The squirrels in the ducts are still there.
- I hear 'em. - Uh-huh.
I feel like they're staring to...
you know, the one with the... I feel...
No one thinks that it sounds a little bit like,
a tiny bit like they're singing?
At all?
They're not words but, you know...
- It's... Yeah, I know what you mean. - They're not singing. I'm not crazy.
What do you hear them singing, Jim?
I don't... See, I knew you're gonna be...
Everybody's gonna be dicks.
I don't think the squirrels in the ducts are singing "words."
They're not... They're not Marvin Hamlisch.
Maybe, just maybe... you need to take a break.
You've been here for a long, damn time
and maybe you need to just take a break.
There's a spa, you know, outside of Primm...
- Yeah. - ... that's very nice.
Are you guys doing Of Mice and Men
where you lead me out to Primm and then you shoot me in the head?
- No! - No!
- God damn it. - You can Google it.
- There's a very nice kind of a... - Yeah.
... like a spa thing...
Why is everybody so excited for me to go to Primm?
- What's going on? - We're not excited.
- We're worried about you. - We just think you need a break.
You just said that the squirrels were singing.
Not words! They're not making words!
I didn't say they were making words!
Jim, go to Primm.
- Yeah, yeah, I'll go to Primm. - I think we all could use a break.
I'll go to Primm.
- Oh, I hear 'em singing. - See?
Hey! I'm in a limo... sort of car.
- Hi! - Hey!
Just twerking in a limo.
- Twerking in a limo. - Don't hate.
- Don't hate.
That's not safe, Jim.
Do I have taffy in my teeth?
- Yes. - Oh, my God.
- Quite a bit. I can't... - Well, get it.
Guys, guys, guys.
Cut that shit out. You want a bullet in my head?
- No, sir. - No, sir. Sorry, sir.
Decoy is called "Disco Duck," all right?
- So it's not the real one. - It's not the real Bernie.
We're gonna take the real Bernie offstage.
- Okay. - Through the back.
You're gonna take the Disco Duck through the front
so everybody can see him, cause a distraction.
- You understand? - Yes, sir.
- That guy was cool. - That guy was so fucking cool.
- So fucking cool, man. - Wow!
Disco Duck.
- Oh, my gosh! - Wow!
- How're you doin'? - You're not...
Pleasure to meet you, "Bernie."
All right, your country depends on you.
- Check. - All right.
- Neat, neat. - Wow.
Hey. How are you guys?
So we can talk to you, really?
- Yeah, of course you can. - Okay.
- I'm just a guy... - Oh, God. It just felt weird.
I'm just an actor from LA. Just a guy.
- Wow! - That's... Wow!
- Wow! - I thought I recognized you.
I don't know if you're fans of Hogan's Heroes?
- Who isn't? Come on. No. - Uh...
I was an extra a lot on that show.
- That's where I've seen you. - Yeah.
I got to be really good friends with one Robert Crane.
Oh.
- Wow! - What a great guy...
- Wow. - Yeah.
- If you know anything about... - I don't, but I heard...
- I mean, he seems amazing. - He was so...
I wondered what happened to him 'cause he was so...
- Handsome. So handsome. - He got killed by a good friend of his.
Oh. Me, him and Schultz, right?
- Oh, Schultz? - You know the Sergeant?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
"No, no, no! No one is saying... "
We used to gallivant around Sunset Boulevard.
- No. - Wow!
- Having so much sex.
No, I'm talking about just blowjob...
Hey, you guys like to party?
- You guys like to party a little bit? - Uh...
Oh, heck.
- I am gonna look up for a second. - We're gonna look that way.
- Yeah. - Oh. There she is.
- Yeah! - Okay.
- Hello. - No, thank you.
If I say "no, thank you"...
Hold my call. Hello.
This is Jackie. Yes.
- You don't get service. - Shh. Shut the...
Hey, you gotta pick this stuff up.
You have to pick it all up, how 'bout that?
- Oh, no, no, no, no. - Come on!
- Now you have to pick it all up. - No. No. No, Jackie.
- Don't touch! That's my stuff. - What are they?
Poussin, smartass. What do you think this is?
It's used condoms and teeth in the bottom of the baggy.
Everybody's got those.
Jackie, please come with us.
- We don't wanna touch you. - You think I don't...
Please, come on. Just...
- That came out of my nose. - Oh, man!
- This happened again. - Let's do a thing.
- Just follow... follow me. - Okay.
Hey, the two of us would like to, uh...
to, uh, uh, obtain your services, so...
- But we want to do it... Yeah. - ... in the car.
God damn, I haven't even had breakfast yet.
Well, let me first make sure I'm not pregnant.
What're you doing? Oh, don't! No, don't pee!
Hold on! It's for your own good. You want to fuckin'...
You want to pay alimony for the rest of the year?
That would be the least of my worries, that you're pregnant...
- I'm checking it. I'm checking it. - She just peed...
No, we're good. Where do you want it?
- In the car. - Yeah.
- In the butt? - Yeah.
Oh.
- But, yes. But in the car. - Okay.
- Come on. - I don't feel like it!
- Let's go. - What kind of party can we have
with a laxative and some petroleum jelly?
- It's nice in here. - Yeah, there you go.
- Okay. - Put that up.
- Okay. - Help.
Oh, I'm shitting.
- You said you're shitting? - No!
- I'm gonna look over here. - Oh, what!
How did you get the decoy work?
I've done decoy work before.
- I did Biden when he was VP. - You did Biden?
I've done the late Joe McCarthy who ran the blacklist...
- Wonderful guy. - Okay, guys. Thirty seconds to Disco Duck.
- Thirty seconds to Disco Duck. - Thank God.
- Okay. - He's really with you, right?
Twenty-five seconds.
Look, I'm gonna take a little hit...
- I'm gonna look the other way. - Before we go...
- Ten seconds to Disco Duck! - Yes, sir.
- Okay. - Here we go.
- You kinda have some... - Here, here, here.
You sure you're good? 'Cause that was kind of a lot. Okay.
Here we go. Here he is, everybody.
- Just move him. Just move him. - That's him.
Nothing to see here.
I am the real Bernie.
- That's him. - Bernie!
- That's him. - I am the real Bernie.
Shit. Shit!
Can we get him in?
- He's fine! - Shit.
Oh, my God!
You got the EpiPen or anything? He's not breathing.
- Oh, he's dead. - Oh, God!
- We were in a car with a dead guy. - He's dead, he's dead. What do we do?
- We're in so much trouble. - We just call the Secret Service.
- What do we do? What do we do? - Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Check it out.
- Check it out. Check it out. - That's me.
- Oh, my God. - That's you!
- Hey, we're on the news! Look at that! - We're on TV!
- Wow! - Wow!
We're also on this one.
Oh, uh-oh.
- Oh, Honolulu. - Whoo! Neat.
"Bernie Sanders collapses dead in the Reno-Sparks Convention Center."
Let's dump him. Let's just dump him.
Let's just push him out of the car.
We're in Sparks now, a little bit.
- If Sparks SD finds a body? - Not our problem.
- With my fingerprints? - Oh, fuck.
Sorry, sir.
All right, I got it. I'll hold on to it. I'll hold on to it.
- I'll put it in evidence. - Okay.
- Somebody know what these are? - Uh...
- Watch him. - Yeah. No, no, no, I take these.
- Yeah. - Yeah, I take these.
- Those are like mama's little helpers. - Those are mama's little helpers.
- Never doing that. - Pulled these off of him earlier.
These will help carry him. If we're gonna...
We're gonna carry him.
If we're gonna carry him 40 feet, I'm just sayin'.
Sorry.
- Okay. Yeah, let's do it. - Whoo!
- Hi! - Bernie, Bernie, Bernie!
Bernie, Bernie, Bernie! Bernie, Bernie, Bernie!
Go, go, go, go, go!
Holy shit, Susan Sarandon!