1
00:00:29,279 --> 00:00:32,908
So how come you're so smart,
and how come they call you Third?
2
00:00:33,083 --> 00:00:36,018
Well, I guess being smart just happened.
3
00:00:36,186 --> 00:00:40,816
I was named after my mom's cousin's
husband, Clark Griswold II.
4
00:00:40,990 --> 00:00:44,153
I'm the third Clark Griswold.
Clark Griswold Johnson.
5
00:00:44,994 --> 00:00:46,962
Do you have any brothers and sisters?
6
00:00:47,130 --> 00:00:51,328
Yes. They're with my grandma in Kansas...
7
00:00:51,501 --> 00:00:55,232
...except for my oldest sister.
She's working at a strip club in Vegas.
8
00:00:55,405 --> 00:00:57,703
A strip club?
9
00:00:57,874 --> 00:01:00,866
- Where do you live?
- Well, my mom and dad and I...
10
00:01:01,044 --> 00:01:03,808
...are staying with my cousin,
Audrey Griswold.
11
00:01:03,980 --> 00:01:09,714
She's visiting her boyfriend in Indianapolis,
so we're kind of house-sitting for her.
12
00:01:10,587 --> 00:01:14,546
Well, this is where I live.
My dad's a brain surgeon.
13
00:01:14,724 --> 00:01:16,988
What's your dad do?
14
00:01:17,961 --> 00:01:23,194
- He works in nuclear research.
- Oh, he's a nuclear scientist?
15
00:01:24,234 --> 00:01:25,861
Well...
16
00:01:26,336 --> 00:01:29,999
...not exactly.
17
00:01:43,653 --> 00:01:47,089
We inject them with nuclear waste
and study their brain waves...
18
00:01:47,257 --> 00:01:50,385
...and other organs to examine
the effects of the waste...
19
00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:54,257
...on various species of anthropoids.
20
00:02:25,562 --> 00:02:27,154
Fascinating, professor.
21
00:02:27,330 --> 00:02:32,563
But tell me, they're playing tic-tac-toe
and the chimpanzee appears to be winning.
22
00:02:33,002 --> 00:02:35,300
How is this possible?
23
00:02:35,805 --> 00:02:39,798
Because the monkey is smarter.
24
00:02:50,386 --> 00:02:54,755
I'm sorry, Eddie, we got this directive
from Washington and they're cutting costs.
25
00:02:54,924 --> 00:02:57,757
We've been ordered to cut
our study group by half.
26
00:02:58,094 --> 00:03:01,791
So from now on we're only
working till noon?
27
00:03:01,965 --> 00:03:05,264
No, Eddie, I'm afraid this
is between you and Roy.
28
00:03:05,435 --> 00:03:07,926
One of you has to go.
29
00:03:11,641 --> 00:03:17,102
Gee, Roy, that's a tough break.
But don't worry, you'll land on your feet.
30
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:20,215
It's not Roy we're letting go,
Eddie, it's you.
31
00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:28,456
Well, why don't you fire him?
I mean, what does he got that I ain't got?
32
00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:32,493
His brain waves register
more distinctly than yours.
33
00:03:33,596 --> 00:03:36,121
- Which one's mine?
- The one labeled "Eddie. "
34
00:03:37,867 --> 00:03:41,997
I'll check other branches and see if there's
anything else available for you.
35
00:03:47,911 --> 00:03:49,674
Oh, Eddie...
36
00:03:49,846 --> 00:03:52,076
...merry Christmas.
37
00:04:11,801 --> 00:04:16,170
I can't understand why they'd
let me go just before Christmas.
38
00:04:16,673 --> 00:04:21,667
And I worked hard too.
I even helped plug the wires in my head.
39
00:04:21,844 --> 00:04:24,506
That's more than Roy did.
40
00:04:25,348 --> 00:04:28,579
It's just like the time the goat
kicked me in the teeth...
41
00:04:28,751 --> 00:04:31,117
...for milking her with the vacuum cleaner.
42
00:04:31,287 --> 00:04:37,248
Eddie, don't feel so bad.
You know that monkey's pretty smart.
43
00:04:37,427 --> 00:04:41,693
Oh, you'll find another job.
You're real good at it.
44
00:04:41,864 --> 00:04:44,355
Yeah, you've done it lots of times.
45
00:04:44,534 --> 00:04:47,765
I'm just a total flop, let's face it.
46
00:04:47,937 --> 00:04:51,600
No, Eddie, not total.
47
00:04:52,575 --> 00:04:54,372
It's true, Mom. Total.
48
00:04:54,544 --> 00:04:58,981
I mean, this is the sixth job Dad's lost
since they foreclosed on the farm.
49
00:04:59,148 --> 00:05:01,810
And now he's lost out to a monkey.
50
00:05:01,985 --> 00:05:07,890
- Third, that's a terrible thing to say.
- No, the boy's right.
51
00:05:08,057 --> 00:05:11,493
I'm just one big disappointment.
52
00:05:13,730 --> 00:05:15,664
I'm sorry I let you down.
53
00:05:32,682 --> 00:05:37,278
You're not a failure.
And we have a lot to be thankful for.
54
00:05:37,453 --> 00:05:40,445
We got a wonderful family,
we're all together.
55
00:05:40,623 --> 00:05:44,024
Well, except for four of the kids,
who are staying with Grandma...
56
00:05:44,193 --> 00:05:47,959
...and our daughter who's in show business.
But we've got one smart kid.
57
00:05:48,131 --> 00:05:52,329
- Yeah, who thinks his daddy's dumb.
- Eddie, no.
58
00:05:52,502 --> 00:05:57,530
No, Third has faith in you.
And he thinks you're real smart.
59
00:05:59,242 --> 00:06:02,939
Well, he thinks you have
a good sense of humor.
60
00:06:03,112 --> 00:06:07,742
I know this has been a big disappointment
to you, but we'll figure something out.
61
00:06:07,917 --> 00:06:12,081
- At least we've got a roof over our heads.
- Yeah, but for how long?
62
00:06:12,255 --> 00:06:18,091
I bet in a year or two Audrey will get sick
of us living here, feeding us...
63
00:06:20,663 --> 00:06:24,030
He thinks I've got a real good
sense of humor?
64
00:06:27,737 --> 00:06:31,730
- That's it! Goldarn it, I'm gonna do it!
- What?
65
00:06:31,908 --> 00:06:34,877
I'm gonna take a hot bath, I can't sleep.
66
00:06:36,312 --> 00:06:39,475
Know what the preacher said
that time I got fired from that job...
67
00:06:39,649 --> 00:06:43,141
...testing them secondhand recliners?
"Things can only get better. "
68
00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:47,654
That was the day before the bank
foreclosed on the dirt farm.
69
00:07:40,476 --> 00:07:42,341
Catherine.
70
00:07:46,082 --> 00:07:49,813
- I'll take it from here.
- Audrey left us these emergency numbers.
71
00:07:49,986 --> 00:07:55,356
I'm gonna call the 24-hour
emergency plumber. They never close.
72
00:07:56,459 --> 00:07:59,724
I never did trust indoor plumbing.
73
00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:06,733
I can't reach them, the line's busy.
74
00:08:10,840 --> 00:08:15,470
- We're gonna be washed away!
- A boy to do a man's job.
75
00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:20,945
I need bigger equipment!
76
00:08:22,485 --> 00:08:27,218
Hi, and merry Christmas.
This is the Ever Ready Plumbing Service.
77
00:08:27,390 --> 00:08:30,257
- Merry Christmas to you.
- Using your touchtone phone...
78
00:08:30,426 --> 00:08:34,453
... please select from the following menu
to accommodate your needs.
79
00:08:34,630 --> 00:08:37,599
- I have a big problem here.
- For our sales department...
80
00:08:37,767 --> 00:08:43,569
... for the latest in bathroom and kitchen
fixtures, press 1 and merry Christmas.
81
00:08:43,739 --> 00:08:47,072
- Merry Christmas.
- If you would like our billing department...
82
00:08:47,243 --> 00:08:52,977
... for your latest billing information or to ask
about our handy layaway plan, press 2.
83
00:08:53,149 --> 00:08:57,609
Unless you'd like to talk to Wally Evan,
our vice president of Finance.
84
00:08:57,787 --> 00:09:02,815
That office is open from 10 a. m. To 3 p. m.,
and did I wish you a merry Christmas?
85
00:09:02,992 --> 00:09:06,553
Yes, you did, merry Christmas to you.
Can you hear me?
86
00:09:06,729 --> 00:09:10,927
- To talk to our president, Harry Burns...
- Stop. Stop it, I'm losing it.
87
00:09:11,100 --> 00:09:13,796
- Hello?
- For Kathleen, Harry's secretary...
88
00:09:13,970 --> 00:09:17,804
... or Julie Lynch in Personnel or...
89
00:09:18,307 --> 00:09:21,174
Or if you'd like our four-color brochure...
90
00:09:21,344 --> 00:09:25,713
... on our imported Parisian bidets,
press 5 and ask for Antoine.
91
00:09:25,881 --> 00:09:28,372
Call between the hours
of 9 a. m. And 5 p. M...
92
00:09:28,551 --> 00:09:34,251
... and have a safe, secure,
pleasant Christmas.
93
00:09:50,373 --> 00:09:54,173
Oh, hi, Eddie, I didn't see you come in.
I have your severance check.
94
00:09:54,343 --> 00:09:57,176
- Merry Christmas.
- Thanks, Jennifer.
95
00:09:57,813 --> 00:10:00,907
What are you doing here?
You here for your severance check?
96
00:10:01,083 --> 00:10:05,076
Yeah. Professor Doornitz,
I wanted to talk to you.
97
00:10:05,254 --> 00:10:10,590
I've been thinking, you know,
and, well, I really like this job...
98
00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:13,820
...and I was wondering if you could
kind of reconsider...
99
00:10:13,996 --> 00:10:17,625
...letting Roy go and keeping me on?
100
00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:19,791
He ain't that smart.
101
00:10:19,969 --> 00:10:22,870
He's just pretending to read.
102
00:10:24,907 --> 00:10:26,636
Oh, dear.
103
00:10:26,842 --> 00:10:29,276
I'll get it, I'll get it.
104
00:10:29,445 --> 00:10:34,508
You know, the thing about
atomic energy and monkeys is...
105
00:10:40,656 --> 00:10:43,682
He'll be fine. You pumped
so much atomic waste into him...
106
00:10:43,859 --> 00:10:46,987
...that the area where the chimp
bit him healed immediately.
107
00:10:47,163 --> 00:10:50,860
Thank God. And most importantly,
the chimp is okay.
108
00:10:51,334 --> 00:10:55,134
What about a possible lawsuit?
This guy's got one hell of a case.
109
00:10:55,304 --> 00:10:58,967
He's not too bright.
I'll think of something.
110
00:11:02,244 --> 00:11:08,774
An all-expense-paid Christmas vacation
on an island in the South Pacific!
111
00:11:08,951 --> 00:11:12,443
But you didn't get your job back.
They kept the monkey.
112
00:11:12,621 --> 00:11:17,081
Well, Roy, he had a contract. Ironclad.
113
00:11:18,227 --> 00:11:20,161
You lost another job...
114
00:11:20,329 --> 00:11:23,355
...and you and the monkey
were the only ones who applied.
115
00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:27,092
I mean, this is just another disaster...
116
00:11:27,269 --> 00:11:30,295
...like when you had
to quit being a mail-order dentist...
117
00:11:30,473 --> 00:11:32,964
...after you stapled
the mayor's mouth together.
118
00:11:33,142 --> 00:11:37,408
Third, your father remembers that.
You don't have to remind him.
119
00:11:37,580 --> 00:11:42,142
I think this is exciting,
a Christmas vacation in the South Seas.
120
00:11:42,418 --> 00:11:47,879
Tropical nights,
beautiful white beaches, luaus.
121
00:11:48,057 --> 00:11:50,958
No cable TV, probably no fast food.
122
00:11:51,127 --> 00:11:54,119
They got fast food.
They've got fried food everywhere.
123
00:11:54,430 --> 00:11:56,955
I think we should look at this positively.
124
00:11:57,133 --> 00:12:00,398
We've never had a real vacation.
It'll be an adventure.
125
00:12:00,569 --> 00:12:03,595
You know, Professor Doornitz,
he said that we're staying...
126
00:12:03,773 --> 00:12:06,367
...in the best motel
in the whole Pacific Ocean.
127
00:12:06,542 --> 00:12:09,534
It'll probably be in a tree.
128
00:12:09,712 --> 00:12:12,647
Why don't I stay here
with Cousin Archie for Christmas?
129
00:12:12,815 --> 00:12:17,445
- I mean, Paige is here.
- No. Now, we're gonna stick together.
130
00:12:17,620 --> 00:12:21,078
No kid of mine's going off
on their own till they're 13.
131
00:12:24,627 --> 00:12:27,221
Catherine, Cousin Eddie...
132
00:12:27,863 --> 00:12:30,354
...I'm gonna kill myself.
133
00:12:31,467 --> 00:12:33,867
Merry Christmas.
134
00:12:36,038 --> 00:12:39,735
- Audrey, what's wrong?
- What happened?
135
00:12:41,143 --> 00:12:45,273
Daniel and I, we broke up.
136
00:12:45,448 --> 00:12:50,909
It's over.
The great love of my life, and it's over.
137
00:12:51,987 --> 00:12:55,286
I will never find true love again.
138
00:12:56,325 --> 00:13:01,126
I'm thinking about killing myself.
139
00:13:01,297 --> 00:13:05,461
Or eating large amounts of ice cream.
140
00:13:06,001 --> 00:13:07,662
I'd go for that ice cream deal.
141
00:13:07,837 --> 00:13:12,968
Could you imagine something that
terrible happening right before Christmas?
142
00:13:16,679 --> 00:13:18,544
I mean, we were perfect together.
143
00:13:18,714 --> 00:13:21,877
We both liked the History Channel
and Japanese food...
144
00:13:22,051 --> 00:13:27,079
...and raindrops on roses
and little whiskers on kittens.
145
00:13:27,256 --> 00:13:31,590
But Audrey, if you were so great together,
why'd you break up?
146
00:13:32,728 --> 00:13:36,824
- I found out he was married.
- That'll do it.
147
00:13:41,103 --> 00:13:45,437
Thanks for inviting me to stay with you
at the hotel in Maluka, Catherine.
148
00:13:45,608 --> 00:13:49,305
I need total relaxation,
and the South Pacific sounds just great.
149
00:13:49,478 --> 00:13:51,275
It'll be great having you with us.
150
00:13:51,614 --> 00:13:54,014
And, you know,
Eddie needs relaxation too...
151
00:13:54,183 --> 00:13:57,584
...what with him losing
his atomic research job.
152
00:13:57,820 --> 00:14:02,189
I don't know why, boy, but I got a feeling
this trip's gonna be real good for us.
153
00:14:02,691 --> 00:14:05,159
I don't know why either, Dad.
154
00:14:07,596 --> 00:14:09,086
Hey, Snots.
155
00:14:09,265 --> 00:14:11,495
Snots, go get it.
156
00:14:12,968 --> 00:14:15,596
Go get it, Snots. Go get it. Go on.
157
00:14:16,205 --> 00:14:19,402
When they test Eddie
for reaction from all that stuff...
158
00:14:19,575 --> 00:14:23,136
...he's exposed to,
does it have any effect on him?
159
00:14:23,312 --> 00:14:25,576
No, he's fine.
And the plate in his head...
160
00:14:25,748 --> 00:14:30,549
...has become quite a good bug zapper.
Just fries those little fellas.
161
00:14:36,292 --> 00:14:42,253
Yeah, I know things ain't been so great
for us the last 30, 40 years, boy...
162
00:14:42,431 --> 00:14:44,922
...but, you know,
maybe this is a new beginning.
163
00:14:45,100 --> 00:14:50,732
Maybe this is a time
when things start to go right.
164
00:14:50,906 --> 00:14:54,364
Visiting a new...
165
00:15:02,785 --> 00:15:04,252
...country.
166
00:15:05,321 --> 00:15:09,951
Maybe I just needed this time
to follow my passion.
167
00:15:17,399 --> 00:15:23,099
You know, Audrey, Eddie's really worried.
He's sort of run out of careers.
168
00:15:23,272 --> 00:15:26,036
I don't know if you've noticed,
but he's not perfect.
169
00:15:26,208 --> 00:15:29,871
- No one in his family is.
- Third's perfect.
170
00:15:30,679 --> 00:15:35,480
Yeah, Third's perfect.
He takes after my side of the family.
171
00:15:35,651 --> 00:15:37,983
All of our other kids take after Eddie.
172
00:15:38,153 --> 00:15:42,089
Except for our daughter.
She's a marvelous stripper.
173
00:15:44,793 --> 00:15:48,854
Come on, Snots.
Come on, now, go get it.
174
00:15:52,167 --> 00:15:54,897
You should have never let
the agency off the hook.
175
00:15:55,070 --> 00:15:58,836
The monkey bit you and you took
a Christmas vacation.
176
00:15:59,008 --> 00:16:01,875
We could've found a lawyer
and sued them for a fortune.
177
00:16:02,311 --> 00:16:04,074
I don't think so.
178
00:16:04,246 --> 00:16:08,239
Professor Dawrence,
he felt that I insulted Roy.
179
00:16:09,451 --> 00:16:11,248
Snots.
180
00:16:11,420 --> 00:16:14,753
Hey, hey, here, go get it.
181
00:16:27,636 --> 00:16:30,935
- Hello.
- Merry Christmas.
182
00:16:31,106 --> 00:16:33,074
Can I come in?
183
00:16:34,143 --> 00:16:37,806
Uncle Nick, merry Christmas.
184
00:16:37,980 --> 00:16:41,939
Audrey, this is Eddie's Uncle Nick.
What's wrong?
185
00:16:42,117 --> 00:16:45,678
- Nothing. Can I come in?
- Uncle Nick.
186
00:16:46,789 --> 00:16:49,815
This is a surprise.
What are you doing here?
187
00:16:50,292 --> 00:16:54,956
Merry Christmas, I came here to die.
Now can I come in and die sitting down?
188
00:16:55,798 --> 00:17:00,030
So Aunt Jessica ran off
with the Christmas tree delivery man?
189
00:17:00,202 --> 00:17:02,898
A 28-year-old delivery man.
190
00:17:03,072 --> 00:17:04,630
I didn't know they delivered.
191
00:17:04,807 --> 00:17:08,800
A 28-year-old runs off
with a 66-year-old grandmother?
192
00:17:08,977 --> 00:17:12,469
I didn't think grandmothers thought
about sex and stuff like that.
193
00:17:13,348 --> 00:17:15,714
Apparently the thought entered her mind.
194
00:17:16,151 --> 00:17:19,882
I'm so sorry, Uncle Nick.
I'm sure she'll come back to you.
195
00:17:20,489 --> 00:17:23,356
She was 17 when we were married.
196
00:17:23,525 --> 00:17:25,789
I was the first man who ever touched her.
197
00:17:26,829 --> 00:17:29,764
I guess now there's a second.
198
00:17:31,100 --> 00:17:33,466
How come you're wearing
a Santa Claus jacket?
199
00:17:33,635 --> 00:17:38,072
When he took off with Jessica he grabbed
my good jacket and left me with this.
200
00:17:38,540 --> 00:17:42,874
I just can't sit around that house
all day all alone, Eddie.
201
00:17:43,045 --> 00:17:46,674
I thought I might
spend some time with you.
202
00:17:47,216 --> 00:17:51,744
Gee, Uncle Nick,
Roy bit me on the ass and I lost my job.
203
00:17:51,920 --> 00:17:55,651
We're all taking off on an all-expense-paid
Christmas vacation.
204
00:17:55,891 --> 00:17:58,519
- You lost another job?
- Yeah.
205
00:17:58,794 --> 00:18:01,388
Roy bit you on the ass?
Who's Roy?
206
00:18:01,563 --> 00:18:05,761
Oh, me and Roy, we work together.
But we're all flying out tomorrow.
207
00:18:05,934 --> 00:18:07,993
Audrey's coming with us.
208
00:18:08,170 --> 00:18:10,798
Daniel was married.
209
00:18:10,973 --> 00:18:13,498
Daniel? Who's Daniel?
210
00:18:13,675 --> 00:18:16,337
Oh, never mind, I don't care.
211
00:18:17,913 --> 00:18:21,405
Where are you going on your vacation,
somewhere warm?
212
00:18:21,583 --> 00:18:25,110
- It's hot.
- I'm going with you.
213
00:18:25,287 --> 00:18:30,623
I don't like Christmas when it snows.
It's too sentimental.
214
00:18:34,496 --> 00:18:39,126
- Eddie, we're gonna miss the plane.
- I have two more.
215
00:18:44,573 --> 00:18:47,041
- We got room for this one?
- Sure.
216
00:18:58,620 --> 00:19:02,613
- Third, did you give Snots his pill?
- Yeah, he's getting tired already.
217
00:19:02,791 --> 00:19:04,315
He's got a little bit of gas.
218
00:19:04,493 --> 00:19:08,224
Yeah, vet gave him something
to calm him down. He's never flown before.
219
00:19:08,397 --> 00:19:11,264
Then again, neither have I.
220
00:19:29,985 --> 00:19:32,818
Attention passengers.
Please watch your luggage...
221
00:19:32,988 --> 00:19:35,752
... your children and all other valuables.
222
00:19:35,924 --> 00:19:39,155
And merry Christmas.
223
00:19:41,997 --> 00:19:47,094
No, look at the line.
We'll never make the plane.
224
00:19:48,036 --> 00:19:50,027
Let's go.
225
00:19:55,777 --> 00:19:57,438
Thank you.
226
00:19:57,679 --> 00:20:00,705
Thank you. Thanks a lot.
227
00:20:01,750 --> 00:20:04,981
- This is all right.
- Thanks a lot.
228
00:20:10,659 --> 00:20:14,186
- Merry Christmas.
- Anyone lose a bowling ball?
229
00:20:14,363 --> 00:20:16,991
Anyone lose a bowling ball?
230
00:20:21,536 --> 00:20:23,367
Come on!
231
00:20:23,538 --> 00:20:27,065
I hear sometimes they run out of peanuts.
232
00:20:41,256 --> 00:20:45,158
- Are you all right?
- Oh, yeah. Merry Christmas.
233
00:20:45,627 --> 00:20:47,026
No, I'm fine.
234
00:20:47,195 --> 00:20:50,926
No damage. I've got all the usual
number of arms and legs.
235
00:20:51,099 --> 00:20:53,033
I'm sorry, I didn't even see you.
236
00:20:53,201 --> 00:20:57,365
Oh, yeah, it's quite all right,
you know, just a few superficial breaks.
237
00:20:57,639 --> 00:21:01,769
- This happens to me all the time.
- You're a foreigner, ain't you?
238
00:21:01,944 --> 00:21:04,572
- What are you?
- I'm English.
239
00:21:05,881 --> 00:21:10,011
- Well, you sure do talk pretty.
- Thanks. We did invent the language.
240
00:21:10,185 --> 00:21:13,621
- No hard feelings?
- No feelings whatsoever.
241
00:21:17,259 --> 00:21:21,923
He's all right, he's English.
I understood every word he said.
242
00:21:24,266 --> 00:21:26,791
Merry Christmas. Raise your arms, please.
243
00:21:40,949 --> 00:21:46,581
Attention. Attention, please.
Did anybody lose this?
244
00:21:55,297 --> 00:21:59,393
Hey, look at all those people
down there. They look like ants.
245
00:21:59,568 --> 00:22:03,766
Those are ants, Dad.
The plane hasn't taken off yet.
246
00:22:25,394 --> 00:22:29,797
Boy, that's a big ocean out there.
Lot of water!
247
00:22:44,279 --> 00:22:47,840
- Peanuts, gentlemen?
- Lunch.
248
00:22:49,051 --> 00:22:50,575
Thank you!
249
00:22:53,955 --> 00:22:57,482
Don't cry, Audrey, it's only a book.
250
00:22:57,659 --> 00:23:02,460
I'm not crying about the book,
I'm crying about Daniel.
251
00:23:02,631 --> 00:23:05,293
Everything reminds me of him.
252
00:23:05,467 --> 00:23:10,700
These peanuts. He used to love peanuts.
253
00:23:11,673 --> 00:23:14,836
He's the love of my life, Catherine.
254
00:23:15,310 --> 00:23:18,211
I'll never love again, never.
255
00:23:19,014 --> 00:23:22,074
I'll never see Indianapolis again.
256
00:23:23,085 --> 00:23:26,213
Isn't that what you said about Dashiell?
257
00:23:26,388 --> 00:23:28,356
That was just a passing thing.
258
00:23:28,657 --> 00:23:32,991
- I thought you went with him for a year.
- It passed slowly.
259
00:23:34,963 --> 00:23:40,367
Actually, Dad, the Pacific Ocean
is 164,384 million square miles...
260
00:23:40,535 --> 00:23:44,904
...in area, 18 times the size
of the United States.
261
00:23:45,073 --> 00:23:48,600
It was named by the explorer Magellan,
because when he saw it...
262
00:23:48,777 --> 00:23:52,269
...it was so tranquil he called it the Pacific.
263
00:24:26,615 --> 00:24:28,344
Peanut?
264
00:24:32,921 --> 00:24:34,513
Thank you.
265
00:25:13,728 --> 00:25:15,889
Where's the bathroom?
266
00:25:18,266 --> 00:25:20,962
Oh, thank you.
267
00:25:21,136 --> 00:25:23,468
- How beautiful.
- Look at that.
268
00:25:23,638 --> 00:25:25,868
Isn't this nice, Audrey?
269
00:25:29,711 --> 00:25:30,871
Well...
270
00:25:31,046 --> 00:25:32,479
Here.
271
00:25:35,650 --> 00:25:38,744
Here you go, Uncle Nick,
this one here is willing.
272
00:25:40,288 --> 00:25:43,451
Third, you see about getting Snots
out of the baggage area?
273
00:25:43,625 --> 00:25:46,185
They're bringing him out, Dad.
He's still asleep.
274
00:25:46,361 --> 00:25:49,853
The local authorities insisted
that they fumigate him first.
275
00:25:50,031 --> 00:25:52,261
They didn't like the way he smelled.
276
00:25:52,434 --> 00:25:55,062
That's funny, I never noticed
he smelled bad.
277
00:25:55,237 --> 00:25:59,139
Dad, small animals pass out
when he walks by them.
278
00:26:01,676 --> 00:26:05,476
- Hi, are you the Johnson family?
- Yeah.
279
00:26:05,780 --> 00:26:08,180
Merry Christmas.
280
00:26:08,350 --> 00:26:11,683
- Hello.
- I'm Muka Laka Miki, Mr. Johnson.
281
00:26:11,853 --> 00:26:15,687
I work for the Atomic Testing Agency
here on Maluka. You're our guests.
282
00:26:15,857 --> 00:26:19,224
Well, nice to meet you, Muka Licka Hickey.
283
00:26:26,735 --> 00:26:28,600
Eddie...
284
00:26:31,072 --> 00:26:32,903
This is my wife, Catherine.
285
00:26:33,074 --> 00:26:38,706
And cousin Audrey
and our son Third III.
286
00:26:38,880 --> 00:26:41,747
And this here's Uncle Nick.
287
00:26:42,317 --> 00:26:43,909
- Hi there.
- Hi.
288
00:26:44,085 --> 00:26:49,990
Nick... Nick Jugson, at your service.
289
00:26:51,259 --> 00:26:53,454
I'll get you to your motel.
290
00:26:53,628 --> 00:26:57,064
Then I thought you'd want the rest
of the day to get unpacked.
291
00:26:57,232 --> 00:27:00,167
And then tomorrow
I could show you the island.
292
00:27:00,335 --> 00:27:05,204
The agency wants to give special treatment.
They're sorry about the monkey biting you.
293
00:27:05,373 --> 00:27:10,140
Well, I heal fast, but if this is the way
you folks show your apologies...
294
00:27:10,312 --> 00:27:15,079
...that monkey can bite my ass every day
of the week and twice on Sunday.
295
00:27:22,624 --> 00:27:26,993
- Oh, thank you. Thank you very much.
- Good to see you.
296
00:27:28,930 --> 00:27:31,490
You folks sure are treating us in style.
297
00:27:32,100 --> 00:27:34,830
Well, I've planned a big day for us.
298
00:27:35,003 --> 00:27:37,995
This morning we're gonna walk
around the town.
299
00:27:38,173 --> 00:27:40,573
Visit native shops, and I need a manicure.
300
00:27:40,842 --> 00:27:44,835
Then we can change into beach clothes
and have a native Christmas cookout.
301
00:27:45,013 --> 00:27:47,106
Sort of a mini luau.
302
00:27:47,282 --> 00:27:50,183
And this afternoon
I've chartered a small boat...
303
00:27:50,352 --> 00:27:52,547
...and I thought we'd tour the island.
304
00:27:52,721 --> 00:27:54,120
That sounds great.
305
00:27:54,289 --> 00:27:57,122
You hear that, Uncle Nick?
We're going on a boat.
306
00:27:57,292 --> 00:27:59,954
That's what an old sailor wants to hear!
307
00:28:19,614 --> 00:28:22,048
Snots. Snots, here.
308
00:28:31,192 --> 00:28:33,387
Hey, whose seaplane is that over there?
309
00:28:33,561 --> 00:28:37,156
That's Jack Malpey. Melbourne Jack.
He's an Aussie.
310
00:28:37,332 --> 00:28:41,291
He owns a hotel near here on his own
private island. He's a great guy.
311
00:28:43,171 --> 00:28:45,332
There's more coming, honey.
312
00:28:45,507 --> 00:28:48,601
Boy, these ribs are great.
313
00:28:48,777 --> 00:28:52,543
Ribs and pineapple, those are
our big Christmas dishes. And fried eel.
314
00:28:52,714 --> 00:28:55,512
- Fried eel?
- Fried?
315
00:28:57,585 --> 00:28:59,883
Am I invited for lunch?
316
00:29:00,054 --> 00:29:02,181
Sure, Jack, come on in.
317
00:29:02,791 --> 00:29:06,989
- Hi, Muka Laka Miki. Thanks for the invite.
- Hi, Jack, how are you?
318
00:29:07,162 --> 00:29:12,293
Hi, I'm Audrey Griswold. We just arrived.
319
00:29:12,467 --> 00:29:14,628
Love the island, fabulous place.
320
00:29:14,803 --> 00:29:18,102
- Are you married?
- Hi there, we're the Johnsons.
321
00:29:20,809 --> 00:29:24,245
I'm Eddie, this here's Uncle Nick...
322
00:29:24,479 --> 00:29:28,506
...that's my boy,
and here's my wife, Catherine.
323
00:29:28,983 --> 00:29:32,214
- Eel?
- Like I said, this is a beautiful place.
324
00:29:33,087 --> 00:29:36,113
- Would you like to take me on a tour?
- Sure.
325
00:29:38,693 --> 00:29:42,686
- What a charming man.
- What's that smell?
326
00:29:45,400 --> 00:29:47,732
Oh, that's a good one.
327
00:29:48,503 --> 00:29:51,165
It's time for the boat, you guys.
Let's pack up.
328
00:29:51,339 --> 00:29:53,899
Oh, okay. Third, grab your stuff.
329
00:29:54,075 --> 00:29:56,373
And someone put out the fire.
330
00:29:56,544 --> 00:30:00,913
- I'm full.
- Well, you just sit and digest. I'll pack up.
331
00:30:05,220 --> 00:30:07,586
Snots. Snots, here.
332
00:30:08,623 --> 00:30:11,023
I hope we got a pooper on this thing.
333
00:30:11,192 --> 00:30:14,093
That fried eel's headed due south.
334
00:30:16,231 --> 00:30:18,722
Captain Lynch.
335
00:30:23,505 --> 00:30:25,268
It's from Captain Lynch.
336
00:30:26,207 --> 00:30:29,802
His wife is having a baby
and he has to deliver it.
337
00:30:29,978 --> 00:30:34,278
He says we can take the boat out if we
want to, if we know how to run a boat.
338
00:30:34,449 --> 00:30:38,476
- Do you know how to run a boat?
- No, I fish lots in a creek.
339
00:30:38,653 --> 00:30:42,555
- But didn't have no boat. I'm willing to try.
- Forget it.
340
00:30:42,724 --> 00:30:46,353
I've got more salt under my armpits
than you ever sailed on.
341
00:30:46,528 --> 00:30:48,018
Leave it to me.
342
00:30:48,196 --> 00:30:50,096
I was in the Navy.
343
00:30:58,373 --> 00:31:01,672
Why should this be different
from an aircraft carrier?
344
00:31:03,545 --> 00:31:05,308
The key.
345
00:31:05,847 --> 00:31:07,644
All right.
346
00:31:13,655 --> 00:31:17,091
Sometimes you just don't think
of the easy things.
347
00:31:25,099 --> 00:31:27,397
Shouldn't we untie this first?
348
00:31:28,202 --> 00:31:31,000
Eddie, get out and cast off.
349
00:31:46,554 --> 00:31:48,715
Uncle Nick!
350
00:32:40,408 --> 00:32:43,036
- Okay, where is it?
- What's wrong?
351
00:32:43,211 --> 00:32:46,305
The compass. I can't find the compass.
352
00:32:46,481 --> 00:32:48,449
Every boat has a compass.
353
00:32:49,217 --> 00:32:53,813
- Maybe we should head back to shore.
- I think that's a good idea.
354
00:32:58,559 --> 00:33:01,050
I got a big fish!
355
00:33:02,797 --> 00:33:04,890
Hold on!
356
00:33:07,702 --> 00:33:09,897
Careful, honey, you're all tangled.
357
00:33:10,071 --> 00:33:11,504
Get a knife!
358
00:33:11,673 --> 00:33:14,904
- Get a knife!
- I don't have a knife.
359
00:33:15,076 --> 00:33:17,271
I have scissors in my purse, Eddie!
360
00:33:17,545 --> 00:33:18,807
Get a knife!
361
00:33:18,980 --> 00:33:20,504
Honey, I... Hold on!
362
00:33:20,815 --> 00:33:22,077
Get a knife!
363
00:33:31,492 --> 00:33:33,483
I have scissors, Eddie!
364
00:33:39,133 --> 00:33:42,534
- Hold on, Mr. Johnson!
- Call me Eddie!
365
00:33:42,704 --> 00:33:45,104
Hold on, Eddie!
366
00:34:01,522 --> 00:34:06,550
Uncle Nick, Uncle Nick, the boat's going
backwards, make it go forwards!
367
00:34:29,317 --> 00:34:32,411
Oh, Eddie, you were wonderful!
368
00:34:32,587 --> 00:34:34,350
I almost had it!
369
00:34:34,522 --> 00:34:36,387
Did you see that?
370
00:34:37,325 --> 00:34:39,816
That fish was the biggest fish I ever saw!
371
00:34:40,294 --> 00:34:43,730
That thing must have weighed
10,000 pounds!
372
00:34:45,233 --> 00:34:46,495
I'm sure!
373
00:34:57,011 --> 00:35:00,378
- Man the lifeboats!
- There are no lifeboats.
374
00:35:07,789 --> 00:35:11,088
Eddie, where's the rest of you?
375
00:35:11,259 --> 00:35:15,787
- Eddie, are you all right?
- Hey, we got a ukulele in here.
376
00:35:21,702 --> 00:35:26,162
Oh, my head, my shoulders.
I'm in pain.
377
00:35:27,475 --> 00:35:29,636
My manicure is ruined.
378
00:35:30,077 --> 00:35:34,013
Uncle Nick, will you please
take your hand off my breast.
379
00:35:35,650 --> 00:35:38,881
- Is everybody okay?
- I'm okay. But...
380
00:35:39,754 --> 00:35:42,780
There's a horrible smell in here.
381
00:35:45,359 --> 00:35:47,122
Oh, God!
382
00:35:48,462 --> 00:35:50,089
Uncle Nick!
383
00:35:52,166 --> 00:35:53,895
- Are you all right?
- I don't know.
384
00:35:54,068 --> 00:35:58,004
- I cut my hand, I don't know how.
- I bit it.
385
00:35:58,606 --> 00:36:00,073
Third?
386
00:36:00,241 --> 00:36:01,970
Third!
387
00:36:03,077 --> 00:36:06,444
We've run aground,
but there's an island right there.
388
00:36:08,316 --> 00:36:10,580
- You know where we are?
- I'm from Milwaukee.
389
00:36:10,751 --> 00:36:13,345
I don't know much about these islands.
390
00:36:14,822 --> 00:36:18,053
- The radio, let's try the radio.
- Milwaukee?
391
00:36:18,226 --> 00:36:23,459
- Isn't your name Malookamalarkariki?
- Forget the radio, it doesn't work.
392
00:36:24,165 --> 00:36:27,259
Well, that island looks nice, not too far.
393
00:36:28,536 --> 00:36:32,267
I'm gonna swim to shore.
There's nothing dangerous on these islands.
394
00:36:32,440 --> 00:36:35,671
- Right, Milwaukeeliki?
- I think it's safer than Milwaukee.
395
00:36:35,843 --> 00:36:38,676
Only snakes, wild dogs, wild boar.
396
00:36:39,547 --> 00:36:40,844
Wild boar?
397
00:36:41,148 --> 00:36:42,843
Well, they're like pigs.
398
00:36:43,150 --> 00:36:45,983
Some of them can weigh
up to 600 pounds.
399
00:36:46,153 --> 00:36:49,213
They're very fast and real nasty.
400
00:36:49,390 --> 00:36:50,687
I'll go, Dad.
401
00:36:50,858 --> 00:36:53,122
No, boy, your life's
more precious than mine.
402
00:36:53,594 --> 00:36:55,084
- Why?
- I don't know.
403
00:36:55,263 --> 00:36:58,460
Daddies are just supposed to
say things like that sometimes.
404
00:36:58,633 --> 00:37:00,123
No!
405
00:37:00,301 --> 00:37:03,566
We all go. We all go together.
406
00:37:03,971 --> 00:37:07,498
Catherine,
I'm not afraid of a little old pig.
407
00:37:07,742 --> 00:37:11,508
Eddie, you can't swim!
408
00:37:28,829 --> 00:37:30,387
Let's walk.
409
00:37:44,211 --> 00:37:47,408
Audrey, what are you doing
with an electric cappuccino maker?
410
00:37:47,581 --> 00:37:49,481
I bought it in town.
411
00:37:49,784 --> 00:37:52,514
Somehow I doubt
we'll be able to use that.
412
00:37:52,687 --> 00:37:55,986
I don't think there are many
electrical outlets on this island.
413
00:37:56,157 --> 00:38:00,025
Well, maybe we'll find a motel
or something with an electrical outlet.
414
00:38:00,995 --> 00:38:04,487
Look, the boat's drifting away!
415
00:38:13,774 --> 00:38:16,675
Did anyone anchor the boat?
416
00:38:23,317 --> 00:38:25,581
All right, we've got to do this right.
417
00:38:34,395 --> 00:38:36,226
We need food.
418
00:38:37,064 --> 00:38:40,431
Yeah, you're right, Eddie.
Okay, here's what we brought ashore.
419
00:38:40,601 --> 00:38:44,401
We got a dozen Tootsie Rolls,
we got some Bridge Mix...
420
00:38:44,572 --> 00:38:48,770
...two six-packs of beer, some Hamburger
Helper and four bottles of bourbon.
421
00:38:48,943 --> 00:38:51,070
That's my kind of captain.
422
00:38:51,245 --> 00:38:54,806
Yeah. We also got a quarter pound
of moldy American cheese...
423
00:38:54,982 --> 00:38:58,145
...a pack of matches
and a box of those little toothpicks...
424
00:38:58,319 --> 00:39:02,050
...that you put into frankfurters,
only we don't have any frankfurters.
425
00:39:02,223 --> 00:39:05,283
We can use those to get the Tootsie Rolls
out of our teeth.
426
00:39:05,459 --> 00:39:09,862
Oh, and Dad, I found a knife in the boat.
It was in the galley.
427
00:39:10,031 --> 00:39:12,761
I haven't had a Tootsie Roll in 35 years.
428
00:39:13,300 --> 00:39:15,461
That's when I got my false teeth.
429
00:39:15,636 --> 00:39:18,503
Well, got beer...
430
00:39:18,672 --> 00:39:21,835
...got my favorite hunting dog.
431
00:39:24,111 --> 00:39:25,806
I could hunt for food.
432
00:39:26,781 --> 00:39:31,184
Eddie, the only place you ever hunted
for food was our refrigerator.
433
00:39:31,819 --> 00:39:36,222
Hey, there's a freshwater stream back there
in the forest and plenty of bananas.
434
00:39:36,390 --> 00:39:39,359
And we can make spears
and fishing rods to hunt and fish.
435
00:39:39,727 --> 00:39:42,924
And I think I found
a good place for a campsite.
436
00:39:45,099 --> 00:39:48,193
- Cousin, Eddie, look for a bathroom.
- Snots! Snots!
437
00:39:48,369 --> 00:39:50,337
I'll get the bourbon.
438
00:39:57,778 --> 00:40:00,212
This is the spot, everybody.
439
00:40:01,315 --> 00:40:02,805
It's starting to get dark.
440
00:40:02,983 --> 00:40:06,510
We better figure out where
we're gonna sleep. We'll team up.
441
00:40:06,687 --> 00:40:09,383
And there are some towels
from the hotel.
442
00:40:10,624 --> 00:40:12,558
I'm all set.
443
00:40:13,194 --> 00:40:15,662
Audrey and I will buddy up.
444
00:40:18,099 --> 00:40:20,693
We only have three towels,
and they're all wet.
445
00:40:20,868 --> 00:40:24,565
Well, if you get cold, your buddy's
body heat will help warm you up.
446
00:40:24,738 --> 00:40:28,936
- You wanna rethink your assigned buddy?
- No.
447
00:42:12,346 --> 00:42:13,836
That felt good.
448
00:42:14,582 --> 00:42:16,607
When you get to be my age...
449
00:42:16,784 --> 00:42:20,379
...a good dump
is one of the great pleasures in life.
450
00:42:21,889 --> 00:42:23,322
Well...
451
00:42:23,557 --> 00:42:25,024
...it's all finished.
452
00:42:27,328 --> 00:42:30,991
When I was walking up to the hill,
I saw that there was nothing here...
453
00:42:31,165 --> 00:42:33,224
...but a lot of bananas.
454
00:42:33,400 --> 00:42:36,528
So we're gonna have to hunt
for some real food.
455
00:42:36,704 --> 00:42:38,899
- So let's go, Third.
- Yeah.
456
00:42:40,140 --> 00:42:42,005
I'll go with you.
457
00:42:53,487 --> 00:42:54,920
All right.
458
00:42:55,089 --> 00:42:58,650
Here's the game plan. We'll split up
so we can cover more ground.
459
00:42:58,826 --> 00:43:01,818
We'll use that fire on top of the hill
as a landmark.
460
00:43:01,996 --> 00:43:06,797
Uncle Nick, you make a quick left and go up
the left flank. Third, you make a wide right.
461
00:43:06,967 --> 00:43:10,130
Snots and I will go up the middle
and victory will be ours.
462
00:43:10,304 --> 00:43:13,865
What am I supposed to do
if I run into a wild animal?
463
00:43:14,041 --> 00:43:16,942
- Throw my banana at it?
- Good thinking.
464
00:43:42,836 --> 00:43:45,430
Have you ever heard
of barking or pointing?
465
00:43:46,307 --> 00:43:48,036
How about a little warning here?
466
00:43:48,208 --> 00:43:50,870
Give me a little heads up next time.
467
00:44:01,188 --> 00:44:03,053
Well, are you coming?
468
00:44:31,151 --> 00:44:33,085
Oh, my.
469
00:44:34,922 --> 00:44:37,516
Oh, my.
470
00:44:39,827 --> 00:44:42,159
Oh, my.
471
00:44:45,999 --> 00:44:48,263
Oh, my God!
472
00:44:52,639 --> 00:44:54,266
Yes!
473
00:45:28,475 --> 00:45:31,171
- Any luck hunting, honey?
- No.
474
00:45:31,345 --> 00:45:33,540
I almost got a bird...
475
00:45:33,814 --> 00:45:36,408
...but all I saw were nanners.
476
00:45:39,653 --> 00:45:41,848
Did you guys have any luck?
477
00:45:43,991 --> 00:45:46,016
- No.
- That's it.
478
00:45:48,262 --> 00:45:51,254
I ain't walked this much
since my last visit to Wal-Mart.
479
00:45:51,432 --> 00:45:54,833
Hey, everybody. You know,
it'll be Christmas in three days.
480
00:45:55,002 --> 00:45:56,970
It is?
481
00:45:57,671 --> 00:46:00,868
With all the excitement
of the shipwreck and everything...
482
00:46:01,041 --> 00:46:03,737
...I guess I just forgot
all about Christmas.
483
00:46:03,911 --> 00:46:07,108
Well, I guess we will have to forget
about it this year.
484
00:46:07,281 --> 00:46:10,307
Yeah. It's my first Christmas
without Mom and Dad.
485
00:46:10,851 --> 00:46:13,684
Well, this is my first Christmas
without gifts.
486
00:46:13,854 --> 00:46:16,379
No tree, no Santa.
487
00:46:16,557 --> 00:46:19,617
- No real food.
- No eggnog.
488
00:46:19,793 --> 00:46:24,753
Hey, we could still have Christmas.
We could have an island Christmas.
489
00:46:25,299 --> 00:46:27,790
Well, that's a real good idea, Mukinuki.
490
00:46:27,968 --> 00:46:31,631
An island Christmas.
Why didn't I think of that?
491
00:46:31,839 --> 00:46:33,534
What is an island Christmas?
492
00:46:33,707 --> 00:46:37,871
Well, every year we celebrate the things
that we're most thankful for.
493
00:46:38,879 --> 00:46:43,942
Well, we're all alive and we're all together.
That's worth celebrating.
494
00:46:44,284 --> 00:46:46,582
You're pretty damn easy to please.
495
00:46:46,753 --> 00:46:50,382
- What about the gifts?
- We have the whole island!
496
00:46:50,557 --> 00:46:53,993
Let's think of something
we can all give to each other.
497
00:46:56,129 --> 00:46:58,290
How about a full body massage?
498
00:46:58,465 --> 00:46:59,989
Uncle Nick.
499
00:47:01,368 --> 00:47:05,065
The islands can be very magical,
full of many gifts.
500
00:47:05,239 --> 00:47:08,766
All you have to do
is use your imagination.
501
00:47:09,109 --> 00:47:11,441
Oh, dang it, I knew there was a catch.
502
00:47:11,612 --> 00:47:13,807
What have you always wanted, Eddie?
503
00:47:13,981 --> 00:47:15,505
I don't know.
504
00:47:15,682 --> 00:47:18,549
I got pretty much everything
I ever wanted.
505
00:47:18,886 --> 00:47:20,148
A good dog.
506
00:47:20,854 --> 00:47:22,617
Six kids.
507
00:47:26,226 --> 00:47:30,424
A doting wife who takes care
of my every need, if you know what I mean.
508
00:47:31,899 --> 00:47:34,197
We could get a house, Eddie.
509
00:47:35,235 --> 00:47:39,934
- Where are we going to get a house?
- We could build it. With our hands.
510
00:47:40,107 --> 00:47:44,009
- I thought this was a vacation.
- Catherine, no, it's a great idea.
511
00:47:44,177 --> 00:47:46,008
It'll be fun.
512
00:47:46,446 --> 00:47:50,109
If you build it, they will come.
513
00:47:51,351 --> 00:47:53,114
Who?
514
00:47:54,288 --> 00:47:56,483
Well, someone to rescue us.
515
00:47:58,392 --> 00:48:00,019
Won't be much of a house.
516
00:48:00,260 --> 00:48:02,592
But it'll be ours.
517
00:48:02,963 --> 00:48:05,659
Remember, Jesus was born in a stable.
518
00:48:08,569 --> 00:48:10,127
Yeah.
519
00:48:10,504 --> 00:48:12,233
Yeah.
520
00:48:13,240 --> 00:48:15,174
Yeah!
521
00:48:16,043 --> 00:48:17,908
We'll build it...
522
00:48:18,078 --> 00:48:19,739
...here!
523
00:48:19,980 --> 00:48:24,007
And you know what else we need?
A Christmas dinner. A real Christmas dinner.
524
00:48:24,184 --> 00:48:29,554
Not these bananas, those Tootsie Rolls
or none of that there banana helper, neither.
525
00:48:29,723 --> 00:48:31,384
No, sir!
526
00:48:31,558 --> 00:48:33,185
I'm going out again!
527
00:48:33,360 --> 00:48:36,523
We're gonna have ourselves some meat!
528
00:49:06,360 --> 00:49:07,725
Come here!
529
00:49:32,185 --> 00:49:34,517
Come back here, you little booger!
530
00:49:59,746 --> 00:50:01,771
Snots, kill.
531
00:50:02,215 --> 00:50:03,580
Kill!
532
00:50:03,750 --> 00:50:06,514
Kill! Where you going, Snots?
Come back here!
533
00:50:32,646 --> 00:50:34,807
It is not a Christmas tree.
534
00:50:35,348 --> 00:50:38,613
- But it'll do.
- It'll have to.
535
00:50:39,820 --> 00:50:43,779
You know, we used to have a big tree
every Christmas when I was a kid.
536
00:50:44,124 --> 00:50:47,651
My father would take hours to pick it out.
537
00:50:47,928 --> 00:50:52,331
He sometimes would do everything
but x-ray it. Then he'd turn to us and say:
538
00:50:52,499 --> 00:50:57,835
"You are looking at the best Christmas tree
in Kansas City. No, in the world. "
539
00:51:01,408 --> 00:51:03,376
Christmas with Daddy.
540
00:51:03,710 --> 00:51:06,736
Guess dads are all like that
at Christmas.
541
00:51:07,180 --> 00:51:08,977
Even Eddie.
542
00:51:26,333 --> 00:51:30,030
That's a good piggy, that's a good piggy.
543
00:52:08,108 --> 00:52:10,099
It's so beautiful here.
544
00:52:10,277 --> 00:52:13,371
Yeah. If only it had a shopping mall.
545
00:52:13,914 --> 00:52:18,374
- The house is coming along great.
- Yeah, it's a great Christmas gift.
546
00:52:18,919 --> 00:52:20,216
Look at him.
547
00:52:20,387 --> 00:52:22,014
It's a funny thing, you know.
548
00:52:22,189 --> 00:52:25,886
Here we are in serious trouble
and I've never seen Eddie so happy.
549
00:52:26,059 --> 00:52:30,428
Sometimes a crisis brings out the best
in a person. I mean, he's even working.
550
00:52:36,770 --> 00:52:40,331
Hey, Dad? Dad? Dad!
551
00:52:40,674 --> 00:52:42,767
There's something I've got to tell you.
552
00:52:43,009 --> 00:52:44,499
It's your girlfriend.
553
00:52:44,678 --> 00:52:46,578
- Is she pregnant?
- No!
554
00:52:52,118 --> 00:52:53,847
It's just that...
555
00:52:54,020 --> 00:52:55,783
I always thought that...
556
00:52:56,523 --> 00:52:58,650
...you were kind of...
557
00:52:58,925 --> 00:53:00,187
...sort of...
558
00:53:01,661 --> 00:53:03,788
- Gay?
- No.
559
00:53:03,964 --> 00:53:07,161
Just... The bottom of the food chain.
560
00:53:08,935 --> 00:53:10,664
Well, I was wrong.
561
00:53:10,837 --> 00:53:14,329
I mean, you know,
like, you never worked much.
562
00:53:16,676 --> 00:53:20,009
Mom took care of the kids
and cooked and cleaned...
563
00:53:20,180 --> 00:53:22,375
...worked three jobs.
564
00:53:22,549 --> 00:53:28,317
And then, you know, the bank foreclosed on
the house and the repo people took the RV.
565
00:53:30,590 --> 00:53:32,615
I loved that RV.
566
00:53:34,861 --> 00:53:37,295
That RV!
567
00:53:38,265 --> 00:53:41,496
And here we are on a desert island,
who knows where...
568
00:53:41,668 --> 00:53:45,229
...and he goes out and kills
with his bare hands to feed his family.
569
00:53:45,405 --> 00:53:50,001
I mean, can you imagine him taking on that
huge animal and beating him in a fair fight?
570
00:53:50,176 --> 00:53:55,808
I know. I mean, God, he was like a caveman
or a gladiator or something.
571
00:53:56,082 --> 00:53:58,016
Yeah.
572
00:54:02,289 --> 00:54:06,123
Well, anyway, I was wrong.
573
00:54:06,293 --> 00:54:11,128
No, you were right. I'm just no good.
574
00:54:11,731 --> 00:54:14,199
Right. You know, normally.
575
00:54:14,367 --> 00:54:17,598
But here, on this island...
576
00:54:18,705 --> 00:54:20,263
...you've been great.
577
00:54:23,843 --> 00:54:25,674
Do you mean that?
578
00:54:26,446 --> 00:54:28,175
Yeah.
579
00:54:28,715 --> 00:54:30,012
Boy...
580
00:54:30,183 --> 00:54:32,583
...you don't know how good
that makes me feel.
581
00:54:34,454 --> 00:54:36,251
From now on...
582
00:54:36,890 --> 00:54:40,986
...I've got no place to go but up!
583
00:54:46,299 --> 00:54:50,759
Hi, it's Audrey Griswold.
Leave a message and merry Christmas.
584
00:54:52,639 --> 00:54:57,804
Ever Ready Plumbing here. We'll have a
man out to your house within 30 days.
585
00:54:57,978 --> 00:54:59,912
Merry Christmas.
586
00:55:05,785 --> 00:55:09,380
Merry Christmas morning, everybody!
587
00:55:21,501 --> 00:55:23,560
Merry Christmas morning!
588
00:55:25,238 --> 00:55:27,968
- Yeah!
- Come here, you. Merry Christmas!
589
00:55:28,141 --> 00:55:29,972
Merry Christmas!
590
00:55:31,978 --> 00:55:33,411
Merry Christmas, Milwaukee.
591
00:55:33,847 --> 00:55:35,280
Here's...
592
00:55:35,448 --> 00:55:37,348
...Mr. Christmas himself.
593
00:55:37,617 --> 00:55:39,676
It's Saint Nick.
594
00:55:47,794 --> 00:55:50,627
Merry Christmas, Audrey,
this is from Eddie.
595
00:55:50,797 --> 00:55:55,291
Eddie, this is great. Lipstick!
It's my favorite color.
596
00:55:55,468 --> 00:55:58,198
- Where did you get it?
- Found it in your purse.
597
00:56:00,540 --> 00:56:02,633
This is from Third.
598
00:56:03,376 --> 00:56:06,470
Third, my gosh, look at that!
599
00:56:06,646 --> 00:56:09,877
That's a deluxe spear.
600
00:56:10,050 --> 00:56:12,610
It's an aerodynamically correct spear, Dad.
601
00:56:12,786 --> 00:56:16,187
See those fins?
Those are for throwing accurately.
602
00:56:16,356 --> 00:56:18,347
Looks like a one-way street sign.
603
00:56:19,559 --> 00:56:22,756
Well, let's take it for a little test drive,
shall we?
604
00:56:30,437 --> 00:56:34,339
Okay, now let's sing
a few Christmas songs.
605
00:56:38,011 --> 00:56:39,410
Let's see.
606
00:57:25,391 --> 00:57:28,417
Hey, I got another surprise for us here.
607
00:57:28,595 --> 00:57:33,555
A homemade concoction that
my dad used to make.
608
00:57:33,733 --> 00:57:36,497
Only, he had a still
and sold it to the neighbors...
609
00:57:36,669 --> 00:57:40,366
...but it kept us going through
the lean times, until he got caught...
610
00:57:40,540 --> 00:57:43,134
...and wound up doing 3 to 5.
But here's a taste.
611
00:57:43,309 --> 00:57:45,709
All right. Well, here goes.
612
00:57:50,116 --> 00:57:52,277
That's got a kick. What is in that?
613
00:57:52,452 --> 00:57:56,115
Well, it's got three parts coconut milk,
two parts bug juice...
614
00:57:56,289 --> 00:58:00,282
...six parts bourbon, a little banana peel
for texture and a Tootsie Roll.
615
00:58:00,460 --> 00:58:02,121
Oh, and some sunscreen.
616
00:58:08,501 --> 00:58:13,461
Lord, I wanna thank you for keeping us
healthy and, particularly, alive...
617
00:58:13,640 --> 00:58:16,609
...during this whole shipwreck deal.
618
00:58:16,776 --> 00:58:20,143
But most of all, Lord,
I wanna thank you for this house.
619
00:58:20,313 --> 00:58:23,282
Oh, it's a good house, Lord.
620
00:58:23,449 --> 00:58:29,445
It's probably the first house we ever had
where we didn't owe a mortgage or taxes.
621
00:58:29,622 --> 00:58:34,286
And maybe the only house we'll ever have
where the bank won't foreclose on it.
622
00:58:34,460 --> 00:58:39,363
Oh, it's not as nice as Audrey's house,
but it's a fine house, Lord.
623
00:58:39,532 --> 00:58:43,764
And I want you to please
just find it to forgive me, Lord...
624
00:58:43,937 --> 00:58:49,876
...for losing the RV
and the dirt farm, Lord.
625
00:58:50,109 --> 00:58:53,601
- We are sin, Lord..!
- Can I say something?
626
00:58:55,915 --> 00:58:57,712
Excuse me, Lord.
627
00:59:00,253 --> 00:59:01,845
Yeah?
628
00:59:02,422 --> 00:59:03,719
What's in the coconut?
629
00:59:04,791 --> 00:59:06,588
Another tropical surprise.
630
00:59:06,759 --> 00:59:10,718
Can we drink the surprise first
and then bust the coconut?
631
00:59:11,297 --> 00:59:14,630
- No.
- Well, there you have it.
632
00:59:14,801 --> 00:59:20,797
Anyway, Lord, be it ever so humble,
there's no place like this here house.
633
00:59:21,741 --> 00:59:23,265
Amen.
634
00:59:43,830 --> 00:59:47,698
- Merry Christmas!
- Oh, merry Christmas to you!
635
00:59:54,374 --> 00:59:56,069
Eddie!
636
00:59:58,711 --> 01:00:01,407
Put me down, put me down,
put me down!
637
01:00:03,016 --> 01:00:04,278
You did it, Dad!
638
01:00:04,450 --> 01:00:07,078
You killed a boar
and built our own damn house!
639
01:00:07,253 --> 01:00:09,778
Watch your mouth, Third.
640
01:00:36,382 --> 01:00:40,011
Well, we've learned
something here today.
641
01:00:40,219 --> 01:00:43,279
We definitely have to make it
more secure.
642
01:00:44,624 --> 01:00:46,558
Let's eat.
643
01:01:12,819 --> 01:01:14,411
Eddie.
644
01:01:14,587 --> 01:01:19,718
Eddie, you're so brave.
And you have a good sense of humor.
645
01:01:19,892 --> 01:01:25,262
You're my hero...
646
01:02:46,813 --> 01:02:50,943
It's a plane! A plane!
And he sees us!
647
01:02:51,117 --> 01:02:54,917
It's Jack, it's Melbourne Jack Malpey!
648
01:02:56,389 --> 01:02:57,913
We're saved!
649
01:02:59,826 --> 01:03:01,054
- Over here!
- Uncle Nick!
650
01:03:01,227 --> 01:03:05,288
Uncle Nick, wake up!
We're rescued, we're saved!
651
01:03:06,299 --> 01:03:07,789
Saved.
652
01:03:07,967 --> 01:03:09,901
From what?
653
01:03:14,974 --> 01:03:17,272
Down here!
654
01:03:17,543 --> 01:03:22,207
Jack!
It's me, Audrey!
655
01:03:32,425 --> 01:03:35,952
We've had search parties all over
looking for you and that boat.
656
01:03:36,128 --> 01:03:38,187
They found the boat
300 miles from here.
657
01:03:38,364 --> 01:03:41,822
You've been searching for me
this whole time? You're a hero!
658
01:03:42,001 --> 01:03:45,334
Well, you found me.
You did say you weren't married?
659
01:03:46,005 --> 01:03:48,803
Actually, I was flying over
to check a hotel I own...
660
01:03:48,975 --> 01:03:52,570
...on the other side of the island
when I saw Eddie on the cliff.
661
01:03:52,745 --> 01:03:55,179
Probably, nobody
thought of looking here.
662
01:03:55,348 --> 01:03:58,545
Well, it's only 10 miles,
you could have walked to my hotel.
663
01:04:01,721 --> 01:04:03,211
Well, I...
664
01:04:03,389 --> 01:04:06,256
...guess we better pack up
and get out of here, then.
665
01:04:06,425 --> 01:04:10,885
Man. You know, I got all excited
when I first saw the plane...
666
01:04:11,063 --> 01:04:13,463
...but I'm really gonna
miss this place.
667
01:04:13,633 --> 01:04:17,626
This was the best vacation
this family has ever had.
668
01:04:18,871 --> 01:04:20,270
Oh, well.
669
01:04:20,439 --> 01:04:23,806
It was great, but it'll be good
to get back to civilization.
670
01:04:23,976 --> 01:04:26,672
Civilization.
People like to live in crowds...
671
01:04:26,846 --> 01:04:28,939
...because they don't trust each other.
672
01:04:29,115 --> 01:04:32,380
I don't know,
there's some good things about civilization.
673
01:04:32,552 --> 01:04:34,213
Name one.
674
01:04:34,387 --> 01:04:38,153
Massages, manicures,
frozen artichokes...
675
01:04:38,324 --> 01:04:41,259
...hot tubs, champagne.
676
01:04:41,427 --> 01:04:43,691
I wanna say something.
677
01:04:43,863 --> 01:04:46,832
I'm gonna miss
not having a lot of things.
678
01:04:46,999 --> 01:04:52,835
It's been great without telephones
and people you never even met calling...
679
01:04:53,005 --> 01:04:56,133
...trying to sell you things
you don't even need.
680
01:04:56,309 --> 01:04:59,142
And rap music on beer commercials...
681
01:04:59,312 --> 01:05:01,507
...and junk mail!
682
01:05:02,782 --> 01:05:06,047
I'm gonna miss
us all being so together...
683
01:05:06,218 --> 01:05:09,085
...and the way everybody chipped in
and worked.
684
01:05:09,255 --> 01:05:13,123
- It was a Christmas thing.
- I saw an airplane!
685
01:05:13,292 --> 01:05:16,591
I saw an airplane!
We're saved!
686
01:05:17,730 --> 01:05:20,062
We're saved!
687
01:05:21,033 --> 01:05:23,092
I saw a plane!
688
01:05:25,605 --> 01:05:27,266
Jack!
689
01:05:28,074 --> 01:05:30,269
What are you doing here?
690
01:05:37,683 --> 01:05:41,551
Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas!
691
01:05:42,521 --> 01:05:45,115
This was the best Christmas
I've ever had.
692
01:05:45,291 --> 01:05:48,419
It was fun being a part of your family
here on...
693
01:05:48,594 --> 01:05:52,428
- What is the name of this island?
- It was named after King Halehalki...
694
01:05:52,598 --> 01:05:55,567
...but you can change it.
He was a headhunter.
695
01:05:56,068 --> 01:05:59,299
I say we rename it Eddie Island...
696
01:05:59,472 --> 01:06:02,737
...in honor of the man who killed the boar.
697
01:06:02,975 --> 01:06:04,135
Well.
698
01:06:06,545 --> 01:06:10,242
- What business did you say you were in?
- I was in nuclear research.
699
01:06:10,416 --> 01:06:13,943
- You're kidding.
- No, no. Nuclear research.
700
01:06:14,120 --> 01:06:18,454
But then I got laid off.
But then, because I got bit on the ass...
701
01:06:18,624 --> 01:06:20,956
...they gave me this here
Christmas vacation.
702
01:06:21,127 --> 01:06:23,857
You got laid off?
Did the company downsize?
703
01:06:24,030 --> 01:06:27,056
Yeah, well, the other guy,
he's a lot smaller than I was.
704
01:06:27,233 --> 01:06:28,757
I was better at the job.
705
01:06:29,301 --> 01:06:32,532
- Jack's incredible, isn't he?
- Yeah, he's a really great guy.
706
01:06:32,705 --> 01:06:38,007
- He's so mature.
- Big deal. Uncle Nick's mature.
707
01:06:41,514 --> 01:06:45,883
This is liable to roll down a hill
and kill a little pig or something.
708
01:06:46,052 --> 01:06:48,043
I better move this.
709
01:06:48,387 --> 01:06:52,653
Hey, hold it. You gonna bust your rollers
trying to move that. Let me help you.
710
01:06:52,825 --> 01:06:54,588
Put it over there.
711
01:06:56,028 --> 01:06:59,486
- Where?
- Over there.
712
01:07:03,669 --> 01:07:06,797
Let go, let go, you're choking me.
713
01:07:06,972 --> 01:07:09,770
- What?
- Let go!
714
01:07:09,942 --> 01:07:11,842
All right.
715
01:07:18,884 --> 01:07:20,374
Jack?
716
01:07:21,587 --> 01:07:24,522
- Oh, Jack, don't get up.
- I'm all right.
717
01:07:24,690 --> 01:07:28,091
No, no. Jack, you took a terrible fall.
You need rest and care.
718
01:07:28,260 --> 01:07:30,194
I'm fine.
719
01:07:33,299 --> 01:07:38,669
I wouldn't go into a career in the moving
business any time soon, if I were you.
720
01:07:45,745 --> 01:07:48,043
You all ready to fly?
721
01:08:07,466 --> 01:08:10,458
I'm gonna really miss
the old homestead.
722
01:08:21,180 --> 01:08:23,774
Jack, you okay?
723
01:08:24,416 --> 01:08:29,547
I'm okay, it's just a headache.
There are some aspirin in the cabin.
724
01:08:38,264 --> 01:08:40,027
- His head hurts.
- Oh, my God.
725
01:08:40,199 --> 01:08:42,531
Oh, my God, he needs me!
He needs me!
726
01:08:42,701 --> 01:08:45,295
Now, now, he'll be all right.
727
01:08:45,471 --> 01:08:47,666
Just got a headache.
728
01:08:54,079 --> 01:08:56,274
He'll be all right.
729
01:09:02,054 --> 01:09:06,889
Maluka tower,
this is Mike 808 Mike...
730
01:09:07,059 --> 01:09:11,018
...Melbourne Jack here.
I've just picked up some lost souls...
731
01:09:11,197 --> 01:09:15,497
...on the rear end of King Halehalki Island.
- Eddie Island!
732
01:09:16,468 --> 01:09:19,062
Our position is...
733
01:09:19,939 --> 01:09:22,407
Hell, I don't know where we are.
734
01:09:23,943 --> 01:09:26,411
I'm not too well, my friend.
735
01:09:27,213 --> 01:09:30,080
I like you, Ed. You're a good man.
736
01:09:31,050 --> 01:09:35,646
You're not the brightest bulb
in the chandelier, but you're a good man.
737
01:09:42,127 --> 01:09:44,493
- Jack!
- Mike 808 Mike...
738
01:09:44,663 --> 01:09:47,325
... say again your position, over.
739
01:09:47,900 --> 01:09:49,094
Help!
740
01:09:49,268 --> 01:09:52,465
This is Maluka tower, merry Christmas.
Is that you, Jack?
741
01:09:52,638 --> 01:09:57,974
No, it's Eddie!
Jack, he fainted, or he's dead.
742
01:09:58,944 --> 01:10:01,674
Jack, snap out of it!
Snap out of it!
743
01:10:02,414 --> 01:10:07,078
- Oh, he's not dead, he moved.
- Well, okay, Eddie, merry Christmas.
744
01:10:07,253 --> 01:10:09,153
Can you fly a plane?
745
01:10:10,489 --> 01:10:13,219
I'll take that as a no.
746
01:10:15,027 --> 01:10:19,191
We got you on radar now,
you're heading right for Maluka Airport.
747
01:10:19,365 --> 01:10:22,926
- All you're gonna have to do is, well, land.
- We're gonna die.
748
01:10:23,102 --> 01:10:27,198
Now, relax. When we get you over
the airport, we're going to talk you in.
749
01:10:27,373 --> 01:10:28,772
And Eddie?
750
01:10:28,941 --> 01:10:30,306
Yeah?
751
01:10:30,476 --> 01:10:34,344
We're gonna clear the area
of all incoming and outgoing flights.
752
01:10:34,513 --> 01:10:38,210
All you're gonna have to worry
about is to make a nice landing...
753
01:10:38,384 --> 01:10:40,079
... right there on the tarmac.
754
01:10:40,252 --> 01:10:43,449
You'll go down
gradually and just coast on in.
755
01:10:43,622 --> 01:10:48,559
- Okay. Okay.
- Dad! Dad, you can't land on the tarmac!
756
01:10:48,727 --> 01:10:54,723
- Probably not, but I gotta try.
- This is a seaplane, Dad, a seaplane!
757
01:10:54,900 --> 01:10:59,360
Tower! Tower!
Mr. Tower, this is a seaplane!
758
01:10:59,538 --> 01:11:02,098
Damn, forgot. Right. Shoot.
759
01:11:02,274 --> 01:11:04,799
I'm getting so absent-minded.
760
01:11:04,977 --> 01:11:09,141
Even easier. You'll just land right there
in the bay in front of the airport...
761
01:11:09,315 --> 01:11:11,306
... and we'll come on out and get you.
762
01:11:11,483 --> 01:11:16,216
Now, just sit back,
stay on course and relax.
763
01:11:16,388 --> 01:11:17,821
No sweat.
764
01:11:20,326 --> 01:11:21,850
How's Jack?
765
01:11:22,027 --> 01:11:24,587
Audrey's breathing into his mouth.
766
01:11:25,631 --> 01:11:27,861
Okay, easy does it.
767
01:11:28,033 --> 01:11:30,934
Loosen your clothing.
Good.
768
01:11:31,103 --> 01:11:35,301
Planes will never replace boats
as a means of transportation.
769
01:11:35,474 --> 01:11:39,308
- People like to stay close to terra firma.
- Uncle Nick.
770
01:11:39,478 --> 01:11:42,106
Boats still sail on water, not earth.
771
01:11:42,648 --> 01:11:44,878
Okay, Eddie, we got you in sight now.
772
01:11:45,451 --> 01:11:46,713
There's the airport!
773
01:11:46,885 --> 01:11:50,719
Now, here's what we want you to do:
We want you to look at the altimeter.
774
01:11:50,889 --> 01:11:52,789
- Where is it?
- All right, calm down.
775
01:11:52,958 --> 01:11:56,291
It's the gauge on the right-hand side
of the panel.
776
01:11:56,462 --> 01:12:02,367
You're now at 2000 feet. I want you
to turn the wheel very slowly to your left...
777
01:12:02,534 --> 01:12:08,131
... press it down gradually, very slowly.
778
01:12:11,610 --> 01:12:13,601
- And Eddie?
- Yeah?
779
01:12:14,179 --> 01:12:16,170
Merry Christmas.
Up.
780
01:12:16,882 --> 01:12:18,110
Up.
781
01:12:18,283 --> 01:12:22,344
Up!
Pull it up, Eddie, come on!
782
01:12:22,521 --> 01:12:24,011
Oh, no.
No!
783
01:12:24,556 --> 01:12:26,319
No, Eddie!
784
01:12:27,893 --> 01:12:32,592
Okay, Eddie, we're gonna
try it again now, slowly.
785
01:12:32,765 --> 01:12:36,064
Slow, you damn idiot!
Don't you know what slow means?
786
01:12:36,235 --> 01:12:39,671
Slow, you damn idiot!
Don't you know what slow means?
787
01:12:42,174 --> 01:12:43,698
Muka?
788
01:12:43,876 --> 01:12:48,006
If we don't die,
will you be my girlfriend?
789
01:12:48,180 --> 01:12:50,171
Well, thank you, Third.
790
01:12:51,784 --> 01:12:54,981
I think you're terrific,
but I don't think you're quite...
791
01:12:55,154 --> 01:12:58,351
...grown-up enough for me.
- I am grown up.
792
01:12:58,524 --> 01:13:00,549
I've even seen a naked woman.
793
01:13:02,327 --> 01:13:05,728
Anyway, if we don't die,
I'm going back to my husband.
794
01:13:05,898 --> 01:13:09,061
- Your husband?
- Yes, Daniel.
795
01:13:10,035 --> 01:13:12,503
He lives in Indianapolis.
796
01:13:15,007 --> 01:13:18,340
Now, let's try it again there, Eddie, baby.
And Eddie...
797
01:13:18,510 --> 01:13:21,570
... you see that tall building
with the glass all around it?
798
01:13:21,747 --> 01:13:25,740
Good. Whatever you do,
don't hit that building.
799
01:13:25,918 --> 01:13:29,513
You see, that's the tower, Eddie,
and that's where I am.
800
01:13:29,688 --> 01:13:33,249
Now, what we're gonna do,
you're gonna turn the wheel slowly...
801
01:13:33,425 --> 01:13:36,326
... to the left again and press down.
802
01:13:39,298 --> 01:13:41,323
No! No, Eddie!
803
01:13:41,500 --> 01:13:44,128
No! No!
804
01:13:56,181 --> 01:13:59,548
Dad, it's just like the time
you drove the RV...
805
01:13:59,718 --> 01:14:02,744
...off the side of the mountain
and broke your leg.
806
01:14:02,921 --> 01:14:04,684
Only, more dangerous.
807
01:14:07,426 --> 01:14:11,419
It's more like the time you were fishing
off that bridge and reached down...
808
01:14:11,597 --> 01:14:14,964
...to tie your shoelaces
and fell 50 feet into the water.
809
01:14:15,134 --> 01:14:17,568
Only, this time we could all die.
810
01:14:20,506 --> 01:14:24,340
You can do it, Dad, I know you can.
811
01:14:49,835 --> 01:14:51,063
Oh, my.
812
01:14:51,236 --> 01:14:53,363
Oh, my.
813
01:15:05,217 --> 01:15:07,583
Oh, my God!
814
01:15:21,233 --> 01:15:22,723
Bingo.
815
01:15:31,210 --> 01:15:32,871
And merry Christmas, Maluka.
816
01:15:33,045 --> 01:15:36,412
We all heard about the shipwrecked
Johnsons. Here's a video...
817
01:15:36,582 --> 01:15:41,383
... from their daughter, currently appearing
at the Bare Bottom Club in Las Vegas.
818
01:15:53,198 --> 01:15:56,463
Merry Christmas, Third!
How's my boy?
819
01:15:56,635 --> 01:15:59,968
Aunt Jessica, you wouldn't believe
what we've been through.
820
01:16:00,138 --> 01:16:02,868
Not gonna show me travel movies,
are you, Third?
821
01:16:03,041 --> 01:16:04,235
Later.
822
01:16:04,409 --> 01:16:07,776
Okay, so where's that old man of mine?
823
01:16:07,946 --> 01:16:09,971
- And where are your folks?
- Oh, well...
824
01:16:10,148 --> 01:16:14,244
...my Mom and Dad and cousin Audrey
are visiting a friend in the hospital.
825
01:16:14,419 --> 01:16:17,820
Dad dropped a rock on him
and gave him a brain concussion.
826
01:16:17,990 --> 01:16:21,118
- And Uncle Nick's resting.
- You go up and tell him I'm here.
827
01:16:21,293 --> 01:16:24,319
If I walk in on him,
he's liable to have a heart attack.
828
01:16:24,496 --> 01:16:25,986
Sure.
829
01:16:29,901 --> 01:16:33,200
Aunt Jessica, you didn't, did you?
830
01:16:34,506 --> 01:16:36,235
Don't ask.
831
01:16:40,712 --> 01:16:43,875
Boy, that Jack. He is okay, isn't he?
What a great guy.
832
01:16:44,049 --> 01:16:47,143
And he didn't even mention
that I almost killed him.
833
01:16:47,319 --> 01:16:49,219
I can't believe it.
834
01:16:49,388 --> 01:16:52,619
He's married.
Five kids.
835
01:16:52,791 --> 01:16:55,919
I mean, my God,
can't any man be trusted?
836
01:16:56,561 --> 01:17:00,520
He was the great love of my life.
I'll never love again.
837
01:17:02,234 --> 01:17:03,701
Merry Christmas!
838
01:17:04,369 --> 01:17:05,529
Merry Christmas.
839
01:17:05,704 --> 01:17:09,265
- Is he all right?
- It's my husband.
840
01:17:09,441 --> 01:17:11,136
Nervous breakdown.
841
01:17:11,943 --> 01:17:14,173
Merry Christmas!
842
01:17:15,580 --> 01:17:18,140
I'm so sorry.
How long has he been like this?
843
01:17:18,750 --> 01:17:21,913
Since this morning.
He's an air traffic controller.
844
01:17:26,758 --> 01:17:28,020
Hey, buddy!
845
01:17:28,193 --> 01:17:30,320
Merry Christmas!
846
01:17:31,229 --> 01:17:32,958
Come on, buddy, snap out of it.
847
01:17:33,131 --> 01:17:36,100
Snap out of it!
848
01:17:36,268 --> 01:17:37,997
No, Eddie!
849
01:17:38,170 --> 01:17:41,162
Bless you!
Oh, thank you!
850
01:17:41,340 --> 01:17:44,867
You are a miracle worker.
851
01:17:46,144 --> 01:17:48,806
Come on, let's get back
to the motel.
852
01:17:49,915 --> 01:17:51,883
I may become a nun.
853
01:17:56,755 --> 01:17:58,347
Aunt Jessica.
854
01:17:59,991 --> 01:18:03,222
So you finally got tired
of that young fellow...
855
01:18:03,395 --> 01:18:06,660
...and you decided to come crawling back
to Uncle Nick.
856
01:18:07,399 --> 01:18:09,697
And you're gonna take her back,
I suppose.
857
01:18:10,302 --> 01:18:13,271
Well, I have seen it all now.
858
01:18:13,438 --> 01:18:16,839
If anybody wants me, I'll be in the can.
859
01:18:22,013 --> 01:18:25,449
I'm sorry for that
little unpleasantness, darling.
860
01:18:26,551 --> 01:18:30,180
That pig snot
never did have no manners.
861
01:18:30,889 --> 01:18:35,588
When you're finished, get your butt into
the kitchen and fix me a decent dinner.
862
01:18:35,761 --> 01:18:39,060
I've been eating nothing
but burnt pig and bananas.
863
01:18:59,751 --> 01:19:02,151
They're waiting for you inside, Eddie.
864
01:19:02,320 --> 01:19:04,413
Thank you, Milwaukee.
865
01:19:04,990 --> 01:19:06,582
Hi, Muka.
866
01:19:07,125 --> 01:19:09,355
There's something I've gotta tell you.
867
01:19:10,996 --> 01:19:15,228
You know, I'm sorry about
asking you to be my girl...
868
01:19:18,470 --> 01:19:20,563
...but I'm engaged.
869
01:19:23,141 --> 01:19:25,974
She's beautiful.
870
01:19:28,547 --> 01:19:30,777
Well, it'll take a while to get over it.
871
01:19:32,150 --> 01:19:33,708
Yeah.
872
01:19:36,822 --> 01:19:37,982
Eddie!
873
01:19:38,156 --> 01:19:42,684
Eddie, Eddie, Eddie!
874
01:19:45,964 --> 01:19:49,058
Oh, Professor Doornitz!
875
01:19:51,536 --> 01:19:55,734
We are so proud of you.
All the newspapers carried your story.
876
01:19:56,708 --> 01:20:00,735
Shipwrecked, swam 30 miles
to rescue your family...
877
01:20:00,912 --> 01:20:03,608
...built a two-story house
with your own hands...
878
01:20:03,782 --> 01:20:06,478
...killed a wild boar
with manicure scissors!
879
01:20:07,786 --> 01:20:09,276
Well...
880
01:20:14,726 --> 01:20:16,785
What's he doing here?
881
01:20:16,962 --> 01:20:19,829
You're replacing him.
He's here on vacation.
882
01:20:23,668 --> 01:20:25,966
Oh, no.
883
01:20:26,471 --> 01:20:28,701
I'm staying right here.
884
01:20:28,874 --> 01:20:32,833
I got myself a new job.
885
01:20:37,549 --> 01:20:39,073
Well, Roy...
886
01:20:39,251 --> 01:20:43,278
...looks like this is the beginning
of a beautiful friendship.
887
01:22:43,279 --> 01:22:46,079
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