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Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com
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NARRATOR:High school seniors
often find themselves
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in their first relationship.
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How was that?
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Perfecto.
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NARRATOR:
This is Maeby Funke,
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and during her senior year,
she was dating this boy.
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His name was Perfecto Telles,
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and she was rewarding him
for doing her English homework,
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even though English was
his second language.
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And if you do my Spanish,
I'll teach you how to French.
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Everyone could see that
they had chemistry together,
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but it wasn't until
Donny Richter's algebra class
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that the real bonding began.
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Okay, I don't want
to embarrass anyone,
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so, everyone, close your eyes,
close 'em.
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Now, if you passed the test,
go ahead and get up
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and exit the classroom.
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MAN:
Does that include the crew?
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DONNY: No, the "Babies Having
Babies" crew...
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- 38.
- Oh, 43,
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but that's because
I'm good with numb...
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Oh, no, actually it's 34.
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Well, if it's dumb
to stay behind
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with you, call me a dummy.
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DONNY:
We don't say "dummy,"
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and unfortunately
you two alge-tards
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are going to need some
special tutoring.
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Which is how they found
themselves
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headed to the local college,
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along with the other
math-challenged students.
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♪ Take one down,
pass it around ♪
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(all singing different numbers)
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♪ ...bottles of beer
on the wall... ♪
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Hey, when we get there, don't
forget you're Perfecto's woman.
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I don't want to hear
about some smooth college guy
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who stole you away from me.
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Are you kidding me?
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What kind of loser spends
his free time
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tutoring high school kids?
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- NARRATOR:This kind.
- Hey, you must be...
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What?
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George Michael?
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Huh, what is this?
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Maeby, what are you doing here?
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(both chuckle)
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As I live and breathe, I...
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I thought you were the girl. I'm
supposed to tutor a kid from...
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High school, yeah, that's me.
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Crazy, that is just crazy.
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(chuckles)
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But, wait, why are you
in high school?
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Didn't we graduate together
five years ago?
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It was a decent question.
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After all,
it had been several years
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since the two high school
seniors got somewhat intimate.
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You might not even be
related to us.
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But later,
while fleeing the boat party,
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George Michael got some advice
on the matter from his father.
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She might not be
a blood relative,
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but she is still family.
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So, after returning, worn from
the harsh winds of the sea,
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George Michael found the girl
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he now had to back away from
on her back.
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- Maeby, are you okay?
What are you doing? - Shh-shh.
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I'm trying to get my parents
to notice me.
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- I've been here for, like, an
hour and a half. - It's not me.
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- It had been seven minutes.
- Do you think it would help
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if I went over and said, like,
"Hey, Maeby's dead"?
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- No, that would just mean
that they notice you. - Well,
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obviously they've just got
a lot on their plate right now.
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I mean, they're clearly busy.
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♪ No, it's just
a phallus... eee! ♪
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- Where's that from?
- It's from nothing.
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- Why don't you cough
or something? - Oh, right,
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like I'm dying.
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(both coughing)
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There's nothing
keeping us together.
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TOBIAS: I believe
we're thinking the same thing.
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- Oh, God.
- (sighs)
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But, you know, I'm actually--
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I'm glad to have
a moment alone with you,
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because it gives us a chance
to talk about us.
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You know, I really care
about you.
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Oh, boy, here we go.
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You want to get more serious.
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And Maeby didn't, because--
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and I never
told you this, but--
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George Michael wasn't
a very good kisser.
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It seems
he both used his tongue
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to fend off
the intruding tongue,
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but also laterally moved
his lower jaw
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while constricting
his lower lip.
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The upper lip, meanwhile,
tended to retract,
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revealing an exposed area from
the front teeth to the canines,
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ultimately creating
more pain than pleasure.
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Really just rookie mistakes,
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but all of it conspired
to make Maeby concerned
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about him wanting
to get more serious.
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- No, less serious.
- What?
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Well, my dad doesn't think
that it's such a good idea
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for you and me to be together.
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And that doesn't make me
hotter to you?
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No, I could see
that argument, I-I...
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No, I think we should
just be cousins.
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So first my parents don't notice
that I drowned,
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and now my cousin doesn't care
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that I'm at the height
of my sexuality.
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No, sure I care, and, you know,
I'm right there with you.
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We're a couple of, uh,
forces of nature, but...
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- What?
- Forces of nature.
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But I just really need to focus
on graduating right now,
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and maybe you should, too,
you know.
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Maybe that's the best way to get
your parents' attention.
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That's a great idea.
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I've got two whole months
to flunk.
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That's got to disappoint them.
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NARRATOR:
Now the story of a family
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whose future
was abruptly canceled,
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and the one daughter
who had no choice
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but to keep her life together.
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It's Maeby's
"Arrested Development."
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Maeby was trying
to get her parents
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to notice she was flunking...
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So, for some reason they didn't
send me a cap and gown,
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and I was gonna make one
out of sheets,
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but I couldn't find...
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...only to discover
that Maeby's graduation wasn't
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top-of-mind for her parents.
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They left town.
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So she put her plan to put her
graduation on hold on hold...
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- No, we do not need any extras.
- ...and headed off to India,
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where she'd be working
at what was once
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just her after-school job.
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Right. Okay, do we have
to pay them in money or in rice?
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If they're in the union,
you have to pay with rice.
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The movie she was supervising
was the latest
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in her "terrifying grandmother"
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"Gangie" franchise,
this one taking place in India.
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All right, I say we get
10,000 extras,
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- and then that way we have it.
- We have it.
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- Yeah, we have it.
- It's good to have it.
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TOBIAS: I am going to start
wearing this back home.
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You'd think
someone would tell her
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to shave her arms,
the poor thing.
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And soon,
she and her team arrived
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and headed off to the hotel...
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- Wait, how is it pronounced?
- "Gan-jeez."
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MAEBY:
Gangie on the Ganges?
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That doesn't even make sense.
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...where she found out
why her mother wasn't at
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the graduation
that Maeby also wasn't not at.
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LINDSAY:
You don't get it.
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I'm not used
to third world hotels.
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No, you don't get it--
you are so full of (bleep).
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Oh, you have got to be
kidding me.
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Do we have a hair
and makeup crew with us?
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Pretty makeup or scary makeup?
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Scary.
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Well, I think we have
the crew that did
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The Real Housewives
of Beverly Hills.
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Perfect.
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And that's how Lindsay
ended up receiving
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- this spiritual advice.
- I'm so full of passion.
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You are so full of (bleep).
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Yeah, yeah.
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Pull your head out of the sand.
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Love is where you left it.
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The only person back home
is Tobias.
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You have no children?
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No. Why do you ask?
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Well, yes, a daughter.
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She's away at boarding school
in England.
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- Is that where we left it?
- Although you'd think this
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- would have given her away.
- Hug?
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Please don't squeeze the shaman.
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And while it did bring
the family back together...
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Stop with the prayer hands.
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It just looks like
you're out of ideas.
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...it did make it harder
for Maeby to make
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this insult stick.
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Don't you think it makes
you seem a little, um,
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what is that saying,
full of (bleep)?
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Thank you, Maeby, that's
actually a compliment in India.
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- My own fault. - I'm here
because a shaman told me
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that love is where I left it.
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But soon, the Funkes took
their new spirit of love
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and togetherness into a place
where they would seldom run
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into each other,
and Maeby enrolled...
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- Okay, going back to school.
- ...in a new high school
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- for her senior year...
- Senior year!
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No? No one cares?
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This is usually
a tough time for teens.
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This is when drugs
often become an issue.
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...to see if her parents
would notice
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she should have
already graduated.
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Time for babies having babies!
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Is "Babies Having Babies" on?
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That's my favorite show. Ow.
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Mother's Day Eve was the most
joyous day of the year.
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Maeby, you're going
to be late for school.
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And although they did share
one Thanksgiving together...
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It's not on.
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...they didn't realize
they were doing so...
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Why would they preempt
"Babies Having Babies"
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for a turkey cartoon?
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...having celebrated it
one week earlier
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when they found that duck
in the cupboard,
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tried to cook it alive,
got scared, and then
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ended up eating it
at a Chinese restaurant.
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WOMAN:Okay, yeah,
we cook duck for you.
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Nonetheless, Maeby was
doing well in school
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and might have graduated
had this not happened.
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LINDSAY (over machine):
Look, I'm sorry, Tobias,
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00:08:04,285 --> 00:08:05,827
but we're trying
to save something
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that just couldn't be saved.
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Can you delete this so I can
leave a message for Maeby?
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TOBIAS (over machine):
Lindsay, I have met someone.
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It's not important who it is.
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Erase this message,
and I'll leave her a mess...
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LINDSAY: Maeby, honey, Daddy has
insisted on raising you alone.
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But at least
her father was choked up.
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TOBIAS (voice breaking):
Maeby, your daddy's
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not going to be around anymore.
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(sighs)
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(normal voice): Excuse me,
I swallowed a bug there.
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Uh, your daddy's not going
to be around anymore.
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WOMAN (over machine):
This is the Widow Carr,
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and for some reason,
it's my job to tell you that,
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since you never made payment,
your house is being foreclosed.
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00:08:38,778 --> 00:08:40,112
Also, Tobias, you got a callback
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for something called
"The Big Bang Theory."
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Having lost her parents
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and her house, Maeby stopped
bothering with high school,
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skipped her grandmother's
trial, and headed to L.A.
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She now had to make sure
that she had an income.
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- Guess what. I'll just tell you.
- What?
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- Yeah. - 'Cause I feel
like we'll be here forever,
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and I have a meeting.
Um, you're fired.
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- Why? - Well, because you don't
have a high school diploma,
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00:09:00,882 --> 00:09:02,635
and we have
a very strict policy here
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that everyone has to have a
high school diploma, on account
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00:09:04,886 --> 00:09:07,055
of the fact
that Ron never graduated.
244
00:09:07,097 --> 00:09:08,390
- Is this really happening?
- Actually, I was thinking
245
00:09:08,432 --> 00:09:09,975
I wasn't even gonna
have to fire you
246
00:09:10,017 --> 00:09:12,060
'cause it's been
on Deadline all day.
247
00:09:12,102 --> 00:09:13,395
MAEBY:
How did they find out?
248
00:09:13,437 --> 00:09:14,480
KITTY:
Does it even matter anymore?
249
00:09:14,522 --> 00:09:15,523
MAEBY:
Yeah, it does.
250
00:09:15,564 --> 00:09:16,816
I told them.
251
00:09:16,857 --> 00:09:18,359
NARRATOR:
With no parents, no job,
252
00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:20,944
and no place to live,
Maeby had squat,
253
00:09:20,986 --> 00:09:22,530
which is exactly what
she decided to do...
254
00:09:22,571 --> 00:09:24,031
What?
255
00:09:24,072 --> 00:09:25,449
...at her
grandparents' penthouse.
256
00:09:25,491 --> 00:09:27,075
And that's when Maeby did
257
00:09:27,117 --> 00:09:28,410
what we
in the entertainment industry
258
00:09:28,452 --> 00:09:31,413
- call "deadlining."
- Come on.
259
00:09:31,455 --> 00:09:33,374
- (ostrich clucking)
- LINDSAY: What do you think?
260
00:09:33,415 --> 00:09:35,376
On the plus side,
each parent thought
261
00:09:35,417 --> 00:09:37,127
- she was with the other.
- And we're not moving in;
262
00:09:37,169 --> 00:09:38,587
we're occupying a space
with central air.
263
00:09:38,629 --> 00:09:40,214
So Maeby was as free
as that bird.
264
00:09:40,255 --> 00:09:41,173
(bleep)!
265
00:09:41,215 --> 00:09:43,718
MARKY:
Cindy, you okay?
266
00:09:43,759 --> 00:09:45,511
All right, this will be
where she goes.
267
00:09:45,553 --> 00:09:48,055
So she retreated to
the long abandoned model home,
268
00:09:48,096 --> 00:09:51,767
where she discovered
it's a lot harder to get out
269
00:09:51,809 --> 00:09:55,062
of a Bluth home than into one.
270
00:09:55,103 --> 00:09:57,481
Pieces of (bleep).
271
00:09:57,523 --> 00:09:59,107
And maybe it was because
272
00:09:59,149 --> 00:10:01,443
she had never fully
disappointed her parents,
273
00:10:01,485 --> 00:10:05,197
and they were getting older,
or perhaps it was because
274
00:10:05,239 --> 00:10:06,574
there was no Internet
at the model home...
275
00:10:06,615 --> 00:10:09,744
That is it-- this is like
living in 1999.
276
00:10:09,785 --> 00:10:11,787
...but that's when Maeby became
a high school senior
277
00:10:11,829 --> 00:10:15,583
for the third time,
and then a fourth,
278
00:10:15,624 --> 00:10:18,669
and then it just
sort of became what she did.
279
00:10:18,711 --> 00:10:22,172
And it ultimately led to this.
280
00:10:22,214 --> 00:10:24,299
So I'm still going to stay
in high school
281
00:10:24,341 --> 00:10:25,676
until they notice me.
282
00:10:25,718 --> 00:10:27,094
You know, just, like,
let them think,
283
00:10:27,135 --> 00:10:28,345
"Oh, no, should we be worried?
284
00:10:28,387 --> 00:10:29,971
- Is she really that immature?"
- Yeah.
285
00:10:30,013 --> 00:10:31,807
Well, I mean, isn't it, uh,
286
00:10:31,849 --> 00:10:33,434
kind of a little immature
287
00:10:33,475 --> 00:10:36,604
to try and make
your parents worry like that?
288
00:10:36,645 --> 00:10:38,564
Oh, that's good-- I'm gonna try
and work that in there.
289
00:10:38,606 --> 00:10:40,065
Yeah-- no, I think
it's in there.
290
00:10:40,107 --> 00:10:41,734
Yeah, well,
let's get you in here before
291
00:10:41,776 --> 00:10:43,318
our-our third roommate shows up.
That's Paul Haun.
292
00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:45,446
Hi. So there's three people
who live in here?
293
00:10:45,487 --> 00:10:47,448
Yeah, well, one guy
is just kind of crashing here.
294
00:10:47,489 --> 00:10:50,492
- Well, it can't be worse than
living with your dad. - It's not.
295
00:10:50,534 --> 00:10:52,119
No, it's not worse than that.
296
00:10:52,160 --> 00:10:53,829
And later,
297
00:10:53,871 --> 00:10:55,122
- she was joined by her uncle.
- Hello.
298
00:10:55,163 --> 00:10:57,374
Didn't say it was your cousin.
299
00:10:57,416 --> 00:11:00,461
Now, that's smart, let him think
there's a girl in here.
300
00:11:00,502 --> 00:11:01,879
Yeah, we were just complaining
about roommates.
301
00:11:01,921 --> 00:11:03,672
(groans, sputters)
P-Hound.
302
00:11:03,714 --> 00:11:05,633
- (George Michael chuckles)
- I thought it was the other one.
303
00:11:05,674 --> 00:11:07,718
No, it-it was P-Hound, yeah.
304
00:11:07,760 --> 00:11:10,721
He's the worst. See, I think if
George Michael and I didn't have
305
00:11:10,763 --> 00:11:12,890
each other as roommates,
we'd be going crazy.
306
00:11:12,932 --> 00:11:17,018
And for a moment, Maeby felt
superior to her cousin--
307
00:11:17,060 --> 00:11:19,104
- and her uncle for that matter.
- Actually,
308
00:11:19,146 --> 00:11:20,856
have you told her
about your software?
309
00:11:20,898 --> 00:11:21,941
No, software?
310
00:11:21,981 --> 00:11:24,109
He's got this privacy software.
311
00:11:24,151 --> 00:11:25,569
Keeps people from stealing
your stuff-- tell her, pal.
312
00:11:25,611 --> 00:11:28,572
Maeby tried
to hide her jealousy.
313
00:11:28,614 --> 00:11:31,325
So it's privacy software
that's also antipiracy?
314
00:11:31,366 --> 00:11:32,910
Do you have a way of doing this?
315
00:11:32,952 --> 00:11:35,663
Well, it's just a Boolean-driven
aggregation, really,
316
00:11:35,704 --> 00:11:37,832
of what programmers call
"hacker-traps..."
317
00:11:37,873 --> 00:11:40,041
But as she listened
to her cousin discuss
318
00:11:40,083 --> 00:11:43,712
computer technology
she had no understanding of,
319
00:11:43,754 --> 00:11:47,174
she lost that feeling
of superiority,
320
00:11:47,215 --> 00:11:48,717
and her self-esteem plummeted
321
00:11:48,759 --> 00:11:50,886
as she started
to question the entirety
322
00:11:50,928 --> 00:11:53,054
of what she had done
with her life
323
00:11:53,096 --> 00:11:54,807
for the last several years.
324
00:11:54,849 --> 00:11:58,059
...and they want to steal
your music and copy your movies
325
00:11:58,101 --> 00:12:01,104
or-or just look at your photos--
you know, this prevents that.
326
00:12:01,146 --> 00:12:03,607
It just neutralizes that
so it's not even a threat.
327
00:12:03,649 --> 00:12:05,066
It's called Fakeblock.
328
00:12:05,108 --> 00:12:06,652
- Great name.
- Yeah, well, you know, it's
329
00:12:06,694 --> 00:12:08,612
super low-hanging fruit.
Someone's gonna do it.
330
00:12:08,654 --> 00:12:10,280
We're just trying
to be those guys, you know.
331
00:12:10,322 --> 00:12:11,740
I don't understand
a word of it, but it works.
332
00:12:11,782 --> 00:12:13,032
You should see
his Facebook page.
333
00:12:13,074 --> 00:12:14,785
Doesn't have a friend on it.
334
00:12:14,827 --> 00:12:16,578
Of course, that last part
335
00:12:16,620 --> 00:12:17,830
had nothing to do with
Fakeblock...
336
00:12:17,872 --> 00:12:19,540
Thank you, Dad.
337
00:12:19,581 --> 00:12:23,377
...but it did help
George Michael's self-esteem.
338
00:12:25,838 --> 00:12:27,422
NARRATOR:
Maeby was feeling discouraged
339
00:12:27,464 --> 00:12:29,216
as she got back on the bus
for high school.
340
00:12:29,257 --> 00:12:32,135
Hey, you want to get high
with us behind the gym?
341
00:12:32,177 --> 00:12:33,554
Wait, we don't know her.
342
00:12:33,595 --> 00:12:35,180
I hear there's an undercover cop
at school.
343
00:12:35,222 --> 00:12:36,765
Can you imagine
what kind of loser pretends
344
00:12:36,807 --> 00:12:38,934
to be in high school
when they're in their 20s?
345
00:12:38,976 --> 00:12:40,394
Well, it's pretty gutsy, right?
346
00:12:40,435 --> 00:12:43,146
I mean, it's better
to take the risk, right?
347
00:12:43,188 --> 00:12:45,106
- Yeah, maybe you're right.
- Yeah, maybe you're right.
348
00:12:45,983 --> 00:12:48,027
BOTH:
Cop.
349
00:12:48,067 --> 00:12:49,403
Hey, how was your tutor?
He's not gonna
350
00:12:49,444 --> 00:12:50,571
take you away from me, is he?
351
00:12:50,612 --> 00:12:51,655
Well, not until
his software hits
352
00:12:51,697 --> 00:12:53,532
and he can buy me an apartment.
353
00:12:53,574 --> 00:12:55,074
I'm living in a (bleep)hole.
354
00:12:55,116 --> 00:12:56,451
I hear they're hiring
at Chipotle.
355
00:12:56,493 --> 00:12:58,412
And that's when Maeby realized
356
00:12:58,453 --> 00:13:01,289
maybe she should have graduated
high school.
357
00:13:01,331 --> 00:13:02,666
Can I get a Macallan 12 neat?
358
00:13:02,708 --> 00:13:04,960
- Water back.
- I.D.?
359
00:13:05,002 --> 00:13:07,546
Actually, can we make it--
uh, marry me--
360
00:13:07,588 --> 00:13:08,797
a Wild Turkey?
361
00:13:08,839 --> 00:13:10,173
I still need to see some I.D.
362
00:13:10,215 --> 00:13:12,175
- Right. There you go.
- Thank you.
363
00:13:12,217 --> 00:13:13,969
I'm supposed to believe
you're 17?
364
00:13:14,011 --> 00:13:15,554
Oh, no, sorry.
365
00:13:15,596 --> 00:13:17,598
That's my fake for sneaking
back into high school.
366
00:13:17,639 --> 00:13:19,016
Here we go-- 23.
367
00:13:19,058 --> 00:13:20,768
Oh, you're Maeby.
Well, you can have one,
368
00:13:20,809 --> 00:13:22,352
but you got quite a bar tab.
369
00:13:24,063 --> 00:13:26,147
MAEBY:
I got to graduate.
370
00:13:26,189 --> 00:13:28,025
I mean, I got to start bringing
some cash in, you know.
371
00:13:28,067 --> 00:13:29,902
- Yeah.
- Everyone's just passing me by.
372
00:13:29,944 --> 00:13:32,029
George Michael, Kitty Sanchez.
373
00:13:32,071 --> 00:13:33,906
CARTER:
Drinks for the house.
374
00:13:33,948 --> 00:13:35,407
- (laughter)
- This guy?
375
00:13:35,449 --> 00:13:37,034
These guys are making
a fortune off that
376
00:13:37,076 --> 00:13:38,702
"To Entrap a Local Predator"
show they're on.
377
00:13:38,744 --> 00:13:39,828
TAYLOR:
Were.
378
00:13:39,870 --> 00:13:41,329
Won't let us shoot in Laguna.
379
00:13:41,371 --> 00:13:43,791
Are you guys looking
for a new bait house?
380
00:13:43,832 --> 00:13:45,166
And that's how
she made enough money
381
00:13:45,208 --> 00:13:47,335
to at least pay
for her bar tab.
382
00:13:47,377 --> 00:13:48,503
PERFECTO:
Hey, guys.
383
00:13:48,545 --> 00:13:50,005
- Hey, Perfecto!
- Hey.
384
00:13:50,047 --> 00:13:51,673
Isn't this guy a little
too young to be in here?
385
00:13:51,715 --> 00:13:53,717
No, no, no, he's with us.
386
00:13:53,759 --> 00:13:55,469
But later, when returning
from the restroom,
387
00:13:55,510 --> 00:13:57,679
- she noticed this.
- BARTENDER: So, you fitting in
388
00:13:57,721 --> 00:13:59,681
- over there at the high school?
- He's a cop.
389
00:13:59,723 --> 00:14:00,891
BARTENDER:
They accepting you?
390
00:14:02,643 --> 00:14:05,562
And as she returned to the
high school for eighth period,
391
00:14:05,604 --> 00:14:08,231
even getting a diploma
seemed to be in jeopardy.
392
00:14:08,273 --> 00:14:10,191
Barry?
393
00:14:10,233 --> 00:14:12,111
Maeby, you scared
the be-(bleep) out of me.
394
00:14:12,151 --> 00:14:14,029
What are you doing here?
395
00:14:14,071 --> 00:14:15,447
Well, I could ask you
the same thing.
396
00:14:15,489 --> 00:14:17,156
I go to high school here.
397
00:14:17,198 --> 00:14:18,659
I could answer the same thing.
398
00:14:18,700 --> 00:14:20,201
I was just looking
for something more believable.
399
00:14:20,243 --> 00:14:22,579
Speaking of believable,
I was going to ask you
400
00:14:22,621 --> 00:14:23,747
a question about that.
401
00:14:23,789 --> 00:14:24,957
Um, can somebody get kicked out
402
00:14:24,999 --> 00:14:26,625
of high school
if they're too old?
403
00:14:26,667 --> 00:14:28,251
I think I was made at a bar.
404
00:14:28,293 --> 00:14:30,838
I know this part of the law
very, very well.
405
00:14:30,879 --> 00:14:33,465
After 21, it is illegal
for you to enroll
406
00:14:33,507 --> 00:14:35,634
in high school
in the state of California.
407
00:14:35,676 --> 00:14:37,970
As a matter of fact,
you cannot even lurk.
408
00:14:38,012 --> 00:14:39,304
(scoffs)
"Lurk."
409
00:14:39,346 --> 00:14:40,681
What, do they got
cameras in the bushes?
410
00:14:40,722 --> 00:14:42,641
Why would they do that?
You can't even
411
00:14:42,683 --> 00:14:44,309
see into the locker rooms
from there.
412
00:14:44,351 --> 00:14:46,854
Okay, so what do I do?
Because the guy who caught me
413
00:14:46,895 --> 00:14:48,814
- goes to school with me.
- Oh, well, that's easy.
414
00:14:48,856 --> 00:14:51,859
You get something
incriminating on him.
415
00:14:51,900 --> 00:14:54,111
Call me in the office,
we'll discuss it,
416
00:14:54,153 --> 00:14:55,654
and then I can also
keep a record,
417
00:14:55,696 --> 00:14:57,364
you know,
for billing and so forth.
418
00:14:57,405 --> 00:14:59,116
Yeah, well, maybe I'll just keep
a record of it, too,
419
00:14:59,158 --> 00:15:00,909
so I can follow up
with my own bill.
420
00:15:00,951 --> 00:15:02,536
(laughs):
Oh, very good.
421
00:15:02,577 --> 00:15:05,122
You should be the lawyer.
Very good. Pro bono.
422
00:15:05,164 --> 00:15:06,832
Knowing that she could
very well
423
00:15:06,874 --> 00:15:08,333
be kicked out of school,
424
00:15:08,375 --> 00:15:10,794
Maeby went in search
of an overdue check
425
00:15:10,836 --> 00:15:12,212
at the penthouse.
426
00:15:12,253 --> 00:15:14,089
And as she was
checking out the mail...
427
00:15:14,131 --> 00:15:15,966
- (ostrich squawking)
- Oh, my God!
428
00:15:16,008 --> 00:15:19,011
...she ran into an ostrich
in heat
429
00:15:19,053 --> 00:15:20,637
- that was interested
- Here, that way, that way.
430
00:15:20,679 --> 00:15:22,347
in checking out the female.
431
00:15:22,389 --> 00:15:24,558
And she wouldn't even
let me get a cat.
432
00:15:24,599 --> 00:15:26,226
And after freeing the ostrich
433
00:15:26,267 --> 00:15:29,479
to eventually find love
on the adjoining balcony,
434
00:15:29,521 --> 00:15:33,692
she was back searching for
a long overdue royalty check.
435
00:15:33,734 --> 00:15:35,986
In fact, it had arrived
one day earlier.
436
00:15:36,028 --> 00:15:39,656
"From Gangie for facelift"?
Mother.
437
00:15:39,698 --> 00:15:42,450
But she did find
that she was being honored
438
00:15:42,492 --> 00:15:44,536
at an award show dedicated
to the achievements
439
00:15:44,578 --> 00:15:47,497
of young people
in the entertainment business.
440
00:15:47,539 --> 00:15:49,416
I'm getting an Opie?
441
00:15:49,457 --> 00:15:51,459
And it did boost her esteem.
442
00:15:51,501 --> 00:15:53,879
- Hey.
- The only bigger honor
443
00:15:53,921 --> 00:15:55,839
would be having
an award like that
444
00:15:55,881 --> 00:15:57,883
named after you, I guess.
445
00:15:57,925 --> 00:15:59,467
Days later, however,
446
00:15:59,509 --> 00:16:01,762
she was called
to Donny Richter's classroom.
447
00:16:01,803 --> 00:16:03,722
- Hey, you wanted to see me?
- Mm, yeah.
448
00:16:03,764 --> 00:16:05,265
I got you tacos.
449
00:16:05,306 --> 00:16:07,350
I hope that's okay,
because you're
450
00:16:07,392 --> 00:16:09,561
going to sit here
through lunch and study.
451
00:16:09,603 --> 00:16:10,896
No, I can't. I can't.
452
00:16:10,938 --> 00:16:13,065
Young lady, you better
pull it together
453
00:16:13,107 --> 00:16:14,608
or you're not going to graduate.
454
00:16:14,649 --> 00:16:16,693
What is it going to take
to get you to focus?
455
00:16:16,735 --> 00:16:17,945
Are you on drugs?
456
00:16:17,986 --> 00:16:19,446
Because, from what I hear,
457
00:16:19,487 --> 00:16:21,531
there might be an undercover cop
at this school.
458
00:16:21,573 --> 00:16:23,324
In fact,
it was an undercover cop
459
00:16:23,366 --> 00:16:25,619
she was searching
for a way to incriminate.
460
00:16:25,660 --> 00:16:27,412
How long do you want
to stay in high school?
461
00:16:27,454 --> 00:16:29,915
- You're 17.
- And that's when she remembered
462
00:16:29,957 --> 00:16:32,459
that Perfecto thought
she was 17, too.
463
00:16:32,500 --> 00:16:35,045
You know what?
I think I will do better
464
00:16:35,087 --> 00:16:37,547
once I get
a little Mexican in me.
465
00:16:41,384 --> 00:16:44,429
NARRATOR:Maeby got her cousin
to drive her to the Opies
466
00:16:44,471 --> 00:16:46,807
so she could impress him
with her achievements.
467
00:16:46,848 --> 00:16:48,976
Well, I'm going to go mingle
with a bunch of 13-year-olds
468
00:16:49,017 --> 00:16:50,560
who think they can still
play fifth grade.
469
00:16:50,602 --> 00:16:52,187
- Have fun.
- I'll catch up.
470
00:16:52,229 --> 00:16:54,439
- And Maeby ran into her old
- Oh, my gosh.
471
00:16:54,481 --> 00:16:56,733
- studio boss, Mort Meyers.
- As I live and breathe.
472
00:16:56,775 --> 00:16:58,026
I'm actually getting
473
00:16:58,068 --> 00:16:59,486
the lifetime achievement Opie
tonight.
474
00:16:59,527 --> 00:17:00,737
I'm very sorry.
475
00:17:00,779 --> 00:17:02,114
- (laughs): Yeah.
- No,
476
00:17:02,156 --> 00:17:03,573
they only give that award away
477
00:17:03,615 --> 00:17:05,117
to somebody after they die or,
478
00:17:05,159 --> 00:17:07,161
even worse,
after your career is dead.
479
00:17:07,202 --> 00:17:08,369
Really?
480
00:17:08,411 --> 00:17:09,871
Well, consider yourself lucky.
481
00:17:09,913 --> 00:17:12,040
They told you
your career was over.
482
00:17:12,082 --> 00:17:14,293
I didn't find out until I was
locked out of my office,
483
00:17:14,334 --> 00:17:16,753
'cause, see,
I passed on "Hunger Games."
484
00:17:16,795 --> 00:17:18,964
- Mm. - It wasn't the most
graceful of exits.
485
00:17:19,006 --> 00:17:20,799
That's the way
the cookie crumbles.
486
00:17:20,841 --> 00:17:22,301
This is for you.
487
00:17:22,342 --> 00:17:24,427
Thanks, man.
488
00:17:24,469 --> 00:17:25,679
No, actually,
489
00:17:25,720 --> 00:17:27,097
the exit was pretty graceful.
490
00:17:27,139 --> 00:17:28,682
I think I just remember it
that way
491
00:17:28,723 --> 00:17:30,851
'cause it got dicey
when I was sneaking back in
492
00:17:30,892 --> 00:17:32,811
to take a (bleep) on Sid's desk.
493
00:17:32,853 --> 00:17:34,896
(grunting)
494
00:17:34,938 --> 00:17:37,649
(strained grunting)
495
00:17:39,193 --> 00:17:40,652
But do what I do.
496
00:17:40,694 --> 00:17:43,155
When they kick you out
of the business, save face
497
00:17:43,197 --> 00:17:45,866
by starting
your own Internet company.
498
00:17:45,907 --> 00:17:47,784
We're having
a big announcement today.
499
00:17:47,826 --> 00:17:48,910
You started an Internet company?
500
00:17:48,952 --> 00:17:50,411
It's the real deal.
501
00:17:50,453 --> 00:17:52,289
It's a system that automates
provisioning...
502
00:17:52,331 --> 00:17:54,291
NARRATOR:And once again,
she found herself with someone
503
00:17:54,333 --> 00:17:56,710
who had not only moved on
with their life,
504
00:17:56,751 --> 00:17:59,171
but done so in ways
she couldn't understand.
505
00:17:59,213 --> 00:18:00,755
...overseas financial
transactions.
506
00:18:00,797 --> 00:18:02,841
- It's called Schnoodle.
- Schnoodle?
507
00:18:02,883 --> 00:18:05,010
Take a hat;
we got 18,000 of them.
508
00:18:05,052 --> 00:18:06,636
And that's when Maeby
ran into a friend
509
00:18:06,678 --> 00:18:08,138
she knew from her days
at Imagine.
510
00:18:08,180 --> 00:18:09,223
Rebel.
511
00:18:09,264 --> 00:18:10,724
- Hi. How are you?
- In hell.
512
00:18:10,765 --> 00:18:12,309
Ah, I hate the Opies.
513
00:18:12,351 --> 00:18:14,519
But whenever Bryce gets
pregnant, guess who gets a call?
514
00:18:14,561 --> 00:18:16,646
And you're getting the lifetime
achievement award, huh?
515
00:18:16,688 --> 00:18:19,024
You know, I can laugh about it,
I can laugh
516
00:18:19,066 --> 00:18:20,817
because I'm actually
on the upswing.
517
00:18:20,859 --> 00:18:22,485
I was just telling Mort here
518
00:18:22,527 --> 00:18:24,612
that I've actually started
my own Internet company.
519
00:18:24,654 --> 00:18:25,947
I was just about to tell you.
520
00:18:25,989 --> 00:18:27,282
Well, if you need a name,
521
00:18:27,324 --> 00:18:29,492
I'm the guy who came up
with Schnoodle.
522
00:18:29,534 --> 00:18:31,328
- How do we know each other?
- We don't.
523
00:18:31,370 --> 00:18:32,537
That's what it is.
524
00:18:32,579 --> 00:18:33,747
Well, Schnoodle's dead.
525
00:18:33,788 --> 00:18:34,831
Fakeblock is the next big thing.
526
00:18:34,873 --> 00:18:36,583
It's called Fakeblock.
527
00:18:36,624 --> 00:18:38,126
What's this? You're talking...
talking about Fakeblock?
528
00:18:38,168 --> 00:18:39,753
Yes. Your privacy software.
529
00:18:39,794 --> 00:18:41,796
Oh. How does your privacy
software work?
530
00:18:41,838 --> 00:18:43,798
- Huh? It's private.
- Yes...
531
00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:45,800
Can I talk to you
for a second, please?
532
00:18:45,842 --> 00:18:48,136
- Yes. - I don't want people
to know that I'm doing this.
533
00:18:48,178 --> 00:18:49,679
Everybody has to know
about this, okay?
534
00:18:49,721 --> 00:18:51,139
This could be big for me.
535
00:18:51,181 --> 00:18:53,308
I could make Fakeblock huge.
536
00:18:53,350 --> 00:18:55,352
No, no, Maeby,
there is no company.
537
00:18:55,394 --> 00:18:57,229
Fakeblock is just a software
that I'm developing.
538
00:18:57,271 --> 00:18:59,522
And the whole point
is that it's private.
539
00:18:59,564 --> 00:19:01,858
So you can't be telling people
about it.
540
00:19:01,900 --> 00:19:03,443
No, we got to tell people
about it.
541
00:19:03,484 --> 00:19:05,237
I just got a lifetime
achievement award.
542
00:19:05,279 --> 00:19:06,780
I'm finished.
543
00:19:06,821 --> 00:19:08,282
And also,
I think you should consider
544
00:19:08,323 --> 00:19:09,824
calling it "The" Fakeblock.
545
00:19:09,866 --> 00:19:11,368
It's cleaner.
546
00:19:11,410 --> 00:19:13,453
- Like "The Netflick."
- It-It's just not ready.
547
00:19:13,494 --> 00:19:15,663
Okay, there's still a bunch
of programming problems.
548
00:19:15,705 --> 00:19:17,040
You can get it ready,
George Michael.
549
00:19:17,082 --> 00:19:18,666
What, you think they invite
the animals
550
00:19:18,708 --> 00:19:20,585
and ask them to wait
while they build the zoo?
551
00:19:20,627 --> 00:19:22,754
No, that would be a bloodbath.
552
00:19:22,796 --> 00:19:24,631
Yeah, a total (bleep) bloodbath.
553
00:19:24,672 --> 00:19:26,216
We have no money
to start a business.
554
00:19:26,258 --> 00:19:27,926
Don't worry,
I'll get the ball rolling
555
00:19:27,968 --> 00:19:30,637
with some free publicity
when I accept my award.
556
00:19:30,678 --> 00:19:33,014
Come on, this could be
my only chance to be a Harris.
557
00:19:33,056 --> 00:19:34,641
- A Harris?
- All right, fine.
558
00:19:34,682 --> 00:19:36,517
You can still be the boss, okay?
559
00:19:36,559 --> 00:19:38,228
I just don't want people to know
that I'm working with my cousin.
560
00:19:38,270 --> 00:19:40,105
So, you are not my cousin.
561
00:19:40,147 --> 00:19:42,482
You are not
George Michael Bluth.
562
00:19:42,523 --> 00:19:44,192
I'm great with that.
563
00:19:44,234 --> 00:19:46,278
In fact, you know what might
really help us sell it...
564
00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:49,823
Oh, heiress. You meant...
You don't pronounce the "H."
565
00:19:49,864 --> 00:19:52,159
- And that's not what heiress
means. - I pronounce the "H."
566
00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:53,952
No, but that's not how
the word is...
567
00:19:53,994 --> 00:19:55,787
You know, we say words the way
we say them for a reason.
568
00:19:55,829 --> 00:19:57,372
So what is this?
569
00:19:57,414 --> 00:19:59,540
Is this another one of these
social networking things?
570
00:19:59,582 --> 00:20:01,126
Because I am so over those.
571
00:20:01,168 --> 00:20:03,711
I tried to deactivate
my Facebook profile.
572
00:20:03,753 --> 00:20:06,714
It's easier to get out
of Scientology.
573
00:20:06,756 --> 00:20:08,925
Well, this is actually
the opposite of Facebook.
574
00:20:08,967 --> 00:20:10,718
It's the antisocial network.
575
00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:12,637
It prevents piracy, right?
576
00:20:12,679 --> 00:20:14,055
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
577
00:20:14,097 --> 00:20:16,099
Rebel Alley.
578
00:20:16,141 --> 00:20:17,767
George Mi... Harris.
579
00:20:17,809 --> 00:20:19,894
George Maharis, huh?
580
00:20:19,936 --> 00:20:22,939
And that's how George Michael
finally got that new name.
581
00:20:22,981 --> 00:20:25,317
It felt like a good fit--
strong, rugged...
582
00:20:25,359 --> 00:20:27,027
- Yes.
- ...untainted.
583
00:20:27,068 --> 00:20:28,820
Yes, George Maharis.
584
00:20:28,862 --> 00:20:31,031
- Perfecto.
- De nada.
585
00:20:31,072 --> 00:20:33,950
That's my undercover
cop boyfriend.
586
00:20:33,992 --> 00:20:35,410
I'm trying to get him in bed.
587
00:20:35,452 --> 00:20:37,454
And Maeby set to work
in trapping him
588
00:20:37,496 --> 00:20:40,332
- into becoming a predator.
- Hey. I know why you're here.
589
00:20:40,374 --> 00:20:42,167
Promise me you won't tell anyone
at school.
590
00:20:42,209 --> 00:20:44,211
I'm just a huge fan
of teen stars.
591
00:20:44,252 --> 00:20:45,920
- Yeah. That's very convincing.
- Yeah.
592
00:20:45,962 --> 00:20:47,964
You're a better actor
than most of the kids here.
593
00:20:48,006 --> 00:20:49,757
- Even Zack and Cody.
- Are they here?
594
00:20:49,799 --> 00:20:51,968
I thought they were filming
a movie in Maui.
595
00:20:52,010 --> 00:20:54,721
Look, I may only be 17,
Perfecto,
596
00:20:54,762 --> 00:20:55,889
but I know you're a cop.
597
00:20:55,930 --> 00:20:57,724
Yeah, there it is,
that cop stare.
598
00:20:57,765 --> 00:21:00,352
I got to tell you,
I find it very sexy.
599
00:21:00,394 --> 00:21:03,855
Okay. Okay, all right.
600
00:21:03,897 --> 00:21:06,525
I'm a cop.
I'm working here undercover.
601
00:21:06,566 --> 00:21:08,402
We're hunting down an ex-CIA
operative named Esteves
602
00:21:08,443 --> 00:21:09,694
who's gone rogue, and...
603
00:21:09,736 --> 00:21:11,946
It's the kids
from "Modern Family."
604
00:21:11,988 --> 00:21:14,574
Sorry.
He's become a drug kingpin
605
00:21:14,615 --> 00:21:16,493
and his son goes to Newport.
There's something going down
606
00:21:16,535 --> 00:21:18,203
tonight or possibly even
at Cinco and that...
607
00:21:18,245 --> 00:21:19,996
Rico!
608
00:21:20,038 --> 00:21:21,706
Wow, you are good.
609
00:21:21,748 --> 00:21:24,334
I have to be--
young lives depend on it.
610
00:21:25,960 --> 00:21:27,045
To be continued.
611
00:21:27,087 --> 00:21:29,172
You better believe it.
612
00:21:29,214 --> 00:21:30,840
Rico!
613
00:21:30,882 --> 00:21:33,301
On her way to accept
her award, however,
614
00:21:33,343 --> 00:21:36,137
figuring she wouldn't be
at an event like this again,
615
00:21:36,179 --> 00:21:39,307
she stopped for
some coconut shrimp.
616
00:21:39,349 --> 00:21:43,437
But narrowly missed the $50,000
check with her name on it
617
00:21:43,478 --> 00:21:46,189
that her mother gave
to her grandfather...
618
00:21:48,733 --> 00:21:50,402
- ...who gave it to this man.
- Got the check.
619
00:21:50,444 --> 00:21:52,446
- Who gave it to this man.
- Oh, man.
620
00:21:52,487 --> 00:21:54,281
- Whoa.
- Oh.
621
00:21:54,322 --> 00:21:55,823
Although, in that moment,
622
00:21:55,865 --> 00:21:57,200
she did gain some respect
for her mother
623
00:21:57,242 --> 00:21:59,244
...a random act
of senseless nonviolence.
624
00:21:59,286 --> 00:22:01,121
And perhaps that's why
she chose to share
625
00:22:01,162 --> 00:22:02,914
- her problems with her.
- So, what are you doing here?
626
00:22:02,956 --> 00:22:04,916
I'm getting a lifetime
achievement award
627
00:22:04,958 --> 00:22:07,294
for my work
in the entertainment business.
628
00:22:07,335 --> 00:22:08,711
I tried.
629
00:22:08,753 --> 00:22:10,464
Tell your therapist I tried.
630
00:22:10,505 --> 00:22:13,300
I'm not in therapy!
631
00:22:13,341 --> 00:22:15,093
Then I must have done
something right.
632
00:22:15,135 --> 00:22:17,345
And soon, she was saying
farewell to Hollywood
633
00:22:17,387 --> 00:22:19,931
in a way she hoped
they'd remember.
634
00:22:19,973 --> 00:22:21,558
Thank you, Kirk Cameron,
635
00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:24,144
for that incredibly
Bibley introduction.
636
00:22:24,185 --> 00:22:26,854
Okay, so tie yourself
to your chair,
637
00:22:26,896 --> 00:22:29,316
because this is going to be
a rough (bleep) ride.
638
00:22:29,357 --> 00:22:31,610
I'm leaving this (bleep)
dying business
639
00:22:31,650 --> 00:22:33,487
to join the software game.
640
00:22:33,528 --> 00:22:35,196
Double (bleep) newsflash.
641
00:22:35,238 --> 00:22:37,907
I'm starting Fakeblock
with George Maharis,
642
00:22:37,949 --> 00:22:39,534
the world's first
antisocial network.
643
00:22:39,576 --> 00:22:41,578
So you know what?
You can take this Opie
644
00:22:41,620 --> 00:22:43,830
and shove it up your (bleep),
all right?
645
00:22:43,871 --> 00:22:45,790
Because I will (bleep) punt
the next god(bleep) (bleep)
646
00:22:45,832 --> 00:22:48,168
who tells me I'm finished,
you (bleep) (bleep)hats.
647
00:22:48,209 --> 00:22:50,086
So you can all
go (bleep) yourselves!
648
00:22:50,128 --> 00:22:52,755
What? Sure.
649
00:22:52,797 --> 00:22:56,384
Please welcome the talented
voices of Phineas and Ferb.
650
00:22:56,426 --> 00:22:58,595
Go (bleep) yourself!
651
00:22:59,762 --> 00:23:01,806
(bleep) you.
652
00:23:01,848 --> 00:23:05,018
And although she was pursued,
she was able to shake security
653
00:23:05,059 --> 00:23:07,270
when a bigger problem occurred.
654
00:23:07,312 --> 00:23:09,481
- (explosion)
- Right this way, sir.
655
00:23:09,523 --> 00:23:12,942
And after the explosion,
Maeby saw her mother
656
00:23:12,984 --> 00:23:15,862
whoring out her principles,
and quickly lost the respect
657
00:23:15,903 --> 00:23:17,405
- she had briefly held...
- I'd like that very much.
658
00:23:17,447 --> 00:23:18,739
Sir, the press awaits.
659
00:23:18,781 --> 00:23:20,283
...and decided to call her
on it.
660
00:23:20,325 --> 00:23:21,993
Are you really gonna
whore yourself out like that?
661
00:23:22,035 --> 00:23:23,953
- I am not a whore.
- Yeah, you're a whore.
662
00:23:23,995 --> 00:23:25,704
As it turns out,
the exchange was
663
00:23:25,746 --> 00:23:27,624
witnessed by Herbert Love's
campaign manager,
664
00:23:27,666 --> 00:23:30,084
who, in possession of
a third-party check
665
00:23:30,126 --> 00:23:32,170
from "Gangie IV: Face Lift,"
666
00:23:32,212 --> 00:23:35,006
was looking to trade
some greenbacks for a redhead.
667
00:23:35,048 --> 00:23:36,424
Ma'am, is she yours?
668
00:23:36,466 --> 00:23:38,343
Unfortunately.
669
00:23:38,385 --> 00:23:40,136
Herbert Love would like
to see her.
670
00:23:40,178 --> 00:23:41,555
You can arrange that?
671
00:23:41,596 --> 00:23:44,098
Obviously,
discretion is appreciated.
672
00:23:44,140 --> 00:23:45,808
And that's how Maeby
got both the seed money
673
00:23:45,850 --> 00:23:48,727
- for her company...
- I'm the discreetiest.
674
00:23:48,769 --> 00:23:51,314
And just to be clear, I want
to hire her for prostitution.
675
00:23:51,356 --> 00:23:52,773
Yes, no, definitely.
676
00:23:52,815 --> 00:23:54,651
That was clear.
I'm gonna charge you for that.
677
00:23:54,693 --> 00:23:56,903
...and became
her mother's pimp.
678
00:23:56,944 --> 00:23:59,155
Of course,
the plan required getting back
679
00:23:59,197 --> 00:24:01,700
into her mother's good graces
to trick her
680
00:24:01,740 --> 00:24:03,910
- into turning a trick.
- Hi, sweetie.
681
00:24:03,951 --> 00:24:06,371
Free... bie. Hi.
682
00:24:06,413 --> 00:24:07,581
But the universe seemed
to like the plan.
683
00:24:07,622 --> 00:24:08,956
And that's how Maeby was able
684
00:24:08,998 --> 00:24:10,542
to get her mother
to meet Herbert
685
00:24:10,584 --> 00:24:12,419
at the club
that Maeby still belonged to.
686
00:24:12,460 --> 00:24:14,421
...I could never call him.
687
00:24:14,462 --> 00:24:16,339
I could call him for you.
688
00:24:16,381 --> 00:24:18,425
Technically, she still needed
to talk her mother
689
00:24:18,466 --> 00:24:20,385
into having sex with him.
690
00:24:20,427 --> 00:24:23,430
But this was a woman who once
wore this to a men's prison,
691
00:24:23,471 --> 00:24:26,474
so she felt she'd be okay.
692
00:24:26,516 --> 00:24:28,226
- And soon, she was pimping out
- Can you believe this?
693
00:24:28,268 --> 00:24:31,438
George Michael's
software company as well.
694
00:24:31,479 --> 00:24:33,022
Fakeblock-- it's exploding.
695
00:24:33,064 --> 00:24:34,649
I got my P.R. company
fanning it.
696
00:24:34,691 --> 00:24:36,651
I even got it to the attention
of Jim Cramer.
697
00:24:36,693 --> 00:24:37,860
Jim Cramer?
698
00:24:37,902 --> 00:24:39,738
He's a guy I've worked with,
699
00:24:39,778 --> 00:24:41,531
and he even mentioned it
on "Mad Money."
700
00:24:41,573 --> 00:24:43,866
This Fakeblock thing
is poised to explode!
701
00:24:43,908 --> 00:24:47,120
I never do this, hell,
it's not even a stock yet.
702
00:24:47,161 --> 00:24:48,955
For all I know,
it's not even real!
703
00:24:48,996 --> 00:24:51,416
But I think this might be
going through the roof!
704
00:24:51,458 --> 00:24:54,711
I'm calling it my first
"Hypothetical Buy."
705
00:24:54,753 --> 00:24:56,129
(bull bellows)
706
00:24:56,170 --> 00:24:57,547
And this weekend,
don't forget to catch me
707
00:24:57,589 --> 00:24:59,132
on "Gangie IV."
Here's a taste.
708
00:24:59,173 --> 00:25:00,967
This old lady's crazy!
709
00:25:01,008 --> 00:25:04,304
I'm raising the alert level
from "Don't Leave the House"
710
00:25:04,345 --> 00:25:08,141
to "Board Up Your Windows!"
711
00:25:08,182 --> 00:25:10,143
Over the following days,
Maeby was able
712
00:25:10,184 --> 00:25:13,020
to discreetly bring in cash
from Herbert Love
713
00:25:13,062 --> 00:25:15,732
for services she got her mother
to unknowingly render.
714
00:25:15,774 --> 00:25:19,444
Well, why don't you take him out
to dinner?
715
00:25:19,486 --> 00:25:21,571
Hmm? Guys who are used
to being charged--
716
00:25:21,613 --> 00:25:23,239
I mean in charge,
717
00:25:23,281 --> 00:25:25,824
sometimes like it when the other
person takes control.
718
00:25:25,866 --> 00:25:28,328
Hmm. Well, maybe I will.
719
00:25:28,369 --> 00:25:29,996
How about
the Balboa Yacht Club, huh?
720
00:25:30,037 --> 00:25:32,039
- Put it on the family tab.
- Of course.
721
00:25:32,081 --> 00:25:34,250
All right, have fun.
I wish I could go out to dinner.
722
00:25:35,376 --> 00:25:36,835
What am I doing?
This is disgusting.
723
00:25:36,877 --> 00:25:38,546
I've got money coming in.
724
00:25:38,588 --> 00:25:40,298
All the while putting money
into the company...
725
00:25:40,340 --> 00:25:43,009
...ultimate privacy on the Web
until now.
726
00:25:43,050 --> 00:25:45,094
If you don't believe me,
do a something search on it.
727
00:25:45,136 --> 00:25:48,097
...and bringing in more cash
as a result--
728
00:25:48,139 --> 00:25:51,726
her self-esteem growing
every day.
729
00:25:51,768 --> 00:25:53,436
Soon, she had enough money
730
00:25:53,478 --> 00:25:56,564
for an apartment and to set up
a Fakeblock office.
731
00:25:56,606 --> 00:25:59,984
Right. Um, do you want
some stock options?
732
00:26:00,026 --> 00:26:01,986
Yeah? All right, well,
split it up with everyone.
733
00:26:02,028 --> 00:26:03,822
That's for everybody.
734
00:26:03,862 --> 00:26:07,408
She even got George Michael
a cool retro company car.
735
00:26:07,450 --> 00:26:09,994
- Hey. - Hi. You actually
rented a little office.
736
00:26:10,036 --> 00:26:12,038
Yeah. I don't want you to see
it yet. Still setting it up.
737
00:26:12,079 --> 00:26:15,291
With a little help from a
wealthy benefactor, Lucille 2.
738
00:26:15,333 --> 00:26:17,627
- Oh, Gangie.
- No, Lucille 2.
739
00:26:17,669 --> 00:26:18,837
Austero.
740
00:26:18,877 --> 00:26:20,755
I don't know who that is.
741
00:26:20,797 --> 00:26:22,590
You don't?
742
00:26:22,632 --> 00:26:24,300
Never met the woman.
743
00:26:24,342 --> 00:26:26,720
Well, she'll be the one driving
the staircar from now on.
744
00:26:26,761 --> 00:26:28,847
- It was part of the deal.
- You gave her my car?
745
00:26:28,887 --> 00:26:30,682
Yeah, it's technically
hers anyways,
746
00:26:30,724 --> 00:26:32,350
- 'cause of the Bluth Company.
- Oh.
747
00:26:32,392 --> 00:26:35,353
- But I did get you her
1988 yellow Cadillac. - Yeah?
748
00:26:35,395 --> 00:26:37,397
She only uses it
to and from hip replacements.
749
00:26:37,438 --> 00:26:38,897
(laughs)
750
00:26:38,939 --> 00:26:42,360
I guess that's only funny
if you know who she is.
751
00:26:42,402 --> 00:26:44,654
And with the extra cash,
even got around to spraying
752
00:26:44,696 --> 00:26:47,365
for pests at the model home
where she was squatting.
753
00:26:47,407 --> 00:26:50,993
GOB: ...that I never got from
you for the last 40 years.
754
00:26:51,035 --> 00:26:52,453
Hey, so what do I owe you?
755
00:26:52,495 --> 00:26:54,247
Here you go.
756
00:26:54,288 --> 00:26:57,166
That's funny, I actually used
to date a guy named Steve Holt.
757
00:26:57,208 --> 00:26:58,959
Ha! Steve Holt!
758
00:26:59,001 --> 00:27:00,294
Yeah, that's the guy.
759
00:27:00,336 --> 00:27:02,714
Oh...
(chuckles)
760
00:27:02,756 --> 00:27:05,049
Although the house wouldn't
remain pest-free for long.
761
00:27:05,091 --> 00:27:07,343
Heck of a birthday
this is shaping up to be.
762
00:27:07,385 --> 00:27:10,764
In fact,
it was about to get worse.
763
00:27:10,805 --> 00:27:13,099
And Maeby's privacy
was about to get violated...
764
00:27:13,140 --> 00:27:14,726
- Why did we stop?
- We hit a bug.
765
00:27:14,768 --> 00:27:16,644
...when her uncles
barged in unannounced.
766
00:27:16,686 --> 00:27:19,439
I know, I know, I've got these
things very, you know,
767
00:27:19,480 --> 00:27:21,399
- meticulously maintained.
- (bleep)
768
00:27:21,441 --> 00:27:23,192
- There's...
- There are some vultures.
769
00:27:23,234 --> 00:27:24,569
They might still smell Pete.
770
00:27:24,611 --> 00:27:26,237
And she still managed
to continue
771
00:27:26,279 --> 00:27:28,197
seducing Perfecto
into seducing her.
772
00:27:28,239 --> 00:27:29,574
I'm like, this top is
completely see-through.
773
00:27:29,616 --> 00:27:31,033
I'll put it on and show you.
774
00:27:31,075 --> 00:27:32,786
I'm like, "Where am I
supposed to wear this?"
775
00:27:32,827 --> 00:27:35,538
This high school senior
was working three jobs.
776
00:27:35,580 --> 00:27:37,582
- Okay, buh-buh-buh-buh.
- We have to be discreet.
777
00:27:37,624 --> 00:27:39,918
- And she did her jobs well.
- What? - We have to be discreet!
778
00:27:39,958 --> 00:27:41,628
- Oh, right.
- And soon, it was time
779
00:27:41,669 --> 00:27:44,422
for Maebyto show
George Michael the office.
780
00:27:44,464 --> 00:27:46,965
(tires screeching)
781
00:27:49,385 --> 00:27:50,762
Welcome!
782
00:27:50,804 --> 00:27:52,472
- (Mort laughs)
- I'm a softie; I hired the guy.
783
00:27:52,513 --> 00:27:54,432
He's more like a mascot
than anything.
784
00:27:54,474 --> 00:27:55,934
Mort, where's my coffee?
785
00:27:55,974 --> 00:27:58,728
Oh, damn. Oh, stupid Mort.
786
00:27:58,770 --> 00:28:00,020
I know, it's okay, just focus.
787
00:28:00,062 --> 00:28:01,355
I'm going to take the cart
788
00:28:01,397 --> 00:28:03,357
and show George Michael
his new office.
789
00:28:03,399 --> 00:28:05,234
Speechless, huh?
790
00:28:05,276 --> 00:28:06,778
How do I get back?!
791
00:28:06,820 --> 00:28:08,154
Of course, when Fakeblock hits,
792
00:28:08,195 --> 00:28:10,114
we're going to have to ramp up
real fast.
793
00:28:10,156 --> 00:28:13,367
This hangar can hold
over 500 nerds!
794
00:28:13,409 --> 00:28:15,703
Maeby, we can't afford this.
795
00:28:15,745 --> 00:28:18,539
- And my software isn't even
ready. - Don't worry about that.
796
00:28:18,581 --> 00:28:20,082
Just worry about the app
being done in time
797
00:28:20,124 --> 00:28:21,960
for the big public unveiling
at Cinco.
798
00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:23,252
I'll get the money.
799
00:28:23,294 --> 00:28:24,587
Isn't that in, like, three days?
800
00:28:24,629 --> 00:28:25,922
Uh, no, that's Cinco de Mayo.
801
00:28:25,964 --> 00:28:27,757
Cinco de Quatro is in two days.
802
00:28:27,799 --> 00:28:30,510
But we'll be doing it on a boat,
so I hope you don't get seasick.
803
00:28:30,551 --> 00:28:31,970
You're doing the keynote.
804
00:28:32,010 --> 00:28:35,515
You're responsible
for all of this.
805
00:28:35,556 --> 00:28:38,726
- Come on.
- Wh... No, I...
806
00:28:38,768 --> 00:28:40,895
I-I... I think we, uh...
807
00:28:40,937 --> 00:28:42,563
All of this.
808
00:28:42,605 --> 00:28:44,440
Oh, I think we should delay
the keynote.
809
00:28:44,482 --> 00:28:46,860
You know, I'd say yes,
but I don't think we can
810
00:28:46,901 --> 00:28:48,277
just because of the sheer amount
of money
811
00:28:48,319 --> 00:28:49,696
that you have on the hook
for it.
812
00:28:49,737 --> 00:28:52,281
Maeby, you're fired!
813
00:28:52,323 --> 00:28:53,950
(Mort panting)
814
00:28:53,992 --> 00:28:56,118
MORT:
I got her coffee.
815
00:28:57,745 --> 00:29:00,957
NARRATOR:Maeby had just lost
a big career option
816
00:29:00,999 --> 00:29:03,250
when she ran into the current
squatter of the penthouse.
817
00:29:03,292 --> 00:29:04,878
- Hey. Hey.
- Hey. Maeby.
818
00:29:04,919 --> 00:29:06,587
Wow. What are you doing here?
819
00:29:06,629 --> 00:29:08,631
I'm just here to see Lucille 2,
actually.
820
00:29:08,673 --> 00:29:11,425
In fact, she was there
to see Lucille 2's
821
00:29:11,467 --> 00:29:13,761
so-called foster child,
Perfecto.
822
00:29:13,803 --> 00:29:15,680
...talk to you about something
very important.
823
00:29:15,722 --> 00:29:17,932
Yeah, um, Uncle Michael,
824
00:29:17,974 --> 00:29:19,559
I-I'm really sorry about
that whole
825
00:29:19,600 --> 00:29:21,310
"voting you out of the dorm"
thing.
826
00:29:21,352 --> 00:29:23,688
- You know... - You know,
we never really meant it to...
827
00:29:23,730 --> 00:29:25,105
Ah, I knew it.
828
00:29:25,147 --> 00:29:26,649
I knew you didn't understand it.
829
00:29:26,691 --> 00:29:28,275
I knew you guys were all...
830
00:29:28,317 --> 00:29:30,737
'Cause I didn't...
I don't think I explained it
831
00:29:30,778 --> 00:29:32,154
very well,
and it was very, very simple.
832
00:29:32,196 --> 00:29:33,573
I made it complicated.
833
00:29:33,614 --> 00:29:35,241
It was a four-person vote.
834
00:29:35,282 --> 00:29:37,994
You see, I voted against myself,
so that P-Hound...
835
00:29:38,036 --> 00:29:39,996
And that's a way that-that
scenario would've worked out.
836
00:29:40,038 --> 00:29:41,915
What I later realized is that
there was another scenario--
837
00:29:41,956 --> 00:29:43,165
Maeby. That there was
another scenario,
838
00:29:43,207 --> 00:29:44,751
- Yeah.
- a C scenario, scenario C,
839
00:29:44,792 --> 00:29:46,335
- where you... Okay.
- I really got to get going.
840
00:29:46,377 --> 00:29:47,879
- All right, but before
you do, - I got to... Yeah.
841
00:29:47,921 --> 00:29:49,714
I just need your signature here
at the bottom.
842
00:29:49,756 --> 00:29:51,173
Doing a movie about
843
00:29:51,215 --> 00:29:53,133
- the family.
- Yeah. Is that still happening?
844
00:29:53,175 --> 00:29:54,802
- What do you mean?
- I got to tell you,
845
00:29:54,844 --> 00:29:55,970
I think movies are dead.
846
00:29:56,012 --> 00:29:58,389
Maybe it's a TV show.
847
00:29:58,431 --> 00:30:00,934
- Thank you. I owe you one.
- Yeah. No, you don't.
848
00:30:00,975 --> 00:30:02,435
NARRATOR:
And now a half hour late,
849
00:30:02,476 --> 00:30:04,520
Maeby went back to her plan
850
00:30:04,562 --> 00:30:06,814
of seducing an undercover cop.
851
00:30:06,856 --> 00:30:08,733
And that's when Lucille 2
852
00:30:08,775 --> 00:30:12,319
saw a very real girl
in her imaginary boy's room.
853
00:30:13,738 --> 00:30:15,281
And after,
secure that she had something
854
00:30:15,322 --> 00:30:18,367
with which
to blackmail Perfecto,
855
00:30:18,409 --> 00:30:20,912
she sought out a late payment
from the Love campaign
856
00:30:20,954 --> 00:30:22,663
at Cinco.
As it turns out,
857
00:30:22,705 --> 00:30:25,332
the Love campaign
had just taken care
858
00:30:25,374 --> 00:30:26,793
of a threat of their own.
859
00:30:26,834 --> 00:30:28,628
- Why can't I do this?
- And that's when
860
00:30:28,669 --> 00:30:30,129
Maeby ran into her mother.
861
00:30:30,170 --> 00:30:31,547
Oh, Maeby.
862
00:30:31,589 --> 00:30:32,673
- Hey.
- Oh, hey.
863
00:30:32,715 --> 00:30:34,133
I need to apologize to you.
864
00:30:34,174 --> 00:30:36,427
That check
you've been looking for,
865
00:30:36,469 --> 00:30:38,054
I had it.
866
00:30:38,096 --> 00:30:39,263
"Had"?
867
00:30:39,305 --> 00:30:40,473
It's not everything,
868
00:30:40,514 --> 00:30:42,224
but here's some money.
869
00:30:42,266 --> 00:30:44,685
(chuckles)
Mom, let go.
870
00:30:44,727 --> 00:30:46,020
(sighs)
It's dirty money anyway.
871
00:30:46,062 --> 00:30:48,064
Love gave it to me.
872
00:30:48,106 --> 00:30:49,899
NARRATOR:
Maeby felt bad.
873
00:30:49,941 --> 00:30:51,818
He gave you money directly?
874
00:30:51,859 --> 00:30:53,152
If you can believe that.
875
00:30:53,193 --> 00:30:54,904
Anyway, this is your money now,
876
00:30:54,946 --> 00:30:58,699
and if you choose
to do facial reconstruction...
877
00:30:58,741 --> 00:31:01,077
I mean, the nose, right?
878
00:31:02,453 --> 00:31:04,914
But Maeby was more concerned
879
00:31:04,956 --> 00:31:07,541
about losing
yet another income stream.
880
00:31:07,583 --> 00:31:10,336
So he's trying to snake
the bottom bitch from my stable?
881
00:31:10,377 --> 00:31:13,006
And more importantly,
her rep on the street.
882
00:31:13,047 --> 00:31:15,215
And she knew
just who to go to about it.
883
00:31:15,257 --> 00:31:16,884
He stole money from me.
884
00:31:16,926 --> 00:31:19,053
He's a bully, so I want you
885
00:31:19,095 --> 00:31:21,263
to "bad cop" him
for me a little, okay?
886
00:31:21,305 --> 00:31:22,556
So where is this bully?
887
00:31:22,598 --> 00:31:24,934
He's right there.
888
00:31:24,976 --> 00:31:26,268
The little guy
with the cigarette?
889
00:31:26,310 --> 00:31:27,812
No, the ripped black guy
behind him.
890
00:31:27,854 --> 00:31:29,689
- Oh, right.
- Perfecto was nervous...
891
00:31:29,730 --> 00:31:31,858
I just... I just didn't look
up high enough.
892
00:31:31,899 --> 00:31:33,901
...but headed off
to do as told.
893
00:31:33,943 --> 00:31:35,528
- Herbert Love, Herbert Love...
- And later,
894
00:31:35,569 --> 00:31:37,155
after Herbert Love
didn't return,
895
00:31:37,196 --> 00:31:39,281
- Perfecto did.
- Hey, did you do it?
896
00:31:39,323 --> 00:31:40,533
It's taken care of.
897
00:31:40,574 --> 00:31:42,535
- Oh.
- (shouting)
898
00:31:42,576 --> 00:31:44,328
But that's when
the party got out of control.
899
00:31:44,370 --> 00:31:45,997
- (clamoring)
- What's going on?
900
00:31:46,039 --> 00:31:47,247
Guess the blowback has started.
901
00:31:47,289 --> 00:31:48,541
Thank God I'm with
an undercover cop.
902
00:31:48,582 --> 00:31:49,542
Pull out your gun.
903
00:31:49,583 --> 00:31:50,835
I don't have a gun.
904
00:31:50,877 --> 00:31:52,045
What kind of cop
doesn't have a gun?
905
00:31:52,086 --> 00:31:53,921
Okay, I'm not a cop.
906
00:31:53,963 --> 00:31:55,923
But I saw your badge at the bar.
907
00:31:55,965 --> 00:31:59,218
In fact,
it was an anti-bullying badge.
908
00:31:59,259 --> 00:32:01,137
He'd received it
from a police-run
909
00:32:01,179 --> 00:32:03,389
anti-bullying program
at school.
910
00:32:03,430 --> 00:32:04,807
You're never too old
to stand up to a bully.
911
00:32:04,849 --> 00:32:06,809
PERFECTO:I made up
all that stuff
912
00:32:06,851 --> 00:32:08,978
to impress you;
I'm just a senior.
913
00:32:09,020 --> 00:32:10,688
A señor?
914
00:32:10,730 --> 00:32:12,106
I'm 17.
915
00:32:12,148 --> 00:32:13,774
Ha!
916
00:32:13,816 --> 00:32:15,651
You're 17?
917
00:32:15,693 --> 00:32:16,777
Yeah.
918
00:32:16,819 --> 00:32:18,612
I'm 23.
919
00:32:18,654 --> 00:32:20,156
Oh, that's a relief.
920
00:32:20,198 --> 00:32:21,991
I wasn't supposed
to be driving with you.
921
00:32:22,033 --> 00:32:23,450
But we messed around.
922
00:32:23,492 --> 00:32:26,079
NARRATOR:
Oh, they did more than that.
923
00:32:26,120 --> 00:32:27,538
(horn blows)
924
00:32:27,580 --> 00:32:29,123
Don't worry; nobody saw.
925
00:32:29,165 --> 00:32:31,375
Except Lucille 2.
926
00:32:31,417 --> 00:32:33,586
And that's when Maeby,
who had spent so long
927
00:32:33,627 --> 00:32:37,131
lying to others
and even herself,
928
00:32:37,173 --> 00:32:39,967
finally had to admit
she had made a huge mis...
929
00:32:40,009 --> 00:32:42,136
Oh, no, I'm fine.
930
00:32:47,141 --> 00:32:49,268
...Lucille 2 becomes
less of a threat to Maeby.
931
00:32:49,309 --> 00:32:52,563
...is an ongoing investigation,
we are pretty certain
932
00:32:52,605 --> 00:32:55,233
that this is where
Lucille Austero landed.
933
00:32:55,274 --> 00:32:57,568
It is the way she usually falls.
934
00:32:57,610 --> 00:32:59,028
Are you gonna run in her place?
935
00:32:59,070 --> 00:33:01,614
Hey, hey, hey, hey,
let's not bury her yet.
936
00:33:01,655 --> 00:33:03,657
We are all
still holding out hope
937
00:33:03,699 --> 00:33:05,785
that she is, indeed, found.
938
00:33:08,621 --> 00:33:10,039
But a new threat
to Maeby emerges.
939
00:33:10,081 --> 00:33:11,290
Shh. Stop it. What?
940
00:33:11,331 --> 00:33:12,792
Can we at least have
breakup sex?
941
00:33:12,833 --> 00:33:14,418
No, you're 17.
942
00:33:14,460 --> 00:33:15,920
I'm 23-year-old woman.
943
00:33:15,962 --> 00:33:17,630
If anyone found out
that we already had sex,
944
00:33:17,671 --> 00:33:19,632
it would be a major felony.
945
00:33:19,673 --> 00:33:22,593
Congratulations.
You got your first A.
946
00:33:22,635 --> 00:33:25,679
Oh, thank God. This A is finally
gonna get me out of high school.
947
00:33:25,721 --> 00:33:28,390
No, sex offender,
your A is going to jail.
948
00:33:28,432 --> 00:33:30,726
You can't arrest me;
you're an algebra teacher.
949
00:33:30,768 --> 00:33:33,104
Donny Richter is
an algebra teacher.
950
00:33:33,146 --> 00:33:34,814
I'm Rocky Richter.
951
00:33:34,855 --> 00:33:37,608
I told you there was an
undercover cop in this school.
952
00:33:37,650 --> 00:33:38,651
(handcuffs clicking)
953
00:33:38,692 --> 00:33:40,319
Oh, God.
954
00:33:40,360 --> 00:33:42,268
I'm gonna have to live
in Sudden Valley.
955
00:33:43,062 --> 00:33:46,000
Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com