BOY: Hold on, I just got out of the shower.
There's some juice on the table.
Mm-hm. Take your time.
You wanna explain to me what you're doing here?
I came looking for booty.
You came looking for sex with an underage boy?
Oh, no. I ain't come looking for no little boys.
I ain't got no milk, no cookies, nothing.
I came looking for man's butt.
A man's butt? Excuse me?
Oh, I know who you are, Chris Hansen.
But see I calls you Chris Handsome.
I watch your TV show all the time.
So you can go ahead and bring in them cameras
and them police is waiting outside.
It don't make me no difference.
Now, I'll tell you what.
I like you, and I want you.
Now, we can do this the easy way,
or we can do it the hard way.
The choice is yours.
Well, I don't think you and I
will be doing anything any kind of way.
Okay, I see you choosing the hard way.
Okay, cut. This isn't working.
Someone get this guy out... [GROWLS]
Don't make me ruin that butt, Chris!
No. Please! I'm a warrior!
[SCREAMING] [PANTS TEAR]
[***]
* I am the stone That the builder refused *
* I am the visual The inspiration *
* That made lady Sing the blues *
* I'm the spark That makes your idea bright *
* The same spark That lights the dark *
* So that you can know Left from right *
* I am the ballot in your box The bullet in the gun *
* The inner glow That lets you know *
* To call your brother sun *
* The story that just begun *
* The promise Of what's to come *
* And I'm 'a remain a soldier *
* Till the war is won Won *
* Chop, chop, chop Judo flip *
* Chop, chop, chop *
HUEY: Tom DuBois was widely known
to be a friend of the gay community.
Tom was a crusader for gay marriage.
He marched in gay pride parades.
He watched gay movies and never once turned away
or even made a face during the gay sex scenes.
TOM: Wow.
Sean Penn is amazing.
HUEY: But beneath Tom's support of the gay community
was a dark secret.
Tom had a fear of going to jail
and being anally raped.
Hey, hey, hey nigga.
You got a nice little ass, nigga.
Gimme your ass, nigga.
You see me looking at you. Gimme your ass.
No! Stay away! MAN: Hey, brown skin!
[***]
HUEY: The phobia got so bad
he took a leave of absence from his job.
Eventually, he stopped leaving the house altogether.
Finally, Tom found a program specializing in his phobia,
treating patients with a combination
of group therapy... My name is Tom.
And I have a fear of going to jail
and being anally raped.
ALL: Hi, Tom.
confidence-building affirmations...
ALL: My booty is mine.
It belongs to me.
You cannot take my booty.
...and basic self-defense.
So when grabbed from behind,
The first thing we do is drop our center of gravity.
Then, we thrust our hips backwards
and our arms forward, breaking the hold.
Okay, Tom. Now, I'll do you
and you try to get me off.
I can't!
It was a long road to recovery.
PRINCIPAL: This is the third time your boys have been caught
fighting this quarter, Mr. Freeman.
This time, it was a brawl against five other boys.
What happened to him? He got in the way.
You have two options, Mr. Freeman.
The first is that both of your boys
are expelled from school.
Ooh, I'll take that one.
Pick that one, Granddad!
And, uh, what's the other?
We send your boys to prison.
Hold up. Don't you think that's a little...
This is a permission slip for our Scared Stiff program.
Delinquent students visit a real jail
so they can interact with real inmates
and see the real future that awaits them
if they continue with their pathological behavior.
Ooh, I change my mind, Granddad!
Pick jail! Pick jail! Pick jail! Pick jail!
Please let me go to jail!
Tom, do you have something
you'd like to share with the group?
Why, yes I do.
My name is Tom. And I am no longer afraid
of going to prison and being anally raped.
That's fantastic, Tom.
And to prove it, tomorrow I'm going to prison.
MAN: Did he say...? [ALL GASP]
I've agreed to chaperone a Scared Stiff program.
I'm taking a group of troubled youths to prison
so they can mend their ways.
Well, that's excellent, Tom.
MAN: Whoa, man, are you sure about that?
Absolutely. I'm looking forward to it.
See? Tom is going to face his fears head on.
And he's gonna walk out of that prison with his rectum
and his peace of mind intact.
Way to go, Tom! MAN: Way to go, buddy.
Anybody wanna come with me?
[ALL MURMURING] ALL: No.
No? Okay.
SARAH: Honey, it is great that you're making
so much progress with the therapy,
but I just don't want you
to think you have to prove anything to anyone.
Oh, honey... Look, I'm not worried
about your safety,
but I'd hate for you to have a bad experience
and go back to how you were.
You know, I was thinking about
becoming a defense attorney.
But how can I do that
if I'm too scared to step foot in prison?
How would I meet with the clients?
Wow! Tom. I had no idea.
Imagine it, sweetie.
Saving people from anal rape
instead of sending them to it.
And that's what this trip is about.
These boys need this trip.
They don't fear jail at all,
which means they'll probably end up there
if no one does anything.
Don't you see, honey?
If I'm afraid to live my life
then the anal rapists win.
My anus is gonna be fine.
And I'm gonna make sure those young boys' anuses
are just fine too.
Pause.
TOM: Okay, guys, remember to stay
with the group at all times.
And remember, nothing metal in your pockets.
The guards will take it away from you
and you won't get it back, okay?
Ah, okay, this is it.
All right, alrighty.
My name is Uncle Ruckus, Volunteer Corrections Officer.
Next stop, Willie Horton Maximum Security Prison.
Now, you white children be prepared.
This is gonna be like a trip to the zoo.
But do not worry,
your Uncle Ruckus will protect you.
And as for you Negroes,
well, this just gonna be like a trip to the future.
So it should be exciting for everybody!
Come on aboard!
We got mm-hm, all right... [CHILDREN CHATTERING]
Wait, where's Riley?
Riley, what are you doing?
Nothing. Give it here.
Come on.
Riley, I am very disappointed in you.
Now go get on that bus. We going inside, Mr. DuBois.
Anything can happen in there.
I gots to have my shank.
You want me make you one?
I brought an extra toothbrush.
Now. Man, if something happens,
it's your fault.
RILEY: Anything can happen in there.
If something happens, it's your fault.
Anything can happen in there. We going inside, Mr. DuBois.
[***]
[CAWING]
[METAL DETECTOR BEEPING]
[CHUCKLES]
[MEN SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
MAN: Put my finger in your ass, man.
It's tougher to shock kids nowadays.
They already know what goes on in jail.
But we do our best to scare the living shit out of them.
CONVICT: Some of you are here today 'cause you think jail is cool.
But see y'all wouldn't know nothing about that shit.
Ain't shit cool about jail, nyukka!
MAN: Ain't nothing cool.
I been here 10 years, and I ain't never getting out.
I ain't do much. Just kill somebody.
It ain't like the nyukka ain't have it coming.
MAN: He sure did. Y'all think
it's just about us in here,
but this is about an oppressive,
fucked-up system designed to keep niggas
down and shit. [WHIMPERS]
Y'all wouldn't know nothing about that.
What about you, little nigga?
You know about that? Yes.
Oh, you know about that?
Tell me what you know about that!
Tell me what you think about that!
The prison-industrial complex is a system situated
at the intersection of government
and private interests.
It uses prisons as a solution to social, political,
and economic problems.
It includes human rights violations,
the death penalty,
slave labor, policing, courts,
the media, political prisoners,
and the elimination of dissent. [MAN SCOFFS]
Nigga, did you just say
what I was trying to say but smarter?
I like this little nigga.
But you left one thing out, little nigga.
Show of hands, how many people ever raped a man.
RILEY: Pause. Heh-heh.
Uh-huh. How many people ever been raped by a man?
RILEY: Pause again.
All of them. One hundred percent.
You can't get no higher than that, nyukka.
You step in here, you getting raped.
Right up the motherfucking brown eye, baby.
I raped a few niggas myself.
I ain't really enjoy it, not that much.
Shit, it felt good to the motherfucker though.
I ain't let that nigga kiss me or nothing,
but I did tear that motherfucking ass up, nigga,
I ain't gonna lie about it.
But that's what the Man's
oppressive system did to me.
Now, me?
I'm more of a romantic type.
I'll still rape you, but I'll definitely stroke
your head lovingly while I do it.
See, cause I want you to like it.
Now, you don't have to like it.
But I...
Sorry. I was distracted
by that fine motherfucker right there.
What's your name, fine motherfucker?
I, uh... MAN: What's your name?
Don't think that's, um... Tom.
Okay, now let's talk about Tom.
Tom is the type of nigga
that gives us wet dreams up in here.
Medium brown.
Soft features. Tall and in shape,
but still soft and squishy. [WHIMPERING]
Now, I like to put the jelly inside my ass.
Then put some of this peanut butter on top of it.
I call it a peanut butter-jelly and asshole sandwich.
But Tom here will be calling it lunch.
MAN: Yeah, nigga!
You know what the system does when you come to prison?
They strip you. They strip you mentally,
emotionally, and they strip you naked.
But-ass naked! What the fuck is you looking at nigga?
Punch you right in your motherfucking temple, nigga.
Give me your clothes. MAN: Beat his ass.
You're supposed to be scaring the kids.
I said give me your clothes.
Start with your shoes. Hurry up.
You need some help? I got it.
[WHIMPERS]
Now you see this, kids? You really,
really, don't want this to happen to you, okay?
CONVICT: And your shirt too, nigga! Hurry up!
MAN: Take it off!
CONVICT: Okay. Y'all motherfuckers looking, huh?
Tom just got his motherfucking manhood tested.
And he failed. He should have knocked
my motherfucking head off.
And you know what that means, don't you?
Tom, you getting raped.
When you go to prison, the most important thing
in your life is gonna be booty.
MAN: Better listen to him.
A man's butt.
Booty, getting some booty
is more important than eating food.
It's more important than drinking water.
If I see a man I like, I tell him like this here:
I likes you, and I want you.
Now, we can do this the easy way,
or we can do it the hard way.
The choice is yours. MAN: What you want?
What's it gonna be? [WHIMPERING]
MAN 1: Say it, nigga. I asked you a question, Tom.
MAN 2: I can't hear you. MAN 3: Say it, Tom!
I-I don't want to answer.
Uh, excuse me I didn't hear you, Tom.
I said I-I don't want to answer.
I don't wanna...
I don't wanna do this anymore.
Sound like to me you want it the hard way.
MAN: Give it to him!
GUARD: Out of the way!
All right, everybody calm down!
Calm down! Now we taking over the prison.
So back up! Back up!
[ECHOING] Back up! Back up!
You can't have my booty!
[SCREAMS]
[ALL SHOUTING]
GUARD: Get him! Get him!
[WHIMPERING]
[SCREAMING] [PRISONERS YELLING]
[SIREN WAILING]
[***]
[PRISONERS SHOUTING]
REPORTER: And more reports coming in that hostages
are being held inside the prison.
[PANTING]
Oh, my God. I can't believe this.
WOMAN: Hello, 911 emergency.
Oh, my God. Listen, you have to help!
Help me, please! Sir, please calm down.
What's your emergency?
I'm inside William Horton Maximum Security Prison
and they attacked the guards.
I think there's a riot happening.
They've got hostages too.
Children. Oh, my God, I left the children.
Sir, where did you say you were again?
I'm inside the prison.
How long before the cops come in and save us?
Well, I wouldn't hold your breath.
Yeah, I got a guy on the phone that says
he's at Horton Prison.
I-I don't know, I'll ask.
Uh, sir, have they raped you yet?
Ha-ha-ha! Have they raped...
No! What kind of a fucked up question is that?
[GRUNTING]
[PHONE RINGS]
Hello? AUTOMATED VOICE: Hello.
You have a collect call from a correctional facility from:
[TOM CRYING]
[TOM SPEAKING GIBBERISH]
AUTOMATED VOICE: Do you accept the call?
Yes! Yes! TOM: Honey!
Oh, Tom! What's wrong?
I was in the prison, and...
[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]
Riley had a shank and I... I didn't throw it away
and then it started a riot.
[GASPS]
Damn it, who let that booty get away?
Don't look at me, I was fighting with the guards.
Well, what do we do now? Ask him, it was his idea.
I thought you had some escape plan worked out.
Wasn't no escape plan.
Uh, booty is more important than escaping.
So I said to myself when I seen that shank,
"This an opportunity for me to get some booty."
That was it? Nigga, I thought you had demands.
Oh, I had demands.
I had demands to get some booty.
I thought this was supposed to be some Attica type shit.
Now, how y'all think that make me feel?
Y'all let the booty get away.
Now I got to go hunt down the booty. Damn.
[PRISONERS SHOUTING]
Tom!
RUCKUS: Please. Do what you want
to them two little gorilla chimps over there.
But leave these beautiful little white children alone.
Are you gonna rape us?
Do we look like priests? We ain't gonna hurt no kids.
Now, that's good. That's good.
But it is okay if you do hurt them.
Hey, nigga. Hey, didn't I just say
we ain't gonna hurt no kids? So shut the fuck up
and let me think!
No plan, huh? We didn't exactly
put a whole lot of thought into this,
you know what I'm saying? Guess we just kind of,
you know, got caught up in the motherfucking moment.
You have grievances, right?
Like a motherfucker.
Well, you got hostages.
Might as well make the best of it.
Make a list of reasonable demands
in exchange for the hostages and this might all work out.
Hey, yo, what y'all think, niggas?
Should we try to like, uh, you know what I'm saying
and shit, like, uh, negotiate
with these motherfuckers for stuff?
There's definitely some things I'd like to see changed.
Me too. Well, if we gonna do this shit,
we need to do it right. We can't just be acting like
a bunch of wild ignorant niggas
out there just be shouting out demands and shit.
We got a motherfucking black president now.
Ha! Good luck! Baboon Bama'll be in here soon too.
Hey, hey! You ain't too fat
and ugly to get raped, motherfucker.
I apologize for my outburst.
[CRYING]
I left the kids. I gotta go back for the kids.
Honey, just stay there. Let the professionals handle it.
No. This is all my f-fault.
I have to make it right.
I love you, sweetie. Tom!
No, please don't be brave.
Bravery isn't your thing.
I love you, sweetie.
If I don't come back, tell Jazmine that I-I...
[SNIFFLES]
[SNORTS]
[SCREAMS, CRYING]
[***]
CONVICT: Okay, so all the motions
brought before this motherfucking committee
to add, uh, a demand to the official list of demands
will be ratified with a motherfucking
majority vote, nigga. Unless that demand is vetoed
from the committee chief executive,
at which point it will require
a two-third majority vote to pass.
Yo, who gets to be the chief executive?
I'm the motherfucking chief executive, motherfucker.
I didn't vote for you. I thought this was
a democracy, you autocratic motherfucker.
Come over here, and say that shit
and I'll turn your motherfucking teeth upside down.
The chief executive is a rotating office to be held
by each member of the Executive Riot Committee
in order of prison ID number,
for a period not to exceed 90 minutes' time.
Well, wait a goddamn minute.
Who the fuck is this Executive Riot Committee?
Us.
Oh yeah, right.
Okay, good.
First motion to introduce a demand for rafification:
All in favor of bitches?
Brother Huey, let the record
show that the motion has passed.
Please add "bitches" to the official list of demands.
ALL: Yeah! Bitches!
Okay, next motion?
White bitches. Wait.
Isn't that covered in bitches?
Hold up! Bitches and white bitches
is two different things.
Well, then we have to go back and amend
the previous demand to specify white bitches.
Why we gotta have a white bitch
because you got a white bitch?
To me it's a wasted demand.
They never gonna give us a white bitch.
They never give us one if we don't ask.
We got to stand up,
and not just demand bitches, but white bitches.
Well, fuck it then, I want me an Alaskan bitch.
Beggars can't be choosers, motherfucker.
We already asking for bitches, all right?
We have white hostages.
We have the strategic leverage to get white bitches.
Man, y'all being too picky, man.
A bitch is a bitch.
Man, look, look, why can't y'all
just shut the fuck up and be happy
with whatever bitch we get up in here?
I guess you never heard the phrase "Yes, we can."
It's my God-given right as an inmate
to have a white bitch. That's not a God-given right
for an inmate. Or anyone else, really.
Oh. Well, I may not have a God-given right
to white bitches. But I do have a God-given right
to ask for white bitches.
Hey, man, the nigga do have a point.
Hey, he's right.
Motion to add "white bitches"
to the official list of demands.
Everyone in favor?
Motion passes. Please add
"white bitches" to the official list of demands.
Okay, next motion.
[ALARM WAILING]
[POLICE RADIO CHATTERING]
[TOM PANTING]
[DOOR OPENS]
CONVICT: I'm telling you they getting bitches in here.
As soon as they get the bitches in here
I'll stop tapping your ass.
[DOOR CLOSES]
[WHIMPERING]
Okay, so the list so far is: "Bitches.
"White bitches, Asian bitches,
"Brazilian bitches,
"East Indian Bitches, West Indian Bitches...
[WHISPERING] Ruckus! Come on!
"Broadband internet porn, K-Y Jelly, Condoms,
Viagra, People magazine, and Alaskan bitches."
Isn't there anything else you guys want?
You may never get this chance again.
Anything else?
I thought that's what the magazine was for.
No. I'm gonna knock that down too.
What about an end to the outsourcing
of prison labor to private companies?
I like that. Yeah, yeah. That's not bad.
What if we keep doing the work
but they pay us in white bitches?
CONVICT 3: Yo, that's crazy.
Man, white bitches. CONVICT 4: I'd work my ass off.
[***]
[WHISPERING] Come on.
RUCKUS: Follow him, white children.
Niggas know they way through prison.
Best, you know what? I'd love to be paid in white bitches.
[CONVICTS CHATTERING]
[***]
Hey, yo, nigga! Where the hostages?
Thank God. Is everyone all right?
There's a service exit not far from here.
Aw, my precious little white children.
I told you, y'all would be safe
with your Uncle Ruckus.
Ruckus, where's Huey and Riley?
Where they belong, with the convicts.
You left Huey and Riley?
Course I did.
[***]
You guys go ahead. I've gotta go back.
Tom! Tom, are you crazy?
Tom! Stay away from that tossed-salad guy!
You got peanut allergies!
CONVICT 1: You! I'm talking to you!
[WHIMPERING]
[PANTING] The booty is mine.
It belongs to me.
[MUTTERING]
[SCREAMS]
MAN: * Tom, come out to play *
Ow!
So you wanna do it the hard way, huh?
I got it for you hard.
Ugh! Don't drop the soap, Tom!
[TOM GRUNTING]
I want that booty, Tom.
You can't have my booty.
Oh, yeah, I can.
The booty is mine, it belongs to me,
you cannot take my booty.
The booty is mine, it belongs to me,
you cannot take my booty.
[SCREAMING]
[GRUNTS]
[***]
[SCREAMS]
[GRUNTING]
[GROANS]
Mm-hm.
[***]
Mm-hm, come on, Tom.
[YELLS]
[GRUNTS]
[GROANS]
[GASPS]
[SCREAMING]
You can't have it!
Ah, man!
Yo! Them niggas left without us.
Ain't that a bitch.
Whose job was it to watch the motherfucking hostages?
You forgot to assign it to someone,
Mr. Chief Motherfucking Executive.
Did y'all know about this?
If we did, do you think we'd still be here?
What are we gonna do with demands and no hostages?
We got them.
Man, we won't get any strategic leverage
with them two. I motion we end the riot,
disband the Executive Riot Committee,
and surrender to authorities.
Okay. All in favor of ending the riot.
Motion passes.
CONVICT 2: Wait a minute, let me get this right.
Do the, uh, jelly go inside your ass?
You know, I spend a lot of time, you know,
thinking about all the shit I could've done.
I mean, I wake up in the morning and I think,
I could've been the motherfucking president.
Shit.
Nigga, I wish things had've been different.
I mean, I'd do anything in the motherfucking world
just for things to be different.
I guess I'm just gonna be raping niggas' asses
for the rest of my motherfucking life.
[PRISONERS SHOUTING]
[SCREAMING]
Boys! Boys, are you okay?
Yeah. Are you okay?
Yes. Heh. I'm okay.
For the first time in a long time, I'm okay.
Of course you okay. You ran.
How a chaperone gonna run, Mr. DuBois? Huh?
"Leave the kids, save yourself?"
Is that what chaperoning mean to you?
Pfft. I can't believe this is supposed to scare me.
A prison full of bitch-ass niggas.
The convicts is bitch-ass niggas. All they did was vote.
The COs was bitch-ass niggas, 'cause they just fell over.
And, Tom, you's a bitch-ass nigga too.
Because all you did was run.
They wouldn't know what to do
with a real nigga like me up in here.
Lucky for them I'm a little kid
so they can't put me in a real jail.
They gotta put me in a jail for, like,
real nigga little kids.
[***]