1
00:00:41,575 --> 00:00:43,975
Hey, what's up?
Hey.

2
00:00:45,046 --> 00:00:46,741
Any e-mails today?

3
00:00:47,114 --> 00:00:49,014
I don't think so.
No?

4
00:00:50,518 --> 00:00:52,452
Check your spam folder.

5
00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:55,855
There it is.

6
00:00:55,923 --> 00:00:57,049
What?

7
00:00:58,726 --> 00:01:01,991
"Fifty signs your priest
might be Michael Jackson. "

8
00:01:03,731 --> 00:01:04,857
Well done.

9
00:01:04,932 --> 00:01:06,559
Kidding.
Topical.

10
00:01:06,667 --> 00:01:08,999
I am "King of Forwards. "

11
00:01:09,070 --> 00:01:12,597
It's how I like to do business.
Everybody joking around.

12
00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:14,803
We're like Friends.

13
00:01:14,875 --> 00:01:18,971
I am Chandler and Joey.

14
00:01:19,747 --> 00:01:22,443
And Pam is Rachel.

15
00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:26,485
And Dwight is Kramer.

16
00:01:26,554 --> 00:01:29,921
So, the monkey does the
sex thing right here.

17
00:01:32,626 --> 00:01:34,890
That's funny.
That's funny.

18
00:01:34,962 --> 00:01:38,193
Not offensive, because
it's nature, educational.

19
00:01:38,999 --> 00:01:42,400
Do you want the link? 'Cause
then you could forward it around.

20
00:01:42,970 --> 00:01:44,164
Consider it?

21
00:01:44,705 --> 00:01:46,104
Maybe, maybe.

22
00:01:46,173 --> 00:01:47,800
Well, we'll see.

23
00:01:47,942 --> 00:01:49,500
Because I don't know if...

24
00:01:49,577 --> 00:01:50,942
Come on.

25
00:01:51,011 --> 00:01:53,707
What has two thumbs
and likes to bone your mom?

26
00:01:53,781 --> 00:01:55,214
This guy!

27
00:01:57,218 --> 00:01:59,049
Oh, you are so bad.

28
00:02:01,422 --> 00:02:04,858
This guy is out of control.
He is a madman.

29
00:02:04,925 --> 00:02:08,486
Better get the bleep button
ready for him. Bleep-bleep.

30
00:02:09,330 --> 00:02:11,890
What's up, Halpert?
Still queer?

31
00:02:14,869 --> 00:02:18,566
Todd Packer and I
are total "BFF."

32
00:02:19,006 --> 00:02:22,874
"Best Friends Forever. " He and
I came up together as salesmen.

33
00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:25,175
One time, we were out,

34
00:02:25,246 --> 00:02:28,875
and we met this set of twins,

35
00:02:28,949 --> 00:02:31,850
and Packer told them
that we were brothers.

36
00:02:32,987 --> 00:02:35,547
And so, you know,
one thing led to another,

37
00:02:35,623 --> 00:02:37,887
and we brought them back
to the motel,

38
00:02:38,692 --> 00:02:41,092
and then Packer
did both of them.

39
00:02:42,329 --> 00:02:43,853
It was awesome.

40
00:02:46,133 --> 00:02:47,225
Okay.

41
00:02:47,301 --> 00:02:51,863
Grade-A gossip for you. Right
now. Randall, CFO, resigned.

42
00:02:52,006 --> 00:02:53,473
Nobody knows why.

43
00:02:53,541 --> 00:02:56,066
Are you kidding?
Everyone knows why.

44
00:02:56,343 --> 00:02:58,334
You don't know? Okay,
check this out, all right.

45
00:02:58,412 --> 00:02:59,401
What?
So, here's the story.

46
00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:01,914
Yeah? So Randall is nailing
his secretary, right?

47
00:03:01,982 --> 00:03:05,440
And she's totally incompetent.
Really? Here we go.

48
00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:08,010
Buckle up!
It's gonna be a bumpy one!

49
00:03:08,088 --> 00:03:10,648
We're talking blonde
incompetent, right? Oh, yeah.

50
00:03:10,724 --> 00:03:13,386
Like, 10 words a minute?
Talking?

51
00:03:13,494 --> 00:03:15,860
Well, to be fair, blondes,
brunettes, you know,

52
00:03:15,930 --> 00:03:18,899
there are a lot of dumb people out
there. Right. They are women, right?

53
00:03:18,966 --> 00:03:21,594
I didn't say it,
I didn't say it!

54
00:03:21,669 --> 00:03:23,398
Come on, I said it.

55
00:03:24,505 --> 00:03:26,871
And then suddenly,
for no reason,

56
00:03:26,941 --> 00:03:30,900
this bimbo blows the whistle on
the whole thing just to be a bitch.

57
00:03:30,978 --> 00:03:33,538
What'd I tell you
about the bleep button?

58
00:03:33,614 --> 00:03:36,674
Hey, what has two thumbs
and hates Todd Packer?

59
00:03:36,951 --> 00:03:38,248
This guy.

60
00:03:38,652 --> 00:03:41,519
Meant to ask you, can you think you
can get somebody to drive me around

61
00:03:41,589 --> 00:03:43,523
because of the DUl situation?

62
00:03:44,358 --> 00:03:45,655
Bad boy.

63
00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:47,519
Ryan?

64
00:03:48,462 --> 00:03:50,657
Come on, kid, let's go.

65
00:03:51,298 --> 00:03:55,632
Man, that Todd Packer can do anything.
Except pass that Breathalyzer.

66
00:04:00,507 --> 00:04:02,600
You a big William Hung fan?

67
00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:05,970
Why does everybody ask me
that? Who the hell is that?

68
00:04:11,785 --> 00:04:14,549
I'm really excited to
meet your mom. You are?

69
00:04:14,622 --> 00:04:16,817
My mom is coming in to visit.

70
00:04:16,890 --> 00:04:20,417
She lives, like, two hours away,
and she doesn't have a cell phone.

71
00:04:20,494 --> 00:04:24,453
Which is cool, 'cause it's kind
of adding some suspense to my day,

72
00:04:24,531 --> 00:04:27,466
and I keep looking over at the
door, hoping she'll walk in.

73
00:04:27,534 --> 00:04:28,933
I'm excited to
show her around.

74
00:04:29,003 --> 00:04:30,971
She really wants
to meet everybody.

75
00:04:31,038 --> 00:04:33,939
Oh, yeah? Good. 'Cause I
have a lot of questions.

76
00:04:34,308 --> 00:04:35,832
Oh, really?
Yeah.

77
00:04:35,909 --> 00:04:38,673
"As a child,
did Pam show any traits

78
00:04:38,746 --> 00:04:42,147
"that would hint towards her
future career as a receptionist?"

79
00:04:43,317 --> 00:04:46,582
Hey, send me that link
to the monkey sex video.

80
00:04:46,654 --> 00:04:48,747
I'm going to forward it
like it's hot.

81
00:04:48,822 --> 00:04:49,880
Yes!

82
00:04:49,990 --> 00:04:52,857
Forward it like it's hot,
forward it like it's hot.

83
00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:54,517
Old school.

84
00:04:54,595 --> 00:04:55,823
Michael?

85
00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:57,862
Yes, Toby?

86
00:04:57,931 --> 00:05:00,832
I need to talk to you in your
office, it'll just take two seconds.

87
00:05:02,569 --> 00:05:04,298
Literally two seconds?

88
00:05:04,405 --> 00:05:08,068
Toby is in HR, which technically
means he works for corporate.

89
00:05:08,242 --> 00:05:11,211
So he's really
not a part of our family.

90
00:05:12,513 --> 00:05:15,641
Also, he's divorced, so he's
really not a part of his family.

91
00:05:15,716 --> 00:05:19,174
The full story is that Randall
resigned because of sexual harassment.

92
00:05:19,253 --> 00:05:21,483
So corporate asked me
to do a five-minute review

93
00:05:21,555 --> 00:05:23,113
of the company's
sexual harassment policy.

94
00:05:23,190 --> 00:05:24,782
No. No, Toby, no.

95
00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:26,883
It's really not a big deal.
It is a big deal.

96
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:28,552
It's a big deal.

97
00:05:28,796 --> 00:05:32,288
What are we supposed to do,
scrutinize every little thing

98
00:05:32,366 --> 00:05:34,231
we say and do all day?

99
00:05:34,301 --> 00:05:35,700
I mean, come on.

100
00:05:35,769 --> 00:05:37,862
And then, corporate is gonna
send in a lawyer...

101
00:05:37,938 --> 00:05:41,169
What? No. Just to
refresh you on our policy.

102
00:05:41,241 --> 00:05:42,640
What? He... No.

103
00:05:42,710 --> 00:05:46,077
Okay, what is a lawyer
gonna come in and tell us?

104
00:05:46,513 --> 00:05:50,176
To not send out hilarious
e- mails? Or not tell jokes?

105
00:05:50,250 --> 00:05:53,549
Maybe not some of them,
maybe not inappropriate ones.

106
00:05:53,620 --> 00:05:55,918
There is no such thing
as an appropriate joke.

107
00:05:55,989 --> 00:05:57,616
That's why it's a joke.

108
00:05:57,691 --> 00:06:00,091
Everyone. Hello, everyone? Hi.

109
00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:02,685
Sorry to interrupt,
I know you're all busy,

110
00:06:02,763 --> 00:06:05,926
and the last thing you want
is for a major interruption.

111
00:06:05,999 --> 00:06:09,594
But Toby has an announcement that
he insists on making right now

112
00:06:09,670 --> 00:06:11,695
in the middle of the day.
So take it away.

113
00:06:11,772 --> 00:06:13,171
Yeah, okay.

114
00:06:13,273 --> 00:06:15,935
Corporate would like us to do
a five-minute review

115
00:06:16,009 --> 00:06:19,536
of the company's sexual harassment
policy, so I'll go over that later.

116
00:06:19,613 --> 00:06:21,513
I wish you luck,
Toby, I really do.

117
00:06:21,582 --> 00:06:23,550
But you are going to have
a mutiny on your hands.

118
00:06:23,617 --> 00:06:26,677
And I just can't wait to see
how you handle it.

119
00:06:27,287 --> 00:06:31,451
A guy goes to
a $5 lady of the night

120
00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:34,550
and he gets crabs.

121
00:06:34,928 --> 00:06:37,761
So the next day,
he goes back to complain.

122
00:06:38,198 --> 00:06:40,132
And the woman says,

123
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:42,828
"Hey, it was only $5.

124
00:06:42,970 --> 00:06:45,302
"What did you expect,
lobster?"

125
00:06:48,008 --> 00:06:49,976
This is what's at stake.

126
00:06:53,514 --> 00:06:55,607
Time to bring out
the big guns.

127
00:06:55,683 --> 00:06:59,210
I'm heading down to the
warehouse, where jokes are born.

128
00:06:59,553 --> 00:07:03,751
Find a killer joke that'll just blow
everybody away at the seminar later.

129
00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:07,384
And remind them what is
great about this place.

130
00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:10,529
So... Here they are. Guys.

131
00:07:11,031 --> 00:07:13,795
Wondering if I could
get your help for something?

132
00:07:13,867 --> 00:07:16,131
I am looking for
a new joke to tell.

133
00:07:16,203 --> 00:07:18,103
And it needs to be
just killer.

134
00:07:18,172 --> 00:07:20,197
And it does not
need to be clean.

135
00:07:20,274 --> 00:07:21,298
So what you got?

136
00:07:21,375 --> 00:07:23,138
Like, a joke,
a knock-knock joke?

137
00:07:23,210 --> 00:07:25,542
Yeah, no, well, I mean,
better. Better than that.

138
00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:27,944
The type of stuff you guys
tell all day. You know?

139
00:07:28,015 --> 00:07:29,209
Well...

140
00:07:29,783 --> 00:07:32,149
Those are some awful
tight pants you have on.

141
00:07:32,219 --> 00:07:35,279
Where'd you get them, like,
"Queers R Us"?

142
00:07:35,522 --> 00:07:37,615
"Boys R Us. "

143
00:07:37,691 --> 00:07:40,683
All right, all right, well,
good, yeah, but you know,

144
00:07:40,861 --> 00:07:43,352
a joke, but
not necessarily at my expense.

145
00:07:43,430 --> 00:07:45,728
So what've we got, like... Man,
we could see all your business

146
00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:47,596
coming around the corner,
okay?

147
00:07:47,668 --> 00:07:49,135
You need to, you know,
hide that.

148
00:07:49,203 --> 00:07:52,172
Good thing you don't have a
lot of business to start with.

149
00:07:52,239 --> 00:07:53,501
Okay.

150
00:07:53,574 --> 00:07:55,166
But that was
still about me, so...

151
00:07:55,242 --> 00:07:56,300
Hey, hey.
What?

152
00:07:56,377 --> 00:07:58,402
So you don't have the biggest
package, don't feel bad.

153
00:07:58,479 --> 00:08:00,504
I don't feel bad.
I think he feels bad.

154
00:08:00,581 --> 00:08:02,310
No, I don't. Well, you
look like you feel bad...

155
00:08:02,383 --> 00:08:03,441
Okay.
'Cause it's a little package.

156
00:08:03,517 --> 00:08:05,178
Well, you know not exactly...
A little package!

157
00:08:05,252 --> 00:08:06,913
...what I was looking for,
but thanks, guys. Thank you.

158
00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:10,115
You look good in those pants.
He gets it from his mama.

159
00:08:12,092 --> 00:08:14,925
So remember, intent is
irrelevant. And that's it.

160
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:16,053
Pam?

161
00:08:17,231 --> 00:08:21,463
I just wanted to say that,
just, my mom's coming in today.

162
00:08:22,336 --> 00:08:23,564
MILF.

163
00:08:24,304 --> 00:08:25,293
Thanks, Kevin.

164
00:08:25,372 --> 00:08:27,533
Usually, the day we talk about
sexual harassment

165
00:08:27,608 --> 00:08:30,133
is the day that everyone
harasses me as a joke.

166
00:08:30,210 --> 00:08:31,302
She's coming in today,

167
00:08:31,378 --> 00:08:34,176
and maybe just don't joke around
about that stuff in front of her.

168
00:08:34,248 --> 00:08:35,943
Great point.
Thank you.

169
00:08:36,250 --> 00:08:40,949
In fact, basic rule of thumb, let's just
act every day like Pam's mom is coming in.

170
00:08:41,789 --> 00:08:43,120
All right, that's it.

171
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:47,422
If anybody has any questions about
anything, you know where I sit in the back.

172
00:08:50,464 --> 00:08:51,829
It is over?
Yes.

173
00:08:51,899 --> 00:08:53,457
No.
I can go over it with you.

174
00:08:53,534 --> 00:08:54,762
I know, I know, it's good.

175
00:08:54,835 --> 00:08:57,429
It is not over.
It is not over till it's over.

176
00:08:57,504 --> 00:08:59,597
It's over.
Did he tell you everything?

177
00:08:59,673 --> 00:09:03,666
Obviously, he didn't, because you
all still look relatively happy.

178
00:09:03,744 --> 00:09:05,211
Albeit bored.

179
00:09:05,646 --> 00:09:08,046
Do you realize what
we're losing? Seriously.

180
00:09:08,115 --> 00:09:10,777
E- mail forwards.
Exactly.

181
00:09:11,618 --> 00:09:15,782
Can we afford to lose e-mail
forwards? Do we want that?

182
00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:17,183
I hate them.

183
00:09:17,257 --> 00:09:19,225
You send me these filthy
e- mails, and you say,

184
00:09:19,293 --> 00:09:22,319
"Forward them to 10 people
or you'll have bad luck. "

185
00:09:22,429 --> 00:09:24,556
Give me a break. Stanley?

186
00:09:24,698 --> 00:09:28,759
How about that hot picture
you have by your desk?

187
00:09:29,303 --> 00:09:31,362
Centerfold in the
Catholic schoolgirl's outfit?

188
00:09:31,438 --> 00:09:34,896
I mean, it is hot, it is sexy,
and it turns him on.

189
00:09:34,975 --> 00:09:38,604
And I will admit, best part
of my morning is staring at it.

190
00:09:38,679 --> 00:09:40,510
But what? Are we gonna
just take it away?

191
00:09:40,581 --> 00:09:43,550
That is my daughter, she goes
to Catholic girls' school.

192
00:09:43,617 --> 00:09:46,017
I'm taking it down right now.

193
00:09:46,153 --> 00:09:47,780
What about office romance?

194
00:09:47,855 --> 00:09:51,552
Office relationships are
never a good idea.

195
00:09:51,692 --> 00:09:54,024
So let's just try
to avoid them, but

196
00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:57,162
if you already have one,
you should disclose it to HR.

197
00:09:57,231 --> 00:10:00,064
All relationships?
Even a one-night stand?

198
00:10:01,168 --> 00:10:03,568
I think the old honor system
was fine. For example,

199
00:10:03,637 --> 00:10:07,630
I have never slept with an employee,
and believe me, I could have.

200
00:10:07,708 --> 00:10:09,039
Yeah, Meredith.

201
00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:12,169
No, no, Catherine! Remember
her? Remember how hot she was?

202
00:10:12,246 --> 00:10:14,077
Yes. She would have
definitely slept with me.

203
00:10:14,147 --> 00:10:16,513
She wasn't that hot.
Yes, she was.

204
00:10:16,583 --> 00:10:18,278
Okay, you know,
Michael... Damn it, Kevin.

205
00:10:18,352 --> 00:10:21,788
I'm in an office relationship.
It's special.

206
00:10:22,489 --> 00:10:26,323
She's nice, she's shy, she's
actually here if you wanna meet her.

207
00:10:26,393 --> 00:10:27,883
Hold on a second.

208
00:10:30,063 --> 00:10:32,224
Oh, my God. Put on a shirt.
Put on...

209
00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:36,201
I told you that you'd be on
camera. I'm sorry, she's European.

210
00:10:36,270 --> 00:10:38,966
No, I told you that
you'd be on camera.

211
00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:41,132
Stop.

212
00:10:41,275 --> 00:10:43,743
What if Pam was a lesbian?

213
00:10:44,711 --> 00:10:47,874
What if she brought
her "partner" in to work?

214
00:10:47,948 --> 00:10:49,711
Would that be crossing the line? No.

215
00:10:49,783 --> 00:10:52,183
What if they made out
in front of everybody?

216
00:10:52,252 --> 00:10:54,482
Well, that would be...
At home?

217
00:10:54,555 --> 00:10:57,888
And I told everybody
everything about it?

218
00:10:59,092 --> 00:11:00,491
Okay, I'm lost.
Okay.

219
00:11:00,561 --> 00:11:01,823
Well, then,
let's act it out.

220
00:11:01,895 --> 00:11:05,797
Pam, you will be Girl A,
and Girl B will be...

221
00:11:07,067 --> 00:11:09,092
Okay, we'll use the doll.

222
00:11:10,203 --> 00:11:11,329
Pam?

223
00:11:12,139 --> 00:11:13,231
Pam.

224
00:11:16,610 --> 00:11:19,477
I wish Todd Packer was here,
'cause he would love this.

225
00:11:19,546 --> 00:11:22,242
I wonder if anybody else
would like to join us?

226
00:11:23,083 --> 00:11:24,072
Hey!

227
00:11:24,751 --> 00:11:28,278
We have to watch Toby's video
that he's showing us,

228
00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:29,447
in order to brainwash us,

229
00:11:29,523 --> 00:11:32,151
and I was wondering if
anybody would like to join in?

230
00:11:32,225 --> 00:11:35,490
Gonna be fun. Got microwave
pizza. What do you say?

231
00:11:36,063 --> 00:11:38,088
Jim?
No thanks, I'm good.

232
00:11:38,165 --> 00:11:39,996
That's what she said.

233
00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:41,325
Pam?

234
00:11:41,835 --> 00:11:44,668
My mother's coming.
That's what she said.

235
00:11:45,005 --> 00:11:47,496
No, but, okay,
well, suit yourself.

236
00:11:49,276 --> 00:11:51,437
Hey, Toby.
Hey, Dwight.

237
00:11:51,612 --> 00:11:54,672
You said that we could come
to you if we had any questions.

238
00:11:54,748 --> 00:11:55,840
Sure.

239
00:11:58,652 --> 00:12:00,517
Where is the clitoris?

240
00:12:04,691 --> 00:12:08,127
On a website it said,
"At the crest of the labia. "

241
00:12:10,797 --> 00:12:12,594
What does that mean?

242
00:12:16,370 --> 00:12:19,032
What does the
female vagina look like?

243
00:12:19,106 --> 00:12:21,267
Technically,
I am in Human Resources,

244
00:12:21,341 --> 00:12:24,139
and Dwight was asking
about human anatomy.

245
00:12:25,646 --> 00:12:30,379
I'm just sad the public school
system failed him so badly.

246
00:12:31,284 --> 00:12:34,151
You know, maybe when you get
really comfortable with each other,

247
00:12:34,221 --> 00:12:36,018
you can ask for that.

248
00:12:36,857 --> 00:12:37,983
Good.

249
00:12:38,959 --> 00:12:41,689
Good. And...
I should get back to work.

250
00:12:42,029 --> 00:12:43,155
Okay.

251
00:12:43,563 --> 00:12:45,963
In today's fast-paced
business climate,

252
00:12:46,033 --> 00:12:50,766
it can sometimes be hard to know when
a comment or an action crosses the line.

253
00:12:51,071 --> 00:12:54,632
Let's take a look at a couple
of scenarios, and ask ourselves,

254
00:12:54,708 --> 00:12:56,903
"Where is the line?"

255
00:12:58,745 --> 00:13:00,235
"The Natural Redhead. "

256
00:13:00,313 --> 00:13:01,678
Hey, Marie.

257
00:13:01,748 --> 00:13:03,238
Hey, Joe, Mike.

258
00:13:03,316 --> 00:13:04,783
Settle a bet.

259
00:13:05,619 --> 00:13:07,644
Are you a natural redhead?

260
00:13:08,922 --> 00:13:10,514
Stop the video!

261
00:13:10,590 --> 00:13:13,024
We go... Stop it right there.
What?

262
00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:16,861
That's that girl
from that thing.

263
00:13:17,564 --> 00:13:19,532
I banged this girl right here.
That's her?

264
00:13:19,599 --> 00:13:22,261
Yes, this is the one, you
remember? No, the party?

265
00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:23,359
Yes!
You banged her?

266
00:13:23,437 --> 00:13:25,268
Yes, right here. You are a
naughty girl! Whoa, whoa, whoa!

267
00:13:25,338 --> 00:13:27,101
Wait. Hypocrite!
Leave those lips alone!

268
00:13:27,174 --> 00:13:31,474
Okay, she is a hypocrite.
That is such a scam. Okay.

269
00:13:31,545 --> 00:13:34,013
Yes? Yes, I did.

270
00:13:34,347 --> 00:13:36,815
Okay, well, we can talk
about that later, then.

271
00:13:36,883 --> 00:13:38,646
Okay, you are never
gonna believe this.

272
00:13:38,719 --> 00:13:41,313
The girl in the video we're
watching that corporate gave us,

273
00:13:41,388 --> 00:13:43,322
Darryl banged her...

274
00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:49,758
And he's about 90% sure.

275
00:13:54,034 --> 00:13:55,467
Don't ever let
this little bitch

276
00:13:55,535 --> 00:13:58,197
drive you around town,
we got lost for half an hour.

277
00:13:58,271 --> 00:14:01,263
I don't have any DUIs, so I
can drive myself, but thanks.

278
00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:04,936
Where is Michael "Snot"?
Sniffing some dude's thong?

279
00:14:06,113 --> 00:14:07,375
Probably.

280
00:14:08,582 --> 00:14:12,575
So you are the lawyer, Mr. O'Malley.
I know a lot of lawyer jokes.

281
00:14:12,652 --> 00:14:13,710
I love lawyer jokes.

282
00:14:13,787 --> 00:14:16,654
Well, it's probably
because you don't get them.

283
00:14:16,723 --> 00:14:19,123
When I said before that I was
"King of Forwards,"

284
00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:22,525
you gotta understand, that I
don't come up with this stuff.

285
00:14:22,596 --> 00:14:24,564
I just forward it along.

286
00:14:25,665 --> 00:14:29,999
You wouldn't arrest a guy who was just
delivering drugs from one guy to another.

287
00:14:30,103 --> 00:14:32,628
You seem a little bit agitated,
Michael. What's the problem?

288
00:14:32,706 --> 00:14:36,574
The problem is that
I am the boss,

289
00:14:36,643 --> 00:14:39,168
and apparently
I can't say anything.

290
00:14:40,781 --> 00:14:45,582
Well, that's true, in a way,
you can't say anything.

291
00:14:45,852 --> 00:14:47,945
Where's the line?
Where's the line, Jan?

292
00:14:48,021 --> 00:14:49,613
Do you need to see
the video again, Michael?

293
00:14:49,689 --> 00:14:51,520
No, I've seen the video.
He talked the whole time.

294
00:14:51,591 --> 00:14:53,058
No, I didn't.

295
00:14:55,195 --> 00:14:56,457
What?

296
00:15:01,201 --> 00:15:02,964
Attention, everyone. Hello.

297
00:15:03,036 --> 00:15:06,802
Yes, I just want you to know
that, this is not my decision,

298
00:15:06,873 --> 00:15:11,367
but from here on out,
we can no longer be friends.

299
00:15:13,046 --> 00:15:17,608
And when we talk about things
here, we must only discuss

300
00:15:17,684 --> 00:15:19,982
work-associated things.

301
00:15:20,353 --> 00:15:23,811
And you can consider this
my retirement from comedy.

302
00:15:24,624 --> 00:15:27,422
And in the future, if I
want to say something funny,

303
00:15:27,494 --> 00:15:29,962
or witty,
or do an impression,

304
00:15:30,030 --> 00:15:34,399
I will no longer ever
do any of those things.

305
00:15:35,302 --> 00:15:38,100
Does that include
"that's what she said"?

306
00:15:39,506 --> 00:15:42,407
Yes.
Wow, that is really hard.

307
00:15:43,977 --> 00:15:46,775
You really think
you can go all day long?

308
00:15:47,781 --> 00:15:51,308
Well, you always left me
satisfied and smiling, so...

309
00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:54,844
That's what she said!

310
00:15:54,921 --> 00:15:56,912
Michael!

311
00:15:57,457 --> 00:15:58,685
Come on!
Michael, please.

312
00:15:58,758 --> 00:16:00,282
There he is.
Please.

313
00:16:01,228 --> 00:16:02,525
Come on.

314
00:16:02,596 --> 00:16:05,258
You would have done the same,
you just didn't think of it first.

315
00:16:05,332 --> 00:16:07,698
Michael. Michael, please,
I really... It's... That's...

316
00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:09,200
It's not my sense of humor.
Okay.

317
00:16:09,269 --> 00:16:11,328
Hello. Jan, Mr. O'Malley,

318
00:16:11,404 --> 00:16:14,373
this is my lawyer, James
P. Albini. Your what?

319
00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:17,739
I believe you may recognize
his face from the billboards.

320
00:16:17,844 --> 00:16:20,677
He specializes in
free speech issues.

321
00:16:20,847 --> 00:16:24,510
And motorcycle head injuries,
worker's comp, and diet pill lawsuits.

322
00:16:24,684 --> 00:16:25,946
This guy does it all.

323
00:16:26,019 --> 00:16:29,716
Excuse me, I'm sorry. Michael,
Mr. O'Malley is your lawyer.

324
00:16:30,757 --> 00:16:34,488
What? Mr. O'Malley is
our corporate lawyer.

325
00:16:34,928 --> 00:16:37,658
We have him on retainer
to protect the company,

326
00:16:37,731 --> 00:16:40,996
as well as upper-level
management such as yourself.

327
00:16:43,303 --> 00:16:44,429
So I'm not in trouble?

328
00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:47,200
I'm so used to
being the "bad boy. "

329
00:16:47,407 --> 00:16:51,434
I am so used to fighting corporate,
that I forget that I am corporate.

330
00:16:51,544 --> 00:16:53,307
Upper management.

331
00:16:54,114 --> 00:16:57,311
They hooked me up with an
attorney, to protect me.

332
00:16:59,185 --> 00:17:01,745
You can't be too careful
about what you say.

333
00:17:02,622 --> 00:17:04,783
Mo' money, mo' problems.

334
00:17:05,191 --> 00:17:07,819
Okay, well, let's get you
out of here, James.

335
00:17:07,894 --> 00:17:09,885
I think we're
under an hour still, so.

336
00:17:09,963 --> 00:17:12,329
Yeah, but I did a lot of paperwork
at home before I got here.

337
00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:15,800
I know. Well, we'll talk about
it later. Thanks for coming in.

338
00:17:18,872 --> 00:17:20,533
Hello.

339
00:17:20,907 --> 00:17:23,705
Oh, my God.
I finally made it.

340
00:17:23,777 --> 00:17:24,766
Hello.

341
00:17:24,878 --> 00:17:26,368
I love my mom.

342
00:17:26,746 --> 00:17:30,182
Okay, that's probably the
most obvious statement ever.

343
00:17:30,784 --> 00:17:32,012
Okay.
This is all yours?

344
00:17:32,085 --> 00:17:36,021
Yeah, I'm in charge of this whole
area. Oh, my goodness, that's great.

345
00:17:42,662 --> 00:17:44,323
So a guy goes home,
tells his wife,

346
00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:46,695
"Honey, pack your bags,
I just won the lottery. "

347
00:17:46,766 --> 00:17:49,599
She goes, "Oh, my God, that's
incredible, where are we going?"

348
00:17:49,669 --> 00:17:53,605
He goes, "I don't know where you're
going. Just be out of here by 5:00."

349
00:17:56,543 --> 00:17:57,771
Boom!

350
00:17:58,211 --> 00:17:59,940
This is where I used
to keep my computer.

351
00:18:00,013 --> 00:18:01,480
Oh, right, I remember,
with the picture.

352
00:18:01,548 --> 00:18:03,072
But then I moved it.
Yeah, yeah.

353
00:18:03,149 --> 00:18:05,811
But I switched stuff around,
because I actually needed,

354
00:18:05,885 --> 00:18:08,615
like, more room for organization. Sure.

355
00:18:08,688 --> 00:18:10,952
So this is, like,
an organization station.

356
00:18:11,024 --> 00:18:13,219
Oh, there he is!
Hey!

357
00:18:13,293 --> 00:18:14,760
How are you?
Hey, handsome.

358
00:18:14,828 --> 00:18:16,523
You look great.
Oh, thank you.

359
00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:18,564
So, we ready for dinner?

360
00:18:18,898 --> 00:18:21,958
Well, you know, actually,
I kind of need to stall a bit.

361
00:18:22,035 --> 00:18:25,061
But, it's okay, because I
am very used to killing time.

362
00:18:25,138 --> 00:18:26,696
I don't believe that.

363
00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:28,866
Okay, I'm gonna go
wait in the parking lot.

364
00:18:28,942 --> 00:18:30,842
And what kind of tunes
you want for the ride?

365
00:18:30,910 --> 00:18:34,539
A little classical, little
oldies? Anything is fine.

366
00:18:34,781 --> 00:18:37,011
All right, I'll see you.

367
00:18:40,053 --> 00:18:41,850
So, which one is Jim?

368
00:18:42,355 --> 00:18:43,344
Mom.

369
00:18:44,024 --> 00:18:45,889
I just wanted to know.
No, it's...

370
00:18:45,959 --> 00:18:47,859
All right, okay. Okay.
Ten minutes.

371
00:18:47,927 --> 00:18:49,258
Okay.
Then we can go to dinner.

372
00:18:49,329 --> 00:18:50,489
I'll make myself busy.

373
00:18:50,563 --> 00:18:53,396
There's this guy, he's at
a nymphomaniac convention.

374
00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:56,867
And he is psyched, 'cause all these
women are smoking hot, perfect 10s,

375
00:18:56,936 --> 00:18:59,268
except for this one chick,
who looks a lot like...

376
00:18:59,339 --> 00:19:00,363
Phyllis?

377
00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:02,908
Yeah. No, no, no, that crosses the line.

378
00:19:02,976 --> 00:19:04,568
Ex-squeeze me?

379
00:19:05,678 --> 00:19:06,940
Not you.

380
00:19:07,180 --> 00:19:08,374
Kevin,

381
00:19:08,948 --> 00:19:12,213
just unwarranted, hostile
work environment, Kevin.

382
00:19:12,285 --> 00:19:13,377
Well, Packer said it.

383
00:19:13,453 --> 00:19:16,889
No, you said it, he pointed.
A point is not a say.

384
00:19:17,123 --> 00:19:20,718
Look, Kevin,
we are a family here,

385
00:19:21,361 --> 00:19:24,262
and Phyllis is a valued member of
that family, like a grandmother.

386
00:19:24,330 --> 00:19:26,594
I'm the same age as you,
Michael. I don't know about that.

387
00:19:26,666 --> 00:19:27,860
We're the same
high school class...

388
00:19:27,934 --> 00:19:31,495
Well, I have a late birthday, and
usually September is the cut-off point.

389
00:19:31,571 --> 00:19:34,699
You know what? You just
crossed the line. Okay?

390
00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:38,743
There's a line, and you went
over it. And you must be punished.

391
00:19:38,812 --> 00:19:42,077
So go to your corner.
You mean, where my desk is?

392
00:19:42,148 --> 00:19:44,446
Yes, your corner, go.
Okay.

393
00:19:45,552 --> 00:19:48,043
I have a lot of work
to do, anyway.

394
00:19:48,154 --> 00:19:51,089
Oh, my. They really got
to you, didn't they?

395
00:19:51,391 --> 00:19:52,983
They didn't get to me.

396
00:19:53,993 --> 00:19:55,517
I got to them.

397
00:19:56,362 --> 00:19:58,990
I am still the same old
Michael Scott.

398
00:19:59,799 --> 00:20:01,426
New and improved.

399
00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:05,227
You know what? I love Phyllis.

400
00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:11,101
And know what else?
I think she is gorgeous.

401
00:20:11,511 --> 00:20:15,948
I think she is an incredibly,
incredibly attractive person.

402
00:20:16,749 --> 00:20:18,717
Come here, give me a kiss,
come on.

403
00:20:18,785 --> 00:20:21,549
Michael, come on, you
don't have to worry. I'm not

404
00:20:21,621 --> 00:20:24,181
gonna report you to HR.
I'm not... I'm not worried!

405
00:20:24,257 --> 00:20:26,725
You know what? The only
thing I am worried about

406
00:20:26,793 --> 00:20:28,522
is getting a boner.

407
00:20:30,697 --> 00:20:32,824
Good work today, everybody.

408
00:20:37,370 --> 00:20:39,497
Times have changed a little.

409
00:20:40,607 --> 00:20:44,668
And even though we're still a family
here at Dunder Mifflin, families grow.

410
00:20:45,445 --> 00:20:50,382
And at some point, the daddy can't
take a bath with the kids anymore.

411
00:20:51,718 --> 00:20:53,583
I am upper management,

412
00:20:54,087 --> 00:20:57,887
and it would be inappropriate
for me to take a bath with Pam.

413
00:20:58,258 --> 00:21:00,385
As much as I might want to.

414
00:21:00,660 --> 00:21:02,127
He said what?