1
00:00:04,750 --> 00:00:05,869
- Uh-oh.
2
00:00:05,869 --> 00:00:07,191
Okay, okay,
nobody panic.
3
00:00:07,191 --> 00:00:10,033
Listen up, listen up.
4
00:00:10,033 --> 00:00:12,035
Everyone, follow me
to the shelter.
5
00:00:12,035 --> 00:00:14,195
We've got enough food
for 14 days.
6
00:00:14,195 --> 00:00:16,955
After that, we have
a difficult conversation.
7
00:00:16,955 --> 00:00:18,078
- My bad.
8
00:00:18,078 --> 00:00:20,037
Space Heater and Fan
were both on high,
9
00:00:20,037 --> 00:00:22,839
plugged into
the same outlet, so...
10
00:00:22,839 --> 00:00:24,520
- uh, it's saying the server
went down?
11
00:00:24,520 --> 00:00:26,842
Does Anybody know that password?
12
00:00:26,842 --> 00:00:28,162
'cause otherwise,
we can't do any work.
13
00:00:28,162 --> 00:00:30,603
- Uh...try "password."
14
00:00:30,603 --> 00:00:31,563
- Nope.
15
00:00:31,563 --> 00:00:35,126
- Try zero, Zero, Zero,
Zero, zero, zero.
16
00:00:35,126 --> 00:00:36,766
- No.
17
00:00:36,766 --> 00:00:40,648
- Okay, now try Zero, Zero,
Zero, Zero, zero, one.
18
00:00:40,648 --> 00:00:42,210
- Okay, I'm not doing
every number.
19
00:00:42,210 --> 00:00:44,771
- Wait, um, does anyone remember
when it was set up?
20
00:00:44,771 --> 00:00:47,652
- Uh...it was, like,
eight years ago?
21
00:00:47,652 --> 00:00:49,173
- Lord of the rings stuff?
22
00:00:49,173 --> 00:00:50,574
I don't know, I'm just trying
to think of things
23
00:00:50,574 --> 00:00:52,135
that were happening
at the time.
24
00:00:52,135 --> 00:00:54,135
- Um, everyone was getting
their driver's license.
25
00:00:54,135 --> 00:00:57,497
- Why don't we just call the
I.T. Guy who set it up?
26
00:00:57,497 --> 00:00:58,818
What's the name of the guy
in Glasses, again?
27
00:00:58,818 --> 00:01:01,619
- Okay, moving backwards,
our I.T. Guys have been...
28
00:01:01,619 --> 00:01:04,141
glasses, turban, ear hair,
29
00:01:04,141 --> 00:01:06,781
fatty 3, shorts, fatty 2,
lozenge,
30
00:01:06,781 --> 00:01:08,063
and fatso.
31
00:01:08,063 --> 00:01:10,784
I think lozenge was the one
who installed it.
32
00:01:10,784 --> 00:01:11,784
- I got it.
33
00:01:11,784 --> 00:01:15,587
Try, um--
[coughs]
34
00:01:15,587 --> 00:01:18,148
- you know what, it made me
laugh when I heard it,
35
00:01:18,148 --> 00:01:19,548
but Pam got really offended.
36
00:01:19,548 --> 00:01:22,549
- Big boobs.
37
00:01:22,549 --> 00:01:23,551
- Drama queen?
38
00:01:23,551 --> 00:01:25,231
- Nosy?
39
00:01:25,231 --> 00:01:26,551
- You're typing "big boobs"?
40
00:01:26,551 --> 00:01:27,553
- I'm trying everything.
41
00:01:27,553 --> 00:01:28,874
- Try "big boobs" with a "z."
42
00:01:28,874 --> 00:01:29,874
- That's--
43
00:01:29,874 --> 00:01:31,796
[ding]
the password. We're in.
44
00:01:31,796 --> 00:01:33,035
- All right.
- Wow.
45
00:01:33,035 --> 00:01:34,036
- Yes.
46
00:01:34,036 --> 00:01:35,037
- The important thing is...
47
00:01:35,037 --> 00:01:39,877
this kept us secure, people.
48
00:01:39,877 --> 00:01:44,001
[cheerful music]
49
00:01:44,001 --> 00:02:05,972
♪ ♪
50
00:02:05,972 --> 00:02:09,734
- Morning.
- How's it going?
51
00:02:09,734 --> 00:02:11,334
- Hey, I'm wuphf.
- I'm facebook.
52
00:02:11,334 --> 00:02:12,495
- What's up, facebook?
53
00:02:12,495 --> 00:02:14,416
- I sent you a facebook message
yesterday,
54
00:02:14,416 --> 00:02:15,738
I still haven't heard
anything back.
55
00:02:15,738 --> 00:02:16,737
- You should've sent me a wuphf.
56
00:02:16,737 --> 00:02:17,738
- A what?
57
00:02:17,738 --> 00:02:18,697
- When you send a wuphf,
58
00:02:18,697 --> 00:02:19,820
it goes to your home phone,
cell phone,
59
00:02:19,820 --> 00:02:21,821
Email, Facebook, twitter,
and home screen.
60
00:02:21,821 --> 00:02:22,821
All at the same time.
61
00:02:22,821 --> 00:02:24,142
[phone rings]
62
00:02:24,142 --> 00:02:25,501
[melodic tone]
63
00:02:25,501 --> 00:02:26,504
[robotic voice]
Wuphf.
64
00:02:26,504 --> 00:02:27,503
[together]
- Wuphf!
65
00:02:27,503 --> 00:02:28,308
- Dot-com!
66
00:02:35,308 --> 00:02:36,547
- Thanks, Erin.
67
00:02:36,547 --> 00:02:37,750
- Sure.
68
00:02:39,750 --> 00:02:41,311
Pam.
- Mm-hmm?
69
00:02:41,311 --> 00:02:42,470
- I don't wanna be
a lousy snitch.
70
00:02:42,470 --> 00:02:44,590
- Okay.
71
00:02:44,590 --> 00:02:46,754
- Ryan has been using the color
printer for his business a lot,
72
00:02:46,754 --> 00:02:47,754
and as office administrator--
73
00:02:47,754 --> 00:02:48,875
- Oh, it's okay.
74
00:02:48,875 --> 00:02:50,755
- But it's not for--
75
00:02:50,755 --> 00:02:51,875
- let it go.
76
00:02:51,875 --> 00:02:53,596
- Yes, I invested in wuphf.
77
00:02:53,596 --> 00:02:55,157
It's actually
a really great idea,
78
00:02:55,157 --> 00:02:57,358
and I can't believe
it didn't exist before.
79
00:02:57,358 --> 00:02:59,600
And I know Ryan's kind of
a sketchy guy,
80
00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:01,121
but Hey, I married Jim.
81
00:03:01,121 --> 00:03:02,761
I've done my part
for the nice guy.
82
00:03:02,761 --> 00:03:04,442
Now I want a bedroom set.
83
00:03:04,442 --> 00:03:06,603
- I think an INVESTORS ski trip,
frankly,
84
00:03:06,603 --> 00:03:08,924
is the best idea.
85
00:03:08,924 --> 00:03:10,684
It will be a bonding experience.
86
00:03:10,684 --> 00:03:11,807
- I love it.
87
00:03:11,807 --> 00:03:13,327
- I was looking at a Trail map,
88
00:03:13,327 --> 00:03:15,128
and I was thinking that We
should start on a Bunny hill,
89
00:03:15,128 --> 00:03:17,087
because I've never
actually been skiing.
90
00:03:17,087 --> 00:03:18,970
And then work our way up
91
00:03:18,970 --> 00:03:21,290
to death drop.
92
00:03:21,290 --> 00:03:23,852
- Great, so we got our first
offer to buy the company.
93
00:03:23,852 --> 00:03:24,852
[slaps desk]
- You're kidding.
94
00:03:24,852 --> 00:03:27,414
- We could sell,
but why think so small?
95
00:03:27,414 --> 00:03:29,776
We can just get a couple
more people involved,
96
00:03:29,776 --> 00:03:30,775
really do this thing
our way.
97
00:03:30,775 --> 00:03:32,016
- You and me, baby.
98
00:03:32,016 --> 00:03:33,097
- New Investors
are key, though.
99
00:03:33,097 --> 00:03:34,617
That's actually
why I came in today.
100
00:03:34,617 --> 00:03:36,699
- Don't you work here full time?
101
00:03:36,699 --> 00:03:37,740
- [chuckles]
102
00:03:37,740 --> 00:03:39,180
Today I was thinking
I would sit down
103
00:03:39,180 --> 00:03:40,701
with a few of the people
who haven't invested yet.
104
00:03:40,701 --> 00:03:42,861
- Mm-hmm.
- Or we could do that together.
105
00:03:42,861 --> 00:03:44,022
If that sounds fun to you.
106
00:03:44,022 --> 00:03:46,264
- That does sound fun to me.
107
00:03:46,264 --> 00:03:47,665
- Awesome.
108
00:03:49,665 --> 00:03:51,146
- Ah, this is good hay.
109
00:03:51,146 --> 00:03:52,748
Yeah.
110
00:03:52,748 --> 00:03:55,109
This is the good stuff.
Mattress quality.
111
00:03:55,109 --> 00:03:56,788
Every fall, growing up,
112
00:03:56,788 --> 00:03:59,630
my Uncle Eldred used to build us
a Maze out of hay Bales
113
00:03:59,630 --> 00:04:01,231
for us kids to play in.
114
00:04:01,231 --> 00:04:03,313
We called it hay place.
115
00:04:03,313 --> 00:04:05,073
Eldred called it hay world.
116
00:04:05,073 --> 00:04:07,154
Eventually, lawyers
were brought in.
117
00:04:07,154 --> 00:04:09,596
But that's all behind us.
118
00:04:09,596 --> 00:04:11,797
Hay place lives on.
119
00:04:11,797 --> 00:04:13,917
Watch it, watch it.
120
00:04:13,917 --> 00:04:15,798
Hello!
Welcome to hay place.
121
00:04:15,798 --> 00:04:17,321
A place for hay.
122
00:04:17,321 --> 00:04:18,801
- Don't forget to make a Broom.
123
00:04:18,801 --> 00:04:20,642
- Oh, the petting zoo
closes at 2:00,
124
00:04:20,642 --> 00:04:22,601
and the goat roast
is at 3:00.
125
00:04:22,601 --> 00:04:24,162
Come on in, enjoy!
126
00:04:24,162 --> 00:04:25,685
- Hey.
127
00:04:25,685 --> 00:04:28,966
I'm kind of in the mood
for a roll in the hay.
128
00:04:28,966 --> 00:04:30,805
- Roll in the hay,
five dollars.
129
00:04:30,805 --> 00:04:32,808
- No, I meant...
130
00:04:33,808 --> 00:04:35,649
- Oh, our contract.
131
00:04:35,649 --> 00:04:36,889
- Mm-hmm.
132
00:04:36,889 --> 00:04:39,891
- Yes, why don't we meet
at the usual spot.
133
00:04:39,891 --> 00:04:42,132
Uh...
134
00:04:42,132 --> 00:04:43,653
I've got a half an hour
during lunch
135
00:04:43,653 --> 00:04:45,094
in-between the historical
reenactment
136
00:04:45,094 --> 00:04:47,735
of the dunmore farm slaughters
and the onion boil.
137
00:04:47,735 --> 00:04:48,815
- Perfect.
- So, uh...
138
00:04:48,815 --> 00:04:49,936
excuse me, get off of there.
139
00:04:49,936 --> 00:04:51,897
Those are show Bales,
not play Bales.
140
00:04:53,097 --> 00:04:54,380
- All right, Thank you, I will--
141
00:04:54,380 --> 00:04:56,459
I will send the contracts over
right away.
142
00:04:56,459 --> 00:04:57,043
All right.
143
00:05:02,743 --> 00:05:03,324
Whoo!
144
00:05:04,824 --> 00:05:06,705
I am on the first hot sale
streak of my life.
145
00:05:06,705 --> 00:05:08,266
I think it all comes from
feeding cece,
146
00:05:08,266 --> 00:05:10,827
because no matter
how much she resists,
147
00:05:10,827 --> 00:05:12,668
I sell her those carrots.
148
00:05:12,668 --> 00:05:13,948
Let's be honest--
149
00:05:13,948 --> 00:05:17,110
if I can make mushed carrots
seem better than a boob...
150
00:05:17,110 --> 00:05:19,793
I can pretty much
sell anything.
151
00:05:19,793 --> 00:05:21,912
- Commission comes out to...
152
00:05:21,912 --> 00:05:24,155
dunh-duh-na-dah!
153
00:05:24,155 --> 00:05:25,515
Zero.
154
00:05:25,515 --> 00:05:27,475
- Mm-Kay, Well,
it can't be zero, kev.
155
00:05:27,475 --> 00:05:28,676
- I entered the sale,
156
00:05:28,676 --> 00:05:31,158
and I hit enter,
157
00:05:31,158 --> 00:05:32,479
and I said, "dunh-duh-na-dah!"
158
00:05:32,479 --> 00:05:35,240
I'm pretty sure
I timesed it right.
159
00:05:35,240 --> 00:05:36,840
- You met your commission cap
last week.
160
00:05:36,840 --> 00:05:38,761
So from here until the end
of the fiscal year,
161
00:05:38,761 --> 00:05:39,722
your commission will be zero.
162
00:05:39,722 --> 00:05:40,722
- What are you talking about?
163
00:05:40,722 --> 00:05:42,123
We--we have a commission cap?
164
00:05:42,123 --> 00:05:43,804
- It's a new corporate policy.
165
00:05:43,804 --> 00:05:46,645
- Dunh-duh-na-dah!
166
00:05:46,645 --> 00:05:49,407
- Is this job really about
the money for you, Jim?
167
00:05:49,407 --> 00:05:52,249
I mean, isn't this
where you fell in love?
168
00:05:52,249 --> 00:05:54,289
- A commission cap takes away
my incentive to sell.
169
00:05:54,289 --> 00:05:56,812
So you realize I now have
no reason to work, right?
170
00:05:56,812 --> 00:05:59,733
- When you're dealing
with a large organization,
171
00:05:59,733 --> 00:06:03,013
sometimes you have to put up
with policies you don't like.
172
00:06:03,013 --> 00:06:06,976
I wish my gym didn't allow full
nudity in the locker room.
173
00:06:06,976 --> 00:06:09,256
Okay, seeing these old guys
walking around naked
174
00:06:09,256 --> 00:06:11,539
feels almost passive-aggressive.
175
00:06:11,539 --> 00:06:13,019
But I deal with it.
176
00:06:13,019 --> 00:06:14,621
'cause it's policy.
See what I mean?
177
00:06:14,621 --> 00:06:15,620
- Nope.
178
00:06:15,620 --> 00:06:17,141
- Nudity makes me uncomfortable.
- Okay.
179
00:06:17,141 --> 00:06:19,221
- My gym allows it.
180
00:06:19,221 --> 00:06:20,822
I wish they didn't,
but it's policy.
181
00:06:20,822 --> 00:06:23,105
So I respect it,
and I just--
182
00:06:23,105 --> 00:06:25,866
keep a low--you know,
I look away.
183
00:06:25,866 --> 00:06:27,945
Think about your commission cap
184
00:06:27,945 --> 00:06:33,069
as a naked old man
in a gym locker room.
185
00:06:33,069 --> 00:06:34,270
- Excuse me, everyone.
186
00:06:34,270 --> 00:06:35,589
Sex!
187
00:06:35,589 --> 00:06:37,752
Now that I have
your attention...
188
00:06:37,752 --> 00:06:39,272
- you don't have our attention.
189
00:06:39,272 --> 00:06:40,274
- Money!
190
00:06:40,274 --> 00:06:41,753
- I'm listening.
191
00:06:41,753 --> 00:06:42,875
- You had me at "sex."
192
00:06:42,875 --> 00:06:43,875
- Pervert.
193
00:06:43,875 --> 00:06:44,875
- You have all of our attention
194
00:06:44,875 --> 00:06:46,156
just by screaming anything.
195
00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:47,277
- That's good to know.
196
00:06:47,277 --> 00:06:48,878
[screams]
197
00:06:48,878 --> 00:06:49,878
- What do you want
to say, Michael?
198
00:06:49,878 --> 00:06:52,279
- Wuphf!
199
00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:53,519
All right,
I've warmed them up for you.
200
00:06:53,519 --> 00:06:54,601
You have the floor, Ryan.
201
00:06:54,601 --> 00:06:57,402
- How's everybody doing?
- Whoo!
202
00:06:57,402 --> 00:06:58,842
- Good!
203
00:06:58,842 --> 00:06:59,923
Now, a lot of you have already
staked out
204
00:06:59,923 --> 00:07:01,643
your corner of the wuphf empire.
205
00:07:01,643 --> 00:07:06,047
Raise your hand
if I'm describing you.
206
00:07:06,047 --> 00:07:07,326
Great.
207
00:07:07,326 --> 00:07:08,767
- Yes, I have a dream.
208
00:07:08,767 --> 00:07:12,529
And It's not some m.L.K. Dream
for equality.
209
00:07:12,529 --> 00:07:17,053
I want to own
a decommissioned lighthouse.
210
00:07:17,053 --> 00:07:19,092
And I want to live
at the top.
211
00:07:19,092 --> 00:07:21,774
And nobody knows I live there.
212
00:07:21,774 --> 00:07:25,055
And there's a button
that I can press,
213
00:07:25,055 --> 00:07:29,299
and it'll launch that lighthouse
into space.
214
00:07:29,299 --> 00:07:30,459
- For my current Investors,
215
00:07:30,459 --> 00:07:31,900
things are going great.
216
00:07:31,900 --> 00:07:32,979
- We already have a buyer.
217
00:07:32,979 --> 00:07:33,980
- Really? Who?
218
00:07:33,980 --> 00:07:35,381
- Washington university.
219
00:07:35,381 --> 00:07:37,262
I don't even want
to think about selling
220
00:07:37,262 --> 00:07:38,302
until our numbers
get into the billions.
221
00:07:38,302 --> 00:07:39,903
- At least.
222
00:07:39,903 --> 00:07:42,906
- So I've decided to open up
a second round of investment
223
00:07:42,906 --> 00:07:45,066
to friends and family.
224
00:07:45,066 --> 00:07:47,507
- Oh, god. Hold on to
your wallets, ladies.
225
00:07:47,507 --> 00:07:48,508
- Did you ever think of wuphf
226
00:07:48,508 --> 00:07:50,789
as an EMERGENCY notification
system,
227
00:07:50,789 --> 00:07:52,789
like, for college campuses
with shooters or gas leaks?
228
00:07:52,789 --> 00:07:54,751
- No, no--Oscar, it's not--
229
00:07:54,751 --> 00:07:56,032
it's not a digital rape whistle.
230
00:07:56,032 --> 00:07:57,753
Wuphf is about fun.
- That's right.
231
00:07:57,753 --> 00:07:59,753
- Fun, communication,
connection.
232
00:07:59,753 --> 00:08:01,554
- What's your money situation?
233
00:08:01,554 --> 00:08:03,675
- Well, it's tight,
as with any start-up.
234
00:08:03,675 --> 00:08:05,797
- Sure, how long can you sustain
this without a cash infusion?
235
00:08:05,797 --> 00:08:07,317
- We have nine solid days.
236
00:08:07,317 --> 00:08:09,240
I love these questions.
Keep 'em coming.
237
00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:11,200
- I'm sorry,
nine days until what?
238
00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:12,560
- Bankruptcy?
239
00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:15,281
- Wait, Ryan, so this could be
over by the weekend?
240
00:08:15,281 --> 00:08:17,283
- How long do you think
a week is?
241
00:08:17,283 --> 00:08:19,043
- No, not this weekend;
next weekend.
242
00:08:19,043 --> 00:08:21,885
We were gonna go
on the investors ski trip.
243
00:08:21,885 --> 00:08:24,492
I bought poles.
244
00:08:27,070 --> 00:08:29,071
- Well, since I have
no incentive to sell,
245
00:08:29,071 --> 00:08:31,352
I've cleaned my car,
organized my desk,
246
00:08:31,352 --> 00:08:32,712
and taken a multivitamin.
247
00:08:32,712 --> 00:08:35,355
So...
248
00:08:35,355 --> 00:08:36,314
what now?
249
00:08:36,314 --> 00:08:39,756
Pam.
250
00:08:39,756 --> 00:08:41,157
[sighs]
251
00:08:41,157 --> 00:08:42,998
Okay, now I've tried everything.
252
00:08:42,998 --> 00:08:44,198
- Did you prank Dwight?
253
00:08:44,198 --> 00:08:46,240
- No.
- Well, you like that.
254
00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:48,522
- Yeah, it's not as fun
if I'm not blowing off work.
255
00:08:48,522 --> 00:08:50,322
- I love you,
but I'm kinda busy,
256
00:08:50,322 --> 00:08:58,205
so I need you to figure this one
out on your own.
257
00:08:58,205 --> 00:09:01,528
- [blows raspberry]
258
00:09:01,528 --> 00:09:02,928
- [chuckling]
259
00:09:02,928 --> 00:09:04,208
- Oscar said Wuphf only has
260
00:09:04,208 --> 00:09:05,569
enough money for nine days.
261
00:09:05,569 --> 00:09:08,531
- Check this out.
262
00:09:08,531 --> 00:09:10,252
- All that color.
- Look at that.
263
00:09:10,252 --> 00:09:12,613
Triple your investment
by January.
264
00:09:12,613 --> 00:09:15,014
- Anyone can just throw numbers
up on a chart.
265
00:09:15,014 --> 00:09:16,336
What are you doing
to make it happen?
266
00:09:16,336 --> 00:09:18,176
- Well, earlier today,
I was emailing
267
00:09:18,176 --> 00:09:19,416
someone by the name of
John legend.
268
00:09:19,416 --> 00:09:21,377
- There you go.
- You have his email?
269
00:09:21,377 --> 00:09:22,899
- A lot of these guys
are just Mac.Com,
270
00:09:22,899 --> 00:09:24,539
@ their website whatever.
271
00:09:24,539 --> 00:09:26,580
We get that guy wuphfing,
272
00:09:26,580 --> 00:09:27,581
it's all over.
273
00:09:27,581 --> 00:09:29,342
- I want my money back.
274
00:09:29,342 --> 00:09:30,742
- Do not talk like that,
Stanley.
275
00:09:30,742 --> 00:09:32,943
- Ryan, just tell us your plan.
276
00:09:32,943 --> 00:09:34,385
- Okay, all right.
277
00:09:34,385 --> 00:09:35,585
I know what you wanna see.
278
00:09:35,585 --> 00:09:36,629
I'll be right back.
279
00:09:42,629 --> 00:09:43,749
[smacking door]
280
00:09:43,749 --> 00:09:45,309
Hey, kids, was that fun?
281
00:09:45,309 --> 00:09:46,309
- [all] Yeah!
282
00:09:46,309 --> 00:09:47,311
- All right.
283
00:09:47,311 --> 00:09:48,393
- I wanna go on it again.
284
00:09:48,393 --> 00:09:49,912
- Oh, I bet you do.
285
00:09:49,912 --> 00:09:50,913
You know what?
286
00:09:50,913 --> 00:09:52,033
When I was a little kid,
287
00:09:52,033 --> 00:09:53,354
they couldn't get me
off the hayride.
288
00:09:53,354 --> 00:09:55,795
But it's gonna cost you
three more bucks.
289
00:09:55,795 --> 00:09:58,076
Wow!
This brings back memories.
290
00:09:58,076 --> 00:09:59,277
[inhales deeply]
291
00:09:59,277 --> 00:10:01,678
Hay stacking, hay throwing...
292
00:10:01,678 --> 00:10:02,919
and at the end of it all,
293
00:10:02,919 --> 00:10:06,401
one lucky boy would be crowned
hay king.
294
00:10:06,401 --> 00:10:08,562
I always wanted
to be hay king.
295
00:10:08,562 --> 00:10:10,906
The world shines on Mose.
296
00:10:18,206 --> 00:10:19,247
- Where have you been?
I've been waiting.
297
00:10:19,247 --> 00:10:20,848
- Uh, can we move this
to the end of the day?
298
00:10:20,848 --> 00:10:22,969
- No, I--I think you should
make time for it.
299
00:10:22,969 --> 00:10:24,330
- I found the needle
in the haystack!
300
00:10:24,330 --> 00:10:26,290
- Hey, congratulations.
Do you know what your prize is?
301
00:10:26,290 --> 00:10:27,612
- I don't know.
302
00:10:27,612 --> 00:10:31,253
- Nothing. Life lesson?
Some tasks are not worth doing.
303
00:10:31,253 --> 00:10:33,415
- Dwight?
304
00:10:33,415 --> 00:10:34,935
- Wuphf T-shirts.
305
00:10:34,935 --> 00:10:36,376
Who wants one?
306
00:10:36,376 --> 00:10:38,696
Just imagine that you're
at spring break daytona beach.
307
00:10:38,696 --> 00:10:39,699
- Here we go.
- Okay?
308
00:10:39,699 --> 00:10:41,219
Everyone's like, "hey dude,
309
00:10:41,219 --> 00:10:43,660
what's up with all the hotties
in the wuphf shirts?"
310
00:10:43,660 --> 00:10:46,382
Or, Uh, "hey, what's up
with that helicopter?"
311
00:10:46,382 --> 00:10:48,183
"It's Ryan from wuphf!"
312
00:10:48,183 --> 00:10:50,263
- "It's Ryan the wuphf guy!"
- "Yo, Ryan from wuphf!"
313
00:10:50,263 --> 00:10:51,903
- "He's up there."
- "What's he dropping?"
314
00:10:51,903 --> 00:10:53,826
"Wow, what's falling on
us, man?"
315
00:10:53,826 --> 00:10:55,266
Wuphf condoms!
316
00:10:55,266 --> 00:10:58,067
50,000 condoms
out of the sky.
317
00:10:58,067 --> 00:10:59,388
- Look at that!
He threw 'em on the ground!
318
00:10:59,388 --> 00:11:01,069
- Look, this is
a marketing campaign.
319
00:11:01,069 --> 00:11:02,109
You got nine days.
320
00:11:02,109 --> 00:11:03,150
Let's say you do get the money.
321
00:11:03,150 --> 00:11:04,269
What are you going
to do with it?
322
00:11:04,269 --> 00:11:06,392
- The first lesson of silicon
valley, actually,
323
00:11:06,392 --> 00:11:09,433
is that you only think
about the user, the experience.
324
00:11:09,433 --> 00:11:10,954
You actually don't think
about the money.
325
00:11:10,954 --> 00:11:11,955
Ever.
326
00:11:11,955 --> 00:11:14,275
- That sounds weird.
327
00:11:14,275 --> 00:11:16,277
- No, it's not weird, Andy,
and you know what else?
328
00:11:16,277 --> 00:11:18,557
We have an offer
from Washington university.
329
00:11:18,557 --> 00:11:20,360
So monetize that.
330
00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:21,399
- Are you guys meeting
about wuphf?
331
00:11:21,399 --> 00:11:23,560
You know that that
was my idea, right?
332
00:11:23,560 --> 00:11:24,681
- [gasps]
333
00:11:24,681 --> 00:11:25,681
- I said to Ryan,
"I try to call you,
334
00:11:25,681 --> 00:11:27,002
"and you don't have your phone.
335
00:11:27,002 --> 00:11:28,683
"I try to I.M. You,
and you're not online.
336
00:11:28,683 --> 00:11:30,444
"I wish there was a way that I
could do everything all at once,
337
00:11:30,444 --> 00:11:31,644
"and I could just be like this
little dog going,
338
00:11:31,644 --> 00:11:33,085
'Ruff! Ruff! Ruff! Ruff! Ruff!'"
339
00:11:33,085 --> 00:11:35,246
- baby, baby, baby--
- I think I'm gonna stay here.
340
00:11:35,246 --> 00:11:36,327
- No, no, no, no, no.
- I do, I do.
341
00:11:36,327 --> 00:11:37,848
This isn't right.
342
00:11:37,848 --> 00:11:39,169
- I help you with your things,
and you help me with my things.
343
00:11:39,169 --> 00:11:40,368
- But I--it's not right.
344
00:11:40,368 --> 00:11:41,369
- [whIspering] I got this,
it's okay,
345
00:11:41,369 --> 00:11:42,849
don't worry about this.
346
00:11:42,849 --> 00:11:45,453
- Is it any particular branch
of Washington university?
347
00:11:45,453 --> 00:11:47,653
- The Washington university
Public health fund.
348
00:11:47,653 --> 00:11:50,974
- W.U.P.H.F.
349
00:11:50,974 --> 00:11:52,215
- Oh, god.
350
00:11:52,215 --> 00:11:53,576
- They only want it
for the initials.
351
00:11:53,576 --> 00:11:55,376
- The domain name.
Yeah, they do.
352
00:11:55,376 --> 00:11:56,337
- I move we sell.
353
00:11:56,337 --> 00:11:58,177
- What?
- Yeah, sell.
354
00:11:58,177 --> 00:11:59,339
- Sell.
- Get us out of this.
355
00:11:59,339 --> 00:12:00,940
- Have some faith in this idea.
356
00:12:00,940 --> 00:12:02,820
- If everybody wants to sell,
we sell, right?
357
00:12:02,820 --> 00:12:03,981
- I won't sell.
358
00:12:03,981 --> 00:12:05,102
And you know what?
359
00:12:05,102 --> 00:12:07,423
Ryan and I have
the majority of shares.
360
00:12:07,423 --> 00:12:08,582
Isn't that right?
- Yes.
361
00:12:08,582 --> 00:12:09,584
You alone do, actually.
362
00:12:09,584 --> 00:12:10,585
- I--yes.
363
00:12:10,585 --> 00:12:11,986
We're not selling.
364
00:12:11,986 --> 00:12:13,946
I will not sell.
365
00:12:13,946 --> 00:12:15,867
[children laughing]
366
00:12:15,867 --> 00:12:16,469
- Awesome.
367
00:12:20,469 --> 00:12:22,871
- Do you mind if we
share this bale?
368
00:12:22,871 --> 00:12:24,511
- Sure.
369
00:12:24,511 --> 00:12:26,793
- There's no charge
to sit on the hay, is there?
370
00:12:26,793 --> 00:12:28,393
- Probably.
371
00:12:28,393 --> 00:12:30,234
- I mean, wouldn't you think
372
00:12:30,234 --> 00:12:32,035
the Ten dollars
to build your own Broom
373
00:12:32,035 --> 00:12:33,556
would include the hay
and not just the instructions?
374
00:12:33,556 --> 00:12:34,956
- Mm-hmm.
- I mean, I'm starting to think
375
00:12:34,956 --> 00:12:37,278
this guy is just trying to make
money off the holiday.
376
00:12:37,278 --> 00:12:39,599
- Yeah, instead of hay place
it should be pay place.
377
00:12:39,599 --> 00:12:40,600
- [laughs]
378
00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:41,640
- Don't laugh at me.
379
00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:42,681
- No, no, no, I wasn't--
380
00:12:42,681 --> 00:12:44,563
I was just laughing
at your joke.
381
00:12:44,563 --> 00:12:45,164
- Oh.
382
00:12:48,164 --> 00:12:49,684
- Pay place.
- Mm.
383
00:12:49,684 --> 00:12:53,447
Yeah, so we can celebrate
Thanksgiving-me-your-money day.
384
00:12:53,447 --> 00:12:54,526
- [laughs]
385
00:12:54,526 --> 00:12:55,687
That's humorous.
386
00:12:55,687 --> 00:12:56,730
- Thank you.
387
00:12:59,730 --> 00:13:01,290
- You guys know how to get out?
388
00:13:01,290 --> 00:13:03,133
[kids shouting]
389
00:13:06,133 --> 00:13:07,494
- Hi, Michael.
390
00:13:07,494 --> 00:13:09,373
- Can't talk, saving the planet.
391
00:13:09,373 --> 00:13:10,896
- Oh, we don't recycle.
392
00:13:10,896 --> 00:13:12,335
- We don't?
393
00:13:12,335 --> 00:13:13,578
Well, why have I been
separating the trash
394
00:13:13,578 --> 00:13:14,817
into Whites and colors?
395
00:13:14,817 --> 00:13:15,300
- I'm sure no one
asked you to do that.
396
00:13:19,300 --> 00:13:21,501
- Eight years.
397
00:13:21,501 --> 00:13:24,062
- Listen, I know
you really like Ryan--
398
00:13:24,062 --> 00:13:25,783
- no, I won't even consider it.
399
00:13:25,783 --> 00:13:27,465
- Michael, I...
400
00:13:28,465 --> 00:13:31,506
I hate to say this, but...
401
00:13:31,506 --> 00:13:33,387
You know this special bond
402
00:13:33,387 --> 00:13:35,268
that you've always felt
with Ryan,
403
00:13:35,268 --> 00:13:37,068
where, like, you're best friends
404
00:13:37,068 --> 00:13:38,549
or you're his mentor
or something?
405
00:13:38,549 --> 00:13:42,672
- Right, Yes, yeah.
Best friend/mentor.
406
00:13:42,672 --> 00:13:46,913
- Michael, I think that
that feeling only goes one way.
407
00:13:46,913 --> 00:13:49,916
And I think
that Ryan knows that,
408
00:13:49,916 --> 00:13:52,358
and he's taking advantage
of you.
409
00:13:54,358 --> 00:13:56,118
- I think you are wrong.
410
00:13:56,118 --> 00:13:58,761
- And there are a lot
of other people in This office
411
00:13:58,761 --> 00:14:01,201
who have money at stake.
412
00:14:01,201 --> 00:14:03,404
Other people you care about.
413
00:14:06,404 --> 00:14:08,405
- You may be right.
414
00:14:09,405 --> 00:14:11,406
I may be crazy.
415
00:14:11,406 --> 00:14:12,767
- Don't.
416
00:14:12,767 --> 00:14:15,407
- I'm just saying that I think
I agree with your point.
417
00:14:15,407 --> 00:14:19,291
- Yeah, but in a jokey way where
you're gonna start singing.
418
00:14:20,291 --> 00:14:22,132
- I thought it might make me
feel better.
419
00:14:22,132 --> 00:14:24,053
- Okay.
420
00:14:24,053 --> 00:14:25,234
Go ahead.
421
00:14:26,934 --> 00:14:31,138
- ♪ But it just may be
a lunatic... ♪
422
00:14:31,138 --> 00:14:33,183
no.
423
00:14:34,923 --> 00:14:36,644
- Ooh, nice, wasting time,
here we go.
424
00:14:36,644 --> 00:14:38,806
- Hey, back off.
It's solitaire.
425
00:14:39,806 --> 00:14:41,687
- Hey, kid--
426
00:14:41,687 --> 00:14:42,686
hear you're looking for work.
427
00:14:42,686 --> 00:14:43,688
- Talk to me.
428
00:14:43,688 --> 00:14:44,689
- How far can you reach
429
00:14:44,689 --> 00:14:47,570
those Lovely long arms of yours?
430
00:14:47,570 --> 00:14:48,651
Eh, put 'em down.
431
00:14:48,651 --> 00:14:49,972
How long
432
00:14:49,972 --> 00:14:52,131
can you hold that pretty little
breath of yours?
433
00:14:52,131 --> 00:14:53,333
- [inhales]
434
00:14:53,333 --> 00:14:54,653
- Good.
435
00:14:55,653 --> 00:14:57,176
- Hey, Jim?
436
00:14:57,176 --> 00:14:58,776
Are you distracting
these people?
437
00:14:58,776 --> 00:15:01,737
- We're working.
438
00:15:01,737 --> 00:15:03,499
- Can you at least
try to look busy?
439
00:15:03,499 --> 00:15:05,259
- [exhales]
440
00:15:05,259 --> 00:15:07,380
- The moment Darla put
the cupcake in her mouth,
441
00:15:07,380 --> 00:15:08,819
her daddy pulled her aside
and said,
442
00:15:08,819 --> 00:15:10,142
"you're too fat.
443
00:15:10,142 --> 00:15:15,144
No one's gonna like you
if you're too fat."
444
00:15:15,144 --> 00:15:18,225
The next time I saw David Geffen
was at the buffalo club.
445
00:15:18,225 --> 00:15:21,307
"I love you, you gay bastard,"
I said.
446
00:15:21,307 --> 00:15:23,629
"You gay bastard," I s--
447
00:15:23,629 --> 00:15:25,189
"gay ba--"
448
00:15:25,189 --> 00:15:26,672
"gay B--"
449
00:15:31,272 --> 00:15:32,913
- Michael, how's it going, bro?
450
00:15:32,913 --> 00:15:34,313
- Good, good, bro.
451
00:15:34,313 --> 00:15:35,836
- Hey, thanks so much for having
my back out there.
452
00:15:35,836 --> 00:15:37,356
- Always have your back.
453
00:15:37,356 --> 00:15:40,437
So any ideas on how we can get
over this nine-day hump here?
454
00:15:40,437 --> 00:15:42,678
- I have nothing but ideas.
455
00:15:42,678 --> 00:15:44,280
The thing is,
they all require money.
456
00:15:44,280 --> 00:15:46,840
- Nine days, though.
That's, like...
457
00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:48,441
- look, I know I've tapped you
so hard.
458
00:15:48,441 --> 00:15:50,442
- Yes, you have tapped this.
Hard.
459
00:15:50,442 --> 00:15:51,883
- [laughs]
460
00:15:51,883 --> 00:15:53,404
Oh, you are funny, Michael.
461
00:15:53,404 --> 00:15:55,446
You--people--people don't give
you enough credit.
462
00:15:55,446 --> 00:15:58,206
- Maybe I could take a second
mortgage on my condo.
463
00:15:58,206 --> 00:15:59,566
- Well, a lot of people
are doing that.
464
00:15:59,566 --> 00:16:01,208
And there don't seem to be
any consequences.
465
00:16:01,208 --> 00:16:03,369
And they say the rates
have never been lower.
466
00:16:03,369 --> 00:16:06,650
- So you would think
that's a good idea for me to do?
467
00:16:06,650 --> 00:16:08,130
- Think about this:
468
00:16:08,130 --> 00:16:10,653
You and me on a private plane
469
00:16:10,653 --> 00:16:13,215
flown by our private pilot--
- Mm-hmm.
470
00:16:13,215 --> 00:16:15,896
- Eating our private meal cooked
by our private chef.
471
00:16:15,896 --> 00:16:18,217
- Yeah, well, we never even have
dinner now, so...
472
00:16:18,217 --> 00:16:19,217
- we totally should.
473
00:16:19,217 --> 00:16:20,217
- Tonight?
474
00:16:20,217 --> 00:16:21,779
- I gotta work on this.
475
00:16:21,779 --> 00:16:23,418
- Oh, right.
What am I saying?
476
00:16:23,418 --> 00:16:24,420
Rain check.
477
00:16:24,420 --> 00:16:25,902
- Yeah.
478
00:16:27,902 --> 00:16:31,302
- And now, by show of applause,
479
00:16:31,302 --> 00:16:33,463
we will crown this year's
hay king.
480
00:16:33,463 --> 00:16:35,786
All in favor of purebred.
481
00:16:35,786 --> 00:16:36,786
[applause]
482
00:16:36,786 --> 00:16:38,666
Put your hands together
for...
483
00:16:38,666 --> 00:16:39,668
mixed bread.
484
00:16:39,668 --> 00:16:41,228
[applause]
485
00:16:41,228 --> 00:16:42,750
And Let's hear it for...
486
00:16:42,750 --> 00:16:43,750
purebred.
487
00:16:43,750 --> 00:16:44,790
[applause]
488
00:16:44,790 --> 00:16:46,350
Mm.
489
00:16:46,350 --> 00:16:48,000
It would appear we have
a three-way tie.
490
00:16:48,272 --> 00:16:50,393
I have no choice but to pick
the hay king myself.
491
00:16:51,393 --> 00:16:55,196
I pick...
492
00:16:55,196 --> 00:16:56,556
me!
493
00:16:56,556 --> 00:16:58,357
I am your hay king!
494
00:16:58,357 --> 00:17:01,079
All Hail your hay king!
495
00:17:04,079 --> 00:17:06,520
Did I truck 300 Bales of hay
496
00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:09,083
to a parking lot to rectify
some childhood disappointment?
497
00:17:11,483 --> 00:17:13,004
Yes.
498
00:17:13,004 --> 00:17:14,485
- So if I were
to call dunder Mifflin
499
00:17:14,485 --> 00:17:16,507
and ask for miss Angela Martin,
500
00:17:16,607 --> 00:17:19,287
would I get through to you?
501
00:17:19,287 --> 00:17:22,169
- You would.
502
00:17:22,169 --> 00:17:24,611
And if I were to call your House
and ask for your wife,
503
00:17:24,611 --> 00:17:25,200
would I get through to you?
504
00:17:25,690 --> 00:17:28,892
- My wife passed away
a few years ago.
505
00:17:28,892 --> 00:17:30,814
- How tragic.
506
00:17:30,814 --> 00:17:32,255
Very sorry to hear that.
507
00:17:32,255 --> 00:17:34,296
- Thank you.
508
00:17:34,696 --> 00:17:37,056
- Help!
509
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:39,097
Hello?
510
00:17:39,697 --> 00:17:41,861
Oh!
Help!
511
00:17:46,261 --> 00:17:48,063
- Consider it a wuphf
in person.
512
00:17:48,663 --> 00:17:50,144
- You're doing the wrong thing.
513
00:17:50,144 --> 00:17:51,264
You're gonna lose
Michael's investment,
514
00:17:51,264 --> 00:17:52,625
you're gonna lose ours.
515
00:17:52,625 --> 00:17:55,266
- You got this crazy opportunity
to get our money back.
516
00:17:55,266 --> 00:17:56,708
Tell Mike to sell.
517
00:17:56,708 --> 00:17:58,668
- If you tell Michael to sell,
he'll sell.
518
00:17:58,668 --> 00:18:00,990
- I'm betting on myself.
519
00:18:00,990 --> 00:18:02,509
- It's a bad bet.
520
00:18:02,509 --> 00:18:03,510
- Hello.
521
00:18:03,510 --> 00:18:05,711
- Hey.
It's an ambush here.
522
00:18:05,711 --> 00:18:07,113
Nobody here believes
in this company.
523
00:18:07,113 --> 00:18:08,313
Will you tell them
they're wrong?
524
00:18:08,313 --> 00:18:09,954
- It's not that we don't believe
in the company.
525
00:18:09,954 --> 00:18:11,034
We don't believe in you.
526
00:18:11,034 --> 00:18:12,795
- All those in favor of selling,
say aye.
527
00:18:12,795 --> 00:18:13,796
- Aye.
- Aye.
528
00:18:13,796 --> 00:18:16,077
- Aye.
- Aye.
529
00:18:16,077 --> 00:18:19,038
- Aye.
530
00:18:19,438 --> 00:18:22,801
Do not agree to sell,
which is to say nay.
531
00:18:22,801 --> 00:18:24,401
- What is wrong with you?
532
00:18:24,401 --> 00:18:26,281
What happened to you
in high school?
533
00:18:26,281 --> 00:18:27,603
- Michael, are you that blind?
534
00:18:27,603 --> 00:18:28,722
- I'm not blind!
535
00:18:28,722 --> 00:18:30,684
I know exactly who he is.
536
00:18:30,684 --> 00:18:33,926
He is selfish and lazy
and image-obsessed,
537
00:18:33,926 --> 00:18:37,047
and he is a bad friend.
538
00:18:37,047 --> 00:18:39,049
And he's also clever.
539
00:18:39,049 --> 00:18:41,450
And he shoots incredibly high.
540
00:18:41,450 --> 00:18:43,370
And he may just make it.
541
00:18:43,370 --> 00:18:45,091
But you know what,
even If he doesn't,
542
00:18:45,091 --> 00:18:48,374
I would rather go broke
betting on my people
543
00:18:48,374 --> 00:18:50,414
than get rich all by myself
544
00:18:50,414 --> 00:18:52,455
on some island
like a castaway.
545
00:18:52,455 --> 00:18:54,297
And there is no middle ground.
546
00:18:54,297 --> 00:18:56,378
- You're gonna lose
all of our money.
547
00:18:56,378 --> 00:18:57,818
- Only If he fails.
548
00:18:57,818 --> 00:18:59,419
And you know what?
549
00:18:59,419 --> 00:19:00,821
Ryan, I believe in you.
550
00:19:00,821 --> 00:19:04,782
Just like I believe
in all of you.
551
00:19:04,782 --> 00:19:07,903
You have nine days to save
Everybody's money.
552
00:19:07,903 --> 00:19:09,384
- Oh...
553
00:19:09,384 --> 00:19:10,624
that's a lot of pressure.
554
00:19:10,624 --> 00:19:12,626
I--I'm gonna need
some more time.
555
00:19:12,626 --> 00:19:13,467
- You can't have it.
556
00:19:16,467 --> 00:19:18,308
- Okay.
557
00:19:18,308 --> 00:19:19,674
I won't let you down.
558
00:19:27,674 --> 00:19:30,355
- Angela?
559
00:19:30,355 --> 00:19:31,201
Angela!
560
00:19:40,601 --> 00:19:44,402
- The world sends people
your way...
561
00:19:44,402 --> 00:19:46,484
Ryan came to me
through a temp agency.
562
00:19:46,484 --> 00:19:49,684
Andy was transferred here.
563
00:19:49,684 --> 00:19:51,485
No idea where Creed came from.
564
00:19:51,485 --> 00:19:53,087
The point is
565
00:19:53,087 --> 00:19:56,448
you just have to play with
the cards that you're dealt.
566
00:19:56,448 --> 00:19:58,930
Jim, that guy is an ace.
567
00:19:58,930 --> 00:20:00,611
Dwight is my king Up my sleeve.
568
00:20:00,611 --> 00:20:02,051
Phyllis is my old maid.
569
00:20:02,051 --> 00:20:03,452
Oscar is my queen.
570
00:20:03,452 --> 00:20:04,412
That's easy.
571
00:20:04,412 --> 00:20:05,734
Gimme a hard one.
572
00:20:05,734 --> 00:20:07,814
That's what Oscar said.
573
00:20:07,814 --> 00:20:10,535
Toby is the instruction card
you throw away.
574
00:20:10,535 --> 00:20:12,338
Pam's a solid seven.
575
00:20:12,338 --> 00:20:13,337
And Yeah, you know what?
576
00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:15,217
Ryan is probably, like, a two.
577
00:20:15,217 --> 00:20:17,299
But sometimes twos
can be wild.
578
00:20:17,299 --> 00:20:18,381
So watch out.
579
00:20:18,381 --> 00:20:21,261
And I am obviously the joker.
580
00:20:21,261 --> 00:20:23,622
So...
[phone rings]
581
00:20:23,622 --> 00:20:25,303
[phone rings]
that's, uh--
582
00:20:25,303 --> 00:20:27,305
[melodic tone]
583
00:20:27,305 --> 00:20:28,664
[robotic voice]
- wuphf from Ryan Howard.
584
00:20:28,664 --> 00:20:30,345
Decided to sell company.
585
00:20:30,345 --> 00:20:32,947
Thanks, bro.
Hell of a ride.
586
00:20:32,947 --> 00:20:35,182
- Thank god.
587
00:20:42,870 --> 00:20:44,511
[phone rings]
588
00:20:44,511 --> 00:20:45,911
- Gabe Lewis.
589
00:20:45,911 --> 00:20:49,193
- Now, listen here, gabe,
you're too fat.
590
00:20:49,193 --> 00:20:50,953
No one's gonna like you
if you're too fat.
591
00:20:50,953 --> 00:20:52,915
I made some changes
to my book.
592
00:20:52,915 --> 00:20:54,635
See if you like them.
- Well, jo--
593
00:20:54,635 --> 00:20:57,798
- now, I love reading,
and I hate being interrupted.
594
00:20:57,798 --> 00:21:00,319
Shut up and listen,
you gay bastard.
595
00:21:00,319 --> 00:21:01,479
Chapter one.
596
00:21:01,479 --> 00:21:05,080
I was born, not into luxury
Nor poverty,
597
00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:07,562
but into adversity, and for
that, I thank the lord.
598
00:21:07,562 --> 00:21:09,923
My father was a man.
That's all we can know.
599
00:21:09,923 --> 00:21:10,884
After I learned to ride a bike,
600
00:21:10,884 --> 00:21:12,285
there was no stopping me.
601
00:21:12,285 --> 00:21:15,766
I would ride up Magnolia Street
and down Azalea Lane.
602
00:21:15,766 --> 00:21:16,766
Which would later become my--
603
00:21:16,766 --> 00:21:17,807
- All right, good night, gabe.
604
00:21:17,807 --> 00:21:19,088
Just wanted to say thanks again,
605
00:21:19,088 --> 00:21:22,809
'cause I really think I made
good use of my day, oh!
606
00:21:22,809 --> 00:21:24,931
Sorry.
607
00:21:24,931 --> 00:21:27,372
- And fate has obliged me
with plenty of battles,
608
00:21:27,372 --> 00:21:28,892
the first being a hard--