1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:05,459 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 2 00:00:05,749 --> 00:00:09,150 NARRATOR: Gob Bluth had just been told by his father 3 00:00:09,276 --> 00:00:11,653 to go to work for his younger brother. 4 00:00:11,694 --> 00:00:13,447 And then thanks for the birthday card 5 00:00:13,489 --> 00:00:16,574 that I never got from you for the last 40 years. 6 00:00:16,616 --> 00:00:18,410 NARRATOR: In fact, 7 00:00:18,452 --> 00:00:20,454 - it was a brother with whom Gob... - What the hell? 8 00:00:20,496 --> 00:00:21,663 - (horns honking) - ...was secretly competitive. 9 00:00:21,704 --> 00:00:22,956 MICHAEL: I got the right of way. 10 00:00:22,998 --> 00:00:25,375 - GOB: N-No. - MICHAEL: Okay. (laughs) 11 00:00:25,417 --> 00:00:29,004 NARRATOR: And perhaps it was that sense of competition... 12 00:00:29,045 --> 00:00:31,631 (tires screeching, horn honking) 13 00:00:31,673 --> 00:00:33,758 ...that led to this tinkling match. 14 00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:35,593 GOB: I've met someone. 15 00:00:35,635 --> 00:00:38,305 Can't really give you any information-- kind of famousy. 16 00:00:38,347 --> 00:00:39,973 - I also met someone. - Have you? 17 00:00:40,015 --> 00:00:42,184 Also famousy. Can't give you any information. 18 00:00:42,225 --> 00:00:44,686 - Is it Julie Bowen? - No, it's not. 19 00:00:44,727 --> 00:00:46,355 - Is yours Julie Bowen? - Is yours Julie...? 20 00:00:46,396 --> 00:00:49,107 Oh, my God, Michael, you're seeing Julie Bowen? 21 00:00:49,149 --> 00:00:50,359 I am not seeing Julie Bowen, 22 00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:52,569 but if you are, you tell me right now. 23 00:00:52,610 --> 00:00:55,322 I want to hear you say the words "I'm not seeing Julie Bowen." 24 00:00:55,364 --> 00:00:57,491 I have not seen Julie Bowen. 25 00:00:57,533 --> 00:00:58,950 Well, that's a funny way to phrase it. 26 00:00:58,992 --> 00:01:00,785 NARRATOR: This went on for some time, 27 00:01:00,827 --> 00:01:03,497 but eventually they started talking business. 28 00:01:03,539 --> 00:01:05,541 If it wasn't for the movie thing, I would do it myself. 29 00:01:05,582 --> 00:01:06,749 They practically sell themselves; you just got 30 00:01:06,791 --> 00:01:08,418 - to bring the people in. - (squawk) 31 00:01:08,460 --> 00:01:10,795 - Lindsay. - But soon the hard lemonade softened 32 00:01:10,837 --> 00:01:12,548 - their competitive edge. - No, no, this-- maybe Tobias. 33 00:01:12,589 --> 00:01:14,090 And Michael confessed 34 00:01:14,132 --> 00:01:18,136 that he had grown estranged from his son. 35 00:01:18,178 --> 00:01:19,471 I'll call him for you. 36 00:01:19,513 --> 00:01:21,557 You've given me a new sense of purpose. 37 00:01:21,598 --> 00:01:23,392 I don't want you to get your hopes up. 38 00:01:23,433 --> 00:01:26,019 You know, when I said that, that these places sell themselves, 39 00:01:26,061 --> 00:01:29,856 I should have gone on to say, you know, that, that, uh... 40 00:01:29,898 --> 00:01:31,441 No, they don't. 41 00:01:31,483 --> 00:01:33,776 No, I'm not talking about selling these mausoleums. 42 00:01:33,818 --> 00:01:36,029 I mean destroying Tony Wonder. 43 00:01:36,071 --> 00:01:38,407 I'm gonna destroy his career the same way that he destroyed mine. 44 00:01:38,448 --> 00:01:40,867 NARRATOR: Gob was referring to an escape act 45 00:01:40,909 --> 00:01:42,744 he'd performed that had failed 46 00:01:42,785 --> 00:01:44,496 when the hidden compartment that held 47 00:01:44,538 --> 00:01:46,998 the keys to his escape hadn't opened... 48 00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:48,166 - It's not going to work. - ...humiliating him 49 00:01:48,208 --> 00:01:49,585 in front of his bride... 50 00:01:49,626 --> 00:01:51,920 - uh, her... - He's not coming back. 51 00:01:51,961 --> 00:01:54,005 ...and all of Christendom. 52 00:01:54,047 --> 00:01:56,508 Destroying Tony Wonder is your sense of purpose? 53 00:01:56,550 --> 00:01:58,051 I thought you said, thanks to me... 54 00:01:58,093 --> 00:01:59,344 Because he's performing at a gay club tonight, 55 00:01:59,386 --> 00:02:00,762 and I need you to act as my boyfriend 56 00:02:00,803 --> 00:02:01,804 to help me get in. 57 00:02:01,846 --> 00:02:03,640 I'm gonna say no, thank you. 58 00:02:03,681 --> 00:02:05,308 And don't you think it's a little inappropriate? 59 00:02:05,350 --> 00:02:06,768 I am your brother. 60 00:02:06,809 --> 00:02:08,562 You sound like my son. 61 00:02:08,604 --> 00:02:11,648 NARRATOR: Whom Gob had spoken to earlier that day. 62 00:02:11,689 --> 00:02:14,025 - And in a van, by the way. - Hey, you remembered. 63 00:02:14,067 --> 00:02:18,363 (chuckles) How about you and I go to a magic show together? 64 00:02:18,405 --> 00:02:19,615 (laughing): I love magic, of course. 65 00:02:19,656 --> 00:02:21,617 I mean, my dad's a magician. 66 00:02:21,658 --> 00:02:25,370 - Well, you're my dad, I mean, so, so you should know. - Right. 67 00:02:25,412 --> 00:02:29,124 Well, it'd be sort of a, a father-son thing at a gay club. 68 00:02:29,165 --> 00:02:30,959 Well, technically gay night at a magic club. 69 00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:32,502 Hey, you know what'd be funny? 70 00:02:32,544 --> 00:02:34,254 If you pretended to be my boyfriend 71 00:02:34,296 --> 00:02:35,422 so I could lock this guy Tony Wonder... 72 00:02:35,464 --> 00:02:37,257 You know, I-I don't know, 73 00:02:37,299 --> 00:02:39,884 I-I don't think this whole thing is sounding like a good idea. 74 00:02:39,926 --> 00:02:42,220 Besides, last time we tried to do something together, 75 00:02:42,262 --> 00:02:43,805 - you didn't even show up. - You know what? 76 00:02:43,846 --> 00:02:46,141 You're mad at me-- I get it, I totally get it, 77 00:02:46,182 --> 00:02:48,977 - and guess what--I'm mad at you. - You know, Dad, 78 00:02:49,018 --> 00:02:51,480 that attitude might be why you're alone all the time. 79 00:02:51,521 --> 00:02:53,565 - The way you treat people... - What about you? 80 00:02:53,607 --> 00:02:56,192 I didn't hear from you for your entire childhood, 81 00:02:56,234 --> 00:02:57,944 and then thanks for the birthday card 82 00:02:57,986 --> 00:03:02,282 that I never got from you for the last 40 years. 83 00:03:02,324 --> 00:03:03,866 NARRATOR: This was extra hard for Steve 84 00:03:03,908 --> 00:03:06,035 to hear on his actual birthday. 85 00:03:06,077 --> 00:03:07,370 And didn't you already try locking Tony Wonder in 86 00:03:07,412 --> 00:03:09,164 - his trick? - Oh, yeah, but that 87 00:03:09,205 --> 00:03:11,082 wasn't for revenge, that was just on spec. 88 00:03:11,124 --> 00:03:14,043 - Just like Tony Wonder. - And it didn't work. Besides, 89 00:03:14,085 --> 00:03:16,129 that's before I knew that he had locked me in my trick. 90 00:03:16,171 --> 00:03:18,423 You still don't know that he tried to lock you in your trick. 91 00:03:18,465 --> 00:03:20,342 Hey, I do know, I have proof. 92 00:03:20,383 --> 00:03:25,054 I went in that cave and I found this. 93 00:03:25,096 --> 00:03:26,640 We both know what that stands for. 94 00:03:26,682 --> 00:03:27,683 Jesus. 95 00:03:27,724 --> 00:03:28,808 No, that would be a "J." 96 00:03:28,850 --> 00:03:30,226 This is a "T." 97 00:03:30,268 --> 00:03:32,312 Tony Wonder was there in the cave the night 98 00:03:32,354 --> 00:03:34,564 that I did my big illusion, so when I went yesterday 99 00:03:34,606 --> 00:03:36,566 to the cave and I saw that this had wedged 100 00:03:36,608 --> 00:03:39,486 my compartment door shut, I knew that I'd been wronged. 101 00:03:39,528 --> 00:03:40,808 Okay, the only thing that we know 102 00:03:40,820 --> 00:03:43,406 is that you tried to lock Tony Wonder 103 00:03:43,448 --> 00:03:44,366 in his trick first. 104 00:03:44,407 --> 00:03:45,659 - Right? - No, 105 00:03:45,701 --> 00:03:46,951 - no. - So you're even. 106 00:03:46,993 --> 00:03:48,578 Because mine didn't work. 107 00:03:48,620 --> 00:03:50,539 He got the last laugh, which, in this case, happened 108 00:03:50,580 --> 00:03:51,998 to be the first laugh. I don't understand 109 00:03:52,040 --> 00:03:53,375 why you can't seem to follow me 110 00:03:53,416 --> 00:03:55,168 - on any of this. - Gob, you've got a chance 111 00:03:55,210 --> 00:03:57,671 to build a brand-new life. Don't run away from it again. 112 00:03:57,713 --> 00:03:59,715 - Don't try to escape it. - I don't do that, Michael. 113 00:03:59,756 --> 00:04:01,550 Listen, if you insist on speaking to me like you're 114 00:04:01,591 --> 00:04:03,885 my wife, then don't be surprised to find my (bleep) in you 115 00:04:03,926 --> 00:04:05,928 and then you never hear from me again. 116 00:04:05,970 --> 00:04:08,181 (sighs) I'm offering you a good job 117 00:04:08,223 --> 00:04:11,393 selling good homes, making real good money, 118 00:04:11,434 --> 00:04:16,022 and I'm not asking for anything in return. 119 00:04:16,064 --> 00:04:17,899 What is this? 120 00:04:17,940 --> 00:04:19,192 I'm asking for a little something in return. 121 00:04:19,234 --> 00:04:20,569 These-- this is for the movie. 122 00:04:20,610 --> 00:04:22,320 This is for your life rights in perpetuity, 123 00:04:22,362 --> 00:04:24,322 in the known universe and beyond. 124 00:04:24,364 --> 00:04:26,115 Blah, blah, blah, look at this. 125 00:04:26,157 --> 00:04:27,992 What's that mean-- you're not gonna sign it? 126 00:04:28,034 --> 00:04:29,536 No, I was just thinking 127 00:04:29,578 --> 00:04:32,080 that I should have my attorney Bob Loblaw look at this. 128 00:04:32,121 --> 00:04:34,082 Oh, he doesn't need to-- it's all pretty boilerplate stuff. 129 00:04:34,123 --> 00:04:35,204 Yeah, no, I'm fine with it. 130 00:04:35,208 --> 00:04:36,959 I'm gonna be in a movie. 131 00:04:37,001 --> 00:04:38,127 - (laughs) - No, you're not. 132 00:04:38,169 --> 00:04:40,547 I'm gonna be in a movie. Okay. 133 00:04:40,589 --> 00:04:42,257 NARRATOR: Now the story of a family 134 00:04:42,298 --> 00:04:45,927 whose future was abruptly canceled, 135 00:04:45,968 --> 00:04:47,596 and the one son who had no choice 136 00:04:47,637 --> 00:04:49,472 but to keep himself together. 137 00:04:53,643 --> 00:04:55,520 It's Gob's Arrested Development. 138 00:04:58,231 --> 00:05:00,275 Gob was making good on a promise 139 00:05:00,316 --> 00:05:02,110 - he had made to Michael... - GEORGE MICHAEL: Hi, Uncle Gob. 140 00:05:02,151 --> 00:05:04,070 I need to see you tonight. 141 00:05:04,112 --> 00:05:06,948 - ...to talk to his son. - It's about your father and you. 142 00:05:06,989 --> 00:05:09,284 Really, is... is he upset? 143 00:05:09,325 --> 00:05:11,369 (over phone): Do I seem like a clown to you? 144 00:05:11,411 --> 00:05:12,746 I got it. 145 00:05:12,788 --> 00:05:14,468 Do I seem like some kind of a clown to you? 146 00:05:14,497 --> 00:05:16,458 Look, I got it, I got it, Uncle Gob, just tell me where. 147 00:05:16,499 --> 00:05:19,294 Meet me tonight at the Gothic Castle. 148 00:05:19,335 --> 00:05:20,712 I will-- the Gothic Castle? 149 00:05:20,754 --> 00:05:22,297 No, the Gothicassle. Yes, the Gothic Castle. 150 00:05:22,338 --> 00:05:23,965 No, I didn't say the Gothicassle. 151 00:05:24,006 --> 00:05:25,842 What, what do you think, they call it the Gothicassle? 152 00:05:25,883 --> 00:05:27,176 No, I said the Gothic Castle. 153 00:05:27,218 --> 00:05:28,804 - It's the Gothic Castle. - Gothic Castle. 154 00:05:28,845 --> 00:05:30,012 Okay. 155 00:05:30,054 --> 00:05:32,641 TAILOR: I think you look amazing. 156 00:05:32,682 --> 00:05:34,183 I'll take it. 157 00:05:34,225 --> 00:05:35,518 - Great. - No, no. 158 00:05:35,560 --> 00:05:38,480 The compliment, not the shirt. 159 00:05:38,521 --> 00:05:40,774 NARRATOR: And so it was a very worried George Michael 160 00:05:40,816 --> 00:05:44,235 that arrived to speak to his uncle at the Gothic Castle, 161 00:05:44,277 --> 00:05:46,195 which, that night, did actually kind of resemble 162 00:05:46,237 --> 00:05:47,489 the Gothicassle. 163 00:05:47,530 --> 00:05:49,699 - Uncle Gob. - Don't call me Unc... 164 00:05:49,741 --> 00:05:51,200 Actually, no, that's good, that works here. 165 00:05:51,242 --> 00:05:52,910 Is my dad upset? What's going on? 166 00:05:52,952 --> 00:05:54,704 - No, he's fine. - But you told me he was really upset 167 00:05:54,746 --> 00:05:56,539 - about something. - I don't know. 168 00:05:56,581 --> 00:05:58,916 I do know that your daddy wants you to get 169 00:05:58,958 --> 00:06:00,293 your hot, little, tight, little, hot ass 170 00:06:00,335 --> 00:06:02,128 right up there right away to see him. 171 00:06:02,170 --> 00:06:04,005 - BOUNCER: You're good. - You, you had me come all the way here 172 00:06:04,046 --> 00:06:05,674 just to tell me my dad wants me to meet him? 173 00:06:05,715 --> 00:06:07,509 No, no, those two things are unrelated. 174 00:06:07,550 --> 00:06:09,594 No, I'm, I'm here 'cause I'm trying to lock this guy Tony 175 00:06:09,636 --> 00:06:11,095 into this gay magic trick, 176 00:06:11,137 --> 00:06:13,515 and I just needed a believable arm candy bean. 177 00:06:13,556 --> 00:06:15,558 And don't make that face; you look homophobic. 178 00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:17,352 - No, I'm not being homophobic. - Why are you doing this? 179 00:06:17,393 --> 00:06:19,103 - I'm, I'm uncomfortable. - This is very important for me. 180 00:06:19,145 --> 00:06:20,986 Don't worry, you're blending in here perfectly. 181 00:06:21,022 --> 00:06:21,939 A newbie. 182 00:06:21,981 --> 00:06:23,983 (chuckles) Except, 183 00:06:24,025 --> 00:06:25,443 even if he does post that somewhere, 184 00:06:25,485 --> 00:06:26,778 the Fakeblock thing will scrub it away. 185 00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:28,571 You know about Fakeblock? 186 00:06:28,613 --> 00:06:30,532 You know, that's my software. 187 00:06:30,573 --> 00:06:32,617 I wonder if my dad thinks I'm blowing him off 188 00:06:32,659 --> 00:06:34,661 because that's starting to take off now. 189 00:06:34,703 --> 00:06:36,830 Well, you should go find out 'cause I do know that your dad 190 00:06:36,872 --> 00:06:38,874 is really, really, really upset with you. 191 00:06:38,915 --> 00:06:40,709 He is upset? I asked you that. 192 00:06:40,750 --> 00:06:43,002 That was literally the first thing I asked you. 193 00:06:43,044 --> 00:06:44,880 You're giving me these craz... 194 00:06:44,921 --> 00:06:46,422 - Mad? - N... 195 00:06:46,464 --> 00:06:48,299 - God, what is that inky taste? - It's my stamp. 196 00:06:48,341 --> 00:06:49,926 - Oh, I'm so sorry about that. - No, that-that's okay. 197 00:06:49,967 --> 00:06:52,178 I probably won't come back in. 198 00:06:52,220 --> 00:06:54,180 I-I'm gonna go see my dad. 199 00:06:54,222 --> 00:06:55,932 Yeah, you are 'cause you're a good son. 200 00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:58,560 Ow! 201 00:06:58,601 --> 00:07:00,520 - Bit my tongue, that little bitch. - Oh, no, he didn't. 202 00:07:00,562 --> 00:07:02,856 - They're always doing that. - I mean, oh, no, he didn't. 203 00:07:02,898 --> 00:07:05,149 Thank you, George Michael; honestly I owe you big-time. 204 00:07:05,191 --> 00:07:07,276 Not a lot of nephews would do this for their uncles. 205 00:07:07,318 --> 00:07:08,528 Now get out of here. 206 00:07:08,570 --> 00:07:10,739 I never want to sleep with you again. 207 00:07:10,780 --> 00:07:12,407 I mean, I probably will. (whispers): I don't. 208 00:07:12,448 --> 00:07:13,867 But are we good? 209 00:07:13,909 --> 00:07:15,549 - We're good. - After successfully looking 210 00:07:15,577 --> 00:07:17,746 like he'd had a fight with his boyfriend, 211 00:07:17,787 --> 00:07:20,623 Gob put his plan into action. 212 00:07:20,665 --> 00:07:23,376 Knowing that Tony would go into the closet 213 00:07:23,418 --> 00:07:25,336 and pop out of somewhere else, 214 00:07:25,378 --> 00:07:28,256 Gob proceeded to lock everything he could find. 215 00:07:31,008 --> 00:07:33,219 Who's the dumbwaiter now? 216 00:07:33,261 --> 00:07:35,179 NARRATOR: And that's when he saw something that took him 217 00:07:35,221 --> 00:07:39,141 back to a moment when his life had reached its nadir. 218 00:07:40,977 --> 00:07:43,187 MAN: You know, if tomorrow you won't open up 219 00:07:43,229 --> 00:07:46,858 and let someone else in, then the treasures you have inside 220 00:07:46,900 --> 00:07:49,360 may never come out. 221 00:07:49,402 --> 00:07:52,697 (fast-tempo, electronic dance music begins) 222 00:07:52,739 --> 00:07:55,074 TONY: A magician has many secrets... 223 00:07:55,116 --> 00:07:56,451 (audience cheering, whistling) 224 00:07:56,492 --> 00:07:58,787 ...but there was one I was forced to keep... 225 00:07:58,828 --> 00:08:01,998 by society. 226 00:08:02,039 --> 00:08:05,961 NARRATOR: And Gob settled in to watch his revenge play out. 227 00:08:06,002 --> 00:08:09,505 TONY: "Don't talk to us," they said. 228 00:08:09,547 --> 00:08:13,009 "Keep your hands to yourself," they also said. 229 00:08:15,219 --> 00:08:17,430 Magic is only for straight men. 230 00:08:19,724 --> 00:08:22,226 (police siren wailing) 231 00:08:22,268 --> 00:08:25,187 (audience shouting, whooping) 232 00:08:25,229 --> 00:08:27,941 TONY: I don't want to look at you, son. 233 00:08:27,983 --> 00:08:29,150 Just go to work. 234 00:08:29,191 --> 00:08:32,988 Why can't you be like your brother? 235 00:08:36,324 --> 00:08:38,618 There! Stay in there! 236 00:08:38,660 --> 00:08:40,286 - (audience groans) - We don't want you out here! 237 00:08:40,328 --> 00:08:45,041 Well, I'm here, I'm queer, and now... 238 00:08:45,082 --> 00:08:47,293 I'm in a chair! 239 00:08:47,335 --> 00:08:49,712 - Did somebody say Wonder? - (audience cheering) 240 00:08:49,754 --> 00:08:51,339 NARRATOR: Nobody actually did that time, 241 00:08:51,380 --> 00:08:53,174 but I think he got away with it. 242 00:08:53,215 --> 00:08:55,760 Didn't expect to see you here. Want to get a drink later? 243 00:08:55,802 --> 00:08:58,179 And believe it or not, it was this trick... 244 00:08:58,220 --> 00:08:59,848 Now everybody's gay! 245 00:08:59,889 --> 00:09:02,266 ...that really brought the crowd to their feet. 246 00:09:02,308 --> 00:09:05,728 Although it was pretty easy to figure out how he did it. 247 00:09:05,770 --> 00:09:07,188 They started out gay. 248 00:09:07,229 --> 00:09:09,106 You missed your cue! 249 00:09:09,148 --> 00:09:11,275 Gob was having a drink with a man 250 00:09:11,317 --> 00:09:13,069 he'd twice tried to sabotage. 251 00:09:13,110 --> 00:09:16,531 Beanbag chair-- I was wondering what you were gonna pop out of. 252 00:09:16,572 --> 00:09:18,033 Did somebody say Wonder... 253 00:09:18,074 --> 00:09:19,701 ...ing? 254 00:09:19,742 --> 00:09:21,995 I always try to stay one step ahead of the audience. 255 00:09:22,037 --> 00:09:23,038 Vamanos! 256 00:09:25,665 --> 00:09:27,834 Oh, hey, come on, man. 257 00:09:27,876 --> 00:09:29,168 Timing, right? 258 00:09:29,210 --> 00:09:30,294 Hey, leave the mask. 259 00:09:30,336 --> 00:09:31,546 Yeah, of course-- mask. 260 00:09:31,587 --> 00:09:32,881 Yeah, that makes sense. 261 00:09:32,922 --> 00:09:34,549 I use a mask myself, in my act. 262 00:09:34,590 --> 00:09:37,218 But you have to tell me how you do that bean bag trick. 263 00:09:37,259 --> 00:09:39,261 Well, I guess, since you're a magician, too. 264 00:09:39,303 --> 00:09:40,388 But not a word of this. 265 00:09:40,429 --> 00:09:42,598 (whispering): I did use a mask. 266 00:09:42,640 --> 00:09:43,808 I put it on another guy, 267 00:09:43,850 --> 00:09:45,250 and then I was in the bean bag chair 268 00:09:45,267 --> 00:09:46,310 the whole time. 269 00:09:46,352 --> 00:09:47,896 Oh, well, that's... that's... 270 00:09:47,937 --> 00:09:49,605 (whispering): ...that's why they put that sign 271 00:09:49,647 --> 00:09:51,649 on the bean bag chair that says, "Do not steal this..." 272 00:09:51,691 --> 00:09:53,526 And the magicians shared the secrets 273 00:09:53,568 --> 00:09:55,361 of their ancient and mystical craft. 274 00:09:55,403 --> 00:09:57,321 TONY (whispering): And also it's very hard to get out of 275 00:09:57,363 --> 00:09:59,198 (normal volume): at the end, when I appear. 276 00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:00,658 So how have you been? 277 00:10:00,700 --> 00:10:03,411 I haven't seen you since your "wedding," 278 00:10:03,452 --> 00:10:04,913 when you did the Jesus gag. 279 00:10:04,954 --> 00:10:06,873 See, it's like a quotation mark, but with a "W." 280 00:10:06,915 --> 00:10:08,374 Oh, yeah, right, I got ya. 281 00:10:08,416 --> 00:10:10,085 That's... I should do that. 282 00:10:10,126 --> 00:10:11,210 Hey, don't. Okay? 283 00:10:11,252 --> 00:10:13,546 I-I... I won't. 284 00:10:13,588 --> 00:10:16,007 Yeah, uh, no, the marriage was unsuccessful. 285 00:10:16,049 --> 00:10:19,052 I guess you could say I was a runaway groom. 286 00:10:19,094 --> 00:10:20,887 Well, makes sense now, doesn't it? 287 00:10:20,929 --> 00:10:22,097 What do you mean? 288 00:10:22,138 --> 00:10:23,180 Well, I mean, you are gay, right? 289 00:10:23,222 --> 00:10:25,058 Oh, yes, right, yeah. 290 00:10:25,100 --> 00:10:27,476 Very... because of what I'm... dressed... 291 00:10:27,518 --> 00:10:28,937 And my boyfriend was here earlier. 292 00:10:28,978 --> 00:10:30,396 And-and he bit my tongue. 293 00:10:30,438 --> 00:10:32,189 And that's when Gob did 294 00:10:32,231 --> 00:10:33,524 a magic trick of his own. 295 00:10:33,566 --> 00:10:35,276 - Want to see? - No, I believe you. 296 00:10:35,317 --> 00:10:36,569 I'm just surprised, though, 297 00:10:36,611 --> 00:10:38,613 because you are the Christian magician. 298 00:10:38,654 --> 00:10:40,990 Although you did look awfully shredded on that cross. 299 00:10:41,032 --> 00:10:42,408 You should have seen me 300 00:10:42,450 --> 00:10:43,952 when they took me out of the storage locker. 301 00:10:43,993 --> 00:10:46,871 - Hmm. - But how'd I get in the storage locker? 302 00:10:46,913 --> 00:10:48,289 That's okay; I know it didn't work. 303 00:10:48,330 --> 00:10:49,916 Made the "Woops" column in Poof. 304 00:10:49,958 --> 00:10:52,085 It's cool, though, man; I've been there. 305 00:10:52,127 --> 00:10:53,252 Your assistant probably sabotaged you. 306 00:10:53,294 --> 00:10:54,796 I don't even use one anymore. 307 00:10:54,837 --> 00:10:55,964 I resorted to using my own legs 308 00:10:56,005 --> 00:10:57,673 in the "Saw the Lady in Half" gag. 309 00:10:57,715 --> 00:10:58,967 I even shaved them. 310 00:10:59,008 --> 00:11:01,218 Want to feel? 311 00:11:01,260 --> 00:11:02,470 Wow, they are smooth. 312 00:11:02,511 --> 00:11:04,305 Like a lady's. 313 00:11:04,346 --> 00:11:05,974 I think. 314 00:11:06,015 --> 00:11:07,600 (laughing) 315 00:11:07,642 --> 00:11:09,310 You're funny. 316 00:11:09,351 --> 00:11:11,146 - Too bad we can't do this more. - Why? 317 00:11:11,187 --> 00:11:12,354 I don't know if it'd be 318 00:11:12,396 --> 00:11:13,773 great for my reputation to be seen 319 00:11:13,815 --> 00:11:15,900 with the fundamentalist Christian magician. 320 00:11:15,942 --> 00:11:19,487 And he was suspicious that Gob might not actually be gay. 321 00:11:19,528 --> 00:11:21,906 MAN: Valet is closing. The Cabriolet-- 322 00:11:21,948 --> 00:11:24,575 - license plate: "ANUS TART." - That's me. 323 00:11:24,617 --> 00:11:26,452 Aw, what the hell, let's do it. 324 00:11:26,494 --> 00:11:29,497 And that's when Gob came up with a new revenge plan. 325 00:11:29,538 --> 00:11:30,915 Yeah, let's risk it. 326 00:11:30,957 --> 00:11:32,083 Right? Let's risk it! 327 00:11:32,125 --> 00:11:33,584 Come on. 328 00:11:35,252 --> 00:11:39,882 The next day, Gob shared his new plan with Tobias. 329 00:11:39,924 --> 00:11:41,258 Good. Seems like you're done talking. 330 00:11:41,300 --> 00:11:42,927 I, too, am in a relationship, 331 00:11:42,969 --> 00:11:45,596 but mine is purely a revenge-based deal. 332 00:11:45,638 --> 00:11:47,974 Plan on making this person fall in love with me 333 00:11:48,016 --> 00:11:50,601 and then destroying them by breaking their heart. 334 00:11:50,643 --> 00:11:52,353 How do you make someone fall in love with you? 335 00:11:52,394 --> 00:11:54,396 - Can you pass the mustard, please? - Yeah. 336 00:11:54,438 --> 00:11:56,024 Oh, it's easy when you've got so much in common. 337 00:11:56,065 --> 00:11:57,525 Last night, for instance, 338 00:11:57,566 --> 00:11:59,027 we both got a case of the munchies, 339 00:11:59,068 --> 00:12:00,987 and then we went out and we stole these pies... 340 00:12:01,029 --> 00:12:05,033 As it turns out, they did a lot more than steal pies. 341 00:12:05,074 --> 00:12:08,870 They had a raucous good time. 342 00:12:08,911 --> 00:12:10,329 And then the candy bean dish right here, 343 00:12:10,371 --> 00:12:11,706 we made those at "Color Me Mine," 344 00:12:11,747 --> 00:12:13,208 and I know they're kind of cockeyed, 345 00:12:13,249 --> 00:12:15,168 but they remind us both of my crooked smile. 346 00:12:15,210 --> 00:12:17,294 Sounds like you're really into this girl. 347 00:12:17,336 --> 00:12:19,047 Don't call me girl, friend. 348 00:12:19,088 --> 00:12:20,923 No, this is purely an act of revenge, 349 00:12:20,965 --> 00:12:23,218 filled with white-hot hate. 350 00:12:23,259 --> 00:12:26,054 I'd tell you on who, but this person is sort of a celebrity. 351 00:12:26,095 --> 00:12:27,138 Oh! 352 00:12:27,180 --> 00:12:29,306 Well, turns out my femme fatale 353 00:12:29,348 --> 00:12:30,725 is a bit of a celebrity herself. 354 00:12:30,766 --> 00:12:32,560 And that's when Gob found a solution 355 00:12:32,601 --> 00:12:34,436 to filling one of the houses. 356 00:12:34,478 --> 00:12:36,022 ...I've been looking for a place to live. 357 00:12:36,064 --> 00:12:37,565 That's great. When can you move in? 358 00:12:37,606 --> 00:12:39,275 Uh, duh! Now! 359 00:12:39,316 --> 00:12:41,944 Oh, the other sex offenders are going to be so jealous. 360 00:12:41,986 --> 00:12:44,780 Wait a minute... 361 00:12:44,822 --> 00:12:47,867 you know of other people with similar needs? 362 00:12:47,909 --> 00:12:49,702 And that's when he filled the rest. 363 00:12:49,744 --> 00:12:51,453 Oh, I have a list of men 364 00:12:51,495 --> 00:12:54,040 that could fill every opening you have. 365 00:12:54,082 --> 00:12:56,333 (coughing) 366 00:12:56,375 --> 00:12:58,419 (laughs, coughs) 367 00:12:59,670 --> 00:13:00,838 Let me get a shot of mustard. 368 00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:02,882 That was all cheese, but no mustard. 369 00:13:02,924 --> 00:13:04,633 Not wanting to appear desperate, 370 00:13:04,675 --> 00:13:08,345 Gob waited till late afternoon to continue his plan 371 00:13:08,387 --> 00:13:10,056 to make Tony fall in love with him. 372 00:13:10,098 --> 00:13:11,807 TONY (recorded): It's Tony. 373 00:13:11,849 --> 00:13:15,394 I'm not here right now, because I'm right behind you. 374 00:13:15,436 --> 00:13:17,146 Made you look. 375 00:13:17,188 --> 00:13:18,689 But how did I know you looked? 376 00:13:18,731 --> 00:13:20,316 Because I'm right behind you! 377 00:13:22,484 --> 00:13:24,195 Made you look again. 378 00:13:24,237 --> 00:13:25,487 Tony, it's Gob. 379 00:13:25,529 --> 00:13:27,865 Man, does anybody ever fall for that? 380 00:13:27,907 --> 00:13:31,035 Listen, uh, I was just, I was thinking about you-- 381 00:13:31,077 --> 00:13:33,079 what a fun night we had the other night. 382 00:13:33,121 --> 00:13:35,164 So just call me when you get a chance. 383 00:13:35,206 --> 00:13:37,125 Okay? All right. 384 00:13:37,166 --> 00:13:39,127 (ringtone plays) 385 00:13:39,168 --> 00:13:40,211 Wow, that was fast, you hot little... 386 00:13:40,253 --> 00:13:41,921 - It's your mother. - Hi. 387 00:13:41,963 --> 00:13:43,756 Sorry, I thought you were somebody else. 388 00:13:43,798 --> 00:13:46,092 I can't tell you who, 'cause I'm dating someone famous. 389 00:13:46,134 --> 00:13:48,677 And that's when Gob was given a new job. 390 00:13:48,719 --> 00:13:50,679 You better start to build this wall, pronto. 391 00:13:50,721 --> 00:13:53,308 I tried with your father, but he can't do it. 392 00:13:53,349 --> 00:13:55,310 And that's when Gob was told to make it 393 00:13:55,351 --> 00:13:57,145 (with Lucille): ...look like major construction 394 00:13:57,186 --> 00:13:58,437 had begun on the wall. 395 00:13:58,479 --> 00:14:01,649 So Gob set out to find a crew. 396 00:14:01,690 --> 00:14:03,192 (men shouting) 397 00:14:03,234 --> 00:14:06,403 - (feedback screeching) - Who wants to... (screaming) 398 00:14:06,445 --> 00:14:07,696 Hurt my ears. 399 00:14:07,738 --> 00:14:10,325 Who wants to help me build a wall... 400 00:14:10,366 --> 00:14:12,743 to keep Mexicans out of America? 401 00:14:12,785 --> 00:14:14,536 (bleep) All right, all right! 402 00:14:14,578 --> 00:14:15,621 (men shouting in Spanish) 403 00:14:15,663 --> 00:14:17,081 Who wants to help me 404 00:14:17,123 --> 00:14:18,457 build a wall for no reason? 405 00:14:18,499 --> 00:14:20,417 It's a different wall. 406 00:14:20,459 --> 00:14:21,460 (men shouting, cursing) 407 00:14:21,502 --> 00:14:23,629 - (bleep) - (men shouting angrily) 408 00:14:23,671 --> 00:14:24,964 (bleep) 409 00:14:25,006 --> 00:14:26,090 (Gob shouting, feedback screeching) 410 00:14:26,132 --> 00:14:28,509 Aah! This thing is loud! 411 00:14:28,550 --> 00:14:31,137 And so he decided to head to the border ribbon 412 00:14:31,179 --> 00:14:32,972 to put in some manual labor himself. 413 00:14:33,014 --> 00:14:34,431 GOB: ...show everyone that I'm not afraid of 414 00:14:34,473 --> 00:14:37,559 the sweet sting of sweat in my eyes. 415 00:14:39,312 --> 00:14:41,105 ...when he came across a local maca picker. 416 00:14:41,147 --> 00:14:43,107 You need help to make your sign stand up? 417 00:14:43,149 --> 00:14:44,733 Yes. No! 418 00:14:44,775 --> 00:14:47,278 I need to find some Mexicans to help build this wall. 419 00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:48,737 Hey, you know what? 420 00:14:48,779 --> 00:14:49,947 You should get the Chinese to build your wall. 421 00:14:49,989 --> 00:14:50,948 We make great walls. 422 00:14:50,990 --> 00:14:51,949 That would be great. 423 00:14:51,991 --> 00:14:53,284 How can we make that happen? 424 00:14:53,326 --> 00:14:54,410 I'm Chinese; I know all Chinese. 425 00:14:54,451 --> 00:14:55,786 I hook you up. 426 00:14:55,828 --> 00:14:57,163 - Well, that's, uh... - (ringtone playing) 427 00:14:57,205 --> 00:14:58,873 That'd be... great. 428 00:14:58,914 --> 00:15:00,457 Would you get off my (bleep), Mother! 429 00:15:00,499 --> 00:15:02,793 Well, if I wasn't sure you were gay, I am now. 430 00:15:02,835 --> 00:15:05,087 It's Tony. Hey, Tony. 431 00:15:05,129 --> 00:15:06,672 Sorry I couldn't talk last night, 432 00:15:06,714 --> 00:15:09,217 but, uh, I'd really love to get together later. 433 00:15:09,258 --> 00:15:11,593 This week, or maybe Saturday, say, 5:00? 434 00:15:11,635 --> 00:15:13,262 - Great. - I'm thinking Little Ballroom. 435 00:15:13,304 --> 00:15:15,556 Little Ballroom good? Or you sick of Little Ballroom? 436 00:15:15,597 --> 00:15:18,226 - I'll see you there. - Bye. 437 00:15:18,267 --> 00:15:19,810 That was Tony. My friend Tony. 438 00:15:19,852 --> 00:15:22,021 Oh, she sounds wonderful. 439 00:15:22,063 --> 00:15:24,606 No... no... I'm gonna get revenge on him 440 00:15:24,648 --> 00:15:26,359 and destroy his life. 441 00:15:26,401 --> 00:15:27,776 Her life. 442 00:15:27,818 --> 00:15:30,112 Our... life. 443 00:15:30,154 --> 00:15:32,240 Destroy our life. 444 00:15:33,241 --> 00:15:34,616 Destroy our life. 445 00:15:34,658 --> 00:15:36,077 That doesn't matter. Who cares? 446 00:15:36,118 --> 00:15:38,413 But Tony Wonder had a secret, too. 447 00:15:38,454 --> 00:15:39,914 We're on. 448 00:15:39,955 --> 00:15:41,832 And he definitely thinks you're gay, right? 449 00:15:41,874 --> 00:15:43,500 Don't worry, the only thing I'm better at than (bleep)-ing women 450 00:15:43,542 --> 00:15:45,420 is pretending I'm gay. 451 00:15:45,461 --> 00:15:47,255 Trust me, I am all man. 452 00:15:47,296 --> 00:15:49,257 Give me a little leg shave? 453 00:15:49,298 --> 00:15:50,859 All right, well, you have to be careful. 454 00:15:50,883 --> 00:15:51,884 If Gob finds out you're straight, 455 00:15:51,926 --> 00:15:53,677 he'll use it to ruin you, 456 00:15:53,719 --> 00:15:56,847 and I'll lose the hundred grand I stole from Lucille Austero 457 00:15:56,889 --> 00:15:58,640 to re-brand you as the gay magician. 458 00:15:58,682 --> 00:16:01,018 It seemed Sally Sitwell had a secret also. 459 00:16:01,060 --> 00:16:02,686 I know that. 460 00:16:02,728 --> 00:16:04,105 Why are you telling me all this? 461 00:16:04,146 --> 00:16:06,399 'Cause if she finds out, we both go down. 462 00:16:06,441 --> 00:16:08,161 And I don't want to have to sell that closet 463 00:16:08,192 --> 00:16:09,944 as a sweat sauna on Craigslist. 464 00:16:09,985 --> 00:16:10,736 - Ow! - Ooh. Sorry. 465 00:16:10,778 --> 00:16:12,321 It's fine. 466 00:16:12,363 --> 00:16:13,364 And as long as we're recapping 467 00:16:13,406 --> 00:16:15,199 things that we already know, 468 00:16:15,241 --> 00:16:16,575 an inside source tells me 469 00:16:16,617 --> 00:16:19,412 he's my ticket to Internet billions. 470 00:16:19,454 --> 00:16:20,704 Inside source? 471 00:16:20,746 --> 00:16:21,622 Oh, I didn't tell you that? 472 00:16:21,663 --> 00:16:22,790 - No. - That's new? 473 00:16:22,831 --> 00:16:25,709 It's "in the bag." 474 00:16:25,751 --> 00:16:28,170 Tony made that sound a lot cooler than it was. 475 00:16:28,212 --> 00:16:29,255 That Fakeblock thing will scrub it away. 476 00:16:29,297 --> 00:16:30,339 You know about Fakeblock? 477 00:16:30,381 --> 00:16:32,174 You know, that's my software. 478 00:16:32,216 --> 00:16:33,842 I wonder if my dad thinks... 479 00:16:33,884 --> 00:16:36,387 It took a lot of restraint for Tony to not pop out 480 00:16:36,429 --> 00:16:38,097 when he heard the word "wonder," 481 00:16:38,139 --> 00:16:40,641 but he was carried into the audience 482 00:16:40,682 --> 00:16:42,935 before he could hear that Gob wasn't actually gay. 483 00:16:42,977 --> 00:16:45,187 TONY: I don't want some Spanish guy sitting on me. 484 00:16:45,229 --> 00:16:47,022 Once I get him alone, I get into his phone, 485 00:16:47,064 --> 00:16:48,607 get his boyfriend's information, 486 00:16:48,649 --> 00:16:51,360 hack into his software and make a fortune. 487 00:16:51,402 --> 00:16:52,611 Ow! 488 00:16:52,653 --> 00:16:54,613 How do you not know how to shave a leg? 489 00:16:54,655 --> 00:16:56,365 I've never done it before. 490 00:17:00,744 --> 00:17:04,248 Anyway, he's halfway to falling in love with me already. 491 00:17:04,290 --> 00:17:07,876 I mean, he actually sounded excited about seeing me tonight. 492 00:17:07,918 --> 00:17:10,796 Poor guy doesn't realize I'm about to destroy our life. 493 00:17:10,838 --> 00:17:13,215 Our life? 494 00:17:13,257 --> 00:17:16,093 I mean, destroy our life with Gob. 495 00:17:16,135 --> 00:17:21,265 Dest... I'm going to destroy our life-- my life-- with Gob. 496 00:17:23,434 --> 00:17:25,686 ("The Sound of Silence" by Simon & Garfunkel playing) 497 00:17:25,727 --> 00:17:27,355 Destroy my life with Gob. 498 00:17:27,396 --> 00:17:29,315 ♪ Hello darkness, my old friend... ♪ 499 00:17:29,357 --> 00:17:32,443 Destroy my life with Gob. 500 00:17:32,485 --> 00:17:35,488 Just be careful. 501 00:17:35,530 --> 00:17:37,698 Could be a house of cards. 502 00:17:37,739 --> 00:17:39,575 - (both yelling) - Aah! Ooh! 503 00:17:39,658 --> 00:17:42,119 - Caterpillar! - Yep! There it went. 504 00:17:42,161 --> 00:17:44,246 That's exactly what that was. 505 00:17:44,288 --> 00:17:45,581 - Ow! - Weird. 506 00:17:45,622 --> 00:17:46,665 Very weird. 507 00:17:46,707 --> 00:17:48,667 Caterpillar... 508 00:17:48,709 --> 00:17:52,087 and that weird fuzzy moth in the drain... 509 00:17:52,129 --> 00:17:55,383 NARRATOR: It seemed Sally had two secrets. 510 00:17:58,427 --> 00:18:01,430 And days later, Gob was feeling pretty good. 511 00:18:01,472 --> 00:18:04,975 China Garden had come through with a crew to build the wall, 512 00:18:05,017 --> 00:18:07,562 and with the help of a well-placed ad, 513 00:18:07,603 --> 00:18:11,690 he'd successfully filled all the homes in Sudden Valley. 514 00:18:11,732 --> 00:18:14,693 And he was on his way to a hot date with Tony Wonder. 515 00:18:14,735 --> 00:18:17,488 Siri, where is the Little Ballroom? 516 00:18:17,530 --> 00:18:19,198 SIRI: I have three matches. 517 00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:22,368 (mumbles): I'm going to need the gayest. 518 00:18:22,410 --> 00:18:23,994 Did you say the "grayest"? 519 00:18:24,036 --> 00:18:25,704 (snickering) 520 00:18:25,746 --> 00:18:27,498 I need the, uh, gayest one. 521 00:18:27,540 --> 00:18:29,166 SIRI: Did you say the "grayest"? 522 00:18:29,208 --> 00:18:30,529 I need the gayest Little Ballroom! 523 00:18:30,543 --> 00:18:33,170 SIRI: Okay, Gob, try this one. 524 00:18:35,590 --> 00:18:37,966 I've got to tell Michael that I saw another map car. 525 00:18:38,008 --> 00:18:39,676 He's gonna be blown away. 526 00:18:39,718 --> 00:18:41,512 GOB: You don't see them a lot. 527 00:18:41,554 --> 00:18:43,180 - Well... - I'm fine. 528 00:18:43,222 --> 00:18:45,099 ...looks like he's turning into a parking lot. 529 00:18:45,140 --> 00:18:47,726 My Little Ballroom. Of course, yeah. 530 00:18:47,768 --> 00:18:49,353 She's got a kid, he's acting like 531 00:18:49,395 --> 00:18:51,146 he's Father of the Year or something. 532 00:18:51,188 --> 00:18:52,689 I bet he's pretending Steve Holt is, like, nine. 533 00:18:52,731 --> 00:18:54,316 I just saw him, he looks 50. 534 00:18:54,358 --> 00:18:55,943 NARRATOR: But of course Gob was 535 00:18:55,984 --> 00:18:58,028 at the wrong Little Ballroom. 536 00:18:58,070 --> 00:18:59,405 I do not get this lifestyle. 537 00:18:59,447 --> 00:19:01,323 - Gob? - You're mistaken. 538 00:19:01,365 --> 00:19:03,451 Hi, there. 539 00:19:03,492 --> 00:19:05,453 - Michael. - Yeah. 540 00:19:05,494 --> 00:19:07,204 Well, look who's here: you. 541 00:19:07,246 --> 00:19:08,664 Where is she? 542 00:19:08,705 --> 00:19:10,165 First of all, that's very dated of you, Michael. 543 00:19:10,207 --> 00:19:12,167 "He's" don't like to be called "she's" 544 00:19:12,209 --> 00:19:14,253 and I don't who this he-man is that you're referring to. 545 00:19:14,295 --> 00:19:15,546 No, no, no, it's a "she." My girlfriend. 546 00:19:15,588 --> 00:19:16,880 That's who I'm talking about. 547 00:19:16,922 --> 00:19:18,424 Rebel. Rebel Alley. Where is she? 548 00:19:18,466 --> 00:19:20,259 - Never met him. - It's a she. 549 00:19:20,301 --> 00:19:21,885 Nice try. Now what are you doing here? 550 00:19:21,927 --> 00:19:23,178 You gonna meet her here with her son, maybe, 551 00:19:23,220 --> 00:19:24,305 so her son can play in the ball pit? 552 00:19:24,346 --> 00:19:25,931 That's disgusting, Michael. 553 00:19:25,973 --> 00:19:28,053 - This is no place for a child. - I know what you do. 554 00:19:28,058 --> 00:19:29,560 Mom told me you were bragging about 555 00:19:29,602 --> 00:19:30,936 seeing somebody in showbiz. 556 00:19:30,978 --> 00:19:32,771 Then I see a frozen dove in a freezer. 557 00:19:32,813 --> 00:19:34,523 That could be anything. 558 00:19:34,565 --> 00:19:36,191 It said "Love each other" on the foot band. 559 00:19:36,233 --> 00:19:37,485 Yeah, that does sound like one of mine. 560 00:19:37,526 --> 00:19:38,735 Whose freezer was it in? 561 00:19:38,777 --> 00:19:40,488 Rebel. Rebel Alley's. Nice try, Gob. 562 00:19:40,529 --> 00:19:41,989 If I want to see bad acting, 563 00:19:42,030 --> 00:19:43,782 I'll go see Tobias in A Jew Comes to Dinner. 564 00:19:43,824 --> 00:19:45,242 But Gob wasn't acting. 565 00:19:45,284 --> 00:19:47,703 He'd just forgotten that he had met 566 00:19:47,744 --> 00:19:49,413 a still-partying Rebel Alley. 567 00:19:49,455 --> 00:19:51,707 It's a little dove. He's so cute. 568 00:19:51,748 --> 00:19:54,376 And Rebel returned home to an unfortunate surprise. 569 00:19:54,418 --> 00:19:55,670 (dove squawks) 570 00:19:58,213 --> 00:20:01,175 She felt bad, so quickly put it in a bag, 571 00:20:01,216 --> 00:20:03,511 wrote down the species and location 572 00:20:03,552 --> 00:20:07,055 from which she'd acquired it and then one further caution. 573 00:20:08,890 --> 00:20:10,309 It was a merry mix-up. 574 00:20:10,351 --> 00:20:12,269 But neither of them knew any of this. 575 00:20:12,311 --> 00:20:14,313 Honestly, I have no idea what you're talking about, Michael. 576 00:20:14,355 --> 00:20:15,731 Yes, you do. I got you dead to rights. 577 00:20:15,772 --> 00:20:17,399 Dead to rights! 578 00:20:17,441 --> 00:20:19,694 If ever we were gonna have a fight, Michael, 579 00:20:19,735 --> 00:20:21,696 this would be the safest place to do it. 580 00:20:21,737 --> 00:20:23,780 - Right! Let's do it! - This gay bar would be the best...! 581 00:20:23,822 --> 00:20:27,034 ...something that can fillet a chicken and subdue an intruder. 582 00:20:27,075 --> 00:20:28,202 Let's do it! 583 00:20:32,122 --> 00:20:33,582 Back to My Little Ballroom? 584 00:20:33,624 --> 00:20:35,167 Yeah, this is the middle of their workday. 585 00:20:35,209 --> 00:20:37,127 Hey! Hey! Come back here! 586 00:20:37,169 --> 00:20:38,879 You son of a bitch, Gob! 587 00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:41,382 You'll never catch me, Michael! 588 00:20:41,423 --> 00:20:44,552 ♪ You raped and pushed and struggled ♪ 589 00:20:44,593 --> 00:20:45,636 ♪ All those balls in the air... ♪ 590 00:20:45,678 --> 00:20:48,681 You have to find me, Michael! 591 00:20:48,723 --> 00:20:51,099 ♪ How hard can it be? ♪ 592 00:20:51,141 --> 00:20:52,809 Gob? 593 00:20:52,851 --> 00:20:54,936 ♪ ...those balls in the air ♪ 594 00:20:54,978 --> 00:21:00,192 ♪ But keep those balls in the air ♪ 595 00:21:00,234 --> 00:21:04,154 ♪ Balls in the air. ♪ 596 00:21:04,196 --> 00:21:05,989 Are we done? 597 00:21:06,031 --> 00:21:07,282 I'm just surprisingly tired. 598 00:21:07,324 --> 00:21:10,202 So tired... and so not hurt. 599 00:21:10,244 --> 00:21:12,454 Look, I'm not the guy, Michael. 600 00:21:12,496 --> 00:21:14,540 I thought you'd be proud of me. I did what you said. 601 00:21:14,582 --> 00:21:16,958 I filled all your... your houses. 602 00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:18,126 Hang on-- filled 'em? 603 00:21:18,168 --> 00:21:20,087 Every last one of 'em. 604 00:21:20,128 --> 00:21:21,171 With who? 605 00:21:21,213 --> 00:21:23,924 With sex offenders. 606 00:21:25,217 --> 00:21:26,301 Hey! Hey! 607 00:21:26,343 --> 00:21:28,637 Gob, you're out of the movie! 608 00:21:28,679 --> 00:21:30,431 BOY: Thanks for ruining my birthday party. 609 00:21:33,601 --> 00:21:35,936 NARRATOR: After fighting with Gob, 610 00:21:35,977 --> 00:21:38,105 Michael paid a return visit to his mother. 611 00:21:38,146 --> 00:21:39,546 - What happened to your eye? - Oh... 612 00:21:39,565 --> 00:21:41,191 Is that from Gob? Was I right about him? 613 00:21:41,233 --> 00:21:43,277 No, actually. Want to hear a funny story? 614 00:21:44,361 --> 00:21:45,862 You're out of the movie. 615 00:21:45,904 --> 00:21:47,197 Hold on, George. 616 00:21:47,239 --> 00:21:48,365 I beg your pardon? 617 00:21:48,407 --> 00:21:50,033 Did you say George? Is that Dad? 618 00:21:50,075 --> 00:21:51,702 'Cause he's the one who told me to hire Gob. 619 00:21:51,744 --> 00:21:53,370 I actually owe him a call. 620 00:21:53,412 --> 00:21:54,663 Hey, Dad, how you doing? 621 00:21:54,705 --> 00:21:56,498 Y-Yes, he did. 622 00:21:56,540 --> 00:21:57,750 With sex offenders. 623 00:21:57,792 --> 00:21:59,418 You want to hear something funny? 624 00:21:59,460 --> 00:22:01,545 You're out of the movie! 625 00:22:01,587 --> 00:22:03,213 Want to hold for Mom? Yeah. 626 00:22:03,255 --> 00:22:05,674 Bye. 627 00:22:05,716 --> 00:22:09,720 And later that night, Gob went to win back the trust 628 00:22:09,762 --> 00:22:12,848 of the man he was still hoping to con. 629 00:22:12,889 --> 00:22:14,433 Hey, look... 630 00:22:14,475 --> 00:22:16,101 Although he quickly lost sight of that plan. 631 00:22:16,143 --> 00:22:18,854 - You're mad at me. - You stood me up. 632 00:22:18,895 --> 00:22:22,065 Oh, no-- Siri sent me to the wrong "Ballroom," 633 00:22:22,107 --> 00:22:23,984 and then I got in this fight with my brother 634 00:22:24,025 --> 00:22:25,820 that didn't hurt, it was just a whole... 635 00:22:25,861 --> 00:22:27,362 Oh, is that it? Or is it because 636 00:22:27,404 --> 00:22:29,615 your boyfriend is 20 and I'm nearly twice that? 637 00:22:29,657 --> 00:22:31,659 You think that I care that you're... 638 00:22:31,700 --> 00:22:33,327 three years older than me? 639 00:22:33,368 --> 00:22:35,412 No! I don't-- Check my phone. Check my phone. 640 00:22:35,454 --> 00:22:37,038 I don't need to check your phone; come on in. 641 00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:38,666 But getting Gob's boyfriend's 642 00:22:38,707 --> 00:22:40,793 contact information out of that phone 643 00:22:40,835 --> 00:22:42,878 was the reason for Tony's charade. 644 00:22:42,919 --> 00:22:44,546 He hates me; the whole family hates me. 645 00:22:44,588 --> 00:22:46,799 - Damn it! - Which he remembered too late. 646 00:22:46,841 --> 00:22:48,216 Yeah, damn it! 647 00:22:48,258 --> 00:22:50,135 I mean, I even helped fill his stupid homes 648 00:22:50,177 --> 00:22:52,680 with sex offenders, and yet he still hates me. 649 00:22:52,721 --> 00:22:54,682 Sex offenders need a place to live, too. 650 00:22:54,723 --> 00:22:58,435 Yes! Exactly! That's what I always say. 651 00:22:58,477 --> 00:23:00,937 It's, like, God... you get me. 652 00:23:00,979 --> 00:23:02,939 Well, you're an easy guy to get. 653 00:23:02,981 --> 00:23:04,733 I can't go home; he's probably waiting for me. 654 00:23:04,775 --> 00:23:06,067 He's gonna be my boss? 655 00:23:06,109 --> 00:23:07,361 He's the younger brother. 656 00:23:07,402 --> 00:23:09,321 - How old is he? - 42. 657 00:23:09,363 --> 00:23:10,698 Same! 658 00:23:10,739 --> 00:23:12,741 My younger brother's 42, also. 659 00:23:12,783 --> 00:23:13,784 Same! 660 00:23:13,826 --> 00:23:15,327 But... 661 00:23:15,369 --> 00:23:16,704 - I mean 32. - Third... two... 662 00:23:16,745 --> 00:23:18,121 - 32. - 32! Same! 663 00:23:18,163 --> 00:23:19,665 - Same! I was gonna say it. - Same? 664 00:23:19,707 --> 00:23:21,792 - I was thinking the same. - That's so weird! 665 00:23:21,834 --> 00:23:23,669 (both talking at once) 666 00:23:23,711 --> 00:23:25,880 - ...same. - ...same. 667 00:23:25,921 --> 00:23:27,005 - Crazy! - ...zy! 668 00:23:27,047 --> 00:23:28,089 Do you want a glass of wine? 669 00:23:28,131 --> 00:23:29,174 I love wine. 670 00:23:29,216 --> 00:23:30,676 - Red wine? - I love red wine! 671 00:23:30,718 --> 00:23:31,802 - Same! - Same! 672 00:23:31,844 --> 00:23:32,761 (laughing) 673 00:23:32,803 --> 00:23:34,012 It's, like, two same. 674 00:23:34,054 --> 00:23:35,639 - That's in-same. - Totally in-same. 675 00:23:35,681 --> 00:23:37,683 It turns out the guys had tons in common. 676 00:23:37,725 --> 00:23:39,226 - That's so weird. - ...weird. 677 00:23:39,267 --> 00:23:40,977 - Like... - Like... 678 00:23:41,019 --> 00:23:42,897 BOTH: ...the last... time I went... 679 00:23:44,064 --> 00:23:46,859 BOTH: ...scuba diving? 680 00:23:46,901 --> 00:23:48,861 - Wow. - Wow. 681 00:23:48,903 --> 00:23:53,574 BOTH: ...eating... Captain Crunch. 682 00:23:53,615 --> 00:23:55,534 - Same. - Same. 683 00:23:55,576 --> 00:23:57,118 The hours melted away... 684 00:23:57,160 --> 00:23:58,662 TONY: I guess I must have been... 685 00:23:58,704 --> 00:23:59,830 ...and perhaps, pretending to be gay... 686 00:23:59,872 --> 00:24:01,540 ...I don't know, 17... 687 00:24:01,582 --> 00:24:03,751 ...allowed them the freedom to speak honestly. 688 00:24:03,792 --> 00:24:05,627 ...when I started saying "same." 689 00:24:05,669 --> 00:24:08,380 - Same. - That's about the same time I got into magic. 690 00:24:08,422 --> 00:24:10,382 You know, I think I got into misdirection 'cause I just... 691 00:24:10,424 --> 00:24:13,218 maybe I was trying to hide my feelings or something. 692 00:24:13,260 --> 00:24:16,263 I was just doing it to get out of gym. 693 00:24:16,304 --> 00:24:18,014 Who's Jim? 694 00:24:18,056 --> 00:24:19,099 No, I... phys ed. 695 00:24:19,140 --> 00:24:20,684 (laughs) Jealous! 696 00:24:20,726 --> 00:24:23,061 - Oh... kidding. - (laughing): Right. 697 00:24:23,103 --> 00:24:24,521 (singsong): Kidding. 698 00:24:24,563 --> 00:24:25,647 (both laughing) 699 00:24:25,689 --> 00:24:26,815 - Ooh! - Oh... 700 00:24:26,857 --> 00:24:28,609 - Don't stop. - Oh! 701 00:24:28,650 --> 00:24:30,444 Popcorn fight! 702 00:24:30,485 --> 00:24:32,613 (Tony coughing) 703 00:24:32,654 --> 00:24:35,031 (gagging) 704 00:24:40,495 --> 00:24:42,706 It almost went down my throat. 705 00:24:42,748 --> 00:24:44,833 (Gob sighs) 706 00:24:47,419 --> 00:24:48,921 I'll get some water. 707 00:24:48,963 --> 00:24:50,798 - Yeah. - Yeah, just... 708 00:24:50,839 --> 00:24:53,091 NARRATOR: And Tony had another opportunity 709 00:24:53,133 --> 00:24:56,804 to get at Gob's phone. 710 00:24:56,845 --> 00:24:58,847 And chose not to take it. 711 00:24:58,889 --> 00:25:03,018 Gob also saw an opportunity to, in some small way, 712 00:25:03,059 --> 00:25:05,938 sabotage Tony's act. 713 00:25:07,355 --> 00:25:09,942 And he also chose not to, 714 00:25:09,984 --> 00:25:12,527 although he did put the mask down his pants. 715 00:25:12,569 --> 00:25:14,696 Ah. 716 00:25:21,829 --> 00:25:24,080 (gulping loudly) 717 00:25:32,213 --> 00:25:34,424 BOTH: Ah. 718 00:25:39,387 --> 00:25:41,556 We were really thirsty. 719 00:25:41,598 --> 00:25:42,933 Well, I guess I should get go... 720 00:25:42,975 --> 00:25:45,644 Yeah, I'd say stay, but I just... I feel... 721 00:25:45,686 --> 00:25:48,229 I just feel like we should take it slow, you know. 722 00:25:48,271 --> 00:25:49,731 Oh, same. 723 00:25:49,773 --> 00:25:52,693 I-I would definitely stay and have gay sex with... 724 00:25:52,734 --> 00:25:54,319 or normal sex with you, but... 725 00:25:54,361 --> 00:25:57,781 Yeah, I would totally have gay sex or whatever, but... 726 00:25:57,823 --> 00:26:00,158 just drank a lot of water, you know. 727 00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:03,871 I-I just... I just had a lot of water, too. 728 00:26:03,912 --> 00:26:05,539 Yeah, I don't want to rush things. 729 00:26:05,580 --> 00:26:07,207 - Same. - Same. 730 00:26:07,248 --> 00:26:09,167 You know, maybe we make a date to do it 731 00:26:09,209 --> 00:26:11,003 another time, and tonight we just... 732 00:26:11,045 --> 00:26:12,713 We can just sit and talk. 733 00:26:12,754 --> 00:26:14,798 Gob had never said anything like that before. 734 00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:16,800 That would be amazing. 735 00:26:16,842 --> 00:26:20,971 And then he said something else he'd never said before. 736 00:26:21,013 --> 00:26:25,141 I have... feelings for you. 737 00:26:26,267 --> 00:26:29,730 I have feelings... 738 00:26:29,771 --> 00:26:32,066 for you. 739 00:26:32,107 --> 00:26:33,775 The feeling was friendship, 740 00:26:33,817 --> 00:26:35,861 but neither had ever experienced it. 741 00:26:35,903 --> 00:26:38,947 All they had to do now was avoid making any specific... 742 00:26:38,989 --> 00:26:40,532 Why don't we have normal sex on Cinco? 743 00:26:40,574 --> 00:26:42,283 Let's have normal sex on Cinco. 744 00:26:42,325 --> 00:26:44,828 I guess they figured they could get out of it later. 745 00:26:44,870 --> 00:26:46,538 I'm not sure why they said that. 746 00:26:46,580 --> 00:26:48,040 - Same! - Same! 747 00:26:50,667 --> 00:26:52,669 NARRATOR: It was the Newport Beach celebration 748 00:26:52,711 --> 00:26:54,170 of Cinco de Cuatro, 749 00:26:54,212 --> 00:26:56,631 and after taking care of some business, 750 00:26:56,673 --> 00:26:59,093 - Gob ran into an almost ex-wife. - No, honey, on Cinco, 751 00:26:59,134 --> 00:27:01,302 we break the stick and not the piñata. Okay, look. 752 00:27:01,344 --> 00:27:03,263 Whoo! Huh? 753 00:27:03,304 --> 00:27:04,723 GOB: Well... 754 00:27:04,765 --> 00:27:06,349 - (chuckles) - How long has it been? 755 00:27:06,391 --> 00:27:08,393 - It's been five years. - What are you doing here? 756 00:27:08,435 --> 00:27:11,312 I'm taking my five-year-old to see Fantastic Four. 757 00:27:11,354 --> 00:27:12,898 I'm pretty sure that's an adult... 758 00:27:12,940 --> 00:27:14,315 Wait, you have a five-year-old? 759 00:27:14,357 --> 00:27:15,442 Oui. 760 00:27:15,483 --> 00:27:17,903 What? We what? 761 00:27:17,945 --> 00:27:19,571 No, oui. It's French for "yes." 762 00:27:19,613 --> 00:27:21,156 As in, "Yes, I have a son, 763 00:27:21,197 --> 00:27:23,658 and his father's a magician." 764 00:27:23,700 --> 00:27:26,661 (intro to "The Sound of Silence" playing) 765 00:27:28,789 --> 00:27:31,708 (mariachi band playing "The Sound of Silence") 766 00:27:31,750 --> 00:27:33,627 Oh. It's not us. 767 00:27:33,668 --> 00:27:35,253 Don't worry. It's not you. 768 00:27:35,295 --> 00:27:36,964 It was a real magician. 769 00:27:37,005 --> 00:27:38,715 He took advantage of how angry I was 770 00:27:38,757 --> 00:27:40,467 when you wouldn't come out of that cave. 771 00:27:40,508 --> 00:27:42,302 He promised me a life together, and after 772 00:27:42,343 --> 00:27:44,846 he had his way with me, he never wanted to see me again. 773 00:27:44,888 --> 00:27:46,723 I don't think there's anything wonderful 774 00:27:46,765 --> 00:27:48,600 about Tony Wonder. 775 00:27:48,642 --> 00:27:50,268 Are you kidding me? Are you saying... 776 00:27:50,310 --> 00:27:52,228 - Yes. - Tony's straight? 777 00:27:52,270 --> 00:27:56,316 Gob felt betrayed by a person he was starting to trust, 778 00:27:56,357 --> 00:27:58,234 and he decided to do something about it. 779 00:27:58,276 --> 00:28:02,030 How would you like to spend the night making revenge love? 780 00:28:02,072 --> 00:28:04,240 (sighs) Uh, Jacqueline, could you, uh...? 781 00:28:04,282 --> 00:28:07,953 With a plan to get revenge on Tony Wonder taking shape, 782 00:28:07,995 --> 00:28:10,080 Gob met with Ann at the model home. 783 00:28:10,122 --> 00:28:12,499 I'm ready, Gob. 784 00:28:12,540 --> 00:28:14,084 Yeah, okay, well, don't get ready yet. 785 00:28:14,126 --> 00:28:16,670 Uh, Tony's not going to be here for a bit. 786 00:28:16,711 --> 00:28:18,130 Tony? 787 00:28:18,172 --> 00:28:21,008 You're having sex with Tony Wonder tonight. 788 00:28:21,049 --> 00:28:23,593 Well, I-I thought we were having sex. 789 00:28:23,635 --> 00:28:25,595 Oh. Uh, no, thank you. (chuckles) 790 00:28:25,637 --> 00:28:28,264 Listen, here's the plan-- this house is wired 791 00:28:28,306 --> 00:28:30,767 with hidden cameras from Entrap a Local Predator. 792 00:28:30,809 --> 00:28:34,062 There, there, there and there. 793 00:28:34,104 --> 00:28:35,856 We're going to destroy Tony's career 794 00:28:35,897 --> 00:28:38,775 by proving that he's straight when he has sex with you 795 00:28:38,817 --> 00:28:40,819 while you're wearing... 796 00:28:40,861 --> 00:28:42,737 this Gob mask. 797 00:28:42,779 --> 00:28:44,489 Oh, and this little black mini-robe. 798 00:28:44,531 --> 00:28:47,784 Just to really sell that you're a man. 799 00:28:47,826 --> 00:28:49,494 Why would I wear a Gob mask? 800 00:28:49,536 --> 00:28:51,777 Because Tony's coming here expecting to have sex with me. 801 00:28:51,788 --> 00:28:54,958 Look, in the act of having fake gay sex, 802 00:28:55,000 --> 00:28:56,960 you're going to take off the mask to reveal 803 00:28:57,002 --> 00:28:58,712 that you're having real straight sex, 804 00:28:58,753 --> 00:29:00,922 destroying his career, and it's all going to be 805 00:29:00,964 --> 00:29:03,050 captured on that camera right there. 806 00:29:03,091 --> 00:29:05,426 I don't want to have sex with Tony. 807 00:29:05,468 --> 00:29:08,096 Aren't you just a little cur...? 808 00:29:08,138 --> 00:29:09,430 I have a child with him! 809 00:29:09,472 --> 00:29:11,683 Okay, yes, new plan. 810 00:29:11,725 --> 00:29:14,519 I'm going to wear this Tony Wonder mask, 811 00:29:14,561 --> 00:29:17,605 you're going to wear the Gob mask, and... 812 00:29:17,647 --> 00:29:19,983 I am going to have sex with you. 813 00:29:20,025 --> 00:29:21,693 I'm sorry about all that. 814 00:29:21,735 --> 00:29:24,571 And then, again, you're going to rip off the Gob mask, 815 00:29:24,612 --> 00:29:26,114 and the world will think that he's straight, 816 00:29:26,156 --> 00:29:27,323 and it'll ruin his career. 817 00:29:27,365 --> 00:29:28,408 That's great. 818 00:29:28,449 --> 00:29:29,743 Much simpler plan, thank you. 819 00:29:29,784 --> 00:29:31,828 But the main event is us having this... 820 00:29:31,870 --> 00:29:35,957 pretend gay but actually straight sex. 821 00:29:35,999 --> 00:29:37,084 And you know what it is? 822 00:29:37,125 --> 00:29:38,418 It's a straight bait. 823 00:29:38,459 --> 00:29:40,087 I just realized, it's a straight bait. 824 00:29:40,128 --> 00:29:41,504 You ever watch those? 825 00:29:42,630 --> 00:29:44,382 Good, and let me have the room, yeah. 826 00:29:44,424 --> 00:29:47,969 I need a little while to get same. 827 00:29:48,011 --> 00:29:51,223 To be the same. 828 00:29:51,265 --> 00:29:53,474 NARRATOR: Downstairs, however, Tony had arrived early... 829 00:29:53,516 --> 00:29:55,393 Hello? Hello? 830 00:29:55,435 --> 00:29:57,812 ...and was looking for a place to pop out of 831 00:29:57,854 --> 00:29:59,480 in case Gob said "Wonder." 832 00:29:59,522 --> 00:30:02,150 - That piece of sh... - ANN: Tony? 833 00:30:02,192 --> 00:30:04,903 Hey... you. 834 00:30:04,945 --> 00:30:06,238 It's Ann. 835 00:30:06,280 --> 00:30:08,240 Awfully funny time to run into you. 836 00:30:08,282 --> 00:30:12,493 Yes, it is an awfully funny time to see you, too... 837 00:30:12,535 --> 00:30:14,412 you. 838 00:30:14,454 --> 00:30:16,164 I know I owe you child support. 839 00:30:16,206 --> 00:30:17,958 Don't worry, I got something big in the works. 840 00:30:17,999 --> 00:30:20,168 Actually, that's why I came here. 841 00:30:20,210 --> 00:30:22,087 - What are you doing here? - Gob invited me. 842 00:30:22,129 --> 00:30:24,380 He's planning on getting revenge on you. 843 00:30:24,422 --> 00:30:26,591 (laughs) He would never do that. 844 00:30:26,633 --> 00:30:29,970 Then why did he want to have sex with me with this on? 845 00:30:30,011 --> 00:30:32,222 Wait a minute. 846 00:30:32,264 --> 00:30:34,266 Sex with you? 847 00:30:34,308 --> 00:30:36,268 Gob is straight? 848 00:30:36,310 --> 00:30:38,436 Oh, yeah, he is. 849 00:30:40,230 --> 00:30:42,023 - Tony? - I just... Why would he do that? 850 00:30:42,065 --> 00:30:43,650 I thought he was gay. 851 00:30:43,691 --> 00:30:45,986 - Tony, you're not gay, either. - That's business. 852 00:30:46,027 --> 00:30:48,155 Why do you think David Geffen pretends to be gay? 853 00:30:48,196 --> 00:30:49,739 You think the Shubert Organization 854 00:30:49,781 --> 00:30:51,407 would entrust a project like Dreamgirls 855 00:30:51,449 --> 00:30:52,909 to a straight producer? 856 00:30:52,951 --> 00:30:54,702 How do you know so much about Dreamgirls? 857 00:30:54,744 --> 00:30:56,624 'Cause it's my business to know about Dreamgirls. 858 00:30:56,663 --> 00:30:58,456 And if you wanted to be in a film version 859 00:30:58,498 --> 00:31:01,584 of a musical called The Magic Show, done in 1974 860 00:31:01,626 --> 00:31:04,171 by another secretly straight guy named Doug Henning, 861 00:31:04,212 --> 00:31:05,922 you'd make it your business, too. 862 00:31:05,964 --> 00:31:07,299 I mean, they can't give everything 863 00:31:07,341 --> 00:31:08,549 to Doogie Howser, right? 864 00:31:08,591 --> 00:31:10,635 Biggest fake gay there is, by the way. 865 00:31:10,677 --> 00:31:13,305 But if I fund it, then they can't say no to me. 866 00:31:13,347 --> 00:31:15,431 But it's big money-- I mean, 20, 30, 40 mil. 867 00:31:15,473 --> 00:31:16,808 Fakeblock money. 868 00:31:16,850 --> 00:31:18,451 I can't believe I'm telling you all this. 869 00:31:18,476 --> 00:31:20,436 I... I've been overexplaining the (bleep) 870 00:31:20,478 --> 00:31:21,646 out of everything lately. 871 00:31:21,688 --> 00:31:23,106 You can't tell a soul. 872 00:31:23,148 --> 00:31:24,649 No one I know will care. 873 00:31:24,691 --> 00:31:27,194 Look, do you want to out Gob as gay 874 00:31:27,235 --> 00:31:29,321 so it'll ruin his career as the Christian magician? 875 00:31:29,363 --> 00:31:31,698 - Yes, of course. - Are you still your own legs? 876 00:31:31,739 --> 00:31:34,117 And do you have toenail polish on you right now? 877 00:31:34,159 --> 00:31:36,870 Are you asking, am I wearing any, or do I have any extra? 878 00:31:36,911 --> 00:31:38,705 Because the answer to both questions is yes. 879 00:31:38,746 --> 00:31:41,208 Then we're covered. You and I will have sex. 880 00:31:41,249 --> 00:31:43,751 And you wear this Gob mask, and I'll wear a Tony Wonder mask. 881 00:31:43,793 --> 00:31:45,212 Okay, I have two questions. 882 00:31:45,253 --> 00:31:47,297 One: Are you going to move this time? 883 00:31:47,339 --> 00:31:51,051 And two: Why can't I just be me and you wear the Gob mask? 884 00:31:51,092 --> 00:31:54,637 I just thought that if you had to have sex with a man, 885 00:31:54,679 --> 00:31:56,556 wouldn't it be more of a turn-on 886 00:31:56,597 --> 00:31:59,100 to have sex with someone that looks like you? 887 00:32:00,518 --> 00:32:02,020 Okay. 888 00:32:02,062 --> 00:32:04,105 Put these on, and then meet me in the bedroom 889 00:32:04,147 --> 00:32:07,150 in five minutes for some serious secular intercourse. 890 00:32:07,192 --> 00:32:08,526 With myself. 891 00:32:08,568 --> 00:32:11,321 Yeah. 892 00:32:20,747 --> 00:32:22,999 - Same. - Same. 893 00:32:24,418 --> 00:32:26,253 - Same. - Same. 894 00:32:26,294 --> 00:32:28,713 And two men who never loved anyone but themselves... 895 00:32:28,755 --> 00:32:31,507 - Same. Same. - Become... the same. 896 00:32:31,549 --> 00:32:35,429 ...prepared to ruin each other's reputation. 897 00:32:35,470 --> 00:32:37,847 - Same. - Same. 898 00:32:38,806 --> 00:32:41,101 - Same. - Same. 899 00:32:41,142 --> 00:32:43,019 GOB: I should dim the lights. 900 00:32:44,437 --> 00:32:47,231 And that's how Ann not only performed 901 00:32:47,274 --> 00:32:51,236 a real-life version of Tony's most beloved illusion... 902 00:32:51,278 --> 00:32:53,071 Now everybody's gay! 903 00:32:53,113 --> 00:32:56,074 ...but was responsible for the first reported instance 904 00:32:56,116 --> 00:32:59,286 of a Christian straight-to-gay conversion. 905 00:33:03,664 --> 00:33:06,918 Gob went downstairs to take a forget-me-now... 906 00:33:06,960 --> 00:33:08,836 Is that you, Maria? 907 00:33:08,878 --> 00:33:11,839 ...when he bumped into a brother who also had a secret. 908 00:33:11,881 --> 00:33:14,050 GOB: We did make quite a mess in that bedroom. 909 00:33:14,092 --> 00:33:15,885 - Michael. - Gob? 910 00:33:15,927 --> 00:33:17,929 And relished the opportunity to rub it in. 911 00:33:17,971 --> 00:33:20,640 Besides, you could not make me feel worse right now. 912 00:33:20,681 --> 00:33:22,225 I'd be willing to let you have your 913 00:33:22,267 --> 00:33:24,018 apology back if you give me the chance to try. 914 00:33:24,060 --> 00:33:26,938 Bad example. If you were ashamed of being in love with a man, 915 00:33:26,980 --> 00:33:29,357 suddenly discovered these new feelings, 916 00:33:29,399 --> 00:33:30,775 something that you only allowed to happen because 917 00:33:30,817 --> 00:33:32,527 you thought he was gay and you were hoping 918 00:33:32,568 --> 00:33:35,322 to exact revenge, but then you found out he was straight, 919 00:33:35,363 --> 00:33:37,740 then you wanted to get even, so maybe you put a mask 920 00:33:37,782 --> 00:33:39,409 on someone and then tried to convince yourself 921 00:33:39,451 --> 00:33:41,577 that the sex you were about to have was with yourself, 922 00:33:41,619 --> 00:33:44,247 but it turned out to be him, and all you ended up doing 923 00:33:44,289 --> 00:33:46,374 was proving that your feelings were real... 924 00:33:46,416 --> 00:33:48,335 then I might say something like, "Homo much?" 925 00:33:48,376 --> 00:33:50,586 - It's not that. - I said, "Bad example." 926 00:33:50,628 --> 00:33:52,005 Hey, listen, Michael, if you want, 927 00:33:52,046 --> 00:33:53,340 - we can split this. - No. 928 00:33:53,381 --> 00:33:55,258 Believe me, this is the last time I ever 929 00:33:55,300 --> 00:33:56,551 - judge you for anything - (door opens) 930 00:33:56,592 --> 00:33:57,552 that you ever do. 931 00:33:57,593 --> 00:33:59,471 Oh, (bleep). 932 00:33:59,513 --> 00:34:01,973 Is that who you were with? 933 00:34:02,015 --> 00:34:04,392 And Gob decided to be generous 934 00:34:04,434 --> 00:34:06,853 - with his last forget-me-now... - (grunting): No! 935 00:34:06,894 --> 00:34:09,063 and for the first time, it was Michael 936 00:34:09,105 --> 00:34:12,150 who forgot his shame, and Gob who remembered. 937 00:34:12,192 --> 00:34:14,110 Stupid, forgetful Michael. 938 00:34:16,737 --> 00:34:19,866 Michael wakes up and is reminded of something horrible. 939 00:34:19,907 --> 00:34:22,743 FATHER MARSALA (over TV): 700,000. Think about it. 940 00:34:22,785 --> 00:34:24,329 That is a very big number. 941 00:34:24,371 --> 00:34:26,289 700,000 abortions every year... 942 00:34:26,331 --> 00:34:28,041 NARRATOR: The amount of money he owed 943 00:34:28,082 --> 00:34:31,378 because Tobias wanted to mount this abortion. 944 00:34:31,419 --> 00:34:33,629 ♪ Fantastic Three, Fantastic... ♪ 945 00:34:33,671 --> 00:34:35,840 And he does something that he never thought he'd do... 946 00:34:35,882 --> 00:34:37,551 LUCILLE 2 (recorded): Vote for Lucille! 947 00:34:37,592 --> 00:34:40,011 - (beep) - Hey, Lucille 2. 948 00:34:40,053 --> 00:34:43,014 I was hoping that we could get together 949 00:34:43,056 --> 00:34:46,059 and talk about how I can repay you that loan. 950 00:34:46,100 --> 00:34:48,769 ...and had already done. 951 00:34:48,811 --> 00:34:50,938 And then, with nothing left to lose, 952 00:34:50,980 --> 00:34:52,566 he makes another call. 953 00:34:52,607 --> 00:34:54,650 Rebel. Yeah, Michael. 954 00:34:54,692 --> 00:34:56,236 I need to come over. 955 00:34:56,277 --> 00:34:57,987 I'm... I don't want to act 956 00:34:58,029 --> 00:35:01,241 like it doesn't matter to me anymore, 'cause it does. 957 00:35:01,282 --> 00:35:02,658 Well, there's somebody here right now. 958 00:35:02,700 --> 00:35:04,035 I don't care. 959 00:35:04,077 --> 00:35:05,579 The thing with the other guy, it's... 960 00:35:05,620 --> 00:35:07,372 you know, that's over, so we don't... 961 00:35:07,414 --> 00:35:09,707 we don't ever have to talk about that ever again. 962 00:35:09,749 --> 00:35:11,084 It's going away. 963 00:35:11,125 --> 00:35:14,045 Okay, well, you can come over later, okay? 964 00:35:14,087 --> 00:35:16,506 - Good-bye. - I'll see you soon. 965 00:35:18,466 --> 00:35:20,552 GEORGE MICHAEL: Who was that? 966 00:35:20,594 --> 00:35:22,720 No one. 967 00:35:23,445 --> 00:35:26,445 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com