1
00:00:03,334 --> 00:00:05,267
[***]
2
00:00:12,724 --> 00:00:14,991
OFFICER:
SEALs picked this guy up
out of Kabul.
3
00:00:14,991 --> 00:00:18,024
Name is Omar Abdul
Hassan Assad Abad
4
00:00:18,024 --> 00:00:20,191
Ali Shaheed Muhammad.
5
00:00:20,191 --> 00:00:22,691
CIA guys couldn't get
anything out of him.
6
00:00:22,691 --> 00:00:24,457
They said you were
our best bet.
7
00:00:24,457 --> 00:00:25,557
[BEEPING]
8
00:00:30,724 --> 00:00:32,524
You know who I am, don't you?
9
00:00:32,524 --> 00:00:34,390
So you know what I'm gonna do
10
00:00:34,390 --> 00:00:36,091
if you don't tell me
what I need to know.
11
00:00:36,091 --> 00:00:37,791
You do not scare me.
12
00:00:37,791 --> 00:00:39,457
Stand him up.
13
00:00:39,457 --> 00:00:40,858
[PANTING]
14
00:00:42,758 --> 00:00:44,758
[SCREAMING]
15
00:00:44,758 --> 00:00:47,424
Where's the target?
Allah, make my testicles
16
00:00:47,424 --> 00:00:49,557
strong against the boot
of the infidel...
17
00:00:49,557 --> 00:00:50,824
[SCREAMING]
18
00:00:50,824 --> 00:00:54,324
Where is the target?
My gonads are indestructible,
19
00:00:54,324 --> 00:00:57,257
my penis shaft is strong
like the oak tree.
20
00:00:57,257 --> 00:00:59,191
[SCREAMING]
[GRUNTING]
21
00:01:00,891 --> 00:01:02,824
[SCREAMING]
22
00:01:04,424 --> 00:01:06,491
His vitals are spiking.
He can't take much more.
23
00:01:06,491 --> 00:01:08,457
We're just getting started.
24
00:01:10,524 --> 00:01:12,158
[OMAR GASPS]
25
00:01:12,158 --> 00:01:13,758
Agent Flowers, his heart.
26
00:01:13,758 --> 00:01:16,524
[FOOTSTEPS CLANGING]
27
00:01:16,524 --> 00:01:17,758
No.
28
00:01:17,758 --> 00:01:19,691
[FOOTSTEPS CLANGING]
29
00:01:23,091 --> 00:01:25,024
Wait.
Wait a minute.
30
00:01:25,024 --> 00:01:26,290
[FOOTSTEPS CLANGING]
31
00:01:26,290 --> 00:01:28,858
Okay, look.
Maybe I was being stubborn.
32
00:01:28,858 --> 00:01:30,858
Let's try and talk this out!
33
00:01:30,858 --> 00:01:33,357
Wait, I remember
where the target is!
34
00:01:33,357 --> 00:01:37,724
OMAR [SCREAMING LOUDLY]:
Woodcrest!
35
00:01:37,724 --> 00:01:39,758
* I am the stone
The builder refused *
36
00:01:39,758 --> 00:01:41,390
* I am the visual
The inspiration *
37
00:01:41,390 --> 00:01:42,858
* That made lady
Sing the blues *
38
00:01:42,858 --> 00:01:44,724
* I'm the spark
That makes your idea bright *
39
00:01:44,724 --> 00:01:46,324
* The same spark
That lights the dark *
40
00:01:46,324 --> 00:01:47,924
* So that you can know
Left from right *
41
00:01:47,924 --> 00:01:50,357
* I am the ballot in your box
The bullet in the gun *
42
00:01:50,357 --> 00:01:51,858
* The inner glow
That lets you know *
43
00:01:51,858 --> 00:01:53,091
* To call your brother sun *
44
00:01:53,091 --> 00:01:54,390
* The story that just begun *
45
00:01:54,390 --> 00:01:55,758
* The promise
Of what's to come *
46
00:01:55,758 --> 00:01:57,024
* And I'm 'a remain a soldier *
47
00:01:57,024 --> 00:01:58,524
* Till the war is won
Won *
48
00:01:58,524 --> 00:02:01,058
* Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip *
49
00:02:01,058 --> 00:02:03,524
* Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip *
50
00:02:03,524 --> 00:02:06,091
* Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip *
51
00:02:06,091 --> 00:02:07,557
* Chop, chop, chop *
52
00:02:09,791 --> 00:02:11,724
[***]
53
00:02:14,724 --> 00:02:18,357
So it's true, huh? You're
finally calling it quits.
54
00:02:18,357 --> 00:02:20,791
Yeah. So now you can stop
spying on me.
55
00:02:20,791 --> 00:02:22,758
Well, just because you say
you're retiring
56
00:02:22,758 --> 00:02:24,858
doesn't mean you're retiring.
57
00:02:24,858 --> 00:02:27,158
You could be like Jay-Z
and come back, like,
58
00:02:27,158 --> 00:02:29,058
a couple of months later.
59
00:02:29,058 --> 00:02:30,891
But it is the right thing do.
60
00:02:30,891 --> 00:02:32,457
You can't fight the future.
61
00:02:32,457 --> 00:02:33,891
Don't waste your life trying.
62
00:02:33,891 --> 00:02:35,791
Oh, and one more thing.
63
00:02:35,791 --> 00:02:37,125
You know how you always say
64
00:02:37,125 --> 00:02:39,390
"they" are coming to get you?
65
00:02:39,390 --> 00:02:40,457
Well this time "they"
66
00:02:40,457 --> 00:02:42,491
actually are coming to get you.
67
00:02:42,491 --> 00:02:44,791
Who?
Central Terrorist
68
00:02:44,791 --> 00:02:46,824
Agency or Unit or...
69
00:02:46,824 --> 00:02:50,125
Uh, come on, I don't know.
A bunch of guys with guns.
70
00:02:50,125 --> 00:02:51,457
Why?
71
00:02:51,457 --> 00:02:53,524
They seem to think you're
a domestic terrorist,
72
00:02:53,524 --> 00:02:55,657
because you are.
I'm retired.
73
00:02:55,657 --> 00:02:57,491
Why don't you go ahead
and tell them that
74
00:02:57,491 --> 00:02:59,491
while they're
waterboarding you?
75
00:02:59,491 --> 00:03:00,491
Is this a trick?
76
00:03:00,491 --> 00:03:02,225
No, a trick is a motherfucker
77
00:03:02,225 --> 00:03:04,257
who'd be out spending money
on these bitches.
78
00:03:04,257 --> 00:03:07,024
This is a warning.
79
00:03:07,024 --> 00:03:08,191
[GASPS]
80
00:03:08,191 --> 00:03:09,824
[***]
81
00:03:13,225 --> 00:03:14,758
Hey, man,
you see my new iPhone?
82
00:03:14,758 --> 00:03:16,724
I got one.
I don't like the shit.
83
00:03:16,724 --> 00:03:18,858
Shit, I love my iPhone.
84
00:03:18,858 --> 00:03:21,390
This shit can do
anything and everything.
85
00:03:21,390 --> 00:03:23,958
RUMMY:
Yeah, everything except make
a fucking phone call.
86
00:03:23,958 --> 00:03:26,557
HOST [ON RADIO]:
And on the line right now
is regular caller,
87
00:03:26,557 --> 00:03:29,357
I love this guy, always has
some brilliant insights,
88
00:03:29,357 --> 00:03:32,191
Dan Stucky. Dan, what's
pissing you off today, buddy?
89
00:03:32,191 --> 00:03:33,591
What isn't
pissing me off today?
90
00:03:33,591 --> 00:03:35,591
Let's talk about our
president, "Buck Ofama."
91
00:03:35,591 --> 00:03:38,457
It's lunacy! It's like
he's declaring war
92
00:03:38,457 --> 00:03:40,557
on rich people.
Right now, you know,
93
00:03:40,557 --> 00:03:42,058
I'm a private
security contractor
94
00:03:42,058 --> 00:03:44,125
on the front lines
defending American freedom.
95
00:03:44,125 --> 00:03:45,824
But I got plans
to start my own business,
96
00:03:45,824 --> 00:03:48,390
and I figure to have about $30
million in the first two years.
97
00:03:48,390 --> 00:03:50,958
Wow. Well, Obama is gonna kill
that 30 million. Just kill it.
98
00:03:50,958 --> 00:03:52,858
Yeah, he's gonna take it,
redistribute it
99
00:03:52,858 --> 00:03:54,225
and give it to all those losers
100
00:03:54,225 --> 00:03:56,524
who sit around all day
watching TV and getting fat.
101
00:03:56,524 --> 00:03:57,891
HOST:
Unbelievable, isn't it?
102
00:03:57,891 --> 00:03:59,491
I heard
Obama's passing legislation
103
00:03:59,491 --> 00:04:00,991
that'll let guys
who can't get laid
104
00:04:00,991 --> 00:04:02,824
go to your house
and bang your wife.
105
00:04:02,824 --> 00:04:04,324
Ha-ha-ha!
Dan the Security Man,
106
00:04:04,324 --> 00:04:06,991
as always you are
right on point.
107
00:04:06,991 --> 00:04:09,724
Always good to hear from you.
Next caller.
108
00:04:09,724 --> 00:04:10,891
[BEEPS]
109
00:04:10,891 --> 00:04:12,024
DAN:
Hey, right on time.
110
00:04:12,024 --> 00:04:13,657
It's Tweedlee fucking dumb ass
111
00:04:13,657 --> 00:04:15,324
and Tweedlee
bigger dumb fucking ass.
112
00:04:15,324 --> 00:04:17,924
Today's our last day, Dan.
You gonna miss us?
113
00:04:17,924 --> 00:04:19,758
I just can't wait till
we get this brand new
114
00:04:19,758 --> 00:04:21,657
super fantastic
security system running.
115
00:04:21,657 --> 00:04:24,324
Well, in 24 hours
the new system will be online,
116
00:04:24,324 --> 00:04:25,557
the building will re-open,
117
00:04:25,557 --> 00:04:27,591
and we be out
your life forever.
118
00:04:27,591 --> 00:04:29,557
You know what keeps
this building secure? Me.
119
00:04:29,557 --> 00:04:30,657
A dedicated, fit,
120
00:04:30,657 --> 00:04:32,657
fearless security enforcement
professional
121
00:04:32,657 --> 00:04:34,924
who can spot a godless
terrorist from a mile away.
122
00:04:34,924 --> 00:04:37,324
Let me see your fancy
fucking computer do that.
123
00:04:37,324 --> 00:04:39,191
I think you'll feel
differently tomorrow.
124
00:04:39,191 --> 00:04:42,524
Just make sure you're here
24 hours from now, oh, about...
125
00:04:42,524 --> 00:04:44,357
3:17 p.m.
126
00:04:44,357 --> 00:04:46,424
[WHISPERING]
And watch the magic happen.
127
00:04:46,424 --> 00:04:48,390
It's gonna be like you died
and went to heaven.
128
00:04:48,390 --> 00:04:50,557
Hey, do you have an iPhone?
129
00:04:50,557 --> 00:04:52,958
Eat my ass.
130
00:04:52,958 --> 00:04:54,125
[***]
131
00:04:54,125 --> 00:04:55,891
[ELEVATOR DINGS]
132
00:04:55,891 --> 00:04:57,491
I love it.
133
00:04:57,491 --> 00:04:58,557
I got everything I need
134
00:04:58,557 --> 00:05:00,158
for this whole operation
right here.
135
00:05:00,158 --> 00:05:01,891
I got my secret plans and maps.
136
00:05:01,891 --> 00:05:04,225
Only problem is
it's so thin, so light,
137
00:05:04,225 --> 00:05:05,924
it can fall out my pocket
and I don't know
138
00:05:05,924 --> 00:05:07,791
the shit happen.
And did you know the screen
139
00:05:07,791 --> 00:05:10,091
was so indestructible it can
stop a speeding bullet?
140
00:05:10,091 --> 00:05:11,724
That shit can't stop
no damn bullet.
141
00:05:11,724 --> 00:05:13,657
It's an iPhone,
not the iSpyPhone.
142
00:05:13,657 --> 00:05:16,357
Okay,
timing mechanism is functioning.
143
00:05:16,357 --> 00:05:19,024
Everything looks good.
Setting the timer.
144
00:05:19,024 --> 00:05:21,091
I remember when these shits
first came out, man.
145
00:05:21,091 --> 00:05:22,758
Bitches would be coming
up to you like,
146
00:05:22,758 --> 00:05:24,691
"Let me see that iPhone,
let me play with it,
147
00:05:24,691 --> 00:05:25,758
"let me stick it up my ass,
148
00:05:25,758 --> 00:05:27,557
put it in my mouth,
suck on it."
149
00:05:27,557 --> 00:05:30,024
Then one day, you know, I got
tired of all these questions,
150
00:05:30,024 --> 00:05:31,691
you know what I'm saying?
I let the girl
151
00:05:31,691 --> 00:05:33,991
stick the iPhone up her butt.
Huh, took the doctors
152
00:05:33,991 --> 00:05:36,390
12 hours to get it out.
And you know what?
153
00:05:36,390 --> 00:05:38,024
It was still working.
154
00:05:38,024 --> 00:05:39,958
[BEEPING]
155
00:05:42,657 --> 00:05:44,557
[***]
156
00:05:44,557 --> 00:05:46,491
[PEOPLE CHATTERING]
157
00:05:51,724 --> 00:05:53,058
It's good to see you, Jack.
158
00:05:53,058 --> 00:05:55,091
Thank you, director.
How's Tracey?
159
00:05:55,091 --> 00:05:57,125
I remember you two were
very much in love
160
00:05:57,125 --> 00:05:59,225
and had your whole lives
ahead of you.
161
00:05:59,225 --> 00:06:02,125
Yes, we were. Then...
162
00:06:02,125 --> 00:06:03,858
[***]
163
00:06:03,858 --> 00:06:05,524
[LAUGHING]
164
00:06:05,524 --> 00:06:07,125
[TRACEY SCREAMING]
Tracey, wait...
165
00:06:07,125 --> 00:06:08,524
[GASPS]
166
00:06:08,524 --> 00:06:10,657
Tracey!
167
00:06:10,657 --> 00:06:12,591
Aw, shit, that's bad.
168
00:06:12,591 --> 00:06:14,091
Yes, she died
very violently, sir.
169
00:06:14,091 --> 00:06:15,357
After some time passed,
170
00:06:15,357 --> 00:06:18,257
I was engaged to a very
special woman named Eleanor.
171
00:06:18,257 --> 00:06:19,657
Then...
172
00:06:19,657 --> 00:06:22,624
Catch, Agent Flowers!
173
00:06:22,624 --> 00:06:23,824
[MUFFLED SCREAMS]
174
00:06:27,024 --> 00:06:29,758
Eleanor!
175
00:06:29,758 --> 00:06:31,591
Holy fuck, that's bad.
176
00:06:31,591 --> 00:06:33,158
I thought I would never
love again,
177
00:06:33,158 --> 00:06:34,758
then I met Taquanda.
178
00:06:34,758 --> 00:06:35,824
Taquanda?
179
00:06:35,824 --> 00:06:37,591
Yes, sir. Taquanda.
180
00:06:37,591 --> 00:06:39,424
Then...
181
00:06:39,424 --> 00:06:40,624
No.
TAQUANDA: Jack!
182
00:06:40,624 --> 00:06:42,058
Get this motherfucker!
183
00:06:42,058 --> 00:06:44,357
What you standing
there for? Goddamn it!
184
00:06:44,357 --> 00:06:45,624
[LAUGHING]
185
00:06:45,624 --> 00:06:49,624
Jack Flowers, you worthless
white motherfucker!
186
00:06:49,624 --> 00:06:52,891
Taquanda!
187
00:06:52,891 --> 00:06:55,457
Jesus fucking Christ,
that's terrible, Jack.
188
00:06:55,457 --> 00:06:57,158
He tied her to a missile?
189
00:06:57,158 --> 00:07:00,191
What kind of deranged,
Wile E. Coyote shit is that?
190
00:07:00,191 --> 00:07:02,158
Well, I'd love to stand around
and reminisce,
191
00:07:02,158 --> 00:07:03,791
but we should get to work.
192
00:07:03,791 --> 00:07:05,724
We followed up
on that Woodcrest clue.
193
00:07:05,724 --> 00:07:07,457
Came up with one match.
194
00:07:07,457 --> 00:07:08,524
Domestic terrorist
195
00:07:08,524 --> 00:07:10,191
with radical leftist
affiliation.
196
00:07:10,191 --> 00:07:11,691
Name is Huey Freeman.
197
00:07:11,691 --> 00:07:13,158
Homeland wants you
to pick him up.
198
00:07:13,158 --> 00:07:15,524
We'll have a field team
ready in 20.
199
00:07:15,524 --> 00:07:16,958
Banes, are you sure about this?
200
00:07:16,958 --> 00:07:18,591
Look, I've done bad things
in my day.
201
00:07:18,591 --> 00:07:19,891
I've killed people.
202
00:07:19,891 --> 00:07:21,758
I've also kicked a lot
of people in the nuts.
203
00:07:21,758 --> 00:07:23,225
I still hear their screams.
204
00:07:23,225 --> 00:07:25,390
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
205
00:07:25,390 --> 00:07:27,324
MAN:
My nuts!
206
00:07:27,324 --> 00:07:29,324
But I've never hurt a child.
207
00:07:29,324 --> 00:07:31,091
He's no normal child, Jack.
208
00:07:31,091 --> 00:07:34,058
NSA's got a file on him
thicker than a Luke dancer.
209
00:07:34,058 --> 00:07:36,457
Now I don't know if you know
anything about Luke dancers,
210
00:07:36,457 --> 00:07:38,257
Jack, but they're very thick.
211
00:07:38,257 --> 00:07:41,257
Very large thighs
and buttocks, Jack.
212
00:07:41,257 --> 00:07:43,257
That's how thick his file is.
213
00:07:43,257 --> 00:07:46,058
If he puts up a fight,
you put him down.
214
00:07:46,058 --> 00:07:47,390
[***]
215
00:07:47,390 --> 00:07:49,324
[BEEPING]
216
00:07:51,524 --> 00:07:53,557
Here's what I'm saying.
I used the Recorder app
217
00:07:53,557 --> 00:07:55,058
to dictate the plan
into the phone.
218
00:07:55,058 --> 00:07:56,290
I used the AroundMe app
219
00:07:56,290 --> 00:07:58,257
to find out the bomb parts
and the detonators.
220
00:07:58,257 --> 00:08:00,225
I used the Amazon app
to price everything out.
221
00:08:00,225 --> 00:08:01,891
Why pay any more
than necessary for C4?
222
00:08:01,891 --> 00:08:03,491
Shit's gonna blow up anyway,
right?
223
00:08:03,491 --> 00:08:05,491
Great. Maybe one day
they'll invent an app
224
00:08:05,491 --> 00:08:08,091
where you can actually call
some goddamn body.
225
00:08:08,091 --> 00:08:09,758
[TIRE SQUEALS]
226
00:08:09,758 --> 00:08:11,058
[BRAKES SQUEALING]
227
00:08:11,058 --> 00:08:12,557
ED:
Crap.
228
00:08:12,557 --> 00:08:14,225
Great.
It's no problem.
229
00:08:14,225 --> 00:08:17,858
I'll just call my grandfather,
he'll get us a new car.
230
00:08:17,858 --> 00:08:20,491
Now let me just use the GPS
to find out where we are.
231
00:08:20,491 --> 00:08:22,824
We're down the street
from your house, asshole.
232
00:08:22,824 --> 00:08:25,390
Look, that's Riley's house
over there.
233
00:08:25,390 --> 00:08:27,824
Yep, that's what
the iPhone say.
234
00:08:27,824 --> 00:08:30,491
Will you just please
make the fucking call?
235
00:08:31,891 --> 00:08:33,858
I ain't got no goddamn bars.
236
00:08:33,858 --> 00:08:35,624
Shit.
237
00:08:35,624 --> 00:08:37,557
* Sergeant Gutter
Crank that dance *
238
00:08:37,557 --> 00:08:38,758
* Watch me crank that... *
239
00:08:38,758 --> 00:08:40,958
Granddad, I know you're not
gonna believe me,
240
00:08:40,958 --> 00:08:43,290
but I think
there are government agents...
241
00:08:43,290 --> 00:08:45,924
Boy, I don't have time
for your crazy bull crap.
242
00:08:45,924 --> 00:08:47,424
I don't like to be
bothered when my
243
00:08:47,424 --> 00:08:49,158
Real Housewives of Compton
is on.
244
00:08:49,158 --> 00:08:51,058
Oh, no, she didn't.
245
00:08:51,058 --> 00:08:53,724
Ew, yes, she did.
246
00:08:53,724 --> 00:08:56,657
Damn it! Argh!
Pause it, boy.
247
00:08:56,657 --> 00:09:01,390
WOMAN [ON TV]:
...fat gorilla. I said I will
snatch you bald, beyotch!
248
00:09:01,390 --> 00:09:04,390
Hey, Pops!
We need a favor.
249
00:09:04,390 --> 00:09:06,691
[***]
250
00:09:17,158 --> 00:09:19,858
WUNCLER [ON PHONE]:
Have you delivered
the final shipment?
251
00:09:19,858 --> 00:09:21,657
Not yet, we're at
the Freemans' right now.
252
00:09:21,657 --> 00:09:23,225
We, uh, blew a tire.
253
00:09:23,225 --> 00:09:25,624
What the hell
are you doing at the Freemans'?
254
00:09:25,624 --> 00:09:27,858
There's federal agents
closing in on that house.
255
00:09:27,858 --> 00:09:29,991
Get to the warehouse now!
256
00:09:29,991 --> 00:09:31,491
Ed, we gotta jet.
257
00:09:31,491 --> 00:09:33,791
Show ain't over yet.
Now, Ed.
258
00:09:33,791 --> 00:09:35,225
WOMAN [ON TV]:
I told her,
259
00:09:35,225 --> 00:09:38,491
don't fuck with me,
don't fuck with me.
260
00:09:38,491 --> 00:09:40,091
We got some shit
we gotta take care of.
261
00:09:40,091 --> 00:09:42,024
Super secret type shit.
262
00:09:42,024 --> 00:09:43,657
Ed, come on.
263
00:09:43,657 --> 00:09:46,691
Okay, fellas, well,
give your granddaddy my best.
264
00:09:46,691 --> 00:09:49,524
Oh, and, uh, I'd stay away
from downtown for...
265
00:09:49,524 --> 00:09:51,091
For quite awhile.
Ed!
266
00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:53,357
You should only
be going uptown.
267
00:09:53,357 --> 00:09:55,924
Ed!
U-P-T-O-W-N.
268
00:09:55,924 --> 00:09:57,824
Ed!
269
00:09:57,824 --> 00:09:59,758
[***]
270
00:10:07,824 --> 00:10:09,390
[SCREAMS]
271
00:10:09,390 --> 00:10:11,858
WOMAN [ON TV]:
Yes, I did say
that I would tap that ass.
272
00:10:11,858 --> 00:10:14,290
That's what I had to say,
nigga...
273
00:10:14,290 --> 00:10:16,191
[BOTH SNORING]
274
00:10:16,191 --> 00:10:19,091
...but her man was good,
he was good, honey.
275
00:10:19,091 --> 00:10:20,390
He put it up on me...
276
00:10:20,390 --> 00:10:21,557
[***]
277
00:10:21,557 --> 00:10:22,991
AGENT 1:
Federal Agents!
278
00:10:22,991 --> 00:10:25,390
[AGENTS SHOUTING]
279
00:10:25,390 --> 00:10:27,958
AGENT 2:
Good. Got everything
under control over here.
280
00:10:27,958 --> 00:10:29,624
[SNORING]
281
00:10:29,624 --> 00:10:32,225
You hoes need to get up off me.
282
00:10:32,225 --> 00:10:34,158
[AGENTS CHATTERING]
283
00:10:38,824 --> 00:10:41,324
Rest of the house is clear.
Damn it.
284
00:10:41,324 --> 00:10:42,791
CTA, this is Flowers.
285
00:10:42,791 --> 00:10:44,457
The package is not here,
I repeat,
286
00:10:44,457 --> 00:10:46,024
we did not get the package.
287
00:10:46,024 --> 00:10:47,524
Someone must have
tipped him off.
288
00:10:47,524 --> 00:10:49,958
Set up a perimeter,
he's probably still on foot.
289
00:10:49,958 --> 00:10:51,624
EDWARD [ON RADIO]:
I got something.
290
00:10:51,624 --> 00:10:53,191
Looks like the old man's
credit card
291
00:10:53,191 --> 00:10:54,991
was just used to buy
a train ticket online.
292
00:10:54,991 --> 00:10:57,058
I'm guessing our guy is
on his way to the station.
293
00:10:57,058 --> 00:10:58,557
We're on our way.
All units proceed
294
00:10:58,557 --> 00:11:00,225
in the direction
of the train station.
295
00:11:00,225 --> 00:11:03,657
I want this whole place searched
from top to bottom. Everything.
296
00:11:05,225 --> 00:11:07,158
[BEEPING]
297
00:11:09,058 --> 00:11:11,824
Oh, I can't wait.
I can't wait to see
298
00:11:11,824 --> 00:11:14,290
what the white man
gonna do to you.
299
00:11:14,290 --> 00:11:15,891
Just drive.
300
00:11:15,891 --> 00:11:18,991
[***]
301
00:11:18,991 --> 00:11:21,257
Jack! I got
a fast-moving yellow bus
302
00:11:21,257 --> 00:11:22,624
about three miles ahead of you.
303
00:11:22,624 --> 00:11:23,924
Looks a little suspicious.
304
00:11:23,924 --> 00:11:25,724
All units, the package
is believed to be
305
00:11:25,724 --> 00:11:27,457
on a yellow bus straight ahead.
306
00:11:29,891 --> 00:11:30,958
RUCKUS:
Ah! Ah-ha!
307
00:11:30,958 --> 00:11:32,724
Look, look!
Here come the white cavalry!
308
00:11:32,724 --> 00:11:34,257
Oh, they got you now,
little nigga.
309
00:11:34,257 --> 00:11:35,924
Try to get the kid alive.
I'm gonna try
310
00:11:35,924 --> 00:11:38,390
and get a clean shot
at the driver.
311
00:11:38,390 --> 00:11:41,125
Here he is,
here he is, Mr. White Man!
312
00:11:43,091 --> 00:11:45,691
Ah! Oh, I hate you.
I hate you, little nigga!
313
00:11:47,357 --> 00:11:49,024
HUEY:
Keep your foot on the gas!
314
00:11:53,791 --> 00:11:55,524
[GRUNTING]
[TIRES SCREECHING]
315
00:11:55,524 --> 00:11:58,491
[***]
316
00:12:12,457 --> 00:12:13,991
[ALL SHOUTING]
317
00:12:13,991 --> 00:12:17,058
Take your foot off the gas!
318
00:12:17,058 --> 00:12:18,991
[BRAKES SQUEALING]
319
00:12:25,424 --> 00:12:27,357
[HELICOPTER WHIRRING]
320
00:12:28,591 --> 00:12:31,357
[GASPS]
[RUCKUS GROANS]
321
00:12:31,357 --> 00:12:32,858
[WHIMPERING]
322
00:12:32,858 --> 00:12:34,858
[ALL SHOUTING]
323
00:12:37,125 --> 00:12:39,858
[***]
324
00:12:44,891 --> 00:12:46,624
[BEEPING]
325
00:12:46,743 --> 00:12:48,709
REPORTER:
In this footage
from yesterday,
326
00:12:48,709 --> 00:12:50,609
the Marines subdued
the possible potential
327
00:12:50,609 --> 00:12:52,410
alleged suspects.
328
00:12:56,477 --> 00:12:59,177
Do you know who I am?
No.
329
00:12:59,177 --> 00:13:01,643
Well, if you knew who I was
then you would know
330
00:13:01,643 --> 00:13:03,843
what I'll do if you don't tell
me what I need to know.
331
00:13:03,843 --> 00:13:05,810
Maybe, but I don't know
who you are.
332
00:13:05,810 --> 00:13:07,110
Do you know what kind of damage
333
00:13:07,110 --> 00:13:09,177
a steel boot can do
to pre-pubescent testicles?
334
00:13:09,177 --> 00:13:10,976
How would I know that?
335
00:13:10,976 --> 00:13:12,310
Tell me where the target is
336
00:13:12,310 --> 00:13:14,477
before I kick you in the nuts!
337
00:13:14,477 --> 00:13:16,576
RUCKUS:
Get your hands off of me!
338
00:13:16,576 --> 00:13:18,010
I'm a proud American!
339
00:13:18,010 --> 00:13:20,243
Goddamn it! I knew
this great country
340
00:13:20,243 --> 00:13:22,676
was gonna go straight
to shit in a sandwich bag
341
00:13:22,676 --> 00:13:26,177
once that bean pie chef
became commander in chief!
342
00:13:26,177 --> 00:13:27,843
Do you want me to kick you
in the nuts?
343
00:13:27,843 --> 00:13:29,410
No.
Do you want me
344
00:13:29,410 --> 00:13:31,609
to kick you in the nuts?
No.
345
00:13:31,609 --> 00:13:33,776
Do you want me to...
BANES: Wait, Jack.
346
00:13:33,776 --> 00:13:35,444
I do not want you
to kick him in the nuts.
347
00:13:35,444 --> 00:13:37,510
Why?
He's innocent,
348
00:13:37,510 --> 00:13:39,277
but we found something big
at his house,
349
00:13:39,277 --> 00:13:42,143
or should I say,
thin and light.
350
00:13:42,143 --> 00:13:44,609
This iPhone was found
at the Freeman residence,
351
00:13:44,609 --> 00:13:46,609
but it belongs to
an Ed Wuncler III.
352
00:13:49,743 --> 00:13:51,676
Looks like he's the guy
we're looking for.
353
00:13:51,676 --> 00:13:53,043
We found the attack plans,
354
00:13:53,043 --> 00:13:54,709
blueprints, schedule,
everything.
355
00:13:54,709 --> 00:13:57,043
According to this,
the target is Wuncler Plaza.
356
00:13:57,043 --> 00:13:58,910
There's something else.
A large shipment
357
00:13:58,910 --> 00:14:00,510
of unknown materials
in a warehouse.
358
00:14:00,510 --> 00:14:02,510
It doesn't say anything
about what it might be?
359
00:14:02,510 --> 00:14:05,377
No, but it's definitely
related to today's attack.
360
00:14:05,377 --> 00:14:09,277
We all know what it is.
Bio-nuclear anthrax.
361
00:14:09,277 --> 00:14:11,843
Bio-nuclear anthrax.
362
00:14:11,843 --> 00:14:13,976
All right, let's move.
Call Wuncler Plaza.
363
00:14:13,976 --> 00:14:16,177
Tell them to evacuate
the building immediately.
364
00:14:16,177 --> 00:14:18,110
[PHONE RINGING]
365
00:14:23,410 --> 00:14:25,743
Jack, I want you to find out
what's in that warehouse,
366
00:14:25,743 --> 00:14:27,910
and then go after Ed III
and his grandfather.
367
00:14:27,910 --> 00:14:29,943
I'll get you a field team
in 10 minutes.
368
00:14:29,943 --> 00:14:33,343
Yes, sir.
369
00:14:33,343 --> 00:14:35,910
Look, Huey, I apologize
for what happened in there.
370
00:14:35,910 --> 00:14:37,576
But nobody is above the law.
371
00:14:37,576 --> 00:14:39,177
Wuncler is gonna pay for this.
372
00:14:39,177 --> 00:14:40,643
You have my word.
373
00:14:40,643 --> 00:14:43,077
BANES:
Excuse me, everyone,
can I have your attention?
374
00:14:43,077 --> 00:14:44,976
I'm afraid we have
to abort the mission
375
00:14:44,976 --> 00:14:47,143
to arrest Ed III
and his grandfather.
376
00:14:47,143 --> 00:14:48,576
What? What about the bomb?
377
00:14:48,576 --> 00:14:51,444
Sorry, Jack, turns out
some people are above the law.
378
00:14:51,444 --> 00:14:53,943
The Wunclers will not pay
for what they did today.
379
00:14:53,943 --> 00:14:56,709
You have my word.
Good work, everyone.
380
00:14:56,709 --> 00:14:59,943
Have a good weekend.
And, oh, uh, no going rogue.
381
00:14:59,943 --> 00:15:01,810
MAN:
I got the tequila.
Who's got the salt?
382
00:15:01,810 --> 00:15:03,377
[AGENTS CHATTERING]
383
00:15:03,377 --> 00:15:04,643
I'm going rogue.
384
00:15:04,643 --> 00:15:06,609
Huey, you've got to get
to Wuncler Plaza
385
00:15:06,609 --> 00:15:09,043
and try to get as many people
out of there before it blows.
386
00:15:09,043 --> 00:15:11,609
A second ago you were
gonna kick me in the nuts.
387
00:15:11,609 --> 00:15:13,177
Huey, please,
I'm just doing my job.
388
00:15:13,177 --> 00:15:14,410
It's a crappy job,
389
00:15:14,410 --> 00:15:16,410
but somebody's gotta kick people
in the nuts.
390
00:15:16,410 --> 00:15:18,576
And sometimes you kick
the wrong person in the nuts
391
00:15:18,576 --> 00:15:20,576
and that's tragic.
But now we can both make sure
392
00:15:20,576 --> 00:15:22,477
it's the right set of nuts
that get kicked.
393
00:15:22,477 --> 00:15:24,077
You little
black communist niglit!
394
00:15:24,077 --> 00:15:25,776
I wanna press full charges! I...
395
00:15:25,776 --> 00:15:28,643
[GASPS]
396
00:15:28,643 --> 00:15:29,943
Jack Flowers.
397
00:15:29,943 --> 00:15:31,477
You do know who I am, right?
398
00:15:31,477 --> 00:15:33,810
Why... Oh, w-why yes, sir.
You're Jack Flowers.
399
00:15:33,810 --> 00:15:36,643
You kick them Arab terrorist
son of a bitches in the nuts.
400
00:15:36,643 --> 00:15:38,910
You, sir, are an American hero.
401
00:15:38,910 --> 00:15:40,776
Right now I need you
to be a hero,
402
00:15:40,776 --> 00:15:42,410
and help Huey get
to Wuncler Plaza
403
00:15:42,410 --> 00:15:43,643
before a bomb goes off.
404
00:15:43,643 --> 00:15:45,077
Yes, sir, mister, sir.
405
00:15:45,077 --> 00:15:46,943
Come on, little nigga.
You heard the man.
406
00:15:46,943 --> 00:15:48,444
Move your little communist ass
407
00:15:48,444 --> 00:15:50,043
so we can save
some white folks.
408
00:15:50,043 --> 00:15:52,143
[***]
409
00:15:52,143 --> 00:15:54,077
[BEEPING]
410
00:15:56,343 --> 00:15:57,609
[LAUGHING]
411
00:15:57,609 --> 00:15:59,210
[TIRES SCREECHING]
412
00:15:59,210 --> 00:16:01,143
Open the door!
413
00:16:01,143 --> 00:16:02,310
Hey, assholes.
414
00:16:02,310 --> 00:16:03,876
Building's closed.
415
00:16:03,876 --> 00:16:06,110
Look, we gotta get
everybody out of here.
416
00:16:06,110 --> 00:16:07,510
There are bombs
in the building.
417
00:16:07,510 --> 00:16:08,776
Ain't nobody in here but me.
418
00:16:08,776 --> 00:16:10,444
And I'm giving
the orders around here.
419
00:16:10,444 --> 00:16:11,510
Who the fuck are you two?
420
00:16:11,510 --> 00:16:13,277
Okay, we tried.
421
00:16:13,277 --> 00:16:15,876
Now hush your mouth.
This is a white men talking.
422
00:16:15,876 --> 00:16:18,544
Hey, wait a minute.
You two are the terrorists.
423
00:16:18,544 --> 00:16:20,743
I don't know how you two
escaped, but you two fucked
424
00:16:20,743 --> 00:16:23,210
with the wrong
security enforcement officer.
425
00:16:23,210 --> 00:16:24,843
I ain't going anywhere.
426
00:16:24,843 --> 00:16:26,243
[BEEPS]
427
00:16:26,243 --> 00:16:27,709
[GRUNTING]
428
00:16:27,709 --> 00:16:29,343
And neither are you.
429
00:16:29,343 --> 00:16:31,810
[***]
430
00:16:31,810 --> 00:16:33,743
[TIRES SCREECHING]
431
00:16:35,143 --> 00:16:37,210
[***]
432
00:16:50,743 --> 00:16:51,910
What the...?
433
00:16:51,910 --> 00:16:53,876
[DOOR SLIDING]
434
00:16:53,876 --> 00:16:55,843
[GASPS]
435
00:16:59,377 --> 00:17:02,210
[BOTH GRUNTING]
436
00:17:02,210 --> 00:17:03,843
RUCKUS:
Come on! Come on!
437
00:17:06,177 --> 00:17:07,943
I need the password
to unlock the door.
438
00:17:07,943 --> 00:17:09,876
[BOTH GRUNTING]
439
00:17:12,377 --> 00:17:14,210
I was given a mission
by Jack Flowers,
440
00:17:14,210 --> 00:17:16,544
the greatest white man
since G.I. Joe.
441
00:17:16,544 --> 00:17:17,609
And that mission
442
00:17:17,609 --> 00:17:19,043
is to get you
out of here safely.
443
00:17:19,043 --> 00:17:21,043
Now, what's the password
to open the door?
444
00:17:21,043 --> 00:17:22,709
Eat my ass!
445
00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:24,177
Sir, do not make me use
446
00:17:24,177 --> 00:17:26,210
enhanced interrogation
techniques.
447
00:17:26,210 --> 00:17:27,609
Eat my ass!
448
00:17:27,609 --> 00:17:30,243
[YELLING]
449
00:17:30,243 --> 00:17:31,576
Give us the password!
450
00:17:31,576 --> 00:17:34,077
Eat my ass!
Eat my ass!
451
00:17:34,077 --> 00:17:38,776
* Stomp him in the nuts
Stomp him in the nuts *
452
00:17:38,776 --> 00:17:39,843
Ruckus, wait!
453
00:17:39,843 --> 00:17:41,143
[DAN GROANING]
454
00:17:41,143 --> 00:17:43,743
Eat my ass.
455
00:17:43,743 --> 00:17:46,110
My God, what have I done?
456
00:17:46,110 --> 00:17:50,377
Oh, I have seen the enemy,
and it is me.
457
00:17:50,377 --> 00:17:51,743
Oh, wait a minute.
458
00:17:51,743 --> 00:17:52,910
I-I can't find
my iPhone.
459
00:17:52,910 --> 00:17:53,976
I think I dropped it!
460
00:17:53,976 --> 00:17:55,277
Shit, you dropped the iPhone
461
00:17:55,277 --> 00:17:57,576
that had everything on it?
What if somebody found it?
462
00:17:57,576 --> 00:17:59,310
They'd know exactly...
[GUN COCKS]
463
00:17:59,310 --> 00:18:01,743
Tell me who the man is
on these T-shirts.
464
00:18:01,743 --> 00:18:03,709
He's a dead man, just like you.
465
00:18:03,709 --> 00:18:05,976
[GRUNTING]
466
00:18:05,976 --> 00:18:09,010
[***]
467
00:18:09,010 --> 00:18:11,377
Oh, shit!
468
00:18:12,643 --> 00:18:14,609
[CLICKING]
ED: Bitch!
469
00:18:14,609 --> 00:18:17,077
[ED SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
470
00:18:18,210 --> 00:18:19,477
[GUN CLICKS]
471
00:18:19,477 --> 00:18:21,477
Oh, no.
472
00:18:21,477 --> 00:18:23,477
[GROANING]
473
00:18:24,609 --> 00:18:26,177
[***]
474
00:18:29,510 --> 00:18:30,776
Wow.
475
00:18:30,776 --> 00:18:33,010
Go ahead, Steve.
476
00:18:34,477 --> 00:18:37,010
I am so sorry,
Mr. White Man.
477
00:18:37,010 --> 00:18:39,910
Never again will
this foot touch white nuts.
478
00:18:39,910 --> 00:18:41,477
Ruckus! Come on!
479
00:18:41,477 --> 00:18:43,210
[BEEPING]
480
00:18:43,210 --> 00:18:44,709
[***]
481
00:18:44,709 --> 00:18:47,709
We gotta go now.
Come on.
482
00:18:47,709 --> 00:18:49,843
[GRUNTING]
483
00:18:49,843 --> 00:18:51,943
[***]
484
00:18:59,010 --> 00:19:00,510
MAN:
Run!
485
00:19:00,510 --> 00:19:03,010
Run for your lives,
it's coming down!
486
00:19:03,010 --> 00:19:04,943
[ALL SCREAMING]
487
00:19:07,776 --> 00:19:08,843
[BOTH COUGHING]
488
00:19:08,843 --> 00:19:11,377
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
489
00:19:11,377 --> 00:19:12,609
Huey, it's Jack.
490
00:19:12,609 --> 00:19:14,676
Did you get everyone
out of the building in time?
491
00:19:14,676 --> 00:19:17,210
Well, yeah,
but it was just one person.
492
00:19:17,210 --> 00:19:18,876
Meet me at the Wuncler estate.
493
00:19:18,876 --> 00:19:20,910
We're gonna finish this.
494
00:19:22,310 --> 00:19:23,676
WUNCLER:
These are hard times.
495
00:19:23,676 --> 00:19:25,544
Americans need inspiration.
496
00:19:25,544 --> 00:19:28,110
People want real life
to be like in the movies.
497
00:19:28,110 --> 00:19:30,976
With good guys
and bad guys and black guys,
498
00:19:30,976 --> 00:19:32,077
all that shit.
499
00:19:32,077 --> 00:19:34,544
This country
needed a rallying cry.
500
00:19:34,544 --> 00:19:37,010
A reminder of why it's great
to be an American.
501
00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:39,077
So you just make this stuff up?
502
00:19:39,077 --> 00:19:41,210
No, several over-paid members
503
00:19:41,210 --> 00:19:44,576
of the Writers-fucking-Guild
of America make this stuff up.
504
00:19:44,576 --> 00:19:45,910
This is just a joke to you.
505
00:19:45,910 --> 00:19:48,277
We're talking about the lives
of innocent Americans.
506
00:19:48,277 --> 00:19:50,743
Innocent American.
Singular.
507
00:19:50,743 --> 00:19:54,077
Daniel Stucky,
a.k.a. Dan the Security Man.
508
00:19:54,077 --> 00:19:56,143
Have you ever met
Dan Stucky, Jack?
509
00:19:56,143 --> 00:19:59,243
He's a cocksucker.
A waste of functioning organs.
510
00:19:59,243 --> 00:20:02,043
But dead? He would have been
a national hero.
511
00:20:02,043 --> 00:20:04,444
We had Dan the Security Man
action figures,
512
00:20:04,444 --> 00:20:06,576
fast food tie-ins,
video games,
513
00:20:06,576 --> 00:20:09,077
a limited edition
collectable sneaker line.
514
00:20:09,077 --> 00:20:12,243
We had Dan ribbons,
Dan buttons, and Dan ringtones,
515
00:20:12,243 --> 00:20:15,077
and a feature film
starring Jack Black.
516
00:20:15,077 --> 00:20:16,976
And all he had to do was die.
517
00:20:16,976 --> 00:20:18,743
But why?
Don't you have enough money?
518
00:20:20,110 --> 00:20:22,377
No.
519
00:20:22,377 --> 00:20:24,110
[***]
520
00:20:24,110 --> 00:20:25,776
I'm taking you into custody.
521
00:20:25,776 --> 00:20:29,110
You have till the count
of three or I will shoot.
522
00:20:29,110 --> 00:20:30,277
One.
523
00:20:30,277 --> 00:20:32,943
More than enough time.
524
00:20:32,943 --> 00:20:34,544
Two.
525
00:20:34,544 --> 00:20:36,477
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
526
00:20:37,709 --> 00:20:39,843
Agent Flowers.
OBAMA: Jack,
527
00:20:39,843 --> 00:20:41,310
it's the president.
First of all,
528
00:20:41,310 --> 00:20:44,444
I want to congratulate you
on the fine work
529
00:20:44,444 --> 00:20:46,444
you've done today.
530
00:20:46,444 --> 00:20:49,609
But Mr. President,
this man has conspired to...
531
00:20:49,609 --> 00:20:52,210
Yes, sir.
Yes, Mr. President.
532
00:20:53,810 --> 00:20:56,010
You can let yourselves out.
533
00:20:57,510 --> 00:20:58,643
[***]
534
00:20:58,643 --> 00:21:00,410
JACK:
Huey, you did
a good thing today.
535
00:21:00,410 --> 00:21:02,709
You saved a man's life.
536
00:21:02,709 --> 00:21:04,510
They don't win
until you give up.
537
00:21:04,510 --> 00:21:06,743
They don't win
until you stop fighting.
538
00:21:06,743 --> 00:21:08,477
You can't fight the future.
539
00:21:08,477 --> 00:21:10,643
Don't waste your life trying.
540
00:21:10,643 --> 00:21:14,010
Boy! Oh, we're so glad
you're okay.
541
00:21:14,010 --> 00:21:15,910
I'm so sorry
I didn't listen to you.
542
00:21:15,910 --> 00:21:17,077
[GUNSHOTS]
543
00:21:17,077 --> 00:21:20,343
Back off. Everyone stay back
or he dies!
544
00:21:20,343 --> 00:21:23,343
Help! Somebody shoot
this motherfucker!
545
00:21:23,343 --> 00:21:26,177
You can't do this to me!
Let me go.
546
00:21:26,177 --> 00:21:27,643
You know who I am? Granddaddy!
547
00:21:27,643 --> 00:21:29,477
What are you waiting for?
Shoot him.
548
00:21:29,477 --> 00:21:31,810
ED:
Granddaddy!
549
00:21:31,810 --> 00:21:33,876
[HELICOPTER WHIRRING]
550
00:21:33,876 --> 00:21:35,876
[GUNSHOTS,
AGENTS SHOUTING]
551
00:21:35,876 --> 00:21:37,243
[TIRES SCREECHING]
552
00:21:41,043 --> 00:21:42,910
Man, we might have to think
about moving.
553
00:21:42,910 --> 00:21:44,776
This neighborhood ain't
what it used to be.
554
00:21:44,776 --> 00:21:47,609
Aw, man, we saw you on the news
555
00:21:47,609 --> 00:21:50,277
with all them Marines
pointing guns at you.
556
00:21:50,277 --> 00:21:51,776
And you was looking hard too.
557
00:21:51,776 --> 00:21:53,609
You was like,
"What? What?"
558
00:21:53,609 --> 00:21:56,010
GRANDDAD:
Man, Huey, you were really
right this time.
559
00:21:56,010 --> 00:21:57,910
You said it was gonna happen
and it happened.
560
00:21:57,910 --> 00:21:59,609
Imagine all the problems
we could avoid
561
00:21:59,609 --> 00:22:02,876
if we ever start
listening to you. Oh, well!
562
00:22:02,876 --> 00:22:04,810
[***]