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- ♪ no no no no no
no no no no ♪
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♪ no no no no
no no no no no no ♪
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♪ no no no no
no no no no no no ♪
4
00:00:21,170 --> 00:00:24,546
♪ nobody can do shing-a-ling
like I do ♪
5
00:00:24,613 --> 00:00:27,450
♪ nobody can do the skate
like I do ♪
6
00:00:27,518 --> 00:00:30,655
♪ nobody can to the boogaloo
like I do ♪
7
00:00:30,723 --> 00:00:33,858
♪ nobody can do the Philly
like I do ♪
8
00:00:33,926 --> 00:00:36,662
♪ well, don't you know
I'm gonna skate, I do it ♪
9
00:00:36,730 --> 00:00:38,567
♪ ain't nobody do it but me
nobody but me ♪
10
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- You're falling behind.
11
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- ♪ well, I'm gonna Philly
I do it ♪
12
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♪ ain't nobody do it
but me, babe ♪
13
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♪ nobody but me ♪
14
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- Wuphf.Com.
- Ryan, we're doing...
15
00:00:48,973 --> 00:00:50,774
- This is how
you build a business.
16
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♪ let me tell you nobody
nobody ♪
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♪ nobody, nobody ♪
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♪ nobody, nobody ♪
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♪ nobody, nobody ♪
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♪ nobody, nobody ♪
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♪ nobody, nobody ♪
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♪ nobody, nobody ♪
23
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♪ nobody, nobody ♪
24
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- You got creed.
25
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- You make it so hard
to love you sometimes.
26
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- You're behind.
27
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- I said I didn't want
to be on the Internet!
28
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- Go, go, go, go!
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- ♪ no no no no no
no no no no ♪
30
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♪ no no no no
no no no no no no ♪
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♪ no no no no
no no no no no no ♪
32
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♪ nobody can do ♪ Streamers!
33
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- ♪ like I do ♪
34
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- Dwight!
35
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- ♪ nobody, nobody ♪
36
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♪ nobody, nobody ♪
37
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♪ nobody, nobody ♪
38
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♪ nobody, nobody ♪
39
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♪ nobody, nobody ♪
40
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♪ nobody, nobody ♪
41
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- Toby, how did we do?
42
00:02:15,725 --> 00:02:17,225
- Well, that was better.
43
00:02:17,293 --> 00:02:18,560
- Whoo! We did it!
44
00:02:18,628 --> 00:02:22,498
Yes!
45
00:02:27,670 --> 00:02:33,874
Sync by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com
46
00:03:00,226 --> 00:03:03,695
- I suppose summer
had to end sometime.
47
00:03:03,763 --> 00:03:06,931
It's sad, though,
because I had a great summer.
48
00:03:06,999 --> 00:03:09,866
I got West Nile virus.
Lost a ton of weight.
49
00:03:09,934 --> 00:03:11,868
Then I went back to the Lake.
50
00:03:11,935 --> 00:03:15,303
I stepped on a piece of glass
in the parking lot,
51
00:03:15,371 --> 00:03:16,736
Which hurt.
52
00:03:16,804 --> 00:03:20,304
That got infected,
even though I peed on it.
53
00:03:20,372 --> 00:03:23,574
- Saw inception.
54
00:03:23,641 --> 00:03:26,977
Or at least I dreamt I did.
55
00:03:27,044 --> 00:03:28,612
- Broccoli Rob, obviously,
56
00:03:28,679 --> 00:03:30,513
Will be there.
- Yes, of course.
57
00:03:30,581 --> 00:03:32,815
- And j.C.
We call him Blorville
58
00:03:32,883 --> 00:03:35,684
Because he looks like
a black Orville Redenbacher.
59
00:03:35,752 --> 00:03:37,519
- Who's the guy
who invented the peanut?
60
00:03:37,587 --> 00:03:40,222
- Hey, guys.
- Hey!
61
00:03:40,290 --> 00:03:41,557
- Sorry, didn't mean
to interrupt.
62
00:03:41,625 --> 00:03:42,558
- Not at all.
63
00:03:42,626 --> 00:03:43,559
- I'm gonna head back
64
00:03:43,627 --> 00:03:44,894
To Siberia there.
65
00:03:44,962 --> 00:03:46,795
- Aw.
- Ciao.
66
00:03:49,631 --> 00:03:52,032
I started dating Erin
this summer.
67
00:03:52,100 --> 00:03:56,202
It has been, in a word,
exquisite.
68
00:03:56,270 --> 00:03:57,670
- Gabe is awesome.
69
00:03:57,738 --> 00:04:03,108
He has accomplished so much
career-wise and height-wise.
70
00:04:03,176 --> 00:04:05,510
Thank God he's my boss because
71
00:04:05,578 --> 00:04:07,445
I would not have said yes
to a first date
72
00:04:07,513 --> 00:04:08,813
If I didn't have to.
73
00:04:08,881 --> 00:04:11,649
But...It's been great.
74
00:04:11,716 --> 00:04:13,884
- Am I angry that Gabe
stole my girlfriend
75
00:04:13,952 --> 00:04:14,918
Over the summer?
76
00:04:14,986 --> 00:04:16,319
No.
77
00:04:16,386 --> 00:04:19,488
I've been through
anger management, okay?
78
00:04:19,555 --> 00:04:23,357
So right now I am sitting
on a nice beach at Cape Cod,
79
00:04:23,425 --> 00:04:27,160
Gazing out across
the whitecaps.
80
00:04:27,228 --> 00:04:29,796
Oh, look,
it's a humpback whale.
81
00:04:29,863 --> 00:04:33,165
How pretty.
82
00:04:33,233 --> 00:04:36,301
He's eating Gabe.
83
00:04:39,404 --> 00:04:41,205
- Hey.
84
00:04:41,273 --> 00:04:43,107
What are you doing?
85
00:04:43,175 --> 00:04:45,410
- From now on, if you're hot,
sit on an ice pack.
86
00:04:45,477 --> 00:04:46,911
- Well, what if you're cold?
87
00:04:46,979 --> 00:04:50,280
- Pbbbt! Like you'd ever
be cold, Kevin.
88
00:04:50,348 --> 00:04:51,782
Stop asking me
hypothetical questions.
89
00:04:51,850 --> 00:04:53,617
I'm too busy.
90
00:04:53,685 --> 00:04:54,985
- Hey, Dwight,
I don't know if you heard,
91
00:04:55,053 --> 00:04:56,687
But we're supposed to be
drinking out of weird backpacks
92
00:04:56,754 --> 00:04:58,155
Instead of cups,
like regular people.
93
00:04:58,223 --> 00:04:59,189
Oh, you did hear.
94
00:04:59,256 --> 00:05:01,423
- Jim, you have one job to do,
95
00:05:01,491 --> 00:05:02,791
And you do it forgettably.
96
00:05:02,858 --> 00:05:05,392
Those of us who are busy
require hands-free hydration.
97
00:05:05,460 --> 00:05:08,128
Dwight Schrute,
star salesman, beet farmer.
98
00:05:08,195 --> 00:05:09,629
Bed and breakfast proprietor.
99
00:05:09,696 --> 00:05:11,397
Aspiring freelance bodyguard.
100
00:05:11,464 --> 00:05:15,333
Add to that list
owner of this building.
101
00:05:15,401 --> 00:05:19,536
Then burn the list.
102
00:05:19,604 --> 00:05:21,304
- This summer I did
the minority
103
00:05:21,372 --> 00:05:23,406
Executive training program
at Yale.
104
00:05:23,474 --> 00:05:25,174
You guys, I'm, like,
really smart now.
105
00:05:25,242 --> 00:05:26,909
You don't even know.
You could ask me,
106
00:05:26,977 --> 00:05:29,010
"Kelly, what's the biggest
company in the world?"
107
00:05:29,078 --> 00:05:31,145
And I'd be, like,
"blah blah blah,
108
00:05:31,213 --> 00:05:32,746
Blah blah blah blah blah blah,"
109
00:05:32,814 --> 00:05:35,315
Giving you the exact
right answer.
110
00:05:35,382 --> 00:05:36,816
- Coffee monkey's arrived.
111
00:05:36,884 --> 00:05:39,419
- The coffee was supposed
to be here at 9:00.
112
00:05:39,487 --> 00:05:41,688
- Here you go, big "o."
113
00:05:43,523 --> 00:05:45,957
Tiny...
114
00:05:46,025 --> 00:05:48,126
Darryl Hannah.
115
00:05:48,193 --> 00:05:52,295
- It says "decaf."
you get me decaf?
116
00:05:52,363 --> 00:05:54,830
- Ooh, yeah.
117
00:05:54,898 --> 00:05:58,600
Must have been some sort
of mix-up there.
118
00:05:58,668 --> 00:06:00,001
You could just drink it,
119
00:06:00,069 --> 00:06:02,304
Or should I drive
all the way back?
120
00:06:07,176 --> 00:06:08,509
- Well, summer, I, um,
121
00:06:08,576 --> 00:06:10,343
Blew out my knee
playing softball.
122
00:06:10,411 --> 00:06:12,678
Ended up watching CNN
most of the time.
123
00:06:12,746 --> 00:06:19,588
I don't know how we're gonna
get out of Afghanistan.
124
00:06:19,656 --> 00:06:22,336
- The new guy sucks.
Calls me "the nard man."
125
00:06:22,404 --> 00:06:24,001
I'm the "nard dog," okay?
126
00:06:24,069 --> 00:06:25,896
Nard man is my father.
127
00:06:25,964 --> 00:06:27,891
- My name is Luke Cooper.
128
00:06:27,959 --> 00:06:29,820
I love cinema.
129
00:06:29,887 --> 00:06:31,648
My favorite movies are
citizen Kane
130
00:06:31,716 --> 00:06:33,544
And the boondock saints.
131
00:06:33,612 --> 00:06:37,668
- That kid is the worst.
Needs to be fired, Michael.
132
00:06:37,736 --> 00:06:40,561
- He's not the worst.
Okay? He's not the worst.
133
00:06:40,629 --> 00:06:41,592
You know who's the worst?
134
00:06:41,660 --> 00:06:43,287
That intern we had
a few years ago.
135
00:06:43,354 --> 00:06:44,985
That guy... remember?
136
00:06:45,053 --> 00:06:47,311
Eehhhhh! That face,
how ugly he was?
137
00:06:47,378 --> 00:06:49,973
He was the worst.
Good worker, though.
138
00:06:50,041 --> 00:06:52,999
Mm... aw, it's not cappuccino.
139
00:06:53,067 --> 00:06:55,361
- He messed yours up to.
- He's got to go, Mike.
140
00:06:55,428 --> 00:06:57,060
- It's just coffee, guys.
141
00:06:57,124 --> 00:06:59,252
But yeah, I'll look
into it, okay?
142
00:07:01,081 --> 00:07:03,676
- Wow, that's a lot of keys.
143
00:07:03,744 --> 00:07:06,302
- The bigger the key chain,
the more powerful the man.
144
00:07:06,370 --> 00:07:08,164
- That's right.
The janitor said that.
145
00:07:08,232 --> 00:07:09,596
By the way,
the raccoons are back.
146
00:07:09,664 --> 00:07:10,694
- Where?
147
00:07:10,761 --> 00:07:12,489
- I think they run
through these panels
148
00:07:12,556 --> 00:07:13,820
And then down under the map.
149
00:07:13,888 --> 00:07:14,985
I wouldn't know for sure
150
00:07:15,050 --> 00:07:16,181
'cause I don't have
a trained ear.
151
00:07:16,249 --> 00:07:18,845
That's why I have to use
one of these.
152
00:07:18,913 --> 00:07:20,574
- Gimme that.
- Yep.
153
00:07:20,641 --> 00:07:22,536
Wait. And this.
154
00:07:22,604 --> 00:07:24,798
- Yes.
- Go get 'em.
155
00:07:24,866 --> 00:07:26,360
What happened to me
this summer?
156
00:07:26,428 --> 00:07:29,820
Dwight bought the building,
so actually, this has been
157
00:07:29,888 --> 00:07:31,815
The busiest summer of my life.
158
00:07:44,885 --> 00:07:48,241
- Hey, what's so funny
over here?
159
00:07:48,309 --> 00:07:51,602
Ha, very nice.
Give me my keys.
160
00:07:58,884 --> 00:08:01,578
Not...Funny...Jim!
161
00:08:04,005 --> 00:08:05,101
- Sorry.
162
00:08:05,169 --> 00:08:06,399
- Oh, no.
Don't worry about it.
163
00:08:06,467 --> 00:08:08,026
I'm just gonna put
a couple keys on every day
164
00:08:08,094 --> 00:08:09,357
Until Christmas.
165
00:08:09,425 --> 00:08:11,185
Then his pants would have
fallen down, which was...
166
00:08:11,253 --> 00:08:12,450
A little gift to me, but...
167
00:08:12,517 --> 00:08:13,911
- It was really funny.
168
00:08:13,978 --> 00:08:16,573
- Well, it would have been.
169
00:08:16,641 --> 00:08:18,168
So unprofessional,
Mrs. Halpert.
170
00:08:20,531 --> 00:08:22,058
- I love you.
171
00:08:24,388 --> 00:08:26,482
- Luke...
172
00:08:26,550 --> 00:08:28,411
Luke!
173
00:08:28,478 --> 00:08:29,742
- What's up, Venus?
174
00:08:29,807 --> 00:08:31,768
- Did you send those samples
to Justin
175
00:08:31,835 --> 00:08:32,899
At Lehigh motors yesterday?
176
00:08:32,966 --> 00:08:34,330
Because he didn't get 'em.
177
00:08:34,398 --> 00:08:37,786
- Uh, if you asked me to do it,
I'm sure I did it.
178
00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:40,615
Yeah, strawberries are ripe.
179
00:08:40,683 --> 00:08:41,943
- Hey...
180
00:08:42,010 --> 00:08:45,035
Turn off the chumbawamba
and scram, twerp.
181
00:08:45,103 --> 00:08:46,233
- You don't have to yell.
182
00:08:46,300 --> 00:08:48,296
- Okay, rude.
183
00:08:48,363 --> 00:08:50,424
Luke...
184
00:08:50,492 --> 00:08:53,183
I want you to go
to the supermarket for me.
185
00:08:53,251 --> 00:08:54,448
- What for?
186
00:08:54,515 --> 00:08:56,076
- To get some ice cream
for everybody.
187
00:08:56,144 --> 00:08:59,036
It's national ice cream
afternoon.
188
00:08:59,104 --> 00:09:01,366
Great.
189
00:09:01,433 --> 00:09:04,459
And another thing
I did this summer.
190
00:09:04,527 --> 00:09:07,519
I hired my nephew.
191
00:09:11,373 --> 00:09:12,574
- Having Luke here
is a pretty big deal for me.
192
00:09:12,641 --> 00:09:14,408
Because his mother,
193
00:09:14,476 --> 00:09:17,544
Who also happens to be
my half sister...
194
00:09:17,611 --> 00:09:19,612
Kind of cut me off
from that side of the family
195
00:09:19,679 --> 00:09:21,380
15 years a...
196
00:09:21,447 --> 00:09:23,081
14.
197
00:09:23,149 --> 00:09:25,082
The last time I saw Luke
198
00:09:25,150 --> 00:09:27,184
Was the opening day
of ace Ventura II,
199
00:09:27,252 --> 00:09:28,752
And that was '95.
200
00:09:28,820 --> 00:09:34,359
So, yes, 15 years on the dot.
201
00:09:34,426 --> 00:09:37,295
Anyway, I lost him in a forest.
202
00:09:37,363 --> 00:09:39,431
Don't bother Luke.
203
00:09:39,499 --> 00:09:41,500
- Why is there a circle
with a line through it?
204
00:09:41,567 --> 00:09:42,801
- That means don't.
205
00:09:42,869 --> 00:09:44,436
Haven't you seen
ghostbusters, Pam?
206
00:09:44,504 --> 00:09:47,406
- Yeah, but it's like you're
saying we should bother Luke.
207
00:09:47,473 --> 00:09:49,842
- No, it...
208
00:09:49,909 --> 00:09:51,577
Yes, okay. Right.
209
00:09:51,644 --> 00:09:53,578
All right, yep.
My bad.
210
00:09:53,646 --> 00:09:55,814
I got it.
211
00:09:55,881 --> 00:09:59,117
Here we go.
212
00:09:59,184 --> 00:10:00,752
- Don't don't bother Luke.
213
00:10:00,819 --> 00:10:01,786
Got it.
214
00:10:02,888 --> 00:10:04,889
Come on. Okay.
Um...
215
00:10:08,824 --> 00:10:11,025
That's as clear
as I can make it.
216
00:10:11,092 --> 00:10:12,092
- Hey, why can't
we bother Luke?
217
00:10:12,160 --> 00:10:13,694
He deserves it.
218
00:10:13,761 --> 00:10:14,761
- Because I don't want it
getting back to sabre
219
00:10:14,828 --> 00:10:15,928
That we're yelling
at assistants.
220
00:10:15,995 --> 00:10:17,462
I think it would
reflect poorly on us.
221
00:10:17,530 --> 00:10:19,363
- Who's gonna tell on us?
Gabe?
222
00:10:20,465 --> 00:10:21,933
- That'd be hilarious.
223
00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:23,768
Uh, "Joe, they're creating
a hostile work environment.
224
00:10:23,836 --> 00:10:25,470
Stop 'em."
225
00:10:25,537 --> 00:10:26,671
- Nope, it won't be Gabe,
226
00:10:26,739 --> 00:10:28,507
But actually,
there is somebody in the office
227
00:10:28,574 --> 00:10:29,975
Who is very,
very close to Luke.
228
00:10:30,042 --> 00:10:31,343
- How close?
229
00:10:31,410 --> 00:10:32,377
- Well, Dwight,
he wiped his butt.
230
00:10:32,445 --> 00:10:34,011
Is that close enough for you?
231
00:10:35,379 --> 00:10:37,045
- Yes. Of course.
232
00:10:37,113 --> 00:10:39,814
- Guys, I think Michael
and Luke are related.
233
00:10:39,882 --> 00:10:40,815
- No.
234
00:10:40,883 --> 00:10:43,817
No, Toby.
He's not.
235
00:10:43,885 --> 00:10:44,852
Yes, he is.
236
00:10:44,919 --> 00:10:46,319
He's my nephew.
237
00:10:46,387 --> 00:10:47,787
- What?
- Ohh!
238
00:10:47,855 --> 00:10:49,222
- Luke is my nephew.
239
00:10:49,290 --> 00:10:50,490
- Michael, that's nepotism.
240
00:10:50,558 --> 00:10:51,524
Luke is getting
special treatment
241
00:10:51,592 --> 00:10:52,692
Because he's your nephew.
242
00:10:52,759 --> 00:10:53,959
- Yes, exactly.
243
00:10:54,027 --> 00:10:55,794
That is a very nice
way of putting it, Oscar.
244
00:10:55,862 --> 00:10:59,697
Mixing family and business
is a beautiful thing.
245
00:10:59,764 --> 00:11:01,498
- What's wrong with
a level playing field?
246
00:11:01,566 --> 00:11:03,934
- Do think they should
have had open auditions
247
00:11:04,001 --> 00:11:05,502
For the band Hanson?
248
00:11:05,570 --> 00:11:08,371
What if no one
named Hanson showed up?
249
00:11:08,438 --> 00:11:09,739
That wouldn't even make sense.
250
00:11:09,807 --> 00:11:12,741
Or what if they just
hired the littlest kid
251
00:11:12,809 --> 00:11:17,979
And a 50-year-old guy
who was a murderer?
252
00:11:18,047 --> 00:11:19,080
Really safe.
253
00:11:19,148 --> 00:11:21,515
- Oh, man, so many
points being made.
254
00:11:21,583 --> 00:11:23,483
- I couldn't care less
about nepotism.
255
00:11:23,551 --> 00:11:25,952
But I'm loving the debate.
256
00:11:26,020 --> 00:11:27,954
Great minds battling it out.
257
00:11:28,022 --> 00:11:30,156
And I've got a front row seat.
258
00:11:30,223 --> 00:11:32,391
- God, when he needed
help on earth,
259
00:11:32,459 --> 00:11:33,392
Who did he hire?
260
00:11:33,460 --> 00:11:34,893
Jesus Christ, his son.
261
00:11:34,962 --> 00:11:36,329
- That's a really tight
argument.
262
00:11:36,397 --> 00:11:37,730
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
263
00:11:37,798 --> 00:11:40,165
- But you're comparing
you and Luke to God and Jesus.
264
00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:41,533
- No! No.
265
00:11:41,601 --> 00:11:42,701
I'm just saying, why does God
266
00:11:42,769 --> 00:11:44,168
Get to do something
that I don't?
267
00:11:44,236 --> 00:11:45,737
- This is hypothetical.
268
00:11:45,804 --> 00:11:48,206
We're talking about Luke,
who happens to be terrible.
269
00:11:48,273 --> 00:11:49,440
- Well, then,
why aren't you bugging me
270
00:11:49,508 --> 00:11:50,674
To fire everybody who's bad?
271
00:11:50,742 --> 00:11:52,142
You just want me to fire Luke.
272
00:11:52,210 --> 00:11:53,510
That's reverse nepotism.
273
00:11:53,578 --> 00:11:56,747
He should not be punished
because he is related to me
274
00:11:56,814 --> 00:11:58,181
And bad at what he does!
275
00:11:58,249 --> 00:11:59,582
- I would just like
to say something
276
00:11:59,650 --> 00:12:01,784
Off of what Darryl said
about the level playing field.
277
00:12:01,851 --> 00:12:04,885
That is actually
a zoning issue.
278
00:12:07,655 --> 00:12:10,223
So thank you.
279
00:12:10,290 --> 00:12:12,258
- If there's nothing wrong
with this, Michael,
280
00:12:12,325 --> 00:12:13,626
Why have you been
keeping it a secret?
281
00:12:13,693 --> 00:12:16,195
- Because I wanted you
to come to me and say,
282
00:12:16,262 --> 00:12:18,129
"wow, he is so great."
283
00:12:18,197 --> 00:12:20,598
And I was gonna say,
"well, it's in the genes."
284
00:12:20,666 --> 00:12:23,100
And I was actually
gonna be wearing jeans.
285
00:12:23,168 --> 00:12:24,634
And I'd point to them...
right? No.
286
00:12:24,702 --> 00:12:25,869
But you ruined it.
287
00:12:25,937 --> 00:12:27,771
So...Thank you very much.
288
00:12:27,839 --> 00:12:30,273
Here he comes.
Guys, look.
289
00:12:30,341 --> 00:12:32,942
I don't want you to treat him
290
00:12:33,010 --> 00:12:34,477
Like anyone else in the office.
291
00:12:34,544 --> 00:12:36,812
I just want you to treat him
like my nephew.
292
00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:38,113
Hey, there he is!
293
00:12:38,180 --> 00:12:39,947
- Hey! Ice cream afternoon!
294
00:12:40,015 --> 00:12:41,448
- Whoo Whoo Whoo!
- Whoo!
295
00:12:41,516 --> 00:12:43,417
- Wait...
296
00:12:43,485 --> 00:12:44,617
Soy ice cream?
297
00:12:44,685 --> 00:12:46,652
Did you get real ice cream?
298
00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:48,053
- Or enough for everyone?
299
00:12:48,121 --> 00:12:49,754
- No, man.
There was no list.
300
00:12:49,822 --> 00:12:51,890
Uh...But I got
bagel chips.
301
00:12:51,957 --> 00:12:53,658
- Ah, my favorite part
of an ice cream party.
302
00:12:53,726 --> 00:12:55,626
The bagel chips.
303
00:12:55,694 --> 00:12:57,328
- Clutch cream run, bro.
304
00:13:01,533 --> 00:13:03,100
- Get whatever you want.
On me.
305
00:13:03,168 --> 00:13:05,668
- You really think you can
make it up to me with food?
306
00:13:05,736 --> 00:13:07,469
- I don't know.
That usually works.
307
00:13:07,537 --> 00:13:10,571
I feel horrible
for blowing Jim's prank.
308
00:13:10,639 --> 00:13:12,907
I don't know if you can tell,
but he's mildly upset.
309
00:13:12,974 --> 00:13:14,975
And Dwight hasn't been messed
with in a while,
310
00:13:15,043 --> 00:13:17,010
So he's become a monster.
311
00:13:17,078 --> 00:13:18,845
I need to make this right.
312
00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:29,187
- I came down here to feed
the feral cats
313
00:13:29,254 --> 00:13:30,488
Like I usually do,
314
00:13:30,555 --> 00:13:31,655
And I found something unsavory
315
00:13:31,723 --> 00:13:32,856
In the back of your
nephew's car.
316
00:13:32,923 --> 00:13:33,857
- Okay, you know what?
317
00:13:33,924 --> 00:13:34,924
Just... just back off.
318
00:13:34,991 --> 00:13:35,992
Back off!
319
00:13:36,059 --> 00:13:37,426
- Well, take a look.
320
00:13:37,494 --> 00:13:39,161
It's all the packages
he was supposed to overnight.
321
00:13:39,229 --> 00:13:41,296
He never bothered to send them.
322
00:13:41,364 --> 00:13:44,465
- All right,
those might be his.
323
00:13:44,533 --> 00:13:45,933
He might own an ebay store.
324
00:13:46,001 --> 00:13:48,134
- Yep. That's exactly
what my first thought was.
325
00:13:48,202 --> 00:13:49,469
And then I remembered having
a conversation with him
326
00:13:49,536 --> 00:13:50,870
Where he was like,
"I don't own an ebay store."
327
00:13:50,937 --> 00:13:52,471
So...
- Okay, okay.
328
00:13:52,538 --> 00:13:53,505
You know what?
This is disgusting.
329
00:13:53,573 --> 00:13:55,005
This is like a witch hunt.
330
00:13:55,073 --> 00:13:57,140
This is like
the Blair witch hunt project.
331
00:13:57,208 --> 00:13:58,675
- Oh, sure, those are
the expense reports
332
00:13:58,742 --> 00:14:00,542
That corporate
was waiting for yesterday.
333
00:14:00,610 --> 00:14:02,878
- Let's just make this kid
open this damn car.
334
00:14:02,946 --> 00:14:03,946
- Oh, my gosh,
those are the pants
335
00:14:04,014 --> 00:14:05,181
He wanted to return to talbots.
336
00:14:05,249 --> 00:14:07,317
- I'm reconsidering
sending him back anyway.
337
00:14:07,385 --> 00:14:09,852
- You get that kid
to open this car,
338
00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:11,787
Or I'm gonna do it myself...
339
00:14:11,855 --> 00:14:13,456
by calling AAA.
340
00:14:13,523 --> 00:14:14,891
- Wait a minute.
- I'm in!
341
00:14:14,958 --> 00:14:16,792
- Don't... all right.
342
00:14:16,860 --> 00:14:18,861
Well, okay.
343
00:14:18,929 --> 00:14:20,963
You've just committed a felony.
344
00:14:21,030 --> 00:14:21,997
- Yep, here they are.
345
00:14:22,065 --> 00:14:23,532
- Yep, I just lost a client
346
00:14:23,599 --> 00:14:25,667
'cause I swore I sent
these samples on time.
347
00:14:25,734 --> 00:14:26,868
- This kid's costing us sales,
Michael.
348
00:14:28,470 --> 00:14:30,537
- I'm sorry, do you want
to try them on again to see...
349
00:14:30,605 --> 00:14:31,704
- No, I know they fit.
350
00:14:31,772 --> 00:14:33,272
It's not about the fit.
351
00:14:36,946 --> 00:14:38,379
- Why is this my problem,
Michael?
352
00:14:38,447 --> 00:14:40,114
- Because Gabe tattled.
353
00:14:40,181 --> 00:14:41,114
I was perfectly happy
354
00:14:41,182 --> 00:14:42,615
To just hide it from you.
355
00:14:42,683 --> 00:14:44,483
- Those overnight packages
needed to go out,
356
00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:46,484
And Michael refuses to hold
the guilty party accountable.
357
00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:47,985
- Lower yourself, Gabe.
358
00:14:48,053 --> 00:14:50,722
I don't wanna be having
a conversation with your crotch.
359
00:14:53,059 --> 00:14:55,694
Okay, now educate me
why you won't fire the boy.
360
00:14:55,762 --> 00:14:57,328
- You don't have all the facts.
361
00:14:57,396 --> 00:14:59,864
- Which are?
- I love him.
362
00:14:59,932 --> 00:15:02,232
- Oh, God.
363
00:15:02,300 --> 00:15:04,667
How far has it gone?
364
00:15:04,735 --> 00:15:05,901
- No. No.
365
00:15:05,969 --> 00:15:07,269
He's my nephew.
366
00:15:07,337 --> 00:15:08,403
- Well, I got a nephew too.
367
00:15:08,471 --> 00:15:10,138
But he don't work for me.
368
00:15:10,206 --> 00:15:11,139
You know why?
369
00:15:11,207 --> 00:15:12,841
'cause he's a screw-up.
370
00:15:12,908 --> 00:15:15,409
He can swim in my pool,
but he can't come in my house.
371
00:15:15,477 --> 00:15:17,745
- Well, this office is my pool.
372
00:15:17,812 --> 00:15:19,179
And my house is my house.
373
00:15:19,247 --> 00:15:21,615
And I just want
my nephew to work
374
00:15:21,683 --> 00:15:22,683
In my pool.
375
00:15:22,750 --> 00:15:24,117
- If you keep him, Michael,
376
00:15:24,184 --> 00:15:25,751
I'm gonna hold you
accountable for him.
377
00:15:25,819 --> 00:15:26,952
You're on the hook
for this kid.
378
00:15:27,020 --> 00:15:28,187
You got that?
- Mm-hmm.
379
00:15:28,255 --> 00:15:30,189
- Cover his ass
like tidy whities.
380
00:15:30,257 --> 00:15:33,259
- I will cover his ass like moss
on Mississippi tree stump.
381
00:15:33,326 --> 00:15:35,392
- Was how I put it
on clear enough?
382
00:15:35,460 --> 00:15:37,594
I mean, you had to go
and make up your own saying?
383
00:15:37,662 --> 00:15:40,063
Deal with it, boys.
384
00:15:42,495 --> 00:15:45,159
- Luke and I have been
working side by side
385
00:15:45,227 --> 00:15:47,291
As master and commander.
386
00:15:47,359 --> 00:15:48,958
Me as master, he as commander.
387
00:15:49,026 --> 00:15:50,925
Occasionally,
he'll need a little push.
388
00:15:50,993 --> 00:15:54,062
And I will do that,
and he'll slow down,
389
00:15:54,129 --> 00:15:55,560
And then I'll push him again.
390
00:15:55,628 --> 00:15:56,660
That's the thing with kids.
391
00:15:56,727 --> 00:15:57,960
You have to keep pushing.
392
00:15:58,027 --> 00:15:59,826
You have to push them
until they push you back.
393
00:15:59,894 --> 00:16:01,559
And then you push some more.
394
00:16:01,626 --> 00:16:02,793
It's all about give and take,
395
00:16:02,860 --> 00:16:05,493
But mostly it's about
pushing each other.
396
00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:07,659
- Oh, yeah.
397
00:16:07,727 --> 00:16:09,425
This will be easy.
398
00:16:09,493 --> 00:16:11,992
So just, like, rearrange
the buttons and stuff.
399
00:16:12,059 --> 00:16:13,058
- Yeah, yeah.
400
00:16:13,124 --> 00:16:14,323
Like when he presses
"door closed,"
401
00:16:14,391 --> 00:16:15,523
The doors open.
402
00:16:15,591 --> 00:16:16,723
Or he presses "lobby,"
it goes to third floor.
403
00:16:16,790 --> 00:16:18,155
Stuff like that.
Can you do that?
404
00:16:18,222 --> 00:16:21,488
- Yeah. Let me take a look
at the circus board.
405
00:16:21,556 --> 00:16:25,386
- Dwight is about
to get so pammed.
406
00:16:25,454 --> 00:16:27,586
- Hey, did you
sms text message me?
407
00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:29,386
- Yeah, I wanted to show you
something in the lobby.
408
00:16:29,454 --> 00:16:31,285
Uh, come on.
409
00:16:35,718 --> 00:16:38,050
- Okay, that's weird.
- Hmm.
410
00:16:38,116 --> 00:16:39,749
- Just hitting "door closed."
what?
411
00:16:39,817 --> 00:16:41,248
- There we go.
- Well...
412
00:16:41,315 --> 00:16:43,213
- Uh...
- is this elevator going up?
413
00:16:43,281 --> 00:16:44,347
- Mm-hmm.
414
00:16:44,414 --> 00:16:48,312
- Hey...The elevator
is disobeying us!
415
00:16:49,879 --> 00:16:50,978
Ohh-Kay. Okay.
416
00:16:51,046 --> 00:16:52,612
We are stuck.
We are stuck.
417
00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:54,110
- Um...
- Hank! Hank!
418
00:16:54,178 --> 00:16:55,911
Can you hear us?
419
00:16:55,979 --> 00:16:56,944
Oh, my God. Okay.
420
00:16:57,012 --> 00:16:58,643
Emergency protocol.
421
00:16:58,711 --> 00:16:59,943
- Oh...
- Just calm down.
422
00:17:00,011 --> 00:17:02,475
- Pam, try and pry open
those front doors, immediately.
423
00:17:02,542 --> 00:17:04,441
- I don't...
- use your talons!
424
00:17:04,509 --> 00:17:05,541
Pry 'em open!
425
00:17:05,609 --> 00:17:07,407
Okay, DWI...
oh, my God!
426
00:17:07,475 --> 00:17:08,807
- Well, don't look, freak!
427
00:17:08,875 --> 00:17:10,039
- Dwight, what are you doing?!
428
00:17:10,106 --> 00:17:11,372
- Well...
429
00:17:11,440 --> 00:17:12,806
- We've only been in here
for, like, two seconds!
430
00:17:12,874 --> 00:17:14,338
- I got 56 ounces
of fluid in my bladder!
431
00:17:14,406 --> 00:17:16,737
And we have to establish
a pee corner.
432
00:17:16,805 --> 00:17:18,904
- You've gotta be kidding me.
433
00:17:18,971 --> 00:17:21,036
- Luke, is going to use
his laser pointer
434
00:17:21,103 --> 00:17:23,302
To point to account setup.
435
00:17:23,369 --> 00:17:24,535
You click on that first,
436
00:17:24,603 --> 00:17:26,301
Then a whole new...
not... no, no, no.
437
00:17:26,369 --> 00:17:27,801
Luke, come on.
Come on.
438
00:17:27,869 --> 00:17:29,199
Not on Oscar's head.
439
00:17:29,267 --> 00:17:30,867
- Tsh.
- All right.
440
00:17:30,934 --> 00:17:32,232
Luke, come on.
441
00:17:32,300 --> 00:17:33,565
Stop it.
- What? I'm stopping it.
442
00:17:33,633 --> 00:17:34,631
That's what you said.
443
00:17:34,699 --> 00:17:36,698
- Give me the pointer.
444
00:17:36,765 --> 00:17:37,798
- So you just
want me to move it.
445
00:17:37,866 --> 00:17:39,298
You're being totally
unclear here.
446
00:17:39,365 --> 00:17:40,765
I'm just gonna go ahead
and move it.
447
00:17:40,833 --> 00:17:42,131
- No, just power it down.
No, no, no, no, no.
448
00:17:42,199 --> 00:17:43,865
Not on Angela's boob.
Come on. Come on.
449
00:17:43,933 --> 00:17:46,030
Luke, seriously.
- All right, fine, fine.
450
00:17:46,098 --> 00:17:47,897
I'll just go.
- Okay.
451
00:17:47,965 --> 00:17:50,030
- I'm gone.
- All right. Okay.
452
00:17:50,097 --> 00:17:51,463
Good job.
453
00:17:51,531 --> 00:17:53,295
Okay, email accounts.
454
00:17:53,363 --> 00:17:54,528
So we're starting
with account setup.
455
00:17:54,596 --> 00:17:56,594
- Oh, my God,
is it in my eyeball?
456
00:17:56,661 --> 00:17:58,358
- Yes.
- I think he's burning my eye.
457
00:17:58,426 --> 00:17:59,757
- Michael, do something.
458
00:17:59,825 --> 00:18:00,957
- Sack up, man.
459
00:18:01,024 --> 00:18:02,700
- Okay, can I have that?
- No.
460
00:18:02,768 --> 00:18:05,911
- Okay, I am going
to count down from five.
461
00:18:05,979 --> 00:18:07,078
Five
462
00:18:07,146 --> 00:18:08,112
Four.
463
00:18:08,180 --> 00:18:09,647
- I'm not kidding.
464
00:18:09,715 --> 00:18:10,783
Three.
465
00:18:10,851 --> 00:18:13,253
Two. One.
- Give... okay.
466
00:18:13,321 --> 00:18:15,054
- All right, give it up.
- No!
467
00:18:15,122 --> 00:18:18,991
You...Are going to learn
to be more professional, Luke!
468
00:18:19,059 --> 00:18:20,259
- What the...
469
00:18:20,326 --> 00:18:21,660
- That's what you're
going to do, Luke!
470
00:18:21,728 --> 00:18:24,161
- Aah!
What the hell was that?
471
00:18:24,229 --> 00:18:26,063
- I had to do that.
472
00:18:27,632 --> 00:18:29,599
- Hey, fuck this!
473
00:18:29,667 --> 00:18:31,167
Screw it!
- All right. Are we good?
474
00:18:33,069 --> 00:18:35,336
- You're okay.
475
00:18:35,404 --> 00:18:37,505
He's okay.
476
00:18:39,707 --> 00:18:41,441
There are many different
schools of thought
477
00:18:41,508 --> 00:18:44,107
On capital punishment.
478
00:18:44,175 --> 00:18:45,909
- That was awesome.
479
00:18:45,976 --> 00:18:48,177
- Texas justice.
480
00:18:48,245 --> 00:18:50,345
- Yeah, your nephew is so lame.
481
00:18:50,413 --> 00:18:53,045
- He's been trashing us
relentlessly on Twitter.
482
00:18:53,113 --> 00:18:55,447
Yeah, it's funny stuff,
but mean.
483
00:18:55,515 --> 00:18:57,782
- You follow him on Twitter?
484
00:18:57,849 --> 00:18:59,249
- Everywhere I look,
it's Betty white this
485
00:18:59,317 --> 00:19:00,617
And Betty white that.
486
00:19:00,684 --> 00:19:03,386
Finally, a kid who's not
talking about Betty white.
487
00:19:03,454 --> 00:19:05,121
Of course I follow him.
488
00:19:05,189 --> 00:19:06,289
- Michael...
489
00:19:06,357 --> 00:19:08,391
You just physically
assaulted an employee.
490
00:19:08,459 --> 00:19:09,959
Can we talk in private?
491
00:19:10,026 --> 00:19:11,527
Yes, of course.
492
00:19:11,595 --> 00:19:14,063
What is this in reference to?
493
00:19:16,699 --> 00:19:17,666
- Pam?
494
00:19:17,733 --> 00:19:19,501
- Oh, hey, Jim.
495
00:19:19,568 --> 00:19:22,604
Some prankster switched
the elevator buttons on Dwight.
496
00:19:22,672 --> 00:19:24,038
- I did not do this.
497
00:19:24,106 --> 00:19:25,340
- I know.
498
00:19:28,878 --> 00:19:31,445
Yeah, and it was
going really great at first.
499
00:19:31,513 --> 00:19:33,280
I got video.
500
00:19:33,348 --> 00:19:34,715
- This is impressive.
501
00:19:34,783 --> 00:19:36,350
- Well, you know...
They don't call me
502
00:19:36,417 --> 00:19:38,217
The Bart Simpson of Scranton
for nothing.
503
00:19:38,285 --> 00:19:41,121
- Do they call you that?
- They do call me that.
504
00:19:41,189 --> 00:19:42,122
- Come on, give me your hand.
505
00:19:42,190 --> 00:19:43,690
I'll help you down.
- Nope.
506
00:19:43,758 --> 00:19:44,891
Scared of getting cut in half.
507
00:19:44,959 --> 00:19:46,225
Also, there's pee on the floor.
508
00:19:46,293 --> 00:19:49,061
- Oh! Course there is.
509
00:19:49,129 --> 00:19:50,395
Hey, Chinese tonight?
510
00:19:50,463 --> 00:19:52,129
- Yeah.
- Great.
511
00:19:52,197 --> 00:19:54,165
- How ya doin'?
512
00:19:54,233 --> 00:19:55,700
- Pretty good.
513
00:19:55,768 --> 00:19:57,001
You must be almost
out of water.
514
00:19:57,068 --> 00:20:00,069
- Stop drinking the water!
515
00:20:00,137 --> 00:20:02,271
Stop!
516
00:20:02,339 --> 00:20:03,272
- Yeah.
517
00:20:03,339 --> 00:20:05,307
- Oh!
- You...
518
00:20:05,374 --> 00:20:07,008
- No, no, no, no.
It's the other hand, right hand.
519
00:20:07,076 --> 00:20:08,176
- Right hand?
- Yeah.
520
00:20:08,244 --> 00:20:09,544
- Would have been nice
to work with my family.
521
00:20:09,611 --> 00:20:11,445
It would have been nice
522
00:20:11,513 --> 00:20:14,147
If Luke had been able
to stay here.
523
00:20:14,215 --> 00:20:15,182
But he couldn't.
524
00:20:15,249 --> 00:20:17,551
These things seldom work out.
525
00:20:17,618 --> 00:20:19,887
I don't know how
Ringling brothers do it.
526
00:20:19,955 --> 00:20:21,522
Night after night,
town after town,
527
00:20:21,589 --> 00:20:23,022
All across America.
528
00:20:23,090 --> 00:20:24,957
You would think they'd
be sick of each other by now.
529
00:20:25,025 --> 00:20:27,192
But, clearly,
530
00:20:27,260 --> 00:20:28,527
They make it work.
531
00:20:28,595 --> 00:20:30,028
And my hat's off to them.
532
00:20:31,863 --> 00:20:33,464
- Argh!
- Whoa! Whoa! Hey. Whoa.
533
00:20:33,532 --> 00:20:34,899
- You...
- hey...
534
00:20:34,967 --> 00:20:36,567
- Dwight...
- Dwight...
535
00:20:38,536 --> 00:20:39,703
- Stop!
536
00:20:41,806 --> 00:20:43,238
- Legal says the best way
to protect us from a lawsuit
537
00:20:43,306 --> 00:20:45,405
Is to call this
a stress-induced outburst.
538
00:20:47,308 --> 00:20:49,776
- You will have to undergo
six sessions of counseling.
539
00:20:49,843 --> 00:20:52,678
- That's it?
Really?
540
00:20:52,746 --> 00:20:54,780
That's nothing.
All right.
541
00:20:54,847 --> 00:20:56,214
That's highway robbery.
542
00:20:56,282 --> 00:20:56,748
Good.
543
00:20:56,749 --> 00:20:57,749
Well, thats the spirit.
544
00:20:57,750 --> 00:20:58,750
I can do that.
545
00:20:58,751 --> 00:21:01,344
And you will do your
counseling right here
546
00:21:01,740 --> 00:21:03,740
because
547
00:21:03,924 --> 00:21:06,428
Okay. Wait, what?
548
00:21:07,620 --> 00:21:10,236
Yeah, I'm really looking forward
to work with you, Michael.
549
00:21:12,644 --> 00:21:14,004
Is there another option?
550
00:21:15,148 --> 00:21:17,140
Don't try to do
this termination.
551
00:21:23,428 --> 00:21:24,108
Michael?
552
00:21:24,884 --> 00:21:27,372
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