proud of his plan.
322
00:12:06,930 --> 00:12:08,014
Are you listening to me?
323
00:12:08,056 --> 00:12:09,891
So are those cameras, George.
324
00:12:09,933 --> 00:12:11,350
We can't use the same cameras
325
00:12:11,392 --> 00:12:13,603
from when he was under
house arrest?
326
00:12:13,644 --> 00:12:15,688
WORKMAN: These are from
the maritime penal system.
327
00:12:15,730 --> 00:12:17,815
They make us use
the waterproof ones.
328
00:12:17,857 --> 00:12:19,358
- In here.
- Okay.
329
00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:21,109
GEORGE SR.:
We're gonna sell that land
330
00:12:21,151 --> 00:12:22,612
to the government
for Sitwell's wall,
331
00:12:22,653 --> 00:12:24,238
and I'm gonna take the cash.
332
00:12:24,280 --> 00:12:26,866
I am gonna mount a case
that shows that my wife
333
00:12:26,908 --> 00:12:28,868
is not the power-hungry monster
334
00:12:28,910 --> 00:12:31,370
the SEC wants
to make her out to be.
335
00:12:31,412 --> 00:12:33,831
You're such a puny thinker.
336
00:12:33,873 --> 00:12:35,165
Am I puny-thinking again?
337
00:12:35,207 --> 00:12:36,459
Sitwell's wall?
338
00:12:36,500 --> 00:12:38,461
How about our wall?
We build the wall.
339
00:12:38,502 --> 00:12:40,755
We do have the plan.
340
00:12:40,797 --> 00:12:42,799
He says he can build it
for $200 million,
341
00:12:42,840 --> 00:12:44,926
we offer to build it
for $150 million,
342
00:12:44,968 --> 00:12:47,762
and we make up the difference
when we sell the land.
343
00:12:47,804 --> 00:12:51,682
And I use that cash
as a little stimulus for us.
344
00:12:51,724 --> 00:12:53,476
Maybe a little something
for the family.
345
00:12:53,517 --> 00:12:55,352
And we build that sucker...
346
00:12:55,394 --> 00:12:56,646
That's my Georgie!
347
00:12:56,687 --> 00:12:57,772
...five miles high.
348
00:12:57,814 --> 00:12:59,983
Long. Five miles long.
349
00:13:00,024 --> 00:13:03,527
I got nothing in my system
but a maca root cookie.
350
00:13:03,569 --> 00:13:05,488
- (clattering)
- So, that one's all set.
351
00:13:05,529 --> 00:13:07,281
Uh... can I put one up there?
352
00:13:07,323 --> 00:13:10,743
Only if you want to see the
sexiest video you've ever seen.
353
00:13:10,785 --> 00:13:12,286
(George Sr. moans)
354
00:13:12,328 --> 00:13:15,414
Sorry I gave you
the old noodle stab in there.
355
00:13:15,456 --> 00:13:18,459
I needed
something in my system.
356
00:13:18,501 --> 00:13:21,462
You know, we can't look like
we're in cahoots on this.
357
00:13:21,504 --> 00:13:23,673
Especially with my trial
coming up.
358
00:13:23,714 --> 00:13:25,049
Yeah, that's right.
359
00:13:25,091 --> 00:13:27,135
We have to separate our assets.
360
00:13:27,175 --> 00:13:28,511
To protect this.
361
00:13:28,552 --> 00:13:31,221
To protect our love.
362
00:13:31,263 --> 00:13:32,903
NARRATOR: And that's
when they got the idea
363
00:13:32,932 --> 00:13:36,393
to pretend they were
getting a divorce.
364
00:13:36,435 --> 00:13:38,354
- We're getting a divorce.
- (Buster screams)
365
00:13:38,395 --> 00:13:40,064
I want to know about
the stimulus package.
366
00:13:40,106 --> 00:13:42,733
We haven't had sex
since Christmas, Michael!
367
00:13:42,775 --> 00:13:45,069
BUSTER:
Uh... I'm... I'm sorry.
368
00:13:45,111 --> 00:13:47,947
You had sex seven weeks ago?
369
00:13:47,989 --> 00:13:50,992
They were remodeling my room,
and I pulled my cot in there,
370
00:13:51,034 --> 00:13:53,327
- just like camp.
- We yelled at you to leave.
371
00:13:53,369 --> 00:13:55,210
Yeah, but then you whispered,
"Don't pull out!"
372
00:13:55,245 --> 00:13:57,165
(Gob screams)
373
00:13:57,205 --> 00:13:59,542
You didn't want to use
any of that money for...
374
00:13:59,583 --> 00:14:01,418
(Gob groans)
375
00:14:01,460 --> 00:14:04,505
You couldn't use any of that
money to finish Sudden Valley?
376
00:14:04,547 --> 00:14:06,632
And although their plan
was dealt a minor setback
377
00:14:06,674 --> 00:14:08,801
when Michael sold
the controlling shares
378
00:14:08,843 --> 00:14:10,928
to Lucille 2...
379
00:14:10,970 --> 00:14:12,972
You know what?
I am done with this family.
380
00:14:13,014 --> 00:14:14,348
I hope you've saved some money,
381
00:14:14,390 --> 00:14:16,308
'cause you're gonna need
every dime now.
382
00:14:16,350 --> 00:14:17,727
...all they had to do
383
00:14:17,768 --> 00:14:19,520
was keep their plan
a secret from her
384
00:14:19,562 --> 00:14:21,022
and cash in quickly.
385
00:14:21,064 --> 00:14:23,191
ANCHORMAN: 4:28 in the morning
here in the O.C.
386
00:14:23,232 --> 00:14:24,775
I'm John Beard.
387
00:14:24,817 --> 00:14:26,861
Well, there was some more
grim economic news today.
388
00:14:26,903 --> 00:14:28,445
The housing prices
continue to plummet,
389
00:14:28,487 --> 00:14:30,531
and the economists say
it may take quite some--
390
00:14:30,573 --> 00:14:32,282
What are you...
what are you doing?
391
00:14:32,324 --> 00:14:35,285
(goofy voice): I'm John Beard,
and I'm a Gloomy Gus.
392
00:14:35,327 --> 00:14:36,954
I don't have a mustache.
393
00:14:36,996 --> 00:14:38,998
And the government
put the wall project on hold.
394
00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:40,624
Can't be on hold.
395
00:14:40,666 --> 00:14:43,044
They already gave me the money
to start the building.
396
00:14:43,086 --> 00:14:45,796
No! I cannot live off of that!
397
00:14:45,838 --> 00:14:49,133
No, I already used that money
as the down payment
398
00:14:49,175 --> 00:14:51,177
of six square miles of desert
399
00:14:51,219 --> 00:14:53,303
I cannot afford
to make payments on!
400
00:14:54,471 --> 00:14:56,933
Oh, God... sorry, Norman.
401
00:14:56,974 --> 00:14:58,308
(inhales)
402
00:14:58,350 --> 00:14:59,685
(muffled):
Huh?
403
00:14:59,727 --> 00:15:00,937
Uh, nothing.
404
00:15:00,978 --> 00:15:02,980
OSCAR:
Hey, brother, you seem tense.
405
00:15:03,022 --> 00:15:04,481
Come with me to the sweat lodge.
406
00:15:04,523 --> 00:15:06,525
Sweat out this frustration;
you can learn on this.
407
00:15:06,567 --> 00:15:08,861
And perhaps
it was a sense of futility
408
00:15:08,903 --> 00:15:11,614
or the fact he hadn't
brought a book to the desert,
409
00:15:11,655 --> 00:15:16,452
but George Sr. chose to enter
the small, smoke-filled room,
410
00:15:16,493 --> 00:15:18,537
while his wife
was also confined
411
00:15:18,579 --> 00:15:20,372
to a smoke-filled room,
412
00:15:20,414 --> 00:15:23,333
having found a way around
both the building's strict
413
00:15:23,375 --> 00:15:24,919
no-smoking policy...
414
00:15:27,171 --> 00:15:30,258
...and the fact that her ankle
monitor prevented her
415
00:15:30,299 --> 00:15:33,219
from approaching the balcony.
416
00:15:33,261 --> 00:15:36,388
So, anyways, I went down
to the club and I... I can't...
417
00:15:45,815 --> 00:15:48,109
My food was gone, I could...
418
00:15:48,151 --> 00:15:51,946
That restaurant, typically,
has a really nice maitre d'...
419
00:16:01,789 --> 00:16:04,416
Can't really remember
the host's name,
420
00:16:04,458 --> 00:16:06,627
but he was...
he was kind of in his 60s...
421
00:16:11,507 --> 00:16:13,009
(sputtering)
422
00:16:16,553 --> 00:16:18,514
(sighs)
423
00:16:18,555 --> 00:16:20,683
(weakly):
I have to stop.
424
00:16:20,724 --> 00:16:23,519
I have to stop. So...
425
00:16:23,560 --> 00:16:25,896
(stammers)
426
00:16:25,938 --> 00:16:27,815
(panting):
But, finally, I just ordered...
427
00:16:27,857 --> 00:16:30,151
pastrami shortcake, like I said,
but I didn't order...
428
00:16:30,193 --> 00:16:32,195
I didn't order sprinkles this--
Oh, Mother, please.
429
00:16:32,236 --> 00:16:33,737
(crying):
Please.
430
00:16:33,779 --> 00:16:36,406
Meanwhile,
in George Sr.'s sweat lodge,
431
00:16:36,448 --> 00:16:39,660
a solution to his problems
was emerging, as well...
432
00:16:39,702 --> 00:16:41,370
Kind of hot, huh?
433
00:16:43,122 --> 00:16:46,416
I'd give $10, 000 for a glass
of lemonade right now.
434
00:16:46,458 --> 00:16:48,585
...in the form of a vision.
435
00:16:50,546 --> 00:16:55,509
Sweat... and squeeze.
436
00:16:57,094 --> 00:16:59,263
NARRATOR: It was to be
a "sweat and squeeze."
437
00:16:59,305 --> 00:17:00,681
Dr. Norman?
438
00:17:00,723 --> 00:17:03,267
Dr. Norman, we have a hot mess.
439
00:17:05,728 --> 00:17:07,188
NARRATOR:
George Sr. had been passed out
440
00:17:07,230 --> 00:17:10,066
for two days
after having a vision...
441
00:17:10,107 --> 00:17:13,652
which is why this seat was
empty at his wife's trial.
442
00:17:13,694 --> 00:17:15,905
But soon,
he was hard at work...
443
00:17:15,946 --> 00:17:18,157
Okay, look up large mud huts.
444
00:17:18,199 --> 00:17:19,783
- ...making his vision a reality.
- Can fit 20.
445
00:17:19,825 --> 00:17:21,744
Do a something search.
Um, used is fine.
446
00:17:21,785 --> 00:17:24,121
No, no, I got it.
447
00:17:24,163 --> 00:17:25,164
Sweat caves.
448
00:17:25,206 --> 00:17:26,374
See what you get.
449
00:17:27,541 --> 00:17:29,001
You got 'em?
450
00:17:29,043 --> 00:17:30,419
All right, well, then, ship it!
451
00:17:30,460 --> 00:17:32,629
A sweat lodge,
where he could be
452
00:17:32,671 --> 00:17:36,592
a preacher of profit to other
type-A executives like himself.
453
00:17:36,633 --> 00:17:38,302
All right, this whole area here,
454
00:17:38,344 --> 00:17:40,721
this is going to be
visitor yurts.
455
00:17:40,763 --> 00:17:45,226
Oh, and we're gonna need
industrial-size juicers!
456
00:17:45,268 --> 00:17:47,353
He went to work
on constructing a seminar,
457
00:17:47,395 --> 00:17:50,064
much of which he borrowed
from his brief stint
458
00:17:50,106 --> 00:17:51,982
as a Jewish-y guru
while in prison.
459
00:17:52,024 --> 00:17:53,984
ANNOUNCER: Now's your chance
to own the entire
460
00:17:54,026 --> 00:17:55,736
George Bluth
"Caged Wisdom" library...
461
00:17:55,778 --> 00:17:57,529
Will you read that back
to me, please?
462
00:17:57,571 --> 00:17:59,907
This time, however, he needed
to be actually ordained
463
00:17:59,949 --> 00:18:01,617
as a religious preacher
to avoid tax implications.
464
00:18:01,658 --> 00:18:03,286
Lemonade!
465
00:18:03,327 --> 00:18:05,537
But fortunately, there was
a Phoenix for him, too.
466
00:18:05,579 --> 00:18:07,206
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Almost there. Question three.
467
00:18:07,248 --> 00:18:09,458
But business
really took off when
468
00:18:09,499 --> 00:18:12,378
an article about George Sr.'s
operation appeared
469
00:18:12,420 --> 00:18:15,965
in an exclusively first-class
in-flight magazine.
470
00:18:16,006 --> 00:18:19,051
And soon the retreat was up
and running, and George Sr.
471
00:18:19,093 --> 00:18:20,886
was determined
to create the illusion
472
00:18:20,928 --> 00:18:23,555
of a first-class experience.
473
00:18:23,597 --> 00:18:26,434
And did you want the partial
bush or broken gate view?
474
00:18:26,516 --> 00:18:29,519
The seminar was
reasonably priced at $1, 000.
475
00:18:29,561 --> 00:18:31,814
The sweat and squeeze
was simple.
476
00:18:31,855 --> 00:18:35,359
First, George Sr. sweated out
his acolytes' defenses...
477
00:18:35,401 --> 00:18:36,735
- (whimpering)
- Ah, come on, Daniels!
478
00:18:36,777 --> 00:18:38,862
You ran Bear Stearns,
for God's sake!
479
00:18:38,904 --> 00:18:40,197
I was like this.
480
00:18:40,239 --> 00:18:42,532
Then I went to the desert
to seek answers,
481
00:18:42,574 --> 00:18:45,161
and now I have them.
482
00:18:45,202 --> 00:18:47,621
...and then it was time
for the squeeze.
483
00:18:47,663 --> 00:18:50,833
And for another 15 grand,
you can have them, too.
484
00:18:50,874 --> 00:18:52,918
I'll teach you
how to get yachts,
485
00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:55,545
I'll teach you how
to get penthouses,
486
00:18:55,587 --> 00:18:57,840
and how to get
something for yourself
487
00:18:57,881 --> 00:19:01,593
by taking it from someone
who thinks it's his.
488
00:19:01,635 --> 00:19:04,138
Does it come with lemonade?
489
00:19:04,180 --> 00:19:06,182
It comes with all the lemonade
you can drink.
490
00:19:06,223 --> 00:19:07,141
"Squeeze" had two meanings.
491
00:19:07,183 --> 00:19:08,309
Who's in?
492
00:19:08,351 --> 00:19:11,228
Sign 'em up. Sign 'em up.
493
00:19:11,270 --> 00:19:13,189
Come on, get your
wallets out, let's go, guys.
494
00:19:13,230 --> 00:19:15,524
And George Sr.
had even found a great way
495
00:19:15,565 --> 00:19:18,361
- to handle the heat.
- Hey.
496
00:19:18,402 --> 00:19:19,695
Hey.
497
00:19:19,736 --> 00:19:21,280
He had his twin brother
endure it.
498
00:19:21,322 --> 00:19:23,073
Did you bring me some lemonade?
499
00:19:23,115 --> 00:19:26,035
No, sir.
It is crazy out there.
500
00:19:26,076 --> 00:19:28,745
For the first time we are out.
501
00:19:28,787 --> 00:19:31,540
Look what I brought you,
Mr. Oscar--
502
00:19:31,581 --> 00:19:33,876
50 bucks--your half.
503
00:19:33,917 --> 00:19:36,879
Oh, you know,
I feel bad taking this.
504
00:19:36,920 --> 00:19:38,839
All I did was sit and sweat.
505
00:19:38,881 --> 00:19:40,257
Which is why it seemed
506
00:19:40,299 --> 00:19:42,134
that Father B. was so resilient
507
00:19:42,176 --> 00:19:46,222
to the depleting effects
of the sweat lodge.
508
00:19:48,391 --> 00:19:50,809
Whoo! Yeah!
509
00:19:50,851 --> 00:19:54,688
Now, that was the most
invigorating session yet.
510
00:19:54,730 --> 00:19:59,527
(laughs) Hey, buddy, come on,
it's happening, you know.
511
00:19:59,568 --> 00:20:01,320
We're helping people.
512
00:20:01,362 --> 00:20:05,241
- (groaning) - If I could give you
just one note, little energy.
513
00:20:05,282 --> 00:20:07,576
As the retreat grew,
514
00:20:07,617 --> 00:20:10,787
George Sr. was finding himself
emboldened with power,
515
00:20:10,829 --> 00:20:13,374
while Oscar was bushed.
516
00:20:13,416 --> 00:20:15,584
Hey, Oscar, that scared me.
517
00:20:15,625 --> 00:20:17,127
Come on, man, get back in there.
518
00:20:17,169 --> 00:20:18,670
I was starting to sweat.
519
00:20:18,712 --> 00:20:20,756
I'm just trying
to get my strength up.
520
00:20:20,797 --> 00:20:22,049
Maca usually gets me there.
521
00:20:22,091 --> 00:20:24,634
Hey, chew some maca with me.
522
00:20:24,676 --> 00:20:27,012
I can't, okay, I got to go up
to see Lucille tomorrow.
523
00:20:27,054 --> 00:20:28,556
George Sr. had been meeting
524
00:20:28,597 --> 00:20:31,725
with Lucille on a weekly basis
at her new home
525
00:20:31,767 --> 00:20:34,103
under the pretense
of working on their divorce.
526
00:20:34,144 --> 00:20:35,145
You look nice.
527
00:20:35,187 --> 00:20:36,397
Oh, stop trying to butter me up.
528
00:20:36,439 --> 00:20:38,315
Let's just get
this divorce agreed to
529
00:20:38,357 --> 00:20:39,816
so you can get out of here.
530
00:20:39,858 --> 00:20:41,277
(door closes)
531
00:20:41,318 --> 00:20:42,570
- (gasps)
- Oh, God.
532
00:20:42,611 --> 00:20:43,653
It's almost
like adultery this way.
533
00:20:43,695 --> 00:20:45,364
Good, I like that.
534
00:20:45,406 --> 00:20:47,741
- "My wife doesn't understand me."
- My angel.
535
00:20:47,783 --> 00:20:49,743
(gasping and moaning)
536
00:20:49,785 --> 00:20:53,122
"I haven't had an orgasm outside
of my bathtub in 30 years."
537
00:20:53,163 --> 00:20:55,541
How's that?
538
00:20:55,583 --> 00:20:58,001
GEORGE SR.: Although, at times,
I do wish it were darker.
539
00:20:58,043 --> 00:21:01,130
It's too bad you don't
have time to try this.
540
00:21:01,171 --> 00:21:02,798
Yesterday,
I was talking to a lizard,
541
00:21:02,839 --> 00:21:05,175
and it turned into
Elizabeth Taylor.
542
00:21:05,217 --> 00:21:07,428
- Young Elizabeth Taylor?
- Uh-huh.
543
00:21:07,470 --> 00:21:09,054
Yeah, I could use some maca.
544
00:21:09,096 --> 00:21:10,556
Give me some of that.
545
00:21:10,598 --> 00:21:14,435
NARRATOR:
And soon a vision did appear.
546
00:21:14,477 --> 00:21:16,103
I don't know what's going on.
547
00:21:16,145 --> 00:21:20,107
For some reason I'm just getting
Richard Burton today.
548
00:21:20,149 --> 00:21:22,359
Oh, my God, what's that?
549
00:21:22,401 --> 00:21:23,735
That's the commode.
550
00:21:23,777 --> 00:21:25,195
Are you at all concerned
that the maca bush
551
00:21:25,237 --> 00:21:26,477
is directly downhill from that?
552
00:21:26,489 --> 00:21:28,115
He should have been,
553
00:21:28,157 --> 00:21:31,285
but Oscar was actually
referring to what now appeared
554
00:21:31,327 --> 00:21:35,205
to be a divine spirit,
personified as an ostrich.
555
00:21:35,247 --> 00:21:37,249
You trespass on sacred ground.
556
00:21:37,291 --> 00:21:39,627
The spirits command me
to warn you.
557
00:21:39,668 --> 00:21:42,546
You must leave this land
or the land will change you.
558
00:21:42,588 --> 00:21:44,465
GEORGE SR.:
Don't worry, he's probably
559
00:21:44,507 --> 00:21:46,800
from a local reservation.
I'll, I'll take care of this.
560
00:21:46,842 --> 00:21:50,971
How about you book me two nights
for Ray Romano at your casino?
561
00:21:51,013 --> 00:21:55,601
The strong will become the weak,
the weak will become the strong.
562
00:21:55,643 --> 00:21:58,312
And get us close to the front
but not close enough
563
00:21:58,354 --> 00:22:00,397
that Ray talks to us.
564
00:22:00,439 --> 00:22:02,274
You have been warned.
565
00:22:04,151 --> 00:22:05,528
See ya.
566
00:22:07,237 --> 00:22:10,616
I don't know what you saw, but
I got an ostrich and no boner.
567
00:22:14,620 --> 00:22:16,288
NARRATOR:
One year after George Sr. had
568
00:22:16,330 --> 00:22:18,207
the incident
with the ostrich guy,
569
00:22:18,248 --> 00:22:20,167
things had indeed started
to change.
570
00:22:20,209 --> 00:22:21,710
Where was I? Um... oh, yeah.
571
00:22:21,751 --> 00:22:23,379
Father B. had lost his command
over the crowd.
572
00:22:23,420 --> 00:22:26,756
Who would like some lemonade
for $2, 000?
573
00:22:27,966 --> 00:22:30,927
Come on, guys,
I looked the other way
574
00:22:30,969 --> 00:22:33,055
on the bottled water
because you look thirsty,
575
00:22:33,096 --> 00:22:35,182
but you got to play along here.
Heartfire?
576
00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:37,851
Where's the lemonade?
577
00:22:37,893 --> 00:22:39,562
Shh!
578
00:22:39,603 --> 00:22:42,481
And as business slowed down...
579
00:22:42,523 --> 00:22:43,482
Will you excuse me just one sec?
580
00:22:43,524 --> 00:22:44,941
...Oscar had started being
581
00:22:44,983 --> 00:22:47,528
more independent
and harder to find.
582
00:22:47,570 --> 00:22:49,488
(whispering):
Norman, have you seen Oscar?
583
00:22:49,530 --> 00:22:50,656
No, have you seen China Garden?
584
00:22:50,698 --> 00:22:51,657
No.
585
00:22:51,699 --> 00:22:52,991
Did you kill that armadillo?
586
00:22:53,033 --> 00:22:54,702
No, no, he's just under.
587
00:22:54,742 --> 00:22:57,621
If only we could use some of
his medicine for our own pain.
588
00:22:57,663 --> 00:23:01,667
Oh, wait, I've got
a full syringe in the car.
589
00:23:01,709 --> 00:23:03,544
And George Sr. would soon get
590
00:23:03,586 --> 00:23:05,087
worse economic news from
his attorney.
591
00:23:05,128 --> 00:23:06,589
GEORGE SR.:
Oh, this can't be good.
592
00:23:06,630 --> 00:23:08,006
I mean, you didn't drive all
593
00:23:08,048 --> 00:23:09,508
this distance for good news.
594
00:23:09,550 --> 00:23:11,051
You've got a balloon payment due
595
00:23:11,093 --> 00:23:12,969
on the mortgage
on this property.
596
00:23:13,011 --> 00:23:14,096
It's about $15 million.
597
00:23:14,137 --> 00:23:15,763
I mean, I-- what am I gonna do?
598
00:23:15,805 --> 00:23:17,391
Where am I gonna get that money?
599
00:23:17,433 --> 00:23:19,351
I thought you were going to sell
the land to the government
600
00:23:19,393 --> 00:23:20,686
to build the wall.
601
00:23:20,728 --> 00:23:22,062
Yeah, but that was put on hold.
602
00:23:22,104 --> 00:23:24,106
So?
It's election time.
603
00:23:24,147 --> 00:23:27,067
Now's the time to get a
politician to push for the wall.
604
00:23:27,109 --> 00:23:29,695
Isn't that dizzy kook
Lucille Austero running?
605
00:23:29,737 --> 00:23:31,447
No, no, she,
she can't know about this.
606
00:23:31,488 --> 00:23:34,824
She's the majority owner
of my company,
607
00:23:34,866 --> 00:23:36,076
and besides,
she's so pro-immigrant.
608
00:23:36,118 --> 00:23:37,703
NARRATOR:
She was.
609
00:23:37,745 --> 00:23:40,330
She'd even taken in
a Latino foster child,
610
00:23:40,372 --> 00:23:44,000
which she denied was an attempt
to bring in the Hispanic vote.
611
00:23:44,042 --> 00:23:46,336
Nonetheless, she did know what
cultural buttons to push
612
00:23:46,378 --> 00:23:48,088
to win their hearts.
613
00:23:48,130 --> 00:23:49,839
BARRY: Doesn't matter,
she's not going to win anyway.
614
00:23:49,881 --> 00:23:52,551
The guy you want is the guy
she's running against--
615
00:23:52,593 --> 00:23:54,177
Herbert Love, right?
616
00:23:54,219 --> 00:23:55,596
He's got a rally tonight.
617
00:23:55,638 --> 00:23:56,930
Go and see him.
618
00:23:56,972 --> 00:23:59,849
Everyone knows how persuasive
you can be.
619
00:23:59,891 --> 00:24:01,184
Used to be.
620
00:24:01,226 --> 00:24:03,395
I'd be lucky to sell
a glass of lemonade
621
00:24:03,437 --> 00:24:04,980
for a thousand dollars today.
622
00:24:05,021 --> 00:24:05,981
Now, listen.
623
00:24:06,022 --> 00:24:07,941
If I can take no more
624
00:24:07,983 --> 00:24:10,818
than a law degree
from the Virgin Islands...
625
00:24:10,860 --> 00:24:13,405
- Yeah.
- ...a-a-and turn it into a net worth
626
00:24:13,447 --> 00:24:16,408
of $750, 000--
627
00:24:16,450 --> 00:24:18,201
before, of course,
what I owe in lawsuits--
628
00:24:18,243 --> 00:24:21,997
you can talk a politician into
wasting public funds on a wall.
629
00:24:22,038 --> 00:24:24,124
Wait, wait,
that rally is tonight?
630
00:24:24,166 --> 00:24:25,417
- Mm-hmm.
- But I'm supposed
631
00:24:25,459 --> 00:24:27,043
to meet my wife tonight,
632
00:24:27,085 --> 00:24:28,378
which I am dreading, by the way.
633
00:24:28,420 --> 00:24:30,213
NARRATOR:
One of the changes
634
00:24:30,255 --> 00:24:32,174
that had occurred
over the previous year...
635
00:24:32,215 --> 00:24:34,802
- My right rear tire is low.
- ...was a decrease
636
00:24:34,842 --> 00:24:38,888
in the physical intimacy George
Sr. and his wife had enjoyed.
637
00:24:38,930 --> 00:24:42,017
You're so ugly from behind.
638
00:24:44,269 --> 00:24:46,647
GEORGE SR.:'Cause if no one
shows up at that office,
639
00:24:46,689 --> 00:24:48,440
she really will divorce me.
640
00:24:48,482 --> 00:24:50,066
BARRY:
Too bad you can't use a double.
641
00:24:50,108 --> 00:24:51,568
Oh, also I used a look-alike
642
00:24:51,610 --> 00:24:54,530
named Stewart to take
the California bar for me.
643
00:24:54,571 --> 00:24:55,905
But you knew that, right?
644
00:24:58,158 --> 00:25:00,035
- Oscar.
- NARRATOR: And later,
645
00:25:00,076 --> 00:25:02,538
while once again looking
for his own double...
646
00:25:02,579 --> 00:25:05,749
- Oscar.
- ...George, who was acting more like Oscar,
647
00:25:05,791 --> 00:25:08,711
finally found Oscar, who was
acting more like George.
648
00:25:08,752 --> 00:25:09,712
Why aren't you sweating?
649
00:25:09,753 --> 00:25:11,839
Maybe I had a better offer.
650
00:25:11,879 --> 00:25:14,090
And not a word to Dr. Norman.
651
00:25:14,132 --> 00:25:16,134
He doesn't think
women should be awake for it.
652
00:25:16,176 --> 00:25:18,094
- "Oh, great Dr. Norman."
- (Chuckles)
653
00:25:18,136 --> 00:25:20,972
You know, we have
to be very careful.
654
00:25:21,014 --> 00:25:23,183
Oscar, we are trying
to help people here.
655
00:25:23,225 --> 00:25:25,394
I know, I know, I know,
but you know what?
656
00:25:25,435 --> 00:25:29,189
It just gets hot
in there sometimes!
657
00:25:29,231 --> 00:25:31,983
Whoa, we don't,
we don't have to yell.
658
00:25:32,025 --> 00:25:35,738
Why not you go do hot sweat,
let Oscar do squeeze?
659
00:25:35,779 --> 00:25:37,698
All right, I mean,
I'm not saying that.
660
00:25:37,740 --> 00:25:40,409
I just, uh, I need a break.
661
00:25:40,450 --> 00:25:42,160
I just can't go on
662
00:25:42,202 --> 00:25:45,664
- pretending to be you, sitting silently...
- Shh.
663
00:25:45,706 --> 00:25:49,251
...in a, in a 100-degree mud hut
for an hour and a half.
664
00:25:49,292 --> 00:25:52,170
I am begging you--
there has to be something else
665
00:25:52,212 --> 00:25:55,298
I can impersonate you doing.
666
00:25:57,718 --> 00:25:59,469
It's funny you should say that
667
00:25:59,511 --> 00:26:03,599
because, uh, if you're okay
with the sitting silently part,
668
00:26:03,640 --> 00:26:05,601
I have something for you
that's quite chilling.
669
00:26:05,642 --> 00:26:07,977
- Thank you.
- NARRATOR: And so George Sr. left
670
00:26:08,019 --> 00:26:10,689
to seek out the right-wing
politician Herbert Love
671
00:26:10,731 --> 00:26:14,693
as Oscar headed out to visit
Lucille, disguised as George,
672
00:26:14,735 --> 00:26:16,570
which is exactly
who Barry thought
673
00:26:16,612 --> 00:26:18,280
he was talking to.
674
00:26:18,321 --> 00:26:20,156
I just pooped in a hole
and covered it up.
675
00:26:20,198 --> 00:26:21,909
I hope I did the right thing.
676
00:26:21,949 --> 00:26:23,535
There's a commode.
677
00:26:23,577 --> 00:26:25,287
It's, it's directly uphill
from the maca root.
678
00:26:25,328 --> 00:26:27,539
Yeah, I really feel bad
for the guy that's got
679
00:26:27,581 --> 00:26:30,125
to dig that up
for the foundation for the wall.
680
00:26:30,166 --> 00:26:31,877
(both laugh)
681
00:26:31,919 --> 00:26:34,504
Yeah, wha-what wall?
682
00:26:34,546 --> 00:26:35,464
(gasps)
683
00:26:35,505 --> 00:26:37,006
Very good, George.
684
00:26:37,048 --> 00:26:39,802
We got to be careful
where we talk about this.
685
00:26:39,843 --> 00:26:41,845
Ooh, I got to watch my words.
686
00:26:41,887 --> 00:26:44,514
And that's when
Oscar realized that George Sr.
687
00:26:44,556 --> 00:26:46,266
didn't buy the land
688
00:26:46,308 --> 00:26:50,353
to be the best brother
in Southern California.
689
00:26:53,022 --> 00:26:57,193
We 12publishes
a rare retraction.
690
00:26:57,235 --> 00:27:00,489
Oscar confirms his suspicions
of the wall
691
00:27:00,530 --> 00:27:01,730
while impersonating George Sr.
692
00:27:01,740 --> 00:27:03,366
I thought we...
(clears throat)
693
00:27:03,408 --> 00:27:05,577
(deeper voice): I thought
we could talk about the wall.
694
00:27:06,578 --> 00:27:08,872
You know, the wall.
695
00:27:08,914 --> 00:27:10,791
Have you baked your brain
in that pizza oven,
696
00:27:10,833 --> 00:27:12,334
or is senility your backup plan
697
00:27:12,375 --> 00:27:14,962
if we can't get the government
to buy the property?
698
00:27:15,002 --> 00:27:17,756
(gasps) So we only did buy
that land for personal gain.
699
00:27:17,798 --> 00:27:20,884
(laughing): Well,
what Oscar does-doesn't know
700
00:27:20,926 --> 00:27:22,051
won't hurt him.
701
00:27:22,093 --> 00:27:23,428
(chuckling):
Oscar.
702
00:27:23,470 --> 00:27:24,596
NARRATOR:
And although it wasn't
703
00:27:24,638 --> 00:27:26,264
a perfect impersonation...
704
00:27:26,306 --> 00:27:28,057
I love it when you call my name.
705
00:27:28,099 --> 00:27:29,351
...he did have the maca root.
706
00:27:29,392 --> 00:27:31,269
(gasps)
George!
707
00:27:31,311 --> 00:27:32,479
Don't call me that.
708
00:27:33,480 --> 00:27:36,023
Call me Father B.
709
00:27:36,454 --> 00:27:47,051
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com