1 00:00:36,384 --> 00:00:37,341 Michael. 2 00:00:37,385 --> 00:00:39,039 D'oh! God! Dwight, come on! 3 00:00:39,082 --> 00:00:40,475 I wanted to talk to you about the downsizing-- 4 00:00:40,518 --> 00:00:41,911 There's no downsizing.Ai'ight. 5 00:00:41,954 --> 00:00:43,086 But if there were, I'd be protected 6 00:00:43,130 --> 00:00:44,522 as Assistant Regional Manager? 7 00:00:44,566 --> 00:00:46,002 Assistant to the Regional Manager, Dwight. 8 00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:47,786 Yeah, so I don't have to worry, right? 9 00:00:47,830 --> 00:00:48,918 Look, look, look-- 10 00:00:48,961 --> 00:00:50,093 I talked to corporate 11 00:00:50,137 --> 00:00:51,355 about protecting the sales staff, 12 00:00:51,399 --> 00:00:52,835 and they said they couldn't guarantee it 13 00:00:52,878 --> 00:00:54,097 if there's downsizing, okay? 14 00:00:54,141 --> 00:00:56,360 But, there's no downsizing, so just don't-- 15 00:00:56,404 --> 00:00:58,667 Bottom line-- do I need to be worried? 16 00:00:58,710 --> 00:01:01,539 Mm mm mm...maybe. 17 00:01:01,583 --> 00:01:03,846 It looks like there's gonna be downsizing. 18 00:01:03,889 --> 00:01:07,197 And it's part of my job, but...blech. 19 00:01:07,241 --> 00:01:08,851 I hate it. 20 00:01:08,894 --> 00:01:11,767 I think the main difference between me and Donald Trump 21 00:01:11,810 --> 00:01:14,987 is that, uh, I get no pleasure out of saying the words, 22 00:01:15,031 --> 00:01:16,554 "you're fired." 23 00:01:16,598 --> 00:01:17,860 "You're fired." 24 00:01:17,903 --> 00:01:20,036 "Uh, you're fired." 25 00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:21,342 He just makes people sad, 26 00:01:21,385 --> 00:01:23,779 and an office can't function that way. 27 00:01:23,822 --> 00:01:25,650 No way. "You're fired." 28 00:01:25,694 --> 00:01:27,130 I think if I had a catchphrase, 29 00:01:27,174 --> 00:01:29,045 it would be, "You're hired. 30 00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:31,352 And you can work here as long as you want." 31 00:01:31,395 --> 00:01:33,136 But, that's unrealistic, so... 32 00:01:37,358 --> 00:01:38,707 It's a real shame. 33 00:01:38,750 --> 00:01:40,535 Because studies have shown that more information 34 00:01:40,578 --> 00:01:42,058 gets passed through water cooler gossip 35 00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:43,320 than through official memos. 36 00:01:43,364 --> 00:01:47,368 Which puts me at a disadvantage because... 37 00:01:47,411 --> 00:01:49,674 I bring my own water to work. 38 00:01:49,718 --> 00:01:51,502 Why'd you do this? 39 00:01:51,546 --> 00:01:52,808 I didn't do it. 40 00:01:52,851 --> 00:01:54,114 What do you mean? 41 00:01:54,157 --> 00:01:56,377 Oh, the water cooler was brought over here 42 00:01:56,420 --> 00:01:59,380 for...maintenance. 43 00:01:59,423 --> 00:02:01,686 So, what do you guys hear? 44 00:02:01,730 --> 00:02:02,731 What's the scuttlebutt? 45 00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:09,216 Get set for Operation Morale Improvement-- 46 00:02:09,259 --> 00:02:11,218 starring Michael Scott. 47 00:02:11,261 --> 00:02:13,481 Now, I think I've had a little stroke of genius, 48 00:02:13,524 --> 00:02:15,918 in that I have had my assistant Pam-- 49 00:02:15,961 --> 00:02:17,354 Smile, Pam. 50 00:02:17,398 --> 00:02:19,661 I have had her go out and find out whose birthday 51 00:02:19,704 --> 00:02:20,966 is coming up, 52 00:02:21,010 --> 00:02:23,186 so we can have a little celebration for them. 53 00:02:23,230 --> 00:02:24,492 Not bad! Not bad at all! 54 00:02:24,535 --> 00:02:25,493 All right! 55 00:02:25,536 --> 00:02:27,234 And the birthday person is... 56 00:02:27,277 --> 00:02:29,018 drum roll please... 57 00:02:36,243 --> 00:02:37,200 Who is it? 58 00:02:37,244 --> 00:02:38,201 Whose birthday is it? 59 00:02:38,245 --> 00:02:39,420 Um, actually, 60 00:02:39,463 --> 00:02:42,118 we don't have any staff birthdays coming up. 61 00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:43,424 Next person on the...calendar. 62 00:02:43,467 --> 00:02:46,992 Okay, um... that would be Meredith. 63 00:02:47,036 --> 00:02:48,298 Yes! All right! 64 00:02:48,342 --> 00:02:49,299 Come on down, Meredith! 65 00:02:49,343 --> 00:02:51,127 But it's not until next month. 66 00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:55,392 Um...uh, okay. Well, great. 67 00:02:55,436 --> 00:02:57,220 Well, you know, it'll be a surprise. 68 00:02:57,264 --> 00:02:59,527 You still want to have a party? 69 00:02:59,570 --> 00:03:02,182 Yeah. Why not? Sure. Go ahead. 70 00:03:02,225 --> 00:03:04,314 Live a little. C'mon, Pam. 71 00:03:04,358 --> 00:03:06,969 C'mon. Shake it up. Shake it up. 72 00:03:07,012 --> 00:03:09,928 Shake it up! 73 00:03:09,972 --> 00:03:11,365 Bdddrrrooop... 74 00:03:11,408 --> 00:03:14,106 Uh, Spock, are there any signs of life down there? 75 00:03:14,150 --> 00:03:15,717 Well, let me check, Captain. 76 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:23,290 No Captain, no signs of life down here. 77 00:03:23,333 --> 00:03:26,728 Just a wet blanket named Pam. 78 00:03:28,338 --> 00:03:30,688 Bddddddrrrrooooop. 79 00:03:30,732 --> 00:03:32,821 Star Trek... 80 00:03:32,864 --> 00:03:36,520 Well, for decorations, maybe we could... 81 00:03:36,564 --> 00:03:37,826 it's stupid, forget it. 82 00:03:37,869 --> 00:03:38,957 What? 83 00:03:39,001 --> 00:03:40,220 Well, I was just gonna say 84 00:03:40,263 --> 00:03:41,656 maybe we could have streamers, 85 00:03:41,699 --> 00:03:44,267 but that's dumb, everybody has streamers. 86 00:03:44,311 --> 00:03:45,355 Never mind. 87 00:03:45,399 --> 00:03:47,009 No, yeah, I think that's a good idea. 88 00:03:47,052 --> 00:03:48,880 What color do you guys think? 89 00:03:50,317 --> 00:03:52,928 Well, there's green... 90 00:03:52,971 --> 00:03:55,017 uh, blue... 91 00:03:55,060 --> 00:03:57,889 yellow...red... 92 00:03:57,933 --> 00:03:59,543 How about green? 93 00:03:59,587 --> 00:04:01,502 I think green is kind of whoreish. 94 00:04:01,545 --> 00:04:02,503 This was tough. 95 00:04:02,546 --> 00:04:05,157 I suggested we flip a coin, 96 00:04:05,201 --> 00:04:08,335 but Angela said she doesn't like to gamble. 97 00:04:08,378 --> 00:04:09,553 Of course, by saying that, 98 00:04:09,597 --> 00:04:12,948 she was gambling that I wouldn't smack her. 99 00:04:12,991 --> 00:04:15,472 These are my party-planning bee-otches. 100 00:04:15,516 --> 00:04:17,866 Pulled off an amazing '80s party last year. 101 00:04:17,909 --> 00:04:19,041 Off the hook! 102 00:04:19,084 --> 00:04:20,782 So I was thinking, 103 00:04:20,825 --> 00:04:21,913 if you haven't already gotten 104 00:04:21,957 --> 00:04:23,828 a cake, um, maybe go in 105 00:04:23,872 --> 00:04:26,266 for one of those ice cream cakes from Baskin Robbins. 106 00:04:26,309 --> 00:04:27,310 They're very good. Very delicious. 107 00:04:27,354 --> 00:04:30,487 Meredith's allergic to dairy, so... 108 00:04:30,531 --> 00:04:31,880 She's not the only one 109 00:04:31,923 --> 00:04:33,577 that's going to be eating it, right? 110 00:04:33,621 --> 00:04:35,710 And I think everybody likes ice cream cake. 111 00:04:35,753 --> 00:04:38,887 It's not, uh... not just about her, so... 112 00:04:38,930 --> 00:04:40,062 It is herbirthday-- 113 00:04:40,105 --> 00:04:41,324 Mint chocolate chip! 114 00:04:41,368 --> 00:04:42,499 would be good. 115 00:04:42,543 --> 00:04:44,327 How about some... mint chocolate chip? 116 00:04:46,329 --> 00:04:47,722 Hey. 117 00:04:47,765 --> 00:04:50,812 So, listen, I was thinking that it might be a good idea 118 00:04:50,855 --> 00:04:55,599 if you and I formed an alliance. 119 00:04:55,643 --> 00:04:57,340 'Cause of the downsizing... 120 00:04:57,384 --> 00:04:59,255 I think an alliance might be a good idea. 121 00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:03,477 You know, help each other out. 122 00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:08,438 Do you want to form an alliance...with me? 123 00:05:10,179 --> 00:05:11,398 Absolutely I do. 124 00:05:11,441 --> 00:05:12,921 Good, good, excellent. 125 00:05:12,964 --> 00:05:14,357 Okay, now we need to figure out 126 00:05:14,401 --> 00:05:15,532 who's vulnerable and who is protected... 127 00:05:15,576 --> 00:05:16,533 There may be-- 128 00:05:16,577 --> 00:05:17,534 At that moment, 129 00:05:17,578 --> 00:05:19,101 I was just so happy. 130 00:05:19,144 --> 00:05:21,408 I mean, everything Dwight does annoys me. 131 00:05:21,451 --> 00:05:22,887 Did you get your tickets? 132 00:05:24,019 --> 00:05:25,063 To what? 133 00:05:25,107 --> 00:05:27,501 The gun show. 134 00:05:32,984 --> 00:05:35,378 And I spend...hours 135 00:05:35,422 --> 00:05:37,424 thinking of ways to get back at him, 136 00:05:37,467 --> 00:05:39,600 but only in ways that would get me arrested. 137 00:05:39,643 --> 00:05:41,297 And then here he comes and he says, 138 00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:44,518 "No, Jim, here's a way." 139 00:05:44,561 --> 00:05:46,955 And there's one other thing, and this is important: 140 00:05:46,998 --> 00:05:49,914 let's keep this alliance totally a secret. 141 00:05:49,958 --> 00:05:50,915 Yeah. 142 00:05:50,959 --> 00:05:53,048 Don't tell anyone. 143 00:05:53,091 --> 00:05:54,658 An alliance Oh, yeah. 144 00:05:54,702 --> 00:05:56,007 What does that even mean? 145 00:05:56,051 --> 00:05:57,574 I think it has something to do with Survivor, 146 00:05:57,618 --> 00:05:58,575 but I'm not sure. 147 00:05:58,619 --> 00:06:01,099 Um... 148 00:06:01,143 --> 00:06:03,058 I know that it involves spying on people, 149 00:06:03,101 --> 00:06:04,842 and we may build a fort in accounting-- 150 00:06:04,886 --> 00:06:05,843 Jim. 151 00:06:05,887 --> 00:06:07,018 Hey. Hey. Hi, Pam. 152 00:06:07,062 --> 00:06:08,759 Listen, could I talk to you for a second 153 00:06:08,803 --> 00:06:11,196 about the... paper products? 154 00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:13,198 Did you tell Pam about the Alliance? 155 00:06:13,242 --> 00:06:14,635 What? No-- Just now! 156 00:06:14,678 --> 00:06:16,724 Oh, no, no, no, no. Dwight, no. 157 00:06:16,767 --> 00:06:18,726 I'm using her, for the alliance. 158 00:06:18,769 --> 00:06:20,554 Who knows the most information about this office? 159 00:06:20,597 --> 00:06:21,729 Pam. 160 00:06:21,772 --> 00:06:22,904 Right. That's good. Good. Pursue this. 161 00:06:22,947 --> 00:06:24,122 Well, I'm trying to.Mm-hmm. 162 00:06:24,166 --> 00:06:25,428 Do you see what I'm doing? Mm-hmm. 163 00:06:25,472 --> 00:06:27,038 But listen, I'm gonna have to talk to her a lot. 164 00:06:27,082 --> 00:06:28,170 All right? 165 00:06:28,213 --> 00:06:30,433 And there may be chatting and giggling. 166 00:06:30,477 --> 00:06:32,087 And you gotta just pretend to ignore it. 167 00:06:32,130 --> 00:06:33,262 Wipe it away. Done. 168 00:06:33,305 --> 00:06:34,350 All right. 169 00:06:40,748 --> 00:06:42,706 Can you get her? She's right there. 170 00:06:42,750 --> 00:06:44,099 That is Meredith. 171 00:06:44,142 --> 00:06:46,101 The birthday girl. 172 00:06:46,144 --> 00:06:49,365 And this... is Meredith's card. 173 00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:51,149 "Happy Bird-Day." 174 00:06:52,542 --> 00:06:55,632 Um, let's see...Jim. 175 00:06:55,676 --> 00:06:58,983 Jim wrote: "Meredith, I heard you're turning 46. 176 00:06:59,027 --> 00:07:00,289 "But, come on, 177 00:07:00,332 --> 00:07:03,161 you're an accountant, just fudge the numbers." 178 00:07:03,205 --> 00:07:04,685 Not bad. Pretty funny. 179 00:07:04,728 --> 00:07:07,905 I don't appreciate condoning corporate fraud, though. 180 00:07:07,949 --> 00:07:09,516 Uh, here's the thing. 181 00:07:09,559 --> 00:07:10,778 Whatever I write here 182 00:07:10,821 --> 00:07:13,737 has to be really, really funny. 183 00:07:13,781 --> 00:07:16,305 Because people out there are expecting it. 184 00:07:16,348 --> 00:07:18,655 I've already set the bar really high. 185 00:07:18,699 --> 00:07:21,658 And they're all worried about their jobs, you know? 186 00:07:21,702 --> 00:07:23,312 It's kinda dark out there. 187 00:07:23,355 --> 00:07:25,923 Can you imagine if I wrote something like, uh, 188 00:07:25,967 --> 00:07:29,318 "Oh, Meredith. Um, Happy Birthday. 189 00:07:29,361 --> 00:07:32,277 You're great. Love, Michael." 190 00:07:38,327 --> 00:07:41,635 They seem awfully chummy, don't you think? Yeah. 191 00:07:41,678 --> 00:07:43,506 What do you think that's about? 192 00:07:43,550 --> 00:07:46,335 Only one way to find out. 193 00:07:46,378 --> 00:07:47,858 I'm on it. 194 00:07:50,426 --> 00:07:51,819 You are not going to believe this. 195 00:07:51,862 --> 00:07:53,168 What? I believe it. 196 00:07:53,211 --> 00:07:54,561 Well, tensions were high in the kitchen. 197 00:07:54,604 --> 00:07:55,997 I could tell from the body language. 198 00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:57,172 Hey, that looks good. 199 00:07:57,215 --> 00:07:58,521 What is that, turkey? 200 00:07:58,565 --> 00:08:00,262 Italian. 201 00:08:00,305 --> 00:08:02,743 Oh, Italian. Nice. Wow. 202 00:08:02,786 --> 00:08:03,831 You got the works there. 203 00:08:03,874 --> 00:08:06,529 Red onion, provolone. Yeah. 204 00:08:06,573 --> 00:08:08,009 Toby and Kevin, 205 00:08:08,052 --> 00:08:08,966 they're trying to get Angela kicked off. 206 00:08:09,010 --> 00:08:10,011 Good. Let 'em. 207 00:08:10,054 --> 00:08:11,273 That's fine. It helps our cause. 208 00:08:11,316 --> 00:08:12,535 Well, I don't know. 209 00:08:12,579 --> 00:08:13,884 Because if Kevin's in accounting, Yeah... 210 00:08:13,928 --> 00:08:15,190 and Toby's in human resources, 211 00:08:15,233 --> 00:08:16,583 and they're talking? 212 00:08:16,626 --> 00:08:17,801 Oh...they're forming an alliance. 213 00:08:17,845 --> 00:08:18,976 I love their sandwiches. 214 00:08:19,020 --> 00:08:20,587 I love their sandwiches too. 215 00:08:20,630 --> 00:08:21,892 Yeah, their bread's really good. 216 00:08:21,936 --> 00:08:23,415 Their bread is very good. 217 00:08:23,459 --> 00:08:27,245 Damn it! God! Rrrrrrr! 218 00:08:30,945 --> 00:08:32,686 Okay, listen. 219 00:08:32,729 --> 00:08:34,992 We need to assume that everyone in the office 220 00:08:35,036 --> 00:08:36,254 is forming an alliance, 221 00:08:36,298 --> 00:08:37,952 and is therefore trying to get us kicked off. 222 00:08:37,995 --> 00:08:40,694 God damn it! Why us? 223 00:08:40,737 --> 00:08:42,086 Because we're strong, Dwight. 224 00:08:42,130 --> 00:08:43,261 Because we're strong. 225 00:08:43,305 --> 00:08:45,350 Meredith, Meredith. 226 00:08:45,394 --> 00:08:47,918 Mary...Mary had a little lamb. 227 00:08:47,962 --> 00:08:49,877 Mary...Meredith had a little lamb. 228 00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:51,139 Don't bring that lamb to work, 229 00:08:51,182 --> 00:08:52,401 or it'll poop on the floor-- 230 00:08:53,445 --> 00:08:54,490 Hey! Oscar. 231 00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:55,491 C'mon in, what's up? 232 00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:56,579 Uh, I'm sorry to bother you. 233 00:08:56,623 --> 00:08:57,798 Oh, not at all. Come on in. 234 00:08:57,841 --> 00:08:58,799 What's goin' on? 235 00:08:58,842 --> 00:09:00,191 My nephew is involved 236 00:09:00,235 --> 00:09:03,978 with, um, a charity for cerebral palsy. 237 00:09:04,021 --> 00:09:05,109 And I was wondering 238 00:09:05,153 --> 00:09:08,199 if maybe you'd like to... 239 00:09:08,243 --> 00:09:09,679 you know... 240 00:09:09,723 --> 00:09:11,638 What? Uh, donate to the charity. 241 00:09:11,681 --> 00:09:13,944 Oh, God. Of course I would. 242 00:09:13,988 --> 00:09:15,990 Pshhh. Get it over here! 243 00:09:16,033 --> 00:09:16,991 Get that over here. 244 00:09:17,034 --> 00:09:18,253 Thank you. 245 00:09:18,296 --> 00:09:20,603 You know, I'm always good 246 00:09:20,647 --> 00:09:22,692 for some serious buckage. 247 00:09:22,736 --> 00:09:24,912 Wow. Two dollars? Three dollars? 248 00:09:24,955 --> 00:09:25,913 People out here 249 00:09:25,956 --> 00:09:29,612 do not care about...diseases. 250 00:09:29,656 --> 00:09:33,355 I'm going to give you $25. 251 00:09:34,704 --> 00:09:36,706 That's...that's... 252 00:09:36,750 --> 00:09:37,707 That's very generous. 253 00:09:37,751 --> 00:09:38,708 Oh, my gosh. 254 00:09:38,752 --> 00:09:40,188 Well, listen, Oscar. 255 00:09:40,231 --> 00:09:42,843 Generosity, and togetherness, 256 00:09:42,886 --> 00:09:44,409 and community, 257 00:09:44,453 --> 00:09:49,327 all convalescences into...morale. 258 00:09:49,371 --> 00:09:50,764 That's what I say, so... 259 00:09:54,550 --> 00:09:55,507 Hey, Jim. 260 00:09:55,551 --> 00:09:57,161 Can I talk to you for a second? 261 00:09:57,205 --> 00:09:58,336 Sure. What's up? 262 00:09:58,380 --> 00:09:59,424 Um, I don't know. 263 00:09:59,468 --> 00:10:01,296 I'm just, like, going a little crazy. 264 00:10:01,339 --> 00:10:04,647 'Cause I keep overhearing all of these conversations 265 00:10:04,691 --> 00:10:06,301 between Michael and corporate 266 00:10:06,344 --> 00:10:08,520 about, like... staff issues. 267 00:10:08,564 --> 00:10:09,783 Oh, no. Yeah. 268 00:10:09,826 --> 00:10:12,437 He's making me take notes on these meetings, 269 00:10:12,481 --> 00:10:13,569 and I'm like, 270 00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:15,092 "These people are my friends," Right. 271 00:10:15,136 --> 00:10:17,312 but he's all like, "This is confidential, 272 00:10:17,355 --> 00:10:18,618 you can't tell anybody." 273 00:10:18,661 --> 00:10:21,490 But I don't know, I just feel like I wanna-- 274 00:10:21,533 --> 00:10:22,491 Just promise me 275 00:10:22,534 --> 00:10:23,579 you're not gonna say anything? 276 00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:24,798 I will not... 277 00:10:24,841 --> 00:10:25,929 I'm not gonna tell anybody. Okay. 278 00:10:25,973 --> 00:10:27,104 This is between you and me. Yeah. 279 00:10:31,848 --> 00:10:33,720 Jackpot. 280 00:10:33,763 --> 00:10:34,721 That was beautiful. 281 00:10:34,764 --> 00:10:36,592 All her idea, too. 282 00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:42,163 Awesome. She's so great. 283 00:10:42,206 --> 00:10:44,034 Meredith. Bad breath. 284 00:10:44,078 --> 00:10:45,514 Meredith has bad breath. 285 00:10:46,558 --> 00:10:47,516 Hey. Hey. 286 00:10:47,559 --> 00:10:48,517 You wanted to see me? 287 00:10:48,560 --> 00:10:49,518 Uh, yeah. 288 00:10:49,561 --> 00:10:50,693 What do you know about Meredith? 289 00:10:50,737 --> 00:10:52,086 I don't think she'd be missed. 290 00:10:52,129 --> 00:10:55,698 There's not going to be downsizing, Dwight, okay? 291 00:10:55,742 --> 00:10:59,354 I just--I need to know a little bit more about... 292 00:10:59,397 --> 00:11:00,442 my friend. 293 00:11:00,485 --> 00:11:02,183 Name: Meredith Palmer. 294 00:11:02,226 --> 00:11:05,273 Uh, personal information: divorced twice, two kids. 295 00:11:05,316 --> 00:11:06,535 Uh, Employer: Dunder Mifflin Paper, Inc. 296 00:11:06,578 --> 00:11:09,146 Awards: multiple Dundies-- 297 00:11:09,190 --> 00:11:10,800 I know all that. I-I know all that. 298 00:11:10,844 --> 00:11:11,845 I just--I need something 299 00:11:11,888 --> 00:11:13,107 kind of embarrassing, you know? 300 00:11:13,150 --> 00:11:14,717 Kinda fun, inside... 301 00:11:14,761 --> 00:11:16,676 She had a hysterectomy. 302 00:11:18,025 --> 00:11:19,287 Which one is that again? 303 00:11:19,330 --> 00:11:20,462 It's where they remove the uterus. 304 00:11:20,505 --> 00:11:23,247 Oh, God, Dwight, no! 305 00:11:23,291 --> 00:11:25,206 I'm trying to write something funny here, okay? 306 00:11:25,249 --> 00:11:27,077 What am I gonna do with a removed uterus? 307 00:11:27,121 --> 00:11:28,209 It could be kind of funny. 308 00:11:28,252 --> 00:11:30,864 You know what? I am on a deadline here. 309 00:11:30,907 --> 00:11:32,126 And, just--okay. 310 00:11:32,169 --> 00:11:34,650 Thanks, thanks for your help. 311 00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:37,522 I'll work it out. Thank you, Dwight. 312 00:11:37,566 --> 00:11:40,743 That wasn't a waste of time. 313 00:11:40,787 --> 00:11:43,050 Okay, here's the deal.All right. 314 00:11:43,093 --> 00:11:44,704 Pam says that one of the alliances 315 00:11:44,747 --> 00:11:45,922 is meeting in the warehouse 316 00:11:45,966 --> 00:11:47,141 during Meredith's birthday party. 317 00:11:47,184 --> 00:11:48,185 Oh, my God, we have to be there. I know. 318 00:11:48,229 --> 00:11:49,621 But it's gonna be a little tough, 319 00:11:49,665 --> 00:11:50,927 because there's no good place to hide down there. 320 00:11:50,971 --> 00:11:51,928 No, no, yes there is. 321 00:11:51,972 --> 00:11:52,929 Behind the shelves-- oh, my God. 322 00:11:52,973 --> 00:11:53,930 What, what, what? 323 00:11:53,974 --> 00:11:55,192 I know. I know. 324 00:11:55,236 --> 00:11:56,454 I know exactly what to do. 325 00:11:56,498 --> 00:11:57,455 Great. 326 00:11:57,499 --> 00:11:58,587 I'm a deer hunter. 327 00:11:58,630 --> 00:12:00,763 I go all the time with my dad. 328 00:12:00,807 --> 00:12:01,895 One thing about deer, 329 00:12:01,938 --> 00:12:04,288 they have very good vision. 330 00:12:04,332 --> 00:12:06,595 One thing about me, 331 00:12:06,638 --> 00:12:12,340 I'm better at hiding than they are...at vision. 332 00:12:12,383 --> 00:12:13,907 This is gonna be perfect, okay? 333 00:12:13,950 --> 00:12:15,343 Centrally located. Perfect cover. 334 00:12:15,386 --> 00:12:16,692 I can hear and see everything. 335 00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:18,172 Good. 336 00:12:18,215 --> 00:12:19,173 Michael. 337 00:12:19,216 --> 00:12:20,174 Just a sec. 338 00:12:20,217 --> 00:12:21,436 Are you done yet? Almost there. 339 00:12:21,479 --> 00:12:22,437 Just a...second. 340 00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:23,655 It is perfect. 341 00:12:23,699 --> 00:12:25,570 Thank you. Excellent. 342 00:12:25,614 --> 00:12:27,572 Here we go. It is time. Thank you. 343 00:12:27,616 --> 00:12:29,009 Okay! C'mon, let's go! 344 00:12:29,052 --> 00:12:31,925 Get the cake! Here we go. C'mon, c'mon, c'mon! 345 00:12:31,968 --> 00:12:33,230 Shh! Be quiet! 346 00:12:33,274 --> 00:12:35,058 Wait, this isn't gonna work. The lid's open. 347 00:12:35,102 --> 00:12:36,930 So, tape it down. 348 00:12:36,973 --> 00:12:38,061 I can't do that. 349 00:12:38,105 --> 00:12:39,541 Then you won't be able to breathe. 350 00:12:39,584 --> 00:12:41,108 Look, I can breathe just fine, okay, 351 00:12:41,151 --> 00:12:42,631 but if it makes you feel better, 352 00:12:42,674 --> 00:12:44,111 I'll poke holes in the box. 353 00:12:44,154 --> 00:12:45,939 Thank you. Thank you. Okay. 354 00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:51,466 Surprise! 355 00:12:51,509 --> 00:12:53,120 Oh! Surprise! 356 00:12:53,163 --> 00:12:54,121 No, it's a-- 357 00:12:54,164 --> 00:12:56,036 It's surprise, Meredith! 358 00:12:56,079 --> 00:12:57,298 One, two, 359 00:12:57,341 --> 00:13:00,780 ♪ Happy Birthday to you ♪ 360 00:13:00,823 --> 00:13:01,781 Find the key... 361 00:13:01,824 --> 00:13:03,043 ♪ Happy Birthday ♪ 362 00:13:03,086 --> 00:13:04,827 So, you want me to stay here 363 00:13:04,871 --> 00:13:07,482 and, you know, stand next to the box, or-- 364 00:13:07,525 --> 00:13:08,526 No! 365 00:13:08,570 --> 00:13:10,441 You need to go upstairs to the party 366 00:13:10,485 --> 00:13:12,095 so people don't notice that we're both gone. 367 00:13:12,139 --> 00:13:13,575 Right. That's good. 368 00:13:13,618 --> 00:13:17,144 Can I trust Jim? I don't know. 369 00:13:17,187 --> 00:13:20,147 Do I have a choice? No. Frankly, I don't. 370 00:13:20,190 --> 00:13:23,367 Will I trust Jim? Yes. Should I trust Jim? 371 00:13:24,978 --> 00:13:26,196 You tell me. 372 00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:29,678 ♪ Happy Birthday, dear Meredith ♪ 373 00:13:29,721 --> 00:13:32,855 ♪ Happy Birthday to you 374 00:13:32,899 --> 00:13:35,597 ♪ And many more ♪ 375 00:13:42,343 --> 00:13:43,344 You were surprised, weren't you? 376 00:13:43,387 --> 00:13:44,345 Yes. 377 00:13:44,388 --> 00:13:46,042 You looked freaked, man. 378 00:13:46,086 --> 00:13:48,566 We said, "Surprise," and you were, like, "What? 379 00:13:48,610 --> 00:13:50,438 What the hell's goin' on here?" 380 00:13:50,481 --> 00:13:53,136 Good cake. Why don't you have some? 381 00:13:53,180 --> 00:13:54,181 I...I can't, um. 382 00:13:54,224 --> 00:13:55,486 C'mon. A little bit. A little bit. 383 00:13:55,530 --> 00:13:56,748 No, no, I can't eat dairy. 384 00:13:56,792 --> 00:13:58,533 Oh, right. Oh, God. Too bad, it's so good. 385 00:13:58,576 --> 00:13:59,577 Yeah, it makes me sick. 386 00:13:59,621 --> 00:14:01,318 You know what? 387 00:14:01,362 --> 00:14:03,320 If I were allergic to dairy, 388 00:14:03,364 --> 00:14:04,495 I think I'd kill myself. 389 00:14:04,539 --> 00:14:07,847 'Cause this is way, way too good. 390 00:14:11,154 --> 00:14:12,242 He's in a box? 391 00:14:12,286 --> 00:14:14,244 Pam, he's in a box. 392 00:14:14,288 --> 00:14:16,594 He's downstairs in a box 393 00:14:16,638 --> 00:14:17,987 on the floor near the shelves. 394 00:14:19,075 --> 00:14:20,555 I'm serious. Go down there. 395 00:14:20,598 --> 00:14:21,599 And work your magic... 396 00:14:25,908 --> 00:14:26,996 Hey, where are you? 397 00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:30,739 Yeah, we were supposed to meet here. 398 00:14:30,782 --> 00:14:31,783 What? 399 00:14:33,481 --> 00:14:35,831 Oh, my gosh! 400 00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:37,180 That ties in perfectly 401 00:14:37,224 --> 00:14:40,444 with something that Michael was telling me earlier. 402 00:14:40,488 --> 00:14:43,578 I just don't know what some of the people in, 403 00:14:43,621 --> 00:14:46,146 like, accounting, are gonna do. 404 00:14:46,189 --> 00:14:47,756 It said specifically that... 405 00:14:47,799 --> 00:14:49,410 Oof... 406 00:14:49,453 --> 00:14:50,411 Oh... 407 00:14:50,454 --> 00:14:52,369 Hey, Jim. 408 00:14:52,413 --> 00:14:53,718 Good party, huh? 409 00:14:53,762 --> 00:14:55,459 Just a little something I...whipped up, you know, 410 00:14:55,503 --> 00:14:56,547 a little morale boost.Yeah? 411 00:14:56,591 --> 00:14:57,679 No big deal. 412 00:14:57,722 --> 00:14:58,593 Speaking of which, I meant to tell you. 413 00:14:58,636 --> 00:14:59,942 Very impressive. 414 00:14:59,986 --> 00:15:02,640 The, uh, donation you gave to Oscar's charity. 415 00:15:02,684 --> 00:15:03,990 Oh. What was that, 25 bucks? 416 00:15:04,033 --> 00:15:07,907 Yeah, well, you know, money isn't everything, Jim. 417 00:15:07,950 --> 00:15:09,604 It's not the key to happiness. 418 00:15:09,647 --> 00:15:11,519 You know what is? 419 00:15:11,562 --> 00:15:12,737 Joy. 420 00:15:12,781 --> 00:15:14,261 You should remember that. 421 00:15:14,304 --> 00:15:16,959 Maybe you'd give more than $3.00 next time. 422 00:15:17,003 --> 00:15:19,005 Yeah, well, $3.00 a mile 423 00:15:19,048 --> 00:15:21,094 is going to end up being, like, 50 bucks. 424 00:15:21,137 --> 00:15:22,095 So... 425 00:15:22,138 --> 00:15:23,792 God, I can't even calculate 426 00:15:23,835 --> 00:15:26,316 what you're gonna have to give. 427 00:15:32,844 --> 00:15:33,802 Is Oscar around? 428 00:15:33,845 --> 00:15:35,804 I just thought it was a, 429 00:15:35,847 --> 00:15:38,981 kind of a flat, you know, $25 430 00:15:39,025 --> 00:15:40,635 one-time donation. 431 00:15:40,678 --> 00:15:42,463 I didn't think it was a per-mile kinda deal, 432 00:15:42,506 --> 00:15:43,986 you know, so... 433 00:15:44,030 --> 00:15:46,641 Well...that's what a walk-a-thon is. I know-- 434 00:15:46,684 --> 00:15:48,121 It says it right on the sheet. 435 00:15:48,164 --> 00:15:49,296 Look, look at the sheet. 436 00:15:49,339 --> 00:15:51,515 It says it's however many dollars per mile. 437 00:15:51,559 --> 00:15:53,996 Right. Got it. Yes. So, it does. 438 00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:54,997 Um... 439 00:15:55,041 --> 00:15:56,477 I just think it's kind of cheap 440 00:15:56,520 --> 00:15:57,782 to "undonate" money to a charity. 441 00:15:57,826 --> 00:15:59,393 No. No, no, no, no, no. 442 00:15:59,436 --> 00:16:01,656 I-I wasn't--that wasn't what I was...no. 443 00:16:01,699 --> 00:16:03,701 I-I-It's not about the money. 444 00:16:03,745 --> 00:16:05,921 It's just... 445 00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:11,057 it's the ethics of the thing, Oscar. 446 00:16:11,100 --> 00:16:12,536 How's your nephew? 447 00:16:12,580 --> 00:16:14,103 Is he in good shape? Yeah. 448 00:16:14,147 --> 00:16:15,800 How many miles did he do last year? 449 00:16:15,844 --> 00:16:17,019 Last year, he walked 18 miles. 450 00:16:17,063 --> 00:16:18,673 Son of a bitch. 451 00:16:18,716 --> 00:16:20,196 That is impressive! Good for him. 452 00:16:42,653 --> 00:16:43,828 Happy birthday, Meredith. 453 00:16:43,872 --> 00:16:44,916 Read it out loud. 454 00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:46,092 And say who wrote everything, 455 00:16:46,135 --> 00:16:48,137 so we know whose is the best. 456 00:16:48,181 --> 00:16:51,140 "Happy Bird-Day." 457 00:16:53,403 --> 00:16:55,927 "Meredith, good news: 458 00:16:55,971 --> 00:16:57,755 you're not actually a year older, 459 00:16:57,799 --> 00:17:00,932 because you work here, where time stands still." 460 00:17:02,108 --> 00:17:03,761 I don't know about that-- 461 00:17:03,805 --> 00:17:04,762 That was Stanley. 462 00:17:04,806 --> 00:17:08,462 "Meredith, Happy Birthday. 463 00:17:08,505 --> 00:17:10,899 You're the best, Love, Pam." 464 00:17:10,942 --> 00:17:11,943 Aw. 465 00:17:11,987 --> 00:17:14,424 Blech! 466 00:17:14,468 --> 00:17:15,773 Thanks, downer. 467 00:17:15,817 --> 00:17:17,036 This is from Michael. 468 00:17:17,079 --> 00:17:20,604 "Meredith: Let's hope the only downsizing 469 00:17:20,648 --> 00:17:21,866 that happens to you 470 00:17:21,910 --> 00:17:27,481 is that someone downsizes your age." 471 00:17:27,524 --> 00:17:29,091 Because of the downsizing. 472 00:17:29,135 --> 00:17:30,658 Rumors. 473 00:17:30,701 --> 00:17:34,705 And because you're gettin' old. 474 00:17:34,749 --> 00:17:37,012 No, I get it-- it's funny. 475 00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:38,144 You didn't get the joke. 476 00:17:38,187 --> 00:17:39,275 So...that's cool. 477 00:17:39,319 --> 00:17:40,363 That's 478 00:17:40,407 --> 00:17:44,193 Actually, I have a bunch of these... 479 00:17:44,237 --> 00:17:45,455 good ones that I didn't use. 480 00:17:45,499 --> 00:17:48,502 Um...oh, where's that, uh-- 481 00:17:48,545 --> 00:17:50,112 oh, okay, here's a good one. 482 00:17:50,156 --> 00:17:52,158 Um, "Hey, Meredith, Liz Taylor called. 483 00:17:52,201 --> 00:17:55,117 She wants her age back and her divorces back." 484 00:17:55,161 --> 00:17:56,118 'Cause Meredith's been divorced, 485 00:17:56,162 --> 00:17:57,337 like, twice? Is that right? 486 00:17:57,380 --> 00:17:58,642 Uh, you're right. 487 00:17:58,686 --> 00:17:59,817 Did I get that right? 488 00:17:59,861 --> 00:18:01,819 Okay. Right. Yes. 489 00:18:01,863 --> 00:18:04,126 Divorce... 490 00:18:04,170 --> 00:18:06,433 um...oh, okay. 491 00:18:06,476 --> 00:18:08,783 "Meredith is so old." 492 00:18:08,826 --> 00:18:09,827 How old is she? 493 00:18:09,871 --> 00:18:12,091 Well, if everybody... could do it. 494 00:18:12,134 --> 00:18:13,570 "Meredith is so old..." 495 00:18:13,614 --> 00:18:14,876 How old is she? 496 00:18:14,919 --> 00:18:15,920 "She's so old, 497 00:18:15,964 --> 00:18:17,400 "she went into an antique store 498 00:18:17,444 --> 00:18:19,010 and they kept her." 499 00:18:23,189 --> 00:18:24,364 Well, that wasn't even mine. 500 00:18:24,407 --> 00:18:26,975 I got that off the internet...website... 501 00:18:27,018 --> 00:18:28,019 so, don't get mad at me... 502 00:18:28,063 --> 00:18:29,108 Uh... 503 00:18:29,151 --> 00:18:31,110 Nice party, Michael. 504 00:18:31,153 --> 00:18:33,982 This isn't my fault. 505 00:18:34,025 --> 00:18:34,983 Um, ladies, 506 00:18:35,026 --> 00:18:36,724 not your best effort. 507 00:18:36,767 --> 00:18:38,029 The streamers? 508 00:18:38,073 --> 00:18:39,205 I think we could have done better than that, 509 00:18:39,248 --> 00:18:40,249 don't you think? 510 00:18:40,293 --> 00:18:42,991 Phyllis wanted red. I didn't. 511 00:18:43,034 --> 00:18:44,035 Oh, boy, you... 512 00:18:44,079 --> 00:18:46,168 Okay, wait-- all right, people, 513 00:18:46,212 --> 00:18:48,953 hold on, hold on, hold on just a second, okay? 514 00:18:48,997 --> 00:18:49,998 I think we're losing sight 515 00:18:50,041 --> 00:18:52,087 of what is really important here. 516 00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:57,179 And, that is that we are a group of people 517 00:18:57,223 --> 00:18:58,659 who work together. 518 00:18:58,702 --> 00:19:02,010 I was--I really wasn't gonna flaunt this. 519 00:19:02,053 --> 00:19:05,187 I have made a very sizeable donation 520 00:19:05,231 --> 00:19:08,843 to Oscar's nephew's... 521 00:19:08,886 --> 00:19:11,933 Walk-A-Thon. 522 00:19:11,976 --> 00:19:12,934 $25. 523 00:19:12,977 --> 00:19:13,935 Per mile. 524 00:19:13,978 --> 00:19:15,110 Per mile, yes. 525 00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:18,548 When I retire, I-I-I don't want to just 526 00:19:18,592 --> 00:19:21,334 disappear to an island somewhere. 527 00:19:21,377 --> 00:19:23,466 I want to be the guy who gives everything back. 528 00:19:23,510 --> 00:19:26,121 A check for the kids. 529 00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:27,166 And for the team. 530 00:19:27,209 --> 00:19:28,645 I want it to be like, 531 00:19:28,689 --> 00:19:32,519 "Hey, who donated that hospital wing... 532 00:19:32,562 --> 00:19:34,521 that is saving so many lives?" 533 00:19:34,564 --> 00:19:37,088 "Uh, well, I don't- I don't know. 534 00:19:37,132 --> 00:19:39,003 It was anonymous." 535 00:19:39,047 --> 00:19:43,530 "Well, guess what? That was Michael Scott." 536 00:19:43,573 --> 00:19:45,793 "But, ah... it was anonymous, 537 00:19:45,836 --> 00:19:49,231 how do you know?" 538 00:19:49,275 --> 00:19:51,755 "Because I'm him." 539 00:19:51,799 --> 00:19:56,238 Thank you, Michael. 540 00:19:56,282 --> 00:19:57,805 Come here. 541 00:19:57,848 --> 00:20:00,242 Don't cash that until Friday, okay? 542 00:20:00,286 --> 00:20:02,288 Really Yeah. 543 00:20:02,331 --> 00:20:04,899 Oh. Happy Birthday. Thanks. 544 00:20:04,942 --> 00:20:05,900 I could say something-- 545 00:20:05,943 --> 00:20:08,119 Don't do that. Okay. 546 00:20:10,121 --> 00:20:11,166 Okay, okay-- I have something 547 00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:13,516 that totally tops the box! 548 00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:14,952 Oh, tell me! Tell me! Okay. 549 00:20:14,996 --> 00:20:16,389 I have just convinced Dwight 550 00:20:16,432 --> 00:20:18,869 that he needs to go to Stamford, 551 00:20:18,913 --> 00:20:20,131 and spy on our other branch. 552 00:20:20,175 --> 00:20:21,350 No, no, no. 553 00:20:21,394 --> 00:20:22,873 But before he does so, 554 00:20:22,917 --> 00:20:24,745 I told him that he should dye his hair 555 00:20:24,788 --> 00:20:25,833 to go undercover. 556 00:20:27,313 --> 00:20:29,576 If we can get him to drive to Connecticut 557 00:20:29,619 --> 00:20:30,794 and put peroxide in his hair-- 558 00:20:30,838 --> 00:20:31,752 What the hell is this? 559 00:20:31,795 --> 00:20:32,883 What, are you trying 560 00:20:32,927 --> 00:20:34,015 to cop a feel or somethin', Halpert? 561 00:20:34,058 --> 00:20:35,146 No, dude, no-- Dude, no, I was just-- 562 00:20:35,190 --> 00:20:37,192 listen--whoa-- 563 00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:38,324 God, I don't even-- 564 00:20:38,367 --> 00:20:39,977 I don't even know how to explain this. 565 00:20:40,021 --> 00:20:41,240 Um, uh... 566 00:20:41,283 --> 00:20:43,242 Dwight asked me to be in an alliance. 567 00:20:44,286 --> 00:20:47,420 And, then, um, um, we were-- 568 00:20:47,463 --> 00:20:49,030 we've just been messing with him, 569 00:20:49,073 --> 00:20:51,075 uh, because of the whole alliance thing. 570 00:20:51,119 --> 00:20:52,076 Um... 571 00:20:52,120 --> 00:20:53,295 It's just office pranks. 572 00:20:53,339 --> 00:20:54,514 It's stupid. It's just office pranks. 573 00:20:54,557 --> 00:20:55,602 An alliance? 574 00:20:55,645 --> 00:20:57,647 What the hell's he talking about? 575 00:20:58,866 --> 00:21:00,911 I have absolutely no idea. 576 00:21:03,349 --> 00:21:06,352 C'mon. 577 00:21:09,964 --> 00:21:11,792 Do I feel bad about betraying Jim? 578 00:21:11,835 --> 00:21:14,316 Not. At. All. 579 00:21:14,360 --> 00:21:15,883 That's the game. 580 00:21:15,926 --> 00:21:17,363 Convince him we're in an alliance, 581 00:21:17,406 --> 00:21:19,626 get some information, throw him to the wolves. 582 00:21:19,669 --> 00:21:21,497 That's politics, baby. 583 00:21:21,541 --> 00:21:23,499 Get what you can out of someone, 584 00:21:23,543 --> 00:21:24,979 then crush them. 585 00:21:25,022 --> 00:21:26,241 I think Jim might have learned 586 00:21:26,285 --> 00:21:28,330 a very valuable lesson.