1 00:00:04,338 --> 00:00:06,067 Where is my desk? 2 00:00:07,775 --> 00:00:09,037 That is weird. 3 00:00:09,277 --> 00:00:12,474 This is not funny. This is totally unprofessional. 4 00:00:12,546 --> 00:00:14,070 Okay, well, you're the one who lost the desk. 5 00:00:14,148 --> 00:00:15,410 I didn't lose my desk. 6 00:00:15,483 --> 00:00:18,145 Hey, calm down. Where was the last place you saw it? 7 00:00:18,219 --> 00:00:20,380 Okay, who moved my desk? 8 00:00:20,454 --> 00:00:21,853 I think you should retrace your steps. 9 00:00:21,923 --> 00:00:24,858 Okay, I am going to tell Michael 10 00:00:24,926 --> 00:00:27,895 and this entire office will be punished. 11 00:00:28,663 --> 00:00:29,891 Colder. 12 00:00:32,633 --> 00:00:33,691 Warmer. 13 00:00:35,102 --> 00:00:36,467 A little warmer. 14 00:00:37,738 --> 00:00:39,262 There you go. Warmer. 15 00:00:40,041 --> 00:00:41,167 Warmer. 16 00:00:41,709 --> 00:00:43,370 Warmer. Warmer. Warmer. 17 00:00:43,444 --> 00:00:44,672 Cold. Cold. Cold. 18 00:00:44,745 --> 00:00:45,871 Back up. 19 00:00:49,784 --> 00:00:51,752 Warmer. Hot. Red hot. 20 00:00:51,819 --> 00:00:54,151 Hot. Very hot. 21 00:01:07,635 --> 00:01:09,500 Dwight Schrute. Hi, Dwight. 22 00:01:09,904 --> 00:01:13,169 What sort of discounts are we giving on the 20-Ib. White bond? 23 00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:15,470 Jim, I've given you this information, like, 20 times. 24 00:01:15,543 --> 00:01:16,771 I know. 25 00:01:20,481 --> 00:01:21,846 It's by the ream? 26 00:01:21,916 --> 00:01:22,940 Yeah. Ream... 27 00:01:23,017 --> 00:01:24,985 It is now $9.78, 28 00:01:25,052 --> 00:01:26,781 so it's a discount of 7%. 29 00:01:27,121 --> 00:01:29,521 Okay, thank you. Got to get back to work. 30 00:01:34,061 --> 00:01:35,858 Wash your hands, Kevin. 31 00:02:10,698 --> 00:02:11,790 Right. 32 00:02:12,433 --> 00:02:14,697 Oh, let me just check the pricing list. Hold on one second. 33 00:02:14,769 --> 00:02:17,704 Sensei, hello, it's Sempai. 34 00:02:19,040 --> 00:02:20,234 Dwight. 35 00:02:20,775 --> 00:02:22,208 You know what, let me give you a call right back. 36 00:02:22,276 --> 00:02:25,245 I'm gonna find it and then I'll call you back. Thanks. 37 00:02:25,613 --> 00:02:28,912 Yes, I just had a question... Yes, Sensei. 38 00:02:35,322 --> 00:02:36,949 Was that your mom? 39 00:02:37,091 --> 00:02:38,683 No, that was my sensei. 40 00:02:39,627 --> 00:02:41,060 Oh, I thought it was your mom. 41 00:02:41,128 --> 00:02:45,121 I am now Sempai, which is Assistant Sensei. 42 00:02:45,599 --> 00:02:47,157 Assistant to the Sensei, that's pretty cool. 43 00:02:47,234 --> 00:02:48,292 Assistant Sensei. 44 00:02:48,369 --> 00:02:49,393 Okay. 45 00:02:49,470 --> 00:02:52,803 I am a practitioner of Goju-Ryu Karate 46 00:02:53,474 --> 00:02:54,634 here in Scranton. 47 00:02:55,810 --> 00:02:56,970 SENSEl: Two! 48 00:02:57,211 --> 00:02:58,542 Dwight, snap your kick back. 49 00:02:58,612 --> 00:02:59,601 Three! 50 00:03:00,047 --> 00:03:04,450 My sensei, Ira, recently promoted me to purple belt. 51 00:03:04,985 --> 00:03:07,579 And gave me the duties of a sempai. 52 00:03:08,222 --> 00:03:11,419 Not that a lot of people here in America know what a sempai is. 53 00:03:11,492 --> 00:03:14,586 But it's equally as respected as a sensei. 54 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:22,028 I don't wanna stay until 7:00 again this year. 55 00:03:22,470 --> 00:03:25,303 I don't really have any control over that, Stanley. 56 00:03:29,910 --> 00:03:34,279 Michael tends to procrastinate a bit whenever he has to do work. 57 00:03:35,950 --> 00:03:39,283 Time cards, he has to sign these every Friday. 58 00:03:39,353 --> 00:03:42,186 Purchase orders have to be approved at the end of every month. 59 00:03:42,256 --> 00:03:44,156 And expense reports, 60 00:03:44,425 --> 00:03:48,020 all he has to do is initial these at the end of every quarter. 61 00:03:48,229 --> 00:03:51,892 But once a year it all falls on the same Friday. That's today. 62 00:03:52,500 --> 00:03:54,559 I call it the perfect storm. 63 00:03:54,702 --> 00:03:56,966 I don't wanna work 64 00:03:57,037 --> 00:03:59,562 I just wanna bang on this mug all day 65 00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:01,699 Did you ask me here for any specific reason? 66 00:04:02,309 --> 00:04:03,606 Yes, I did. 67 00:04:03,811 --> 00:04:05,301 Here's the dizzle. 68 00:04:05,946 --> 00:04:09,313 I have a very top-secret mission for you. 69 00:04:09,383 --> 00:04:12,682 I want you to update all the emergency contact information. 70 00:04:13,187 --> 00:04:14,552 Why is that secret? 71 00:04:14,622 --> 00:04:18,183 Hello. Oh, God. Busywork. Oh, get away, cretin. 72 00:04:18,359 --> 00:04:20,293 I put stickers, so you know where to sign. 73 00:04:20,361 --> 00:04:21,919 Yes, thanks, I know where to sign. 74 00:04:21,996 --> 00:04:23,054 It's just that last year you... 75 00:04:23,130 --> 00:04:26,190 Yeah, well, last year they were out of order, weren't they, Pam? 76 00:04:26,267 --> 00:04:30,135 Well, the last pick-up for overnight deliveries is at 7:00. 77 00:04:30,304 --> 00:04:33,330 So you need to have them signed by then, or much earlier. 78 00:04:33,407 --> 00:04:35,341 Chillax, Pam. 79 00:04:35,409 --> 00:04:38,503 Stop Pam-MS-ing. That's pretty good. 80 00:04:38,913 --> 00:04:41,746 Actually I'm sending Ryan on a top-secret mission. 81 00:04:42,016 --> 00:04:43,506 Tell her what it is. 82 00:04:43,884 --> 00:04:45,715 Updating emergency contacts. 83 00:04:47,321 --> 00:04:49,186 Well, is that really a priority? 84 00:04:49,256 --> 00:04:51,383 Is it a priority? Oh, I don't know. 85 00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:53,783 What if there's a tornado, Pam? 86 00:04:53,928 --> 00:04:55,953 People's legs are crushed under rubble? 87 00:04:56,030 --> 00:04:58,555 Please, would you be so kind as to call my wife? 88 00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:02,329 No, I can't, because we don't have any emergency contact information, 89 00:05:02,403 --> 00:05:04,598 because Pam said it wasn't a priority. 90 00:05:04,672 --> 00:05:06,162 Think. Think with your head, Pam. 91 00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:08,299 Okay, well, she walks out. 92 00:05:08,409 --> 00:05:10,036 That's the problem with being a boss, 93 00:05:10,110 --> 00:05:12,738 is that when you are tough they resent you 94 00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:15,373 and when you are cool they walk all over you. 95 00:05:15,916 --> 00:05:17,042 Catch-22. 96 00:05:17,551 --> 00:05:20,042 Catch-22. Yes. 97 00:05:23,390 --> 00:05:25,824 Why don't you give me your contact information to start with? 98 00:05:25,893 --> 00:05:27,520 Okay, what's your cell? 99 00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:29,962 Larissa Halpert. 100 00:05:30,564 --> 00:05:31,758 What's her address? 101 00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:33,265 117 Von Bergen Street. 102 00:05:34,735 --> 00:05:35,724 Hello? 103 00:05:35,803 --> 00:05:37,168 Hey, Ryan! 104 00:05:39,206 --> 00:05:41,766 This is Michael Jackson 105 00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:43,707 calling from Wonderland. 106 00:05:44,478 --> 00:05:46,446 You mean Neverland? 107 00:05:47,548 --> 00:05:48,981 This is Tito. 108 00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:53,880 What? 109 00:05:55,823 --> 00:05:57,120 Calling from... 110 00:05:58,025 --> 00:06:01,188 Your major and minor lines cross at a ridge. 111 00:06:02,162 --> 00:06:03,288 That sucks. 112 00:06:03,497 --> 00:06:05,556 You're making this up as you go along, aren't you? 113 00:06:05,633 --> 00:06:07,396 I am just following the website. 114 00:06:07,468 --> 00:06:09,902 Well, at least I don't have cavities. 115 00:06:10,137 --> 00:06:12,230 Yes, you have very nice teeth. 116 00:06:12,306 --> 00:06:13,364 Thanks. 117 00:06:14,308 --> 00:06:15,798 Who's your emergency contact? 118 00:06:17,011 --> 00:06:18,137 Stacey. 119 00:06:22,950 --> 00:06:24,042 Pick up! 120 00:06:26,754 --> 00:06:27,846 Hello? 121 00:06:29,023 --> 00:06:30,923 This is Mike Tyson. 122 00:06:34,194 --> 00:06:35,354 Hey, Dwight? 123 00:06:36,363 --> 00:06:39,594 As sempai, do you ever think that there's gonna be a day 124 00:06:39,667 --> 00:06:43,000 where humans and robots can peacefully coexist? 125 00:06:43,837 --> 00:06:46,601 Impossible. The way they're programmed... 126 00:06:49,343 --> 00:06:50,708 You're mocking me. No, I'm not. 127 00:06:50,778 --> 00:06:53,508 Well, let me offer you a little piece of advice. 128 00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:56,944 I am not afraid to make an example out of you. 129 00:06:57,017 --> 00:06:58,780 Well, that's not advice. 130 00:06:58,852 --> 00:07:00,843 What advice sounds like is this: 131 00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:04,653 Don't ever bring your purple belt to work 132 00:07:04,792 --> 00:07:06,919 because someone might steal it. 133 00:07:06,994 --> 00:07:08,018 Okay, give that back to me. 134 00:07:08,095 --> 00:07:09,221 Okay. Say "please. " 135 00:07:09,296 --> 00:07:10,923 No. That is not a toy. 136 00:07:10,998 --> 00:07:12,158 Please? Please! 137 00:07:12,232 --> 00:07:14,462 Good. And it absolutely is a toy. 138 00:07:14,535 --> 00:07:15,559 Arigato. 139 00:07:15,636 --> 00:07:17,228 Arigato. This is not a toy. 140 00:07:17,471 --> 00:07:20,838 This is a message for the entire office. 141 00:07:20,974 --> 00:07:24,910 So that everyone can see that I am capable of physically dominating them. 142 00:07:27,481 --> 00:07:30,609 And this is more of a ying-yang thing. 143 00:07:30,684 --> 00:07:33,676 The "Michael" is all cursives, "Scott" all caps. 144 00:07:33,854 --> 00:07:37,620 Left brain, right brain, or duality of man. 145 00:07:38,859 --> 00:07:40,850 Could you practice on the forms? 146 00:07:45,132 --> 00:07:46,429 No women or children, unless provoked. 147 00:07:46,500 --> 00:07:47,524 Okay. 148 00:07:47,601 --> 00:07:48,727 Roy. 149 00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:50,167 Warehouse guy, doesn't count. 150 00:07:50,237 --> 00:07:51,226 Okay. 151 00:07:51,305 --> 00:07:53,398 Michael. Could you beat up Michael? 152 00:07:53,474 --> 00:07:54,805 Yeah, I don't think that would happen. 153 00:07:54,875 --> 00:07:55,899 Because we're friends. 154 00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:58,035 Because I would kick his ass. 155 00:07:58,112 --> 00:08:00,273 Well, Dwight's a purple belt, so... 156 00:08:00,347 --> 00:08:01,405 So? 157 00:08:01,849 --> 00:08:03,714 I've beat up black belts. Yeah. 158 00:08:03,784 --> 00:08:05,809 And how did you know they were black belts? 159 00:08:05,886 --> 00:08:07,353 They told me after. 160 00:08:08,322 --> 00:08:11,917 See, I used to run with a very tough crowd, street fighter types. 161 00:08:12,493 --> 00:08:16,589 Real, real bad people. I'm just lucky I got out. 162 00:08:17,631 --> 00:08:19,360 Is your wife still your contact? 163 00:08:19,633 --> 00:08:21,533 Ex-wife. Yeah. 164 00:08:22,469 --> 00:08:24,266 Her last name's Becker now. 165 00:08:26,106 --> 00:08:27,164 Okay. 166 00:08:27,307 --> 00:08:29,366 You don't need to write "Ex. " 167 00:08:29,910 --> 00:08:34,108 And after that, nobody ever messed with the Damn Rascals ever again. 168 00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:36,046 Sounds tough. 169 00:08:36,150 --> 00:08:38,584 When you're a Jet, you're a Jet all the way, right? 170 00:08:38,652 --> 00:08:39,710 You're a jet? 171 00:08:39,787 --> 00:08:41,152 Have you signed the expense reports yet? 172 00:08:41,221 --> 00:08:42,813 Yes, in theory I have. 173 00:08:42,890 --> 00:08:45,518 I just need to cross some t's and dot some i's. 174 00:08:46,994 --> 00:08:48,359 All right. 175 00:08:48,662 --> 00:08:52,826 I am going to be in my office, if anybody needs me. 176 00:08:54,635 --> 00:08:56,000 Michael! Oh, wow! 177 00:08:56,170 --> 00:08:58,434 Sleeper hold! Bedtime for Bonzo. 178 00:09:01,742 --> 00:09:03,369 You are the weakest link! 179 00:09:04,578 --> 00:09:07,069 I'm friends with everybody in this office. 180 00:09:07,147 --> 00:09:10,014 We're all best friends. I love everybody here. 181 00:09:10,284 --> 00:09:15,244 But sometimes your best friends start coming into work late, 182 00:09:15,556 --> 00:09:18,753 and start having dentist appointments that aren't dentist appointments, 183 00:09:18,826 --> 00:09:22,990 and that is when it's nice to let them know that you could beat them up. 184 00:09:23,130 --> 00:09:24,893 Just hit me, you'll see. 185 00:09:24,965 --> 00:09:27,433 I can't, 'cause I just got a manicure, so... 186 00:09:27,501 --> 00:09:29,492 Oh, queer! Eye... 187 00:09:29,570 --> 00:09:32,505 Queer Eye, that's a good show. Important show. 188 00:09:32,639 --> 00:09:34,004 Go ahead. Do it. 189 00:09:34,107 --> 00:09:36,337 Just have Dwight punch you. Oh, yeah. 190 00:09:36,443 --> 00:09:38,434 Well, that would be kind of worthless because I know 191 00:09:38,512 --> 00:09:40,503 a ton of 14-year-old girls who could kick his ass. 192 00:09:40,581 --> 00:09:42,378 You know a ton of 14-year-old girls? 193 00:09:42,449 --> 00:09:43,746 What belt are they? 194 00:09:43,817 --> 00:09:45,808 Look, Dwight is a wuss. 195 00:09:46,053 --> 00:09:47,520 When we rented Armageddon... No. 196 00:09:47,588 --> 00:09:48,953 ...he cried at the end of it. He did. 197 00:09:49,022 --> 00:09:51,149 Michael, I told you. That was because it was New Year's Eve 198 00:09:51,225 --> 00:09:53,625 and it started to snow at exactly midnight. 199 00:09:53,694 --> 00:09:56,356 "Bruce Willis, they're gonna leave him on the asteroid. " 200 00:09:56,430 --> 00:09:57,624 Okay, I'll punch you. 201 00:09:57,698 --> 00:09:58,858 Oh, okay, here we go. 202 00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:00,399 All right, come on. 203 00:10:06,373 --> 00:10:09,968 Did I want to harm Michael? The one man I've been hired to protect? 204 00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:11,407 No, I did not. 205 00:10:11,645 --> 00:10:12,976 Are you okay? Yes. 206 00:10:13,413 --> 00:10:15,711 Are you sure you're all right? Yep, yep. 207 00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:18,114 Thank you. 208 00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:24,981 I come from a long line of fighters. 209 00:10:25,058 --> 00:10:28,357 My maternal grandfather was the toughest guy I ever knew. 210 00:10:28,428 --> 00:10:31,295 World War II veteran, killed 20 men, 211 00:10:31,365 --> 00:10:34,493 then spent the rest of the war in an Allied prison camp. 212 00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:39,761 My father battled blood pressure and obesity all his life. 213 00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:42,502 Different kind of fight. 214 00:10:43,844 --> 00:10:45,641 Okay, he has to be stopped. 215 00:10:45,913 --> 00:10:48,643 Please, please, please, please, just ask Michael. 216 00:10:50,684 --> 00:10:51,912 I don't know. 217 00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:57,256 Okay, I'll buy you a bag of chips. 218 00:10:57,324 --> 00:10:58,586 French onion? 219 00:10:59,126 --> 00:11:00,753 Obviously. Why are you spinning around? 220 00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:02,158 Okay. Yes. 221 00:11:03,030 --> 00:11:04,930 Take this pen, okay, 222 00:11:05,365 --> 00:11:06,855 stab me with it. 223 00:11:07,267 --> 00:11:08,291 Go away. 224 00:11:08,368 --> 00:11:09,665 I just have a quick question. 225 00:11:09,736 --> 00:11:11,636 I haven't signed them, okay? 226 00:11:12,239 --> 00:11:13,672 No, it's not that. 227 00:11:14,508 --> 00:11:17,807 I was just wondering, since I'm probably gonna have to stay late, 228 00:11:17,878 --> 00:11:21,814 could you ask Dwight to stay late, too, so he can walk me to my car? 229 00:11:24,251 --> 00:11:25,684 Come in. 230 00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:30,118 Pam, I hate to break this to you, 231 00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:32,488 but Dwight can't stop you from being mugged. 232 00:11:32,559 --> 00:11:34,254 He's just not tough enough. 233 00:11:34,328 --> 00:11:35,795 He's a purple belt, that's really high. 234 00:11:35,862 --> 00:11:37,523 Oh, God, I could beat up Dwight. 235 00:11:37,598 --> 00:11:39,225 That's ridiculous. I can murder him. 236 00:11:39,299 --> 00:11:40,891 It's just that out there you... 237 00:11:40,968 --> 00:11:42,196 Oh, is that what they're saying? 238 00:11:42,269 --> 00:11:43,293 Yeah, kind of. 239 00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:45,201 Okay, all right. 240 00:11:46,306 --> 00:11:47,705 Where's Dwight? Kitchen. 241 00:11:47,774 --> 00:11:48,866 Okay. 242 00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:54,540 All right. Here we go. 243 00:11:55,716 --> 00:11:57,616 Good. Wow, that's actually pretty cool, Dwight. 244 00:11:57,684 --> 00:11:59,379 Excellent. Now, watch. Let me take you from behind. 245 00:11:59,453 --> 00:12:00,579 What? Watch out, Kelly, 246 00:12:00,654 --> 00:12:02,053 he might sucker punch you. 247 00:12:02,122 --> 00:12:03,384 I didn't sucker punch you, Michael. 248 00:12:03,457 --> 00:12:04,481 No, really? 249 00:12:04,558 --> 00:12:06,719 In case you'd remember, I was defending my honor. 250 00:12:06,793 --> 00:12:07,987 Oh, is that it? Like a samurai. 251 00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:10,154 Yeah. Really? Well, the offer, Dwight, 252 00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:13,063 was for one punch, which I absorbed. 253 00:12:13,133 --> 00:12:15,567 I had no idea that there would be a second punch. 254 00:12:15,636 --> 00:12:17,467 So, catch-22. 255 00:12:17,537 --> 00:12:18,561 Okay, fine. 256 00:12:19,539 --> 00:12:22,599 Tit for tit. Give it your best shot. Two punches. Go! 257 00:12:22,943 --> 00:12:26,435 Look, if we were in a bar right now, there would be two punches. 258 00:12:26,513 --> 00:12:28,105 Me punching you and you hitting the floor. 259 00:12:28,181 --> 00:12:29,705 No, I'd block your first punch... Yeah? 260 00:12:29,783 --> 00:12:30,807 ...rendering you ineffective. Oh, really? 261 00:12:30,884 --> 00:12:31,873 Yeah. You know what, 262 00:12:31,952 --> 00:12:33,544 you're just lucky that we're at work right now. 263 00:12:33,620 --> 00:12:35,315 What about, uh, Dwight's dojo? 264 00:12:35,389 --> 00:12:36,913 No, they just have classes. 265 00:12:36,990 --> 00:12:38,821 No, it's free during the day. It's fine. Look... 266 00:12:38,892 --> 00:12:40,120 I got the key. 267 00:12:40,193 --> 00:12:41,490 Hey, Michael. Hey, Toby. 268 00:12:41,561 --> 00:12:43,051 Any word on those time cards? I have an idea. 269 00:12:43,130 --> 00:12:44,722 Why don't you leave right now? 270 00:12:44,798 --> 00:12:47,323 Why don't you walk away from the room, okay? 271 00:12:48,502 --> 00:12:50,800 Fine. We'll go at lunch. 272 00:12:52,072 --> 00:12:54,802 Pam, make an announcement. 273 00:12:55,709 --> 00:12:57,199 Figure out car pools. 274 00:13:00,247 --> 00:13:02,841 Well, we're all getting excited to see this fight. 275 00:13:02,916 --> 00:13:06,545 The Albany branch is working right through lunch to prevent downsizing, 276 00:13:06,620 --> 00:13:10,215 but Michael, he decided to extend our lunch by an hour 277 00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:13,987 so that we could all go down to the dojo and watch him fight Dwight. 278 00:13:14,695 --> 00:13:18,482 Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! 279 00:13:18,565 --> 00:13:19,964 I'm coming. Fight! 280 00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:25,335 Sorry. 281 00:13:32,845 --> 00:13:34,369 I recognize that. 282 00:13:34,916 --> 00:13:37,111 That is Japanese for California Roll. 283 00:13:37,385 --> 00:13:38,409 No, it's not. 284 00:13:38,486 --> 00:13:39,748 I think it is, a guy told me about that. 285 00:13:39,821 --> 00:13:41,516 Actually it's a symbol for eternal discipline. 286 00:13:41,589 --> 00:13:42,613 Oh. 287 00:13:42,957 --> 00:13:44,390 Wow. That is really interesting. 288 00:13:44,459 --> 00:13:45,721 What? 289 00:13:45,793 --> 00:13:48,284 Your love line... I'm just kidding. I can't see anything. 290 00:13:48,363 --> 00:13:49,591 Look closer. 291 00:13:50,632 --> 00:13:52,259 Oh, okay. One point for me. 292 00:13:52,333 --> 00:13:53,527 Tied up. Oh, you're dead. 293 00:13:53,601 --> 00:13:55,967 What? What are you gonna do? Bring it, Beesley, bring it. 294 00:13:57,105 --> 00:13:58,470 Oh, yeah. Good move. 295 00:13:58,540 --> 00:14:00,235 Not such an ultimate fighter now, huh? 296 00:14:00,308 --> 00:14:02,902 Hey, put me down. Put me down! 297 00:14:03,044 --> 00:14:05,604 Oh, my God! Hey, put me down! Hey! 298 00:14:10,919 --> 00:14:12,716 Okay, gentlemen, listen up. 299 00:14:13,221 --> 00:14:16,622 After a clean strike to the chest, stomach or kidneys, 300 00:14:16,758 --> 00:14:18,749 I will separate you and award a point. 301 00:14:18,826 --> 00:14:21,021 The first person to three wins, all right? Yes, Sensei. 302 00:14:21,095 --> 00:14:22,255 Lot of rules, lot of rules. 303 00:14:22,330 --> 00:14:24,855 On the street, we didn't have any rules. Maybe one. 304 00:14:24,933 --> 00:14:27,231 No kicks to the groin, home for dinner. 305 00:14:29,170 --> 00:14:30,933 Hey, what the hell was that? 306 00:14:31,005 --> 00:14:32,029 Yes! 307 00:14:32,106 --> 00:14:33,368 Dwight, one point. No way! Okay! 308 00:14:33,441 --> 00:14:34,430 Eat it! 309 00:14:34,509 --> 00:14:35,771 All right, that's the way you wanna do it? 310 00:14:35,843 --> 00:14:38,471 You wanna play dirty, huh? Okay, game on, man! 311 00:14:38,546 --> 00:14:39,672 Sweep the leg. 312 00:14:39,747 --> 00:14:41,078 Yeah, I'm coming at you, man! 313 00:14:47,355 --> 00:14:49,823 Okay, purple belt, okay. 314 00:14:49,891 --> 00:14:51,222 I got it. No. 315 00:14:51,292 --> 00:14:53,385 I got his pants. That was my pants. 316 00:14:53,461 --> 00:14:55,122 No points for pants. 317 00:14:55,697 --> 00:14:59,428 Dwight, you have... No, look. No, you have something, you have some... 318 00:14:59,867 --> 00:15:01,926 God, you look like such an idiot! 319 00:15:10,878 --> 00:15:12,778 Clean technique, gentlemen. Come on, do that again! 320 00:15:12,847 --> 00:15:14,576 Do that again, I dare you. 321 00:15:16,351 --> 00:15:18,615 Okay, break. Break! No holding! Break. 322 00:15:18,820 --> 00:15:21,516 Oh, you can't see! You can't see! 323 00:15:21,856 --> 00:15:24,256 One point, two points, three points! 324 00:15:24,492 --> 00:15:25,959 Break! How many points was that? 325 00:15:26,027 --> 00:15:27,790 I win! I win! 326 00:15:29,364 --> 00:15:31,924 No, you didn't! No, you... 327 00:15:32,300 --> 00:15:34,632 Eight points, nine points. 328 00:15:35,903 --> 00:15:37,200 Stop it! No! 329 00:15:37,538 --> 00:15:39,130 Come on, Michael! 330 00:15:39,207 --> 00:15:41,175 Open your mouth! No, Michael! 331 00:15:56,958 --> 00:15:58,357 You talking to me? 332 00:15:58,860 --> 00:16:00,259 You talking to me? 333 00:16:01,162 --> 00:16:03,221 Raging Bull. Pacino. 334 00:16:03,331 --> 00:16:05,959 Oh, I want that footage, I want it. I need it. 335 00:16:06,401 --> 00:16:09,529 Oh, I have to get back to work. I have lots of work to... 336 00:16:09,671 --> 00:16:11,400 Check this out. Come here. 337 00:16:11,706 --> 00:16:12,866 There he is. 338 00:16:12,974 --> 00:16:16,842 Mr. Temp having lunch by the car. 339 00:16:17,278 --> 00:16:20,805 Let us play with him. This is going to be hilarious. 340 00:16:28,156 --> 00:16:30,556 Oh, we're playing phone tag. 341 00:16:31,359 --> 00:16:33,190 Seven new messages. 342 00:16:33,294 --> 00:16:34,818 First new message.; 343 00:16:34,896 --> 00:16:37,956 Hi, Ryan. This is Saddam Hussein. 344 00:16:38,599 --> 00:16:39,623 Next message.; 345 00:16:39,701 --> 00:16:41,999 Hey, Ryan, this is your girlfriend 346 00:16:42,336 --> 00:16:44,236 and I'm mad. 347 00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:09,396 My emergency contact is Todd Packer. 348 00:17:09,764 --> 00:17:11,994 Todd F. Packer. 349 00:17:12,767 --> 00:17:14,598 Know what the "F" stands for? Fudge? 350 00:17:15,770 --> 00:17:18,034 Yeah. Come in. 351 00:17:18,372 --> 00:17:20,033 Oh, hey, Karate Kid. 352 00:17:20,341 --> 00:17:22,002 The Hilary Swank version. 353 00:17:22,076 --> 00:17:23,703 Hi. How are you? 354 00:17:24,278 --> 00:17:26,746 I need to change my emergency contact information 355 00:17:26,814 --> 00:17:28,475 from Michael Scott. 356 00:17:28,683 --> 00:17:29,672 Okay, to what? 357 00:17:29,751 --> 00:17:30,877 Just put 358 00:17:32,253 --> 00:17:33,811 "The Hospital. " 359 00:17:34,155 --> 00:17:36,988 Contact number, just put 911. 360 00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:40,689 He is such a sore loser. 361 00:17:40,795 --> 00:17:44,697 You heard, obviously, that I mopped the floor with him this afternoon. 362 00:17:46,667 --> 00:17:47,793 You know what, 363 00:17:47,869 --> 00:17:50,463 do yourself a favor. Just leave me as his contact 364 00:17:50,538 --> 00:17:52,403 and I will call the hospital. 365 00:17:52,473 --> 00:17:54,065 Cut out the middleman. 366 00:18:03,985 --> 00:18:05,782 Later, Jim. Later, Kev. 367 00:18:12,693 --> 00:18:14,092 Have a good weekend. 368 00:18:14,162 --> 00:18:15,390 Yeah, you, too. 369 00:18:27,508 --> 00:18:28,566 Yeah? 370 00:18:28,643 --> 00:18:30,270 I have the emergency contacts. 371 00:18:30,344 --> 00:18:32,869 Just lay them on a chair. I'll take it from here. 372 00:18:32,947 --> 00:18:35,575 So, what you up to this weekend? 373 00:18:37,318 --> 00:18:38,683 Hanging out with some friends, probably. 374 00:18:38,753 --> 00:18:40,914 Well, if you do anything crazy, give me a shout. 375 00:18:40,988 --> 00:18:42,922 Yeah. All right, I will see you Monday. 376 00:18:42,990 --> 00:18:44,014 All right. 377 00:18:44,959 --> 00:18:46,153 Bye. 378 00:18:54,001 --> 00:18:55,025 Dwight? 379 00:18:55,102 --> 00:18:57,127 Michael, did you finish yet? This close. 380 00:18:57,205 --> 00:18:58,433 Dwight, may I speak with you for a minute? 381 00:18:58,506 --> 00:18:59,530 I'm busy. 382 00:18:59,607 --> 00:19:01,837 Well, busier, but I'm making the time. 383 00:19:01,909 --> 00:19:04,139 Michael, can't your conversation wait till Monday? 384 00:19:04,212 --> 00:19:05,304 We wanna go home. 385 00:19:05,379 --> 00:19:07,711 Well, you don't even have anybody to go home to, Toby, so... 386 00:19:07,782 --> 00:19:09,374 The shipping place closes in a half hour. 387 00:19:09,450 --> 00:19:10,474 I know, 388 00:19:10,551 --> 00:19:14,146 but I have been carrying the load on my back all day. 389 00:19:14,222 --> 00:19:17,589 And if everyone would just chip in a little bit, 390 00:19:18,059 --> 00:19:19,720 it might help me out. 391 00:19:19,927 --> 00:19:22,794 What do you say? Let's gang-bang this thing and go home. 392 00:19:22,864 --> 00:19:24,456 Good? Dwight. 393 00:19:31,606 --> 00:19:34,074 This is illegal. I don't care. 394 00:19:37,545 --> 00:19:40,844 I have been testing you the entire day. Did you know that? 395 00:19:43,417 --> 00:19:44,611 Of course. 396 00:19:44,919 --> 00:19:47,114 And I'm happy to say that you passed. 397 00:19:48,055 --> 00:19:50,615 So, effective immediately, I am promoting you 398 00:19:50,925 --> 00:19:54,884 from Assistant to the Regional Manager, to Assistant Regional Manager. 399 00:19:58,332 --> 00:20:00,232 Michael, I don't know... 400 00:20:00,301 --> 00:20:01,325 I know, 401 00:20:01,402 --> 00:20:03,131 I know, I know, I know. 402 00:20:03,204 --> 00:20:05,764 I wouldn't be offering it if I didn't think you could handle it. 403 00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:07,068 I can handle it. I can. 404 00:20:07,141 --> 00:20:08,301 I know. Okay. 405 00:20:11,679 --> 00:20:14,705 So, I guess, this will just be my office. 406 00:20:14,782 --> 00:20:17,683 No, no, title change only. 407 00:20:17,852 --> 00:20:19,911 I'll have Pam send out a memo. No, no. 408 00:20:19,987 --> 00:20:21,454 Three month probationary period. 409 00:20:21,522 --> 00:20:24,355 Let's just not tell anybody about this right now. 410 00:20:24,425 --> 00:20:27,417 Just a formality. Absolutely. But not really. 411 00:20:27,862 --> 00:20:29,227 Michael, 412 00:20:32,867 --> 00:20:36,428 I have so much to learn from you. 413 00:20:36,871 --> 00:20:38,133 Yes, you do. 414 00:20:41,943 --> 00:20:43,570 Thank you, 415 00:20:44,979 --> 00:20:46,139 Sensei. 416 00:20:49,583 --> 00:20:51,414 And, ditto. 417 00:20:52,720 --> 00:20:55,917 I told Dwight that there is honor in losing, 418 00:20:55,990 --> 00:20:58,720 which, as we all know, is completely ridiculous. 419 00:20:59,026 --> 00:21:02,393 But there is, however, honor in making a loser feel better, 420 00:21:02,530 --> 00:21:04,691 which is what I just did for Dwight. 421 00:21:05,333 --> 00:21:08,029 Would I rather be feared or loved? 422 00:21:09,070 --> 00:21:10,435 Easy. Both. 423 00:21:10,938 --> 00:21:13,839 I want people to be afraid of how much they love me, 424 00:21:14,375 --> 00:21:17,242 and I think I proved that today at the dojo. 425 00:21:17,378 --> 00:21:19,073 Typewriter torture! Sensei! 426 00:21:19,146 --> 00:21:20,738 Typewriter torture! Stop! 427 00:21:20,815 --> 00:21:22,146 Typewriter!