1 00:00:12,070 --> 00:00:13,537 Pull over, and exit your vehicle 2 00:00:13,571 --> 00:00:15,172 With your hands in the air! 3 00:00:15,207 --> 00:00:17,140 Pull over, and-- Oh, son of a bitch. 4 00:00:17,175 --> 00:00:18,676 He's ditching! He's ditching! 5 00:00:18,710 --> 00:00:22,179 Freeze, motherfucker! Goddamn it! I lost him! 6 00:00:22,214 --> 00:00:23,413 Talk to me! Talk to me, people. 7 00:00:23,448 --> 00:00:24,614 You have a 20 on him? 8 00:00:24,649 --> 00:00:25,616 Man: he's in the back of the house. 9 00:00:25,650 --> 00:00:26,617 He's running through the backyard. 10 00:00:26,651 --> 00:00:28,518 Ok, lieutenant, turn right. Turn right. 11 00:00:28,553 --> 00:00:29,920 This way? That--That way? 12 00:00:29,955 --> 00:00:31,555 Stage--My left or my right? 13 00:00:31,590 --> 00:00:32,623 Your right. 14 00:00:32,657 --> 00:00:33,624 Stage right! 15 00:00:33,659 --> 00:00:35,393 Suspect is entering the property... 16 00:00:35,427 --> 00:00:38,061 Talk to me! Come on, motherfuckers! 17 00:00:38,096 --> 00:00:40,464 You're the one with the fucking view, dumb ass! 18 00:00:40,499 --> 00:00:41,631 You got him. Go! 19 00:00:41,666 --> 00:00:42,800 This way? Right here? 20 00:00:42,834 --> 00:00:43,834 He's right on the other side of that door. 21 00:00:43,868 --> 00:00:44,835 Go, go, go! 22 00:00:44,869 --> 00:00:46,771 Yes or no? Yes or no, dumb ass? 23 00:00:46,805 --> 00:00:48,105 Yes, lieutenant. 24 00:00:49,908 --> 00:00:51,208 Gaah! 25 00:00:53,044 --> 00:00:56,714 Yeah, who's the fucking dumb ass now? 26 00:00:56,748 --> 00:00:58,548 Son of a bitch. Goddamn it! 27 00:01:00,318 --> 00:01:02,186 [Tires screech] 28 00:01:02,220 --> 00:01:03,187 Come on. 29 00:01:03,221 --> 00:01:05,522 They all have guns! 30 00:01:09,260 --> 00:01:10,861 Whoo hoo! 31 00:01:12,998 --> 00:01:14,198 Ow! 32 00:01:14,232 --> 00:01:15,532 Push them together? 33 00:01:15,567 --> 00:01:17,234 Sheriffs department! Off your bike. 34 00:01:19,104 --> 00:01:20,971 Oh! God! 35 00:01:30,048 --> 00:01:31,481 [All talking at once] 36 00:01:31,515 --> 00:01:32,850 Aah! 37 00:01:32,884 --> 00:01:34,251 [Siren] 38 00:01:34,286 --> 00:01:37,287 Captioning made possible by mtv networks 39 00:01:40,125 --> 00:01:41,758 Dangle: good morning, gang. 40 00:01:41,793 --> 00:01:46,296 Oh. Hey, the--The people who make our new ammunition... 41 00:01:46,330 --> 00:01:50,400 Um...it's coming in from china. 42 00:01:50,434 --> 00:01:52,903 So basically, they've said, be patient with it. 43 00:01:52,937 --> 00:01:54,705 If it don't go, you just shake it out of the gun. 44 00:01:54,739 --> 00:01:55,906 Shake it. Shake it. Shake it. 45 00:01:55,940 --> 00:01:56,907 Shake it out of the gun, it'll fall out. 46 00:01:56,941 --> 00:01:58,075 I don't why this would ever come up, 47 00:01:58,109 --> 00:01:59,743 But they also said, never, ever, ever 48 00:01:59,777 --> 00:02:02,179 Put our new ammunition in your mouth. 49 00:02:02,213 --> 00:02:03,314 Ever. 50 00:02:03,348 --> 00:02:04,882 Williams: trudy? My bad. 51 00:02:04,916 --> 00:02:07,985 Um...as you know, they're removing all the asbestos 52 00:02:08,019 --> 00:02:09,353 Out of the station, 53 00:02:09,387 --> 00:02:12,689 Which apparently made up 80% to 85% of the infrastructure. 54 00:02:12,724 --> 00:02:14,691 I actually heard the cafeteria trays were made of asbestos. 55 00:02:14,725 --> 00:02:16,326 The trays were also made of asbestos. 56 00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:18,929 Um, they said, within the next 5, 6 days, 57 00:02:18,963 --> 00:02:20,297 It'll all be removed, 58 00:02:20,331 --> 00:02:21,532 Uh, we can go back to the station, 59 00:02:21,566 --> 00:02:24,835 And meanwhile, we'll be operating out of, uh... 60 00:02:24,870 --> 00:02:26,804 Captain crabby's shrimp wharf here. 61 00:02:26,838 --> 00:02:28,839 Everybody get their settlement check? 62 00:02:28,874 --> 00:02:29,840 71 bucks. 63 00:02:29,874 --> 00:02:30,841 Whoo! Yeah. 64 00:02:30,876 --> 00:02:32,677 Not bad, huh? Not bad. 65 00:02:32,711 --> 00:02:36,113 The, uh--The new rape kits are in metric. 66 00:02:36,148 --> 00:02:37,114 That's why we can't figure them out. 67 00:02:37,148 --> 00:02:38,815 Oh no. 68 00:02:38,850 --> 00:02:40,650 They are in metric, so here's the thing-- 69 00:02:40,685 --> 00:02:44,521 What's in a rape kit? Like, a gag and choloroform? 70 00:02:44,555 --> 00:02:46,456 Hey, bernie. Thanks. 71 00:02:46,491 --> 00:02:47,658 I just don't mean to interrupt. 72 00:02:47,692 --> 00:02:48,826 Mmm. 73 00:02:48,860 --> 00:02:49,993 We really appreciate you guys being here. Sure. 74 00:02:50,028 --> 00:02:51,862 If you could just cut out the foul language. 75 00:02:51,896 --> 00:02:53,397 The language. Sure, sure, sure, absolutely. 76 00:02:53,432 --> 00:02:54,398 And hey, and it's bernie? 77 00:02:54,432 --> 00:02:55,832 Mm-Hmm, bernie, yeah. 78 00:02:55,867 --> 00:02:57,968 Um...did we establish that we are all on separate checks? 79 00:02:58,002 --> 00:02:59,169 Yeah, separate checks. 80 00:02:59,203 --> 00:03:00,404 Separate checks. Great. Awesome. 81 00:03:00,439 --> 00:03:01,438 Thanks a lot. Thanks, bernie. Mm-Hmm. 82 00:03:01,472 --> 00:03:03,440 Junior: oh, come on. Come on, man. 83 00:03:03,475 --> 00:03:05,743 Don't make a difference for me. I'm free. 84 00:03:05,777 --> 00:03:08,078 What--What did you get there, jack? 85 00:03:08,113 --> 00:03:09,513 This is the "bet you can't." 86 00:03:09,548 --> 00:03:11,515 This is the first of 5 plates. 87 00:03:11,549 --> 00:03:16,153 If you can eat 7 pounds of fried seafood, it's free. 88 00:03:16,187 --> 00:03:19,223 Hey, jim, smell my fingers. It smells like vag. 89 00:03:20,658 --> 00:03:21,892 It's just crab. 90 00:03:21,926 --> 00:03:22,893 It smells exactly like vag. 91 00:03:22,928 --> 00:03:24,361 Smells like crab vag. 92 00:03:28,066 --> 00:03:30,000 We are on, uh, special assignment 93 00:03:30,035 --> 00:03:32,303 For the state's attorney's office, 94 00:03:32,337 --> 00:03:36,773 Uh, picking up convicted serial murderer calvin robin tomlinson. 95 00:03:36,808 --> 00:03:38,575 Uh, i guess he cut some kind of deal 96 00:03:38,610 --> 00:03:40,143 With the state's attorney's office. 97 00:03:40,177 --> 00:03:44,080 Uh, if he shows us where the body of his last victim is buried. 98 00:03:44,115 --> 00:03:45,682 I guess he gets a reduced sentence. 99 00:03:45,716 --> 00:03:46,683 [Buzzer] 100 00:03:46,718 --> 00:03:47,751 Man: prisoners walking! 101 00:03:47,785 --> 00:03:48,986 I don't think that's right, 102 00:03:49,020 --> 00:03:51,354 I don't, either, but... 103 00:03:51,389 --> 00:03:54,291 We want to help the family bury their loved one. 104 00:03:54,326 --> 00:03:55,893 So what are you gonna do? 105 00:03:58,896 --> 00:04:01,765 Keep both eyes on this pyschopath at all times, all right? 106 00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:04,168 He's slippery. I certainly will. 107 00:04:04,202 --> 00:04:06,236 I'm literally slippery. 108 00:04:06,270 --> 00:04:07,904 Don't try to humor me, sir. 109 00:04:07,938 --> 00:04:09,273 Don't engage me. 110 00:04:09,307 --> 00:04:10,808 Don't humor me, and don't engage me, sir. 111 00:04:10,842 --> 00:04:12,209 Ok! Redy to go? 112 00:04:12,243 --> 00:04:13,944 Shotgun! Heh heh heh! 113 00:04:13,978 --> 00:04:15,045 Yes. 114 00:04:15,079 --> 00:04:17,148 Shotgun, seriously. 115 00:04:17,182 --> 00:04:19,349 I would like to ride in the front seat. 116 00:04:19,384 --> 00:04:20,651 No. Please? 117 00:04:20,685 --> 00:04:21,652 No, sir. You will not ride shotgun in the vehicle. 118 00:04:21,686 --> 00:04:22,819 Take me back. 119 00:04:22,854 --> 00:04:24,088 No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 120 00:04:24,122 --> 00:04:26,023 Mr. Tomlinson? Ok. 121 00:04:26,057 --> 00:04:27,023 If you ride in the front, 122 00:04:27,058 --> 00:04:28,058 Will you show us where the body is, 123 00:04:28,092 --> 00:04:29,059 Very quickly, please? 124 00:04:29,093 --> 00:04:30,260 Yes, i will. 125 00:04:30,294 --> 00:04:31,061 Fine. You can ride shotgun. 126 00:04:31,096 --> 00:04:32,062 Thank you, mustache. 127 00:04:32,096 --> 00:04:33,297 Don't call me mustache. 128 00:04:36,301 --> 00:04:39,103 Freeze! Sheriff's department! 129 00:04:39,137 --> 00:04:41,505 Sir, don't make me do this! 130 00:04:41,539 --> 00:04:42,673 [Gunshots] 131 00:04:42,707 --> 00:04:45,241 Freeze! Freeze! 132 00:04:45,276 --> 00:04:46,443 Sir! 133 00:04:48,179 --> 00:04:49,179 Damn it! Damn it! 134 00:04:49,213 --> 00:04:51,682 He's jacking that car! 135 00:04:51,716 --> 00:04:52,783 Don't do that! 136 00:04:52,817 --> 00:04:54,350 Don't--Goddamn it. 137 00:04:54,385 --> 00:04:56,120 [Yelling in italian] 138 00:04:56,154 --> 00:04:57,521 Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 139 00:04:57,556 --> 00:05:00,056 Whoa! Sheriff's department! 140 00:05:00,091 --> 00:05:01,125 We need this van! 141 00:05:01,159 --> 00:05:02,192 We have to commandeer your vehicle! 142 00:05:02,226 --> 00:05:03,860 We have to commandeer this vehicle! 143 00:05:03,894 --> 00:05:04,862 Need you to follow that car! 144 00:05:04,896 --> 00:05:06,096 Woman: this is exciting. 145 00:05:06,130 --> 00:05:08,899 Pull over! Sheriff's department! 146 00:05:08,934 --> 00:05:11,401 Well, it looks like we've been commandeered 147 00:05:11,436 --> 00:05:12,403 By the reno sheriff's department. 148 00:05:12,437 --> 00:05:13,804 Isn't this exciting? Oh! 149 00:05:13,838 --> 00:05:15,806 [Speaking japanese] 150 00:05:15,840 --> 00:05:17,340 Deputy rizzo. 151 00:05:17,375 --> 00:05:20,877 Oh! This is exciting. He knows japanese. 152 00:05:20,912 --> 00:05:23,514 We are a very mutlticultural city. 153 00:05:23,548 --> 00:05:27,217 On the left, you'll see our bowling hall of fame. Yes! 154 00:05:27,252 --> 00:05:28,618 I bowled a perfect game one time. 155 00:05:28,653 --> 00:05:30,053 That's exciting! 156 00:05:30,088 --> 00:05:31,421 Right here on the right 157 00:05:31,455 --> 00:05:34,191 Is where they used to hold divorces. 158 00:05:34,225 --> 00:05:37,794 Before 1950, this was the only place you could really get a divorce. 159 00:05:37,829 --> 00:05:40,530 Right here, this is the mayor's house. 160 00:05:40,564 --> 00:05:42,132 Mayor hernandez-- 161 00:05:42,167 --> 00:05:44,968 He was not indicted on those charges, 162 00:05:45,002 --> 00:05:46,570 Contrary to popular belief. 163 00:05:46,604 --> 00:05:47,638 Oh, god! 164 00:05:47,672 --> 00:05:48,638 If you look-- 165 00:05:48,673 --> 00:05:50,540 [All screaming] 166 00:05:52,977 --> 00:05:55,812 Yeah. Uh-Huh. 167 00:05:55,846 --> 00:05:57,081 How's everybody doing? 168 00:05:57,115 --> 00:05:59,116 That was fun, huh? 169 00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:01,051 Yeah! Thank you. 170 00:06:05,156 --> 00:06:06,123 Mr. Tomlinson? 171 00:06:06,157 --> 00:06:08,292 The sky is so beautifully... 172 00:06:08,326 --> 00:06:09,526 This is not a sightseeing trip. 173 00:06:09,561 --> 00:06:10,627 This is not a sightseeing trip. 174 00:06:10,661 --> 00:06:12,228 This is not a trip to legoland. 175 00:06:12,263 --> 00:06:13,564 We are not going to legoland today. 176 00:06:13,598 --> 00:06:15,031 Do you understand me? 177 00:06:15,066 --> 00:06:16,099 Do you understand me? 178 00:06:16,133 --> 00:06:17,100 Yes. I understand what you're saying. 179 00:06:17,135 --> 00:06:18,101 Are you listening to me? 180 00:06:18,135 --> 00:06:19,103 What does that mean, two fingers... 181 00:06:19,137 --> 00:06:20,537 I mean, look at my eyes. 182 00:06:20,571 --> 00:06:22,038 Is that listening or looking? 183 00:06:22,073 --> 00:06:23,540 Because you-- You're talking listening, 184 00:06:23,574 --> 00:06:24,541 And then you're pointing at your eyes. 185 00:06:24,575 --> 00:06:25,775 Listen and look at me! 186 00:06:25,810 --> 00:06:28,512 Your only job today... 187 00:06:28,546 --> 00:06:29,947 Yes! 188 00:06:29,981 --> 00:06:31,181 Is to take you to the body. 189 00:06:31,215 --> 00:06:32,182 Take me to the body. 190 00:06:32,217 --> 00:06:33,183 I completely understand. 191 00:06:33,217 --> 00:06:34,318 North, south, east, west-- 192 00:06:34,352 --> 00:06:35,352 Where am i going? 193 00:06:35,386 --> 00:06:37,487 Ok. One quick pit stop. 194 00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:40,791 I need a delicious frozen slushy fountain beverage, 195 00:06:40,825 --> 00:06:42,325 And then we'll go straight to the body. 196 00:06:42,359 --> 00:06:43,360 Oh, hell, no. No. 197 00:06:43,395 --> 00:06:44,527 One quick stop, 7 minutes. 198 00:06:44,562 --> 00:06:45,929 Hell and no. I agree with williams on this. 199 00:06:45,963 --> 00:06:46,930 Hell and no. 200 00:06:46,965 --> 00:06:47,964 Take me back to jail immediately. 201 00:06:47,998 --> 00:06:48,966 I'm already riding in the back. 202 00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:50,000 Take me back to jail! 203 00:06:50,034 --> 00:06:55,072 If...i buy you a fountain slushy, 204 00:06:55,106 --> 00:06:56,173 You will show us where the body is, correct? 205 00:06:56,207 --> 00:06:57,941 I'm finding it difficult to concentrate. 206 00:06:57,975 --> 00:06:59,175 Because of the weapon? 207 00:06:59,210 --> 00:07:01,478 No, because your hand, it's touching my shoulder. 208 00:07:04,715 --> 00:07:07,551 $115,000 damage to automobiles. 209 00:07:07,585 --> 00:07:08,552 That's right. 210 00:07:08,586 --> 00:07:09,553 Ran over stop signs. Sure did. 211 00:07:09,587 --> 00:07:11,522 Broke a storefront window. Yep. 212 00:07:11,556 --> 00:07:13,691 3 japanese tourists have whiplash, 213 00:07:13,725 --> 00:07:15,692 And we're getting sued by the tour company. 214 00:07:15,726 --> 00:07:17,694 It's a goddman team. Work like a team member. 215 00:07:17,728 --> 00:07:19,330 I got the mayor breathing down my throat. 216 00:07:19,364 --> 00:07:21,965 I got the commissioner asking me to take your badge. 217 00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:23,600 Oh, fuck the mayor. Fuck the commissioner. 218 00:07:23,634 --> 00:07:25,469 No, you know what? Fuck you, rizzo! 219 00:07:25,503 --> 00:07:28,771 Fuck you! Fuck fuck you! 220 00:07:28,806 --> 00:07:29,973 Guys. Guys. 221 00:07:30,008 --> 00:07:31,308 Keep it down? 222 00:07:32,610 --> 00:07:35,112 Fuck me? No, fuck you, rizzo. 223 00:07:35,146 --> 00:07:36,279 Fuck you. 224 00:07:36,314 --> 00:07:37,614 I've been on the street. I know what it's like. 225 00:07:37,648 --> 00:07:38,782 But you play within the rules. 226 00:07:38,816 --> 00:07:39,883 You bend them, but you don't break them. 227 00:07:39,917 --> 00:07:41,418 You're breaking the goddamn rules. 228 00:07:41,453 --> 00:07:43,319 You're breaking my ass, and i'm sick of it. 229 00:07:43,354 --> 00:07:44,521 I want your badge, 230 00:07:44,556 --> 00:07:46,423 And i want your goddamn gun, you understand? 231 00:07:46,457 --> 00:07:47,924 Ok! I'll give you my glasses, too! And my badge. 232 00:07:47,959 --> 00:07:48,925 Guys? 233 00:07:48,959 --> 00:07:51,828 Gonna have to ask you to leave. 234 00:07:51,863 --> 00:07:53,864 Ok. Man, i'm sorry. 235 00:07:55,566 --> 00:07:57,834 Well, just--Where we are usually, we can be loud. 236 00:07:57,869 --> 00:07:59,603 So it's--It's hard to get used to accommodating-- 237 00:07:59,637 --> 00:08:02,739 Um, could i get that to go? 238 00:08:02,774 --> 00:08:05,442 Of course, yes. Of course. 239 00:08:10,281 --> 00:08:12,282 One false move, i swear... 240 00:08:12,317 --> 00:08:13,349 You swear what? 241 00:08:13,384 --> 00:08:15,685 One false move, calvin, and i swear... 242 00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:17,754 Ok. Take me back, because maybe i would like 243 00:08:17,788 --> 00:08:19,022 To make a false move now and again. 244 00:08:19,056 --> 00:08:20,524 Enjoy your root beer float! 245 00:08:20,558 --> 00:08:21,525 Can i make a false move? 246 00:08:21,559 --> 00:08:22,525 Enjoy the float! Enjoy the float. 247 00:08:22,559 --> 00:08:23,694 Here i go. Nope. 248 00:08:23,728 --> 00:08:26,563 That was a false move, and you were fine, ok? 249 00:08:26,597 --> 00:08:27,997 We're fine, and you will get to see the body. 250 00:08:28,032 --> 00:08:29,065 We are fine. 251 00:08:29,100 --> 00:08:30,266 Lift it for me. 252 00:08:30,301 --> 00:08:31,368 Feed me. 253 00:08:31,403 --> 00:08:33,636 Bring it closer. Angle it. 254 00:08:33,671 --> 00:08:35,772 40 degrees. Too much. 255 00:08:38,309 --> 00:08:39,309 Calvin... 256 00:08:39,343 --> 00:08:41,845 This is-- This is stupid. 257 00:08:41,879 --> 00:08:43,079 Don't deep-Throat the straw. 258 00:08:43,114 --> 00:08:44,181 Don't you deep-Throat-- 259 00:08:44,215 --> 00:08:45,181 Is he deep-Throating the straw? 260 00:08:45,216 --> 00:08:46,383 He is. 261 00:08:46,417 --> 00:08:47,551 It's the only way i know how to drink. 262 00:08:47,585 --> 00:08:49,186 It's not the only way you know how to drink. 263 00:08:49,220 --> 00:08:50,520 Do you have to use the potty? 264 00:08:50,554 --> 00:08:51,555 Yes. 265 00:08:51,589 --> 00:08:52,756 You do? 266 00:08:52,790 --> 00:08:54,457 Nnn...not anymore. 267 00:08:55,660 --> 00:08:56,893 Did you tinkle yourself? 268 00:08:56,928 --> 00:08:58,094 A little bit. 269 00:09:06,704 --> 00:09:07,871 Yeah, we're not allowed back in the station 270 00:09:07,905 --> 00:09:09,573 For at least, i think, ooh, 271 00:09:09,607 --> 00:09:11,308 What is it, like, 6 days 272 00:09:11,342 --> 00:09:13,109 While they remove all of the asbestos 273 00:09:13,144 --> 00:09:17,714 That apparently made up all the flooring tiles, all of the ceiling tiles. 274 00:09:17,748 --> 00:09:21,017 All of the insulation in the walls also was made of asbestos, 275 00:09:21,052 --> 00:09:22,218 Which i--Yeah. 276 00:09:22,253 --> 00:09:23,987 And for two months after they found the asbestos, 277 00:09:24,021 --> 00:09:25,722 They gave us little masks... mm-Hmm. 278 00:09:25,756 --> 00:09:27,323 Made of fucking asbestos. 279 00:09:27,358 --> 00:09:30,226 We found that out later, that's what they were made out of. 280 00:09:36,767 --> 00:09:38,701 So now that we're all good, 281 00:09:38,736 --> 00:09:40,070 Does anything around here look familiar? 282 00:09:40,104 --> 00:09:41,438 Are we gonna watch "cold mountain" 283 00:09:41,472 --> 00:09:43,540 At your house or at your house? 284 00:09:43,574 --> 00:09:44,674 What? 285 00:09:44,709 --> 00:09:46,042 Please? 286 00:09:46,076 --> 00:09:47,411 Seriously? You want to watch "cold mountain" first? 287 00:09:47,445 --> 00:09:49,346 With the director's commentary. 288 00:09:49,380 --> 00:09:53,016 After we watch "cold mountain" on vhs in my home... 289 00:09:53,051 --> 00:09:54,050 Mm-Hmm. 290 00:09:54,085 --> 00:09:55,218 You will show us where the body is. 291 00:09:55,252 --> 00:09:58,489 And you need to let me deep-Throat your pinky. 292 00:09:58,523 --> 00:09:59,489 No, sir. 293 00:09:59,523 --> 00:10:01,157 Deal's off. 294 00:10:01,192 --> 00:10:03,393 Do it. Do it. 295 00:10:03,427 --> 00:10:04,928 Williams: aww. 296 00:10:04,962 --> 00:10:06,429 No. No. Please? 297 00:10:06,463 --> 00:10:07,598 Ok. Enough! 298 00:10:07,632 --> 00:10:08,731 Now we're gonna watch "cold mountain," 299 00:10:08,766 --> 00:10:10,300 And then we go to the body, ok? 300 00:10:10,334 --> 00:10:11,635 Hit it. 301 00:10:13,037 --> 00:10:15,405 Oh! Well... 302 00:10:15,439 --> 00:10:16,473 It's better than i remember. 303 00:10:16,507 --> 00:10:17,740 It was long. 304 00:10:17,775 --> 00:10:19,243 But it's a beautiful movie. 305 00:10:19,277 --> 00:10:20,443 It really is. 306 00:10:20,478 --> 00:10:21,912 It is beautiful, and she-- Renee zellweger... 307 00:10:21,946 --> 00:10:23,079 I've written her so many letters, 308 00:10:23,113 --> 00:10:25,014 And i haven't heard back from her. 309 00:10:30,021 --> 00:10:32,989 Just a reminder that friday is class picture day. 310 00:10:33,023 --> 00:10:35,058 So if you can't actually order pictures, 311 00:10:35,092 --> 00:10:37,094 Please come and have your picture taken, anyway, 312 00:10:37,128 --> 00:10:39,396 So that we knew you existed. 313 00:10:39,430 --> 00:10:45,535 Um, so let's now welcome officer declan and deputy junior. 314 00:10:45,569 --> 00:10:47,004 Uh, before we get started, 315 00:10:47,038 --> 00:10:49,239 It's actually sergeant declan. 316 00:10:49,273 --> 00:10:52,542 I worked, uh, pretty hard for that, and, uh... 317 00:10:52,577 --> 00:10:54,411 It's just like the same way if someone's a doctor-- 318 00:10:54,445 --> 00:10:55,478 You call him doctor, not mister. 319 00:10:55,513 --> 00:10:57,581 Oh. I'm very sorry about that. 320 00:10:57,615 --> 00:11:00,617 Look. You can go ahead and do it again, quick. 321 00:11:00,651 --> 00:11:03,954 Let's please welcome sergeant declan... 322 00:11:03,988 --> 00:11:05,489 To the floor. 323 00:11:05,523 --> 00:11:08,591 We'd like to introduce you to another deputy we have: 324 00:11:08,626 --> 00:11:10,193 Ms. Ladybug! 325 00:11:10,227 --> 00:11:13,997 Everybody say, "good morning, ms. Ladybug." 326 00:11:15,499 --> 00:11:17,767 Who here likes to be tickled? 327 00:11:17,802 --> 00:11:20,237 I know i do. Yeah. 328 00:11:20,271 --> 00:11:25,108 And who here is under 15 years old? 329 00:11:25,142 --> 00:11:28,077 See? So is ms. Ladybug. 330 00:11:28,111 --> 00:11:29,947 That means that in the state of nevada, 331 00:11:29,981 --> 00:11:34,417 There are places where you can tickle ms. Ladybug... 332 00:11:34,452 --> 00:11:35,519 Like right there. 333 00:11:35,553 --> 00:11:36,887 That tickles! 334 00:11:36,921 --> 00:11:38,188 And then there are places 335 00:11:38,222 --> 00:11:41,524 Where you are not supposed to tickle ms. Ladybug. 336 00:11:41,558 --> 00:11:42,693 Rape! 337 00:11:42,727 --> 00:11:46,896 See? So, when ms. Ladybug asks, 338 00:11:46,931 --> 00:11:48,365 You can tickle ms. Lady-- Rape! 339 00:11:48,399 --> 00:11:49,633 Oh, come on. 340 00:11:49,667 --> 00:11:50,967 Rape! Come on. 341 00:11:51,001 --> 00:11:52,735 You saw where i touched her. You saw--That-- 342 00:11:52,770 --> 00:11:54,203 You saw where i touched her. 343 00:11:54,238 --> 00:11:55,205 Touched her in the head. 344 00:11:55,239 --> 00:11:57,207 All right. Sorry. Sorry, kids. 345 00:11:57,241 --> 00:11:58,241 I'll hold her down. Rape! 346 00:11:58,275 --> 00:11:59,242 Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. 347 00:11:59,277 --> 00:12:00,243 [Distorted] rape. 348 00:12:00,277 --> 00:12:02,378 Shut up. Shut up. 349 00:12:02,413 --> 00:12:03,446 [Distorted] rape. 350 00:12:03,480 --> 00:12:06,750 [Beeps] 351 00:12:06,784 --> 00:12:08,652 Any question, kids? 352 00:12:08,686 --> 00:12:09,920 Well...heh. 353 00:12:09,954 --> 00:12:12,389 Remind me to never get raped. 354 00:12:16,727 --> 00:12:17,894 How's it going? 355 00:12:17,929 --> 00:12:19,095 Hi! 356 00:12:19,130 --> 00:12:20,463 We saw your ad, terry. 357 00:12:20,497 --> 00:12:22,398 What? Which--Um... i don't-- 358 00:12:22,433 --> 00:12:24,133 The one that you put in where it says that 359 00:12:24,168 --> 00:12:25,335 You're givin out blow jobs 360 00:12:25,369 --> 00:12:26,903 Under the bleachers at the little league field. 361 00:12:26,938 --> 00:12:28,071 And ask for terry. 362 00:12:28,105 --> 00:12:29,172 Yeah. 363 00:12:29,207 --> 00:12:30,173 That one. 364 00:12:30,207 --> 00:12:31,274 Yeah. 365 00:12:31,308 --> 00:12:32,275 I don't think that that was me. 366 00:12:32,309 --> 00:12:33,309 It was--How did they-- 367 00:12:33,344 --> 00:12:35,012 How did they spell "terry"? 368 00:12:35,046 --> 00:12:36,413 With a capital "t"... 369 00:12:36,447 --> 00:12:37,881 Ok. 370 00:12:37,915 --> 00:12:40,050 "E." "E." Right. 371 00:12:40,084 --> 00:12:41,050 "R." Right. 372 00:12:41,085 --> 00:12:42,052 "R." "R." 373 00:12:42,086 --> 00:12:43,052 Right. 374 00:12:43,087 --> 00:12:43,987 "Y." 375 00:12:44,021 --> 00:12:45,121 See? Here's the thing. 376 00:12:45,156 --> 00:12:49,159 I have...4 "r"s in my name now. So... 377 00:12:49,193 --> 00:12:50,159 Oh, really? 378 00:12:50,194 --> 00:12:51,594 Yeah, so it's a different terry. 379 00:12:51,628 --> 00:12:55,098 I'm just here watching america's pastime. 380 00:12:55,133 --> 00:12:56,499 Hit it! 381 00:12:56,534 --> 00:12:58,602 Damn it, we're losing now! 382 00:12:59,804 --> 00:13:01,604 You know else is losing? 383 00:13:02,740 --> 00:13:04,307 Iraq? 384 00:13:09,347 --> 00:13:11,615 Ok. One quick pilates lesson, 385 00:13:11,649 --> 00:13:13,917 Then you will show us, yes, calvin? 386 00:13:13,951 --> 00:13:15,051 Yes! 387 00:13:15,086 --> 00:13:16,486 Fine. 6. 7. 8. 388 00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:17,853 And we're breathing. 389 00:13:17,888 --> 00:13:20,857 Are you breathing from your core as you do it. 390 00:13:20,891 --> 00:13:22,559 Did you fart? 391 00:13:22,593 --> 00:13:23,726 Sorry. 392 00:13:27,932 --> 00:13:29,699 Screw you, grandpa! 393 00:13:29,734 --> 00:13:32,235 If you're supposed to be the greatest generation, 394 00:13:32,270 --> 00:13:34,871 How come you smell like jell-O and pee? 395 00:13:34,905 --> 00:13:36,839 Now, give me your social security checks 396 00:13:36,874 --> 00:13:40,409 So that i can buy alcohol, play the lottery with it. 397 00:13:40,444 --> 00:13:42,345 I need that money for medicine. 398 00:13:42,379 --> 00:13:44,747 Fuck you, grandpa! 399 00:13:47,285 --> 00:13:49,552 Give me the fucking money, grandpa! 400 00:13:49,586 --> 00:13:52,055 I'm gonna abuse the hell out of you till you do! 401 00:13:52,089 --> 00:13:54,090 I'll kill you dead! 402 00:13:55,592 --> 00:13:57,994 It's a scene that's all too familiar: 403 00:13:58,029 --> 00:13:59,596 Senior abuse. 404 00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:02,331 Every single day, 405 00:14:02,366 --> 00:14:03,633 Hundreds of senior citizens are abused 406 00:14:03,668 --> 00:14:05,034 In washoe county. 407 00:14:05,069 --> 00:14:08,371 They're shaken, stabbed, punched, shot, 408 00:14:08,405 --> 00:14:10,273 Strangled, and recently, 409 00:14:10,307 --> 00:14:12,342 One was tied to the bumper of a van 410 00:14:12,376 --> 00:14:14,577 And dragged on a gravel road-- 411 00:14:14,612 --> 00:14:17,380 All for their social security checks. 412 00:14:17,414 --> 00:14:20,450 Senior abuse is a serious crime, 413 00:14:20,485 --> 00:14:24,321 And these social security checks aren't even for that much money. 414 00:14:24,355 --> 00:14:27,824 This is one crime that is not worth the time. 415 00:14:27,859 --> 00:14:31,394 This has been a message from the reno sheriff's department. 416 00:14:35,866 --> 00:14:39,302 I--I was surprised when he chose to do the remake of "alfie." 417 00:14:39,336 --> 00:14:40,336 I thought that was pretty weird... 418 00:14:40,371 --> 00:14:41,838 He's brilliant in everything he does. 419 00:14:41,872 --> 00:14:42,939 You think so, really? 420 00:14:42,974 --> 00:14:44,374 I love jude law so much. 421 00:14:44,408 --> 00:14:45,875 I just feel like he's-- 422 00:14:45,910 --> 00:14:47,443 But in "cold mountain," and he needs to make his way back 423 00:14:47,478 --> 00:14:48,945 Through the civil war... yeah. 424 00:14:48,979 --> 00:14:51,214 I love our friendship. 425 00:14:51,248 --> 00:14:53,015 We're not really friends, calvin. 426 00:14:53,050 --> 00:14:54,517 I would like to be friends. 427 00:14:54,551 --> 00:14:55,752 Hey, are you just about done over there, 428 00:14:55,787 --> 00:14:56,886 Or what's going on? 429 00:14:56,920 --> 00:14:57,888 Oh, i finished 45 minutes ago. 430 00:14:57,922 --> 00:14:59,022 Oh, for fuck's sake, calvin. 431 00:14:59,056 --> 00:15:00,557 I need a little wipe, though. 432 00:15:04,528 --> 00:15:06,730 All right, you damn convict! 433 00:15:06,764 --> 00:15:08,765 Don't try any funny stuff! 434 00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:10,600 No one's ever broken out of that cell 435 00:15:10,635 --> 00:15:13,670 And gotten away with it alive! 436 00:15:13,704 --> 00:15:14,604 Strawberry shortcake. 437 00:15:14,639 --> 00:15:15,605 Shh. Shh. 438 00:15:15,639 --> 00:15:17,540 He thinks he's in a jail cell. 439 00:15:17,575 --> 00:15:19,409 But we didn't have enough room today 440 00:15:19,443 --> 00:15:21,244 Because they're clearing out for asbestos. 441 00:15:21,278 --> 00:15:23,980 It's a whole-- It's a whole long story. 442 00:15:24,014 --> 00:15:25,649 Hi, trude. 443 00:15:27,218 --> 00:15:30,119 How do you spell-- Is it "prepetrate" or "perpetrate"? 444 00:15:30,154 --> 00:15:31,121 [Whispering] he's a convict. 445 00:15:31,155 --> 00:15:33,623 He thinks he's in a jail cell. 446 00:15:33,657 --> 00:15:35,192 Ohh. 447 00:15:36,260 --> 00:15:37,560 Keep it down in there, convict! 448 00:15:37,594 --> 00:15:39,662 Keep it down in there, rodent! 449 00:15:39,697 --> 00:15:40,997 I don't want to have to tell you again, 450 00:15:41,031 --> 00:15:44,667 Or i'll come in there and toss your salad for you. 451 00:15:44,701 --> 00:15:46,869 Opening up cell block number 4, boss! 452 00:15:46,904 --> 00:15:49,205 Open up 4! 453 00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:51,074 What are you guys doing? 454 00:15:51,108 --> 00:15:52,942 He thinks he's in jail. 455 00:15:52,977 --> 00:15:53,976 Oh, ok. 456 00:15:54,011 --> 00:15:55,478 Keep it down in there, convict! 457 00:15:55,513 --> 00:15:56,713 Keep it down! 458 00:15:56,747 --> 00:16:00,517 Oh, god! Oh, god! Down here! Down here! 459 00:16:00,551 --> 00:16:02,719 My cellmate done hung himself! 460 00:16:02,753 --> 00:16:05,020 He done hung himself! 461 00:16:05,055 --> 00:16:06,923 Keep it down in there, convict! 462 00:16:06,957 --> 00:16:08,824 Keep it down. We ain't falling for that one again. 463 00:16:08,859 --> 00:16:10,726 [High-Pitched voice] this is the worst birthday party 464 00:16:10,761 --> 00:16:12,062 I ever been to. 465 00:16:12,096 --> 00:16:14,197 Lordy, lordy! 466 00:16:14,232 --> 00:16:15,365 [Deep voice] look, woman. 467 00:16:15,399 --> 00:16:17,800 I'm tired of your nagging and your nattering. 468 00:16:17,834 --> 00:16:20,169 If you don't leave me alone, 469 00:16:20,203 --> 00:16:22,805 There's gonna be hell to pay! 470 00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:24,674 Hell, i tell you! 471 00:16:24,709 --> 00:16:27,977 Why don't you just go on back, do your work now 472 00:16:28,011 --> 00:16:30,347 And leave me and my boy to our own? 473 00:16:30,381 --> 00:16:32,682 We can survive on our own out there. 474 00:16:32,717 --> 00:16:34,217 I say we could. 475 00:16:34,252 --> 00:16:38,588 We're keeping an entire negro family? 476 00:16:42,927 --> 00:16:44,427 Goddamn it, calvin. 477 00:16:44,461 --> 00:16:45,428 All day! 478 00:16:45,463 --> 00:16:46,562 Goddamn it, man. 479 00:16:46,597 --> 00:16:49,632 We were supposed to have you back 7 hours ago. 480 00:16:49,666 --> 00:16:51,267 You'd better be right about this. 481 00:16:51,301 --> 00:16:52,836 We'd better find a damn body out here. 482 00:16:52,870 --> 00:16:54,036 Oh, i'll be right. 483 00:16:54,071 --> 00:16:55,805 You damn well better be right. 484 00:16:55,839 --> 00:16:57,674 I'm pretty sure... 485 00:17:02,779 --> 00:17:04,080 I don't think that's good to eat. 486 00:17:04,115 --> 00:17:05,248 That can't be good to eat. 487 00:17:05,282 --> 00:17:06,249 That can't be safe. What are you doing? 488 00:17:06,284 --> 00:17:07,550 We're close. We're close. 489 00:17:07,585 --> 00:17:09,419 1, 2, 3. 490 00:17:09,453 --> 00:17:10,887 10 paces. 491 00:17:10,921 --> 00:17:13,290 1, 2, 3. 492 00:17:13,324 --> 00:17:15,825 2. 3. 493 00:17:15,859 --> 00:17:17,727 He's fucking wi. 494 00:17:17,761 --> 00:17:18,761 Right here... 495 00:17:18,796 --> 00:17:19,796 Right here. 496 00:17:19,830 --> 00:17:21,130 Is not the spot. 497 00:17:21,164 --> 00:17:22,465 Goddamn it! 498 00:17:22,500 --> 00:17:23,733 I don't need to know what is not the spot, calvin. 499 00:17:23,767 --> 00:17:25,902 3, 2, 1. 500 00:17:25,936 --> 00:17:27,537 Up. Power line. 501 00:17:27,571 --> 00:17:28,771 Where's the moon? 502 00:17:28,805 --> 00:17:31,074 I remember the moon shining, 503 00:17:31,108 --> 00:17:33,075 Glistening on his rotting skin. 504 00:17:33,110 --> 00:17:34,143 Ok. 505 00:17:34,177 --> 00:17:35,144 I can still smell... 506 00:17:35,179 --> 00:17:36,345 Ok. Think hard. Think back. 507 00:17:36,380 --> 00:17:37,347 The bile. 508 00:17:37,381 --> 00:17:38,347 Think back. 509 00:17:38,382 --> 00:17:39,349 The hole... ok. 510 00:17:39,383 --> 00:17:40,349 The digging. 511 00:17:40,384 --> 00:17:41,418 The digging is.... 512 00:17:41,452 --> 00:17:42,418 The sweat. 513 00:17:42,453 --> 00:17:43,485 We're on it. This is it right here. 514 00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:44,521 Oh! Yeah. 515 00:17:44,555 --> 00:17:46,356 Wow. Right here? 516 00:17:48,092 --> 00:17:52,395 ¶ i've been working on the railroad � 517 00:17:52,430 --> 00:17:55,164 ¶ all the live-Long day � 518 00:17:55,198 --> 00:17:56,766 ¶ huh, ha � 519 00:17:56,800 --> 00:17:58,667 All: � dinah, won't you blow � 520 00:17:58,702 --> 00:18:00,870 ¶ dinah, won't you blow � 521 00:18:00,904 --> 00:18:04,407 ¶ dinah, won't you blow your horn? ¶ 522 00:18:04,441 --> 00:18:06,409 ¶ dinah, won't you blow � 523 00:18:06,443 --> 00:18:08,144 ¶ dinah, won't you blow � 524 00:18:08,178 --> 00:18:14,784 ¶ dinah, won't you blow your horn? ¶ 525 00:18:14,819 --> 00:18:16,486 Can i borrow your cell phone? 526 00:18:16,520 --> 00:18:18,321 Don't have mine with me. 527 00:18:18,356 --> 00:18:20,223 Who would you call, anyway, calvin? 528 00:18:20,257 --> 00:18:23,359 1-800-Dark-Twat. 529 00:18:23,393 --> 00:18:24,493 [Sigh] 530 00:18:33,204 --> 00:18:35,705 Well, i got a health compensation check 531 00:18:35,740 --> 00:18:39,008 From the sheriff's department for $71 532 00:18:39,043 --> 00:18:42,378 For working in a asbestos-Filled station. 533 00:18:42,413 --> 00:18:45,214 And then i spent $87 on seafood this week 534 00:18:45,248 --> 00:18:46,850 At captain crabby's shrimp wharf. 535 00:18:46,884 --> 00:18:52,554 So the way i look at it, that's, like, 90% off. 536 00:18:52,589 --> 00:18:54,623 Love it. Cha-Ching. 537 00:18:58,862 --> 00:18:59,963 Calvin? 538 00:18:59,997 --> 00:19:01,531 [Grunt] 539 00:19:01,565 --> 00:19:02,965 I'm gonna ask you one last time, 540 00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:04,500 Are you full of shit? 541 00:19:04,535 --> 00:19:06,903 There is nothing here, man. 542 00:19:06,937 --> 00:19:09,005 There is fucking nothing here. 543 00:19:09,039 --> 00:19:10,607 I might have been off. 544 00:19:10,641 --> 00:19:12,909 You might have been off? 545 00:19:12,943 --> 00:19:14,243 I swear to fucking god, 546 00:19:14,278 --> 00:19:16,479 If you're off, i will fucking kick--Oh, fuck. 547 00:19:16,514 --> 00:19:17,814 That's it. That's it. 548 00:19:17,848 --> 00:19:19,048 Is that it? Whoops. That's it. 549 00:19:19,082 --> 00:19:20,283 You found it. That's it! 550 00:19:20,317 --> 00:19:21,551 Goddamn it. It was right there. 551 00:19:21,585 --> 00:19:23,453 How long has he been down there? 552 00:19:23,487 --> 00:19:24,453 We got him, though. 553 00:19:24,488 --> 00:19:25,889 Uh, 8 1/2 years. 554 00:19:25,923 --> 00:19:27,824 Oh, this is not gonna be-- 555 00:19:27,858 --> 00:19:29,359 Not gonna be very nice, people. 556 00:19:29,393 --> 00:19:31,393 Ok. Here we go. 557 00:19:31,428 --> 00:19:33,930 Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick... 558 00:19:33,964 --> 00:19:35,931 Why are you making ticking sounds? 559 00:19:35,966 --> 00:19:37,333 Oh, i'm sorry. Am i making a ticking sound? 560 00:19:37,367 --> 00:19:39,401 No, you very distinctly were making a ticking sound. 561 00:19:39,436 --> 00:19:40,770 Nervous habit. 562 00:19:41,739 --> 00:19:43,840 I won't do it again, i promise. 563 00:19:43,874 --> 00:19:44,840 It's booby-Trapped. 564 00:19:44,875 --> 00:19:45,775 I don't know. 565 00:19:45,809 --> 00:19:46,842 No, i know. It's booby-Trapped. 566 00:19:46,877 --> 00:19:48,077 [Ticking] 567 00:19:48,112 --> 00:19:49,512 Fuck it! You know what? No. You do it. 568 00:19:49,547 --> 00:19:50,579 Calvin, you do it. 569 00:19:50,614 --> 00:19:51,715 Come to papa. 570 00:19:51,749 --> 00:19:52,949 Watch your eyes, joe. 571 00:19:52,983 --> 00:19:55,751 [Sobbing] i'm so sorry. 572 00:19:55,785 --> 00:19:59,122 I am so sorry. 573 00:19:59,156 --> 00:20:02,792 Oh! There you are! 574 00:20:02,826 --> 00:20:05,095 Don't--Don't-- Don't touch it. Don't touch it. 575 00:20:05,129 --> 00:20:06,496 It's just a body. It's--Oh! 576 00:20:06,530 --> 00:20:10,066 There you are. Hands up in the air right now! 577 00:20:10,100 --> 00:20:12,168 All the way up. Good. 578 00:20:12,203 --> 00:20:15,404 Now, throw your guns and your car keys in the backpack. 579 00:20:15,439 --> 00:20:16,439 Do it! 580 00:20:16,473 --> 00:20:17,540 Doing it. Doing it. Doing it. 581 00:20:17,574 --> 00:20:19,876 Now come here. We got to undo these cuffs. 582 00:20:19,910 --> 00:20:21,244 Set that down. 583 00:20:21,278 --> 00:20:23,879 There's a key in my rectum. Fish it out. 584 00:20:23,914 --> 00:20:25,415 Fish it! 585 00:20:26,851 --> 00:20:28,117 A little left. 586 00:20:28,152 --> 00:20:30,987 Dig in there. Use your index finger. 587 00:20:31,021 --> 00:20:32,922 Lower. Good. 588 00:20:32,956 --> 00:20:36,192 Good god, you got it far up there. Jesus. 589 00:20:36,226 --> 00:20:38,428 Ok. Ok. 590 00:20:40,197 --> 00:20:42,565 Ok. Take this scooter out, please, both of you. 591 00:20:42,599 --> 00:20:44,300 Come on. Let's move. 592 00:20:46,804 --> 00:20:49,638 Jesus fucking christ, this was organized. 593 00:20:49,672 --> 00:20:51,407 Oh, one last thing: 594 00:20:51,442 --> 00:20:53,109 "Cold mountain" sucks, 595 00:20:53,143 --> 00:20:55,377 And what you don't know about pilates 596 00:20:55,412 --> 00:20:56,913 Could fill a book. 597 00:21:01,685 --> 00:21:02,852 Oh, shit. 598 00:21:02,886 --> 00:21:04,120 What? 599 00:21:04,155 --> 00:21:06,122 I have handcuff keys on me. 600 00:21:06,156 --> 00:21:07,957 Captioning made possible by mtv networks 601 00:21:07,992 --> 00:21:09,325 Captioned by the national captioning institute --Www.Ncicap.Org-- 602 00:21:11,261 --> 00:21:12,194 Calvin, right now, what i need you to do 603 00:21:12,229 --> 00:21:13,462 Is i need you to tell me where we're going. 604 00:21:13,496 --> 00:21:15,564 You are my divining rod right now, calvin-- 605 00:21:15,599 --> 00:21:16,933 That mustache is fake, isn't it? 606 00:21:16,967 --> 00:21:17,967 It is not fake. 607 00:21:18,001 --> 00:21:19,802 Let me check. 608 00:21:19,837 --> 00:21:21,403 Ow! Ow! Fuck it. 609 00:21:21,438 --> 00:21:24,307 Hey! 610 00:21:24,341 --> 00:21:26,542 Don't tug the 'stache again. 611 00:21:26,576 --> 00:21:28,444 Ok? I promise. 612 00:21:28,478 --> 00:21:29,913 When you said you wanted to tug the 'stache, 613 00:21:29,947 --> 00:21:31,013 I thought you just wanted to touch it. 614 00:21:31,048 --> 00:21:33,616 I didn't know you were gonna pull on it really hard. 615 00:21:33,651 --> 00:21:35,318 Well, i assumed that, you know, 616 00:21:35,352 --> 00:21:36,619 When you say if it's fake 617 00:21:36,653 --> 00:21:37,820 And you're gonna check if it's fake, 618 00:21:37,854 --> 00:21:39,222 That means a tug. 619 00:21:39,256 --> 00:21:41,223 Well, you tug really hard, calvin.