Thank you all for coming. We're all here because we all have something in common.
We've all been conned by these people.
But now it's time for them to have a taste of their own medicine.
Michael Stone, AKA Mickey Bricks.
He's the ringleader.
Ash Morgan, known to his cohorts as Three Socks.
He's the fixer, deals with the nuts and bolts of creating a world that mugs like us buy into.
Albert Stroller, recently out of prison, known as "the roper".
He finds the marks - again, people like us - for the gang to cheat.
Emma Kennedy, femme fatale, works with Stone, can be his assistant, girlfriend
or business partner.
And finally, Sean Kennedy, glorified gofer.
Stone's taken him under his wing and is training him up.
These arses took me for half a million quid.
Now, where is my bloody painting?!
Half a million quid. Mmm. It's easy to see why you'd be pissed off. Yeah. What was yours?
Ninety K.
A racehorse.
That one was an Arab sheikh.
You think you guys have got problems? Stone sold me the Sydney Opera House.
He supposedly represented the Olympic Committee, sold me four acres of swampland in Kent.
Well, starting tomorrow, let's see if they can take it as well as dish it out.
I don't know about the rest of you,
but no-one, and I mean no-one, steals money from me and gets away with it.
No-one.
It's taken us months to track them down and research how they operate,
but now...
..now it's time to turn the tables.
You know, I've been thinking.
We should go on holiday. Yeah!
Mexico. Nah, too hot.
What about Margate?
A couple of trips to Las Vegas.
No, Albert. Can I say something?
Yeah. Only every time you lot go on holiday, you never take me with you.
True. You use me when it suits you, but you never pay me,
then you all go off on holiday, and I'm lucky if I get a postcard.
I think he's got a point. Yeah.
Yeah, it's only right, I suppose.
Eddie, you shall go to the ball.
All right, Mick?
Er...yes, OK. Well, funny you should say that, cos I've been thinking about going away,
and I've picked up a few brochures.
Ha-ha! Er... Eh?
Right. Let's get started, shall we? Harry?
The convincer is a method they use to remove any last vestige of doubt.
So for example, if the con or "score"
is about asking you to invest £100,000 in worthless shares,
they would invite you to take part in a much smaller deal first.
You would make a profit on that deal. Like a loss leader.
Precisely. This convincer convinces you that a larger investment would work equally well.
Crafty bastards.
So how do we take them?
You know, I really feel like I'm starting to get this, Mick.
Good. I mean, it's complicated, but everything's kind of fallen into place. Your roper finds the mark.
How does he know where to look?
Well, because Albert is a member of every gentleman's club in London - under different names.
And? He's in touch with the concierges of hotels
and they let him know when the high rollers are in town.
And occasionally some just fall into my lap.
Credit crunch!
My rear end.
I mean, if the great unwashed are stupid enough to lose their houses,
fault of the state, yah?
It's simply survival of the fittest, sorting the wheat from the chaff.
Because they never get off their fat arses to earn the money to pay for it!
It's with you, Alfie. Hmm? Your bet. Oh, right, yeah.
Erm...all right.
Raise. Let's make it...two thou.
I honestly believe we should have some sort of compulsory euthanasia programme!
Start with the unemployed, those on benefits and the like, and then move on to the over-65s.
Who is it? I believe it's me.
Oh, sorry! Foot in mouth. No offence intended.
None taken. Re-raise.
All...in.
Steady on with the old pension, Pops! You don't have heating bills or something to consider?
All right, Pops.
I call.
A couple of fillies.
Beats me. Now, that is what I'm talking about.
Survival of the fittest. Never mind, eh, Pops?
Maybe next time.
You can count on it.
OK, so you've identified your mark.
Then the roper leads him to the inside man.
Thank you, and the inside man tells him the tale, sets up the con.
The first step is to create the world, lay the bait and draw them in. Breakfast up.
What do you think? He's coming along nicely, yeah.
So...you've laid the bait, and that's where the fixer comes in.
He makes sure our story holds up.
I'm a genius whose job it is to make you Flash Harrys look good.
Ash is prone to exaggeration. Hark who's talking. So everything's gone to plan,
and that is when you hit him with the convincer.
Roper gets the mark, inside man tells the tale,
fixer confirms the tale.
The convincer is given,
then the sting itself.
The convincer is the weakest point.
This is the only point THEY are in a negative position.
So that's what we do, We take them just far enough
into the con to get the convincer, then we just walk away.
As you seem to have everything worked out, what do you need us for? Good question.
Because...I need bait,
and these bastards tried to put me out of business.
And as I want to take them for a million quid, double what they took from me,
we need to make them believe there's a greater stake to be had.
A prize of four million should have the desired effect.
Now I've raised a million, so for this to work I need the same again from each of you.
A million quid? Jesus.
Wait. How do we know that this isn't some elaborate plan to con us all again?
That's a fair point.
Harry?
Quite simply, because we're not actually going to use it. What?
All we need is bait, for them to believe we have the four million.
So the plan is to put everyone's money into a single account,
an account that needs four signatures to access.
All we have to do is to let them see that account, and that's what draws them in.
Your money will never leave the bank.
We'll use the million I've raised, they'll double it, hoping to get their hands on the rest,
but then we just walk away.
Simple but genius.
Genius.
Our money won't leave the bank?
100% guaranteed.
Once I've recouped my million, plus the half mill they stole, then you divide the rest between yourselves.
Sounds good to me. I'm in.
Me too.
Hell, why not?
But I do have one condition. Yeah?
I brought a couple of guys over with me to find these arseholes.
Any objection to beating the crap out of them once we have our money?
No, I don't see there being a problem with that at all.
Nice one.
Aren't we missing something? They clearly know every one of us,
so how on earth are we going to get close enough to set this up?
"We" can't.
But, fortunately, we don't have to.
This is Alfie. Alfie's an old school friend of mine.
We've put him into one of Albert Stroller's regular card games.
He's dropped into the conversation that he's just had a massive windfall,
so I will stake my life that Stone and his crew are now trying to work out how to take it from him.
OK, Albert, what's the story?
Alfred Thomas Baron.
Alfie to his friends.
He's the eldest son of the Duke and Duchess of Derbyshire.
he can trace his ancestry back to Henry VIII.
Where's he been all my life?
Gambling mostly, sleeping with models and dodgy business ventures. Fancies himself a player in the City.
I spent an evening with him and he's not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
He's an upper-class twit.
And he's loaded. Yes, he came into a chunk of his inheritance on his recent 30th birthday,
and he's looking for someplace to invest.
- In what? - He's not sure.
So he's rich AND stupid. Which makes him...
The perfect mark.
OK, let's reel him in.
Albert, where do we find him? He recommended his favourite watering hole.
Alfred?
James Thornton, we met the other evening at the poker game. So we did.
You hit me with two queens on the last hand. Ah, well, one man's loss is another man's lunch.
Perhaps we could do it again.
Always up for a game of cards, old chap, just tell me when and where. Well, what about tonight at 9pm?
Are you free? Stakes?
5,000 to sit down. How much if I stand?
I'm just joshing, count me in. Same venue as last time, ask for me at the desk.
I'll be there. I look forward to it.
Hey, how about Brazil? You've got football, you've got beaches.
OK, Albert, thanks. That's great.
That was Albert. The card game is on for tonight.
All right, I'll set it up.
Oh, and I'll need you to play the inside with me, the City banker.
Yeah, can I make a suggestion? Yeah, of course. Well, I've been thinking.
The kid's coming on leaps and bounds, right? Yes, he is.
Maybe it's time you gave him his shot, let him play the inside.
I'd feel safer having you next to me. Come on, Mick, since when have you ever played safe?
He's ready, I'd stake my life on it.
Is it that important to you?
He's a good kid, you know. If you ask me, he's earned it.
Abso-bloody-amazing, it happened just like you said it would.
He just bowled up and invited me to the game.
Of course he bloody did.
Thanks. I have to say, though, not entirely sure what's going on.
You don't need to - you just do what I say when I say, just like at school.
Received and understood.
I could do with a bit of a sub, though, CW.
A sub? Yeah, things are a bit tight.
I have asked Ma and Pa, but they're preoccupied with the house.
Falling down around their ears. They're thinking of buying lions, you know, the old safari jobbie?
Game in the grounds, watch the plebs drive round with their little brats.
Trouble is...Mummy's allergic to them.
Your mother's allergic to lions? No, plebs. Ah.
Anyhow, I've got a new filly in tow, absolute corker.
Promised her a slap-up meal, only...
You're unbelievable.
Here's 500 on account. Marvellous. I'll take her out to dinner, bound to loosen the old panties.
You need to be at the card game by nine. Absolutely. It's an after-theatre jobbie, table's at 11.
Forget your sex life, do you know what to do at the card game? Let the dog see the rabbit.
Good, just make sure they see that bank statement. Gotcha.
This is your stake money.
They'll let you win, so I want it back. Understood.
Toodle-pip.
So how are we playing this?
Mickey wants you to work the inside,
play the City trader. You're kidding me! I thought you were doing that.
No, Mickey thinks you're ready to step up, so we swap roles.
I'll be the associate strapped for cash.
Feel up to it? Well, I've never taken the money off a mark before.
Well, we wouldn't ask you if we didn't think you could do it.
Mickey thinks I'm, er...I'm ready, yeah? Yeah.
So that's settled. Just like we went through, you're Justin Tyler, investment and finance.
You deal with another trader who buys dirty money from overseas,
then you use your investment company to put it into the system and launder it. Got it.
And the game?
We'll take Alfie round the houses, let him lose a bit, then let him win and leave him in front.
Then tell him the tale, set up a meeting for tomorrow.
Where? I'll find somewhere in the morning.
Oh, head's up.
OK.
Well, welcome, you made it! Wouldn't have missed it for the world. This is Garry Penning.
- Pleased to meet you. - Justin Tyler.
Justin, hello. Listen chaps, I only have a couple of hours, got a filly in the starting blocks.
Redhead, I've heard they're very hot-blooded. Yes, I'm sure they are.
Since we don't have much time, let's play some cards, all right? Jolly good.
Do you think they've started yet?
Don't worry, Sean will be fine.
I hope so.
Oh, come on. What's the worst that can happen?
It's all right for you, you've done it thousands of times before.
Not everybody finds it so effortless.
Looks like it's going to be my night...again.
Yes, Alfie.
'It seems that way.'
Must be my lucky pants.
This is going to be easier than I thought.
'So...how did the deal go, Justin?
'Good.' Here we go! 'Better than I expected.'
I wish I was in there.
Trouble is all my bloody cash is tied up. Maybe next time.
I've got a little nest egg stashed away, but I have to give 30 days' notice.
I could go next month. Pity. Joe called last night, he's got a fresh batch arriving this week.
Bugger. Raise 350.
Call. Call. I'll fold.
Let me know when you're ready. Minimum 100K, yeah?
'What's the max? That's the thing, there isn't one. I put in half a mill this time,'
almost doubled up. I'll probably plough it all back in. Bloody hell. Er...check.
Check.
All right. Raise, thou.
'No, too strong for me. Me too.'
Come on, Alfie, ask them about the deal.
So this deal? What is it exactly?
Good boy! 'Cash.'
Oh, yeah? Tell me more.
One of the things that happens in a recession
is certain people start bringing out money that's been hidden away.
That money needs to be...legitimised. Money laundering.
You said that, not me.
Ah. I've got a contact, he sources the cash, and I use my investment portfolio
to filter it back into the system without attracting attention. Gotcha.
Actually, I'm not 100%, could you run that by me again?
'I buy dirty money 50p in the pound.
It's then cleaned through the accounts, and I basically get back double. Is that legal?
Is he winding me up?
'It's not strictly legal, but there are no victims. The only person to lose out is the taxman.'
And who cares about him, eh?
Sounds like a bloody good scam. It is! It is a bloody good scam.
'Your deal.'
Yes, once.
And?
And...now I'm not.
Touchy subject. No, no.
No, erm...she cheated on me.
Sorry. ..So you split up? Yeah, had to, really.
I beat the guy half to death with a baseball bat and got sent to prison for three years.
You beat someone with a baseball bat?
Why so surprised? Erm, because it's quite out of character.
What, you'd expect me to con him to death? No.
No, it's just there's clearly a whole new side to you that I didn't know.
The Neanderthal side.
Yeah, yeah, I keep it well hidden.
Maybe you shouldn't. Some women like that kind of thing. Is that so?
Apparently. What about you?
No serious relationships?
I had three dates with the same guy once.
Three! He was quite sweet, actually.
So why no fourth date? He told me he loved me. And that's a bad thing?
Well, he took me for dinner twice, and then he took me to the movies to see Spiderman 3,
so I think the whole "I love you" thing was a little premature, don't you think?
You don't believe in love at first sight? Absolutely not. Oh, my lady, you have no romance in your soul.
No, but I haven't felt the need to hit someone with a baseball bat either. Hmm.
Tell the truth, I'm starting to think I may not be cut out for the whole business thing.
Horses for courses and all that.
Well, with this, you don't need to be.
Hmm. Even so.
No, you're right. You should never invest in a business deal
unless you're sure it's the right deal for you.
Couldn't have put it better myself. Besides, it's probably a bit rich for you, anyway.
Oh, no, no, no, it's not the money, I've got shed loads of that. The old inheritance just kicked in.
'Alfie's the son of a duke.'
Yes, he is!
'Must be a few grand, then. Hardly!
'I wasn't sure of the full amount, you know, clauses and all that, but then I got a statement'
this morning. I'm not one to boast, but...slightly more than a few thou.
Bloody hell.
Four mill.
Good, good.
'Very nice. Add to that my winnings from tonight,'
of course. Yes, well, we haven't finished yet, have we?
That sounds like fighting talk. It is.
Raise three grand.
'Erm...I'd spend half of it on women, booze and casinos'
and...I'd waste the rest. A man after my own heart.
And Justin?
I'd buy four million pounds worth of dirty cash from my guy, turn it into eight.
'That way I'd have twice as many women and booze as Garry over there.
'Excellent. What about you, James?'
'Well, I guess I'd be tempted to go along with Justin's plan, but one of the advantages'
of age is it teaches you caution.
So I'd invest some of your inheritance in your cash scam and see what happened.
And if it worked, I'd invest the rest.
Sounds like a bloody good idea.
Dip the old toe in the water jobbie.
Indeed.
Eight mill does have a slightly better ring to it than four.
'Yes, that's very true, it does.'
Ain't that the truth?! 'Justin, this deal sounds interesting. I think I might'
come and meet this chap of yours.
I'm sure I can sort something out.
Cheers.
They've gone for it. They've bloody gone for it!
Yes! Oh, we've got them, we have so got them!
Hook, line and bloody sinker!
They are finished!
So...would you ever get married again?
No. Why not?
Because I think that women choose their men a little like their clothes.
They'll buy a dress even though it's isn't exactly what they want or doesn't quite fit,
thinking they'll fix it when they get it home.
I think that's why a lot of women like bad boys.
They see them as exciting raw material.
So from that, I take it your wife didn't like who you were.
No, she didn't like what I did.
She wasn't a grifter? No.
Well, maybe next time you should marry someone in the same line of business.
Is that a proposal?
You wish.
I think I'd have far more trouble with you than I ever did my ex-wife. Almost certainly.
Joining this crew is the best thing to have happened to me and Sean.
I don't think I've ever thanked you properly.
Actually, I think I should thank you too. Why?
For knocking me back.
What?
On our first score together, when I asked you out to dinner. Oh!
I think you were right, it would have made things...complicated.
It wasn't you personally.
It's just men in general.
But me in particular.
No.
It was just a bit quick, we'd only just met.
So it was just timing?
I don't know! Maybe.
How does a man, with my...limited knowledge of the female psyche,
know when the timing is right?
He doesn't.
He just has to roll the dice and see what happens.
DOOR OPENS SUDDENLY Sean played a blinder!
His Lordship went for it.
Great, that's great.
Yeah!
I thought we'd be waiting for you all night.
Yeah, me too.
Mmm.
So...phase one complete.
Their arses are mine.
Their arses are ours.
Yes, of course, sorry, ours.
This is going to work, isn't it? Absolutely. It can't fail.
Especially now they've seen that account, they won't be able to resist.
But if their formula has a weakness, then so must ours.
Well, it hasn't.
These people humiliated me once.
Do you really think I would leave anything to chance?
Sean, Ash was just saying you did really well.
He's taught me a lot. So it seems.
I told him I'd set the meeting up for tomorrow. Tomorrow, yeah. Perfect.
Tell you the truth, it was a little bit easier than I thought.
Maybe I'm a natural. Maybe we should see how tomorrow goes first, shall we?
Ah, Alfie! Well done!
Yeah, thought I played it rather well myself - and I'm three grand up.
So much for "to the victor the spoils".
Seriously, though, CW, it's actually a rather good deal, it might be worth a punt.
What? No, you arse, it's...
No, never mind.
What time are you meeting him? Er...Justin said he'd set it up and tell me first thing.
And this first deal is for a million? Just like CW said.
- What did I tell you? - So we're on.
Yes, we are. OK, Alfie, let's run through tomorrow. Sit down.
Forget about your bit of fluff, sit down!
Right, tomorrow, step by step.
Marvellous. OK, they're going to offer you a deal for a million pounds. Gotcha.
You tell them that if it goes well, but ONLY if it goes well, we'll invest the whole four mill.
Wouldn't it be easier to invest the whole four mill straightaway?
No. Why not?
Two reasons for that, Alfie.
Firstly, we'd never see them again.
Secondly, it's NOT YOUR BLOODY MONEY!
Gotcha.
Where's Kuala Lumpur? Malaysia. So... Is it hot?
Not as hot as it is over here, we've been waiting for our drinks for half an hour.
Blimey.
So we're good to go. I think so. You do realise that if we double this guy up,
a million will clean us out completely, it's every penny we've got. If anything goes wrong...
Yeah, I know, I know. Well, just so long as we're sure. I am. So we go.
We go.
Morning. We need to see someone from accounts, please.
Can I help? And you are?
I'm the head of accounting. Good.
Joe Winter, Customs and Excise.
This is Justin Tyler.
Your name, please? Stephen...Glencross.
Stephen Glencross.
And you were the signatory on the last VAT return to be submitted from this address?
Yes. Is there a problem? You might have submitted an incorrect return,
which might mean an additional amount to pay.
We'll need an office and access to your purchase invoices for the last three months.
It's not a very good time. Do you understand the nature of a spot-check, Mr Glencross?
The clue's in the title.
The issues we have can be cleared up in an hour or so.
But if I have to come back, it will be for a full investigation.
Mmm.
Follow me.
It's all a bit frantic here at the moment. Busy time of the year.
I'll squeeze you into MY office if that's all right. Here we are.
I'll have that paperwork brought in.
I'm expecting two colleagues. Have them shown through when they arrive.
Does it really take four of you? I have 12 officers at my disposal.
If I choose to, I will invite all of them. Sorry, I didn't mean...
I'm aware of what you meant, that as bureaucrats we are wasteful with resources.
But if we were to find you'd underpaid your taxes, I think reclaiming that money
and the resulting fines would be an excellent use of resources, don't you?
Yes, sorry. I'll bring the paperwork in.
Thank you.
OK, Mickey and Sean are in.
That's great, Justin, we're on our way now, should be about two minutes. Yeah, bye.
Awfully good of you to come with me, Garry, old chap.
Not a problem. I'm getting some cash together for next month. Justin said I should meet this guy.
This contact of his will definitely be there? Yes, he will.
Excellent. Excellent.
So, how was your date last night?
Date? The redhead.
Oh, yeah. Ate like a horse, drank a bottle of Pinot Grigio, not so much as a fumble.
So much for hot blood. I haven't given up yet.
Thought I'd take her home, meet Ma and Pa at the weekend.
Stately homes are renowned for turning the most frigid thing into a raving nympho.
Mr Glencross? You've got visitors.
- Morning. We're here to see Justin Tyler, I think he's expecting us. - Yes, of course.
I'm sure you'll find everything is in order. Yeah? Bloody good show.
Alfie, good to see you again.
Thank you. ..Of course.
Joe, this is Alfie, the guy I was telling you about.
Very pleased to meet you. You too. This is Garry Penning. He'll be coming in next month. No problem.
Gentlemen, please, take a seat.
Now, I'm sure Justin has explained to you how we do this. Sounds marvellous.
And also impressed on you the need for absolute discretion. Mum's the word. Good.
So, when do we do this? I have a new batch of dirty cash arriving this afternoon.
Two million.
I can probably take half. Half, good.
And the rest?
Well, like I said, I'll have to wait till next time round.
Alfie?
I've got four mill to invest, but thought I'd start with
a toe in the water jobbie.
How much?
So, a mill to start with?
OK, well a million will get you two million back in return.
Seeing as it's your first time, I won't charge you for cleaning the cash through my accounts.
That's fair, I suppose.
Looks like we take half each then. Mmm, good.
If all goes according to plan,
I would like to invest the full four mill next time, yeah?
Agreed.
OK, gentlemen, if you will meet me at the Alderville at five o'clock,
bring the cash, and I'll make sure I have everything in place. Perfect.
So when do we go again after this? Just say the word. Look forward to doing business with you.
Looking forward to spending my profits. I'm sure you are!
Bye-bye. Bye-bye.
How's it looking?
Pretty good so far.
Well, I say that, some might think a million a bit over the top.
Everything seems to be in order. But...
Problem? No. No.
Thanks for your help.
So in about an hour,
we're going to be a million up, right? Uh huh.
So isn't that a good time to cut and run?
Come on, where's the fun in that?!
You know, I don't think I'll ever understand the way your mind works.
It's not about the money, it's about the game.
So you do like playing games then?
OK. I think I know where this is going.
Where is this going?
Because yesterday you were going to kiss me. Yes, I was.
And then I realised it would be a dumb thing to do.
Cos I was such a bad kisser last time?
No, far from it! No, but...
I...
That was work. Uh huh?
Well, I don't think I have different kisses for work and pleasure.
Emma...
We would never work as a team if you and I were...
Kissing for pleasure. Exactly.
Can't argue with that.
I mean, if Ash and Albert don't find the need, why should we?
That's a very good point.
I have lots of them.
Yes, you do.
Oh, no.
What? You've got that look again. What look?
That I'm about to kiss you look.
Sorry, I was... Don't be!
I probably had it as well. Ah.
Shall I just go back inside? That could work. I think... Yeah.
Thanks.
Five minutes, Mick.
They've taken the bait, so now we do the deal.
I'm really going to enjoy this.
And the money we paid into the account?
Untouched, as promised.
So, as soon as they hand over the £2million that's it?
Well, not quite. I thought it might be quite good fun for us
to watch them squirm for a little bit.
Too right. Then I'll send my boys in to beat the crap out of them.
Excellent.
God, this feels so good.
Right, Alfie, time to go.
Remember what I told you to do? Absolutely.
Everything? Give them the case,
tell them I can't wait to see how it goes so I can invest the rest.
And then arrange when to pick up my profit. And?
That since I'm investing in cash I want my profit in cash. Very good.
Well done. Off you go then.
And remember, straight back here after. Gotcha.
Alfie? Case.
Yeah.
You set?
Yeah.
Thanks for this, Mickey.
For what?
You know, working the inside like this.
You've done a fantastic job, but I can't take all the credit.
You working the inside
was Ash's idea.
Ash? Head's up.
Bang on time. Didn't want to miss this.
Good to see you. And you.
So, Justin has his investment. Do you have yours?
All present and correct.
Lovely. I hope this works.
Can't wait to double up the whole four mill.
Believe me, it works.
I've made the necessary purchase, the rest is up to Justin.
It'll be processed and ready to collect...tomorrow afternoon?
OK, but listen, I want my profit in cash, yeah?
That is, after all, how I invested.
Of course. Alfie, always a pleasure.
Likewise.
Gentlemen, shall we say tomorrow, 12 noon?
Fine by me. Perfect.
Do the business, then off with the red for the weekend.
Are we really gonna double this guy up?
It's just like any other convincer. Yeah, but the stakes are higher.
It's just a question of holding your nerve.
It's a big call, Mick. But whatever you say we'll go with.
Oh, come on, Stone!
You talk the talk, now walk the bloody walk.
Do it, you spineless bastard!
Where's your bollocks?! I've made the bet, now call me.
Just do it!
Do it!
Yeah, we do it.
Do we even know where all our money is?
Well, it's sort of all over the place, we'll have to split up.
Then let's get started.
Ash, you got a minute? Yeah.
Mickey told me it was your idea for me to take the step up. Oh. I never had him down for a grass.
You know, I just wanted to say thanks.
People haven't exactly queued up to believe in me in the past.
It's normally just Emma.
I suppose...
I suppose I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate it.
Oh, stop, I'm getting misty. Seriously.
Thank you.
It's a pleasure.
Come on, let's go and get some money. Yeah.
Thanks, Harry. That's great. Just make your way back here.
Yeah, OK.
Right. So they've all met up again at their bar, which means they've raised the money.
We've got them. We have bloody well got them!
Not till we've got their money, we haven't.
Trust me. I know how these people work, we have studied them.
There is absolutely no way they're gonna pass up the chance of taking the four million.
They'll pay out the million-pound convincer tomorrow, I guarantee it.
Oh, I am loving this! Right! A toast!
To me, for being smarter than Michael Stone.
And to us for taking them on at their own game.
Cheers. Cheers.
Never seen two million quid before.
Not all in one place.
It's a thing of beauty.
EMMA: It's a lot of shoes.
ASH: It's a lot of everything. Can I ask something?
ASH: No, you can't take it home for the weekend.
It's just we're a million quid up - how come we're not legging it?
What we do is an art form.
Grifting is the aristocracy of crime.
Legging it is not an option. EDDIE: Borneo!
ASH: Not now, Eddie. Right.
So we're going ahead with it then?
Not only giving this moron his million back but giving him another one to go on top of it.
That's exactly what we're going to do.
EDDIE: Phuket. My thoughts exactly, Ed.
ASH: I think you'll find it's pronounced Phoo-ket, actually.
All right, tomorrow, noon.
Let's see where the dice fall.
You've got some balls, Mickey.
HE CHUCKLES Thank you.
Still not sure I understand this whole game thing.
Is your heart beating fast?
Yeah. Like a train.
Then you understand better than you think.
OK, you take the case and you open it, OK?
Right. Check the bundles, make sure they're all real. Real?
Yes. They're all real notes, no cut out paper underneath or anything. Gotcha.
If it's all there, take it out to your car and you deliver it back to the office, like I told you.
Money to office. Understood.
Good. They'll want to talk to you about investing the rest of the money, just stall them,
say you've got a car on the meter.
Take the money out to the car.
Everything's OK, give us a sign.
What kind of sign?
A sign that everything's OK,
that the money's kosher and it's all in the case.
Like a thumbs up jobbie? Excellent.
A thumbs up jobbie would be splendid.
Now, you got all that? Absolutely.
Off you go then.
Alfie, over here.
Hello, chaps.
All right? How are you?
Well, went like a dream.
We doubled up. Bloody hell.
The good news is, Joe's got another deal lined up. This one's a biggy.
Yeah? If you come in for the whole four million,
I can turn it into eight, maybe even ten. Outstanding.
It might take a couple of days, but everything's lined up, ready to go.
Can I take a look?
Of course.
It's all yours. £2 million.
Bloody marvellous.
Hmm.
What are you doing?
Just...feeling it! It's all there.
Don't doubt it for a second, old boy.
So shall we arrange another deal?
Well, I'd be mad not to. Yes, you would.
Damn it. What?
I left the car on a meter, I need to top it up.
Leave it! I mean, it's not as though you can't afford the fine! Eh?!
It's not the fine!
They clamp the bloody thing, takes all day to get it back,
and I'm off for the weekend. I'll be back in a jiff. Yeah, but...
You do realise he just walked out the door with £2 million, yeah?
Stay calm, stay calm.
The game has a way to go yet.
Let's get a drink.
Oh, dear God.
OK, let's go.
About time.
Ah!
Mickey Bricks.
As I live and breathe.
Remember me? Should I?
Yeah. Spider's web?
Half a million quid, my painting.
Carlton. That's right.
Carlton and...Harry, if I'm not mistaken. How are you, Harry?
Very well, thank you. How are you?
Are you kidding me?
Not interrupting anything, am I? No, not really.
No? Not in the middle of a business deal or anything?
You know money laundering, that sort of thing? Good one.
Thanks.
Oh, look, there it is.
He's working it out, bless him.
Let me try and make it simple for you.
Explain things, step by step.
Firstly, I've just stuffed you.
Stuffed you. Seriously, Harry...
But you know what makes it even better?
I've done it for twice what you took me for.
Which makes me smarter than you.
Twice as smart in fact.
Oh! Oh, this is good!
This is so good!
Oh, yes!
You see, Stone, this is my city.
Hell, it was built for people like me.
Big, to match my ambition. High, so I can look down at all the little people.
So for you to think that you, a petty little crook,
could come into my city and con me out of my money and get away with it?
No.
Well...
let's say it'll take a better man than you.
So I think you'll find that
and match.
Finished? What?
I was just asking if you had finished.
No, not really.
I thought I'd stay and gloat for most of the afternoon.
About what exactly?
About what...
You're funny.
About the fact that I've won.
I've beaten you.
Really?
Yeah, really.
Are you sure?
What?
Why are you grinning?
I've got your money!
Why are you bloody grinning?
Why are they grinning?
Hey, I have got your money, you moron.
Alfie? What the hell are you doing here?
Bit of a prob, old son.
What do you mean bit of a prob? What the...
What's going on? Let me make it simple for you,
explain things, step by step.
Firstly, when you came up with your...plan,
you had to find like-minded people. Am I right?
Who else to deliver the bait than former marks?
But tell me,
where did you find them...exactly?
Well, I'll be damned. What is it? Look.
You told me you found them through extensive bloody research! I did.
And an ad in the Telegraph. What?!
So we thought we would join the party.
Evening, all. Thanks for coming.
I've got a little job for you. Hello?
Is that Harry Fielding?
Speaking.
Harry Fielding. Hi, I'm calling about the ad you placed.
Yes, Olympic committee... Swampland.
Sounds like our man.
Have you been conned? Mate, he sold me the Sydney bloody Opera House!
HE LAUGHS
You were kind enough to tell 'em what you were planning.
They've recruited an old school friend of Wood's to play the mark.
Alfred Baron.
Baron is a penniless aristocrat.
But the story they'll tell is that he's just come into a huge inheritance of £4 million.
No. No, wait, wait!
You all gave me £1 million!
Actually, we all wrote you a cheque.
Which shows up on your bank statement.
Until they bounce.
No...
You had the bloody money!
Ah.
All done. Just have to drop this off, we can be on our way.
Why don't you pop it in the boot?
Justin, hello.
Listen, chaps, I only have a couple of hours. I have a filly in the starting blocks.
Oh, yeah?
Red head. Never had a ginger before, and I hear they're very hot blooded.
I say!
You look good enough to eat.
Well, maybe we should stick to the menu, avoid upsetting the other diners. Top drawer!
Nice baps and a sense of humour.
Outstanding! Shampoo? Mmm.
"Ah" what?
No, no, no, no! You bloody idiot!
And you...
You are such an arse!
Why am I surrounded by such
bloody idiots?!
Fortunately, I don't have that problem.
"Fortunately I don't have that..."
Bully for you!
Arse!
Carlton, Carlton, Carlton... What can I say?
Nice try. But like the man said...
No cigar.
Oh. Oh-oh!
No. No!
Not again!
Arse.
Oh, one question. Be my guest.
You had my million yesterday.
Why keep up the pretence?
Why not cut and run when you had it?
And miss this?
Still not 100% with what's going on.
Do you have a sister?
Red hair and drives a sports car? That's the jobbie.
I'll give you her love.
Outstanding.
THEY LAUGH
ARSE!
To us.
Bournemouth? EMMA: There's nothing wrong with Bournemouth.
ASH: Seven miles of golden beach. Mini golf. Ice cream and hot dogs.
The English Riviera. I don't want to go to Bournemouth.
That's where we're going. Eddie, are you sure?
But what about Kuala Lumpur? What about Thailand?
ASH: It's too hot. Are you sure you' won't come with us?
No, I'm not. I'm going to get a flight to Spain. You're welcome to come.
No, I want to get a tan. Can't go on holiday without getting a tan.
Suit yourself.
Bring us back a donkey.
EMMA: Don't you think that was a bit too mean?
Why? You could have told him
we were going to Bournemouth to pick up the motor yacht.
True. ASH: But then we'd have had to tell him about sailing to France.
Before the two weeks in Monaco. Flying to Barbados. His little face though!
ASH: He had his chance, we told him he could come with us. He could have.
EMMA: No, you should have told him the truth.
ASH: We're grifters, he should know better.
If Eddie wanted to spend time with us he could have done it in Bournemouth.
He really wanted was a free holiday.
ASH: As con-men and women of good standing it is our duty
to take someone who wants something for nothing.
And give them nothing for something. So what was the something?
ASH: I booked this on his credit card. I love this job!
Oi, driver! Let's turn the music up!
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk
He is the most exciting thing that's ever happened to me.
I love you so much.
I want us all to be together properly.
I'm new here. I just don't want people talking about me.
I don't know their names and they don't know mine.
It's just something I need.
Aagh! How did you get those? Are you going to tell me who she was?
Please do not lie to me any more.
Stop this now. You just can't mess with people's lives like that!
This is bad for you and he's dangerous. You have to stop.
Oh, what a tangled web we weave,
when first we practise to deceive.
Tonight
Tonight at
Tonight at 10.00.
Banned
Banned from
Banned from Britain,
Banned from Britain, the
Banned from Britain, the Dutch
Banned from Britain, the Dutch MP
who
who campaigns
who campaigns against
who campaigns against Islam.
Turned
Turned away
Turned away at
Turned away at Heathrow,
Turned away at Heathrow, Geert
Wilders
Wilders is
Wilders is judged
Wilders is judged a
Wilders is judged a threat
Wilders is judged a threat to
public
public safety
public safety as
public safety as he
public safety as he taunts
public safety as he taunts the
Government.
Government. Your
Government. Your Prime
Government. Your Prime Minister
Brown
Brown is
Brown is really
Brown is really the
Brown is really the biggest
Brown is really the biggest coward
in
in Europe
in Europe and
in Europe and not
in Europe and not allowing
in Europe and not allowing free
speech
speech from
speech from a
speech from a parliamentarian
speech from a parliamentarian from
another
another country.
another country. Designed
another country. Designed to
another country. Designed to stir
up
up religious
up religious and
up religious and racial
up religious and racial hatred
up religious and racial hatred in
this
this country
this country is against
this country is against our
this country is against our laws.
But
But the
But the decision
But the decision is
But the decision is attacked
But the decision is attacked by
some
some as
some as an
some as an assault
some as an assault on
some as an assault on freedom
some as an assault on freedom of
speech.
Also
Also tonight.
Also tonight. On
Also tonight. On order,
Also tonight. On order, a
Also tonight. On order, a new
Also tonight. On order, a new Super
Express
Express train,
Express train, but unions
Express train, but unions say
Express train, but unions say the
contract
contract should
contract should have
contract should have gone
contract should have gone to
contract should have gone to a
British
British firm.
British firm. Still
British firm. Still held
British firm. Still held in
British firm. Still held in jail,
the
the allies
the allies of
the allies of Zimbabwe's
the allies of Zimbabwe's new
the allies of Zimbabwe's new Prime
Minister
Minister and
Minister and victims
Minister and victims of
Minister and victims of the
Minister and victims of the Mugabe
disruption in the
disruption in the north of
disruption in the north of England
and
and Scotland.
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