1
00:00:01,167 --> 00:00:03,252
No, no, no
no, no, no, no

2
00:00:04,546 --> 00:00:07,131
No, no, no, no
no, no, no, no.

3
00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:08,841
No

4
00:00:08,925 --> 00:00:10,551
Okay, fine

5
00:00:10,635 --> 00:00:13,012
Ryan, is something the matter?
Yeah

6
00:00:14,639 --> 00:00:15,848
Smokey's dead

7
00:00:16,266 --> 00:00:18,392
Smokey the Bear?

8
00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:20,060
Smokey Robinson, Pam

9
00:00:20,145 --> 00:00:21,645
He died like
an hour ago

10
00:00:21,730 --> 00:00:22,896
I guess I'm the
first to know

11
00:00:23,481 --> 00:00:25,691
Wow, that's terrible
I really liked him.

12
00:00:25,775 --> 00:00:27,776
Oh, you liked him?
That's nice.

13
00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:31,196
Did you like when he changed
the course of American music
like, two or three times?

14
00:00:31,281 --> 00:00:33,282
Did you like that
Tracks of My Tears

15
00:00:33,366 --> 00:00:35,868
is maybe the last true
love song ever written?

16
00:00:35,952 --> 00:00:37,369
I'm glad you
like him, Jim

17
00:00:37,454 --> 00:00:39,455
devastated right now

18
00:00:39,914 --> 00:00:42,416
Well, I second
that emotion.
Huh?

19
00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:44,835
I know a few of his songs,
but what were his big ones?

20
00:00:44,919 --> 00:00:47,254
Oh, God, Nellie.
What wasn't his?

21
00:00:47,338 --> 00:00:49,214
Tracks of My Tears.

22
00:00:49,466 --> 00:00:50,716
Yeah

23
00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:52,051
God, so many, Nellie

24
00:00:52,135 --> 00:00:53,552
No, no, no

25
00:00:53,636 --> 00:00:55,471
Tracks of My Tears
and what else?

26
00:00:55,555 --> 00:00:57,890
What are some more?
What's one more?

27
00:00:59,184 --> 00:01:02,311
Okay, I'm not I'm not playing
this game, Pam. Not today

28
00:01:02,687 --> 00:01:04,354
I don't think you love
Smokey Robinson.

29
00:01:04,439 --> 00:01:07,566
all of this to prove how
deep you are about music

30
00:01:07,650 --> 00:01:11,361
Okay, I'm sorry that
I'm not a fan of Jason Mraz
or the Beatles.

31
00:01:11,446 --> 00:01:12,613
You don't like
the Beatles?

32
00:01:12,697 --> 00:01:13,906
That's not the point

33
00:01:13,990 --> 00:01:15,783
Eleanor Rigby?
Paperback Writer?

34
00:01:15,867 --> 00:01:18,243
You always think you have
time to see these legends
before they go.

35
00:01:18,328 --> 00:01:19,620
What was I so
busy doing?

36
00:01:19,746 --> 00:01:22,873
It says here the
Smokey Robinson
dead thing is a hoax

37
00:01:22,957 --> 00:01:24,666
It's on CNN as of
two minutes ago.

38
00:01:26,544 --> 00:01:28,504
Okay, well
That's a relief

39
00:01:29,005 --> 00:01:30,047
Wow, look at that

40
00:01:30,131 --> 00:01:32,216
Says he's actually
playing State College

41
00:01:32,300 --> 00:01:33,509
That's only three
hours away

42
00:01:34,219 --> 00:01:36,845
Oh, my God, Ryan
that's perfect.

43
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,055
You have to go

44
00:01:38,139 --> 00:01:39,681
Tickets are
250 bucks.

45
00:01:40,058 --> 00:01:44,186
$250 is nothing to
the world's biggest
Smokey Robinson fan

46
00:01:45,355 --> 00:01:46,480
Yeah

47
00:01:47,357 --> 00:01:49,566
Who's opening?
Paul Anka

48
00:01:49,651 --> 00:01:50,984
Paul Anka?

49
00:01:51,861 --> 00:01:54,613
How can they make the
Smoke Man play with
someone like that?

50
00:01:56,533 --> 00:01:57,950
Okay, you could just
show up late, though

51
00:01:58,118 --> 00:01:59,451
How much is parking
like, 30 bucks?

52
00:01:59,536 --> 00:02:01,453
That's not what Smokey
would have wanted

53
00:02:01,538 --> 00:02:02,955
Does want

54
00:02:03,039 --> 00:02:05,457
Tears of a Clown.
Don't call me
a clown, Pam

55
00:02:05,542 --> 00:02:06,875
You're better than that

56
00:02:34,195 --> 00:02:35,320
Looking good, RC

57
00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:38,740
I feel like I'm
being strangled

58
00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:43,328
like I'm at some
erotic asphyxiation sex
club over on I-84.

59
00:02:43,413 --> 00:02:45,247
The Red Room, say
or Dominick's

60
00:02:45,373 --> 00:02:48,167
Robert, the Senator
was going to wear
dark brown tonight.

61
00:02:50,336 --> 00:02:51,587
I'm sure it'll be fine

62
00:02:51,671 --> 00:02:55,841
My husband is sponsoring
a fundraiser tonight
for local dog shelters

63
00:02:55,925 --> 00:02:59,052
Robert California bought
two tables for everyone here

64
00:02:59,137 --> 00:03:00,721
These people were
lucky to get seats

65
00:03:00,805 --> 00:03:04,641
because it is going to be
a who's who of the northern
22nd district

66
00:03:08,146 --> 00:03:10,981
but there is a distinct
chance that we're all
about to be killed

67
00:03:11,065 --> 00:03:12,566
Well, as long as
you don't want to
alarm people

68
00:03:12,734 --> 00:03:15,319
What's going on?
There's a disgruntled
ex-employee

69
00:03:15,403 --> 00:03:17,154
sitting in his car
in the parking lot

70
00:03:17,238 --> 00:03:18,780
Oh, that's Andy.
He's just hanging out

71
00:03:18,948 --> 00:03:21,033
That's how workplace
tragedies always begin

72
00:03:21,117 --> 00:03:23,869
A middle-aged white
male "hanging out."

73
00:03:23,953 --> 00:03:24,995
Call the cops

74
00:03:25,079 --> 00:03:26,788
Dwight, I don't
think he's going
to hurt anybody

75
00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:28,832
How do you know?
I mean, why do
you think he's there?

76
00:03:28,958 --> 00:03:30,542
what kind of weapon he has

77
00:03:30,627 --> 00:03:32,294
Could be a knife
could be a gun.

78
00:03:32,378 --> 00:03:34,963
Could be a series of
guns, all lined up
to shoot parallel

79
00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:36,506
I'm going up
to the roof.

80
00:03:36,591 --> 00:03:39,134
I'm going to bring my
gym bag just in case

81
00:03:41,804 --> 00:03:45,307
Everybody told me
if I moved to America
I'd be murdered.

82
00:03:51,981 --> 00:03:53,565
Hey
Hey

83
00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:56,818
Just wanted to say
hi and hear you say
everything's normal

84
00:03:56,903 --> 00:03:59,696
Maybe videotape you
saying that so that
everyone upstairs can see?

85
00:04:00,823 --> 00:04:02,491
We think you
might kill Robert

86
00:04:02,575 --> 00:04:03,617
What?

87
00:04:03,701 --> 00:04:07,746
Because he fired you,
which means apparently you're
living in your car now.

88
00:04:07,830 --> 00:04:09,414
Guys, everything
is fine.

89
00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:11,875
I'm just here to pick up Erin.
We're going to the fundraiser

90
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:13,126
Great. That
sounds good

91
00:04:13,211 --> 00:04:14,253
Wait, what?

92
00:04:14,337 --> 00:04:16,255
You're going to the
fundraiser tonight?

93
00:04:16,339 --> 00:04:17,422
That's going to be weird

94
00:04:17,757 --> 00:04:18,966
Why would
that be weird?

95
00:04:19,050 --> 00:04:20,342
It's going to be
super weird.

96
00:04:20,426 --> 00:04:22,261
He just fired
you last week

97
00:04:22,679 --> 00:04:24,304
Andy's just coming
as my date

98
00:04:24,389 --> 00:04:26,765
Hey, I hear you I hope you're right

99
00:04:26,849 --> 00:04:30,852
It just seems like
it's going to be
really, really weird

100
00:04:31,354 --> 00:04:33,480
Come in.

101
00:04:35,358 --> 00:04:37,067
You really redid
Andy's office, huh?

102
00:04:37,151 --> 00:04:38,777
Yes, cut out
the clutter.

103
00:04:38,861 --> 00:04:40,904
Very simple,
very minimal

104
00:04:41,322 --> 00:04:43,865
I need you to sign
these. We got a
shipment going out

105
00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:46,326
How are things in
the warehouse?

106
00:04:46,411 --> 00:04:48,078
You could go downstairs
and ask them.

107
00:04:48,538 --> 00:04:50,872
The warehouse
isn't downstairs

108
00:04:52,625 --> 00:04:55,377
Is it?

109
00:04:55,795 --> 00:04:57,379
Who knew, right?

110
00:04:58,548 --> 00:04:59,548
l

111
00:05:00,925 --> 00:05:03,468
Tonight could be the
night that Darryl and I

112
00:05:03,553 --> 00:05:07,723
go from casual work
friends to actual
good friends.

113
00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:13,395
The only thing standing in
our way is the contempt he
seems to feel for me

114
00:05:16,607 --> 00:05:18,233
Robert, the Senator and
I wanted to stop by.

115
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:19,776
Hello. Robert.
Robert, how are you?

116
00:05:19,861 --> 00:05:21,278
And say hello
- Hello.

117
00:05:21,362 --> 00:05:24,281
Did anyone order a blast
from the past with a
side order of sexy?

118
00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:27,701
Hi, Andy
Oh, man, this is weird

119
00:05:27,785 --> 00:05:28,994
Andrew
Oh

120
00:05:29,579 --> 00:05:31,705
Want to shake
my hand, huh?

121
00:05:32,623 --> 00:05:35,042
Because I want to
shake your body

122
00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:40,714
Where.
Where do I look?

123
00:05:40,798 --> 00:05:43,633
It's been so long
since I did one
of these things

124
00:05:43,718 --> 00:05:45,093
Okay, all right

125
00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:47,721
What's the question?
How am I doing? Umm

126
00:05:48,514 --> 00:05:49,765
Great

127
00:05:52,643 --> 00:05:54,186
So, how's the talent?

128
00:05:54,604 --> 00:05:56,938
Grey suit over there
is sending a signal.

129
00:05:57,023 --> 00:05:59,107
Downstairs is receiving

130
00:06:01,819 --> 00:06:02,819
Is that Gabe?

131
00:06:03,446 --> 00:06:04,488
Ladies

132
00:06:05,948 --> 00:06:07,866
How come
you look so decent
all of a sudden?

133
00:06:07,950 --> 00:06:09,409
Yeah, normally you
look so stricken

134
00:06:10,536 --> 00:06:11,703
Well, I'm embarrassed

135
00:06:11,788 --> 00:06:13,663
I had to give up
my hair gel

136
00:06:13,748 --> 00:06:15,999
because it was giving me
this angry rash on my scalp

137
00:06:16,334 --> 00:06:18,585
And I just gave up
on this low-protein diet

138
00:06:18,669 --> 00:06:20,962
that I was doing
for eight years, so

139
00:06:21,839 --> 00:06:25,217
Ladies seem to like it,
plus I'm getting, like, half
as many bladder infections

140
00:06:25,635 --> 00:06:27,010
Wow
Yeah.

141
00:06:27,011 --> 00:06:29,262
Wow
You ladies look
very pretty as well

142
00:06:29,806 --> 00:06:32,057
Thanks
Why is it that things are

143
00:06:32,141 --> 00:06:34,309
their most beautiful
in the autumn of their lives?

144
00:06:37,188 --> 00:06:38,355
You had to say that

145
00:06:38,940 --> 00:06:40,524
Sorry. Sorry.
Thanks

146
00:06:40,608 --> 00:06:41,650
Yeah

147
00:06:41,818 --> 00:06:45,904
Creed, I just bid $20
on six jujitsu lessons

148
00:06:46,322 --> 00:06:48,073
No one's
raping this guy

149
00:06:48,157 --> 00:06:49,741
Well, I don't
want to get raped

150
00:06:50,952 --> 00:06:52,994
No, it was my idea
to not be raped
Oh, well.

151
00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:56,081
Wait, you think that
jujitsu classes cost $22?

152
00:06:56,165 --> 00:06:57,416
If you're going to
play guess the price

153
00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:59,251
you might as well try
and be halfway accurate

154
00:06:59,335 --> 00:07:00,794
$180

155
00:07:00,878 --> 00:07:02,129
Whoa

156
00:07:02,213 --> 00:07:03,547
Dwight, I don't think
you understand.

157
00:07:03,631 --> 00:07:05,757
You guess the price
you win the prize

158
00:07:05,842 --> 00:07:08,760
Have you never been
to a Quaker fair before?

159
00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:11,179
God

160
00:07:11,931 --> 00:07:15,392
So, Dwight doesn't
understand silent
auctions.

161
00:07:17,019 --> 00:07:20,147
guy in the office. Huh?

162
00:07:21,357 --> 00:07:24,109
Because up until now
we didn't have one

163
00:07:24,652 --> 00:07:25,694
What haven't I been doing?

164
00:07:26,028 --> 00:07:28,572
Gosh, just today I was
working on this rock
opera that I'm writing

165
00:07:28,656 --> 00:07:31,199
although it feels more
like I'm receiving
it than writing it

166
00:07:31,576 --> 00:07:33,618
Wow, that's
exciting

167
00:07:34,162 --> 00:07:36,746
But until you firm up
the idea, you might want
to keep it between us

168
00:07:36,831 --> 00:07:39,416
The hero lives in
this dystopian future

169
00:07:39,500 --> 00:07:43,587
and he flies around in
a spaceship that's shaped
like a treble clef.

170
00:07:44,088 --> 00:07:46,423
And he has to sing
his heart out to
destroy all evil

171
00:07:47,049 --> 00:07:48,216
Sounds like you're
doing all right.

172
00:07:48,342 --> 00:07:50,594
A little better than
all right, actually.

173
00:07:51,596 --> 00:07:52,804
Really good

174
00:07:53,055 --> 00:07:54,514
Have you thought about
getting into photography?

175
00:07:54,765 --> 00:07:56,850
Are you kidding me?
'Cause I'm way into it

176
00:07:56,934 --> 00:07:58,643
What are you
taking pictures of?

177
00:07:58,728 --> 00:07:59,769
Children?
Yes

178
00:07:59,854 --> 00:08:00,979
Homeless people?
Yes

179
00:08:01,063 --> 00:08:02,647
'Cause in a way
they're more real

180
00:08:02,732 --> 00:08:04,483
...than the rest of us!
The rest of us

181
00:08:04,984 --> 00:08:07,027
This guy's
having a breakdown

182
00:08:07,195 --> 00:08:10,572
You know, Oscar, I really
had no idea that you were so
passionate about animals.

183
00:08:10,698 --> 00:08:12,365
My dog, Gerald
is my life.
Really?

184
00:08:12,450 --> 00:08:14,201
Well, if you want to
get involved, call me

185
00:08:14,911 --> 00:08:16,203
This is my cell

186
00:08:16,913 --> 00:08:20,290
I'm more likely to
pick up at night, say

187
00:08:21,876 --> 00:08:23,251
after 9:00

188
00:08:24,879 --> 00:08:26,213
Excuse me

189
00:08:26,797 --> 00:08:28,006
This confirms three things

190
00:08:28,090 --> 00:08:32,135
I'm right about the
Senator, I still got it
and poor Angela.

191
00:08:33,262 --> 00:08:34,888
got the flowers.

192
00:08:35,264 --> 00:08:36,973
That piece is
so predictable

193
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:39,518
Daffodils in spring I wonder what's next

194
00:08:39,602 --> 00:08:40,602
mistletoe at Christmas?

195
00:08:41,604 --> 00:08:42,604
Yeah

196
00:08:42,688 --> 00:08:44,981
Oh! It says,
"You're welcome
to take this home.'

197
00:08:45,733 --> 00:08:46,733
Oh

198
00:08:47,276 --> 00:08:50,570
Sweetie, you don't want that
Even in your house,
it's a little much.

199
00:08:52,114 --> 00:08:53,114
Have you ever been
to our house?

200
00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:55,283
Not exactly,
but I know the Flats

201
00:08:57,203 --> 00:08:59,329
I'm going to say
what everyone
is afraid to say

202
00:09:00,248 --> 00:09:01,498
Phyllis is a bully

203
00:09:02,166 --> 00:09:04,626
A big, beautiful bully

204
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:07,337
And she is not
getting that centerpiece

205
00:09:08,422 --> 00:09:10,507
Step in right
away and start

206
00:09:10,591 --> 00:09:12,175
Bobby, Bobbo

207
00:09:12,677 --> 00:09:13,885
You're a rock
opera guy, right?

208
00:09:13,970 --> 00:09:15,512
You like rock operas
Well

209
00:09:15,596 --> 00:09:17,055
You've got to check out
this thing I'm working on

210
00:09:17,139 --> 00:09:18,139
It's really cool

211
00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:19,849
There's this character
Thomas Oregon

212
00:09:19,934 --> 00:09:22,894
and he wants to
destroy all the
guitars in the world

213
00:09:22,979 --> 00:09:28,149
because he realizes
that music is the one
thing he can't control

214
00:09:29,485 --> 00:09:31,945
So, Thomas Oregon
is an evil figure

215
00:09:32,029 --> 00:09:33,238
Evil

216
00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:36,116
Although he's
humanized at the end

217
00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:39,536
because he weeps
uncontrollably and
pees in his pants.

218
00:09:40,162 --> 00:09:42,122
And the hero
who is that based on?

219
00:09:42,498 --> 00:09:44,040
Me, I guess

220
00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:48,253
We're flying so high
we're cracking the sky

221
00:09:48,546 --> 00:09:52,591
Going to fly
out of this dome
My girlfriend and l

222
00:09:55,344 --> 00:09:57,679
Hey, jabroni,
show some class

223
00:09:58,097 --> 00:09:59,931
She's right, Andy
You're being a jabroni

224
00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:01,433
You're being a
Thomas Oregon

225
00:10:02,268 --> 00:10:03,602
Andrew

226
00:10:05,354 --> 00:10:07,772
I think this may have
been a bad idea.

227
00:10:08,482 --> 00:10:10,942
Why don't you let me
pay for you and Erin

228
00:10:11,027 --> 00:10:13,945
to go out to a great
romantic dinner tonight?

229
00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:16,698
Don't need you to pay
for me. I'm doing
just fine, thank you.

230
00:10:16,782 --> 00:10:19,576
Why don't you quit
harshing our mellow?

231
00:10:20,161 --> 00:10:22,245
Andy, you should leave

232
00:10:22,330 --> 00:10:23,371
Now

233
00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:26,625
Excuse me

234
00:10:26,709 --> 00:10:30,211
I would like to purchase
two seats at another
table, please.

235
00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:32,297
I'm sorry. The tables are
sold as complete units.

236
00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:34,633
Then I'll take a table

237
00:10:34,717 --> 00:10:35,717
Okay

238
00:10:35,801 --> 00:10:37,385
And a high five

239
00:10:38,554 --> 00:10:40,347
Let's do that again

240
00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:45,393
Well, I just give a
dollar to every charity

241
00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:47,270
That way, you get
all the mail,
all the calendars.

242
00:10:47,355 --> 00:10:49,731
You can't believe
how much you get
just for a buck

243
00:10:50,399 --> 00:10:52,692
It's also nice to know
you're making a difference

244
00:10:53,194 --> 00:10:54,778
Jim and I give
to the Red Cross

245
00:10:55,071 --> 00:10:56,863
Are you sure you
ought to be giving?

246
00:10:56,947 --> 00:10:59,157
I mean, with your
financial situation

247
00:10:59,575 --> 00:11:00,742
Excuse me?

248
00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:06,331
You ladies are as tangy
as the salad dressing
over there. I love it.

249
00:11:07,124 --> 00:11:08,875
Oh, yes indeed

250
00:11:10,086 --> 00:11:11,169
When

251
00:11:12,588 --> 00:11:14,714
Whoa
Whoa, whoa, whoa

252
00:11:14,799 --> 00:11:16,591
Forgot a few salads

253
00:11:21,430 --> 00:11:28,853
When

254
00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:33,775
I stumbled into a
very dramatic situation

255
00:11:34,110 --> 00:11:36,444
Here, let me move this
so you can see him.

256
00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:38,530
Pam

257
00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:41,408
Pam.
Yeah

258
00:11:41,784 --> 00:11:43,618
Angela's husband
just hit on me.

259
00:11:44,870 --> 00:11:46,454
Oh, my God I know.

260
00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:47,664
Wait, what? Come on

261
00:11:47,790 --> 00:11:50,041
We were talking
about animals

262
00:11:51,168 --> 00:11:52,836
He gives me his
cell phone number

263
00:11:52,920 --> 00:11:54,212
He was just dying
for me to have it.

264
00:11:54,296 --> 00:11:57,632
Okay, Oscar, I'm not
saying you're not dreamy
because you are

265
00:11:57,717 --> 00:12:00,510
but isn't it possible
that he was just
schmoozing a voter?

266
00:12:00,970 --> 00:12:03,430
Well, if you would have
seen the look he gave me

267
00:12:03,514 --> 00:12:05,140
He wanted to rock
more than just my vote

268
00:12:05,224 --> 00:12:06,307
Okay

269
00:12:06,392 --> 00:12:07,600
What was this look?

270
00:12:10,396 --> 00:12:11,438
Whoa

271
00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:13,231
What happened?
Did he do it?
Are you

272
00:12:13,315 --> 00:12:15,150
Twice. For real?

273
00:12:15,234 --> 00:12:17,569
Okay, guys.
Not every glance means
something, all right?

274
00:12:17,653 --> 00:12:18,653
Life isn't Downton Abbey.

275
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:20,029
Life is Downton Abbey.

276
00:12:20,114 --> 00:12:21,114
Here's what
I'm going to do

277
00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:22,615
I'm going to go over there
I'm going to talk to him

278
00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:24,701
And I guarantee you
he gives out his cell
phone to everybody

279
00:12:34,170 --> 00:12:38,131
How much do you guys
charge for one full-year
gym membership?

280
00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:41,092
Thank you

281
00:12:44,013 --> 00:12:45,597
It's $475

282
00:12:47,349 --> 00:12:49,267
Like candy from a baby

283
00:12:54,690 --> 00:12:57,108
That's the third time
you've asked me
about my strategy

284
00:12:57,193 --> 00:12:59,903
It's called "Guess the Price,'
strategy's in the name.

285
00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:02,781
Simplest game since
"Touch the Rock."

286
00:13:03,824 --> 00:13:05,241
Three-time champion

287
00:13:05,326 --> 00:13:07,786
Almost four, but
I touched the wood

288
00:13:10,873 --> 00:13:11,915
Hey

289
00:13:13,834 --> 00:13:15,627
David Wallace?
Andy Bernard?

290
00:13:15,753 --> 00:13:17,587
Hey, how are you?
How you doing?
I'm great.

291
00:13:17,671 --> 00:13:19,297
How are you doing?
Are you still with
Dunder Mifflin?

292
00:13:19,423 --> 00:13:20,965
No, got canned last week

293
00:13:21,675 --> 00:13:22,759
Oh. I'm sorry
to hear that.

294
00:13:22,843 --> 00:13:24,302
No, best thing that
ever happened to me

295
00:13:24,386 --> 00:13:25,512
That's the attitude
to have.

296
00:13:25,596 --> 00:13:28,139
You know what?
When I got canned
I was lost, right?

297
00:13:28,224 --> 00:13:32,060
I poured myself into
this ridiculous vacuum
for toys called Suck It.

298
00:13:32,436 --> 00:13:34,354
Yikes.
Yeah, exactly, right?

299
00:13:34,438 --> 00:13:35,480
Then suddenly
out of nowhere

300
00:13:35,564 --> 00:13:39,067
the US Military bought
the patent from me
for $20 million

301
00:13:40,110 --> 00:13:41,820
Point is,
forget those guys

302
00:13:41,904 --> 00:13:42,946
Okay? Move on

303
00:13:44,114 --> 00:13:45,490
Good to see you, Andy

304
00:13:50,621 --> 00:13:54,415
Call me a lay man,
but I wish there was
some real food here

305
00:13:54,792 --> 00:13:56,835
You know
like hamburgers

306
00:13:58,379 --> 00:14:01,840
or Oreos,
or a pizza pie, or

307
00:14:02,758 --> 00:14:05,593
What's another food
that we like?
Tacos

308
00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:10,640
What I wouldn't give
for a big mess of tacos

309
00:14:10,724 --> 00:14:11,975
Tacos.
Right now

310
00:14:12,059 --> 00:14:13,685
some tacos.

311
00:14:13,769 --> 00:14:14,853
Brilliant

312
00:14:15,271 --> 00:14:16,396
If you loan me
some money

313
00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:18,231
Yes, I can do that

314
00:14:19,567 --> 00:14:23,778
For two tacos we
probably need about

315
00:14:24,572 --> 00:14:28,324
what, $20?
Or $25? 20

316
00:14:28,450 --> 00:14:29,701
30.
$30

317
00:14:29,785 --> 00:14:31,494
Yes, yes

318
00:14:32,121 --> 00:14:33,580
I've never eaten a taco

319
00:14:33,664 --> 00:14:35,707
I'm not entirely sure
what they are.

320
00:14:35,791 --> 00:14:40,128
As long as they're not
slimy, and please, God,
don't let them have eyes

321
00:14:44,675 --> 00:14:45,925
So?
Boom

322
00:14:48,679 --> 00:14:49,804
This is interesting

323
00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:52,181
Mm-hmm
What is interesting?

324
00:14:52,266 --> 00:14:54,225
he gives his cell
out to everybody

325
00:14:55,269 --> 00:14:57,437
Or you proved that
he thinks you're gay

326
00:14:57,521 --> 00:14:58,897
He doesn't think
Jim is gay.

327
00:14:58,981 --> 00:15:00,648
A gay man would not
leave the house wearing
those shoes

328
00:15:00,774 --> 00:15:03,026
A gay man wouldn't
leave the store
wearing those shoes

329
00:15:03,319 --> 00:15:05,320
Hey, you bought
me these shoes.

330
00:15:06,363 --> 00:15:07,697
Wait a second
where's the centerpiece?

331
00:15:07,823 --> 00:15:09,991
so I threw it in the garbage.

332
00:15:10,492 --> 00:15:12,911
Really, Phyllis?
You didn't just
put it in your car?

333
00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:13,995
Nope

334
00:15:14,455 --> 00:15:16,122
Which garbage?
It's not there anymore.

335
00:15:16,206 --> 00:15:18,583
A man emptied the garbage
into a bigger garbage

336
00:15:18,667 --> 00:15:20,919
and then I heard someone say
they were locking the garbage

337
00:15:21,420 --> 00:15:22,795
You are out
of control, Phyllis

338
00:15:23,505 --> 00:15:26,341
Come on, sweetie.
We both knew how
this was gonna end

339
00:15:30,137 --> 00:15:32,513
Before we bring out
our guest of honor tonight,

340
00:15:32,598 --> 00:15:37,769
we are very proud to introduce
a great philanthropist,
and a great guy,

341
00:15:38,103 --> 00:15:39,771
Robert California.

342
00:15:45,694 --> 00:15:46,819
Thank you.

343
00:15:46,904 --> 00:15:48,988
Why do we love dogs?

344
00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:51,616
Want me to tell you why?

345
00:15:51,700 --> 00:15:53,326
There is no answer.

346
00:15:53,410 --> 00:15:56,913
Our love for them
confounds reason.

347
00:15:57,623 --> 00:15:58,915
Do you believe this guy?

348
00:15:58,999 --> 00:16:01,876
The State Senator Robert
Lip\ton loves dogs.

349
00:16:02,378 --> 00:16:04,712
He asked me if I loved dogs.

350
00:16:05,673 --> 00:16:07,298
You know what I said?

351
00:16:07,383 --> 00:16:08,424
Yes.

352
00:16:09,927 --> 00:16:12,428
Not a joke. That,
that was not even a joke

353
00:16:12,513 --> 00:16:15,932
Bella here was a
therapy dog for 10 years.

354
00:16:16,016 --> 00:16:20,645
When her owner passed away,
she came to this
organization for placement.

355
00:16:20,729 --> 00:16:24,232
But people don't often
adopt older dogs.

356
00:16:24,608 --> 00:16:29,153
So Bella and 11
heroes like her

357
00:16:29,905 --> 00:16:33,658
are being cared
for by our generous
volunteers

358
00:16:33,742 --> 00:16:35,785
because, frankly,
nobody else will.

359
00:16:39,206 --> 00:16:42,083
of those dogs

360
00:16:42,459 --> 00:16:43,918
Andy, that's very
kind, but...

361
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:48,006
No, no, no
This guy can talk and
talk all he wants

362
00:16:48,090 --> 00:16:49,799
but it's not that
complicated.

363
00:16:49,925 --> 00:16:52,427
Andy, why don't
we discuss this...
No, no, no. It's about

364
00:16:52,511 --> 00:16:56,973
being there for someone after
it's become inconvenient
for them to be around

365
00:16:57,307 --> 00:16:59,100
Hello, everyone.
I'm Andy Bernard

366
00:16:59,184 --> 00:17:03,104
and I am going to take
that bitch home.

367
00:17:05,274 --> 00:17:07,567
That is a female
dog reference.

368
00:17:08,277 --> 00:17:10,486
This bitch
understands loyalty

369
00:17:10,571 --> 00:17:12,030
Sassy human reference

370
00:17:12,114 --> 00:17:14,615
Thank you.
I will take Bella

371
00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:16,034
Aw

372
00:17:16,326 --> 00:17:18,411
And every single
one of her friends

373
00:17:18,495 --> 00:17:19,746
Oh, God

374
00:17:22,624 --> 00:17:23,875
This way

375
00:17:23,959 --> 00:17:26,002
Hope you all
learned something
Okay.

376
00:17:28,422 --> 00:17:31,215
Huey's going to need
his medication once
every 90 minutes.

377
00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:33,176
You can administer
it orally, but he's
going to puke it up

378
00:17:33,260 --> 00:17:34,677
So other end's best

379
00:17:34,928 --> 00:17:38,181
Don't split up Daisy and Mojo
because Daisy will start to...

380
00:17:38,265 --> 00:17:40,892
I was going to say bark
but it's more of a scream

381
00:17:41,018 --> 00:17:43,853
I'm so ready to love
all of these animals

382
00:17:44,146 --> 00:17:46,522
This one's even bonding
with me already.

383
00:17:46,607 --> 00:17:48,357
a therapy dog.

384
00:17:48,442 --> 00:17:50,818
He apparently thinks
you're in some kind
of emotional crisis.

385
00:17:53,238 --> 00:17:54,614
Stupid dog

386
00:17:54,990 --> 00:17:58,493
If you would like to talk
about this some more,
my door is always open

387
00:17:58,577 --> 00:18:01,162
So here's my office number
and my cell number.

388
00:18:01,246 --> 00:18:02,872
Thank you.
Okay

389
00:18:03,665 --> 00:18:05,208
Well, it looks like he
really did just want

390
00:18:05,292 --> 00:18:07,001
to talk about the issues
I'm sorry, Oscar

391
00:18:07,127 --> 00:18:10,254
No, sorry about what?
There's nothing to be
sorry about here.

392
00:18:10,714 --> 00:18:15,134
No, I'm certainly not
disappointed that Angela's
husband wasn't hitting on me

393
00:18:15,219 --> 00:18:17,845
I'd have to be a
monster to root for that

394
00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:20,014
A lonely, aging monster

395
00:18:21,683 --> 00:18:23,184
Tacos were on sale

396
00:18:23,352 --> 00:18:24,852
Eight for $3

397
00:18:26,188 --> 00:18:27,688
Oh, great

398
00:18:29,024 --> 00:18:30,108
Okay

399
00:18:30,192 --> 00:18:32,652
Oh. Oh. Oh

400
00:18:32,736 --> 00:18:34,237
These tacos

401
00:18:34,363 --> 00:18:35,863
Mm-hmm
Mmm

402
00:18:37,366 --> 00:18:45,706
Uh.

403
00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:46,958
Mmm

404
00:18:47,292 --> 00:18:49,418
Mmm. Oh

405
00:18:50,337 --> 00:18:51,379
Huh

406
00:18:52,381 --> 00:18:53,381
Mmm

407
00:18:54,591 --> 00:18:56,634
Well, that's hit the spot

408
00:18:56,844 --> 00:18:57,885
Um

409
00:18:58,387 --> 00:18:59,428
Very savory

410
00:19:00,514 --> 00:19:02,473
What do you do with
the crispy holder?

411
00:19:02,558 --> 00:19:04,517
Here, let's try this again

412
00:19:04,768 --> 00:19:06,144
Here, don't put
your finger in

413
00:19:06,228 --> 00:19:07,854
Yeah, just
hold it like that.
Hold it to the side

414
00:19:07,938 --> 00:19:09,856
Right
Hold it to the side

415
00:19:09,940 --> 00:19:12,066
Lean it to the side.
Look at me, like this

416
00:19:12,901 --> 00:19:14,402
She's trying

417
00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:18,739
The winner of
the three-day trip
to the Skytop Lodge

418
00:19:18,824 --> 00:19:20,825
is Dwight Schrute!

419
00:19:20,909 --> 00:19:21,951
Yes

420
00:19:25,998 --> 00:19:30,209
The year-long membership to
Scranton Bikram Yoga is...

421
00:19:30,752 --> 00:19:31,836
Dwight Schrute!

422
00:19:31,962 --> 00:19:33,254
Oh, yes

423
00:19:34,089 --> 00:19:35,214
Yeah

424
00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:42,638
A one hour appointment
with the "Kissing Magician"
goes to Dwight Schrute.

425
00:19:42,723 --> 00:19:45,725
Oh, yeah

426
00:19:46,768 --> 00:19:50,104
Well, I think I can save
us all some time.

427
00:19:50,647 --> 00:19:53,941
Dwight Schrute has
won every single item here.

428
00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:55,484
Thank you very much

429
00:19:55,569 --> 00:19:59,280
All I had to do was look up
the prices, idiots. Suck it

430
00:19:59,364 --> 00:20:03,326
Well, Dwight, yes,
you certainly are
a record breaker.

431
00:20:03,869 --> 00:20:07,121
Your donation is the largest
we've ever received

432
00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:10,833
at over $34,000.

433
00:20:17,382 --> 00:20:20,676
Speech

434
00:20:20,761 --> 00:20:22,803
Come on. Speech, speech

435
00:20:36,151 --> 00:20:37,485
Thank you.

436
00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:41,155
Wow, I can't tell you

437
00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:45,868
what an honor it is
to support this

438
00:20:47,537 --> 00:20:48,663
thing.

439
00:20:49,164 --> 00:20:53,292
And obviously that amount
of money is no concern
to me whatsoever.

440
00:20:56,380 --> 00:20:58,547
But I want to ask
you something.

441
00:20:58,674 --> 00:21:02,843
When did it become
all about the money?

442
00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:07,682
When did it become
about the flower
arrangements?

443
00:21:08,183 --> 00:21:10,142
And the white
wine spritzers?

444
00:21:10,227 --> 00:21:11,269
Hmm?

445
00:21:11,353 --> 00:21:13,479
And all the dinner rolls?

446
00:21:13,563 --> 00:21:15,439
You people should be
ashamed of yourselves.

447
00:21:15,524 --> 00:21:18,025
How many courses did
we have tonight?

448
00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:20,361
Two? Three, maybe?

449
00:21:20,988 --> 00:21:22,571
If you chose the pudding.

450
00:21:22,656 --> 00:21:27,868
These tables tarted up
like Victorian whores.

451
00:21:27,953 --> 00:21:30,204
Let's remember we are all here

452
00:21:32,624 --> 00:21:34,292
for the dog society.

453
00:21:34,376 --> 00:21:37,378
He's what's important,
whatever his name is.

454
00:21:37,796 --> 00:21:39,463
Not any of this.

455
00:21:39,548 --> 00:21:43,634
So that is going to be
my donation to you.

456
00:21:43,719 --> 00:21:45,386
Thank you and good night.

457
00:21:45,470 --> 00:21:46,470
Whoa

458
00:21:47,389 --> 00:21:48,389
Uh

459
00:21:53,270 --> 00:21:55,438
Oscar. Nice to
see you again

460
00:21:55,522 --> 00:21:57,315
It was lovely
It was lovely

461
00:21:57,399 --> 00:21:59,734
And don't
forget to call.
Okay

462
00:22:02,863 --> 00:22:04,905
Thanks so
much for coming

463
00:22:04,990 --> 00:22:07,408
Why does this always
happen to me? Ahh!

464
00:22:08,618 --> 00:22:10,870
I just feel so
bad for Angela

465
00:22:12,080 --> 00:22:15,082
Apparently, there were
some silly rumors
going around tonight

466
00:22:15,917 --> 00:22:17,585
We are very much in love

467
00:22:18,670 --> 00:22:20,921
Very much in love

468
00:22:22,382 --> 00:22:25,092
So it just goes on under
here like this?

469
00:22:25,177 --> 00:22:26,594
That's right

470
00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:28,846
Oh, God.
Yeah, you never
get used to that.

471
00:22:28,930 --> 00:22:31,474
Hey, just wanted to check in
to see how you're doing.

472
00:22:33,268 --> 00:22:35,478
He's great.
We're all great

473
00:22:35,604 --> 00:22:36,854
Twelve dogs

474
00:22:36,938 --> 00:22:39,690
This is my life now
I'm a dog nurse

475
00:22:39,775 --> 00:22:41,692
Look at that one,
though. He's smiling

476
00:22:41,777 --> 00:22:44,236
Yeah, he should be
It's his first day
without a muzzle

477
00:22:45,072 --> 00:22:48,407
This is the greatest
thing that has ever
happened to me.

478
00:22:48,492 --> 00:22:50,326
Absolutely, it's
Yes

479
00:22:50,410 --> 00:22:51,494
Awesome.
I'm sorry

480
00:22:51,578 --> 00:22:52,953
Are you guys nuts?

481
00:22:53,455 --> 00:22:54,497
He's not doing great

482
00:22:54,623 --> 00:22:55,956
He was fired

483
00:22:56,041 --> 00:22:57,249
This is terrible

484
00:22:57,751 --> 00:23:01,045
This is literally the
worst thing that has
ever happened to you

485
00:23:01,129 --> 00:23:02,296
Not the best

486
00:23:08,470 --> 00:23:09,970
You're right

487
00:23:10,305 --> 00:23:11,806
He's right. I am a mess

488
00:23:12,057 --> 00:23:14,350
This whole night I've
been trying to convince
you guys that I'm fine.

489
00:23:14,434 --> 00:23:18,813
I guess I thought that if
I could convince you
that I'm fine, maybe

490
00:23:18,897 --> 00:23:20,523
Maybe you would
think it, too.

491
00:23:24,444 --> 00:23:27,446
I'm sorry,
it's just, l

492
00:23:28,323 --> 00:23:31,367
in a lot of human
conversations, so

493
00:23:31,493 --> 00:23:34,745
Okay. Well, Andy, listen
it's okay if you don't
feel totally settled.

494
00:23:34,830 --> 00:23:36,163
This is all very fresh

495
00:23:36,248 --> 00:23:38,499
Yeah, I mean, admitting
that you need help
is the first step.

496
00:23:38,583 --> 00:23:42,002
Yes, and also focusing
on the positive.

497
00:23:42,671 --> 00:23:44,505
Like, I got a lot of good
things going on.

498
00:23:44,589 --> 00:23:47,091
Yeah, like that
rock opera.

499
00:23:47,175 --> 00:23:48,551
You could always
do that, right?

500
00:23:48,635 --> 00:23:50,302
Yeah, I do. I have that

501
00:23:51,513 --> 00:23:52,471
Yeah

502
00:23:52,556 --> 00:23:53,681
You're going
to be all right

503
00:23:53,765 --> 00:23:55,641
No. No, he's not

504
00:23:56,309 --> 00:23:57,435
Yes, I am

505
00:23:57,519 --> 00:23:59,645
Thank you, Kev
You're welcome

506
00:24:00,522 --> 00:24:04,024
Sometimes I feel like
everyone I work
with is an idiot.

507
00:24:04,359 --> 00:24:07,319
And by sometimes
I mean all times.

508
00:24:08,196 --> 00:24:09,655
All the times

509
00:24:10,866 --> 00:24:12,533
Every of the time

510
00:24:15,328 --> 00:24:17,746
So, some of us ended up
adopting those elderly dogs

511
00:24:17,831 --> 00:24:18,831
It's been great

512
00:24:18,915 --> 00:24:21,792
Pepper's been getting me
out of the house
Going on runs

513
00:24:21,877 --> 00:24:24,378
My dog Ruby
doesn't do anything

514
00:24:24,463 --> 00:24:26,297
She just lays
there all day

515
00:24:26,381 --> 00:24:27,882
She's so chill

516
00:24:28,175 --> 00:24:29,467
What do you
feed her?

517
00:24:29,551 --> 00:24:32,636
Well, I put out Pro Bow Wow
but she barely touches it

518
00:24:32,721 --> 00:24:34,096
She's so dainty

519
00:24:34,473 --> 00:24:35,473
Is she sick?

520
00:24:35,557 --> 00:24:37,016
How are her poops?

521
00:24:37,100 --> 00:24:38,267
Doesn't really poop

522
00:24:38,351 --> 00:24:39,894
It's perfect

523
00:24:39,978 --> 00:24:41,312
Nothing to pick up

524
00:24:41,396 --> 00:24:44,064
She just kind of
lies there all day
like a good girl.

525
00:24:46,234 --> 00:24:49,528
but I have to prop
her eyes open
so she can see it.

526
00:24:49,738 --> 00:24:50,779
Does she smell?

527
00:24:50,864 --> 00:24:52,406
She smells horrible

528
00:24:52,491 --> 00:24:53,741
It's unbelievable

529
00:24:53,825 --> 00:24:55,993
But I don't want to
put her in the bath

530
00:24:56,077 --> 00:24:58,287
'Cause I'm afraid
that she'll drown

531
00:25:00,373 --> 00:25:03,209
People seem awful
interested in you, Ruby

532
00:25:03,793 --> 00:25:06,337
Guess they're
just jealous, right?

533
00:25:06,421 --> 00:25:08,255
Yeah, that a girl

534
00:25:08,340 --> 00:25:09,757
That a girl

535
00:25:09,841 --> 00:25:11,091
Man, that stinks