1 00:00:29,279 --> 00:00:32,908 So how come you're so smart, and how come they call you Third? 2 00:00:33,083 --> 00:00:36,018 Well, I guess being smart just happened. 3 00:00:36,186 --> 00:00:40,816 I was named after my mom's cousin's husband, Clark Griswold II. 4 00:00:40,990 --> 00:00:44,153 I'm the third Clark Griswold. Clark Griswold Johnson. 5 00:00:44,994 --> 00:00:46,962 Do you have any brothers and sisters? 6 00:00:47,130 --> 00:00:51,328 Yes. They're with my grandma in Kansas... 7 00:00:51,501 --> 00:00:55,232 ...except for my oldest sister. She's working at a strip club in Vegas. 8 00:00:55,405 --> 00:00:57,703 A strip club? 9 00:00:57,874 --> 00:01:00,866 - Where do you live? - Well, my mom and dad and I... 10 00:01:01,044 --> 00:01:03,808 ...are staying with my cousin, Audrey Griswold. 11 00:01:03,980 --> 00:01:09,714 She's visiting her boyfriend in Indianapolis, so we're kind of house-sitting for her. 12 00:01:10,587 --> 00:01:14,546 Well, this is where I live. My dad's a brain surgeon. 13 00:01:14,724 --> 00:01:16,988 What's your dad do? 14 00:01:17,961 --> 00:01:23,194 - He works in nuclear research. - Oh, he's a nuclear scientist? 15 00:01:24,234 --> 00:01:25,861 Well... 16 00:01:26,336 --> 00:01:29,999 ...not exactly. 17 00:01:43,653 --> 00:01:47,089 We inject them with nuclear waste and study their brain waves... 18 00:01:47,257 --> 00:01:50,385 ...and other organs to examine the effects of the waste... 19 00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:54,257 ...on various species of anthropoids. 20 00:02:25,562 --> 00:02:27,154 Fascinating, professor. 21 00:02:27,330 --> 00:02:32,563 But tell me, they're playing tic-tac-toe and the chimpanzee appears to be winning. 22 00:02:33,002 --> 00:02:35,300 How is this possible? 23 00:02:35,805 --> 00:02:39,798 Because the monkey is smarter. 24 00:02:50,386 --> 00:02:54,755 I'm sorry, Eddie, we got this directive from Washington and they're cutting costs. 25 00:02:54,924 --> 00:02:57,757 We've been ordered to cut our study group by half. 26 00:02:58,094 --> 00:03:01,791 So from now on we're only working till noon? 27 00:03:01,965 --> 00:03:05,264 No, Eddie, I'm afraid this is between you and Roy. 28 00:03:05,435 --> 00:03:07,926 One of you has to go. 29 00:03:11,641 --> 00:03:17,102 Gee, Roy, that's a tough break. But don't worry, you'll land on your feet. 30 00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:20,215 It's not Roy we're letting go, Eddie, it's you. 31 00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:28,456 Well, why don't you fire him? I mean, what does he got that I ain't got? 32 00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:32,493 His brain waves register more distinctly than yours. 33 00:03:33,596 --> 00:03:36,121 - Which one's mine? - The one labeled "Eddie. " 34 00:03:37,867 --> 00:03:41,997 I'll check other branches and see if there's anything else available for you. 35 00:03:47,911 --> 00:03:49,674 Oh, Eddie... 36 00:03:49,846 --> 00:03:52,076 ...merry Christmas. 37 00:04:11,801 --> 00:04:16,170 I can't understand why they'd let me go just before Christmas. 38 00:04:16,673 --> 00:04:21,667 And I worked hard too. I even helped plug the wires in my head. 39 00:04:21,844 --> 00:04:24,506 That's more than Roy did. 40 00:04:25,348 --> 00:04:28,579 It's just like the time the goat kicked me in the teeth... 41 00:04:28,751 --> 00:04:31,117 ...for milking her with the vacuum cleaner. 42 00:04:31,287 --> 00:04:37,248 Eddie, don't feel so bad. You know that monkey's pretty smart. 43 00:04:37,427 --> 00:04:41,693 Oh, you'll find another job. You're real good at it. 44 00:04:41,864 --> 00:04:44,355 Yeah, you've done it lots of times. 45 00:04:44,534 --> 00:04:47,765 I'm just a total flop, let's face it. 46 00:04:47,937 --> 00:04:51,600 No, Eddie, not total. 47 00:04:52,575 --> 00:04:54,372 It's true, Mom. Total. 48 00:04:54,544 --> 00:04:58,981 I mean, this is the sixth job Dad's lost since they foreclosed on the farm. 49 00:04:59,148 --> 00:05:01,810 And now he's lost out to a monkey. 50 00:05:01,985 --> 00:05:07,890 - Third, that's a terrible thing to say. - No, the boy's right. 51 00:05:08,057 --> 00:05:11,493 I'm just one big disappointment. 52 00:05:13,730 --> 00:05:15,664 I'm sorry I let you down. 53 00:05:32,682 --> 00:05:37,278 You're not a failure. And we have a lot to be thankful for. 54 00:05:37,453 --> 00:05:40,445 We got a wonderful family, we're all together. 55 00:05:40,623 --> 00:05:44,024 Well, except for four of the kids, who are staying with Grandma... 56 00:05:44,193 --> 00:05:47,959 ...and our daughter who's in show business. But we've got one smart kid. 57 00:05:48,131 --> 00:05:52,329 - Yeah, who thinks his daddy's dumb. - Eddie, no. 58 00:05:52,502 --> 00:05:57,530 No, Third has faith in you. And he thinks you're real smart. 59 00:05:59,242 --> 00:06:02,939 Well, he thinks you have a good sense of humor. 60 00:06:03,112 --> 00:06:07,742 I know this has been a big disappointment to you, but we'll figure something out. 61 00:06:07,917 --> 00:06:12,081 - At least we've got a roof over our heads. - Yeah, but for how long? 62 00:06:12,255 --> 00:06:18,091 I bet in a year or two Audrey will get sick of us living here, feeding us... 63 00:06:20,663 --> 00:06:24,030 He thinks I've got a real good sense of humor? 64 00:06:27,737 --> 00:06:31,730 - That's it! Goldarn it, I'm gonna do it! - What? 65 00:06:31,908 --> 00:06:34,877 I'm gonna take a hot bath, I can't sleep. 66 00:06:36,312 --> 00:06:39,475 Know what the preacher said that time I got fired from that job... 67 00:06:39,649 --> 00:06:43,141 ...testing them secondhand recliners? "Things can only get better. " 68 00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:47,654 That was the day before the bank foreclosed on the dirt farm. 69 00:07:40,476 --> 00:07:42,341 Catherine. 70 00:07:46,082 --> 00:07:49,813 - I'll take it from here. - Audrey left us these emergency numbers. 71 00:07:49,986 --> 00:07:55,356 I'm gonna call the 24-hour emergency plumber. They never close. 72 00:07:56,459 --> 00:07:59,724 I never did trust indoor plumbing. 73 00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:06,733 I can't reach them, the line's busy. 74 00:08:10,840 --> 00:08:15,470 - We're gonna be washed away! - A boy to do a man's job. 75 00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:20,945 I need bigger equipment! 76 00:08:22,485 --> 00:08:27,218 Hi, and merry Christmas. This is the Ever Ready Plumbing Service. 77 00:08:27,390 --> 00:08:30,257 - Merry Christmas to you. - Using your touchtone phone... 78 00:08:30,426 --> 00:08:34,453 ... please select from the following menu to accommodate your needs. 79 00:08:34,630 --> 00:08:37,599 - I have a big problem here. - For our sales department... 80 00:08:37,767 --> 00:08:43,569 ... for the latest in bathroom and kitchen fixtures, press 1 and merry Christmas. 81 00:08:43,739 --> 00:08:47,072 - Merry Christmas. - If you would like our billing department... 82 00:08:47,243 --> 00:08:52,977 ... for your latest billing information or to ask about our handy layaway plan, press 2. 83 00:08:53,149 --> 00:08:57,609 Unless you'd like to talk to Wally Evan, our vice president of Finance. 84 00:08:57,787 --> 00:09:02,815 That office is open from 10 a. m. To 3 p. m., and did I wish you a merry Christmas? 85 00:09:02,992 --> 00:09:06,553 Yes, you did, merry Christmas to you. Can you hear me? 86 00:09:06,729 --> 00:09:10,927 - To talk to our president, Harry Burns... - Stop. Stop it, I'm losing it. 87 00:09:11,100 --> 00:09:13,796 - Hello? - For Kathleen, Harry's secretary... 88 00:09:13,970 --> 00:09:17,804 ... or Julie Lynch in Personnel or... 89 00:09:18,307 --> 00:09:21,174 Or if you'd like our four-color brochure... 90 00:09:21,344 --> 00:09:25,713 ... on our imported Parisian bidets, press 5 and ask for Antoine. 91 00:09:25,881 --> 00:09:28,372 Call between the hours of 9 a. m. And 5 p. M... 92 00:09:28,551 --> 00:09:34,251 ... and have a safe, secure, pleasant Christmas. 93 00:09:50,373 --> 00:09:54,173 Oh, hi, Eddie, I didn't see you come in. I have your severance check. 94 00:09:54,343 --> 00:09:57,176 - Merry Christmas. - Thanks, Jennifer. 95 00:09:57,813 --> 00:10:00,907 What are you doing here? You here for your severance check? 96 00:10:01,083 --> 00:10:05,076 Yeah. Professor Doornitz, I wanted to talk to you. 97 00:10:05,254 --> 00:10:10,590 I've been thinking, you know, and, well, I really like this job... 98 00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:13,820 ...and I was wondering if you could kind of reconsider... 99 00:10:13,996 --> 00:10:17,625 ...letting Roy go and keeping me on? 100 00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:19,791 He ain't that smart. 101 00:10:19,969 --> 00:10:22,870 He's just pretending to read. 102 00:10:24,907 --> 00:10:26,636 Oh, dear. 103 00:10:26,842 --> 00:10:29,276 I'll get it, I'll get it. 104 00:10:29,445 --> 00:10:34,508 You know, the thing about atomic energy and monkeys is... 105 00:10:40,656 --> 00:10:43,682 He'll be fine. You pumped so much atomic waste into him... 106 00:10:43,859 --> 00:10:46,987 ...that the area where the chimp bit him healed immediately. 107 00:10:47,163 --> 00:10:50,860 Thank God. And most importantly, the chimp is okay. 108 00:10:51,334 --> 00:10:55,134 What about a possible lawsuit? This guy's got one hell of a case. 109 00:10:55,304 --> 00:10:58,967 He's not too bright. I'll think of something. 110 00:11:02,244 --> 00:11:08,774 An all-expense-paid Christmas vacation on an island in the South Pacific! 111 00:11:08,951 --> 00:11:12,443 But you didn't get your job back. They kept the monkey. 112 00:11:12,621 --> 00:11:17,081 Well, Roy, he had a contract. Ironclad. 113 00:11:18,227 --> 00:11:20,161 You lost another job... 114 00:11:20,329 --> 00:11:23,355 ...and you and the monkey were the only ones who applied. 115 00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:27,092 I mean, this is just another disaster... 116 00:11:27,269 --> 00:11:30,295 ...like when you had to quit being a mail-order dentist... 117 00:11:30,473 --> 00:11:32,964 ...after you stapled the mayor's mouth together. 118 00:11:33,142 --> 00:11:37,408 Third, your father remembers that. You don't have to remind him. 119 00:11:37,580 --> 00:11:42,142 I think this is exciting, a Christmas vacation in the South Seas. 120 00:11:42,418 --> 00:11:47,879 Tropical nights, beautiful white beaches, luaus. 121 00:11:48,057 --> 00:11:50,958 No cable TV, probably no fast food. 122 00:11:51,127 --> 00:11:54,119 They got fast food. They've got fried food everywhere. 123 00:11:54,430 --> 00:11:56,955 I think we should look at this positively. 124 00:11:57,133 --> 00:12:00,398 We've never had a real vacation. It'll be an adventure. 125 00:12:00,569 --> 00:12:03,595 You know, Professor Doornitz, he said that we're staying... 126 00:12:03,773 --> 00:12:06,367 ...in the best motel in the whole Pacific Ocean. 127 00:12:06,542 --> 00:12:09,534 It'll probably be in a tree. 128 00:12:09,712 --> 00:12:12,647 Why don't I stay here with Cousin Archie for Christmas? 129 00:12:12,815 --> 00:12:17,445 - I mean, Paige is here. - No. Now, we're gonna stick together. 130 00:12:17,620 --> 00:12:21,078 No kid of mine's going off on their own till they're 13. 131 00:12:24,627 --> 00:12:27,221 Catherine, Cousin Eddie... 132 00:12:27,863 --> 00:12:30,354 ...I'm gonna kill myself. 133 00:12:31,467 --> 00:12:33,867 Merry Christmas. 134 00:12:36,038 --> 00:12:39,735 - Audrey, what's wrong? - What happened? 135 00:12:41,143 --> 00:12:45,273 Daniel and I, we broke up. 136 00:12:45,448 --> 00:12:50,909 It's over. The great love of my life, and it's over. 137 00:12:51,987 --> 00:12:55,286 I will never find true love again. 138 00:12:56,325 --> 00:13:01,126 I'm thinking about killing myself. 139 00:13:01,297 --> 00:13:05,461 Or eating large amounts of ice cream. 140 00:13:06,001 --> 00:13:07,662 I'd go for that ice cream deal. 141 00:13:07,837 --> 00:13:12,968 Could you imagine something that terrible happening right before Christmas? 142 00:13:16,679 --> 00:13:18,544 I mean, we were perfect together. 143 00:13:18,714 --> 00:13:21,877 We both liked the History Channel and Japanese food... 144 00:13:22,051 --> 00:13:27,079 ...and raindrops on roses and little whiskers on kittens. 145 00:13:27,256 --> 00:13:31,590 But Audrey, if you were so great together, why'd you break up? 146 00:13:32,728 --> 00:13:36,824 - I found out he was married. - That'll do it. 147 00:13:41,103 --> 00:13:45,437 Thanks for inviting me to stay with you at the hotel in Maluka, Catherine. 148 00:13:45,608 --> 00:13:49,305 I need total relaxation, and the South Pacific sounds just great. 149 00:13:49,478 --> 00:13:51,275 It'll be great having you with us. 150 00:13:51,614 --> 00:13:54,014 And, you know, Eddie needs relaxation too... 151 00:13:54,183 --> 00:13:57,584 ...what with him losing his atomic research job. 152 00:13:57,820 --> 00:14:02,189 I don't know why, boy, but I got a feeling this trip's gonna be real good for us. 153 00:14:02,691 --> 00:14:05,159 I don't know why either, Dad. 154 00:14:07,596 --> 00:14:09,086 Hey, Snots. 155 00:14:09,265 --> 00:14:11,495 Snots, go get it. 156 00:14:12,968 --> 00:14:15,596 Go get it, Snots. Go get it. Go on. 157 00:14:16,205 --> 00:14:19,402 When they test Eddie for reaction from all that stuff... 158 00:14:19,575 --> 00:14:23,136 ...he's exposed to, does it have any effect on him? 159 00:14:23,312 --> 00:14:25,576 No, he's fine. And the plate in his head... 160 00:14:25,748 --> 00:14:30,549 ...has become quite a good bug zapper. Just fries those little fellas. 161 00:14:36,292 --> 00:14:42,253 Yeah, I know things ain't been so great for us the last 30, 40 years, boy... 162 00:14:42,431 --> 00:14:44,922 ...but, you know, maybe this is a new beginning. 163 00:14:45,100 --> 00:14:50,732 Maybe this is a time when things start to go right. 164 00:14:50,906 --> 00:14:54,364 Visiting a new... 165 00:15:02,785 --> 00:15:04,252 ...country. 166 00:15:05,321 --> 00:15:09,951 Maybe I just needed this time to follow my passion. 167 00:15:17,399 --> 00:15:23,099 You know, Audrey, Eddie's really worried. He's sort of run out of careers. 168 00:15:23,272 --> 00:15:26,036 I don't know if you've noticed, but he's not perfect. 169 00:15:26,208 --> 00:15:29,871 - No one in his family is. - Third's perfect. 170 00:15:30,679 --> 00:15:35,480 Yeah, Third's perfect. He takes after my side of the family. 171 00:15:35,651 --> 00:15:37,983 All of our other kids take after Eddie. 172 00:15:38,153 --> 00:15:42,089 Except for our daughter. She's a marvelous stripper. 173 00:15:44,793 --> 00:15:48,854 Come on, Snots. Come on, now, go get it. 174 00:15:52,167 --> 00:15:54,897 You should have never let the agency off the hook. 175 00:15:55,070 --> 00:15:58,836 The monkey bit you and you took a Christmas vacation. 176 00:15:59,008 --> 00:16:01,875 We could've found a lawyer and sued them for a fortune. 177 00:16:02,311 --> 00:16:04,074 I don't think so. 178 00:16:04,246 --> 00:16:08,239 Professor Dawrence, he felt that I insulted Roy. 179 00:16:09,451 --> 00:16:11,248 Snots. 180 00:16:11,420 --> 00:16:14,753 Hey, hey, here, go get it. 181 00:16:27,636 --> 00:16:30,935 - Hello. - Merry Christmas. 182 00:16:31,106 --> 00:16:33,074 Can I come in? 183 00:16:34,143 --> 00:16:37,806 Uncle Nick, merry Christmas. 184 00:16:37,980 --> 00:16:41,939 Audrey, this is Eddie's Uncle Nick. What's wrong? 185 00:16:42,117 --> 00:16:45,678 - Nothing. Can I come in? - Uncle Nick. 186 00:16:46,789 --> 00:16:49,815 This is a surprise. What are you doing here? 187 00:16:50,292 --> 00:16:54,956 Merry Christmas, I came here to die. Now can I come in and die sitting down? 188 00:16:55,798 --> 00:17:00,030 So Aunt Jessica ran off with the Christmas tree delivery man? 189 00:17:00,202 --> 00:17:02,898 A 28-year-old delivery man. 190 00:17:03,072 --> 00:17:04,630 I didn't know they delivered. 191 00:17:04,807 --> 00:17:08,800 A 28-year-old runs off with a 66-year-old grandmother? 192 00:17:08,977 --> 00:17:12,469 I didn't think grandmothers thought about sex and stuff like that. 193 00:17:13,348 --> 00:17:15,714 Apparently the thought entered her mind. 194 00:17:16,151 --> 00:17:19,882 I'm so sorry, Uncle Nick. I'm sure she'll come back to you. 195 00:17:20,489 --> 00:17:23,356 She was 17 when we were married. 196 00:17:23,525 --> 00:17:25,789 I was the first man who ever touched her. 197 00:17:26,829 --> 00:17:29,764 I guess now there's a second. 198 00:17:31,100 --> 00:17:33,466 How come you're wearing a Santa Claus jacket? 199 00:17:33,635 --> 00:17:38,072 When he took off with Jessica he grabbed my good jacket and left me with this. 200 00:17:38,540 --> 00:17:42,874 I just can't sit around that house all day all alone, Eddie. 201 00:17:43,045 --> 00:17:46,674 I thought I might spend some time with you. 202 00:17:47,216 --> 00:17:51,744 Gee, Uncle Nick, Roy bit me on the ass and I lost my job. 203 00:17:51,920 --> 00:17:55,651 We're all taking off on an all-expense-paid Christmas vacation. 204 00:17:55,891 --> 00:17:58,519 - You lost another job? - Yeah. 205 00:17:58,794 --> 00:18:01,388 Roy bit you on the ass? Who's Roy? 206 00:18:01,563 --> 00:18:05,761 Oh, me and Roy, we work together. But we're all flying out tomorrow. 207 00:18:05,934 --> 00:18:07,993 Audrey's coming with us. 208 00:18:08,170 --> 00:18:10,798 Daniel was married. 209 00:18:10,973 --> 00:18:13,498 Daniel? Who's Daniel? 210 00:18:13,675 --> 00:18:16,337 Oh, never mind, I don't care. 211 00:18:17,913 --> 00:18:21,405 Where are you going on your vacation, somewhere warm? 212 00:18:21,583 --> 00:18:25,110 - It's hot. - I'm going with you. 213 00:18:25,287 --> 00:18:30,623 I don't like Christmas when it snows. It's too sentimental. 214 00:18:34,496 --> 00:18:39,126 - Eddie, we're gonna miss the plane. - I have two more. 215 00:18:44,573 --> 00:18:47,041 - We got room for this one? - Sure. 216 00:18:58,620 --> 00:19:02,613 - Third, did you give Snots his pill? - Yeah, he's getting tired already. 217 00:19:02,791 --> 00:19:04,315 He's got a little bit of gas. 218 00:19:04,493 --> 00:19:08,224 Yeah, vet gave him something to calm him down. He's never flown before. 219 00:19:08,397 --> 00:19:11,264 Then again, neither have I. 220 00:19:29,985 --> 00:19:32,818 Attention passengers. Please watch your luggage... 221 00:19:32,988 --> 00:19:35,752 ... your children and all other valuables. 222 00:19:35,924 --> 00:19:39,155 And merry Christmas. 223 00:19:41,997 --> 00:19:47,094 No, look at the line. We'll never make the plane. 224 00:19:48,036 --> 00:19:50,027 Let's go. 225 00:19:55,777 --> 00:19:57,438 Thank you. 226 00:19:57,679 --> 00:20:00,705 Thank you. Thanks a lot. 227 00:20:01,750 --> 00:20:04,981 - This is all right. - Thanks a lot. 228 00:20:10,659 --> 00:20:14,186 - Merry Christmas. - Anyone lose a bowling ball? 229 00:20:14,363 --> 00:20:16,991 Anyone lose a bowling ball? 230 00:20:21,536 --> 00:20:23,367 Come on! 231 00:20:23,538 --> 00:20:27,065 I hear sometimes they run out of peanuts. 232 00:20:41,256 --> 00:20:45,158 - Are you all right? - Oh, yeah. Merry Christmas. 233 00:20:45,627 --> 00:20:47,026 No, I'm fine. 234 00:20:47,195 --> 00:20:50,926 No damage. I've got all the usual number of arms and legs. 235 00:20:51,099 --> 00:20:53,033 I'm sorry, I didn't even see you. 236 00:20:53,201 --> 00:20:57,365 Oh, yeah, it's quite all right, you know, just a few superficial breaks. 237 00:20:57,639 --> 00:21:01,769 - This happens to me all the time. - You're a foreigner, ain't you? 238 00:21:01,944 --> 00:21:04,572 - What are you? - I'm English. 239 00:21:05,881 --> 00:21:10,011 - Well, you sure do talk pretty. - Thanks. We did invent the language. 240 00:21:10,185 --> 00:21:13,621 - No hard feelings? - No feelings whatsoever. 241 00:21:17,259 --> 00:21:21,923 He's all right, he's English. I understood every word he said. 242 00:21:24,266 --> 00:21:26,791 Merry Christmas. Raise your arms, please. 243 00:21:40,949 --> 00:21:46,581 Attention. Attention, please. Did anybody lose this? 244 00:21:55,297 --> 00:21:59,393 Hey, look at all those people down there. They look like ants. 245 00:21:59,568 --> 00:22:03,766 Those are ants, Dad. The plane hasn't taken off yet. 246 00:22:25,394 --> 00:22:29,797 Boy, that's a big ocean out there. Lot of water! 247 00:22:44,279 --> 00:22:47,840 - Peanuts, gentlemen? - Lunch. 248 00:22:49,051 --> 00:22:50,575 Thank you! 249 00:22:53,955 --> 00:22:57,482 Don't cry, Audrey, it's only a book. 250 00:22:57,659 --> 00:23:02,460 I'm not crying about the book, I'm crying about Daniel. 251 00:23:02,631 --> 00:23:05,293 Everything reminds me of him. 252 00:23:05,467 --> 00:23:10,700 These peanuts. He used to love peanuts. 253 00:23:11,673 --> 00:23:14,836 He's the love of my life, Catherine. 254 00:23:15,310 --> 00:23:18,211 I'll never love again, never. 255 00:23:19,014 --> 00:23:22,074 I'll never see Indianapolis again. 256 00:23:23,085 --> 00:23:26,213 Isn't that what you said about Dashiell? 257 00:23:26,388 --> 00:23:28,356 That was just a passing thing. 258 00:23:28,657 --> 00:23:32,991 - I thought you went with him for a year. - It passed slowly. 259 00:23:34,963 --> 00:23:40,367 Actually, Dad, the Pacific Ocean is 164,384 million square miles... 260 00:23:40,535 --> 00:23:44,904 ...in area, 18 times the size of the United States. 261 00:23:45,073 --> 00:23:48,600 It was named by the explorer Magellan, because when he saw it... 262 00:23:48,777 --> 00:23:52,269 ...it was so tranquil he called it the Pacific. 263 00:24:26,615 --> 00:24:28,344 Peanut? 264 00:24:32,921 --> 00:24:34,513 Thank you. 265 00:25:13,728 --> 00:25:15,889 Where's the bathroom? 266 00:25:18,266 --> 00:25:20,962 Oh, thank you. 267 00:25:21,136 --> 00:25:23,468 - How beautiful. - Look at that. 268 00:25:23,638 --> 00:25:25,868 Isn't this nice, Audrey? 269 00:25:29,711 --> 00:25:30,871 Well... 270 00:25:31,046 --> 00:25:32,479 Here. 271 00:25:35,650 --> 00:25:38,744 Here you go, Uncle Nick, this one here is willing. 272 00:25:40,288 --> 00:25:43,451 Third, you see about getting Snots out of the baggage area? 273 00:25:43,625 --> 00:25:46,185 They're bringing him out, Dad. He's still asleep. 274 00:25:46,361 --> 00:25:49,853 The local authorities insisted that they fumigate him first. 275 00:25:50,031 --> 00:25:52,261 They didn't like the way he smelled. 276 00:25:52,434 --> 00:25:55,062 That's funny, I never noticed he smelled bad. 277 00:25:55,237 --> 00:25:59,139 Dad, small animals pass out when he walks by them. 278 00:26:01,676 --> 00:26:05,476 - Hi, are you the Johnson family? - Yeah. 279 00:26:05,780 --> 00:26:08,180 Merry Christmas. 280 00:26:08,350 --> 00:26:11,683 - Hello. - I'm Muka Laka Miki, Mr. Johnson. 281 00:26:11,853 --> 00:26:15,687 I work for the Atomic Testing Agency here on Maluka. You're our guests. 282 00:26:15,857 --> 00:26:19,224 Well, nice to meet you, Muka Licka Hickey. 283 00:26:26,735 --> 00:26:28,600 Eddie... 284 00:26:31,072 --> 00:26:32,903 This is my wife, Catherine. 285 00:26:33,074 --> 00:26:38,706 And cousin Audrey and our son Third III. 286 00:26:38,880 --> 00:26:41,747 And this here's Uncle Nick. 287 00:26:42,317 --> 00:26:43,909 - Hi there. - Hi. 288 00:26:44,085 --> 00:26:49,990 Nick... Nick Jugson, at your service. 289 00:26:51,259 --> 00:26:53,454 I'll get you to your motel. 290 00:26:53,628 --> 00:26:57,064 Then I thought you'd want the rest of the day to get unpacked. 291 00:26:57,232 --> 00:27:00,167 And then tomorrow I could show you the island. 292 00:27:00,335 --> 00:27:05,204 The agency wants to give special treatment. They're sorry about the monkey biting you. 293 00:27:05,373 --> 00:27:10,140 Well, I heal fast, but if this is the way you folks show your apologies... 294 00:27:10,312 --> 00:27:15,079 ...that monkey can bite my ass every day of the week and twice on Sunday. 295 00:27:22,624 --> 00:27:26,993 - Oh, thank you. Thank you very much. - Good to see you. 296 00:27:28,930 --> 00:27:31,490 You folks sure are treating us in style. 297 00:27:32,100 --> 00:27:34,830 Well, I've planned a big day for us. 298 00:27:35,003 --> 00:27:37,995 This morning we're gonna walk around the town. 299 00:27:38,173 --> 00:27:40,573 Visit native shops, and I need a manicure. 300 00:27:40,842 --> 00:27:44,835 Then we can change into beach clothes and have a native Christmas cookout. 301 00:27:45,013 --> 00:27:47,106 Sort of a mini luau. 302 00:27:47,282 --> 00:27:50,183 And this afternoon I've chartered a small boat... 303 00:27:50,352 --> 00:27:52,547 ...and I thought we'd tour the island. 304 00:27:52,721 --> 00:27:54,120 That sounds great. 305 00:27:54,289 --> 00:27:57,122 You hear that, Uncle Nick? We're going on a boat. 306 00:27:57,292 --> 00:27:59,954 That's what an old sailor wants to hear! 307 00:28:19,614 --> 00:28:22,048 Snots. Snots, here. 308 00:28:31,192 --> 00:28:33,387 Hey, whose seaplane is that over there? 309 00:28:33,561 --> 00:28:37,156 That's Jack Malpey. Melbourne Jack. He's an Aussie. 310 00:28:37,332 --> 00:28:41,291 He owns a hotel near here on his own private island. He's a great guy. 311 00:28:43,171 --> 00:28:45,332 There's more coming, honey. 312 00:28:45,507 --> 00:28:48,601 Boy, these ribs are great. 313 00:28:48,777 --> 00:28:52,543 Ribs and pineapple, those are our big Christmas dishes. And fried eel. 314 00:28:52,714 --> 00:28:55,512 - Fried eel? - Fried? 315 00:28:57,585 --> 00:28:59,883 Am I invited for lunch? 316 00:29:00,054 --> 00:29:02,181 Sure, Jack, come on in. 317 00:29:02,791 --> 00:29:06,989 - Hi, Muka Laka Miki. Thanks for the invite. - Hi, Jack, how are you? 318 00:29:07,162 --> 00:29:12,293 Hi, I'm Audrey Griswold. We just arrived. 319 00:29:12,467 --> 00:29:14,628 Love the island, fabulous place. 320 00:29:14,803 --> 00:29:18,102 - Are you married? - Hi there, we're the Johnsons. 321 00:29:20,809 --> 00:29:24,245 I'm Eddie, this here's Uncle Nick... 322 00:29:24,479 --> 00:29:28,506 ...that's my boy, and here's my wife, Catherine. 323 00:29:28,983 --> 00:29:32,214 - Eel? - Like I said, this is a beautiful place. 324 00:29:33,087 --> 00:29:36,113 - Would you like to take me on a tour? - Sure. 325 00:29:38,693 --> 00:29:42,686 - What a charming man. - What's that smell? 326 00:29:45,400 --> 00:29:47,732 Oh, that's a good one. 327 00:29:48,503 --> 00:29:51,165 It's time for the boat, you guys. Let's pack up. 328 00:29:51,339 --> 00:29:53,899 Oh, okay. Third, grab your stuff. 329 00:29:54,075 --> 00:29:56,373 And someone put out the fire. 330 00:29:56,544 --> 00:30:00,913 - I'm full. - Well, you just sit and digest. I'll pack up. 331 00:30:05,220 --> 00:30:07,586 Snots. Snots, here. 332 00:30:08,623 --> 00:30:11,023 I hope we got a pooper on this thing. 333 00:30:11,192 --> 00:30:14,093 That fried eel's headed due south. 334 00:30:16,231 --> 00:30:18,722 Captain Lynch. 335 00:30:23,505 --> 00:30:25,268 It's from Captain Lynch. 336 00:30:26,207 --> 00:30:29,802 His wife is having a baby and he has to deliver it. 337 00:30:29,978 --> 00:30:34,278 He says we can take the boat out if we want to, if we know how to run a boat. 338 00:30:34,449 --> 00:30:38,476 - Do you know how to run a boat? - No, I fish lots in a creek. 339 00:30:38,653 --> 00:30:42,555 - But didn't have no boat. I'm willing to try. - Forget it. 340 00:30:42,724 --> 00:30:46,353 I've got more salt under my armpits than you ever sailed on. 341 00:30:46,528 --> 00:30:48,018 Leave it to me. 342 00:30:48,196 --> 00:30:50,096 I was in the Navy. 343 00:30:58,373 --> 00:31:01,672 Why should this be different from an aircraft carrier? 344 00:31:03,545 --> 00:31:05,308 The key. 345 00:31:05,847 --> 00:31:07,644 All right. 346 00:31:13,655 --> 00:31:17,091 Sometimes you just don't think of the easy things. 347 00:31:25,099 --> 00:31:27,397 Shouldn't we untie this first? 348 00:31:28,202 --> 00:31:31,000 Eddie, get out and cast off. 349 00:31:46,554 --> 00:31:48,715 Uncle Nick! 350 00:32:40,408 --> 00:32:43,036 - Okay, where is it? - What's wrong? 351 00:32:43,211 --> 00:32:46,305 The compass. I can't find the compass. 352 00:32:46,481 --> 00:32:48,449 Every boat has a compass. 353 00:32:49,217 --> 00:32:53,813 - Maybe we should head back to shore. - I think that's a good idea. 354 00:32:58,559 --> 00:33:01,050 I got a big fish! 355 00:33:02,797 --> 00:33:04,890 Hold on! 356 00:33:07,702 --> 00:33:09,897 Careful, honey, you're all tangled. 357 00:33:10,071 --> 00:33:11,504 Get a knife! 358 00:33:11,673 --> 00:33:14,904 - Get a knife! - I don't have a knife. 359 00:33:15,076 --> 00:33:17,271 I have scissors in my purse, Eddie! 360 00:33:17,545 --> 00:33:18,807 Get a knife! 361 00:33:18,980 --> 00:33:20,504 Honey, I... Hold on! 362 00:33:20,815 --> 00:33:22,077 Get a knife! 363 00:33:31,492 --> 00:33:33,483 I have scissors, Eddie! 364 00:33:39,133 --> 00:33:42,534 - Hold on, Mr. Johnson! - Call me Eddie! 365 00:33:42,704 --> 00:33:45,104 Hold on, Eddie! 366 00:34:01,522 --> 00:34:06,550 Uncle Nick, Uncle Nick, the boat's going backwards, make it go forwards! 367 00:34:29,317 --> 00:34:32,411 Oh, Eddie, you were wonderful! 368 00:34:32,587 --> 00:34:34,350 I almost had it! 369 00:34:34,522 --> 00:34:36,387 Did you see that? 370 00:34:37,325 --> 00:34:39,816 That fish was the biggest fish I ever saw! 371 00:34:40,294 --> 00:34:43,730 That thing must have weighed 10,000 pounds! 372 00:34:45,233 --> 00:34:46,495 I'm sure! 373 00:34:57,011 --> 00:35:00,378 - Man the lifeboats! - There are no lifeboats. 374 00:35:07,789 --> 00:35:11,088 Eddie, where's the rest of you? 375 00:35:11,259 --> 00:35:15,787 - Eddie, are you all right? - Hey, we got a ukulele in here. 376 00:35:21,702 --> 00:35:26,162 Oh, my head, my shoulders. I'm in pain. 377 00:35:27,475 --> 00:35:29,636 My manicure is ruined. 378 00:35:30,077 --> 00:35:34,013 Uncle Nick, will you please take your hand off my breast. 379 00:35:35,650 --> 00:35:38,881 - Is everybody okay? - I'm okay. But... 380 00:35:39,754 --> 00:35:42,780 There's a horrible smell in here. 381 00:35:45,359 --> 00:35:47,122 Oh, God! 382 00:35:48,462 --> 00:35:50,089 Uncle Nick! 383 00:35:52,166 --> 00:35:53,895 - Are you all right? - I don't know. 384 00:35:54,068 --> 00:35:58,004 - I cut my hand, I don't know how. - I bit it. 385 00:35:58,606 --> 00:36:00,073 Third? 386 00:36:00,241 --> 00:36:01,970 Third! 387 00:36:03,077 --> 00:36:06,444 We've run aground, but there's an island right there. 388 00:36:08,316 --> 00:36:10,580 - You know where we are? - I'm from Milwaukee. 389 00:36:10,751 --> 00:36:13,345 I don't know much about these islands. 390 00:36:14,822 --> 00:36:18,053 - The radio, let's try the radio. - Milwaukee? 391 00:36:18,226 --> 00:36:23,459 - Isn't your name Malookamalarkariki? - Forget the radio, it doesn't work. 392 00:36:24,165 --> 00:36:27,259 Well, that island looks nice, not too far. 393 00:36:28,536 --> 00:36:32,267 I'm gonna swim to shore. There's nothing dangerous on these islands. 394 00:36:32,440 --> 00:36:35,671 - Right, Milwaukeeliki? - I think it's safer than Milwaukee. 395 00:36:35,843 --> 00:36:38,676 Only snakes, wild dogs, wild boar. 396 00:36:39,547 --> 00:36:40,844 Wild boar? 397 00:36:41,148 --> 00:36:42,843 Well, they're like pigs. 398 00:36:43,150 --> 00:36:45,983 Some of them can weigh up to 600 pounds. 399 00:36:46,153 --> 00:36:49,213 They're very fast and real nasty. 400 00:36:49,390 --> 00:36:50,687 I'll go, Dad. 401 00:36:50,858 --> 00:36:53,122 No, boy, your life's more precious than mine. 402 00:36:53,594 --> 00:36:55,084 - Why? - I don't know. 403 00:36:55,263 --> 00:36:58,460 Daddies are just supposed to say things like that sometimes. 404 00:36:58,633 --> 00:37:00,123 No! 405 00:37:00,301 --> 00:37:03,566 We all go. We all go together. 406 00:37:03,971 --> 00:37:07,498 Catherine, I'm not afraid of a little old pig. 407 00:37:07,742 --> 00:37:11,508 Eddie, you can't swim! 408 00:37:28,829 --> 00:37:30,387 Let's walk. 409 00:37:44,211 --> 00:37:47,408 Audrey, what are you doing with an electric cappuccino maker? 410 00:37:47,581 --> 00:37:49,481 I bought it in town. 411 00:37:49,784 --> 00:37:52,514 Somehow I doubt we'll be able to use that. 412 00:37:52,687 --> 00:37:55,986 I don't think there are many electrical outlets on this island. 413 00:37:56,157 --> 00:38:00,025 Well, maybe we'll find a motel or something with an electrical outlet. 414 00:38:00,995 --> 00:38:04,487 Look, the boat's drifting away! 415 00:38:13,774 --> 00:38:16,675 Did anyone anchor the boat? 416 00:38:23,317 --> 00:38:25,581 All right, we've got to do this right. 417 00:38:34,395 --> 00:38:36,226 We need food. 418 00:38:37,064 --> 00:38:40,431 Yeah, you're right, Eddie. Okay, here's what we brought ashore. 419 00:38:40,601 --> 00:38:44,401 We got a dozen Tootsie Rolls, we got some Bridge Mix... 420 00:38:44,572 --> 00:38:48,770 ...two six-packs of beer, some Hamburger Helper and four bottles of bourbon. 421 00:38:48,943 --> 00:38:51,070 That's my kind of captain. 422 00:38:51,245 --> 00:38:54,806 Yeah. We also got a quarter pound of moldy American cheese... 423 00:38:54,982 --> 00:38:58,145 ...a pack of matches and a box of those little toothpicks... 424 00:38:58,319 --> 00:39:02,050 ...that you put into frankfurters, only we don't have any frankfurters. 425 00:39:02,223 --> 00:39:05,283 We can use those to get the Tootsie Rolls out of our teeth. 426 00:39:05,459 --> 00:39:09,862 Oh, and Dad, I found a knife in the boat. It was in the galley. 427 00:39:10,031 --> 00:39:12,761 I haven't had a Tootsie Roll in 35 years. 428 00:39:13,300 --> 00:39:15,461 That's when I got my false teeth. 429 00:39:15,636 --> 00:39:18,503 Well, got beer... 430 00:39:18,672 --> 00:39:21,835 ...got my favorite hunting dog. 431 00:39:24,111 --> 00:39:25,806 I could hunt for food. 432 00:39:26,781 --> 00:39:31,184 Eddie, the only place you ever hunted for food was our refrigerator. 433 00:39:31,819 --> 00:39:36,222 Hey, there's a freshwater stream back there in the forest and plenty of bananas. 434 00:39:36,390 --> 00:39:39,359 And we can make spears and fishing rods to hunt and fish. 435 00:39:39,727 --> 00:39:42,924 And I think I found a good place for a campsite. 436 00:39:45,099 --> 00:39:48,193 - Cousin, Eddie, look for a bathroom. - Snots! Snots! 437 00:39:48,369 --> 00:39:50,337 I'll get the bourbon. 438 00:39:57,778 --> 00:40:00,212 This is the spot, everybody. 439 00:40:01,315 --> 00:40:02,805 It's starting to get dark. 440 00:40:02,983 --> 00:40:06,510 We better figure out where we're gonna sleep. We'll team up. 441 00:40:06,687 --> 00:40:09,383 And there are some towels from the hotel. 442 00:40:10,624 --> 00:40:12,558 I'm all set. 443 00:40:13,194 --> 00:40:15,662 Audrey and I will buddy up. 444 00:40:18,099 --> 00:40:20,693 We only have three towels, and they're all wet. 445 00:40:20,868 --> 00:40:24,565 Well, if you get cold, your buddy's body heat will help warm you up. 446 00:40:24,738 --> 00:40:28,936 - You wanna rethink your assigned buddy? - No. 447 00:42:12,346 --> 00:42:13,836 That felt good. 448 00:42:14,582 --> 00:42:16,607 When you get to be my age... 449 00:42:16,784 --> 00:42:20,379 ...a good dump is one of the great pleasures in life. 450 00:42:21,889 --> 00:42:23,322 Well... 451 00:42:23,557 --> 00:42:25,024 ...it's all finished. 452 00:42:27,328 --> 00:42:30,991 When I was walking up to the hill, I saw that there was nothing here... 453 00:42:31,165 --> 00:42:33,224 ...but a lot of bananas. 454 00:42:33,400 --> 00:42:36,528 So we're gonna have to hunt for some real food. 455 00:42:36,704 --> 00:42:38,899 - So let's go, Third. - Yeah. 456 00:42:40,140 --> 00:42:42,005 I'll go with you. 457 00:42:53,487 --> 00:42:54,920 All right. 458 00:42:55,089 --> 00:42:58,650 Here's the game plan. We'll split up so we can cover more ground. 459 00:42:58,826 --> 00:43:01,818 We'll use that fire on top of the hill as a landmark. 460 00:43:01,996 --> 00:43:06,797 Uncle Nick, you make a quick left and go up the left flank. Third, you make a wide right. 461 00:43:06,967 --> 00:43:10,130 Snots and I will go up the middle and victory will be ours. 462 00:43:10,304 --> 00:43:13,865 What am I supposed to do if I run into a wild animal? 463 00:43:14,041 --> 00:43:16,942 - Throw my banana at it? - Good thinking. 464 00:43:42,836 --> 00:43:45,430 Have you ever heard of barking or pointing? 465 00:43:46,307 --> 00:43:48,036 How about a little warning here? 466 00:43:48,208 --> 00:43:50,870 Give me a little heads up next time. 467 00:44:01,188 --> 00:44:03,053 Well, are you coming? 468 00:44:31,151 --> 00:44:33,085 Oh, my. 469 00:44:34,922 --> 00:44:37,516 Oh, my. 470 00:44:39,827 --> 00:44:42,159 Oh, my. 471 00:44:45,999 --> 00:44:48,263 Oh, my God! 472 00:44:52,639 --> 00:44:54,266 Yes! 473 00:45:28,475 --> 00:45:31,171 - Any luck hunting, honey? - No. 474 00:45:31,345 --> 00:45:33,540 I almost got a bird... 475 00:45:33,814 --> 00:45:36,408 ...but all I saw were nanners. 476 00:45:39,653 --> 00:45:41,848 Did you guys have any luck? 477 00:45:43,991 --> 00:45:46,016 - No. - That's it. 478 00:45:48,262 --> 00:45:51,254 I ain't walked this much since my last visit to Wal-Mart. 479 00:45:51,432 --> 00:45:54,833 Hey, everybody. You know, it'll be Christmas in three days. 480 00:45:55,002 --> 00:45:56,970 It is? 481 00:45:57,671 --> 00:46:00,868 With all the excitement of the shipwreck and everything... 482 00:46:01,041 --> 00:46:03,737 ...I guess I just forgot all about Christmas. 483 00:46:03,911 --> 00:46:07,108 Well, I guess we will have to forget about it this year. 484 00:46:07,281 --> 00:46:10,307 Yeah. It's my first Christmas without Mom and Dad. 485 00:46:10,851 --> 00:46:13,684 Well, this is my first Christmas without gifts. 486 00:46:13,854 --> 00:46:16,379 No tree, no Santa. 487 00:46:16,557 --> 00:46:19,617 - No real food. - No eggnog. 488 00:46:19,793 --> 00:46:24,753 Hey, we could still have Christmas. We could have an island Christmas. 489 00:46:25,299 --> 00:46:27,790 Well, that's a real good idea, Mukinuki. 490 00:46:27,968 --> 00:46:31,631 An island Christmas. Why didn't I think of that? 491 00:46:31,839 --> 00:46:33,534 What is an island Christmas? 492 00:46:33,707 --> 00:46:37,871 Well, every year we celebrate the things that we're most thankful for. 493 00:46:38,879 --> 00:46:43,942 Well, we're all alive and we're all together. That's worth celebrating. 494 00:46:44,284 --> 00:46:46,582 You're pretty damn easy to please. 495 00:46:46,753 --> 00:46:50,382 - What about the gifts? - We have the whole island! 496 00:46:50,557 --> 00:46:53,993 Let's think of something we can all give to each other. 497 00:46:56,129 --> 00:46:58,290 How about a full body massage? 498 00:46:58,465 --> 00:46:59,989 Uncle Nick. 499 00:47:01,368 --> 00:47:05,065 The islands can be very magical, full of many gifts. 500 00:47:05,239 --> 00:47:08,766 All you have to do is use your imagination. 501 00:47:09,109 --> 00:47:11,441 Oh, dang it, I knew there was a catch. 502 00:47:11,612 --> 00:47:13,807 What have you always wanted, Eddie? 503 00:47:13,981 --> 00:47:15,505 I don't know. 504 00:47:15,682 --> 00:47:18,549 I got pretty much everything I ever wanted. 505 00:47:18,886 --> 00:47:20,148 A good dog. 506 00:47:20,854 --> 00:47:22,617 Six kids. 507 00:47:26,226 --> 00:47:30,424 A doting wife who takes care of my every need, if you know what I mean. 508 00:47:31,899 --> 00:47:34,197 We could get a house, Eddie. 509 00:47:35,235 --> 00:47:39,934 - Where are we going to get a house? - We could build it. With our hands. 510 00:47:40,107 --> 00:47:44,009 - I thought this was a vacation. - Catherine, no, it's a great idea. 511 00:47:44,177 --> 00:47:46,008 It'll be fun. 512 00:47:46,446 --> 00:47:50,109 If you build it, they will come. 513 00:47:51,351 --> 00:47:53,114 Who? 514 00:47:54,288 --> 00:47:56,483 Well, someone to rescue us. 515 00:47:58,392 --> 00:48:00,019 Won't be much of a house. 516 00:48:00,260 --> 00:48:02,592 But it'll be ours. 517 00:48:02,963 --> 00:48:05,659 Remember, Jesus was born in a stable. 518 00:48:08,569 --> 00:48:10,127 Yeah. 519 00:48:10,504 --> 00:48:12,233 Yeah. 520 00:48:13,240 --> 00:48:15,174 Yeah! 521 00:48:16,043 --> 00:48:17,908 We'll build it... 522 00:48:18,078 --> 00:48:19,739 ...here! 523 00:48:19,980 --> 00:48:24,007 And you know what else we need? A Christmas dinner. A real Christmas dinner. 524 00:48:24,184 --> 00:48:29,554 Not these bananas, those Tootsie Rolls or none of that there banana helper, neither. 525 00:48:29,723 --> 00:48:31,384 No, sir! 526 00:48:31,558 --> 00:48:33,185 I'm going out again! 527 00:48:33,360 --> 00:48:36,523 We're gonna have ourselves some meat! 528 00:49:06,360 --> 00:49:07,725 Come here! 529 00:49:32,185 --> 00:49:34,517 Come back here, you little booger! 530 00:49:59,746 --> 00:50:01,771 Snots, kill. 531 00:50:02,215 --> 00:50:03,580 Kill! 532 00:50:03,750 --> 00:50:06,514 Kill! Where you going, Snots? Come back here! 533 00:50:32,646 --> 00:50:34,807 It is not a Christmas tree. 534 00:50:35,348 --> 00:50:38,613 - But it'll do. - It'll have to. 535 00:50:39,820 --> 00:50:43,779 You know, we used to have a big tree every Christmas when I was a kid. 536 00:50:44,124 --> 00:50:47,651 My father would take hours to pick it out. 537 00:50:47,928 --> 00:50:52,331 He sometimes would do everything but x-ray it. Then he'd turn to us and say: 538 00:50:52,499 --> 00:50:57,835 "You are looking at the best Christmas tree in Kansas City. No, in the world. " 539 00:51:01,408 --> 00:51:03,376 Christmas with Daddy. 540 00:51:03,710 --> 00:51:06,736 Guess dads are all like that at Christmas. 541 00:51:07,180 --> 00:51:08,977 Even Eddie. 542 00:51:26,333 --> 00:51:30,030 That's a good piggy, that's a good piggy. 543 00:52:08,108 --> 00:52:10,099 It's so beautiful here. 544 00:52:10,277 --> 00:52:13,371 Yeah. If only it had a shopping mall. 545 00:52:13,914 --> 00:52:18,374 - The house is coming along great. - Yeah, it's a great Christmas gift. 546 00:52:18,919 --> 00:52:20,216 Look at him. 547 00:52:20,387 --> 00:52:22,014 It's a funny thing, you know. 548 00:52:22,189 --> 00:52:25,886 Here we are in serious trouble and I've never seen Eddie so happy. 549 00:52:26,059 --> 00:52:30,428 Sometimes a crisis brings out the best in a person. I mean, he's even working. 550 00:52:36,770 --> 00:52:40,331 Hey, Dad? Dad? Dad! 551 00:52:40,674 --> 00:52:42,767 There's something I've got to tell you. 552 00:52:43,009 --> 00:52:44,499 It's your girlfriend. 553 00:52:44,678 --> 00:52:46,578 - Is she pregnant? - No! 554 00:52:52,118 --> 00:52:53,847 It's just that... 555 00:52:54,020 --> 00:52:55,783 I always thought that... 556 00:52:56,523 --> 00:52:58,650 ...you were kind of... 557 00:52:58,925 --> 00:53:00,187 ...sort of... 558 00:53:01,661 --> 00:53:03,788 - Gay? - No. 559 00:53:03,964 --> 00:53:07,161 Just... The bottom of the food chain. 560 00:53:08,935 --> 00:53:10,664 Well, I was wrong. 561 00:53:10,837 --> 00:53:14,329 I mean, you know, like, you never worked much. 562 00:53:16,676 --> 00:53:20,009 Mom took care of the kids and cooked and cleaned... 563 00:53:20,180 --> 00:53:22,375 ...worked three jobs. 564 00:53:22,549 --> 00:53:28,317 And then, you know, the bank foreclosed on the house and the repo people took the RV. 565 00:53:30,590 --> 00:53:32,615 I loved that RV. 566 00:53:34,861 --> 00:53:37,295 That RV! 567 00:53:38,265 --> 00:53:41,496 And here we are on a desert island, who knows where... 568 00:53:41,668 --> 00:53:45,229 ...and he goes out and kills with his bare hands to feed his family. 569 00:53:45,405 --> 00:53:50,001 I mean, can you imagine him taking on that huge animal and beating him in a fair fight? 570 00:53:50,176 --> 00:53:55,808 I know. I mean, God, he was like a caveman or a gladiator or something. 571 00:53:56,082 --> 00:53:58,016 Yeah. 572 00:54:02,289 --> 00:54:06,123 Well, anyway, I was wrong. 573 00:54:06,293 --> 00:54:11,128 No, you were right. I'm just no good. 574 00:54:11,731 --> 00:54:14,199 Right. You know, normally. 575 00:54:14,367 --> 00:54:17,598 But here, on this island... 576 00:54:18,705 --> 00:54:20,263 ...you've been great. 577 00:54:23,843 --> 00:54:25,674 Do you mean that? 578 00:54:26,446 --> 00:54:28,175 Yeah. 579 00:54:28,715 --> 00:54:30,012 Boy... 580 00:54:30,183 --> 00:54:32,583 ...you don't know how good that makes me feel. 581 00:54:34,454 --> 00:54:36,251 From now on... 582 00:54:36,890 --> 00:54:40,986 ...I've got no place to go but up! 583 00:54:46,299 --> 00:54:50,759 Hi, it's Audrey Griswold. Leave a message and merry Christmas. 584 00:54:52,639 --> 00:54:57,804 Ever Ready Plumbing here. We'll have a man out to your house within 30 days. 585 00:54:57,978 --> 00:54:59,912 Merry Christmas. 586 00:55:05,785 --> 00:55:09,380 Merry Christmas morning, everybody! 587 00:55:21,501 --> 00:55:23,560 Merry Christmas morning! 588 00:55:25,238 --> 00:55:27,968 - Yeah! - Come here, you. Merry Christmas! 589 00:55:28,141 --> 00:55:29,972 Merry Christmas! 590 00:55:31,978 --> 00:55:33,411 Merry Christmas, Milwaukee. 591 00:55:33,847 --> 00:55:35,280 Here's... 592 00:55:35,448 --> 00:55:37,348 ...Mr. Christmas himself. 593 00:55:37,617 --> 00:55:39,676 It's Saint Nick. 594 00:55:47,794 --> 00:55:50,627 Merry Christmas, Audrey, this is from Eddie. 595 00:55:50,797 --> 00:55:55,291 Eddie, this is great. Lipstick! It's my favorite color. 596 00:55:55,468 --> 00:55:58,198 - Where did you get it? - Found it in your purse. 597 00:56:00,540 --> 00:56:02,633 This is from Third. 598 00:56:03,376 --> 00:56:06,470 Third, my gosh, look at that! 599 00:56:06,646 --> 00:56:09,877 That's a deluxe spear. 600 00:56:10,050 --> 00:56:12,610 It's an aerodynamically correct spear, Dad. 601 00:56:12,786 --> 00:56:16,187 See those fins? Those are for throwing accurately. 602 00:56:16,356 --> 00:56:18,347 Looks like a one-way street sign. 603 00:56:19,559 --> 00:56:22,756 Well, let's take it for a little test drive, shall we? 604 00:56:30,437 --> 00:56:34,339 Okay, now let's sing a few Christmas songs. 605 00:56:38,011 --> 00:56:39,410 Let's see. 606 00:57:25,391 --> 00:57:28,417 Hey, I got another surprise for us here. 607 00:57:28,595 --> 00:57:33,555 A homemade concoction that my dad used to make. 608 00:57:33,733 --> 00:57:36,497 Only, he had a still and sold it to the neighbors... 609 00:57:36,669 --> 00:57:40,366 ...but it kept us going through the lean times, until he got caught... 610 00:57:40,540 --> 00:57:43,134 ...and wound up doing 3 to 5. But here's a taste. 611 00:57:43,309 --> 00:57:45,709 All right. Well, here goes. 612 00:57:50,116 --> 00:57:52,277 That's got a kick. What is in that? 613 00:57:52,452 --> 00:57:56,115 Well, it's got three parts coconut milk, two parts bug juice... 614 00:57:56,289 --> 00:58:00,282 ...six parts bourbon, a little banana peel for texture and a Tootsie Roll. 615 00:58:00,460 --> 00:58:02,121 Oh, and some sunscreen. 616 00:58:08,501 --> 00:58:13,461 Lord, I wanna thank you for keeping us healthy and, particularly, alive... 617 00:58:13,640 --> 00:58:16,609 ...during this whole shipwreck deal. 618 00:58:16,776 --> 00:58:20,143 But most of all, Lord, I wanna thank you for this house. 619 00:58:20,313 --> 00:58:23,282 Oh, it's a good house, Lord. 620 00:58:23,449 --> 00:58:29,445 It's probably the first house we ever had where we didn't owe a mortgage or taxes. 621 00:58:29,622 --> 00:58:34,286 And maybe the only house we'll ever have where the bank won't foreclose on it. 622 00:58:34,460 --> 00:58:39,363 Oh, it's not as nice as Audrey's house, but it's a fine house, Lord. 623 00:58:39,532 --> 00:58:43,764 And I want you to please just find it to forgive me, Lord... 624 00:58:43,937 --> 00:58:49,876 ...for losing the RV and the dirt farm, Lord. 625 00:58:50,109 --> 00:58:53,601 - We are sin, Lord..! - Can I say something? 626 00:58:55,915 --> 00:58:57,712 Excuse me, Lord. 627 00:59:00,253 --> 00:59:01,845 Yeah? 628 00:59:02,422 --> 00:59:03,719 What's in the coconut? 629 00:59:04,791 --> 00:59:06,588 Another tropical surprise. 630 00:59:06,759 --> 00:59:10,718 Can we drink the surprise first and then bust the coconut? 631 00:59:11,297 --> 00:59:14,630 - No. - Well, there you have it. 632 00:59:14,801 --> 00:59:20,797 Anyway, Lord, be it ever so humble, there's no place like this here house. 633 00:59:21,741 --> 00:59:23,265 Amen. 634 00:59:43,830 --> 00:59:47,698 - Merry Christmas! - Oh, merry Christmas to you! 635 00:59:54,374 --> 00:59:56,069 Eddie! 636 00:59:58,711 --> 01:00:01,407 Put me down, put me down, put me down! 637 01:00:03,016 --> 01:00:04,278 You did it, Dad! 638 01:00:04,450 --> 01:00:07,078 You killed a boar and built our own damn house! 639 01:00:07,253 --> 01:00:09,778 Watch your mouth, Third. 640 01:00:36,382 --> 01:00:40,011 Well, we've learned something here today. 641 01:00:40,219 --> 01:00:43,279 We definitely have to make it more secure. 642 01:00:44,624 --> 01:00:46,558 Let's eat. 643 01:01:12,819 --> 01:01:14,411 Eddie. 644 01:01:14,587 --> 01:01:19,718 Eddie, you're so brave. And you have a good sense of humor. 645 01:01:19,892 --> 01:01:25,262 You're my hero... 646 01:02:46,813 --> 01:02:50,943 It's a plane! A plane! And he sees us! 647 01:02:51,117 --> 01:02:54,917 It's Jack, it's Melbourne Jack Malpey! 648 01:02:56,389 --> 01:02:57,913 We're saved! 649 01:02:59,826 --> 01:03:01,054 - Over here! - Uncle Nick! 650 01:03:01,227 --> 01:03:05,288 Uncle Nick, wake up! We're rescued, we're saved! 651 01:03:06,299 --> 01:03:07,789 Saved. 652 01:03:07,967 --> 01:03:09,901 From what? 653 01:03:14,974 --> 01:03:17,272 Down here! 654 01:03:17,543 --> 01:03:22,207 Jack! It's me, Audrey! 655 01:03:32,425 --> 01:03:35,952 We've had search parties all over looking for you and that boat. 656 01:03:36,128 --> 01:03:38,187 They found the boat 300 miles from here. 657 01:03:38,364 --> 01:03:41,822 You've been searching for me this whole time? You're a hero! 658 01:03:42,001 --> 01:03:45,334 Well, you found me. You did say you weren't married? 659 01:03:46,005 --> 01:03:48,803 Actually, I was flying over to check a hotel I own... 660 01:03:48,975 --> 01:03:52,570 ...on the other side of the island when I saw Eddie on the cliff. 661 01:03:52,745 --> 01:03:55,179 Probably, nobody thought of looking here. 662 01:03:55,348 --> 01:03:58,545 Well, it's only 10 miles, you could have walked to my hotel. 663 01:04:01,721 --> 01:04:03,211 Well, I... 664 01:04:03,389 --> 01:04:06,256 ...guess we better pack up and get out of here, then. 665 01:04:06,425 --> 01:04:10,885 Man. You know, I got all excited when I first saw the plane... 666 01:04:11,063 --> 01:04:13,463 ...but I'm really gonna miss this place. 667 01:04:13,633 --> 01:04:17,626 This was the best vacation this family has ever had. 668 01:04:18,871 --> 01:04:20,270 Oh, well. 669 01:04:20,439 --> 01:04:23,806 It was great, but it'll be good to get back to civilization. 670 01:04:23,976 --> 01:04:26,672 Civilization. People like to live in crowds... 671 01:04:26,846 --> 01:04:28,939 ...because they don't trust each other. 672 01:04:29,115 --> 01:04:32,380 I don't know, there's some good things about civilization. 673 01:04:32,552 --> 01:04:34,213 Name one. 674 01:04:34,387 --> 01:04:38,153 Massages, manicures, frozen artichokes... 675 01:04:38,324 --> 01:04:41,259 ...hot tubs, champagne. 676 01:04:41,427 --> 01:04:43,691 I wanna say something. 677 01:04:43,863 --> 01:04:46,832 I'm gonna miss not having a lot of things. 678 01:04:46,999 --> 01:04:52,835 It's been great without telephones and people you never even met calling... 679 01:04:53,005 --> 01:04:56,133 ...trying to sell you things you don't even need. 680 01:04:56,309 --> 01:04:59,142 And rap music on beer commercials... 681 01:04:59,312 --> 01:05:01,507 ...and junk mail! 682 01:05:02,782 --> 01:05:06,047 I'm gonna miss us all being so together... 683 01:05:06,218 --> 01:05:09,085 ...and the way everybody chipped in and worked. 684 01:05:09,255 --> 01:05:13,123 - It was a Christmas thing. - I saw an airplane! 685 01:05:13,292 --> 01:05:16,591 I saw an airplane! We're saved! 686 01:05:17,730 --> 01:05:20,062 We're saved! 687 01:05:21,033 --> 01:05:23,092 I saw a plane! 688 01:05:25,605 --> 01:05:27,266 Jack! 689 01:05:28,074 --> 01:05:30,269 What are you doing here? 690 01:05:37,683 --> 01:05:41,551 Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! 691 01:05:42,521 --> 01:05:45,115 This was the best Christmas I've ever had. 692 01:05:45,291 --> 01:05:48,419 It was fun being a part of your family here on... 693 01:05:48,594 --> 01:05:52,428 - What is the name of this island? - It was named after King Halehalki... 694 01:05:52,598 --> 01:05:55,567 ...but you can change it. He was a headhunter. 695 01:05:56,068 --> 01:05:59,299 I say we rename it Eddie Island... 696 01:05:59,472 --> 01:06:02,737 ...in honor of the man who killed the boar. 697 01:06:02,975 --> 01:06:04,135 Well. 698 01:06:06,545 --> 01:06:10,242 - What business did you say you were in? - I was in nuclear research. 699 01:06:10,416 --> 01:06:13,943 - You're kidding. - No, no. Nuclear research. 700 01:06:14,120 --> 01:06:18,454 But then I got laid off. But then, because I got bit on the ass... 701 01:06:18,624 --> 01:06:20,956 ...they gave me this here Christmas vacation. 702 01:06:21,127 --> 01:06:23,857 You got laid off? Did the company downsize? 703 01:06:24,030 --> 01:06:27,056 Yeah, well, the other guy, he's a lot smaller than I was. 704 01:06:27,233 --> 01:06:28,757 I was better at the job. 705 01:06:29,301 --> 01:06:32,532 - Jack's incredible, isn't he? - Yeah, he's a really great guy. 706 01:06:32,705 --> 01:06:38,007 - He's so mature. - Big deal. Uncle Nick's mature. 707 01:06:41,514 --> 01:06:45,883 This is liable to roll down a hill and kill a little pig or something. 708 01:06:46,052 --> 01:06:48,043 I better move this. 709 01:06:48,387 --> 01:06:52,653 Hey, hold it. You gonna bust your rollers trying to move that. Let me help you. 710 01:06:52,825 --> 01:06:54,588 Put it over there. 711 01:06:56,028 --> 01:06:59,486 - Where? - Over there. 712 01:07:03,669 --> 01:07:06,797 Let go, let go, you're choking me. 713 01:07:06,972 --> 01:07:09,770 - What? - Let go! 714 01:07:09,942 --> 01:07:11,842 All right. 715 01:07:18,884 --> 01:07:20,374 Jack? 716 01:07:21,587 --> 01:07:24,522 - Oh, Jack, don't get up. - I'm all right. 717 01:07:24,690 --> 01:07:28,091 No, no. Jack, you took a terrible fall. You need rest and care. 718 01:07:28,260 --> 01:07:30,194 I'm fine. 719 01:07:33,299 --> 01:07:38,669 I wouldn't go into a career in the moving business any time soon, if I were you. 720 01:07:45,745 --> 01:07:48,043 You all ready to fly? 721 01:08:07,466 --> 01:08:10,458 I'm gonna really miss the old homestead. 722 01:08:21,180 --> 01:08:23,774 Jack, you okay? 723 01:08:24,416 --> 01:08:29,547 I'm okay, it's just a headache. There are some aspirin in the cabin. 724 01:08:38,264 --> 01:08:40,027 - His head hurts. - Oh, my God. 725 01:08:40,199 --> 01:08:42,531 Oh, my God, he needs me! He needs me! 726 01:08:42,701 --> 01:08:45,295 Now, now, he'll be all right. 727 01:08:45,471 --> 01:08:47,666 Just got a headache. 728 01:08:54,079 --> 01:08:56,274 He'll be all right. 729 01:09:02,054 --> 01:09:06,889 Maluka tower, this is Mike 808 Mike... 730 01:09:07,059 --> 01:09:11,018 ...Melbourne Jack here. I've just picked up some lost souls... 731 01:09:11,197 --> 01:09:15,497 ...on the rear end of King Halehalki Island. - Eddie Island! 732 01:09:16,468 --> 01:09:19,062 Our position is... 733 01:09:19,939 --> 01:09:22,407 Hell, I don't know where we are. 734 01:09:23,943 --> 01:09:26,411 I'm not too well, my friend. 735 01:09:27,213 --> 01:09:30,080 I like you, Ed. You're a good man. 736 01:09:31,050 --> 01:09:35,646 You're not the brightest bulb in the chandelier, but you're a good man. 737 01:09:42,127 --> 01:09:44,493 - Jack! - Mike 808 Mike... 738 01:09:44,663 --> 01:09:47,325 ... say again your position, over. 739 01:09:47,900 --> 01:09:49,094 Help! 740 01:09:49,268 --> 01:09:52,465 This is Maluka tower, merry Christmas. Is that you, Jack? 741 01:09:52,638 --> 01:09:57,974 No, it's Eddie! Jack, he fainted, or he's dead. 742 01:09:58,944 --> 01:10:01,674 Jack, snap out of it! Snap out of it! 743 01:10:02,414 --> 01:10:07,078 - Oh, he's not dead, he moved. - Well, okay, Eddie, merry Christmas. 744 01:10:07,253 --> 01:10:09,153 Can you fly a plane? 745 01:10:10,489 --> 01:10:13,219 I'll take that as a no. 746 01:10:15,027 --> 01:10:19,191 We got you on radar now, you're heading right for Maluka Airport. 747 01:10:19,365 --> 01:10:22,926 - All you're gonna have to do is, well, land. - We're gonna die. 748 01:10:23,102 --> 01:10:27,198 Now, relax. When we get you over the airport, we're going to talk you in. 749 01:10:27,373 --> 01:10:28,772 And Eddie? 750 01:10:28,941 --> 01:10:30,306 Yeah? 751 01:10:30,476 --> 01:10:34,344 We're gonna clear the area of all incoming and outgoing flights. 752 01:10:34,513 --> 01:10:38,210 All you're gonna have to worry about is to make a nice landing... 753 01:10:38,384 --> 01:10:40,079 ... right there on the tarmac. 754 01:10:40,252 --> 01:10:43,449 You'll go down gradually and just coast on in. 755 01:10:43,622 --> 01:10:48,559 - Okay. Okay. - Dad! Dad, you can't land on the tarmac! 756 01:10:48,727 --> 01:10:54,723 - Probably not, but I gotta try. - This is a seaplane, Dad, a seaplane! 757 01:10:54,900 --> 01:10:59,360 Tower! Tower! Mr. Tower, this is a seaplane! 758 01:10:59,538 --> 01:11:02,098 Damn, forgot. Right. Shoot. 759 01:11:02,274 --> 01:11:04,799 I'm getting so absent-minded. 760 01:11:04,977 --> 01:11:09,141 Even easier. You'll just land right there in the bay in front of the airport... 761 01:11:09,315 --> 01:11:11,306 ... and we'll come on out and get you. 762 01:11:11,483 --> 01:11:16,216 Now, just sit back, stay on course and relax. 763 01:11:16,388 --> 01:11:17,821 No sweat. 764 01:11:20,326 --> 01:11:21,850 How's Jack? 765 01:11:22,027 --> 01:11:24,587 Audrey's breathing into his mouth. 766 01:11:25,631 --> 01:11:27,861 Okay, easy does it. 767 01:11:28,033 --> 01:11:30,934 Loosen your clothing. Good. 768 01:11:31,103 --> 01:11:35,301 Planes will never replace boats as a means of transportation. 769 01:11:35,474 --> 01:11:39,308 - People like to stay close to terra firma. - Uncle Nick. 770 01:11:39,478 --> 01:11:42,106 Boats still sail on water, not earth. 771 01:11:42,648 --> 01:11:44,878 Okay, Eddie, we got you in sight now. 772 01:11:45,451 --> 01:11:46,713 There's the airport! 773 01:11:46,885 --> 01:11:50,719 Now, here's what we want you to do: We want you to look at the altimeter. 774 01:11:50,889 --> 01:11:52,789 - Where is it? - All right, calm down. 775 01:11:52,958 --> 01:11:56,291 It's the gauge on the right-hand side of the panel. 776 01:11:56,462 --> 01:12:02,367 You're now at 2000 feet. I want you to turn the wheel very slowly to your left... 777 01:12:02,534 --> 01:12:08,131 ... press it down gradually, very slowly. 778 01:12:11,610 --> 01:12:13,601 - And Eddie? - Yeah? 779 01:12:14,179 --> 01:12:16,170 Merry Christmas. Up. 780 01:12:16,882 --> 01:12:18,110 Up. 781 01:12:18,283 --> 01:12:22,344 Up! Pull it up, Eddie, come on! 782 01:12:22,521 --> 01:12:24,011 Oh, no. No! 783 01:12:24,556 --> 01:12:26,319 No, Eddie! 784 01:12:27,893 --> 01:12:32,592 Okay, Eddie, we're gonna try it again now, slowly. 785 01:12:32,765 --> 01:12:36,064 Slow, you damn idiot! Don't you know what slow means? 786 01:12:36,235 --> 01:12:39,671 Slow, you damn idiot! Don't you know what slow means? 787 01:12:42,174 --> 01:12:43,698 Muka? 788 01:12:43,876 --> 01:12:48,006 If we don't die, will you be my girlfriend? 789 01:12:48,180 --> 01:12:50,171 Well, thank you, Third. 790 01:12:51,784 --> 01:12:54,981 I think you're terrific, but I don't think you're quite... 791 01:12:55,154 --> 01:12:58,351 ...grown-up enough for me. - I am grown up. 792 01:12:58,524 --> 01:13:00,549 I've even seen a naked woman. 793 01:13:02,327 --> 01:13:05,728 Anyway, if we don't die, I'm going back to my husband. 794 01:13:05,898 --> 01:13:09,061 - Your husband? - Yes, Daniel. 795 01:13:10,035 --> 01:13:12,503 He lives in Indianapolis. 796 01:13:15,007 --> 01:13:18,340 Now, let's try it again there, Eddie, baby. And Eddie... 797 01:13:18,510 --> 01:13:21,570 ... you see that tall building with the glass all around it? 798 01:13:21,747 --> 01:13:25,740 Good. Whatever you do, don't hit that building. 799 01:13:25,918 --> 01:13:29,513 You see, that's the tower, Eddie, and that's where I am. 800 01:13:29,688 --> 01:13:33,249 Now, what we're gonna do, you're gonna turn the wheel slowly... 801 01:13:33,425 --> 01:13:36,326 ... to the left again and press down. 802 01:13:39,298 --> 01:13:41,323 No! No, Eddie! 803 01:13:41,500 --> 01:13:44,128 No! No! 804 01:13:56,181 --> 01:13:59,548 Dad, it's just like the time you drove the RV... 805 01:13:59,718 --> 01:14:02,744 ...off the side of the mountain and broke your leg. 806 01:14:02,921 --> 01:14:04,684 Only, more dangerous. 807 01:14:07,426 --> 01:14:11,419 It's more like the time you were fishing off that bridge and reached down... 808 01:14:11,597 --> 01:14:14,964 ...to tie your shoelaces and fell 50 feet into the water. 809 01:14:15,134 --> 01:14:17,568 Only, this time we could all die. 810 01:14:20,506 --> 01:14:24,340 You can do it, Dad, I know you can. 811 01:14:49,835 --> 01:14:51,063 Oh, my. 812 01:14:51,236 --> 01:14:53,363 Oh, my. 813 01:15:05,217 --> 01:15:07,583 Oh, my God! 814 01:15:21,233 --> 01:15:22,723 Bingo. 815 01:15:31,210 --> 01:15:32,871 And merry Christmas, Maluka. 816 01:15:33,045 --> 01:15:36,412 We all heard about the shipwrecked Johnsons. Here's a video... 817 01:15:36,582 --> 01:15:41,383 ... from their daughter, currently appearing at the Bare Bottom Club in Las Vegas. 818 01:15:53,198 --> 01:15:56,463 Merry Christmas, Third! How's my boy? 819 01:15:56,635 --> 01:15:59,968 Aunt Jessica, you wouldn't believe what we've been through. 820 01:16:00,138 --> 01:16:02,868 Not gonna show me travel movies, are you, Third? 821 01:16:03,041 --> 01:16:04,235 Later. 822 01:16:04,409 --> 01:16:07,776 Okay, so where's that old man of mine? 823 01:16:07,946 --> 01:16:09,971 - And where are your folks? - Oh, well... 824 01:16:10,148 --> 01:16:14,244 ...my Mom and Dad and cousin Audrey are visiting a friend in the hospital. 825 01:16:14,419 --> 01:16:17,820 Dad dropped a rock on him and gave him a brain concussion. 826 01:16:17,990 --> 01:16:21,118 - And Uncle Nick's resting. - You go up and tell him I'm here. 827 01:16:21,293 --> 01:16:24,319 If I walk in on him, he's liable to have a heart attack. 828 01:16:24,496 --> 01:16:25,986 Sure. 829 01:16:29,901 --> 01:16:33,200 Aunt Jessica, you didn't, did you? 830 01:16:34,506 --> 01:16:36,235 Don't ask. 831 01:16:40,712 --> 01:16:43,875 Boy, that Jack. He is okay, isn't he? What a great guy. 832 01:16:44,049 --> 01:16:47,143 And he didn't even mention that I almost killed him. 833 01:16:47,319 --> 01:16:49,219 I can't believe it. 834 01:16:49,388 --> 01:16:52,619 He's married. Five kids. 835 01:16:52,791 --> 01:16:55,919 I mean, my God, can't any man be trusted? 836 01:16:56,561 --> 01:17:00,520 He was the great love of my life. I'll never love again. 837 01:17:02,234 --> 01:17:03,701 Merry Christmas! 838 01:17:04,369 --> 01:17:05,529 Merry Christmas. 839 01:17:05,704 --> 01:17:09,265 - Is he all right? - It's my husband. 840 01:17:09,441 --> 01:17:11,136 Nervous breakdown. 841 01:17:11,943 --> 01:17:14,173 Merry Christmas! 842 01:17:15,580 --> 01:17:18,140 I'm so sorry. How long has he been like this? 843 01:17:18,750 --> 01:17:21,913 Since this morning. He's an air traffic controller. 844 01:17:26,758 --> 01:17:28,020 Hey, buddy! 845 01:17:28,193 --> 01:17:30,320 Merry Christmas! 846 01:17:31,229 --> 01:17:32,958 Come on, buddy, snap out of it. 847 01:17:33,131 --> 01:17:36,100 Snap out of it! 848 01:17:36,268 --> 01:17:37,997 No, Eddie! 849 01:17:38,170 --> 01:17:41,162 Bless you! Oh, thank you! 850 01:17:41,340 --> 01:17:44,867 You are a miracle worker. 851 01:17:46,144 --> 01:17:48,806 Come on, let's get back to the motel. 852 01:17:49,915 --> 01:17:51,883 I may become a nun. 853 01:17:56,755 --> 01:17:58,347 Aunt Jessica. 854 01:17:59,991 --> 01:18:03,222 So you finally got tired of that young fellow... 855 01:18:03,395 --> 01:18:06,660 ...and you decided to come crawling back to Uncle Nick. 856 01:18:07,399 --> 01:18:09,697 And you're gonna take her back, I suppose. 857 01:18:10,302 --> 01:18:13,271 Well, I have seen it all now. 858 01:18:13,438 --> 01:18:16,839 If anybody wants me, I'll be in the can. 859 01:18:22,013 --> 01:18:25,449 I'm sorry for that little unpleasantness, darling. 860 01:18:26,551 --> 01:18:30,180 That pig snot never did have no manners. 861 01:18:30,889 --> 01:18:35,588 When you're finished, get your butt into the kitchen and fix me a decent dinner. 862 01:18:35,761 --> 01:18:39,060 I've been eating nothing but burnt pig and bananas. 863 01:18:59,751 --> 01:19:02,151 They're waiting for you inside, Eddie. 864 01:19:02,320 --> 01:19:04,413 Thank you, Milwaukee. 865 01:19:04,990 --> 01:19:06,582 Hi, Muka. 866 01:19:07,125 --> 01:19:09,355 There's something I've gotta tell you. 867 01:19:10,996 --> 01:19:15,228 You know, I'm sorry about asking you to be my girl... 868 01:19:18,470 --> 01:19:20,563 ...but I'm engaged. 869 01:19:23,141 --> 01:19:25,974 She's beautiful. 870 01:19:28,547 --> 01:19:30,777 Well, it'll take a while to get over it. 871 01:19:32,150 --> 01:19:33,708 Yeah. 872 01:19:36,822 --> 01:19:37,982 Eddie! 873 01:19:38,156 --> 01:19:42,684 Eddie, Eddie, Eddie! 874 01:19:45,964 --> 01:19:49,058 Oh, Professor Doornitz! 875 01:19:51,536 --> 01:19:55,734 We are so proud of you. All the newspapers carried your story. 876 01:19:56,708 --> 01:20:00,735 Shipwrecked, swam 30 miles to rescue your family... 877 01:20:00,912 --> 01:20:03,608 ...built a two-story house with your own hands... 878 01:20:03,782 --> 01:20:06,478 ...killed a wild boar with manicure scissors! 879 01:20:07,786 --> 01:20:09,276 Well... 880 01:20:14,726 --> 01:20:16,785 What's he doing here? 881 01:20:16,962 --> 01:20:19,829 You're replacing him. He's here on vacation. 882 01:20:23,668 --> 01:20:25,966 Oh, no. 883 01:20:26,471 --> 01:20:28,701 I'm staying right here. 884 01:20:28,874 --> 01:20:32,833 I got myself a new job. 885 01:20:37,549 --> 01:20:39,073 Well, Roy... 886 01:20:39,251 --> 01:20:43,278 ...looks like this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. 887 01:22:43,279 --> 01:22:46,079 Ripped by: SkyFury