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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
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Welcome to tonight's Ql, where
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we'll be looking at
ticks, tax and toes in the company
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00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:43,415
of the ticklish Rose Matafeo...
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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
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...the tactile Ross Noble...
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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
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...the TOE-tally transcendent
Lou Sanders...
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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
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...and the tax-deductible
Alan Davies.
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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
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And, for their buzzers, Rose goes...
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MUSIC: Tick Tock
by Clean Bandit
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# Tick tock, tick tock... #
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Ross goes...
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MUSIC: Sunny Afternoon
by The Kinks
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# The tax man's taken
all my dough... #
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Lou goes...
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MUSIC: Love ls All Around
by The Troggs
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# I feel it in my fingers,
I feel it in my toes... #
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And Alan goes...
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MUSIC: Tiptoe Through The Tulips
by Tiny Tim
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# Tiptoe through the tulips
with me... #
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Wow. Wow.
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Was that Tiny Tim? It WAS Tiny Tim.
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And, yes, I do look exactly like
him.
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I don't know why I turned to you
in that moment, I'm so sorry.
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Right, I'm going to start with
question one.
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Why might a Parisian taxi ride
be electrifying?
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So it was an experiment in Paris...
With electricity.
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...with electricity. And taxis?
Were taxis involved?
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Yes. Nothing gets past you. No.
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They've got the flying ones, haven't they?
They're talking about bringing them in.
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The heck?! The huh!
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Yay! Whoa!
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You're talking about flying taxis?!
Yeah.
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The French are developing flying
taxis.
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What? Sorry.
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No, it's just like some sort
of circus thing.
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Hey, hey, hey, HEY!
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That's how I do all my thinking.
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Hup! Here it comes!
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First time anyone else has actually
done it to help me into the
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"hup, hup!" It's in! Right, now, go!
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If you just shout "the heck?!"
every now and then...
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The heck?! The heck! Hup!
..he'll be off.
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1987, they decided
to experiment in Paris,
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so they had a number of passengers
who maybe didn't behave very well
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or a bit rude or whatever.
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Zap them?! Yes.
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An electrified seat.
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GASPING AND GROANING
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Wow. Nonfatal!
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They said.
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To be fair, it's in the rudest
city in the world. Yeah. Yeah.
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So it's operated by a foot pedal
in front of the driver's seat.
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The idea was to protect...
You'd never stop, would you?!
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Just holding it down!
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See them in the mirror.
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But you need one the other way
around so that when they start
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being a bit racist,
"The thing about the foreigners..."
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That guy, he was the head of the
taxi union
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and he's showing off
one of these things.
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And apparently the drivers said
it would be perfectly safe
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and they could tell if somebody
was going to be violent
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cos they could see it
in their expressions.
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OK, so the seats were 52,000 volts.
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Yeah, that is slightly more powerful
than a police stun gun,
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which is sort of 40 to 50,000 volts
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and, weirdly, eventually banned.
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What it means is, on the second-hand
market, some of them taxis
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are still knocking about.
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Yeah. Yes, please. Yeah.
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I'll have one of them.
Pick up your mother.
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When you haven't got
a passenger in the back,
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bit of cheese, bit of baguette.
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Chuck it in the back.
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Croque monsieur!
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Thank you very much.
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Sorry. Can I just say - the heck?!
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Yeah.
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The heck?! Hick-hick, hickety-hock!
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That's a great idea, Ross.
jeez Louise.
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CHEESE Louise. CHEESE Louise!
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That's LIKE a croque monsieur.
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Could I have a cheese Louise?
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That's a Peugeot. What's a Peugeot?
On the left there,
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that's a Peugeot.
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I was overlooked for Top Gear.
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In favour of three total idiots.
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So one of the things I love
about the whole subject about taxis
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in Paris is the women who drove
the taxis. From 1907, the first
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coach women appeared.
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This is horse-drawn. And the two
first women to become coach women,
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Clementine Dufaut
and Eugenie Charnier,
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there was a huge crowd.
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They thought it was so exciting.
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Here's the sort of downside of it.
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The female drivers were often
heckled,
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and the heckle that they used
to get is "et les chaussettes?"
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Anybody know what it means?
She's a shoe.
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LAUGHTER
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What about the socks?
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In other words,
who's going to darn the socks
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if you are driving a taxi?
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Urgh, that's sexism, Sandi. I know.
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It's shocking. just another example.
Shocking. Yeah.
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That's why you were overlooked
for Sock...Top Gear.
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Sock Gear?!
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I love the sound of Sock Gear!
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If you're going to make THAT show,
I'm in.
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We review different socks
every week.
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But look at this woman just darning
a sock whilst being.
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She's sewing it
onto a horse's face.
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This was a craze for postcards
and newspaper cartoons depicting
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the female cabbies or mostly
satirising them, showing the women
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that they couldn't control
their horses or the women looking,
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I don't know, overly sexualized
or overly masculine. This man,
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he's saying, "All women cab
drivers - myself, when I'm bored,
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"I spend an hour alone with a woman
for 40 sous."
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He looks lovely.
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He looks a charm.
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Everything about him, he seems
gorgeous.
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Wouldn't you have loved to be with
him all lockdown?
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Ancl on top of it all,
he's bloody French.
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See, Top Gear!
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Lots of French postcards of the time
showing women in male occupations
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because it was thought to be
so sort of amusing.
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So you get women hanging up
bill posters and that kind of thing.
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There, look, like that.
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QUIETLY: Is that a ladder
or are they her legs?
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I like how you whispered that
as if she could hear you.
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Might the other woman suddenly
shoot up on her own version?!
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You asked it gently, like
"Women are a mystery".
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Now, what noise is this clock
making?
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TICKI NG
Tick-tock!
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KLAXON, LAUGHTER
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Is that wrong?! It is wrong.
Yes. Oh.
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So NO clock goes tick-tock.
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It's actually just
tick, tick, tick, tick. Oh. Oh!
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But what we do is we automatically
organise repeating sounds
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into music. And generally, the brain
gives the second note in a pair
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a slightly lower tone. And so we put
the emphasis on the first.
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So we go tick-tock. But you can
overrule this conditioning.
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OK? So if you try and say
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tick-TOCK-tick, tick-TOCK-tick
aloud,
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as you listen to the clock,
you will gradually hear
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the ticks become tocks. Now, look.
What?
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Clocks, they do...don't...
It's not always the same sound
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on the way there as the way back.
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Wha-a-at? Are you talking about
time machines?
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That's what it is. Are you saying
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a pendulum takes longer
to come back one way?
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No, I'm saying, I feel,
I feel in my head... Yes.
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...that a clock makes a tick and a
tock sound - doesn't make the same
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sound twice. It makes one sound one
way, a different sound the other.
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On the journey, it kind of changes
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and it comes back a different
person. Yeah.
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Anyone else feel that way?
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No-one! Shit!
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What if you were eating Tic Tacs
while you said it?
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Would that change it? The truth is,
most clocks go tick-tick,
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but we want to hear it as tick-tock
and we do this in changing vowels
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all the time. So we have flip-flop,
ping pong, mishmash,
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tiptop. It's something that we do.
Oh, right.
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But what about bring-bring?
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What is bring-bring?
Bring-bring! Oh!
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I thought it was like...
No-one said "bring-brong"!
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"I can't handle bring-bring!" I
thought bring-bring was something
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you said to the butler. Hey...!
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Now I'm thinking of dick pic.
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Ross, welcome to MY world.
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On the phone - would you like me to
send you a DICK-pic?
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Pick-a-dick.
Pick a dick for the dick pic!
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It's basically a trick of the mind.
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The same thing can happen with car
indicator noises, that we think
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that there are two different notes
because we automatically try
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and make it a little bit
more musical than it actually is.
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That also works
if you're listening to The Prodigy.
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What is The Prodigy?
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LAUGHTER
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It's a small child
who plays a violin.
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Yes. Quite a lot of posh people
get a bit confused.
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They turn up to a Prodigy gig,
they're expecting,
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"When is this young boy going
to say, Smack My Bitch Up?"
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So there's another clock-based
trick of the mind.
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What I want you to do is glance
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at the second hand of an analogue
clock as it's ticking, OK?
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And there is an illusion, which is
called the stopped-clock illusion,
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that, when you glance at it,
the very first tick,
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as you look at it, seems to take
a little bit longer than usual.
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And it's a thing called
chronostasis.
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You know that thing, it's
an old-fashioned thing,
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but if you have the receiver in one
ear and it's ringing... Bring-bring.
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Bring-bring, of course. Bring-bring.
Oh, now we all want bring-bring.
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If you switch to the other ear,
then for a brief moment,
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you can hear silence. It's as if the
phone has been answered,
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and then the ringing starts again.
There is no extra gap there,
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it's just that that's what it feels
like to us. Actually, the most...
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You just...! I was just overwhelmed
by the concept of time,
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I think! It's just, it's all...
Cos time is just made up, isn't it?
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00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:29,255
Well, OK.
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00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:32,935
What about when you go on holiday?
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00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:34,375
When you go on holiday... Yeah.
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What seems to happen, if
you're on holiday for two weeks.
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00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:39,455
Yeah. What seems to happen in the
second week?
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00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:41,575
Everyone's hair gets
slightly longer.
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00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:49,175
The second week, you sort of drop
the offensive accent.
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00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:54,335
Ancl you've finished with the waiter,
already.
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00:10:54,360 --> 00:10:56,975
You're sort of, you're clone with the
waiter. Done with the waiter.
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How do you get your food?
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00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:01,015
Well, no, he's not bringing you
food.
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00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:06,255
Wow. So basically, time seems
to be quicker on the second...
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00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:09,735
And that's because you're used to
everything or used to where you are.
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00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:13,015
You see the inflatable just next to
the steps there?
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00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:15,535
Only the Queen is allowed
to ride on that.
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00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:20,255
He's actually been dropped
from an aeroplane.
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Doesn't it depend on how much
you like your family?
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When the time is quicker or slower?
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00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:27,735
Well, I mean, it sort of depends
on whether you're being
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overstimulated or not.
Time apparently seems to slow down
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on a person's first skydive,
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00:11:32,480 --> 00:11:36,335
by 36%". Really? ..because you're
so overwhelmed by all the stimulus
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that you're taking in,
and it seems to make time slow down
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00:11:39,920 --> 00:11:42,175
for you. Here's the thing
about skydiving, you know
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when you pull the thing like that
and you would think
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00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:46,975
that you go woosh up in the air.
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But that's because when it's filmed,
you go woomph like that,
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00:11:50,240 --> 00:11:54,815
and the camera person's there and
it, whoosh, and they keep falling,
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00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:58,055
so you think that it's an up,
but it's just a "oh!"
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00:12:00,240 --> 00:12:02,335
Can I just ask, have you ever been
skydiving?
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00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:04,095
No, never. But...
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00:12:05,360 --> 00:12:09,055
I've never done it.
But I did talk to a cameraman once.
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00:12:10,840 --> 00:12:12,455
Brave. Brave. Love that.
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00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:13,815
Yeah. I did it.
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00:12:13,840 --> 00:12:16,375
I strapped onto a bloke
and he jumped out.
237
00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:20,735
Why would you do that?
238
00:12:20,760 --> 00:12:22,695
I mean, really, when I thought back,
239
00:12:22,720 --> 00:12:24,535
I thought, I didn't even know him.
240
00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:28,135
How did you know he could do it?
241
00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:32,455
Well, he was offered up as,
you know, the person you strap to.
242
00:12:32,480 --> 00:12:34,055
Yeah. And I don't know.
243
00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:37,095
I mean, he could have been in ANY
sort of mood, couldn't he? I know.
244
00:12:37,120 --> 00:12:39,455
Yeah, but to be fair,
you were just strapped to him
245
00:12:39,480 --> 00:12:40,935
for the whole holiday and he went,
246
00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:42,535
"Shall we jump out of a plane?"
247
00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:47,135
Yeah, we did a lot of activities.
248
00:12:47,160 --> 00:12:49,655
But did time seem to stand still
in that moment
249
00:12:49,680 --> 00:12:52,095
that you launched yourself
from the plane?
250
00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:54,335
It was the most frightening thing
even
251
00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:56,735
Did you do it for charity
or just for yourself?
252
00:12:56,760 --> 00:13:00,935
I did it because I'd broken up
with a girlfriend who told me
253
00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:04,415
that her previous boyfriend
was much braver than me!
254
00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:08,455
Ancl cleverer and more...and funnier!
255
00:13:08,480 --> 00:13:09,815
That was really wounding.
256
00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:13,015
Ancl I thought, "I'm going to jump
out of a plane. I'll show you."
257
00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:15,935
Ancl they said, "Right, put your foot
out on the wheel strut,"
258
00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:17,935
and I absolutely shat myself.
259
00:13:17,960 --> 00:13:20,335
If I hadn't
been strapped to this fella,
260
00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:21,815
I would never have gone.
261
00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:24,455
And just be clear, as you shat
yourself, was he behind you
262
00:13:24,480 --> 00:13:26,055
or in front of you? He was behind.
263
00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:27,535
He took it in his stride, Sandi.
264
00:13:27,560 --> 00:13:29,095
Literally.
265
00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:34,775
And did you land safely into
your ex-girlfriend's wedding or...?
266
00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:38,975
Right. How do you hide -
267
00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:40,295
think carefully -
268
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,455
...17,000 swimming pools?
269
00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:44,335
OK. I'm going to give you a clue.
270
00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:45,575
LOU: I don't need one.
271
00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:47,095
No. Oh!
272
00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:53,135
I've got it, I've got it! No, no,
everybody watch and learn. OK.
273
00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:57,135
Well, what you do, Sandi...
274
00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:01,335
17,000 blankets.
275
00:14:01,360 --> 00:14:03,335
Well...camouflage might help.
276
00:14:03,360 --> 00:14:05,415
Are we talking about aerial
photography? Yes.
277
00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:07,055
So in 2008, the Greek government -
278
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:09,415
famous for being able to collect
taxes -
279
00:14:09,440 --> 00:14:13,055
they decided to put a tax
on swimming pools in Athens.
280
00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:17,135
324 households checked the box
on the form, to say,
281
00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:19,735
"Yes, indeed, we have a pool."
282
00:14:19,760 --> 00:14:23,455
So they looked at some satellite
images of the city,
283
00:14:23,480 --> 00:14:27,695
and they found 16,974!
284
00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:30,895
And so there was a swimming pool
builder in Athens,
285
00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:33,375
and all he did was get requests
from people saying,
286
00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:34,895
"How can I hide my pool?"
287
00:14:34,920 --> 00:14:39,695
So all kinds of things, blankets
that mimicked grass, frankly,
288
00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:43,655
floating tiles, camouflage nets,
anything that they could think of.
289
00:14:43,680 --> 00:14:45,255
Wow. So I was kind of right.
290
00:14:45,280 --> 00:14:47,455
I think I'm going to give you
a point, because I do think
291
00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:50,335
you were sort of heading
in the right direction. Thank you.
292
00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:52,335
APPLAUSE
293
00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:58,535
France has got the highest
proportion of privately owned
294
00:14:58,560 --> 00:15:00,855
swimming pools in Europe,
and they're taxed there too.
295
00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:04,215
How do you justify taxing a hole
in the ground with water in it?
296
00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:07,735
Yeah. "You've got a hole there, with
water in, so that'll cost you."
297
00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:10,855
You think this guy looks married?
298
00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:12,375
I think not, I'm going to go...
299
00:15:13,520 --> 00:15:15,895
That's my husband
you're talking about!
300
00:15:17,520 --> 00:15:20,575
So the swimming pool is considered
a luxury tax.
301
00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:25,055
And there was a time in history
when being a bachelor was also
302
00:15:25,080 --> 00:15:27,415
considered to be a luxury.
303
00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:30,415
Yes! And single people should pay
the government
304
00:15:30,440 --> 00:15:32,615
for their failure to marry.
305
00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:37,775
Damn! When might it have come up
as a thought that maybe some
306
00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:39,095
of those single men...?
307
00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:41,255
Oh, is it just men, or women as
well? It's men.
308
00:15:41,280 --> 00:15:43,735
Women can do what they like.
Is it to do with conscription?
309
00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:45,655
It is around the war.
310
00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:47,975
So we are talking about 1920.
311
00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:50,615
It was seen as sinful, it was seen
as not doing your duty after
312
00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:53,455
the First World War, that bachelors
were just having a good time.
313
00:15:53,480 --> 00:15:55,255
Sandi, love is a war.
314
00:15:57,440 --> 00:16:00,255
It is, the way YOU do it,
Lou Sanders.
315
00:16:04,720 --> 00:16:07,375
From what I've heard,
it's more of a skirmish.
316
00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:12,255
1920, a group of women in
Perigueux, France,
317
00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:14,535
formed the Anti Bachelor Society...
318
00:16:14,560 --> 00:16:16,535
They could just marry them,
319
00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:18,295
they don't need a society!
320
00:16:18,320 --> 00:16:21,215
Get out there and marry
some of these poor bastards!
321
00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:24,135
The problem was there were so many
casualties from World War I,
322
00:16:24,160 --> 00:16:26,255
that there weren't enough men
to go around.
323
00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:28,335
And what these women demanded
was that the bachelors
324
00:16:28,360 --> 00:16:29,615
should pay extra tax,
325
00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:32,495
they should be banned from voting,
or holding public office.
326
00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:34,935
- I love it.
- I'm all for that. Yeah.
327
00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:37,215
I have to say, it didn't quite work
out, but the government
328
00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:42,055
did introduce a 25% tax surcharge
on unmarried men and women
329
00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:44,935
over the age of 30,
because they wanted to boost
330
00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:46,495
the ageing population.
331
00:16:46,520 --> 00:16:51,015
The English Parliament in 1695
passed the Marriage Duty Act,
332
00:16:51,040 --> 00:16:53,175
which taxed bachelors over 25
333
00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:56,055
in a bid to raise funds
for war with France.
334
00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:58,055
And I have to say, we're not
the only country
335
00:16:58,080 --> 00:17:00,455
that has had this discussion
about a bachelor tax.
336
00:17:00,480 --> 00:17:02,775
The United States, there was a big
discussion about it.
337
00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:04,095
It didn't actually happen,
338
00:17:04,120 --> 00:17:06,335
but here's a cartoon suggesting
339
00:17:06,360 --> 00:17:09,375
what would happen if this law
came into effect.
340
00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:13,295
But anyway, it has been common
across lots of countries,
341
00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:16,575
this idea that bachelors have some
kind of duty to get married.
342
00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:20,135
Up until, from the late 19th century
until World War ll, Denmark
343
00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:24,055
had a thing that women aged
between 13 and 20 could take out
344
00:17:24,080 --> 00:17:26,055
insurance against celibacy,
345
00:17:26,080 --> 00:17:29,135
and if they were still unmarried
at 40, then you got a pension
346
00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:30,855
from your insurance policy.
347
00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:33,615
Wow. Bring it back! Bring it back!
348
00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:39,455
If you can disguise your swimming
pool as a spouse, you've got
349
00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:41,495
the ultimate tax dodge.
350
00:17:41,520 --> 00:17:44,255
What's wrong with this creature?
351
00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:47,095
It's not in my lap.
352
00:17:47,120 --> 00:17:48,735
Does anybody know what it is?
353
00:17:48,760 --> 00:17:50,415
It's an echidna. Yes!
354
00:17:50,440 --> 00:17:52,215
Have you seen an echidna? Oh...
355
00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:54,695
Not only have I seen echidnas,
I'm obsessed with them.
356
00:17:54,720 --> 00:17:57,815
Why obsessed with them? Well,
cos they crawl about in my garden.
357
00:17:57,840 --> 00:17:59,575
OK, let me get this out.
358
00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:00,975
They're great.
359
00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:03,015
Oh... No, the, er,
360
00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:04,695
the echidna has...
361
00:18:04,720 --> 00:18:07,095
I know you're going
to get annoyed when I say this
362
00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:08,415
because it's...
363
00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:10,255
It's got four penises.
364
00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:11,775
Not ANOTHER one!
365
00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:18,095
He's got one penis. Yeah.
366
00:18:18,120 --> 00:18:20,095
With four ends on.
367
00:18:20,120 --> 00:18:21,535
Yeah. So, you know, take your pick.
368
00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:25,535
So, like, eco, sport... Yes.
369
00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:30,935
You're thinking of Cock Gear.
370
00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:39,575
So they live in Australia
and New Guinea, is where they live.
371
00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:43,215
And they're a mammal,
but they lay eggs.
372
00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:46,975
Yeah, that's true. This is an
extraordinary example of an echidna.
373
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:49,135
It dates back to 1828.
374
00:18:49,160 --> 00:18:50,935
It's from the Grant Museum at UCL,
375
00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:53,335
and it was lent to us
by Tannis Davidson.
376
00:18:53,360 --> 00:18:55,055
WHISPERS: Is it sleeping?
377
00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:58,175
It's dead.
378
00:18:58,200 --> 00:19:00,735
You started this question
by saying what's wrong with it?
379
00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:02,855
What's RIGHT with it is
it's got four clicks.
380
00:19:04,240 --> 00:19:07,775
But it's got four something else,
which are wrong. Legs.
381
00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:09,455
Yeah. In what way are they wrong?
382
00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:11,935
They're facing the wrong direction.
How do you know that?
383
00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:13,815
Cos I'm guessing, Sandi,
I'm guessing.
384
00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:18,655
They've had to nail its feet down,
to stop it flipping over
385
00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:20,535
and giving you all four.
386
00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:24,895
Is it that the toes should go
that way?
387
00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:28,295
Yes. So it's got its feet on
back to front is the thing.
388
00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:30,855
So they have what looked
like backward feet
389
00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:33,175
on their rear legs.
So can you see the one on the right?
390
00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:34,695
That is correct. OK?
391
00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:37,015
It's to make predators think
that they're going towards
392
00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:38,775
them or something. It's like
393
00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:40,815
when you paint a face on your bum.
394
00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:46,455
It's to enable you to dig properly,
so that you can scrape earth
395
00:19:46,480 --> 00:19:49,895
out of the hole much more
efficiently as you go downwards.
396
00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:54,015
So the problem with this, clearly,
the taxidermist had never seen
397
00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:57,535
an echidna, OK? Oh! And it arrived,
didn't know what it looked like,
398
00:19:57,560 --> 00:19:58,895
and thought, "Well, those feet
399
00:19:58,920 --> 00:20:01,015
"for a start, they must be
on the wrong way around."
400
00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:04,175
And it just put them where
you'd think feet ought to go,
401
00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:06,455
but it's completely back to front.
402
00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:08,815
So, in those days,
an exotic specimen would arrive,
403
00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:10,895
you wouldn't have a photograph
or whatever.
404
00:20:10,920 --> 00:20:13,415
It would probably be pickled
and it would be incomplete,
405
00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:16,735
and the taxidermist's job is to put
it back together and then stuff it.
406
00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:19,895
And if you've never seen the animal
before, you would have no idea
407
00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:22,055
whatsoever how it ought
to be displayed.
408
00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:25,855
The most famous example of that
is one of my favourites.
409
00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:29,535
It's the Gripsholm Castle Lion
in Stockholm.
410
00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:31,615
Have you seen it? Yeah,
it's amazing.
411
00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:34,415
Yeah. Wow.
412
00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:35,615
Yeah.
413
00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:38,575
He was a present in the 1730s,
to King Frederick I of Sweden.
414
00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:42,255
But clearly, the guy who received
the bundle of bones and whatever,
415
00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:44,055
had never actually seen a lion!
416
00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:47,695
What he's clone there, he's got the
lenses from a pair of sunglasses.
417
00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:50,455
I LOVE him. I love him.
418
00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:54,535
And I have just discovered that Leo
the Lion has his own Facebook page.
419
00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:58,895
He has 7,500 followers.
One more today.
420
00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:02,335
And I found his last posting.
It was from Christmas.
421
00:21:02,360 --> 00:21:05,135
Have a look at this.
This is a really pleasing thing.
422
00:21:05,160 --> 00:21:06,575
AWw!
423
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:09,535
That is terrifying.
424
00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:14,615
I think I'm becoming a fan
of bad taxidermy.
425
00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:17,735
This is a wonky ocelot,
which I REALLY like.
426
00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:19,095
Look at that!
427
00:21:20,720 --> 00:21:23,815
Isn't that great?
So the first one is from 1880.
428
00:21:23,840 --> 00:21:25,135
The one on the left is 1880
429
00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:26,535
and the second one, 1934.
430
00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:29,175
I think they thought that didn't go
so well, that first one.
431
00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:31,255
There is a taxidermied blue whale
432
00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:33,495
I have discovered for you.
ALAN GASPS
433
00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:35,615
Yes. I'm very excited about this.
It's a juvenile,
434
00:21:35,640 --> 00:21:38,095
it's not the full kind of size...
Acceptable.
435
00:21:38,120 --> 00:21:39,935
...but it's in a museum in
Gothenburg.
436
00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:41,535
It was caught in the 1860s.
437
00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:44,655
And what they did was they took the
skin off and they stretched it
438
00:21:44,680 --> 00:21:47,455
over a frame. And to make it more
attractive to visitors, OK,
439
00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:49,895
they hinged the jaw, and you could
go inside.
440
00:21:49,920 --> 00:21:52,575
And that's just about 25 people
having dinner,
441
00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:54,855
on the left there!
That picture on the right,
442
00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:56,535
is that it breaking out?
443
00:21:58,480 --> 00:22:01,015
Well... "I've had enough of this!"
444
00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:04,775
They moved the museum, the Natural
History Museum, to a new building,
445
00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:08,735
and this was how they got the whale,
the taxidermied whale out.
446
00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:11,815
Surely if it's stuffed,
you just let it out.
447
00:22:11,840 --> 00:22:14,495
You just... Re-inflate it?
448
00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:16,615
...schhhhloop it down and then...
449
00:22:16,640 --> 00:22:19,175
I would have loved
to have had dinner inside a whale.
450
00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:22,015
Do you not think that's an amazing
look? Does look quite good fun.
451
00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:25,015
They stopped doing it in the 1930s,
because they discovered a couple
452
00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:26,575
having sex inside the whale. Ugh!
453
00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:28,855
One couple spoils everything!
454
00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:31,215
I know! Jonah and the moaner?
455
00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:36,855
APPLAUSE
456
00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:42,655
Anybody in the audience remember
seeing stuffed dogs at train
457
00:22:42,680 --> 00:22:45,175
stations with coin slots in them
in order to collect money?
458
00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:47,895
Put your hand up if you remember.
At Wimbledon. Wimbledon.
459
00:22:47,920 --> 00:22:50,815
Yeah. So they were real dogs
that had been taxidermied
460
00:22:50,840 --> 00:22:54,175
and then they had coin slots for
donations either in their backs
461
00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:55,615
or in their heads.
462
00:22:55,640 --> 00:22:58,175
And it dates from a Victorian
tradition, which I think lasted
463
00:22:58,200 --> 00:23:01,415
until about the 1950s, that dogs,
they were called charity dogs, used
464
00:23:01,440 --> 00:23:04,375
to roam around British railway
stations collecting for good causes
465
00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:06,375
and they'd have a collection box
on them.
466
00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:09,015
And then some of them were stuffed
after death so that they could
467
00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:11,695
go on collecting.
There's a very good example called
468
00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:15,415
London jack, and London jack was a
black dog, a flat-coated retriever,
469
00:23:15,440 --> 00:23:17,815
but he went...
That's him on the left there.
470
00:23:17,840 --> 00:23:21,935
He'd gone blond in the sunlight
and a taxidermist looked at him,
471
00:23:21,960 --> 00:23:23,735
discovered he'd got dark roots,
472
00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:25,935
so they re-dyed him on the...
473
00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:29,335
Every woman will appreciate this can
happen. This can happen...
474
00:23:29,360 --> 00:23:32,015
There was a load of real
Labradors that died
475
00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:33,775
from getting coins jammed
in their head.
476
00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:36,615
I used to have a...
477
00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:39,055
I had a stuffed otter, and...
478
00:23:39,080 --> 00:23:40,775
LAUGHTER
479
00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:42,695
It's not a euphemism, calm down!
480
00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:48,055
So I was in Kilkenny,
and I won some money on a horse
481
00:23:48,080 --> 00:23:50,015
and I got this money.
482
00:23:50,040 --> 00:23:53,455
I was walking past this sort of junk
shop and I saw this stuffed art
483
00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:56,055
and I thought, "Well, hang on,
there's a stuffed otter,
484
00:23:56,080 --> 00:23:58,495
"I have got some money. This is a
match made in heaven."
485
00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:01,815
So I got this otter, I spent three
days just having fun with it
486
00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:05,295
around Kilkenny, you know, playing
pranks on people, that sort of thing.
487
00:24:05,320 --> 00:24:07,095
And then I wanted to bring it back.
488
00:24:07,120 --> 00:24:09,295
I was living in London at the time
and I thought,
489
00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:13,055
"Are you allowed to import animal
products, that sort of thing?"
490
00:24:13,080 --> 00:24:17,375
So I went to the police station and
I walked in with it under my arm,
491
00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:19,935
and there was an old Irish policeman
sat there like that
492
00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:21,375
and I said to him,
493
00:24:21,400 --> 00:24:23,455
"I want to take this otter
to London."
494
00:24:23,480 --> 00:24:25,935
He went,
"Oh, that'll be nice for him."
495
00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:28,375
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
496
00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:36,415
Have you still got it?
497
00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:37,615
No.
498
00:24:37,640 --> 00:24:39,135
What happened to it?
499
00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:40,495
It died. He went...
500
00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:44,335
He returned to his homeland.
501
00:24:44,360 --> 00:24:46,175
What? Did you return him to the sea?
502
00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:48,735
No. If you must know, Sandi,
my house burned down,
503
00:24:48,760 --> 00:24:50,895
I lost everything I owned.
But let's not mention that.
504
00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:52,375
GROANING
505
00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:54,255
Is that true? Yeah. Yeah.
506
00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:56,815
And you know what?
507
00:24:56,840 --> 00:24:58,695
I suspect the otter. Yeah!
508
00:24:58,720 --> 00:25:02,175
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
509
00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:10,055
Now, what do elephants
and ballerinas have in common?
510
00:25:11,840 --> 00:25:13,615
Costumes. Look. Yes.
511
00:25:13,640 --> 00:25:15,695
It's really unethical to ride either
512
00:25:15,720 --> 00:25:17,575
of them for entertainment.
513
00:25:19,120 --> 00:25:22,495
You shouldn't do it. If you go to
the Royal Ballet
514
00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:24,615
and try to ride one
of the ballerinas,
515
00:25:24,640 --> 00:25:29,055
only the Queen
is allowed to ride the ones
516
00:25:29,080 --> 00:25:30,495
from Swan Lake.
517
00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:33,175
You nearly made it through
there. I nearly did!
518
00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:35,135
I started laughing before...!
519
00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:37,335
You thought of the mental
image of it.
520
00:25:37,360 --> 00:25:40,535
I've got it. If they look at you
in a certain way,
521
00:25:40,560 --> 00:25:42,135
they're going to charge at you.
522
00:25:43,800 --> 00:25:45,695
Is it to do with the laws
of physics?
523
00:25:45,720 --> 00:25:47,255
Oh! NOW this is interesting!
524
00:25:47,280 --> 00:25:49,655
Is it to do with how unlikely it is
that you could stand
525
00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:53,935
on your toes...as elephants stand on
things in circuses? You are heading
526
00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:57,095
in the right direction,
and it is to do with their toes.
527
00:25:57,120 --> 00:26:01,815
Elephants naturally walk
on their toes, which are positioned
528
00:26:01,840 --> 00:26:04,175
at the front of their feet,
but their heel bones
529
00:26:04,200 --> 00:26:05,615
are off the ground.
530
00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:09,935
And if we have a look at a drawing,
they also have this large fatty pad
531
00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:13,615
behind the toes, and that
structure - so, toes in front
532
00:26:13,640 --> 00:26:16,255
and the fatty pad behind -
it gives them a longer step
533
00:26:16,280 --> 00:26:18,575
and it enables them to spread out
their massive weight.
534
00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:20,855
It does put enormous pressure
on their feet.
535
00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:23,735
So if there's a hard surface,
they often get very sore feet.
536
00:26:23,760 --> 00:26:25,975
And the ballet tiptoe technique
is something
537
00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:27,295
that they have in common.
538
00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:29,655
It actually first started
in the early 19th century,
539
00:26:29,680 --> 00:26:32,895
it was considered a stunt until
a wonderful ballerina turned up,
540
00:26:32,920 --> 00:26:35,015
called Marie Taglione.
541
00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:37,415
And before that, ballerinas
had stood on their toes
542
00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:39,655
with the aid of wires.
I'm sorry to give it away.
543
00:26:39,680 --> 00:26:42,575
And she was just a superstar.
544
00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:46,295
There was Taglione mania, there
was cakes, hairstyles, dolls
545
00:26:46,320 --> 00:26:47,975
named after her.
546
00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:51,855
She was a kind of star
that it's hard to imagine today.
547
00:26:51,880 --> 00:26:55,055
And after her last performance,
which was in Russia in 1842,
548
00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:58,895
a group of ballet fans supposedly
bought a pair of her shoes.
549
00:26:59,960 --> 00:27:01,935
They had them fricasseed,
550
00:27:01,960 --> 00:27:04,655
and they ate them,
washed down with champagne!
551
00:27:04,680 --> 00:27:06,215
Wow. Werner Herzog.
552
00:27:06,240 --> 00:27:09,575
That's great. But here is a lesson
about celebrity.
553
00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:12,175
She could not have been more famous,
more revered,
554
00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:15,815
and she ended her life poor, giving
deportment lessons in London.
555
00:27:15,840 --> 00:27:21,015
Right, I want you to name a
completely futile game.
556
00:27:22,120 --> 00:27:23,735
Golf.
557
00:27:23,760 --> 00:27:26,895
I played hide-and-seek on my own,
once. That was quite futile.
558
00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:28,095
AUDIENCE: Awww!
559
00:27:28,120 --> 00:27:30,895
Were you seeking or hiding?
560
00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:33,015
Sort of sat behind the sofa.
561
00:27:33,040 --> 00:27:35,295
"I'm never going to find me here!"
562
00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:39,215
Any thoughts, what might a futile
game be in game theory?
563
00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:41,735
One with no end,
one with a middle?
564
00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:45,895
A futile game is one, if both sides
play it absolutely perfectly,
565
00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:48,095
it will always result in a draw.
566
00:27:48,120 --> 00:27:51,535
So the best example of that,
what the Americans call tic-tac-toe,
567
00:27:51,560 --> 00:27:53,975
but which we call noughts and
crosses. Noughts and crosses.
568
00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:56,055
So unless somebody makes a
mistake...
569
00:27:56,080 --> 00:27:58,495
Well, they have -
they've put a kid in the middle.
570
00:28:00,720 --> 00:28:04,375
The weird thing about this game is
it's fairly universal and has also
571
00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:05,935
been around for a really long time.
572
00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:11,015
So this grid, you see it on roofing
tiles dating from around 1300 BC
573
00:28:11,040 --> 00:28:14,975
in ancient Egypt, you see the
same grid chalked all over Rome
574
00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:17,215
around the first century BC...
575
00:28:17,240 --> 00:28:19,175
And you see it on stock cubes.
576
00:28:21,080 --> 00:28:22,975
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
577
00:28:26,520 --> 00:28:30,455
So I'm going to make a connection
between noughts and crosses,
578
00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:33,015
and an ordinary box of matches,
579
00:28:33,040 --> 00:28:35,775
and artificial intelligence.
580
00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:37,575
How are we going to get there? Any
thoughts?
581
00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:40,255
Well, don't put the box of matches
near Ross because he's already
582
00:28:40,280 --> 00:28:41,975
set his house on fire once.
583
00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:43,535
LAUGHTER AND GROANING
584
00:28:43,560 --> 00:28:44,775
It was the otter.
585
00:28:46,760 --> 00:28:50,735
So, in the 1960s, there was a former
Bletchley Park code-breaker
586
00:28:50,760 --> 00:28:52,095
called Donald Michie
587
00:28:52,120 --> 00:28:54,855
and he decided what he really wanted
to do was to build a computer
588
00:28:54,880 --> 00:28:58,015
that would never lose
at noughts and crosses.
589
00:28:58,040 --> 00:29:03,055
What he did was he built it out of
matchboxes and coloured beads,
590
00:29:03,080 --> 00:29:04,455
and it was called MENACE -
591
00:29:04,480 --> 00:29:07,215
the Matchbox Educable
Noughts And Crosses Engine.
592
00:29:07,240 --> 00:29:11,335
It consisted of 304 matchboxes
because 304 is all the possible
593
00:29:11,360 --> 00:29:14,335
situations that there are in noughts
and crosses, OK?
594
00:29:14,360 --> 00:29:17,975
And each box contains
different-coloured beads.
595
00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:21,615
Now, I have to tell you, we are
going to show you such a machine.
596
00:29:21,640 --> 00:29:24,335
It has been built by the
mathematician Matthew Scroggs.
597
00:29:24,360 --> 00:29:26,695
I do not fully understand it.
598
00:29:26,720 --> 00:29:29,175
So, Matthew, I'm going to hand over
to you.
599
00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:31,055
I'll take this one. OK.
600
00:29:32,240 --> 00:29:34,895
Matthew, I'm going to take it over
to you. But this is a replica
601
00:29:34,920 --> 00:29:36,895
that you've built yourself,
isn't it?
602
00:29:36,920 --> 00:29:39,495
This is the replica I've built
of Donald Michie's original MENACE.
603
00:29:39,520 --> 00:29:41,775
So it's built from 304 matchboxes,
as you said.
604
00:29:41,800 --> 00:29:45,775
The first important thing is
we have a key here, which tells us
605
00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:49,095
each of the nine squares
I've given a colour to.
606
00:29:49,120 --> 00:29:52,495
So the coloured beads inside
the boxes tell me where MENACE
607
00:29:52,520 --> 00:29:54,895
would like to play,
using the colour code.
608
00:29:54,920 --> 00:29:57,055
So we started the game earlier.
609
00:29:57,080 --> 00:29:58,695
MENACE made three moves,
610
00:29:58,720 --> 00:30:01,215
you made two moves. OK.
Which means it's your move.
611
00:30:01,240 --> 00:30:02,655
You're playing as crosses.
612
00:30:02,680 --> 00:30:05,015
LOU: Who's Menace?
ROSE: And is he single?
613
00:30:06,720 --> 00:30:08,855
Right. So on the front of each
matchbox,
614
00:30:08,880 --> 00:30:11,735
we have pictures of all the
positions in noughts and crosses.
615
00:30:11,760 --> 00:30:15,015
So shortly I'm going to be looking
through the pile to find the one,
616
00:30:15,040 --> 00:30:18,175
but you first need to make a move,
so I know which one to look for.
617
00:30:18,200 --> 00:30:20,415
Sol don't want you to win.
618
00:30:20,440 --> 00:30:23,735
Sol am going to put a cross.
619
00:30:23,760 --> 00:30:25,935
Classic move, Sandi.
Thank you, darling.
620
00:30:25,960 --> 00:30:27,535
APPLAUSE
621
00:30:30,080 --> 00:30:32,735
OK. Could you turn the board
upside down?
622
00:30:34,480 --> 00:30:36,375
There we go. There we go.
The board now matches
623
00:30:36,400 --> 00:30:38,615
the picture
on the front of my matchbox.
624
00:30:38,640 --> 00:30:40,415
OK. So this is the box we use. OK.
625
00:30:40,440 --> 00:30:42,615
Inside this box,
there will be three beads.
626
00:30:42,640 --> 00:30:46,495
They will be coloured
white, red and orange. Yeah.
627
00:30:46,520 --> 00:30:49,335
Because those are the three
places MENACE can move next.
628
00:30:49,360 --> 00:30:52,015
Right? So those are the three empty
spaces. Yes.
629
00:30:52,040 --> 00:30:53,295
Up here on the, on the board.
630
00:30:53,320 --> 00:30:55,975
So I'm now taking one of the beads
out. Yeah.
631
00:30:56,000 --> 00:30:58,855
And it is a red. Which is here?
632
00:30:58,880 --> 00:31:01,535
Middle-right, which is there.
So a nought goes there. This one?
633
00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:03,015
Yeah.
634
00:31:03,040 --> 00:31:06,455
Nought
which means I am going to go here.
635
00:31:06,480 --> 00:31:09,575
So I seem to have won.
Does that spoil it? No.
636
00:31:09,600 --> 00:31:12,415
So actually it's not surprising
you've won because this MENACE
637
00:31:12,440 --> 00:31:15,135
is quite a young MENACE.
So it's not very intelligent so far.
638
00:31:15,160 --> 00:31:17,975
But what we're going to do now is
we're going to do the learning step,
639
00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:20,335
which makes it
a machine-learning machine.
640
00:31:20,360 --> 00:31:22,375
So because MENACE lost,
641
00:31:22,400 --> 00:31:25,215
if we take the last matchbox
we used,
642
00:31:25,240 --> 00:31:27,095
we picked a red bead.
643
00:31:27,120 --> 00:31:29,815
Mm-hm. This was a bad move
cos this let you win.
644
00:31:29,840 --> 00:31:31,895
So I'm going to take this red bead
away.
645
00:31:31,920 --> 00:31:35,015
So now, next time MENACE uses this
box, it doesn't have a red bead,
646
00:31:35,040 --> 00:31:36,335
so it will try something else.
647
00:31:36,360 --> 00:31:38,855
So it's not going to make the same
mistake and lose again.
648
00:31:38,880 --> 00:31:42,735
But this was the beginning,
was it not, of understanding
649
00:31:42,760 --> 00:31:45,975
that it was possible somehow
to develop the concept
650
00:31:46,000 --> 00:31:47,335
of machine learning?
651
00:31:47,360 --> 00:31:49,695
Is this the same principle as
652
00:31:49,720 --> 00:31:52,735
tick all the boxes that have got
traffic lights in?
653
00:31:52,760 --> 00:31:55,375
They work on a similar system.
654
00:31:55,400 --> 00:31:57,615
The whole idea is that
it's all about trial and error.
655
00:31:57,640 --> 00:32:00,415
So you try lots of things
and you keep the things that work.
656
00:32:00,440 --> 00:32:02,015
So this looks like it's learning.
657
00:32:02,040 --> 00:32:03,935
It's not actually thinking or
learning,
658
00:32:03,960 --> 00:32:05,735
but it behaves like it does.
659
00:32:05,760 --> 00:32:08,375
ROSS: It's a long way from that
to the Terminator, isn't it?
660
00:32:09,920 --> 00:32:12,815
Thank God!
We're only at the matchbox!
661
00:32:12,840 --> 00:32:16,455
I tell you what, when they do the
prequel to the Terminator,
662
00:32:16,480 --> 00:32:18,415
that's going to be a boring film,
isn't it?
663
00:32:20,040 --> 00:32:21,855
A box of matches lands out the sky!
664
00:32:23,200 --> 00:32:25,735
But you know what's amazing
about it, and I get
665
00:32:25,760 --> 00:32:28,415
that it's really complicated
and I have not fully understood it,
666
00:32:28,440 --> 00:32:33,095
but I love that a man by himself
with a series of matchboxes
667
00:32:33,120 --> 00:32:37,375
and some beads was the founding
person to come up with the idea
668
00:32:37,400 --> 00:32:40,495
that a machine could learn.
It is amazing, isn't it?
669
00:32:40,520 --> 00:32:43,535
It's incredible. So if you want to
know more about it,
670
00:32:43,560 --> 00:32:45,415
which I really hope
what we've done is
671
00:32:45,440 --> 00:32:48,935
we've sort of tickled your interest
in it, WHAT can we do, Matthew?
672
00:32:48,960 --> 00:32:51,975
So there's a blog post on my website
and a playable version
673
00:32:52,000 --> 00:32:55,015
of it, so you can play against it
to kind of really see that it does
674
00:32:55,040 --> 00:32:56,615
get better at noughts and crosses.
675
00:32:56,640 --> 00:32:59,135
How many times does it need to play
it for it to get intel,
676
00:32:59,160 --> 00:33:02,095
like smart enough to...?
After about 30 games,
677
00:33:02,120 --> 00:33:04,295
it will draw half the time
and lose half the time.
678
00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:07,215
After about 60 or 70 games,
it will pretty consistently draw.
679
00:33:07,240 --> 00:33:08,655
Oh, my God.
680
00:33:08,680 --> 00:33:11,855
How good is that
against five Zippo lighters?
681
00:33:13,800 --> 00:33:16,135
Matthew, thank you so much indeed.
682
00:33:16,160 --> 00:33:18,215
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
683
00:33:23,000 --> 00:33:24,935
What is the curse of knowledge?
684
00:33:24,960 --> 00:33:27,015
Oh, go on, ask me.
685
00:33:28,480 --> 00:33:30,695
What is the curse of knowledge?
Alan?
686
00:33:32,400 --> 00:33:35,655
Well, ignorance is bliss, Sandi,
isn't it, you see?
687
00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:37,855
OK, I'm going to demonstrate
what I mean by it.
688
00:33:37,880 --> 00:33:39,895
OK. So let's start with you, Ross.
689
00:33:39,920 --> 00:33:41,735
You've got a stick beside you.
690
00:33:41,760 --> 00:33:43,135
Oh, have I? Oh, sorry.
691
00:33:43,160 --> 00:33:44,695
And there is a card next to you,
692
00:33:44,720 --> 00:33:46,775
which, I do not want
you to say it out loud,
693
00:33:46,800 --> 00:33:49,135
but there's the name
of a well-known tune,
694
00:33:49,160 --> 00:33:52,575
which I'm going to get you to tap
out on the desk with your stick.
695
00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:54,975
OK? OK.
What do you think are the chances,
696
00:33:55,000 --> 00:33:57,215
like percentage-wise,
the chances of us guessing
697
00:33:57,240 --> 00:33:58,815
what you're tapping out?
698
00:33:58,840 --> 00:34:00,415
I would think 2%. 2%?
699
00:34:00,440 --> 00:34:02,455
Why, are you really rubbish at
tapping? No,
700
00:34:02,480 --> 00:34:04,735
it's just because you've only got
the rhythm, haven't you?
701
00:34:04,760 --> 00:34:08,055
You haven't got the... Give it a go. Give it
a go. I'm ready to be proved wrong. OK. OK.
702
00:34:13,280 --> 00:34:16,175
If you get down to the woods today
you're sure of a big surprise.
703
00:34:16,200 --> 00:34:18,015
Yes! Oh, yeah. Wow!
704
00:34:18,040 --> 00:34:19,415
WOW!
705
00:34:21,240 --> 00:34:23,095
Wow! Can I just say...
706
00:34:23,120 --> 00:34:24,775
He's a wizard! Burn him!
707
00:34:24,800 --> 00:34:27,375
...also overlooked
for Never Mind The Buzzcocks.
708
00:34:29,760 --> 00:34:31,335
That was VERY impressive.
709
00:34:31,360 --> 00:34:34,535
There was a famous experiment done
by a psychologist called
710
00:34:34,560 --> 00:34:36,535
Elizabeth Newton in the 1990s,
711
00:34:36,560 --> 00:34:38,775
and so she got people
to tap out tunes,
712
00:34:38,800 --> 00:34:42,055
and the tappers used to estimate
beforehand how much success
713
00:34:42,080 --> 00:34:46,015
they were going to have. And so,
they mostly guessed things like 50%.
714
00:34:46,040 --> 00:34:49,455
In fact, their success rate
was about 2.5%. I said 2, didn't I?
715
00:34:49,480 --> 00:34:51,255
I said 2! Yeah, you did.
716
00:34:51,280 --> 00:34:53,495
I said 2. But he's a wizard, so...
717
00:34:54,760 --> 00:34:57,815
But what happened was the tappers
were astonished that people
718
00:34:57,840 --> 00:35:00,095
couldn't get it from the tapping
719
00:35:00,120 --> 00:35:02,375
because they knew what the answer
was,
720
00:35:02,400 --> 00:35:04,655
so they rather imagined
that the listeners must know
721
00:35:04,680 --> 00:35:07,055
what the answer was. And it's known
as the curse of knowledge.
722
00:35:07,080 --> 00:35:10,655
We all overestimate our ability
to clearly convey information,
723
00:35:10,680 --> 00:35:14,495
and we find it very difficult
to remember or know that somebody
724
00:35:14,520 --> 00:35:15,975
doesn't actually know the answer.
725
00:35:16,000 --> 00:35:17,655
And you see it in young children.
726
00:35:17,680 --> 00:35:20,975
And the thing about young children
is they haven't yet learned to try
727
00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:23,015
and compensate for this effect.
728
00:35:23,040 --> 00:35:25,775
So, show a four-year-old a box of
sweets, or what looks like a box
729
00:35:25,800 --> 00:35:28,575
of sweets on the outside, and you
say, "What's inside this box?"
730
00:35:28,600 --> 00:35:29,935
And they'll say, "Sweets."
731
00:35:29,960 --> 00:35:33,175
If you open it and show them
that there are pencils inside,
732
00:35:33,200 --> 00:35:36,215
then immediately they go, "Oh, yeah,
yeah, it's pencils," right?
733
00:35:36,240 --> 00:35:39,055
So when the next child is asked,
"What do you think is in this box?"
734
00:35:39,080 --> 00:35:40,575
And the child says, "Sweets,"
735
00:35:40,600 --> 00:35:42,495
the other child goes,
"Idiot. Idiot." Yeah.
736
00:35:44,880 --> 00:35:48,175
"You're an idiot, it's pencils.
Everybody knows it's pencils."
737
00:35:48,200 --> 00:35:49,895
Because they can no longer imagine
738
00:35:49,920 --> 00:35:52,415
not knowing
that it's got pencils in there.
739
00:35:52,440 --> 00:35:54,695
Well, kids are thick, aren't they?
So...
740
00:35:55,760 --> 00:35:59,175
I've got one, you know, I've got
one. What are the percentages of us
741
00:35:59,200 --> 00:36:01,775
having a guess? 100%. 100%, OK.
Get real.
742
00:36:08,160 --> 00:36:09,615
National anthem.
743
00:36:18,560 --> 00:36:20,055
Come on, everyone.
744
00:36:21,480 --> 00:36:25,895
AUDIENCE: # Twinkle, twinkle,
little star
745
00:36:25,920 --> 00:36:30,135
# How I wonder what you are. #
746
00:36:30,160 --> 00:36:32,735
I KNEW you were getting it!
747
00:36:37,800 --> 00:36:40,935
So what I think is,
ten points for the audience.
748
00:36:40,960 --> 00:36:42,935
CHEERING
749
00:36:45,800 --> 00:36:47,495
You know what this means.
750
00:36:47,520 --> 00:36:49,495
Brand-new TV format -
751
00:36:49,520 --> 00:36:51,095
Tap Gear.
752
00:36:51,120 --> 00:36:53,175
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
753
00:36:54,680 --> 00:36:56,655
Come on!
754
00:36:56,680 --> 00:36:59,335
Now, we've toed the line, ticking
every box along the way,
755
00:36:59,360 --> 00:37:03,455
let's tack in the direction
of general ignorance.
756
00:37:03,480 --> 00:37:06,655
What are those little bumps you can
see on your tongue, called?
757
00:37:06,680 --> 00:37:08,095
Herpes.
758
00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:16,975
Papillae.
759
00:37:17,000 --> 00:37:18,695
They ARE called papillae. Yes!
760
00:37:18,720 --> 00:37:21,895
You're so clever today!
APPLAUSE
761
00:37:24,840 --> 00:37:26,935
And what do you do with those?
762
00:37:26,960 --> 00:37:31,695
Well, cats scrape the skin
off animals with them.
763
00:37:31,720 --> 00:37:35,255
I've seen a lion eat horse meat,
and its papillae are so sharp,
764
00:37:35,280 --> 00:37:39,215
it can lick a lump of horse meat
and it'll hang off its tongue. Wow!
765
00:37:39,240 --> 00:37:42,695
So, though, for us, they're not
really serving a lot of purpose.
766
00:37:42,720 --> 00:37:45,735
Do you know what the purple bits
are? Make 'em look pretty?
767
00:37:45,760 --> 00:37:48,175
Those are our taste buds.
Taste buds. Yeah.
768
00:37:48,200 --> 00:37:50,615
Which most people think are
the little bumps, but they are,
769
00:37:50,640 --> 00:37:53,695
in fact, ALL taste buds are entirely
invisible to the naked eye.
770
00:37:53,720 --> 00:37:57,855
25% of the population, mainly women,
are what are called super-tasters.
771
00:37:57,880 --> 00:38:01,135
They're specifically good
at detecting bitterness.
772
00:38:01,160 --> 00:38:04,335
This is the sort of thing
you should have on a Tinder profile.
773
00:38:07,440 --> 00:38:10,495
And then there's 25% of people
are non-tasters and these are people
774
00:38:10,520 --> 00:38:12,615
who can't detect bitter tastes
at all.
775
00:38:12,640 --> 00:38:14,735
Equally good on a Tinder profile.
776
00:38:14,760 --> 00:38:16,855
"I can't taste,
I can't detect anything."
777
00:38:16,880 --> 00:38:19,815
It is worth knowing because
super-tasters tend to be
778
00:38:19,840 --> 00:38:23,215
fussy eaters because they can taste
so many more things.
779
00:38:23,240 --> 00:38:25,655
Children are more sensitive
to bitterness than adults,
780
00:38:25,680 --> 00:38:28,415
so when a child says, "That Brussels
sprout tastes disgusting,"
781
00:38:28,440 --> 00:38:30,775
it probably to them is
absolutely disgusting.
782
00:38:30,800 --> 00:38:33,135
Also, Brussels sprouts ARE
disgusting. No!
783
00:38:33,160 --> 00:38:34,895
Whoa. I'll stop you there.
784
00:38:34,920 --> 00:38:36,815
I love them!
I'll stop you right there.
785
00:38:36,840 --> 00:38:38,215
I'm a super-taster!
786
00:38:39,240 --> 00:38:40,735
Anyway, moving on.
787
00:38:40,760 --> 00:38:43,455
Where would you find the world's
oldest boomerang?
788
00:38:43,480 --> 00:38:45,255
Oh, it's still out there somewhere.
789
00:38:48,760 --> 00:38:51,015
Where would you find it? Come on,
what's the obvious...?
790
00:38:51,040 --> 00:38:52,615
Australia.
791
00:38:52,640 --> 00:38:53,655
KLAXON
792
00:38:56,960 --> 00:38:59,615
Kent. Yeah, it's probably
in a British museum
793
00:38:59,640 --> 00:39:02,455
because they bloody stole it
from Australia.
794
00:39:02,480 --> 00:39:06,215
So the oldest surviving Australian
boomerang comes from a peat bog
795
00:39:06,240 --> 00:39:08,375
in South Australia.
It's about the same age as boats.
796
00:39:08,400 --> 00:39:09,655
It's about 10,000 years old.
797
00:39:09,680 --> 00:39:14,175
But in 1986, archaeologists found
a boomerang in southern Poland.
798
00:39:14,200 --> 00:39:17,815
Uh! Mm! At 23,000 years old,
either it was Polish
799
00:39:17,840 --> 00:39:19,175
or it had come a bloody long way.
800
00:39:19,200 --> 00:39:21,775
That is a fingernail, I'm so sorry
to say.
801
00:39:21,800 --> 00:39:24,935
It's the exact same shape as
the Australian boomerang, but made
802
00:39:24,960 --> 00:39:26,575
of a mammoth tusk.
803
00:39:26,600 --> 00:39:28,375
And there are carved ancient
boomerangs.
804
00:39:28,400 --> 00:39:31,255
They're found all over the world,
from North Africa to Arizona.
805
00:39:31,280 --> 00:39:34,375
They were probably used
in hunting and in warfare.
806
00:39:34,400 --> 00:39:39,415
Almost all of the non-Australian
ones are non-returning, as it were.
807
00:39:39,440 --> 00:39:42,495
If you want a returning boomerang,
you have to find an Australian one.
808
00:39:42,520 --> 00:39:44,615
Have you tried a boomerang? I have.
809
00:39:44,640 --> 00:39:46,695
Have you tried catching a wooden
boomerang?
810
00:39:46,720 --> 00:39:48,455
Is it painful?
Take your fingers off.
811
00:39:48,480 --> 00:39:50,335
Cos you go,
"I've clone it! I've done it!"
812
00:39:50,360 --> 00:39:51,815
Oh, shit!
813
00:39:53,000 --> 00:39:54,855
I don't want it to come back.
814
00:39:54,880 --> 00:39:58,135
I had one that my auntie in
Australia sent me as a present
815
00:39:58,160 --> 00:40:01,015
and I opened it up,
went in the garden and threw it,
816
00:40:01,040 --> 00:40:03,015
and it looped right round and
817
00:40:03,040 --> 00:40:05,015
into next door's window
818
00:40:05,040 --> 00:40:06,855
and set the burglar alarm off.
819
00:40:08,600 --> 00:40:10,415
My ex-boyfriend used to call me
Boomerang
820
00:40:10,440 --> 00:40:11,695
because I kept coming back.
821
00:40:13,280 --> 00:40:15,575
Oh, sweetie.
822
00:40:15,600 --> 00:40:17,775
That, and other names. OK.
823
00:40:19,320 --> 00:40:21,695
They tried it out
on the International Space Station.
824
00:40:21,720 --> 00:40:24,055
I don't know how there was room,
but they wanted to prove
825
00:40:24,080 --> 00:40:26,335
that a boomerang would work the same
in zero gravity.
826
00:40:26,360 --> 00:40:29,095
So in 1992, the astronauts had a go.
I don't see why it wouldn't work.
827
00:40:29,120 --> 00:40:31,815
They rely on air - there's air on
the International Space Station.
828
00:40:31,840 --> 00:40:34,775
They just seem to be up to random
shit up there. They're like
829
00:40:34,800 --> 00:40:37,655
"Ooh, what does chocolate milk
look like in no gravity?"
830
00:40:37,680 --> 00:40:39,295
You're like, "Do your job!"
831
00:40:40,520 --> 00:40:42,815
They're up there
with 300 matchboxes.
832
00:40:46,080 --> 00:40:48,895
Ancl then the beans all float out!
"Oh, no!
833
00:40:48,920 --> 00:40:50,375
"No!"
834
00:40:50,400 --> 00:40:53,015
Two things I did not know
about boomerangs -
835
00:40:53,040 --> 00:40:54,655
Boomerang World Championships,
836
00:40:54,680 --> 00:40:57,655
the Germans and the Americans win
nearly all the titles.
837
00:40:57,680 --> 00:41:00,935
Australians have not won since 1984.
838
00:41:00,960 --> 00:41:03,695
And Britain exports over 50,000
839
00:41:03,720 --> 00:41:05,295
boomerangs a year.
840
00:41:05,320 --> 00:41:07,535
But they keep coming back. No...
841
00:41:09,480 --> 00:41:13,975
Now, who invented the talking cure?
842
00:41:14,000 --> 00:41:15,415
Freud.
843
00:41:15,440 --> 00:41:16,455
KLAXON
844
00:41:19,560 --> 00:41:22,215
Not Freud. It's the person who
doesn't get the credit
845
00:41:22,240 --> 00:41:24,015
and ought to get the credit for it.
846
00:41:24,040 --> 00:41:26,375
LOU SIGHS
Oh, a woman...probably.
847
00:41:30,840 --> 00:41:33,015
The Bitter Feminist -
the new podcast.
848
00:41:34,720 --> 00:41:37,375
Every week,
"It was a woman, probably."
849
00:41:38,600 --> 00:41:42,655
Anna O was a famous client of
Freud's. Yeah, I know.
850
00:41:42,680 --> 00:41:45,655
She was a woman called
Bertha Pappenheim.
851
00:41:45,680 --> 00:41:49,455
She had headaches and blurred vision and
hallucinations, memory loss, all sorts of things.
852
00:41:49,480 --> 00:41:52,215
And she went to a physician called
Josef Breuer and asked for help,
853
00:41:52,240 --> 00:41:53,575
and he decided she had hysteria
854
00:41:53,600 --> 00:41:55,815
because she had uncontrolled
emotions.
855
00:41:55,840 --> 00:41:58,935
And she suggested that what
she would like to do is to talk
856
00:41:58,960 --> 00:42:00,775
through her symptoms in detail.
857
00:42:00,800 --> 00:42:03,335
She called it the talking cure
or chimney sweeping,
858
00:42:03,360 --> 00:42:04,695
which I quite like.
859
00:42:04,720 --> 00:42:08,935
And Dr Breuer and his young
colleague, Sigmund Freud,
860
00:42:08,960 --> 00:42:11,535
co-wrote a landmark work of
psychology, called
861
00:42:11,560 --> 00:42:13,415
Studies In Hysteria, in 1895.
862
00:42:13,440 --> 00:42:16,695
And they wrote about her case
under the pseudonym of Anna 0,
863
00:42:16,720 --> 00:42:19,295
and used her term,
"The talking cure".
864
00:42:19,320 --> 00:42:22,095
But it was her idea.
Is he in a high-heeled shoe?
865
00:42:23,440 --> 00:42:26,215
Where are you...?
LAUGHTER
866
00:42:28,360 --> 00:42:31,335
Cos you know women - the two things
they love is
867
00:42:31,360 --> 00:42:33,335
yapping away and high heels.
868
00:42:33,360 --> 00:42:35,975
I'll tell you what, with
that stick, she can be the first
869
00:42:36,000 --> 00:42:38,415
celebrity guest on Tap Gear!
870
00:42:39,840 --> 00:42:43,735
"Our star with a reasonably
priced stick, bring her on!
871
00:42:43,760 --> 00:42:45,935
"Get in your shoe!"
872
00:42:45,960 --> 00:42:50,095
Right, talking of talking, it's time
to talk about the scores.
873
00:42:50,120 --> 00:42:53,175
Finishing last, with a taxi for one,
with -20,
874
00:42:53,200 --> 00:42:55,095
it's Alan.
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
875
00:42:57,760 --> 00:42:59,695
In fourth place, with two points,
876
00:42:59,720 --> 00:43:01,575
it's Rose.
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
877
00:43:04,280 --> 00:43:05,815
In third place, with three,
878
00:43:05,840 --> 00:43:08,655
it's Lou.
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
879
00:43:08,680 --> 00:43:11,135
In second place,
with four points, it's Ross.
880
00:43:11,160 --> 00:43:12,895
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
881
00:43:14,600 --> 00:43:18,055
Which means, in first place,
and getting a big tick from me,
882
00:43:18,080 --> 00:43:20,295
with ten points, it's the audience!
883
00:43:20,320 --> 00:43:22,535
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
884
00:43:28,200 --> 00:43:30,855
Thank you to Rose, Ross,
Lou and Alan.
885
00:43:30,880 --> 00:43:34,015
And we leave you with this tactical
solution to a tough problem
886
00:43:34,040 --> 00:43:35,455
from Albert Einstein.
887
00:43:35,480 --> 00:43:39,095
When I was young, I found out
that the big toe always ends up
888
00:43:39,120 --> 00:43:40,775
making a hole in a sock.
889
00:43:40,800 --> 00:43:43,375
So I stopped wearing socks.
Goodnight.
890
00:43:43,400 --> 00:43:46,055
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING