1 00:00:12,896 --> 00:00:14,363 You should get one of these. 2 00:00:14,431 --> 00:00:15,864 No, thank you. 3 00:00:16,133 --> 00:00:18,192 Do you even know what this is? 4 00:00:18,269 --> 00:00:22,000 It is a fitness orb and it has completely changed my life. 5 00:00:23,841 --> 00:00:27,208 Forget everything you thought you knew about ab workouts. 6 00:00:27,278 --> 00:00:28,267 Done. 7 00:00:28,345 --> 00:00:32,475 This ab workout is specifically designed to strengthen your core. 8 00:00:33,450 --> 00:00:35,145 Sorry. It's all right. 9 00:00:35,986 --> 00:00:37,886 Numerous health benefits, 10 00:00:40,724 --> 00:00:42,214 strengthens your back, 11 00:00:42,293 --> 00:00:44,352 better performance in sports, 12 00:00:45,029 --> 00:00:46,792 more enjoyable sex. 13 00:00:46,964 --> 00:00:48,864 You're not having sex. 14 00:00:51,535 --> 00:00:54,003 Plus, improves your reflexes. 15 00:00:54,838 --> 00:00:56,066 See, I would have caught that. 16 00:00:56,140 --> 00:00:58,700 Okay, you know what, how much is that? 17 00:00:58,776 --> 00:01:00,175 It's only 25 bucks. 18 00:01:00,244 --> 00:01:01,336 Wow. 19 00:01:02,379 --> 00:01:03,505 Okay. 20 00:01:45,107 --> 00:01:47,439 Pam, can I see you in my office? 21 00:01:48,677 --> 00:01:51,510 It's performance review day, company-wide. 22 00:01:51,813 --> 00:01:54,680 Last year, my performance review started 23 00:01:54,750 --> 00:01:58,242 with Michael asking me what my hopes and dreams were 24 00:01:58,320 --> 00:02:02,689 and it ended with him telling me he could bench press 190 pounds. 25 00:02:03,659 --> 00:02:05,991 So, I don't really know what to expect. 26 00:02:06,662 --> 00:02:08,129 Pam, you're trustworthy. Thank you. 27 00:02:08,196 --> 00:02:09,493 And a woman. Oh, no. 28 00:02:09,564 --> 00:02:13,193 And I want you to listen to a voicemail from my boss. 29 00:02:14,536 --> 00:02:17,232 Michael, it's Jan. I guess I missed you. 30 00:02:17,306 --> 00:02:20,742 I'll be there this afternoon for performance reviews. 31 00:02:20,909 --> 00:02:24,606 I hope it's understood that that will be our only topic of discussion. 32 00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:25,806 See you soon. 33 00:02:25,881 --> 00:02:27,576 First impressions? 34 00:02:29,351 --> 00:02:31,046 Just off the top, 35 00:02:31,586 --> 00:02:33,781 I think she'll be here this afternoon. 36 00:02:33,855 --> 00:02:35,288 My boss is coming in today. 37 00:02:35,357 --> 00:02:37,052 The lovely Jan Levinson-Gould. 38 00:02:37,125 --> 00:02:39,889 Well, no Gould, the Gould has been... 39 00:02:39,995 --> 00:02:41,223 Divorce. 40 00:02:42,331 --> 00:02:47,030 The awkward part is that this is the first time we'll be seeing each other since... 41 00:02:48,203 --> 00:02:49,431 Well... 42 00:02:50,172 --> 00:02:51,503 It was really nothing. 43 00:02:51,573 --> 00:02:54,235 We just sort of got caught up in the moment. 44 00:02:54,309 --> 00:02:56,243 The vulnerable divorcee 45 00:02:56,778 --> 00:03:01,272 gives herself to the "understanding with rugged good looks" office manager. 46 00:03:01,350 --> 00:03:05,377 Just, she didn't want it to continue for some reason. 47 00:03:06,655 --> 00:03:08,418 We both didn't. I didn't want it. 48 00:03:08,490 --> 00:03:12,221 We both didn't want it to continue. It was not professional. 49 00:03:13,795 --> 00:03:16,628 When people say something's mutual, it never is. 50 00:03:16,698 --> 00:03:18,529 But this was mutual. 51 00:03:19,735 --> 00:03:21,362 I guess I missed you. 52 00:03:21,436 --> 00:03:23,666 "I guess I missed you. " 53 00:03:24,373 --> 00:03:26,034 So she misses me? 54 00:03:26,341 --> 00:03:27,899 She missed you. 55 00:03:29,044 --> 00:03:33,777 But then she goes on to say, "That will be our only topic of discussion. " 56 00:03:33,849 --> 00:03:36,215 That doesn't mean anything. Those are just words. 57 00:03:36,284 --> 00:03:37,683 I have one idea of what it means. 58 00:03:37,753 --> 00:03:39,084 Okay, yeah. What? What? 59 00:03:39,154 --> 00:03:41,452 Well, I don't think you're gonna be very happy with this. 60 00:03:41,523 --> 00:03:43,150 Oh, great. 61 00:03:44,126 --> 00:03:47,061 All right, well, now I'm in a terrible mood. 62 00:03:47,829 --> 00:03:49,729 Let's do your performance review. 63 00:03:49,798 --> 00:03:51,789 Because she's conflicted. 64 00:03:52,034 --> 00:03:56,027 She has to be professional, but she's fighting feelings for you. 65 00:03:57,806 --> 00:04:00,206 Why... That's great news. That... 66 00:04:00,609 --> 00:04:02,668 Why would I not like that? 67 00:04:03,211 --> 00:04:06,703 Just 'cause that you work together and it might be awkward. 68 00:04:06,782 --> 00:04:08,181 Wow, wow. 69 00:04:08,650 --> 00:04:10,675 All right, let's listen to that again. 70 00:04:11,119 --> 00:04:13,519 Michael, it's Jan. I guess I missed you. 71 00:04:14,423 --> 00:04:15,788 Oh, hey. 72 00:04:16,491 --> 00:04:17,924 Listen, Jim, 73 00:04:18,260 --> 00:04:20,194 here's a little tip for your performance review. 74 00:04:20,262 --> 00:04:22,389 Okay. Tell Michael that 75 00:04:22,597 --> 00:04:26,556 we should be stocking more of the double-tabbed manila file folders. 76 00:04:26,635 --> 00:04:28,159 We don't have double-tabbed manila file folders. 77 00:04:28,236 --> 00:04:29,294 Oh, yes, we do. No, we don't. 78 00:04:29,371 --> 00:04:31,896 Yeah, it's a new product. So, you should just suggest that to him 79 00:04:31,973 --> 00:04:33,804 and then he'll be sure to give you a raise. 80 00:04:33,875 --> 00:04:35,206 All right. 81 00:04:36,078 --> 00:04:37,409 Well, I'm not asking for a raise. 82 00:04:37,479 --> 00:04:40,414 I'm gonna actually be asking for a pay decrease. 83 00:04:40,482 --> 00:04:43,918 That is so stupid. What if he gives it to you? 84 00:04:45,153 --> 00:04:46,279 Then I win. 85 00:04:46,354 --> 00:04:49,551 You know what? I am going to zone you out for the rest of today. 86 00:04:49,624 --> 00:04:51,421 Okay. I need to stay focused. 87 00:04:51,493 --> 00:04:53,586 And I don't have to see you tomorrow or Sunday, 88 00:04:53,662 --> 00:04:57,428 and please don't call me, and we'll see how things go Monday. 89 00:04:58,700 --> 00:04:59,928 Stupid. 90 00:05:01,203 --> 00:05:02,568 Wait, wait, one thing. 91 00:05:03,572 --> 00:05:06,200 By tomorrow, you mean Saturday, right? 92 00:05:06,374 --> 00:05:08,274 Duh! Duh. 93 00:05:08,643 --> 00:05:12,079 Today is Thursday, but Dwight thinks that it's Friday. 94 00:05:12,581 --> 00:05:15,812 And that's what I'll be working on this afternoon. 95 00:05:16,151 --> 00:05:19,643 Sometimes women say more in their pauses than they say in their words. 96 00:05:19,721 --> 00:05:21,586 Really? Oh, yes. 97 00:05:21,656 --> 00:05:26,093 Let's listen to it again, and this time, really listen to the pauses. 98 00:05:26,261 --> 00:05:29,321 God, Stanley. That's freaking brilliant. How do you know that? 99 00:05:29,397 --> 00:05:31,297 Did you learn that on the streets? 100 00:05:31,366 --> 00:05:35,166 I'm sorry. Oh, it's okay. I did learn it on the streets. 101 00:05:35,237 --> 00:05:37,137 On the ghetto, in fact. 102 00:05:37,539 --> 00:05:38,938 No kidding. 103 00:05:39,641 --> 00:05:41,609 It's all about my bonus. 104 00:05:43,645 --> 00:05:45,237 Michael and Jan definitely made out. 105 00:05:45,313 --> 00:05:47,213 Oh! Maybe more. 106 00:05:48,016 --> 00:05:51,110 Oh, also it is Thursday, but Dwight thinks it's Friday. 107 00:05:51,186 --> 00:05:52,676 So, keep that going. 108 00:05:52,754 --> 00:05:54,085 Oh, yay! 109 00:05:57,959 --> 00:06:00,928 Good work, Stanley. Great performance review! 110 00:06:00,996 --> 00:06:02,657 Stanley in the house, everybody! 111 00:06:03,865 --> 00:06:05,560 Angela, your turn. 112 00:06:05,634 --> 00:06:08,194 I actually look forward to performance reviews. 113 00:06:08,270 --> 00:06:12,604 I did the youth beauty pageant circuit and I enjoyed that quite a bit. 114 00:06:13,175 --> 00:06:15,336 I really enjoy being judged. 115 00:06:16,011 --> 00:06:20,175 I believe I hold up very well to even severe scrutiny. 116 00:06:20,248 --> 00:06:21,545 Michael? Yeah? 117 00:06:21,616 --> 00:06:23,083 Jan's on the phone for you. 118 00:06:24,152 --> 00:06:27,315 Angela, you were totally satisfactory this year. 119 00:06:28,323 --> 00:06:32,453 Interesting. Jan is calling me. Maybe it wasn't so mutual after all. 120 00:06:33,094 --> 00:06:34,220 Yeah? 121 00:06:34,396 --> 00:06:35,761 Michael... Jan! 122 00:06:35,830 --> 00:06:37,991 Hello. To what do I owe this pleasure? 123 00:06:38,333 --> 00:06:41,860 I'm returning your many calls. Well, hello to you, too. 124 00:06:42,437 --> 00:06:44,371 Yeah, I was just... 125 00:06:45,173 --> 00:06:46,765 I just wanted to get some closure 126 00:06:46,841 --> 00:06:50,368 on what transpired between us at the meeting 127 00:06:50,445 --> 00:06:53,243 we had in the parking lot of the Chili's. 128 00:06:55,350 --> 00:06:56,476 No. 129 00:06:56,685 --> 00:06:58,915 No, we won't be discussing that, Michael. 130 00:06:58,987 --> 00:07:01,751 The only things I wanna talk about during your performance review 131 00:07:01,823 --> 00:07:04,883 are your concrete ideas to improve your branch. 132 00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:09,260 Well, surely, this review is a formality 133 00:07:09,331 --> 00:07:14,166 because of what happened at our meeting in the parking lot of the Chili's. 134 00:07:14,236 --> 00:07:17,296 The review is anything but a formality, Michael. 135 00:07:17,372 --> 00:07:19,670 And I expect you to forget anything 136 00:07:19,741 --> 00:07:22,574 that you think may have happened between us 137 00:07:22,644 --> 00:07:25,545 and exhibit completely professional behavior. 138 00:07:25,614 --> 00:07:26,706 Been thinking about you. 139 00:07:26,781 --> 00:07:30,649 Okay, that is an example of completely unprofessional behavior. 140 00:07:30,719 --> 00:07:32,983 I don't see how that's unprofessional. 141 00:07:33,054 --> 00:07:34,316 Michael? Yeah? 142 00:07:34,389 --> 00:07:36,653 Are the cameras in there with you, in your office? 143 00:07:36,725 --> 00:07:38,386 No. They are not. 144 00:07:40,762 --> 00:07:42,229 Yes, they are. 145 00:07:45,133 --> 00:07:46,498 That's my girlfriend. 146 00:07:47,502 --> 00:07:50,335 I heard they made out and had sex. 147 00:07:50,405 --> 00:07:52,805 I heard they just made out. That's it. 148 00:07:54,342 --> 00:07:58,972 Well, I heard they made out and had sex. 149 00:07:59,047 --> 00:08:00,878 Don't talk about it. 150 00:08:01,583 --> 00:08:05,485 Office romances are nobody's business but the people involved. 151 00:08:08,156 --> 00:08:09,487 Romances? 152 00:08:10,759 --> 00:08:14,126 Pam, I have ideas on a daily basis, I know I do. 153 00:08:14,429 --> 00:08:17,762 I have a clear memory of telling people my ideas. 154 00:08:19,267 --> 00:08:22,668 Is there any chance that you wrote any of my ideas down in a folder, 155 00:08:22,737 --> 00:08:24,102 like an idea folder? 156 00:08:24,172 --> 00:08:25,161 Sorry. 157 00:08:25,240 --> 00:08:26,264 That's unfortunate. 158 00:08:28,543 --> 00:08:31,239 How about the suggestion box? There's tons of ideas in there. 159 00:08:31,313 --> 00:08:32,371 What suggestion box? 160 00:08:32,447 --> 00:08:34,472 The suggestion box that I put out. 161 00:08:34,549 --> 00:08:37,109 And people could put in suggestions anonymously. 162 00:08:37,185 --> 00:08:38,618 Maybe there's prizes. 163 00:08:38,687 --> 00:08:42,088 Oh, yeah, I think I remember that from back when I first started. 164 00:08:42,157 --> 00:08:45,126 Why don't you find it and then tell people to get their... 165 00:08:45,193 --> 00:08:46,387 No, never mind. I'll tell them. 166 00:08:46,461 --> 00:08:49,589 Hello? Everybody? Yeah, attention, please. 167 00:08:49,664 --> 00:08:51,859 Jan Levinson's coming very soon 168 00:08:51,933 --> 00:08:55,835 and so we're gonna have our weekly suggestion box meeting. 169 00:08:55,904 --> 00:08:59,635 So you can all get in your constructive compliments ASAP. 170 00:08:59,908 --> 00:09:01,500 Don't you mean constructive criticism? 171 00:09:01,576 --> 00:09:02,600 What did I say? 172 00:09:02,677 --> 00:09:05,043 You said constructive compliments. That doesn't make any sense. 173 00:09:05,113 --> 00:09:07,604 Well, Kelly, that was neither constructive nor a compliment, 174 00:09:07,682 --> 00:09:10,583 so maybe you should stop criticizing my English 175 00:09:10,652 --> 00:09:13,621 and start making some suggestions, okay? 176 00:09:13,955 --> 00:09:17,152 Hey, Dan, this is Jim. It is about 11:15 177 00:09:17,225 --> 00:09:19,455 and I wanted to know what you were up to tomorrow, 178 00:09:19,527 --> 00:09:23,327 which is the 15th, and that is a... 179 00:09:23,398 --> 00:09:25,093 Saturday. Saturday. 180 00:09:25,166 --> 00:09:26,895 So just let me know what you're doing tomorrow, 181 00:09:26,968 --> 00:09:28,299 Saturday, for lunch. 182 00:09:28,370 --> 00:09:30,270 Okay, talk to you soon. 183 00:09:33,308 --> 00:09:35,538 Address this when we meet again. 184 00:09:35,810 --> 00:09:38,335 Okay. Okay, bye-bye. 185 00:09:39,414 --> 00:09:40,779 Would you please tell Michael that I'm here? 186 00:09:40,849 --> 00:09:41,907 Sure. 187 00:09:41,983 --> 00:09:44,543 Hi, Jan. How are you? Hi, Michael. I'm good. How are you? 188 00:09:44,619 --> 00:09:45,608 Good to see you. 189 00:09:45,687 --> 00:09:47,587 Nice to see you. Okay. 190 00:09:48,123 --> 00:09:50,751 Okay, why don't we just step into my office? 191 00:09:51,159 --> 00:09:53,593 We're gonna go in here. Could we please go into your office? 192 00:09:53,661 --> 00:09:55,595 Yeah, right after you. 193 00:09:55,697 --> 00:09:56,686 Apres vous. 194 00:09:56,765 --> 00:09:57,754 No calls. 195 00:10:04,756 --> 00:10:06,917 I'll get that. Oh, thank you. 196 00:10:06,993 --> 00:10:09,461 It's nice to see you. Nice to see you, too, Michael. 197 00:10:09,529 --> 00:10:12,054 Really? Not like that. 198 00:10:12,131 --> 00:10:13,120 Oh, well... 199 00:10:14,100 --> 00:10:17,228 You know, Michael, I think I need to make something clear right off the top. 200 00:10:17,303 --> 00:10:21,103 I'm not going to discuss anything with you other than Dunder Mifflin business. 201 00:10:21,174 --> 00:10:22,801 All right. Period. 202 00:10:22,875 --> 00:10:25,173 Do we understand each other? Absolutely. 203 00:10:25,244 --> 00:10:27,906 I'm a little confused because first it's, like, all kissy-kissy 204 00:10:27,980 --> 00:10:31,074 and then it's, like, all regret because, "Oh, I regret that. 205 00:10:31,150 --> 00:10:33,880 "But, wait, I'm still gonna call you. 206 00:10:33,953 --> 00:10:36,615 "But we're just gonna talk business, 207 00:10:36,689 --> 00:10:39,715 "and I may come down there and fire you if you don't do your job. " 208 00:10:39,792 --> 00:10:42,920 But what were we talking about when we first kissed? 209 00:10:42,995 --> 00:10:44,019 Business. 210 00:10:44,096 --> 00:10:46,724 So, are you still in the middle of the performance reviews then? 211 00:10:46,799 --> 00:10:50,496 No, no, no. I finished all that. I'm very fast. I'm not too fast. 212 00:10:50,570 --> 00:10:53,198 Not like, "Wham, bam, thank you, ma'am. " 213 00:10:53,306 --> 00:10:54,671 But I do say, "Thank you, ma'am. " 214 00:10:54,740 --> 00:10:57,402 But I'm not like, "Wham bam. " 215 00:10:57,710 --> 00:11:01,942 Not that there's anything wrong with "wham bam," if it's consensual. 216 00:11:03,249 --> 00:11:05,649 We're talking about office stuff. 217 00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:09,847 Can I ask you a question? No. 218 00:11:09,922 --> 00:11:13,653 This is a business question. It's nothing personal, I promise. 219 00:11:13,726 --> 00:11:14,886 Fine. 220 00:11:15,595 --> 00:11:18,029 Are you wearing a new perfume today? 221 00:11:19,465 --> 00:11:20,762 How is that a business question? 222 00:11:20,833 --> 00:11:23,700 Well, you're wearing it at the office, and... 223 00:11:23,869 --> 00:11:27,464 It... I'm sorry, no offense, but it's really sexy. 224 00:11:27,540 --> 00:11:29,030 Please don't smell me, Michael. 225 00:11:33,546 --> 00:11:35,514 Hey, Jim. Hey. How's it going? 226 00:11:35,581 --> 00:11:37,515 Oh, my God, did you see The Apprentice last night? 227 00:11:37,583 --> 00:11:40,518 Of course. It's on every Thursday night, so how could I miss it? 228 00:11:40,586 --> 00:11:42,781 Can you believe who Trump fired? No, that was unbelievable. 229 00:11:42,855 --> 00:11:44,686 Who? Who was it? Who did he fire? 230 00:11:44,757 --> 00:11:46,520 You didn't see it? No. 231 00:11:46,592 --> 00:11:49,891 I went out and got drunk with my laser tag team last night. Crap! 232 00:11:50,229 --> 00:11:54,222 Never go out on a Thursday night. What the hell was I thinking? 233 00:11:55,101 --> 00:11:56,295 I don't understand... 234 00:11:57,470 --> 00:11:58,835 Hold on. Sorry. 235 00:11:59,272 --> 00:12:00,398 Yes, Pam. 236 00:12:00,473 --> 00:12:02,873 Michael, it's time for the suggestion box meeting. 237 00:12:02,942 --> 00:12:05,934 I'm kind of in the middle of something. I wish you wouldn't interrupt. 238 00:12:06,012 --> 00:12:07,070 You told me to buzz you 239 00:12:07,146 --> 00:12:09,239 about the suggestion box meeting when Jan was here. 240 00:12:09,315 --> 00:12:11,579 I did not, not, not use those words. 241 00:12:11,651 --> 00:12:14,347 I'd like to sit in on that meeting. Is it happening right now? 242 00:12:14,420 --> 00:12:15,512 No, it's in, like, 10 minutes. 243 00:12:15,588 --> 00:12:17,715 Everyone's waiting in the conference room. 244 00:12:17,790 --> 00:12:19,451 Great. Very good. 245 00:12:24,830 --> 00:12:28,732 Why are we here? Because I value your opinions. 246 00:12:28,834 --> 00:12:32,497 Now, I know a lot of you don't think that I read your suggestions, but I do. 247 00:12:32,571 --> 00:12:34,903 I just sift through them every week 248 00:12:34,974 --> 00:12:39,468 and I really look and scrutinize to see what you guys are writing. 249 00:12:39,845 --> 00:12:43,713 So, let's just read some of these suckers, okay? 250 00:12:43,783 --> 00:12:45,580 All right. Number one. 251 00:12:45,651 --> 00:12:49,913 "What should we do to prepare for Y2K?" 252 00:12:49,989 --> 00:12:51,320 I thought you read these every week? 253 00:12:51,390 --> 00:12:53,790 Well, obviously, this one got stuck in the box. 254 00:12:53,859 --> 00:12:55,724 That happens occasionally. 255 00:12:55,795 --> 00:12:58,355 It happens occasionally. And, so... 256 00:12:58,798 --> 00:13:01,062 One down! Next suggestion. 257 00:13:02,234 --> 00:13:06,034 "We need better outreach for employees fighting depression. " 258 00:13:06,105 --> 00:13:08,767 Okay. All right, enough with the jokes. 259 00:13:08,841 --> 00:13:10,866 Nobody in here is suffering from depression. 260 00:13:10,943 --> 00:13:12,843 That sounds serious, Michael. 261 00:13:12,912 --> 00:13:15,244 Oh, okay. Well, yeah? Who wrote it? 262 00:13:15,314 --> 00:13:16,474 Tom? Tom. 263 00:13:16,549 --> 00:13:18,983 Then, it is a joke because there's nobody in here named Tom. 264 00:13:19,051 --> 00:13:22,543 Tom? He worked in accounting up until about a year ago. 265 00:13:24,490 --> 00:13:25,582 Tom. 266 00:13:28,227 --> 00:13:30,627 Oh, that guy? That guy was weird. 267 00:13:30,696 --> 00:13:33,426 All right, next suggestion. Next suggestion. 268 00:13:35,634 --> 00:13:39,864 "You need to do something about your B.O." 269 00:13:39,939 --> 00:13:43,636 Okay. Now, I don't know who this suggestion is meant for, 270 00:13:43,709 --> 00:13:45,973 but it's more of a personal suggestion. 271 00:13:46,045 --> 00:13:47,774 And it's not an office suggestion. 272 00:13:47,847 --> 00:13:50,577 Far be it from me to use this as a platform to embarrass anybody. 273 00:13:50,649 --> 00:13:53,914 Aren't the suggestions meant for you? 274 00:13:54,353 --> 00:13:57,117 Well, Toby, if by me 275 00:13:57,189 --> 00:14:00,386 you are inferring that I have B.O., 276 00:14:00,693 --> 00:14:04,322 then I would say that that is a very poor choice of words. 277 00:14:04,697 --> 00:14:08,064 Michael, he wasn't inferring, he was implying. You were inferring. 278 00:14:08,134 --> 00:14:09,601 Was I, Creed? 279 00:14:09,668 --> 00:14:13,069 Okay, well, you know what I am implying 280 00:14:13,139 --> 00:14:17,473 is that when we're on an elevator together, I should maybe take the stairs. 281 00:14:17,543 --> 00:14:19,534 Because talk about stank. 282 00:14:19,845 --> 00:14:22,109 Not that I would ever say something like that in public, 283 00:14:22,181 --> 00:14:23,944 and I never have, and I never will. 284 00:14:24,016 --> 00:14:28,009 I just think it's something that we should all be aware of, okay? 285 00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:31,289 Now that we've learned this, let's continue. 286 00:14:31,357 --> 00:14:32,381 See, this is good. 287 00:14:32,458 --> 00:14:35,325 We're learning and we're figuring some stuff out. 288 00:14:35,394 --> 00:14:37,828 "You need to do something about your coffee breath. " Okay, no! 289 00:14:37,897 --> 00:14:40,365 "You need to do something... " Shut up, shut up, shut up, Dwight. Okay. 290 00:14:40,433 --> 00:14:44,893 I don't think you people are grasping the concept of the suggestion box. 291 00:14:44,970 --> 00:14:47,905 Sometimes you talk to us real close. Yeah? 292 00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:50,708 Is that hard for you? All right. Well... 293 00:14:50,776 --> 00:14:51,868 Well, when you have coffee breath it's hard... 294 00:14:51,944 --> 00:14:52,933 I'll work on that. 295 00:14:53,012 --> 00:14:54,309 Okay, let's keep going. 296 00:14:54,380 --> 00:14:55,574 Just keep it going. 297 00:14:56,682 --> 00:15:01,676 Yup. What do we have here? We have somebody's piece of gum. 298 00:15:02,188 --> 00:15:05,988 Somebody put a piece of gum in there. This is not a garbage can. 299 00:15:06,058 --> 00:15:10,017 This is the future of our company. This is not a place for gum, okay? 300 00:15:10,095 --> 00:15:12,563 I don't want to have to read these tomorrow. 301 00:15:12,631 --> 00:15:14,929 Yeah. Who wants to come in on a Saturday? 302 00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:18,060 Yeah... What? All right. Next suggestion. 303 00:15:18,137 --> 00:15:19,798 "Next suggestion. " 304 00:15:21,740 --> 00:15:24,265 "Don't... " Okay, that's blank. Don't... Just... 305 00:15:24,343 --> 00:15:27,073 Put it... "Don't sleep with your boss. " 306 00:15:28,214 --> 00:15:31,411 Do you think this is referring to you boning Jan? 307 00:15:32,384 --> 00:15:33,681 I can't... I don't understand why you're so upset. 308 00:15:33,752 --> 00:15:34,776 I can't... All right, please sit down. 309 00:15:34,854 --> 00:15:36,412 I'm going to sit over here, you're gonna sit over there. 310 00:15:36,489 --> 00:15:37,649 Why are you... Let me ask you this. 311 00:15:37,723 --> 00:15:39,623 Please sit yourself down. Let me ask you something. 312 00:15:39,692 --> 00:15:42,126 What, Michael? Where did you get your outfit? 313 00:15:45,598 --> 00:15:49,261 You're gonna give me this raise. I deserve this raise. 314 00:15:50,402 --> 00:15:53,098 Yes! Yes! Yes! 315 00:15:55,274 --> 00:15:58,675 The least you can do is keep my salary consistent with inflation. 316 00:16:00,346 --> 00:16:03,110 Yes! Why are you gonna give me this raise? 317 00:16:03,182 --> 00:16:04,308 Why? 318 00:16:05,918 --> 00:16:08,580 Because I'm awesome! 319 00:16:08,654 --> 00:16:10,747 I am awesome! 320 00:16:11,557 --> 00:16:15,891 I just don't understand why you have to pretend like nothing happened. 321 00:16:15,961 --> 00:16:18,191 Because nothing did, Michael. 322 00:16:18,831 --> 00:16:23,234 I'm not gonna say anything more about it and I would advise that you do the same. 323 00:16:23,302 --> 00:16:24,667 Look... Michael. 324 00:16:24,737 --> 00:16:27,069 Oh, my God. I'm sorry. I'm interrupting. Oh, God. 325 00:16:27,139 --> 00:16:29,937 Were you guys making out? No, Dwight. Come in. 326 00:16:30,009 --> 00:16:31,499 Great. What do you want, Dwight? 327 00:16:31,577 --> 00:16:33,670 I am ready for my performance review. 328 00:16:33,746 --> 00:16:34,906 Okay, great. 329 00:16:34,980 --> 00:16:38,746 Your performance has been adequate. You may leave. Goodbye. 330 00:16:39,985 --> 00:16:43,113 Is this how you've been conducting all the reviews, Michael? 331 00:16:43,188 --> 00:16:45,383 Do you want to talk now? Good. Okay, Dwight, leave. 332 00:16:45,457 --> 00:16:47,687 Wait, I would like to discuss my raise. 333 00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:50,251 Why on earth would we give you a raise? 334 00:16:50,329 --> 00:16:53,628 That is an excellent question. Thank you for asking it. 335 00:16:55,868 --> 00:16:58,701 Let me bring up one word. Dedication. 336 00:17:00,072 --> 00:17:02,632 I have never been late. 337 00:17:02,908 --> 00:17:07,038 Also, I have never missed a day due to illness, 338 00:17:07,112 --> 00:17:09,546 even when I had walking pneumonia. 339 00:17:09,615 --> 00:17:12,015 I even come in on holidays. 340 00:17:12,084 --> 00:17:14,075 You do? How do you get in? 341 00:17:14,153 --> 00:17:15,780 I have a copy of your key. 342 00:17:15,854 --> 00:17:18,448 That's a serious offense. That is a serious offense. 343 00:17:18,524 --> 00:17:20,014 Very serious. 344 00:17:20,159 --> 00:17:22,184 As is toying with a man's heart. 345 00:17:22,261 --> 00:17:23,853 Oh, Michael, for God's sakes. 346 00:17:23,929 --> 00:17:26,921 I'd also further like to talk about my merits in the workplace. 347 00:17:27,032 --> 00:17:29,626 Okay, third wheel, why don't you do that? For instance, 348 00:17:29,702 --> 00:17:31,761 the time I brought in deer jerky for the whole office. 349 00:17:31,837 --> 00:17:35,000 That was deer? Gross. Oh, God! You liked it. 350 00:17:35,074 --> 00:17:36,939 Did not. Jan, have you ever had deer? 351 00:17:37,009 --> 00:17:38,476 No. It's a delicacy. 352 00:17:38,544 --> 00:17:40,307 And, you know what? It's an aphrodisiac. 353 00:17:40,379 --> 00:17:41,505 So when we're done here, 354 00:17:41,580 --> 00:17:43,172 you guys could go over to the Antler Lodge, 355 00:17:43,248 --> 00:17:45,045 sample some deer, and talk about my raise. 356 00:17:45,117 --> 00:17:46,379 What do you say, Jan? 357 00:17:46,452 --> 00:17:48,010 Okay, here's what I'm gonna do. 358 00:17:48,087 --> 00:17:49,918 I'm gonna step outside, collect my thoughts, 359 00:17:49,989 --> 00:17:51,513 and I will return in about 10 minutes. 360 00:17:51,590 --> 00:17:54,957 Okay, you just clear your head. Thank you, Dwight. 361 00:17:56,195 --> 00:17:58,220 Look, I know it's your job, I know you have to ask, 362 00:17:58,297 --> 00:18:00,959 but I promise you I'm not gonna discuss it with him, 363 00:18:01,033 --> 00:18:03,433 I'm certainly not gonna discuss it with you. 364 00:18:03,502 --> 00:18:05,163 Do you have a light? 365 00:18:05,304 --> 00:18:09,035 And in conclusion, I think Lex Luther said it best when he said, 366 00:18:09,108 --> 00:18:11,770 "Dad, you have no idea 367 00:18:12,244 --> 00:18:14,144 "what I'm capable of. " 368 00:18:14,213 --> 00:18:16,306 That's from Superman? Smallville. 369 00:18:16,382 --> 00:18:21,251 And that is why I feel I deserve this raise. 370 00:18:25,157 --> 00:18:27,682 Do you think Michael and Jan actually... 371 00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:31,391 I don't really wanna picture it. But thank you, Pam. 372 00:18:31,463 --> 00:18:33,260 How do you come back from that? 373 00:18:34,533 --> 00:18:35,761 You don't, 374 00:18:35,834 --> 00:18:37,961 I don't think, come all the way back, you know. 375 00:18:38,037 --> 00:18:39,595 Especially working together. 376 00:18:39,672 --> 00:18:41,697 No, I mean doing that with Michael. 377 00:18:41,774 --> 00:18:44,607 How do you come back from that as a human being? 378 00:18:44,677 --> 00:18:47,009 Yeah. No, I don't think you can. 379 00:18:47,646 --> 00:18:49,273 I'm heading back to New York. 380 00:18:49,348 --> 00:18:51,942 Alan and I will conduct your performance review 381 00:18:52,017 --> 00:18:53,109 over the phone tomorrow. 382 00:18:53,185 --> 00:18:54,652 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Okay? Good. 383 00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:57,689 No, no, no, come... I just want to know why. 384 00:18:57,756 --> 00:18:59,883 Michael, now is not the time or the place. 385 00:18:59,958 --> 00:19:01,823 Okay, so you're saying that there is a different time or place 386 00:19:01,894 --> 00:19:02,918 that we could have this discussion? 387 00:19:02,995 --> 00:19:05,463 No. I am saying we are never gonna have this conversation. 388 00:19:05,531 --> 00:19:08,659 Well, okay. What? Never? As in never, ever, ever? 389 00:19:08,734 --> 00:19:11,032 Or never as in there's still a chance? 390 00:19:11,103 --> 00:19:13,264 Never for me always means never, ever, ever. 391 00:19:13,338 --> 00:19:17,468 I just want to know, from the horse's mouth, what is the dealio? 392 00:19:17,543 --> 00:19:18,908 You know, Michael... Am I too short? 393 00:19:18,977 --> 00:19:20,706 Michael, it has nothing to do with your looks, okay? 394 00:19:20,779 --> 00:19:24,545 It's your personality. I mean, you're obnoxious, and rude, 395 00:19:26,285 --> 00:19:29,777 and stupid, and you do have coffee breath, by the way. 396 00:19:29,855 --> 00:19:32,653 And I don't agree about the B.O., 397 00:19:32,725 --> 00:19:35,717 but you are very, very inconsiderate. 398 00:19:36,061 --> 00:19:38,655 Really? Really. You're... 399 00:19:38,931 --> 00:19:40,523 You're a great guy, okay? 400 00:19:40,599 --> 00:19:42,294 I appreciate that, thank you. 401 00:19:42,367 --> 00:19:43,766 And you were very sweet. 402 00:19:43,836 --> 00:19:46,737 And you stayed up with me and talked to me 403 00:19:47,206 --> 00:19:49,003 and cried with me, and I appreciate that. 404 00:19:49,074 --> 00:19:50,701 No, I didn't. I was... I don't cry. 405 00:19:50,776 --> 00:19:54,268 But I just am not in a place right now where I'm looking for a relationship. 406 00:19:54,346 --> 00:19:58,544 So, we can still work together, we can still be friends, but... 407 00:20:00,953 --> 00:20:02,045 Okay? 408 00:20:03,222 --> 00:20:05,918 So my looks have nothing to do with it? 409 00:20:06,291 --> 00:20:07,781 Oh, God. 410 00:20:11,964 --> 00:20:15,900 Jan is not in a place where she feels she can have a relationship right now, 411 00:20:15,968 --> 00:20:18,903 and it doesn't matter how great a guy I am. 412 00:20:19,471 --> 00:20:21,268 And that is all I needed. 413 00:20:21,340 --> 00:20:23,968 I'm good. I can go home now. 414 00:20:33,486 --> 00:20:36,580 Hey, it's 12:20. Where the hell's Dwight? 415 00:20:37,924 --> 00:20:38,982 No idea. 416 00:20:39,059 --> 00:20:41,186 "Never missed a day," my ass. 417 00:20:51,271 --> 00:20:53,671 I'm here! I'm here! 418 00:20:55,975 --> 00:20:57,670 I'm here. It's okay!