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Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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TV NARRATOR:
Meet the Jade Dragon Triad.
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They take no prisoners...
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because they are prisoners...
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at the Orange County
Correctional Facility L.I.T.E.
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They're the ruling gang
in this four-star hellhole,
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and the"Real
Asian Prison Housewives
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"of the Orange County
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White Collar Prison System."
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NOH: We are a gang;
we stick together.
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Uh-huh. Although, right now,
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one of our members
is a real "B" word.
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We're getting ready to do
something about it.
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OLIVE: She come in
and quickly become leader.
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And we get so sick
of her bossy, bossy behavior,
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and now she got to go.
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In civilian life,
we'd just vote Lu out,
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but here... she's gonna end up
on the wrong end of a noodle.
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Uncooked.
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You get me?
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LUCILLE:
Ignore them.
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Their bark is louder than
the dogs they eat back home.
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And I got news for them.
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Anyone who comes after me
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is going to be
one unfortunate cookie.
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(laughs)
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I made a pun.
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(sighs)
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NARRATOR: Now the story
of a family
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whose future was
abruptly cancelled,
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and the one mother
who had no choice
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but to keep herself together.
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It's Lucille's
"Arrested Development."
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NARRATOR: Years before
her behavior had become
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"bossy, bossy"
with the Jade Dragon Triad...
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Lucille was fleeing the SEC...
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Full steam, boys!
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- (cell phone ringing)
- (clamoring outside)
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...when she got a call.
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Hello, Lucille.
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I still hope you're coming
to our little get-together.
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You want to hear
something funny?
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I never got an invitation!
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But I feel like I'm there,
because it's all over the news.
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- (siren whooping)
- Oh, honey, is that you?
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I'm on my deck waving to you.
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But with those police boats
following you,
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I guess I'm waving good-bye.
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You must be mistaken,
because I can't see you,
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and you're usually
as hard to miss
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as Liberace
wearing a fright wig.
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(over phone):
Oh, goodness, that is you!
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I'm practically
counting your crow's feet.
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Oh, well,
maybe I should turn back
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- and show you another bird.
- (line disconnects)
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Hel-Hello?
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Did you hear me say that
about the bird? Hello?!
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But it was clear that Lucille 2
hadn't heard it.
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So, in a fit of
what sailors call "sea rage..."
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Coming about.
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...she turned back
to show her the bird.
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Coming about, boys!
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But Lucille 2
wasn't the only thing
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that got flipped that day.
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JOHN BEARD: ...none of which
would've happened
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if it had continued out to sea.
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But then the "Queen" changed
course, heading back to shore,
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before crashing into the jetty
in what can only be described
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as a "sail-past" gone wrong.
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And that's when they got
some good news from Barry.
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BARRY: First of all,
won't be cheap.
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It's gonna cost you a fortune
in legal fees.
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What's the good news?
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Correction:
good news for Barry.
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It's all bad news.
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Although, he did have
one good suggestion:
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...you're going away
for a long time,
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unless we can come up
with a good alibi.
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Ma! I fell in the ocean;
why didn't you come for me?
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And there it is.
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- What?
- I did.
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- Buster...
- What?
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...tell them
how you were drowning
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and I commandeered the ship
to save you.
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Tell them what I did.
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- The truth.
- Okay.
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She stole the "Queen Mary"
to get away from the SEC.
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Oh, and she winked.
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Correction: it's a glare.
(chuckles)
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- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Oh, God.
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- Hey!
- What are you doing?
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Wait, wh-where you going?
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Wait, she doesn't
have her make--
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I have her lipstick!
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But Buster knew that lipstick
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wasn't the only thing
she'd be without.
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So, after she was released to
await trial under house arrest,
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he made sure she was able
to catch up on what she missed.
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This is the same scene
I came back to
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after Cancun four years ago.
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And after devising their plan
to build the wall,
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it was decided that
George Sr. should move out,
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in order to make
their fake divorce look real.
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After the trial,
you can move back in.
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It's only a trial separation.
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(laughs):
I made a pun.
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(chuckles)
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Even in this time of stress.
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You think you're gonna be okay,
alone with Buster?
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If I need a moment to myself,
I'll step out on the balcony.
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Your ankle bracelet--
it's gonna go off.
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So I'll make him
stand on the balcony.
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He's happiest
when he feels useful.
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Soon, he was
practically delirious.
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(Buster sobs)
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There was one bright spot
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when they simultaneously
stumbled on a term
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they both secretly
recognized...
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MAN (on TV): ...take this
hot mess of a skirt...
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...would be useful
in their future disagreements.
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(mouthing)
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MAN (on TV): ...I'm covered
with glue and I'm, like...
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this is a hot mess!
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(mouthing)
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But as her trial grew closer,
it was getting harder
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for Lucille
not to alienate her alibi.
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This toast has hook holes...
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...again! I told you to get rid
of that thing; it's hideous.
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Plus, what's gonna happen
when they swear you in?
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You're gonna
rip the Bible in half.
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The jury will love that.
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You're getting pretty snippy
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to your key witness, aren't you?
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What do you want?
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Maybe you could hook me up
with a little stimmy.
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Lil' stimmy.
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Are you trying to do this?
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Yes!
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And I want stimmy
to get a hook that'll do that.
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When no such hook
was available,
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Lucille found other means
to mollify her alibi--
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both of which were unveiled
at a family meeting.
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...you're the key witness
in your mother's trial.
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Wait, I thought
I was the key witness.
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- You're the star witness.
- Oh.
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Because it was your life
I was going after to save.
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He fell off the boat.
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- He'll tell you in my own words.
- (groans)
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(mumbles):
Homosexuals kidnapped...
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Up-up-up.
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(loudly):
Homosexuals kidnapped the boat
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and took it on a joy ride.
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Mother didn't want to trample
their rights, so she let them.
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Then she realized
that her son fell
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off the boat and into the water,
and she went back.
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Oh, and a fish swam by my ankle.
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(gasps)
That really happened.
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Should I keep that?
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- Make it an eel.
- Okay.
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- It's gonna be an eel!
- Better.
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But alone with Buster,
the tension grew worse,
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and things came to a head
the night before the trial.
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Buster, I'm going to exhale!
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No, please!
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I've had, like, seven
in the past half hour.
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You're not the one
staring five years in the face.
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Well, right now, I'm staring at
a hundred years in the face!
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(whispers):
How dare you.
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Would you mind?
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Be careful, defendant.
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Remember who you're talking to.
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It sure would be a shame
if something happened
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to your pretty little
key witness.
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Star witness.
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And are you
threatening yourself?
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Maybe I am.
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And losing confidence
in her star witness,
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Lucille decided to take
a few keepsakes with her,
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in case things didn't
go her way.
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And that's when she discovered
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that the family
she believed supported her
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had actually already begun
divvying up her stuff,
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in case she lost.
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Aw...
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And he's supposed to be
the good one.
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This does not bode well
for tomorrow.
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Actually, they'd claimed
those things years earlier
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when she was having
a sunspot checked.
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But she was right
to worry about
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the turnout for the trial.
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Does the defense have a witness
they'd like to call?!
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Any witness?
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Please tell me you're working on
a strategy for us.
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Oh. It's us now?
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Well, we have Lucille Austero.
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She's the only one who showed.
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I don't think
that is good for us.
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Nonsense.
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- She owns the company now.
- Mm-hmm.
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She's got as much to lose
as I do.
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And she's a dear friend.
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I'll do it myself though.
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I need this to go well.
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And so it was Lucille
who did the questioning
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of her new star witness,
Lucille 2.
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Thank you so much
for coming to be my witness.
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00:08:04,982 --> 00:08:07,192
You're such
a large shareholder...
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Oh...
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(chuckles):
I've made a pun.
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Oh, how could I not do it
for my oldest friend?
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00:08:13,783 --> 00:08:14,950
Oh!
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Now I've gone and done a double.
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00:08:17,202 --> 00:08:18,454
(laughs):
A double.
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Like your pre-surgery chin.
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00:08:20,205 --> 00:08:21,749
Or your post-breakfast drink.
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Oh, I wish you'd come
to my rehab clinic.
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But anything to help that
Keystone Cop family of yours.
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Keystone Cops.
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Your references are as fresh
as the wallpaper
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in the room
of that pretend child
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you've had all these years.
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- But, my friend...
- You're right, I shouldn't joke.
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None of your family showed up,
you poor thing.
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This is such a black mark
on all of you.
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You should know
about black marks.
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00:08:44,938 --> 00:08:47,191
Your pillow must look like
a Rorschach test.
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00:08:47,232 --> 00:08:49,819
(chuckles): Not that there'd be
anyone to see it.
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So, as I was saying...
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But unfortunately,
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their 30-year
passive-aggressive dance
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was losing some of its passive.
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As if everybody in this room
couldn't tell
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how jealous and conniving you
are, my dear Lucille Austero.
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00:09:03,081 --> 00:09:06,836
What I knew was that you were
stealing for years-- we all did!
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That's why nobody was surprised
when you stole that boat.
236
00:09:09,714 --> 00:09:11,131
And I knew you couldn't wait
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to get your liver-spotted claws
into my company!
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Says the woman whose liver
can be spotted from outer space.
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- No further questions!
- No further answers!
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Am I done?
241
00:09:19,682 --> 00:09:23,561
Oh, that's got to be
a treasure chest.
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You think that went well?
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BARRY:
I do.
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The judge kept Lucille on ice
while she awaited the verdict.
245
00:09:29,775 --> 00:09:31,485
Have you heard anything?
246
00:09:31,527 --> 00:09:35,155
Well, our cashier's pregnant,
and she's not married, so...
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I mean about me.
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Oh, you're guilty--
three to five.
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Lucille was
checking in to her new home.
250
00:09:50,003 --> 00:09:53,090
Hello! Oh, Mrs. Bluth is here,
for stealing the "Queen Mary."
251
00:09:53,131 --> 00:09:56,093
- We're so glad to have you here.
- It was one of the so-called
252
00:09:56,134 --> 00:09:57,055
country club prisons...
253
00:09:57,094 --> 00:09:59,263
So... you are here.
254
00:09:59,304 --> 00:10:02,015
...that had become popular
after the Enron debacle.
255
00:10:02,057 --> 00:10:03,434
...so you're gonna take
this hallway to the elevators,
256
00:10:03,475 --> 00:10:04,727
and then you're gonna
want to go...
257
00:10:04,769 --> 00:10:06,228
Slow down.
258
00:10:06,270 --> 00:10:08,188
You sound like the end
of a Cymbalta commercial.
259
00:10:08,230 --> 00:10:10,399
Even the lifers get confused.
Don't worry...
260
00:10:10,441 --> 00:10:13,193
Even though it was a nice
prison, it was still prison.
261
00:10:13,235 --> 00:10:14,570
...your choice of
fresh scent, sport,
262
00:10:14,612 --> 00:10:16,196
or floral for your delousing.
263
00:10:16,238 --> 00:10:18,741
Also, if you're
sexually assaulted by a guard...
264
00:10:18,783 --> 00:10:21,410
A $20 gratuity is appreciated?
265
00:10:21,452 --> 00:10:22,661
(laughs)
266
00:10:22,703 --> 00:10:25,038
No, but press seven
on your phone.
267
00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:27,792
If you go through the front
desk, it'll take forever.
268
00:10:27,833 --> 00:10:31,003
After Lucille got settled in,
she received a visitor.
269
00:10:31,044 --> 00:10:32,296
LUCILLE:
You missed my trial, George.
270
00:10:32,337 --> 00:10:33,505
How could you?
271
00:10:33,547 --> 00:10:35,215
GEORGE SR:
I told you I was sorry.
272
00:10:35,257 --> 00:10:37,009
I was unconscious
on the sweat lodge floor.
273
00:10:37,050 --> 00:10:38,051
I lost two days.
274
00:10:38,093 --> 00:10:39,637
I'm losing three to five years.
275
00:10:39,678 --> 00:10:41,931
And those are the last years,
George, the best years,
276
00:10:41,973 --> 00:10:44,266
where you can have sex and not
worry about getting pregnant.
277
00:10:44,308 --> 00:10:45,601
All right, here's the good news:
278
00:10:45,643 --> 00:10:47,269
they only got you
on stealing the boat.
279
00:10:47,311 --> 00:10:49,313
They didn't even touch us
on the financial stuff.
280
00:10:49,354 --> 00:10:51,398
- You're gonna get out of here.
- When?
281
00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:53,800
Better be before the money runs
out; this place isn't cheap.
282
00:10:53,818 --> 00:10:56,904
I know, and you are
running up those spa bills.
283
00:10:56,946 --> 00:11:00,032
The same girl who hands me
towels does the cavity checks.
284
00:11:00,073 --> 00:11:01,492
You tip.
285
00:11:01,533 --> 00:11:03,828
Barry says he can get your
sentence reduced if...
286
00:11:03,869 --> 00:11:07,289
you agree to leave here
and go to Lucille 2's
287
00:11:07,331 --> 00:11:08,791
rehab clinic.
288
00:11:08,833 --> 00:11:11,543
That's the bitch
that put me here.
289
00:11:11,585 --> 00:11:14,630
And I'm not gonna fake having
some sort of...
290
00:11:14,672 --> 00:11:16,256
I don't know-- alcohol problem--
291
00:11:16,298 --> 00:11:18,843
just so that sterile cuckoo bird
can laugh at me.
292
00:11:18,884 --> 00:11:20,427
I figured. Okay.
293
00:11:20,469 --> 00:11:23,180
I have another idea--
now, you know China Garden?
294
00:11:23,221 --> 00:11:24,473
I know the one by the harbor.
295
00:11:24,515 --> 00:11:25,516
No, this one's a person.
296
00:11:25,557 --> 00:11:26,725
And that one closed.
297
00:11:26,767 --> 00:11:29,186
China Garden's Aunt Olive
298
00:11:29,227 --> 00:11:31,730
is very well connected
with the Jade Triad Gang.
299
00:11:31,772 --> 00:11:32,982
It's a prison gang here.
300
00:11:33,024 --> 00:11:34,900
And believe me,
they will protect you.
301
00:11:34,942 --> 00:11:36,986
That's a gang?
302
00:11:37,028 --> 00:11:40,072
I thought they were
tech support.
303
00:11:40,113 --> 00:11:41,824
It turned out they were a gang.
304
00:11:41,866 --> 00:11:44,035
And thanks to China Garden,
305
00:11:44,076 --> 00:11:46,286
Lucille was admitted
as a probationary member.
306
00:11:46,328 --> 00:11:47,913
You play mahjong before?
307
00:11:47,955 --> 00:11:50,123
Our beach club used
to have a Jewish Day.
308
00:11:50,165 --> 00:11:51,208
Your move, Olive Garden.
309
00:11:51,249 --> 00:11:52,835
I can't concentrate.
310
00:11:52,877 --> 00:11:55,212
Playing mahjong
without cigarette is like
311
00:11:55,253 --> 00:11:57,297
playing video poker without...
312
00:11:57,339 --> 00:11:58,340
cigarette.
313
00:11:58,382 --> 00:12:00,258
Why are we not allowed to smoke
314
00:12:00,300 --> 00:12:01,844
in this stupid prison?
315
00:12:01,886 --> 00:12:04,763
And that's
when Lucille made her move.
316
00:12:04,805 --> 00:12:07,683
- I know a loophole.
- Huh?
317
00:12:07,725 --> 00:12:08,893
"Roop hore"?
318
00:12:08,934 --> 00:12:10,728
- Roop hore.
- Roop hore.
319
00:12:10,769 --> 00:12:12,897
It was a loophole
that would get Lucille
320
00:12:12,938 --> 00:12:15,273
accepted as
a full-fledged member
321
00:12:15,315 --> 00:12:17,943
member of
the Jade Dragon Triad.
322
00:12:17,985 --> 00:12:19,786
You couldn't have chosen
a harder word to say.
323
00:12:22,155 --> 00:12:24,658
And soon
the Dragons were taking
324
00:12:24,700 --> 00:12:26,744
"drags on"
their cigarettes again.
325
00:12:26,785 --> 00:12:28,829
There's always a way
to get what you want.
326
00:12:28,871 --> 00:12:32,917
My husband is a very
powerful man, Lucille Bluth.
327
00:12:32,958 --> 00:12:36,003
Perhaps we can help each other
get what we want.
328
00:12:36,045 --> 00:12:39,423
And that's how Lucille found
a deep-pocketed investor
329
00:12:39,464 --> 00:12:41,174
to help build the wall.
330
00:12:41,216 --> 00:12:44,845
I got Olive Garden
to offer us unlimited bread.
331
00:12:44,887 --> 00:12:47,890
Who better than the Chinese
to help us build a wall, right?
332
00:12:47,932 --> 00:12:50,851
So the Chinese will own
a piece of the wall
333
00:12:50,893 --> 00:12:52,227
between U.S. and Mexico?
334
00:12:52,269 --> 00:12:53,979
They'll own all of it,
but they'll make us
335
00:12:54,021 --> 00:12:56,023
very rich in the process.
336
00:12:56,065 --> 00:12:58,650
We just need to get Michael
to sign a release.
337
00:12:58,692 --> 00:13:00,569
He sold his shares,
but he could still claim
338
00:13:00,611 --> 00:13:01,862
that he deserves a piece.
339
00:13:01,904 --> 00:13:04,489
Or worse, find out
and blow the whistle.
340
00:13:04,531 --> 00:13:06,450
Where the hell did we go wrong
with that kid?
341
00:13:06,491 --> 00:13:09,202
Probably where we went wrong
with the others-- I don't know.
342
00:13:09,244 --> 00:13:12,123
I like the plan... I just wonder
343
00:13:12,164 --> 00:13:14,625
if we're not in that
treason-adjacent place
344
00:13:14,666 --> 00:13:17,086
where the, uh,
government will retaliate
345
00:13:17,128 --> 00:13:19,004
and, uh... execute us.
346
00:13:19,046 --> 00:13:21,882
LUCILLE: Oh, they'd never
execute a woman for this.
347
00:13:21,924 --> 00:13:24,322
I have a good feeling
about these people.
348
00:13:24,442 --> 00:13:26,637
Oh, that's good enough for me.
349
00:13:26,678 --> 00:13:28,346
- (George crying)
- But the change in the economy
350
00:13:28,388 --> 00:13:31,809
led the government to put
the wall project on hold.
351
00:13:31,850 --> 00:13:33,185
And as the months passed
352
00:13:33,226 --> 00:13:35,687
and the Chinese saw
no progress on the wall,
353
00:13:35,729 --> 00:13:37,106
tension mounted.
354
00:13:37,148 --> 00:13:39,942
And Lucille was getting
more controlling.
355
00:13:39,984 --> 00:13:41,110
She said you're fat.
356
00:13:41,152 --> 00:13:42,861
That's what you said, right?
357
00:13:42,903 --> 00:13:44,155
Or does that mean something
358
00:13:44,196 --> 00:13:46,445
- different in Chinese?
- No, it means "fat."
359
00:13:46,565 --> 00:13:48,659
You keep causing trouble,
you're going to end up
360
00:13:48,700 --> 00:13:51,203
- with noodles in your belly.
- I like noodles.
361
00:13:51,244 --> 00:13:54,123
Not this way--
very hard to digest.
362
00:13:54,165 --> 00:13:55,791
Ancient Chinese secret, huh?
363
00:13:55,833 --> 00:13:57,626
It's no secret--
we'll kill you.
364
00:13:57,668 --> 00:13:59,711
- She was even being controlling
- Did you get that?
365
00:13:59,753 --> 00:14:01,964
of the"R.A.P.H.O.C.W.C.P.S."
366
00:14:02,006 --> 00:14:03,674
reality TV crew.
367
00:14:03,715 --> 00:14:05,425
Do you need a clean of
her making the threat?
368
00:14:05,467 --> 00:14:07,011
I can lean back,
but you will come around
369
00:14:07,052 --> 00:14:08,637
and get my reaction, yes?
370
00:14:08,679 --> 00:14:11,056
Oh, I'll say it again--
we'll kill you.
371
00:14:11,098 --> 00:14:13,391
But soon
the threat was made real.
372
00:14:13,433 --> 00:14:14,558
Oh!
She's got a sharpened noodle!
373
00:14:14,689 --> 00:14:16,483
She's trying to noodle-stab me!
374
00:14:16,524 --> 00:14:17,984
- Back up!
- (people screaming)
375
00:14:18,025 --> 00:14:19,110
(yells)
376
00:14:20,194 --> 00:14:22,363
- (grunts)
- (people yelling)
377
00:14:22,405 --> 00:14:23,615
(blows)
378
00:14:23,657 --> 00:14:25,492
Aah, my eye!
379
00:14:25,533 --> 00:14:27,952
This will be even more
exciting if you jump cut it.
380
00:14:27,994 --> 00:14:29,663
Quiet!
381
00:14:29,704 --> 00:14:34,125
You can't just come in and have
bread for nothing around here.
382
00:14:34,167 --> 00:14:36,753
You have to pay bill some time.
383
00:14:36,795 --> 00:14:39,589
It wasn't a great time to find
out George didn't own
384
00:14:39,631 --> 00:14:42,592
the right property
to build the wall on.
385
00:14:42,634 --> 00:14:45,386
- And so a new plan emerged
- LUCILLE: Make sure Hebert Love
386
00:14:45,428 --> 00:14:47,096
comes out against the wall...
387
00:14:47,138 --> 00:14:50,684
They needed the government
to kill the wall completely,
388
00:14:50,725 --> 00:14:52,477
- but pay them anyway.
- As much as I'd like to stay
389
00:14:52,519 --> 00:14:53,645
and lay some more pipe with you,
390
00:14:53,687 --> 00:14:55,438
I better get moving
on this thing.
391
00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:57,231
We've got to make
this wall work, George.
392
00:14:57,273 --> 00:14:58,900
We know Lucille 2
will oppose it,
393
00:14:58,941 --> 00:15:01,277
we just have make sure
Herbert Love does.
394
00:15:01,318 --> 00:15:03,111
Oh, don't worry-- that's
why I asked Michael for help.
395
00:15:03,154 --> 00:15:06,574
Michael? What are you bringing
Michael into this for?
396
00:15:06,616 --> 00:15:08,618
The only thing he should
be doing is signing over
397
00:15:08,660 --> 00:15:09,744
his rights to the company.
398
00:15:09,786 --> 00:15:11,287
I asked him to do this as well.
399
00:15:11,329 --> 00:15:12,497
He made it a condition
of the now
400
00:15:12,539 --> 00:15:14,457
four favor family pact.
401
00:15:14,499 --> 00:15:15,709
Will you please relax?
402
00:15:15,750 --> 00:15:16,671
...do something for me?
403
00:15:16,710 --> 00:15:18,545
You know,
your mother is very hurt.
404
00:15:18,586 --> 00:15:20,672
You haven't visited her.
It's like you have given up
405
00:15:20,714 --> 00:15:22,256
- on the family business.
- I have.
406
00:15:22,298 --> 00:15:24,050
Yes, but not in writing.
407
00:15:24,091 --> 00:15:25,844
To protect all of us, visit her,
408
00:15:25,886 --> 00:15:28,137
sign a little something
saying it's all hers.
409
00:15:28,179 --> 00:15:29,472
- Will you do this, Michael?
- Yeah.
410
00:15:29,514 --> 00:15:30,557
But I get to make you look bad
411
00:15:30,598 --> 00:15:31,850
- in the movie, okay?
- Okay.
412
00:15:31,892 --> 00:15:32,934
- Should we settle up?
- All right.
413
00:15:32,975 --> 00:15:34,477
Who owes what-what to who?
414
00:15:34,519 --> 00:15:35,854
LUCILLE: Send me some evidence
of a wall
415
00:15:35,896 --> 00:15:37,397
I can show the Chinese.
416
00:15:37,438 --> 00:15:38,565
And the government.
417
00:15:38,606 --> 00:15:40,901
We need to make
this happen, George.
418
00:15:40,942 --> 00:15:42,944
The Chinese have more
than a sharpened noodle
419
00:15:42,985 --> 00:15:44,612
with my name on it.
420
00:15:44,654 --> 00:15:46,698
NARRATOR: And days later,
that evidence arrived
421
00:15:46,740 --> 00:15:48,115
from George Sr.
422
00:15:48,157 --> 00:15:49,659
We've built this wall.
423
00:15:49,701 --> 00:15:51,411
We have miles and...
424
00:15:51,452 --> 00:15:54,581
and miles of wall, uh...
425
00:15:54,622 --> 00:16:00,879
(audio fast-fowarding)
426
00:16:00,921 --> 00:16:03,381
- There's more wall, uh...
- Dad! Dad...!
427
00:16:03,423 --> 00:16:06,092
- And you know, and it feels good to help,
- It's spinning!
428
00:16:06,133 --> 00:16:07,802
to protecting our-our border.
429
00:16:07,844 --> 00:16:09,679
LUCILLE: My God,
he Steamboat Willied it.
430
00:16:09,721 --> 00:16:11,765
- It's a heart project.
- Dad! Dad!
431
00:16:11,806 --> 00:16:13,182
We love America.
432
00:16:13,224 --> 00:16:15,810
- We love America.
- Daddy!
433
00:16:15,852 --> 00:16:18,855
(sighs)
434
00:16:18,897 --> 00:16:22,483
And that's when Lucille noticed
something worrisome.
435
00:16:24,151 --> 00:16:27,113
It seemed her prison family
was preparing
436
00:16:27,154 --> 00:16:30,784
for her to disappear as well.
437
00:16:36,456 --> 00:16:39,667
So Lucille took matters
into her own hands.
438
00:16:41,878 --> 00:16:43,922
GOB: Well, that was fast,
you hot little...
439
00:16:43,964 --> 00:16:46,424
- It's your mother. - Hi, sorry, I
thought you were somebody else.
440
00:16:46,466 --> 00:16:48,092
I can't tell you who, 'cause
I'm-I'm dating someone famous.
441
00:16:48,134 --> 00:16:49,552
someone... famous.
442
00:16:49,594 --> 00:16:51,554
You better start to build
this wall built pronto.
443
00:16:51,596 --> 00:16:54,015
I tried with your father,
but he can't do it.
444
00:16:54,056 --> 00:16:55,934
Well, I'm kind of busy now--
I'm working with Michael.
445
00:16:55,976 --> 00:16:57,978
What are you working on
with Michael?
446
00:16:58,019 --> 00:16:59,646
Dad made him give me a job.
447
00:16:59,687 --> 00:17:01,063
I see--
so he thought it was
448
00:17:01,105 --> 00:17:03,399
a good idea
to have you two together.
449
00:17:03,441 --> 00:17:04,901
Isn't that nice?
450
00:17:04,943 --> 00:17:07,445
My God, is there anyone there
with half a brain
451
00:17:07,487 --> 00:17:08,696
that can help me with this?
452
00:17:08,738 --> 00:17:09,990
I don't know about
"half a brain,"
453
00:17:10,031 --> 00:17:11,532
but Tobias is living
with me right now
454
00:17:11,574 --> 00:17:13,159
and he's not very bright.
455
00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:16,245
Although he is working in
the rehab where Lucille 2 is.
456
00:17:16,287 --> 00:17:17,664
He is?
457
00:17:17,705 --> 00:17:19,206
And that's when Lucille came up
458
00:17:19,248 --> 00:17:20,875
with a plan
to get transferred away
459
00:17:20,917 --> 00:17:22,335
from the Jade Dragon Triad.
460
00:17:22,376 --> 00:17:23,920
Hire a crew and start the wall.
461
00:17:23,962 --> 00:17:25,421
And not a word to your brother.
462
00:17:25,463 --> 00:17:26,923
I'm getting a transfer.
463
00:17:26,965 --> 00:17:29,676
It's time for Mama to put on
the old drunk act.
464
00:17:29,717 --> 00:17:31,385
GOB:
That was an a...?
465
00:17:34,138 --> 00:17:36,057
After a call
to Lucille 2's rehab center,
466
00:17:36,098 --> 00:17:37,809
- (slurring): Lucille 2, please.
- where her drunk act was
467
00:17:37,851 --> 00:17:40,353
as good as you'd see
at the Method One Clinic...
468
00:17:40,394 --> 00:17:42,022
Fine, Lucille Austero.
469
00:17:42,063 --> 00:17:43,982
...Lucille was admitted
as a patient.
470
00:17:44,024 --> 00:17:45,316
And soon met the therapist
471
00:17:45,358 --> 00:17:46,108
who held the keys to her
freedom.
472
00:17:46,150 --> 00:17:47,276
You look great.
473
00:17:47,318 --> 00:17:48,987
That suit looks
very hetero on you.
474
00:17:49,029 --> 00:17:51,865
Well, thank you--
you look very hetero as well.
475
00:17:51,906 --> 00:17:55,201
Now... how are you?
476
00:17:55,242 --> 00:17:56,828
I'm as normal as blueberry pie.
477
00:17:56,870 --> 00:17:59,080
So write that down on a form,
sign me out,
478
00:17:59,121 --> 00:18:01,415
I won't have
to go back to prison,
479
00:18:01,457 --> 00:18:05,252
and maybe you'll find a new car
parked in your driveway.
480
00:18:07,213 --> 00:18:08,631
Oh...
481
00:18:08,673 --> 00:18:10,842
Yes, well,
it-it doesn't work that way.
482
00:18:10,884 --> 00:18:13,678
We have to have a series
of sessions, and, uh, I have to
483
00:18:13,720 --> 00:18:16,180
swear in the best
of my professional opinion
484
00:18:16,222 --> 00:18:18,558
that you have accepted
and made every effort
485
00:18:18,599 --> 00:18:21,310
at thoughtfully reflecting
upon your weaknesses.
486
00:18:21,352 --> 00:18:23,354
Yes!
Write down that I did that.
487
00:18:23,396 --> 00:18:25,023
Well, no,
I-I don't work that way.
488
00:18:25,065 --> 00:18:26,399
You don't work any way.
489
00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:28,192
This is your first paying job
in ten years.
490
00:18:28,234 --> 00:18:29,569
Oh, no, no, this doesn't pay.
491
00:18:29,610 --> 00:18:31,404
This is part of a
work release program.
492
00:18:31,445 --> 00:18:33,606
The state of California thinks
that I'm a sex offender.
493
00:18:33,614 --> 00:18:36,283
D-D-Don't worry about what
the state of California thinks.
494
00:18:36,325 --> 00:18:37,994
The point is we have a chance
495
00:18:38,036 --> 00:18:39,620
to be honest with ourselves.
496
00:18:39,662 --> 00:18:42,540
Fine-- you don't look
heterosexual in that suit.
497
00:18:42,582 --> 00:18:44,918
You look as swishy
as Ryan Seacrest.
498
00:18:44,959 --> 00:18:46,753
Ryan Seacrest is straight.
499
00:18:46,794 --> 00:18:48,880
And I'm 40!
Sign the form.
500
00:18:48,922 --> 00:18:51,049
Well, at least we have
a dialogue going.
501
00:18:51,091 --> 00:18:52,550
Dialogue?
502
00:18:52,592 --> 00:18:54,594
If you don't release me
you've heard the last
503
00:18:54,635 --> 00:18:56,554
I'm going to say to you
in these sessions.
504
00:18:56,596 --> 00:18:58,472
Fine, but you will have
to sit with me
505
00:18:58,514 --> 00:19:00,141
for the full session.
506
00:19:00,182 --> 00:19:02,685
Every single session.
507
00:19:02,727 --> 00:19:07,023
Now, Lucille, I can't
make you talk.
508
00:19:07,065 --> 00:19:09,525
But you know what I can do?
509
00:19:15,322 --> 00:19:17,075
Hmm?
510
00:19:19,077 --> 00:19:22,329
Okay, I can't trick you
into talking, either.
511
00:19:22,371 --> 00:19:24,665
This went on
for several sessions.
512
00:19:32,048 --> 00:19:34,550
Perhaps that's
why they call this place
513
00:19:34,592 --> 00:19:37,720
Au-stare-ity.
514
00:19:40,098 --> 00:19:41,182
No?
515
00:19:43,225 --> 00:19:45,895
Au-stare-i...
516
00:19:45,937 --> 00:19:47,021
Fine.
517
00:19:47,063 --> 00:19:48,064
Well, if you're
not going to talk,
518
00:19:48,106 --> 00:19:49,315
I'm just going to...
519
00:19:49,356 --> 00:19:51,233
- write this up.
- Earlier that day,
520
00:19:51,275 --> 00:19:53,277
Tobias had encountered
a plot problem
521
00:19:53,319 --> 00:19:55,155
with the
"Fantastic Four" musical.
522
00:19:55,196 --> 00:19:56,363
A villain.
523
00:19:56,405 --> 00:19:57,991
I was thinking the same thing.
524
00:19:58,032 --> 00:20:00,743
I mean, why aren't the
Fantastic Four fighting anyone.
525
00:20:00,785 --> 00:20:02,453
Instead of just
dancing around, you mean.
526
00:20:02,495 --> 00:20:04,622
Right, it's like all Sharks
and no Jets.
527
00:20:04,664 --> 00:20:06,666
Then we would have a second act.
528
00:20:06,707 --> 00:20:08,334
Lucia, right?
529
00:20:08,375 --> 00:20:09,836
I mean, that's their foe.
530
00:20:09,877 --> 00:20:11,212
Lucia Von Bardass?
531
00:20:12,839 --> 00:20:15,424
Have you guys ever
even read one of these things?
532
00:20:15,466 --> 00:20:17,844
So Tobias was glad for the
break in Lucille's sessions.
533
00:20:17,885 --> 00:20:18,886
- ...to do this right?
- So that he could work on it.
534
00:20:18,928 --> 00:20:20,387
I mean, really right.
535
00:20:20,429 --> 00:20:22,807
This woman is a villain.
536
00:20:22,849 --> 00:20:24,184
You think I'm a villain, too?
537
00:20:24,225 --> 00:20:25,476
- No...
- My children
538
00:20:25,518 --> 00:20:27,020
are all waiting for me to die
539
00:20:27,061 --> 00:20:28,521
so they can divvy up my stuff,
540
00:20:28,562 --> 00:20:30,481
my Chinese gang mates were
getting ready
541
00:20:30,523 --> 00:20:33,151
to noodle stab me,
and even one of the guards
542
00:20:33,193 --> 00:20:35,195
called me "Gangie,"
and he was talking
543
00:20:35,236 --> 00:20:36,570
about the monster movie.
544
00:20:36,612 --> 00:20:39,032
He thinks that horrible
monster looks like me!
545
00:20:39,073 --> 00:20:41,534
So fine, you want to call me
a villain, I accept it!
546
00:20:41,575 --> 00:20:42,827
I'm your villain!
547
00:20:42,869 --> 00:20:45,038
Uh, actually I was writing down
548
00:20:45,079 --> 00:20:46,080
a casting breakdown
549
00:20:46,122 --> 00:20:47,874
for the role of Lucia
550
00:20:47,915 --> 00:20:49,667
for my "Fantastic Four" musical.
551
00:20:49,709 --> 00:20:52,628
This was all
about your stupid play?
552
00:20:52,670 --> 00:20:54,255
I was about to cry
553
00:20:54,296 --> 00:20:56,423
for the first time in 60 years.
554
00:20:56,465 --> 00:20:58,968
I remember when
the last time was, too.
555
00:20:59,010 --> 00:21:01,929
I hid under Mama's porch
during a thunderstorm...
556
00:21:01,971 --> 00:21:04,140
(voice breaks): and I found
the remains of my ostri...
557
00:21:04,182 --> 00:21:06,642
It's not a stupid play.
558
00:21:06,684 --> 00:21:08,186
It's a musical.
559
00:21:08,228 --> 00:21:09,520
And I have to debut it
560
00:21:09,562 --> 00:21:11,105
on a boat at Cinco.
561
00:21:12,314 --> 00:21:13,649
It's on a boat?
562
00:21:13,691 --> 00:21:15,193
Take to the sea!
563
00:21:15,235 --> 00:21:17,653
Yes, I'll sign everyone out
for the night,
564
00:21:17,695 --> 00:21:20,990
but I guess I'll have to play
the old sea bitch myself.
565
00:21:21,032 --> 00:21:22,616
I'm in.
566
00:21:22,658 --> 00:21:24,326
Really?
567
00:21:24,368 --> 00:21:25,912
Well, that's wonderful.
568
00:21:25,953 --> 00:21:27,914
Well, I think we have made
a breakthrough today.
569
00:21:27,955 --> 00:21:30,041
In the musical, not you.
570
00:21:30,083 --> 00:21:32,793
Oh, God, no, there's miles
of work to do with you. (laughs)
571
00:21:32,835 --> 00:21:35,379
But, of course,
he would make her audition.
572
00:21:35,421 --> 00:21:37,464
So Lucille wrote a song
from the heart.
573
00:21:37,506 --> 00:21:39,133
LUCILLE:
♪ My children despise me ♪
574
00:21:39,175 --> 00:21:40,760
♪ My husband defies me ♪
575
00:21:40,801 --> 00:21:42,344
♪ It doesn't surprise me ♪
576
00:21:42,386 --> 00:21:43,679
♪ The hell with them all ♪
577
00:21:43,721 --> 00:21:45,472
♪ I'll put up a wall ♪
578
00:21:45,514 --> 00:21:47,474
♪ You think I'm a villain ♪
579
00:21:47,516 --> 00:21:48,893
♪ A villain I'll be ♪
580
00:21:48,935 --> 00:21:50,561
♪ My heart is in pain ♪
581
00:21:50,603 --> 00:21:52,563
♪ I just want to flee ♪
582
00:21:52,605 --> 00:21:54,899
♪ From me. ♪
583
00:21:56,567 --> 00:21:57,902
Wonderful.
584
00:21:57,944 --> 00:21:59,279
Terrifying.
585
00:21:59,320 --> 00:22:00,321
Isn't she?
586
00:22:00,362 --> 00:22:01,572
Betty, you can leave.
587
00:22:01,614 --> 00:22:03,407
Lucille, would you please stay?
588
00:22:03,449 --> 00:22:06,286
But staying was the last thing
Lucille had in mind.
589
00:22:06,327 --> 00:22:07,745
- (phone rings)
- LUCILLE: Hello?
590
00:22:07,787 --> 00:22:09,747
MAN: I want to be with you;
I... I have needs.
591
00:22:09,789 --> 00:22:10,706
George, is that you?
592
00:22:10,748 --> 00:22:12,250
It wasn't.
593
00:22:12,292 --> 00:22:14,835
It was Oscar who,
living as George,
594
00:22:14,877 --> 00:22:16,963
- and feeling more amorous...
- (Oscar whistles)
595
00:22:17,004 --> 00:22:20,341
...went to visit Lucille 2
for an afternoon delight.
596
00:22:20,382 --> 00:22:22,593
When she wasn't there,
he found her work number.
597
00:22:22,635 --> 00:22:23,677
WOMAN:
Austerity.
598
00:22:23,719 --> 00:22:25,096
Lucille 2, please?
599
00:22:25,138 --> 00:22:27,098
But, of course, at Austerity,
600
00:22:27,140 --> 00:22:29,516
- this woman is Lucille 2.
- Hello.
601
00:22:29,558 --> 00:22:31,518
I want to be with you;
I... I have needs.
602
00:22:31,560 --> 00:22:33,104
LUCILLE:
George, is that you?
603
00:22:33,146 --> 00:22:35,356
But a newly virile Oscar
figured, in a pinch,
604
00:22:35,397 --> 00:22:37,233
any Lucille would do.
605
00:22:37,275 --> 00:22:39,693
Yes, this is George.
Where are you?
606
00:22:39,735 --> 00:22:41,279
I'm in rehab, you know that.
607
00:22:41,321 --> 00:22:43,906
Why don't I swing by,
and we can conjugate?
608
00:22:43,948 --> 00:22:45,532
Let's do our business
over the phone.
609
00:22:45,574 --> 00:22:48,494
May not have a lot of time,
but, uh, all right, here goes:
610
00:22:48,535 --> 00:22:51,705
I want to pull your panties
off with my...
611
00:22:51,747 --> 00:22:53,207
Real business, George.
612
00:22:53,249 --> 00:22:56,418
I'd very much like to pull your
underwear off with my teeth...
613
00:22:56,460 --> 00:22:57,837
LUCILLE:
No-- at Cinco,
614
00:22:57,878 --> 00:23:00,298
we're getting on a boat,
we're leaving the country.
615
00:23:00,340 --> 00:23:01,799
OSCAR:
But what about love?
616
00:23:01,841 --> 00:23:04,969
Easy-- Gene Parmesan
got photos of Herbert Love
617
00:23:05,011 --> 00:23:06,179
with some redheaded whore.
618
00:23:06,220 --> 00:23:09,640
I'm giving his wife a taste,
so he knows we know.
619
00:23:09,682 --> 00:23:12,935
If he wins, we should be able to
get him to do whatever we want
620
00:23:12,977 --> 00:23:14,561
with that wall now.
621
00:23:14,603 --> 00:23:15,604
- (phone beeps)
- I'm not completely following...
622
00:23:15,646 --> 00:23:17,190
Oop. Hold on.
623
00:23:17,231 --> 00:23:19,150
And that's when Lucille finally
had a visit from her son.
624
00:23:19,192 --> 00:23:21,194
- Hello.
- Michael Bluth here to see you.
625
00:23:21,235 --> 00:23:22,736
Send him up.
626
00:23:22,778 --> 00:23:24,864
- OSCAR: ...with my teeth.
- Michael's here.
627
00:23:24,905 --> 00:23:26,366
- Oh...
- This is my chance to make sure
628
00:23:26,407 --> 00:23:28,034
he doesn't get
too cozy with Gob.
629
00:23:28,075 --> 00:23:30,161
- Why?
- Bad things happen
630
00:23:30,203 --> 00:23:31,871
when brothers collude.
631
00:23:36,334 --> 00:23:37,918
When can we have sex?
632
00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:39,170
LUCILLE:
After Cinco.
633
00:23:39,212 --> 00:23:40,921
Cinco?
634
00:23:40,963 --> 00:23:43,549
LUCILLE: Just get a boat ready,
we'll make our getaway.
635
00:23:43,590 --> 00:23:45,467
So not... not today.
636
00:23:45,509 --> 00:23:49,013
And that's when she saw Michael
for the first time
637
00:23:49,055 --> 00:23:51,391
since the last time
he left the family.
638
00:23:51,432 --> 00:23:52,766
Wow.
639
00:23:52,808 --> 00:23:54,227
This is a step up from prison.
640
00:23:54,268 --> 00:23:55,811
How would you know?
641
00:23:55,853 --> 00:23:57,397
You haven't come
to visit me once.
642
00:23:57,438 --> 00:23:58,398
Yeah. Sorry.
643
00:23:58,439 --> 00:23:59,815
I feel bad about that.
644
00:23:59,857 --> 00:24:01,483
So you're here to make amends?
645
00:24:01,525 --> 00:24:04,070
Because you know your mother
will always take you back.
646
00:24:04,111 --> 00:24:06,655
And because
I know my mother wants me
647
00:24:06,697 --> 00:24:08,949
to sign away any connection
to the family business.
648
00:24:08,991 --> 00:24:09,951
I just need a signature.
649
00:24:09,992 --> 00:24:11,535
I'm happy to help.
If...
650
00:24:11,577 --> 00:24:13,871
- you do something for me.
- For me.
651
00:24:13,913 --> 00:24:16,207
Yeah, I heard
that's been happening.
652
00:24:16,249 --> 00:24:18,459
I'm happy to help you, honey.
653
00:24:18,500 --> 00:24:20,461
Me, too.
654
00:24:20,502 --> 00:24:23,172
And that's how Michael got his
mother's rights to the movie.
655
00:24:23,214 --> 00:24:25,716
But not right away.
656
00:24:37,019 --> 00:24:38,104
So happy to help.
657
00:24:38,145 --> 00:24:39,105
Me, too.
658
00:24:39,146 --> 00:24:41,523
- So, everything else is good?
- Yeah.
659
00:24:41,565 --> 00:24:44,026
You've talked to your sister,
the radical?
660
00:24:44,068 --> 00:24:46,070
Yeah. She's a redhead now,
and she's dating Herbert Love,
661
00:24:46,112 --> 00:24:47,863
but other than her looks
and her belief system,
662
00:24:47,905 --> 00:24:49,365
- Oh...
- she's the same old Lindsay.
663
00:24:49,407 --> 00:24:52,243
So that's Lindsay in the photo.
664
00:24:52,285 --> 00:24:53,953
And I hear you're dating
an actress...
665
00:24:53,994 --> 00:24:55,455
who's also dating Ron Howard?
666
00:24:55,496 --> 00:24:56,456
(wry laugh)
667
00:24:56,497 --> 00:24:57,998
No, no...
no, no, no, no, no, no.
668
00:24:58,040 --> 00:25:00,167
She is not dating
Ron Howard, Mother.
669
00:25:00,209 --> 00:25:01,449
Ron Howard is her father, okay?
670
00:25:01,461 --> 00:25:02,878
(Michael chuckles)
671
00:25:02,920 --> 00:25:04,922
Your mind...
672
00:25:04,964 --> 00:25:07,091
I did, though, actually
find out who she is dating.
673
00:25:07,133 --> 00:25:09,093
Michael had found out,
earlier that day,
674
00:25:09,135 --> 00:25:11,553
when he visited
her apartment to head off
675
00:25:11,595 --> 00:25:15,182
any ill feelings
she might have about this...
676
00:25:15,224 --> 00:25:16,642
I'll do everything
in my power to make sure
677
00:25:16,683 --> 00:25:17,851
she never dates you again.
678
00:25:17,893 --> 00:25:18,894
Or this...
679
00:25:18,936 --> 00:25:20,146
You are ruining
my life, Ron Howard!
680
00:25:20,187 --> 00:25:21,314
Nice, right?
681
00:25:21,355 --> 00:25:22,773
Is too big.
682
00:25:22,815 --> 00:25:25,067
She likes small.
683
00:25:25,109 --> 00:25:26,986
LEM:
Can I please have ice cream?
684
00:25:27,027 --> 00:25:30,197
No, no, you are a Depardieu.
No sweets.
685
00:25:30,239 --> 00:25:32,283
Getting excited about Cinco?
686
00:25:32,325 --> 00:25:35,661
Your Cinco, not ours.
687
00:25:38,705 --> 00:25:42,084
Michael wasn't proud
of what he was about to do.
688
00:25:42,126 --> 00:25:44,170
Hey, Lem, I can reach
the ice cream and, you know,
689
00:25:44,211 --> 00:25:45,671
in my family,
we play a game called
690
00:25:45,712 --> 00:25:49,383
"If You Do Something For Me."
691
00:25:49,425 --> 00:25:50,884
Rules are meant
to be broken, huh?
692
00:25:50,926 --> 00:25:54,054
I will give you this Dove bar,
if you do something for me.
693
00:25:54,096 --> 00:25:55,389
We have Dove bars?
694
00:25:55,431 --> 00:25:57,183
We do. Look at that.
695
00:25:57,224 --> 00:26:01,187
Tell me what you know
about this "George Maharis."
696
00:26:01,228 --> 00:26:02,146
Not much.
697
00:26:02,188 --> 00:26:03,230
He's old.
698
00:26:03,272 --> 00:26:04,565
Is he older than me?
699
00:26:04,606 --> 00:26:05,816
A few years.
700
00:26:05,858 --> 00:26:07,193
He looks like you.
701
00:26:08,277 --> 00:26:10,154
So, handsome.
702
00:26:10,196 --> 00:26:12,532
And that's when Lucille
found a way
703
00:26:12,573 --> 00:26:14,408
to keep the brothers
from colluding.
704
00:26:14,450 --> 00:26:16,076
George Maharis.
705
00:26:16,118 --> 00:26:18,078
George--
that's your brother's name.
706
00:26:18,120 --> 00:26:19,663
George Oscar Bluth.
707
00:26:19,705 --> 00:26:23,376
Yes, uh, George
is Gob's first name, yep.
708
00:26:23,417 --> 00:26:24,751
And that's when Michael
709
00:26:24,793 --> 00:26:26,712
remembered something else
strange.
710
00:26:30,216 --> 00:26:32,176
I probably should have
expected that.
711
00:26:32,218 --> 00:26:33,177
And then stranger...
712
00:26:33,219 --> 00:26:35,012
MICHAEL:
"Love each other..."
713
00:26:35,054 --> 00:26:37,139
Oh, that definitely
sounds like Gob.
714
00:26:37,181 --> 00:26:39,975
And he did say he was
seeing someone famous...
715
00:26:40,017 --> 00:26:41,435
...dating someone famous.
716
00:26:41,477 --> 00:26:43,896
And Michael remembered
hearing about that, as well.
717
00:26:43,937 --> 00:26:45,856
Me doth think he hath a lady.
718
00:26:45,898 --> 00:26:49,318
- Oh.
- And they're both a bit of celebrities.
719
00:26:49,360 --> 00:26:51,987
Well, that is odd, because I,
I'm also dating a celebrity.
720
00:26:52,029 --> 00:26:53,239
If I were you,
I'd put a tail on him.
721
00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:55,074
Get a P.I.
722
00:26:55,115 --> 00:26:57,451
Where the hell
am I gonna find a P.I.?
723
00:26:57,493 --> 00:26:58,869
Gene Parmesan...
724
00:26:58,911 --> 00:27:00,538
at your service.
725
00:27:00,580 --> 00:27:01,539
(screaming)
726
00:27:01,581 --> 00:27:02,540
Gene!
727
00:27:02,582 --> 00:27:04,666
He does this to me every time!
728
00:27:04,708 --> 00:27:06,869
- What's he doing here, Mom?
- Oh, he's working for me.
729
00:27:06,877 --> 00:27:07,836
Why'd you scream, then?
730
00:27:07,878 --> 00:27:11,298
I thought he was that guy.
731
00:27:13,634 --> 00:27:15,677
Mm.
732
00:27:17,054 --> 00:27:18,847
NARRATOR:
At Lucille's behest,
733
00:27:18,889 --> 00:27:21,975
Michael borrowed the family
P.I. to follow his brother.
734
00:27:22,017 --> 00:27:24,061
GENE:
He just drove by. Pick me up.
735
00:27:24,103 --> 00:27:26,647
MICHAEL:
This is the great disguise, huh?
736
00:27:26,688 --> 00:27:28,023
Fry cook!
737
00:27:28,065 --> 00:27:29,942
Oh, no, no,
this is my horrible night job.
738
00:27:29,983 --> 00:27:32,069
In fact, I was hoping
you could drop me off
739
00:27:32,111 --> 00:27:33,737
at Chicken Dan's
when we're all done.
740
00:27:33,779 --> 00:27:34,780
Chicken Dan's, huh?
741
00:27:34,821 --> 00:27:36,365
That is embarrassing.
742
00:27:36,407 --> 00:27:38,534
This from a man who's driving
around a mapping car?
743
00:27:38,576 --> 00:27:40,453
You know, I don't even think
these things work.
744
00:27:40,494 --> 00:27:42,413
That's why I rely
on these babies right here--
745
00:27:42,455 --> 00:27:43,747
the old binocs.
746
00:27:43,789 --> 00:27:45,874
Let's see if we can't find
this target.
747
00:27:45,916 --> 00:27:47,918
You know, the great thing
about these is,
748
00:27:47,960 --> 00:27:50,630
there's no software to update...
749
00:27:50,671 --> 00:27:52,381
- Oh, God, what are you doing?
- Sorry.
750
00:27:52,423 --> 00:27:54,049
Oh, these binoculars
make me nauseous.
751
00:27:54,091 --> 00:27:55,217
MICHAEL:
Well, of course they do.
752
00:27:55,259 --> 00:27:56,718
Why don't you just use the maps?
753
00:27:56,760 --> 00:27:59,346
- No.
- We're in a satellite-linked mapping car.
754
00:27:59,388 --> 00:28:02,182
No, no. Sometimes
the old ways are the...
755
00:28:02,224 --> 00:28:03,434
- Hey.
- You-you better pull over.
756
00:28:03,476 --> 00:28:04,644
- All right, hang on.
- Pull over!
757
00:28:04,685 --> 00:28:06,061
One, two.
758
00:28:06,103 --> 00:28:07,104
And while Michael was
waylaid...
759
00:28:07,146 --> 00:28:08,397
One, two...
760
00:28:08,439 --> 00:28:09,315
...Lucille was working
on her tap dancing.
761
00:28:09,356 --> 00:28:10,399
One, two.
762
00:28:10,441 --> 00:28:12,901
♪ You look down on Thing ♪
763
00:28:12,943 --> 00:28:15,112
- One, two...
- ♪ But that is 'cause ♪
764
00:28:15,154 --> 00:28:17,573
♪ You haven't heard me ♪
765
00:28:17,615 --> 00:28:19,408
♪ Sing! ♪
766
00:28:19,450 --> 00:28:20,867
- Two.
- E-ex... excuse...
767
00:28:20,909 --> 00:28:22,953
- ♪ When I was ♪
- Excuse me?
768
00:28:22,995 --> 00:28:24,913
- ♪ A little bitty boy... ♪
- Correction. Her tap dancing...
769
00:28:24,955 --> 00:28:26,373
She missed a step.
Tell her she missed a step.
770
00:28:26,415 --> 00:28:27,833
She can't do it like that.
771
00:28:27,874 --> 00:28:29,627
- ...on people's feelings.
- Oh, uh,
772
00:28:29,669 --> 00:28:31,545
DeBrie, you might have missed
a step, so...
773
00:28:31,587 --> 00:28:33,880
- Sorry. I think I might...I hurt my leg.
- Oh.
774
00:28:33,922 --> 00:28:36,634
And so, I need some, mm,
Tylenol with c-codeine?
775
00:28:36,676 --> 00:28:38,636
Or maybe
a little morphie morph?
776
00:28:38,678 --> 00:28:40,179
No. DeBrie, come on. (laughs)
777
00:28:40,220 --> 00:28:42,014
Don't you want to get back
on that horse?
778
00:28:42,055 --> 00:28:43,599
Even better!
779
00:28:43,641 --> 00:28:45,476
She was the best
villain casting
780
00:28:45,518 --> 00:28:48,354
since Shirley MacClain
in "Gangie Four."
781
00:28:48,395 --> 00:28:50,189
And on the night of Cinco,
782
00:28:50,230 --> 00:28:51,565
Lucille's escape plans
783
00:28:51,607 --> 00:28:53,775
got a step closer
to completion.
784
00:28:53,817 --> 00:28:57,070
Oscar did indeed borrow a boat
and left it idling,
785
00:28:57,112 --> 00:29:00,949
which unfortunately, was what
this man was looking for.
786
00:29:00,991 --> 00:29:03,494
And Lucille slipped away
from the cast,
787
00:29:03,536 --> 00:29:05,829
looking for her husband.
788
00:29:05,871 --> 00:29:08,457
There you are!
789
00:29:08,499 --> 00:29:10,626
What are you doing here?
790
00:29:10,668 --> 00:29:12,545
What do you mean,
what am I doing here?
791
00:29:12,586 --> 00:29:14,338
We made plans...
to escape on the boat!
792
00:29:14,380 --> 00:29:16,507
I never made plans with you.
793
00:29:16,549 --> 00:29:20,135
But we talked
about it on the phone,
794
00:29:20,177 --> 00:29:21,887
when you were trying
to talk dirty to me.
795
00:29:21,928 --> 00:29:23,347
- Oh.
- What is wrong with you?
796
00:29:23,389 --> 00:29:25,224
This is... this is embarrassing.
Full disclosure.
797
00:29:25,265 --> 00:29:26,726
Uh, that was Oscar,
798
00:29:26,767 --> 00:29:28,769
who may have been the one
you were talking with.
799
00:29:28,852 --> 00:29:31,980
He's been filling in...
for me occasionally.
800
00:29:32,022 --> 00:29:35,651
Filling in?
As in, visiting me?
801
00:29:35,693 --> 00:29:38,487
You sent your brother
to have sex with me?
802
00:29:38,529 --> 00:29:40,197
No, I sent him to listen to you
803
00:29:40,239 --> 00:29:42,241
one time, and then,
he found out about the wall,
804
00:29:42,282 --> 00:29:43,909
and tried to get you
talking about it,
805
00:29:43,950 --> 00:29:46,746
and this was his way
of shutting you up.
806
00:29:46,787 --> 00:29:48,955
- He told you this?
- No, you told me
807
00:29:48,997 --> 00:29:50,332
when I visited.
808
00:29:50,374 --> 00:29:53,210
I got in there
a couple of times... too.
809
00:29:53,252 --> 00:29:54,712
Oh, but not for sex.
810
00:29:54,754 --> 00:29:56,630
I don't have the tiger
in my tank anymore.
811
00:29:56,672 --> 00:29:58,424
Maybe I do need a vacay.
812
00:29:58,465 --> 00:29:59,800
So, tell me about this trip.
813
00:29:59,841 --> 00:30:01,552
That's interesting.
Where we going?
814
00:30:01,594 --> 00:30:03,178
I'll tell you where we're going.
815
00:30:03,220 --> 00:30:04,722
We're going to court.
816
00:30:04,764 --> 00:30:06,848
We're getting a real divorce.
817
00:30:06,890 --> 00:30:09,309
You're out of the marriage.
818
00:30:09,351 --> 00:30:11,186
Lucille...?
819
00:30:11,228 --> 00:30:14,440
And that's when she came
face to face with the man...
820
00:30:14,481 --> 00:30:16,108
...whose face
she'd just faced...
821
00:30:16,149 --> 00:30:17,777
- Are you ready?
- ...but it was a different...
822
00:30:17,818 --> 00:30:19,403
- It-it was Oscar.
- Hello, Oscar.
823
00:30:19,445 --> 00:30:21,488
You should get an Oscar
for your portrayal of George
824
00:30:21,530 --> 00:30:23,532
in "Screw the Oblivious
Sister-in-law."
825
00:30:23,574 --> 00:30:26,577
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
826
00:30:26,619 --> 00:30:27,661
You-you got me.
827
00:30:27,703 --> 00:30:29,538
I was gon...
I was gonna tell you.
828
00:30:29,580 --> 00:30:31,832
I was acting
when I pretended to be George,
829
00:30:31,873 --> 00:30:34,000
but I am dead serious when I say
830
00:30:34,042 --> 00:30:37,630
you are the hottest woman
I know.
831
00:30:37,671 --> 00:30:42,468
I'm here tonight because
I want to run away with you.
832
00:30:42,509 --> 00:30:44,010
Oscar. Really?
833
00:30:44,052 --> 00:30:45,763
Of course. What?
834
00:30:45,805 --> 00:30:48,515
Do you think I'm here for the
donkey punch? Which I do love,
835
00:30:48,557 --> 00:30:50,517
and it's the only night
you can get it.
836
00:30:50,559 --> 00:30:53,604
But you are the only woman
for me, Lucille!
837
00:30:53,646 --> 00:30:57,065
Bring me those thin,
pot-stained lips.
838
00:30:57,107 --> 00:30:58,818
Oh, honey.
839
00:30:58,859 --> 00:31:00,653
(both moaning)
840
00:31:00,694 --> 00:31:02,404
- What's this?
- I have no idea.
841
00:31:02,446 --> 00:31:03,947
And that's when she found out
the latest thing
842
00:31:03,989 --> 00:31:06,032
that was hers
that had been claimed.
843
00:31:06,074 --> 00:31:08,577
He'd actually acquired it
earlier that night
844
00:31:08,619 --> 00:31:10,704
when he was... polling
for Lucille 2.
845
00:31:10,746 --> 00:31:13,206
- That, um...
- She's claimed you!
846
00:31:13,248 --> 00:31:15,459
Everyone I know wants
to take everything away from me!
847
00:31:15,501 --> 00:31:16,710
No! That's not true.
848
00:31:16,752 --> 00:31:18,044
I love you.
849
00:31:18,086 --> 00:31:19,963
I don't know if it's the maca.
850
00:31:20,005 --> 00:31:21,715
I've just been so randy lately.
851
00:31:21,757 --> 00:31:24,050
But you're...
852
00:31:24,092 --> 00:31:25,344
you...
853
00:31:25,385 --> 00:31:27,095
you're my kind of Lucille!
854
00:31:27,137 --> 00:31:28,347
Get away from me, you liar.
855
00:31:28,388 --> 00:31:30,474
I can't believe
you were with her.
856
00:31:30,516 --> 00:31:32,142
She's finished.
857
00:31:32,184 --> 00:31:34,645
And the Oscar goes, too!
858
00:31:34,687 --> 00:31:36,021
To...?
859
00:31:36,062 --> 00:31:37,481
Get out of my sight!
860
00:31:37,523 --> 00:31:38,816
She was in an emotional storm
861
00:31:38,858 --> 00:31:40,860
and could have used
a therapist.
862
00:31:40,901 --> 00:31:42,820
- Oh, my God...
- TOBIAS: Lucille!
863
00:31:42,862 --> 00:31:44,822
- When she ran into a therapist
- Where are you going?
864
00:31:44,864 --> 00:31:46,448
who could've used a storm.
865
00:31:46,490 --> 00:31:47,949
To disappear.
866
00:31:47,991 --> 00:31:49,869
That's what everyone
wants me to do.
867
00:31:49,910 --> 00:31:52,830
Lucille!
868
00:31:52,872 --> 00:31:55,040
You are not the villain.
869
00:31:55,081 --> 00:31:57,000
(sighs)
870
00:31:57,042 --> 00:31:58,919
I'm so tired
of being the villain.
871
00:31:58,960 --> 00:32:00,420
Well, those days are over.
872
00:32:00,462 --> 00:32:03,590
What you are
is the Invisible Girl.
873
00:32:03,632 --> 00:32:05,258
You make it impossible
for people
874
00:32:05,300 --> 00:32:07,093
to see you in order
to protect yourself.
875
00:32:07,135 --> 00:32:08,637
And somehow, in that moment,
876
00:32:08,679 --> 00:32:10,055
something changed for her.
877
00:32:10,096 --> 00:32:11,473
I do do that.
878
00:32:11,515 --> 00:32:13,392
And in this way, you launch
879
00:32:13,433 --> 00:32:15,143
sneak attacks,
and you create a force field
880
00:32:15,185 --> 00:32:16,562
to keep people away.
881
00:32:16,603 --> 00:32:18,605
Right! I'm not a villain.
882
00:32:18,647 --> 00:32:20,357
I'm the Invisible Girl!
883
00:32:20,399 --> 00:32:21,901
Yes, that's what I'm saying!
884
00:32:21,942 --> 00:32:25,153
Oh, you know, it's funny...
I never would have
885
00:32:25,195 --> 00:32:28,407
come to this if it hadn't been
for Lucille 2's rehab.
886
00:32:28,448 --> 00:32:31,952
I need to pay her back
for everything she's done to me.
887
00:32:31,993 --> 00:32:34,914
I'm going back to rehab.
888
00:32:34,955 --> 00:32:38,876
I just have
to make one quick stop first.
889
00:32:38,918 --> 00:32:40,586
I don't think we have time.
890
00:32:40,627 --> 00:32:42,228
And that's the night
that Lucille decided
891
00:32:42,254 --> 00:32:43,714
she didn't want
to be invisible anymore.
892
00:32:43,756 --> 00:32:45,465
I've got to do this...
893
00:32:45,507 --> 00:32:47,927
And perhaps, ironically,
it was also
894
00:32:47,968 --> 00:32:52,389
the night that Lucille 2
became the Invisible Girl.
895
00:32:52,431 --> 00:32:54,057
(explosion)
896
00:32:56,894 --> 00:32:58,604
Tobias boards the boat
897
00:32:58,645 --> 00:33:00,731
originally meant
for Lucille's escape,
898
00:33:00,773 --> 00:33:04,484
and after making one stop,
faces the awful truth.
899
00:33:04,526 --> 00:33:08,029
They're going to be talking
about this bomb for years.
900
00:33:08,071 --> 00:33:10,323
TOBIAS:
Oh, God, it is bad, isn't it?
901
00:33:10,365 --> 00:33:12,534
Lindsay was right
to discourage me.
902
00:33:14,369 --> 00:33:16,413
- Tobias?
- Marky?
903
00:33:16,455 --> 00:33:18,498
If you're not Lindsay,
then where is Lindsay?
904
00:33:18,540 --> 00:33:19,959
Isn't that her
on the love boat?
905
00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:22,628
- But I just put a bomb on the love boat!
- What?!
906
00:33:22,669 --> 00:33:24,189
- Lindsay! Lindsay!
- Lindsay! Lindsay!
907
00:33:24,212 --> 00:33:25,505
Lindsay, there's a bomb!
908
00:33:28,383 --> 00:33:29,342
Lindsay remembers
she's on a boat...
909
00:33:29,384 --> 00:33:30,260
Oh, (bleep)
910
00:33:30,302 --> 00:33:32,345
...that Marky had intended
to bomb.
911
00:33:32,387 --> 00:33:34,097
You gotta get off the boat!
912
00:33:34,139 --> 00:33:35,515
And it turns out
to be kind of romantic.
913
00:33:35,557 --> 00:33:37,244
Bomb!
914
00:33:38,393 --> 00:33:39,435
(whoops)
915
00:33:39,555 --> 00:33:43,565
...that Lindsay and Tobias
have matching suitcases.
916
00:33:43,685 --> 00:33:48,290
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com