1
00:00:00,907 --> 00:00:02,586
- Erin, hey.
- Yeah.

2
00:00:02,693 --> 00:00:05,922
In two minutes, I want you to
come in to this meeting and

3
00:00:06,008 --> 00:00:07,914
tell me that I have a
really important phone call.

4
00:00:08,798 --> 00:00:11,124
I'm not gonna take it because

5
00:00:11,195 --> 00:00:13,627
I want him to know how important
the meeting is to me.

6
00:00:14,409 --> 00:00:15,562
Who's calling?

7
00:00:15,681 --> 00:00:19,843
Nobody. Just say that...
Just make it up that I have a phone call

8
00:00:19,927 --> 00:00:22,388
and I'm gonna refuse to take it.

9
00:00:22,500 --> 00:00:24,805
- You're not gonna take it?
- Just make up a phone call.

10
00:00:24,871 --> 00:00:25,770
- It's not real.
- Oh.

11
00:00:25,835 --> 00:00:27,603
- Make it up.
- Okay.

12
00:00:27,673 --> 00:00:28,695
And you come it and tell me.

13
00:00:28,871 --> 00:00:30,652
It doesn't matter what it is.

14
00:00:30,703 --> 00:00:32,120
You're not gonna get it though?

15
00:00:32,154 --> 00:00:33,204
I'm not gonna take it.

16
00:00:33,238 --> 00:00:34,372
And then he's gonna be like,

17
00:00:34,406 --> 00:00:35,807
"wow, this is a really
important meeting."

18
00:00:35,841 --> 00:00:36,941
Copy that.

19
00:00:36,959 --> 00:00:38,293
Okay.

20
00:00:39,678 --> 00:00:43,915
Okay, so tell me exactly
what kind of deal

21
00:00:43,949 --> 00:00:45,350
you are getting right now,

22
00:00:45,384 --> 00:00:47,468
and I'll tell you
how we can beat it.

23
00:00:47,503 --> 00:00:50,054
Uh, well,
we've been going with a--

24
00:00:50,089 --> 00:00:52,357
Andy, you have
a very important call.

25
00:00:52,391 --> 00:00:54,142
I'm sorry, I'm with
a very important client.

26
00:00:54,176 --> 00:00:55,143
It'll have to wait.

27
00:00:55,177 --> 00:00:56,160
Are you sure?

28
00:00:56,195 --> 00:00:57,662
It's really, really important.

29
00:00:57,696 --> 00:01:00,398
There is nothing more important

30
00:01:00,432 --> 00:01:03,801
to me right now
than this meeting.

31
00:01:03,836 --> 00:01:06,838
Really?
Because your mother is dead.

32
00:01:11,026 --> 00:01:12,610
Oh, my God.

33
00:01:12,644 --> 00:01:15,113
I don't think she's dead.

34
00:01:15,147 --> 00:01:16,848
She's dead.

35
00:01:16,882 --> 00:01:18,349
She was hit by a bus.

36
00:01:18,384 --> 00:01:19,951
She's not dead.

37
00:01:19,985 --> 00:01:22,754
This is exactly the kind
of thing my mom pulls.

38
00:01:22,788 --> 00:01:24,889
This isn't one of those times.

39
00:01:24,923 --> 00:01:26,541
It's the police.

40
00:01:26,592 --> 00:01:29,010
They said it's the worst
they've ever seen.

41
00:01:29,044 --> 00:01:31,996
Andy, I'm really sorry
about your mother.

42
00:01:32,031 --> 00:01:34,632
My deepest condolences.

43
00:01:36,668 --> 00:01:38,703
Oh, you must take this call.

44
00:01:38,737 --> 00:01:41,305
It's...

45
00:01:41,339 --> 00:01:43,191
Yeah, um, line one?

46
00:01:43,225 --> 00:01:48,345
Line two.

47
00:01:48,364 --> 00:01:49,580
- Hi.
- It's Darryl.

48
00:01:49,615 --> 00:01:50,615
Erin told me to pretend to be

49
00:01:50,649 --> 00:01:52,216
a cop and say your mom died.

50
00:01:52,251 --> 00:01:54,152
Oh...

51
00:01:54,186 --> 00:01:56,871
Gosh...Thank you, officer.

52
00:01:56,905 --> 00:01:58,355
Look, man, this is a bad idea.

53
00:01:58,374 --> 00:02:00,324
Did she have
any last words or--

54
00:02:00,359 --> 00:02:01,592
Really? That is messed up, man.

55
00:02:01,627 --> 00:02:04,729
Oh, make sure that your client

56
00:02:04,763 --> 00:02:06,414
gets the best deal possible.

57
00:02:06,465 --> 00:02:07,698
You're a bad man,
Andrew Bernard.

58
00:02:07,733 --> 00:02:08,966
That is so mom.

59
00:02:09,001 --> 00:02:10,501
You know, this stuff
can come back to get you.

60
00:02:10,536 --> 00:02:11,803
It's called karma.
Let me tell you something.

61
00:02:11,837 --> 00:02:12,804
- You do not wanna--
- All right, well,

62
00:02:12,838 --> 00:02:14,105
thank you, officer.

63
00:02:16,809 --> 00:02:19,210
Erin, please hold
all my other calls.

64
00:02:21,847 --> 00:02:23,347
Where were we?

65
00:02:27,765 --> 00:02:33,114
Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com

66
00:02:44,203 --> 00:02:46,737
- Hey, Cathy.
- Hi.

67
00:02:46,772 --> 00:02:48,673
How's it going?
Everything make sense?

68
00:02:48,707 --> 00:02:50,174
I think everything
is under control.

69
00:02:50,209 --> 00:02:51,776
- Great.
- You should sit down.

70
00:02:51,810 --> 00:02:52,927
Oh, no, I'm fine.

71
00:02:52,961 --> 00:02:55,012
No, I should go
fill out my paperwork.

72
00:02:55,047 --> 00:02:56,948
Okay.

73
00:02:59,184 --> 00:03:02,186
Oh, that was just me.
Pregnant Pam.

74
00:03:02,221 --> 00:03:04,605
And I make sounds
much worse than this.

75
00:03:04,640 --> 00:03:06,858
Oh, we know.

76
00:03:06,892 --> 00:03:09,193
I'm training a temp
to be my replacement

77
00:03:09,228 --> 00:03:11,596
while I'm on maternity leave.

78
00:03:11,630 --> 00:03:14,966
Oh, I should have
mentioned I'm pregnant.

79
00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:17,835
You probably didn't notice,
because it's impossible to tell

80
00:03:17,870 --> 00:03:19,704
because I'm so small.

81
00:03:19,738 --> 00:03:22,473
But, yeah, I'm pregnant.

82
00:03:22,508 --> 00:03:24,675
Oh, come on.

83
00:03:24,710 --> 00:03:27,545
Hey, asking for a friend.

84
00:03:27,579 --> 00:03:29,080
Do you happen to know
if that new girl is single?

85
00:03:29,114 --> 00:03:31,215
Hmm, doubt it.

86
00:03:31,250 --> 00:03:35,453
Yeah, me too.

87
00:03:35,487 --> 00:03:37,972
- You doubt it?
- What's that?

88
00:03:38,006 --> 00:03:39,757
Why do you doubt
that she's single?

89
00:03:39,791 --> 00:03:42,260
Honestly, I have no idea.

90
00:03:42,294 --> 00:03:44,195
I just figured
we'd save her from Ryan.

91
00:03:44,229 --> 00:03:45,396
Right?

92
00:03:49,685 --> 00:03:50,985
What are you doing
with my lunch?

93
00:03:51,019 --> 00:03:53,337
I'm delivering it
from the fridge.

94
00:03:53,372 --> 00:03:55,823
It's like a porno--
Hey, did anybody order a pizza?

95
00:03:55,858 --> 00:03:57,074
It's not pizza.

96
00:03:57,109 --> 00:03:59,327
Yeah, and we're not
about to make love.

97
00:03:59,361 --> 00:04:01,812
I just thought maybe you'd wanna
eat lunch at your desk today

98
00:04:01,847 --> 00:04:03,114
so that during lunch

99
00:04:03,148 --> 00:04:04,365
we could go down
to the warehouse

100
00:04:04,416 --> 00:04:06,250
and bang out a few tunes.

101
00:04:06,285 --> 00:04:08,352
I like the sound of that.
Is Kevin in?

102
00:04:08,387 --> 00:04:11,422
Uh, you tell me.

103
00:04:16,795 --> 00:04:20,548
So word on the street is
she has a boyfriend.

104
00:04:20,599 --> 00:04:22,733
Well, he's probably
a drug dealer.

105
00:04:22,768 --> 00:04:24,635
That's the best way
to land a hot girlfriend.

106
00:04:24,670 --> 00:04:27,972
You just, uh,
you get her hooked on blow.

107
00:04:28,006 --> 00:04:28,973
It's gonna be nice
to have just like

108
00:04:29,007 --> 00:04:31,175
a healthy, young, fit presence

109
00:04:31,193 --> 00:04:32,610
in the middle of the office.

110
00:04:32,644 --> 00:04:34,612
Yeah, aesthetically
speaking, strictly.

111
00:04:34,646 --> 00:04:35,980
- She adds a nice presence.
- Good energy.

112
00:04:36,014 --> 00:04:37,698
Yeah, it's gonna be nice

113
00:04:37,733 --> 00:04:39,750
to have someone hot
at Pam's desk, huh?

114
00:04:39,785 --> 00:04:42,286
Oh, no, no, no, no, not even.

115
00:04:42,321 --> 00:04:44,705
I'm kidding!
Oh, my gosh.

116
00:04:44,740 --> 00:04:46,958
You guys, she's obviously
super cute, I get it.

117
00:04:46,992 --> 00:04:48,576
But I'd like to point out

118
00:04:48,627 --> 00:04:50,228
that there's 50 pounds
more of me to love...

119
00:04:50,262 --> 00:04:51,495
If that's your thing.

120
00:04:51,529 --> 00:04:52,797
Pam, you look more beautiful

121
00:04:52,831 --> 00:04:53,998
- now than ever.
- Radiant.

122
00:04:54,032 --> 00:04:55,633
Thank you guys, really.

123
00:04:55,667 --> 00:04:57,251
Thank you, very sweet.

124
00:04:57,302 --> 00:04:58,636
Yeah, you have this sexy glow.

125
00:04:58,670 --> 00:05:01,172
You know, it's one of
the most common fetishes.

126
00:05:01,206 --> 00:05:03,257
Really, well, thank you all.

127
00:05:03,308 --> 00:05:04,508
You know, it's not
just pregnant women

128
00:05:04,543 --> 00:05:05,943
who don't get their due.

129
00:05:05,978 --> 00:05:08,246
You know who's gorgeous?
Helen Mirren.

130
00:05:08,280 --> 00:05:09,230
Yes.

131
00:05:09,264 --> 00:05:10,598
Yes, have you seen her
in a bikini?

132
00:05:10,649 --> 00:05:11,882
Amazing.

133
00:05:11,917 --> 00:05:13,884
You know what would be
the hottest thing ever...

134
00:05:13,919 --> 00:05:16,821
- Is a pregnant Helen Mirren.
- Oh!

135
00:05:16,855 --> 00:05:18,823
Now we're talking!

136
00:05:18,857 --> 00:05:20,458
Okay, okay.

137
00:05:20,492 --> 00:05:22,260
No, no, no.

138
00:05:22,294 --> 00:05:23,361
This is disgusting.

139
00:05:23,395 --> 00:05:24,562
Do you realize
what you're saying?

140
00:05:24,596 --> 00:05:25,763
The hottest thing ever

141
00:05:25,797 --> 00:05:27,999
would be a 66-year-old
pregnant woman.

142
00:05:28,033 --> 00:05:29,033
In this case, yes.

143
00:05:29,067 --> 00:05:30,100
No!

144
00:05:30,118 --> 00:05:31,402
There are universal

145
00:05:31,436 --> 00:05:34,572
biological standards
of beauty and attraction.

146
00:05:34,606 --> 00:05:37,808
And you are purposefully
celebrating the opposite of them

147
00:05:37,843 --> 00:05:39,777
to mollycoddle
a pregnant woman.

148
00:05:39,811 --> 00:05:41,445
- No, we're not.
- No...

149
00:05:41,463 --> 00:05:43,047
Yes you are.
And another thing.

150
00:05:43,081 --> 00:05:45,949
Helen Mirren was born
Helen Mironoff.

151
00:05:45,968 --> 00:05:47,451
That's right,
you're fake salivating

152
00:05:47,469 --> 00:05:50,054
over a Soviet-era Russian.

153
00:06:05,370 --> 00:06:07,521
- Nice scatting, man.
- Thank you.

154
00:06:07,572 --> 00:06:10,024
I think I said doop
instead of boop at one point.

155
00:06:10,075 --> 00:06:12,360
Not bad, fellas.
You're better than you look.

156
00:06:12,411 --> 00:06:15,529
Hey, screw you!

157
00:06:15,580 --> 00:06:17,148
Hey, Robert.

158
00:06:17,182 --> 00:06:18,315
Are we meeting early?

159
00:06:18,333 --> 00:06:20,868
Just taking a stroll.

160
00:06:20,919 --> 00:06:22,870
What exactly have I
stumbled upon here?

161
00:06:22,921 --> 00:06:25,539
Well, we're all musicians,
and we play together sometimes.

162
00:06:25,590 --> 00:06:26,824
You're a band.

163
00:06:26,842 --> 00:06:28,175
Thank you.

164
00:06:28,210 --> 00:06:31,595
We're called Kevin
And The Zits.

165
00:06:31,630 --> 00:06:32,897
That was never agreed upon.

166
00:06:32,931 --> 00:06:34,682
I miss being in a band.

167
00:06:34,716 --> 00:06:36,934
Miss no more!
What do you play?

168
00:06:36,968 --> 00:06:38,886
Join us.
I have a tambourine.

169
00:06:38,937 --> 00:06:40,438
Tambourine?

170
00:06:40,472 --> 00:06:41,839
You know I'm the CEO, right?

171
00:06:41,857 --> 00:06:44,058
CEOs don't play tambourines.

172
00:06:44,109 --> 00:06:45,509
Tambourines are for girlfriends.

173
00:06:45,527 --> 00:06:46,510
I play a harmonica.

174
00:06:46,528 --> 00:06:47,778
I think I have one in the car.

175
00:06:47,813 --> 00:06:50,748
- Great!
- Nice.

176
00:06:50,782 --> 00:06:53,234
Guys, Robert is gonna be a Zit.

177
00:06:53,285 --> 00:06:55,953
Again, never agreed upon.

178
00:06:55,987 --> 00:06:57,421
I had totally given up
on hanging out

179
00:06:57,456 --> 00:06:58,823
with Robert California,

180
00:06:58,857 --> 00:07:00,624
and now he wants to be
in our band.

181
00:07:00,659 --> 00:07:02,192
And when you're in a
rock n' roll band with somebody,

182
00:07:02,210 --> 00:07:03,427
you're bonded for life.

183
00:07:03,462 --> 00:07:06,630
Usually that life
is short and tragic.

184
00:07:06,665 --> 00:07:08,199
That's okay, right?

185
00:07:08,233 --> 00:07:09,800
Yeah, even cooler.

186
00:07:09,835 --> 00:07:12,336
We all got to go sometime.

187
00:07:12,371 --> 00:07:14,204
Hey.

188
00:07:14,222 --> 00:07:15,389
Hey.

189
00:07:15,424 --> 00:07:16,941
Helen Mirren.

190
00:07:16,975 --> 00:07:18,008
Hot?

191
00:07:18,043 --> 00:07:19,577
Yeah.
Super pretty.

192
00:07:19,611 --> 00:07:22,213
Huh.
What about Cathy?

193
00:07:22,247 --> 00:07:23,714
The temp?

194
00:07:23,749 --> 00:07:25,916
- Yeah, do you think she's hot?
- Nope.

195
00:07:25,951 --> 00:07:28,218
I'm not asking
if you're into her.

196
00:07:28,236 --> 00:07:30,388
Just, objectively, do you
find her attractive?

197
00:07:30,422 --> 00:07:31,856
And I'm telling you I don't.

198
00:07:31,890 --> 00:07:33,891
You don't find
Cathy attractive?

199
00:07:33,925 --> 00:07:35,593
No, I don't.

200
00:07:35,627 --> 00:07:39,397
No, I'm not going to tell
my nine-months-pregnant wife

201
00:07:39,431 --> 00:07:42,366
that I find her replacement
objectively attractive.

202
00:07:42,401 --> 00:07:44,101
Just like I'm not going to
tell my two-year-old daughter

203
00:07:44,136 --> 00:07:48,072
that violent video games
are objectively more fun.

204
00:07:48,106 --> 00:07:50,808
It's true, but it doesn't
help anybody.

205
00:07:50,842 --> 00:07:54,411
Look at her.

206
00:07:54,429 --> 00:07:57,782
Even I want some fries
with that shake.

207
00:07:57,816 --> 00:07:59,049
Okay.

208
00:07:59,084 --> 00:08:00,384
Uh, I don't.

209
00:08:00,418 --> 00:08:02,419
So are we good?

210
00:08:05,690 --> 00:08:07,758
That's just absurd.

211
00:08:07,793 --> 00:08:09,643
Yes, because she's hot, right?

212
00:08:09,694 --> 00:08:11,729
Her breasts are large,
her waist is small,

213
00:08:11,763 --> 00:08:13,497
her reproductive health
in ample evidence.

214
00:08:13,532 --> 00:08:17,101
And facial symmetry--
Come on.

215
00:08:17,135 --> 00:08:19,570
The thing about pregnancy is
people treat you differently.

216
00:08:19,604 --> 00:08:22,406
Like you're a kid almost.

217
00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:23,908
They lose all sense
of boundaries.

218
00:08:23,942 --> 00:08:25,643
They start acting weird,

219
00:08:25,677 --> 00:08:28,111
telling you things
that clearly aren't true.

220
00:08:28,130 --> 00:08:30,281
I know it sounds nuts,

221
00:08:30,315 --> 00:08:31,882
but I think Dwight
is the only one

222
00:08:31,917 --> 00:08:34,518
who's telling me the truth.

223
00:08:34,553 --> 00:08:36,821
Dwight, am I hot right now?

224
00:08:36,855 --> 00:08:39,390
Why would I or anyone else
think that you're hot right now?

225
00:08:39,424 --> 00:08:41,459
I can't impregnate you,
and that's the driving force

226
00:08:41,493 --> 00:08:43,027
between male-female attraction.

227
00:08:43,061 --> 00:08:45,463
What about before?
Was I attractive before?

228
00:08:45,497 --> 00:08:48,866
Meh...You were at your most
attractive when you were 24

229
00:08:48,900 --> 00:08:50,568
with a slight, gradual decline

230
00:08:50,602 --> 00:08:52,803
and a steep drodrop-offoff when you
got pregnant for the first time.

231
00:08:52,838 --> 00:08:54,505
Gradual recovery and, uh,

232
00:08:54,539 --> 00:08:58,142
well, now, obviously,
you're at an all-time low.

233
00:08:59,811 --> 00:09:03,313
Hmm.

234
00:09:03,331 --> 00:09:06,016
I think Jim's lying to me about
not being attracted to Cathy.

235
00:09:06,051 --> 00:09:09,153
You think Jim's lying?

236
00:09:09,187 --> 00:09:11,489
That's so cute.
I know he's lying.

237
00:09:11,523 --> 00:09:13,190
5 bucks if you can
get him to admit it.

238
00:09:13,225 --> 00:09:14,341
Done.

239
00:09:14,376 --> 00:09:15,726
I never touch a pregnant woman.

240
00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:17,928
Yep, that's the Dwight I need.

241
00:09:19,235 --> 00:09:21,319
If we're gonna work together

242
00:09:21,452 --> 00:09:22,552
- we need some ground rules.
- Okay.

243
00:09:22,586 --> 00:09:26,055
Rule one, our only loyalty
is to the truth.

244
00:09:26,090 --> 00:09:28,358
I think so. Okay.

245
00:09:28,392 --> 00:09:30,159
Rule two, we stop at nothing.

246
00:09:30,194 --> 00:09:33,429
Well, what does that--
Is that... Okay.

247
00:09:33,464 --> 00:09:34,931
Rule three,

248
00:09:34,965 --> 00:09:36,466
don't fall in love.

249
00:09:36,500 --> 00:09:37,967
Yep, good.

250
00:09:38,002 --> 00:09:39,686
We're gonna bust this guy.

251
00:09:39,720 --> 00:09:41,604
Honesty is very
important to me.

252
00:09:41,639 --> 00:09:42,905
So important.

253
00:09:42,940 --> 00:09:45,275
And then we will destroy
the man himself.

254
00:09:45,309 --> 00:09:49,078
Let's just see how
we feel when we get there.

255
00:09:49,113 --> 00:09:50,913
Well, you came to
the right person.

256
00:09:50,948 --> 00:09:52,949
You have to follow
your intuition, Pam.

257
00:09:52,983 --> 00:09:54,901
You don't want to end up
like Elin Nordegren.

258
00:09:54,935 --> 00:09:56,252
Actually, what am I saying,

259
00:09:56,287 --> 00:09:57,720
you wish you had her life--
No offense, Pam.

260
00:09:57,755 --> 00:09:59,756
None taken.
What have you got?

261
00:09:59,790 --> 00:10:03,059
It is called the matchmaker
test, and it is very powerful.

262
00:10:03,093 --> 00:10:05,328
Basically we have Pam ask Jim

263
00:10:05,362 --> 00:10:07,163
which of his friends
he would set up with Cathy.

264
00:10:07,197 --> 00:10:09,098
If Jim picks
a really hot friend,

265
00:10:09,133 --> 00:10:13,436
then we know that
he thinks that Cathy's hot.

266
00:10:13,470 --> 00:10:14,937
Hmm.

267
00:10:18,008 --> 00:10:23,913
♪ ♪

268
00:10:23,931 --> 00:10:25,848
Hey, you found us!

269
00:10:25,883 --> 00:10:27,800
You guys sound great, man.

270
00:10:27,851 --> 00:10:31,804
Darryl, Andy, Kevin, this is
Curtis Dorough, local musician

271
00:10:31,855 --> 00:10:33,473
and the officiate at my wedding.

272
00:10:33,524 --> 00:10:36,275
Local musician?
Local legend.

273
00:10:36,310 --> 00:10:38,978
I used to come hear you play
every week at The Deerhead.

274
00:10:39,029 --> 00:10:40,863
Dude, you're on tv.

275
00:10:40,898 --> 00:10:43,449
You're the sportscaster
on channel seven.

276
00:10:43,484 --> 00:10:44,951
Go eagles!

277
00:10:44,985 --> 00:10:46,786
You do that on tv.

278
00:10:46,820 --> 00:10:48,437
You guys mind if they join us?

279
00:10:48,455 --> 00:10:51,207
- Yeah!
- Absolutely!

280
00:10:51,241 --> 00:10:52,775
Guys, I've got some
instruments right here.

281
00:10:52,793 --> 00:10:55,044
Hey, why don't you
and me play those?

282
00:10:55,079 --> 00:10:56,079
- Yeah?
- Yeah.

283
00:10:56,113 --> 00:10:57,446
Okay, this is awesome.

284
00:10:57,464 --> 00:10:58,781
What should we play?

285
00:10:58,799 --> 00:11:00,500
Maybe we should
warm up with some scales?

286
00:11:00,551 --> 00:11:02,118
- <i>Midnight Rambler?</i>
<i>- Yeah.</i>

287
00:11:02,136 --> 00:11:04,587
<i>Midnig</i>what?

288
00:11:07,591 --> 00:11:11,260
♪ ♪

289
00:11:11,294 --> 00:11:15,064
♪ have you heard about
the midnight rambler? ♪

290
00:11:15,099 --> 00:11:19,135
♪ everybody got to go ♪

291
00:11:19,153 --> 00:11:21,988
Hey, come on in, baby,
come on in.

292
00:11:22,022 --> 00:11:30,663
♪ ♪

293
00:11:30,698 --> 00:11:33,116
Yeah.

294
00:11:33,150 --> 00:11:41,157
♪ ♪

295
00:11:51,402 --> 00:11:53,886
Hey, I was talking to Cathy.
Turns out she is single.

296
00:11:53,937 --> 00:11:56,272
Oh, I stand corrected.

297
00:11:56,306 --> 00:12:00,276
I thought it might be fun
to set her up with someone.

298
00:12:00,310 --> 00:12:01,744
Any ideas?

299
00:12:01,779 --> 00:12:03,079
Oh, you know who might be good?

300
00:12:03,113 --> 00:12:04,213
Mike Tibbets.

301
00:12:04,248 --> 00:12:06,532
- Mike Tibbets, really?
- Mm-hmm.

302
00:12:06,567 --> 00:12:08,067
Hey, who's this
Mike Tibbets guy?

303
00:12:08,118 --> 00:12:11,387
- What kind of car does he drive?
- Not his mom's car.

304
00:12:11,422 --> 00:12:14,657
Yeah, 'cause his mom's car's
probably not a Nissan z.

305
00:12:16,293 --> 00:12:18,294
Touche?

306
00:12:19,546 --> 00:12:21,197
- Eww!
- Kelly, calm down.

307
00:12:21,231 --> 00:12:23,466
I mean, I guess
he'd be okay with hair.

308
00:12:23,500 --> 00:12:25,301
Okay you should see if
he'll get hair plugs.

309
00:12:25,335 --> 00:12:26,919
I don't think Jim
cares about his hair.

310
00:12:26,970 --> 00:12:29,705
Yeah, but I do Pam, okay.
It's called being a nice person.

311
00:12:29,740 --> 00:12:31,007
I don't see
what's so ugly about him.

312
00:12:31,041 --> 00:12:32,542
He's got the broad
face of a brewer.

313
00:12:32,576 --> 00:12:34,877
- Jim's on to me.
- Hmm?

314
00:12:34,912 --> 00:12:37,546
Yeah, Jim barely talks to Mike.

315
00:12:37,564 --> 00:12:39,115
We had to go through like
two levels of friends

316
00:12:39,149 --> 00:12:40,416
to even find his profile.

317
00:12:40,451 --> 00:12:42,268
Jim picked someone

318
00:12:42,319 --> 00:12:46,088
just unattractive enough to
shut me up without tipping it.

319
00:12:46,123 --> 00:12:48,758
Just ugly enough
to have deniability.

320
00:12:48,792 --> 00:12:50,593
Yep.

321
00:12:50,627 --> 00:12:53,579
Mike Tibbets is like the most
boring-looking guy I know.

322
00:12:53,614 --> 00:12:56,466
So if that was for
the matchmaker test,

323
00:12:56,500 --> 00:12:58,801
I think I'm in the clear.

324
00:12:58,836 --> 00:13:01,904
If that wasn't for
the matchmaker test, then...

325
00:13:01,939 --> 00:13:03,973
Cathy, he's a really nice guy.

326
00:13:04,007 --> 00:13:05,975
Well, Jim may be
lying with his words,

327
00:13:06,009 --> 00:13:07,760
but he can't lie with his body.

328
00:13:07,795 --> 00:13:10,446
I'm gonna write
something mean on his wall.

329
00:13:10,481 --> 00:13:12,098
No, Kelly, don't.

330
00:13:12,132 --> 00:13:13,633
The male reveals attraction

331
00:13:13,684 --> 00:13:16,803
through unconscious
and involuntary physical signs.

332
00:13:16,854 --> 00:13:19,806
The puffing of the chest,
mirroring,

333
00:13:19,857 --> 00:13:22,525
increased blood flow
to the crotch.

334
00:13:22,559 --> 00:13:24,327
I say we start there.

335
00:13:24,361 --> 00:13:26,195
With the crotch?

336
00:13:26,230 --> 00:13:28,948
With the crotch.

337
00:13:31,985 --> 00:13:39,992
♪ ♪

338
00:13:41,995 --> 00:13:42,995
Whoo!

339
00:13:45,132 --> 00:13:47,250
Psst, we're not here.

340
00:13:47,284 --> 00:13:49,118
- Who said that?
- Exactly.

341
00:13:49,152 --> 00:13:50,503
How'd I this long triangle?

342
00:13:50,554 --> 00:13:52,622
Okay, just shut it.

343
00:13:52,656 --> 00:13:54,991
Is he puffing out his chest?

344
00:13:55,025 --> 00:13:57,226
I can't tell.
It's unnaturally sunken.

345
00:13:59,329 --> 00:14:00,479
Busted.

346
00:14:00,514 --> 00:14:02,265
He just was mirroring.
Did you see that?

347
00:14:02,299 --> 00:14:04,834
No. Maybe he just said
something funny.

348
00:14:04,868 --> 00:14:06,652
Jim has no discernible
sense of humor, Pam.

349
00:14:06,687 --> 00:14:07,970
You should know that.

350
00:14:07,988 --> 00:14:09,989
I think he's just
making her laugh.

351
00:14:10,023 --> 00:14:12,275
Time for me to find out.

352
00:14:15,028 --> 00:14:17,046
Why's he making
her laugh so much?

353
00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:18,030
Just gonna walk over here--

354
00:14:18,081 --> 00:14:19,815
Whoa, I'm slipping and falling!

355
00:14:19,850 --> 00:14:22,685
Oh, stumbling, I need
something to grab on to!

356
00:14:22,719 --> 00:14:23,669
- Dwight!
- Are you okay?

357
00:14:23,704 --> 00:14:24,954
I'm fine, I'm totally fine.

358
00:14:24,988 --> 00:14:27,006
- Dwight!
- Yes?

359
00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:28,991
- Wha-- Jim.
- Sorry about that.

360
00:14:29,026 --> 00:14:30,760
Aw, cramp, I'm just--

361
00:14:30,794 --> 00:14:33,329
Dwight!

362
00:14:33,363 --> 00:14:35,047
Why?

363
00:14:35,098 --> 00:14:38,050
I'm sorry,
I fell down, Mr. balance.

364
00:14:46,693 --> 00:14:47,977
Leave.

365
00:14:51,064 --> 00:14:54,250
Does your husband
have very soft erections?

366
00:14:54,284 --> 00:14:57,954
Because if not, I just grabbed
a very soft penis for nothing.

367
00:14:57,988 --> 00:15:01,624
Why was he making her
laugh so much?

368
00:15:06,499 --> 00:15:08,596
Oh, hey. I'll just be a second.

369
00:15:06,753 --> 00:15:09,522
- Yeah, take your time.
- Okay.

370
00:15:09,556 --> 00:15:12,224
Oh, that line from <i>Zoolander?</i>

371
00:15:12,242 --> 00:15:14,443
- Mm-hmm?
- It was from a deleted scene.

372
00:15:14,494 --> 00:15:18,030
So we were both right.
Told you.

373
00:15:18,064 --> 00:15:21,000
Um, do I hand in
my expense reports

374
00:15:21,034 --> 00:15:22,401
to a particular accountant or--

375
00:15:22,419 --> 00:15:24,120
Oscar, Cathy has a question.

376
00:15:24,171 --> 00:15:27,423
Sorry, um,
I'll just go ask Oscar.

377
00:15:30,210 --> 00:15:33,429
- Yeah?
- You okay?

378
00:15:33,463 --> 00:15:35,648
Why won't you just admit
that she's attractive?

379
00:15:35,682 --> 00:15:37,016
It's kind of annoying
that you won't say it.

380
00:15:37,050 --> 00:15:38,918
Okay, what can I do
to make you believe me?

381
00:15:38,952 --> 00:15:40,820
Well, Dwight had this idea,

382
00:15:40,854 --> 00:15:42,622
and I thought it was
kind of crazy.

383
00:15:42,656 --> 00:15:46,092
But maybe
that's where we are now.

384
00:15:46,126 --> 00:15:47,660
She called it crazy?

385
00:15:47,694 --> 00:15:50,162
Aw, man, that's insulting.

386
00:15:50,197 --> 00:15:52,932
All I did was propose
a makeshift lie-detector test.

387
00:15:52,966 --> 00:15:55,001
Monitoring his
blood pressure, pulse,

388
00:15:55,035 --> 00:15:57,003
perspiration,
and breathing rate.

389
00:15:57,037 --> 00:15:58,938
Yeah, it's nuts.

390
00:15:58,972 --> 00:16:00,640
But I don't know
what else to do.

391
00:16:00,674 --> 00:16:02,975
And she called it nuts?

392
00:16:03,010 --> 00:16:05,161
Seriously, that was hot.

393
00:16:05,212 --> 00:16:06,412
Feel like you and the newsman

394
00:16:06,446 --> 00:16:07,780
- had a groove going.
- Mm-hmm.

395
00:16:07,814 --> 00:16:10,115
Did you know that Lisa
toured with Chaka Khan?

396
00:16:10,133 --> 00:16:11,350
Are you serious?

397
00:16:11,385 --> 00:16:12,718
From <i>Star Trek?</i>

398
00:16:12,753 --> 00:16:15,955
- Hey, you caught some of that?
- I caught it.

399
00:16:15,989 --> 00:16:17,323
What, you don't like the blues?

400
00:16:17,357 --> 00:16:19,725
I might enjoy seeing you guys
play the blues.

401
00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:20,926
Well, we are playing.

402
00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:21,978
We're all playing together.

403
00:16:22,012 --> 00:16:23,479
These are our jam buddies.

404
00:16:23,513 --> 00:16:24,563
It's a jam session.

405
00:16:24,598 --> 00:16:26,131
We go where the music takes us.

406
00:16:27,734 --> 00:16:30,903
I think the music
left without you.

407
00:16:35,075 --> 00:16:36,325
- Come on.
- Stop shoving me.

408
00:16:36,360 --> 00:16:37,576
Stop shoving me.

409
00:16:37,611 --> 00:16:39,662
Stop grabbing my penis.
Grow up.

410
00:16:39,696 --> 00:16:43,982
Take off your jacket
and take a seat.

411
00:16:44,001 --> 00:16:48,054
When it lies, the human body
exhibits many telltale signs.

412
00:16:48,088 --> 00:16:49,372
Really?

413
00:16:49,423 --> 00:16:50,456
This could all go away

414
00:16:50,490 --> 00:16:52,041
if you just tell me the truth.

415
00:16:52,092 --> 00:16:54,343
Uh, are you all in line?

416
00:16:54,378 --> 00:16:57,029
Why don't you go check out
the sympathy cards, old man?

417
00:16:57,064 --> 00:16:59,832
Now I'm gonna ask you
just a few simple questions.

418
00:16:59,850 --> 00:17:01,767
Wait for this to constrict.

419
00:17:01,802 --> 00:17:03,336
Here we go.

420
00:17:03,370 --> 00:17:05,771
Is your name Jim Halpert?

421
00:17:05,806 --> 00:17:07,840
<i>Si.</i>

422
00:17:07,874 --> 00:17:09,174
Wait, that's it?

423
00:17:09,192 --> 00:17:10,509
That's the question
you're gonna ask him?

424
00:17:10,544 --> 00:17:12,111
We have to start with
a baseline question

425
00:17:12,145 --> 00:17:13,562
to establish what the truth is.

426
00:17:13,613 --> 00:17:16,866
You have to share
the machine with others.

427
00:17:16,900 --> 00:17:18,567
Well,
that's what they taught me

428
00:17:18,618 --> 00:17:20,569
in my 19th century kindergarten.

429
00:17:20,620 --> 00:17:22,354
Okay, Dwight, come on.

430
00:17:22,372 --> 00:17:24,240
- You can go first.
- Thank you.

431
00:17:24,291 --> 00:17:26,375
Jim, are you serious?

432
00:17:29,229 --> 00:17:32,197
Oh, you know what? This reminds me.
Cece needs a new toothbrush.

433
00:17:32,215 --> 00:17:33,532
Oh.

434
00:17:36,553 --> 00:17:44,977
♪ ♪

435
00:17:45,011 --> 00:17:46,762
Maybe we could
switch instruments.

436
00:17:46,813 --> 00:17:48,064
Yeah.

437
00:17:48,098 --> 00:17:49,982
'Cause, uh, my body's
starting to get bruised.

438
00:17:50,016 --> 00:17:53,319
Yeah, maybe everyone move
one instrument to the right.

439
00:18:08,585 --> 00:18:11,420
We had to leave because
of creative differences.

440
00:18:11,455 --> 00:18:14,373
Yeah they kind of had
a specific sound

441
00:18:14,408 --> 00:18:16,542
that didn't really
fit in with our thing.

442
00:18:16,576 --> 00:18:21,447
Guys, this mean's they're
Kevin And The Zits now.

443
00:18:21,481 --> 00:18:23,382
No, man...

444
00:18:23,417 --> 00:18:25,818
We are.

445
00:18:25,852 --> 00:18:27,970
- Well--
- No, no, no.

446
00:18:28,021 --> 00:18:29,889
Okay, you're done.

447
00:18:29,923 --> 00:18:31,524
I have a new heart, you know.

448
00:18:31,558 --> 00:18:36,562
Do you really, tin man?
Okay, where were we?

449
00:18:36,596 --> 00:18:38,030
No, I'm not worried.

450
00:18:38,064 --> 00:18:41,150
Because this lie isn't
for me, it's for Pam.

451
00:18:41,201 --> 00:18:45,871
And when she gets her body back
and her confidence back...

452
00:18:45,906 --> 00:18:49,341
Yes, I will tell her the truth.

453
00:18:49,376 --> 00:18:54,213
That I had feelings
for a co-worker today

454
00:18:54,247 --> 00:18:58,250
that...
I haven't had in years.

455
00:18:59,486 --> 00:19:01,587
In my defense,
he was grabbing my crotch

456
00:19:01,621 --> 00:19:03,839
fairly aggressively
at the time.

457
00:19:03,890 --> 00:19:06,008
Do you find
Cathy Simms attractive?

458
00:19:06,059 --> 00:19:07,059
No.

459
00:19:10,147 --> 00:19:11,230
Yep, he's lying.

460
00:19:11,264 --> 00:19:13,465
Ah, see, was that so hard?

461
00:19:13,483 --> 00:19:15,184
I am not lying.

462
00:19:15,235 --> 00:19:17,186
- Really?
- Pam, are you really gonna

463
00:19:17,237 --> 00:19:19,138
listen to his
stupid homemade test?

464
00:19:19,172 --> 00:19:20,639
I would listen to
my homemade test,

465
00:19:20,674 --> 00:19:21,974
because your husband
is definitely lying.

466
00:19:21,992 --> 00:19:24,076
In fact, he's lied
about every question.

467
00:19:24,110 --> 00:19:25,361
Even his name.

468
00:19:25,412 --> 00:19:26,745
Who are you really?

469
00:19:26,780 --> 00:19:28,747
- Wait, what?
- Look at the numbers.

470
00:19:28,782 --> 00:19:30,983
Every single time,
it's come up 150 over 100.

471
00:19:31,001 --> 00:19:33,085
Your husband
is a pathological liar.

472
00:19:33,119 --> 00:19:34,837
Jim, you have
high blood pressure.

473
00:19:34,871 --> 00:19:36,856
Oh, he is definitely
attracted to her.

474
00:19:36,890 --> 00:19:38,724
Doesn't your dad have
high blood pressure?

475
00:19:38,758 --> 00:19:39,842
Yeah, but I don't smoke.

476
00:19:39,876 --> 00:19:41,210
When was the last time
you went to the doctor?

477
00:19:41,261 --> 00:19:42,328
I don't know.

478
00:19:42,362 --> 00:19:43,328
It's important
to go every month

479
00:19:43,346 --> 00:19:44,763
and get your prostate checked.

480
00:19:44,798 --> 00:19:46,182
You can do it at home by
yourself with your finger.

481
00:19:46,216 --> 00:19:47,183
You just stick it--

482
00:19:47,217 --> 00:19:49,935
- Okay.
- Dwight, stop.

483
00:19:49,970 --> 00:19:51,670
I'm not kidding, I mean,

484
00:19:51,705 --> 00:19:53,172
I need you to
take care of yourself.

485
00:19:53,206 --> 00:19:54,874
What would we do if
something happened to you?

486
00:19:54,908 --> 00:19:56,642
Okay, easy.

487
00:19:56,676 --> 00:19:58,544
Trust me, I'm around
for the long-haul.

488
00:19:58,578 --> 00:19:59,712
It's not really
your choice though, is it?

489
00:19:59,746 --> 00:20:01,680
Death waits for no man.

490
00:20:01,698 --> 00:20:02,948
- Okay.
- Come on, let's go.

491
00:20:02,983 --> 00:20:06,018
I wanna call your doctor.

492
00:20:06,036 --> 00:20:07,686
Doesn't it worry you
in the slightest

493
00:20:07,721 --> 00:20:09,188
that Jim is not his real name?

494
00:20:09,222 --> 00:20:10,289
Just go home.
It doesn't matter.

495
00:20:10,323 --> 00:20:11,624
But--

496
00:20:11,658 --> 00:20:13,659
Hey, Cece's toothbrush.

497
00:20:17,664 --> 00:20:19,031
Thank you.

498
00:20:19,049 --> 00:20:22,134
♪ Oh, baby, I love your way ♪

499
00:20:22,168 --> 00:20:24,369
♪ every day ♪

500
00:20:24,387 --> 00:20:29,475
♪ wanna be with you
night and day ♪

501
00:20:29,509 --> 00:20:31,093
♪ day ♪

502
00:20:31,144 --> 00:20:34,847
♪ oh, baby, I love your way ♪

503
00:21:24,940 --> 00:21:27,500
Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com