1 00:00:01,478 --> 00:00:03,045 * I am the stone The builder refused * 2 00:00:03,045 --> 00:00:04,511 * I am the visual The inspiration * 3 00:00:04,511 --> 00:00:05,978 * That made lady Sing the blues * 4 00:00:05,978 --> 00:00:07,878 * I'm the spark That makes your idea bright * 5 00:00:07,878 --> 00:00:09,478 * The same spark That lights the dark * 6 00:00:09,478 --> 00:00:11,211 * So that you can know Left from right * 7 00:00:11,211 --> 00:00:13,444 * I am the ballot in your box The bullet in the gun * 8 00:00:13,444 --> 00:00:14,945 * The inner glow That lets you know * 9 00:00:14,945 --> 00:00:16,177 * To call your brother sun * 10 00:00:16,177 --> 00:00:17,478 * The story that just begun * 11 00:00:17,478 --> 00:00:18,845 * The promise Of what's to come * 12 00:00:18,845 --> 00:00:20,045 * And I'm 'a remain a soldier * 13 00:00:20,045 --> 00:00:21,978 * Till the war is won Won * 14 00:00:21,978 --> 00:00:24,611 * Chop, chop, chop Judo flip * 15 00:00:24,611 --> 00:00:27,277 * Chop, chop, chop Judo flip * 16 00:00:27,277 --> 00:00:29,878 * Chop, chop, chop Judo flip * 17 00:00:29,878 --> 00:00:31,244 * Chop, chop, chop * 18 00:00:33,679 --> 00:00:36,546 MAN: I admit, I am envious of you. 19 00:00:36,546 --> 00:00:41,746 In China, if you lose $20 billion, they shoot you. 20 00:00:41,746 --> 00:00:44,980 Here, they give you another $20 billion. 21 00:00:44,980 --> 00:00:46,379 [CHUCKLES] 22 00:00:46,379 --> 00:00:47,946 Amusing. 23 00:00:47,946 --> 00:00:51,145 Our kickball team is very formidable this year. 24 00:00:51,145 --> 00:00:53,946 My granddaughter Ming is the team captain. 25 00:00:53,946 --> 00:00:56,346 I am hoping it will be an epic contest. 26 00:00:56,346 --> 00:00:59,513 No offense to your granddaughter, Mr. Long Do, 27 00:00:59,513 --> 00:01:02,446 but our team shits on your team. 28 00:01:02,446 --> 00:01:03,479 [LAUGHS] 29 00:01:03,479 --> 00:01:06,079 We'll see. 30 00:01:06,079 --> 00:01:10,246 I hate to spoil such a beautiful day with such a close friend 31 00:01:10,246 --> 00:01:13,279 talking about the unpleasantness of business. 32 00:01:13,279 --> 00:01:17,246 However, my associates are getting nervous. 33 00:01:17,246 --> 00:01:21,279 We need our money. All of it. 34 00:01:21,279 --> 00:01:22,946 [COUGHS] 35 00:01:22,946 --> 00:01:24,946 That's not possible. 36 00:01:24,946 --> 00:01:26,946 Unfortunate. 37 00:01:29,546 --> 00:01:32,579 Now, Mr. Do, I'm sure we can find another way 38 00:01:32,579 --> 00:01:33,613 to work this out. 39 00:01:33,613 --> 00:01:35,980 I'm listening. 40 00:01:35,980 --> 00:01:38,646 Say, how's your gambling addiction? 41 00:01:38,646 --> 00:01:40,713 Much better. 42 00:01:40,713 --> 00:01:42,412 Now. 43 00:01:42,412 --> 00:01:44,312 I'm never playing kickball again. 44 00:01:44,312 --> 00:01:45,880 Come on, boy, you have to do this. 45 00:01:45,880 --> 00:01:47,779 Ed Wuncler asked for you by name. 46 00:01:47,779 --> 00:01:49,980 It's because of him I quit the game in the first place 47 00:01:49,980 --> 00:01:52,446 and gave Jennifer Herman a permanent severe limp. 48 00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:54,646 Look, nobody needs to be reminded of that tragic day 49 00:01:54,646 --> 00:01:56,746 when you gave that girl a permanent severe limp. 50 00:01:56,746 --> 00:01:58,412 It was the Junior League Championship 51 00:01:58,412 --> 00:02:00,980 against Wuncler's team, and Ed had paid off the refs. 52 00:02:00,980 --> 00:02:02,746 And, oh, you guys were losing bad. 53 00:02:02,746 --> 00:02:04,045 It was a blowout. 54 00:02:04,045 --> 00:02:06,479 There were calling him the Tiger Woods of kickball, 55 00:02:06,479 --> 00:02:07,880 before the wife-cheating thing. 56 00:02:07,880 --> 00:02:09,312 Now they just call him "loser." 57 00:02:09,312 --> 00:02:11,112 [ALL BOOING] MAN: Huey, you suck! 58 00:02:12,513 --> 00:02:13,913 WOMAN: You suck! 59 00:02:13,913 --> 00:02:15,613 GRANDDAD: The crowd started laughing, 60 00:02:15,613 --> 00:02:18,079 and we all know you don't like to be laughed at. 61 00:02:18,079 --> 00:02:19,980 And you snapped. 62 00:02:19,980 --> 00:02:21,613 You went crazy. 63 00:02:21,613 --> 00:02:23,913 [GRUNTS] 64 00:02:23,913 --> 00:02:25,980 ANNOUNCER: Freeman has hit her with the pitch. 65 00:02:25,980 --> 00:02:27,246 Oh, the horror. 66 00:02:27,246 --> 00:02:30,946 And believe me, folks, this was no accident. 67 00:02:30,946 --> 00:02:32,045 He meant to do that. 68 00:02:32,045 --> 00:02:33,746 If that girl is still alive, 69 00:02:33,746 --> 00:02:36,579 she will undoubtedly have a permanent and severe limp. 70 00:02:36,579 --> 00:02:37,946 [GROANING] 71 00:02:37,946 --> 00:02:39,412 ANNOUNCER: One thing is certain: 72 00:02:39,412 --> 00:02:41,579 She will never play kickball again. 73 00:02:41,579 --> 00:02:44,379 And neither should Huey Freeman. 74 00:02:44,379 --> 00:02:46,412 Well, too bad. Ed Wuncler owns everything, 75 00:02:46,412 --> 00:02:48,179 including the bank that owns this house, 76 00:02:48,179 --> 00:02:50,179 and he just got $20 billion in bailout money. 77 00:02:50,179 --> 00:02:51,746 And I'm trying to be his best friend. 78 00:02:51,746 --> 00:02:54,012 If Ed Wuncler tells me to jump, I'm gonna say how high, 79 00:02:54,012 --> 00:02:55,412 and throw your ass in the air. 80 00:02:55,412 --> 00:02:57,446 I'm not gonna play. 81 00:02:57,446 --> 00:02:58,813 Okay, fine. 82 00:02:58,813 --> 00:03:00,880 If you don't wanna play, you don't wanna play. 83 00:03:00,880 --> 00:03:03,346 Ed, here he is as promised. Now get over here, boy. 84 00:03:03,346 --> 00:03:04,613 [LAUGHS] 85 00:03:04,613 --> 00:03:06,079 Good job, Robert. 86 00:03:06,079 --> 00:03:09,212 I'll remember this when I do my Christmas yacht shopping. 87 00:03:09,212 --> 00:03:10,412 GRANDDAD: Yeah, boy! 88 00:03:10,412 --> 00:03:11,513 WUNCLER: Now Huey, 89 00:03:11,513 --> 00:03:13,412 the Wushung/Woodcrest Junior/Senior 90 00:03:13,412 --> 00:03:15,513 Harmonious Kickball Tournament is the greatest 91 00:03:15,513 --> 00:03:18,946 kickball competition in the history of the sport. 92 00:03:18,946 --> 00:03:20,880 One hundred and twenty-nine years ago, 93 00:03:20,880 --> 00:03:24,613 my great-great Grandpa Prescott Rothschild Wuncler 94 00:03:24,613 --> 00:03:26,679 sailed to Wushung, China. 95 00:03:26,679 --> 00:03:29,713 The local monks had invented a game similar to baseball, 96 00:03:29,713 --> 00:03:33,112 except it involved a red rubber ball and a lot of kicking. 97 00:03:33,112 --> 00:03:35,613 He originally called it "Jap baseball" 98 00:03:35,613 --> 00:03:37,546 because he didn't know what country he was in 99 00:03:37,546 --> 00:03:38,746 and didn't care. 100 00:03:38,746 --> 00:03:40,579 He brought the sport back to America, 101 00:03:40,579 --> 00:03:42,813 where the liberal PC bitch-asses 102 00:03:42,813 --> 00:03:44,513 renamed it "kickball." 103 00:03:44,513 --> 00:03:47,513 Today, in the spirit of harmony between our two cities, 104 00:03:47,513 --> 00:03:49,412 we alternate hosting a kickball tournament 105 00:03:49,412 --> 00:03:52,112 known as the Wushung/Woodcrest Junior/Senior 106 00:03:52,112 --> 00:03:54,646 Harmonious Kickball Tournament. 107 00:03:54,646 --> 00:03:56,412 HUEY: There's no way I'm playing. 108 00:03:56,412 --> 00:03:58,412 Because of you, I gave a girl a permanent limp. 109 00:03:58,412 --> 00:03:59,946 Oh, really? 110 00:03:59,946 --> 00:04:01,246 This little girl? 111 00:04:01,246 --> 00:04:03,179 [***] 112 00:04:03,179 --> 00:04:07,246 That's right, Huey. Jennifer can walk just fine. 113 00:04:07,246 --> 00:04:08,546 Hit it, Jenny. 114 00:04:08,546 --> 00:04:11,045 You were dominating the entire Woodcrest Junior League, 115 00:04:11,045 --> 00:04:12,479 and I couldn't have that. 116 00:04:12,479 --> 00:04:15,312 I made up the story about Jennifer's permanent limp, 117 00:04:15,312 --> 00:04:18,179 correctly assuming the emotional trauma of the event 118 00:04:18,179 --> 00:04:19,980 would make you quit the game. 119 00:04:19,980 --> 00:04:23,713 But now I need to win this game against the Chinese. 120 00:04:23,713 --> 00:04:26,880 You were willing to scar me for life over a kickball game? 121 00:04:26,880 --> 00:04:28,746 But that's how good of an opponent you were. 122 00:04:28,746 --> 00:04:31,112 But this game is bigger than you and me, Huey. 123 00:04:31,112 --> 00:04:34,646 I present the Woodcrest Harmonious kickball team. 124 00:04:34,646 --> 00:04:38,212 First, courtesy of Blackwater USA, the senior squad... 125 00:04:38,212 --> 00:04:39,479 HUEY: Mercenaries? 126 00:04:39,479 --> 00:04:42,679 They prefer the term "private kickball contractors." 127 00:04:42,679 --> 00:04:44,179 And this is the junior squad? 128 00:04:44,179 --> 00:04:46,746 WUNCLER: The best the Dominican Republic has to offer. 129 00:04:46,746 --> 00:04:50,846 As you can see, I've spared no expense for victory. 130 00:04:50,846 --> 00:04:53,145 [JUNIOR TEAM CHEERING] 131 00:04:57,246 --> 00:05:00,713 It's the greatest junior/senior kickball team ever assembled. 132 00:05:00,713 --> 00:05:03,112 Tell me you don't want to be part of kickball history. 133 00:05:03,112 --> 00:05:05,012 I don't want to be a part of kickball history. 134 00:05:05,012 --> 00:05:07,479 I'm not making a request. I'm prepared to blackmail you 135 00:05:07,479 --> 00:05:10,479 with a picture of you wearing Kanye West Venetian sunglasses, 136 00:05:10,479 --> 00:05:14,012 nut-hugger jeans and Louis Vuitton driving shoes. 137 00:05:14,012 --> 00:05:15,012 That's Photoshopped. 138 00:05:15,012 --> 00:05:17,279 Explain that to media takeout. 139 00:05:17,279 --> 00:05:18,379 I'll risk it. 140 00:05:18,379 --> 00:05:19,546 WUNCLER: All right, Huey. 141 00:05:19,546 --> 00:05:21,179 I'm not a fan of the truth, 142 00:05:21,179 --> 00:05:22,279 but here it is: 143 00:05:22,279 --> 00:05:24,012 The Chinese are calling in some debts 144 00:05:24,012 --> 00:05:26,279 and I had to bet everything on this game. 145 00:05:26,279 --> 00:05:29,513 My banks, your home, everything. 146 00:05:29,513 --> 00:05:31,813 You think I'm bad, just wait until the Chinese 147 00:05:31,813 --> 00:05:34,145 take away all the freedoms you enjoy. 148 00:05:34,145 --> 00:05:35,412 Freedom to complain. 149 00:05:35,412 --> 00:05:38,379 Freedom to have as many offspring and assault rifles 150 00:05:38,379 --> 00:05:39,546 as you like. 151 00:05:39,546 --> 00:05:41,513 The freedom to surf the Internet 152 00:05:41,513 --> 00:05:43,746 for pornography of your choice. 153 00:05:43,746 --> 00:05:46,579 Not the porn. I'll risk it. 154 00:05:47,679 --> 00:05:49,546 No yacht for you. 155 00:05:49,546 --> 00:05:50,713 [SIGHS] 156 00:05:50,713 --> 00:05:52,646 [***] 157 00:06:03,646 --> 00:06:06,145 You are the one who quit the game. 158 00:06:06,145 --> 00:06:08,946 You must have me mistaken for somebody else. 159 00:06:08,946 --> 00:06:11,346 You were a great player. Why did you quit? 160 00:06:11,346 --> 00:06:14,446 Why will you not play in the Harmonious Kickball Tournament? 161 00:06:14,446 --> 00:06:15,713 What's it matter to you? 162 00:06:15,713 --> 00:06:17,079 My name is Ming. 163 00:06:17,079 --> 00:06:20,012 I am captain of the Wushung Harmonious Junior/Senior 164 00:06:20,012 --> 00:06:21,179 kickball team. 165 00:06:21,179 --> 00:06:22,913 Even before I was born, 166 00:06:22,913 --> 00:06:26,813 it was decided I would be a champion kickball player. 167 00:06:26,813 --> 00:06:29,913 At 3 years old I was taken to the National Kickball 168 00:06:29,913 --> 00:06:32,312 Training Center outside of Beijing. 169 00:06:32,312 --> 00:06:37,446 I trained every day and every night to be the best. 170 00:06:37,446 --> 00:06:40,179 My grandfather says to control the ball, 171 00:06:40,179 --> 00:06:42,112 I must control myself. 172 00:06:42,112 --> 00:06:45,246 But just me and the ball alone is no kickball. 173 00:06:45,246 --> 00:06:47,312 Without a worthy opponent, I nothing. 174 00:06:47,312 --> 00:06:49,045 We must have the ultimate contest 175 00:06:49,045 --> 00:06:51,980 to settle once and for all who is the best. 176 00:06:51,980 --> 00:06:56,079 Like I said, you have me mistaken for somebody else. 177 00:06:56,079 --> 00:06:59,579 [***] 178 00:07:18,579 --> 00:07:19,946 I'll play. 179 00:07:19,946 --> 00:07:22,279 But I'm not interested in your ultimate contest. 180 00:07:22,279 --> 00:07:24,079 It's just a simple game of kickball. 181 00:07:26,746 --> 00:07:29,446 So you decided to come fight for freedom? 182 00:07:29,446 --> 00:07:31,346 Well, you made the right choice. 183 00:07:31,346 --> 00:07:32,646 All right, bring it in. 184 00:07:32,646 --> 00:07:34,246 A few minutes ago, 185 00:07:34,246 --> 00:07:36,779 in a gross violation of my civil liberties, 186 00:07:36,779 --> 00:07:39,946 the INS repossessed the five Dominican players 187 00:07:39,946 --> 00:07:42,312 from the junior squad of the Woodcrest Harmonious 188 00:07:42,312 --> 00:07:43,713 kickball team. 189 00:07:43,713 --> 00:07:47,145 We must immediately find a replacement for these players. 190 00:07:47,145 --> 00:07:50,513 I'm now exploring the possibility of child soldiers 191 00:07:50,513 --> 00:07:53,112 from Sierra Leone, but they may not get here in... 192 00:07:53,112 --> 00:07:55,412 [HELICOPTER WHIRRING] Huh? 193 00:07:55,412 --> 00:07:57,246 Say again? Affirmative, we're on our way. 194 00:07:57,246 --> 00:07:59,412 Come on, guys, that's us. Moving out! Moving out! 195 00:07:59,412 --> 00:08:02,179 [***] 196 00:08:02,179 --> 00:08:04,112 What's going on? Sorry, Mr. Wuncler. 197 00:08:04,112 --> 00:08:06,813 POW rescue in Afghanistan. Wait! Wait! 198 00:08:06,813 --> 00:08:09,212 Goddamn it! Fuck the POW. 199 00:08:09,212 --> 00:08:12,079 You are staying here and playing kickball. 200 00:08:13,212 --> 00:08:14,679 [GROANS] 201 00:08:14,679 --> 00:08:16,579 Well, team captain, 202 00:08:16,579 --> 00:08:19,212 you've got two days to assemble a new team. 203 00:08:19,212 --> 00:08:20,513 Team captain? 204 00:08:20,513 --> 00:08:22,746 GRANDDAD: Yep, new team, no problem, Mr. Wuncler. 205 00:08:22,746 --> 00:08:23,779 We're on it. 206 00:08:23,779 --> 00:08:25,212 [***] 207 00:08:29,513 --> 00:08:31,246 Who the fuck are you? 208 00:08:31,246 --> 00:08:33,012 I am Jigme. I come from Tibet. 209 00:08:33,012 --> 00:08:35,613 I want to defeat the Chinese oppressors in kickball. 210 00:08:35,613 --> 00:08:38,312 Why? I hate fucking Chinese. 211 00:08:39,479 --> 00:08:41,646 I'd like a word with you in private. 212 00:08:42,913 --> 00:08:46,045 This team is pathetic. 213 00:08:46,045 --> 00:08:48,446 They don't stand a chance against the Chinese. 214 00:08:48,446 --> 00:08:51,145 Not one single goddamn shot in hell. 215 00:08:51,145 --> 00:08:54,045 It'll be an embarrassment they'll never, ever live down 216 00:08:54,045 --> 00:08:57,746 for the rest of their miserable lives until they die. 217 00:08:57,746 --> 00:09:00,813 You know what one of these balls can do to a human body? 218 00:09:00,813 --> 00:09:03,613 They'll get torn to pieces. Ripped to shreds. 219 00:09:03,613 --> 00:09:06,913 Some may even lose control of their bowels. 220 00:09:06,913 --> 00:09:09,112 By the third inning they'll be pissing and shitting 221 00:09:09,112 --> 00:09:11,946 on themselves right in front of their friends and loved ones. 222 00:09:11,946 --> 00:09:14,479 It's gonna be flat-out fucking terrible. 223 00:09:14,479 --> 00:09:16,980 We must find some better athletes. 224 00:09:16,980 --> 00:09:19,412 This is what you got. 225 00:09:19,412 --> 00:09:21,446 [SIGHS] 226 00:09:24,980 --> 00:09:28,379 I want to say a few words to everybody here 227 00:09:28,379 --> 00:09:30,546 about victory. 228 00:09:30,546 --> 00:09:35,112 Unfortunately there's absolutely no time to train you people. 229 00:09:35,112 --> 00:09:39,312 But I have bought each of you a brand-new pair of sneakers. 230 00:09:39,312 --> 00:09:40,713 These shoes were handmade 231 00:09:40,713 --> 00:09:44,546 with the youngest Chinese sweatshop labor we could find. 232 00:09:44,546 --> 00:09:46,179 Wear them with pride. 233 00:09:46,179 --> 00:09:49,012 I'm gonna be like, "Take this, you yellow rat bastard." 234 00:09:49,012 --> 00:09:50,012 [GRUNTS] 235 00:09:50,012 --> 00:09:52,012 Motherfucker! 236 00:09:52,012 --> 00:09:55,980 Greetings, friends. Forgive our intrusion. 237 00:09:55,980 --> 00:09:59,312 We came to wish you luck in tomorrow's game. 238 00:09:59,312 --> 00:10:03,179 I look forward to an unforgettable contest. 239 00:10:03,179 --> 00:10:04,980 [LAUGHS] 240 00:10:04,980 --> 00:10:06,946 Give them their ball back. 241 00:10:10,546 --> 00:10:11,613 GRANDDAD: Damn. 242 00:10:11,613 --> 00:10:13,980 [CROWS SQUAWKING] 243 00:10:13,980 --> 00:10:16,379 [TREE CRASHES] 244 00:10:22,746 --> 00:10:24,081 ANNOUNCER [ON PA]: Welcome, sports fans, 245 00:10:24,180 --> 00:10:27,180 to the 43rd biannual Wushung/Woodcrest Junior/Senior 246 00:10:27,180 --> 00:10:29,513 Harmonious Kickball Tournament. 247 00:10:29,513 --> 00:10:31,979 Both teams on the field and already there seems to be 248 00:10:31,979 --> 00:10:33,246 some type of trouble. 249 00:10:33,246 --> 00:10:35,013 Seems like the owner of the Wushung team 250 00:10:35,014 --> 00:10:36,781 is accusing one of the Woodcrest players 251 00:10:36,781 --> 00:10:39,114 of being a ringer. The rules say 252 00:10:39,114 --> 00:10:41,847 any player must be a resident of Wushung or Woodcrest. 253 00:10:41,847 --> 00:10:44,414 He is absolutely a resident. 254 00:10:44,414 --> 00:10:48,880 Here is his hot Caucasian wife and half-Asian baby. 255 00:10:48,879 --> 00:10:52,113 ANNOUNCER: And now the Woodcrest team is making a complaint. 256 00:10:52,113 --> 00:10:55,413 Looks like the Wushung team has one too many adult members. 257 00:10:55,413 --> 00:10:57,946 Everybody knows Junior/Senior Tournament rules 258 00:10:57,947 --> 00:10:59,847 say the roster must have an equal number 259 00:10:59,847 --> 00:11:01,514 of kids and adults. 260 00:11:01,514 --> 00:11:04,748 Dolo is strong and healthy like many kids in China, 261 00:11:04,747 --> 00:11:09,747 but I assure you he is only 12 years old. 262 00:11:09,747 --> 00:11:12,814 Here is the official keeper of government records 263 00:11:12,815 --> 00:11:15,847 to verify that fact. 264 00:11:15,847 --> 00:11:17,980 ANNOUNCER: Heh! Looks like the ref 265 00:11:17,980 --> 00:11:21,281 is gonna let it slide. Tough break for the home team. 266 00:11:21,281 --> 00:11:23,314 Play kickball. 267 00:11:23,314 --> 00:11:24,548 [CROWD CHEERING] 268 00:11:24,548 --> 00:11:26,214 ANNOUNCER: Huey Freeman on the mound. 269 00:11:26,214 --> 00:11:29,014 There is a lot of excitement about this young man's return 270 00:11:29,014 --> 00:11:30,648 to the sport of kickball. 271 00:11:30,648 --> 00:11:32,614 Little Ming Do steps up to the plate. 272 00:11:32,614 --> 00:11:35,348 What a treat to see these two titans of the game 273 00:11:35,347 --> 00:11:36,913 face off against one another. 274 00:11:36,913 --> 00:11:38,313 Let's go, Huey! 275 00:11:38,313 --> 00:11:39,979 Show them what's good, Huey! 276 00:11:42,815 --> 00:11:45,815 ANNOUNCER: Huey looks absolutely determined out there folks... 277 00:11:45,815 --> 00:11:47,681 Oh! Hello! And goodbye! 278 00:11:47,681 --> 00:11:51,581 And that one is out of here. Not a good start for Freeman. 279 00:11:51,581 --> 00:11:52,880 You suck, Huey! 280 00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:54,481 You worthless motherfucker. 281 00:11:54,481 --> 00:11:56,181 ANNOUNCER: Next kicker is Lily Chang, 282 00:11:56,181 --> 00:11:59,247 a 73-year-old retired farm worker with diabetes. 283 00:11:59,247 --> 00:12:01,614 Folks, she's experiencing complete kidney failure. 284 00:12:01,614 --> 00:12:03,181 Hasn't peed in three years. 285 00:12:03,181 --> 00:12:05,914 This might just be the warm-up that Freeman needs. 286 00:12:05,914 --> 00:12:07,414 And here's the pitch. 287 00:12:10,414 --> 00:12:11,348 [GRUNTS] 288 00:12:12,514 --> 00:12:14,414 ANNOUNCER: Oh, mother! 289 00:12:17,448 --> 00:12:18,748 What the hell do you call this? 290 00:12:18,748 --> 00:12:20,947 I'm trying, all right? Get your shit together. 291 00:12:20,947 --> 00:12:22,181 Kicker up. 292 00:12:22,181 --> 00:12:23,847 ANNOUNCER: Huey's not having the best 293 00:12:23,847 --> 00:12:25,314 day of his life here today, folks. 294 00:12:25,314 --> 00:12:26,914 Let's see if he can't get it together. 295 00:12:26,914 --> 00:12:29,214 Strike! Throws one and strike. 296 00:12:29,214 --> 00:12:31,648 And another strike. 297 00:12:31,648 --> 00:12:34,980 Huey Freeman is getting that pitching arm warmed up now, 298 00:12:34,980 --> 00:12:37,681 and that is two back-to-back strikeouts. 299 00:12:37,681 --> 00:12:39,514 [ALL GROAN] 300 00:12:41,681 --> 00:12:44,014 ANNOUNCER: Dolo steps up to the plate. 301 00:12:44,014 --> 00:12:46,448 And we've been waiting for this matchup all day and... 302 00:12:46,448 --> 00:12:47,980 Oh, look at that! 303 00:12:47,980 --> 00:12:50,781 That's gonna leave a mark... 304 00:12:50,781 --> 00:12:53,014 in his pants. Damn! 305 00:12:53,014 --> 00:12:56,014 Good job, boy. This game is more important than you. 306 00:12:56,014 --> 00:12:57,548 Someone get him some Demerol. 307 00:12:57,548 --> 00:12:59,014 And make sure it's the good stuff. 308 00:12:59,014 --> 00:13:00,947 ANNOUNCER: In the kicker's box right now 309 00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:02,715 is Huey Freeman, the pride of Woodcrest. 310 00:13:02,715 --> 00:13:04,414 Yeah! 311 00:13:04,414 --> 00:13:06,514 ANNOUNCER: Everyone's cheering. Here he goes. 312 00:13:06,514 --> 00:13:08,181 He locks in and the ball is coming up... 313 00:13:08,181 --> 00:13:09,748 He's got a... Little bit girly, 314 00:13:09,748 --> 00:13:10,847 but it'll get the job done. 315 00:13:10,847 --> 00:13:12,414 [ALL CHEERING] 316 00:13:12,414 --> 00:13:14,581 Next up is Riley Freeman. 317 00:13:14,581 --> 00:13:16,914 Wait a min... Hold on, what's this? 318 00:13:16,914 --> 00:13:19,514 Oh, my. His first time at the plate 319 00:13:19,514 --> 00:13:21,548 and he's calling a home run. 320 00:13:21,548 --> 00:13:24,348 And Ming lets go with a fireball. 321 00:13:24,348 --> 00:13:26,181 Riley's got his eye... 322 00:13:27,815 --> 00:13:28,815 Strike! 323 00:13:28,815 --> 00:13:30,047 Strike two! 324 00:13:30,047 --> 00:13:31,514 Strike three! 325 00:13:31,514 --> 00:13:32,514 Good grief. 326 00:13:32,514 --> 00:13:33,581 [CROWD BOOING] 327 00:13:36,715 --> 00:13:39,414 ANNOUNCER: Tom's up. He's getting a good stretch on. 328 00:13:39,414 --> 00:13:42,081 We don't expect a whole lot out of this Tom guy, but... 329 00:13:42,081 --> 00:13:43,114 [ALL CHEERING] 330 00:13:43,114 --> 00:13:44,581 ANNOUNCER: Apologizing here. 331 00:13:44,581 --> 00:13:47,014 Tom is really putting this relay right back to Ming. 332 00:13:47,014 --> 00:13:50,014 She locks in, Tom is in midst of celebration. 333 00:13:50,014 --> 00:13:52,081 He can do no wrong. 334 00:13:52,081 --> 00:13:54,748 Oh, looks like it's lights out for Tom. 335 00:13:54,748 --> 00:13:56,348 [CROWD MURMURING] 336 00:13:56,348 --> 00:13:58,247 Folks, Ming is really giving the crowd here 337 00:13:58,247 --> 00:14:00,481 quite a lesson in kickball today. 338 00:14:01,614 --> 00:14:04,047 Mr. Freeman steps up. 339 00:14:04,047 --> 00:14:05,748 He's gonna give it all he's got. 340 00:14:05,748 --> 00:14:07,448 And he does give it all he's got, 341 00:14:07,448 --> 00:14:09,481 which frankly just is not a lot. 342 00:14:09,481 --> 00:14:11,114 Quite anemic, 343 00:14:11,114 --> 00:14:13,614 but Mr. Freeman's gonna make it to first base soon as he can. 344 00:14:13,614 --> 00:14:15,381 Looks like he's gonna take one of those 345 00:14:15,381 --> 00:14:18,947 "old people walking around the mall" leisurely strolls. 346 00:14:18,947 --> 00:14:21,214 I'm out. Yep, I'm out. 347 00:14:21,214 --> 00:14:23,114 [CROWD BOOS] 348 00:14:23,114 --> 00:14:24,381 ANNOUNCER: There he goes. 349 00:14:24,381 --> 00:14:26,348 Lights out for the old man. You're out! 350 00:14:29,281 --> 00:14:32,548 ANNOUNCER: These folks are giving the Americans quite a schooling. 351 00:14:32,548 --> 00:14:34,114 We got an easy out now and the ball... 352 00:14:34,114 --> 00:14:37,748 Oh, looks like we don't have an easy out. 353 00:14:37,748 --> 00:14:39,247 I don't know what's going on here, 354 00:14:39,247 --> 00:14:41,147 but this American team has lost its wheels. 355 00:14:41,147 --> 00:14:43,081 Now they got a hit, we got a runner, 356 00:14:43,081 --> 00:14:44,815 he's being pelted with shoes. 357 00:14:44,815 --> 00:14:46,348 Nice tennis shoes, by the way. 358 00:14:46,348 --> 00:14:49,181 Probably made by tiny little hands in a Chinese factory. 359 00:14:49,181 --> 00:14:50,914 Now the Chinese have... 360 00:14:50,914 --> 00:14:52,548 Now that... Okay, that is just wrong. 361 00:14:52,548 --> 00:14:54,614 Now that is three-on-one, and that's horrible. 362 00:14:54,614 --> 00:14:56,514 Just what the hell do you think you're doing? 363 00:14:56,514 --> 00:14:58,147 I paid you good money for this game. 364 00:14:58,147 --> 00:14:59,414 Yeah? So did he. 365 00:15:01,014 --> 00:15:03,481 I'll take the Chinese money. 366 00:15:05,081 --> 00:15:07,548 WUNCLER: Listen, I don't care the refs are cheating. 367 00:15:07,548 --> 00:15:10,648 We cannot lose this game. The stakes are too high. 368 00:15:10,648 --> 00:15:12,781 Well, who bet the whole town on a kickball game? 369 00:15:12,781 --> 00:15:14,748 Okay, maybe it was a wrong decision 370 00:15:14,748 --> 00:15:18,214 to bet all of our economic futures on a kickball game, 371 00:15:18,214 --> 00:15:19,614 but we're Americans. 372 00:15:19,614 --> 00:15:21,648 We don't quit just because we're wrong. 373 00:15:21,648 --> 00:15:25,047 We just keep doing the wrong thing until it turns out right. 374 00:15:25,047 --> 00:15:26,847 This is stupid. I'm going home. 375 00:15:26,847 --> 00:15:28,548 What about them, Huey? 376 00:15:28,548 --> 00:15:31,481 Your teammates. You got them into this. 377 00:15:31,481 --> 00:15:33,348 Now you're turning your back on them? 378 00:15:33,348 --> 00:15:34,947 We gotta make the motherfuckers pay. 379 00:15:34,947 --> 00:15:37,047 Come on, I don't want to play no more neither, 380 00:15:37,047 --> 00:15:39,147 but we can't go out like a bunch of little bitches. 381 00:15:39,147 --> 00:15:41,214 Granddad? I'm trying to save my house 382 00:15:41,214 --> 00:15:42,980 and my big-titty porn. 383 00:15:42,980 --> 00:15:44,648 It's up to you, Huey. 384 00:15:44,648 --> 00:15:46,548 The sooner you stop holding back 385 00:15:46,548 --> 00:15:48,214 and decide to play like a winner, 386 00:15:48,214 --> 00:15:50,381 the sooner we can all go home. 387 00:15:52,681 --> 00:15:54,748 ANNOUNCER: Woodcrest really needs something 388 00:15:54,748 --> 00:15:57,014 happening for them today, because this Chinese team 389 00:15:57,014 --> 00:15:58,980 is really owning their a... Oh! 390 00:15:58,980 --> 00:16:00,481 [GRUNTS] 391 00:16:00,481 --> 00:16:03,181 [CROWD CHEERS] ANNOUNCER: Now we're talking! 392 00:16:03,181 --> 00:16:05,847 That's the Huey Freeman this city has fallen in love with 393 00:16:05,847 --> 00:16:07,815 and feared slightly too, I gotta admit that. 394 00:16:07,815 --> 00:16:11,114 Folks, we got us a game all of a sudden here. 395 00:16:11,114 --> 00:16:13,147 [***] 396 00:16:14,281 --> 00:16:15,715 [GRUNTS] 397 00:16:15,715 --> 00:16:18,247 Folks, we're ready to get back into the action here, 398 00:16:18,247 --> 00:16:20,381 but there's no ref. 399 00:16:20,381 --> 00:16:21,947 [CROWD MURMURING] 400 00:16:24,514 --> 00:16:25,715 So this is it. 401 00:16:25,715 --> 00:16:27,581 This is your ultimate contest? 402 00:16:27,581 --> 00:16:29,548 In China, there is this place. 403 00:16:29,548 --> 00:16:32,414 I've never seen it, but I know it exists. 404 00:16:32,414 --> 00:16:35,147 It is called the Glorious Sports Rehabilitation Center. 405 00:16:35,147 --> 00:16:37,548 But really it's a prison camp for athletes 406 00:16:37,548 --> 00:16:39,715 who have shamed their country by losing. 407 00:16:39,715 --> 00:16:42,381 My grandfather told me if I disgrace him with failure, 408 00:16:42,381 --> 00:16:43,748 he will send me there. 409 00:16:43,748 --> 00:16:45,081 I too dream of the day 410 00:16:45,081 --> 00:16:47,681 I can walk away from this game forever. 411 00:16:47,681 --> 00:16:49,548 I am not as lucky as you 412 00:16:49,548 --> 00:16:50,847 to have that choice. 413 00:16:50,847 --> 00:16:52,314 To live in America. 414 00:16:52,314 --> 00:16:53,414 LONG DO: Ming! [GASPS] 415 00:16:59,781 --> 00:17:01,781 Tragically, we've just received word 416 00:17:01,781 --> 00:17:03,880 that the ref strangled himself, 417 00:17:03,880 --> 00:17:07,448 jumped off a bridge, then overdosed on amphetamines. 418 00:17:07,448 --> 00:17:10,880 Oh, send my condolences to his family. 419 00:17:10,880 --> 00:17:13,381 But fortunately, we've found a completely fair 420 00:17:13,381 --> 00:17:15,214 and impartial replacement. 421 00:17:15,214 --> 00:17:16,648 Hey, there, Chairman Mao. 422 00:17:16,648 --> 00:17:18,247 [SPEAKING MOCK CHINESE] 423 00:17:18,247 --> 00:17:21,715 Open up your eyes and let's play some Jap baseball. 424 00:17:21,715 --> 00:17:23,448 ANNOUNCER: Freeman on the mound, 425 00:17:23,448 --> 00:17:26,847 and he must really be feeling the pressure right now. 426 00:17:29,681 --> 00:17:30,648 [GRUNTS] 427 00:17:31,980 --> 00:17:33,581 Freeman gives up a base kick 428 00:17:33,581 --> 00:17:35,581 on what should have been an easy strike-out. 429 00:17:35,581 --> 00:17:36,781 [ALL GROAN] 430 00:17:36,781 --> 00:17:39,147 ANNOUNCER: What is going on? 431 00:17:39,147 --> 00:17:42,548 Freeman is giving up several crucial base kicks. 432 00:17:44,181 --> 00:17:46,147 [IN CHINESE] Hey, why does the big-haired kid 433 00:17:46,147 --> 00:17:47,715 suck ass all of a sudden? 434 00:17:47,715 --> 00:17:49,481 [IN CHINESE] Ming told him if we lose, 435 00:17:49,481 --> 00:17:52,014 we all go to a prison camp! 436 00:17:52,014 --> 00:17:53,681 [BOTH LAUGH] 437 00:17:53,681 --> 00:17:55,581 He believed that? What a stupid idiot. 438 00:17:57,147 --> 00:17:59,980 [LAUGHING] 439 00:17:59,980 --> 00:18:01,748 What a dick. He's an enormous asshole. 440 00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:04,847 [SPEAKING IN CHINESE] I do not like to be laughed at. 441 00:18:04,847 --> 00:18:05,847 Eh? 442 00:18:05,847 --> 00:18:07,681 Hey, did he just...? 443 00:18:07,681 --> 00:18:09,648 [CROWD GASPS] 444 00:18:09,648 --> 00:18:11,147 ANNOUNCER: And a brutal kick 445 00:18:11,147 --> 00:18:12,880 takes out the first base runner. 446 00:18:14,114 --> 00:18:15,581 Both y'all is out. 447 00:18:15,581 --> 00:18:16,914 Or as they say in your language: 448 00:18:16,914 --> 00:18:18,348 [SPEAKING MOCK CHINESE] 449 00:18:18,348 --> 00:18:19,448 Yellow nigga. 450 00:18:19,448 --> 00:18:22,114 ANNOUNCER: Unbelievable. 451 00:18:22,114 --> 00:18:24,947 We are looking at an altogether different type 452 00:18:24,947 --> 00:18:26,681 of kickball game here today. 453 00:18:26,681 --> 00:18:29,847 Huey with an up in the air over, over and... Oh! 454 00:18:29,847 --> 00:18:30,947 Wow! 455 00:18:30,947 --> 00:18:32,247 [LAUGHS] 456 00:18:32,247 --> 00:18:33,348 Take your base. 457 00:18:33,348 --> 00:18:35,947 No? Well, dock this Chink a day's pay 458 00:18:35,947 --> 00:18:37,448 for napping on the job. 459 00:18:41,181 --> 00:18:42,181 Oh! Take your base. 460 00:18:42,181 --> 00:18:43,381 ANNOUNCER: Oh, my God. 461 00:18:43,381 --> 00:18:45,581 I've never seen moves like this before. 462 00:18:45,581 --> 00:18:47,381 [ALL BOOING] 463 00:18:47,381 --> 00:18:48,514 [GRUNTS] 464 00:18:48,514 --> 00:18:49,980 ANNOUNCER: This isn't kickball, 465 00:18:49,980 --> 00:18:52,581 it's a complete free-for-all. 466 00:18:52,581 --> 00:18:55,514 And neither the coaches nor the referee seem to care. 467 00:18:55,514 --> 00:18:56,548 [INAUDIBLE] 468 00:18:56,548 --> 00:18:57,681 Hold on, hold on. 469 00:18:57,681 --> 00:18:59,548 Your money ain't worth shit to me, 470 00:18:59,548 --> 00:19:01,481 so don't waste your cat-flavored breath. 471 00:19:01,481 --> 00:19:03,348 Get on your rickshaw and get out of here. 472 00:19:03,348 --> 00:19:04,481 [CROWD CHEERS] 473 00:19:04,481 --> 00:19:06,081 ANNOUNCER: Into the final inning 474 00:19:06,081 --> 00:19:08,381 the score is now tied 8 to 8. 475 00:19:08,381 --> 00:19:11,014 Both teams down to a single player, 476 00:19:11,014 --> 00:19:13,448 and years from now people will ask of this game, 477 00:19:13,448 --> 00:19:15,147 did it happen? 478 00:19:15,147 --> 00:19:19,781 And I say to you now, oh, yes. Yes, it did. 479 00:19:19,781 --> 00:19:23,047 [CROWD SINGING "AMERICA THE BEAUTIFUL"] 480 00:19:23,047 --> 00:19:27,314 * America, America * 481 00:19:27,314 --> 00:19:32,181 * God shed his grace on thee * 482 00:19:32,181 --> 00:19:37,047 * And crown thy good With brotherhood * 483 00:19:37,047 --> 00:19:42,381 * From sea to shining sea * 484 00:19:42,381 --> 00:19:44,481 [***] 485 00:19:55,414 --> 00:19:57,781 [SCREAMS] [SCREAMS] 486 00:19:59,815 --> 00:20:01,147 [SHRIEKS] 487 00:20:07,815 --> 00:20:08,914 [BONE CRACKS] 488 00:20:08,914 --> 00:20:11,980 [CROWD GASPS] 489 00:20:11,980 --> 00:20:13,381 ANNOUNCER: Wait a minute! 490 00:20:13,381 --> 00:20:15,681 They have literally destroyed the ball. 491 00:20:15,681 --> 00:20:17,914 And those red balls are indestructible. 492 00:20:17,914 --> 00:20:20,014 Wait. Wait. 493 00:20:20,014 --> 00:20:22,514 ANNOUNCER: And look at the determination. 494 00:20:22,514 --> 00:20:24,781 Ming trying to crawl to first base. 495 00:20:24,781 --> 00:20:27,247 But what is this? [GROANS] 496 00:20:27,247 --> 00:20:28,947 Freeman is on his feet. 497 00:20:28,947 --> 00:20:30,648 He's going to tag her out 498 00:20:30,648 --> 00:20:33,681 with the smoldering remains of the ball. 499 00:20:33,681 --> 00:20:35,247 [***] 500 00:20:43,781 --> 00:20:45,014 [MING GROANS] 501 00:20:45,014 --> 00:20:47,114 You out, little girl. 502 00:20:47,114 --> 00:20:49,114 [ALL CHEER] ANNOUNCER: And Woodcrest wins! 503 00:20:49,114 --> 00:20:50,314 It's all over! 504 00:20:50,314 --> 00:20:52,548 Folks, what a moment in history! 505 00:20:52,548 --> 00:20:54,414 [GROANS] 506 00:20:54,414 --> 00:20:56,914 LONG DO: Ming. Are you okay? 507 00:21:00,448 --> 00:21:02,181 [AMBULANCE RADIO CHATTERING] 508 00:21:04,481 --> 00:21:05,781 [ENGINE STARTS] 509 00:21:05,781 --> 00:21:06,847 [SIREN BLARES] 510 00:21:06,847 --> 00:21:10,147 A deal's a deal, Long. 511 00:21:10,147 --> 00:21:13,748 Of course. I am not saddened at my loss. 512 00:21:13,748 --> 00:21:17,548 There are not many worthy opponents left, my old friend. 513 00:21:17,548 --> 00:21:20,847 What fun would it be if the game were to end for good? 514 00:21:23,314 --> 00:21:25,214 Congratulations, Mr. Wuncler, sir. 515 00:21:25,214 --> 00:21:28,681 Your great white leadership made all the difference in the world. 516 00:21:28,681 --> 00:21:30,314 Now what should we do about them? 517 00:21:30,314 --> 00:21:32,314 [ALL GROANING] RILEY: Oh, my pancreas hurts. 518 00:21:32,314 --> 00:21:35,548 Let them bask in the moment. 519 00:21:35,548 --> 00:21:38,014 We beat those yellow motherfuckers. 520 00:21:38,014 --> 00:21:40,614 Mission accomplished. 521 00:21:40,614 --> 00:21:44,748 Yeah, we ain't go out like no bitches. 522 00:21:44,748 --> 00:21:47,815 Even though the people of Tibet are still not free, 523 00:21:47,815 --> 00:21:50,581 as symbolic victories go, this ain't bad. 524 00:21:50,581 --> 00:21:53,781 RILEY: I think Ms. Von Hausen might be dead. 525 00:21:53,781 --> 00:21:55,414 GRANDDAD: Whoo! Let's go home 526 00:21:55,414 --> 00:21:57,114 and order some Chinese. [HUEY SIGHS] 527 00:21:57,114 --> 00:21:59,448 GRANDDAD: Unless you're not in the mood for Chinese. 528 00:21:59,448 --> 00:22:02,381 [***]