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2x01 : The Dundies
by Belkiss, Occeanne et Unfold
http://pmag.f2o.org/theofficeus/
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Tonight is the Dundies, the annual employee
world's night here at Dunder Mifflin
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and this is everybody's favorite day,
everybody looks forward to it.
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Because, you know a lot of the people
here don't get trophies very often
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like Meredith or Kevin. I mean, who's gonna
give Kevin an award ? Dunkin Donuts ?
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Plus, bonus, it's really really funny.
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So I..., you know an employee will go
home, and he'll tell his neighbor :
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"Hey, did you get an award ?"
And the neighbor will say :
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"No man, I mean I slave all day,
nobody notices me."
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Next thing you know, employee smells something
terrible coming from the neighbor’s house :
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Neighbor’s hanged himself,
due to lack of recognition.
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So you're ready for the Dundies ?
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You know what they say about a car wreck
where it's so awful you can't look away ?
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The Dundies are like a car wreck that
you want to look away
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but you have to stare at it
because your boss is making you.
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It's fat Halpert
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- What ?
- Fat Halpert, Jim Halpert.
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So why don't I take you on a
tour of past Dundee winners ?
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We got fat Jim Halpert here, Jim why don't
you show off your Dundies to the camera ?
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Oh I can't, because I keep them hidden,
I don't wanna look at them and get cocky.
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- Oh, that's a good idea.
- And mine are at home,
in a display case about my bed.
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TMI, TMI my friend.
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TMI ? Too Much Information.
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It's just easier to say TMI. I used to
say "Don't Go There" but that's lame.
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And here we have Stanley the manly, now
Stanley is a Dundee Allstar, aren’t you
Stan ?
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Why don't you show them some of your bling ?
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I don't know where they are,
I think I threw them out.
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- Oh, no you didn't.
- I think I did.
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Why did...?
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Say, we gotta order some
more appetizers this time.
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- We ran out last year, remember ?
- Yes we should, you know what ?
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I wanted one of those skillets of cheese,
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but when I got on stage,
someone had eaten all of them.
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To Oscar Martinez,
It's the "Show Me The Money" award !
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Michael has taped every Dundies Awards,
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and now he's making me look through
hours of footage to find highlights.
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That's the type of song
we're gonna play to the ladies,
Hit it Dwight !
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A little bit of Pam, all night long.
A little bit of Angela, on the sing.
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A little bit of...
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This is the part where Kevin stands in front
of the camcorder all night. It's great.
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- It was you.
- It wasn't me, I swear.
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So what's the joke ?
You're not perfect either !
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- We're not laughing at you Dwight !
- So who are you laughing at ?
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- Just something somebody wrote.
- Who ? Dave Barry ?
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No, no. That was just something that
was written on the ladies room wall.
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What is it ? Who wrote it ?
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- It's kind of private,
- It's about Michael !
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That is defacement of company
property, so you'd better tell me.
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Kelly, if you tell me,
you'll be punished less.
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- Ok, now I'm laughing at you !
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Will her highness Jan Levinson Gould be
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descending from her corporate throne
this evening to visit us lowly serfs here,
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Dunder Mifflin Scranton ?
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- It's a two and a half hour drive
from New York Michael.
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- Well, you could take the bus, you could
work on the way here, sleep on the way home.
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- No.
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Come on Jan this is important, I mean,
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this is validation to my employees here
that you and corporate approved of this.
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We don't approve of this Michael.
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You only have the budget for
one office party a year so,
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we're not paying for this.
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- Are you here ?
- Yeah, I'm here, I just wanted to
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talk to you for a second about that.
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What..., what is..., I mean, come on Jan !
You're dropping a A-bomb on me here !
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- Really ? I'm dropping an atomic bomb on you.
- Well, yeah, what is... no you can't !
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- You already had a party
on May 5th for no reasons ?
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No reasons ? It was the 05-05-05 party !
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- And you also had a...
- It happens once every billion years !
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- And the tsunami relief fund raiser
with somehow lost a lot of money
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Ok, no that was a fun raiser, I think I made
that very clear on the flyers. Fun, F-U-N.
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... don't have a tsunami Fun raiser, Michael.
- Well...
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I think a lot of people were
very affected by the footage.
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It's a little character I like to do.
It is loosely based on Karnack,
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one of Carson's classic characters.
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We got... the PLO, the IRA and the
hot-dogs stand behind the warehouse.
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Name 3 businesses that have better
healthcare plans than Dunder Mifflin.
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Here's the problem : There is
no open bar because of Jan,
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and it's the reason why comedy
clubs have a 2-drink minimum.
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We'll be fine. I just wish
people gonna be drunk.
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- Dwight get out of here what are
you doing into ladies room...?
- No no no, it's not what you're...
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- Why were you in there ?
- You are a pervert !
- What were you doing in there ?
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- You are a pervert !
- I am not !
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The Dundee award, for longest engagement,
goes to Pam Beesly, Pam everybody !
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When will that girl gonna be
married ? That’s what I have to say
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- Oh Roy's accepting ?
- Yes.
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Thank you, you have any words you'd
like to say, at Pam's behalf ?
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- We'll see you next year !
- Yeah ! Oh nuts ! Oh gosh !
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- I'm not changing that, that's the best one.
- No it's hilarious, you're right.
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I just think, world's on disengagement,
we're all expecting it you know ?
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That's why it's funny, every year that Roy
and Pam don't get married it gets funnier !
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Well I think if you use the same jokes
it just comes across as lazy.
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- Ow, lazy !
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Excuse me, everyone, can I
have your attention please ?
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I just wanted to say that the
women in this office are terrible.
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Especially the ones who wrote that stuff
about Michael on the bathroom wall.
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Having a bathroom is a privilege,
it is called a ladies-room for a reason,
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and if you cannot behave like ladies, well
then you are not going to have a bathroom.
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- You're taking away our bathroom ?
- We are going to have 2 men rooms.
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- But where would we go ?
- Be prepared to hold it folks, from 9 AM...
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- Michael ?
- Yes ?
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Dwight is banning us from our bathroom.
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- Ok, well that's ridiculous, just don't...
I don't have time for this right now.
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- There needs to be repercussions
to people's behavior...
- Don't don't talk don't touch stop it oddment !
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- Ok, look I know there have been a lot of rumors
flying around about the Dundies this year,
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how there is no money, and how there is
no food, and how the jokes are really bad.
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But what the hell everybody ?
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I mean, god the Dundies are about
the best, in every one of us.
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Can't you see that ? I mean...
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ok, we can do better, so,
tonight, for the first time,
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We are inviting all of your friends and
family to attend the awards with us.
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- Yes !
- Yeah, not bad right ?
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So let's make this best Dundies ever !
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Best Dundies ever !
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Welcome to eighth annual Dundies awards !
Before we get started, a few announcements :
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Keep your acceptance speeches shorts,
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I have wrap it up music and I'm
not afraid to use it, Devin.
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The Dundies, how can I explain it ?
A word to auto mated,
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You've all made it
You had a was, you work so hard
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You fell a no, no
This isn't just a name
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And now the N-O
And he's been says Hello
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Cut, come on !
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The Dundies are kind of like a kid's
birthday party, and you go,
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and there's really nothing for you to do there,
but the kid's having a really good time, so,
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you're kind of there.
That's kind of what it's like.
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... Dundee, you wanted that Dundee...
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- The waitress tripped on the cord.
- All right, joke'o'landed, so we are here,
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Thank you all for coming,
to the 2005 Dundee Awards,
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I am your host, Michael Scott,
and I just want to tell you
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please, please, do not drink and drive, because
you may hit a bump, and spill the drink.
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All the flotties on the group tab.
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No, actually this year no group tab
we're gonna be doing separate checks !
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- You said we could bring our families.
- I did, and why didn't you Stanley ?
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- I did, my wife's name is Terry.
- Well, I'm looking forward to meeting Terry.
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It's this person whose hand
I'm holding Michael.
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Oh yeah !
- Shut it !
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Good, speaking of relationships,
of all way shapes and forms,
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I was out on a very very hot date
last night with a girl from HR Dwight.
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- Really ? We don't have any girls from HR.
- Know that, for the sake of the story.
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And things were getting hot and heavy, - Yeah
- and I was about to take her bra off,
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Yeah !
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When she had me fill out
six hours worth of paper work.
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- Like an AIDS test ?
- No... god.
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- All right. So let's get this party started !
- Hey let's go to Poor Richard's.
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- Yeah, let's get out of here.
- Guys, where are you going ?
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- Just... Pam shows is getting started.
- Sorry.
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- And now
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- You're staying ?
- Yeah. I have to eat somewhere.
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- The Busiest Beaver award goes to Phyllis Lapin !
Way to go Phyllis ! Nice work ! Per usual !
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- This says bushiest beaver.
- What ? I told them busiest... idiots !
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- It's fine,
- Well we can fix it, we'll fix it up !
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You don't have to display that.
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- Because that's what happen every time !
- He's a jackass, every year !
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- Come on, we're going to Poor Richard's.
- No, I don't want go I don't want to !
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Pam !
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If you would have asked me
that then you would know !
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Herro everybodeeee.
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Hey ! How are you ? I thought you'd left.
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No, I decided to stay. I'll just
get a ride home from Angela.
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Jan Levinson Gould !
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- Good I'm just in time for Ping !
- Yeah
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You know what I'm talking about !
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Can I get a drink ?
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This next award goes to somebody
who really lights up the office.
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Somebody who I think a lot of
us cannot keep from checking out.
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The hottest, in the office award goes to...
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Ryan the temp !
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Here you go !
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What am I going to do with the award ?
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Nothing, I don't know what I'm gonna do.
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That's the least of my concerns right now.
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And the Tight Ass award goes to Angela,
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not only because she is everybody's favorite
stickler, but because she has a great caboose !
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- So come on down !
- No.
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I think those might be empty.
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No, no ‘cause the ice melts,
and then it's like second drink !
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Second drink ?
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The spicy curry award goes to our
very own Kelly Kapoor !
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Get on up here !
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There you go !
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- Spicy curry, what's that mean ?
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- Not everything means something,
this is a joke.
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- Yeah, but why did you give it to me ?
- I don't know, I'd just...
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- This is a bowler !
- I know ! They didn't have
any businessmen so...
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- Yeah but everyone else...
- Just sit down Kelly.
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It's so freakin' hot in there.
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now I know what Bob Hope was going
through when he performed in Saudi Arabia
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I got Dwight, sucking the
funny out of room, but,
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you know, you do what you can do...
here we go, he's early with the cue !
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Got to go !
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00:14:16,549 --> 00:14:20,460
("Tiny Dancer"- Elton John)
- "You have won a tiny Dundie."
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- Sing it Elton !
- Hey thanks guys !
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00:14:25,497 --> 00:14:28,512
- Hey where you guys from ?
- We has came from your mama's house.
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Hey guys can I finish that ?
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Sing on a song dude !
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You know what guys we're just having
a little office party so if you wanna...
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- Hey ! You know cool it guys !
- You suck man ! You suck !
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Let's cut it !
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I've a few more Dundies to give out tonight,
but I'm just gonna cut it short, and rapid up.
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So everybody can enjoy their food.
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00:15:04,486 --> 00:15:07,780
Thanks for listening,
those of you who listened.
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This last Dundee is for Kevin,
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this is the "don't go in there after me"
award, it's for the time that
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I went to the bathroom after him and
it was really, really smelly, so.
204
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Here you go.
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Yeah Kevin, for Kevin,
for stinking up the bathroom !
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- Hey I haven't gotten one yet !
- Yes, I have not gotten one either !
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00:15:43,636 --> 00:15:45,813
So keep going !
- More Dundies !
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Dundies ! - Dundies !
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All right, we'll keep 'em rolling.
210
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This is the fine work award, this goes to
Stanley, for all the fine work he did this year.
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00:16:00,667 --> 00:16:02,363
You know you did !
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Speech-speech-speech-speech
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Well, last year I got great
work, so I don't know...
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I don't know what to think about this award,
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00:16:15,448 --> 00:16:19,751
but at least I didn't get smelliest
bowel movement like Kevin !
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00:16:23,466 --> 00:16:27,221
And this next award is going
out to our own little Pam Beesly,
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00:16:27,226 --> 00:16:30,541
I think we all know what award
Pam is gonna be getting this year,
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It is the whitest sneakers award, because
she always has the whitest tennis shoes on !
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00:16:38,248 --> 00:16:43,980
Get on down here ! Pam Beesly
ladies and gentlemen ! Here we go !
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00:16:45,715 --> 00:16:49,950
I have so many people
to thank for this award !
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00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:57,802
Ok, first off, my Keds, because I couldn't
have done it without them, thank you.
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00:16:57,948 --> 00:17:04,302
Let's give Michael a round of applause for
MC-ing tonight because this is a lot harder than it looks,
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and also because of Dwight too.
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00:17:10,346 --> 00:17:12,750
Finally I want to thank God,
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because God gave me this Dundee,
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00:17:16,846 --> 00:17:20,772
and I feel God in this Chili's tonight.
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00:17:23,237 --> 00:17:27,960
Pam Beesly ladies and
gentlemen ! Ow, thank you !
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00:17:39,626 --> 00:17:41,742
What a great year for the Dundies !
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00:17:41,796 --> 00:17:47,173
We got to see Ping, and we learned Michael's
true feelings for Ryan, which was touching.
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00:17:47,226 --> 00:17:52,931
And we heard Michael change the lyrics to a
number of classic songs, which for me,
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has ruined them for life !
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- What ?
- Nothing.
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00:17:59,517 --> 00:18:02,710
- Okay.
- What ?
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00:18:02,778 --> 00:18:04,742
I don't know, what ?
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00:18:05,455 --> 00:18:10,960
Oh my god ! You are so
drunk ! Did you get that ?
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00:18:11,016 --> 00:18:13,861
Please tell me that you got,
this is all gonna be on.
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00:18:15,297 --> 00:18:17,602
- It's ok I'm a sheriff's deputy.
- Well, he's volunteer !
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00:18:17,627 --> 00:18:18,792
Don't get into that now.
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00:18:18,807 --> 00:18:22,323
We need something
to caution her head, throw a pillow, a cush ?
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00:18:22,325 --> 00:18:23,620
- Dwight come on !
- I'm gonna use my shirt.
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00:18:23,647 --> 00:18:25,332
- Get off of me !
- No !
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00:18:25,585 --> 00:18:28,931
- I'm sorry, sir, you gotta have to put
your clothes back. We're trying to eat...
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00:18:28,946 --> 00:18:31,962
Was this year's Dundies a
success ? Well, let me see :
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00:18:31,977 --> 00:18:35,872
I made Pam laugh so hard that she fell out
of her chair and she almost broke her neck.
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00:18:36,138 --> 00:18:38,470
So I killed, almost !
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00:18:39,335 --> 00:18:44,800
Oh my god ! I just wanna say that
this was the best Dundies ever !
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00:18:48,457 --> 00:18:51,141
We have a strict policy here, not oversunk.
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00:18:51,256 --> 00:18:55,120
Apparently this young woman was
sneaking drinks off other people's tables.
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00:18:55,177 --> 00:19:00,571
Eyes at her officer driver's license and she is
not welcome at this restaurant chains ever again !
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00:19:01,576 --> 00:19:03,180
- Great work tonight !
- Watch your step !
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Excellent.
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00:19:04,238 --> 00:19:08,853
Thanks, I do check her pupils to
make sure that wasn't a concoction.
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00:19:08,906 --> 00:19:13,513
Yes that too but I mean
with the audio, great work !
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00:19:16,495 --> 00:19:19,790
I feel bad about what I wrote
on the bathroom wall.
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00:19:20,075 --> 00:19:21,271
No you don't.
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00:19:23,348 --> 00:19:32,242
Oh, here she is. Careful.
All right, easy. Almost there.
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00:19:32,377 --> 00:19:39,103
- Hey hum, can I ask you a question ?
- Shoot.
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00:19:45,845 --> 00:19:50,503
- I just wanted to say thanks.
- That's not really a question.
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00:19:50,818 --> 00:19:53,190
Ok let's get you home, come.
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00:19:57,858 --> 00:20:00,273
- Good bye.
- Good night, have a good night.
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00:20:00,385 --> 00:20:01,742
Thank you Angela !