1 00:00:04,046 --> 00:00:06,602 The building's custodian is on vacation for the month, 2 00:00:06,704 --> 00:00:08,886 and Dwight is too chip to hire a replacement. 3 00:00:08,998 --> 00:00:10,918 So, instead, we're living in filth, 4 00:00:11,037 --> 00:00:12,430 but, not for long... 5 00:00:12,532 --> 00:00:16,042 because I have created the chore wheel. 6 00:00:16,332 --> 00:00:19,170 Oh, yeah. Can I spin first? 7 00:00:19,272 --> 00:00:21,372 Well, it doesn't spin. We'll just move the wheel 8 00:00:21,374 --> 00:00:24,575 one notch each morning, and you see what chore 9 00:00:24,577 --> 00:00:25,609 you get that day. 10 00:00:25,611 --> 00:00:27,111 A wheel is supposed to spin. 11 00:00:27,113 --> 00:00:29,180 Yeah, you know, like "guh-guh-guh-guh-guh-guh 12 00:00:29,182 --> 00:00:31,315 guh-guh-guh-guh-h-guh--" - No, I'm familiar 13 00:00:31,317 --> 00:00:32,650 with spinning. It's just that wouldn't work 14 00:00:32,652 --> 00:00:34,552 with the chore wheel because people might get 15 00:00:34,554 --> 00:00:37,121 the same chore-- - Yuck. Boring. 16 00:00:37,123 --> 00:00:38,823 All she talks about is chores. 17 00:00:38,825 --> 00:00:42,293 A wheel wants to spin, Pam. 18 00:00:42,295 --> 00:00:44,295 Spinning would be more fun. 19 00:00:46,898 --> 00:00:49,266 [Exhales] Okay. 20 00:00:49,268 --> 00:00:51,802 Okay, that's what I'm talkin' about. 21 00:00:51,804 --> 00:00:52,970 - Woo! - Wow! 22 00:00:52,972 --> 00:00:56,574 - Spinning! - Big money, big money. 23 00:00:56,576 --> 00:00:58,409 Yeah! 24 00:00:58,411 --> 00:00:59,710 Mug duty? 25 00:00:59,712 --> 00:01:02,780 Yes, you clean all the mugs in the sink. 26 00:01:02,782 --> 00:01:04,315 This sucks. 27 00:01:04,317 --> 00:01:05,783 Yeah, seriously, it's like everything 28 00:01:05,785 --> 00:01:07,184 on there's work. 29 00:01:07,186 --> 00:01:09,620 I don't think you guys understand why we're doing this. 30 00:01:09,622 --> 00:01:11,689 - It's-- - Yeah, and I don't think 31 00:01:11,691 --> 00:01:13,457 that you understand wheels. 32 00:01:13,459 --> 00:01:14,959 [Sighs] 33 00:01:14,961 --> 00:01:17,161 I've been through several rounds of development 34 00:01:17,163 --> 00:01:19,196 with the team, and here's where we stand 35 00:01:19,198 --> 00:01:22,333 with the chore wheel. 36 00:01:22,335 --> 00:01:24,001 We've got prizes! 37 00:01:24,003 --> 00:01:27,304 Ten bucks, candy bar, manager for an hour. 38 00:01:27,306 --> 00:01:30,941 But there are also penalties, like no internet, 39 00:01:30,943 --> 00:01:32,276 Stanley gets your lunch. 40 00:01:32,278 --> 00:01:34,311 The one thing that is not on the chore wheel 41 00:01:34,313 --> 00:01:36,447 is chores, but they were right. 42 00:01:36,449 --> 00:01:38,115 It's more fun this way. 43 00:01:38,117 --> 00:01:41,285 All: Oh! 44 00:01:41,287 --> 00:01:43,087 Ahh! Whoo! 45 00:01:43,089 --> 00:01:45,656 - Tiny wheel! All: - Tiny wheel! 46 00:01:45,658 --> 00:01:47,925 - Tiny wheel! Tiny wheel! - There it is! 47 00:01:47,927 --> 00:01:51,095 The tiny wheel actually does have chores. 48 00:01:51,097 --> 00:01:52,863 It's so cute, no one seems to mind. 49 00:01:52,865 --> 00:01:53,964 - Toilets! - Aww. 50 00:01:53,966 --> 00:01:57,334 [Cheers] 51 00:01:57,336 --> 00:01:59,069 - Tiny wheel. - Lucky! 52 00:01:59,071 --> 00:02:00,537 - Good choice. - Woo! 53 00:02:00,539 --> 00:02:03,540 [Up-tempo music] 54 00:02:19,504 --> 00:02:21,403 Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com 55 00:02:22,294 --> 00:02:23,727 Pam, we gotta go! 56 00:02:23,729 --> 00:02:28,265 Cece, go back inside. Grandma's got breakfast, okay? 57 00:02:28,267 --> 00:02:31,568 We are going to Roy's wedding. 58 00:02:31,570 --> 00:02:32,903 Yep, Roy. 59 00:02:32,905 --> 00:02:34,805 I think the only weird thing about going 60 00:02:34,807 --> 00:02:36,206 to your wife's ex-fiancee's wedding 61 00:02:36,208 --> 00:02:38,375 on a weekday at 8 AM 62 00:02:38,377 --> 00:02:39,677 is that it's your wife's ex-fiancee. 63 00:02:39,679 --> 00:02:42,646 Thanks, mom! 64 00:02:42,648 --> 00:02:44,548 - Banana? - Yeah. 65 00:02:44,550 --> 00:02:45,883 I'm afraid he's only gonna have hot dogs. 66 00:02:45,885 --> 00:02:47,151 Oh, come on, not even Roy 67 00:02:47,153 --> 00:02:48,719 will have hot dogs at his wedding. 68 00:02:48,721 --> 00:02:50,888 I planned a wedding with him. He wanted hot dogs. 69 00:02:53,091 --> 00:02:56,660 Just-- it's so weird. 70 00:02:56,662 --> 00:02:58,696 Oh, Pete, you've got mail. 71 00:02:58,698 --> 00:03:00,030 Really? I got somethin'? 72 00:03:00,032 --> 00:03:01,598 Well, it's addressed to customer service, 73 00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:02,866 so it's your mail. 74 00:03:02,868 --> 00:03:04,535 Well, you know, I'm also customer service. 75 00:03:04,537 --> 00:03:05,769 Yeah, I'm alternating. 76 00:03:05,771 --> 00:03:07,037 Yay. 77 00:03:07,039 --> 00:03:08,539 Another person yellin' at me. 78 00:03:08,541 --> 00:03:10,407 Well, it could be a nice letter. 79 00:03:10,409 --> 00:03:12,276 I write nice letters to companies all the time. 80 00:03:12,278 --> 00:03:14,178 That's really nice. 81 00:03:14,180 --> 00:03:16,880 Wow, Newsweek, huh? 82 00:03:16,882 --> 00:03:20,317 This election thing is crazy, right? 83 00:03:20,319 --> 00:03:21,986 It's open. 84 00:03:21,988 --> 00:03:23,620 Oh, yeah. I accidentally read it. 85 00:03:23,622 --> 00:03:26,490 It's not a nice letter. 86 00:03:26,492 --> 00:03:31,095 Okay. 87 00:03:31,097 --> 00:03:32,696 Get excited. 88 00:03:32,698 --> 00:03:35,632 The special projects fairy has arrived. 89 00:03:35,634 --> 00:03:38,068 I know you don't really exist. 90 00:03:38,070 --> 00:03:40,771 Today, I launch my big charity initiative, 91 00:03:40,773 --> 00:03:42,639 "Operation Give Back." 92 00:03:42,641 --> 00:03:45,743 Andy has shot down all of my special projects thus far, 93 00:03:45,745 --> 00:03:48,445 but this one is about charity 94 00:03:48,447 --> 00:03:51,382 so I'd like to see him piss on that one. 95 00:03:51,384 --> 00:03:54,818 [Indistinct chatter] 96 00:03:54,820 --> 00:03:56,053 Darryl! 97 00:03:56,055 --> 00:03:57,621 Ho-o-o! What's happenin'? 98 00:03:57,623 --> 00:03:58,889 Congratulations, baby. Yeah. 99 00:03:58,891 --> 00:04:00,891 Oh, thank you. 100 00:04:03,595 --> 00:04:05,896 - Is this his house? - Think so. 101 00:04:05,898 --> 00:04:07,798 Mimosa? 102 00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:09,767 - I'm okay. - Thank you. 103 00:04:09,769 --> 00:04:13,570 Would you like me to take your peel? 104 00:04:13,572 --> 00:04:15,572 Yes, thank you. 105 00:04:21,746 --> 00:04:23,480 [Sighs] Okay. 106 00:04:23,482 --> 00:04:26,450 [Phone rings] 107 00:04:26,452 --> 00:04:27,751 Who's that? 108 00:04:27,753 --> 00:04:30,854 - Uh, my ex-fiancee. - Ha-ha. 109 00:04:30,856 --> 00:04:33,924 I started a new business with my college friend, 110 00:04:33,926 --> 00:04:35,492 but Pam doesn't know. 111 00:04:35,494 --> 00:04:38,429 Um, actually I-- I did tell Pam, 112 00:04:38,431 --> 00:04:41,398 and we decided no, 113 00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:43,500 but then I decided "yes, anyway," 114 00:04:43,502 --> 00:04:46,904 so I'm thinking there's another conversation coming, 115 00:04:46,906 --> 00:04:48,872 and it's hard to know when that will be. 116 00:04:48,874 --> 00:04:52,810 With "Operation Give Back," you pick the charities 117 00:04:52,812 --> 00:04:53,944 Dunder Mifflin supports. 118 00:04:53,946 --> 00:04:56,947 Aw, boy. What's happening? 119 00:04:56,949 --> 00:04:59,016 There's $4,000 to give away, 120 00:04:59,018 --> 00:05:01,018 so who has filled out their forms? 121 00:05:01,020 --> 00:05:04,088 - Stanley? - American Diabetes Association. 122 00:05:04,090 --> 00:05:06,890 Um, you have diabetes, Stanley. 123 00:05:06,892 --> 00:05:09,893 I'm sorry, is the assignment to pick a selfish charity? 124 00:05:09,895 --> 00:05:12,529 I, uh, I would love to give-- 125 00:05:12,531 --> 00:05:14,031 Heifers International. 126 00:05:14,033 --> 00:05:16,767 Listen to this. They give a poor person 127 00:05:16,769 --> 00:05:18,535 like a goat or something. 128 00:05:18,537 --> 00:05:20,104 It's a great prank. 129 00:05:20,106 --> 00:05:21,905 I wanna work with, uh, Jimmy Carter 130 00:05:21,907 --> 00:05:23,040 and Help Build Gnomes. 131 00:05:23,042 --> 00:05:24,475 Dwight, what about you? 132 00:05:24,477 --> 00:05:25,976 I will not be participating, 133 00:05:25,978 --> 00:05:28,378 as there is no evidence that charity works. 134 00:05:28,380 --> 00:05:30,447 Uh, correction-- I give to a foundation 135 00:05:30,449 --> 00:05:31,849 that teaches homeless children 136 00:05:31,851 --> 00:05:34,785 nautical flag signaling-- Changes Lives. 137 00:05:34,787 --> 00:05:37,754 - Thank you, Andy. - I'm not doing it for you. 138 00:05:37,756 --> 00:05:38,822 I'm doing it for the preservation 139 00:05:38,824 --> 00:05:40,424 of nautical flag signaling. 140 00:05:40,426 --> 00:05:42,593 Dwight, you will be participating. 141 00:05:42,595 --> 00:05:44,895 - No, thank you. - Participation is mandatory, 142 00:05:44,897 --> 00:05:48,665 Dwight, but you can choose whatever cause you like. 143 00:05:48,667 --> 00:05:52,402 Fine, I choose the Global Relief Foundation... 144 00:05:52,404 --> 00:05:54,404 - Great, thank you-- - ...which was recently discovered 145 00:05:54,406 --> 00:05:56,673 to be a front for the Taliban! 146 00:05:56,675 --> 00:05:58,609 - Oh, for goodness' sake. - Oh, yeah. 147 00:05:58,611 --> 00:06:02,012 The Taliban in Af-a-ghanistan. 148 00:06:02,014 --> 00:06:05,949 The Taliban is the worst. 149 00:06:05,951 --> 00:06:07,184 Great heroin, though. 150 00:06:07,186 --> 00:06:10,254 Dwight, I cannot have the Taliban on the roster 151 00:06:10,256 --> 00:06:11,588 of "Operation Give Back." 152 00:06:11,590 --> 00:06:12,789 Well, then, it looks like there won't be 153 00:06:12,791 --> 00:06:15,192 any "Operation Give Back." [Chuckles] 154 00:06:15,194 --> 00:06:17,060 The nanny state is over, ladies and gentlemen. 155 00:06:17,062 --> 00:06:20,464 You're welcome. 156 00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:24,568 There he is. 157 00:06:24,570 --> 00:06:26,370 Is it almost time to cut the pancake, or what? 158 00:06:26,372 --> 00:06:28,672 Aw, yeah. We appreciate everyone 159 00:06:28,674 --> 00:06:30,407 coming so early. 160 00:06:30,409 --> 00:06:31,909 Everyone's just been so nice. 161 00:06:31,911 --> 00:06:33,243 Thanks for inviting us, by the way. 162 00:06:33,245 --> 00:06:34,645 - That was-- that was a surprise. - Are you kidding me? 163 00:06:34,647 --> 00:06:36,380 Come on, if it wasn't for you, 164 00:06:36,382 --> 00:06:38,048 I never would've met Laura. 165 00:06:38,050 --> 00:06:40,284 But seriously, could've dodged a bullet on that one. 166 00:06:40,286 --> 00:06:41,418 - Just kidding. - You're welcome. 167 00:06:41,420 --> 00:06:43,086 Thanks. 168 00:06:43,088 --> 00:06:44,354 Ohh. 169 00:06:44,356 --> 00:06:47,057 By the way, man, this place is beautiful. 170 00:06:47,059 --> 00:06:49,126 I started a gravel company. I mean, who knew 171 00:06:49,128 --> 00:06:50,194 it would take off? 172 00:06:50,196 --> 00:06:51,962 - Gravel company. - Yeah. 173 00:06:51,964 --> 00:06:53,096 - What about you? - What are you doing? 174 00:06:53,098 --> 00:06:55,999 Not gravel, obviously. [Chuckles] 175 00:06:56,001 --> 00:06:57,134 Nah, things are good. Things are good. 176 00:06:57,136 --> 00:06:58,635 Got some stuff in the works, so... 177 00:06:58,637 --> 00:07:00,404 - Oh, cool. - Yeah, you never know. 178 00:07:00,406 --> 00:07:03,840 Hey, bro, stop wasting time with this haircut. 179 00:07:03,842 --> 00:07:06,343 He's got a $50,000 sports car. 180 00:07:06,345 --> 00:07:07,945 - Cheers. - Okay, Kenny. 181 00:07:07,947 --> 00:07:10,214 Duncan, listen, I would love to help you out, 182 00:07:10,216 --> 00:07:11,448 but where am I gonna find somebody 183 00:07:11,450 --> 00:07:13,984 that's pretty, smart and well-informed, huh? 184 00:07:13,986 --> 00:07:15,552 Hold on-- hold on! 185 00:07:15,554 --> 00:07:21,525 Erin, do you know anybody that might-- 186 00:07:21,527 --> 00:07:23,927 Oh, my gosh. 187 00:07:23,929 --> 00:07:25,629 You love the news, right? 188 00:07:25,631 --> 00:07:27,030 Well, it depends. 189 00:07:27,032 --> 00:07:30,167 I mean, sometimes I find out things that are really sad. 190 00:07:30,169 --> 00:07:31,335 Well, I got a buddy 191 00:07:31,337 --> 00:07:33,203 that's a big time local news producer, 192 00:07:33,205 --> 00:07:36,106 and I can't tell you his name, but it'd blow your mind. 193 00:07:36,108 --> 00:07:37,808 Uh, is it Duncan? 194 00:07:37,810 --> 00:07:39,109 He's looking for on-air talent, 195 00:07:39,111 --> 00:07:41,245 and he'd kill me if I didn't get you on tape. 196 00:07:41,247 --> 00:07:42,779 You mean put me on the news? 197 00:07:42,781 --> 00:07:45,215 You'll just come over, put on a little lipstick, 198 00:07:45,217 --> 00:07:46,883 loosen up with a glass of red wine, 199 00:07:46,885 --> 00:07:49,219 and then we'll just run through a few stories. 200 00:07:49,221 --> 00:07:50,587 You know, a couple different ways 201 00:07:50,589 --> 00:07:52,789 with a couple different outfits. It'd be really tasteful, 202 00:07:52,791 --> 00:07:55,092 and it'd really help me out with Duncan-- 203 00:07:55,094 --> 00:07:57,494 with my friend. 204 00:07:57,496 --> 00:07:59,029 What'd you say? Ehh-- 205 00:07:59,031 --> 00:08:01,265 No, maybe, okay? Let me think about it. 206 00:08:01,267 --> 00:08:02,699 Okay. 207 00:08:02,701 --> 00:08:04,735 - Woo. - Think it over. 208 00:08:07,705 --> 00:08:09,072 No, Clark's not my friend. 209 00:08:09,074 --> 00:08:11,742 He is the douche that sits next to me at the office. 210 00:08:11,744 --> 00:08:14,011 My friends are Scott, Glenn and Rob, 211 00:08:14,013 --> 00:08:15,812 but you don't know them. 212 00:08:15,814 --> 00:08:17,948 I never really thought much about being more 213 00:08:17,950 --> 00:08:20,217 than a receptionist, but why? 214 00:08:20,219 --> 00:08:22,452 Because I happened to answer a "help wanted" ad 215 00:08:22,454 --> 00:08:23,587 to be a receptionist? 216 00:08:23,589 --> 00:08:27,124 I mean, what if the ad had been for a CEO 217 00:08:27,126 --> 00:08:28,759 or for a brain surgeon? 218 00:08:28,761 --> 00:08:31,261 So, uh, it was a year ago today 219 00:08:31,263 --> 00:08:33,363 that I met Laura. 220 00:08:33,365 --> 00:08:35,132 I thought she was my waitress, 221 00:08:35,134 --> 00:08:37,134 and, uh, [Chuckles] took her three weeks 222 00:08:37,136 --> 00:08:39,169 to tell me that she actually owned the place. 223 00:08:39,171 --> 00:08:40,637 You are full of surprises. 224 00:08:40,639 --> 00:08:43,774 You are my beautiful mystery girl, 225 00:08:43,776 --> 00:08:46,977 and today, I have a surprise for you. 226 00:08:46,979 --> 00:08:48,945 [Clears throat] 227 00:08:48,947 --> 00:08:50,814 He plays piano? 228 00:08:50,816 --> 00:08:52,049 No. 229 00:08:52,051 --> 00:08:53,717 Roy? No. 230 00:08:53,719 --> 00:08:56,086 You know how I said I was taking boxing lessons? 231 00:08:56,088 --> 00:08:57,988 Actually, I was doing this, 232 00:08:57,990 --> 00:09:00,791 um, so, I hope that you like it. 233 00:09:00,793 --> 00:09:02,859 [Clears throat] 234 00:09:02,861 --> 00:09:05,162 You got this, Roy. 235 00:09:05,164 --> 00:09:08,765 [Down-tempo music] 236 00:09:08,767 --> 00:09:14,371 ♪ She's got a wa-a-ay about her ♪ 237 00:09:14,373 --> 00:09:17,040 ♪ don't know what it is ♪ 238 00:09:17,042 --> 00:09:21,645 ♪ but I know that I can't live without her ♪ 239 00:09:21,647 --> 00:09:22,913 ♪ she's got a way-- ♪ 240 00:09:25,350 --> 00:09:27,351 We still surprise each other. 241 00:09:27,353 --> 00:09:30,487 Definitely. 242 00:09:30,489 --> 00:09:33,156 You know, I never did it, but for your 30th birthday, 243 00:09:33,158 --> 00:09:34,991 I really wanted to surprise you. 244 00:09:34,993 --> 00:09:36,960 Courtside seats. Sixers. 245 00:09:36,962 --> 00:09:39,663 Yes, but what I didn't tell you 246 00:09:39,665 --> 00:09:41,298 is that I actually bought the tickets. 247 00:09:41,300 --> 00:09:42,699 We only didn't go because it was-- 248 00:09:42,701 --> 00:09:43,633 It was an away game. 249 00:09:43,635 --> 00:09:45,168 In Phoenix. 250 00:09:45,170 --> 00:09:46,770 They should really tell you that more specifically. 251 00:09:46,772 --> 00:09:48,472 I mean, every game is an away game 252 00:09:48,474 --> 00:09:50,707 for one of the teams. 253 00:09:53,311 --> 00:09:55,145 Do we know everything about each other? 254 00:09:55,147 --> 00:09:57,948 No. 255 00:09:57,950 --> 00:09:59,516 Tell me one thing about you I don't know. 256 00:09:59,518 --> 00:10:01,451 [Chuckles] 257 00:10:01,453 --> 00:10:05,188 Um, okay. 258 00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:10,526 Oh, there's one. 259 00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:11,893 Did I ever tell you about the time 260 00:10:11,895 --> 00:10:14,295 that my brothers videotaped the lottery announcement 261 00:10:14,297 --> 00:10:16,364 and bought the winning numbers the next day, 262 00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:18,499 and then, played the tape for me the next week-- 263 00:10:18,501 --> 00:10:19,734 And you thought you guys were millionaires. 264 00:10:19,736 --> 00:10:21,202 You heard that one. 265 00:10:21,204 --> 00:10:23,204 Yes, but there's-- Wait. Oh! 266 00:10:23,206 --> 00:10:25,073 There's a funny ending to that story. 267 00:10:25,075 --> 00:10:26,741 I can't remember. 268 00:10:26,743 --> 00:10:27,876 That I thought we were millionaires. 269 00:10:27,878 --> 00:10:28,810 That you thought you were millionaires. 270 00:10:28,812 --> 00:10:30,111 - Yep. - That's funny. 271 00:10:30,113 --> 00:10:31,679 - Shoot, I knew that one! - That's all right. 272 00:10:31,681 --> 00:10:34,716 The senator and I still have mystery. 273 00:10:34,718 --> 00:10:35,917 I'm always waiting to see 274 00:10:35,919 --> 00:10:37,485 what he's gonna surprise me with next. 275 00:10:37,487 --> 00:10:40,021 [Spits] 276 00:10:40,023 --> 00:10:43,658 [Coughs] 277 00:10:43,660 --> 00:10:46,160 [Continues coughing] 278 00:10:46,162 --> 00:10:48,162 You all right? 279 00:10:50,566 --> 00:10:52,066 You support the Taliban abroad, 280 00:10:52,068 --> 00:10:56,504 so I assume you're willing to live by their rules here. 281 00:10:56,506 --> 00:10:58,406 Anything else would be inconsistent. 282 00:10:58,408 --> 00:11:00,108 Will you join me then in a pledge 283 00:11:00,110 --> 00:11:03,845 to live by Taliban law in this office? 284 00:11:07,082 --> 00:11:10,418 Absolutely, I will. 285 00:11:15,157 --> 00:11:17,292 I feared Nelly had some sort of a plan, 286 00:11:17,294 --> 00:11:19,394 but she used a ridiculous font. 287 00:11:19,396 --> 00:11:20,695 [Snorts] 288 00:11:20,697 --> 00:11:22,530 [In cockney accent] You don't have a plan! 289 00:11:22,532 --> 00:11:24,766 When you use a ridiculous font, 290 00:11:24,768 --> 00:11:26,768 no one thinks you have a plan. 291 00:11:28,771 --> 00:11:30,872 Looking for this? 292 00:11:30,874 --> 00:11:33,875 What the-- 293 00:11:33,877 --> 00:11:35,910 Oh, this is a lovely pen, 294 00:11:35,912 --> 00:11:39,314 [Exhales] and it's mine now, because I stole it. 295 00:11:39,316 --> 00:11:41,883 - Gimme that. - Didn't you sign a contract 296 00:11:41,885 --> 00:11:43,151 to live under Taliban law? 297 00:11:43,153 --> 00:11:45,086 And now, there's been a theft. 298 00:11:45,088 --> 00:11:47,188 That means you're not serious, 299 00:11:47,190 --> 00:11:50,858 or someone's getting their hand cut off. 300 00:11:50,860 --> 00:11:52,794 - You're insane. - I know, 301 00:11:52,796 --> 00:11:54,495 so it's better that you pick another charity. 302 00:11:54,497 --> 00:11:57,265 Oh, and let your precious "Operation Power Grab" 303 00:11:57,267 --> 00:11:58,566 proceed unchecked? 304 00:11:58,568 --> 00:11:59,634 No, thank you. 305 00:11:59,636 --> 00:12:04,105 In that case, you... 306 00:12:04,107 --> 00:12:07,942 will have to chop off my hand. 307 00:12:10,813 --> 00:12:13,915 This cleaver appears to need sharpening. 308 00:12:13,917 --> 00:12:16,084 I suggest you spend some quality time together, 309 00:12:16,086 --> 00:12:18,720 just you and your hand, tie a shoe, toss a salad. 310 00:12:18,722 --> 00:12:20,555 Do any of the two-hand activities 311 00:12:20,557 --> 00:12:21,789 that you'll miss the most. 312 00:12:21,791 --> 00:12:25,059 I tell you what. I need to make three calls. 313 00:12:25,061 --> 00:12:28,529 And then after that, you can become a person 314 00:12:28,531 --> 00:12:30,965 who chops off people's hands. 315 00:12:30,967 --> 00:12:33,601 Sounds like a plan. 316 00:12:33,603 --> 00:12:36,070 Clark wants to film you in different outfits 317 00:12:36,072 --> 00:12:38,439 - inside his apartment? - Yeah. 318 00:12:38,441 --> 00:12:43,344 Clark, you and I need to have a little chat. 319 00:12:43,346 --> 00:12:49,083 What clothes does Erin need for this news audition? 320 00:12:49,085 --> 00:12:52,320 Uh, a couple of button-downs, 321 00:12:52,322 --> 00:12:55,556 a camisole, a blazer, a pencil skirt, 322 00:12:55,558 --> 00:12:58,026 stilettos, maybe a-- no, no, not maybe, 323 00:12:58,028 --> 00:12:59,927 definitely open-toed. 324 00:12:59,929 --> 00:13:02,463 Uh, something low-cut, because the camera 325 00:13:02,465 --> 00:13:03,664 makes everything seem higher-cut. 326 00:13:03,666 --> 00:13:05,700 - Really? - Yeah, industry secret. 327 00:13:05,702 --> 00:13:07,735 You're gonna want some of those pantyhose 328 00:13:07,737 --> 00:13:08,736 with the seam up the back. 329 00:13:08,738 --> 00:13:10,405 Seems unnecessary for an audition. 330 00:13:10,407 --> 00:13:11,973 And then, you know, maybe just a robe 331 00:13:11,975 --> 00:13:14,242 to wear in between takes, but I probably got one 332 00:13:14,244 --> 00:13:15,676 that she could borrow at my place, so-- 333 00:13:15,678 --> 00:13:17,045 Thank God someone here knows 334 00:13:17,047 --> 00:13:18,646 what they're talkin' about. [Chuckles] 335 00:13:18,648 --> 00:13:19,981 I want you to take this credit card. 336 00:13:19,983 --> 00:13:23,284 Take Erin to the mall, and get that stuff. 337 00:13:23,286 --> 00:13:24,819 I absolutely will do that. 338 00:13:24,821 --> 00:13:26,654 Awesome. 339 00:13:26,656 --> 00:13:28,823 Plop. 340 00:13:28,825 --> 00:13:30,391 [Blows lips] 341 00:13:30,393 --> 00:13:34,328 Guess I'll just head over to the mall then, 342 00:13:34,330 --> 00:13:37,832 buy Erin some sexy, fun outfits. 343 00:13:37,834 --> 00:13:39,500 That Clark, huh? 344 00:13:39,502 --> 00:13:40,601 [Growls] 345 00:13:40,603 --> 00:13:41,869 [Mimics explosion] 346 00:13:41,871 --> 00:13:43,671 Next question for our oldyweds. 347 00:13:43,673 --> 00:13:46,040 What is the craziest place you ever made whoopee? 348 00:13:46,042 --> 00:13:47,208 Language. 349 00:13:47,210 --> 00:13:48,676 Who was Pam's first celebrity crush? 350 00:13:48,678 --> 00:13:52,880 - Oh, this is good, okay. - Pam's first celebrity crush. 351 00:13:52,882 --> 00:13:54,215 [Whispering] John Stamos. 352 00:13:54,217 --> 00:13:55,583 - Ready? - Uh-huh. 353 00:13:55,585 --> 00:13:57,885 - John Stamos. - Oh, yes! 354 00:13:57,887 --> 00:14:00,121 John Stamos was temporary. I quickly moved on to Johnny-- 355 00:14:00,123 --> 00:14:02,423 Johnny Depp. 356 00:14:06,829 --> 00:14:09,464 Uh, um, I was having a separate conversation 357 00:14:09,466 --> 00:14:12,433 with Kevin? 358 00:14:12,435 --> 00:14:14,402 Uh, Johnny Depp. 359 00:14:14,404 --> 00:14:16,437 Totally. George Clooney. [Phone rings] 360 00:14:16,439 --> 00:14:17,972 Mm-hmm. 361 00:14:17,974 --> 00:14:19,207 Okay, I'll have one. I have one. 362 00:14:19,209 --> 00:14:20,541 [Overlapping chatter] 363 00:14:20,543 --> 00:14:23,277 Where is the craziest place you ever made whoopee? 364 00:14:23,279 --> 00:14:25,413 Kevin, stop it with that question. 365 00:14:25,415 --> 00:14:27,682 Right? 366 00:14:27,684 --> 00:14:30,051 And did you show them the market-- yeah. 367 00:14:30,053 --> 00:14:33,187 And what'd they say? 368 00:14:33,189 --> 00:14:35,089 That's awesome. [Chuckles] 369 00:14:35,091 --> 00:14:37,325 That-- aw, my God. Wow. 370 00:14:37,327 --> 00:14:39,160 It's not even real yet, 371 00:14:39,162 --> 00:14:43,131 and I'm not gonna tell her until it's real. 372 00:14:43,133 --> 00:14:45,166 I think maybe they're actually is something 373 00:14:45,168 --> 00:14:47,502 I don't know about Jim. 374 00:14:53,010 --> 00:14:54,777 Everyone, we have a voluntary meeting 375 00:14:54,779 --> 00:14:58,014 in the conference room to discuss Erin's confidence. 376 00:14:58,016 --> 00:14:59,782 Her body. We're gonna talk about her body. 377 00:14:59,784 --> 00:15:00,884 Good. Great job. 378 00:15:00,886 --> 00:15:02,552 Andy made me his consigliere, 379 00:15:02,554 --> 00:15:04,454 which means assistant regional manager. 380 00:15:04,456 --> 00:15:06,055 I guess he thought I'd be into The Godfather 381 00:15:06,057 --> 00:15:09,225 because I'm black. 382 00:15:09,227 --> 00:15:10,994 Wrong! 383 00:15:10,996 --> 00:15:14,264 I'm into The Godfather 'cause I'm a cinephile. 384 00:15:14,266 --> 00:15:15,899 I like Scarface 'cause I'm black. 385 00:15:15,901 --> 00:15:19,636 Erin has an audition to be a newscaster. 386 00:15:19,638 --> 00:15:21,137 All: - Wow! - Woo! 387 00:15:21,139 --> 00:15:23,773 - Uh-huh. - Congratulations! 388 00:15:23,775 --> 00:15:26,743 And I want her to feel very comfortable 389 00:15:26,745 --> 00:15:28,444 in her very sexy skin, 390 00:15:28,446 --> 00:15:30,680 so everybody say something that you like 391 00:15:30,682 --> 00:15:31,981 about her body, all right? 392 00:15:31,983 --> 00:15:33,950 - Darryl. - Okay. 393 00:15:33,952 --> 00:15:37,687 Um, I like Erin's hair. Those are very pretty colors. 394 00:15:37,689 --> 00:15:39,522 - Yeah, right? - I'm sorry. 395 00:15:39,524 --> 00:15:41,824 - This is for a news audition? - Yeah. 396 00:15:41,826 --> 00:15:44,327 Then why are we talking about her looks? 397 00:15:44,329 --> 00:15:46,996 Why not her credibility or her reliability? 398 00:15:46,998 --> 00:15:49,732 News flash, everyone-- the human race 399 00:15:49,734 --> 00:15:51,734 finds attractive people more trustworthy. 400 00:15:51,736 --> 00:15:53,202 So sorry, Andy, but for 20 years, 401 00:15:53,204 --> 00:15:55,939 the most trusted man in America... Walter Cronkite. 402 00:15:55,941 --> 00:15:57,440 Cronkite was hot. 403 00:15:57,442 --> 00:15:59,709 If I could go back in time, I'd take that moustache ride. 404 00:15:59,711 --> 00:16:01,411 Does Erin have any experience? 405 00:16:01,413 --> 00:16:03,813 Has she taken any journalism classes, maybe? 406 00:16:03,815 --> 00:16:05,648 Has she done the pageant circuit? 407 00:16:05,650 --> 00:16:08,151 - No, I watch the news-- - She's gonna be amazing. 408 00:16:08,153 --> 00:16:09,852 Look at her. She's gonna light up the screen. 409 00:16:09,854 --> 00:16:11,220 This is a first for me, 410 00:16:11,222 --> 00:16:12,822 and I don't get a lot of chances, 411 00:16:12,824 --> 00:16:15,558 so I have to take them really seriously. 412 00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:18,361 I will do whatever it takes to get the job. 413 00:16:18,363 --> 00:16:20,997 - Whatever it takes. - Yeah, I know, I heard. 414 00:16:25,803 --> 00:16:28,237 This is it. 415 00:16:28,239 --> 00:16:30,206 - Any questions? - Is it gonna be numb? 416 00:16:30,208 --> 00:16:32,909 No, it's gonna be over before you know it. 417 00:16:32,911 --> 00:16:36,646 Mm-hmm. 418 00:16:36,648 --> 00:16:40,249 Afghan president Hamid Karzai declared a new policy 419 00:16:40,251 --> 00:16:41,985 of dollar days throughout the country, 420 00:16:41,987 --> 00:16:44,220 promising low, low prices 421 00:16:44,222 --> 00:16:48,091 on all 2012 Kia Sentras and Sonatas. 422 00:16:48,093 --> 00:16:50,393 "Aren't you glad you waited?" Karzai commented. 423 00:16:50,395 --> 00:16:53,830 Um, where did you get that story? 424 00:16:53,832 --> 00:16:55,865 A little bit here, a little bit there. 425 00:16:55,867 --> 00:16:58,234 I bet you didn't think I knew current events. 426 00:16:58,236 --> 00:16:59,669 I love it. 427 00:16:59,671 --> 00:17:03,406 It's fantastic. Now, tag it with your name. 428 00:17:03,408 --> 00:17:05,174 For Channel 11 News, I'm Erin Hannon. 429 00:17:05,176 --> 00:17:08,044 Pause after news. 430 00:17:08,046 --> 00:17:09,879 For Channel 11 News, 431 00:17:09,881 --> 00:17:12,048 - I'm Erin Hannon. - No, pause longer. 432 00:17:12,050 --> 00:17:14,951 - That was a good one. - Pause-- pause-- pause longer. 433 00:17:14,953 --> 00:17:17,053 Okay, build suspense. Don't be shy. 434 00:17:17,055 --> 00:17:19,822 Got it. [Clears throat] 435 00:17:19,824 --> 00:17:23,826 For Channel 11 News... 436 00:17:30,701 --> 00:17:31,801 What, it's-- 437 00:17:31,803 --> 00:17:32,802 - I'm Erin Hannon. 438 00:17:32,804 --> 00:17:33,936 Okay, all right. 439 00:17:33,938 --> 00:17:35,705 Great. 440 00:17:35,707 --> 00:17:37,373 Some great stuff in there. 441 00:17:37,375 --> 00:17:40,109 I can feel you looking at me. 442 00:17:40,111 --> 00:17:44,947 Okay, well here's something you don't know. 443 00:17:44,949 --> 00:17:47,083 - A couple of weeks ago... - Mm-hmm. 444 00:17:47,085 --> 00:17:49,252 I ran into this guy from my high school 445 00:17:49,254 --> 00:17:51,721 who has just gotten divorced, 446 00:17:51,723 --> 00:17:53,623 and he hit on me in the mall. 447 00:17:53,625 --> 00:17:56,526 And I didn't tell you because-- I don't know, 448 00:17:56,528 --> 00:17:58,561 I felt embarrassed, and I didn't know 449 00:17:58,563 --> 00:18:00,396 if you'd be mad or worried, 450 00:18:00,398 --> 00:18:04,500 but anyway, I thought you'd wanna know. 451 00:18:04,502 --> 00:18:06,569 That didn't happen. 452 00:18:06,571 --> 00:18:07,970 You would've told me right away. 453 00:18:07,972 --> 00:18:09,839 Yeah, I would've. [Chuckles] 454 00:18:09,841 --> 00:18:11,240 What about you? 455 00:18:11,242 --> 00:18:13,776 Come on, there's gotta be something. 456 00:18:13,778 --> 00:18:16,245 Between your birth and the last two days, 457 00:18:16,247 --> 00:18:18,247 something you just haven't had the chance to tell me. 458 00:18:18,249 --> 00:18:22,385 Uh... 459 00:18:22,387 --> 00:18:26,489 Just tell me. 460 00:18:26,491 --> 00:18:28,958 God, give it up, Beesly. You know me too well. 461 00:18:32,529 --> 00:18:35,531 [Grunting] 462 00:18:42,973 --> 00:18:47,577 [Grunts] 463 00:18:47,579 --> 00:18:48,711 - Hey. - Hmm. 464 00:18:48,713 --> 00:18:51,547 Um, I knew something bothered me, 465 00:18:51,549 --> 00:18:53,082 and I finally figured it out. 466 00:18:53,084 --> 00:18:54,383 What news producers are gonna wanna see 467 00:18:54,385 --> 00:18:55,985 is how Erin relates to the other people 468 00:18:55,987 --> 00:18:57,587 - on the news team. - Oh. 469 00:18:57,589 --> 00:19:00,756 The weird thing is Erin is doing the audition alone. 470 00:19:00,758 --> 00:19:02,024 Oh, God. 471 00:19:02,026 --> 00:19:04,894 Now, I'd say Clark could be your co-host. 472 00:19:04,896 --> 00:19:06,562 He's already doing camera. [Scoffs] 473 00:19:06,564 --> 00:19:09,899 Somebody who's already got rapport with Erin, maybe. 474 00:19:09,901 --> 00:19:11,067 I don't know. 475 00:19:11,069 --> 00:19:13,202 [Grunts] 476 00:19:13,204 --> 00:19:15,438 Hey, this is for real this time. 477 00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:16,873 [Grunts] 478 00:19:16,875 --> 00:19:18,241 It's gettin' late. 479 00:19:18,243 --> 00:19:22,778 Thought you guys could use a little inspiration. 480 00:19:22,780 --> 00:19:24,914 Oh, a movie. 481 00:19:24,916 --> 00:19:26,983 - What is this? - 127 Hours. 482 00:19:26,985 --> 00:19:28,317 - It's about this guy who-- - No, no, no, no, 483 00:19:28,319 --> 00:19:30,153 - no spoilers. Please. - My bad, my bad-- 484 00:19:30,155 --> 00:19:32,555 - No-- - You're right, okay. 485 00:19:32,557 --> 00:19:34,023 Good night. 486 00:19:37,194 --> 00:19:39,262 - Hey! - Hey. 487 00:19:39,264 --> 00:19:42,298 - Everybody. - Yeah. 488 00:19:42,300 --> 00:19:43,399 - Come in. - All right. 489 00:19:43,401 --> 00:19:44,534 - Come on in. - [Gasps] Wow! 490 00:19:44,536 --> 00:19:47,069 Thanks. What are you doing here? 491 00:19:47,071 --> 00:19:48,738 [Exhales] Sorry, man. 492 00:19:48,740 --> 00:19:51,073 Andy thought Erin need a co-anchor. 493 00:19:51,075 --> 00:19:53,709 I'm his makeup guy. My hands are tied. 494 00:19:53,711 --> 00:19:55,745 [Sighs] The victim was released 495 00:19:55,747 --> 00:19:58,548 from the hospital with second-degree burns. 496 00:19:58,550 --> 00:20:00,783 Oh, wow. You know what they say, Erin? 497 00:20:00,785 --> 00:20:02,218 If you can't take the heat, 498 00:20:02,220 --> 00:20:05,354 get out of the kitchen. 499 00:20:05,356 --> 00:20:07,223 Well, he tried to, but the fire door was blocked. 500 00:20:07,225 --> 00:20:09,325 - He sure did. [Chuckles] - All right. 501 00:20:09,327 --> 00:20:10,760 We got that. That's a rap everybody. 502 00:20:10,762 --> 00:20:12,128 [Sighs] It's just-- you sure, Clark? 503 00:20:12,130 --> 00:20:13,529 Yep, she's done. 504 00:20:13,531 --> 00:20:15,298 No, I just-- I don't mean Erin. 505 00:20:15,300 --> 00:20:18,868 I mean for me. I didn't feel good about that. 506 00:20:18,870 --> 00:20:20,369 Oh, no, we got it. We got it. 507 00:20:20,371 --> 00:20:22,939 Great! Let's get some food. I'm starving. 508 00:20:22,941 --> 00:20:24,540 I don't think we did get it. 509 00:20:24,542 --> 00:20:28,110 I could do a couple more takes. We could do it in close-up. 510 00:20:28,112 --> 00:20:31,147 That might even be better for editing. 511 00:20:31,149 --> 00:20:32,782 Okay, I don't. 512 00:20:32,784 --> 00:20:34,483 All right. 513 00:20:34,485 --> 00:20:36,185 I'm hungry. 514 00:20:36,187 --> 00:20:39,755 Uh, Pete, you wanna take Erin to get a burger or something? 515 00:20:39,757 --> 00:20:41,857 - Yeah, whatever you say, boss. - Okay. 516 00:20:41,859 --> 00:20:42,959 - I'll call you later. - Okay. 517 00:20:42,961 --> 00:20:44,060 - Okay. - Great job. 518 00:20:44,062 --> 00:20:46,662 [Clears throat] So this is a single. 519 00:20:46,664 --> 00:20:48,297 Hey, even this doesn't work out for me, 520 00:20:48,299 --> 00:20:50,499 I'm just glad I had the guts to do it, 521 00:20:50,501 --> 00:20:53,502 and maybe it'll work out for Andy. 522 00:21:01,447 --> 00:21:03,014 Oh, that is absolutely revolting! 523 00:21:03,016 --> 00:21:05,717 - Yeah. - He is so good, though... 524 00:21:05,719 --> 00:21:06,785 Yes. 525 00:21:06,787 --> 00:21:08,653 The way he just cuts off his arm. 526 00:21:08,655 --> 00:21:10,355 If you like James Franco, we really should watch 527 00:21:10,357 --> 00:21:11,856 Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes. 528 00:21:11,858 --> 00:21:13,892 Well, he's a genius, you know? 529 00:21:13,894 --> 00:21:16,928 He was in graduate programs at Yale, Columbia and NYU 530 00:21:16,930 --> 00:21:18,463 - all at the same time. - Whoop-de-doo. 531 00:21:18,465 --> 00:21:19,831 That doesn't make you a genius. 532 00:21:19,833 --> 00:21:21,299 Well, it doesn't make you stupid. 533 00:21:21,301 --> 00:21:22,934 Oh, yeah, it does. Actually, it makes you 534 00:21:22,936 --> 00:21:24,769 - real stupid. - Oh, stupid like you. 535 00:21:24,771 --> 00:21:26,171 - No, like you. - Like you. 536 00:21:26,173 --> 00:21:28,640 - You're the stupid one. Both: - You're the stupid one. 537 00:21:28,642 --> 00:21:31,500 - You, you, you, you, you-- - You're the stupid one.