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300MB UNiTED TEAM - sunmenghao
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It's perfect.
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Oh, great.
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I'll take it.
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Wonderful. I'm so happy.
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There's one thing.
I'm gonna need some references.
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I don't have any of those.
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Oh, dear, that's serious.
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I don't know that we can do business
together if you don't have references.
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Bye, now!
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- Daddy.
- What's going on, Isabel?
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I'm moving here.
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To the Valley?
Why on earth would you do that?
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Because it's normal.
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You're normal. You're just...
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I know. But I'm not gonna
be one anymore.
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You have no choice in the matter.
It's what you are.
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Orange is a great color.
Orange is happy.
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Why don't we just paint it yellow?
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We can't, we're gonna
paint the bathroom yellow.
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Since when are we doing that?
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They're arguing about paint.
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Yes, I can see that.
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I wanna argue about paint.
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- With whom?
- With someone.
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A man?
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- Yes!
- Oh, Isabel.
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I'm through with warlocks.
They're all like you.
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Even when you and mom
were married...
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...you were casting spells
on other women.
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Your life is total
instant gratification, Daddy.
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- It's fantastic, isn't it?
- No. No, it's not.
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Because how do you know that
anyone really loves you for yourself?
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It's like those rich men who are never
sure why women sleep with them.
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But women sleep with them,
so it's not really a problem.
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I want a man who needs me.
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Needs you?
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Because he is a completely
hopeless mess.
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Oh, no. You're talking about love,
aren't you?
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What do you suppose it's like?
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Oh, it's simple. You say, "I love you"
to someone you want to go home with.
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And then when things get messy,
you say, "I don't love you anymore."
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And that's pretty much it.
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I feel as if I'm pressed against
a glass window.
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It's right there on the other side.
I can see it, but I can't feel it.
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I can't touch it.
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- Does your mother know about this?
- She disappeared again.
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$420.56.
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Money. Money.
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That was my last thing as a witch.
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I wanna be like everyone else.
I wanna have friends and I wanna...
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And I wanna go
to the Coffee Bean...
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...where we all discuss our problems,
which are absolutely unsolvable.
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You can have anything you want.
Every woman wants to be a witch.
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I don't. I wanna feel thwarted.
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I want days where my hair
is affected by weather.
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Yeah, hi, what can I get you?
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Scrambled eggs, please.
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I am through with just snapping
my fingers and getting my way.
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No breakfast after 11.
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My absolutely last thing.
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Don't do this.
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You'll meet someone,
you'll get this close.
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- And when he finds out about...
- Lf he loves me, he won't care.
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I'm going to get an umbrella.
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Go on. Get yourself one.
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No, Daddy. No. I mean it.
No. Never again.
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- You'll get wet.
- I hope so.
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I know what you're gonna say.
I'm a mess.
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Get a grip, Jack. Get a grip.
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I can't help it.
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Hey, how do I look?
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You look great.
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- I look great?
- Yeah.
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I always look great. That's a given.
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- And the important thing is...
- What?
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I have no idea what
the important thing is.
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I'm telling you, I feel like
I'm about to go out of my mind.
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You know, I want my life back. Okay?
I want my wife and my house.
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I wanna be a movie star again. I mean,
what the hell happened, Richie?
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Things were going so great
for a while.
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Last Year in Katmandu.
It cost 140 mil to make.
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Grossed 1.6.
The only DVD to sell no copies.
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We probably shouldn't have shot it
in black-and-white.
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But now you're gonna do a television
series and it's gonna be a hit.
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So pull yourself together, man,
because you look like Don Johnson.
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- But in a bad way.
- Okay, I got it.
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- I'll pull myself together.
- Let's go.
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And don't get all nice on me.
Be mean.
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I'm gonna be mean.
I'm gonna be mean.
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Hit me. There you go.
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You're the Jackerator, baby.
Let's go. Let's go. Come on.
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Yo, gentlemen.
How are you? Oh!
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- Hey, hello.
- Jack Wyatt.
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- Hi, I'm Jack.
- Oh. Huge fan. Huge.
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- How are the kids, guys?
- Great.
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Good. Well, let's cut the chitchat.
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- Thank you. I'm Jack, by the way.
- Nina.
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- Jack wants to do the show.
- That's great.
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- I wanna do it.
- That's great. That's terrific.
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He only has one concern.
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We had the same concern.
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But we think everyone's forgotten
about Last Year in Katmandu.
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Unless they saw it.
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His concern is...
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...the witch has all the fun.
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You will be fun.
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We're changing it from the original.
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Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't all go crazy.
Okay? I mean, it is Bewitched.
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I mean, Samantha should be strong.
Right? This should be a two-hander.
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Oh, my God. Huh?
Hey. What a relief.
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I was worried because Larry told me
you'd want to tilt the show toward you...
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Stu, Stu.
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We gotta have a great ensemble
is what I'm thinking. You know?
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Endora, the next-door neighbors,
all those crazy family members.
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Who's gonna play Uncle Arthur? Huh?
I used to love Uncle Arthur.
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Well, we're looking for Uncle Arthur.
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- Your table's ready.
- Thank you.
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I don't know if you remember...
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...but when he'd appear in the mirror,
it would crack. It would always crack.
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And you knew it was coming,
and yet, every time it happened...
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...I laughed and I laughed
and I laughed.
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- Can I talk to you?
- I loved it.
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"Hi, Sammy."
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One second, fellas. We'll meet
you guys at the table, all right?
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Hey, I like those guys. What?
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- You're being a pussy.
- What?
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You're being a pussy, pussy, pussy!
129
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No, I'm not!
I want the show to be good.
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You want the show to be...
You know what?
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Jack Wyatt's doing TV now
because his film career ate it!
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And he's not even the clear star
of his own show.
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00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:05,160
Jack, screw Uncle Arthur.
Hell, screw ensembles, man.
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00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:06,680
- I'm being a pussy.
- Yes.
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00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:10,480
If this show tanks, you'll be on
Hollywood Squares for 10 years.
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00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:12,600
You will also be the mayor
of Pussytown.
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00:09:12,520 --> 00:09:14,080
I don't wanna be the mayor
of Pussytown.
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00:09:14,440 --> 00:09:16,720
Get in there and be
the sheriff of Ballsville.
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00:09:16,840 --> 00:09:17,880
- All right?
- Okay.
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00:09:18,280 --> 00:09:19,760
- Bring it.
- Okay.
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00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:21,080
Let's go.
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- Stop that.
- Sorry, sorry.
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Sorry, guys, where were we?
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Couple of big names are available
for Samantha.
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- To hell with that.
- Yeah.
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I want an unknown in the lead.
All right?
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A hot new face that's gonna look good
and set me up.
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00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:44,000
Because I have worked my ass off
to the bone for too long...
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...to build up the brand value
of the name Jack Wyatt!
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00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:51,680
- This show has one star.
- And I want three trailers.
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Nobody in television
has three trailers.
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He wants them, you get them.
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00:09:56,200 --> 00:09:59,880
And I want my own makeup team
in matching jumpsuits.
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00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:02,560
And a leopard!
I want a pet leopard.
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00:10:02,440 --> 00:10:04,600
With a diamond-studded collar.
Real diamonds.
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00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:06,720
- That's enough, Jack.
- And a cake.
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00:10:06,760 --> 00:10:09,920
A two-story-high cake.
Every Wednesday's Cake Day.
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00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:11,840
And we're gonna bring it out...
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00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:13,840
...and we're gonna pretend
it's a surprise.
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00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:15,360
Because it's Cake Day.
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00:10:15,400 --> 00:10:16,640
We get it, Jack.
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00:10:16,840 --> 00:10:20,480
If we have a leopard, we're gonna
have major insurance issues.
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00:10:20,680 --> 00:10:22,360
We're willing to give
on the leopard.
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00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:23,960
It's getting hard to breathe.
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00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:25,960
- Should I be writing this down?
- No.
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00:10:26,440 --> 00:10:30,080
So this should be fun. Huh? Right?
167
00:10:30,280 --> 00:10:33,880
I used to have the biggest crush on
Elizabeth Montgomery when I was 10.
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00:10:34,120 --> 00:10:37,280
- We all did.
- The nose. I mean...
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00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:43,440
It's not gonna be easy finding
a nobody to play Samantha.
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00:10:44,680 --> 00:10:46,040
Be the sheriff.
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00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:50,760
Well, Jack Wyatt says
get it done, y'all.
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00:10:57,160 --> 00:11:00,400
Hey, I'm turning on the sprinklers
in my front yard.
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00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:06,120
Dimming up.
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Dimming down.
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00:11:09,160 --> 00:11:12,960
Dimming up.
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00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:15,240
Dimming down.
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00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:22,880
Wow!
178
00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:25,000
I don't think you quite understand.
179
00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:27,160
This is very confusing.
180
00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:30,840
I put the black cable in the red plug
like they said...
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00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:33,400
...and the screen is still blue.
182
00:11:34,600 --> 00:11:36,280
I'm here to give you cable.
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00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:38,880
Oh, thank you, I already have some.
184
00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:42,440
Hello? Don't go away, please.
185
00:11:44,680 --> 00:11:47,040
To heck with all this bunk!
186
00:12:08,680 --> 00:12:10,040
There.
187
00:12:12,520 --> 00:12:15,120
Let's just keep this
between us, Lucinda.
188
00:12:16,840 --> 00:12:20,760
Is your self-esteem low because you
aren't participating in the real world?
189
00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:23,160
Yes, my self-esteem is very low.
190
00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:26,360
Well, let's face it, you need a job.
191
00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:28,200
There's something I have
to tell you, Darrin.
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00:12:28,840 --> 00:12:31,120
- I'm a witch.
- I'm a witch.
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00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:33,240
I am a witch.
194
00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:45,400
Good. Good.
195
00:13:13,480 --> 00:13:14,880
Oh, my goodness.
196
00:13:29,320 --> 00:13:31,080
God bless you.
197
00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:09,960
Don't look, but Jack Wyatt
is staring at you.
198
00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:16,640
My heart's pounding,
and I am feeling very weird tingles.
199
00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:18,840
I know. He makes me sick too.
200
00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:20,680
You know him?
201
00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:22,880
Jack Wyatt? The actor?
202
00:14:23,560 --> 00:14:24,680
Where have you been?
203
00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:28,040
- May I join you?
- Sure.
204
00:14:29,800 --> 00:14:31,760
- Hi, I'm Jack Wyatt.
- I know.
205
00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:33,480
Thank you.
206
00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:35,800
Look, I've never done this before.
207
00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:39,840
How would you like to be
on a television show?
208
00:14:40,840 --> 00:14:42,840
- Ms...
- Bigelow.
209
00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:44,480
Bigelow?
210
00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:47,160
Isabel Bigelow.
211
00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:50,920
What do you think?
Wanna be a famous actress?
212
00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:52,120
- Me?
- Yeah.
213
00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:54,160
- An actress?
- Yeah.
214
00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:56,000
I can't act.
215
00:14:57,160 --> 00:14:58,680
Anyone can act.
216
00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:00,840
If I can act, you can act.
217
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:02,240
Amen.
218
00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:06,640
I think those people over there
just finished their plate of hummus.
219
00:15:06,760 --> 00:15:09,480
You might wanna help them
by clearing it. Thank you.
220
00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:16,440
So, Isabel Bigelow,
do you have a job?
221
00:15:16,840 --> 00:15:19,160
- No.
- Are you rich?
222
00:15:19,240 --> 00:15:20,800
Because I am.
223
00:15:21,640 --> 00:15:22,720
I'm extremely wealthy.
224
00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:27,640
Which I'm about to prove to you
by taking care of this bill...
225
00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:29,960
...for two dollars...
226
00:15:30,280 --> 00:15:32,520
...and 31 cents.
227
00:15:32,680 --> 00:15:35,280
- Wow.
- Yeah. "Wow" is right.
228
00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:37,720
I have to remember
to get some money.
229
00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:39,160
Yeah.
230
00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:41,080
So do you wanna be
rich and famous?
231
00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:45,600
I just wanna be normal.
232
00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:48,600
Well, acting is better than normal.
233
00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:51,320
Yeah. You get to pretend
to be normal.
234
00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:54,560
And then if you're good,
you become a big star...
235
00:15:54,760 --> 00:15:57,400
...and guess what happens.
- What?
236
00:15:57,640 --> 00:16:01,440
You snap your fingers and pretty much
anything you want materializes.
237
00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:03,680
Oh, no. No, no, no.
238
00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:06,440
I have that now.
It's what I'm giving up.
239
00:16:07,240 --> 00:16:10,320
Oh, it was lovely to meet you.
240
00:16:11,080 --> 00:16:15,560
You seem very sweet
and unkempt and troubled.
241
00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:18,840
Hey!
242
00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:22,680
Hey, hey, hey. Those are bad things
to say to a person.
243
00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:24,040
Oh, no, they aren't.
244
00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:28,000
I think the fact that you're
a hopeless mess is very refreshing.
245
00:16:28,360 --> 00:16:29,920
It moves me.
246
00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:37,800
- Isabel Bigelow.
- Yes?
247
00:16:38,920 --> 00:16:40,560
I need you.
248
00:16:41,320 --> 00:16:43,000
What did you say?
249
00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:45,320
- I said, I need you.
- You need me?
250
00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:47,200
I need you.
251
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:51,040
You don't have to come audition.
252
00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:54,080
Just come and show everyone
what you look like when you do it.
253
00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:55,320
Like this?
254
00:16:56,200 --> 00:16:57,240
Uncanny.
255
00:16:57,160 --> 00:16:58,480
- It's identical.
- I told you.
256
00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:08,800
You go, girl!
257
00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:13,560
We would just like you
to read the script.
258
00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:16,040
Start on page 13.
Should be marked there.
259
00:17:16,360 --> 00:17:17,600
Read it?
260
00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:27,560
Okay... Out loud.
261
00:17:28,360 --> 00:17:30,560
Yeah. We want an idea
of what it could sound like.
262
00:17:32,680 --> 00:17:35,840
"Int., honeymoon suite, night...
Dash, night.
263
00:17:36,040 --> 00:17:37,920
Darrin and Samantha are sitting
on the bed."
264
00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:39,360
Someone's not too bright.
265
00:17:39,880 --> 00:17:43,040
Just... Just read the part
that says "Samantha."
266
00:17:46,120 --> 00:17:49,440
"Darrin, I know it's our honeymoon,
but there's something I have to tell you.
267
00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:50,920
I'm a witch."
268
00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:53,400
- I'm not a witch.
- Yeah, exactly.
269
00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:55,800
- No, you're giving it up.
- Who told you?
270
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,520
You're about to. On the next page.
271
00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:02,080
It's Bewitched. The TV show.
We're redoing it.
272
00:18:02,440 --> 00:18:04,360
Oh, I wasn't allowed
to watch Bewitched.
273
00:18:05,320 --> 00:18:07,920
Who wasn't allowed
to watch Bewitched?
274
00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:10,640
- That's great, Jack.
- That's great.
275
00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:13,360
Well, I play a mortal.
And I'm in love with you.
276
00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:15,520
And I don't care that you're a witch.
277
00:18:16,840 --> 00:18:18,640
You don't care?
278
00:18:18,760 --> 00:18:20,000
No? Is that true?
279
00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:21,480
Yes, it is. Yeah.
280
00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:24,600
Now go ahead and read the lines.
281
00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:26,240
I'll read with you.
We'll do it together.
282
00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:29,880
Randall? Where are you?
Yes. Thank you.
283
00:18:30,760 --> 00:18:32,280
This'll be easy.
284
00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:39,120
- Here?
- Yeah.
285
00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:40,240
I'm a witch, Darrin.
286
00:18:40,360 --> 00:18:45,440
A house-haunting, broomstick-flying,
cauldron-stirring witch!
287
00:18:45,640 --> 00:18:46,760
Great. Great.
288
00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:50,520
Know what? Let's put the script down,
let's put it away, and we'll improvise.
289
00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:53,400
Jack. That was only one line.
290
00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:54,600
Not a big deal.
291
00:18:54,760 --> 00:18:56,240
Go ahead, just set it down.
292
00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:57,560
Randall.
293
00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:01,520
I'm gonna ask you questions,
just answer them as if you're a witch.
294
00:19:02,440 --> 00:19:03,840
- Sure.
- Yeah.
295
00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:06,680
Were your parents
in the witch business?
296
00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:09,440
Both of them. My mother fixed
the 1986 World Series.
297
00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:13,280
- Funny.
- Make a note of that.
298
00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:16,320
Do you carry around poison apples,
like in Snow White?
299
00:19:16,360 --> 00:19:19,720
Oh, no, you have to have a permit
for a poison apple.
300
00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:22,000
Permit? Okay, good to know.
301
00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:23,640
That's good.
302
00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:25,360
Oh, what's it like to date a warlock?
303
00:19:25,960 --> 00:19:27,680
Oh! Horrible.
304
00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:31,440
They're self-centered, not very bright,
and all that feel-good-in-the-moment.
305
00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:33,320
Not at all like you.
306
00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:36,200
What's so funny?
307
00:19:36,520 --> 00:19:38,160
Nothing, J-Bone.
308
00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:40,400
What's your favorite spell?
309
00:19:40,360 --> 00:19:43,720
Oh, no, I don't like to talk about that
because I'm quitting and...
310
00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:46,240
No, talking about it
just makes it harder, so...
311
00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:48,760
Are you sure you never saw
Bewitched?
312
00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:50,600
She's incredibly dialed-in.
313
00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:52,800
- Can I ask a question?
- Sure.
314
00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:55,240
How much longer do we have to
do this for?
315
00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:57,520
Oh, this?
We're almost done with this.
316
00:19:57,640 --> 00:20:00,640
I mean, if you do the show,
we'll be together forever.
317
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:03,160
- You and I?
- Would you please do the show?
318
00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:04,240
- What? This show?
- This show.
319
00:20:04,360 --> 00:20:06,520
- The Bewitched show?
- Absolutely.
320
00:20:06,760 --> 00:20:08,480
We'll work together.
We'll be partners.
321
00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:10,800
Be my TV wife.
322
00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:13,320
- This is very complicated.
- Marry me.
323
00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:16,040
Say yes.
324
00:20:16,360 --> 00:20:17,560
What are you doing, Isabel?
325
00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:19,680
Easy answer.
326
00:20:20,680 --> 00:20:22,400
- Yes.
- Yes!
327
00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:25,760
Great. Thank you.
328
00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:29,400
Okay. Let's make the deal. Right?
329
00:20:30,280 --> 00:20:33,680
Once upon a time,
there was a typical American girl...
330
00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:39,640
... who happened to bump into
a typical red-blooded American boy.
331
00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:44,200
And she bumped into him,
and bumped into him.
332
00:20:46,120 --> 00:20:48,800
So they decided they'd better
sit down and talk this over...
333
00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:51,160
... before they had an accident.
334
00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:52,720
They became good friends.
335
00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:54,720
- Hi!
- Hello?
336
00:20:54,760 --> 00:20:57,440
They brought this while you were out.
I said I'd bring it over.
337
00:20:57,640 --> 00:20:59,160
I'm your neighbor, Maria Kelly.
338
00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:00,920
- Come in!
- Thank you.
339
00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:02,920
What is all this stuff?
340
00:21:02,920 --> 00:21:05,240
I just got the most amazing job.
341
00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:08,960
I'm gonna be Samantha on Bewitched.
They're redoing it.
342
00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:10,680
Are you an actress?
343
00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:12,320
I guess I am.
344
00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:14,440
I love that show.
Is that the one about the genie?
345
00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:17,640
- No.
- This is so exciting!
346
00:21:21,640 --> 00:21:24,360
Oh! There you are. Come here.
This is you!
347
00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:26,040
Oh, I love this show.
348
00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:29,000
You know it?
349
00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:32,160
Watched it every night.
Love the song. Perfect.
350
00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:35,600
There you are! You're great!
Look at the nose!
351
00:21:35,560 --> 00:21:36,760
I hope you can do that.
352
00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:38,880
That's how I got the job.
Wriggling my nose.
353
00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:40,800
- Really?
- It's easy.
354
00:21:41,320 --> 00:21:42,760
Who's gonna play your husband?
355
00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:44,840
- Jack Wyatt.
- Oh, my God.
356
00:21:45,160 --> 00:21:48,360
He believes in me. He wants to be
partners with me. Listen to this:
357
00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:50,480
"Looking forward
to working with you, Isabel.
358
00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:52,640
As dictated to
Jack's assistant, Randall."
359
00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:54,400
Isn't that amazing?
360
00:21:55,240 --> 00:21:58,200
He's single. It's in all the tabloids.
His wife dumped him.
361
00:21:58,120 --> 00:21:59,400
- Is that true?
- Yes!
362
00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:00,760
Oh, my gosh.
363
00:22:03,880 --> 00:22:05,760
I don't know why we're doing this,
but it's fun.
364
00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:07,360
I know!
365
00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:10,680
Although, you shouldn't get involved
with someone you're working with.
366
00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:14,040
It can destroy your references.
I'm a career counselor and...
367
00:22:13,960 --> 00:22:16,360
Well, that's the only reason
I took the job.
368
00:22:16,360 --> 00:22:21,000
He is the cutest mess you have
ever seen. He is hopeless.
369
00:22:23,080 --> 00:22:26,400
Oh, gosh, he's beyond mortal.
370
00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:29,080
My father would never approve.
371
00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:31,360
Oh. Well.
372
00:22:32,200 --> 00:22:33,320
I won't?
373
00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:34,920
Daddy. Hi.
374
00:22:36,040 --> 00:22:37,560
What are you doing here?
375
00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:39,400
Hello, Isabel. Love the hat.
376
00:22:40,840 --> 00:22:42,680
And who is this?
377
00:22:43,240 --> 00:22:44,760
This is my father.
378
00:22:44,680 --> 00:22:46,640
This is Maria Kelly.
379
00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:52,080
How witchy was that? We talk
about your father and he turns up.
380
00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:54,520
Maria is my neighbor.
381
00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:57,240
Nigel Bigelow. Enchanté.
382
00:22:57,640 --> 00:22:59,080
Okay.
383
00:22:59,560 --> 00:23:01,000
And what won't I approve of?
384
00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:02,800
A man Isabel thinks is cute.
385
00:23:02,920 --> 00:23:04,560
I'm completely against it.
386
00:23:04,840 --> 00:23:06,840
I'm gonna be an actress
in a television series.
387
00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:09,360
She's gonna play Samantha
on Bewitched.
388
00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:13,080
Bewitched?
That's an insult to our way of life.
389
00:23:14,920 --> 00:23:16,640
Your dad is a hoot.
390
00:23:16,360 --> 00:23:18,560
I'm gonna take one of these,
because you got a lot.
391
00:23:18,760 --> 00:23:19,800
Oh, sure.
392
00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:24,520
Anyway, if anyone's robbing my house,
let me know. I'll do the same for you.
393
00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:27,160
Oh! And if you get a date
that has a friend...
394
00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:30,360
...make sure he's not secretly married
before you call me.
395
00:23:30,760 --> 00:23:32,680
- Bye, Nigel.
- Bye, Maria.
396
00:23:32,680 --> 00:23:34,240
Bye, Maria.
397
00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:36,240
Why can't you be happy for me?
398
00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:40,720
In less than a week I have become
a rich and famous actress...
399
00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:43,440
...living in a house I don't even have
to pay rent for...
400
00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:45,640
...just like every other person
in the world.
401
00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:46,840
Why wouldn't I be happy?
402
00:23:47,080 --> 00:23:49,480
You've turned your back
on your own kind...
403
00:23:49,480 --> 00:23:52,560
...and now you live down the street
from a Denny's.
404
00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:55,840
Don't make fun of my life.
I could make fun of your life.
405
00:23:55,720 --> 00:23:58,200
So, what about this man?
406
00:23:58,600 --> 00:24:01,360
No, I am not telling you anything
anymore, you're too negative.
407
00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:04,320
One morning,
I shot a lion in my pajamas.
408
00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:08,000
What he was doing in my pajamas,
I'll never know.
409
00:24:11,120 --> 00:24:12,840
Uncle Arthur. Classic.
410
00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:16,640
Your brand of low comedy always did
appeal to adolescent mentality.
411
00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:21,920
I won't do it.
412
00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:24,080
Speaking of traveling,
remember that time...
413
00:24:24,080 --> 00:24:25,160
Maybe I will.
414
00:24:25,520 --> 00:24:27,480
Maybe I will.
415
00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:29,800
...sent over from Europe.
It's simply gorgeous.
416
00:24:29,840 --> 00:24:32,080
It reminds me
of the one in California.
417
00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:39,360
Lucinda, you really should be
watching this.
418
00:24:45,200 --> 00:24:47,920
I'm only trying to say
that you broke your promise.
419
00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:50,240
You gave me your word, no more...
420
00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:51,760
Stuff.
421
00:24:51,920 --> 00:24:54,560
It's a little harder to break the habit
than I thought.
422
00:24:54,800 --> 00:24:58,120
Well, you can do it.
I've got a lot of faith in you.
423
00:24:58,160 --> 00:24:59,640
Thank you, darling.
424
00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:02,000
Ladies and gentlemen...
425
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:04,920
...please welcome the star
of the new Bewitched:
426
00:25:04,880 --> 00:25:06,640
Jack Wyatt!
427
00:25:12,080 --> 00:25:13,840
I didn't expect you guys to be here.
428
00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:18,640
Okay, as you know,
we're here for Bewitched.
429
00:25:18,800 --> 00:25:23,280
But it's not the same Bewitched
that you remember. It's being retooled.
430
00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:25,160
But there is going to be a Samantha?
431
00:25:25,040 --> 00:25:27,080
Of course.
Isabel, can you come out here?
432
00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:34,080
Be brave. You look beautiful.
433
00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:35,800
Ladies and gentlemen
of the press...
434
00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:39,880
...I'd like you to meet the talented
and delightful Ms. Isabel Bigelow.
435
00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:41,840
Say hello to the people, Isabel.
436
00:25:42,320 --> 00:25:43,400
Hello.
437
00:25:43,760 --> 00:25:46,560
No, no, into the microphone.
Here. Here.
438
00:25:47,120 --> 00:25:48,800
- Hello.
- That's enough.
439
00:25:50,000 --> 00:25:52,040
Now do that thing that you do.
440
00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:56,360
Isn't that great?
441
00:25:57,200 --> 00:26:00,280
That was great. Great.
Just stand there.
442
00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:04,240
And guess who's playing Endora.
443
00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:09,480
Ladies and gentlemen, please
welcome the great, the legendary...
444
00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:12,800
...Miss Iris Smythson,
as my mother-in-law.
445
00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:14,480
That's right.
446
00:26:14,960 --> 00:26:16,760
Iris Smythson. Iris?
447
00:26:18,800 --> 00:26:20,360
- Iris?
- All right, what's going on?
448
00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:34,800
Iris Smythson.
449
00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:37,920
And of course she hates me.
Don't you?
450
00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:39,920
Anything you say, Jerry.
451
00:26:39,920 --> 00:26:42,440
Jack. See what I mean?
That's a joke, right?
452
00:26:42,800 --> 00:26:44,840
Endora used to refer to Darrin
as Derwood.
453
00:26:44,720 --> 00:26:46,960
No, I just forgot your name.
454
00:26:47,600 --> 00:26:50,000
But the news here
isn't Iris Smythson...
455
00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:52,720
... or Jack Wyatt,
who's trying the small screen...
456
00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:55,720
... after the twin disasters
of his last movie...
457
00:26:55,760 --> 00:26:57,840
... and a messy split
from his wife, Sheila...
458
00:26:58,160 --> 00:27:00,080
... who's already found
someone new...
459
00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:02,920
... after a marriage that lasted
only 19 months.
460
00:27:02,960 --> 00:27:05,920
Didn't she leave him for a
snowboarder/underwear model?
461
00:27:06,320 --> 00:27:08,160
He's a moronlidiot.
462
00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:10,480
- That's right.
- Aren't they living together?
463
00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:14,200
Yes, in my house! My house
that I bought before I even met her.
464
00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:16,880
And she won't move
or sign the divorce papers.
465
00:27:16,880 --> 00:27:20,880
The big news is the surprise casting
of an unknown as Samantha.
466
00:27:21,200 --> 00:27:23,160
Her name is Isabel Bigelow...
467
00:27:23,120 --> 00:27:25,560
... and she's quite the charmer,
isn't she?
468
00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:28,520
- That's magic.
- So, what's Jack Wyatt thinking?
469
00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:31,560
"My career has tanked,
so I'll fix it by playing Darrin"?
470
00:27:31,760 --> 00:27:34,200
Yeah. Because that's crazy.
Who's running his life?
471
00:27:34,160 --> 00:27:36,120
Plus, he did not look well.
472
00:27:36,560 --> 00:27:38,880
Not look well? I look fine.
473
00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:40,840
I'm extremely healthy.
474
00:27:41,360 --> 00:27:43,880
Richie. Richie.
475
00:27:44,720 --> 00:27:46,640
What am I gonna do with you?
476
00:27:47,600 --> 00:27:48,760
Boy.
477
00:27:49,520 --> 00:27:50,800
This is Richie.
478
00:27:50,960 --> 00:27:54,160
Richie. Why'd you talk me
into doing this show? Huh?
479
00:27:54,320 --> 00:27:56,440
What was I thinking?
What were you thinking?
480
00:27:56,240 --> 00:27:58,520
We were both thinking
the same thing, Jack Attack.
481
00:27:58,640 --> 00:28:00,640
Cast a nobody.
You're completely safe.
482
00:28:01,040 --> 00:28:04,240
Richie, can't you come over here?
I could use a little support on this one.
483
00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:08,080
Jack, I can't because I'm about to step
into a meeting with the head of NBC.
484
00:28:08,240 --> 00:28:09,800
I'll be right there! One second.
485
00:28:09,680 --> 00:28:13,360
Look, I don't know if you know this,
but I'm Darrin, okay?
486
00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:18,040
They replaced Darrin on the original
Bewitched and no one noticed!
487
00:28:18,320 --> 00:28:20,800
Mobody is going to replace you.
488
00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:24,400
I'm Darrin! How did this happen?!
489
00:28:58,640 --> 00:28:59,960
Hold the work!
490
00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:04,160
Once upon a time, there was a typical
red-blooded American boy...
491
00:29:04,400 --> 00:29:07,680
... who happened to bump into
a typical American girl.
492
00:29:09,680 --> 00:29:11,240
And, cut!
493
00:29:13,520 --> 00:29:15,920
- Jack, Jack.
- How was I? How was I?
494
00:29:15,920 --> 00:29:18,080
- You were wonderful, man.
- So good.
495
00:29:18,320 --> 00:29:20,840
- Don't lie to me.
- No. My ribs hurt.
496
00:29:20,720 --> 00:29:22,280
It's what I get paid to do.
497
00:29:22,640 --> 00:29:24,440
Jack? Uno más? From the top?
498
00:29:24,560 --> 00:29:25,600
One more?
499
00:29:26,480 --> 00:29:29,480
Did you see what happened?
Good stuff.
500
00:29:31,280 --> 00:29:32,720
Moving on!
501
00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:35,360
You know it, dude. Nice one.
502
00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:38,880
Here we go.
Off to a good start, huh?
503
00:29:39,920 --> 00:29:44,240
And after a while, he did what any
red-blooded American boy would do.
504
00:29:44,240 --> 00:29:46,760
Samantha, will you marry me?
505
00:29:47,120 --> 00:29:48,200
Cut!
506
00:29:48,080 --> 00:29:50,160
Great! Beautiful. That was good.
507
00:29:50,480 --> 00:29:51,680
That was good.
508
00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:54,160
- Action.
- You're a witch?
509
00:29:54,320 --> 00:29:57,360
And you waited until our
wedding night to tell me?
510
00:29:57,680 --> 00:30:00,800
I don't believe this! Oh, golly!
511
00:30:07,280 --> 00:30:08,560
Samantha.
512
00:30:16,400 --> 00:30:18,120
Cut! Cut!
513
00:30:18,320 --> 00:30:20,080
Joey, for God's sake.
514
00:30:20,240 --> 00:30:23,280
Are you trying to kill everyone?
Because we can't breathe.
515
00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:25,680
And what's going on
with the lightning?
516
00:30:25,520 --> 00:30:28,640
You can't nod to the audience in
the show. It just breaks the reality.
517
00:30:28,880 --> 00:30:29,960
What?
518
00:30:30,320 --> 00:30:32,080
You can't nod to them.
You can't do...
519
00:30:32,240 --> 00:30:34,040
Go sit in your chair.
Back to your chair.
520
00:30:34,160 --> 00:30:35,440
All right, but...
521
00:30:36,080 --> 00:30:37,520
Take two up. Rolling!
522
00:30:38,000 --> 00:30:42,240
You're a witch? And you waited until
our wedding night to tell me?
523
00:30:42,800 --> 00:30:45,200
I can't believe this.
524
00:30:49,040 --> 00:30:50,400
What's going on?
525
00:30:52,880 --> 00:30:54,080
Samantha.
526
00:31:00,560 --> 00:31:01,920
Why is she waving?
527
00:31:02,960 --> 00:31:04,520
Who are you?
528
00:31:04,400 --> 00:31:08,320
I am Samantha's mother, Endora.
529
00:31:08,720 --> 00:31:10,840
A mortal? You married a mortal?
530
00:31:11,120 --> 00:31:14,400
Oh, my poor, poor baby.
This is just horrifying.
531
00:31:14,480 --> 00:31:15,680
I think I need a drink.
532
00:31:15,920 --> 00:31:17,320
Freeze!
533
00:31:21,200 --> 00:31:22,360
Unfreeze!
534
00:31:26,960 --> 00:31:28,520
What a shame you didn't drink it.
535
00:31:28,400 --> 00:31:32,880
If you had, perhaps you could've spent
your wedding night as a bullfrog.
536
00:31:36,080 --> 00:31:39,880
Don't worry, Samantha. I won't do it.
Witch's honor.
537
00:31:45,200 --> 00:31:48,520
My darling, we are quicksilver.
538
00:31:48,560 --> 00:31:50,000
We're a fleeting shadow.
539
00:31:50,960 --> 00:31:52,640
We're a distant sound.
540
00:31:52,880 --> 00:31:55,400
- That's your mother?
- We live on the wind...
541
00:31:55,760 --> 00:31:58,000
...in the sparkle of a star.
542
00:31:59,120 --> 00:32:01,640
And you want to trade all that
for an acre of crabgrass?
543
00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:04,640
Did she just call me
an acre of crabgrass?
544
00:32:04,880 --> 00:32:06,160
Deal with it, Derwood.
545
00:32:09,200 --> 00:32:11,360
Thank you. Thank you.
546
00:32:11,600 --> 00:32:12,720
Thank you!
547
00:32:15,880 --> 00:32:18,080
I want a piece of the show. Why?
548
00:32:18,320 --> 00:32:20,560
Because I put this thing together,
that's why.
549
00:32:20,720 --> 00:32:23,920
Because Jack Wyatt doesn't
parallel park without checking with me.
550
00:32:24,080 --> 00:32:26,120
Let me call you back. J-Bone!
551
00:32:26,000 --> 00:32:28,040
You're crushing it, baby.
Absolutely crushing it.
552
00:32:28,400 --> 00:32:30,160
- I think we got something.
- It's exciting.
553
00:32:30,320 --> 00:32:31,880
- How's Isabel doing?
- She's perfect.
554
00:32:32,240 --> 00:32:35,280
She looks hot and she lets you score
like a madman.
555
00:32:35,120 --> 00:32:36,200
I know. She's great.
556
00:32:36,560 --> 00:32:38,000
I can't believe you found her.
557
00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:39,280
You think she's gonna notice?
558
00:32:39,440 --> 00:32:42,640
What? That she doesn't have a part?
Not a chance. She's clueless.
559
00:32:42,800 --> 00:32:44,920
Plus, I think she's got
a little thing for you.
560
00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:47,520
It's freaking pathetic.
561
00:32:47,600 --> 00:32:49,000
- You think so?
- Yes.
562
00:32:49,520 --> 00:32:50,640
Man, that would be...
563
00:32:50,960 --> 00:32:53,840
Such a nightmare. I know.
Can you imagine?
564
00:32:53,840 --> 00:32:57,960
Although, she does have kind of
a cute little back end on her.
565
00:32:58,160 --> 00:33:00,880
I wouldn't kick her out of bed
for eating a box of crackers.
566
00:33:01,040 --> 00:33:02,280
Isabel?
567
00:33:04,400 --> 00:33:06,320
- Did she hear us?
- Not a chance.
568
00:33:06,800 --> 00:33:08,520
A couple of changes to the script.
569
00:33:08,720 --> 00:33:12,920
It was running a little long,
so we cut your lines.
570
00:33:13,520 --> 00:33:16,400
Think of it this way,
it's less to memorize.
571
00:33:17,360 --> 00:33:18,640
Sorry.
572
00:33:21,200 --> 00:33:22,440
Lunch!
573
00:33:35,600 --> 00:33:36,800
Isabel!
574
00:33:37,040 --> 00:33:41,920
I feel like a fool. A big, stupid,
sad fool, and yet I'm angry as well.
575
00:33:41,840 --> 00:33:42,920
What's going on?
576
00:33:43,280 --> 00:33:46,000
Let's set fire to his trailer.
Let's just do it.
577
00:33:46,160 --> 00:33:49,680
Isabel, this is awesome!
You're on TV.
578
00:33:50,000 --> 00:33:51,280
He lied to me.
579
00:33:51,440 --> 00:33:53,880
He tricked me.
He said he needed me.
580
00:33:53,840 --> 00:33:56,440
When all he needed was someone
to stand next to him...
581
00:33:56,720 --> 00:33:59,720
...while he says
his stupid clever lines.
582
00:34:02,960 --> 00:34:04,440
- Hi, I'm Maria.
- Nina.
583
00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:12,320
He seemed so messy and sincere.
But really, he's just a big fake.
584
00:34:12,080 --> 00:34:15,080
We could electrocute him.
There's tons of wires around here.
585
00:34:15,440 --> 00:34:19,720
I wanna cry, I wanna break things.
I wanna hurt him.
586
00:34:19,760 --> 00:34:22,960
Yet there's a part of me that still
has a small amount of feeling for him.
587
00:34:23,600 --> 00:34:24,800
How can this be?
588
00:34:25,040 --> 00:34:28,520
When my first husband left me,
I wanted to cut the brakes in his car...
589
00:34:28,880 --> 00:34:32,240
...but instead we ended up
having sex on the elliptical machine.
590
00:34:32,720 --> 00:34:36,800
He doesn't understand who
he's dealing with. He has no idea.
591
00:34:37,040 --> 00:34:38,960
Look, you have three options:
592
00:34:38,960 --> 00:34:40,280
You put up with it...
593
00:34:40,400 --> 00:34:41,640
...quit...
594
00:34:41,840 --> 00:34:43,360
...or get mad.
595
00:34:45,680 --> 00:34:47,040
What would Samantha do?
596
00:35:00,080 --> 00:35:01,960
She chose mad, right?
597
00:35:24,560 --> 00:35:26,480
Okay, everybody, settle down.
598
00:35:26,960 --> 00:35:29,880
Okay, working very quietly,
like little mice.
599
00:35:29,840 --> 00:35:32,160
I don't want to see or hear
what you're doing.
600
00:35:32,160 --> 00:35:32,840
I don't want to see or hear
what you're doing.
601
00:35:33,680 --> 00:35:38,600
Okay, so, Isabel, just to refresh
your memory, Darrin's ex-girlfriend...
602
00:35:38,960 --> 00:35:40,280
I read the script.
603
00:35:40,400 --> 00:35:42,560
Okay. Well, let's just go over it
one more time.
604
00:35:42,800 --> 00:35:44,680
Oh, and we rehearsed it a lot.
605
00:35:44,720 --> 00:35:46,400
Well, I'm aware of that.
606
00:35:46,640 --> 00:35:50,480
Darrin's ex-girlfriend has invited you
both over for dinner.
607
00:35:50,480 --> 00:35:52,720
And Darrin forced you
to come with him...
608
00:35:52,880 --> 00:35:55,880
He tricked me. Because he is
a self-centered has-been.
609
00:35:56,240 --> 00:35:58,760
No, no, baby, that's not it. No.
610
00:35:58,640 --> 00:36:02,440
Because he wants his dog back,
and then Darrin says his line:
611
00:36:02,480 --> 00:36:03,920
- "It's my dog.
- It's my dog.
612
00:36:04,400 --> 00:36:06,320
- I want him back."
- I want him back.
613
00:36:06,800 --> 00:36:08,880
It always kills me, Jack.
You ready to go?
614
00:36:09,200 --> 00:36:10,640
Let's do it. Let's do it.
615
00:36:10,640 --> 00:36:12,160
Saddle up. Rolling!
616
00:36:17,360 --> 00:36:18,440
Action!
617
00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:20,400
It's my dog.
618
00:36:20,240 --> 00:36:22,000
My dog!
619
00:36:22,160 --> 00:36:25,480
And I will die if I do not have him back.
Do you understand?!
620
00:36:26,960 --> 00:36:31,960
I will die if I do not have him back!
621
00:36:33,680 --> 00:36:34,800
Cut.
622
00:36:35,120 --> 00:36:39,680
Well, that was a bit much, Jack.
You wanna take it down a notch?
623
00:36:39,920 --> 00:36:40,920
Or five?
624
00:36:40,880 --> 00:36:44,080
You know what? Just keep it going.
Let me just go. I'll get it this time.
625
00:36:44,240 --> 00:36:45,320
Rolling!
626
00:36:46,640 --> 00:36:47,680
Action!
627
00:36:47,600 --> 00:36:50,840
Where art thou, dog?
628
00:36:51,440 --> 00:36:53,080
Thy canine lover.
629
00:36:53,360 --> 00:36:54,600
What's happening?
630
00:36:54,800 --> 00:36:58,480
Where is your hot breath
upon the nape of my neck?
631
00:36:58,640 --> 00:37:01,960
We shall form a bond of brotherhood:
man and beast.
632
00:37:02,000 --> 00:37:05,320
You shall lick my face
and I shall lick your snout.
633
00:37:05,360 --> 00:37:06,560
Cut. Jack.
634
00:37:06,800 --> 00:37:09,360
Guys, I'm not doing this on purpose,
I swear to you.
635
00:37:09,680 --> 00:37:10,960
Okay. All right.
636
00:37:11,120 --> 00:37:12,200
Rolling.
637
00:37:24,080 --> 00:37:26,960
Oh, my God. Where's my dog?
638
00:37:26,960 --> 00:37:30,400
Totally. I have a totally great dog.
639
00:37:35,120 --> 00:37:36,840
Jack. Jack. What are you doing?
640
00:37:39,440 --> 00:37:44,520
This is where the dog has to decide
between Darrin's ex and Darrin.
641
00:37:44,720 --> 00:37:48,000
Samantha wiggles her nose
and the dog chooses Darrin.
642
00:37:48,080 --> 00:37:49,640
Rolling!
643
00:37:50,480 --> 00:37:53,600
I know how we can solve this, Darrin.
We'll let Satchel decide.
644
00:37:53,840 --> 00:37:55,600
That's a great idea.
645
00:37:55,760 --> 00:37:58,760
- Come to Daddy, Satchel.
- Look! Good boy.
646
00:37:58,640 --> 00:38:00,200
- Come to Mommy.
- Good boy.
647
00:38:00,560 --> 00:38:03,440
- Satchel...
- Okay, Isabel, wiggle your nose.
648
00:38:03,920 --> 00:38:05,600
Satchel. Satchel. Come to Mommy.
649
00:38:05,360 --> 00:38:07,200
- Satchel. Satchel.
- Come on. Come on. Up!
650
00:38:08,240 --> 00:38:10,640
- Right here. Come to Daddy.
- Come to Mommy, Satchel.
651
00:38:11,600 --> 00:38:12,800
I got it, Jack. I got it.
652
00:38:13,040 --> 00:38:14,960
Don't you dare go to Daddy.
Come to Mommy!
653
00:38:14,960 --> 00:38:17,320
- No, no, no. You love Daddy.
- Come on, Satchel.
654
00:38:17,360 --> 00:38:18,920
- Come on.
- Come on.
655
00:38:20,240 --> 00:38:21,600
Satchel, come to Mommy.
656
00:38:21,680 --> 00:38:24,320
- He's coming. He's coming.
- He's just sitting there.
657
00:38:24,560 --> 00:38:25,760
Come on! Come on, boy!
658
00:38:26,000 --> 00:38:27,360
To Mommy, Satchel.
659
00:38:31,280 --> 00:38:33,360
- Cut!
- Jim, what's going on here?
660
00:38:33,680 --> 00:38:35,280
Joey!
661
00:38:36,560 --> 00:38:39,600
If the dog runs to you again, try this.
662
00:38:42,800 --> 00:38:43,880
Come to Daddy, Satchel.
663
00:38:43,760 --> 00:38:45,240
Satchel, come to Mommy.
664
00:38:45,680 --> 00:38:46,920
Come on! Come on, Satchel.
665
00:38:47,600 --> 00:38:49,720
- Come on, boy, please?
- To Mommy.
666
00:38:50,000 --> 00:38:51,200
Good girl.
667
00:38:51,440 --> 00:38:54,200
Please, boy, come on!
Jump, boy! Jump!
668
00:38:55,760 --> 00:38:58,360
Thank God you didn't have
a Great Dane.
669
00:39:01,040 --> 00:39:02,520
Damn it!
670
00:39:03,920 --> 00:39:05,240
Cut!
671
00:39:08,240 --> 00:39:10,000
Darling, that was marvelous.
672
00:39:10,160 --> 00:39:12,560
But... Watch out for that.
673
00:39:14,960 --> 00:39:16,520
Please don't say anything.
674
00:39:16,400 --> 00:39:17,840
Calm down, you're not alone.
675
00:39:18,800 --> 00:39:21,160
- I'm not?
- No.
676
00:39:22,160 --> 00:39:25,040
- Are there others?
- There are many others.
677
00:39:25,520 --> 00:39:29,120
Many actors, they develop tricks...
678
00:39:29,360 --> 00:39:31,120
...twitches, really.
679
00:39:31,760 --> 00:39:34,280
You don't want to
become mannered.
680
00:39:34,160 --> 00:39:36,360
- Oh, no, I don't.
- No.
681
00:39:37,040 --> 00:39:38,600
Thank you, Iris.
682
00:39:56,720 --> 00:39:57,720
Hello.
683
00:39:58,160 --> 00:39:59,240
Daddy, what...?
684
00:39:59,600 --> 00:40:03,160
If it isn't my spell-casting magical
daughter who gave up witchcraft.
685
00:40:03,440 --> 00:40:05,280
You've had quite a day today,
haven't you?
686
00:40:05,360 --> 00:40:08,280
I was provoked. I fell off the wagon.
It was a one-time thing.
687
00:40:15,440 --> 00:40:17,200
So you're not in love
with him anymore?
688
00:40:17,360 --> 00:40:19,640
I have never disliked a man
more in my entire life...
689
00:40:19,760 --> 00:40:21,880
...which proves that I am
completely over him.
690
00:40:22,160 --> 00:40:24,120
Not necessarily. In fact...
691
00:40:24,560 --> 00:40:27,960
Besides, it was just a crush, which is
an intense but superficial attraction...
692
00:40:27,920 --> 00:40:31,280
...that can easily be mistaken for
something deeper. Now go away.
693
00:40:35,120 --> 00:40:37,400
I have a crush on Endora.
694
00:40:37,520 --> 00:40:38,800
What?!
695
00:40:43,760 --> 00:40:45,600
Daddy, where are you?
696
00:40:47,600 --> 00:40:50,960
I said, I have a crush on Endora.
697
00:40:51,440 --> 00:40:53,720
- Daddy! No.
- So lovely.
698
00:40:53,840 --> 00:40:56,160
Her name is not Endora. It's Iris.
699
00:40:56,240 --> 00:40:58,320
Iris. A spring flower.
700
00:40:58,640 --> 00:40:59,920
You can't.
701
00:41:00,080 --> 00:41:03,480
Now that I turned out to be so wrong
about him, my job is all that I've got.
702
00:41:03,440 --> 00:41:05,840
- Please don't mess it up.
- How could I do that?
703
00:41:06,320 --> 00:41:07,960
You'll sleep with her,
cheat on her...
704
00:41:07,760 --> 00:41:10,280
...she'll go crazy
and she'll take it out on me.
705
00:41:10,640 --> 00:41:14,280
I don't want you to get involved
with Iris. I mean it.
706
00:41:14,480 --> 00:41:16,360
You can't stop being a witch.
707
00:41:16,400 --> 00:41:18,520
I can too. You'll see.
708
00:41:18,800 --> 00:41:20,880
- Cannot.
- Can too.
709
00:41:20,720 --> 00:41:23,040
- Just accept it.
- Never.
710
00:41:24,480 --> 00:41:25,680
Tell me about Bewitched.
711
00:41:26,000 --> 00:41:29,120
Some have said it's a crass attempt
by the network to market nostalgia...
712
00:41:28,880 --> 00:41:31,440
... rather than take a risk
on new ideas.
713
00:41:31,760 --> 00:41:35,440
This isn't the old Bewitched.
It's been refocused.
714
00:41:35,600 --> 00:41:38,360
Let's just say the only thing
I won't be doing is this:
715
00:41:43,280 --> 00:41:45,960
So you leave the nose-wiggling
to the witch.
716
00:41:46,160 --> 00:41:47,400
But you do it so well.
717
00:41:48,080 --> 00:41:50,600
Well, I don't know about that.
I did coach her, though.
718
00:41:50,960 --> 00:41:53,360
Can we get a close-up
on the nose?
719
00:41:53,360 --> 00:41:54,720
I'd rather not.
720
00:41:55,280 --> 00:41:56,480
Which camera?
721
00:41:57,200 --> 00:41:58,640
Here? Okay.
722
00:42:02,000 --> 00:42:03,480
Shall we discuss...
723
00:42:03,440 --> 00:42:06,320
... dare we discuss,
Last Year in Katmandu?
724
00:42:06,320 --> 00:42:07,600
Hi, Nina.
725
00:42:08,240 --> 00:42:11,400
Yes! Yes, I am watching him.
726
00:42:12,560 --> 00:42:13,640
What's a dick?
727
00:42:14,000 --> 00:42:16,480
Mo one ever sets out
to make a bad movie.
728
00:42:17,360 --> 00:42:21,120
What does that have to do
with how obnoxious he is being?
729
00:42:21,200 --> 00:42:23,120
Some movies are career-enders.
730
00:42:23,600 --> 00:42:25,920
Right. Right, we need a plan.
731
00:42:26,000 --> 00:42:27,520
What went wrong?
732
00:42:27,440 --> 00:42:29,320
You know, I hate to point fingers...
733
00:42:29,360 --> 00:42:31,640
... but I'm gonna blame
the wardrobe department.
734
00:42:31,760 --> 00:42:32,920
The wardrobe department?
735
00:42:33,680 --> 00:42:34,960
I think it got in the way.
736
00:42:35,120 --> 00:42:36,720
Maybe I should quit.
737
00:42:37,040 --> 00:42:38,480
Honey, you can't quit.
738
00:42:38,480 --> 00:42:40,720
Why not? Isn't that what people do?
739
00:42:40,880 --> 00:42:42,400
He has to quit, not you.
740
00:42:42,320 --> 00:42:43,840
Yeah, like that's ever
gonna happen.
741
00:42:44,240 --> 00:42:45,800
We have to make him quit.
742
00:42:45,680 --> 00:42:48,440
If we get naked pictures of him
and pictures of farm animals...
743
00:42:48,560 --> 00:42:50,040
...I could just Photoshop them.
744
00:42:50,480 --> 00:42:51,640
That's an excellent idea.
745
00:42:51,440 --> 00:42:53,440
No, no, no. Wait.
Calm down. Calm down.
746
00:42:53,840 --> 00:42:57,280
No, no, no, this not what I wanted.
I wanted something normal.
747
00:42:58,160 --> 00:43:00,080
What should I do?
748
00:43:19,760 --> 00:43:20,840
Oh, my.
749
00:43:23,600 --> 00:43:25,400
What a mess.
750
00:43:25,520 --> 00:43:28,840
Your Aunt Clara used to be able
to make a clean landing.
751
00:43:29,360 --> 00:43:30,760
Aunt Clara?
752
00:43:33,680 --> 00:43:35,400
Oh, Aunt Clara.
753
00:43:35,600 --> 00:43:38,800
Oh, thank goodness you're here.
754
00:43:38,960 --> 00:43:43,400
I am in the middle of a total,
total crisis at work. I'm quitting.
755
00:43:43,760 --> 00:43:46,200
You mustn't quit.
The show must go on.
756
00:43:46,160 --> 00:43:47,440
Isabel, are you all right?
757
00:43:47,600 --> 00:43:51,080
Oh, my friends... I have friends...
They don't know we're witches.
758
00:43:51,440 --> 00:43:53,080
Mum's the word.
759
00:43:53,360 --> 00:43:56,360
You know, there was an Aunt Clara
on the original Bewitched.
760
00:43:56,240 --> 00:43:57,600
What a coincidence!
761
00:43:57,680 --> 00:43:59,560
She was a witch.
762
00:44:00,080 --> 00:44:01,640
So am I.
763
00:44:04,400 --> 00:44:06,800
She was always screwing up.
764
00:44:07,280 --> 00:44:09,680
- Really?
- I have made up my mind.
765
00:44:09,680 --> 00:44:13,400
I am quitting tomorrow and I'll do
something else, like sailing...
766
00:44:14,000 --> 00:44:15,920
...or polishing fruit.
767
00:44:15,920 --> 00:44:18,840
It's too bad you're not a witch,
you could put a hex on Jack.
768
00:44:18,800 --> 00:44:21,320
Oh, I can. I certainly can.
769
00:44:21,680 --> 00:44:22,920
Who is Jack?
770
00:44:23,120 --> 00:44:24,560
The reason I'm quitting.
771
00:44:25,040 --> 00:44:27,200
Well, why not put a hex on him.
772
00:44:27,920 --> 00:44:29,440
Because I'm giving it up.
773
00:44:29,360 --> 00:44:30,920
- Just a little one.
- Aunt Clara.
774
00:44:31,280 --> 00:44:34,000
Just to get him to behave.
775
00:44:34,160 --> 00:44:35,680
I'll do it.
776
00:44:37,040 --> 00:44:40,720
And then I can keep my job.
Which would help my self-esteem.
777
00:44:40,880 --> 00:44:42,840
You know, there's only
one problem with a hex.
778
00:44:42,800 --> 00:44:44,280
There's no such thing as magic.
779
00:44:45,200 --> 00:44:46,680
So...
780
00:44:46,640 --> 00:44:48,680
...what's your idea,
Little Miss Doubtful?
781
00:44:49,040 --> 00:44:51,440
- Well, I have a Taser.
- Nina.
782
00:44:51,440 --> 00:44:55,560
I think we should Taser him and throw
him into the shark tank at SeaWorld.
783
00:44:56,240 --> 00:45:00,680
No. You think we should do a hex.
784
00:45:02,480 --> 00:45:05,160
I think we should do a hex.
785
00:45:12,080 --> 00:45:14,000
Pinch of jasmine.
786
00:45:14,480 --> 00:45:16,040
Wolfbane.
787
00:45:16,400 --> 00:45:18,000
Grapefruit pith.
788
00:45:18,800 --> 00:45:19,960
Grapefruit pith.
789
00:45:20,240 --> 00:45:21,680
I feel so alive.
790
00:45:22,160 --> 00:45:24,320
I feel like one of those people
I'd make fun of.
791
00:45:24,560 --> 00:45:26,720
I feel like I believe in unicorns.
792
00:45:26,960 --> 00:45:30,240
Did I put in the wolfbane?
I can't remember.
793
00:45:30,800 --> 00:45:33,400
- Aunt Clara.
- Thank you, darling. Thank you.
794
00:45:34,160 --> 00:45:35,560
Oh, well.
795
00:45:55,280 --> 00:45:56,840
Isabel.
796
00:45:59,120 --> 00:46:00,200
Isabel, bo-bel
797
00:46:00,080 --> 00:46:01,720
Bonana-fana fo-fel
798
00:46:02,000 --> 00:46:03,600
Fee-fy-fo-fel
799
00:46:03,920 --> 00:46:05,000
Isabel
800
00:46:04,880 --> 00:46:06,320
"The Name Game"!
801
00:46:07,280 --> 00:46:09,680
- Oh, boy.
- Good morning.
802
00:46:10,160 --> 00:46:12,480
Randall, take that stupid sign
off that machine.
803
00:46:12,560 --> 00:46:14,240
Free cappuccinos for everyone.
804
00:46:16,880 --> 00:46:19,120
- How we doing? Anyone seen Isabel?
- No, why?
805
00:46:19,280 --> 00:46:20,840
Because I miss her.
806
00:46:20,720 --> 00:46:22,520
- Listen, Jack.
- Yes?
807
00:46:22,640 --> 00:46:25,480
We got the test scores
from the pilot...
808
00:46:26,000 --> 00:46:28,320
How did Isabel do?
Ninety-nine percent in the top box!
809
00:46:28,400 --> 00:46:31,120
Why didn't you tell me?
This is great news.
810
00:46:31,280 --> 00:46:33,640
Of course she got a 99 percent.
Because she's dynamite.
811
00:46:33,680 --> 00:46:35,200
Absolute dynamite.
812
00:46:36,080 --> 00:46:37,560
High-fives all the way around.
813
00:46:37,520 --> 00:46:40,040
But, Jack, there is a problem.
Your scores...
814
00:46:40,400 --> 00:46:44,080
Thirty-two percent.
That's better than zero, huh?
815
00:46:43,760 --> 00:46:45,680
You know what?
That's constructive criticism.
816
00:46:47,120 --> 00:46:50,040
The dog scored higher than me.
He's a cute dog.
817
00:46:50,000 --> 00:46:51,320
What do the comment cards say?
818
00:46:51,440 --> 00:46:53,040
Oh, they don't really...
819
00:46:53,360 --> 00:46:55,480
"Jack Wyatt is a real tool."
820
00:46:56,240 --> 00:46:58,640
But a good tool. Like a Jacksaw!
821
00:46:58,640 --> 00:47:02,360
You know what? Who cares? This just
means we got hard work to do, okay?
822
00:47:02,480 --> 00:47:05,280
Hey, I never said I was perfect.
The important thing is Isabel.
823
00:47:05,840 --> 00:47:07,120
- Isabel.
- Yeah, no question.
824
00:47:07,280 --> 00:47:08,720
- Agreed?
- Totally on board.
825
00:47:08,720 --> 00:47:10,440
Good morning, everyone.
826
00:47:10,640 --> 00:47:11,880
There she is!
827
00:47:12,080 --> 00:47:15,800
Is it just my imagination, or is the room
actually brighter with her here?
828
00:47:16,400 --> 00:47:19,480
Look at this bundle
of miraculous talent.
829
00:47:19,760 --> 00:47:23,680
Forget 99, I give her 100! 100!
830
00:47:25,520 --> 00:47:27,040
Rehearsing!
831
00:47:26,960 --> 00:47:28,320
"Interior, apartment, day.
832
00:47:28,880 --> 00:47:33,200
Samantha and Darrin are sitting
in their overcrowded apartment."
833
00:47:33,680 --> 00:47:36,640
Darrin, I think we should buy a house
and I found one that I love.
834
00:47:37,040 --> 00:47:38,800
You nailed that!
835
00:47:38,960 --> 00:47:41,960
I'm about to have a heart attack.
Isn't she great?
836
00:47:42,320 --> 00:47:45,000
And now I kiss her, because
she's in love with our new house.
837
00:47:45,200 --> 00:47:47,400
Oh, you can't kiss me.
I'm not in this scene.
838
00:47:47,600 --> 00:47:48,960
- You're not in the scene?
- No.
839
00:47:49,040 --> 00:47:52,960
No, no, no. She isn't in the scene?
This isn't happening! What?!
840
00:47:53,360 --> 00:47:56,720
She has to be in every scene!
Okay?
841
00:47:56,720 --> 00:47:59,960
Rewrite! Go! Rewrite.
842
00:48:01,520 --> 00:48:03,280
Everyone, Isabel needs a joke.
843
00:48:03,920 --> 00:48:05,480
I would love a joke.
844
00:48:05,840 --> 00:48:07,040
One joke, coming up.
845
00:48:07,280 --> 00:48:09,680
Oh, and then I kiss her
because she's so funny.
846
00:48:09,680 --> 00:48:11,520
And a job. She needs a job.
847
00:48:11,600 --> 00:48:15,640
Yes! Yes! Make this woman the CEO
of a multinational corporation.
848
00:48:15,920 --> 00:48:18,200
- Good idea, Jack.
- No. Great idea.
849
00:48:18,320 --> 00:48:21,000
And then I kiss her
because she's so powerful.
850
00:48:24,680 --> 00:48:27,000
It's too much, what happened?
851
00:48:28,080 --> 00:48:30,520
Aunt Clara. Aunt Clara?
852
00:48:30,480 --> 00:48:33,200
Please pick up the phone,
something terrible is happening.
853
00:48:33,360 --> 00:48:35,720
Something terrible is happening.
854
00:48:36,240 --> 00:48:38,600
I know, I know.
It wasn't supposed to, and...
855
00:48:38,640 --> 00:48:40,760
You should never,
ever get involved with an actor.
856
00:48:41,040 --> 00:48:43,560
I'm not involved with him,
I don't think.
857
00:48:43,440 --> 00:48:45,840
- Witch's honor?
- What?
858
00:48:46,800 --> 00:48:48,360
I'm just being Endora.
859
00:48:49,680 --> 00:48:53,840
Isabel, actors look normal,
sometimes better than normal.
860
00:48:54,000 --> 00:48:57,000
But deep down,
there is no deep down.
861
00:48:56,880 --> 00:48:58,760
I thought you were safe.
He loathed you.
862
00:48:58,800 --> 00:49:00,240
What on earth happened?
863
00:49:00,720 --> 00:49:02,680
A little witchcraft, I suspect.
864
00:49:02,640 --> 00:49:05,640
Even though we weren't going to do it,
were we, darling?
865
00:49:06,000 --> 00:49:09,280
I'm Nigel Bigelow, I'm Isabel's father.
How do you do?
866
00:49:09,360 --> 00:49:11,600
Daddy, we talked about this,
remember?
867
00:49:12,240 --> 00:49:14,600
- I'm...
- I know who you are.
868
00:49:14,640 --> 00:49:16,240
I've seen everything
you've ever done.
869
00:49:16,560 --> 00:49:19,960
Lysistrata in Florence,
Blithe Spirit in New York.
870
00:49:20,400 --> 00:49:23,200
- Daddy!
- But your Endora is a marvel.
871
00:49:23,280 --> 00:49:25,000
It comes so easily, really.
872
00:49:25,200 --> 00:49:27,400
Oh, yes, because I am a witch.
873
00:49:27,600 --> 00:49:28,840
- Oh, really?
- Oh, yes.
874
00:49:28,560 --> 00:49:32,240
I put out all the lights in
Leicester Square just by walking past.
875
00:49:32,400 --> 00:49:34,200
Oh, tell me more.
Tell me everything.
876
00:49:34,320 --> 00:49:37,160
- Oh, please come in.
- Charmed.
877
00:49:39,600 --> 00:49:41,520
This is just... What...?
878
00:49:42,000 --> 00:49:43,320
Isabel!
879
00:49:43,440 --> 00:49:46,440
Hey! Isabel! Isabel!
880
00:49:47,280 --> 00:49:50,840
Hi! Listen, maybe we could go
to dinner tonight. God, I'm so nervous.
881
00:49:51,120 --> 00:49:53,840
- I don't think so, I have to get home.
- We won't make it a date.
882
00:49:54,000 --> 00:49:56,560
I'll just happen to stop by
and ask if you're hungry.
883
00:49:56,880 --> 00:49:58,240
- No.
- Yes! That's a yes!
884
00:49:58,320 --> 00:49:59,880
- No!
- I'll be by at great.
885
00:50:00,240 --> 00:50:01,800
I mean, I'll be by at 8.
886
00:50:02,160 --> 00:50:04,680
Stop by if you need anything.
I'm right here. Okay.
887
00:50:09,360 --> 00:50:11,040
Aunt Clara!
888
00:50:11,280 --> 00:50:14,160
Undo it! Undo it!
You overdid it! Undo it!
889
00:50:14,160 --> 00:50:16,080
- Oh, dear.
- Aunt Clara!
890
00:50:16,080 --> 00:50:20,400
I'm not too sure how to undo it.
Undoing it's not the same as doing it.
891
00:50:20,880 --> 00:50:24,440
He wants to have dinner.
This isn't what I wanted.
892
00:50:24,240 --> 00:50:25,440
Lorna Doone?
893
00:50:25,680 --> 00:50:26,920
No!
894
00:50:27,120 --> 00:50:31,280
Darling, I'm sure you can undo the hex
if you really want to.
895
00:50:31,920 --> 00:50:33,680
I'm expected in Japan.
896
00:50:36,240 --> 00:50:37,800
That certainly didn't work, did it?
897
00:50:41,520 --> 00:50:42,960
Aunt Clara?
898
00:50:43,440 --> 00:50:46,040
Aunt Clara,
come back here right now.
899
00:50:46,320 --> 00:50:49,000
He's gonna be here any minute.
Aunt Clara!
900
00:50:49,200 --> 00:50:51,920
But that doesn't matter,
because I'm not going out with him.
901
00:50:52,080 --> 00:50:54,120
No, no, I'm not. I'm not!
902
00:50:54,000 --> 00:50:55,480
Oh, I'd better...
903
00:50:59,280 --> 00:51:01,040
Oh, who cares what I look like.
904
00:51:01,200 --> 00:51:02,760
I'm just gonna undo the hex.
905
00:51:03,120 --> 00:51:05,240
I'm not even gonna bother
dressing up.
906
00:51:18,000 --> 00:51:22,360
I'm just gonna open the door,
undo it and slam the door in his face!
907
00:51:23,280 --> 00:51:26,280
Hey. I just happened to be in the
neighborhood with these roses...
908
00:51:26,640 --> 00:51:28,240
...and a Cat Stevens CD...
909
00:51:28,080 --> 00:51:29,320
...and this bracelet...
910
00:51:29,520 --> 00:51:30,800
...and I thought I'd stop by.
911
00:51:31,440 --> 00:51:33,480
- You're sweating.
- Like a pig.
912
00:51:33,840 --> 00:51:35,880
Oh, how divine.
913
00:51:40,560 --> 00:51:42,040
You look stunning.
914
00:51:42,480 --> 00:51:44,440
No! Ravishing.
915
00:51:44,400 --> 00:51:46,680
You look "stunnishing."
916
00:51:49,680 --> 00:51:51,120
Is this your purse?
917
00:51:54,480 --> 00:51:55,800
You're not too cold, are you?
918
00:51:56,400 --> 00:51:58,080
- No.
- You're not too warm?
919
00:51:57,840 --> 00:51:59,080
Okay.
920
00:52:00,240 --> 00:52:02,200
- Are we going somewhere?
- Dinner.
921
00:52:02,640 --> 00:52:04,720
Here. Here you go.
922
00:52:06,480 --> 00:52:08,520
I wanna know everything.
923
00:52:08,400 --> 00:52:12,200
You talk, okay?
I'm just gonna listen.
924
00:52:12,720 --> 00:52:16,400
Shed your radiance
and I'll just soak it up like a plant.
925
00:52:16,560 --> 00:52:17,840
Start in kindergarten.
926
00:52:18,960 --> 00:52:21,560
I didn't go to kindergarten.
I was homeschooled.
927
00:52:21,840 --> 00:52:24,040
You were homeschooled? So was I.
928
00:52:24,720 --> 00:52:26,760
How amazing. That's freaky.
929
00:52:27,120 --> 00:52:28,240
I'm getting chills.
930
00:52:28,560 --> 00:52:30,480
Yeah, that is kind of amazing.
931
00:52:30,480 --> 00:52:31,920
My parents were hippies.
Were yours?
932
00:52:31,920 --> 00:52:34,360
- No.
- That's so weird!
933
00:52:34,800 --> 00:52:37,920
My parents were hippies,
and yours weren't. What are the odds?
934
00:52:38,160 --> 00:52:39,880
But we did have incense
and candles.
935
00:52:40,080 --> 00:52:41,480
- So did we.
- You did?
936
00:52:41,520 --> 00:52:43,120
To this day,
incense makes me puke.
937
00:52:42,960 --> 00:52:44,120
Yes, me too!
938
00:52:44,400 --> 00:52:46,040
- Amazing!
- Wow.
939
00:52:46,320 --> 00:52:47,640
I brought duck.
940
00:52:48,240 --> 00:52:49,440
I love duck.
941
00:52:49,680 --> 00:52:52,040
So do I. How amazing is that?
942
00:52:52,080 --> 00:52:53,520
Well, most people love duck.
943
00:52:54,000 --> 00:52:55,640
You know what? No, they don't.
944
00:52:55,440 --> 00:52:57,400
Wait. I wrote you a song.
945
00:52:58,320 --> 00:52:59,960
No one's ever written me a song.
946
00:52:59,760 --> 00:53:01,480
Well, I did.
947
00:53:03,600 --> 00:53:07,640
Hey, pretty lady
948
00:53:07,920 --> 00:53:11,760
Come back here with my heart
949
00:53:12,240 --> 00:53:16,360
Hey, pretty lady
950
00:53:16,560 --> 00:53:19,600
Are you a dream made real?
951
00:53:19,920 --> 00:53:23,680
My soul, you have healed
952
00:53:23,760 --> 00:53:26,760
Make me a better man
953
00:53:27,120 --> 00:53:31,200
I wanna set up residence
954
00:53:31,440 --> 00:53:34,920
In your promised land
955
00:53:35,280 --> 00:53:38,280
Okay, and this is
the power ballad guitar solo.
956
00:53:43,920 --> 00:53:44,960
Promised land!
957
00:53:45,360 --> 00:53:46,800
Now you sing the chorus.
958
00:53:47,760 --> 00:53:49,400
Promised land
959
00:53:51,120 --> 00:53:52,600
Drum solo.
960
00:53:54,480 --> 00:53:55,600
Promised land!
961
00:53:55,920 --> 00:53:57,320
Leg kick.
962
00:53:57,840 --> 00:53:59,880
Okay, I'm gonna break the guitar.
963
00:53:59,760 --> 00:54:01,400
Promised land!
964
00:54:06,000 --> 00:54:07,680
Promised land!
965
00:54:17,520 --> 00:54:19,240
We're about to kiss, aren't we?
966
00:54:19,440 --> 00:54:22,160
I thought so, but thanks for ruining
the moment, Miss Narrator.
967
00:54:25,680 --> 00:54:27,200
Oh, my ruby jewel.
968
00:54:29,520 --> 00:54:31,920
- What?
- My chocolate-covered strawberry.
969
00:54:32,880 --> 00:54:35,080
I wanna bask in our love...
970
00:54:34,800 --> 00:54:37,640
...like a house cat lying in the sun.
971
00:54:39,120 --> 00:54:41,720
Jack, Jack, Jack.
Stop. Stop. I forgot.
972
00:54:42,000 --> 00:54:43,840
Oh, I let myself forget.
973
00:54:43,920 --> 00:54:46,120
It was so nice,
I couldn't help myself, and...
974
00:54:46,800 --> 00:54:48,040
Oh, Jack!
975
00:54:48,240 --> 00:54:50,800
This is sad. This is... No.
976
00:54:51,120 --> 00:54:52,920
Let's make love in a hot-air balloon.
977
00:54:53,040 --> 00:54:55,200
Let's make love in a candy factory.
978
00:54:55,920 --> 00:54:57,440
Let's make love in a petting zoo.
979
00:54:57,760 --> 00:54:59,160
I have to undo this, I do.
980
00:54:59,280 --> 00:55:02,080
Let's make love at SeaWorld,
on the back of a killer whale.
981
00:55:02,160 --> 00:55:04,520
Because it doesn't mean anything
unless it's real.
982
00:55:14,640 --> 00:55:16,840
What witches wish
Mo mortal needs
983
00:55:17,040 --> 00:55:20,360
Let time repent
And unsow its seeds
984
00:55:20,400 --> 00:55:25,000
And now, I speak the ancient word
of redemption and regret:
985
00:55:25,200 --> 00:55:27,000
Rewind.
986
00:56:00,240 --> 00:56:02,520
So you leave the nose-wiggling
to the witch.
987
00:56:02,640 --> 00:56:05,320
- But you do it so well.
- I did coach her, though.
988
00:56:05,520 --> 00:56:07,960
Can we get a close-up
on the nose?
989
00:56:07,920 --> 00:56:09,160
I'd rather not.
990
00:56:09,840 --> 00:56:11,080
Which camera?
991
00:56:12,720 --> 00:56:14,760
Hello, Nina.
992
00:56:14,640 --> 00:56:16,880
I just knew it was you, that's all.
993
00:56:17,040 --> 00:56:20,840
Yes, he is. He is a giant
male reproductive organ.
994
00:56:21,360 --> 00:56:24,120
We don't need a plan, I already know
what I'm gonna do.
995
00:56:24,240 --> 00:56:26,600
I'm gonna speak to him
about his behavior.
996
00:56:26,640 --> 00:56:31,240
I'm gonna talk to him sensibly and
directly, and I know he will change.
997
00:56:31,440 --> 00:56:33,160
You'll see. Bye.
998
00:56:37,200 --> 00:56:39,600
Butt out, Samantha,
I know what I'm doing.
999
00:56:42,960 --> 00:56:44,320
I mean it.
1000
00:56:46,560 --> 00:56:48,000
Jack, Jack, bo-back
1001
00:56:47,760 --> 00:56:49,520
Bonana-fana fo-fack
1002
00:56:49,680 --> 00:56:51,480
Fee-fi-bo-back
1003
00:56:51,600 --> 00:56:52,720
Jack
1004
00:56:54,000 --> 00:56:57,160
Guys, make me 20 cappuccinos.
Bring me the best one.
1005
00:56:57,360 --> 00:56:59,280
Hey, J-Bone. Hey, buddy.
1006
00:56:59,760 --> 00:57:01,040
The test scores are in.
1007
00:57:01,200 --> 00:57:03,320
How'd I do? Ninety?
Hundred? One-twenty.
1008
00:57:03,600 --> 00:57:04,840
- One-forty!
- Good ballpark.
1009
00:57:04,560 --> 00:57:07,440
What did it say?
I got it. I got it right here.
1010
00:57:07,920 --> 00:57:09,120
Thirty-two.
1011
00:57:09,360 --> 00:57:10,760
I got a 32?
1012
00:57:11,280 --> 00:57:12,560
Is that for real?
1013
00:57:13,200 --> 00:57:14,640
The dog scored higher than I did.
1014
00:57:14,640 --> 00:57:17,640
Well, it's not you, Jack, it's Darrin.
1015
00:57:18,000 --> 00:57:21,120
"That Jack Wyatt is a real tool.
We hate him.
1016
00:57:21,360 --> 00:57:23,760
We mean the actor,
not the character."
1017
00:57:25,200 --> 00:57:26,720
Get a grip.
1018
00:57:28,560 --> 00:57:30,040
Hug me.
1019
00:57:30,480 --> 00:57:31,920
Come here.
1020
00:57:34,800 --> 00:57:38,120
I'm gonna be doing dinner theater
in Boca Raton.
1021
00:57:38,160 --> 00:57:40,800
They hate the show,
the whole show.
1022
00:57:41,040 --> 00:57:42,160
They hate everyone on it.
1023
00:57:42,480 --> 00:57:43,880
- Yeah, everybody.
- They did. Yep.
1024
00:57:43,920 --> 00:57:45,640
Isabel must've gotten savaged.
1025
00:57:46,800 --> 00:57:48,520
She got a 99?!
1026
00:57:48,720 --> 00:57:50,000
Ninety-nine? Is this for real?
1027
00:57:50,160 --> 00:57:51,520
Is that a joke?
1028
00:57:51,600 --> 00:57:53,680
She didn't say anything!
1029
00:57:54,000 --> 00:57:56,120
How is it that someone
who doesn't say anything...
1030
00:57:56,400 --> 00:57:58,600
...scores higher than someone
who had all the lines?
1031
00:57:59,280 --> 00:58:00,360
Oh, my...
1032
00:58:00,240 --> 00:58:02,360
Did anyone anticipate this
as a possibility?
1033
00:58:02,640 --> 00:58:04,160
Hindsight's 20l20.
1034
00:58:04,560 --> 00:58:06,880
- Good morning, everyone.
- And they think I'm a tool?!
1035
00:58:06,960 --> 00:58:09,240
I haven't been called a tool
since I was 15!
1036
00:58:09,360 --> 00:58:12,080
Thank you, guys! Thank you!
1037
00:58:12,240 --> 00:58:15,720
You know what?
No one ever liked Darrin! No one!
1038
00:58:16,080 --> 00:58:18,200
Why did we ever think
that was gonna change?
1039
00:58:18,000 --> 00:58:19,200
I have something to say.
1040
00:58:19,440 --> 00:58:22,920
This is unbelievable! A 32?
1041
00:58:23,280 --> 00:58:25,480
That's for real?
A three in front of a two?
1042
00:58:25,200 --> 00:58:26,320
Oh, my God!
1043
00:58:26,640 --> 00:58:28,120
Wait, I have something to say.
1044
00:58:28,080 --> 00:58:30,200
A 32 and she got 99?!
1045
00:58:30,480 --> 00:58:31,600
Were they high?!
1046
00:58:31,920 --> 00:58:34,200
Were the people
in the test group high?
1047
00:58:34,800 --> 00:58:36,480
Did we drug test them?
1048
00:58:36,720 --> 00:58:40,160
Were they just sitting in the studio,
smoking crack, saying:
1049
00:58:40,080 --> 00:58:44,560
"Let's give her a 99 and him a 32.
By the way, I'm high on crack"?!
1050
00:58:44,880 --> 00:58:47,040
I have something to say!
1051
00:58:47,280 --> 00:58:48,400
What?!
1052
00:58:48,240 --> 00:58:49,400
You're a jerk.
1053
00:58:50,160 --> 00:58:51,360
What did you just say?
1054
00:58:54,480 --> 00:58:56,760
I said, you're a jerk!
1055
00:58:57,840 --> 00:59:00,040
Everything is about you.
1056
00:59:00,240 --> 00:59:03,240
You are selfish.
And you are self-centered.
1057
00:59:03,600 --> 00:59:06,840
And you lied to me, you said you
needed me. You don't need anyone!
1058
00:59:06,960 --> 00:59:09,840
Listen, sweetie, why don't you go to
your trailer and take a Midol?
1059
00:59:09,840 --> 00:59:11,880
Hey! You be quiet,
or I'll give you a tail!
1060
00:59:13,200 --> 00:59:14,920
- Just calm down.
- You sit down!
1061
00:59:16,560 --> 00:59:17,960
Sit down!
1062
00:59:20,400 --> 00:59:23,080
This show is supposed to be
about a marriage.
1063
00:59:23,280 --> 00:59:28,200
A real marriage, with real problems,
like what color to paint the kitchen...
1064
00:59:28,560 --> 00:59:31,480
...or, I don't know, other problems,
I can't even think of them now.
1065
00:59:31,440 --> 00:59:33,600
But the only problems you care about
are your own!
1066
00:59:33,840 --> 00:59:37,240
No wonder the audience
doesn't like this show!
1067
00:59:37,680 --> 00:59:39,400
A witch marries a mortal.
1068
00:59:39,600 --> 00:59:42,120
Who in their right mind
would want to marry you?
1069
00:59:42,000 --> 00:59:43,800
- Hey!
- Excuse me. That's it. You're fired.
1070
00:59:44,880 --> 00:59:47,640
Doesn't matter. I quit!
1071
00:59:48,720 --> 00:59:50,960
Yeah! So...
1072
00:59:51,600 --> 00:59:53,040
...you better call my agent.
1073
00:59:53,040 --> 00:59:54,240
You don't have an agent.
1074
00:59:54,960 --> 00:59:57,120
Then call my cable man!
1075
01:00:06,960 --> 01:00:08,800
Sorry. So...
1076
01:00:09,360 --> 01:00:10,400
You all right?
1077
01:00:10,800 --> 01:00:12,880
No one's talked to me like that
in 20 years.
1078
01:00:12,720 --> 01:00:14,920
Once a week a woman
talks to me like that.
1079
01:00:15,120 --> 01:00:18,120
She just stripped me bare
and stuck the knife in.
1080
01:00:18,480 --> 01:00:20,520
Let's go to The Peninsula
and get some oysters.
1081
01:00:20,400 --> 01:00:21,760
You know what I think?
1082
01:00:21,840 --> 01:00:25,440
- Hey. The woman needs a part.
- I'm sorry?
1083
01:00:25,680 --> 01:00:28,240
I mean, if you got Sammy Sosa,
you don't bench him.
1084
01:00:28,560 --> 01:00:31,880
If you got Gorbachev in the ballet,
you let him dance the big number.
1085
01:00:31,920 --> 01:00:33,680
I don't think Gorbachev
was a dancer.
1086
01:00:33,840 --> 01:00:37,160
Yes, he was, Richie,
he absolutely was. Look it up.
1087
01:00:42,480 --> 01:00:44,560
Isabel! Hey!
1088
01:00:44,880 --> 01:00:46,280
Hey, Isabel!
1089
01:00:46,320 --> 01:00:48,080
Wait, wait, wait, don't go!
1090
01:00:48,240 --> 01:00:49,480
Isabel!
1091
01:00:49,680 --> 01:00:53,040
Please don't go. Please don't go.
That was incredible.
1092
01:00:53,040 --> 01:00:55,240
- What?
- Just now. That.
1093
01:00:55,440 --> 01:00:59,080
I mean, you yelled at me.
You were up-front, and honest...
1094
01:00:59,280 --> 01:01:01,840
...and you called me out
on all my crap.
1095
01:01:02,160 --> 01:01:04,040
It was just great.
1096
01:01:04,080 --> 01:01:05,800
Oh, God, I'm hyperventilating.
1097
01:01:06,000 --> 01:01:07,560
I've never done anything like this.
1098
01:01:07,920 --> 01:01:10,800
It was very hard,
but secretly quite thrilling.
1099
01:01:10,800 --> 01:01:14,720
Even my ex-wife, she never yelled.
She just locked me out.
1100
01:01:14,640 --> 01:01:17,480
In my family,
we usually just disappear.
1101
01:01:18,000 --> 01:01:21,240
No, no, don't disappear, Isabel.
One more show.
1102
01:01:21,360 --> 01:01:22,600
One more show.
1103
01:01:22,800 --> 01:01:25,880
- I don't think so.
- No, one more taping. Please?
1104
01:01:25,680 --> 01:01:29,960
It's just that I'm feeling that...
I'm feeling like maybe...
1105
01:01:30,480 --> 01:01:33,400
- I'm sorry.
- What'd you say?
1106
01:01:34,320 --> 01:01:37,280
I'm sorry for how I've been.
I'm sorry.
1107
01:01:37,680 --> 01:01:38,800
You're sweating again.
1108
01:01:38,640 --> 01:01:40,080
I know, just...
1109
01:01:40,560 --> 01:01:42,280
I just... Look, one more.
1110
01:01:42,000 --> 01:01:43,800
I love it when you sweat.
1111
01:01:44,400 --> 01:01:46,960
One more! Just one more.
1112
01:01:46,800 --> 01:01:50,520
And the second I'm being a jerk,
you can yell, "Hey! He's being a jerk!"
1113
01:01:50,640 --> 01:01:52,640
And we'll shut the whole thing down,
I promise.
1114
01:01:53,040 --> 01:01:54,760
We'll burn down the sets...
1115
01:01:54,960 --> 01:01:57,760
...and sell the costumes,
and give the money to little children.
1116
01:01:57,840 --> 01:01:59,600
I mean, that's one
possible scenario.
1117
01:01:59,760 --> 01:02:01,760
You want me to say
"He's being a jerk"?
1118
01:02:02,160 --> 01:02:03,840
Yeah. Or you can yell, I mean...
1119
01:02:04,080 --> 01:02:05,800
He's being a jerk!
1120
01:02:06,000 --> 01:02:08,360
He's being a jerk!
1121
01:02:08,400 --> 01:02:09,800
Yes.
1122
01:02:13,200 --> 01:02:16,080
I can't just walk back in there now.
1123
01:02:16,080 --> 01:02:18,840
Once you show up on a golf cart,
believe me, all is forgiven.
1124
01:02:19,440 --> 01:02:20,680
I've done it a lot of times.
1125
01:02:20,880 --> 01:02:23,640
But I was fired.
Oh, no. That's right, I quit.
1126
01:02:23,760 --> 01:02:26,200
Yeah. Here, let me carry your plant.
1127
01:02:35,280 --> 01:02:36,840
Honey, your mother's here.
1128
01:02:37,200 --> 01:02:38,520
Are you two getting along?
1129
01:02:38,640 --> 01:02:40,200
Not exactly.
1130
01:02:43,920 --> 01:02:45,840
- Like this?
- You're doing great.
1131
01:02:46,320 --> 01:02:48,400
Really, really great. One more time.
1132
01:03:03,600 --> 01:03:07,200
So it says here that marriage
can lead to a loss of passion.
1133
01:03:07,440 --> 01:03:11,440
It's true.
I feel empty and bored already.
1134
01:03:18,000 --> 01:03:20,520
- Oh, great. It's you.
- Mother!
1135
01:03:20,880 --> 01:03:22,800
I see you two are
actually getting along?
1136
01:03:22,800 --> 01:03:25,600
Endora, you rancid fruit bag,
get out of my room.
1137
01:03:26,160 --> 01:03:28,800
- Darrin!
- And my daughter is happy?
1138
01:03:28,560 --> 01:03:32,640
That is the cruelest twist of all.
1139
01:03:35,760 --> 01:03:40,400
I am happy, Darrin.
Real, honest, no-spells happy.
1140
01:03:44,400 --> 01:03:45,960
And cut!
1141
01:03:49,680 --> 01:03:50,840
Actors, cut.
1142
01:03:54,480 --> 01:03:56,400
Really, cut now.
1143
01:03:56,880 --> 01:03:58,080
You were great today.
Just absolutely amazing.
1144
01:03:58,080 --> 01:03:59,960
You were great today.
Just absolutely amazing.
1145
01:04:00,240 --> 01:04:02,160
I don't think I've ever had
so much fun.
1146
01:04:02,160 --> 01:04:03,880
Acting is fun.
1147
01:04:04,560 --> 01:04:06,840
That is a profoundly true thing.
1148
01:04:08,880 --> 01:04:10,280
Would you like a water chestnut?
1149
01:04:10,320 --> 01:04:12,720
I'd love a water chestnut.
1150
01:04:19,440 --> 01:04:21,520
I'm gonna teach you
everything I know...
1151
01:04:21,840 --> 01:04:23,000
...starting with...
1152
01:04:23,760 --> 01:04:25,320
...the eye thing.
1153
01:04:25,680 --> 01:04:28,360
The famous crazy-eye thing
of mine.
1154
01:04:28,560 --> 01:04:29,880
Okay?
1155
01:04:33,840 --> 01:04:36,360
This almost won me
a Golden Globe.
1156
01:04:36,240 --> 01:04:37,760
Almost.
1157
01:04:39,120 --> 01:04:40,760
- Is that it?
- That's good.
1158
01:04:41,520 --> 01:04:43,240
Oh, that's even better.
1159
01:04:43,440 --> 01:04:46,760
This is the "I just realized things
are worse than they seem" thing.
1160
01:04:46,800 --> 01:04:48,760
Also known as "the Yikes Take."
1161
01:04:51,120 --> 01:04:52,120
Yikes!
1162
01:04:53,520 --> 01:04:54,880
Wow.
1163
01:04:55,440 --> 01:04:56,760
Yikes!
1164
01:04:57,360 --> 01:04:58,520
- That was terrible.
- It's okay.
1165
01:04:58,800 --> 01:05:01,680
- No, I was terrible.
- I don't think mine was good, either.
1166
01:05:02,640 --> 01:05:04,480
That's it. I'm out of tricks.
1167
01:05:04,560 --> 01:05:07,040
- What about the funny walk you do?
- The funny walk?
1168
01:05:06,960 --> 01:05:08,520
- You don't wanna see the walk.
- I do.
1169
01:05:08,880 --> 01:05:10,080
Funny walk is embarrassing.
1170
01:05:10,320 --> 01:05:11,600
I'd like to see it.
1171
01:05:11,760 --> 01:05:13,160
Yeah?
1172
01:05:14,160 --> 01:05:16,600
Okay. Let's go to our place.
1173
01:05:19,440 --> 01:05:21,240
Magic hour.
1174
01:05:27,600 --> 01:05:29,960
- Is that it?
- That's great.
1175
01:05:30,960 --> 01:05:33,200
It's much harder than it looks.
1176
01:05:54,480 --> 01:05:56,680
Five, six, seven, eight.
1177
01:06:10,320 --> 01:06:12,160
- Move back!
- Hey!
1178
01:07:07,040 --> 01:07:10,600
Something magical happened
all by itself.
1179
01:07:14,240 --> 01:07:16,000
Table read in 10 minutes!
1180
01:07:16,160 --> 01:07:17,360
Okay, close it up!
1181
01:07:18,080 --> 01:07:20,360
- Good morning, everyone.
- Morning, Jack.
1182
01:07:22,880 --> 01:07:25,920
Look, Jack, I just need to talk to you
about a couple of these things.
1183
01:07:26,240 --> 01:07:28,360
Number one,
we're thinking about moving...
1184
01:07:28,640 --> 01:07:31,560
...the whole kitchen scene.
Just... It's such...
1185
01:07:31,520 --> 01:07:32,720
It's a funny scene.
1186
01:07:32,960 --> 01:07:36,080
It's really funny.
We'd like to get it in a little earlier.
1187
01:07:36,320 --> 01:07:39,800
So probably what we're gonna do is
switch it with the office.
1188
01:07:41,120 --> 01:07:44,360
But we're gonna drop that
to a little later on in the show.
1189
01:07:45,920 --> 01:07:49,560
Dude. Dudes, are you watching Jack
throw the vibe to Isabel right now?
1190
01:07:49,760 --> 01:07:51,440
How are you?
1191
01:07:54,560 --> 01:07:56,200
I'm great.
1192
01:08:01,280 --> 01:08:02,720
That's for you.
1193
01:08:02,720 --> 01:08:04,200
Thank you.
1194
01:08:06,560 --> 01:08:08,480
- Call me.
- That's fantastic.
1195
01:08:08,480 --> 01:08:09,920
Stop.
1196
01:08:10,400 --> 01:08:11,520
Fine.
1197
01:08:11,360 --> 01:08:13,560
Yeah. I mean,
I can find something for him.
1198
01:08:13,760 --> 01:08:17,280
I'll put him in a little part with maybe
no lines or anything like that.
1199
01:08:17,600 --> 01:08:20,120
What is going on
between you and Jack?
1200
01:08:20,000 --> 01:08:21,560
Nothing is going on.
1201
01:08:21,920 --> 01:08:23,840
We had a date and we kissed...
1202
01:08:23,840 --> 01:08:26,360
...and now we just wanna spend
all of our time together.
1203
01:08:26,720 --> 01:08:29,600
That is the very definition
of something going on.
1204
01:08:29,600 --> 01:08:33,840
And you know what?
I didn't use any tricks. I am trick-free.
1205
01:08:33,920 --> 01:08:36,080
Oh, my God, it's her.
1206
01:08:37,280 --> 01:08:38,560
- Who?
- Jack's wife.
1207
01:08:38,720 --> 01:08:42,400
I saw a picture of her in InStyle
when she was the fashion "don't."
1208
01:08:42,560 --> 01:08:44,600
Excuse me. I'm looking for Jack.
1209
01:08:44,480 --> 01:08:46,520
You must be Samantha.
1210
01:08:46,880 --> 01:08:48,520
You look just like the old one.
1211
01:08:49,280 --> 01:08:51,000
Thank you so much.
1212
01:08:51,200 --> 01:08:53,040
Oh, excuse me.
1213
01:08:53,600 --> 01:08:54,840
Love the nose.
1214
01:08:55,520 --> 01:08:56,520
Good work.
1215
01:08:57,440 --> 01:09:00,800
There he is. There's my guy.
1216
01:09:00,800 --> 01:09:02,520
I've missed him so much.
1217
01:09:02,720 --> 01:09:07,360
Let's just say the "Do Not Disturb" sign
will be on the doorknob tonight.
1218
01:09:11,840 --> 01:09:13,440
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, God!
1219
01:09:13,760 --> 01:09:16,560
Help me lift it. Help me lift it.
Slowly, slowly, slowly.
1220
01:09:16,640 --> 01:09:18,200
That was a little harsh.
1221
01:09:22,880 --> 01:09:24,160
I've missed him so much.
1222
01:09:24,800 --> 01:09:29,200
Let's just say the "Do Not Disturb" sign
will be on the doorknob tonight.
1223
01:09:31,040 --> 01:09:33,440
- Sheila.
- Hi, baby.
1224
01:09:33,920 --> 01:09:35,320
What are you doing here?
1225
01:09:35,360 --> 01:09:38,200
You want my car?
My grandmother's brooch.
1226
01:09:38,240 --> 01:09:40,600
Oh! You want more money.
1227
01:09:40,640 --> 01:09:43,000
Ding-ding-ding! Correct answer.
1228
01:09:43,520 --> 01:09:44,760
No.
1229
01:09:45,920 --> 01:09:48,720
- I want you back.
- What about Captain Underpants?
1230
01:09:48,800 --> 01:09:52,280
I'm through with him.
I love you, Jack.
1231
01:09:52,640 --> 01:09:55,840
Oh, wait, wait, I get it. You heard
that the show's getting picked up.
1232
01:09:56,000 --> 01:09:58,080
I heard it's gonna be a hit.
1233
01:09:58,400 --> 01:10:00,320
But so what?
1234
01:10:00,800 --> 01:10:03,840
I want you. I want my husband.
1235
01:10:06,560 --> 01:10:08,960
You know, a week ago
I would've fallen for that.
1236
01:10:10,880 --> 01:10:13,040
But now there's someone else.
1237
01:10:13,280 --> 01:10:16,080
Someone who's incapable of guile.
1238
01:10:16,160 --> 01:10:17,200
What's guile?
1239
01:10:18,080 --> 01:10:19,280
I'm not gonna do it.
1240
01:10:19,520 --> 01:10:20,960
I think it means tricks.
1241
01:10:23,360 --> 01:10:26,000
- I love you, baby.
- No, I'm not.
1242
01:10:28,160 --> 01:10:29,800
Maybe I will.
1243
01:10:37,280 --> 01:10:39,880
- What the heck is going on?!
- Joey.
1244
01:10:40,160 --> 01:10:42,720
This place is spooked. I quit.
1245
01:10:42,560 --> 01:10:44,240
Joey. Joey, come back here.
1246
01:10:44,480 --> 01:10:46,720
Get me a mirror! Jack!
1247
01:10:47,360 --> 01:10:49,440
- Jack!
- Are you okay?
1248
01:10:50,240 --> 01:10:51,720
Am I okay?!
1249
01:10:51,680 --> 01:10:54,520
And one more time.
1250
01:10:55,520 --> 01:11:00,520
I'm fine. And I'm signing
the divorce papers right now.
1251
01:11:01,280 --> 01:11:02,760
You are?
1252
01:11:04,160 --> 01:11:05,440
Maybe two.
1253
01:11:06,560 --> 01:11:09,720
And I'm moving out of the house
this afternoon.
1254
01:11:10,400 --> 01:11:12,000
Where are you going?
1255
01:11:12,800 --> 01:11:14,320
Reykjavík.
1256
01:11:15,200 --> 01:11:17,240
- Where is it?
- Iceland.
1257
01:11:18,080 --> 01:11:20,000
I love ice.
1258
01:11:20,480 --> 01:11:24,040
Goodbye, everyone!
I'm off to Reykjavík!
1259
01:11:26,240 --> 01:11:27,440
Oh, my God.
1260
01:11:27,680 --> 01:11:29,200
Everyone, did you just see that?
1261
01:11:29,120 --> 01:11:31,800
She's gonna sign the papers!
This is incredible.
1262
01:11:32,000 --> 01:11:32,480
- Isabel.
- Party at my house!
1263
01:11:32,480 --> 01:11:34,440
- Isabel.
- Party at my house!
1264
01:11:34,480 --> 01:11:36,080
You're out of control.
1265
01:12:01,360 --> 01:12:04,880
Every time I think I have things
nailed down, I just lose it.
1266
01:12:05,200 --> 01:12:08,720
Oh, don't be so hard on yourself.
It's gonna be okay.
1267
01:12:09,040 --> 01:12:11,600
Oh, whoa. Who is that?
1268
01:12:11,440 --> 01:12:12,880
No, Maria. No.
1269
01:12:13,360 --> 01:12:14,800
Too late.
1270
01:12:15,280 --> 01:12:16,840
Second of all, like...
1271
01:12:17,680 --> 01:12:21,920
Everyone, can I have your attention,
please? I just wanna say a few words.
1272
01:12:22,960 --> 01:12:26,200
Randall, can we deal with this?
Thank you.
1273
01:12:28,240 --> 01:12:31,840
Where do I start? What a night.
Is everyone having fun? Yeah?
1274
01:12:31,600 --> 01:12:36,680
Great. I'm so grateful
for so many things tonight.
1275
01:12:37,840 --> 01:12:41,880
The show, all of you amazing
and talented people...
1276
01:12:42,160 --> 01:12:44,680
...and especially Isabel.
1277
01:12:46,000 --> 01:12:48,120
To a woman who'd never trick me
into thinking...
1278
01:12:48,400 --> 01:12:50,360
...she was something she wasn't.
1279
01:12:51,760 --> 01:12:54,160
From now on,
everyone tells the truth. Okay?
1280
01:12:54,640 --> 01:12:56,760
Except if I don't look good,
say I do anyway.
1281
01:13:01,360 --> 01:13:04,760
Isabel, you are a beautiful person.
1282
01:13:05,200 --> 01:13:06,440
And that's the truth.
1283
01:13:06,640 --> 01:13:08,160
- Cheers.
- Cheers!
1284
01:13:08,560 --> 01:13:09,720
Have a great time.
1285
01:13:10,000 --> 01:13:11,160
Cheers.
1286
01:13:10,960 --> 01:13:12,680
Don't break anything, okay?
1287
01:13:12,880 --> 01:13:14,800
- We won't, Jack.
- Thank you.
1288
01:13:24,400 --> 01:13:25,880
I hope that touching speech...
1289
01:13:26,320 --> 01:13:28,720
...hasn't made you think
that you should tell the truth.
1290
01:13:28,720 --> 01:13:30,440
- I'm going to.
- Oh, don't be silly.
1291
01:13:30,640 --> 01:13:34,000
And he's gonna accept me. He's got to.
You can't live with a secret like that.
1292
01:13:34,000 --> 01:13:36,800
Of course you can.
For thousands of years.
1293
01:13:37,360 --> 01:13:40,800
Don't do it. Big mistake. Won't work.
1294
01:13:41,200 --> 01:13:44,080
Well, hello there.
Now, don't tell me...
1295
01:13:44,080 --> 01:13:45,760
Coconut shrimps.
1296
01:13:46,000 --> 01:13:47,400
Oh, yes. Would you like one?
1297
01:13:47,440 --> 01:13:48,880
Yes. Thank you.
1298
01:13:48,880 --> 01:13:51,640
Do you know, you're quite fetching.
1299
01:13:52,240 --> 01:13:53,920
And I'm Nigel Bigelow.
1300
01:13:55,600 --> 01:14:00,360
Yes. I will sleep with you because
I have a thing for father figures.
1301
01:14:00,400 --> 01:14:01,480
Well, that's great, then.
1302
01:14:01,840 --> 01:14:04,520
But in the morning, I will not get
90 percent of your jokes...
1303
01:14:04,240 --> 01:14:08,200
...and I'll go on and on about
opening an aerobics center in Agoura.
1304
01:14:13,360 --> 01:14:15,000
Are you looking for me?
1305
01:14:14,800 --> 01:14:16,440
Missing you, actually.
1306
01:14:17,200 --> 01:14:19,560
- How strange.
- Not really.
1307
01:14:33,040 --> 01:14:36,520
I'm just gonna say it like it's
a completely matter-of-fact thing.
1308
01:14:36,400 --> 01:14:38,480
- Guess what.
- What?
1309
01:14:38,800 --> 01:14:40,480
I'm a witch.
1310
01:14:41,200 --> 01:14:43,880
- Guess what.
- What?
1311
01:14:44,080 --> 01:14:45,880
I'm a Clippers fan.
1312
01:14:47,920 --> 01:14:50,080
Yeah, it's not like it's a big deal.
1313
01:14:50,320 --> 01:14:54,480
I'm not a bad witch, and we're getting
it out there and telling the truth, right?
1314
01:14:54,640 --> 01:14:57,160
Right. And I'm not just a fan.
1315
01:14:57,040 --> 01:14:59,280
I made the mistake of buying
courtside seats.
1316
01:14:59,440 --> 01:15:03,760
No, no, no, really. Jack. Jack, I am.
l, Isabel Bigelow, I'm a witch.
1317
01:15:03,760 --> 01:15:06,160
Okay, great. So you're a witch.
1318
01:15:06,640 --> 01:15:08,440
Come on, let's make out
in the hall closet.
1319
01:15:08,560 --> 01:15:10,560
- Jack.
- Okay, okay, I'll play along.
1320
01:15:10,480 --> 01:15:12,920
Like it's an improv. Prove it.
1321
01:15:13,840 --> 01:15:17,640
So I just said, "Listen, you guys,
I believe Cher has another hit in her."
1322
01:15:17,680 --> 01:15:19,240
- Really?
- Yeah.
1323
01:15:19,600 --> 01:15:21,720
Wow, fantastic trick.
1324
01:15:22,000 --> 01:15:23,240
Not a trick.
1325
01:15:25,360 --> 01:15:27,480
Whoa! How'd you do that?
1326
01:15:28,240 --> 01:15:30,920
To the most powerful witch ever.
1327
01:15:31,120 --> 01:15:33,080
Can you make an umbrella appear
in this drink?
1328
01:15:33,040 --> 01:15:34,280
- I can.
- Really?
1329
01:15:34,960 --> 01:15:36,920
That's amazing.
1330
01:15:37,360 --> 01:15:40,080
I had no idea you were
an amateur magician.
1331
01:15:41,200 --> 01:15:44,360
Hey. Wait. Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, I'm talking to you.
1332
01:15:44,560 --> 01:15:47,040
Hey, Isabel. I'm...
1333
01:15:47,440 --> 01:15:51,680
Jack, listen to me, I was born a witch,
my parents are witches, I'm a witch.
1334
01:15:52,240 --> 01:15:53,800
- A real witch.
- That's right, Isabel.
1335
01:15:53,680 --> 01:15:55,560
- You go, girl.
- Isabel, you tell him.
1336
01:15:58,000 --> 01:15:59,320
That is cool. That's great.
1337
01:15:59,440 --> 01:16:02,320
You are very frustrating.
1338
01:16:03,280 --> 01:16:05,920
Do you have some Daniel Day-Lewis
thing happening here?
1339
01:16:07,600 --> 01:16:09,000
How's it going?
1340
01:16:09,040 --> 01:16:10,560
I'm leaving.
1341
01:16:13,840 --> 01:16:15,360
Thank you.
1342
01:16:19,120 --> 01:16:21,920
Hey there. I have hepatitis C.
1343
01:16:25,840 --> 01:16:27,480
Isabel? Isabel.
1344
01:16:27,760 --> 01:16:31,880
Isabel, what's going on?
Come back to the party.
1345
01:16:32,080 --> 01:16:35,040
What are you...?
Where are you going? What...?
1346
01:16:35,920 --> 01:16:37,920
Wow. That's really cool.
Did Props make that?
1347
01:16:37,840 --> 01:16:40,280
- I keep trying to tell you...
- Can I get your car, miss?
1348
01:16:40,720 --> 01:16:42,920
She doesn't need her car,
she has her broomstick.
1349
01:16:42,640 --> 01:16:44,680
- You think I'm nuts, don't you?
- Of course not.
1350
01:16:45,040 --> 01:16:48,520
I know plenty of women who
carry around collapsible broomsticks.
1351
01:16:48,880 --> 01:16:51,720
- I'll get the car.
- It won't be there, I sent it home.
1352
01:16:51,760 --> 01:16:53,880
This looks so real.
I can't even see the buttons.
1353
01:16:54,160 --> 01:16:55,600
It is real.
1354
01:16:56,080 --> 01:16:57,240
Flies too.
1355
01:16:57,040 --> 01:16:58,440
Oh, I'd love to see that.
1356
01:16:58,960 --> 01:17:00,440
- Hang on.
- What?
1357
01:17:07,120 --> 01:17:08,560
Put me down!
1358
01:17:13,360 --> 01:17:14,600
I kept trying to tell you.
1359
01:17:17,200 --> 01:17:18,640
It's no big deal, Jack.
1360
01:17:19,120 --> 01:17:21,200
- It's no big deal.
- This is a huge deal!
1361
01:17:21,040 --> 01:17:23,240
We can work this out.
It's just who I happen to be.
1362
01:17:23,440 --> 01:17:24,680
- Get away from me.
- What?
1363
01:17:24,880 --> 01:17:26,440
You tricked me!
You put spells on me!
1364
01:17:26,800 --> 01:17:29,560
Well, only a few, yes, I did.
But I took most of them off.
1365
01:17:29,680 --> 01:17:31,400
Help! Someone help!
1366
01:17:33,040 --> 01:17:35,400
Jack. I thought this would be okay.
1367
01:17:35,440 --> 01:17:36,680
How would it be okay?!
1368
01:17:36,880 --> 01:17:38,560
Because it's me. It's still me.
1369
01:17:38,800 --> 01:17:41,800
- I'm a little freaked out now.
- I know, but I can't change what I am.
1370
01:17:41,680 --> 01:17:43,920
- Are you crazy? Are you even human?
- Jack!
1371
01:17:44,080 --> 01:17:45,400
- Am I gonna get pregnant?
- What?
1372
01:17:46,000 --> 01:17:47,640
Because I can't get pregnant
right now!
1373
01:17:47,440 --> 01:17:49,240
How does this work?
Will I get webbed feet?
1374
01:17:49,360 --> 01:17:50,520
You're hurting my feelings.
1375
01:17:50,800 --> 01:17:52,280
Shoo! Shoo!
1376
01:17:52,240 --> 01:17:53,400
- Shoo?
- Shoo!
1377
01:17:53,680 --> 01:17:56,080
- Now you're making me angry!
- Go! Scat!
1378
01:17:56,080 --> 01:17:57,400
- You want me to leave?
- Yes!
1379
01:17:57,520 --> 01:17:58,760
- Fine!
- Fine!
1380
01:17:58,960 --> 01:18:00,200
- Fine!
- Fine!
1381
01:18:00,400 --> 01:18:01,480
Goodbye, Jack.
1382
01:18:12,400 --> 01:18:14,120
You jerk!
1383
01:18:22,960 --> 01:18:25,600
Sorry, Mr. Wyatt, I can't find her car.
1384
01:18:43,600 --> 01:18:45,640
So she quit. So what?
1385
01:18:45,520 --> 01:18:46,720
How's Jack taking all this?
1386
01:18:46,960 --> 01:18:49,960
Let me tell you guys something.
Jack Wyatt's like a jet fighter pilot.
1387
01:18:50,320 --> 01:18:53,480
Nothing rattles him.
I'm sure he's just at the gym.
1388
01:18:53,680 --> 01:18:56,480
Hey, okay. Stop holding my arm.
1389
01:18:56,560 --> 01:18:59,560
Found him picking up pennies
out of a shopping-mall water fountain.
1390
01:18:59,920 --> 01:19:03,080
Thank you so much, officer.
How much do I tip you for that?
1391
01:19:03,280 --> 01:19:05,360
- You don't tip me.
- Hey, Jack.
1392
01:19:05,200 --> 01:19:06,360
- Hey, all.
- Hey, big guy.
1393
01:19:06,640 --> 01:19:08,080
- How's it going?
- What's up, Jack?
1394
01:19:08,080 --> 01:19:09,120
- You all right?
- Boy.
1395
01:19:09,520 --> 01:19:12,680
Yeah, I'm all right.
I've never been better. Come on.
1396
01:19:12,880 --> 01:19:15,080
What's the bottle of ketchup for?
1397
01:19:15,280 --> 01:19:16,640
- Come again?
- The...
1398
01:19:18,160 --> 01:19:21,120
Oh. Forgot to leave it
at this diner in Mexico.
1399
01:19:21,520 --> 01:19:23,400
Don't freak out on us, Jack.
1400
01:19:23,440 --> 01:19:25,840
- You're fired.
- Classic.
1401
01:19:26,800 --> 01:19:28,040
- Anyone have a light?
- Yo.
1402
01:19:27,760 --> 01:19:29,000
- I do.
- Right here, pal.
1403
01:19:29,680 --> 01:19:31,400
Everybody. Let's just calm down.
1404
01:19:31,600 --> 01:19:35,440
We've only shot two episodes.
We've got 10 weeks before we air.
1405
01:19:35,920 --> 01:19:38,920
- So we recast. Piece of cake.
- Next.
1406
01:19:38,800 --> 01:19:41,480
I don't know. It'll be hard to find
somebody with those scores.
1407
01:19:41,680 --> 01:19:42,960
It's good scores, good scores.
1408
01:19:43,120 --> 01:19:44,840
- She's a witch.
- That's more like it.
1409
01:19:45,040 --> 01:19:47,120
You just keep
telling yourself that, man.
1410
01:19:47,440 --> 01:19:48,440
I'm fine, really.
1411
01:19:48,400 --> 01:19:51,880
I mean, last night I ate three burritos
and smashed every dish in my house.
1412
01:19:52,720 --> 01:19:56,080
Isabel. You can't let this guy
ruin your life.
1413
01:19:56,080 --> 01:19:57,720
They're recasting your role.
1414
01:19:58,000 --> 01:20:00,200
They're recasting my role already?
1415
01:20:00,400 --> 01:20:03,320
- Well, you quit.
- Tough town.
1416
01:20:03,760 --> 01:20:06,360
- I mean, like, what happened?
- He said I wasn't human.
1417
01:20:06,640 --> 01:20:10,280
And he waved a tree branch
at me. Like:
1418
01:20:10,960 --> 01:20:12,280
There must be a solution.
1419
01:20:12,400 --> 01:20:13,920
No, there isn't.
1420
01:20:13,840 --> 01:20:18,520
We're at the Coffee Bean
and there is no solution.
1421
01:20:19,120 --> 01:20:20,680
I love you, Jack!
1422
01:20:20,560 --> 01:20:22,400
Jack, I dreamt about you last night!
1423
01:20:22,960 --> 01:20:24,840
Jack, remember me? Amber?
1424
01:20:28,240 --> 01:20:29,680
Oh, my stars.
1425
01:20:29,680 --> 01:20:32,880
Darrin's coming home
and I haven't even made dinner.
1426
01:20:38,800 --> 01:20:39,840
What?
1427
01:20:39,760 --> 01:20:41,520
You're great. You want anything?
1428
01:20:43,120 --> 01:20:45,160
- Thank you.
- Thank you very much, that was...
1429
01:20:45,040 --> 01:20:46,280
Thank you.
1430
01:21:10,960 --> 01:21:12,680
Boo! Trick or treat!
1431
01:21:14,800 --> 01:21:16,400
You guys look great.
1432
01:21:17,680 --> 01:21:18,960
Happy Halloween.
1433
01:21:20,080 --> 01:21:21,240
Mommy!
1434
01:21:22,000 --> 01:21:24,880
I'm sorry I don't have any candy.
1435
01:21:35,920 --> 01:21:38,400
Hi, everyone, and welcome
once again to Jeopardy!
1436
01:21:38,800 --> 01:21:41,200
Another exciting half-hour
of answers and questions...
1437
01:21:41,200 --> 01:21:44,480
... with these categories
in our first round of play.
1438
01:21:47,440 --> 01:21:49,880
First off, "Cheese. "
1439
01:21:50,320 --> 01:21:54,600
Mext, "Things That End In '-Zing. "'
1440
01:21:56,560 --> 01:21:58,760
I have no idea where we are.
1441
01:21:58,960 --> 01:22:02,120
I mean, I literally could not find
Vietnam on a map.
1442
01:22:02,320 --> 01:22:03,880
And now we're about to die here?
1443
01:22:05,200 --> 01:22:07,200
I think it's next to Argentina.
1444
01:22:07,120 --> 01:22:09,640
Well, at least nobody shot at us yet.
1445
01:22:12,400 --> 01:22:14,000
Yikes! That's not good.
1446
01:22:14,320 --> 01:22:15,440
"Yikes."
1447
01:22:24,400 --> 01:22:26,800
I think the lions are here, Atticus.
1448
01:22:32,080 --> 01:22:35,800
And there's Willy,
doing his famous Willy Walk.
1449
01:22:51,280 --> 01:22:53,160
Sherpa!
1450
01:22:58,000 --> 01:22:59,840
We've got to go.
1451
01:23:03,280 --> 01:23:06,960
Don't look at me like that.
It's the only solution.
1452
01:23:12,880 --> 01:23:17,120
Isabel, would you please join me
in the dining alcove? Thank you.
1453
01:23:19,120 --> 01:23:20,320
Daddy?
1454
01:23:20,560 --> 01:23:22,560
Something very odd is happening.
1455
01:23:22,480 --> 01:23:26,240
It's not odd, it's what you predicted.
I'm leaving.
1456
01:23:26,800 --> 01:23:28,640
I can't stop thinking about Iris.
1457
01:23:28,720 --> 01:23:30,760
You were right. I don't belong here.
1458
01:23:30,640 --> 01:23:35,000
I find myself uninterested in any other
woman. Now, that's not natural.
1459
01:23:35,440 --> 01:23:38,320
- Do you think there's a chance that...
- What?
1460
01:23:38,320 --> 01:23:39,880
That she might be a witch?
1461
01:23:40,240 --> 01:23:41,400
Don't be silly.
1462
01:23:41,200 --> 01:23:43,120
And she put a spell on me?
1463
01:23:43,600 --> 01:23:44,720
Please.
1464
01:23:44,560 --> 01:23:49,040
Why not? You're a witch. I'm a witch.
She could be a witch.
1465
01:23:49,360 --> 01:23:50,920
I guess she could.
1466
01:23:51,280 --> 01:23:52,400
What else could it be?
1467
01:23:53,680 --> 01:23:55,120
Love.
1468
01:24:02,320 --> 01:24:05,600
Isn't there a spell that can
make you stop crying?
1469
01:24:05,680 --> 01:24:07,440
No, darling, there isn't.
1470
01:24:08,080 --> 01:24:11,640
He's idiotic, and yet I find him
completely charming.
1471
01:24:11,920 --> 01:24:14,200
It's been like that
since the beginning.
1472
01:24:14,320 --> 01:24:17,800
Only now, I also hate him.
1473
01:24:18,640 --> 01:24:20,040
Love.
1474
01:24:22,960 --> 01:24:25,480
Daddy, what am I gonna do?
1475
01:24:25,840 --> 01:24:26,840
Go home.
1476
01:24:27,280 --> 01:24:28,360
Where's that?
1477
01:24:28,720 --> 01:24:30,760
Wherever you've been the happiest.
1478
01:24:31,120 --> 01:24:33,080
Perhaps I'll go to Aruba.
1479
01:24:33,520 --> 01:24:37,120
- Aruba?
- But then again, perhaps I won't.
1480
01:24:45,120 --> 01:24:46,760
I don't know if I'm loving my haircut.
1481
01:24:46,960 --> 01:24:49,960
Well, Conan, I can't believe
you're bringing this up.
1482
01:24:49,840 --> 01:24:53,760
No. No. No, no, no. I'm not gonna
tell that story. There's no way.
1483
01:24:54,160 --> 01:24:56,720
Okay, okay, if you insist.
1484
01:24:57,040 --> 01:25:01,920
It was last June, and I actually cast
this witch as a witch...
1485
01:25:02,320 --> 01:25:04,720
...and now brooms make me cry.
1486
01:25:04,720 --> 01:25:08,480
I can't sleep, and I don't know
what's real or what's the TV show.
1487
01:25:08,560 --> 01:25:09,920
Hi-de-ho!
1488
01:25:10,480 --> 01:25:13,840
Look what the cat dragged in.
Somebody is retaining water.
1489
01:25:13,840 --> 01:25:16,480
Uncle Arthur. It's you.
1490
01:25:16,720 --> 01:25:19,080
Oh, no, you're gonna crack the mirror,
aren't you?
1491
01:25:19,120 --> 01:25:20,720
You watch too much television.
1492
01:25:21,040 --> 01:25:23,400
- I know you'll do it. You always do.
- Don't be silly.
1493
01:25:23,440 --> 01:25:26,200
Come closer. Do I have something
in my teeth right there?
1494
01:25:26,320 --> 01:25:27,360
- Where?
- Look!
1495
01:25:32,560 --> 01:25:33,760
That was fun!
1496
01:25:34,960 --> 01:25:37,280
Where's Sammy?
Where's my Sammy?
1497
01:25:37,360 --> 01:25:39,640
She quit. Now, leave me alone.
1498
01:25:40,240 --> 01:25:41,480
But she was the one.
1499
01:25:41,200 --> 01:25:44,360
I know, I know.
I can't stop thinking about her.
1500
01:25:44,560 --> 01:25:47,000
- But she's a witch.
- Yes, and?
1501
01:25:47,440 --> 01:25:49,560
- Jack, you're on!
- Oh, no, I'm on.
1502
01:25:49,360 --> 01:25:50,480
Go get them, tiger!
1503
01:25:50,800 --> 01:25:52,520
...revival of the hit series Bewitched.
1504
01:25:52,720 --> 01:25:56,040
You know him from such films
as Last Year in Katmandu...
1505
01:25:56,080 --> 01:25:58,480
...An Onion For Willy and Atticus Rex.
1506
01:25:58,480 --> 01:26:01,160
Please welcome our good pal,
Jack Wyatt!
1507
01:26:15,760 --> 01:26:16,920
Oh, my God.
1508
01:26:17,200 --> 01:26:18,560
It was a dream.
1509
01:26:19,120 --> 01:26:20,480
Thank God.
1510
01:26:21,520 --> 01:26:23,240
No such luck, Jackie boy.
1511
01:26:24,400 --> 01:26:25,640
Stay back!
1512
01:26:25,840 --> 01:26:29,880
Okay, okay. You are not real.
You're from the TV show.
1513
01:26:29,680 --> 01:26:31,320
You have blond highlights...
1514
01:26:31,600 --> 01:26:33,680
...and had to wear a girdle
on your last movie.
1515
01:26:34,000 --> 01:26:35,320
Who's calling who not real?
1516
01:26:35,440 --> 01:26:37,920
Okay, I do not believe this.
I am not...
1517
01:26:37,840 --> 01:26:38,960
You are...
1518
01:26:39,760 --> 01:26:42,160
- You are real.
- Temporarily.
1519
01:26:42,640 --> 01:26:46,320
Oh, Uncle Arthur.
You're my favorite character.
1520
01:26:46,480 --> 01:26:47,720
I know.
1521
01:26:47,440 --> 01:26:48,960
What the hell's going on?
1522
01:26:49,360 --> 01:26:51,960
You need help.
Your love life's a mess, buddy boy.
1523
01:26:52,240 --> 01:26:54,000
I know, I'm miserable.
1524
01:26:54,160 --> 01:26:58,440
So am I. I have been in reruns
for 32 years.
1525
01:26:58,480 --> 01:27:02,280
I need the sizzle of prime time!
I need to get this show back on the air.
1526
01:27:02,320 --> 01:27:05,200
Okay, this is very complicated
and unsettling, all right?
1527
01:27:05,200 --> 01:27:06,840
I don't think I understand.
1528
01:27:07,120 --> 01:27:08,400
Oh. All right.
1529
01:27:08,560 --> 01:27:12,080
Do you want the short version
or the long version?
1530
01:27:12,400 --> 01:27:15,440
Keep in mind that the long version
is in Aramaic.
1531
01:27:15,280 --> 01:27:16,360
The short version.
1532
01:27:16,720 --> 01:27:19,440
You got involved with a witch,
and when you do that...
1533
01:27:19,600 --> 01:27:22,080
...weird stuff happens.
1534
01:27:22,960 --> 01:27:25,720
- That's it?
- Do I have to explain everything?
1535
01:27:25,840 --> 01:27:28,520
Okay, here's the deal. I'm not real.
1536
01:27:29,680 --> 01:27:32,080
- Iris is a witch.
- Iris is a witch?
1537
01:27:32,080 --> 01:27:34,040
Don't dwell. And, in my opinion...
1538
01:27:34,000 --> 01:27:36,240
...that manager of yours, Richie...
- What?
1539
01:27:36,400 --> 01:27:38,000
...isn't even human.
1540
01:27:38,320 --> 01:27:40,040
- Now, where was I?
- When?
1541
01:27:40,240 --> 01:27:43,240
Before you woke up. Oh, right!
Who wants to be with a witch?
1542
01:27:43,600 --> 01:27:45,640
Crazy crap like this
would always be happening!
1543
01:27:45,520 --> 01:27:46,600
And your point is?
1544
01:27:46,960 --> 01:27:49,480
- The point is, you'd never know.
- What?
1545
01:27:49,360 --> 01:27:52,400
Whether you were in love with her,
or whether she put a spell on you.
1546
01:27:52,720 --> 01:27:56,120
Like when you first spotted her in the
bookstore. Probably her idea, right?
1547
01:27:56,080 --> 01:27:57,360
No, that was my idea.
1548
01:27:58,480 --> 01:28:01,480
- Oh, that's terrible.
- I know, I just love to blend.
1549
01:28:01,840 --> 01:28:05,680
And when you got down on your knees
and you begged her to take the job.
1550
01:28:05,680 --> 01:28:06,720
What are you saying?
1551
01:28:07,120 --> 01:28:09,200
She probably planted the words
in your head.
1552
01:28:09,040 --> 01:28:10,360
No way, my words.
1553
01:28:10,960 --> 01:28:13,160
Yeah. What about the nose?
1554
01:28:12,880 --> 01:28:15,600
Hello? Is that even really her nose?
1555
01:28:15,760 --> 01:28:17,480
Of course it's her real nose.
1556
01:28:17,680 --> 01:28:21,840
Look. Is all's I'm saying is,
who wants to be with a witch?
1557
01:28:44,080 --> 01:28:45,360
I do.
1558
01:28:46,960 --> 01:28:48,040
She's going home.
1559
01:28:47,920 --> 01:28:51,080
And once a witch returns home,
she can't come back for 100 years.
1560
01:28:51,280 --> 01:28:53,120
She can't leave.
1561
01:28:53,680 --> 01:28:56,800
I need her. I want her. I want Isabel.
1562
01:28:56,560 --> 01:28:58,480
Well, come on, let's go get her.
1563
01:28:58,960 --> 01:29:01,520
Here we go! Let's go!
Let's go get her!
1564
01:29:01,840 --> 01:29:05,200
Follow me! Follow me, here we go!
Come on, here we go!
1565
01:29:12,400 --> 01:29:14,600
We'd better hurry.
She's leaving right this minute.
1566
01:29:14,800 --> 01:29:16,120
We've gotta stop her.
1567
01:29:16,720 --> 01:29:18,440
Hey, wait.
You can't drive, remember?
1568
01:29:18,160 --> 01:29:20,880
Remember that episode where
you pulled out and almost crashed?
1569
01:29:21,040 --> 01:29:23,200
Yes, well, that wasn't exactly me.
1570
01:29:23,440 --> 01:29:25,560
l, personally, am a great driver.
1571
01:29:27,760 --> 01:29:29,440
Whoopsie doodle!
1572
01:29:34,000 --> 01:29:35,600
Take it easy!
1573
01:29:36,400 --> 01:29:37,840
Can you slow down just a tad?
1574
01:29:37,840 --> 01:29:39,920
Is it "Porsche" or is it "Porscha"?
1575
01:29:40,240 --> 01:29:43,240
Who cares? Watch the road, please.
We've gotta get Isabel!
1576
01:29:43,600 --> 01:29:46,600
Oh, all right, party pooper.
Let me drive!
1577
01:29:47,440 --> 01:29:49,200
- There she is!
- Where?
1578
01:29:49,360 --> 01:29:50,880
Oh, no, she's flying away!
1579
01:29:50,800 --> 01:29:52,640
Pedal to the metal, buddy boy!
1580
01:29:54,640 --> 01:29:55,840
Watch it!
1581
01:29:58,480 --> 01:30:01,200
Oh, I'm about to be killed
by a fictional character.
1582
01:30:01,360 --> 01:30:03,080
Yes, you are.
1583
01:30:09,520 --> 01:30:12,040
- We're here.
- Here. Where?
1584
01:30:12,880 --> 01:30:14,360
Where is she?
1585
01:30:15,280 --> 01:30:18,040
Our place. She's at our place.
1586
01:30:20,080 --> 01:30:22,480
Thank you.
Thank you, Uncle Arthur.
1587
01:30:23,920 --> 01:30:25,600
Run to her, you idiot!
1588
01:30:51,280 --> 01:30:52,240
Isabel.
1589
01:30:56,560 --> 01:30:59,320
Oh, my God, you're here.
1590
01:30:59,440 --> 01:31:00,680
I'm so happy you're here.
1591
01:31:00,880 --> 01:31:03,360
- I'm leaving.
- No, no, no, you can't.
1592
01:31:03,760 --> 01:31:05,600
You'll be gone forever if you leave.
1593
01:31:05,680 --> 01:31:08,520
You'll be gone 100 years without
being able to come back.
1594
01:31:08,560 --> 01:31:11,120
That's ridiculous.
Who told you that?
1595
01:31:11,440 --> 01:31:12,680
He did.
1596
01:31:17,680 --> 01:31:20,640
Well, what are you doing here
if you're leaving?
1597
01:31:22,480 --> 01:31:24,280
I was going home.
1598
01:31:24,400 --> 01:31:26,960
But I don't know where that is.
1599
01:31:28,240 --> 01:31:29,960
Home is with me.
1600
01:31:30,640 --> 01:31:32,920
- Don't go. Please.
- But I'm...
1601
01:31:33,520 --> 01:31:35,080
- We'll work it out.
- We can't.
1602
01:31:35,440 --> 01:31:36,440
Yes, we can.
1603
01:31:36,400 --> 01:31:39,520
I can't be normal,
because I'm a witch.
1604
01:31:39,760 --> 01:31:44,080
I can't be a witch,
because I really wanna be normal.
1605
01:31:44,560 --> 01:31:47,240
- It's not possible.
- Of course it's possible.
1606
01:31:47,440 --> 01:31:50,080
There's tons of other witches
who've done it.
1607
01:31:50,800 --> 01:31:51,880
Who?
1608
01:31:51,760 --> 01:31:56,000
Well, maybe not tons of other witches,
but at least one.
1609
01:31:58,480 --> 01:31:59,880
Samantha.
1610
01:32:01,360 --> 01:32:05,640
Caught between two worlds,
and yet completely happy.
1611
01:32:06,160 --> 01:32:08,480
She lived happily ever after, in fact.
1612
01:32:09,040 --> 01:32:11,520
Although there's no way to be sure.
She went off the air.
1613
01:32:11,920 --> 01:32:13,360
We'll work it out.
1614
01:32:14,320 --> 01:32:16,360
Don't cry, little witch.
1615
01:32:19,120 --> 01:32:20,560
I love you, Samantha.
1616
01:32:22,000 --> 01:32:23,240
Isabel.
1617
01:32:23,440 --> 01:32:24,880
I knew that.
1618
01:32:25,360 --> 01:32:26,480
I think.
1619
01:32:26,800 --> 01:32:28,720
I love you, Darrin.
1620
01:32:41,200 --> 01:32:44,880
It just occurred to me,
you could have any guy...
1621
01:32:45,040 --> 01:32:46,480
...in the whole world.
1622
01:32:46,960 --> 01:32:49,080
Oh, but I chose you.
1623
01:32:49,360 --> 01:32:51,680
Honestly, I think you made
a mistake.
1624
01:32:52,240 --> 01:32:54,480
If I did, I can always get out of it.
1625
01:32:59,920 --> 01:33:01,600
Now we have things to do.
1626
01:33:02,800 --> 01:33:04,840
- We have a show to do.
- Yes.
1627
01:33:05,200 --> 01:33:08,400
And then, maybe after a while,
we could get married.
1628
01:33:27,280 --> 01:33:28,680
There it is.
1629
01:33:28,720 --> 01:33:30,000
Good brakes.
1630
01:33:32,080 --> 01:33:34,760
Abner, come look!
The new neighbors are moving in!
1631
01:33:34,960 --> 01:33:36,760
Not now, Gladys, I'm busy.
1632
01:33:38,800 --> 01:33:39,960
Yes.
1633
01:33:39,760 --> 01:33:43,240
I'm now going to carry you
across the threshold.
1634
01:33:46,960 --> 01:33:49,360
Don't you think the front lawn
looks a little bare?
1635
01:33:49,360 --> 01:33:50,560
No, I don't.
1636
01:33:50,800 --> 01:33:53,160
But I think it could use
a little something.
1637
01:33:53,200 --> 01:33:55,200
It's fine the way it is, honey.
1638
01:34:01,360 --> 01:34:04,600
Abner! A tree just appeared
in the front yard!
1639
01:34:15,000 --> 01:37:52,999
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