1 00:00:22,880 --> 00:00:25,240 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 2 00:00:33,080 --> 00:00:35,120 Good evening, and welcome to QI, 3 00:00:35,120 --> 00:00:38,880 Where tonight we're vaulting into a vortex of V-words 4 00:00:38,880 --> 00:00:40,520 for a very varied show. 5 00:00:40,520 --> 00:00:42,400 Vying for my attention are 6 00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:44,320 the vivacious Sara Pascoe... 7 00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:47,000 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 8 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:49,560 ..the versatile Ross Noble... 9 00:00:49,560 --> 00:00:53,120 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 10 00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:55,560 ..the virtuoso, Sally Phillips... 11 00:00:55,560 --> 00:00:58,760 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 12 00:00:58,760 --> 00:01:00,800 ..and, voila, it's Alan Davies. 13 00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:03,800 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 14 00:01:06,680 --> 00:01:09,400 And their buzzers are very, very... Well, let's see. 15 00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:10,520 Sara goes... 16 00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:17,560 Ross goes... 17 00:01:24,080 --> 00:01:25,480 Sally goes... 18 00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:31,960 And Alan goes... 19 00:01:34,040 --> 00:01:36,280 for playing this record 20 00:01:39,640 --> 00:01:42,360 We begin with a variation on a meme. 21 00:01:42,360 --> 00:01:45,400 We know what the Pope does in the woods, 22 00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:48,320 but what does a vicar do in the jungle? 23 00:01:48,320 --> 00:01:50,600 Is this to do with I'm A Celebrity...? 24 00:01:50,600 --> 00:01:53,240 Oh? Is it, like, eat a kangaroo's bum? 25 00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:55,720 Is that what they...? Do they...? 26 00:01:55,720 --> 00:01:59,080 If the vicar wants to get a show on ITV2... Yeah? 27 00:01:59,080 --> 00:02:01,000 ..he'll have to eat a kangaroo's bum. 28 00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:04,000 You could call it "Bless This Arse". 29 00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:09,800 They must! They must! There you go. 30 00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:11,840 APPLAUSE 31 00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:16,280 How does the kangaroo then cope? 32 00:02:16,280 --> 00:02:17,720 Yeah, what, without its arse? I imagine... 33 00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:18,840 This is what I imagine, 34 00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:21,920 and this is what I want for myself. OK. I think I know. 35 00:02:21,920 --> 00:02:23,280 What, that it just falls out of you? 36 00:02:23,280 --> 00:02:24,440 Yes! 37 00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:29,000 You know those...? You should be a bird. 38 00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:30,200 They don't have anuses. 39 00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:33,000 The tea-towel holder in your gran's kitchen, where you... 40 00:02:34,840 --> 00:02:37,160 You put a tea towel in, and it grips it. Yeah. 41 00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:38,480 I'd quite like one of those. 42 00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:39,600 For your arse? 43 00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:41,560 And you could do that for the kangaroo 44 00:02:41,560 --> 00:02:44,480 once it's sold its arse to ITV2. 45 00:02:44,480 --> 00:02:47,600 But to be fair, you wouldn't want to use that tea towel, would you? 46 00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:50,560 No, but I quite like the idea of you walking around with a tea towel, 47 00:02:50,560 --> 00:02:52,040 just ready. 48 00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:55,760 You just pull it through, and then, "Boomf!" 49 00:02:57,120 --> 00:03:00,560 Now, I had a friend whose dog ate a dishcloth... Mm? 50 00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:02,800 And when that emerged... 51 00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:05,080 It's like a magic trick. That is... 52 00:03:06,840 --> 00:03:08,480 All the colours. 53 00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:10,040 It has to come of its own accord. 54 00:03:10,040 --> 00:03:12,960 If you pull it, it will do terrible damage. 55 00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:16,120 That's just a sentence that has so many connotations. 56 00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:19,320 "It has to come on its own - if you pull it, it doesn't count, so..." 57 00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:24,120 I thought if you did pull it, it was like starting a lawnmower. 58 00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:31,080 No, if you pull it, you'll just end up with a hollow dog. 59 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:35,480 Shall I go back to the original question? 60 00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:39,760 But we have come up with a really good ITV format for ITV2. 61 00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:42,880 And as TV pitch meetings go... It's been fun. 62 00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:44,840 ...we're on barely any cocaine. 63 00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:49,040 Is it to do with missionaries? 64 00:03:49,040 --> 00:03:51,080 Yes! Well, sort of. 65 00:03:51,080 --> 00:03:54,240 So, going far away to give blessings, where might you go? 66 00:03:54,240 --> 00:03:57,000 South America? It's quite jungly, isn't it, South America? 67 00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:59,120 It is South America - you get a point. Absolutely right. 68 00:03:59,120 --> 00:04:02,080 There was a man called Arthur Miles Moss, 69 00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:07,240 and he was vicar of the largest Anglican parish in the world. 70 00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:12,880 From 1912 to 1945, he became the vicar for the entire Amazon basin. 71 00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:16,560 That's a lot of arses to bless. Exactly, a hell of a lot! 72 00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:19,080 Look at the size. That's a third of the continent of South America. 73 00:04:19,080 --> 00:04:21,680 We are talking about Peru, and Brazil and Bolivia. 74 00:04:21,680 --> 00:04:24,160 60,000 miles of navigable waterway. 75 00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:26,000 He travelled everywhere by boat. 76 00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:28,800 He was obsessed with studying insects, 77 00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:32,760 so I'm not sure that the whole parish thing was really why he went. 78 00:04:32,760 --> 00:04:37,640 Did he, like, think the insects were his parishioners? 79 00:04:37,640 --> 00:04:39,040 Oh... 80 00:04:39,040 --> 00:04:40,800 A PRAYING mantis? 81 00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:41,840 Yes! 82 00:04:41,840 --> 00:04:43,920 APPLAUSE 83 00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:50,040 No, he had a passion for moths and butterflies. 84 00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:52,560 He collected more than 25,000 specimens 85 00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:54,160 in the time that he was there. Oh, OK. 86 00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:57,360 And his drawings and notes and specimens and so on 87 00:04:57,360 --> 00:05:01,240 constitute a separate collection at the Natural History Museum today. 88 00:05:01,240 --> 00:05:03,720 He's got his own Amazon warehouse. 89 00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:07,720 APPLAUSE 90 00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:12,840 He was the first European to record lots and lots of butterfly species. 91 00:05:12,840 --> 00:05:15,480 He was particularly keen on the ones that mimic predators, 92 00:05:15,480 --> 00:05:18,520 so the ones that look like owls or deadly tree snakes or, you know, 93 00:05:18,520 --> 00:05:20,320 piranhas, that kind of thing. That was his big thing. 94 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:21,760 Or vicars. Or vicars. 95 00:05:21,760 --> 00:05:24,000 Well, on the subject of vicars, 96 00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:26,880 does anyone know any other eccentric vicars? 97 00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:28,520 There's plenty of eccentric vicars. 98 00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:32,680 There was one of them who was into amateur theatrics, so would spend 99 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:35,840 a lot of the week in London, and he christened himself 100 00:05:35,840 --> 00:05:40,640 the Prostitutes' Padre, and spent a lot of time trying to rescue girls 101 00:05:40,640 --> 00:05:43,240 from future lives of prostitution. 102 00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:47,880 How kind. And then he was caught in compromising situations. 103 00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:50,280 And so he was defrocked, 104 00:05:50,280 --> 00:05:54,320 and he went to Blackpool, and he did an act on the pier. 105 00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:57,400 For a while, he exhibited himself in a barrel. 106 00:05:57,400 --> 00:05:59,160 Do you know who I'm talking about? Harold Davidson. 107 00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:00,480 Harold Davidson, yeah. 108 00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:03,600 And then he started acting out Daniel And The Lions... 109 00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:06,120 In the barrel? No, in a cage. 110 00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:10,120 And then in one show, he stood on the lion's tail, 111 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:11,680 and it ate him. 112 00:06:11,680 --> 00:06:13,680 SHOCKED LAUGHTER 113 00:06:13,680 --> 00:06:17,160 That's a hell of a finale to a show. But... 114 00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:19,640 ..he wasn't quite dead when they got him to hospital. 115 00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:21,560 And the doctors gave him insulin 116 00:06:21,560 --> 00:06:23,960 cos they thought he was diabetic, and he wasn't. 117 00:06:23,960 --> 00:06:26,880 It was the insulin that killed him, not the lion. THAT'S a headline. 118 00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:29,800 "It was the insulin that killed him, not the lion." 119 00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:33,240 "I'm not diabetic, and I ain't LION." 120 00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:36,160 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 121 00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:42,840 Well, there are lots and lots and lots, as you can imagine. 122 00:06:42,840 --> 00:06:44,160 I'm ordained. 123 00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:45,200 What? 124 00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:48,680 I'm ordained as a reverend. 125 00:06:48,680 --> 00:06:51,000 Which means, revere me. Church of England? 126 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:52,520 No. 127 00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:56,480 No, online... Darling, have you been sold something online? 128 00:06:56,480 --> 00:06:57,840 It was 35 quid. 129 00:06:57,840 --> 00:06:59,600 My friends wanted to get... 130 00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:01,240 ..wanted to get married. 131 00:07:01,240 --> 00:07:03,920 And they said they wouldn't get married until I got ordained. 132 00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:05,880 Right. And they were two women, 133 00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:08,640 and so we discovered that if I... SANDI GASPS 134 00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:11,560 Imagine! What?! 135 00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:14,200 If I did get actually ordained in the Church of England, 136 00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:15,400 I couldn't marry them, 137 00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:18,240 so I got ordained online at Universal Life Church. 138 00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:21,440 They did have to get the registry as well, but... 139 00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:22,720 Oh, I love this. 140 00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:25,240 But there are lots of eccentric - particularly English - vicars. 141 00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:27,040 There's a Victorian vicar called John Alington. 142 00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:28,240 He was known as Mad Jack, 143 00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:30,680 and he wore a leopard skin instead of his black surplice, 144 00:07:30,680 --> 00:07:31,760 which I quite like, 145 00:07:31,760 --> 00:07:33,840 and he liked being carried around in an open coffin. 146 00:07:33,840 --> 00:07:37,360 And then he would just pop up and surprise people. 147 00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:39,600 Dressed as a leopard? 148 00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:41,880 He was an early adopter of the velocipede, 149 00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:43,480 so the early bicycle without pedals, 150 00:07:43,480 --> 00:07:46,120 and he used to ride around his hall on the velocipede, 151 00:07:46,120 --> 00:07:47,800 whipping it like a horse. 152 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:49,240 How did it go...? Sorry. 153 00:07:49,240 --> 00:07:50,880 Can you explain the not pedals? 154 00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:52,480 Like a balance bike. Like a balance bike. 155 00:07:52,480 --> 00:07:55,120 Okey doke, like the ones that very small children use? 156 00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:57,480 But for big boys. Mm, but he was an adult dressed as a leopard. 157 00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:03,080 There was an Archbishop of York, 1724 to 1743, 158 00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:04,520 called Lancelot Blackburne. 159 00:08:04,520 --> 00:08:07,520 He's rumoured to have been a pirate in the Caribbean 160 00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:09,320 before taking his post. And I love this - 161 00:08:09,320 --> 00:08:12,040 he once had a secret tunnel constructed so he could visit 162 00:08:12,040 --> 00:08:15,320 his neighbour's wife, with whom he was said to be having an affair. 163 00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:17,080 Ah, we've all done that. 164 00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:21,240 We've all had a secret tunnel put in the house. 165 00:08:21,240 --> 00:08:23,400 I was speaking at St Paul's Cathedral, 166 00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:25,600 and I went and had tea with the vicar before, 167 00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:27,960 and there's a tunnel. There's a tunnel from the house 168 00:08:27,960 --> 00:08:31,120 that goes all the way underneath and comes out at Nelson's tomb, 169 00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:34,000 just below the cathedral. Wow. Cool. I know, it was very cool. 170 00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:36,560 Is it just for him, or is there, like, lots of vicars? 171 00:08:36,560 --> 00:08:37,920 Is it like the Tube? 172 00:08:37,920 --> 00:08:39,960 Is there just, like, ten vicars coming the other way? 173 00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:41,320 "Morning." "Your turn." 174 00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:45,000 And then... Do they just pop out of various different tombs? 175 00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:48,400 Popping up, and Whac-A-Vicar? Was there...? 176 00:08:49,440 --> 00:08:52,080 It is just for the person that's... Just one tunnel for one man? 177 00:08:52,080 --> 00:08:53,520 I know. Just so they don't get wet 178 00:08:53,520 --> 00:08:55,520 when they're doing the sermon, I think. Wow. 179 00:08:55,520 --> 00:08:57,880 Nothing worse than a soggy vicar. I know... 180 00:08:57,880 --> 00:08:59,720 Oh, absolute nightmare. 181 00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:02,040 Anyway, this guy, Lancelot Blackburne, 182 00:09:02,040 --> 00:09:04,440 the satirist William Donaldson said of him, 183 00:09:04,440 --> 00:09:07,800 "His behaviour was seldom of the standard expected of a cleric. 184 00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:12,240 "In fact, it was seldom of the standard expected of a pirate." 185 00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:14,120 I like the sound of him a lot. 186 00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:16,320 One of my favourites is Edward White Benson. 187 00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:19,880 So, he was Archbishop of Canterbury for the final 13 years of his life, 188 00:09:19,880 --> 00:09:21,520 and he died in 1896. 189 00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:23,640 What I like is his wife, Mary. 190 00:09:23,640 --> 00:09:26,080 She mentions, in her diary, 191 00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:29,040 no less than 39 lesbian lovers... 192 00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:31,080 AUDIENCE WHOOPS I know! 193 00:09:31,080 --> 00:09:34,480 ..including one Janet Gourlay, who was an Egyptologist 194 00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:37,560 who she fought over with her daughter, Margaret... 195 00:09:37,560 --> 00:09:39,080 Yeah! 196 00:09:39,080 --> 00:09:41,160 ..and Margaret attacked her with a knife! 197 00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:42,320 Ooh! It's a... 198 00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:43,960 Margaret won, can I just say? 199 00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:46,120 She must have had a tunnel. 200 00:09:46,120 --> 00:09:47,280 She must have. 201 00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:50,560 LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE 202 00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:53,200 Sorry, is that...? 203 00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:54,800 Is that a euphemism? 204 00:09:56,320 --> 00:09:58,320 No wonder he looks like that. I know. 205 00:09:59,320 --> 00:10:00,840 He can hear something. 206 00:10:02,440 --> 00:10:03,920 "Not again!" 207 00:10:03,920 --> 00:10:06,200 HE HOOTS EXCITEDLY 208 00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:11,480 Sorry, can I just be clear? 209 00:10:11,480 --> 00:10:13,800 That's what you think it sounds like? 210 00:10:18,880 --> 00:10:21,080 "Are you tunnelling again, Mary? 211 00:10:21,080 --> 00:10:23,080 "I think she's tunnelling." 212 00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:24,520 "Oh, God!" 213 00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:26,840 Alan, what's terrible is you're having to imagine 214 00:10:26,840 --> 00:10:29,600 what a woman sounds like when she's enjoying herself. 215 00:10:32,280 --> 00:10:33,720 APPLAUSE 216 00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:35,200 HE SIGHS 217 00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:37,680 Once again, Pascoe, you've got my number. 218 00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:42,240 The last of my eccentric vicars, Sabine Baring-Gould, 219 00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:45,120 I like him a lot. He died in 1924. 220 00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:46,920 Oh, HE'S heard something! 221 00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:52,840 Can imagine all these women tunnelling all around him. 222 00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:55,960 He's actually watching four ladies at once. 223 00:10:57,960 --> 00:10:59,920 I mean, he clearly was eccentric. 224 00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:02,760 He kept a live bat in an old sock in his room. 225 00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:06,880 You wouldn't want it in a new sock. 226 00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:10,160 Well, I'm not surprised, like, 227 00:11:10,160 --> 00:11:12,960 if his missus was having it away with another lady. 228 00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:16,200 You've got to take your pleasure where you can. 229 00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:19,720 "Oh, you haven't put a bat in a sock again, have you?" 230 00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:22,800 It's a sad story. It passed away when trodden on by a housemaid. 231 00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:24,280 Oh. I know. Aww... 232 00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:28,360 Anyway, he was married for 48 years and he had 15 children. 233 00:11:28,360 --> 00:11:30,760 But he clearly was a little bit away with the fairies, 234 00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:33,840 because he was once at a party, and he asked a small child, 235 00:11:33,840 --> 00:11:36,040 "And whose little girl are you, my dear?" 236 00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:38,160 And she burst into tears and wailed, 237 00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:39,960 "I'm yours, Daddy!" 238 00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:43,800 Now for a high-velocity question. 239 00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:49,720 If light travels at 186,000 miles per second, which is really fast, 240 00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:52,480 why doesn't it hurt when it hits us? 241 00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:55,640 Presumably it doesn't have any density, doesn't it? 242 00:11:55,640 --> 00:11:58,600 Because to travel at the speed of light, you can't... 243 00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:00,480 It has... It has to be... 244 00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:03,000 Isn't it the photons have to be...? AUDIENCE CHUCKLES 245 00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:04,600 Shut your face! 246 00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:12,200 I'm going to guess, Mr Noble, that you normally teach geography. 247 00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:17,640 Yeah, I'll tell you where the light's GOING. 248 00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:20,720 Surely if light can travel at the speed of light, 249 00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:24,120 because it is light, it hasn't got any density. 250 00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:26,920 So if it hit you, you wouldn't go, "Urgh," like that. 251 00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:30,440 What you're saying is it's got no mass, right? 252 00:12:30,440 --> 00:12:32,760 I mean, that's one quicker way of saying it. 253 00:12:33,800 --> 00:12:35,320 What's curious about this, 254 00:12:35,320 --> 00:12:39,200 this question had not been posed until the 18th century, 255 00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:43,240 produced a most fantastic French mathematician-physicist called 256 00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:44,520 Emilie du Chatelet. 257 00:12:44,520 --> 00:12:47,080 And the reason she's in the V series is that she was the partner 258 00:12:47,080 --> 00:12:48,520 and lover of Voltaire. 259 00:12:48,520 --> 00:12:52,680 She concluded that light was weightless, and she reasoned that 260 00:12:52,680 --> 00:12:55,600 if a particle of light weighed even a tiny amount, it would hurt you. 261 00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:58,720 And she's the very first person to seriously suggest it. 262 00:12:58,720 --> 00:13:01,480 What I like about her, she had this incredible flair for mathematics, 263 00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:05,240 and she used it to come up with effective gambling strategies. 264 00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:07,320 Um, so she used to win money at cards 265 00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:10,480 in order that she could buy books and educate herself. 266 00:13:10,480 --> 00:13:12,720 She's basically Victoria Coren. 267 00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:17,360 APPLAUSE 268 00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:25,040 They both entered a Paris Academy of Science competition. 269 00:13:25,040 --> 00:13:28,120 They had to answer the question, "What is fire?" 270 00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:29,440 Mmm. 271 00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:31,960 And immediately you think, "That is a very good question, isn't it?" 272 00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:34,840 It's me, girlfriend. 273 00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:37,680 I daren't ask you to give an analysis. 274 00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:41,600 "Fire" - it's a term that the young people use. 275 00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:44,080 They use it about Beyonce not Ross Noble. 276 00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:48,760 So we're talking about 1737, right? 277 00:13:48,760 --> 00:13:50,640 Nobody had really answered such a question. 278 00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:53,320 And actually, if you think about it, it's not a liquid, it's not a gas. 279 00:13:53,320 --> 00:13:55,080 It's a really curious question. 280 00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:56,600 Does anybody know what the answer might be? 281 00:13:56,600 --> 00:13:57,960 What is fire? What is it? 282 00:13:57,960 --> 00:14:00,320 It's a chemical reaction. Yes, it is. 283 00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:02,800 It is a chemical reaction which occurs when fuel reacts 284 00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:04,960 with oxygen and it releases heat energy. 285 00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:06,040 But it's a wonderful question, 286 00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:07,560 and I like that nobody had thought of it. 287 00:14:07,560 --> 00:14:11,000 They didn't win - either Du Chatelet or Voltaire - but they were both 288 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:12,960 completely obsessed with each other's minds. 289 00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:14,840 They disagreed often on scientific matters. 290 00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:17,080 She was usually right. Yeah, I have to say. 291 00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:19,160 And they were huge fans of Isaac Newton. 292 00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:22,640 So, at the time, his ideas were not widely accepted in France, 293 00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:24,280 and they explained his ideas. 294 00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:26,600 They converted the French to the theory that gravity, 295 00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:28,960 which is the force that of course dropped the apple onto the floor, 296 00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:31,240 was also what pulled the planets around the sun. 297 00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:35,880 So, she wrote an annotated translation of Newton's Principia, 298 00:14:35,880 --> 00:14:38,640 which is still probably the greatest scientific work of all time, 299 00:14:38,640 --> 00:14:41,560 and the one she wrote is still the definitive French version. 300 00:14:41,560 --> 00:14:42,920 So, it was written originally in Latin. 301 00:14:42,920 --> 00:14:44,120 She translated it into French. 302 00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:45,520 She wrote it at the age of 43. 303 00:14:45,520 --> 00:14:48,040 She was heavily pregnant. She worked 18 hours a day 304 00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:50,720 because she wanted to finish it before her due date, 305 00:14:50,720 --> 00:14:53,200 because childbirth, incredibly risky at the time. 306 00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:55,720 She did, as she feared, die in childbirth. 307 00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:57,160 And this is such a French story, 308 00:14:57,160 --> 00:14:58,840 that child sadly also died afterwards, 309 00:14:58,840 --> 00:15:02,320 but incidentally, wasn't Voltaire's baby or her husband's because, 310 00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:04,560 you know, it was France - you know what I'm saying? 311 00:15:04,560 --> 00:15:07,720 Yeah! It was just... "I'm too busy to have sex with you." 312 00:15:07,720 --> 00:15:10,320 "It's just whoever's free in the hours I'm not working." 313 00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:15,280 After Voltaire died in 1778, one of his body parts was swapped 314 00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:17,360 for good seats at the theatre. 315 00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:22,280 Which body part do you think it was? 316 00:15:22,280 --> 00:15:23,600 His brain? 317 00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:26,440 Yeah. It was a thing - brains and hearts of dead celebrities 318 00:15:26,440 --> 00:15:29,000 were sometimes removed and embalmed and put on display. 319 00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:30,760 It sounds really sort of reductive, 320 00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:34,480 but you would be really fascinated when it's a genius's brain. 321 00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:37,120 You'd want to have a look. His brain and heart were boiled 322 00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:39,200 in alcohol to, I don't know, preserve them. 323 00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:41,480 Make them tasty. Yes. 324 00:15:41,480 --> 00:15:43,840 It's France, right? 325 00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:46,080 It was an apothecary named Mitouart who took it out. 326 00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:47,760 He showed it to lots of scientists, 327 00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:50,760 and occasionally they'd remove bits and set them on fire 328 00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:52,480 to see what happened. Yeah. 329 00:15:52,480 --> 00:15:55,120 "Do you know what fire is now?!" Yeah! 330 00:15:56,680 --> 00:15:59,280 Do we know what the play was that they swapped the brain for? 331 00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:02,120 Well, so, it was much later on - 1924. 332 00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:05,680 Mitouart's family gave the brain to the Comedie-Francaise Theatre, 333 00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:09,200 and reports of the time say they were gifted two very good audience seats 334 00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:10,960 in return, for the next 20 years. 335 00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:12,680 But we don't really know what happened to the brain. 336 00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:15,920 There is a rumour that it is in the base of a statue at the theatre, 337 00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:17,560 but they deny any knowledge of it. 338 00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:20,960 Voltaire's last words are amongst my most favourite. 339 00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:24,440 So he was on his deathbed, and a priest - a proper one. 340 00:16:24,440 --> 00:16:25,720 Um... 341 00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:29,320 LAUGHTER Ooh! 342 00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:30,720 Let me guess. Did he go, 343 00:16:30,720 --> 00:16:32,960 "What are you doing with that tin opener?" 344 00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:38,120 A priest asked him to renounce Satan, and he said, 345 00:16:38,120 --> 00:16:41,160 "Now is not the time to be making new enemies." 346 00:16:44,720 --> 00:16:46,160 That is very good. Yeah. 347 00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:47,760 1778, still gets a laugh. 348 00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:49,000 It's good. Good man. 349 00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:53,240 Now, from Voltaire to Volts, what role can you train for 350 00:16:53,240 --> 00:16:57,280 by lying in a coffin for eight hours a day? 351 00:16:57,280 --> 00:16:59,120 Jacob Rees-Mogg... 352 00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:04,360 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 353 00:17:09,120 --> 00:17:11,200 I once saw a film with Ryan Reynolds, 354 00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:13,920 and he was buried alive... Yes. ..for the whole film. 355 00:17:13,920 --> 00:17:17,960 So, you're absolutely right, it's the art of being buried alive. 356 00:17:17,960 --> 00:17:20,640 And it is called vivisepulture, OK? 357 00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:22,400 And it's competitive sport. 358 00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:24,320 Competitive vivisepulture. Oh, my word. 359 00:17:24,320 --> 00:17:26,240 It was all the rage in the 1960s. 360 00:17:26,240 --> 00:17:28,600 And one of the leaders in the field, she was an ex-nun, 361 00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:31,160 so one of your people. Um... 362 00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:34,280 You know, I was once on a bus with a nun, and I went, "Wow, 363 00:17:34,280 --> 00:17:37,120 "what made you become a nun?" She said, 364 00:17:37,120 --> 00:17:39,520 "Jesus." LAUGHTER 365 00:17:40,880 --> 00:17:43,360 No, no, no. I felt really stupid. You popped up behind her and went, 366 00:17:43,360 --> 00:17:44,640 "What made you become a nun?" 367 00:17:44,640 --> 00:17:46,000 "Jesus!" 368 00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:56,920 One of the leaders of the field was an ex-nun called Emma Smith, 369 00:17:56,920 --> 00:18:00,680 and she spent 101 days in a coffin underground in Skegness in 1961. 370 00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:02,120 101 days?! 101 days. 371 00:18:02,120 --> 00:18:03,720 So you could pay a shilling, right? 372 00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:06,560 And you could go along and you could look down a tube at her face 373 00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:09,680 in a mirror, and food was passed down to her through the tube. 374 00:18:09,680 --> 00:18:11,400 And she also had clo... "Zhoop!" 375 00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:15,880 I love this! She had a closed-circuit television 376 00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:18,040 so she could play bingo in the evenings. 377 00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:21,520 Was she allowed to get out for a wee? 378 00:18:21,520 --> 00:18:24,040 No, so she defecated and urinated through a hatch. 379 00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:25,960 AUDIENCE MEMBER GROANS VIOLENTLY 380 00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:28,200 LAUGHTER 381 00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:31,560 That's upset one person. 382 00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:34,880 Tipped someone over the edge. Was it the hatch? 383 00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:36,080 Yeah. 384 00:18:36,080 --> 00:18:37,360 That was the trouble. 385 00:18:37,360 --> 00:18:39,400 You paid your money to look down the tube. 386 00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:42,120 "For God's sake, don't look down the hatch." 387 00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:44,680 I mean, is it like one of those toilets at a festival 388 00:18:44,680 --> 00:18:47,120 where you open that lid and, "Holy shit..." 389 00:18:47,120 --> 00:18:49,680 "Too many people have been in here today." 390 00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:53,680 I remember when Madonna married Guy Ritchie in Bute, 391 00:18:53,680 --> 00:18:56,720 they had Rocco's christening the week before, 392 00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:59,880 and a paparazzo hid out in the chapel, 393 00:18:59,880 --> 00:19:02,960 and taped himself into a load of bin bags 394 00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:06,240 and just shat in the bin bags. Seriously?! He was there for a week. 395 00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:08,800 So the week between the christening and the wedding. 396 00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:11,320 And got caught, and was trying to run away... 397 00:19:15,120 --> 00:19:17,800 Was it like somebody on a space hopper? 398 00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:23,760 Anyway, she was down there 101 days. 399 00:19:23,760 --> 00:19:26,720 There was a doctor who had an 8ft extension to his stethoscope 400 00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:30,400 so he could check on her, and she practised for weeks beforehand, 401 00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:32,520 lying in a coffin eight hours a day. 402 00:19:32,520 --> 00:19:34,640 So, just before she went to lie in a coffin... 403 00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:36,080 Yeah, she practised. 404 00:19:36,080 --> 00:19:38,280 She lay in a coffin. She laid in a coffin! 405 00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:39,760 Well, the really weird thing, 406 00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:41,640 she had been a nun in the Netherlands, and they used 407 00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:43,960 to make them sleep in an open coffin every night 408 00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:46,960 so that they were always ready to meet God. 409 00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:50,520 I mean, I don't think you have to be in the coffin to meet him. 410 00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:52,640 I don't know, do you? 411 00:19:55,800 --> 00:19:57,640 APPLAUSE 412 00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:03,040 Anyway, the record was not broken until 1981, 413 00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:05,040 and it was her son, Geoff, who did eventually... 414 00:20:05,040 --> 00:20:06,920 The nun's son, Geoff? The nun's son... 415 00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:08,840 She's an ex-nun. I'm going to go ex-nun. 416 00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:11,080 That's Geoff with his toilet seat. That's not a coffin. 417 00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:12,360 That's a great big room. 418 00:20:12,360 --> 00:20:14,480 That's more like something like in a camper van. 419 00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:17,040 Yeah, that costs five grand a month at the Edinburgh Festival. 420 00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:21,120 He spent 142 days buried. 421 00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:23,400 I know, it's just a very strange thing. 422 00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:26,040 But the ex-nun, she was motivated, because she wanted to beat... 423 00:20:26,040 --> 00:20:28,880 There was an Irishman who'd been in the news called Mick Meaney, 424 00:20:28,880 --> 00:20:31,600 and he had spent 61 days underground, and she... 425 00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:32,960 This is him. 426 00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:36,240 First he held a wake for himself at the Admiral Nelson pub in Kilburn. 427 00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:38,360 He was sealed in the coffin in the pub, 428 00:20:38,360 --> 00:20:40,640 and then put out through the window, 429 00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:43,280 and buried in the yard of a lorry depot. 430 00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:47,200 He failed to tell his wife that he was doing this. 431 00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:51,080 So she's like, "The dinner's on." 432 00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:53,200 She heard it on the radio... 433 00:20:54,360 --> 00:20:56,560 ..while pregnant with her second child. 434 00:20:56,560 --> 00:20:57,760 ALL GASP 435 00:20:57,760 --> 00:20:59,320 Good noise, everybody! 436 00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:03,240 Anyway, when the coffin was eventually raised, 437 00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:06,040 and he was taken back into the Admiral Nelson, 438 00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:07,840 he was handed a beer. That was the first thing. 439 00:21:07,840 --> 00:21:09,680 And there were people who made whole careers out of it. 440 00:21:09,680 --> 00:21:12,840 There's a Texan called Bill White, buried alive 61 times, 441 00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:15,280 spent a total of two years underground. 442 00:21:15,280 --> 00:21:18,120 He took calls to keep himself entertained, 443 00:21:18,120 --> 00:21:21,160 and he ended up marrying a woman who called in. 444 00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:23,760 And they were known as "Mr and Mrs Living Corpse". 445 00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:26,720 Was she in the coffin next door? 446 00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:30,560 A little tunnel between the two. 447 00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:34,440 "Don't shit down it, I'm coming through!" 448 00:21:34,440 --> 00:21:37,800 "Me tunnel! Me passage is blocked by vicars." 449 00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:40,480 Two years later, she wanted a divorce. 450 00:21:40,480 --> 00:21:42,040 She felt boxed in. 451 00:21:43,560 --> 00:21:45,280 Wahey! 452 00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:47,720 The divorce papers were lowered down the pipe into the coffin, 453 00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:50,600 in which he was still...still buried alive. 454 00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:53,040 She could have saved herself a lot of effort. I know! 455 00:21:53,040 --> 00:21:55,040 Just a melon on the pipe. 456 00:21:57,560 --> 00:21:59,160 It's the perfect murder. 457 00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:01,200 There was one woman who was so annoyed by him, 458 00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:03,640 she dropped her pet boa constrictor down the pipe. 459 00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:05,160 SARA GASPS Beautiful. 460 00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:08,400 And then somebody on cocaine went, "We could make a TV show..." 461 00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:13,640 He beat the boa constrictor to death with the phone. 462 00:22:14,840 --> 00:22:16,240 I mean, I'm not making this up. 463 00:22:16,240 --> 00:22:17,880 This is the weirdest thing. 464 00:22:17,880 --> 00:22:19,240 Would anybody here do it? 465 00:22:19,240 --> 00:22:20,760 No. I wouldn't. I'd be too scared. 466 00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:22,920 The idea of being buried alive is terrifying. 467 00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:24,920 Yeah. It has a name. It's called taphophobia. 468 00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:26,400 Taphophobia? 469 00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:28,320 ALAN AND ROSS, Fear of the Welsh. 470 00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:33,800 Doctors invented, 18th-19th century, lots of new ways for people to say... 471 00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:37,560 So, there's a French doctor called Leon Collongues, and he listened 472 00:22:37,560 --> 00:22:41,320 for a pulse by sticking a corpse's finger in his ear. 473 00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:42,840 That was one of the ways. 474 00:22:42,840 --> 00:22:45,800 Pinching corpses' nipples - that was to see if they were... 475 00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:47,640 Make the noise again, Alan. 476 00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:50,760 ALAN HOOTS EXCITEDLY 477 00:22:54,360 --> 00:22:56,840 There was an Edinburgh doctor in 1903 called George Balfour, 478 00:22:56,840 --> 00:22:59,200 who invented a test for life, which involved 479 00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:03,280 inserting flags into the heart of the deceased to see if they waved. 480 00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:06,160 The flags, not the deceased. 481 00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:15,520 Right, this is in Verona. 482 00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:17,360 What is it? 483 00:23:17,360 --> 00:23:19,560 I've been there. It's Juliet's balcony. 484 00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:24,520 I knew that was going to happen. 485 00:23:24,520 --> 00:23:26,960 It's not. What is it? 486 00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:28,560 It's a balcony. 487 00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:34,440 Oh, we've gone down here. Oh, God! 488 00:23:34,440 --> 00:23:36,840 So, this is the thing that people call Juliet's balcony. 489 00:23:36,840 --> 00:23:38,120 It is not. 490 00:23:38,120 --> 00:23:40,320 It was attached to the house in 1936. 491 00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:42,200 Do you know what it actually is? I do. Yes. 492 00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:43,480 Because I've been there as well. 493 00:23:43,480 --> 00:23:45,640 So, it is taken from a tomb, isn't it? 494 00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:48,480 Yeah, it's most likely a sarcophagus that was put there. 495 00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:51,200 I mean, the idea was to create a building that tourists would go to 496 00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:53,400 and go, "Oh, look, it's Juliet's balcony." 497 00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:54,920 They've got a statue of Juliet, 498 00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:57,000 and you have to touch her boob for good luck. 499 00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:59,240 And so it's very, very, very... ALAN HOOTS EXCITEDLY 500 00:24:01,520 --> 00:24:03,240 But hasn't it become so worn away now 501 00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:04,880 that she's basically had a mastectomy? 502 00:24:04,880 --> 00:24:06,800 Yes. Really? It's much smaller. 503 00:24:06,800 --> 00:24:09,640 I mean, but lots of women are uneven, but... 504 00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:12,000 But they don't usually have one that's much shinier. 505 00:24:14,360 --> 00:24:18,240 But if you do - if a lady does have one bosom bigger than the other - 506 00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:20,840 then just go around telling people that that one's lucky 507 00:24:20,840 --> 00:24:22,640 and then even them up. 508 00:24:22,640 --> 00:24:24,360 If one's shinier than the other, 509 00:24:24,360 --> 00:24:26,520 if you bowled her, she'd swing. 510 00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:32,280 I love you saying "bosom". 511 00:24:32,280 --> 00:24:34,280 Nobody says bosom any more. It's such a wonderful... 512 00:24:34,280 --> 00:24:36,680 I'm not going to say knockers. I'm not an animal. 513 00:24:37,840 --> 00:24:39,480 So, here is the thing about the balcony. 514 00:24:39,480 --> 00:24:41,920 Shakespeare never went to Italy. We know that for sure. 515 00:24:41,920 --> 00:24:43,800 But Italian culture and literature 516 00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:46,360 permeated all of Elizabethan literature and drama. 517 00:24:46,360 --> 00:24:49,080 But the balcony was added, in fact, by Antonio Avena. 518 00:24:49,080 --> 00:24:52,200 He was the director of the Venetian Civic Museums, and he thought, 519 00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:54,960 "This is a great way we'll get tourists to come to Verona." 520 00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:57,480 Most people think the balcony was made out of a 13th-century 521 00:24:57,480 --> 00:25:00,240 sarcophagus, but it might even have been a water trough. 522 00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:03,040 The thing is, Shakespeare would not have known what a balcony was. 523 00:25:03,040 --> 00:25:04,920 So first of all, it's an Italian word. 524 00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:08,720 And the very first written mention in English of a balcony at all 525 00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:11,160 is in 1618, so that's two years after he died. 526 00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:15,400 We, in fact, get the balcony scene in the 1740s when the director 527 00:25:15,400 --> 00:25:19,480 David Garrick, actor-producer, gave Juliet a balcony in his production 528 00:25:19,480 --> 00:25:20,880 of Romeo and Juliet. 529 00:25:20,880 --> 00:25:23,320 So, Juliet's balcony is not a Juliet balcony. 530 00:25:23,320 --> 00:25:25,920 It's not a balcony, and it didn't belong to Juliet. 531 00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:28,800 Now, here's something I've often wondered. 532 00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:31,640 What is the point of string vests? 533 00:25:33,160 --> 00:25:35,360 Oh! So, Ross, I've given you a string vest. 534 00:25:35,360 --> 00:25:37,960 Oh, have I? Yes. You know what, right? 535 00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:41,840 When I was a kid, we went camping and this fella got very, very drunk 536 00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:45,640 and fell asleep in the sun wearing a string vest. 537 00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:47,120 AUDIENCE GROANS Oh. 538 00:25:47,120 --> 00:25:48,440 No, but when he took it off, 539 00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:51,040 it was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. 540 00:25:51,040 --> 00:25:52,440 It was, literally... 541 00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:54,280 He looked like a beautiful lizard. 542 00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:57,120 He had all the little things on like that. 543 00:25:57,120 --> 00:25:59,000 Yeah. What's the point of them? 544 00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:02,160 If you were sort of fishing, you could catch a man. 545 00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:05,840 But the only person I've seen wearing a string vest 546 00:26:05,840 --> 00:26:09,280 is Howard Donald from Take That through the '90s, 547 00:26:09,280 --> 00:26:12,160 and so that's how they got him, maybe, for the band. 548 00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:15,880 He was just swimming upstream, 549 00:26:15,880 --> 00:26:17,760 just held it out and got him, didn't they? 550 00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:19,920 They got Mark Owen with a tiny little jar. 551 00:26:22,440 --> 00:26:23,800 Put some jam inside. 552 00:26:23,800 --> 00:26:26,280 "Are you going to keep him?" "No. Put him back for good." 553 00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:28,480 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 554 00:26:31,080 --> 00:26:33,000 So, it was invented in 1933 555 00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:36,000 by a Norwegian military officer called Henrik Brun. 556 00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:39,960 What do you think he did in order to create the world's first string vest? 557 00:26:39,960 --> 00:26:41,920 He adapted something else. Fishing net. 558 00:26:41,920 --> 00:26:43,520 It's two herring nets. 559 00:26:43,520 --> 00:26:45,240 It's a classic Scandi story.... 560 00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:48,080 ..finding something to do with herring. 561 00:26:48,080 --> 00:26:50,920 He assumed that the air trapped in the holes 562 00:26:50,920 --> 00:26:52,600 would make very good insulation. 563 00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:53,920 And was he right? 564 00:26:53,920 --> 00:26:56,800 Yes. Yes. Yeah, it is absolutely a fantastic way to keep you warm. 565 00:26:56,800 --> 00:26:58,360 They do work very well. I've worn one. 566 00:26:58,360 --> 00:27:00,000 Did you ever have the string underpants? 567 00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:03,080 They were very unpleasant. No, but it reminds me of a disgusting joke 568 00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:04,920 that Ricky Grover used to tell. 569 00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:06,640 Oh, no. No, no. 570 00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:12,960 Fella goes to the doctor... Oh, we're going to have it. 571 00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:15,840 "Doctor, I'm terribly worried. 572 00:27:15,840 --> 00:27:18,600 "Whenever I do a poo, it comes out like chips." 573 00:27:20,120 --> 00:27:22,400 He says, "Pull your string vest up, you fool." 574 00:27:28,320 --> 00:27:29,640 So... 575 00:27:31,720 --> 00:27:33,040 So, very good at keeping you warm. 576 00:27:33,040 --> 00:27:34,920 What about keeping you cool? 577 00:27:34,920 --> 00:27:36,520 I want to say also good. 578 00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:37,680 Yes, absolutely right. 579 00:27:37,680 --> 00:27:41,240 So, in 1955, the British War Office decided to run some trials in both 580 00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:42,760 hot and dry conditions. 581 00:27:42,760 --> 00:27:45,520 And they sent soldiers in Egypt different vests to wear. 582 00:27:45,520 --> 00:27:48,000 "String vest trial, begin!" "Vest trial, please!" 583 00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:52,080 Some poor soldier in sequins, going... 584 00:27:52,080 --> 00:27:54,040 "They're going to see me!" "Are you warm or cold?" 585 00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:55,720 "Are you hotter or colder?" 586 00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:57,080 "I'm boiling!" 587 00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:01,960 It reduces the dragging and sticking that you get with sweaty clothes. 588 00:28:01,960 --> 00:28:03,560 Oh, dragging and sticking. 589 00:28:05,440 --> 00:28:07,760 But what's curious is that even though it was shown 590 00:28:07,760 --> 00:28:10,720 to make you feel less sticky in sweaty conditions, 591 00:28:10,720 --> 00:28:12,880 none of the soldiers who had participated 592 00:28:12,880 --> 00:28:14,800 wanted to wear them after the trial. 593 00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:17,640 Was this a time where it was sort of... 594 00:28:17,640 --> 00:28:20,240 You weren't allowed to be gay in the Army? 595 00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:22,720 Oh? It would be a lot harder to pretend you're straight 596 00:28:22,720 --> 00:28:25,040 if everyone's wearing a really sexy vest. 597 00:28:25,040 --> 00:28:28,040 I mean, that hat's a dead giveaway. 598 00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:32,040 That's not even the uniform. 599 00:28:32,040 --> 00:28:34,200 He's brought that from home. 600 00:28:35,440 --> 00:28:38,440 Another relative recent innovation in the vest department 601 00:28:38,440 --> 00:28:39,720 is the bulletproof vest. 602 00:28:39,720 --> 00:28:42,880 It's made of Kevlar, which is a thin fibre. 603 00:28:42,880 --> 00:28:44,760 It's five times stronger than steel. 604 00:28:44,760 --> 00:28:46,480 Bullet's going to be called Kev. 605 00:28:48,720 --> 00:28:51,240 From Liverpool - "All right, la?" "Kev, la." 606 00:28:53,080 --> 00:28:57,280 The other thing that's not completely bulletproof, but partly bulletproof 607 00:28:57,280 --> 00:28:59,040 is breast implants. 608 00:28:59,040 --> 00:29:01,320 So, if you have a breast implant, 609 00:29:01,320 --> 00:29:05,160 your wound will be at least 20% shallower than usual, 610 00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:07,640 but, I mean, it's not... It won't replace a bulletproof vest. 611 00:29:07,640 --> 00:29:09,360 And so will your partner! 612 00:29:10,440 --> 00:29:12,000 I've got Kevlar trousers. 613 00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:13,640 What? Why? Motorcycling. 614 00:29:13,640 --> 00:29:16,080 You can put Kevlar in the arse. 615 00:29:16,080 --> 00:29:18,400 Yeah? So if you fall off, you slide down. 616 00:29:18,400 --> 00:29:20,360 You know, you can get breast implants in your legs. 617 00:29:20,360 --> 00:29:22,040 Yeah. Yeah, exactly. 618 00:29:22,040 --> 00:29:25,160 I've had my tits done, and then if there's a shooter, 619 00:29:25,160 --> 00:29:27,000 I just put my arse towards them. 620 00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:30,560 I've got Kevlar trousers and I don't motorcycle. 621 00:29:30,560 --> 00:29:32,000 What do you think I use them for? 622 00:29:32,000 --> 00:29:33,480 The luge? 623 00:29:36,880 --> 00:29:38,200 No, chainsawing. 624 00:29:38,200 --> 00:29:40,920 Oh. Yeah. I like to cut down trees. Um... 625 00:29:42,600 --> 00:29:45,040 Is that because they're taller than you? 626 00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:53,880 In 2023, a 34-year-old man's lungs 627 00:29:53,880 --> 00:29:56,680 were temporarily replaced by breast implants. 628 00:29:56,680 --> 00:29:58,960 The guy, called David Bauer, he's from Missouri. 629 00:29:58,960 --> 00:30:01,480 That's him after the operation. Fully survived. 630 00:30:01,480 --> 00:30:04,200 He got an infection that required a lung transplant, 631 00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:06,000 but they had to clear the infection first, OK? 632 00:30:06,000 --> 00:30:07,240 So, here's the thing. 633 00:30:07,240 --> 00:30:10,720 If you take the lungs out, there's a large space in your chest 634 00:30:10,720 --> 00:30:12,440 and your heart is sort of flopping around, 635 00:30:12,440 --> 00:30:14,200 and they needed something to keep it in place. 636 00:30:14,200 --> 00:30:16,000 And they used breast implants. 637 00:30:16,000 --> 00:30:18,040 They went to plastic surgeons and got information 638 00:30:18,040 --> 00:30:20,280 about what size to choose. They picked DD, 639 00:30:20,280 --> 00:30:24,000 and they put them in his chest until the infection cleared 640 00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:26,040 and he was well enough for a lung transplant. 641 00:30:26,040 --> 00:30:28,000 If he's lying in bed for a couple of weeks, 642 00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:30,560 something to keep him busy with, isn't it? 643 00:30:30,560 --> 00:30:33,600 So also, if I'm internet dating and they ask how big I am 644 00:30:33,600 --> 00:30:35,400 and I say DD... Yeah? 645 00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:37,600 And then later on they find out that's lungs. 646 00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:39,680 Yeah! Yeah, that's not... 647 00:30:39,680 --> 00:30:41,440 I didn't technically lie. Yeah. 648 00:30:41,440 --> 00:30:43,240 I've never been on a dating app. 649 00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:45,720 Is that the sort of information that is required? 650 00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:48,120 Oh, God... 651 00:30:50,800 --> 00:30:52,600 Where have you been for 30 years? 652 00:30:52,600 --> 00:30:54,240 Married. Married is where I've been. 653 00:30:56,280 --> 00:30:58,360 Stop rubbing it in me face! 654 00:30:58,360 --> 00:31:00,360 They do that as well, Ross. 655 00:31:06,000 --> 00:31:09,760 Is it...? You put the actual size of the...on the dating app? 656 00:31:09,760 --> 00:31:11,160 You actually have to specify? 657 00:31:11,160 --> 00:31:13,680 It's like when you're selling a wardrobe on eBay. 658 00:31:15,320 --> 00:31:18,520 I'd open up a dating app and go, "I'd never get her up the stairs." 659 00:31:20,920 --> 00:31:23,160 Yeah, put "buyer to collect". 660 00:31:25,240 --> 00:31:27,560 "I'm going to need a mate to help me with this one." 661 00:31:32,560 --> 00:31:34,440 Anyway, moving on. 662 00:31:34,440 --> 00:31:38,760 Now, why will we never meet aliens from the planet Vulcan? 663 00:31:40,720 --> 00:31:42,920 I'm not going to say it because it'll go, "Whoop, whoop, whoop," 664 00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:45,680 but they found it was a real thing, didn't they? 665 00:31:45,680 --> 00:31:47,280 Eh... Spock's planet is a real... 666 00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:49,160 So therefore, yeah. 667 00:31:49,160 --> 00:31:50,480 So... 668 00:31:50,480 --> 00:31:52,400 LAUGHTER 669 00:31:52,400 --> 00:31:53,680 Yes and no. 670 00:31:53,680 --> 00:31:57,000 Gene Roddenberry did, in Star Trek, have a planet called Vulcan. 671 00:31:57,000 --> 00:31:58,920 Who came from Vulcan? Spock. 672 00:31:58,920 --> 00:32:01,440 Exactly right. Leonard Nimoy came from there. 673 00:32:01,440 --> 00:32:02,880 So, what happened, 674 00:32:02,880 --> 00:32:07,680 2013, there was a vote to name Pluto's two newly discovered moons. 675 00:32:07,680 --> 00:32:09,320 Moony McMoonface. 676 00:32:10,440 --> 00:32:13,960 The overwhelming winner was William Shatner's proposal of Vulcan, 677 00:32:13,960 --> 00:32:15,560 which was Spock's home planet. 678 00:32:15,560 --> 00:32:17,760 But unfortunately, it couldn't be that, 679 00:32:17,760 --> 00:32:19,840 because it already had another meaning. 680 00:32:19,840 --> 00:32:25,280 Vulcan was the name of a fake planet that had already been "discovered", 681 00:32:25,280 --> 00:32:28,400 so Victorian astronomers thought that they had discovered it. 682 00:32:28,400 --> 00:32:30,800 It was meant to exist between Mercury and the sun. 683 00:32:30,800 --> 00:32:34,040 There was a French astronomer called Urbain Le Verrier, and he said, 684 00:32:34,040 --> 00:32:37,720 "It must be real," as it was the only thing that would explain 685 00:32:37,720 --> 00:32:39,600 Mercury's extremely odd orbit. 686 00:32:39,600 --> 00:32:41,840 They believed him. He had been right before. 687 00:32:41,840 --> 00:32:44,680 In 1846, he had predicted the existence of Neptune 688 00:32:44,680 --> 00:32:47,120 without ever seeing it. He'd just used maths. 689 00:32:47,120 --> 00:32:49,200 He also invented the flux capacitor. 690 00:32:54,640 --> 00:32:56,440 He's also got a lucky tit. 691 00:32:58,920 --> 00:33:00,480 Anyway, he named it Vulcan, 692 00:33:00,480 --> 00:33:02,640 after the Roman god of fire and volcanoes. 693 00:33:02,640 --> 00:33:06,120 And then an amateur astronomer called Edmond Lescarbault was given 694 00:33:06,120 --> 00:33:09,160 the French Legion of Honour because he said he'd actually seen it, right? 695 00:33:09,160 --> 00:33:11,040 So one guy says it exists through mass, 696 00:33:11,040 --> 00:33:13,320 and the other guy says, "I've actually seen it." 697 00:33:13,320 --> 00:33:17,080 We now think that he must have just seen a sunspot, 698 00:33:17,080 --> 00:33:19,360 and he and Le Verrier both went to their graves 699 00:33:19,360 --> 00:33:21,920 believing that Vulcan was real. Aw! 700 00:33:21,920 --> 00:33:24,400 But in fact, we can now explain Mercury's orbit 701 00:33:24,400 --> 00:33:26,840 by Einstein's theory of general relativity. 702 00:33:26,840 --> 00:33:29,240 But does that mean no planet will ever be called...? 703 00:33:29,240 --> 00:33:31,640 Because I was going to... No planet will ever be called Vulcan. 704 00:33:31,640 --> 00:33:34,240 Will ever be called Vulcan? Right. Because there was already, 705 00:33:34,240 --> 00:33:36,280 supposedly, but it was in fact a fake. 706 00:33:36,280 --> 00:33:38,960 Spock was originally meant to be a Martian, but Gene Roddenberry 707 00:33:38,960 --> 00:33:41,720 changed it to Vulcan because he thought humans might get to Mars 708 00:33:41,720 --> 00:33:45,120 in his lifetime and find... It would blow the gaff on the whole thing. 709 00:33:45,120 --> 00:33:46,800 I know, right? ..find there was nobody there. 710 00:33:46,800 --> 00:33:48,920 "No-one's going to think it's real." No. 711 00:33:50,840 --> 00:33:52,560 Can anybody do the Vulcan salute? 712 00:33:52,560 --> 00:33:54,080 Live long and prosper. 713 00:33:54,080 --> 00:33:56,600 It was invented by Leonard Nimoy, who played Spock. 714 00:33:56,600 --> 00:33:59,320 And indeed, that - live long and prosper - 715 00:33:59,320 --> 00:34:03,120 the scriptwriter, Theodore Sturgeon, possibly took it from an ancient 716 00:34:03,120 --> 00:34:06,680 Egyptian phrase, "Ankh wedja seneb," which translates as, 717 00:34:06,680 --> 00:34:10,160 "May you live healthily and prosper." He wrote poetry, Leonard Nimoy, 718 00:34:10,160 --> 00:34:12,680 and Arthur Smith did a very funny show in Edinburgh 719 00:34:12,680 --> 00:34:16,720 about Leonard Cohen, in which he talked about Leonard Nimoy's 720 00:34:16,720 --> 00:34:21,120 poetry as being truly...awful, and he was so annoyed about it, 721 00:34:21,120 --> 00:34:23,080 he wrote to Leonard Cohen, partly to say, 722 00:34:23,080 --> 00:34:26,680 "Your poetry has meant so much to me in my life, and by the way, 723 00:34:26,680 --> 00:34:29,960 "do you not think that Leonard Nimoy's poetry is shit?" 724 00:34:29,960 --> 00:34:33,720 And Leonard Cohen wrote back and said that he did, yes. 725 00:34:37,880 --> 00:34:41,600 There's an idea for a TV show. Yes. Leonards Competing. 726 00:34:41,600 --> 00:34:45,440 It's Nimoy versus Rossiter lining up. 727 00:34:46,760 --> 00:34:49,680 He always joked that the kind of things TV execs commission is 728 00:34:49,680 --> 00:34:52,320 Gregs go to Greggs, where famous Gregs just go to Greggs. 729 00:34:52,320 --> 00:34:54,320 As long as it's got men in it. 730 00:34:54,320 --> 00:34:56,000 What about Wendys go to Wendy's? 731 00:34:56,000 --> 00:34:57,560 That would be good. 732 00:34:57,560 --> 00:34:59,840 I'm just going to get some cocaine and, um... 733 00:35:01,560 --> 00:35:05,360 Is Susan Hampshire actually from Hampshire? 734 00:35:05,360 --> 00:35:08,880 Is this a pitch? I'm just working on an idea. 735 00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:10,880 Because if Sarah Lancashire... Never mind. 736 00:35:10,880 --> 00:35:12,560 It's just... 737 00:35:12,560 --> 00:35:15,760 Just working it out. David Essex. David Essex! 738 00:35:15,760 --> 00:35:18,320 It's all coming together! 739 00:35:18,320 --> 00:35:21,920 Ross Noble, we gentrify Ross Noble. 740 00:35:21,920 --> 00:35:25,160 Scrub him up! Yes, put you in the House of Lords. 741 00:35:25,160 --> 00:35:27,400 That's a funny idea. Give him a parish. 742 00:35:29,240 --> 00:35:31,640 A Noble Cause. AUDIENCE GROANS 743 00:35:31,640 --> 00:35:33,720 I get a causeway, and... 744 00:35:35,080 --> 00:35:36,240 A Noble Gas. 745 00:35:36,240 --> 00:35:39,680 You explain other physics things to us. 746 00:35:39,680 --> 00:35:42,960 I often thought it would be funny if I married Cher. 747 00:35:44,360 --> 00:35:46,640 SARA LAUGHS, APPALLED 748 00:35:46,640 --> 00:35:48,160 Anyway, moving on. 749 00:35:48,160 --> 00:35:51,400 Mr Spock is a fictional character from a fictional planet 750 00:35:51,400 --> 00:35:54,520 that shares its name with a different fictional planet. 751 00:35:54,520 --> 00:35:56,120 But now for something all too real, 752 00:35:56,120 --> 00:35:58,840 the Vulcan death grip that we call General Ignorance. 753 00:35:58,840 --> 00:36:00,480 Fingers on buzzers, please. 754 00:36:00,480 --> 00:36:04,320 What did most Stone Age people make things out of? 755 00:36:06,160 --> 00:36:07,440 Yes, Ross? 756 00:36:07,440 --> 00:36:09,240 Bone? Yeah. 757 00:36:09,240 --> 00:36:11,520 LAUGHTER 758 00:36:11,520 --> 00:36:12,640 Because if you were... 759 00:36:12,640 --> 00:36:14,880 If the "Stone Age", right? We all know... 760 00:36:14,880 --> 00:36:17,240 HE HUMS THE FLINTSTONES THEME 761 00:36:19,760 --> 00:36:22,360 That's the theme of the Stone Age. Yeah. 762 00:36:22,360 --> 00:36:25,040 Yeah, like, he's sat there, yabba dabba doo, right? 763 00:36:25,040 --> 00:36:28,280 And then you think, "Oh, I've got to make something." 764 00:36:28,280 --> 00:36:31,400 "Oh, I'll make it out of stone." It's going to take ages. 765 00:36:31,400 --> 00:36:34,120 Yeah. "Oh, there's a dead hedgehog over there." 766 00:36:34,120 --> 00:36:35,480 "Ooh!" 767 00:36:35,480 --> 00:36:36,800 Toothbrush, please. Yeah. 768 00:36:36,800 --> 00:36:38,960 So, what are we making? We're making tools and hunting equipment. 769 00:36:38,960 --> 00:36:40,200 Shelters? 770 00:36:40,200 --> 00:36:41,920 Oh, you don't want a bone house. 771 00:36:41,920 --> 00:36:44,520 What are we going to make the structure out of? Tree. Branches. 772 00:36:44,520 --> 00:36:46,160 Did they have lots of trees then? 773 00:36:46,160 --> 00:36:48,160 Yes. Trees have been around... 774 00:36:48,160 --> 00:36:50,200 LAUGHTER 775 00:36:51,800 --> 00:36:53,360 One tree. Yeah. 776 00:36:53,360 --> 00:36:56,160 Everyone has to queue up for the one tree. 777 00:36:56,160 --> 00:36:59,120 I thought they... Didn't they come in in the Wood Age? 778 00:36:59,120 --> 00:37:01,240 Alan is right. It is wood. 779 00:37:01,240 --> 00:37:03,200 Wood is the thing. Yes, absolutely right. 780 00:37:03,200 --> 00:37:05,360 The phrase "Alan is right" has been used. 781 00:37:05,360 --> 00:37:06,640 The game is over. 782 00:37:08,280 --> 00:37:11,120 So the Stone Age is a time when, you know, sharp stone tools 783 00:37:11,120 --> 00:37:13,840 are being used, but it encompasses the earliest period 784 00:37:13,840 --> 00:37:16,360 in which humans existed, and the span is phenomenal. 785 00:37:16,360 --> 00:37:17,920 So, we've tried to show this. 786 00:37:17,920 --> 00:37:22,080 So, if you look here, dinosaurs' extinction is 65 million years ago. 787 00:37:22,080 --> 00:37:24,360 So you're telling me that you couldn't have used 788 00:37:24,360 --> 00:37:29,640 a Brachiosaur's neck to make a nice hinged umbrella? 789 00:37:32,040 --> 00:37:35,480 By the time the hominins turn up, then the dinosaurs are gone. 790 00:37:35,480 --> 00:37:37,280 That's a very good point. Very good point. 791 00:37:37,280 --> 00:37:38,720 Their bones are still around. 792 00:37:38,720 --> 00:37:40,920 I know that because of the film Ammonite, 793 00:37:40,920 --> 00:37:43,200 where the two lesbian fossil hunters... 794 00:37:43,200 --> 00:37:44,680 ALAN HOOTS 795 00:37:47,920 --> 00:37:51,680 Hang on, hang on - if that is not a TV show... 796 00:37:54,080 --> 00:37:55,760 Lesbian Fossil Hunters. 797 00:37:55,760 --> 00:37:57,640 I mean, come on. 798 00:37:57,640 --> 00:38:01,080 But it is extraordinary when you look how long the planet has been around. 799 00:38:01,080 --> 00:38:03,600 65 million years ago, when the dinosaurs first appeared. 800 00:38:03,600 --> 00:38:06,080 That's relatively recent in terms of the history of the planet. 801 00:38:06,080 --> 00:38:07,320 Yes, it is, and look at us. 802 00:38:07,320 --> 00:38:10,240 Should be a little arrow for David Attenborough, really. Yes. 803 00:38:11,600 --> 00:38:13,480 Then that's Now TV, is it? 804 00:38:15,680 --> 00:38:18,400 Refined tools is when you get people making the flint tools, 805 00:38:18,400 --> 00:38:20,960 but wood was obviously readily available. 806 00:38:20,960 --> 00:38:23,360 Stone is much hardier, and it stands the test of time, 807 00:38:23,360 --> 00:38:26,560 but in a few places where wood preservation is really good, 808 00:38:26,560 --> 00:38:28,440 there is evidence it was commonly used. 809 00:38:28,440 --> 00:38:29,840 So, as a good example, 810 00:38:29,840 --> 00:38:32,640 there's some deposits found under a waterfall in Zambia. 811 00:38:32,640 --> 00:38:35,160 And they were preserved because it was completely waterlogged. 812 00:38:35,160 --> 00:38:37,880 And it shows branches with interlocking notches. 813 00:38:37,880 --> 00:38:41,880 And we are talking about something that is probably 480,000 years old 814 00:38:41,880 --> 00:38:45,240 and probably formed part of a rudimentary building. 815 00:38:45,240 --> 00:38:47,000 Like the very first Ikea. 816 00:38:49,800 --> 00:38:52,360 Yes. And even back then they were just going, 817 00:38:52,360 --> 00:38:54,920 "I can't find that bit. Where's that bit?" 818 00:38:54,920 --> 00:38:57,280 They've also managed, human beings, to make things out of food. 819 00:38:57,280 --> 00:38:58,400 I don't know if you know this, 820 00:38:58,400 --> 00:39:02,000 but the Great Wall of China has sticky rice ground into it, 821 00:39:02,000 --> 00:39:05,440 and they find it stronger than plain limestone mixtures. 822 00:39:05,440 --> 00:39:07,520 If you walk up there, is it worth it? 823 00:39:08,760 --> 00:39:11,400 I'm just saying, Channel 5, 8:00, 824 00:39:11,400 --> 00:39:13,360 Alan Davies - Is It Worth It? 825 00:39:20,640 --> 00:39:22,920 That would be an amazing travel show. 826 00:39:22,920 --> 00:39:24,600 I think that's the one. 827 00:39:24,600 --> 00:39:27,600 This week, the Leaning Tower of Pisa. 828 00:39:27,600 --> 00:39:28,880 "Nah." 829 00:39:31,880 --> 00:39:34,680 So, the Malian Empire, 1236 to 1670, 830 00:39:34,680 --> 00:39:38,560 entire forts were made out of salt blocks, which are not flammable, 831 00:39:38,560 --> 00:39:40,880 they've got very good acoustic properties... 832 00:39:40,880 --> 00:39:43,840 And your house won't get attacked by slugs. Well... 833 00:39:43,840 --> 00:39:45,760 So, they are looking at salt today, 834 00:39:45,760 --> 00:39:47,960 architects, as a sustainable building material. 835 00:39:47,960 --> 00:39:50,080 They're investigating using mycelium, though, aren't they? 836 00:39:50,080 --> 00:39:52,720 Mushroom roots... Yeah. ..to... 837 00:39:52,720 --> 00:39:54,760 Now, have I dreamt this? 838 00:39:56,400 --> 00:39:58,800 That's YOUR show - Have I Dreamt This? 839 00:40:00,280 --> 00:40:02,720 Is It Worth It? Have I Dreamt This? 840 00:40:04,040 --> 00:40:05,840 And I'll do, Is This Legal? 841 00:40:09,160 --> 00:40:11,360 Parenting - Is It Worth It? 842 00:40:13,600 --> 00:40:16,720 OK. What is the definition of a brass instrument? 843 00:40:16,720 --> 00:40:19,040 Is it valves? Is it valves? 844 00:40:19,040 --> 00:40:21,520 So... Is it the embouchure? Yes, darling. 845 00:40:21,520 --> 00:40:22,680 Thank you. Yes, tell me. 846 00:40:22,680 --> 00:40:25,600 That's... SHE SPLUTTERS INTO HER HAND 847 00:40:25,600 --> 00:40:27,520 Thought you were speaking in tongues! 848 00:40:27,520 --> 00:40:29,480 The Lord is speaking in tongues. 849 00:40:29,480 --> 00:40:31,600 I wonder if I can do it. OK. 850 00:40:31,600 --> 00:40:33,960 SHE PRODUCES TRUMPETY NOTE Wow. 851 00:40:33,960 --> 00:40:36,080 That's weirdly pleasing. 852 00:40:38,000 --> 00:40:39,040 Yeah! 853 00:40:44,480 --> 00:40:47,120 That's a good show - It's Weirdly Pleasing. 854 00:40:50,280 --> 00:40:53,680 Sandi Toksvig's Weirdly Pleasing. Wow. 855 00:40:53,680 --> 00:40:56,760 "Tonight, I'll be weirdly pleasing the Archbishop of Canterbury." 856 00:41:01,240 --> 00:41:03,760 Well, it's really... It keeps going. 857 00:41:03,760 --> 00:41:07,400 By vibrating the lips, so you sort of buzz into it. 858 00:41:07,400 --> 00:41:09,720 So, they're literally called labrosones 859 00:41:09,720 --> 00:41:12,000 or lip-vibrating instruments. SALLY LAUGHS 860 00:41:12,000 --> 00:41:13,040 Sorry! 861 00:41:13,040 --> 00:41:15,080 Is that ticklish? Are you all right with that? 862 00:41:15,080 --> 00:41:17,400 Sorry. I see. I see. 863 00:41:17,400 --> 00:41:19,440 You want to have a go? It's really nice. 864 00:41:19,440 --> 00:41:20,480 No. 865 00:41:22,400 --> 00:41:25,080 So, one modern-day instrument that's technically brass but not made 866 00:41:25,080 --> 00:41:27,080 of brass begins with V... 867 00:41:27,080 --> 00:41:28,680 To do with football? 868 00:41:28,680 --> 00:41:30,800 Oh, the vuvuzela. The vuvuzela, yeah. 869 00:41:30,800 --> 00:41:33,000 The wooden didgeridoo, the conch shell, 870 00:41:33,000 --> 00:41:34,720 those are things that would qualify. 871 00:41:34,720 --> 00:41:37,560 The world's oldest brass instrument, the sheneb, 872 00:41:37,560 --> 00:41:41,240 which is possibly the first straight sort of brass-like instrument, 873 00:41:41,240 --> 00:41:44,320 we go back to 3000 BC, and this is... 874 00:41:44,320 --> 00:41:46,720 They had lovely suits back then, didn't they? 875 00:41:48,800 --> 00:41:50,920 This is one of those astonishing pieces of recording 876 00:41:50,920 --> 00:41:52,520 that you can't quite believe exists. 877 00:41:52,520 --> 00:41:57,800 This is an actual sheneb that was found in Tutankhamun's burial tomb, 878 00:41:57,800 --> 00:42:00,880 and in the 1930s they did a recording of it. 879 00:42:00,880 --> 00:42:05,560 And this is the actual sound of the sheneb from Tutankhamun's tomb. 880 00:42:05,560 --> 00:42:08,440 The trumpets of the Pharaoh Tutankhamun. 881 00:42:09,600 --> 00:42:12,800 BUGLE-LIKE HORN PLAYS 882 00:42:23,400 --> 00:42:25,360 And then the guy finished playing, and he went, 883 00:42:25,360 --> 00:42:27,200 "Oh, that felt nice." 884 00:42:28,480 --> 00:42:31,920 The weirdly pleasing trumpets of Tutankhamun. 885 00:42:31,920 --> 00:42:34,480 Is that the first thing that Howard Carter did 886 00:42:34,480 --> 00:42:36,000 when he went into the tomb? 887 00:42:36,000 --> 00:42:38,840 He opened it up, he went, "We found it, lads, wahey!" 888 00:42:38,840 --> 00:42:40,200 HE TRUMPETS 889 00:42:40,200 --> 00:42:41,520 "Put it down, put it down." 890 00:42:41,520 --> 00:42:43,320 "Is it worth it?" 891 00:42:48,120 --> 00:42:51,440 Most people can't tell their brass from their oboe. 892 00:42:53,920 --> 00:42:56,160 Now, let's pick ourselves up, brush ourselves off, 893 00:42:56,160 --> 00:42:58,960 and see who has made a clean sweep to victory. 894 00:42:58,960 --> 00:43:00,520 In last place, 895 00:43:00,520 --> 00:43:04,080 feeling a little vulnerable with minus five, 896 00:43:04,080 --> 00:43:06,440 it's Sara! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 897 00:43:08,160 --> 00:43:11,520 In third place, veering off course a little bit with one point, 898 00:43:11,520 --> 00:43:14,200 it's Alan! A point! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 899 00:43:15,960 --> 00:43:18,960 In second place, on the verge, but vanquished with two points, 900 00:43:18,960 --> 00:43:20,880 it's Ross! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 901 00:43:24,680 --> 00:43:28,080 So our victor tonight, with six points, it's Sally! 902 00:43:28,080 --> 00:43:30,280 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 903 00:43:36,800 --> 00:43:38,560 Thanks to Sally, Ross, Sara, and Alan, 904 00:43:38,560 --> 00:43:40,200 and I leave you with the words 905 00:43:40,200 --> 00:43:43,160 of entertainer and staunch atheist WC Fields, 906 00:43:43,160 --> 00:43:46,360 who was asked why he was reading the Bible on his deathbed, 907 00:43:46,360 --> 00:43:48,920 and he replied, "I'm looking for loopholes." 908 00:43:48,920 --> 00:43:50,720 Thank you and goodnight. 909 00:43:50,720 --> 00:43:53,840 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE