1
00:00:00,581 --> 00:00:04,433
Christmas time is here!
2
00:00:04,536 --> 00:00:06,920
Wow! Thanks, guys.
That sounded amazing.
3
00:00:07,501 --> 00:00:11,975
Hi, I'm * Bernard and I am the
first office Santa ever
4
00:00:12,101 --> 00:00:14,677
to make holiday wishes
come true.
5
00:00:15,143 --> 00:00:17,148
Who's excited to get their
holiday wishes?
6
00:00:17,279 --> 00:00:18,655
Holiday wishes...
7
00:00:18,690 --> 00:00:19,501
What's that, Stanley?
8
00:00:19,519 --> 00:00:22,271
We know exactly what holiday
you're referring to.
9
00:00:22,306 --> 00:00:24,907
It is important to be mindful
10
00:00:24,942 --> 00:00:27,176
of all belief systems
at our holiday party.
11
00:00:27,210 --> 00:00:29,111
I've been here 18 years
12
00:00:29,146 --> 00:00:32,682
and I've suffered through some
weird, thematic christmases.
13
00:00:32,716 --> 00:00:35,451
A Honolulu Christmas,
a Pulp Fiction Christmas,
14
00:00:35,485 --> 00:00:38,521
a Muslim Christmas,
Moroccan Christmas,
15
00:00:38,555 --> 00:00:39,872
Mo Rocca Christmas.
16
00:00:39,923 --> 00:00:41,457
I don't want it.
17
00:00:41,491 --> 00:00:43,993
Christmas is Christmas
is Christmas is Christmas.
18
00:00:44,027 --> 00:00:48,631
I got Stanley tickets to see
Lewis Black for his birthday.
19
00:00:48,665 --> 00:00:51,534
Might not have been
the best idea.
20
00:00:51,568 --> 00:00:53,185
I don't want no kwanzaa wreath.
21
00:00:53,220 --> 00:00:54,870
I don't need
a dreidel in my face--
22
00:00:54,905 --> 00:00:55,972
That's its own thing.
23
00:00:56,006 --> 00:00:57,006
And who's that black Santa for?
24
00:00:57,040 --> 00:00:58,891
I don't care.
25
00:00:58,942 --> 00:01:02,678
I know Santa ain't black.
I could care less.
26
00:01:02,696 --> 00:01:05,314
I want Christmas.
Just give me plain
27
00:01:05,349 --> 00:01:09,552
baby Jesus lying in a manger
Christmas.
28
00:01:11,692 --> 00:01:15,931
Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com
29
00:01:19,129 --> 00:01:20,730
What is the status on my wish?
30
00:01:20,764 --> 00:01:21,998
Fulfilled.
31
00:01:22,032 --> 00:01:23,165
Brought my bicycle
32
00:01:23,199 --> 00:01:25,034
so I can be
your designated driver later
33
00:01:25,052 --> 00:01:26,669
in the event
that you drink too much,
34
00:01:26,703 --> 00:01:28,871
which is by no means required.
35
00:01:28,889 --> 00:01:30,272
What about my wish
that we don't have to attend
36
00:01:30,307 --> 00:01:32,341
meetings that degrade
our sense of adulthood?
37
00:01:32,376 --> 00:01:33,709
That, I cannot do.
38
00:01:33,744 --> 00:01:36,512
But I did get you
an acre of property on the moon.
39
00:01:36,546 --> 00:01:38,781
Where, dark side or light side?
40
00:01:38,815 --> 00:01:39,882
Light side.
41
00:01:39,900 --> 00:01:41,283
Is it by
the sea of tranquility?
42
00:01:41,318 --> 00:01:42,985
As a matter of fact, yes.
43
00:01:43,020 --> 00:01:44,186
Directly adjacent.
44
00:01:44,221 --> 00:01:46,589
- Beachfront.
- Thank you, Andy.
45
00:01:46,623 --> 00:01:48,724
So whose wish is next?
46
00:01:48,759 --> 00:01:49,725
Oh, what about Santa's wish?
47
00:01:49,743 --> 00:01:51,127
My biggest wish is that
48
00:01:51,161 --> 00:01:54,080
you all get along well
with Jessica.
49
00:01:55,916 --> 00:01:58,951
Come on, guys, Jessica.
50
00:01:59,002 --> 00:02:00,569
Jim, tell them who Jessica is.
51
00:02:00,587 --> 00:02:01,937
She's not your grandmother,
is she?
52
00:02:01,972 --> 00:02:04,256
Ugh, gam gam's name
is Ruth, Jim.
53
00:02:04,291 --> 00:02:05,875
You should know.
54
00:02:05,909 --> 00:02:08,144
I introduced you on
speaker phone that time.
55
00:02:08,178 --> 00:02:10,046
Jessica is
my super serious girlfriend
56
00:02:10,080 --> 00:02:12,448
who is seriously awesome
and seriously sexy.
57
00:02:12,482 --> 00:02:14,350
Only thing that's not serious,
by the way,
58
00:02:14,384 --> 00:02:15,618
our repartee.
59
00:02:15,652 --> 00:02:17,853
That's great.
When you know, you know.
60
00:02:17,888 --> 00:02:19,055
Hey, what's Ruth's deal, man?
61
00:02:19,089 --> 00:02:21,057
Totally out of your league.
62
00:02:21,091 --> 00:02:23,976
So, in summation, ho ho ho,
63
00:02:24,027 --> 00:02:25,311
please be nice to Jessica,
and mistletoe
64
00:02:25,362 --> 00:02:27,163
is not an excuse
for sexual assault.
65
00:02:27,197 --> 00:02:32,101
And don't go near gam gam.
66
00:02:32,135 --> 00:02:34,003
I love Jessica,
and I haven't even met her yet.
67
00:02:34,037 --> 00:02:36,539
It's like, we don't even
need to meet, you know?
68
00:02:36,573 --> 00:02:37,740
I already love you.
69
00:02:37,774 --> 00:02:40,276
Stay home.
70
00:02:40,310 --> 00:02:41,777
I just want you to know that
71
00:02:41,812 --> 00:02:43,278
I will be mean to Jessica,
if you want me to be.
72
00:02:43,296 --> 00:02:44,630
Oh, no, no, it's fine, Kelly.
73
00:02:44,664 --> 00:02:45,848
It's really no problem.
74
00:02:45,882 --> 00:02:47,183
I was already planning
on being mean to her.
75
00:02:47,217 --> 00:02:48,484
That's okay,
I don't want you to do that.
76
00:02:48,518 --> 00:02:50,586
Hello.
77
00:02:50,620 --> 00:02:53,089
Merry Christmas, Erin.
78
00:02:53,123 --> 00:02:56,192
Kelly, happy Pancha Ganapati.
79
00:02:56,226 --> 00:02:57,459
Ew, what is that?
80
00:02:57,477 --> 00:03:00,563
The five day hindu celebration
in December,
81
00:03:00,597 --> 00:03:03,349
honoring the God Ganesh,
patron of the arts.
82
00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:04,817
Cool.
83
00:03:04,851 --> 00:03:06,936
- Hey, man.
- Hey, oh!
84
00:03:06,970 --> 00:03:09,171
How you holding up?
85
00:03:09,206 --> 00:03:10,823
Because of
your wife leaving you.
86
00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:11,974
Kevin.
87
00:03:12,008 --> 00:03:14,276
I actually appreciate
the human intimacy.
88
00:03:14,311 --> 00:03:17,246
I feel like a kitten
being cradled by a gorilla.
89
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:18,614
Yeah.
90
00:03:18,648 --> 00:03:21,650
It's been ten days
since I had sexual intercourse.
91
00:03:21,668 --> 00:03:22,685
Well, you came to
the right place.
92
00:03:22,719 --> 00:03:23,836
Ah.
93
00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:27,039
It-- This party will
cheer you right up.
94
00:03:27,090 --> 00:03:28,257
I hope so.
95
00:03:28,291 --> 00:03:29,792
The corporate party
was wretched.
96
00:03:29,826 --> 00:03:33,345
I am so tired of
the Black-Eyed Peas.
97
00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:35,698
It's rock and roll for people
who don't like rock and roll.
98
00:03:35,732 --> 00:03:38,501
It's rap for people
who don't like rap.
99
00:03:38,535 --> 00:03:41,737
It's pop for people
who don't like pop.
100
00:03:41,771 --> 00:03:43,973
Ah, heartbreaking.
101
00:03:44,007 --> 00:03:47,893
Oh, thank you.
102
00:03:47,944 --> 00:03:51,397
Well, I hate to have to take
my Santa hat off
103
00:03:51,448 --> 00:03:55,151
and put on my hard ass hat,
104
00:03:55,185 --> 00:03:58,037
but...This is serious.
105
00:03:58,071 --> 00:04:00,022
It's come to my attention that
106
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:02,124
somebody who shall
remain nameless
107
00:04:02,159 --> 00:04:04,026
wants to switch desk clumps.
108
00:04:04,060 --> 00:04:05,294
Fine with me.
109
00:04:05,328 --> 00:04:06,862
Jim can leave
any time he wants.
110
00:04:06,897 --> 00:04:08,063
- Good-bye.
- Wasn't me.
111
00:04:08,098 --> 00:04:09,248
It wasn't either of you.
112
00:04:09,299 --> 00:04:11,200
Kathy wants to leave our clump?
113
00:04:11,218 --> 00:04:12,735
Don't look.
114
00:04:12,769 --> 00:04:15,671
Who it was is not important.
115
00:04:15,705 --> 00:04:18,240
But she did say that
your constant pranking
116
00:04:18,275 --> 00:04:20,409
and one-upsmanship
is driving her crazy.
117
00:04:20,443 --> 00:04:21,594
She or he.
118
00:04:21,645 --> 00:04:23,512
I just want to say
this is not my fault.
119
00:04:23,546 --> 00:04:25,915
Okay, the weak
always bully the strong,
120
00:04:25,949 --> 00:04:27,349
contrary to what you see
in the media.
121
00:04:27,384 --> 00:04:29,285
I am always acting
in self-defense.
122
00:04:29,319 --> 00:04:33,022
Occasionally
preemptive self-defense.
123
00:04:33,056 --> 00:04:35,057
- Ow, what are you doing?
- Hey! Hey!
124
00:04:35,075 --> 00:04:36,408
Respect the hat.
125
00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:38,194
Pam never seemed to have
a problem with us.
126
00:04:38,228 --> 00:04:40,029
All right.
127
00:04:40,063 --> 00:04:42,598
I'm gonna speak in a language
you both understand,
128
00:04:42,632 --> 00:04:44,099
Monet.
129
00:04:44,134 --> 00:04:45,801
- What?
- What is?
130
00:04:45,835 --> 00:04:48,370
Money.
131
00:04:48,404 --> 00:04:51,207
You both have sizable Christmas
bonuses coming your way.
132
00:04:51,241 --> 00:04:52,841
If I catch either of you
messing with the other,
133
00:04:52,876 --> 00:04:54,877
I will give both bonuses
to the other person.
134
00:04:54,911 --> 00:04:57,580
- Can't do that.
- No, absolutely not.
135
00:04:57,614 --> 00:04:59,148
You need consequences.
136
00:04:59,182 --> 00:05:01,383
Okay, I want you both
walking on eggshells.
137
00:05:04,921 --> 00:05:07,606
Hi, I'm Jessica.
I'm looking for Andy.
138
00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:10,259
Jessica, yes.
We don't say hi.
139
00:05:10,293 --> 00:05:13,646
We hug.
140
00:05:13,697 --> 00:05:14,763
I'm Erin.
141
00:05:14,781 --> 00:05:17,166
- I-- Oof.
- Sorry.
142
00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:18,167
I hope you feel really welcome.
143
00:05:18,201 --> 00:05:19,485
- We all want you here.
- Oh.
144
00:05:19,536 --> 00:05:23,672
My ex is meeting my sex.
145
00:05:23,707 --> 00:05:25,341
Which is always scary.
146
00:05:25,375 --> 00:05:27,243
You know?
And not just because
147
00:05:27,277 --> 00:05:29,845
you think they might talk
about your penis.
148
00:05:29,879 --> 00:05:31,280
That's just part of it.
149
00:05:31,298 --> 00:05:33,382
Hey! Jess, Erin.
150
00:05:33,416 --> 00:05:34,583
I hope you're not talking
about my penis.
151
00:05:34,617 --> 00:05:36,802
- Hi.
- Hi.
152
00:05:36,836 --> 00:05:39,188
Hey, everyone,
I want you to meet Jessica.
153
00:05:39,222 --> 00:05:42,458
She is an assistant cross
country coach at Bryn Mawr.
154
00:05:42,492 --> 00:05:43,659
Wow.
155
00:05:43,693 --> 00:05:46,178
Erin, by the way,
amazing receptionist.
156
00:05:46,229 --> 00:05:47,863
Oh, that's great.
157
00:05:47,897 --> 00:05:49,865
Backbone of the office.
158
00:05:49,899 --> 00:05:52,151
Which is funny, actually,
because my spine is a mess.
159
00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:53,168
- What?
- Oh.
160
00:05:53,203 --> 00:05:54,153
Scoliosis.
161
00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:55,771
Had to wear a back brace
for three years,
162
00:05:55,805 --> 00:05:57,806
but I never did.
163
00:06:00,243 --> 00:06:02,544
Oh, no.
164
00:06:02,579 --> 00:06:04,013
Oh, no, it's kicking in.
165
00:06:04,047 --> 00:06:07,166
- Spontaneous...Scoliosis.
- Spontaneous scoliosis.
166
00:06:10,186 --> 00:06:11,253
Oh.
167
00:06:11,288 --> 00:06:12,721
This thing could
take your arm off,
168
00:06:12,756 --> 00:06:13,839
your head off.
169
00:06:13,873 --> 00:06:15,157
You know,
just exercise caution.
170
00:06:15,175 --> 00:06:16,491
- Thank you.
- All right.
171
00:06:16,509 --> 00:06:18,694
All right.
172
00:06:18,728 --> 00:06:20,179
Oh, yeah, and, um...
173
00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:21,964
There's a Christmas party
upstairs tonight
174
00:06:21,998 --> 00:06:23,032
I wanted to tell you about.
175
00:06:23,066 --> 00:06:24,833
Isn't that just for popsicles?
176
00:06:24,851 --> 00:06:26,268
Popsicles?
177
00:06:26,303 --> 00:06:27,853
Yeah, like, upstairs people.
178
00:06:27,887 --> 00:06:30,372
'Cause you got
a stick up your butt.
179
00:06:30,407 --> 00:06:32,207
See, I thought it was because
they're all so rich
180
00:06:32,242 --> 00:06:34,059
they could eat popsicles
all the time.
181
00:06:34,110 --> 00:06:35,444
What?
182
00:06:35,478 --> 00:06:37,112
I-- In my--
183
00:06:37,147 --> 00:06:38,113
Well, you should
definitely come.
184
00:06:38,148 --> 00:06:39,648
The foreman always comes.
185
00:06:39,683 --> 00:06:41,400
Plus it's fun,
you know, cookies,
186
00:06:41,451 --> 00:06:43,052
smoked fish,
187
00:06:43,086 --> 00:06:44,570
alcohol, people acting stupid.
188
00:06:44,621 --> 00:06:46,238
You had me at "clookies."
189
00:06:46,289 --> 00:06:49,408
I can't wait to find out
what they are.
190
00:06:49,459 --> 00:06:50,526
What should I wear?
191
00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:51,694
Oh, it's nice.
It's real nice.
192
00:06:51,728 --> 00:06:52,895
People get dressed up.
193
00:06:52,929 --> 00:06:55,898
I will look so handsome
for you, Darryl.
194
00:07:04,808 --> 00:07:07,576
Ah...
195
00:07:07,610 --> 00:07:10,596
I'm gonna s--
196
00:07:14,517 --> 00:07:17,052
Dwight really wants my bonus.
197
00:07:17,087 --> 00:07:19,688
He's trying to entrap me.
198
00:07:19,723 --> 00:07:24,426
Oh, God, now I can't drink
at this thing.
199
00:07:24,461 --> 00:07:26,995
I get really pranky
when I drink.
200
00:07:27,030 --> 00:07:28,580
Erin, what can I get for you?
201
00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:30,115
Uh, do you have cola?
202
00:07:30,166 --> 00:07:31,400
Kirkland, if you have it.
203
00:07:31,434 --> 00:07:33,585
Why would you come to a bar
and ask for a cola
204
00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:35,087
when you can get some
from the kitchen?
205
00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:36,672
Did some small part of you
206
00:07:36,706 --> 00:07:38,774
want something
a little stronger?
207
00:07:38,808 --> 00:07:42,010
Ryan, Kevin, Phyllis, Oscar,
208
00:07:42,045 --> 00:07:43,779
come and take these shots.
209
00:07:43,813 --> 00:07:45,414
- Oh.
- Yes.
210
00:07:45,448 --> 00:07:46,615
Will do.
211
00:07:46,649 --> 00:07:48,617
The fifth one is for you, Erin.
212
00:07:48,651 --> 00:07:50,753
You can take it or leave it.
213
00:07:50,787 --> 00:07:52,554
To take it would be to accept
214
00:07:52,588 --> 00:07:54,773
that you're at a party
and you're an adult woman
215
00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:58,060
with an adventurous spirit.
216
00:07:58,094 --> 00:07:59,778
To leave it would be fine, too.
217
00:07:59,813 --> 00:08:03,599
- One, two, three.
- Yes.
218
00:08:03,633 --> 00:08:05,317
- Mm.
- Whoa.
219
00:08:06,369 --> 00:08:08,070
- Hey, hey, nice.
- Whoo!
220
00:08:08,104 --> 00:08:09,638
Jiminy Christmas!
221
00:08:09,672 --> 00:08:11,440
Jiminy Christmas, indeed.
222
00:08:11,474 --> 00:08:13,575
- Hit 'er up.
- Oh, yes.
223
00:08:13,610 --> 00:08:15,677
- Whoo!
- Yeah.
224
00:08:19,729 --> 00:08:22,377
Yeah, I just got my
replacement credit card.
225
00:08:22,419 --> 00:08:25,588
Do you want the number--
Oh, it's 4-7-9-3
226
00:08:25,622 --> 00:08:30,593
0-0-3-2-3-3-1-3.
227
00:08:30,627 --> 00:08:35,264
The security code is 927.
228
00:08:35,298 --> 00:08:37,549
Okay, great,
thank you very much.
229
00:08:37,601 --> 00:08:39,685
Bye.
230
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:45,641
So Dwight did take the bait.
231
00:08:45,675 --> 00:08:46,976
He used my credit card numbers
232
00:08:47,010 --> 00:08:51,146
to send a $200 bouquet
of flowers...
233
00:08:51,181 --> 00:08:53,182
To my wife.
234
00:08:53,216 --> 00:08:54,183
From me.
235
00:08:59,389 --> 00:09:00,689
Boom!
236
00:09:00,724 --> 00:09:03,692
Look, it's Christmas,
so you're allowed--
237
00:09:03,727 --> 00:09:05,728
Whoa, hello.
238
00:09:08,331 --> 00:09:13,736
♪ ♪
239
00:09:13,770 --> 00:09:16,438
I meant dressed up
compared to normal.
240
00:09:16,473 --> 00:09:17,906
You usually dress
like a ghostbuster.
241
00:09:17,941 --> 00:09:19,058
Okay.
242
00:09:19,092 --> 00:09:20,309
I thought you'd wear a sweater.
243
00:09:20,343 --> 00:09:22,111
Since when does a sweater
mean "dressed up"?
244
00:09:22,145 --> 00:09:23,178
Am I your grandson?
245
00:09:23,213 --> 00:09:24,413
Come on, stay, all right?
246
00:09:24,447 --> 00:09:25,881
It's good for people
to get to know you.
247
00:09:25,915 --> 00:09:28,984
As a contestant on
dancing with the stars, maybe.
248
00:09:29,019 --> 00:09:32,354
I want my sugar-free cookie,
249
00:09:32,389 --> 00:09:35,157
and then I want a sugar cookie.
250
00:09:35,191 --> 00:09:36,425
And then I want my nap.
251
00:09:36,459 --> 00:09:38,427
That's right.
252
00:09:38,461 --> 00:09:40,062
Thank you.
253
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,897
She is remarkable.
254
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:44,500
- Edgy impressions.
- Thank you.
255
00:09:44,534 --> 00:09:46,268
How many drinks
have you had tonight?
256
00:09:46,302 --> 00:09:48,003
I can't be driving
everybody home.
257
00:09:48,038 --> 00:09:50,673
- A thousand.
- Whoa!
258
00:09:50,707 --> 00:09:52,925
Maybe you should take a break.
259
00:09:52,959 --> 00:09:56,445
Maybe you should
mind your own business.
260
00:09:56,479 --> 00:09:59,431
Just kidding.
261
00:10:01,885 --> 00:10:03,352
Ah, I've been attacked!
262
00:10:03,386 --> 00:10:04,636
Oh, my God.
263
00:10:04,688 --> 00:10:06,755
Oh, someone put a porcupine
in my drawer.
264
00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:08,590
Oh, my God.
265
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:10,092
Yeah, I was just
sitting here at my desk,
266
00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:11,276
and I reached into my drawer
267
00:10:11,311 --> 00:10:13,929
to grab my toothbrush
and some tooth powder,
268
00:10:13,963 --> 00:10:15,397
and-- and all of a sudden,
269
00:10:15,432 --> 00:10:18,467
I was attacked by this
bloodthirsty rabid creature.
270
00:10:18,501 --> 00:10:22,171
I wonder, in this office,
who has access to a porcupine?
271
00:10:22,205 --> 00:10:25,641
Or who in this office
knows that I have access
272
00:10:25,675 --> 00:10:27,609
and is trying to set me up?
273
00:10:27,644 --> 00:10:29,161
Hm, you know, this sounds a lot
274
00:10:29,212 --> 00:10:32,881
like the premise of
my latest Chad Flenderman novel,
275
00:10:32,916 --> 00:10:34,216
a murder for framing.
276
00:10:34,250 --> 00:10:35,517
Chad Flenderman.
277
00:10:35,552 --> 00:10:37,853
Just an easy-going black guy
who knows the streets,
278
00:10:37,887 --> 00:10:40,522
yet he also went to Oxford.
279
00:10:40,557 --> 00:10:43,959
So just as comfortable
on a motorcycle
280
00:10:43,993 --> 00:10:47,296
as he is on Air Force One.
281
00:10:47,330 --> 00:10:50,733
Oh, and he's also the world's
leading egyptologist.
282
00:10:50,767 --> 00:10:55,104
Toby, nobody cares about
your sex-crazed black detective.
283
00:10:55,138 --> 00:10:57,056
No, no, no, no, no,
women chase him.
284
00:10:57,107 --> 00:10:58,357
H-he misses his wife.
285
00:10:58,391 --> 00:11:00,342
Hello,
lacerated hand here, folks.
286
00:11:00,376 --> 00:11:02,044
Nice try.
This is ridiculous.
287
00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:03,345
Oh, is it really?
288
00:11:03,379 --> 00:11:05,581
Two separate times
you have set me up to believe
289
00:11:05,615 --> 00:11:07,549
that I was being recruited
by the CIA.
290
00:11:07,584 --> 00:11:09,351
- Three times, actually.
- You see?
291
00:11:09,385 --> 00:11:11,186
Jim, this has
your fingerprints all over it.
292
00:11:11,204 --> 00:11:12,204
Andy, you've got to be
kidding me.
293
00:11:12,238 --> 00:11:14,623
Fingerprints can be planted.
294
00:11:14,657 --> 00:11:15,791
You know,
with a severed hand--
295
00:11:15,825 --> 00:11:16,825
Do you think that's
what happened?
296
00:11:16,859 --> 00:11:18,210
Do you think he used
a severed hand?
297
00:11:18,244 --> 00:11:19,211
Okay, you know what,
why don't we just
298
00:11:19,245 --> 00:11:20,362
call Animal Control?
299
00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:22,064
You might want to run that
by Angela.
300
00:11:22,098 --> 00:11:23,766
'Cause it's so cute.
301
00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:26,034
No. Porcupines
don't have souls.
302
00:11:26,069 --> 00:11:27,302
They're like dogs.
303
00:11:27,337 --> 00:11:28,504
Yes, I'm calling
from Dunder Mifflin.
304
00:11:28,538 --> 00:11:30,639
We have a very rabid porcupine
in our office.
305
00:11:30,673 --> 00:11:32,107
Someone should come pick it up.
306
00:11:32,142 --> 00:11:33,509
Come down right away.
307
00:11:33,543 --> 00:11:35,544
Uh, I don't know, let me ask.
Uh, were you quilled?
308
00:11:35,578 --> 00:11:36,678
Yes, I was quilled.
309
00:11:36,713 --> 00:11:38,080
- And what's its name?
- Henrietta.
310
00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:41,550
- Oops.
- What?
311
00:11:41,568 --> 00:11:45,487
All right.
Get her out of here, Dwight.
312
00:11:47,524 --> 00:11:52,528
♪ ♪
313
00:11:55,298 --> 00:11:59,501
Guys, I just wanted to say--
Come here.
314
00:11:59,536 --> 00:12:01,253
I am so happy
you guys are together.
315
00:12:01,287 --> 00:12:02,437
Okay?
316
00:12:02,472 --> 00:12:05,257
And you both have
such beautiful hair.
317
00:12:05,291 --> 00:12:06,258
Thank you.
318
00:12:06,292 --> 00:12:09,628
I hope you guys get married.
319
00:12:09,679 --> 00:12:10,679
And who knows?
320
00:12:10,713 --> 00:12:12,264
Maybe at the wedding
I meet someone.
321
00:12:12,298 --> 00:12:13,632
Okay.
322
00:12:13,683 --> 00:12:16,752
And later on tonight,
I hope I see you guys kiss.
323
00:12:21,141 --> 00:12:22,491
Yay.
324
00:12:22,525 --> 00:12:24,493
Okay, well, I'm gonna go do
another reverse spit.
325
00:12:24,527 --> 00:12:28,530
That's how the cool kids
say "get a drink."
326
00:12:32,502 --> 00:12:34,603
That's, uh, that's the girl
you dated.
327
00:12:34,637 --> 00:12:37,489
Um, yeah,
she's not really like that.
328
00:12:37,540 --> 00:12:39,958
It's...
329
00:12:39,993 --> 00:12:41,710
No, she-- she seems fun.
330
00:12:41,744 --> 00:12:45,848
- Yeah, uh, excuse me.
- Okay.
331
00:12:45,882 --> 00:12:47,182
- Hey.
- Hey.
332
00:12:47,217 --> 00:12:50,485
Have you had anything to eat
besides candy canes?
333
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:52,955
- Every Martini has an olive.
- Okay.
334
00:12:52,989 --> 00:12:55,390
Maybe I should make you some
oatmeal or something.
335
00:12:55,425 --> 00:12:57,059
I don't want to put you out,
336
00:12:57,093 --> 00:12:58,627
but if someone's
making oatmeal,
337
00:12:58,661 --> 00:12:59,928
I'll take an apple cinnamon
338
00:12:59,962 --> 00:13:02,898
and a maple brown sugar
in one bowl with whole milk.
339
00:13:02,932 --> 00:13:04,966
Hey, I never told you
my Christmas wish.
340
00:13:04,984 --> 00:13:06,802
- Okay.
- It's about you.
341
00:13:06,836 --> 00:13:09,271
That's not what it should be.
342
00:13:09,305 --> 00:13:11,073
It should just be like
a trinket or something.
343
00:13:11,107 --> 00:13:14,543
I'd said I wish
Jessica was dead.
344
00:13:14,577 --> 00:13:18,330
You-- you mean you wish
she wasn't here or something.
345
00:13:18,364 --> 00:13:20,999
I wish she was in a graveyard
346
00:13:21,034 --> 00:13:22,817
under the ground
347
00:13:22,835 --> 00:13:26,488
with worms
coming out of her mouth.
348
00:13:26,506 --> 00:13:28,840
Hey, you know,
you can't say that, okay?
349
00:13:28,875 --> 00:13:31,326
That's my girlfriend
that you're talking about.
350
00:13:31,344 --> 00:13:34,263
You and I
are not together anymore.
351
00:13:34,297 --> 00:13:35,931
You need to get over it.
352
00:13:35,965 --> 00:13:38,200
Take your wish back.
353
00:13:38,234 --> 00:13:41,002
Too late.
It's already been wished.
354
00:13:41,020 --> 00:13:42,638
And you promised
it would come true.
355
00:13:42,672 --> 00:13:44,439
You wrote it in an email!
356
00:13:44,474 --> 00:13:49,111
So which one are you,
a murderer or a liar?
357
00:13:52,081 --> 00:13:57,686
♪ ♪
358
00:13:57,720 --> 00:13:59,454
- Hey...
- Hey.
359
00:13:59,489 --> 00:14:02,791
So there was talk of oatmeal.
360
00:14:06,283 --> 00:14:08,797
You know? Don't listen to
what anyone is saying.
361
00:14:08,870 --> 00:14:11,439
You look like a...
A princess.
362
00:14:11,473 --> 00:14:15,076
- Yeah.
- Thanks.
363
00:14:15,110 --> 00:14:17,762
I was too embarrassed.
364
00:14:17,813 --> 00:14:19,230
Hey, guys, sorry to interrupt.
365
00:14:19,264 --> 00:14:21,148
I, uh, just found this
on my desk
366
00:14:21,183 --> 00:14:23,351
and need to talk
to somebody about it.
367
00:14:23,385 --> 00:14:24,385
Can you believe that?
368
00:14:24,403 --> 00:14:26,720
- Is that Cece?
- Yes, it is.
369
00:14:26,738 --> 00:14:28,889
- Oh, man.
- That's awful.
370
00:14:28,907 --> 00:14:31,359
- Cece is Jim's daughter.
- Oh, my God.
371
00:14:31,393 --> 00:14:32,793
How could somebody do that?
372
00:14:32,828 --> 00:14:33,861
I know.
I mean, the way I see it is,
373
00:14:33,895 --> 00:14:35,329
you can deface
any picture of me.
374
00:14:35,364 --> 00:14:36,931
Any one. Pick one.
Not my kid, though.
375
00:14:36,965 --> 00:14:38,466
Who did this?
Who did this?
376
00:14:38,500 --> 00:14:40,167
- Do you know who did this?
- I don't...
377
00:14:40,202 --> 00:14:42,303
I know who did this.
Dwight.
378
00:14:42,337 --> 00:14:43,504
- Dwight?
- Yeah, he did.
379
00:14:43,538 --> 00:14:45,289
- What? No.
- He should pay.
380
00:14:45,340 --> 00:14:46,507
He is gonna pay.
This is fire-able.
381
00:14:46,541 --> 00:14:48,175
- Okay.
- It's-- I mean--
382
00:14:48,210 --> 00:14:49,410
Let me just see it
one more time.
383
00:14:49,428 --> 00:14:52,463
You know what?
I know who my friends are now.
384
00:14:52,514 --> 00:14:54,015
But I shouldn't have
got you involved.
385
00:14:54,049 --> 00:14:55,216
Because the truth is,
386
00:14:55,250 --> 00:14:56,884
I don't even really care
about this picture.
387
00:14:56,918 --> 00:14:58,135
It's a little out of focus.
388
00:14:58,186 --> 00:15:00,304
It was probably an accident,
right? Like...
389
00:15:00,355 --> 00:15:01,322
That's no accident.
390
00:15:01,356 --> 00:15:02,923
Right.
You're right.
391
00:15:02,958 --> 00:15:04,458
So maybe it was me who did it.
392
00:15:04,493 --> 00:15:05,893
By accident.
393
00:15:05,927 --> 00:15:07,445
- What?
- I'll figure it out.
394
00:15:07,479 --> 00:15:08,813
Get to the bottom of it.
395
00:15:08,864 --> 00:15:10,698
Merry merry.
396
00:15:13,785 --> 00:15:17,204
Enough of this garbage.
397
00:15:17,239 --> 00:15:18,906
This is Christmas.
398
00:15:21,460 --> 00:15:27,448
♪ ♪
399
00:15:38,477 --> 00:15:40,561
Hiya!
400
00:15:40,595 --> 00:15:45,599
♪ ♪
401
00:16:33,148 --> 00:16:35,366
Christmas!
402
00:16:41,056 --> 00:16:42,189
You all right, Santa?
403
00:16:42,207 --> 00:16:43,691
You know those movies
where two friends
404
00:16:43,725 --> 00:16:45,626
are sleeping together
and it's like,
405
00:16:45,660 --> 00:16:46,994
hey, can they stay friends?
406
00:16:47,028 --> 00:16:48,395
Yes.
407
00:16:48,430 --> 00:16:49,964
Do you think two friends
who are not sleeping together
408
00:16:49,998 --> 00:16:51,165
can stay friends?
409
00:16:51,199 --> 00:16:53,250
Two friends who are not
sleeping together?
410
00:16:53,301 --> 00:16:55,302
Can they remain friends?
Yes, yeah.
411
00:16:55,337 --> 00:16:57,471
No. I-- Mm, I don't know.
412
00:16:57,506 --> 00:16:58,906
- Okay.
- By the way,
413
00:16:58,940 --> 00:17:01,342
I'm not gonna mess with
your and Dwight's bonuses.
414
00:17:01,376 --> 00:17:03,427
I think it's causing
more problems.
415
00:17:03,478 --> 00:17:05,546
So just be yourselves,
have fun,
416
00:17:05,580 --> 00:17:07,548
and try not to let it
affect your work.
417
00:17:07,582 --> 00:17:09,083
All right.
I will definitely do that.
418
00:17:09,117 --> 00:17:11,268
All right.
I'll tell Dwight.
419
00:17:11,319 --> 00:17:13,387
You know what?
You're sitting and thinking.
420
00:17:13,421 --> 00:17:16,157
And it's probably better
if it comes from me anyway.
421
00:17:16,191 --> 00:17:18,259
Christmas miracles do happen.
422
00:17:18,293 --> 00:17:22,913
Yes, they totally do.
423
00:17:22,948 --> 00:17:24,365
You can't click on
these Kardashian links.
424
00:17:24,399 --> 00:17:25,916
That's why you have
so many viruses.
425
00:17:25,951 --> 00:17:27,284
Well, help me, okay?
426
00:17:27,335 --> 00:17:28,402
I'm trying, but--
427
00:17:28,420 --> 00:17:29,537
- You need to--
- Kelly.
428
00:17:29,571 --> 00:17:30,737
- Yo.
- Game on.
429
00:17:30,755 --> 00:17:34,124
On it.
430
00:17:36,411 --> 00:17:40,297
I don't know what
I was thinking, it was awful.
431
00:17:40,348 --> 00:17:42,183
Jessica, did you just fart?
432
00:17:45,470 --> 00:17:47,988
And that is how it's done.
433
00:17:48,023 --> 00:17:49,523
I would like another alcohol.
434
00:17:49,558 --> 00:17:51,425
Let's you and I take a walk.
435
00:17:51,443 --> 00:17:52,977
Oscar, you're in charge
of the bar.
436
00:17:53,028 --> 00:17:56,263
What?
I haven't bartended in forever.
437
00:17:56,298 --> 00:17:59,233
Oh, never considered myself
a mixologist.
438
00:17:59,267 --> 00:18:00,451
Oh, this is daunting.
439
00:18:00,485 --> 00:18:03,287
Uh, I need a mortar,
pestle, muddler.
440
00:18:03,321 --> 00:18:05,489
Does anyone have
any chocolate shavings?
441
00:18:05,540 --> 00:18:08,008
Your heart is broken.
442
00:18:08,043 --> 00:18:09,009
So's mine.
443
00:18:09,044 --> 00:18:10,711
And?
444
00:18:10,745 --> 00:18:12,446
And what?
445
00:18:12,464 --> 00:18:13,831
And do you have any advice
or anything...
446
00:18:13,882 --> 00:18:14,832
Oh, my God.
447
00:18:14,883 --> 00:18:15,833
To help me feel better?
448
00:18:15,884 --> 00:18:18,118
I've been married thrice,
449
00:18:18,136 --> 00:18:20,821
and each has ended in
an acrimonious divorce.
450
00:18:20,855 --> 00:18:23,224
I'm not sure I'm the best person
to give love advice.
451
00:18:23,258 --> 00:18:24,825
Oh.
452
00:18:24,859 --> 00:18:26,727
I was hoping you were going
to make me feel better.
453
00:18:26,761 --> 00:18:29,163
- When you do your make-up...
- Uh-huh?
454
00:18:29,197 --> 00:18:31,465
How long does it take usually?
'Cause...
455
00:18:31,483 --> 00:18:33,367
Um, it-- it depends.
456
00:18:33,401 --> 00:18:36,036
Chad Flenderman's kryptonite--
457
00:18:36,071 --> 00:18:39,990
Whoa, we got a real
Clarence Thomas here.
458
00:18:46,348 --> 00:18:47,648
- I'll see you at home.
- Okay, great.
459
00:18:47,666 --> 00:18:49,917
- Perfect.
- Bye.
460
00:18:49,951 --> 00:18:52,670
I still don't get why
you can't just call her a cab
461
00:18:52,704 --> 00:18:54,088
and pay for it.
462
00:18:54,122 --> 00:18:57,458
I would, it just--
That wasn't the holiday wish.
463
00:18:57,492 --> 00:18:59,026
Either he drives or I drive,
464
00:18:59,060 --> 00:19:01,595
and now I'm drunk and mad.
465
00:19:01,630 --> 00:19:05,099
- Okay, bye.
- Okay, bye.
466
00:19:05,133 --> 00:19:07,568
All right, come on, Meredith.
467
00:19:07,602 --> 00:19:10,271
Bye.
Thank you, Santa.
468
00:19:10,305 --> 00:19:11,838
You bet.
469
00:19:11,856 --> 00:19:13,724
Thank God Erin's getting
a ride home with Robert,
470
00:19:13,775 --> 00:19:15,276
'cause she is trashed.
471
00:19:15,310 --> 00:19:17,278
And who better to drive her
home than Robert?
472
00:19:17,312 --> 00:19:19,897
I mean,
what a standup guy, you know?
473
00:19:19,948 --> 00:19:21,448
I mean, he's going
through a lot--
474
00:19:21,483 --> 00:19:23,033
Separating from his wife,
475
00:19:23,068 --> 00:19:25,419
showing up at the Christmas
party in a track suit
476
00:19:25,453 --> 00:19:27,321
and a blazer.
477
00:19:30,041 --> 00:19:32,293
- Let's go, let's go.
- I'm coming, I'm coming.
478
00:19:32,327 --> 00:19:34,878
- I'm coming, I'm coming.
- Hang on.
479
00:19:34,913 --> 00:19:36,130
All right.
480
00:19:36,164 --> 00:19:39,049
- Whoa! My stuff!
- What? What is all that?
481
00:19:39,084 --> 00:19:41,302
- It's my valuables!
- It's junk.
482
00:19:41,336 --> 00:19:43,304
This is my treasures--
No, they're my treasures!
483
00:19:43,338 --> 00:19:44,805
You're a hoarder.
My God!
484
00:19:44,839 --> 00:19:46,757
No, I'm not!
I'm gonna sell it on eBay!
485
00:19:46,808 --> 00:19:48,309
No, no, no, you be careful.
486
00:19:48,343 --> 00:19:51,929
- Be careful!
- Ah! My Santa suit's stuck.
487
00:19:56,651 --> 00:19:58,052
What are we gonna do with
488
00:19:58,086 --> 00:20:00,387
all that bonus money,
Henrietta, huh?
489
00:20:00,422 --> 00:20:02,456
Where are we?
This ain't my street.
490
00:20:02,490 --> 00:20:04,325
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
491
00:20:04,359 --> 00:20:07,828
Mmm, this is the posh
part of town, huh?
492
00:20:10,332 --> 00:20:11,999
Oh, my God.
493
00:20:14,035 --> 00:20:16,170
Wonder what a studio condo
would cost in this neighborhood.
494
00:20:16,204 --> 00:20:20,040
Meredith, shut your
drunk hole right now.
495
00:20:21,876 --> 00:20:23,644
Erin, it was great fun tonight.
496
00:20:23,678 --> 00:20:26,680
Take a few aspirin,
drink a whole lot of water,
497
00:20:26,715 --> 00:20:30,351
sleep in in the morning.
498
00:20:30,385 --> 00:20:33,387
Thank you.
Good night.
499
00:20:37,392 --> 00:20:39,960
What are you smiling for?
500
00:20:39,994 --> 00:20:43,430
You thinking what I'm thinking?
501
00:20:43,465 --> 00:20:46,133
I'm sure I am not.
502
00:20:46,167 --> 00:20:48,469
Let's get you home.
503
00:20:49,738 --> 00:20:51,171
Ow!
504
00:20:51,206 --> 00:20:53,941
Take it easy!
505
00:20:53,975 --> 00:20:56,076
Whoo.
506
00:20:59,997 --> 00:21:01,247
Oh, man!
507
00:21:01,281 --> 00:21:04,383
Ah, fell asleep.
Took a nap.
508
00:21:04,418 --> 00:21:06,586
Hey, guys.
I feel refreshed now.
509
00:21:06,620 --> 00:21:08,504
- How's it going?
- Dwight.
510
00:21:08,555 --> 00:21:11,539
Took a little nap
right next to Jim's desk.
511
00:21:11,540 --> 00:21:13,281
I feel so good right now.
512
00:21:13,282 --> 00:21:14,853
Mmm, cookies.
513
00:21:14,854 --> 00:21:16,923
What's everyone staring at?
514
00:21:18,310 --> 00:21:20,743
Oh, man! I was supposed
to tell Dwight something.
515
00:21:22,687 --> 00:21:24,135
Come on, Jim...
516
00:21:26,136 --> 00:21:27,454
I got nothing.
517
00:21:27,455 --> 00:21:29,300
Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com