1
00:00:15,515 --> 00:00:17,600
It's kind of blurry.

2
00:00:21,103 --> 00:00:22,355
That's better.

3
00:00:28,069 --> 00:00:31,030
Question, what kind
of bear is best?

4
00:00:32,323 --> 00:00:35,243
That's a ridiculous question.
False. Black bear.

5
00:00:35,326 --> 00:00:36,786
Well, that's debatable.

6
00:00:36,869 --> 00:00:38,454
There are basically
two schools of thought.

7
00:00:38,538 --> 00:00:41,207
Fact, bears eat beets.

8
00:00:41,290 --> 00:00:43,459
Bears, beets,

9
00:00:43,543 --> 00:00:45,753
Battlestar Galactica.
Bears do not...

10
00:00:46,337 --> 00:00:48,923
What is going on?
What are you doing?

11
00:00:49,215 --> 00:00:52,635
Last week, I was in a drug
store and I saw these glasses.

12
00:00:52,718 --> 00:00:53,970
Four dollars.

13
00:00:54,595 --> 00:00:57,807
And it only cost me $7 to
recreate the rest of the ensemble

14
00:00:57,890 --> 00:00:59,183
and that's a grand total of

15
00:01:01,269 --> 00:01:02,520
$11.

16
00:01:03,437 --> 00:01:05,565
You know what? Imitation is
the most sincere form of flattery.

17
00:01:05,648 --> 00:01:06,899
So I thank you.

18
00:01:08,526 --> 00:01:11,028
Identity theft is
not a joke, Jim!

19
00:01:11,112 --> 00:01:13,406
Millions of families
suffer every year!

20
00:01:14,365 --> 00:01:15,616
Michael!

21
00:01:15,700 --> 00:01:17,952
Oh, that's funny. Michael!

22
00:01:50,735 --> 00:01:52,111
Yes, I understand.

23
00:01:52,737 --> 00:01:54,405
Can I transfer you
to customer relations?

24
00:01:54,488 --> 00:01:56,449
Absolutely. I couldn't be
more sorry about this...

25
00:01:56,532 --> 00:01:58,784
I know, I know. We're all
trying to get to the bottom of it.

26
00:01:58,868 --> 00:02:01,954
Yes, I'm upset.
Don't I sound upset?

27
00:02:02,038 --> 00:02:03,080
Okay.

28
00:02:03,164 --> 00:02:05,416
It is disgusting.
I totally agree.

29
00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:08,878
Well, we're going to be
recalling all of that paper.

30
00:02:08,961 --> 00:02:10,671
We have a crisis.

31
00:02:10,755 --> 00:02:13,215
Apparently, a disgruntled
employee at the paper mill

32
00:02:13,299 --> 00:02:16,218
decided that it would be funny
to put an obscene watermark

33
00:02:16,302 --> 00:02:19,180
on our 24-pound
cream letter stock.

34
00:02:20,431 --> 00:02:23,059
Five-hundred boxes
has gone out

35
00:02:23,142 --> 00:02:26,354
with the image of
a beloved cartoon duck

36
00:02:26,437 --> 00:02:30,149
performing unspeakable acts

37
00:02:30,232 --> 00:02:34,278
upon a certain cartoon mouse
that a lot of people like.

38
00:02:35,404 --> 00:02:36,989
I've never been a fan.

39
00:02:37,323 --> 00:02:39,116
Everybody in here, stat.

40
00:02:40,201 --> 00:02:41,827
No time to lose.

41
00:02:42,536 --> 00:02:44,789
Cri-man squa, F and C,
double-time.

42
00:02:44,872 --> 00:02:45,915
"Cri-man squa"?

43
00:02:45,998 --> 00:02:48,626
Crisis management squad.
"F and C, double-time"?

44
00:02:48,709 --> 00:02:51,212
Front and center. Twice as
fast as you would normally go.

45
00:02:51,295 --> 00:02:52,380
Any other questions?

46
00:02:52,463 --> 00:02:53,839
One more.
Why are you talking like that?

47
00:02:53,923 --> 00:02:55,174
To save time, Jim.

48
00:02:55,257 --> 00:02:57,677
Actually, I think you could make
the argument that it wastes time.

49
00:02:57,760 --> 00:02:59,387
Yeah,
she has a good point.

50
00:02:59,470 --> 00:03:01,764
I mean, for example,
with the last thing you said,

51
00:03:01,889 --> 00:03:03,391
by the time you explained
it... Okay, okay, okay...

52
00:03:03,474 --> 00:03:04,600
...it actually took up more
time. You know what?

53
00:03:05,851 --> 00:03:08,187
Forget it! Where is Creed?

54
00:03:08,270 --> 00:03:09,271
Creed.
Here.

55
00:03:09,355 --> 00:03:11,524
Quality assurance. Your job.

56
00:03:11,607 --> 00:03:14,819
I really think you screwed
the pooch on this one, Creed.

57
00:03:14,902 --> 00:03:18,280
Because of you, the entire
company is in jeopardy.

58
00:03:19,865 --> 00:03:22,910
Every week, I'm supposed to take
four hours and do a quality spot-check

59
00:03:22,993 --> 00:03:24,495
at the paper mill.

60
00:03:24,578 --> 00:03:28,040
And of course the one year
I blow it off, this happens.

61
00:03:28,833 --> 00:03:33,003
We have a lot of angry customers out there.
This puts us at threat level midnight.

62
00:03:33,087 --> 00:03:35,798
Accounting, you are on
customer service duty today.

63
00:03:35,881 --> 00:03:38,384
That's not really our job.
Midnight, Oscar!

64
00:03:39,593 --> 00:03:41,387
Don't worry. Kelly will be
training you first.

65
00:03:41,470 --> 00:03:42,972
Kelly's training us?

66
00:03:43,848 --> 00:03:47,309
This day is bananas
B-A-N-A-N-A-S

67
00:03:47,393 --> 00:03:49,103
This day is bananas

68
00:03:49,186 --> 00:03:50,229
B-A-N-A...

69
00:03:53,107 --> 00:03:54,817
I don't have a headache.

70
00:03:56,068 --> 00:03:57,653
I'm just preparing.

71
00:03:58,696 --> 00:04:02,700
Jim. Big fire in your house.
Your client, Dunmore High School,

72
00:04:02,783 --> 00:04:05,286
sent out their prom
invitations on this paper.

73
00:04:05,369 --> 00:04:07,371
Went home to all the kids.
Yeah, I got a call in already.

74
00:04:07,455 --> 00:04:09,874
No, no, no. Not good enough.
This is a keystone account.

75
00:04:09,957 --> 00:04:11,417
I want you
in the school in person.

76
00:04:11,500 --> 00:04:12,626
All right.

77
00:04:12,710 --> 00:04:14,170
I want you to bring a partner.
I'll go.

78
00:04:14,253 --> 00:04:15,337
No, sweet cheeks.

79
00:04:15,421 --> 00:04:16,756
We need somebody
who's actually made a sale.

80
00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:17,923
Andy, you go.

81
00:04:18,007 --> 00:04:23,345
William Dolittle at
your service, a.k.a. Will Do.

82
00:04:23,429 --> 00:04:25,014
Yeah, I'm definitely
going to go alone.

83
00:04:25,097 --> 00:04:27,141
No! No! I need
two men on this!

84
00:04:27,224 --> 00:04:30,853
That's what she said. No time!
But she did. No time! Guys!

85
00:04:30,936 --> 00:04:32,605
Get on this! Dwight,

86
00:04:32,688 --> 00:04:34,648
I want you to be in charge
of the press conference.

87
00:04:34,732 --> 00:04:37,526
Yes! You are entering
the no-spin zone!

88
00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:39,820
We're having a press
conference? No, Pam.

89
00:04:39,904 --> 00:04:42,531
The press is just going to
find out by themselves.

90
00:04:42,615 --> 00:04:43,616
Not.

91
00:04:44,408 --> 00:04:46,160
Here's the thing,
when a company screws up,

92
00:04:46,243 --> 00:04:48,120
best thing to do is
call a press conference.

93
00:04:48,204 --> 00:04:51,373
Alert the media and then
you control the story.

94
00:04:51,457 --> 00:04:55,002
Wait for them to find out,
and the story controls you.

95
00:04:55,085 --> 00:04:56,504
That's what happened to O.J.

96
00:04:56,754 --> 00:04:59,715
I have invited Barbara Allen,
one of our oldest clients,

97
00:04:59,799 --> 00:05:03,302
to come in here and meet
with me for a personal apology.

98
00:05:03,469 --> 00:05:05,971
The press wants a story?
I will give them a story.

99
00:05:06,055 --> 00:05:08,140
Oh, did the press
ask for a story?

100
00:05:08,224 --> 00:05:10,351
Here is your headline,

101
00:05:10,434 --> 00:05:12,978
"Scranton Area Paper Company"

102
00:05:13,062 --> 00:05:18,025
"Dunder Mifflin Apologizes
to Valued Client."

103
00:05:18,108 --> 00:05:23,948
"Some Companies Still Know
How Business is Done."

104
00:05:24,031 --> 00:05:25,115
Okay?

105
00:05:25,199 --> 00:05:28,494
Battle stations, everybody!
Let's go! Go! Go, go, go, go, go!

106
00:05:28,619 --> 00:05:32,957
Yes. Hello. Creed Bratton, quality
assurance, Dunder Mifflin, Scranton.

107
00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:36,585
I was supposed to meet with one
of your floor managers last week

108
00:05:36,669 --> 00:05:39,922
for a quality inspection,
and he or she wasn't there,

109
00:05:40,798 --> 00:05:43,092
and I'm trying to
remember who it was.

110
00:05:44,385 --> 00:05:46,178
Who wasn't there last week?

111
00:05:47,638 --> 00:05:50,307
Debbie Brown.
And which day was that?

112
00:05:50,933 --> 00:05:52,935
Wednesday the 11th. Perfect.

113
00:05:53,477 --> 00:05:55,980
The only difference between
me and a homeless man is this job.

114
00:05:56,063 --> 00:05:58,357
I will do whatever
it takes to survive.

115
00:05:58,732 --> 00:06:01,318
Like I did when
I was a homeless man.

116
00:06:02,111 --> 00:06:04,238
Look, I know the reason that
you guys became accountants

117
00:06:04,321 --> 00:06:07,157
is because you're not good at
interacting with people. But guess what?

118
00:06:07,241 --> 00:06:09,660
From now on,
you guys are no longer losers.

119
00:06:09,743 --> 00:06:12,037
So give yourselves
a round of applause.

120
00:06:13,789 --> 00:06:15,416
I wonder how many phone calls
you're missing

121
00:06:15,499 --> 00:06:17,126
while you're teaching us
to answer calls.

122
00:06:17,209 --> 00:06:18,794
I know, right? Probably a lot.

123
00:06:18,878 --> 00:06:21,171
Can you just tell us what
we need to do SO we can go?

124
00:06:21,255 --> 00:06:23,549
Okay, Angela,
I love your enthusiasm!

125
00:06:23,632 --> 00:06:25,843
All you need to know how to do
is pick up the phone and say,

126
00:06:25,926 --> 00:06:28,554
"Customer service, this is
Kelly." Except don't say, "Kelly."

127
00:06:28,637 --> 00:06:29,722
Say your own name.

128
00:06:29,805 --> 00:06:31,682
Or if you're bored,
you could just make up a name.

129
00:06:31,765 --> 00:06:33,684
Like, one time,
I said I was Bridget Jones

130
00:06:33,767 --> 00:06:36,145
and I talked
like this for the whole conversation.

131
00:06:36,228 --> 00:06:38,814
Oh! Can I be Australian, mate?

132
00:06:38,898 --> 00:06:40,107
Absolutely!

133
00:06:40,190 --> 00:06:41,817
Hello, mate!

134
00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:44,194
I
like ice cream. I need a boyfriend.

135
00:06:44,278 --> 00:06:47,114
I like ice cream, too, mate!

136
00:06:47,197 --> 00:06:50,659
Alligators. Dingo babies.

137
00:06:52,953 --> 00:06:54,413
Beer me.

138
00:06:54,496 --> 00:06:55,831
What's that?

139
00:06:56,498 --> 00:06:58,292
Hand me that water.
I always say, "Beer me."

140
00:06:58,375 --> 00:07:00,586
Gets a laugh
like a quarter of the time.

141
00:07:00,669 --> 00:07:02,379
So how's what's her name?

142
00:07:02,463 --> 00:07:03,756
You know her name.

143
00:07:03,839 --> 00:07:06,800
Who? Karen? Yeah. She's
only one of my oldest friends.

144
00:07:08,135 --> 00:07:09,511
How's the apartment hanging?

145
00:07:09,595 --> 00:07:10,763
It's fine.

146
00:07:11,513 --> 00:07:12,765
Nice.

147
00:07:13,933 --> 00:07:17,436
Check out this sunshine, man.
Global warming, right?

148
00:07:18,354 --> 00:07:20,731
Today was supposed
to be really cold I bet.

149
00:07:20,814 --> 00:07:22,107
What about music?

150
00:07:22,191 --> 00:07:23,651
You have any music?

151
00:07:23,734 --> 00:07:25,903
Yeah, you should have said so.

152
00:07:28,322 --> 00:07:30,866
Give me the
beat boys and free my soul

153
00:07:30,950 --> 00:07:35,913
I want to get lost in your
rock and roll and drift away

154
00:07:38,958 --> 00:07:41,585
Give me the beat boys
and free my little ol' soul

155
00:07:41,669 --> 00:07:45,172
I was thinking more like
a CD or... A CD?

156
00:07:45,881 --> 00:07:48,509
Your call, dude. My girlfriend
made me an awesome mix.

157
00:07:48,592 --> 00:07:49,593
Beer me that disc.

158
00:07:52,096 --> 00:07:53,847
Lord, beer me strength.

159
00:07:55,766 --> 00:07:58,519
So, Tuna, when we get in there,
let's do a really good job, okay?

160
00:07:58,602 --> 00:08:00,437
Did that really
need to be said?

161
00:08:00,521 --> 00:08:02,731
Well, not everything
a guy says needs to be said.

162
00:08:02,815 --> 00:08:06,026
Sometimes it's just about
the music of a conversation.

163
00:08:07,277 --> 00:08:08,570
What the...

164
00:08:08,654 --> 00:08:10,364
Why is my girlfriend here?

165
00:08:10,698 --> 00:08:12,783
Oh, she that teacher
in the white?

166
00:08:12,866 --> 00:08:15,536
No, she's a part-time
frozen yogurt chef.

167
00:08:16,870 --> 00:08:17,997
Which one is she?

168
00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:19,915
The one in the green hoodie.

169
00:08:20,165 --> 00:08:21,166
Wow.

170
00:08:21,834 --> 00:08:25,004
I wonder if she's like a
guidance counselor or something.

171
00:08:25,087 --> 00:08:26,672
No. I don't think so.

172
00:08:26,755 --> 00:08:28,966
She's, like,
probably a tutor... Nope.

173
00:08:29,049 --> 00:08:30,509
She probably teaches...
No.

174
00:08:30,592 --> 00:08:32,428
There's no...

175
00:08:34,471 --> 00:08:38,183
Okay, press conference in 45.
Dwight, make sure this place looks nice.

176
00:08:38,267 --> 00:08:39,351
On it.

177
00:08:42,771 --> 00:08:45,357
Okay, Karen, Ryan,
Pam, center stage.

178
00:08:45,441 --> 00:08:47,568
Pam, run a comb
through your hair.

179
00:08:48,027 --> 00:08:51,572
First rule in roadside beet sales,
put the most attractive beets on top.

180
00:08:51,655 --> 00:08:54,283
The ones that make you pull
the car over and go, "Wow.

181
00:08:54,366 --> 00:08:57,745
"I need this beet right now."
Those are the money beets.

182
00:09:02,249 --> 00:09:06,712
Hey. Look sharp. Hey. Hi.
Hello, Dwight Schrute.

183
00:09:06,795 --> 00:09:08,380
And you must be

184
00:09:08,464 --> 00:09:10,466
from the Washington Post.
Scranton Times.

185
00:09:10,549 --> 00:09:12,259
Chad Lite,
Lighter Side of Life.

186
00:09:12,342 --> 00:09:13,886
And breaking corporate news.

187
00:09:13,969 --> 00:09:15,137
And obits.

188
00:09:16,597 --> 00:09:17,765
Oh, dear God.

189
00:09:17,848 --> 00:09:19,433
Okay.
Here are your credentials.

190
00:09:19,516 --> 00:09:21,769
You've been granted level
three security clearance.

191
00:09:21,852 --> 00:09:24,980
Don't get too excited. That's
out of 20. Right this way.

192
00:09:25,064 --> 00:09:27,107
Regional Manager Michael Scott
will be addressing the client

193
00:09:27,191 --> 00:09:28,859
in the pressroom shortly.

194
00:09:28,942 --> 00:09:30,027
Have a seat.

195
00:09:30,110 --> 00:09:32,279
Can I get you a beverage?
Yeah, I'd like a...

196
00:09:32,362 --> 00:09:33,363
Great.

197
00:09:36,575 --> 00:09:37,743
Oh.

198
00:09:37,826 --> 00:09:38,911
Andy, you know what?

199
00:09:38,994 --> 00:09:41,955
We don't have a lot of time,
so we should probably...

200
00:09:42,623 --> 00:09:43,916
Jamie!
Andy... Oh...

201
00:09:43,999 --> 00:09:45,834
What are you doing here?
Andy?

202
00:09:45,918 --> 00:09:47,294
Are you a student here?

203
00:09:47,377 --> 00:09:49,254
Oh, yeah.

204
00:09:49,379 --> 00:09:51,840
You never told me
you were in high school!

205
00:09:53,008 --> 00:09:56,136
This is weird.
I got to go to Spanish.

206
00:10:01,183 --> 00:10:02,684
Oh, my God!

207
00:10:03,602 --> 00:10:05,312
Oh, my God.

208
00:10:08,148 --> 00:10:09,358
I had no idea.

209
00:10:10,818 --> 00:10:13,612
Well, that's not going
to hold up in court.

210
00:10:14,780 --> 00:10:16,532
We didn't do
anything illegal.

211
00:10:16,615 --> 00:10:18,826
Except knock over a mailbox
with her friends.

212
00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:21,954
Sir... Yes, you have
a valid point...

213
00:10:22,037 --> 00:10:23,163
Okay.

214
00:10:23,247 --> 00:10:24,790
...and I'm sorry.
Yes.

215
00:10:25,833 --> 00:10:27,751
No, I am so sorry.

216
00:10:27,835 --> 00:10:28,961
Really? Dixon City?

217
00:10:29,044 --> 00:10:30,462
- I have an aunt in Carbondale.
- Excuse me?

218
00:10:30,546 --> 00:10:32,506
Well, I don't see
how that's our fault.

219
00:10:32,589 --> 00:10:35,843
And I've already told you the official
position of Dunder Mifflin is apologetic,

220
00:10:35,926 --> 00:10:38,178
so I don't know
what you want from me.

221
00:10:39,429 --> 00:10:45,310
Okay, first, I just want to say
that you are doing so good.

222
00:10:45,394 --> 00:10:48,647
Look, you have
So many good qualities,

223
00:10:48,730 --> 00:10:53,026
that the one that you might
want to work on is apologizing.

224
00:10:55,195 --> 00:10:57,698
When I went over Wednesday
for the spot-check,

225
00:10:57,781 --> 00:10:59,074
I get a call from
Debbie Brown

226
00:10:59,158 --> 00:11:02,327
saying she has an
emergency dentist appointment.

227
00:11:02,452 --> 00:11:04,246
Emergency dentist appointment?

228
00:11:04,329 --> 00:11:07,124
Now I'm told she told her
manager she had the flu.

229
00:11:07,708 --> 00:11:10,043
I'm a trusting guy,

230
00:11:10,127 --> 00:11:12,588
but I just wish Debbie Brown had
been there. We would've caught this.

231
00:11:16,425 --> 00:11:17,426
Yes.

232
00:11:18,385 --> 00:11:20,137
I'll be sure
someone returns your call.

233
00:11:20,220 --> 00:11:22,431
I'm so sorry. Bye.

234
00:11:22,514 --> 00:11:24,641
Hello, I'm looking
for Michael Scott.

235
00:11:24,725 --> 00:11:27,102
Mrs. Allen is
our most important client.

236
00:11:27,769 --> 00:11:31,106
Because every client
is our most important client.

237
00:11:31,857 --> 00:11:34,693
Even though she's a pretty
unimportant client, really.

238
00:11:35,569 --> 00:11:38,947
And so, with the eyes
of the nation upon us,

239
00:11:39,031 --> 00:11:41,575
I would like to say
that Dunder Mifflin

240
00:11:41,658 --> 00:11:44,870
truly regrets
this unfortunate incident.

241
00:11:45,537 --> 00:11:48,248
And as a gesture
of gratitude

242
00:11:48,332 --> 00:11:51,668
for your continued
loyalty, Mrs. Allen,

243
00:11:52,502 --> 00:11:56,006
I would like to present you
with this novelty check

244
00:11:56,089 --> 00:12:00,594
for six months of free paper or
25 reams, whichever comes first.

245
00:12:03,305 --> 00:12:04,306
You look good in this.

246
00:12:04,389 --> 00:12:08,977
So, let us consider
this matter ended.

247
00:12:09,895 --> 00:12:14,650
Well, it isn't ended. I'm very
angry. I could have lost business.

248
00:12:14,775 --> 00:12:15,943
I know.

249
00:12:16,026 --> 00:12:20,030
I know you are angry
and we are truly, truly sorry.

250
00:12:21,156 --> 00:12:22,741
I don't accept your apology.

251
00:12:22,824 --> 00:12:25,202
The watermark was obscene
and horrifying.

252
00:12:25,619 --> 00:12:28,538
Well, we are extremely sorry.

253
00:12:28,622 --> 00:12:30,165
I don't accept.

254
00:12:36,213 --> 00:12:38,590
I'll be with you in a moment.
All right.

255
00:12:42,427 --> 00:12:45,847
Who was that guy she
was talking to at her locker?

256
00:12:45,931 --> 00:12:48,433
Not important
because you're not dating her,

257
00:12:48,517 --> 00:12:50,102
because it's a felony.

258
00:12:50,602 --> 00:12:52,354
But who was that guy?

259
00:12:52,437 --> 00:12:54,523
Probably another
high school student.

260
00:12:58,568 --> 00:13:00,404
The issue with the watermark
IS very serious.

261
00:13:00,487 --> 00:13:01,530
Absolutely.

262
00:13:01,655 --> 00:13:03,865
We teach our students
that character counts.

263
00:13:03,949 --> 00:13:05,200
And you should.

264
00:13:06,660 --> 00:13:08,203
You don't teach it
well enough.

265
00:13:08,287 --> 00:13:10,455
One of your students
is a bitch.

266
00:13:10,539 --> 00:13:14,293
Know what? Andy is having
a real rough day today.

267
00:13:14,376 --> 00:13:16,837
I want to take out an ad
in your yearbook.

268
00:13:17,421 --> 00:13:18,630
Full page, two words.

269
00:13:18,714 --> 00:13:20,465
"Good luck."

270
00:13:20,549 --> 00:13:22,592
That's not what I had in mind.

271
00:13:23,093 --> 00:13:24,886
- Ask where he's from.
- Absolutely.

272
00:13:24,970 --> 00:13:26,430
Where are you from?

273
00:13:26,888 --> 00:13:28,765
Ohio? That's nice.

274
00:13:28,890 --> 00:13:30,392
So what do you want?

275
00:13:31,226 --> 00:13:32,561
He's upset about
the watermark.

276
00:13:32,644 --> 00:13:34,938
Okay, great. Now, just tell him
that it was an unfortunate error

277
00:13:35,022 --> 00:13:38,150
and we are doing everything we
can do to fix it and that you're sorry.

278
00:13:38,233 --> 00:13:40,944
It was an unfortunate error.
We're fixing it.

279
00:13:41,028 --> 00:13:42,195
And you already got
your money back.

280
00:13:42,279 --> 00:13:43,530
And you're sorry.

281
00:13:43,613 --> 00:13:47,659
And the company has already apologized,
so you can take that apology or not.

282
00:13:50,620 --> 00:13:52,414
I think he had Tourette's
or something!

283
00:13:52,622 --> 00:13:55,709
We are going to do everything
humanly possible

284
00:13:55,792 --> 00:13:57,711
to ensure that this
never happens again.

285
00:13:57,794 --> 00:13:59,504
Well, it doesn't help.
Why?

286
00:13:59,588 --> 00:14:00,839
Because it already
happened to me.

287
00:14:00,922 --> 00:14:03,508
The watermark,
it's a one-time thing.

288
00:14:03,592 --> 00:14:05,677
I don't care!
It was disgusting.

289
00:14:05,761 --> 00:14:07,304
Cartoon characters
having sex?

290
00:14:07,387 --> 00:14:11,141
May I point out that the sex
appeared to be consensual?

291
00:14:11,224 --> 00:14:12,976
Both animals were smiling.
Okay.

292
00:14:13,518 --> 00:14:14,936
I grew up on a farm.

293
00:14:15,020 --> 00:14:18,315
I have seen animals having sex
in every position imaginable.

294
00:14:18,940 --> 00:14:21,526
Goat on chicken.
Chicken on goat.

295
00:14:22,027 --> 00:14:25,155
Couple of chickens doing a
goat. Couple of pigs watching.

296
00:14:25,489 --> 00:14:27,824
Whoever drew this
got it exactly right.

297
00:14:28,241 --> 00:14:31,703
What can I do for you?

298
00:14:31,787 --> 00:14:34,831
All right. For starters, I
think that you should resign.

299
00:14:36,291 --> 00:14:39,920
Okay. Well, wasn't
really my fault.

300
00:14:40,003 --> 00:14:41,296
The guys at the paper mill...

301
00:14:41,380 --> 00:14:43,131
You're the head... The guy at
the paper mill's... No, no, no.

302
00:14:43,215 --> 00:14:44,925
You're the head of the company!
I'm the head of the company?

303
00:14:45,008 --> 00:14:46,343
Yes, and that makes it
your responsibility...

304
00:14:46,426 --> 00:14:47,552
No, I'm a regional manager!

305
00:14:47,636 --> 00:14:49,388
...and so you should lose
your job! No... What? Okay.

306
00:14:49,471 --> 00:14:51,306
This is insane.
You can get out of here.

307
00:14:51,390 --> 00:14:53,392
Get out. That's insane.
Fine.

308
00:14:53,475 --> 00:14:55,018
I will give this to somebody
who will appreciate it.

309
00:14:55,102 --> 00:14:56,853
It's non-transferable.
Doesn't matter. Out please!

310
00:14:56,937 --> 00:14:58,105
I'm calling the
Better Business Bureau!

311
00:14:58,188 --> 00:15:01,149
Yeah, well I'm calling
the Ungrateful Biatch Hotline!

312
00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:06,822
Did you get all that?

313
00:15:06,988 --> 00:15:08,156
Everything.

314
00:15:12,411 --> 00:15:14,538
We've gotta do something.

315
00:15:17,040 --> 00:15:19,709
This is all spinning out of
control, Pam. This is just not...

316
00:15:19,793 --> 00:15:21,169
It's just the
Scranton Times.

317
00:15:21,253 --> 00:15:23,547
No, then Newsweek
picks it up

318
00:15:23,630 --> 00:15:28,301
and then CNN does a story about it
and then YouTube gets a hold of it.

319
00:15:28,385 --> 00:15:29,761
You know what?
I really think the whole thing

320
00:15:29,845 --> 00:15:32,639
is just going to blow over
in like a week or two.

321
00:15:34,391 --> 00:15:36,393
You're right.
It will blow over.

322
00:15:38,437 --> 00:15:41,731
But it's not going to take

323
00:15:42,649 --> 00:15:44,025
a week or two.

324
00:15:44,526 --> 00:15:46,445
Do you know what this is for?

325
00:15:46,945 --> 00:15:47,946
Yes.

326
00:15:48,447 --> 00:15:52,117
Michael likes me to run the camera
when he makes his apology videos.

327
00:15:52,742 --> 00:15:55,078
He says he needs
a woman's touch.

328
00:16:06,590 --> 00:16:08,341
Okay, I think that's good.

329
00:16:08,758 --> 00:16:13,430
Hello, I am Michael Scott, regional
manager of Dunder Mifflin, Scranton.

330
00:16:13,513 --> 00:16:17,100
By now, you're probably sick
of hearing about Dunder Mifflin

331
00:16:17,184 --> 00:16:19,811
and our embarrassing
watermark boner.

332
00:16:20,270 --> 00:16:21,855
Let me tell you something.

333
00:16:21,938 --> 00:16:23,523
Something from the heart.

334
00:16:23,607 --> 00:16:26,776
I am not leaving this office.

335
00:16:26,860 --> 00:16:32,491
It will take a SWAT team to remove me
from this office and maybe not even then.

336
00:16:32,574 --> 00:16:34,075
You could never withstand
a SWAT team.

337
00:16:34,159 --> 00:16:36,411
That's how devoted
I am to this job.

338
00:16:37,579 --> 00:16:38,788
I'm just saying...
I know.

339
00:16:38,872 --> 00:16:40,457
They would flank you,
throw in a concussion grenade.

340
00:16:40,540 --> 00:16:42,250
I understand that, Dwight.
You'd be on the ground...

341
00:16:42,334 --> 00:16:44,252
Do you think you're taking it
a little... ...blind, deaf, dumb.

342
00:16:44,336 --> 00:16:45,837
...literally, Dwight?

343
00:16:45,921 --> 00:16:47,506
If you wanted to be...
And now we're wasting tape.

344
00:16:47,589 --> 00:16:48,924
I'm going to have to
cut this all out.

345
00:16:49,007 --> 00:16:50,217
Can you say cut...

346
00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:51,468
Cut.
...so I'll know where to...

347
00:16:51,551 --> 00:16:53,303
Cut. I'm asking
Pam to do it, please.

348
00:16:53,386 --> 00:16:55,347
Cut.
Okay. Ready?

349
00:16:56,598 --> 00:16:58,517
Kevin, what's four plus seven?

350
00:16:59,518 --> 00:17:01,061
Eleven.

351
00:17:01,144 --> 00:17:04,397
Yeah, well, you didn't know that
when you filled out this payroll form.

352
00:17:04,481 --> 00:17:08,068
Yeah? Well, at least I didn't
suck at customer relations.

353
00:17:08,151 --> 00:17:11,696
Oh, yes! Facial.
Yes.

354
00:17:11,780 --> 00:17:13,073
You two are apes.

355
00:17:14,241 --> 00:17:16,576
I expect you to
apologize for that, Angela.

356
00:17:16,660 --> 00:17:19,913
I'm sorry that
you're both morons!

357
00:17:19,996 --> 00:17:21,540
Oh, but you still said,
“I'm sorry."

358
00:17:21,623 --> 00:17:22,791
I called you morons.

359
00:17:22,874 --> 00:17:25,210
Still said it.
Still said it, so...

360
00:17:34,052 --> 00:17:36,346
Five, four, three...

361
00:17:36,429 --> 00:17:40,016
There is no way I will resign.

362
00:17:40,100 --> 00:17:43,728
It wouldn't be fair. Not to
the good workers I work with,

363
00:17:43,812 --> 00:17:45,397
not to my clients,

364
00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:48,191
and especially not to me.

365
00:17:48,275 --> 00:17:52,737
Let's not forget who this whole
resigning business is about anyway.

366
00:17:53,738 --> 00:17:58,952
If I could leave you with one
thought, remember, it wasn't me.

367
00:17:59,035 --> 00:18:02,038
They're trying to make me
an escape goat.

368
00:18:02,122 --> 00:18:04,499
If I am fired, I swear to God,

369
00:18:05,292 --> 00:18:09,087
that every single piece of
copier paper in this town

370
00:18:09,170 --> 00:18:12,382
is going to have
the F-word on it.

371
00:18:13,341 --> 00:18:14,843
The F-word.

372
00:18:15,844 --> 00:18:17,220
You have one day.

373
00:18:18,597 --> 00:18:20,140
One day for what?

374
00:18:20,223 --> 00:18:22,601
That's...
They always give an ultimatum.

375
00:18:23,810 --> 00:18:25,228
Okay.

376
00:18:25,312 --> 00:18:27,147
Good? Cut?
Cut.

377
00:18:28,356 --> 00:18:30,692
That was your best
apology video ever.

378
00:18:30,775 --> 00:18:31,901
I thought so, too.

379
00:18:32,152 --> 00:18:34,696
I got a farewell card
for Debbie Brown.

380
00:18:34,779 --> 00:18:37,532
I thought maybe you'd like to sign it.
Maybe throw a couple of bucks in there.

381
00:18:37,616 --> 00:18:38,825
Unfortunately,
she's got some children.

382
00:18:38,908 --> 00:18:42,912
I feel terrible about Debbie
Brown. She got fired because of Dwight.

383
00:18:43,038 --> 00:18:46,041
So I thought I'd pass around
a goodbye card.

384
00:18:46,124 --> 00:18:48,293
Maybe everyone could put in a
couple of bucks to help her through

385
00:18:48,376 --> 00:18:50,045
these difficult times.

386
00:18:51,004 --> 00:18:54,215
Why do bad things always
happen to the good people?

387
00:18:55,550 --> 00:18:58,219
It's tragic.
It is just tragic.

388
00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:05,435
You want music?
I don't care.

389
00:19:07,479 --> 00:19:10,649
Come on, man. Just give it a couple
of days. I think you'll be all right.

390
00:19:10,732 --> 00:19:12,025
Yeah.

391
00:19:25,038 --> 00:19:26,915
You know what? I don't...

392
00:19:48,603 --> 00:19:49,604
Sweet.

393
00:19:54,150 --> 00:19:55,694
Pam.

394
00:19:55,777 --> 00:19:57,070
Hey, Dwight.

395
00:19:57,737 --> 00:20:00,115
You look really nice today.

396
00:20:00,198 --> 00:20:01,950
I look like an idiot!

397
00:20:02,826 --> 00:20:04,160
Hey, Karen.

398
00:20:04,244 --> 00:20:05,912
Hey, Dwight. Looking sharp.

399
00:20:05,995 --> 00:20:09,165
Yeah, that's 'cause I'm
your boyfriend, Jim Halpert.

400
00:20:10,041 --> 00:20:13,712
Hey, Karen.
Wanna get together later

401
00:20:13,795 --> 00:20:16,297
and have sexual intercourse
'cause you're my girlfriend?

402
00:20:16,381 --> 00:20:17,757
Do you?
No.

403
00:20:17,841 --> 00:20:19,467
Okay.
I'm good. Thanks.

404
00:20:26,516 --> 00:20:27,726
Look at that.

405
00:20:27,809 --> 00:20:29,436
I'm Jim Halpert.

406
00:20:31,271 --> 00:20:32,439
Spot on.

407
00:20:33,732 --> 00:20:35,108
A little comment.