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Downloaded from
YTS.MX
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[ Announcer ] LIVE FROM QUAHOG,
RHODE ISLAND, THIS IS
CHANNEL FIVE ACTION NEWS...
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00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:09,774
WITH TOM TUCKER,
DIANE SIMMONS,
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00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000
Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:14,679
AND BLACCU-WEATHER
METEOROLOGIST,
OLLIE WILLIAMS.
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00:00:14,748 --> 00:00:17,716
GOOD EVENING,
I'M TOM TUCKER.
AND I'M DIANE SIMMONS.
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00:00:17,784 --> 00:00:19,851
COULD WE TALK ABOUT
SOMETHING BESIDES
YOURSELF, DIANE?
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00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:22,955
- EXCUSE ME?
- GREAT. TONIGHT, IN THE NEWS,
TWO LOCAL MEN ARRESTED...
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00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:25,023
AS PART OF AN ILLEGAL
STEROID RING.
10
00:00:25,092 --> 00:00:27,692
THESE CHARGES ARE FALSE.
OUR MUSCLES
ARE THE RESULT...
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00:00:27,761 --> 00:00:31,162
OF HUNDREDS OF SQUAT-THRUSTS
AND SOMERSAULTS
DOWN ON THE HARD GROUND.
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00:00:31,231 --> 00:00:35,767
STOP PUSHING!
SAVE YOUR ROUGHNECK TACTICS
FOR SACCO AND VANZETTI.
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00:00:40,941 --> 00:00:43,308
HUP! HUP-HO! HUP!
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00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:45,777
MEANWHILE, AUTHORITIES
ACTING ON A TIP,
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00:00:45,846 --> 00:00:48,647
SEARCHED THE MARSHLANDS
NEAR THE FOX POINT
HURRICANE BARRIER...
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00:00:48,716 --> 00:00:50,949
FOR WHAT THEY BELIEVED
TO BE THE REMAINS...
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00:00:51,017 --> 00:00:53,017
OF REPUTED MOBSTER
"BIG FAT" PAULY.
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00:00:53,086 --> 00:00:56,288
THE AUTHORITIES WERE
DISAPPOINTED TO FIND NOT
THE REMAINS OF "BIG FAT" PAULY,
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00:00:56,356 --> 00:00:59,792
BUT, INSTEAD,
THE REMAINS OF THE DAY,
A BORING MERCHANT-IVORY FILM...
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00:00:59,860 --> 00:01:03,562
- STARRING SIR ANTHONY HOPKINS.
- HMM. FUNNY HOW THEY
COULD'VE CONFUSED THAT.
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00:01:03,630 --> 00:01:07,265
COMING UP, WHY YOUR NEXT
TRIP TO THE SALAD BAR
COULD BE YOUR LAST.
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00:01:07,334 --> 00:01:10,068
BUT FIRST, WE GO LIVE
TO THE QUAHOG PERFORMING
ARTS CENTER...
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WHERE ASIAN CORRESPONDENT,
TRICIA TAKANAWA
IS DOWN AT THE RED CARPET.
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00:01:15,476 --> 00:01:19,611
- [ Shutters Clicking ]
- TOM, TONIGHT THE STARS
ARE OUT...
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00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:23,181
FOR A SPECIAL SNEAK PREVIEW
OF A STRAIGHT-TO-DVD FEATURE...
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00:01:23,249 --> 00:01:27,218
THAT WILL SOON BE IN
THE $3.99 BIN
AT YOUR LOCAL CAR WASH.
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00:01:27,287 --> 00:01:30,021
HERE COMES MAYOR
ADAM WEST, HIMSELF.
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00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:33,592
MR. WEST, DO YOU HAVE
ANY WORDS FOR OUR VIEWERS?
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00:01:33,660 --> 00:01:38,329
BOX, TOASTER, ALUMINUM,
MAPLE SYRUP--
NO, I TAKE THAT ONE BACK.
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00:01:38,399 --> 00:01:41,566
I'M GONNA HOLD ON
TO THAT ONE.
THANK YOU, MAYOR WEST.
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00:01:41,635 --> 00:01:46,871
OH, AND IF I'M NOT MISTAKEN,
IT'S LOCAL FOLK LEGEND
AND WARD OF THE STATE,
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00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:50,108
QUAHOG'S OWN
GREASED-UP DEAF GUY.
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DON'T JUDGE ME!
I'M JUST DOIN' MY THING!
SEE YOU IN THE THEATER.
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- [ Woman ] EVIL, OVER HERE!
- [ Man ] HEY, EVIL MONKEY!
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00:01:56,683 --> 00:01:58,883
[ Overlapping Shouts ]
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00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:01,019
[ Cheering ]
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00:02:01,088 --> 00:02:04,823
AND HERE COME TWO POPULAR
FAMILY GUY GUEST STARS,
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00:02:04,891 --> 00:02:07,258
DREW BARRYMORE
AND HER DATE.
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00:02:07,327 --> 00:02:09,794
[ Cheering ]
HEY, KOOL-AID!
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00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:11,863
OH, YEAH!
THINGS GOING WELL
WITH DREW?
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00:02:11,932 --> 00:02:14,098
OH, YEAH!
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00:02:14,167 --> 00:02:17,969
WE HAVE SO MUCH FUN
AND HE KEEPS MY TONGUE
REALLY RED.
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00:02:18,038 --> 00:02:20,104
SEE?
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00:02:20,173 --> 00:02:22,273
♪♪ [ Hip-hop ]
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HEY, THANK Y'ALL FOR COMING OUT.
DON'T FORGET TO CHECK OUT
MY CLOTHING LINE, C.C. BROWN,
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00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:29,247
AVAILABLE
AT MANY RETAIL OUTLETS.
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00:02:29,316 --> 00:02:31,550
GOT Y'ALL IN HERE.
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00:02:31,619 --> 00:02:36,388
AND HERE ARE THE STARS
OF TONIGHT'S FILM,
THE GRIFFIN FAMILY.
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00:02:36,457 --> 00:02:38,690
WHOA! WHAT'S THIS,
A PARTY?
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00:02:38,759 --> 00:02:40,759
[ Chuckles ]
HOW'D YOU ALL
GET IN MY ROOM?
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00:02:40,828 --> 00:02:43,495
[ Laughs ]
HI, I'M BRIAN.
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00:02:43,564 --> 00:02:46,231
UM, I RODE BACKWARDS
IN THE LIMO, SO,
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00:02:46,299 --> 00:02:48,933
UH, ACTUALLY,
MY UNDERPANTS WERE GOING
THE RIGHT WAY.
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[ Giggles ]
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00:02:51,071 --> 00:02:53,805
- STEWIE! STEWIE!
GOOD TO HAVE YOU BACK!
- GOOD TO BE BACK.
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00:02:53,874 --> 00:02:56,774
ESPECIALLY SINCE MY BRIEF
FORAY INTO POLITICS
DIDN'T WORK OUT.
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[ Cheering ]
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[ Shouts, Cheers ]
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LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
WE GOT HIM!
[ Cheering ]
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00:03:11,625 --> 00:03:13,992
STEWIE, I'M FROM TV GUIDE.
HOW DOES IT FEEL...
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00:03:14,061 --> 00:03:16,127
TO BE THE YOUNGEST
WORKING ACTOR IN HOLLYWOOD?
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00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:19,797
WELL, IT FEELS ABOUT LIKE
SEVEN FIGURES A YEAR,
WHICH FEELS PRETTY GOOD.
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00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:21,900
STEWIE! STEWIE!
HI, I'M FROM
THE L.A. TIMES.
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00:03:21,969 --> 00:03:24,269
CAN YOU TELL US,
ARE YOU WORKING
ON ANY NEW PROJECTS?
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00:03:24,338 --> 00:03:26,404
WELL, YES. I JUST DID
AN EPISODE OF
ACCORDING TO JIM.
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00:03:26,473 --> 00:03:28,406
I'M THE COMIC RELIEF.
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00:03:28,475 --> 00:03:32,110
STEWIE, DO YOU KNOW IF FOX
HAS ANY PLANS TO BRING BACK
FUTURAMA?
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00:03:32,179 --> 00:03:34,612
WHAT MAGAZINE
ARE YOU FROM?
ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY.
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00:03:34,681 --> 00:03:36,748
[ Gasping ]
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00:03:36,817 --> 00:03:40,652
♪ LA, LA, LA, LA
FAMILY GUY ♪
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00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:43,088
[ Slurring ]
H-H-HEY, EVERYBODY!
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00:03:43,157 --> 00:03:46,224
I AM SORRY. I AM SO SORRY.
THERE WAS BOOZE IN THE CAR.
[ Laughing ]
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00:03:46,293 --> 00:03:48,293
I'M SORRY.
[ Shouting ]
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00:03:48,362 --> 00:03:50,528
OH, GOD, LOIS!
FOR CHRIST'S SAKE,
TAKE IT EASY, WILL YA?
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00:03:50,597 --> 00:03:54,432
WHEN I HEARD--
WHEN I HEARD...
GOD.
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00:03:54,501 --> 00:03:57,068
THAT WE WAS GONNA BE
IN A MOVIE, I WAS LIKE,
"YEAH!"
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00:03:57,137 --> 00:03:59,771
ALL RIGHT.
YOU KNOW WHAT? LET'S JUST
TRY AND WALK STRAIGHT HERE.
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00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:01,840
JUST--
[ Grunts, Laughs ]
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00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:03,842
LOIS, GET UP.
OH, GOD. LOIS, GET UP.
80
00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:06,311
GET ON!
I'M NOT GONNA
GET ON.
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00:04:06,380 --> 00:04:08,413
I AM NOT GON--
LOIS. LOIS.
YOU GET UP.
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00:04:08,482 --> 00:04:10,748
PETER.
WHAT?
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00:04:10,817 --> 00:04:12,984
GET ON.
SON OF A BITCH.
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00:04:13,053 --> 00:04:15,720
I-I AM REALLY SORRY,
EVERYBODY.
[ Giggling ]
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00:04:15,789 --> 00:04:17,789
[ Vomits ]
OH, G-- OH! ALL RIGHT.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
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00:04:17,858 --> 00:04:21,626
LET'S GET INSIDE.
[ Grunts ] COME ON.
OW!
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00:04:21,695 --> 00:04:25,296
SO, MEG, HOW DOES IT FEEL
TO BE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION?
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00:04:25,366 --> 00:04:28,333
[ Gasps ]
OH, MY GOD.
YOU TALKIN' TO ME?
89
00:04:28,402 --> 00:04:31,636
ARE YOU TALKIN' TO ME?
[ Gasps ]
OKAY. OKAY.
90
00:04:31,705 --> 00:04:36,440
WELL, I THOUGHT A LOT
ABOUT IT, AND I--
AND HERE COMES DAVID BOWIE.
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00:04:36,509 --> 00:04:39,777
DAVID, WHAT BRINGS YOU
ALL THE WAY TO--
SHH!
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00:04:39,846 --> 00:04:42,247
JUST YOU SHUT
YOUR MOUTH.
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00:04:42,316 --> 00:04:45,050
OH, ME LOVE TO MEET
ZIGGY STARDUST!
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00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:48,353
I TAKE YOU HOME.
I MAKE YOU FISH BOWEL SOUP.
FISH BOWEL!
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00:04:48,422 --> 00:04:52,356
THANK YOU, TRICIA,
FOR SETTING YOUR PEOPLE BACK
A THOUSAND YEARS.
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00:04:52,426 --> 00:04:55,393
AND NOW WE'LL CUT
INSIDE THE THEATER
TO OUR HIDDEN CAMERAMAN,
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00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:58,029
WHO'LL BE PROVIDING US
WITH A BOOTLEG COPY
OF THE MOVIE.
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00:05:02,436 --> 00:05:04,969
[ Cameraman Blathering ]
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00:05:11,611 --> 00:05:14,913
[ Announcer ]
VINCE VAUGHN, SUSAN SARANDON...
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00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:17,582
IN TWO PEOPLE WHO LOOK
LIKE THEY NEVER SLEEP.
101
00:05:17,650 --> 00:05:19,751
HEY, MARY,
HOW'D YOU SLEEP LAST NIGHT?
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00:05:19,819 --> 00:05:22,554
UGH, I HAD PLENTY
OF SLEEP. STOP
ASKING ME THAT.
103
00:05:22,623 --> 00:05:24,623
WELL, YOU LOOK TIRED.
WELL, SO DO YOU.
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00:05:24,691 --> 00:05:26,223
FINE.
YEAH.
105
00:05:34,935 --> 00:05:38,036
I'M A LITTLE BUNNY
AND I'M SEPARATED
FROM MY FAMILY.
106
00:05:38,105 --> 00:05:41,473
OH, NO. I HAVE A LONG
JOURNEY TO GO ON.
107
00:05:41,542 --> 00:05:43,608
I WISH I DIDN'T HAVE TO
GO IT ALONE.
108
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:46,344
HEY, MR. BEAR,
I NEED YOUR HELP.
109
00:05:46,413 --> 00:05:50,348
BUT I'M A LONER BEAR
WHO DON'T LIKE TO BE
BOTHERED BY OTHER FOLKS.
110
00:05:50,417 --> 00:05:53,685
[ Announcer ]
A STORY OF FRIENDSHIP,
WITH MUSIC BY RANDY NEWMAN.
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00:05:53,754 --> 00:05:58,123
♪ IT'S A STORY 'BOUT FRIENDSHIP
WITH MUSIC BY ME ♪
112
00:05:58,191 --> 00:06:00,759
♪ 'BOUT A BEAR AND A BUNNY ♪
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00:06:00,827 --> 00:06:04,428
♪ IN THE END THE BUNNY'S FAMILY
DIES BUT THE BEAR BECOMES
HIS NEW FAMILY ♪
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00:06:04,497 --> 00:06:06,764
♪ SOMETHING LIKE THAT ♪
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00:06:40,767 --> 00:06:44,769
♪♪ [ Orchestral ]
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♪♪ [ Swing ]
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WHEE!
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MOM, LOOK! MOM! MOM!
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00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:44,655
MOM! MOM! MOM, LOOK AT ME!
120
00:08:44,725 --> 00:08:48,226
LOOK AT ME!
MOM! MOM!
121
00:08:48,294 --> 00:08:51,196
MOM!
122
00:08:52,665 --> 00:08:55,566
HOW WAS THAT?
YOUR THIRD SOMERSAULT
WAS A LITTLE SLOPPY.
123
00:08:55,635 --> 00:08:57,635
BUT WHAT DO I KNOW,
HUH?
124
00:08:57,704 --> 00:09:00,471
IT'S BEEN SO LONG
SINCE I QUALIFIED
FOR THE OLYMPICS.
125
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:03,774
YOU WERE IN THE OLYMPICS?
NO, I GOT PREGNANT WITH MEG
AND COULDN'T GO.
126
00:09:03,843 --> 00:09:05,910
NOW I'M PRO-CHOICE.
127
00:09:08,382 --> 00:09:10,982
HEY! HEY, MEG.
GO CROUCH DOWN
BEHIND BRIAN.
128
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:13,451
I'M GONNA PUSH HIM
IN THE POOL.
[ Laughs ] OKAY.
129
00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:22,360
[ Both Groaning ]
130
00:09:22,429 --> 00:09:25,163
DAD!
OW! DAMN IT!
131
00:09:25,232 --> 00:09:27,532
[ Both Groaning ]
MEG, YOU DID IT WRONG!
132
00:09:29,869 --> 00:09:32,370
SEE YA LATER, HONEY.
I GUESS I CAN'T GO SWIMMIN'
FOR HALF AN HOUR.
133
00:09:32,439 --> 00:09:34,372
GIGGEDY-GIGGEDY-GIGGEDY-GOO!
134
00:09:34,441 --> 00:09:37,842
HEY, STEWIE. HOW 'BOUT
DADDY TEACHES YA
HOW TO SWIM?
135
00:09:37,910 --> 00:09:40,945
GO... AWAY... FAT MAN.
136
00:09:41,014 --> 00:09:43,581
[ Yells ]
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?
"NO" MEANS "NO"!
137
00:09:43,650 --> 00:09:45,717
[ Yells ]
OKAY. HERE GOES.
138
00:09:45,786 --> 00:09:49,353
[ Yelling ]
COME ON, STEWIE.
IN... THE... POOL.
139
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:53,791
NO! NO, I DON'T WANT
TO DIE! I WANT TO LIVE!
LIVE!
140
00:09:53,860 --> 00:09:56,995
PETER, STOP IT.
HE'S NEVER GONNA LEARN
LIKE THAT.
141
00:09:57,063 --> 00:09:59,264
MAYBE THIS SUMMER
HE SHOULD TAKE
SWIM LESSONS.
142
00:09:59,332 --> 00:10:01,366
WOULD YA LIKE THAT,
STEWIE?
HMM.
143
00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:04,135
WELL, I GUESS IT COULDN'T
BE WORSE THAN THAT SUMMER
I SPENT IN INDIA.
144
00:10:04,204 --> 00:10:06,504
WHATEVER YOU DO, SHORT-ROUND,
DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING.
145
00:10:06,573 --> 00:10:09,406
[ Mock Asian Accent ]
OKAY, DR. JONES,
I NO TOUCH ANYTHING.
146
00:10:10,810 --> 00:10:15,146
- INDY!
- LADY ONLY HERE
'CAUSE SHE HUMPING DIRECTOR.
147
00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:21,252
WHOA. LOOK AT THIS PLACE.
WHAT HAPPENED TO SAL'S VIDEO?
148
00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:24,222
WE BOUGHT THEM OUT
TWO WEEKS AGO. WELCOME
TO LACKLUSTER VIDEO.
149
00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:26,424
50,000 STORES
NATIONWIDE.
150
00:10:26,493 --> 00:10:29,427
YEAH, WELL, UH, YOU KNOW,
I USED TO COME INTO SAL'S
ONCE OR TWICE A WEEK...
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00:10:29,496 --> 00:10:32,830
TO RENT MOVIES FROM HIS,
UH... BACK ROOM.
152
00:10:32,899 --> 00:10:36,334
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
ROOM FOR, UH, ADULTS ONLY.
153
00:10:36,403 --> 00:10:40,138
CATCH MY DRIFT? THE, UH,
KIND OF MOVIES WHERE THERE
ARE X-RATED PORNOS...
154
00:10:40,207 --> 00:10:43,375
AND FULLY-NUDE PEOPLE
FORNICATE FOR THE CAMERA
AND STUFF COMES OUT.
155
00:10:43,443 --> 00:10:45,643
GET MY MEANING?
OH, I'M SORRY,
BUT LACKLUSTER VIDEO...
156
00:10:45,712 --> 00:10:48,179
TAKES A STRONG MORAL STANCE
AGAINST PORNOGRAPHY,
157
00:10:48,248 --> 00:10:50,281
OPEN-MINDEDNESS
AND NON-CHRISTIANS.
158
00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:53,250
OH, YEAH? THEN WHY
DO YOU RENT PRINCE OF TIDES?
BARBRA STREISAND IS JEWISH.
159
00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:55,386
WE EDIT SOME
OF OUR MOVIES.
160
00:10:55,455 --> 00:10:57,488
I THINK I'M IN LOVE
WITH YOU, DOCTOR.
161
00:10:57,557 --> 00:11:01,793
NO, TOM, YOU'RE WRONG.
YOU DON'T LOVE ME.
YOU LOVE THE IDEA OF ME.
162
00:11:01,862 --> 00:11:04,662
HI, I'M TOM TUCKER.
DO ME A FAVOR
AND FILL THIS BAG...
163
00:11:04,731 --> 00:11:08,800
WITH MOTION PICTURES
FEATURING WOMEN-ON-WOMEN
OR ANYTHING WITH AN AMPUTEE.
164
00:11:08,869 --> 00:11:13,070
SAVE YOUR MONEY, TUCKER.
THIS PLACE DOESN'T HAVE PORN.
THEY THINK IT'S IMMORAL.
165
00:11:13,139 --> 00:11:15,139
YOU KNOW, THAT REALLY
GRINDS MY GEARS.
166
00:11:15,208 --> 00:11:18,676
WHERE IN THE BIBLE DOES IT SAY
A MAN CAN'T FIRE OFF
SOME KNUCKLE-CHILDREN...
167
00:11:18,744 --> 00:11:21,412
IN THE PRIVACY OF HIS OWN
NEIGHBOR'S LIVING ROOM,
WHILE HIS NEIGHBOR IS AT WORK...
168
00:11:21,481 --> 00:11:23,681
BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE
A DVD PLAYER?
169
00:11:23,750 --> 00:11:26,517
I DON'T KNOW WHERE IT SAYS IT
BECAUSE THE BIBLE
IS WAY TOO LONG TO READ.
170
00:11:26,586 --> 00:11:28,586
HEY, THAT WAS QUITE
A RANT THERE.
171
00:11:28,655 --> 00:11:31,990
YOU KNOW, WE'RE LOOKING
FOR AN EVERYMAN TO RANT ABOUT
PETTY, NONSENSICAL IRRITANTS...
172
00:11:32,058 --> 00:11:34,125
TO REPLACE OUR "SPOTLIGHT
ON THE MIDDLE EAST" SEGMENT.
173
00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:36,193
HEY! I'D BE GREAT AT THAT!
174
00:11:36,263 --> 00:11:39,530
I'VE BEEN DYING TO GET
BACK ON TELEVISION EVER SINCE
I STOPPED HOSTING FAMILY FEUD.
175
00:11:39,599 --> 00:11:43,267
HOW ARE YOU, BETSY?
WELCOME TO THE SHOW.
YOU ARE A LOVELY YOUNG WOMAN.
176
00:11:43,336 --> 00:11:46,337
STICK MY HAND UP THERE
AND FEEL THAT ONE.
[ Gasps ]
177
00:11:46,406 --> 00:11:48,506
AND THAT ONE.
178
00:11:48,575 --> 00:11:51,042
WE'RE LOOKING FOR SOMETHIN'
YOU SHOP FOR AT THE MALL.
THREE SECONDS.
179
00:11:56,750 --> 00:11:58,783
COME ON, STEWIE.
DON'T BE AFRAID.
180
00:11:58,852 --> 00:12:00,985
IT'S JUST WATER.
IT'S NOT GONNA BITE.
181
00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:03,821
SHUT UP! I KNOW
IT'S NOT GOING TO BITE, STUPID.
182
00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:07,658
WHAT A STUPID THING TO SAY.
YOU DROWN IN IT, YOU MORON.
IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BITE YOU.
183
00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:11,195
HEY, LITTLE GUY. TAKE
A LOOK AT BRAD OVER THERE.
HE'S MY STAR PUPIL.
184
00:12:11,264 --> 00:12:14,165
- SEE HOW BRAVE HE IS?
- [ Scoffs ] HE'S NOT BRAVE.
185
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:16,300
I'LL TELL YOU
WHO WAS BRAVE-- GANDHI.
186
00:12:16,369 --> 00:12:19,370
AND THE BLACK PEOPLE
ARE ALWAYS LIKE,
"HEY, BITCH."
187
00:12:19,438 --> 00:12:23,340
AND THE INDIAN PEOPLE,
WE DO NOT CALL OUR WOMEN
IN SUCH A WAY.
188
00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:25,476
[ Man ]
BOO! YOU SUCK!
189
00:12:25,545 --> 00:12:28,379
OKAY, PARENTS. NEXT WEEK'S
THE TODDLER'S SWIM MEET.
190
00:12:28,448 --> 00:12:30,781
IT'S GONNA BE
A LOT OF FUN!
191
00:12:32,185 --> 00:12:34,818
YOU KNOW, THAT IS A REMARKABLE
RESEMBLANCE, BRAD.
192
00:12:34,887 --> 00:12:39,023
YOU, ON YOUR BACK,
IN THE WATER-- YOU LOOK LIKE
ONE OF MY STOOLS!
193
00:12:43,029 --> 00:12:46,931
SO, IS IT JUST POOL WATER THAT
TURNS YOU INTO A SNIVELING GIRL,
OR IS IT ALL WATER?
194
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,700
MOM! BRIAN'S ASKING ME
IF IT'S JUST POOL WATER
THAT TURNS ME...
195
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,836
INTO A SNIVELING GIRL
OR IF IT'S ALL WATER!
196
00:12:51,904 --> 00:12:56,240
I HEARD THAT OLYMPIC SWIMMERS
SHAVE ALL THE HAIR OFF THEIR
HEAD AND THEIR PRIVATE AREAS...
197
00:12:56,309 --> 00:12:58,275
TO MAKE 'EM MOVE FASTER.
198
00:12:58,345 --> 00:13:00,311
I DON'T NEED SOME
STUPID GIMMICK.
199
00:13:00,380 --> 00:13:05,150
SOON AS I IMPROVE MY TECHNIQUE,
I'LL OUTSWIM BRAD AS EASILY AS
I TOOK CARE OF THAT OTHER BOY.
200
00:13:05,218 --> 00:13:08,887
- CASPER, GO LONG!
- [ Tires Screeching ]
201
00:13:08,955 --> 00:13:12,156
- [ Crash ]
- OOH, SORRY ABOUT THAT, MAN.
202
00:13:12,224 --> 00:13:14,158
ARE YOU DEAD?
YEAH, WHATEVER.
203
00:13:14,227 --> 00:13:16,227
I WAS GONNA OFF MYSELF
ON TUESDAY ANYWAY.
204
00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:19,396
HEY, PETER, SHOULDN'T YOU
BE GETTING READY FOR
YOUR FIRST NEWS SEGMENT?
205
00:13:19,465 --> 00:13:22,733
YEAH. I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS,
THOUGH. I'M NOT SURE
WHAT TO TALK ABOUT.
206
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:26,170
YOU COULD TALK ABOUT ME.
OKAY, HONEY.
I'LL TALK ABOUT YOU.
207
00:13:26,239 --> 00:13:30,408
[ Laughs ]
"HEY, I'M MEG. I GO TO SCHOOL.
I WEAR GLASSES."
208
00:13:30,477 --> 00:13:34,178
[ All Laughing ]
209
00:13:34,247 --> 00:13:36,614
- SPOT ON. SPOT ON.
- [ Laughs Sheepishly ]
210
00:13:36,683 --> 00:13:39,583
OH, PETER, YOU'LL BE GREAT.
YOU'RE A NATURAL.
211
00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:42,419
I ALWAYS SAID THEY NEVER
SHOULD HAVE REPLACED YOU
ON ROSEANNE.
212
00:13:42,488 --> 00:13:44,589
HEY, ROSIE,
HAVE YOU SEEN DARLENE?
213
00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:50,027
[ Slurring Words ]
214
00:13:50,096 --> 00:13:52,497
...AND JUNK.
215
00:13:52,565 --> 00:13:57,401
UH, I-I DON'T, UH--
I CAN'T, UH--
WHAT?
216
00:13:59,806 --> 00:14:03,174
IN OTHER NEWS, AFTER
SEVERAL GRUELING DAYS
OF FRIGHTENING UNCERTAINTY,
217
00:14:03,242 --> 00:14:06,778
I FINALLY GET MY PERIOD.
WELL, DIANE, I'M SURE
YOU AND YOUR BROTHER...
218
00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:10,047
MUST BE DEVASTATED
BY THE LOSS OF THE TWO-HEADED
OFFSPRING THAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN.
219
00:14:10,116 --> 00:14:14,085
WE NOW GO TO PETER GRIFFIN
FOR "YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY
GRINDS MY GEARS?"
220
00:14:14,154 --> 00:14:17,221
THANKS, TOM. YOU KNOW
WHAT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS?
221
00:14:17,290 --> 00:14:20,658
NOBODY'S COME UP
WITH A NEW PRIEST-AND-RABBI JOKE
IN, LIKE, 30 YEARS.
222
00:14:20,727 --> 00:14:22,860
YOU KNOW? I MEAN, OKAY.
UM, UM--
223
00:14:22,929 --> 00:14:25,829
A PRIEST AND RABBI
GO INTO THE SUPERMARKET
AND, UH, THE PRIEST...
224
00:14:25,898 --> 00:14:28,132
WANTS TO BUY A HAM
AND THE RABBI SAYS,
225
00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:30,201
"UH, I CAN'T EAT IT.
IT'S FORBIDDEN.
226
00:14:30,270 --> 00:14:32,470
COULDN'T EAT IT.
NOT ALLOWED."
227
00:14:32,539 --> 00:14:35,039
PIGS ARE LIKE
SUPERHEROES TO THEM.
IS IT PERFECT? NO.
228
00:14:35,108 --> 00:14:37,375
I-I DON'T SEE YOU
COMIN' UP WITH ANYTHING.
229
00:14:37,443 --> 00:14:39,610
AND THAT, PEOPLE,
IS WHAT GRINDS MY GEARS.
TOM.
230
00:14:41,681 --> 00:14:43,681
COME ON.
YOU GONNA BE ALL DAY?
231
00:14:43,749 --> 00:14:46,517
[ Stewie ]
I'M BRUSHING MY TEETH.
YOU ONLY HAVE, LIKE, TWO.
232
00:14:46,586 --> 00:14:49,720
- I MEAN, HOW LONG COULD--
OH, GOD!
- OH. HEY.
233
00:14:49,789 --> 00:14:52,956
UH... WOW.
234
00:14:53,025 --> 00:14:56,126
[ Chuckles Nervously ]
YOU... DOIN' A LITTLE
HAIR REMOVAL THERE?
235
00:14:56,195 --> 00:14:59,063
OH, UH-- YEAH.
236
00:14:59,131 --> 00:15:02,634
UM... YOU KNOW, FEEL FREE
TO SAY "NO" TO THIS, BUT...
237
00:15:02,702 --> 00:15:05,102
WOULD YOU SHAVE
MY COIN PURSE?
238
00:15:06,339 --> 00:15:09,340
[ Laughing ]
239
00:15:10,977 --> 00:15:14,645
OH, NO! NO WAY, MAN!
240
00:15:14,714 --> 00:15:18,816
[ Laughs ]
HOLY FREAKING GOD!
241
00:15:18,884 --> 00:15:23,187
- OH!
- [ Scoffs ] DON'T HAVE TO BE
SO UPTIGHT ABOUT IT.
242
00:15:24,390 --> 00:15:26,624
THERE WE ARE.
BALDER THAN MICHAEL CHIKLIS--
243
00:15:26,693 --> 00:15:29,593
AND BEARS HIM AN ODD
RESEMBLANCE TOO. I SAY,
THEY COULD BE BROTHERS.
244
00:15:29,662 --> 00:15:32,530
[ Announcer ]
DETECTIVE VIC MACKEY
HAS FINALLY MET HIS MATCH.
245
00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:36,200
JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT
THE SHIELD COULDN'T
GET ANYMORE INTENSE.
246
00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:39,403
HEY, MACKEY,
YOUR BROTHER'S HERE.
I'M SORRY, DETECTIVE.
247
00:15:39,472 --> 00:15:42,606
I DON'T HAVE A BROTHER.
HELLO, VIC.
248
00:15:42,675 --> 00:15:46,610
DETECTIVE SCROTES. I TOLD YOU
I NEVER WANTED TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
249
00:15:46,679 --> 00:15:49,714
YEAH? WELL, I GOT
A LISTENIN' PROBLEM.
250
00:15:51,551 --> 00:15:54,018
OKAY. WE'RE GONNA HAVE
OUR FIRST FUN LITTLE RACE.
251
00:15:54,087 --> 00:15:56,087
WHEN I BLOW THIS WHISTLE,
I WANT ALL THE PARENTS...
252
00:15:56,155 --> 00:15:58,155
TO THROW THEIR CHILDREN
INTO THE POOL.
253
00:15:58,224 --> 00:16:02,359
IF YOUR CHILD DOESN'T RESURFACE
RIGHT AWAY, THEY'RE PROBABLY
JUST TRYING TO GET ATTENTION.
254
00:16:02,428 --> 00:16:04,495
- READY?
- GOOD LUCK, STEWIE.
255
00:16:04,563 --> 00:16:06,397
[ Imitating Brad ]
"GOOD LUCK, STEWIE."
256
00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:07,932
THAT'S YOU. THAT'S WHAT
YOU SOUND LIKE.
257
00:16:08,001 --> 00:16:11,335
- [ Blows Whistle ]
- YOU'RE MINE, BRAD!
258
00:16:11,403 --> 00:16:14,739
DAMN, DAMN, DAMN,
DAMN, DAMN!
[ Gurgling ]
259
00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:20,911
EW! A BAND-AID.
260
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:23,981
- I'VE GOT YA, SWEETIE.
- [ Choking ]
261
00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:30,221
- [ Chattering ]
- [ Giggles ]
262
00:16:30,290 --> 00:16:32,189
[ Cheering ]
GOOD FOR YOU, BRAD!
263
00:16:32,258 --> 00:16:34,325
OH, ISN'T HE ADORABLE?
HE'S MUCH BETTER
THAN MY KIDS.
264
00:16:36,729 --> 00:16:39,796
SO, YOU THINK YOU CAN
MAKE ME LOOK LIKE A FOOL,
DO YOU? YOU LITTLE BASTARD!
265
00:16:39,865 --> 00:16:42,900
WELL, GUESS AGAIN!
266
00:16:42,969 --> 00:16:47,171
OH, BRAD!
THERE'S A PIECE OF MARZIPAN
OVER HERE FOR YOU.
267
00:16:50,910 --> 00:16:53,611
- [ Beeps ]
- WHAT THE DEUCE?
268
00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:58,649
- [ Beeping ]
- [ Grunts ]
269
00:16:58,718 --> 00:17:02,553
- [ Beeping Continues ]
- [ Explosion ]
270
00:17:04,491 --> 00:17:08,492
- [ Screams ]
- [ Crash ]
271
00:17:11,564 --> 00:17:14,599
HELL? NOW, THAT'S A BIT MUCH,
DON'T YOU THINK?
272
00:17:14,667 --> 00:17:17,768
I MEAN, SURE, I'VE SPENT
MY ENTIRE LIFE TRYING TO KILL
MY MOTHER. BUT WHO HASN'T?
273
00:17:17,837 --> 00:17:20,671
YOU KNOW, REALLY, FOR HELL
THIS ISN'T THAT BAD.
274
00:17:20,739 --> 00:17:22,874
HI, THERE.
I'M STEVE ALLEN.
OH, HELLO.
275
00:17:22,942 --> 00:17:24,775
ALL RIGHT.
LET'S DO THIS.
[ Screams ]
276
00:17:24,844 --> 00:17:28,179
[ Gasps ] AH!
[ Gasping ]
277
00:17:28,248 --> 00:17:30,247
I'M ALIVE. I'M ALIVE!
278
00:17:30,316 --> 00:17:32,483
OH! STEWIE! MY BABY.
279
00:17:32,551 --> 00:17:35,853
I THOUGHT I'D LOST YOU.
OH! [ Kissing ]
280
00:17:35,922 --> 00:17:38,922
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
ALL THESE YEARS I THOUGHT
I WAS LIVING IN HELL,
281
00:17:38,992 --> 00:17:40,992
BUT IT GETS SO MUCH WORSE.
282
00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:43,327
THIS IS A SIGN.
WELL, FROM THIS DAY FORWARD,
283
00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:46,764
STEWART GILLIGAN GRIFFIN
WILL BE A GOOD BOY.
284
00:17:46,832 --> 00:17:49,834
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
I WAS ONLY GONNA ASK HIM
TO FIX MY COLLAR.
285
00:17:49,903 --> 00:17:52,503
HUH. WELL, I WONDER
WHAT THEY GOT ON TV IN HELL.
286
00:17:52,571 --> 00:17:56,107
♪♪ [ TV: Theme ]
♪ THERE'S A TIME FOR LOVE
AND A TIME FOR LIVING ♪
287
00:17:56,176 --> 00:17:58,609
[ Clicking Repeatedly ]
♪ TAKE A CHANCE
AND FACE THE WIND ♪♪
288
00:18:04,016 --> 00:18:06,016
MORNING, BRIAN.
289
00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:08,852
BEAUTIFUL DAY, ISN'T IT?
KIND OF DAY THAT MAKES YOU
GLAD TO BE ALIVE.
290
00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:12,223
I MADE FUDGE.
UH, OKAY.
291
00:18:15,495 --> 00:18:17,428
WHA-- UH--
WHAT, UH--
292
00:18:17,497 --> 00:18:19,830
WHAT ARE YOU--
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WELL, FROM THE FEEL OF IT,
293
00:18:19,898 --> 00:18:22,100
WORKING THROUGH
QUITE A FEW YEARS OF STRESS.
294
00:18:22,168 --> 00:18:25,336
THE THING IS, WHEN I DIED,
I GOT A GLIMPSE
OF WHERE I WAS GOING...
295
00:18:25,405 --> 00:18:27,671
AND, WELL, I DID NOT
LIKE IT ONE BIT.
296
00:18:27,740 --> 00:18:30,408
WOW. I AM SO
UNCOMFORTABLE RIGHT NOW.
297
00:18:30,477 --> 00:18:32,510
SO, I'VE RESOLVED
TO CHANGE MY WAYS,
298
00:18:32,579 --> 00:18:34,611
BECAUSE I KNOW NOW
WHO I WANT TO BE.
299
00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:38,549
♪ I HAVE CONFIDENCE
IN SUNSHINE ♪
300
00:18:38,617 --> 00:18:41,786
♪ I HAVE CONFIDENCE
IN RAIN ♪
301
00:18:41,854 --> 00:18:44,989
♪ I HAVE CONFIDENCE
THAT SPRING WILL COME AGAIN ♪
302
00:18:45,058 --> 00:18:48,625
♪ BESIDES WHICH, YOU SEE
I HAVE CONFIDENCE IN ME ♪♪
303
00:18:48,694 --> 00:18:51,629
THERE YOU ARE.
DRINK PLENTY OF WATER.
304
00:18:51,697 --> 00:18:54,132
HEY, BRIAN.
YEAH?
305
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:56,433
THANKS FOR LISTENING.
306
00:18:56,502 --> 00:18:59,436
BOY, THAT WAS MORE DISTURBING
THAN THAT CARTOON I SAW
THE OTHER DAY.
307
00:19:02,842 --> 00:19:07,544
SHH! BE "VEWY," "VEWY" QUIET.
I'M HUNTING "WABBITS."
308
00:19:08,614 --> 00:19:10,614
NYAH, WHAT'S UP, DOC?
309
00:19:10,683 --> 00:19:14,151
[ Groaning ]
310
00:19:14,220 --> 00:19:16,387
OH, GOD! OH, GOD!
311
00:19:16,455 --> 00:19:19,723
OH! [ Groaning ]
312
00:19:25,264 --> 00:19:27,998
[ Bones Crack ]
313
00:19:31,604 --> 00:19:34,338
SHH! QUIET! QUIET!
YOUR FATHER'S ON.
314
00:19:34,407 --> 00:19:37,975
YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY
GRINDS MY GEARS?
THIS LINDSAY LOHAN.
315
00:19:38,044 --> 00:19:40,811
EH? LINDSAY LOHAN
WITH ALL THOSE
LITTLE OUTFITS...
316
00:19:40,879 --> 00:19:43,180
JUMPIN' AROUND THERE
ON STAGE HALF-NAKED...
317
00:19:43,249 --> 00:19:45,349
WITH YOUR LITTLE OUTFITS.
318
00:19:45,418 --> 00:19:49,220
YOU'RE UP THERE JUMPIN' AROUND
AND I'M JUST SITTIN' HERE
WITH MY BEER.
319
00:19:49,288 --> 00:19:51,722
SO, YOU KNOW,
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?
320
00:19:51,791 --> 00:19:54,224
WHAT DO YOU--
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
YOU KNOW, ARE WE GONNA GO OUT?
321
00:19:54,293 --> 00:19:56,961
IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE
TRYIN'-- WHY ARE YOU...
LEAPIN' AROUND THERE,
322
00:19:57,029 --> 00:20:00,031
THROWIN' THOSE THINGS
ALL UP, UM, OVER THERE
IN MY FACE?
323
00:20:00,099 --> 00:20:04,034
HUH? WHAT DO YOU WANT, LINDSAY?
TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT!
324
00:20:04,102 --> 00:20:06,403
WELL, I'LL TELL YOU
WHAT YOU WANT.
YOU WANT NOTHIN'.
325
00:20:06,472 --> 00:20:08,472
YOU WANT NOTHIN'.
ALL RIGHT?
326
00:20:08,541 --> 00:20:12,543
BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW THAT
NO WOMAN ANYWHERE WANTS
TO HAVE SEX WITH ANYONE,
327
00:20:12,612 --> 00:20:17,113
AND TO TITILLATE US
WITH ANY THOUGHTS OTHERWISE
IS JUST BOGUS.
328
00:20:17,182 --> 00:20:20,885
OH! HE IS SO RIGHT-ON.
WOMEN ARE SUCH TEASES.
329
00:20:20,953 --> 00:20:22,953
THAT'S WHY
I WENT BACK TO MEN.
330
00:20:23,022 --> 00:20:27,424
OKAY, MOM.
THANKS FOR THAT.
SEE YOU LATER.
331
00:20:27,493 --> 00:20:29,560
GO ON.
332
00:20:29,628 --> 00:20:33,263
ANOTHER THING THAT GRINDS
MY GEARS IS WHEN I CAN'T
FIND THE DROIDS I'M LOOKIN' FOR.
333
00:20:33,332 --> 00:20:35,532
[ Amplified Voice ]
YEAH, ME TOO.
WHAT GIVES WITH THAT?
334
00:20:35,601 --> 00:20:37,802
AND THAT'S WHAT REALLY
GRINDS MY GEARS.
335
00:20:37,870 --> 00:20:39,837
CLEAR.
REMOVE MY MICROPHONE.
336
00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:41,906
GREAT JOB,
MR. GRIFFIN.
GREAT JOB, PETER.
337
00:20:41,974 --> 00:20:43,974
JUST TERRIFIC.
JUST FANTASTIC.
338
00:20:44,043 --> 00:20:46,410
OH, THIS GIG IS EVEN BETTER
THAN THAT JOB I HAD...
339
00:20:46,479 --> 00:20:49,012
PROVIDING NIGHTTIME HEAT
FOR LARA FLYNN BOYLE.
340
00:20:49,081 --> 00:20:51,215
THANKS SO MUCH, PETER.
341
00:20:51,284 --> 00:20:53,350
I WAS GETTING
A LITTLE CHILLY.
NO SWEAT, LARA.
342
00:20:53,419 --> 00:20:56,019
HEY, YOU HAVE YOURSELF
A FINE SLEEP.
343
00:20:57,356 --> 00:21:00,457
HEY, LARA.
YEAH?
344
00:21:00,526 --> 00:21:04,361
IS DYLAN McDERMOTT
NICE IN PERSON?
YEAH.
345
00:21:04,430 --> 00:21:06,496
GOOD.
346
00:21:10,402 --> 00:21:12,570
SO, WHO WOULD LIKE
TO SAY THE BLESSING?
347
00:21:12,638 --> 00:21:14,905
NO ONE? OKAY.
I'LL DO IT.
348
00:21:14,974 --> 00:21:17,074
UM, DEAR LORD,
349
00:21:17,142 --> 00:21:19,543
WE THANK YOU FOR THIS FOOD
WE ARE ABOUT TO EAT,
350
00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:23,381
UH, THANK YOU
FOR THIS GORGEOUS DAY,
351
00:21:23,449 --> 00:21:27,351
AND THANK YOU
FOR LETTING ME SHARE IT
WITH MY GOOD FRIEND, BRIAN--
352
00:21:27,419 --> 00:21:29,419
THAT'S YOU.
353
00:21:29,488 --> 00:21:31,488
UM...
354
00:21:31,557 --> 00:21:33,891
AND THAT ABOUT COVERS IT,
I GUESS.
355
00:21:33,959 --> 00:21:36,026
ALL RIGHT. AMEN.
[ Groans ]
356
00:21:36,095 --> 00:21:40,664
SWEETHEART, I THOUGHT
YOUR "GRIND MY GEARS" SEGMENT
WAS JUST WONDERFUL TONIGHT.
357
00:21:40,733 --> 00:21:43,033
YEAH! I CAN'T BELIEVE
MY FATHER'S FAMOUS.
358
00:21:43,102 --> 00:21:45,235
WELL, HONEY, THERE'S BEEN
A LOT OF FAMOUS GRIFFINS,
359
00:21:45,304 --> 00:21:47,504
LIKE MY GREAT AUNT,
ELLA FITZGERALD GRIFFIN.
360
00:21:47,573 --> 00:21:49,773
♪♪ [ Jazz ]
THANK YOU, LADIES
AND GENTLEMEN.
361
00:21:49,842 --> 00:21:52,042
I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE
MY ACCOMPANIST FOR
THE EVENING,
362
00:21:52,111 --> 00:21:55,011
PLEASE SAY HELLO
TO YOUNG RAY CHARLES.
363
00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:58,582
- [ Cheering ]
- ♪♪ [ Scatting ]
364
00:22:01,454 --> 00:22:05,656
♪♪ [ Holds Note ]
365
00:22:05,725 --> 00:22:09,093
[ Screaming ]
I'M BLIND!
366
00:22:09,161 --> 00:22:12,930
I FEEL RIDICULOUS.
WELL, I CAN'T VERY WELL
FIT YOU UP HERE, CAN I?
367
00:22:12,998 --> 00:22:17,468
- WHERE ARE WE GOING?
- WELL, THERE IS THE MOST
ABSOLUTELY PERFECT...
368
00:22:17,536 --> 00:22:19,803
SPIDER WEB IN THE BUSHES
BY CLEVELAND'S HOUSE.
369
00:22:19,872 --> 00:22:22,373
- YOU HAVE JUST GOT TO SEE IT.
- OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE.
370
00:22:22,441 --> 00:22:24,475
HEY, BRIAN. BRIAN.
WHAT?
371
00:22:24,544 --> 00:22:26,677
KNOCK-KNOCK.
OH, COME ON.
372
00:22:26,746 --> 00:22:28,779
KNOCK-KNOCK.
WHO'S THERE?
373
00:22:28,848 --> 00:22:32,650
YOUR FRIEND, STEWIE--
AND HE'S ALWAYS GONNA
BE THERE FOR YOU.
374
00:22:34,119 --> 00:22:38,021
YES. TABLE FOR TWO.
I'M SORRY. WE HAVE
A 45-MINUTE WAIT.
375
00:22:38,090 --> 00:22:40,624
OH, ISN'T THAT TOO BAD,
HONEY?
376
00:22:40,693 --> 00:22:43,827
BECAUSE I KNOW WAITING
IN LINE AT A RESTAURANT...
377
00:22:43,896 --> 00:22:45,963
REALLY, UH,
GRINDS YOUR GEARS.
378
00:22:46,032 --> 00:22:48,031
OH, MY GOD! IT'S YOU!
379
00:22:48,100 --> 00:22:51,101
I LOVED YOUR RANT ABOUT
HOW BREAD IS SQUARE
AND BALONEY IS ROUND.
380
00:22:51,170 --> 00:22:53,236
OH, A TABLE
JUST OPENED UP.
381
00:22:53,305 --> 00:22:57,340
HEY! WE'VE BEEN WAITING.
SHH!
THAT'S MICHAEL MOORE.
382
00:22:57,409 --> 00:22:59,410
MR. TUCKER,
WE NEED THIS TABLE.
383
00:22:59,479 --> 00:23:01,479
BUT I'VE
ALREADY ORDERED.
384
00:23:01,547 --> 00:23:05,149
OH, WE HAVE A PRIVATE
BOOTH SET UP FOR YOU.
THIS WAY.
385
00:23:05,218 --> 00:23:07,217
GRIFFIN.
DIANE.
386
00:23:07,286 --> 00:23:09,920
I CAN'T BELIEVE WE GOT
A TABLE AT THE HOTTEST
RESTAURANT IN TOWN...
387
00:23:09,989 --> 00:23:11,989
WITHOUT A RESERVATION.
388
00:23:12,058 --> 00:23:14,124
WE REALLY ARE
MOVING UP IN THE WORLD.
389
00:23:14,193 --> 00:23:16,560
YEAH, BUT I'D LOVE TO SEE
WHAT THOSE PRIVATE BOOTHS
ARE LIKE.
390
00:23:20,966 --> 00:23:25,368
THIS IS TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE.
HOW LONG ARE YOU GOING TO BE?
I'M VERY HUNGRY.
391
00:23:29,575 --> 00:23:31,875
HEY, B! RUPERT AND I
WERE JUST ABOUT TO--
392
00:23:31,944 --> 00:23:34,078
E-E-EXCUSE ME.
DID YOU JUST CALL ME "B"?
393
00:23:34,147 --> 00:23:36,380
YES, B. RUPERT AND I
WERE JUST ABOUT TO DINE
ON THIS MIXTURE...
394
00:23:36,449 --> 00:23:38,449
OF PLAY-DOH
AND RUG HAIR.
395
00:23:38,518 --> 00:23:40,517
CARE TO JOIN?
OH, NO, THANKS.
396
00:23:40,586 --> 00:23:42,820
I JUST THOUGHT
YOU MIGHT BE INTERESTED
IN SEEING THIS.
397
00:23:42,888 --> 00:23:46,323
THIS IS THE MOST
ABSOLUTELY PERFECTLY
DESTROYED SPIDER WEB.
398
00:23:46,391 --> 00:23:48,558
[ Gasps ]
WHERE'S THE SPIDER?
KNOCK-KNOCK.
399
00:23:48,628 --> 00:23:50,761
WHO'S THERE?
I ATE HIM!
400
00:23:50,830 --> 00:23:53,230
YOU BASTARD!
WHO THE HELL
DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?
401
00:23:53,299 --> 00:23:56,066
HA! I KNEW IT.
I KNEW YOU HADN'T
REALLY CHANGED.
402
00:23:56,135 --> 00:23:59,136
OKAY. SO, I WAS FAKING
BEING NICE. IT'S NOT
THE WORST THING I'VE DONE.
403
00:23:59,205 --> 00:24:01,538
[ Cheering ]
[ Bat Hitting Ball ]
404
00:24:01,607 --> 00:24:04,207
OOH! STEVE, IT'S COMING
RIGHT AT US. GRAB IT!
405
00:24:04,276 --> 00:24:06,877
I DON'T WANNA
GET IN THE WAY.
IT'S A FOUL BALL.
406
00:24:06,946 --> 00:24:09,045
WHAT HARM CAN IT DO?
407
00:24:09,114 --> 00:24:12,483
LOOK, I REALLY DON'T
WANT TO GO TO HELL,
BUT I CAN'T FIGHT MY NATURE.
408
00:24:12,551 --> 00:24:15,219
I'M JUST A HATEFUL PERSON.
YOU'RE NOT HATEFUL.
409
00:24:15,287 --> 00:24:17,287
YOU JUST NEED TO CONTROL
YOUR ANGER LIKE I DO.
410
00:24:17,356 --> 00:24:19,356
[ Scoffs ]
YOU MEAN BY BEING
SAUCED ALL DAY?
411
00:24:19,424 --> 00:24:21,958
WAIT A MINUTE.
OF COURSE. THAT'S IT.
412
00:24:22,027 --> 00:24:25,662
IF I'M DRUNK, I'LL BE CALM.
IF I'M CALM, I'LL BE NICE.
IF I'M NICE, I WON'T GO TO HELL.
413
00:24:25,731 --> 00:24:28,131
FIX ME A HIGHBALL.
I'M GOING TO GET
GOOD AND TIGHT.
414
00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:30,333
LOOK, YOU CAN'T DRINK.
YOU'RE AN INFANT, ALL RIGHT?
415
00:24:30,402 --> 00:24:32,469
BESIDES, THERE ARE
BETTER WAYS TO SOLVE
YOUR PROBLEMS.
416
00:24:32,538 --> 00:24:35,672
OH, I SUPPOSE YOU'RE RIGHT.
THANKS, BRIAN. I WAS WEAK.
417
00:24:35,741 --> 00:24:38,008
NO PROBLEM.
418
00:24:41,714 --> 00:24:44,615
OH, MY GOD! DO YOU KNOW
WHAT IT'S TIME FOR?
419
00:24:44,684 --> 00:24:46,884
A SEXY PARTY!
420
00:24:46,953 --> 00:24:50,554
♪♪ [ 1960's Pop ]
[ All Giggling ]
421
00:24:56,061 --> 00:24:58,195
[ Giggling ]
422
00:25:04,703 --> 00:25:07,971
SO, BRIAN, I--
OH, WHAT?
423
00:25:08,040 --> 00:25:11,708
I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING.
I-I THOUGHT-- OH, I THOUGHT
YOU INTERRUPTED ME.
424
00:25:11,777 --> 00:25:14,144
DO-DON'T INTERRUPT ME!
ARE YOU OKAY?
425
00:25:14,212 --> 00:25:16,880
I'M AS OKAY
AS YOUR FACE.
426
00:25:16,949 --> 00:25:19,549
[ Laughing ]
427
00:25:19,618 --> 00:25:23,387
[ Wheezing ]
I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY.
I'M S-SORRY.
428
00:25:23,456 --> 00:25:26,790
SO, HONEY, WHAT ARE YOU
GOING TO RANT ABOUT TODAY?
429
00:25:26,858 --> 00:25:29,293
COULD WE GET
A LITTLE PREVIEW?
OH, I GOT A GOOD ONE, LOIS.
430
00:25:29,362 --> 00:25:32,496
PARENTS WHO LET THEIR KIDS
DO ANYTHING THEY WANT.
I HATE THAT.
431
00:25:32,564 --> 00:25:35,499
YOU KNOW? LIKE,
WHEN I'M IN A RESTAURANT
TRYIN' TO ENJOY MY DINNER...
432
00:25:35,567 --> 00:25:39,636
AND LITTLE BABY JUNIOR
SON-OF-A-BITCH OVER THERE
IS SCREAMING HIS HEAD OFF.
433
00:25:39,705 --> 00:25:41,805
PARENTS NEED
TO CONTROL THEIR KIDS.
434
00:25:41,874 --> 00:25:45,242
HEY! EVERYBODY, LOOK!
I'M GONNA DO--
I'M GONNA DO SOMETHING...
435
00:25:45,311 --> 00:25:47,377
THAT'S GONNA FREAK YOU OUT.
436
00:25:47,446 --> 00:25:51,381
I'M GONNA JUMP FROM THIS SHELF
TO MY HIGH CHAIR.
437
00:25:51,450 --> 00:25:55,485
I'M GONNA JUMP.
YOU-- ARE Y-YOU WATCHING?
ARE YOU? ARE YOU?
438
00:25:55,554 --> 00:25:57,988
STEWIE, DON'T INTERRUPT.
IT GRINDS MY GEARS
WHEN YOU DO THAT.
439
00:25:58,056 --> 00:26:00,090
[ Screams ]
OH! HE SAID IT!
440
00:26:00,159 --> 00:26:02,159
[ Giggles ]
441
00:26:02,228 --> 00:26:04,460
YOU'RE GON--
YOU'RE GONNA--
YOU'RE GONNA MISS IT.
442
00:26:04,529 --> 00:26:07,297
YOU'RE GONNA MISS IT.
YOU'RE GONNA MISS IT.
443
00:26:07,366 --> 00:26:10,266
[ Crash ]
[ Stewie Groans, Laughs ]
444
00:26:10,336 --> 00:26:13,303
OH, G-- OH, DUDE!
DID YOU SEE TH-THAT?
445
00:26:13,372 --> 00:26:15,739
DID YOU GUYS--
OH, MAN. LOOK AT THIS--
446
00:26:15,808 --> 00:26:18,842
LOOK AT THIS GASH.
LOOK AT THIS GASH RIGHT
UP THE SIDE OF MY LEG.
447
00:26:18,910 --> 00:26:21,545
OH-HO! OH!
I CUT MYSELF DEEP.
448
00:26:21,613 --> 00:26:24,181
OH! IT DOESN'T HURT THOUGH.
UH, ALL RIGHT.
TIME FOR YOUR NAP.
449
00:26:24,249 --> 00:26:26,316
DON'T WORRY, LOIS.
I'LL TAKE HIM. LET'S GO.
450
00:26:27,552 --> 00:26:29,620
GOD! WHAT--
WHAT THE HELL?
451
00:26:29,689 --> 00:26:31,855
WHY ARE YOU DRAG--
WHY ARE WE IN HERE?
452
00:26:31,924 --> 00:26:34,124
IT'S RUDE TO THE...
OTHER PEOPLE.
453
00:26:34,193 --> 00:26:36,193
YOU'RE DRUNK.
YOU'RE SEXY.
454
00:26:36,261 --> 00:26:38,461
LISTEN, YOU HAVE TO
STOP THIS, ALL RIGHT?
NO MORE DRINKING.
455
00:26:38,530 --> 00:26:40,697
I'M SORRY I EVEN
PUT IT IN YOUR HEAD.
I DON'T KNOW.
456
00:26:40,766 --> 00:26:43,399
I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS.
I'VE NEVER FELT BETTER.
457
00:26:43,468 --> 00:26:46,470
[ Vomits ]
OKAY, NOW I'VE NEVER
FELT BETTER.
458
00:26:50,642 --> 00:26:53,610
YOU KNOW, PETER,
THERE'S GONNA BE A LOT
OF PEOPLE WATCHING TONIGHT.
459
00:26:53,679 --> 00:26:56,513
BETTER KEEP YOUR BALLS
ON THE PRIZE-- EYEBALLS--
460
00:26:56,582 --> 00:26:58,648
ON THE BALL.
EYES ON THE BALL.
461
00:26:58,717 --> 00:27:01,017
[ Clears Throat ]
TAKE TWO. YOU KNOW,
PETER, THERE'S GONNA BE...
462
00:27:01,087 --> 00:27:03,220
A LOT OF PEOPLE
WATCHING TONIGHT.
463
00:27:03,288 --> 00:27:05,288
BETTER NOT SCREW UP.
USE TAKE TWO.
464
00:27:05,357 --> 00:27:07,991
DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME, TOM.
I'LL BE FINE.
465
00:27:08,060 --> 00:27:10,260
WE'RE ON IN THREE,
TWO--
466
00:27:10,329 --> 00:27:12,930
AND NOW IT'S TIME
FOR "YOU KNOW WHAT
REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS?"
467
00:27:12,998 --> 00:27:15,398
- WITH PETER GRIFFIN.
- THANKS, DIANE.
468
00:27:15,467 --> 00:27:18,202
- YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY
GRINDS MY GEARS?
- HEY! HEY!
469
00:27:18,270 --> 00:27:20,670
THOSE X-RAY SPECS
YOU USED TO BUY
OUT OF THE COMICS.
470
00:27:20,739 --> 00:27:23,707
- HEY! SCREW UP!
- I SAVE UP FOREVER
TO BUY THESE THINGS,
471
00:27:23,776 --> 00:27:27,177
AND WHEN I FINALLY GET 'EM
YESTERDAY, I COULDN'T SEE
THE INSIDE OF MY SON'S BELLY.
472
00:27:27,245 --> 00:27:32,249
BLAH! BAH! BLAH!
[ Blathering ]
473
00:27:32,317 --> 00:27:34,451
SEE, I WANTED TO SEE
IF HE'D EATEN THE LAST
NILLA WAFER...
474
00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:36,520
'CAUSE I TOLD HIM
I WANTED IT.
475
00:27:36,588 --> 00:27:39,356
BOY, I TELL YA, THAT REALLY
GRINDS MY GEARS.
PAY ATTENTION TO ME!
476
00:27:39,425 --> 00:27:41,558
I'M TRYING TO RUIN YOU!
477
00:27:41,627 --> 00:27:43,794
[ Door Opens ]
YOU WANTED TO SEE ME, SIR?
478
00:27:43,863 --> 00:27:47,697
YOU'RE FIRED, TOM.
TURN IN YOUR PRESS PASS
AND ANY OTHER STUDIO PROPERTY.
479
00:27:53,939 --> 00:27:56,073
WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE?
480
00:27:56,141 --> 00:27:58,875
SO, YOU LIKE BEING DRUNK?
FINE. I'M GONNA GET YOU
SO DRUNK...
481
00:27:58,944 --> 00:28:00,944
YOU'LL NEVER WANNA
DRINK AGAIN.
482
00:28:01,012 --> 00:28:03,781
COME ON.
483
00:28:14,426 --> 00:28:17,127
COLD. IT'S SO COLD.
484
00:28:18,497 --> 00:28:20,697
THANKS, HORACE.
HEY, IS HE 18?
485
00:28:20,765 --> 00:28:23,700
HORACE, THE DRINKING AGE
IS 21.
OH.
486
00:28:23,769 --> 00:28:26,603
O-OKAY. UH, UH...
487
00:28:26,671 --> 00:28:28,705
TO THE BLACK MAN.
488
00:28:28,774 --> 00:28:31,474
THANKS FOR TAKING
IT ALL IN STRIDE.
489
00:28:36,414 --> 00:28:40,717
♪ 'CAUSE SUICIDE
IS PAINLESS ♪
490
00:28:40,786 --> 00:28:45,088
♪ IT BRINGS ON
MANY CHANGES ♪
491
00:28:45,157 --> 00:28:48,291
♪ AND I CAN TAKE
OR LEAVE IT ♪
492
00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:52,095
♪ IF I PLEASE ♪♪
493
00:28:53,098 --> 00:28:55,065
WAS THAT--
WAS THAT GOOD?
494
00:28:55,134 --> 00:28:57,500
OH, GOD.
THANK YOU, MAN.
495
00:28:57,569 --> 00:28:59,570
G-GET THE FRUIT.
THERE'S MORE POINTS.
496
00:28:59,638 --> 00:29:02,005
GET-- GET THE--
GET THE FRUIT.
I'M NOT GONNA GET THE FRUIT.
497
00:29:02,074 --> 00:29:04,007
GET THE FRUIT.
I CAN'T GET THE FRUIT.
498
00:29:04,076 --> 00:29:06,743
I'M NOT GONNA GET
THE FRUIT! THERE'S
A GHOST RIGHT THERE!
499
00:29:08,713 --> 00:29:11,047
I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU SAVED ALL THOSE.
500
00:29:11,116 --> 00:29:14,751
L-LOIS-- L-LOIS--
YOU THINK LOIS'LL
LIKE THESE?
501
00:29:14,819 --> 00:29:17,487
YOU LOVE LOIS!
SHUT UP!
502
00:29:17,556 --> 00:29:19,889
YOU KNOW WHAT?
GIVE ME YOUR KEYS.
503
00:29:19,958 --> 00:29:22,692
OH, NO. I'M FINE.
NO, NO.
GIVE ME YOUR KEYS.
504
00:29:22,761 --> 00:29:24,761
I'M FI--
I'M DRIVIN'.
505
00:29:24,829 --> 00:29:26,829
GIVE ME YOUR KEYS.
YOU'RE TOO DRUNK.
I'M OKAY.
506
00:29:26,898 --> 00:29:30,667
PETER-- MEG-- BRIAN.
YOU'RE TOO-- BRIAN,
YOU'RE TOO DRUNK TO DRIVE.
507
00:29:30,735 --> 00:29:33,903
I-I-I A-AM-- I--
508
00:29:33,972 --> 00:29:36,272
YOU'RE RIGHT. HERE.
HERE YOU GO.
509
00:29:39,611 --> 00:29:42,245
[ Engine Starts ]
[ Screaming ]
510
00:29:43,649 --> 00:29:45,782
SHH!
511
00:29:45,851 --> 00:29:50,554
AND THAT'S IT FOR SPORTS.
NOW LET'S GO TO OLLIE WILLIAMS
WITH ADOPT-A-PET OF THE WEEK.
512
00:29:50,622 --> 00:29:52,622
- WHO WANTS THIS DOG?
- THANKS, OLLIE.
513
00:29:52,691 --> 00:29:56,259
AND NOW LET'S GO TO PETER
GRIFFIN WITH "YOU KNOW
WHAT REALLY GRINDS MY--"
514
00:29:56,328 --> 00:29:58,862
TOM! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
YOU DON'T WORK HERE ANYMORE.
515
00:29:58,930 --> 00:30:01,265
WELL, DIANE, I HAVE
AN EXCLUSIVE STORY--
516
00:30:01,333 --> 00:30:03,567
AND I CAN'T FIGURE OUT
HOW TO CHECK MY E-MAIL
FROM HOME.
517
00:30:03,636 --> 00:30:05,935
DID YOU CHECK YOUR TCP/IP
SETTINGS?
YES, I DID, OLLIE.
518
00:30:06,004 --> 00:30:08,004
ENABLE COOKIES?
YES, OLLIE.
519
00:30:08,073 --> 00:30:10,140
YOU WANT THIS DOG?
NO, THANK YOU, OLLIE.
ROLL TAPE.
520
00:30:10,208 --> 00:30:12,709
[ Tom ]
THIS WAS THE SCENE
AT THE DRUNKEN CLAM LAST NIGHT,
521
00:30:12,777 --> 00:30:14,777
AS A CAR DRIVEN BY
AN INTOXICATED INFANT...
522
00:30:14,846 --> 00:30:16,847
CAUSED THOUSANDS OF
DOLLARS-WORTH OF DAMAGE.
523
00:30:16,916 --> 00:30:19,082
PUT TH--
PUT THIS ON MY TAB.
524
00:30:19,151 --> 00:30:21,585
IT WAS--
IT WAS, LIKE,
ALL SLOWED DOWN.
525
00:30:21,653 --> 00:30:25,054
YOU KNOW? AND I WAS,
LIKE, "WHOA!" BUT
I COULDN'T STOP IT.
526
00:30:25,123 --> 00:30:27,124
AND WHO IS THE FATHER
OF THE CHILD IN THAT CAR?
527
00:30:27,192 --> 00:30:29,125
OOH! TOM! TOM!
I KNOW THIS. I KNOW THIS.
528
00:30:29,194 --> 00:30:31,428
TOM, OVER HERE. TOM!
OOH! OOH!
529
00:30:31,496 --> 00:30:35,732
THE MAN YOU ALL RESPECT SO MUCH.
YOUR BELOVED PETER GRIFFIN.
530
00:30:35,800 --> 00:30:38,201
GOOD THING HE DIDN'T CALL
ON ME. I WAS GONNA SAY
"GRANT GOODEVE."
531
00:30:38,270 --> 00:30:42,539
THANKS, TOM. AND NOW,
NEGLECTFUL FATHER AND QUAHOG'S
NEWEST SOCIAL PARIAH,
532
00:30:42,608 --> 00:30:44,874
PETER GRIFFIN, WITH ANOTHER
SEGMENT OF "GRIND MY GEARS."
533
00:30:44,943 --> 00:30:47,010
- PETER.
- THANK YOU, DIANE.
534
00:30:47,078 --> 00:30:50,980
YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY
GRINDS MY GEARS?
PEOPLE IN THE 19th CENTURY.
535
00:30:51,049 --> 00:30:53,516
WHY DON'T THEY GET
WITH THE FREAKIN' PROGRAM?
536
00:30:53,585 --> 00:30:57,553
IT'S CALLED AN AUTOMOBILE,
FOLKS. IT'S MUCH FASTER
THAN A HORSE.
537
00:30:58,757 --> 00:31:01,491
OH. WELL, IT APPEARS
I'VE BEEN FIRED.
538
00:31:01,559 --> 00:31:04,694
WELL, AS LONG AS I'M
NO LONGER WORKING HERE,
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHIN'.
539
00:31:04,763 --> 00:31:08,264
YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY
GRINDS MY GEARS?
YOU, AMERICA.
540
00:31:08,333 --> 00:31:10,767
DARN YOU! DIANE.
541
00:31:12,003 --> 00:31:15,037
HEY, TOM. CATCH!
542
00:31:22,680 --> 00:31:24,680
DID YOU MISS DADDY?
DID YOU MISS DADDY?
543
00:31:24,749 --> 00:31:27,718
OH, NO. IT'S ALL RIGHT.
IT'S-- OH, YOU'RE SHAKING.
544
00:31:33,825 --> 00:31:36,559
GO AWAY.
HUH.
LITTLE HUNG OVER?
545
00:31:36,628 --> 00:31:39,229
I AM NEVER GOING
TO DRINK AGAIN-- EVER.
546
00:31:39,298 --> 00:31:41,865
I MAY HAVE AN OCCASIONAL
CRÈME DE MENTHE,
BUT THAT'S ABOUT IT.
547
00:31:41,934 --> 00:31:44,367
LOOK, KID, YOU CAN'T
STAY IN BED ALL--
OH, GOD! YOU'RE NUDE!
548
00:31:44,436 --> 00:31:46,436
I AM? WHAT HAPPENED
TO MY CLOTHES?
549
00:31:46,505 --> 00:31:49,906
GOOD LORD! WHAT THE HELL
DID I DO LAST NIGHT?
550
00:31:49,975 --> 00:31:53,076
I HOPE YOU LEARNED
SOMETHING FROM ALL THIS.
I CERTAINLY DID, BRIAN.
551
00:31:53,145 --> 00:31:55,145
IT SEEMS I'M STILL
FINDING MYSELF.
552
00:31:55,213 --> 00:31:58,348
WELL, THAT'S JUST LIFE, STEWIE.
YOU GOTTA HELP YOURSELF.
NO ONE'S GONNA DO IT FOR YA.
553
00:31:58,417 --> 00:32:00,484
YES, I SUPPOSE YOU'RE RIGHT.
554
00:32:00,552 --> 00:32:03,152
IT'S JUST TOO BAD
THERE'S NOT SOMEONE
OUT THERE JUST LIKE ME...
555
00:32:03,221 --> 00:32:05,589
WHO UNDERSTANDS ME WELL ENOUGH
TO SHOW ME THE WAY.
556
00:32:05,657 --> 00:32:08,691
[ Scoffing ] YEAH. STEWIE,
I'M SURE THERE'S SOMEONE
OUT THERE JUST LIKE YOU.
557
00:32:12,698 --> 00:32:15,365
YES, I'VE RESERVED
A NON-SMOKING ROOM
WITH A VIEW OF THE BAY.
558
00:32:15,434 --> 00:32:18,701
NO SOAP IN THE BATHROOM,
JUST MOIST TOWELETTES
AND A SLEEP MASK.
559
00:32:18,770 --> 00:32:22,939
AND, UM, COULD YOU SEND UP
A BOUQUET OF ORCHIDS
AND A BOX OF TOFFIFAY?
560
00:32:23,008 --> 00:32:25,074
BUT, FOR THE MOMENT,
I'VE JUST GOT TO ACCEPT
THE FACT...
561
00:32:25,143 --> 00:32:27,644
THAT I'M AN ANGRY BOY
WHO'LL OCCASIONALLY
TRY TO BURN DOWN A HOUSE...
562
00:32:27,713 --> 00:32:29,913
OR TOSS A POISON DART
AT HIS MOTHER.
563
00:32:29,982 --> 00:32:33,249
AFTER ALL, I CAN'T LET
ONE NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCE
CHANGE MY WHOLE LIFE, CAN I?
564
00:32:33,318 --> 00:32:35,419
I'M GLAD YOU FINALLY
FIGURED THAT OUT.
565
00:32:35,487 --> 00:32:37,754
ALTHOUGH, I WILL SAY,
FOR THE RECORD,
YOU'RE A PRETTY FUN DRUNK.
566
00:32:37,823 --> 00:32:40,757
WELL, THANK GOD
THERE WERE NO LONG-TERM
REPERCUSSIONS.
567
00:32:43,896 --> 00:32:46,896
OH! GOT TO PLAY
THIS ONE RIGHT, ROGER.
CAN'T SEEM DESPERATE.
568
00:32:46,965 --> 00:32:49,132
WAIT THREE DAYS--
THAT'S THE RULE.
569
00:32:50,736 --> 00:32:53,002
OH, GOD! I WANNA
TALK TO HIM NOW!
570
00:32:54,606 --> 00:32:56,639
[ Line Ringing ]
DAMN!
571
00:33:02,214 --> 00:33:04,948
WOW! THIS MUST BE
ONE OF THEM NEW
PLASMA TV's.
572
00:33:05,017 --> 00:33:07,384
WOULD YOU LIKE
SOMETHING TO DRINK?
I'LL HAVE WATER, PLEASE.
573
00:33:07,453 --> 00:33:09,453
I'LL HAVE WATER TOO,
BUT WITH LEMON.
574
00:33:09,521 --> 00:33:12,389
I'LL HAVE A SAM ADAMS.
IT'S 9:30 IN THE MORNING.
575
00:33:12,457 --> 00:33:14,724
AND DON'T YOU HAVE
AN OUTSTANDING D.U.I.?
576
00:33:14,793 --> 00:33:17,994
YEAH, BUT I'VE GOTTA
GET THE TASTE OF WEED
AND HOOKER SPIT OUT OF MY MOUTH.
577
00:33:18,063 --> 00:33:20,130
I'LL HAVE A SAM ADAMS
TOO.
578
00:33:20,199 --> 00:33:23,266
SAMUEL ADAMS--
ALWAYS A GOOD DECISION.
579
00:33:23,335 --> 00:33:26,203
OKAY, NOW, IF I GET A FAX,
CAN I STAY ONLINE AND STILL
RECEIVED THE FAX...
580
00:33:26,271 --> 00:33:28,271
WITHOUT
A DEDICATED LINE?
581
00:33:28,340 --> 00:33:32,408
YEAH, YOU CAN PUT A PIECE
OF PAPER IN HERE AND MAKE,
LIKE, A PHONE CALL...
582
00:33:32,477 --> 00:33:36,613
AND YOUR FRIEND WILL GET
ANOTHER PIECE OF PAPER
WITH THE SAME PICTURE.
583
00:33:36,681 --> 00:33:40,216
CAN I POSSIBLY SPEAK TO SOMEONE
WHO DIDN'T COME TO THIS COUNTRY
ON A FLOATING DOOR?
584
00:33:40,285 --> 00:33:43,386
CAN I HELP YOU?
YES. WE'RE HERE
TO REPLACE OUR VCR.
585
00:33:43,455 --> 00:33:46,289
YEAH, DON'T TRY ANY
OF YOUR SALESMAN FUNNY BUSINESS,
586
00:33:46,358 --> 00:33:48,959
LIKE THAT GUY WHO CONVINCED ME
TO BUY THAT PET TYRANNOSAURUS.
587
00:33:49,027 --> 00:33:51,161
OKAY, PATCHES,
NOW FETCH!
588
00:33:51,230 --> 00:33:53,229
[ Growling ]
[ Screaming ]
589
00:33:53,298 --> 00:33:56,800
OH! OH, MY GOD!
OH, MY GOD! DROP IT.
DROP IT. DROP IT.
590
00:33:56,868 --> 00:33:59,336
EW. IT'S GOT SPIT
ALL OVER IT.
591
00:33:59,404 --> 00:34:02,005
A VCR? LET ME SHOW YOU
SOMETHING.
592
00:34:02,074 --> 00:34:04,074
IT'S CALLED TiVo.
IT ALWAYS RECORDS WHAT
YOUR WATCHING,
593
00:34:04,143 --> 00:34:06,143
SO, YOU CAN RE-WATCH
ANYTHING YOU MISSED.
594
00:34:06,211 --> 00:34:08,644
OH! SOUNDS FANCY.
HOW DOES IT WORK?
595
00:34:08,713 --> 00:34:11,181
I'LL TELL YA HOW IT WORKS.
EASY AS PIE, IS HOW IT WORKS.
596
00:34:11,249 --> 00:34:13,249
[ Beeping ]
597
00:34:13,318 --> 00:34:15,619
I'LL TELL YA HOW IT WORKS.
EASY AS PIE, IS HOW IT WORKS.
598
00:34:15,687 --> 00:34:17,687
SHOULD I RING IT UP?
HOLD ON. HOLD ON.
599
00:34:17,756 --> 00:34:19,756
I THINK WE SHOULD
DISCUSS IT FIRST.
600
00:34:19,825 --> 00:34:22,058
- [ Beeping ]
- [ No Audio ]
601
00:34:22,127 --> 00:34:24,427
- [ Beeping Continues ]
- SOME KIND OF PALSY.
602
00:34:24,496 --> 00:34:26,496
ANYWAY, THAT'S HOW
I SAVED CHRISTMAS.
603
00:34:26,565 --> 00:34:28,631
YEAH, GO AHEAD
AND BAG THIS THING FOR US.
604
00:34:32,971 --> 00:34:36,006
AH! SWEET, QUAGMIRE.
YOU GOT A WINNEBAGO.
605
00:34:36,074 --> 00:34:38,341
YOU MEAN A
"WANNA-BANG-O"!
606
00:34:38,409 --> 00:34:40,410
[ Chuckles ]
HOW CLEVER.
607
00:34:40,479 --> 00:34:42,478
YEAH, I'M GONNA TAKE HER
ACROSS THE COUNTRY...
608
00:34:42,547 --> 00:34:44,547
AND BANG A DIFFERENT BROAD
IN EVERY STATE. [ Laughs ]
609
00:34:44,616 --> 00:34:46,882
- ALSO, GONNA GO TO VEGAS.
- OH, WE WENT TO VEGAS ONCE.
610
00:34:46,951 --> 00:34:48,952
REMEMBER, LOIS? WE SAW
THE JEW MAN GROUP?
611
00:34:49,020 --> 00:34:53,122
♪♪ [ "Hava Nagila" ]
612
00:34:53,191 --> 00:34:55,224
[ Beeping ]
DAD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
613
00:34:55,293 --> 00:34:58,028
I'M FAST-FORWARDING
THROUGH THIS PESKY TV SHOW
SO I CAN GET TO THE COMMERCIALS.
614
00:34:58,096 --> 00:35:00,864
HI, I'M WILFORD BRIMLEY
AND I HAVE DIABETES.
615
00:35:00,933 --> 00:35:04,400
IT HURTS ME TO PEE
AND IT CAUSES ME
TO BE SHORT WITH MY FAMILY.
616
00:35:04,469 --> 00:35:06,536
I CAN'T SLEEP AT NIGHT.
617
00:35:06,605 --> 00:35:09,305
THE OTHER DAY, I STUBBED MY TOE
AND TOOK IT OUT ON THE DOG.
618
00:35:09,374 --> 00:35:13,243
TWO WEEKS AGO, I RAN OUT
OF VANILLA ICE CREAM
AND STRUCK MY WIFE.
619
00:35:13,311 --> 00:35:16,112
THEN I FIND OUT
MY WIFE'S BEEN DEAD
FOR SIX YEARS.
620
00:35:16,181 --> 00:35:18,248
WHO THE HELL DID I HIT?
621
00:35:21,052 --> 00:35:24,320
LUNCH IS READY!
COME AND GET IT!
622
00:35:24,389 --> 00:35:26,590
HEY, WHAT DO YOU THINK IT IS,
BOOGERS ON A BISCUIT?
623
00:35:26,658 --> 00:35:30,226
[ Laughs ]
THAT'S PROB-- THAT'S
PROBABLY WHAT IT IS.
624
00:35:30,295 --> 00:35:32,495
WE NOW GO LIVE TO
THE STREETS OF SAN FRANCISCO...
625
00:35:32,563 --> 00:35:34,931
WITH ASIAN REPORTER
TRICIA TAKANAWA.
626
00:35:35,000 --> 00:35:37,934
DIANE, IS SHE CHINESE
OR JAPANESE?
SHE'S JAPANESE, TOM.
627
00:35:38,003 --> 00:35:40,169
WOW.
I KNOW A JAPANESE WOMAN.
628
00:35:40,238 --> 00:35:42,972
TOM, I'M STANDING HERE
AMIDST THE HEATED DEBATE...
629
00:35:43,041 --> 00:35:45,709
OVER A RECENT PETITION
TO CHANGE THE NAME
OF THE CITY...
630
00:35:45,777 --> 00:35:49,812
FROM SAN FRANCISCO
TO SOMETHING
A LITTLE LESS GAY.
631
00:35:49,881 --> 00:35:53,583
EXCUSE ME, SIR.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO
RENAME SAN FRANCISCO?
632
00:35:53,652 --> 00:35:57,386
WELL, GIVEN THE WONDERFUL
SHOE SHOPPING, I WOULD
CAST MY VOTE FOR "HEAVEN."
633
00:35:57,455 --> 00:35:59,388
WHO THE HELL WAS THAT?
WHAT?
634
00:35:59,458 --> 00:36:01,757
I SAY, PRESS THE BUTTON.
MAKE IT STOP. OH, MY GOD.
635
00:36:01,826 --> 00:36:04,561
- HE LOOKS JUST LIKE ME.
- YOU KNOW WHAT? HE DOES.
636
00:36:04,629 --> 00:36:08,264
- ALMOST LOOKS LIKE
HE COULD BE YOUR FATHER.
- HE COULD BE MY FATHER.
637
00:36:08,333 --> 00:36:10,467
MY REAL FATHER.
I KNEW IT!
638
00:36:10,535 --> 00:36:13,169
LOIS MUST HAVE MATED
WITH THIS POOR FELLOW.
639
00:36:13,238 --> 00:36:15,171
I'VE GOT TO GET OUT
TO CALIFORNIA.
640
00:36:15,240 --> 00:36:17,607
I DARE SAY, I'D FIT RIGHT IN
WITH THE KIDS FROM 90210--
641
00:36:17,675 --> 00:36:19,842
EVEN THE OLDER-LOOKING
ONE.
642
00:36:21,246 --> 00:36:23,479
BOY, THAT TEST
SURE IS GONNA BE HARD
TOMORROW.
643
00:36:23,548 --> 00:36:26,348
YOU SAID IT, DONNA.
HEY, ANDREA, CAN YOU
HELP ME STUDY?
644
00:36:26,417 --> 00:36:29,052
WHAT?
I SAID, "CAN YOU
HELP ME STUDY?"
645
00:36:29,120 --> 00:36:31,488
DYLAN, I FIXED
YOUR SOCKS.
646
00:36:31,557 --> 00:36:33,890
HEY, ANDREA,
ARE WE STILL GOIN'
TO THE CONCERT?
647
00:36:33,959 --> 00:36:38,995
THIS USED TO BE
ALL ORANGE GROVES,
FAR AS THE EYE COULD SEE.
648
00:36:39,063 --> 00:36:41,064
OKAY. SO, I'LL
PICK YOU UP AT 7:00.
649
00:36:41,132 --> 00:36:45,901
BARBARA STANWYCK
AND I USED TO TAKE
THE TROLLEY.
650
00:36:45,970 --> 00:36:49,105
HEY, LOIS! THOUGHT
YOU MIGHT BE IN THE MOOD
FOR A CLASSIC.
651
00:36:49,174 --> 00:36:53,576
♪ NA-NA, NA-NA, NA-NA, NA-NA
NA-NA, NA-NA, NA-NA, NA-NA
SPIDER-MAN ♪
652
00:36:53,645 --> 00:36:55,845
♪ SPIDER-MAN ♪
653
00:36:55,914 --> 00:36:58,315
♪ HERE COMES PETER
ON THE CLOTHESLINE
BUT HIS NAME'S NOT PETER ♪
654
00:36:58,383 --> 00:37:00,783
♪ IT IS SPIDER-MAN
SPIDER-MAN ♪
655
00:37:00,852 --> 00:37:03,420
♪ COME ON, LOIS
LET'S GET BUSY, MAYBE
IN THE GARDEN RIGHT HERE ♪
656
00:37:03,488 --> 00:37:06,355
♪ SPIDER-MAN
SPIDER-MAN ♪
657
00:37:06,425 --> 00:37:09,125
♪ TOUCH MY CAN
WITH YOUR HAND
SPIDER-MAN ♪
658
00:37:09,193 --> 00:37:12,161
[ Laughs ]
OH! HELP! SPIDER-MAN.
659
00:37:12,230 --> 00:37:14,497
I'M BEING ATTACKED
BY THE EVIL ROSEBUSH.
660
00:37:14,565 --> 00:37:16,566
AH! I'LL SAVE YOU,
MARY JANE!
661
00:37:16,635 --> 00:37:20,236
[ Both Giggling, Moaning ]
662
00:37:20,305 --> 00:37:22,739
OH, MY GOD!
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT THEY'RE FIGHTING ABOUT,
663
00:37:22,808 --> 00:37:24,974
BUT I THINK DAD'S WINNING.
664
00:37:25,043 --> 00:37:27,844
GO, DAD!
KIDS, CAN WE HAVE
SOME PRIVACY, PLEASE?
665
00:37:27,913 --> 00:37:31,280
YEAH, YOU GUYS ARE MORE
ANNOYING THAN THAT ANNOUNCER
ON THOSE TV COMMERCIALS.
666
00:37:31,349 --> 00:37:33,516
[ Announcer ] WACKY, WAVING,
INFLATABLE-ARM-FLAILING
TUBE MAN!
667
00:37:33,585 --> 00:37:35,885
WACKY, WAVING,
INFLATABLE-ARM-FLAILING
TUBE MAN!
668
00:37:35,954 --> 00:37:37,954
WACKY, WAVING,
INFLATABLE-ARM-FLAILING
TUBE MAN!
669
00:37:38,023 --> 00:37:40,856
HI, I'M AL HARRINGTON,
PRESIDENT AND C.E.O.
OF AL HARRINGTON'S...
670
00:37:40,926 --> 00:37:44,494
WACKY, WAVING,
INFLATABLE-ARM-FLAILING TUBE MAN
EMPORIUM AND WAREHOUSE.
671
00:37:44,563 --> 00:37:47,130
THANKS TO A SHIPPING ERROR,
I AM NOW CURRENTLY
OVERSTOCKED...
672
00:37:47,199 --> 00:37:49,666
ON WACKY, WAVING
INFLATABLE-ARM-FLAILING
TUBE MEN...
673
00:37:49,735 --> 00:37:52,334
AND I AM PASSING
THE SAVINGS ON TO YOU!
674
00:37:52,403 --> 00:37:55,572
ATTRACT CUSTOMERS
TO YOUR BUSINESS, MAKE A SPLASH
AT YOUR NEXT PRESENTATION,
675
00:37:55,641 --> 00:37:58,741
KEEP GRANDMA COMPANY,
PROTECT YOUR CROPS,
CONFUSE YOUR NEIGHBORS.
676
00:37:58,810 --> 00:38:03,145
AFRICAN-AMERICAN?
HAIL A CAB, TESTIFY IN CHURCH
OR JUST RAISE THE ROOF.
677
00:38:03,214 --> 00:38:06,516
WHATEVER YOUR WACKY, WAVING
INFLATABLE-ARM-FLAILING
TUBE MAN NEEDS ARE.
678
00:38:06,584 --> 00:38:08,618
SO, COME ON DOWN
TO AL HARRINGTON'S...
679
00:38:08,686 --> 00:38:11,153
WACKY, WAVING
INFLATABLE-ARM-FLAILING TUBE MAN
EMPORIUM AND WAREHOUSE.
680
00:38:11,222 --> 00:38:13,690
ROUTE 2 IN WEEKAPAUG!
681
00:38:16,494 --> 00:38:19,462
PLEASE FORGIVE ME,
MR. OINKBAUM.
YOU WILL BE MISSED.
682
00:38:19,531 --> 00:38:21,530
THERE WE ARE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
683
00:38:21,599 --> 00:38:23,566
NONE OF YOUR BEES WAX,
RAMONA.
684
00:38:23,635 --> 00:38:26,769
BUT IF YOU MUST KNOW,
I NEED A PLANE TICKET
TO SAN FRANCISCO.
685
00:38:26,838 --> 00:38:29,205
[ Scoffs ]
GOOD LUCK. PLANE TICKETS
ARE ABOUT 450 BUCKS.
686
00:38:29,274 --> 00:38:31,807
400-- BRIAN,
HIT ME IN THE MOUTH.
687
00:38:31,876 --> 00:38:34,544
WHAT? WHY?
I HEAR THIS TOOTH FAIRY
GIVES YOU MONEY FOR YOUR TEETH.
688
00:38:34,612 --> 00:38:36,645
HAVE AT IT.
UH, OKAY.
689
00:38:36,715 --> 00:38:38,714
NO, NO! DON'T,
DON'T, DON'T!
STOP. STOP.
690
00:38:38,783 --> 00:38:40,783
WHY DID YOU STOP?
I SAID, "HIT ME."
YOU FLINCHED.
691
00:38:40,851 --> 00:38:42,886
WELL, OF COURSE
I FLINCHED. YOU WERE
GOING TO HIT ME.
692
00:38:42,954 --> 00:38:45,220
WELL, MAKE UP YOUR MIND.
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?
HIT ME. [ Screams ]
693
00:38:45,289 --> 00:38:47,289
NO, NO. D-DON'T.
[ Sighs ]
694
00:38:47,358 --> 00:38:49,625
I'M SORRY. LOOK,
I KNOW I'M BEING
HARD TO READ--
695
00:38:57,469 --> 00:39:00,303
HEY! YOU THERE!
BUY THIS YELLOW DRINK.
696
00:39:00,371 --> 00:39:03,940
HEY, PREGGO. PREGGO.
HEY, I'M TALKIN' TO YOU,
TUBBY.
697
00:39:04,008 --> 00:39:06,476
OH, DON'T YOU IGNORE ME.
OOH!
698
00:39:06,545 --> 00:39:09,545
PARDON ME, SIR.
SIR? SIR? OH,
THE HELL WITH THIS.
699
00:39:10,848 --> 00:39:13,115
[ Groaning ]
700
00:39:13,184 --> 00:39:16,052
SO, WE HAD TO DO IT
THE HARD WAY, HMM?
701
00:39:16,120 --> 00:39:19,622
SIX BUCKS?
NICE-LOOKING WIFE
YOU'VE GOT.
702
00:39:19,690 --> 00:39:22,091
MAYBE I'LL LOOK HER UP
WHILE YOU'RE IN THE HOSPITAL.
703
00:39:22,160 --> 00:39:24,727
DON'T FORGET
YOUR LEMONADE.
704
00:39:28,066 --> 00:39:30,199
OH, THERE YOU ARE.
I THOUGHT YOU SHOULD--
705
00:39:30,268 --> 00:39:32,368
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
PAYING BILLS.
706
00:39:32,437 --> 00:39:34,904
WHAT BILLS?
YOU HAVE BILLS?
WELL, THERE'S CABLE AND--
707
00:39:34,972 --> 00:39:38,574
PETER PAYS FOR THE CABLE!
IT'S AT THIS, UH--
IT'S AT THIS GIRL'S HOUSE.
708
00:39:38,643 --> 00:39:41,377
- DO YOU WANT SOMETHING?
- YES. I'M STILL SHORT
FOR MY TRIP.
709
00:39:41,446 --> 00:39:45,114
I'VE ONLY GOT $200.
I SUGGEST YOU PONY UP
THE DIFFERENCE IMMEDIATELY...
710
00:39:45,183 --> 00:39:48,251
OR I'LL E-MAIL THE CONTENTS
OF YOUR HARD DRIVE
TO THE F.B.I.
711
00:39:48,320 --> 00:39:50,386
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
THERE'S NOTHING ON THERE.
712
00:39:54,325 --> 00:39:57,326
STEWIE, WHY IS IT
SO HARD TO ACCEPT
THAT PETER'S YOUR REAL FATHER?
713
00:39:57,395 --> 00:39:59,428
BECAUSE HE'S AN IDIOT.
714
00:39:59,497 --> 00:40:01,498
YOU REMEMBER THAT TIME
HE WENT TO THE TODAY
SHOW.
715
00:40:01,566 --> 00:40:04,500
COMING UP ON TODAY.
TOM CRUISE HAS A NEW MOVIE.
WE'RE GONNA BE TALKING TO HIM.
716
00:40:04,569 --> 00:40:06,502
KATIE.
717
00:40:06,571 --> 00:40:09,506
FUNNYMAN AL FRANKEN WILL BE
STOPPING BY FOR A VISIT.
KATIE!
718
00:40:09,574 --> 00:40:12,509
AND WOLFGANG PUCK SHARES
HIS RECIPE FOR APPLE STRUDEL.
KATIE!
719
00:40:12,577 --> 00:40:16,579
SO STAY TUNED BECAUSE
WE'VE GOT ALL THIS AND MORE
COMING UP IN THE NEXT HOUR.
720
00:40:16,647 --> 00:40:18,581
KATIE!
721
00:40:18,649 --> 00:40:20,649
WHAT?
OH, WELL, NEVER MIND.
722
00:40:23,221 --> 00:40:25,988
CARE TO JOIN ME, LOIS?
AH!
723
00:40:26,057 --> 00:40:29,825
[ Giggles ]
UH, PETER, HOW AM I
SUPPOSED TO--
724
00:40:29,894 --> 00:40:34,430
- OH, OH, OH. SORRY. SORRY.
WHERE ARE MY MANNERS?
- OH, WHAT A GENTLEMAN.
725
00:40:36,434 --> 00:40:38,701
- THERE YA GO.
- [ Groans ]
726
00:40:38,770 --> 00:40:42,204
OH! OH, GOD.
YOU OKAY, HONEY?
YEAH, I'M ALL RIGHT.
727
00:40:42,273 --> 00:40:44,507
OH, THIS IS NICE.
728
00:40:44,576 --> 00:40:49,445
MOM, MEG SAYS OMAR SHARIF
IS DEAD, BUT I THINK SHE'S
THINKIN' OF ANTHONY QUINN.
729
00:40:49,514 --> 00:40:51,848
CHRIS, YOUR FATHER AND I
ARE IN THE TUB.
730
00:40:51,916 --> 00:40:54,550
AND, MEG, YOU ARE
THINKING OF ANTHONY QUINN.
NOW, GET OUT!
731
00:40:54,619 --> 00:40:57,854
PETER, THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
WE HAVE NO PRIVACY HERE.
732
00:40:57,922 --> 00:41:00,323
WE GOTTA GET THOSE KIDS
OUTTA THE HOUSE ONCE IN A WHILE.
733
00:41:00,391 --> 00:41:03,325
- SHOULDN'T THEY BE DATING?
- AW, THAT DOESN'T SOLVE
THE PROBLEM, LOIS.
734
00:41:03,394 --> 00:41:06,562
IF THEY START DATIN',
I MEAN, THEIR ROOMS ARE
RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER.
735
00:41:06,630 --> 00:41:09,164
THEY'LL START HAVIN' SEX.
WE'LL NEVER GET 'EM
OUTTA THE HOUSE.
736
00:41:09,233 --> 00:41:12,836
NO, NO, YOU IDIOT.
I'M TALKING ABOUT THEM
DATING OTHER PEOPLE.
737
00:41:12,904 --> 00:41:15,271
LOOK, I'M GONNA START
SPENDING SOME TIME
WITH CHRIS...
738
00:41:15,339 --> 00:41:17,640
AND I'LL SHOW HIM
HOW TO ATTRACT A WOMAN.
739
00:41:17,709 --> 00:41:19,875
YEAH, AND I'LL SPEND
SOME TIME WITH MEG.
740
00:41:19,944 --> 00:41:22,078
I'VE SPENT LOTS
OF TIME WITH HER,
741
00:41:22,146 --> 00:41:24,447
LIKE WHEN WE WENT ON
OUR LAST CRUSADE
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL.
742
00:41:24,516 --> 00:41:27,817
CHOOSE WISELY.
UH, I CHOOSE THIS ONE.
743
00:41:27,885 --> 00:41:30,018
HOW DID YOU KNOW?
WELL, I KINDA FIGURED...
744
00:41:30,087 --> 00:41:32,087
THE COFFEE MUG
THAT SAYS "JESUS."
745
00:41:32,156 --> 00:41:34,724
OH, RIGHT. RIGHT.
PRETTY OBVIOUS.
746
00:41:34,793 --> 00:41:36,792
GREAT. LET'S KISS ON IT.
747
00:41:36,861 --> 00:41:39,262
COME HERE, YOU.
[ Chuckles ]
748
00:41:39,330 --> 00:41:41,931
[ Grunting ]
749
00:41:41,999 --> 00:41:45,301
[ Screams ]
OH! YOU BLEEDIN'?
YEAH, YOU'RE BLEEDIN'.
750
00:41:47,405 --> 00:41:49,405
DON'T TELL ME
YOU'RE GOIN' TO
CALIFORNIA ON THAT.
751
00:41:49,473 --> 00:41:51,907
BICYCLING IS HARD,
BUT IT HAS ITS BENEFITS.
752
00:41:51,976 --> 00:41:55,545
DID YOU KNOW LANCE ARMSTRONG
IS DATING SHERYL CROW?
753
00:41:55,613 --> 00:41:58,548
YOU KNOW, IT REALLY
SPEAKS TO HER CHARACTER
THAT SHE CAN GET PAST...
754
00:41:58,616 --> 00:42:00,616
THE WHOLE
"HE HAD CANCER" THING...
755
00:42:00,685 --> 00:42:02,819
AND STILL FIND HIM
SEXUALLY ATTRACTIVE.
756
00:42:02,887 --> 00:42:05,321
REALLY SPEAKS
TO HER CHARACTER.
I-I RESPECT THAT.
757
00:42:05,390 --> 00:42:07,456
HEY, BRIAN, WHAT DO
YA THINK OF MY SIGN?
758
00:42:07,526 --> 00:42:11,394
"QUAGMIRE'S CROSS-COUNTRY
TOUR." UH, ISN'T THERE
AN "O" IN "COUNTRY"?
759
00:42:11,462 --> 00:42:14,797
NOPE. LOOK OUT, CALIFORNIA.
HERE I COME. [ Chuckles ]
760
00:42:14,866 --> 00:42:16,932
[ Gasps ]
CALIFORNIA!
761
00:42:17,001 --> 00:42:19,068
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WELL, YOU HEARD
CAPTAIN SYPHILIS.
762
00:42:19,137 --> 00:42:22,438
WE'RE GOING TO CALIFORNIA.
OH, COME ON. YOU CAN'T
GO ALONE WITH QUAGMIRE.
763
00:42:22,507 --> 00:42:26,876
LOOK, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
IF YOU'RE SERIOUS ABOUT THIS,
[ Sighs ] I'LL GO WITH YOU.
764
00:42:26,944 --> 00:42:29,011
ALTHOUGH I SHOULD PROBABLY
ASK PETER AND LOIS IF IT'S OKAY.
765
00:42:29,080 --> 00:42:31,847
- OH, THEY WON'T
EVEN KNOW WE'RE GONE.
- [ Beeping ]
766
00:42:31,916 --> 00:42:34,684
[ Mechanically ]
DAMN YOU, VILE WOMAN!
BLAST! WHAT THE DEUCE?
767
00:42:34,753 --> 00:42:37,419
I AM A TOOL. STEWIE
IS MUCH BETTER THAN ME
AT EVERYTHING,
768
00:42:37,488 --> 00:42:39,555
INCLUDING ARTS AND CRAFTS
AND THE GUITAR.
769
00:42:39,624 --> 00:42:41,690
I HAVE NO FRIENDS.
770
00:42:41,759 --> 00:42:45,427
- GLAD YOU GUYS ARE JOININ' ME.
- [ Stewie ] DID YOU GUYS SEE
THREE MEN AND A BABY?
771
00:42:45,496 --> 00:42:48,598
[ Brian ] YEAH.
[ Stewie ] THERE'S A GHOST
IN THERE BEHIND THE WINDOW.
772
00:42:48,666 --> 00:42:50,800
[ Brian ]
THAT'S AN URBAN LEGEND.
IT'S JUST A PIECE OF CARDBOARD.
773
00:42:50,868 --> 00:42:53,903
NO, IT'S A GHOST.
I HEARD.
YOU HEARD FROM WHO?
774
00:42:53,972 --> 00:42:56,005
FROM, UH... LOIS.
YEAH, RIGHT.
775
00:42:56,074 --> 00:42:58,074
CLEVELAND? DEATH?
NO. NO.
776
00:42:58,142 --> 00:43:00,209
GREASED-UP DEAF GUY?
HE SAID THAT?
777
00:43:04,682 --> 00:43:06,949
[ Quagmire Moaning,
Blathering ]
778
00:43:07,018 --> 00:43:09,418
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
[ Blathers ]
[ Woman Moans ]
779
00:43:09,487 --> 00:43:11,721
[ Both Giggling ]
780
00:43:11,789 --> 00:43:13,889
OW! DAMN IT!
781
00:43:13,957 --> 00:43:16,157
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
YOUR KNIGHT WAS AT
KING'S ROOK SIX.
782
00:43:16,226 --> 00:43:19,327
NO, MY BISHOP WAS AT
KING'S ROOK SIX.
MY KNIGHT WAS AT QUEEN FIVE.
783
00:43:19,396 --> 00:43:21,397
NO, NO, NO.
IT WAS--
YES. YES.
784
00:43:21,465 --> 00:43:23,532
NO. IN YOUR DREAMS
YOUR KNIGHT
WAS AT QUEEN FIVE.
785
00:43:23,601 --> 00:43:25,600
I WAS SITTING RIGHT--
I SAW RIGHT--
786
00:43:25,669 --> 00:43:27,669
YEAH--
OH! LOOK AT THAT!
LOOK AT THAT!
787
00:43:27,738 --> 00:43:29,738
NOW YOUR KNIGHT
IS AT REFRIGERATOR FIVE.
788
00:43:29,807 --> 00:43:32,674
THAT'S REAL MATURE.
YEAH, WELL, WHO
COMES OUT A WINNER? ME.
789
00:43:32,743 --> 00:43:37,146
[ Makes Cheering Noises ]
GRIFFIN ONCE AGAIN.
790
00:43:37,215 --> 00:43:39,781
[ Cheering Noises Continue ]
UNDEFEATED CHAMPION
OF THE WORLD!
791
00:43:39,851 --> 00:43:42,718
[ Cheering Noises ]
792
00:43:44,788 --> 00:43:47,522
YOU KNOW, SAN FRANCISCO
IS A BIG PLACE.
793
00:43:47,591 --> 00:43:49,725
HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT
HOW YOU'RE GONNA FIND
THIS GUY?
794
00:43:49,794 --> 00:43:52,428
SIMPLE, BRIAN.
LOOK AT THIS.
795
00:43:53,898 --> 00:43:57,666
MY GOD! THIS POOR FELLOW
HAD RELATIONS WITH LOIS.
796
00:43:57,735 --> 00:44:00,335
THAT'S MORE DISGUSTING
THAN MY COUSIN QUARK GRIFFIN.
797
00:44:00,404 --> 00:44:05,007
I'M WATCHING YOUR EVERY MOVE,
QUARK, SO DON'T THINK YOU CAN
GET AWAY WITH ANY LAW-BREAKING.
798
00:44:05,076 --> 00:44:07,142
YEAH, YEAH.
WHATEVER, MAN.
I MEAN IT!
799
00:44:07,211 --> 00:44:09,477
YOU'LL HAVE ME
TO DEAL WITH.
OOH! I'M REALLY SCARED.
800
00:44:09,546 --> 00:44:12,047
I COULD MORPH INTO
A GIANT PYTHON
AND EAT YOU ALIVE.
801
00:44:12,116 --> 00:44:14,049
HEY, HERE'S AN IDEA--
802
00:44:14,118 --> 00:44:17,052
WHY DON'T YOU MORPH
INTO A GUY WITH SOMETHING
INTERESTING TO TALK ABOUT?
803
00:44:19,123 --> 00:44:23,158
KIDS, YOUR MOTHER AND I HAVE
DECIDED WE'RE GONNA HELP YOU TWO
GET OUT IN THE DATING WORLD.
804
00:44:23,227 --> 00:44:24,826
THAT'S RIGHT.
805
00:44:24,895 --> 00:44:27,830
CHRIS, I'M GONNA SHOW YOU
HOW TO BE AN AFFABLE,
DESIRABLE YOUNG MAN...
806
00:44:27,898 --> 00:44:29,832
WHO DOESN'T SMELL LIKE
THE INSIDE OF A WOOL HAT.
807
00:44:29,900 --> 00:44:32,835
- WHY YOU GOTTA BREAK BALLS?
- MEG, WHEN I
GET THROUGH WITH YOU...
808
00:44:32,904 --> 00:44:35,537
YOU'RE GONNA BE
BEATIN' GUYS OFF
WITH BOTH HANDS.
809
00:44:35,606 --> 00:44:38,540
- THIS IS GONNA BE SO FUN!
- HEY! ZIP IT.
810
00:44:38,609 --> 00:44:43,145
RULE NUMBER ONE:
NO SPEAKEE UNTIL THE MAN
SPEAKEE TO YOU.
811
00:44:47,051 --> 00:44:48,984
I SAY,
ARE WE MOVING ON YET?
812
00:44:49,053 --> 00:44:51,519
JUST HANG OUT, LITTLE GUY.
I'LL SEE YOU IN A WHILE.
813
00:44:51,588 --> 00:44:54,756
OH, VERY WELL.
I SUPPOSE I'LL GO
PUMP THE CHEMICAL TOILET.
814
00:44:54,825 --> 00:44:57,292
APPARENTLY
YOU'RE ABOUT TO DO THE SAME.
815
00:44:59,697 --> 00:45:02,230
WHAT THE HELL
IS TAKING HIM SO LONG?
816
00:45:02,299 --> 00:45:04,566
I'M MISSING PRECIOUS TIME
WITH MY FATHER.
817
00:45:04,635 --> 00:45:07,135
WHICH ONE OF THESE
IS THE HORN?
818
00:45:07,204 --> 00:45:09,004
THAT'S NOT IT.
819
00:45:09,073 --> 00:45:10,906
THAT'S NOT IT
EITHER.
820
00:45:12,209 --> 00:45:15,544
DO SOMETHING.
I'M AFRAID
TO PRESS ANYTHING ELSE.
821
00:45:16,814 --> 00:45:19,581
OKAY, MEG, LESSON ONE
FOR ATTRACTING A MAN.
822
00:45:19,650 --> 00:45:23,052
- I WANT YOU TO SHAVE MY BACK.
- EEW! WHY WOULD I
WANT TO DO THAT?
823
00:45:23,120 --> 00:45:27,756
TRUST ME, MEG.
SHAVE A MAN'S BACK FOR HIM
AND HE'LL PURR LIKE A WALRUS.
824
00:45:27,825 --> 00:45:30,325
[ Purring Like Walrus ]
825
00:45:32,562 --> 00:45:35,497
ALL RIGHT, CHRIS,
NOW THAT WE'VE TALKED ABOUT
KISSING AND CUDDLING,
826
00:45:35,566 --> 00:45:38,334
IT'S TIME TO PRACTICE
EATING OUT...
827
00:45:38,402 --> 00:45:40,468
AT A FANCY RESTAURANT!
828
00:45:45,876 --> 00:45:47,942
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT.
829
00:45:48,011 --> 00:45:50,945
LISTEN, YOU PERVERT,
WHAT THE DEVIL IS TAKING SO LO--
830
00:45:51,014 --> 00:45:53,381
- GOOD LORD!
- OH, STEWIE. THANK GOD.
831
00:45:53,450 --> 00:45:56,151
THAT CLEANING LADY
CLEANED ME OUT.
SHE TOOK ALL MY MONEY.
832
00:45:56,220 --> 00:45:58,286
GRAB THOSE KEYS
OVER THERE, WILL YA?
833
00:45:58,355 --> 00:46:00,288
WHAT, THESE KEYS?
THESE KEYS HERE?
834
00:46:00,357 --> 00:46:02,224
THESE THE ONES YOU WANT?
HMM?
835
00:46:02,292 --> 00:46:04,159
UP YOURS!
836
00:46:04,228 --> 00:46:07,061
[ Engine Starts ]
837
00:46:08,332 --> 00:46:11,266
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?
WHERE'S QUAGMIRE?
838
00:46:11,335 --> 00:46:14,169
HE SAID TO GO WITHOUT HIM.
WE'RE STEALING THE WINNEBAGO,
AREN'T WE?
839
00:46:14,237 --> 00:46:16,238
OH, YOU CAN READ ME
LIKE A BOOK, BRIAN.
840
00:46:16,307 --> 00:46:18,240
BREAKER-BREAKER, SIDEWINDER.
THIS IS PARTY POOPER.
841
00:46:18,309 --> 00:46:20,242
DON'T WANT TO BE
A RATCHET JAW,
842
00:46:20,311 --> 00:46:23,012
BUT LOOKS LIKE WE'VE GOT
A SEAT COVER FEEDING THE BEARS
IN A CHICKEN COOP, COME ON.
843
00:46:23,080 --> 00:46:24,679
♪♪ [ Country ]
844
00:46:24,749 --> 00:46:28,850
♪ EASTBOUND AND DOWN
LOADED UP AND TRUCKIN' ♪
845
00:46:28,919 --> 00:46:31,620
♪ WE GONNA DO WHAT
THEY SAY CAN'T BE DONE ♪♪
846
00:46:32,957 --> 00:46:34,889
DAD, WHY ARE WE
JUST SITTING HERE?
847
00:46:34,959 --> 00:46:36,891
JUST GIVE ME
A MINUTE, MEG.
848
00:46:36,961 --> 00:46:40,329
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO BE
LEARNING ABOUT DATING FROM--
AHH.
849
00:46:40,397 --> 00:46:42,831
OH, MY GOD, DAD!
YOU FARTED!
850
00:46:42,899 --> 00:46:45,834
THAT IS SO NASTY!
[ Groaning ]
NO! NO, NO, MEG!
851
00:46:45,902 --> 00:46:47,836
MEG, THIS IS CRUCIAL.
ALL RIGHT?
852
00:46:47,904 --> 00:46:51,739
THE SEXIEST THING
A WOMAN CAN DO FOR A MAN
IS LEARN TO LOVE HIS GAS.
853
00:46:51,808 --> 00:46:53,742
LOVE THE GAS, MEG.
LOVE IT!
854
00:46:53,811 --> 00:46:55,744
[ Fart ]
[ Groaning Continues ]
855
00:46:55,813 --> 00:46:58,246
NO, MEG! NO, NO!
THIS IS WHY WE'RE HERE.
856
00:46:58,315 --> 00:47:00,749
THIS IS WHY WE'RE HERE.
THIS IS WHY WE'RE HERE.
857
00:47:02,319 --> 00:47:05,253
CHRIS, YOU'VE GOTTA LEARN
HOW TO TALK TO GIRLS.
858
00:47:05,323 --> 00:47:09,691
SO I'LL ASK YOU AGAIN:
WHAT ARE THE NAMES OF THE WOMEN
ON SEX AND THE CITY?
859
00:47:09,760 --> 00:47:12,794
UH... CARRIE,
860
00:47:12,863 --> 00:47:15,130
MIRANDA, UH,
861
00:47:15,199 --> 00:47:17,832
SAMANTHA AND,
862
00:47:17,901 --> 00:47:20,602
UH, SCRAPPY-DOO?
863
00:47:20,671 --> 00:47:22,871
HIT HIM, ENDO.
AAAH! AAAH! AAH!
864
00:47:22,940 --> 00:47:25,774
BOSLEY? UH, TOOTIE?
UH, SHEENA EASTON?
865
00:47:25,843 --> 00:47:27,843
AAAH! AAAH!
866
00:47:29,412 --> 00:47:31,546
THINK WE SHOULD
GO BACK FOR QUAGMIRE?
867
00:47:31,615 --> 00:47:33,782
HE'LL BE ALL RIGHT.
HE'S RESOURCEFUL.
868
00:47:33,850 --> 00:47:36,452
[ Grunting ]
869
00:47:38,455 --> 00:47:40,855
DAMN IT!
[ Dial Tone ]
870
00:47:42,159 --> 00:47:44,593
[ TV: Woman ]
YEAH! OKAY! YEAH!
871
00:47:44,662 --> 00:47:47,596
[ TV: Man Panting ]
[ TV: Woman ]
THAT'S IT! AGAIN! YEAH!
872
00:47:47,664 --> 00:47:49,464
[ Beep
Dialing ]
873
00:47:49,533 --> 00:47:51,099
ALL RIGHT!
874
00:47:56,940 --> 00:47:58,873
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
NEVER BETTER!
875
00:47:58,942 --> 00:48:01,876
I GOT SOME PEP PILLS
FROM A TRUCKER
AT THE LAST STOP!
876
00:48:01,945 --> 00:48:04,079
KEEPS ME AWAKE!
YOU TOOK PILLS?
877
00:48:04,148 --> 00:48:07,549
WEST COAST TURNAROUNDS!
TRUCKER SAID TO ONLY TAKE ONE,
BUT I TOOK ALL OF THEM!
878
00:48:07,618 --> 00:48:09,651
MAYBE YOU SHOULD SLOW DOWN.
WHY?
WE'RE MAKING GOOD TIME!
879
00:48:09,720 --> 00:48:11,653
WE'RE NOT EVEN
ON THE ROAD!
HUH?
880
00:48:11,722 --> 00:48:14,156
- I SAID, WE'RE NOT
EVEN ON THE ROAD!
- DON'T NEED TO BE!
881
00:48:14,224 --> 00:48:16,058
COMPASS SAYS WEST.
THAT'S WHERE WE'RE HEADED.
882
00:48:16,126 --> 00:48:18,560
STEWIE, WE'RE IN
THE MIDDLE OF THE DESERT.
I KNOW!
883
00:48:18,629 --> 00:48:21,563
IMAGINE THE NADS
ON THOSE GUYS WHO
DID THIS ON A WAGON!
884
00:48:21,631 --> 00:48:23,932
PIONEERS, BRIAN!
WE SHARE THEIR SPIRIT!
MANIFEST DESTINY!
885
00:48:24,001 --> 00:48:26,702
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT.
GIVE ME THE WHEEL.
GO TO HELL!
886
00:48:33,510 --> 00:48:35,511
[ Gasps ]
887
00:48:37,581 --> 00:48:39,581
[ Snoring ]
888
00:48:45,555 --> 00:48:48,490
[ Sighs ]
THIS IS HORRIBLE.
889
00:48:48,559 --> 00:48:52,261
I'M SO THIRSTY.
OH, MY GOD, BRIAN.
DO YOU SEE WHAT I SEE?
890
00:48:52,329 --> 00:48:54,529
[ Brian ]
A DR. PEPPER MACHINE?
891
00:48:54,598 --> 00:48:56,465
YES!
OH, I CAN TASTE IT NOW!
892
00:48:56,533 --> 00:48:58,467
[ Panting ]
893
00:48:58,535 --> 00:49:00,636
[ Both Cackling ]
894
00:49:05,375 --> 00:49:07,443
DAMN IT.
IT WAS A MIRAGE.
895
00:49:07,511 --> 00:49:09,944
OH, A RC COLA MACHINE.
896
00:49:10,013 --> 00:49:12,447
OH, THAT'S IT!
I GIVE UP!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
897
00:49:12,516 --> 00:49:15,450
I NEVER SHOULD HAVE
ATTEMPTED THIS
IN THE FIRST PLACE.
898
00:49:15,519 --> 00:49:17,952
IT WAS STUPID!
HEY, HEY.
COME ON, NOW.
899
00:49:18,022 --> 00:49:20,956
YOU'VE COME THIS FAR.
HAVEN'T YOU?
[ Sobbing ] IT'S NO USE!
900
00:49:21,024 --> 00:49:24,459
EVEN IF MY REAL FATHER
IS OUT THERE, HE PROBABLY
DOESN'T WANT TO SEE ME.
901
00:49:24,528 --> 00:49:26,462
[ Sobbing Continues ]
902
00:49:26,530 --> 00:49:28,463
YOU GOTTA
SEE THIS THROUGH
TO THE END.
903
00:49:28,532 --> 00:49:30,966
MAYBE THIS GUY
IS YOUR REAL FATHER.
MAYBE NOT.
904
00:49:31,035 --> 00:49:34,302
BUT IF YOU DON'T FIND OUT,
YOU'RE GONNA SPEND THE REST
OF YOUR LIFE WONDERING.
905
00:49:34,371 --> 00:49:36,305
[ Sighs ]
WELL, MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.
906
00:49:36,373 --> 00:49:38,706
COME ON.
I'LL STICK BY YOU
THE WHOLE WAY,
907
00:49:38,775 --> 00:49:41,209
JUST LIKE I DID
WHEN WE WERE SIAMESE TWINS.
908
00:49:41,278 --> 00:49:44,679
HEY, LOOK AT THAT WOMAN, BRIAN.
SHE HAS NO BUSINESS IN SHORTS.
909
00:49:44,748 --> 00:49:47,149
HEY! YOU HAVE
NO BUSINESS IN SHORTS!
910
00:49:47,217 --> 00:49:49,884
OOH, TORTILLAS!
LET'S DO SOFT TACOS TONIGHT.
911
00:49:52,856 --> 00:49:55,790
WELL, WE'VE TAUGHT
YOU WELL, CHILDREN.
IT'S IN GOD'S HANDS NOW.
912
00:49:55,860 --> 00:49:58,327
NOW GO TO THE MALL
AND FIND YOURSELF
SOME DATES.
913
00:49:58,395 --> 00:50:01,796
FIND A GIRL WHO SMOKES.
REMEMBER, IF SHE SMOKES,
SHE POKES.
914
00:50:01,866 --> 00:50:03,799
BYE, KIDS.
915
00:50:03,867 --> 00:50:06,334
DO YOU THINK
THEY'RE READY, PETER?
I DON'T CARE.
916
00:50:06,403 --> 00:50:09,905
ALL I CARE ABOUT IS THAT
WE HAVE OUR ALONE TIME.
ME TOO.
917
00:50:09,973 --> 00:50:13,542
ARE WE TERRIBLE PEOPLE?
NAH, NAH. WE'RE NOT
TERRIBLE PEOPLE, LOIS.
918
00:50:13,610 --> 00:50:15,610
HORSES
ARE TERRIBLE PEOPLE.
919
00:50:15,679 --> 00:50:17,612
[ Choking ]
920
00:50:17,681 --> 00:50:19,714
MURDER! MURDER!
921
00:50:26,624 --> 00:50:28,857
WELL, WE MADE IT.
SAN FRANCISCO.
922
00:50:28,926 --> 00:50:31,360
I BET THIS CITY'S FILLED
WITH KOOKY ROOMMATES...
923
00:50:31,428 --> 00:50:33,628
LIKE THE KIND YOU SEE
ALL LIVING TOGETHER ON TV.
924
00:50:36,199 --> 00:50:39,134
HEY, LION-O,
WHAT'S GOING ON?
I'M NOT SURE, CHEETARA.
925
00:50:39,203 --> 00:50:42,137
BUT I'VE GOT A BAD FEELING
MUMM-RA'S UP TO SOMETHING.
926
00:50:42,206 --> 00:50:45,406
HMM. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
I'M GONNA USE THE JOHN.
927
00:50:45,475 --> 00:50:49,177
EYE OF THUNDERA,
GIVE ME SIGHT BEYOND SIGHT.
928
00:50:51,348 --> 00:50:54,883
LION-O, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
SNARF! SNARF!
929
00:50:54,952 --> 00:50:57,886
OH, HEY, UH--
NOT MUCH, NOT MUCH.
930
00:50:57,955 --> 00:51:00,922
[ Clears Throat ]
YOU WANT TO
GET WASTED OR SOMETHING?
931
00:51:07,764 --> 00:51:10,532
LET'S SPLIT UP
AND TRY TO FIND HIM.
932
00:51:10,601 --> 00:51:12,033
[ Bell Dings ]
933
00:51:12,102 --> 00:51:14,035
[ Bell Dings ]
934
00:51:14,104 --> 00:51:17,539
YEAH, I JUST CHECKED IN.
YEAH, I MIGHT LOSE YOU.
I JUST GOT IN THE ELEVATOR.
935
00:51:17,608 --> 00:51:19,875
YEAH, I'M GONNA
GRAB A SHOWER.
936
00:51:19,944 --> 00:51:22,544
D-DID YOU GUYS EAT YET?
937
00:51:22,613 --> 00:51:25,547
NO-- NO, I'LL--
NO, I'LL JUST TAKE A CAB.
938
00:51:25,616 --> 00:51:27,549
YOU GOT YOUR CAR?
939
00:51:27,618 --> 00:51:29,685
DO YOU WANNA PICK ME UP?
940
00:51:29,753 --> 00:51:32,688
DO YOU-- DO YOU WANNA--
DO YOU WANNA PICK ME UP?
941
00:51:32,756 --> 00:51:34,690
DO YOU WANNA PICK ME UP?
942
00:51:34,758 --> 00:51:37,558
DO YOU WANNA PICK ME UP?
DO YOU WANNA PICK ME UP?
943
00:51:37,627 --> 00:51:39,795
♪♪ [ Whistling ]
944
00:51:45,168 --> 00:51:47,702
[ Gasps ]
FATHER!
945
00:52:01,451 --> 00:52:04,319
[ Chattering In Jawa ]
AAH! UTEDI! UTEDI!
946
00:52:04,388 --> 00:52:06,388
FILTHY CREATURES.
947
00:52:23,773 --> 00:52:25,707
WHOA-OHH!
948
00:52:25,775 --> 00:52:28,209
DAMN! WHY IS THERE ALWAYS
A FRUIT STAND?
949
00:52:28,278 --> 00:52:30,212
[ Radio: Man ]
HIGH-SPEED PURSUIT
IN PROGRESS...
950
00:52:30,280 --> 00:52:32,214
HEADED SOUTH ON POWELL
TOWARD MARKET STREET.
951
00:52:32,282 --> 00:52:35,117
YOU HEARD HIM, PEOPLE.
POWELL AND MARKET. MOVE IT!
952
00:52:37,220 --> 00:52:40,155
[ Sighs ]
I FEEL LIKE I'VE SEARCHED
THIS WHOLE BLOODY CITY.
953
00:52:40,224 --> 00:52:43,658
I SUPPOSE THIS MEANS
I'LL NEVER FIND THE ANSWER
TO WHO I REALLY AM.
954
00:52:43,727 --> 00:52:45,660
OH, WELL.
SEE YOU GENTS LATER.
955
00:52:45,729 --> 00:52:47,662
FREE TIBET.
NO GRAPES. ALL THAT.
956
00:52:47,731 --> 00:52:50,999
DUDE, I COULD HAVE SWORN
THAT NERF FOOTBALL
WAS JUST TALKIN' TO ME.
957
00:52:51,068 --> 00:52:53,668
[ Bell Dings ]
958
00:52:53,737 --> 00:52:56,505
ARE YOU DONE
WITH THE ARTS SECTION?
OF COURSE.
959
00:52:56,573 --> 00:52:58,173
- [ Gasps ]
- [ Gasps ]
960
00:52:58,242 --> 00:53:00,841
OH, MY GOD!
OH, DEAR.
961
00:53:00,910 --> 00:53:02,843
OH, DEAR, OH, DEAR.
THIS IS NOT GOOD.
962
00:53:02,912 --> 00:53:04,846
THIS IS VERY BAD.
VERY BAD.
963
00:53:04,915 --> 00:53:08,516
OH, DADDY, I KNEW I'D FIND YOU!
I KNEW PETER COULDN'T BE
MY REAL FATHER!
964
00:53:08,585 --> 00:53:10,952
NO, NO, NO.
YOU'VE GOTTEN IT
ALL WRONG, STEWIE.
965
00:53:11,021 --> 00:53:13,021
STEWIE?
HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME?
966
00:53:13,090 --> 00:53:15,857
BECAUSE I'M NOT YOUR FATHER.
I'M YOU.
967
00:53:19,829 --> 00:53:21,763
[ Peter ]
WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?
968
00:53:21,831 --> 00:53:24,766
[ Brian ]
LOOKS LIKE AN INTERMISSION,
A CHANCE TO STRETCH THE LEGS.
969
00:53:24,834 --> 00:53:27,269
[ Peter ]
OH, MAN, I PEED IN THIS CUP
FOR NOTHIN'?
970
00:53:27,337 --> 00:53:29,771
[ Chris ]
DAD, I JUST KICKED OVER
YOUR COKE.
971
00:53:29,839 --> 00:53:33,275
[ Stewie ] I LOOK ATROCIOUS!
DID YOU SEE MY ASS?
OH, MY GOD!
972
00:53:33,343 --> 00:53:36,645
[ Meg ]
THIS STINKS! I CAN'T BELIEVE
THEY CUT MY WHOLE SEX SCENE!
973
00:53:36,713 --> 00:53:38,647
IT WAS SO TASTEFULLY DONE!
974
00:53:38,715 --> 00:53:41,650
[ Lois ] PETER, COULD YOU GO
TO THE CONCESSION STAND?
I WANT SOMETHING TO SUCK ON.
975
00:53:41,718 --> 00:53:43,652
[ Quagmire ]
GIGGEDY-GIGGEDY!
976
00:53:43,720 --> 00:53:47,155
[ Cleveland ] HEY, QUAGMIRE,
YOU THINK WE GOT TIME
TO GO OUTSIDE AND BURN ONE?
977
00:53:47,223 --> 00:53:49,658
[ Quagmire ]
IT'S NOT OVER YET?
HOW LONG IS THIS THING?
978
00:53:49,726 --> 00:53:53,662
[ Herbert ] CHRIS,
DO YOU HAVE A SHOWER SCENE?
OR DO I HAVE TO KEEP DREAMIN'?
979
00:53:53,730 --> 00:53:55,664
MMM.
980
00:53:55,732 --> 00:53:57,532
[ Brian ]
ALL RIGHT, WE'RE BACK.
981
00:54:01,471 --> 00:54:03,338
YOU'RE ME FROM THE FUTURE?
THAT'S ABSURD.
982
00:54:03,406 --> 00:54:05,340
I'M AFRAID IT'S TRUE,
STEWIE.
983
00:54:05,408 --> 00:54:07,842
I'M THE MAN YOU DREAMED
YOU'D BE WHEN YOU WERE
ALONE IN YOUR BEDROOM...
984
00:54:07,911 --> 00:54:10,945
PLANNING WORLD DOMINATION
AND SINGING DONNA SUMMER
INTO YOUR HAIRBRUSH.
985
00:54:11,014 --> 00:54:13,548
♪ TELL HIM
TO JUST GET OUT ♪
986
00:54:13,617 --> 00:54:16,217
♪ NOTHIN' LEFT
TO TALK ABOUT ♪
987
00:54:16,286 --> 00:54:19,020
♪ PACK HIS RAINCOAT
SHOW HIM OUT ♪
988
00:54:19,089 --> 00:54:22,890
♪ JUST LOOK HIM IN THE EYES
AND SIMPLY SHOUT ♪
989
00:54:22,959 --> 00:54:24,992
[ Both ]
♪ ENOUGH IS ENOUGH
IS ENOUGH ♪
990
00:54:25,061 --> 00:54:29,063
♪ I CAN'T GO ON
I CAN'T GO ON NO MORE NOW ♪
991
00:54:29,132 --> 00:54:30,932
♪ ENOUGH IS ENOUGH
IS ENOUGH ♪
992
00:54:31,000 --> 00:54:35,303
♪ I WANT HIM OUT
I WANT HIM OUT
THAT DOOR NOW ♪♪
993
00:54:35,372 --> 00:54:37,305
[ Gasps ]
IT IS YOU-- UH, ME!
994
00:54:37,374 --> 00:54:40,942
OH, GOD, I HAVE TO MANY
QUESTIONS ABOUT THE FUTURE.
IS ALL FOOD IN PILL FORM?
995
00:54:41,010 --> 00:54:45,179
DO THEY HAVE FLYING CARS?
DID THEY EVER FIND A SUCCESSFUL
VEHICLE FOR ELLEN CLEGHORNE?
996
00:54:45,248 --> 00:54:48,182
I CAN'T ANSWER THOSE QUESTIONS.
I'M NOT EVEN SUPPOSED
TO BE TALKING TO YOU.
997
00:54:48,251 --> 00:54:51,152
- IT'S A VIOLATION OF
THE TERMS OF MY VACATION.
- VACATION?
998
00:54:51,221 --> 00:54:55,690
YES. IN THE FUTURE, PEOPLE TAKE
VACATIONS NOT TO DESTINATIONS,
BUT TO PERIODS OF TIME.
999
00:54:55,759 --> 00:54:58,459
JUST LAST SUMMER
I WENT BACK
TO VISIT JESUS CHRIST.
1000
00:54:58,529 --> 00:55:01,462
TURNS OUT HIS ABILITIES
MIGHT HAVE BEEN
EXAGGERATED A BIT.
1001
00:55:02,632 --> 00:55:05,634
♪♪ [ Humming
Vaudeville Melody ]
1002
00:55:22,418 --> 00:55:25,519
I'VE ALREADY SAID ENOUGH.
I SHOULD BE GETTING BACK.
1003
00:55:25,588 --> 00:55:28,022
YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE ME.
I MUST KNOW MY FUTURE.
1004
00:55:28,092 --> 00:55:31,526
SORRY.
IT'S AGAINST THE RULES.
GOOD-BYE, STEWIE.
1005
00:55:31,595 --> 00:55:33,694
SURPRISE!
1006
00:55:34,764 --> 00:55:36,698
OH,
THIS IS JUST GREAT.
1007
00:55:36,767 --> 00:55:39,034
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!
THIS IS THE FUTURE--
1008
00:55:39,102 --> 00:55:41,235
WAIT A MINUTE.
EVERYTHING LOOKS THE SAME.
1009
00:55:41,304 --> 00:55:43,972
WELL, OF COURSE.
IT'S ONLY BEEN 30 YEARS.
WHERE ARE THE MONUMENTS TO ME?
1010
00:55:44,040 --> 00:55:45,974
WHERE ARE MY LEGIONS
OF FOLLOWERS?
1011
00:55:46,042 --> 00:55:50,245
I THOUGHT I'D BE ABSOLUTE RULER
OF THE WORLD BY NOW, FAR AWAY
FROM THAT HOUSE FULL OF IDIOTS.
1012
00:56:00,690 --> 00:56:02,557
[ Sighs ]
1013
00:56:02,626 --> 00:56:05,560
SORRY, STEWIE.
I ABANDONED MY QUEST FOR
WORLD DOMINATION LONG AGO.
1014
00:56:05,629 --> 00:56:08,563
WELL, AM I AT LEAST
A CITY COUNCILMAN OR SOMETHING?
1015
00:56:08,632 --> 00:56:11,065
SORRY.
OH, THIS IS NOTHING
LIKE I IMAGINED.
1016
00:56:11,135 --> 00:56:13,067
I THOUGHT THE FUTURE
WOULD BE DIFFERENT,
1017
00:56:13,137 --> 00:56:16,237
WITH JET PACKS, ECO-DOMES
AND TV THEY CAN BEAM
RIGHT INTO YOUR HEAD.
1018
00:56:16,306 --> 00:56:18,240
UH, GIVE ME
MORK AND MINDY.
1019
00:56:19,475 --> 00:56:22,744
[ Laughs ]
THAT'S NOT HOW YOU
SIT IN A CHAIR!
1020
00:56:24,314 --> 00:56:26,247
I'M LATE TO SUNDAY DINNER
WITH THE FAMILY.
1021
00:56:26,316 --> 00:56:29,250
YOU'LL HAVE TO
WAIT IN THE CAR UNTIL
I CAN SEND YOU BACK.
1022
00:56:29,319 --> 00:56:31,753
WAIT IN THE CAR?
I SHALL DO NO SUCH THING.
1023
00:56:31,822 --> 00:56:34,555
HEY, DID THEY EVER
UNFREEZE WALT DISNEY?
UGH. UNFORTUNATELY.
1024
00:56:34,624 --> 00:56:36,191
WELCOME BACK,
MR. DISNEY.
1025
00:56:36,260 --> 00:56:38,193
ARE THE JEWS GONE YET?
UH, NO.
1026
00:56:38,261 --> 00:56:40,161
PUT ME BACK IN.
1027
00:56:42,165 --> 00:56:45,100
PUT SOME PANTS ON.
THE KIDS'LL BE HERE
ANY MINUTE.
1028
00:56:45,168 --> 00:56:48,703
IN A SECOND, LOIS.
I'M WATCHING THE BRITNEY SPEARS
COMEBACK CONCERT.
1029
00:56:48,772 --> 00:56:50,305
HI, EVERYBODY!
1030
00:56:50,374 --> 00:56:53,007
I MAY HAVE LOST A FOOT
TO DIABETES,
1031
00:56:53,076 --> 00:56:55,510
BUT I'M STILL SEXY,
Y'ALL!
1032
00:56:55,579 --> 00:56:57,778
NOW I'M GONNA DANCE
FOR YA!
1033
00:56:57,848 --> 00:57:00,348
♪♪ [ Pop ]
1034
00:57:05,022 --> 00:57:06,954
[ Audience Screaming ]
1035
00:57:07,023 --> 00:57:09,724
[ Doorbell Rings ]
1036
00:57:09,793 --> 00:57:12,994
- OH, STEW. MY BIG BOY.
- HELLO, MOTHER!
1037
00:57:13,063 --> 00:57:16,531
SHE'S STILL ALIVE?
WHAT THE HELL, MAN?
1038
00:57:16,600 --> 00:57:18,532
I BROUGHT A GUEST.
1039
00:57:18,602 --> 00:57:22,403
THIS IS, UM, UH, PABLO,
A CHILD FROM NICARAGUA
I'VE BEEN SPONSORING.
1040
00:57:22,472 --> 00:57:24,472
MY!
HOW WONDERFUL!
1041
00:57:24,540 --> 00:57:26,107
ME GUSTA NICARAGUA.
1042
00:57:26,176 --> 00:57:28,643
MMM, YES. IS THAT WHERE
YOU GOT THAT LEATHER HANDBAG?
1043
00:57:28,712 --> 00:57:32,080
OH, I'M SORRY. THAT'S YOUR FACE!
HA HA! OH! GOT YOU!
1044
00:57:32,148 --> 00:57:35,082
THIRTY YEARS LATER,
I STILL FREAKING GOT YOU!
1045
00:57:35,151 --> 00:57:39,053
OH, GOD! I FEEL
AS INVINCIBLE AS SUPERMAN.
1046
00:57:40,123 --> 00:57:42,057
HEY THERE, WONDER WOMAN.
1047
00:57:42,125 --> 00:57:44,058
FLYING YOUR INVISIBLE PLANE,
I SEE.
1048
00:57:44,127 --> 00:57:46,428
[ Chuckles ]
BOY, THIS IS AWKWARD.
1049
00:57:46,496 --> 00:57:50,064
I'M-- I'M, UH, ACTUALLY
IN THE LAVATORY
OF THE INVISIBLE PLANE.
1050
00:57:50,133 --> 00:57:53,401
OH. YOU MEAN,
RIGHT NOW YOU'RE--
YEAH.
1051
00:57:53,470 --> 00:57:55,703
[ Toilet Flushes ]
1052
00:57:59,109 --> 00:58:03,945
I COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE
YOU DIDN'T WASH YOUR HANDS
IN THE INVISIBLE SINK.
1053
00:58:04,013 --> 00:58:05,947
HI, EVERYBODY.
SORRY WE'RE LATE.
1054
00:58:06,016 --> 00:58:08,817
STOP FREAKIN' APOLOGIZING.
YOU SOUND LIKE
A FREAKIN' WOMAN.
1055
00:58:08,885 --> 00:58:11,519
I SUPPOSE
ONE OF YOU HAS TO.
1056
00:58:11,588 --> 00:58:14,823
- OH, WHAT A NICE
BLOUSE, VANESSA.
- CHRIS'S WIFE.
1057
00:58:14,891 --> 00:58:17,659
OH, THANKS. I'M NOT SURE
MY TINY BRAIN COULD'VE
PUT THAT ONE TOGETHER.
1058
00:58:17,727 --> 00:58:21,295
MOM, I NOTICE YOUR HEDGES
ARE PUSHING OUT ONTO THE CURB,
AND THAT'S A VIOLATION.
1059
00:58:21,364 --> 00:58:24,298
AND YOUR TAGS ARE EXPIRED,
AND ONE OF YOUR TAILLIGHTS
IS BUSTED.
1060
00:58:24,367 --> 00:58:28,302
I'M NOT GONNA RUN YOU IN,
BUT I WILL IF YOU DON'T
GIVE ME A COOKIE!
1061
00:58:28,371 --> 00:58:30,805
HERE YOU GO,
SWEETIE.
YEA!
1062
00:58:30,874 --> 00:58:33,675
YEAH, THAT'S WHAT
THAT FAT PIG NEEDS--
A FREAKIN' COOKIE.
1063
00:58:33,744 --> 00:58:36,544
HI, VANESSA.
WELL, DON'T YOU
LOOK NICE--
1064
00:58:36,613 --> 00:58:39,547
[ Groans ]
OH, NO! I BROKE MY HIP!
1065
00:58:39,615 --> 00:58:41,816
YOU NEED SOME HELP,
DAD?
NO, I'M GOOD.
1066
00:58:41,885 --> 00:58:44,552
OH, ARE THESE THE PICTURES
FROM YOUR TRIP TO SONOMA?
1067
00:58:44,620 --> 00:58:48,556
OH, MY GOD!
OH, LOOK HOW BEAUTIFUL
THE COUNTRYSIDE IS.
1068
00:58:48,625 --> 00:58:52,327
OH, I'D LOVE TO GET
A HOUSE OUT THERE
IF I HAD THE MONEY!
1069
00:58:52,395 --> 00:58:57,164
THAT WAS A SWELL VACATION.
MUCH BETTER THAN THAT TIME I WAS
STUCK ON THAT ISLAND WITH BONO.
1070
00:58:58,234 --> 00:59:00,167
BONO,
STOP SCREWIN' AROUND...
1071
00:59:00,236 --> 00:59:02,103
AND OPEN UP
THAT DAMN CRATE OF FOOD.
1072
00:59:02,172 --> 00:59:05,272
I'M SAVING THIS FOR THE STARVIN'
CHILDREN OF THE WORLD
IN CASE WE GET RESCUED.
1073
00:59:05,341 --> 00:59:08,275
YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT?
THAT'S US. WE'RE STARVIN'.
NOW OPEN IT UP!
1074
00:59:08,344 --> 00:59:11,846
I CAN'T DO THAT, PETER.
IT'S FOR THE STARVIN' CHILDREN.
[ Sighs ]
1075
00:59:16,219 --> 00:59:18,153
AHA!
1076
00:59:18,221 --> 00:59:21,222
I'M JUST MAKIN' SURE
IT TASTES GOOD
FOR THE STARVIN' CHILDREN.
1077
00:59:22,225 --> 00:59:24,158
[ Moaning ]
1078
00:59:24,227 --> 00:59:25,960
KNOCK KNOCK.
1079
00:59:26,029 --> 00:59:28,963
- OH, HI, RON.
- WHO IS THAT FELLOW?
HE LOOKS SO FAMILIAR.
1080
00:59:29,032 --> 00:59:31,466
IT'S MEG.
SHE HAD A SEX CHANGE
RIGHT AFTER COLLEGE.
1081
00:59:31,535 --> 00:59:33,468
WOW!
SHE WENT TO COLLEGE?
1082
00:59:33,537 --> 00:59:36,471
I CAN'T STAY TOO LATE.
I GOTTA GO SHOP
FOR A RAZOR.
1083
00:59:36,539 --> 00:59:39,373
YOU KNOW, FOR MY FACE,
WHERE I GROW MY BEARD.
1084
00:59:39,442 --> 00:59:41,342
WE GET IT.
YOU'RE A GUY.
1085
00:59:43,412 --> 00:59:46,848
- WHAT IS THIS ONE, MY PROM?
- OH, YES. THAT'S SHIRLEY BLITT.
1086
00:59:46,917 --> 00:59:50,718
WE COULDN'T DO ANY DANCING
BECAUSE OF HER CLUB FOOT,
BUT THE PUNCH WAS DELICIOUS.
1087
00:59:50,787 --> 00:59:53,087
I THINK SOMEBODY
PUT MANGO IN IT.
1088
00:59:53,155 --> 00:59:56,090
ISN'T IT FUNNY
THAT I REMEMBER THAT
AFTER ALL THESE YEARS?
1089
00:59:57,761 --> 01:00:01,028
WELL, THERE HE IS.
1090
01:00:01,097 --> 01:00:03,030
OH, THIS IS FANTASTIC!
1091
01:00:03,100 --> 01:00:05,300
THAT'S NOT REALLY
APPROPRIATE, STEWIE.
1092
01:00:05,368 --> 01:00:08,302
OH, OF COURSE IT IS.
I LOATHED THAT KNOW-IT-ALL,
FLEA-BITTEN MUTT.
1093
01:00:08,371 --> 01:00:12,073
NO, IT'S JUST THAT THE MEANING
OF THAT WORD HAS CHANGED
EVER SINCE PRESIDENT DOUCHEBAG.
1094
01:00:12,141 --> 01:00:13,875
[ Cheering ]
THANK YOU!
1095
01:00:13,944 --> 01:00:17,544
I JUST RECEIVED A CALL
FROM MY WORTHY OPPONENT,
SENATOR DATERAPE.
1096
01:00:17,613 --> 01:00:21,048
- [ Booing ]
- NO, NO. HE RAN
A GOOD CAMPAIGN,
1097
01:00:21,117 --> 01:00:23,551
BUT THE PEOPLE OF AMERICA
HAVE SPOKEN,
1098
01:00:23,620 --> 01:00:27,621
AND THEY'RE SAYING
THEY WANT FOUR MORE YEARS
OF DOUCHEBAG!
1099
01:00:27,690 --> 01:00:31,225
[ Chanting ]
DOUCHEBAG! DOUCHEBAG!
DOUCHEBAG! DOUCHEBAG!
1100
01:00:34,297 --> 01:00:36,764
THAT IS SOME
FREAKIN' GOOD DINNER,
MRS. GRIFFIN.
1101
01:00:36,833 --> 01:00:39,033
[ Uncomfortable Chuckle ]
THANK YOU.
1102
01:00:39,102 --> 01:00:42,036
EXCUSE ME.
I'M GONNA GO HELP PETER
WITH THE DISHES.
1103
01:00:42,105 --> 01:00:44,038
RON, STU,
I NEED YOUR HELP.
1104
01:00:44,107 --> 01:00:47,542
I NEED YOU TWO TO TELL
THOSE PARENTS OF YOURS THEY'RE
MOVING INTO A RETIREMENT HOME,
1105
01:00:47,610 --> 01:00:50,545
'CAUSE MR. EMPTY SAC
OVER HERE WON'T DO IT.
1106
01:00:50,613 --> 01:00:54,014
STU, YOU DON'T WANT
MOM AND DAD TO GO TO
A RETIREMENT HOME, DO YOU?
1107
01:00:54,083 --> 01:00:56,417
WELL, U-UH, IT'S, UH--
1108
01:00:56,486 --> 01:00:59,420
I-- STU, COULD YOU
HELP ME WITH THE DISHES?
1109
01:00:59,489 --> 01:01:01,422
BE RIGHT THERE, MOTHER!
1110
01:01:01,491 --> 01:01:04,759
ACTUALLY, VANESSA--
STU, I NEED YOUR HELP!
THERE ARE DISHES EVERYWHERE!
1111
01:01:04,828 --> 01:01:06,760
OH, SORRY. MUST GO.
1112
01:01:06,829 --> 01:01:09,531
WELL, I CAN'T DO IT TO 'EM.
THEY'RE MY PARENTS.
1113
01:01:09,599 --> 01:01:12,200
DON'T YOU EVER WANT
TO INHERIT THIS HOUSE,
YOU FAT PIG?
1114
01:01:12,269 --> 01:01:15,737
OR AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS ANY
DESIRE TO MOVE OUT FROM UNDER
THE FREAKING POWER LINES?
1115
01:01:15,805 --> 01:01:17,739
WHAT'S THAT?
OH, IT'S CANCER!
1116
01:01:17,808 --> 01:01:20,908
CAN WE PLEASE NOT DO THIS
IN FRONT OF PABLO?
1117
01:01:20,977 --> 01:01:23,344
AH, DARN HIM!
THAT FREAKIN' KID'S
FROM GUAM.
1118
01:01:23,413 --> 01:01:25,346
PROBABLY
ONLY SPEAKS SPANISH
OR SOME CRAP.
1119
01:01:25,415 --> 01:01:28,582
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING,
'NESSA-- A BULLET SOUNDS
THE SAME IN EVERY LANGUAGE.
1120
01:01:28,651 --> 01:01:31,152
SO STICK A FREAKING SOCK IN IT,
YOU COW!
1121
01:01:33,490 --> 01:01:37,424
YOU CAN CRASH AT MY PLACE
TONIGHT, BUT TOMORROW WE'RE
GOING TO GET YOU BACK HOME.
1122
01:01:37,494 --> 01:01:39,960
WELL,
WELCOME TO CHEZ STU.
1123
01:01:40,963 --> 01:01:42,863
DEAR GOD,
THIS IS WHERE I LIVE?
1124
01:01:42,932 --> 01:01:46,400
ALL ALONE IN A FILTHY HOVEL?
WELL, I WOULDN'T
EXACTLY SAY "ALONE."
1125
01:01:46,469 --> 01:01:48,736
LET ME INTRODUCE
MY ROOMMATE.
1126
01:01:48,805 --> 01:01:50,738
HE'S SOMETIMES
LATE ON THE RENT,
1127
01:01:50,807 --> 01:01:53,975
AND NEVER SHY ABOUT
SHARING THE GAS BILL,
IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
1128
01:01:54,044 --> 01:01:56,443
DID YOU JUST MAKE
A FART JOKE?
1129
01:01:56,512 --> 01:01:58,446
HEY, STU,
GOT BIG PLANS FOR TONIGHT?
1130
01:01:58,514 --> 01:02:01,415
SURE DO, RUPERT.
I'M FINALLY GOING TO
ORGANIZE MY PHOTO ALBUMS.
1131
01:02:01,484 --> 01:02:03,351
YEAH, RIGHT!
1132
01:02:03,420 --> 01:02:06,588
I SAY, WHAT HAPPENED TO HIS LEG?
OH, WAIT, NOW I REMEMBER.
1133
01:02:06,656 --> 01:02:10,257
YOU ARE GONNA SIT THERE
AND TELL ME A FLAT TAX
DOESN'T FAVOR THE WEALTHY?
1134
01:02:10,326 --> 01:02:12,760
NOT ONE BIT, AND IT SAVES
MILLIONS OF MAN-HOURS...
1135
01:02:12,829 --> 01:02:15,262
THAT THE COMPLEXITY OF
THE CURRENT TAX CODE WASTES,
1136
01:02:15,331 --> 01:02:17,765
WHICH YOU WOULD REALIZE
IF YOU WEREN'T RETARDED.
1137
01:02:17,834 --> 01:02:19,933
HEY, GIVE HIM BACK.
STOP THAT.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
1138
01:02:20,002 --> 01:02:22,570
GIVE ME BACK HIS LEG.
OH, YOU'LL GET IT BACK.
1139
01:02:25,475 --> 01:02:29,143
THIS IS MY BULLETIN BOARD
WHERE I PUT ALL
MY FAVORITE COMIC STRIPS.
1140
01:02:29,212 --> 01:02:31,145
SEE, LOOK.
HERE'S THE LOCKHORNS.
1141
01:02:31,214 --> 01:02:34,983
MRS. LOCKHORN IS SAYING,
"WE'RE NEVER GOING
TO ANOTHER YARD SALE,"
1142
01:02:35,051 --> 01:02:37,985
BECAUSE MR. LOCKHORN
HAS CLEARLY PURCHASED
A TUBA!
1143
01:02:38,054 --> 01:02:40,488
[ Laughs ]
AND FROM THE LOOK
ON HER FACE,
1144
01:02:40,557 --> 01:02:43,491
I'D SAY
HE'S NOT PLAYING IT
VERY WELL AT ALL.
1145
01:02:43,560 --> 01:02:45,526
[ Laughing ]
YOU GET IT?
1146
01:02:45,595 --> 01:02:48,028
YOU GOT THESE
FROM PARADE MAGAZINE?
1147
01:02:48,097 --> 01:02:51,598
YOU READ PARADE MAGAZINE?
OHHH!
1148
01:02:51,667 --> 01:02:56,503
HEY, STU!
IT'S MONDAY, WHICH CAN
ONLY MEAN ONE THING!
1149
01:02:56,572 --> 01:02:59,641
[ Together ]
GO-GURT DAY!
[ Laughing ]
1150
01:02:59,709 --> 01:03:01,642
OH, FRAN, THIS IS PABLO
FROM NICARAGUA.
1151
01:03:01,711 --> 01:03:05,212
PABLO, THIS IS FRAN.
SHE IS HILARIOUS!
1152
01:03:05,281 --> 01:03:08,649
HEY, PABLO.
[ Laughs ] JUST KIDDIN'!
1153
01:03:08,718 --> 01:03:11,119
[ Laughs ]
I TOLD YOU!
SHE'S SO TWISTED!
1154
01:03:11,187 --> 01:03:13,621
WELL, I'D BETTER GET
BACK TO MY DEPARTMENT...
1155
01:03:13,690 --> 01:03:16,223
BEFORE GENGHIS
THE DAY MANAGER
MAKES HIS ROUNDS.
1156
01:03:16,292 --> 01:03:19,827
GENGHIS THE DAY MANA--
IS THAT FROM SOMETHING,
OR DID YOU JUST MAKE THAT UP?
1157
01:03:19,896 --> 01:03:21,829
I JUST MADE IT UP!
OH-HO-HO!
1158
01:03:21,898 --> 01:03:24,198
OH!
ALL DAY LONG.
1159
01:03:24,267 --> 01:03:26,868
WELL, I GUESS
IT'S NOT ALL BAD.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
1160
01:03:26,937 --> 01:03:29,871
DON'T BE COY,
YOU DIRTY HORNDOG.
YOU'RE HUMPING FRAN.
1161
01:03:29,939 --> 01:03:33,374
TELL ME, HOW MANY TIMES
HAVE WE GOTTEN INTO
THOSE LANE BRYANT STRETCH PANTS?
1162
01:03:33,442 --> 01:03:36,377
WHAT? NEVER.
DAMN RIGHT, NEVER--
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, NEVER?
1163
01:03:36,445 --> 01:03:39,380
STEWIE, I'VE NEVER
SLEPT WITH ANY WOMAN.
1164
01:03:39,449 --> 01:03:41,448
I'VE NEVER HAD SEX.
1165
01:03:42,619 --> 01:03:44,551
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT!
1166
01:03:44,620 --> 01:03:47,554
I COULD HANDLE
THE CRAPPY APARTMENT
AND THE PEDESTRIAN JOB.
1167
01:03:47,623 --> 01:03:51,059
BUT NOW YOU'RE TELLING ME
I'M A 35-YEAR-OLD,
PARADE MAGAZINE-READING VIRGIN?
1168
01:03:51,127 --> 01:03:53,060
WELL, YOU, SIR,
ARE PATHETIC!
1169
01:03:53,129 --> 01:03:56,564
SO FORGET ABOUT SENDING ME BACK,
BECAUSE I'M NOT LEAVING UNTIL
WE DO A COMPLETE OVERHAUL...
1170
01:03:56,632 --> 01:03:59,066
ON THIS SAD THING
YOU CALL A LIFE.
1171
01:03:59,135 --> 01:04:01,468
CAN I STILL
READ PARADE?
NO, YOU CANNOT!
1172
01:04:04,741 --> 01:04:07,675
WE'VE GOT A BIG DAY OF
OVERHAULING YOUR LIFE AHEAD.
1173
01:04:07,744 --> 01:04:10,178
FIRST WE'VE GOT TO
FIX UP THIS APARTMENT--
STOP THAT.
1174
01:04:10,246 --> 01:04:12,179
WHAT?
WHY ARE YOU STARING
AT MY GENITALS?
1175
01:04:12,248 --> 01:04:15,016
I'M NOT ALLOWED TO TELL YOU
ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR OWN FUTURE,
BUT I WILL SAY THIS--
1176
01:04:15,085 --> 01:04:17,018
ENJOY YOUR LEFT TESTICLE
WHILE YOU CAN.
1177
01:04:17,087 --> 01:04:19,020
WHAT?
I'VE SAID TOO MUCH.
1178
01:04:20,923 --> 01:04:22,590
SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
1179
01:04:22,658 --> 01:04:26,027
I'VE GOT TO HAND IT TO YOU.
IT REALLY IS AN IMPROVEMENT.
1180
01:04:26,096 --> 01:04:28,529
AND YOU HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN
THE BEST PART.
1181
01:04:28,598 --> 01:04:31,132
STRESS-RELEASE CANDLES
FOR THOSE EXTRA-TOUGH DAYS
AT THE OFFICE.
1182
01:04:31,200 --> 01:04:34,669
YOU DON'T KNOW THE HALF OF IT.
ON TUESDAYS I WORK RETURNS.
1183
01:04:34,737 --> 01:04:38,373
I BOUGHT THIS BOOM BOX HERE,
AND IT'S GOT
THIS HIGH-PITCHED WHINE.
1184
01:04:38,441 --> 01:04:40,541
WELL, LET'S HAVE A LOOK.
1185
01:04:40,610 --> 01:04:43,244
[ Crying ]
HA-HA!
IT'S YOURS NOW, SUCKER!
1186
01:04:43,312 --> 01:04:47,014
ALL RIGHT, NOW THAT YOU'VE
GOT A SWINGING PAD, IT'S TIME
TO BRING FRAN BACK HERE...
1187
01:04:47,083 --> 01:04:49,349
AND, UM, YOU KNOW.
1188
01:04:50,386 --> 01:04:52,319
WHAT?
WELL, I HAVE NO IDEA.
1189
01:04:52,388 --> 01:04:54,822
I THOUGHT YOU KNEW.
NO, I HAVE NO IDEA.
1190
01:04:54,891 --> 01:04:57,825
YOU'RE THE ADULT HERE.
I WAS COUNTING ON YOU TO
KNOW THE MECHANICS, BECAUSE--
1191
01:04:57,894 --> 01:05:01,361
WELL, LET'S FACE IT, AS A BABY
ALL I'VE GOT TO GO ON
IS BEER COMMERCIAL INNUENDO...
1192
01:05:01,431 --> 01:05:03,430
AND THAT MYTH
ABOUT WHERE BABIES COME FROM.
1193
01:05:05,402 --> 01:05:07,701
OH, MY GOD!
THE STORK!
1194
01:05:12,075 --> 01:05:14,007
WHERE'S MY BABY?
1195
01:05:14,077 --> 01:05:17,010
SWEETIE, YOU AND ME
ARE GONNA MAKE THE BABY.
1196
01:05:17,080 --> 01:05:20,347
♪♪ [ Slow Funk ]
1197
01:05:21,918 --> 01:05:23,851
WHICH LAW AND ORDER
IS THIS?
1198
01:05:23,919 --> 01:05:27,521
THIS IS LAW AND ORDER:
P.C.A.M.P.I.E.O.F.T.D.--
1199
01:05:27,590 --> 01:05:31,191
PETTY CRIMES AGAINST
MUNICIPAL PROPERTY IN EXCESS
OF FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS.
1200
01:05:31,260 --> 01:05:33,193
OH, THAT KID'S
SPRAYING GRAFFITI.
1201
01:05:33,262 --> 01:05:35,863
THAT IS NOT GONNA BE CHEAP
TO HAVE THAT WALL REPAINTED.
1202
01:05:35,932 --> 01:05:37,864
KIDS,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
1203
01:05:37,933 --> 01:05:41,536
MOM, DAD, VANESSA WANTS US
TO PUT YOU GUYS
IN A RETIREMENT HOME.
1204
01:05:41,604 --> 01:05:43,537
BUT I THINK
IT'S RIDICULOUS.
1205
01:05:43,606 --> 01:05:45,539
A RETIREMENT HOME?
1206
01:05:45,608 --> 01:05:48,075
NOW, VANESSA SAYS
IT'S NOT THAT BAD, MOM.
1207
01:05:48,144 --> 01:05:50,911
SHE SAYS
THEY HAVE PEOPLE THERE
WHO WILL WIPE YOUR BOTTOM.
1208
01:05:50,980 --> 01:05:53,347
YOU GOTTA BE YANKIN' ME.
THAT IS SWEET!
1209
01:05:53,416 --> 01:05:55,349
THAT DOESN'T SOUND
RIDICULOUS AT ALL, MEG.
1210
01:05:55,418 --> 01:05:57,618
MY NAME IS RON.
1211
01:05:57,686 --> 01:06:01,922
OH, I WISH BRIAN WERE HERE.
HE'D NEVER LET YOU
PUT US IN A HOME.
1212
01:06:01,991 --> 01:06:04,925
OH, BUT AT LEAST
HE'S IN A BETTER PLACE NOW.
1213
01:06:04,994 --> 01:06:06,927
WOW, LOOK AT ME.
1214
01:06:06,996 --> 01:06:10,430
HANGING OUT DRINKING
WITH ERNEST HEMINGWAY,
VAN GOGH AND KURT COBAIN.
1215
01:06:10,500 --> 01:06:13,935
STILL, IT FEELS LIKE
WE ALL GOT HERE A LITTLE EARLIER
THAN WE SHOULD HAVE.
1216
01:06:14,003 --> 01:06:18,172
WELL, I FINALLY COLLAPSED UNDER
THE WEIGHT OF MY OWN GENIUS
AND SHOT MYSELF.
1217
01:06:18,240 --> 01:06:20,174
I COULD NOT RECONCILE
MY PASSION...
1218
01:06:20,242 --> 01:06:23,678
WITH THE WAY PEOPLE
AROUND ME WERE LIVING,
SO I SHOT MYSELF.
1219
01:06:23,746 --> 01:06:26,681
I HATED THE THOUGHT
OF MY MUSIC BECOMING PART OF
SOME BLAND CORPORATE MECHANISM,
1220
01:06:26,749 --> 01:06:28,682
SO I SHOT MYSELF.
1221
01:06:28,751 --> 01:06:32,419
YEAH, I, UH,
I GOT INTO THE GARBAGE
AND ATE SOME CHOCOLATE.
1222
01:06:36,091 --> 01:06:38,025
MY WORD!
1223
01:06:38,094 --> 01:06:41,529
YES, EVIDENTLY THE RAZOR
WASN'T INVENTED TILL
SOMETIME IN THE LATE '80s.
1224
01:06:41,597 --> 01:06:43,530
OKAY, THEN LET'S BEGIN.
1225
01:06:43,600 --> 01:06:46,033
AND HERE WE GO.
AND WATCH MY HAND.
AND ONE, TWO, THREE.
1226
01:06:46,102 --> 01:06:49,136
PUT IT IN, TAKE IT OUT.
PUT IT IN, TAKE IT OUT.
1227
01:06:49,205 --> 01:06:50,905
♪ I AM THE MONARCH
OF THE SEA ♪
1228
01:06:50,974 --> 01:06:52,773
♪ THE RULER OF
THE QUEEN'S NAVY ♪
1229
01:06:52,842 --> 01:06:54,541
♪ WHOSE PRAISE
GREAT BRITAIN
LOUDLY CHANTS ♪
1230
01:06:54,611 --> 01:06:56,410
♪ AND WE ARE HIS SISTERS
AND HIS COUSINS
AND HIS AUNTS ♪♪
1231
01:06:56,479 --> 01:07:00,781
GOOD, YOU'VE GOT THE RHYTHM.
NOW TRY IT WITH SWISS CHEESE.
TAKE IT FROM THE TOP.
1232
01:07:09,792 --> 01:07:11,726
I REALLY ENJOYED
THE MOVIE TONIGHT.
1233
01:07:11,794 --> 01:07:14,729
AND I'M NOT TIRED AT ALL.
OH, YEAH?
GOOD, GOOD.
1234
01:07:14,797 --> 01:07:16,797
I ENJOYED
THE MOVIE TOO.
1235
01:07:18,400 --> 01:07:21,969
OH, HEY, I HEAR
THEY'RE EXTENDING
OUR STORE HOURS UNTIL 9:30.
1236
01:07:22,038 --> 01:07:23,971
OH, THAT'S, UM--
1237
01:07:24,040 --> 01:07:25,973
THAT'S GREAT.
1238
01:07:26,042 --> 01:07:27,641
LET'S HAVE SEX!
WHAT?
DEFINITELY!
1239
01:07:27,710 --> 01:07:29,343
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
1240
01:07:29,412 --> 01:07:32,846
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I CAN'T GO THROUGH WITH THIS.
WHY THE HELL NOT?
1241
01:07:32,915 --> 01:07:34,849
I-I-I'M TOO NERVOUS.
1242
01:07:34,918 --> 01:07:36,850
[ Fran ]
I'M PUTTING IN MY DIAPHRAGM!
1243
01:07:36,919 --> 01:07:39,853
SEE? I DON'T EVEN
KNOW WHAT THAT IS.
GET IN THERE!
1244
01:07:39,923 --> 01:07:41,856
NO! NO!
YOU LISTEN TO ME.
1245
01:07:41,924 --> 01:07:43,858
YOU LISTEN TO ME,
STEWART GRIFFIN.
1246
01:07:43,927 --> 01:07:45,859
YOU MARCH IN THERE
RIGHT NOW AND...
1247
01:07:45,928 --> 01:07:48,128
"INSERT YOUR PHALLUS
INTO HER VAGINA."
1248
01:07:48,197 --> 01:07:50,198
GO!
1249
01:07:53,302 --> 01:07:55,736
I-- I'M SORRY.
THAT'S, UM--
1250
01:07:55,805 --> 01:07:57,738
THAT'S NEVER HAPPENED
TO ME BEFORE.
1251
01:07:57,807 --> 01:08:01,742
WHICH PART?
THE EIGHT SECONDS OF SEX,
OR THE 40 MINUTES OF CRYING?
1252
01:08:01,811 --> 01:08:03,744
UH, I GUESS BOTH.
1253
01:08:04,980 --> 01:08:07,915
DO I--
DO I GIVE YOU MONEY
OR SOMETHING?
1254
01:08:07,983 --> 01:08:09,983
YEAH, I'M GONNA GO.
1255
01:08:13,055 --> 01:08:15,989
EIGHT SECONDS!
THAT'S TWICE AS GOOD
AS YOU DID IN REHEARSAL.
1256
01:08:16,058 --> 01:08:19,994
STU, I HEARD FROM JUAN
IN CAR STEREO INSTALLATION
ABOUT WHAT YOU DID TO FRAN.
1257
01:08:20,062 --> 01:08:21,996
INTEROFFICE SEX
IS PROHIBITED,
1258
01:08:22,065 --> 01:08:25,165
REGARDLESS OF
HOW HILARIOUSLY BRIEF
AND UNSATISFYING IT WAS.
1259
01:08:25,234 --> 01:08:27,167
YOU'RE FIRED.
[ Gasps ]
1260
01:08:27,236 --> 01:08:30,170
FIRED?
OH, THIS IS NOT GOOD.
OH, DEAR.
1261
01:08:30,240 --> 01:08:35,075
THIS IS ALMOST AS BAD AS WHEN
PETER GOT FIRED AS THE FIRST
DIRECTOR OF TERMS OF ENDEARMENT.
1262
01:08:35,144 --> 01:08:37,577
KIDS, I DON'T
HAVE MUCH TIME LEFT,
1263
01:08:37,647 --> 01:08:40,580
AND I CAN'T
TALK FOR TOO LONG
'CAUSE I GET REAL UPSET.
1264
01:08:40,650 --> 01:08:43,083
I WANT YOU TO MAKE
A LOT OF FRIENDS,
1265
01:08:43,152 --> 01:08:47,087
AND BE REAL NICE TO THE GIRLS--
THEY'RE GONNA BE REAL IMPORTANT
TO YOU AFTER I'M GONE.
1266
01:08:47,156 --> 01:08:49,156
[ Peter ]
SWEET.
1267
01:08:52,761 --> 01:08:55,696
OH, CHEER UP.
YOU DIDN'T NEED
THAT CRAPPY JOB ANYWAY.
1268
01:08:55,765 --> 01:08:58,866
YOU ARE NOT
ALLOWED TO SPEAK.
YOU HAVE RUINED EVERYTHING!
1269
01:08:58,935 --> 01:09:02,870
NICE. I DONATE MY TIME TRYING
TO FIX YOUR PATHETIC LIFE,
AND THIS IS THE THANKS I GET?
1270
01:09:02,938 --> 01:09:05,873
WELL, IT'S NOT THE FIRST GIFT
THAT'S EVER GONE UNAPPRECIATED.
1271
01:09:05,941 --> 01:09:07,875
MERRY CHRISTMAS,
SWEETHEART.
1272
01:09:07,944 --> 01:09:10,378
OH, PETER,
THANK YOU!
1273
01:09:10,446 --> 01:09:13,814
AN ARCADE-STYLE
GALAGA MACHINE.
[ Chuckles ]
1274
01:09:13,883 --> 01:09:15,816
OH, THANK YOU,
PETER--
1275
01:09:15,885 --> 01:09:18,519
MOVE!
[ Beeping ]
1276
01:09:18,587 --> 01:09:22,022
LOOK, ALL RIGHT,
I'LL ADMIT THAT MAYBE THINGS
HAVEN'T GONE EXACTLY TO PLAN.
1277
01:09:22,091 --> 01:09:25,025
WE'LL GO HOME AND REGROUP
AND HIT 'EM HARD TOMORROW.
1278
01:09:25,094 --> 01:09:27,295
GOOD LORD!
MY APARTMENT!
1279
01:09:29,365 --> 01:09:32,599
LOOKS LIKE THE CAUSE
OF THE FIRE WERE THESE
STRESS-RELEASE CANDLES.
1280
01:09:32,668 --> 01:09:35,269
HUH!
♪ IRONY ♪
1281
01:09:41,543 --> 01:09:44,478
I DON'T KNOW, PETER.
THIS PLACE
IS PRETTY DEPRESSING.
1282
01:09:44,547 --> 01:09:47,481
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
IT'S JUST LIKE OLD TIMES.
HEY, CLEVELAND.
1283
01:09:47,550 --> 01:09:51,185
HELLO,
1284
01:09:51,254 --> 01:09:53,653
PETER.
1285
01:09:53,722 --> 01:09:55,655
HEY, JOE, HOW ARE THINGS
SINCE THE OPERATION?
1286
01:09:55,724 --> 01:09:58,158
OH, GREAT, PETER.
[ Chuckles ]
1287
01:09:58,227 --> 01:10:01,428
WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED
I'D BE ONE OF THE FEW
NOT IN A WHEELCHAIR?
1288
01:10:01,496 --> 01:10:03,431
I SURE DO MISS BONNIE
THOUGH.
1289
01:10:03,499 --> 01:10:05,766
IT'S AMAZING
THEY WERE ABLE
TO GIVE YOU HER LEGS.
1290
01:10:05,835 --> 01:10:09,704
♪ WHO WEARS SHORT SHORTS ♪
I WEAR SHORT SHORTS!
1291
01:10:09,772 --> 01:10:12,072
HEY, GLENN.
HOW'S THE ARTHRITIS?
1292
01:10:12,141 --> 01:10:15,076
AH, NOT BAD.
COURSE, SINCE YOU WALKED IN
I'M FEELIN' A LITTLE STIFF!
1293
01:10:15,144 --> 01:10:18,079
GIGGEDY-GIGG-- OH!
I JUST POOPED A LITTLE.
1294
01:10:18,147 --> 01:10:22,015
OH, THAT'S NASTY.
1295
01:10:23,852 --> 01:10:27,287
UM, HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT I DO
WHEN I'M FEELING DOWN?
1296
01:10:27,356 --> 01:10:29,289
I PLAY THE GLAD GAME.
1297
01:10:29,358 --> 01:10:32,793
I THINK ABOUT ALL THE THINGS
THAT MAKE ME GLAD.
LET'S TRY IT, SHALL WE?
1298
01:10:32,862 --> 01:10:35,796
UM... PINWHEELS.
1299
01:10:35,865 --> 01:10:38,932
A BIG WEDGE OF CAKE
FROM THE FAIR.
1300
01:10:40,069 --> 01:10:43,036
A DOODAD
TO WEAR IN YOUR HAT.
1301
01:10:44,140 --> 01:10:46,573
ALL RIGHT, I'M SORRY.
IT'S ALL MY FAULT.
1302
01:10:46,642 --> 01:10:48,575
[ Sighs ]
NO, IT'S MY FAULT.
1303
01:10:48,644 --> 01:10:51,212
MY WHOLE LIFE'S BEEN A MESS
EVER SINCE
THAT NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCE.
1304
01:10:51,280 --> 01:10:53,714
- I MEAN, NOTHING GOES RIGHT--
- WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
1305
01:10:53,783 --> 01:10:56,717
NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCE?
AT THE COMMUNITY POOL?
1306
01:10:56,786 --> 01:10:59,720
- BUT THAT WAS NOTHING.
- WELL, THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT
AT FIRST.
1307
01:10:59,788 --> 01:11:03,123
BUT AROUND THE TIME
OF MY 20th BIRTHDAY
I STARTED HAVING NIGHTMARES.
1308
01:11:03,192 --> 01:11:06,126
THEN MY THERAPIST SAID
I'VE BEEN SUPPRESSING SOME
VERY COMPLEX EMOTIONS...
1309
01:11:06,195 --> 01:11:08,428
THAT MAY WELL
HAVE CAUSED ME
TO TAKE FEWER RISKS.
1310
01:11:08,497 --> 01:11:11,198
WELL, THEN, IT SEEMS
THERE'S ONLY ONE THING TO DO.
1311
01:11:11,266 --> 01:11:13,200
I MUST RETURN TO THE PAST...
1312
01:11:13,268 --> 01:11:16,203
TO ENSURE I NEVER HAVE THE
CLOSE CALL WITH THAT LIFEGUARD
TOWER IN THE FIRST PLACE.
1313
01:11:16,271 --> 01:11:19,206
OH, I JUST THOUGHT
OF ANOTHER ONE
FOR THE GLAD GAME.
1314
01:11:19,274 --> 01:11:22,976
THE FIRST SCISSOR CUT
INTO A FRESH PIECE
OF CONSTRUCTION PAPER.
1315
01:11:23,045 --> 01:11:25,045
OH, YEAH!
1316
01:11:27,116 --> 01:11:28,816
HERE'S WHAT WE DO.
1317
01:11:28,884 --> 01:11:31,819
YOU BUY ME ONE OF THOSE
TIME-TRAVEL WATCHES,
1318
01:11:31,887 --> 01:11:34,822
AND I'LL GO BACK TO MY OWN TIME
AND STOP THAT
NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCE.
1319
01:11:34,890 --> 01:11:38,525
I CAN'T AFFORD ONE.
I DON'T HAVE A JOB.
HOW HARD IS IT TO GET A NEW JOB?
1320
01:11:38,594 --> 01:11:40,594
EVEN I HAD THAT JOB
AT THE AIRPORT.
1321
01:11:41,664 --> 01:11:43,597
JONNY QUEST.
1322
01:11:43,666 --> 01:11:45,599
OKAY.
WELCOME ABOARD.
1323
01:11:45,668 --> 01:11:47,601
DR. BENTON QUEST.
1324
01:11:47,669 --> 01:11:50,104
ALL RIGHT.
HAVE A GOOD FLIGHT.
1325
01:11:50,173 --> 01:11:52,105
HADJI. HMM.
1326
01:11:52,175 --> 01:11:55,142
UM, LISTEN, YOU'VE BEEN
RANDOMLY SELECTED
FOR ADDITIONAL SCREENING.
1327
01:11:55,211 --> 01:11:57,243
BUT YOU DIDN'T EVEN
TYPE ANYTHING IN.
1328
01:11:57,312 --> 01:11:59,580
IF IT WERE UP TO ME,
YOU'D BE ON THAT FLIGHT.
1329
01:11:59,648 --> 01:12:04,118
BUT, UH, I'M GONNA NEED YOU
TO TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES
AND THAT LOVELY, UH, HAT.
1330
01:12:04,186 --> 01:12:07,420
SIM-SIM-SALABIM!
YEAH, I'D CUT BACK
ON THAT.
1331
01:12:07,489 --> 01:12:09,856
WE'LL HAVE TO
BORROW THE MONEY
FROM MOMMY AND DADDY.
1332
01:12:09,925 --> 01:12:11,859
AAAH!
NEVER CALL THEM THAT AGAIN!
1333
01:12:11,927 --> 01:12:15,195
IT'S LOIS AND THE FAT MAN!
DO YOU HEAR ME?
YES! YES!
1334
01:12:15,264 --> 01:12:18,199
SMELLS LIKE HEAD & SHOULDERS.
BUT YOU DON'T HAVE DANDRUFF.
1335
01:12:18,267 --> 01:12:21,134
EXACTLY!
AH!
1336
01:12:23,673 --> 01:12:27,007
AND NOW HERE'S DIANE
WITH A LOOK AT TRAFFIC.
THANKS, TOM.
1337
01:12:27,076 --> 01:12:30,010
THERE WAS A MAJOR PILE-UP
IN THE AMBULATORY WING
THIS MORNING...
1338
01:12:30,079 --> 01:12:32,512
WHEN ONE OF THE RESIDENTS
VOMITED IN THE HALLWAY.
1339
01:12:32,582 --> 01:12:36,116
AND IN INTERNATIONAL NEWS,
I'M FAIRLY CERTAIN THAT FILIPINO
NURSE IS STEALING FROM ME.
1340
01:12:37,119 --> 01:12:39,052
OH, HEY, YOU TWO.
1341
01:12:39,121 --> 01:12:42,055
WHAT BRINGS YOU HERE?
LOIS, PABLO HERE
NEEDS YOUR HELP.
1342
01:12:42,124 --> 01:12:44,058
CAN WE DROP
THE WHOLE PABLO THING?
1343
01:12:44,126 --> 01:12:48,729
- DO YOU THINK I DON'T REMEMBER
MY OWN LITTLE STEWIE?
- YOU CLEVER, CLEVER SHREW!
1344
01:12:48,798 --> 01:12:51,298
STU, YOU COULD GET
IN A LOT OF TROUBLE
FOR THIS.
1345
01:12:51,367 --> 01:12:53,299
TAKE HIM BACK
TO HIS OWN TIME.
1346
01:12:53,368 --> 01:12:56,237
WELL, THAT'S WHY
WE'RE HERE.
I NEED A LOAN.
1347
01:12:56,305 --> 01:12:59,240
DONE.
THIS IS A SECRET ACCOUNT
PETER CAN'T ACCESS.
1348
01:12:59,308 --> 01:13:01,742
I NEVER COULD
TRUST HIM WITH MONEY.
1349
01:13:01,810 --> 01:13:04,845
LIKE THE TIME HE SPENT
MEG'S COLLEGE MONEY
ON THAT MEDIEVAL CATAPULT.
1350
01:13:04,914 --> 01:13:07,548
[ Catapult Releases ]
HEY!
1351
01:13:07,617 --> 01:13:12,486
EXCELLENT. THESE DOMINOES ARE
SET UP EXACTLY AS I WANT THEM,
RIGHT NEXT TO THE GOOD CHINA.
1352
01:13:12,554 --> 01:13:15,489
NOW I'LL JUST PLACE
THIS PRICELESS FABERGÉ EGG
IN THE CENTER,
1353
01:13:15,557 --> 01:13:17,992
RIGHT NEXT TO MY NEWBORN
HEMOPHILIAC BABY.
1354
01:13:18,060 --> 01:13:19,659
[ Thud ]
1355
01:13:19,728 --> 01:13:21,661
HEY,
THOSE YOURS?
YES.
1356
01:13:21,730 --> 01:13:23,664
OH. THOSE ARE ALL
REALLY NICE THINGS.
1357
01:13:23,732 --> 01:13:27,367
THANK YOU.
YOU HEAR THAT, EVAN?
WE WERE COMPLIMENTED.
1358
01:13:27,436 --> 01:13:30,371
TAKE AS MUCH MONEY
AS YOU NEED, BUT THERE'S
A COUPLE OF CONDITIONS.
1359
01:13:30,439 --> 01:13:34,875
ON YOUR WAY BACK TO THE PAST,
MAKE SURE CHRIS NEVER MARRIES
THAT BITCH VANESSA.
1360
01:13:34,944 --> 01:13:39,379
AND I WANT A PROMISE THAT
I WON'T SPEND MY OLD AGE
IN A PLACE LIKE THIS.
1361
01:13:39,448 --> 01:13:43,884
OH, BELIEVE ME, LOIS,
I PROMISE YOU WILL NEVER
END UP IN A RETIREMENT HOME.
1362
01:13:43,952 --> 01:13:46,953
[ Sinister Cackling ]
1363
01:13:59,101 --> 01:14:01,034
[ Sighs ]
1364
01:14:01,103 --> 01:14:03,036
ALL RIGHT,
LET'S DO THIS.
1365
01:14:07,710 --> 01:14:09,843
WELL, I SUPPOSE
THIS IS IT.
1366
01:14:09,912 --> 01:14:14,347
I JUST HIT ME THAT IF
YOU ARE SUCCESSFUL IN PREVENTING
OUR NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCE,
1367
01:14:14,417 --> 01:14:17,016
IT'LL TURN ME INTO
AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT STU.
1368
01:14:17,085 --> 01:14:19,019
THEN YOU KNOW
WHAT YOU SHOULD DO?
1369
01:14:19,088 --> 01:14:22,523
SINCE THE TIME LINE
IS GOING TO CHANGE ANYWAY,
YOU SHOULD GET REALLY FAT.
1370
01:14:22,591 --> 01:14:28,094
GO BUY A WHOLE PINT OF ICE CREAM
AND SHOVEL DOWN THE WHOLE THING.
I MEAN, JUST REALLY PIG OUT.
1371
01:14:28,163 --> 01:14:30,097
OOH, THAT'S BRILLIANT!
1372
01:14:30,165 --> 01:14:33,767
HEY, AND IF THE CITY THINKS
I'M PAYING THIS PARKING TICKET,
THEY ARE DREAMING!
1373
01:14:37,206 --> 01:14:40,207
NO, I'M NOT
REALLY GONNA DO IT,
YOU KNOW, JUST IN CASE.
1374
01:14:41,343 --> 01:14:44,177
GOOD-BYE, STEWIE.
SO LONG, STU.
1375
01:14:47,983 --> 01:14:51,417
AND IF ANYONE HAS
ANY OBJECTION TO THIS UNION
OF CHRIS AND VANESSA,
1376
01:14:51,486 --> 01:14:54,488
LET THEM SPEAK NOW
OR FOREVER HOLD THEIR PEACE.
1377
01:14:55,757 --> 01:14:57,458
UH, I DO.
1378
01:14:57,526 --> 01:15:00,794
[ Guests Shouting,
Gasping ]
1379
01:15:00,863 --> 01:15:04,331
SO, DON'T LET THIS KEEP YOU
FROM ENJOYING THE RECEPTION,
1380
01:15:04,400 --> 01:15:06,833
WHERE I'M SURE THEY'LL BE
PLAYING THE CHICKEN DANCE.
1381
01:15:06,902 --> 01:15:09,670
SO ENJOY THE CHICKEN DANCE.
1382
01:15:11,073 --> 01:15:14,408
♪♪ [ Funk ]
DAMN!
I OVERSHOT IT!
1383
01:15:14,476 --> 01:15:17,610
1974.
UNIVERSITY OF DENVER.
1384
01:15:17,679 --> 01:15:20,280
I SAY,
CONDOLEEZZA RICE
GOES HERE.
1385
01:15:20,349 --> 01:15:25,919
DAMN! I AIN'T NEVER GONNA
LET THE MAN GET ME DOWN,
CRAZY CRACKERS!
1386
01:15:25,988 --> 01:15:28,688
BLACK PANTHERS
STAND TALL!
1387
01:15:29,858 --> 01:15:31,792
MMM!
1388
01:15:36,899 --> 01:15:38,832
BLAST!
THIS ISN'T THE POOL EITHER!
1389
01:15:38,900 --> 01:15:41,535
BUT AT LEAST I'VE ARRIVED
ON THE CORRECT DATE.
1390
01:15:42,671 --> 01:15:45,939
ONLY 30 MINUTES
BEFORE THE TOWER FALLS!
1391
01:15:46,008 --> 01:15:48,041
[ Beeps ]
1392
01:15:49,311 --> 01:15:51,979
DAMN! I'VE GOT TO
GET TO THAT SWIM MEET!
1393
01:15:57,987 --> 01:15:59,986
HUH?
1394
01:16:03,692 --> 01:16:07,127
HI. STEWIE GRIFFIN.
STEWIE GRIFFIN.
HI. HOW ARE YOU?
1395
01:16:09,732 --> 01:16:11,664
HUH?
1396
01:16:11,734 --> 01:16:13,933
[ Gasps ]
SMELLS GOOD.
DINNER'S READY.
1397
01:16:46,635 --> 01:16:50,203
[ Gasping ]
PROBABLY SHOULDN'T HAVE
MILKED THAT LANDING.
1398
01:16:51,773 --> 01:16:53,273
[ Panting ]
1399
01:16:58,013 --> 01:17:00,613
- [ Gasps ]
- [ Beeping ]
1400
01:17:00,682 --> 01:17:02,549
[ Grunts ]
1401
01:17:02,617 --> 01:17:04,551
DON'T...
PRESS THAT.
1402
01:17:04,619 --> 01:17:08,188
FUTURE...
35-YEAR-OLD VIRGIN...
1403
01:17:08,256 --> 01:17:11,058
FRAN! FRAN!
1404
01:17:11,126 --> 01:17:13,126
FRAN!
WHAT THE DEVIL?
1405
01:17:14,430 --> 01:17:16,863
YES! I DID IT!
I STOPPED THE TOWER
FROM FALLING!
1406
01:17:16,932 --> 01:17:18,865
WHO ARE YOU?
I'M YOU,
FROM THE FUTURE.
1407
01:17:18,934 --> 01:17:20,867
FROM THE FUTURE?
MY WORD!
1408
01:17:20,936 --> 01:17:23,870
DID THEY EVER FIND
A SUCCESSFUL VEHICLE
FOR ELLEN CLEGHORNE?
1409
01:17:23,939 --> 01:17:27,374
OH, THAT'S SO FUNNY.
I ASKED THAT VERY SAME QUESTION
AND NEVER GOT AN ANSWER.
1410
01:17:27,443 --> 01:17:29,543
WELL, THEN
YOU'RE AS DISPOSABLE
AS SHE IS!
1411
01:17:29,612 --> 01:17:31,544
OH, COME ON,
MY LITTLE CHAMPION.
1412
01:17:31,613 --> 01:17:34,514
OH, MY GOD! AT LEAST
HAVE THE DECENCY TO CARRY ME,
YOU LAZY SKANK!
1413
01:17:34,583 --> 01:17:36,516
OF COURSE,
IT IS COMFORTABLE--
1414
01:17:36,584 --> 01:17:38,518
[ Snoring ]
1415
01:17:38,587 --> 01:17:42,989
HEY, THANKS AGAIN FOR
EXPLAINING FOOTBALL TO ME, MR.--
SORRY. I DIDN'T CATCH YOUR NAME.
1416
01:17:43,058 --> 01:17:45,993
- [ Chuckling ]
YOU CAN CALL ME RON.
- RON, HUH?
1417
01:17:46,061 --> 01:17:50,264
YOU KNOW,
I'VE ALWAYS REALLY LIKED
THAT NAME-- RON.
1418
01:18:07,683 --> 01:18:10,150
OH. OH.
OH, COME ON.
1419
01:18:10,218 --> 01:18:12,152
COME ON. COME ON!
1420
01:18:12,220 --> 01:18:14,487
COME ON!
OH! OH! THAT'S IT!
1421
01:18:14,556 --> 01:18:18,024
THAT'S IT. THAT'S IT.
YES. YES! YES!
1422
01:18:18,093 --> 01:18:20,026
EAT MY DUST,
CRASH BANDICOOT!
1423
01:18:20,095 --> 01:18:22,529
[ Floor Director ]
TOM, YOU'RE ON IN TWO.
GOOD EVENING.
1424
01:18:22,598 --> 01:18:25,365
FOR YOU PEOPLE JUST JOINING US
AFTER FAST-FORWARDING
THROUGH THE "MOVIE"...
1425
01:18:25,434 --> 01:18:27,367
TO GET TO
THE EXTRA MATERIAL,
1426
01:18:27,436 --> 01:18:29,469
WE'RE COVERING
THE FAMILY GUY WRAP PARTY.
1427
01:18:29,538 --> 01:18:31,471
WE'RE GOING LIVE
TO THE DRUNKEN CLAM...
1428
01:18:31,540 --> 01:18:34,874
WHERE ASIAN REPORTER
TRICIA TAKANAWA
IS HAVING A FEW DRINKS...
1429
01:18:34,943 --> 01:18:36,943
AND REPORTEDLY
LOVED THE MOVIE LONG TIME.
1430
01:18:37,012 --> 01:18:39,947
- TRICIA?
- THANK YOU, DIANE.
1431
01:18:40,015 --> 01:18:44,684
I THINK "MILDLY ENTERTAINED"
WOULD BE THE BEST WAY
TO DESCRIBE THE REACTION...
1432
01:18:44,753 --> 01:18:46,686
HERE AT THE AFTER-PARTY.
1433
01:18:46,755 --> 01:18:51,191
HORACE THE BARTENDER
HAS REALLY OUTDONE HIMSELF
WITH THE DECORATIONS.
1434
01:18:51,260 --> 01:18:55,195
THERE ARE BALLOONS
AND STREAMERS.
1435
01:18:55,264 --> 01:18:59,166
NOW LET'S GET SOME REACTIONS
FROM THESE HUGE FAMILY GUY FANS.
1436
01:18:59,235 --> 01:19:01,168
HOW'D YOU
LIKE THE MOVIE, SIR?
1437
01:19:01,237 --> 01:19:03,469
IT SUCKED. BIG WHOOP.
WANNA FIGHT ABOUT IT?
1438
01:19:03,538 --> 01:19:06,806
WHO DO I SEE ABOUT
GETTING THE LAST TWO HOURS
OF MY LIFE BACK?
1439
01:19:06,875 --> 01:19:09,810
IF I WANTED TO HEAR
81 MINUTES OF GAY BASHIN',
1440
01:19:09,878 --> 01:19:12,145
I WOULD'VE GONE
TO MY FATHER'S HOUSE.
1441
01:19:12,214 --> 01:19:16,215
TERRIFIC. AND HERE COMES
THE FAMILY OF THE HOUR.
1442
01:19:16,284 --> 01:19:19,419
[ Applause, Cheering ]
1443
01:19:19,488 --> 01:19:22,422
WILL THERE BE A SEQUEL?
IS IT TRUE YOU'RE
RUNNING FOR MAYOR?
1444
01:19:22,491 --> 01:19:25,325
DO YOU THINK CAPONE
AND HIS CRONIES WILL RULE
THE STREETS OF CHICAGO FOREVER?
1445
01:19:26,395 --> 01:19:28,762
I'M STANDING HERE
WITH PETER GRIFFIN.
1446
01:19:28,830 --> 01:19:31,298
PETER, CONGRATULATIONS
ON YOUR BIG NIGHT.
1447
01:19:31,367 --> 01:19:33,300
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
1448
01:19:33,368 --> 01:19:35,602
HEY, HOW'S
MR. EDDIE'S FATHER DOIN'?
1449
01:19:35,671 --> 01:19:37,603
[ Laughs ]
THAT'S FRESH.
1450
01:19:37,672 --> 01:19:40,073
PETER, HOW DO YOU RESPOND
TO THE ACCUSATIONS...
1451
01:19:40,142 --> 01:19:43,076
THAT YOU WERE RESPONSIBLE
FOR THE SERIES' CANCELLATION?
1452
01:19:43,145 --> 01:19:45,078
WELL, THE SHOW
HAD BEEN ON FOR A WHILE.
1453
01:19:45,147 --> 01:19:49,082
I WAS TALKING TO ALAN ALDA,
AND HE SAID THE SAME THING
THAT DOC COSBY TOLD ME--
1454
01:19:49,151 --> 01:19:52,986
THAT IT WAS MY FACE OUT THERE,
AND I SHOULD TAKE
CREATIVE CONTROL.
1455
01:19:53,055 --> 01:19:57,557
SO I DID. WE PUSHED
THE ENVELOPE, CREATIVELY,
AND I STAND BY MY WORK.
1456
01:19:57,626 --> 01:19:59,559
♪♪ [ Drums, Maracas ]
1457
01:19:59,628 --> 01:20:02,562
PETER, CAN WE CUT?
THIS ISN'T WORKIN' FOR ME.
1458
01:20:02,631 --> 01:20:05,565
WHO YELLS CUT, CLEVELAND?
THE ONLY ONE WHO YELLS CUT
IS THE DIRECTOR.
1459
01:20:05,634 --> 01:20:08,568
LOOK, IF YOU WANT ME
TO DO THIS CHICK,
I'LL DO HER.
1460
01:20:08,637 --> 01:20:11,571
BUT DON'T MAKE ME
GO THROUGH
ALL THIS BULL.
1461
01:20:11,640 --> 01:20:14,307
YOU'RE SHOWIN'
A REAL UGLY SIDE,
GRIFFIN.
1462
01:20:14,376 --> 01:20:16,309
DID I MISS MY CUE?
1463
01:20:16,378 --> 01:20:19,812
ALTHOUGH I PROBABLY
PUSHED THINGS TOO FAR
WHEN I DID THE INCEST EPISODE.
1464
01:20:19,881 --> 01:20:21,814
[ Stammering ]
1465
01:20:21,884 --> 01:20:24,050
HI, MOM.
HI, CHRIS.
1466
01:20:25,653 --> 01:20:27,988
WRONG! IT'S WRONG!
1467
01:20:28,056 --> 01:20:31,491
STILL, THAT SAID,
I'M NOT THE ONE WHO PUT US UP
AGAINST FRIENDS AND SURVIVOR.
1468
01:20:31,560 --> 01:20:33,493
WHAT HAVE YOU
BEEN DOING SINCE?
1469
01:20:33,562 --> 01:20:35,862
I HAD A COUPLE
OF PART-TIME JOBS
THAT DIDN'T WORK OUT.
1470
01:20:37,332 --> 01:20:40,934
I THOUGHT YOU COULD
GO IN THE SUIT,
LIKE THE ASTRONAUTS.
1471
01:20:42,171 --> 01:20:44,103
I THOUGHT YOU COULD
GO IN THE SUIT,
1472
01:20:44,173 --> 01:20:45,738
LIKE THE ASTRONAUTS.
1473
01:20:47,142 --> 01:20:49,075
HEY,
I GOTTA TAKE A LEAK.
PETER!
1474
01:20:49,144 --> 01:20:51,244
IF YOU OPEN THAT SUIT,
YOU'LL DIE.
1475
01:20:51,313 --> 01:20:54,314
RIGHT, RIGHT.
WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO,
GET ME FIRED?
1476
01:20:54,383 --> 01:20:56,082
[ Zipper Unzips ]
1477
01:20:56,151 --> 01:20:58,151
[ Moaning ]
1478
01:21:00,022 --> 01:21:02,889
AND YOUR WIFE LOIS
IS LOOKING VERY LOVELY.
1479
01:21:02,958 --> 01:21:04,858
HOW DOES IT FEEL
TO BE BACK?
1480
01:21:04,926 --> 01:21:09,362
IT FEELS GOOD.
IT WAS A VERY DARK PERIOD
FOR ME FOR A WHILE.
1481
01:21:09,431 --> 01:21:11,364
LICENSE
AND REGISTRATION.
DARN YOU!
1482
01:21:11,433 --> 01:21:13,366
DO YOU KNOW
WHO I AM?
1483
01:21:13,435 --> 01:21:15,368
I'M AFRAID I DON'T, MA'AM.
1484
01:21:15,437 --> 01:21:17,370
PLEASE GIVE ME
YOUR LICENSE AND REGISTRATION.
1485
01:21:17,439 --> 01:21:20,374
MA'AM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS.
1486
01:21:20,442 --> 01:21:22,709
OWW! OWW!
1487
01:21:22,777 --> 01:21:24,777
[ Screaming ]
1488
01:21:27,015 --> 01:21:29,950
♪♪ [ Dance Pop ]
1489
01:21:30,018 --> 01:21:31,985
ALL RIGHT!
1490
01:21:32,053 --> 01:21:34,387
SO, WHO'S GETTIN'
MARRIED, HUH? YOU?
1491
01:21:34,456 --> 01:21:37,891
ALL RIGHT, SWEETHEART.
WE'RE GONNA HAVE SOME FUN.
1492
01:21:37,959 --> 01:21:41,127
HERE WE GO!
1493
01:21:42,397 --> 01:21:44,897
♪♪ [ Continues ]
1494
01:21:49,137 --> 01:21:51,471
[ Laughs ]
1495
01:21:51,540 --> 01:21:53,506
AAH!
1496
01:21:54,976 --> 01:21:57,911
HOW DO I KNOW IF I WANT IT
IF I CAN'T TASTE IT?
1497
01:21:57,979 --> 01:22:00,179
DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?
BONNIE FRANKLIN?
1498
01:22:00,248 --> 01:22:02,215
AAAH!
[ Blows Landing ]
1499
01:22:02,284 --> 01:22:04,217
NO, YOU WERE GREAT!
HA-HA-HA!
1500
01:22:04,285 --> 01:22:07,220
MY ANALYST SAID I SHOULD TAKE
ADVANTAGE OF THE TIME...
1501
01:22:07,288 --> 01:22:10,457
AND DO SOMETHING
I'D ALWAYS WANTED TO DO,
SO I COMPETED IN THE IDITAROD.
1502
01:22:10,526 --> 01:22:12,892
[ Dogs Barking,
Whining ]
1503
01:22:12,961 --> 01:22:14,627
[ Exhaling ]
1504
01:22:18,032 --> 01:22:20,099
- [ Gunshot ]
- [ Riders ] HYAH! HYAH!
1505
01:22:20,168 --> 01:22:22,101
WE GONNA TAKE
A BATHROOM BREAK?
1506
01:22:22,170 --> 01:22:24,604
WE GONNA--
WE GONNA, UH--
1507
01:22:24,673 --> 01:22:26,873
BATHROOM? OH, GOD.
1508
01:22:26,942 --> 01:22:29,442
[ Onlookers Cheering ]
1509
01:22:31,846 --> 01:22:35,448
SO I WORKED ON MY NOVEL
AND SPENT SOME TIME
GETTING TO KNOW MY FANS.
1510
01:22:35,516 --> 01:22:38,451
YOU KNOW, GIVE SOMETHING
BACK TO THE PEOPLE
WHO GOT ME WHERE I AM.
1511
01:22:38,520 --> 01:22:41,021
BRIAN, THIS IS MY FRIEND
ANNE-MICHELLE.
1512
01:22:41,089 --> 01:22:43,689
ANNE-MICHELLE! HEY!
WHAT ARE YOU DRINKIN'?
1513
01:22:43,758 --> 01:22:46,959
'CAUSE I SEE YOU ALREADY
ORDERED THE HOT SAUCE.
[ Laughs ]
1514
01:22:47,029 --> 01:22:50,563
HEY, BARTENDER, WHOSE LEG
DO YOU HAVE TO HUMP TO GET
A DRY MARTINI AROUND HERE?
1515
01:22:50,632 --> 01:22:53,066
[ Women Laughing ]
NOW DO PETER.
1516
01:22:53,135 --> 01:22:56,702
OOH, HEY. FORGOT MY WALLET.
CAN ONE OF YOU GUYS
GET THIS?
1517
01:22:56,771 --> 01:22:59,705
UM, I DID A GUEST SPOT
ON THE WEST WING.
1518
01:22:59,775 --> 01:23:04,511
IT'S NOT NORMALLY WHAT I DO,
BUT I REALLY GOT A CHANCE
TO FLEX MY DRAMATIC MUSCLE.
1519
01:23:04,580 --> 01:23:07,513
I GOT EIGHT GUYS
FROM TALLAHASSEE WHO WANT
THIS BILL PUSHED THROUGH.
1520
01:23:07,583 --> 01:23:10,516
WHAT'S THE LATEST
ON THOSE REFUGEES?
THEY OFF THE COAST YET?
1521
01:23:10,586 --> 01:23:13,920
WE'RE GETTING A LOT OF
INTERNET CHATTER. WE CAN JUSTIFY
RAISING THE THREAT LEVEL.
1522
01:23:13,989 --> 01:23:16,923
WHAT YOU DO
ON YOUR OWN TIME
IS NOT MY BUSINESS,
1523
01:23:16,992 --> 01:23:19,926
BUT, DAMN IT, WHEN YOU'RE HERE
I WANT YOU TO MAINTAIN
A PROFESSIONAL VENEER.
1524
01:23:19,995 --> 01:23:22,929
I NEED TO TALK TO JERRY
ABOUT HOW WE'RE GONNA SPIN
THE UNEMPLOYMENT NUMBERS.
1525
01:23:22,998 --> 01:23:26,299
GET MY WIFE ON THE PHONE!
TELL HER I CHANGED MY MIND.
THE BLUE DRESS IS FINE.
1526
01:23:26,367 --> 01:23:29,602
AND I NEED THE BRIEFING
FOR THAT MEETING ON
THE SITUATION IN ARGENTINA!
1527
01:23:34,343 --> 01:23:37,276
I FOUND IT!
I FOUND THE CHEESE!
1528
01:23:37,346 --> 01:23:39,278
OH, BOY! CHEESE!
1529
01:23:39,348 --> 01:23:42,782
[ Laughing ]
I LOVE YOU, CHEESE.
1530
01:23:42,851 --> 01:23:46,786
I DID A LOT OF THINGS,
BUT THE THING I THINK
I'M MOST PROUD OF...
1531
01:23:46,855 --> 01:23:50,090
IS WHEN I VOLUNTEERED
TO ENTERTAIN THE TROOPS.
1532
01:23:50,158 --> 01:23:53,359
- ♪♪ [ Rock ]
- [ Cheering ]
1533
01:23:53,428 --> 01:23:56,762
♪ IF I COULD
TURN BACK TIME ♪
1534
01:23:57,766 --> 01:24:01,834
♪ IF I COULD FIND A WAY ♪
1535
01:24:01,903 --> 01:24:04,036
♪ I'D TAKE BACK ♪
1536
01:24:04,105 --> 01:24:07,239
[ Gasping ]
♪ THOSE WORDS
THAT HURT YOU ♪
1537
01:24:07,308 --> 01:24:09,576
♪ AND YOU'D STAY ♪
1538
01:24:09,645 --> 01:24:12,645
♪ IF I COULD
REACH THE STARS ♪
1539
01:24:14,015 --> 01:24:17,650
♪ I'D GIVE 'EM ALL TO YOU ♪
1540
01:24:17,719 --> 01:24:19,151
[ Shouting ]
1541
01:24:19,220 --> 01:24:21,521
♪ AND YOU'D LOVE ME
LOVE ME ♪
1542
01:24:21,590 --> 01:24:26,026
♪ LIKE YOU USED TO DO ♪♪
1543
01:24:26,094 --> 01:24:29,029
AND, STEWIE,
WE ALL KNOW
YOU KEPT BUSY.
1544
01:24:29,097 --> 01:24:31,031
OH, YES,
IT WAS EXHAUSTING,
1545
01:24:31,099 --> 01:24:33,499
BETWEEN SHOOTING FILMS
AND THOSE DAMNED TALK SHOWS.
1546
01:24:33,568 --> 01:24:36,502
[ Audience Laughing,
Screaming ]
HEE-HEE!
1547
01:24:36,571 --> 01:24:39,272
HA-HA! HA-HA!
[ Keyboard:
Cymbal Crash ]
1548
01:24:40,975 --> 01:24:45,311
I THINK IT WOULD
HAVE TO BE... DARN.
1549
01:24:45,380 --> 01:24:48,014
[ Laughing ]
[ Audience Applauding ]
1550
01:24:48,083 --> 01:24:50,516
AND WHAT IS
YOUR FAVORITE CURSE WORD?
1551
01:24:50,585 --> 01:24:52,485
LISTEN, CARS AREN'T
DESIGNED FOR WOMEN.
1552
01:24:52,554 --> 01:24:57,290
THE STEERING WHEEL WOULD HAVE
TWO DENTS IN IT. WE BRING
OUR OWN AIR BAGS. RIGHT, GIRLS?
1553
01:24:57,359 --> 01:24:59,291
[ Audience Laughing ]
[ Sighs ]
1554
01:24:59,360 --> 01:25:01,361
ANYBODY
LIKE CHEESECAKE?
1555
01:25:03,732 --> 01:25:06,399
WELL, WE'RE GLAD
TO HAVE YOU
BACK ON THE AIR.
1556
01:25:06,468 --> 01:25:08,735
I'LL LET YOU ALL
ENJOY THE PARTY NOW.
1557
01:25:08,803 --> 01:25:12,405
PETER, IS THERE ANYTHING
ELSE YOU WANT TO SAY?
YEAH, I GOT SOMETHING TO SAY.
1558
01:25:12,474 --> 01:25:14,407
YOU KNOW,
WE KID AROUND A LOT HERE,
1559
01:25:14,476 --> 01:25:16,909
BUT THE TRUTH IS,
WE CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER.
1560
01:25:16,979 --> 01:25:20,313
WE'RE EXCITED TO BE BACK
BECAUSE WE WANT TO ADDRESS
SOME SERIOUS ISSUES.
1561
01:25:20,382 --> 01:25:23,316
YOU KNOW, DO SOMETHING
WE CAN ALL BE PROUD OF.
[ Farts ]
1562
01:25:23,385 --> 01:25:25,551
[ All Laughing ]
PETER!
1563
01:25:25,620 --> 01:25:27,620
[ Laughs ]
STILL GOT IT!
1564
01:25:29,258 --> 01:25:33,026
THAT WAS ME. I USED TO
THINK FLATULENCE WAS
SOMETHING TO LAUGH ABOUT.
1565
01:25:33,095 --> 01:25:36,029
TRUTH IS,
300 MILLION AMERICANS
A DAY...
1566
01:25:36,098 --> 01:25:38,031
EXPEL GAS
THROUGH THEIR ANUS.
1567
01:25:38,100 --> 01:25:40,867
TO LEARN MORE
ABOUT FLATULENCE,
YOU CAN VISIT MY ASS.
1568
01:25:40,936 --> 01:25:44,037
[ Farts ]
[ Laughs ]
JUST YANKIN' YA!
1569
01:25:45,506 --> 01:25:47,574
[ Farts ]