♪ OH OH OH ♪ ♪ TODAY'S THE DAY I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR ♪
♪ TOMORROW WON'T COME AFTER
ALL ♪
♪ YESTERDAY IS SO FAR AWAY ♪
♪ AND TODAY IS THE ONLY DAY ♪
♪ SOMEBODY PLEASE STOP THE
CLOCK ♪
>> Announcer: HERE SHE IS
NOW, ELLEN DeGENERES!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪
♪ OH OH OH ♪
♪ DON'T EVER LET THIS DAY STOP ♪
♪ OH OH OH ♪
♪ I NEVER WANNA GO HOME ♪
♪ NO NO NO NO NO ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪
>> Ellen: HI, EVERYBODY!
HI!
THANKS SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE.
I APPRECIATE IT.
ALL OF THOSE SMILES.
THE ONLY ADVANTAGE TO WATCHING
THE SHOW FROM HOME IS THAT YOU
DON'T HAVE TO BUY GAS TO GET
HERE.
BECAUSE THERE IS A GAS SHORTAGE
ACROSS THE COUNTRY AND RIGHT NOW
A FULL TANK IS SO EXPENSIVE IT'S
LIKE THE COST OF LIKE 5,000 OF A
BIT COIN.
[LAUGHTER]
WHICH IS A LOT OF MONEY.
YOU KNOW THAT THERE ARE RUMORS
OUT THERE THAT PEOPLE ARE
HOARDING GASOLINE IN PLASTIC
BAGS WHICH IS NOT, NOBODY SHOULD
BE --
>> HERE SHE IS NOW TIG NOTARO!
♪ ♪
♪ HEY, EVERYBODY, STOP WATCHING
ELLEN ♪
♪ LOOK UP HERE, WATCH ME INSTEAD
OF ♪
♪ TIG SHOW, TIG SHOW, NOT
ELLEN ♪
>> THANK YOU, WELCOME TO THE TIG
SHOW.
>> Ellen: TIG, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING?
>> I'M DOING ANOTHER EPISODE OF
MY HIT DAYTIME TALK SHOW THE TIG
SHOW, BUT I AM DOING IT OVER
ZOOM THIS TIME, ELLEN.
>> Ellen: WHY?
>> BECAUSE THIS WAY I CAN LOOK
AT THE SCRIPT ON MY COMPUTER
SCREEN INSTEAD OF TRYING TO READ
THE TELEPROMPTERS.
[LAUGHTER]
>> Ellen: I CAN SEE HOW THAT
WOULD BE BETTER FOR YOU.
HOW DID YOU EVEN GET ON MY
MONITOR?
>> RUSSIAN HACKERS, OF COURSE,
NOW CAN I START MY MONOLOGUE?
>> NO, I AM IN THE MIDDLE OF MY
SHOW.
HOW MANY TIMES HAVE WE GONE
THROUGH THIS?
>> FOUR TIMES EXACTLY.
FOUR EPISODES AND WE HAVE GONE
THROUGH THIS EACH AND EVERY TI
TIME.
>> Ellen: WHICH IS THE POINT.
I'VE TOLD YOU THAT YOU CAN'T DO
YOUR SHOW DURING MY SHOW.
>> NO, YOU SAID I CAN'T DO MY
SHOW FROM YOUR SKYBOX.
SO INSTEAD I AM DOING IT FROM
THIS SCREEN.
[LAUGHTER]
>> Ellen: WHEN YOU ARE ON THE
BIG SCREEN IT'S EVEN MORE
DISRUPTIVE TO ME.
>> OH, WELL I NEED TO BE ON THE
BIG SCREEN BECAUSE I HAVE A BIG
ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE!
[LAUGHTER]
>> Ellen: WHAT IS YOUR BIG
ANNOUNCEMENT?
>> MY BIG ANNOUNCEMENT, ARE YOU
READY?
HERE IT COMES.
ALL RIGHT.
[LAUGHS]
THE BIG ANNOUNCEMENT IS THIS
NEXT YEAR WILL BE MY FINAL
SEASON OF DOING THIS SHOW.
[APPLAUSE]
>> Ellen: THAT IS BECAUSE MY
SHOW IS THE FINAL SEASON OF NEXT
YEAR, SO OF COURSE YOU CAN'T BE
HERE ANYMORE BECAUSE I WON'T BE
HERE ANYMORE.
>> EXACTLY, BUT DON'T WORRY, I
HAVE SOME OTHER PROJECTS IN THE
WORKS.
>> Ellen: REALLY, WHAT?
>> I MIGHT TRY TO INTERRUPT
JIMMY KIMBALL OR MAURY POVICH OR
SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
>> Ellen: GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.
I WOULD LIKE TO CONTINUE WITH MY
SHOW, BUT YOU HAVE TAKEN UP THE
TIME THAT I WOULD BE DOING THE
MONOLOGUE WHICH WAS A GOOD ONE
TODAY, BUT UNFORTUNATELY NOW WE
ARE OUT OF TIME.
IF YOU ARE HERE DO YOU WANT TO
BRING OUT TWITCH?
>> I WOULD LOVE TO YOU, LADIES
AND GENTLEMEN, GIVE IT UP FOR
TWITCH!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> Ellen: TIG IS STILL THERE. SHE IS TRYING TO PET YOU, IT
APPEARS.
OKAY.
HEY, TIG.
ARE YOU TICKLING TWITCH?
IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE DOING?
>> YEAH, CAN YOU HEAR ME STILL?
>> Ellen: I CAN.
>> OH, I THOUGHT IT WAS MUTED.
>> Ellen: NO, UNFORTUNATELY
YOU ARE STILL HERE.
WE WILL SEE YOU LATER ON IN THE
SHOW, OKAY?
>> HOW DARE YOU, OKAY.
>> Ellen: I WILL SEE YOU SOON.
ALL RIGHT.
[LAUGHTER]
OH, I LOVE HER.
TWITCH, WHILE YOU CATCH YOUR
BREATH I WANT TO TAKE A WALK
DOWN MEMORY LANE.
IT'S TIME FOR ANOTHER ELLEN
GAMES CLASSIC.
♪ ♪
>> Narrator: FIGURE WAS 2013,
THIS WORLD WAR II DOCUMENTARY
AIRED ON THE HISTORY CHANNEL,
AND AMERICA WAS STILL BUZZING
ABOUT THE iPHONE 5.
A YOUNG TALENTED DANCER WHO WENT
BY THE ENIGMATIC SINGLE NAME OF
TWITCH BEGAN APPEARING AS A
DISC JOCKEY ON "THE
ELLEN DeGENERES SHOW" DESPITE
THE FACT THAT HE WAS NOT A REAL
DISC JOCKEY.
NONETHELESS ELLEN TOOK A SHINE
TO TWITCH AND INVITED HIM TO BE
A CONTESTANT ON HER GAME
BLINDFOLDED MUSICAL BEACH BALLS.
TWITCH, THE FAKE DISC JOCKEY DID
NOT DISAPPOINT.
HE WHIPPED OUT THE LATEST DANCE
MOVES LIKE THIS ONE, AND THIS
ONE, AND OF COURSE THIS ONE.
BUT WHEN THE MUSIC STOPPED IT
WAS TIME TO GET SERIOUS AND TIME
TO STOP GROPING THE BALLS.
TWITCH GRABBED THE BALL'S IN THE
FIRST TWO ROUNDS AND FINALLY HAD
TO FACE OFF AGAINST THIS LADY.
HERSELF A CHAMPION BALL GRABBER.
IT WAS CLOSE, BUT THE OTHER
CONTESTANT CUP TO THE BALL
FIRST, AND STAYED AT A GOLF CLUB
IN PARAMOUNT VALUE.
SADLY TWITCH LOST, ALL HE GOT
WAS THE PERMANENT POSITION AS B
SIMMONS PERMANENT DISC JOCKEY.
ALSO THE OTHER CONTESTANT WAS
TWITCH'S FIANCE, SO WE GOT TO GO
TO THE GOLF COURSE TOO.
STAY TUNED NEXT TIME FOR ANOTHER
ELLEN'S CLASSIC.
>> WOW.
[APPLAUSE]
>> Ellen: WHAT SEASON WAS
THAT?
>> SEASON 11, MY KNEES WERE SO
YOUNG THEN.
WOW.
SOME YOUNG KNEES.
>> Ellen: ANDY, ARE YOU PAYING
ATTENTION TO THE SHOW?
>> YES.
>> Ellen: WHAT WERE YOU DOING,
ANDY?
[LAUGHTER]
WOW.
>> WHAT?
>> Ellen: WOW.
>> MARY WAS TEXTING ME.
>> Ellen: NO SHE WAS NOT.
>> IS TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT
SEASON THAT WAS.
>> Ellen: AND ANDY IS NOT BEEN
PAYING ATTENTION.
>> SEASON 10.
>> Ellen: REALLY, DO WE NOT
ENTERTAIN YOU?
I AM WORRIED IF YOU ARE NOT
ENTERTAINED --
>> I'M ENTERTAINED, I JUST HAVE
A LOT OF BALLS IN THE AIR.
[LAUGHTER]
ALONG WITH THE CONTROL ROOM I'M
TEXTING OUR DIRECTOR, MARY,
THERE'S A LOT GOING ON.
[LAUGHTER]
>> WHY ME?
>> GO TO PROMPTER.
[LAUGHTER]
>> Ellen: ASIDE FROM GAMES,
ANOTHER THING I'M KNOWN FOR IS
SCARCE.
AND I FOUND OUT THERE IS A NEW
STAFF MEMBER WHO IS SAID THAT WE
HAVE NOT SCARED HER YET AND MADE
A VIDEO TO SHOW ME HOW SAD SHE
IS.
>> I'M SHANNON ROGERS, A WRITER
ON "THE ELLEN DeGENERES SHOW"
AND I'VE NEVER BEEN SCARED ON
THE SHOW.
>> WALKING DOWN THE HALL, ALONE.
>> I KNEW MY WISH OF BEING
SCARED COULD BE FULFILLED.
>> [SCREENING]
>> [BLEEP]!
>> BUT IT DID NOT WORK, I WAS
SAYING HI TO DAVE ACROSS THE
ROOM AND HAVE MY BACK TURNED.
I WATCHED WITH ENVY AS MY
COWORKERS RECEIVED SCARES.
[SCREAMING]
>> [BLEEP]!
STOP!
[LAUGHTER]
>> I HOPE THOSE SNAKES FALL ON
ME.
>> AND NOW I AM WONDERING IF I
WILL EVER BE SCARED ON THE SHOW.
[LAUGHTER]
>> Ellen: YES, YOU WILL,
SHANNON, I WILL THINK OF SOME
WAYS TO SCARE YOU.
BUT NOT RIGHT NOW BECAUSE IT IS
TIME FOR MY SEGMENT "KNOCK IT
OFF."
♪ ♪
THAT'S A GOOD TUNE.
I THINK WE ARE GOING TO MAKE AN
ALBUM OF ALL OF THESE SEGMENTS
OF MUSIC THAT WE HAVE COME A
NICE RELAXING MUSIC TO PLAY WHEN
YOU'RE AT HOME.
THESE ARE ALL REAL FAKE PRODUCTS
FOR REAL, THEY ARE FAKES.
BUT THEY ARE REAL.
BUT THEY ARE FAKE.
YOU WILL SEE.
HERE'S THE FIRST ONE, YOU HAVE
HEARD OF THE BRAND OVERLAY,
SOMEONE KNOCKED IT OFF AND THEY
MADE OKAY.
[LAUGHTER]
SO NOW WHEN YOU GET OUT OF THE
SHOWER YOU SELL BUNT SMELL OKAY.
[LAUGHTER]
HERE'S THE NEXT ONE, HERE IS MY
LITTLE PONY THAT IS VERY
POPULAR.
TO SOMETHING NOT AT ALL LIKE IT
IS DEMON DONKEY.
[LAUGHTER]
TWO THINGS THAT KIDS LOVE IS
PLAYING WITH DEMONS AND DONKEYS.
[LAUGHTER]
JULIE, HONEY, GO PLAY WITH YOUR
DEMON DONKEY.
I WILL BE IN LATER TO TUCK YOU
IN.
[LAUGHTER]
FINALLY M&MS ARE POPULAR.
IF SOMEONE DECIDED TO GO WITH
THIS NAME, SNMS.
MELTS IN YOUR MOUTH UNLESS YOU
USE A SAFE WORD.
[LAUGHTER]
SO DELICIOUS IT HURTS.
IF YOU SEE A KNOCKOFF PRODUCT
THAT YOU SENT THEM AND THINK I
SHOULD SEE, SEND IT TO ME.
WE WILL BE BACK, RIGHT?
ANDY?
YOU'RE STILL WITH ME?
>> YEAH, I AM.
[LAUGHTER]
WE ARE GOING TO BE BACK.
WE WILL GO TO BREAK.
WE HAVE A BIG SHOW.
>> Ellen: IF I LOOKED AT YOUR
PHONE?
>> I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT I WAS
DOING.
[LAUGHTER]
OH, YEAH, YOU WILL BE OKAY.
[LAUGHTER]
>> Ellen: WHO WERE YOU
TEXTING?
>> I WAS TEXTING SOMEBODY TO
TELL YOU HOW GREAT TIG WAS ON
HER TALK SHOW TODAY.
>> Ellen: DURING MY SHOW YOU
ARE TEXTING SOMEONE TO SAY HOW
GREAT TIG'S SHOW IS?
[LAUGHTER]
YOU CAN'T WAIT FOR A BREAK TO
TEXT?
[LAUGHTER]
WE DO A GIG ABOUT TIG
INTERRUPTING MY SHOW THAT IS A
JOKE AND YOU INTERRUPT THE SHOW.
OH, MY GOD.
[LAUGHTER]
>> WE ARE OFF THE RAILS.
>> Ellen: WHATEVER I DO NEXT,
YOU ARE NOT COMING WITH ME.
I WILL TELL YOU THAT.
[LAUGHTER]
WE WILL BE BACK.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪
>> TO COME HOME AND TO GET SOME TIME WITH THE FAMILY AND YOU KNOW, WHAT YOU DREAM OF IS
OPPORTUNITIES LIKE THIS.
>> IN THE STATES WHERE THEY HAVE
A VERY HIGH RATE OF VACCINATION,
SICKNESS IS GOING DOWN, DEATH
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ♪ ♪ >> Ellen: THE NEXT WINNER OF
"AMERICAN IDOL" WILL BE
ANNOUNCED THIS SUNDAY AND EVEN
THOUGH HER NEXT GUEST IS NO
LONGER IN THE COMPETITION, YOU
WILL FOR SURE WANT TO REMEMBER
HIS NAME, FROM FRANKLIN,
TENNESSEE, PLEASE WELCOME HUNTER
MATS.
♪ ♪
HI!
THAT WAS YOUR NEW SINGLE WHICH
IS DOING VERY WELL, 20,000
KISSES.
CONGRATULATIONS.
>> THANK YOU SO MUCH.
>> Ellen: AS KATY PERRY SAID,
SHE TOLD YOU HOW MANY PEOPLE
LOVE YOU AND COME UP TO HER ALL
THE TIME.
AND I AM ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO
TOLD KATY HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU.
SO I AM A FAN.
I THINK THAT YOU ARE JUST
CHARMING.
YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL PRESENCE
AND BEAUTIFUL VOICE AND I WAS
SAD TO SEE YOU GO.
I THINK YOU HAVE A FUTURE FOR
SURE.
HAVE YOU BEEN SINCE YOU LEFT?
>> IT HAS BEEN AMAZING TO COME
HOME AND GET TIME WITH THE
FAMILY AND YOU KNOW WHAT YOU
DREAM UP WITH "IDOL" IS
OPPORTUNITIES LIKE THIS.
SO TO GO HOME AND GET A CALL
LIKE THIS OR TO COME HOME AND
FINALLY USE THE LAUNCHPAD OF
"AMERICAN IDOL" HAS BEEN
AMAZING.
AND IT'S BEEN GREAT.
>> Ellen: MUSIC HAS BEEN IN
YOUR LIFE SINCE YOU WERE A KID,
RIGHT?
>> BOTH OF MY PARENTS
INDIVIDUALLY MOVED TO NASHVILLE
TO PURSUE MUSIC.
AND LONG STORY SHORT, FROM WHEN
I WAS EARLY IN HIGH SCHOOL, MY
DAD WAS IN AND OUT OF JOBS A
LOT.
THAT WAS WHEN STREAMING TOOK OFF
AND iTUNES TOOK OFF.
IF SO IT WAS REALLY DIFFICULT IN
THOSE ADOLESCENT DEVELOPMENTAL
YEARS FOR ME TO JUSTIFY WHY I
SHOULD PURSUE SUCH A CRAZY
DREAM.
SO I DID NOT WANT THAT FOR MY
FAMILY AND I ENDED UP GOING TO
CODING SCHOOL AFTER HIGH SCHOOL.
AND DID SOFTWARE STUFF.
AND IT GOT TO THE POINT WHERE IT
ATE AT ME ALL THE TIME.
IF I'M GOING TO DO THIS, THIS IS
GOING TO BE MY TIME TO DO IT.
SO I DID IT.
SPILLING GOOD FOR YOU, YOU HAVE
TO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY.
I UNDERSTAND MAKING MONEY AND
IT'S A SCARY BUSINESS.
YOU JUST NEVER KNOW, BECAUSE
THERE ARE A LOT OF TALENTED
PEOPLE OUT THERE THAN EVER MAKE
IT.
BUT YOU HAVE TO AT LEAST GO FOR
IT AND TRY IT, BECAUSE YOU HAVE
THIS ONE SHOT AT DOING SOMETHING
YOU LOVE AND LIFE.
AND YOUR SISTER QUIT HER JOB SO
THAT YOU COULD BE ON --
EXPLAIN THIS.
>> IT'S LIKE ANOTHER HURDLE.
I AM A JULIE -- ORIGINALLY TRIED
TO GO ON THE SHOW AND MY SISTER
WAS A CHARACTER AT DISNEY WORLD,
SO DISNEY OWNS ABC, ABC RUNS
"IDOL."
SO I WAS NOT ABLE TO PARTICIPATE
BECAUSE IT WAS A CONFLICT OF
INTEREST WHERE THEY DON'T RUN
INTO IT OFTEN, BUT SINCE SHE WAS
ACTIVELY WORKING, SO THAT HE
COULD TAKE IT AS A COMPETITIVE
ADVANTAGE OR LIKE I SAID A
CONFLICT OF INTEREST.
SO THEY CALLED ME AND I HAD LIKE
THE TICKET AND MY NUMBER AND
EVERYTHING READY TO GO AND THEN
THEY WERE LIKE SORRY, MAN, WE
CAN'T HAVE YOU COME ON.
SO THAT WAS A BUMMER, BUT IT ALL
HAPPEN FOR A REASON AND HERE
NOW.
>> Ellen: AND SHE QUIT.
SO WHEN YOU MAKE IT TO, YOU OWE
HER BIG TIME.
>> YES, ABSOLUTELY.
>> Ellen: IN ONE OF YOUR
PERFORMANCES, YOU MESSED UP ONE
OF THE LINES, WHICH WAS NOT A
BIG DEAL AND EVERYONE KEPT
TRYING TO REASSURE YOU.
YOU BROKE DOWN AND YOU ARE
REALLY EMOTIONAL AND CRYING.
AND THEY KEPT SAYING, THAT IS
OKAY.
IT'S GREAT THAT YOU ARE
EMOTIONAL.
I'M SURE WHEN YOU ARE EXHAUSTED
AND THERE IS SO MUCH ENERGY AND
SO MUCH HYPE IT ADDS TO THE
EMOTION, BUT I HOPE YOU KNOW
THAT THAT WAS A BEAUTIFUL MOMENT
WHEN YOU BROKE DOWN.
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH
MESSING UP, NUMBER ONE.
AND NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING
EMOTIONAL.
>> THANK YOU SO MUCH.
JUST IN THAT MOMENT, MAN, IT WAS
INTENSE FOR ME.
BUT NO, COMING OFF OF THE SHOW
AND THE SUPPORT HAS BEEN
AMAZING.
>> Ellen: IT JUST GOES TO SHOW
YOU THAT WHATEVER IS HAPPENING
IN THE MOMENT IS NEVER REALLY AS
BIG.
IT'S JUST ON YOU AT THAT TIME.
YOU'RE GOING TO SING FOR US,
RIGHT?
YOU ARE SINGING --
>> YES, SKINNY LOVE.
[APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪
♪ COME ON, SKINNY LOVE, JUST
LAST THE YEAR ♪
♪ POUR A LITTLE SALT ♪
♪ WE WERE NEVER HERE ♪
♪ MY, MY, MY, MY, MY, MY, MY,
MY, MY, MY, MY ♪
♪ STARING AT THE SINK OF BLOOD
AND CRUSHED HER VENEER ♪
♪ TELL MY LOVE TO RECORD ALL ♪
♪ CUT OUT ALL THE ROPES AND LET
ME FALL ♪
♪ MY, MY, MY, MY, MY, MY, MY,
MY, MY, MY, MY ♪
♪ RIGHT IN THE MOMENT THIS
ORDERS TALL ♪
♪ AND I TOLD YOU TO BE PATIENT ♪
♪ I TOLD YOU TO BE KIND ♪
♪ I TOLD YOU TO BE BALANCED ♪
♪ AND I TOLD YOU BE FINE ♪
♪ AND IN THE MORNING I'LL BE
WITH YOU ♪
♪ BUT IT WILL BE A DIFFERENT
KIND ♪
♪ BECAUSE YOU'LL BE HOLDING ALL
THE TICKETS ♪
♪ AND I'LL BE HOLDING ALL THE
FINES ♪
♪ WANT TO COME ON SKINNY LOVE ♪
♪ WANT YOU COME ON SKINNY
LOVE ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU!
THANK YOU SO MUCH!
>> Ellen: THAT'S A GREAT SONG.
SEASON FINALE OF "AMERICAN IDOL"
AIRS THIS SUNDAY ON ABC.
HUNTER'S SINGLE "20,000 KISSES
IS AVAILABLE ANYWHERE MUSIC IS
SOLD.
WE WILL BE BACK!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪
>> IN THE STATES WHERE THEY HAVE
A VERY HIGH RATE OF VACCINATION,
SICKNESS IS GOING DOWN, DEATH IS
GOING DOWN SIGNIFICANTLY.
IT IS WORKING.
>> I HAD TO REPLACE AN ACTOR WHO
WAS REMOVED FROM THE MOVIE, AND
TODAY GREEN SCREENED ME AND NOW
I LIKE TO BE
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ♪ ♪ >> Ellen: OUR FIRST GUEST IS
ONE OF THE MOST POPULAR ANCHORS
ON CNN AND ALSO BEST-SELLING
AUTHOR, HIS NEW BOOK IS CALLED
"THE DEVIL MAY DANCE."
PLEASE WELCOME JAKE TAPPER!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> HEY, ELLEN.
>> Ellen: HI, JAKE.
SINCE YOU WERE HERE LAST A LOT
HAS HAPPENED, BUT I THOUGHT I
WOULD START WITH SOME GOOD NEWS,
COVID NUMBERS ARE DOWN ACROSS
THE COUNTRY.
SO DO YOU THINK WE ARE FINALLY
AT THE END OF THIS?
WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS?
>> I THINK WE ARE GETTING THERE.
I THINK IT IS REALLY IMPORTANT
THAT PEOPLE GET VACCINATED.
IN THE STATES WHERE THEY HAVE A
VERY HIGH RATE OF VACCINATION,
SICKNESSES GOING DOWN, DEATH IS
GOING DOWN SIGNIFICANTLY.
IT IS WORKING.
THERE ARE LOTS OF PARTS OF THE
COUNTRY WHERE PEOPLE ARE STILL
NOT GETTING VACCINATED.
SOME OF IT IS PEOPLE NOT HAVING
ACCESS TO THE HEALTH CARE SYSTEM
OR MAYBE THEY DON'T SPEAK FLUENT
ENGLISH OR ONLINE OR THEY DON'T
WATCH TV, ET CETERA.
BUT SOME OF IT IS HESITANCY.
I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT FOR
PEOPLE TO UNDERSTAND THESE
VACCINES WORK.
THE DATA SHOWS ITS WORKING.
I'M VACCINATED.
YOU ARE VACCINATED.
IT WORKS, IT IS SAVING LIVES.
AND I GET WHATEVER HESITANCY
THEY MIGHT HAVE, BUT THERE ARE
SOME WILDLY RUMORS OUT THERE
ABOUT THIS IS BILL GATES TRYING
TO IMPLANT TO YOU WITH A
MICROCHIP.
I MEAN, NEWS FLASH, BILL GATES
KNOWS WHERE YOU ARE ALREADY IF
HE WANTS TO BECAUSE YOUR PHONE
IS RIGHT NEXT TO YOU.
HE DOES NOT NEED A MICROCHIP IN
YOU.
YOU ARE CARRYING AROUND A
TRACKING DEVICE ALREADY.
THERE'S A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF
COMMON SENSE THAT PEOPLE ARE NOT
USING WHEN THEY TALK ABOUT THESE
CONSPIRACY THEORIES.
>> Ellen: I KNOW, THERE ARE
SOME CRAZY ONES OUT THERE.
BUT NOW THAT THINGS HAVE CALMED
DOWN A LITTLE BIT, HAS ANDY STOP
TEXTING YOU?
HE WAS PROBABLY TEXTING YOU
RIGHT NOW PRETTY IS TEXTING
DURING THE SHOW.
HOW OFTEN DOES HE TEXT YOU?
>> HE WAS TEXTING ME ABOUT TIG
FOR SOME REASON.
I DON'T KNOW.
[LAUGHTER]
NO, HE HAS STOPPED FRANTICALLY
WORRYING ABOUT THE STATE OF OUR
DEMOCRACY WITH THE SAME
INTENSITY.
ALTHOUGH I WILL SAY, I WAS OUT
WITH MY DAUGHTER ALICE THIS
WEEKEND, AND HE CALLED.
BECAUSE HE HAD SEEN THAT I HAD
SHOWN A PICTURE ON TWITTER OF
ALICE GETTING VACCINATED AND HE
WAS -- I GUESS HE WAS TAKING ONE
OF HIS KIDS TO BE VACCINATED WE
WANTED TO MAKE SURE THAT HIS KID
COULD HEAR MY DAUGHTER TALKING
ABOUT HOW EVERYTHING WAS OKAY
WITH THE VACCINE.
IT SO I THINK THAT THIS
TRADITION OF LAST YEAR'S
PESTERING TAPPERS IS ONE THAT HE
WANTS TO KEEP GOING FOR FUTURE
GENERATIONS WHICH IS FINE WITH
ME.
IT'S OKAY FOR THE NEXT
GENERATION TO PICK IT UP.
>> Ellen: WHY WERE YOU JUST
GETTING ONE OF YOUR KIDS
VACCINATED, ANDY?
>> NO, IT WAS THE TWINS.
>> Ellen: I THOUGHT THAT YOU
FAVORED ONE OVER THE OTHER.
[LAUGHTER]
SPEAK I TESTED IT ON ONE AND
THEN WE WILL SEE.
[LAUGHTER]
>> Ellen: SO THERE ARE A LOT
OF STORIES IN THE NEWS ABOUT
UFOS.
IT'S CRAZY WHAT IS GOING ON.
I WATCHED A DOCUMENTARY RECENTLY
ON UFOS AND IT WAS ALL THIS
STUFF.
IT EXPOSED ALL THE STUFF A WHILE
AGO AND NOW IT'S CRAZY.
IS THIS SOMETHING THAT YOU ARE
SURPRISED BY?
THAT IT IS SO OUT THERE NOW?
>> CAN I JUST SAY HOW BIZARRE IT
IS THAT THIS ALL CAME OUT IN
2020, AND LIKE HALF OF THE NEWS
HAS NEVER TOUCHED IT.
I AM JUST FASCINATED BY IT, BUT
THERE WERE SO MUCH NEWS LAST
YEAR AND SO MUCH OF IT WAS
HORRIBLE WE DID NOT HAVE TIME TO
GET TO THE CONFIRMATION OF
UNIDENTIFIED FLYING OBJECTS.
BUT AS I CONSTANTLY REMIND MY
BROTHER AND MY WIFE, BOTH OF
WHOM ARE HUGE UFO AFICIONADOS,
THE FACT THAT THEY ARE
CONFIRMING UNIDENTIFIED OBJECTS
DOES NOT MEAN THAT E.T. IS
LANDING.
WE DON'T KNOW THIS TIKTOK SHAPE
THAT GOES THROUGH SPACE AND TIME
AT RAPID RATES THAT HUMANS ARE
NOT CAPABLE OF.
WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS.
THAT'S AS FAR AS THEY ARE
WILLING TO GO.
>> Ellen: SOMETHING UNLESS IT
IS A DRONE FROM ANOTHER PLANET,
THE UNIVERSE IS A WAY, CHANCES
ARE SOMEBODY OR SOMETHING IS IN
THERE.
>> WRIGHT, THE QUESTION IS IS IT
TO USE A SUPERHERO METAPHOR, IS
IT TONY STARK WITH HIS BRILLIANT
MIND AND HIS IRON MAN FACTORY
DOING UNBELIEVABLE THINGS?
OR IS IT FOR COMING FROM ANOTHER
DIMENSION?
AND THE ODDS ARE THAT IT IS
PROBABLY TONY STARK, NOT THOR.
YOU CAN TELL BEING AT HOME FOR A
YEAR AND A HALF HAS DONE TO MY
BRAIN.
>> Ellen: YEAH.
SO HERE'S MY QUESTION TO YOU.
YOU ARE DOING THE NEWS, I THINK
ABOUT ANYONE DOING THE NEWS,
BECAUSE A LOT OF IT IS BAD OR
SCARY OR WHATEVER, AND YOU ARE
DOING IT TWO HOURS A DAY WHICH
IS A LOT OF STUFF THAT YOU ARE
HAVING TO THINK ABOUT, TALK
ABOUT, WHEN YOU GET HOME, WHAT
DO YOU DO TO JUST TAKE ALL OF
THAT OFF OF YOUR PLATE?
>> WELL, I DON'T WATCH NEWS.
I'VE BEEN WATCHING "MAYOR FROM
EAST TOWN" ON HBO MAX.
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW.
>> Ellen: I'M JUST ABOUT TO
START.
I HEAR GREAT THINGS.
>> KATE WINSLET STARS AND I'M
FROM PHILLY AND TO THE SHOW
TAKES PLACE RIGHT OUTSIDE PHILLY
AND DELAWARE COUNTY AND THEY ALL
WORK REALLY HARD ON THEIR
WORKING CLASS WHITE PHILADELPHIA
ACCENTS, SO THEY TALK ABOUT
HOAGIES AND THEY TALK ABOUT
OVERDOSES [LAUGHTER]
AND FOR PHILADELPHIANS IT'S NICE
TO MASK AND HEARING THE
BEAUTIFUL, I ASSUME THAT THAT
SOUNDS BEAUTIFUL TO YOU.
>> Ellen: YES, IT IS SO
BEAUTIFUL.
SO VERY BEAUTIFUL AND SOOTHING.
WE HAVE TO TAKE A BREAK, THAT
RHYMES, WE WILL BE BACK.
AFTER THIS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪
>> HERE WE GO AGAIN WITH THE
CONTRACTION.
>> OKAY, RIGHT.
>> YOU FEEL GOOD?
>> IT LOOKS LIKE IT HURTS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ♪ ♪ >> Ellen: WE ARE BACK WITH
JAKE TAPPER, LET'S TALK ABOUT
YOUR NEW NOVEL "THE DEVIL MAY
DANCE" THAT DEBUTED ON
"THE NEW YORK TIMES" BEST SELLER
LIST.
CONGRATULATIONS.
>> THAT'S QUITE AN HONOR, THE
PEOPLE ON THAT LIST IS A BUNCH
OF POWERHOUSES INCLUDING YOUR
PREVIOUS GUESS THE OTHER DAY
STACY ABRAMS.
AND JUST A NUMBER OF HUGE
HITTERS, SO IT'S NICE TO BE ON
THE LIST.
>> Ellen: IT'S VERY COOL THAT
YOU ARE ON THAT LIST, TELL
EVERYBODY WHAT IT IS ABOUT.
>> IT'S BASED ON NO TRUE STORY,
BUT IT IS MY FICTITIOUS
CHARACTERS GO TO INVESTIGATE
SOMETHING THAT ACTUALLY HAPPEN,
WHICH IS AFTER SINATRA AND THE
RAT PACK DOUBT JOHN F. KENNEDY
ELECTED, SINATRA THOUGHT THAT
KENNEDY WOULD STAY WITH HIM AND
HAD THIS RANCH BUILDS UP,
HELIPAD, EXTRA ROOMS, PHONE
LINES, BUT ROBERT KENNEDY WHO
WAS INVESTIGATING ORGANIZED
CRIME SAID I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN
HAVE HIM STAYING THERE BECAUSE
I'M INVESTIGATING MOBSTERS AND
SINATRA'S FRIENDS WITH MOBSTERS.
THAT REALLY HAPPENED.
AND I HAD MY CHARACTERS CHARLIE
AND MARGARET FROM THE PREVIOUS
BOOK GO OUT AND INVESTIGATES AND
NOT TRY TO FIND OUT IF HE WAS
MOBBED UP.
AND THEY ENCOUNTER ALL OF THE
STARS FROM THE TIME AND THE
CHURCH OF SCIENTOLOGY AND A
BUNCH OF MOBSTERS.
YOU KNOW, IT'S A REAL ADVENTURE
IN HOLLYWOOD.
>> Ellen: YOU DID A TON OF
RESEARCH, WHAT IS SOMETHING THAT
YOU LEARNED THAT SURPRISED YOU?
>> I WAS SURPRISED TO FIND OUT
THAT SINATRA WHO I WAS FAMILIAR
WITH IN HIS LATER DAYS AND OF
COURSE A FAN OF HIS MUSIC, I
ALWAYS THOUGHT OF AS KIND OF A
PIG WITH WOMEN, BUT HE REALLY
WAS VERY EARLY CIVIL RIGHTS
CRUSADER.
REALLY FIGHTING FOR NOT JUST
PUBLICLY, BUT PRIVATELY TO MAKE
SURE THAT BLACKS IN HIS BAND,
WERE TREATED EQUALLY, THAT HE
TRIED TO INTEGRATE A NUMBER OF
HOTELS AND ARENAS IN LAS VEGAS
AND ELSEWHERE, AND I WAS REALLY
SURPRISED BY THAT, BECAUSE I
KNEW THE LEADER IN INCARNATION
WHEN HE WAS MORE CONSERVATIVE.
BUT HE PUT A LOT ON THE LINE IN
THE '40s, '50s, AND '60s.
HE WAS A LOT MORE PROGRESSIVE
THAN THEY KENNEDY'S AT THE TIME.
>> Ellen: THAT'S AMAZING.
THE BOOK IS GETTING RAVE
REVIEWS.
IS THAT SOMETHING COMING YOU
JUST SAID THAT YOU WERE HONORED
TO BE ON THE LIST.
DO YOU PAY ATTENTION TO REVIEWS?
>> YEAH, I DO.
EARLY ON ON AMAZON, YOU CAN'T
REALLY READ THE AMAZON REVIEWS
TOO MUCH.
ALTHOUGH THEY HAVE BEEN VERY
NICE.
BUT THE VERY FIRST AMAZON REVIEW
GAVE ME ONE STAR OUT OF FIVE AND
I WAS LIKE OH, BOY, WHAT IS
THIS?
AND IT WAS SOMEDAY COMPLAINING
ABOUT THEIR AMAZON SERVICE.
TO THE DELIVERY DID NOT COME.
AND I HAVE THOUGHT, THAT'S NOT
FAIR.
I REACHED OUT TO A FRIEND AND I
WAS LIKE THIS ONE STAR, THIS IS
NOT A ONE STAR FOR ME.
IT'S A ONE STAR FOR YOU.
THIS IS AMAZON'S ONE STAR.
I WILL TAKE IT IF IT IS ABOUT MY
BOOK, BUT FOR YOU --
ANYWAY.
[LAUGHTER]
BUT I WAS OKAY.
I SURVIVED.
>> Ellen: LISTEN, IT'S ALWAYS
GREAT TALKING TO YOU, JAKE.
YOU LOOK GOOD.
YOU LOOK HEALTHY AND RESTED AND
DIFFERENT THAN LAST TIME.
YOU ARE NOT SLEEPING AND YOU
WERE -- IT WAS A LOT GOING ON.
BUT IT'S GREAT TO TALK TO YOU.
>> IT'S GREAT TO TALK TO YOU.
NEXT TIME IN PERSON AND DON'T
THINK THAT I DON'T KNOW ABOUT
YOUR NEWS TOO, BUT I WILL
ADDRESS THAT NEXT TIME I SEE
YOU.
BECAUSE I AM SAD ABOUT THAT.
WE WILL TALK ABOUT THAT ANOTHER
TIME.
>> Ellen: THANK YOU FOR BEING
SAD ABOUT IT.
I LOVE YOU AND YES, YOU WILL BE
HERE FOR SURE IN PERSON.
I WANT TO SAY GOODBYE TO
EVERYBODY IN PERSON NEXT YEAR.
SO "THE DEVIL MAY DANCE" IS
AVAILABLE EVERYWHERE BOOKS ARE
SOLD.
AND TODAY, YOU ARE HOME, BUT YOU
ARE A COPY.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> THANK YOU, ELLEN.
GOOD TO SEE YOU.
>> Ellen: WE WILL BE BACK!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪
>> I HAD TO REPLACE AN ACTOR WHO
WAS REMOVED FROM THE MOVIE AND
TODAY GREEN SCREENED ME.
NOW I LIKE TO BE GREEN SCREENED
WHENEVER I GO ANYWHERE.
>> Ellen: OKAY.
[LAUGHTER]
♪ ♪ LESS SMART.
[LAUGHTER]
♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪
>> Ellen: OUR NEXT GUEST CAN
DO IT ALL, SHE IS A COMEDIAN, A
PRODUCER, DIRECTOR, AND NOW CAN
ADD ACTION HERO TO THAT LIST.
TAKE A LOOK AT HER.
>> WE ARE GOOD TOGETHER FOR A
JOB.
>> WHAT DOES IT PAY?
>> IF IT PANS OUT YOU WILL MAKE
$2 MILLION FOR ONE DAY'S WORK.
>> $2 MILLION?
THAT'S MY SHARE JUST FOR ME?
$2 MILLION IF IT PANS OUT.
100% I AM IN, YEAH.
>> YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE
RISKS?
>> WHY WOULD I WANT TO KNOW THE
RISKS?
$2 MILLION IS A LOT OF CASH.
LISTEN, I HATE MY LIFE SO
DEEPLY.
IF I HAD $2 MILLION, MY LIFE
WOULD CHANGE DRASTICALLY.
YEAH!
THANK YOU.
YES.
>> YOU'RE SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO
KNOW?
>> IF IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO
WITH A HELICOPTER AND THE
HELICOPTER GUY, YEAH, WHERE DO I
SIGN?
[LAUGHTER]
>> Ellen: ALL RIGHT, THAT'S
FROM "ARMY OF THE DEAD."
PLEASE WELCOME MY FRIEND
TIG NOTARO!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> HI, ELLEN.
>> Ellen: WHY ARE YOU ON GREEN
SCREEN?
[LAUGHTER]
>> WELL I WAS GREEN SCREENED
INTO THE MOVIE.
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW THAT,
SO NOW IT IS KIND OF MY THING.
>> Ellen: I DID NOT KNOW THAT,
BUT THEY DID A GOOD JOB, BECAUSE
YOU REALLY CAN'T TELL.
SO YOU WERE BY YOURSELF, SO HOW
DID THEY PUT YOU IN WHEN THEY
ARE WALKING SCENES IN VEGAS WHEN
Y'ALL ARE WALKING TOGETHER?
>> ELLEN, I HAVE NO IDEA HOW IT
WORKS TECHNICALLY, BUT YES, I
HAD TO REPLACE AN ACTOR WHO WAS
REMOVED FROM THE MOVIE AND TODAY
GREEN SCREENED ME, THERE I AM
BEING GREEN SCREENED INTO THE
FILM.
AND YEAH, IT WAS REALLY, REALLY
TECHNICAL, BUT YET, NOW IT - --O
I LIKE TO BE GREEN SCREENED
WHENEVER I GO ANYWHERE.
>> Ellen: OKAY, BECAUSE WHO
KNOWS, MAYBE YOU WILL WANT TO
PUT YOURSELF ON ANOTHER SHOW
TALKING TO ME.
>> EXACTLY, WHO KNOWS, ELLEN,
WHO KNOWS.
[LAUGHTER]
>> Ellen: IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE
THAT YOU AND YOUR WIFE STEPHANIE
HAVE THE 5-YEAR-OLD TWINS BILLY
AND BOBBY, WHAT ARE THEIR NAMES
AGAIN?
>> IT DOESN'T MATTER.
IT'S MAX AND FINN.
THEY WILL BE FIVE NEXT MONTH.
THEY TURNED FIVE IN JUNE.
>> Ellen: AND TIME HAS FLOWN
BY?
>> NOT REALLY, NO.
[LAUGHTER]
>> Ellen: NO?
>> NO, I KNOW I'M SUPPOSED TO
SAY IT HAS, BUT IT FEELS LIKE --
IT FEELS LIKE THEY HAVE BEEN
HERE FOR FIVE YEARS.
YEAH.
I LOVE THEM, BUT IT DEFINITEL
DEFINITELY -- IF SOMEBODY, IF
YOU SAID THAT THEY WERE TURNING
SEVEN, I WOULD BELIEVE IT.
[LAUGHTER]
YEAH.
>> Ellen: SO IT'S NOT REALLY
FLYING BY.
BEFORE WE GET A BREAK, I'M
EXCITED ABOUT A PROJECT THAT, I
AM WORKING ON WITH YOU.
IT'S YOUR PROJECT, BUT TELL
EVERYBODY, IT'S SO COOL AND SUCH
A GREAT IDEA.
IT'S SOMETHING THAT I AM
PRODUCING WITH YOU, BUT TELL
EVERYBODY.
>> IT IS A FULLY ANIMATED
STAND-UP SPECIAL.
OVER THE YEARS DIFFERENT JOKES
AND STORIES OF MINE HAVE BEEN
ANIMATED AND IT HAS BEEN REALLY
COOL TO SEE, AND SO NOW FROM THE
VERY START OF THE SPECIAL TO THE
VERY END WILL BE FULL ANIMATION.
SO IT COMES OUT THIS SUMMER.
I'M VERY EXCITED.
>> Ellen: BUT IT IS YOUR STAND
UP AND ANIMATED.
I LOVE IT.
WHEN WE COME BACK WE WILL TALK
ABOUT WHY YOU WERE TRENDING
ON TWITTER AND HOW EXCITING THAT
IS AND WE WILL BE BACK.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪
>> HERE WE GO AGAIN WITH THE
CONTRACTION.
>> ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
>> OKAY.
ALL RIGHT.
>> IT LOOKS LIKE IT HURTS.
>> WOW.
>> I'M SEIZING UP JUST LOOKING
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ♪ ♪ >> Ellen: WE ARE BACK WITH MY
SEXY FRIEND TIG NOTARO, BEFORE
WE GET TO THAT, LET'S TALK ABOUT
YOUR NEW MOVIE "ARMY OF THE
DEAD."
I FOUND IT VERY ENJOYABLE, TELL
EVERYBODY, IT'S A ZOMBIE MOVIE,
BUT IT IS --
I THINK IT'S VERY FUNNY AS WELL
AND TELL EVERYBODY ABOUT IT.
>> IT'S A ZOMBIE HEIST FILM.
AND I PLAY THE I GUESS SARCASTIC
IT GET AWAY HELICOPTER PILOT.
THERE I AM ON THE POSTER.
THERE IS ACTUALLY CUT OUT
FIGURES OF THE CAST ALL AROUND
HOLLYWOOD.
I HAVE NOT BEEN HOME BECAUSE I'M
IN TORONTO, YEAH, THERE IT IS.
IT'S TWO STORIES HIGH.
THAT'S ME.
>> Ellen: OR TOM CRUISE.
>> YES, FOR YEARS PEOPLE HAVE
TOLD ME THAT I WON DIFFERENT
MOVIES CAME OUT TO THAT
TOM CRUISE OR MARK WAHLBERG WAS
IN, THEY WOULD BE LIKE OH, I
THOUGHT THAT WAS YOU STARRING IN
A MOVIE WHEN THEY SAW THE
BILLBOARD.
SO THERE HAS BEEN A LOT OF JOKES
OVER THE YEARS, AND NOW I'M
ACTUALLY ON AN ACTION MOVIE
BILLBOARD.
SO IT'S THE POWER OF SUGGESTION.
[LAUGHTER]
>> Ellen: TELL EVERYBODY WHY
YOU WERE TRENDING ON TWITTER.
>> WELL, YEAH, MY PHONE STARTED
BUZZING AND SO SOMEBODY SENT ME
A SCREEN GRAB OF MY NAME
TRENDING ON TWITTER FROM BEING
#BadAss AND ALSO BEING
#SexyAF.
APPARENTLY PEOPLE ARE SAYING
THAT I AM BEING SEXY AS AF.
BUT THE SAYING IS SEXY AF.
I THINK THAT THERE IS A PICTURE
OF ME READING ABOUT BEING SEXY
AF.
YEAH.
[LAUGHTER]
STEPHANIE TOOK THAT PICTURE OF
ME, AND I WAS LIKE --
I GUESS I AM SEXY [LAUGHTER]
>> Ellen: AND YOU DID NOT KNOW
WHAT AF MEANT, SO YOU SAID SEXY
AS AF.
>> AND STEPHANIE HAS SINCE
CALLED ME SEXY AS AF [BLEEP].
ALSO, ELLEN, THIS IS UNRELATED
BUT I HAVE TO COMMENT ON THIS,
YOU AND I ADDRESS ALIKE ALL THE
TIME AND ONCE AGAIN, WE DID NOT
PLAN THIS WITH THE WHITE COLLAR
AND THE DARK BLUE AND I AM EVEN
WEARING GREEN PANTS.
>> Ellen: NO!
[LAUGHTER]
OH, MY GOD!
OF COURSE WE ARE IN THE SAME
COLOR SCHEME.
WE CAN'T HELP IT.
>> IT'S RIDICULOUS.
>> Ellen: BECAUSE SOMEHOW WE
ARE RELATED.
>> SOMEHOW, AND IT'S THROUGH
CLOTHING.
>> Ellen: YES.
I HOPE TO SEE YOU WHEN YOU GET
BACK IN CALIFORNIA.
>> YEAH, I WOULD LOVE THAT.
MAYBE WE CAN PLAN OUR OUTFITS.
>> Ellen: YES.
>> WE CAN BE DIFFERENT.
>> Ellen: I WILL TELL YOU WHAT
I WILL WEAR AND WEAR SOMETHING
DIFFERENT AND SEE IF IT STILL
WORKS.
>> WE CAN WEAR MATCHING DRESSES,
THAT WOULD BE CUTE.
>> Ellen: YOU KNOW WHAT, WE
SHOULD FOR SURE DO THAT.
LET'S DO IT AND TAKE PICTURES.
[LAUGHTER]
ALL RIGHT.
YOU CAN SEE SEXY AS AF TIG IN
"ARMY OF THE DEAD" ON NETFLIX
MAY 21ST.
GOODBYE, TIG!
>> GOODBYE, THANKS, ELLEN.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪
>> Ellen: BEFORE WE GO I HAVE
SOME EXCITING NEWS, THE DIGITAL
SERIES "MOMSPLAINING" WITH
KRISTEN BELL JUST WON A PEOPLE'S
VOICE AWARD!
I WANT TO THANK THE PEOPLE FOR
USING THEIR VOICE TO CELEBRATE I
WANT TO SHOW YOU A CLIP OF THE
TIME THAT ANDY TRIED OUT A LABOR
PAIN MACHINE WHILE CHRISTINE
QUIZZED HIM ON CHILDBIRTH.
IT WENT EXACTLY HOW YOU WOULD
EXPECT.
>> HERE ARE THE RULES, WE WILL
READ THE QUESTIONS AND IF YOU
GUYS GET IT WRONG, MARTINA WILL
GIVE OUR PARTNER A CONTRACTION.
EACH WRONG ANSWER THE
CONTRACTIONS WILL GET MORE
INTENSE.
JUST LIKE LABOR.
LET'S PLAY.
OKAY, HONEY, HOW LONG IS A
TYPICAL PREGNANCY?
>> NINE MONTHS.
>> NAILED IT, REALLY, REALLY
NICE.
OH, THIS IS EASY.
AT WHAT POINT CAN NEWBORNS CRY
ACTUAL TEARS.
>> FIRST WEEK.
>> IT'S THREE WEEKS.
>> OH!
OKAY.
>> JUST BREATHE.
>> HOW LONG?
>> OKAY.
OKAY, NO BIG DEAL, RIGHT?
LABOR IS A CINCH.
[LAUGHS]
IF YOU GAVE BIRTH TO TRIPLETS,
HOW MAY BABIES YOU HAVE?
>> THREE.
>> ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THE
QUESTIONS HE GETS.
>> ARE YOU A DOCTOR?
THAT'S IMPRESSIVE.
WE CAN DO THIS, YOU ARE A GREAT
PARTNER.
HOW MANY BONES DOES YOUR NEWBORN
HAVE?
>> 613.
>> NO, IT IS 300 BONES.
>> HERE WE GO AGAIN WITH THE
CONTRACTION.
>> ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
>> OKAY.
>> ALL RIGHT.
YEAH, IT HURTS.
WHILE MATT >> HONEY, I AM
SEIZING UP JUST LOOKING AT YOU.
>> ARE YOU [BLEEP] KIDDING ME?
>> Ellen: TO SEE MORE HEAD TO
MY YOUTUBE PAGE AND MAKE SURE TO
SUBSCRIBE.
I WANT TO THANK HUNTER METTS,
JAKE TAPPER, AND TIG NOTARO.
I WANT TO THANK ALL OF YOU FOR
WATCHING AND I FEEL THE LOVE IN
THIS ROOM.
I APPRECIATE IT AND SEND BACK TO
YOU.
SPREAD IT AROUND IN THE WORLD.
BYE [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪
♪ OH OH OH ♪
♪ TODAY'S THE DAY I'VE BEEN
WAITING FOR ♪
♪ TOMORROW WON'T COME AFTER
ALL ♪
♪ YESTERDAY IS SO FAR AWAY ♪
♪ AND TODAY IS THE ONLY DAY ♪
>> Ellen: ANYWAY...