1
00:00:05,551 --> 00:00:06,456
Good morning, Dwight.
2
00:00:09,137 --> 00:00:11,305
Who are you?
3
00:00:11,307 --> 00:00:12,773
Who am I?
4
00:00:12,775 --> 00:00:14,008
I'm Jim.
5
00:00:14,010 --> 00:00:16,544
We've been working together
for 12 years.
6
00:00:16,546 --> 00:00:18,279
Weird joke, Dwight.
7
00:00:18,281 --> 00:00:19,280
You're not Jim.
8
00:00:19,282 --> 00:00:20,681
Jim's not Asian.
9
00:00:20,683 --> 00:00:22,149
You seriously never noticed?
10
00:00:22,151 --> 00:00:25,186
Hey, hats off to you
for not seeing race.
11
00:00:27,589 --> 00:00:29,190
All right then, Jim.
12
00:00:29,192 --> 00:00:31,025
Uh, why don't you
tell me about that sale
13
00:00:31,027 --> 00:00:33,260
that you made yesterday?
14
00:00:33,262 --> 00:00:34,862
Uh, Wellington Systems?
15
00:00:34,864 --> 00:00:37,098
Sold them ten cases
of 24-pound letter stock.
16
00:00:37,100 --> 00:00:38,999
Or were you talking
about Krieger-Murphy?
17
00:00:39,001 --> 00:00:40,501
Because I didn't close
that one yet,
18
00:00:40,503 --> 00:00:43,404
but I'm hoping I've got a
voicemail from Paul Krieger
19
00:00:43,406 --> 00:00:46,040
waiting for me.
20
00:00:46,042 --> 00:00:48,409
Please enter your password.
21
00:00:53,215 --> 00:00:54,615
You have one new message.
22
00:00:54,617 --> 00:00:55,950
How did you know?
23
00:00:55,952 --> 00:00:57,518
No!
No, no.
24
00:00:57,520 --> 00:00:58,819
That is sensitive information.
25
00:00:58,821 --> 00:01:00,988
Only for employees,
not outsiders!
26
00:01:00,990 --> 00:01:02,556
Dwight, cut it out.
I'm trying to work.
27
00:01:02,558 --> 00:01:04,725
You don't work here!
You're not Jim!
28
00:01:04,727 --> 00:01:06,827
Jim, I got us
that dinner reservation.
29
00:01:06,829 --> 00:01:08,129
- Grico's, 7:30.
- Oh, great.
30
00:01:08,131 --> 00:01:10,765
Can't wait.
31
00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:14,368
Jim's at the dentist
this morning,
32
00:01:14,370 --> 00:01:16,704
and Steve is
an actor friend of ours.
33
00:01:16,706 --> 00:01:18,706
I don't know who you are,
34
00:01:18,708 --> 00:01:20,641
but you are not Jim.
35
00:01:20,643 --> 00:01:23,344
This is Jim!
36
00:01:26,748 --> 00:01:28,716
Oh, my--
37
00:01:28,718 --> 00:01:31,018
oh, d--
oh, how did--
38
00:01:31,020 --> 00:01:32,019
[Gasps]
39
00:01:32,021 --> 00:01:35,022
[Cheerful music]
40
00:01:51,387 --> 00:01:53,100
Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com
41
00:01:54,509 --> 00:01:57,011
Hey, study buddies!
42
00:01:57,013 --> 00:01:58,929
Oh-- okay.
43
00:01:58,931 --> 00:02:00,798
Getting Things Done.
Awesome!
44
00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:03,717
It's all about finding ways
to make yourself more efficient.
45
00:02:03,719 --> 00:02:04,935
Life hacking, baby.
46
00:02:04,937 --> 00:02:06,804
This morning, I brushed my teeth
in the shower.
47
00:02:06,806 --> 00:02:08,639
Saved myself 90 seconds.
48
00:02:08,641 --> 00:02:10,224
Which I just used
to explain this to you.
49
00:02:10,226 --> 00:02:11,559
Damn it.
50
00:02:11,561 --> 00:02:14,812
Since Andy promoted me
to Assistant Regional Manager,
51
00:02:14,814 --> 00:02:16,146
I've been trying
to step my game up.
52
00:02:16,148 --> 00:02:17,931
You know, be more productive.
53
00:02:17,933 --> 00:02:19,266
In fact, you know what?
54
00:02:19,268 --> 00:02:20,651
Let's knock out a few more of
these sound bites
55
00:02:20,653 --> 00:02:23,153
while we're here.
56
00:02:23,155 --> 00:02:25,656
Whoa.
That person has really
57
00:02:25,658 --> 00:02:29,743
gotten him-- or herself--
into quite a predicament.
58
00:02:29,745 --> 00:02:32,296
S'il vous plait...
59
00:02:32,298 --> 00:02:35,249
Dites-moi...
60
00:02:35,251 --> 00:02:38,335
[Nonsensical mispronounced French]
61
00:02:38,337 --> 00:02:40,621
Ah, French.
62
00:02:40,623 --> 00:02:42,473
It's a great language.
63
00:02:42,475 --> 00:02:45,009
If you're
a chain-smoking acrobat.
64
00:02:45,011 --> 00:02:47,511
I'm just trying to fit in
better with Andy's family.
65
00:02:47,513 --> 00:02:49,597
They all speak
more than one language.
66
00:02:49,599 --> 00:02:51,181
Usually when I'm there.
67
00:02:51,183 --> 00:02:53,150
You want to learn a really
impressive second language?
68
00:02:53,152 --> 00:02:54,401
Try Dothraki.
69
00:02:54,403 --> 00:02:55,853
Win over any man in my guild.
70
00:02:55,855 --> 00:02:57,988
Dothraki is the native tongue
of the nomadic,
71
00:02:57,990 --> 00:03:00,774
war-mongering horse lords
of Essos, as featured
72
00:03:00,776 --> 00:03:04,278
in the superb Home Box Office
series Game of Thrones.
73
00:03:04,280 --> 00:03:05,913
It has a lot of nudity.
74
00:03:05,915 --> 00:03:09,333
Which I fast-forward through
to get to the chopped-off heads.
75
00:03:09,335 --> 00:03:11,502
I could teach you if you want,
it's a lot easier than French.
76
00:03:11,504 --> 00:03:12,620
Yeah.
Let's do it.
77
00:03:12,622 --> 00:03:14,371
- Athdavrazar!
- Oh--
78
00:03:14,373 --> 00:03:15,839
It means "excellent."
79
00:03:15,841 --> 00:03:16,840
And we have begun.
80
00:03:16,842 --> 00:03:20,628
[Tapping on desk]
81
00:03:20,630 --> 00:03:21,662
Is everything okay?
82
00:03:21,664 --> 00:03:22,996
Hmm?
83
00:03:22,998 --> 00:03:24,298
Oh--
oh, yeah.
84
00:03:24,300 --> 00:03:25,883
Yeah, yeah, yeah, fine.
85
00:03:25,885 --> 00:03:27,668
Fine, fine, fine.
86
00:03:27,670 --> 00:03:29,887
I mean, I d--
I just don't want to burden you
87
00:03:29,889 --> 00:03:31,805
with my massive
stress freak-outs.
88
00:03:31,807 --> 00:03:33,223
Great.
89
00:03:33,225 --> 00:03:35,976
It's just that I am taking
my driver's license test
90
00:03:35,978 --> 00:03:38,362
in two days,
and I need to practice
91
00:03:38,364 --> 00:03:39,947
with an experienced driver
in the car.
92
00:03:39,949 --> 00:03:41,732
But I've had no time
to do that,
93
00:03:41,734 --> 00:03:44,985
thanks to "Demandy."
94
00:03:44,987 --> 00:03:47,688
I just want
to hit the open road
95
00:03:47,690 --> 00:03:51,024
and drive, man.
But...
96
00:03:51,026 --> 00:03:52,209
in whose car?
97
00:03:52,211 --> 00:03:54,411
Nellie!
98
00:03:54,413 --> 00:03:57,331
Get your wrinkly old balls
in here.
99
00:03:57,333 --> 00:04:01,669
[Sighs]
100
00:04:01,671 --> 00:04:04,805
Nellie, I could practice
with you in my car at lunchtime.
101
00:04:04,807 --> 00:04:06,039
Oh, Pam, thank you.
102
00:04:06,041 --> 00:04:08,459
You are my savior.
103
00:04:08,461 --> 00:04:09,876
[Giggling]
104
00:04:09,878 --> 00:04:11,895
- Oh, my God--
- Ohh--
105
00:04:11,897 --> 00:04:13,564
[Giggling]
106
00:04:13,566 --> 00:04:15,349
I'm sorry I'm leaving
you alone for lunch.
107
00:04:15,351 --> 00:04:17,518
Don't worry about it.
108
00:04:17,520 --> 00:04:20,521
I have a thing.
109
00:04:20,523 --> 00:04:22,356
A thing of soup.
110
00:04:22,358 --> 00:04:26,777
Which I've been wanting to try.
111
00:04:26,779 --> 00:04:29,062
This is my research
112
00:04:29,064 --> 00:04:31,398
into how we might produce
child-proof paper
113
00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:33,584
that doesn't give you
paper cuts.
114
00:04:33,586 --> 00:04:34,752
We can't.
115
00:04:34,754 --> 00:04:38,539
And here is a printout
of your genealogy
116
00:04:38,541 --> 00:04:40,090
from thisisyourfamilytree.com.
117
00:04:40,092 --> 00:04:42,209
Executive-summary me.
Hit the highlights.
118
00:04:42,211 --> 00:04:43,744
Well, it turns out
119
00:04:43,746 --> 00:04:46,630
you are
a distant blood relative
120
00:04:46,632 --> 00:04:49,717
of Michelle Obama.
121
00:04:49,719 --> 00:04:50,851
- As in--
- Wife of Barack,
122
00:04:50,853 --> 00:04:54,054
loves gardening,
wants to wipe out fat children.
123
00:04:54,056 --> 00:04:55,973
[Mouthing silently] Wow.
124
00:04:55,975 --> 00:04:58,392
This is
super-flattering.
125
00:04:58,394 --> 00:05:02,479
She's the most popular person
in America.
126
00:05:02,481 --> 00:05:04,715
This is a big day
for both of us.
127
00:05:04,717 --> 00:05:06,400
My fellow Americans,
128
00:05:06,402 --> 00:05:08,318
I have a feeling
my approval rating
129
00:05:08,320 --> 00:05:10,771
is about to go
through the roof.
130
00:05:10,773 --> 00:05:16,109
Turns out, I am
related to Michelle Obama.
131
00:05:16,111 --> 00:05:18,212
I was intimidated
by Andy's family before.
132
00:05:18,214 --> 00:05:21,165
And now I have to see
the First Lady at holidays?
133
00:05:21,167 --> 00:05:22,299
She's gonna be like,
134
00:05:22,301 --> 00:05:23,801
"what's your stance
on politics?"
135
00:05:23,803 --> 00:05:26,253
Or, "what is
the best war to do?"
136
00:05:26,255 --> 00:05:28,555
And I will just be like,
137
00:05:28,557 --> 00:05:30,174
"duh--"
138
00:05:30,176 --> 00:05:31,308
All right!
139
00:05:31,310 --> 00:05:33,727
We gotta get rid of
all this junk food.
140
00:05:33,729 --> 00:05:35,345
Get fit, America!
141
00:05:35,347 --> 00:05:38,932
Not sure if the buzz has reached
the annex yet, but, uh,
142
00:05:38,934 --> 00:05:42,319
I'm related to Michelle Obama.
143
00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:46,473
Yeah, we noticed early on
144
00:05:46,475 --> 00:05:48,442
Andy really appreciates
enthusiasm.
145
00:05:48,444 --> 00:05:50,244
So we decided the best way
to get ahead here
146
00:05:50,246 --> 00:05:51,528
is to be his cheerleaders.
147
00:05:51,530 --> 00:05:54,031
Ohh!
148
00:06:01,372 --> 00:06:03,207
It's starting to have this
reverse effect, though,
149
00:06:03,209 --> 00:06:05,959
where I really do think
the stuff he does is awesome.
150
00:06:05,961 --> 00:06:07,511
Yeah, me too.
It's weird.
151
00:06:07,513 --> 00:06:09,296
Hard to remember what's real
at this point.
152
00:06:09,298 --> 00:06:11,965
Just clap through it, man.
153
00:06:11,967 --> 00:06:14,885
You're logging sales
at ten different times.
154
00:06:14,887 --> 00:06:17,771
If you log 'em all at once,
you save a lot of time.
155
00:06:17,773 --> 00:06:18,772
It's called batching.
156
00:06:18,774 --> 00:06:19,890
This is really good, Darryl.
157
00:06:19,892 --> 00:06:21,442
Life hacking, man.
158
00:06:21,444 --> 00:06:22,643
There he is!
159
00:06:22,645 --> 00:06:23,677
Andy, you gotta
check this out. He just--
160
00:06:23,679 --> 00:06:25,112
[Shushing syllables]
161
00:06:25,114 --> 00:06:28,065
Right now I need
canned tuna, okay?
162
00:06:28,067 --> 00:06:30,951
Darryl, guess
which talented individual
163
00:06:30,953 --> 00:06:33,120
who also has
a killer singing voice
164
00:06:33,122 --> 00:06:35,289
is related to the First Lady.
165
00:06:35,291 --> 00:06:37,157
Tracee Ellis Ross.
166
00:06:37,159 --> 00:06:40,961
Daughter of the First Lady
of Motown, Diana Ross.
167
00:06:40,963 --> 00:06:41,995
It's me!
[Chuckling]
168
00:06:41,997 --> 00:06:43,464
I'm related to Michelle Obama.
169
00:06:43,466 --> 00:06:45,165
What?
Really?
170
00:06:45,167 --> 00:06:47,134
I mean, it's distant,
but--
171
00:06:47,136 --> 00:06:49,736
[Chuckles] That's cool, man.
172
00:06:49,738 --> 00:06:50,971
Right?
173
00:06:50,973 --> 00:06:53,874
Darryl said,
"cool, man."
174
00:06:53,876 --> 00:06:56,209
He called me a cool man.
175
00:06:58,880 --> 00:07:01,565
You know, I really do think it
would be worth it to pull over
176
00:07:01,567 --> 00:07:03,150
and just take
ten minutes to eat.
177
00:07:03,152 --> 00:07:05,486
Mm--
the thing is, Pam,
178
00:07:05,488 --> 00:07:07,237
I'm gonna be eating
while I'm driving,
179
00:07:07,239 --> 00:07:08,689
so I might as well
get good at it.
180
00:07:08,691 --> 00:07:11,191
Brake lights. Brake lights,
brake lights, brake lights!
181
00:07:11,193 --> 00:07:13,026
[Tires squealing] Whoo!
182
00:07:13,028 --> 00:07:15,529
I'm just saying, what does it
imply in this country
183
00:07:15,531 --> 00:07:18,198
when a white person shares
an ancestor with a black person?
184
00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:20,834
You think that Andy's family
owned slaves?
185
00:07:20,836 --> 00:07:23,236
Well, somebody owned somebody.
186
00:07:23,238 --> 00:07:26,840
And I don't think anybody
would buy an Andy.
187
00:07:26,842 --> 00:07:27,925
I throat-rip.
188
00:07:27,927 --> 00:07:29,293
Foth aggendak.
189
00:07:29,295 --> 00:07:30,511
You throat-rip.
190
00:07:30,513 --> 00:07:31,745
Foth aggendi.
191
00:07:31,747 --> 00:07:33,297
He-she-it throat-rips.
192
00:07:33,299 --> 00:07:34,348
Foth aggenda.
193
00:07:34,350 --> 00:07:35,582
More of a barbaric growl.
194
00:07:35,584 --> 00:07:37,017
[Growling] Foth aggenda.
195
00:07:37,019 --> 00:07:38,969
Louder. You're shouting it
from the back of a horse.
196
00:07:38,971 --> 00:07:40,721
Foth aggenda!
197
00:07:40,723 --> 00:07:43,557
Pretty crazy about Andy
and Michelle Obama, huh?
198
00:07:43,559 --> 00:07:45,859
[Laughing] Yeah.
199
00:07:45,861 --> 00:07:48,645
It's almost unbelievable.
200
00:07:48,647 --> 00:07:49,696
What?
201
00:07:49,698 --> 00:07:51,365
Well, do you know how
Andy has been
202
00:07:51,367 --> 00:07:54,267
really salting
my onions lately?
203
00:07:54,269 --> 00:07:55,536
Sure.
204
00:07:55,538 --> 00:07:57,704
Well, when he asked me
to look up his ancestry online,
205
00:07:57,706 --> 00:07:59,706
I remembered that news story
about Michelle Obama
206
00:07:59,708 --> 00:08:02,159
having white relatives,
and I just knew
207
00:08:02,161 --> 00:08:04,611
he would eat that up.
208
00:08:04,613 --> 00:08:07,047
So he's not related
to Michelle Obama?
209
00:08:07,049 --> 00:08:08,415
Pam,
210
00:08:08,417 --> 00:08:13,387
I barely know how
to turn on my computer.
211
00:08:13,389 --> 00:08:15,639
Nellie's pretty fearless.
212
00:08:15,641 --> 00:08:19,476
And I think she might be
maybe even almost sort of fun.
213
00:08:19,478 --> 00:08:20,811
[Whispering] Pam!
214
00:08:24,465 --> 00:08:25,983
Well, if there's another
explanation,
215
00:08:25,985 --> 00:08:28,518
I don't really see
what it could possibly be.
216
00:08:28,520 --> 00:08:29,903
I--
217
00:08:29,905 --> 00:08:31,905
What's going on here?
218
00:08:31,907 --> 00:08:33,991
I'm related
to the First Lady, okay?
219
00:08:33,993 --> 00:08:35,776
Get over it.
220
00:08:35,778 --> 00:08:37,945
I still need weekly
status reports from most of you.
221
00:08:37,947 --> 00:08:41,031
So can we get
back to work, please?
222
00:08:41,033 --> 00:08:42,199
Get back to work.
223
00:08:42,201 --> 00:08:45,502
[Mimicking whip-cracking]
224
00:08:45,504 --> 00:08:46,870
Andy--
[Mimics whip-cracking]
225
00:08:46,872 --> 00:08:47,921
Andy, no!
226
00:08:47,923 --> 00:08:49,823
I would be very polite today.
227
00:08:49,825 --> 00:08:51,491
Why, is it employees' day
or something?
228
00:08:51,493 --> 00:08:53,594
I cannot keep track
of these BS holidays.
229
00:08:53,596 --> 00:08:55,495
Your connection
to Michelle Obama
230
00:08:55,497 --> 00:08:58,999
has certain negative
connotations.
231
00:08:59,001 --> 00:09:01,501
Most likely,
your family were...
232
00:09:01,503 --> 00:09:03,687
slave owners.
233
00:09:03,689 --> 00:09:05,222
Does anyone else
think it's possible
234
00:09:05,224 --> 00:09:08,275
that I come from slave owners?
235
00:09:11,646 --> 00:09:14,147
Whoa.
That person has really
236
00:09:14,149 --> 00:09:16,700
gotten him-- or herself--
into quite a predicament.
237
00:09:19,002 --> 00:09:21,352
Hey, mom, it's Andy.
Give me a call
238
00:09:21,354 --> 00:09:22,787
when you get a chance.
Got a quick question for you.
239
00:09:22,789 --> 00:09:24,506
Uh, no big deal, just about
America's national shame.
240
00:09:24,508 --> 00:09:27,625
Thanks, bye.
241
00:09:27,627 --> 00:09:28,793
Where were we?
242
00:09:28,795 --> 00:09:30,178
Uh-- yes,
okay.
243
00:09:30,180 --> 00:09:32,347
Your... productivity thing.
244
00:09:32,349 --> 00:09:33,915
Yes, yes, yes.
245
00:09:33,917 --> 00:09:34,933
Great.
246
00:09:34,935 --> 00:09:37,252
Ooh, spreadsheets.
Yum, yum.
247
00:09:37,254 --> 00:09:38,319
I included some
time-saving ideas.
248
00:09:38,321 --> 00:09:39,404
Uh-huh, uh-huh,
uh-huh.
249
00:09:39,406 --> 00:09:40,488
Look, I'm not gonna lie to you.
250
00:09:40,490 --> 00:09:42,824
I'm a teensy bit
distracted right now.
251
00:09:42,826 --> 00:09:44,859
Look, Andy, even
if your ancestors
252
00:09:44,861 --> 00:09:47,779
did own slaves,
it wouldn't be your fault.
253
00:09:47,781 --> 00:09:50,915
This is only weird
if you make it weird.
254
00:09:50,917 --> 00:09:52,750
Right on, brother.
255
00:09:52,752 --> 00:09:53,751
Word dat.
256
00:09:53,753 --> 00:09:54,919
Mm--
257
00:09:54,921 --> 00:09:58,790
- Ador!
- Daras.
258
00:09:58,792 --> 00:09:59,924
Qazer!
259
00:09:59,926 --> 00:10:01,509
Daras.
260
00:10:01,511 --> 00:10:03,795
Does anyone here have
fermented mare's milk?
261
00:10:08,834 --> 00:10:10,001
Hey, Erin.
262
00:10:10,003 --> 00:10:11,553
Atchomar chomakaan!
263
00:10:11,555 --> 00:10:13,605
Oh-- okay.
264
00:10:13,607 --> 00:10:15,640
Sorry.
265
00:10:15,642 --> 00:10:17,508
Oh, still, it must be great
to have something else going on
266
00:10:17,510 --> 00:10:18,893
outside of work.
267
00:10:18,895 --> 00:10:20,695
Yeah--
turn signal.
268
00:10:20,697 --> 00:10:22,196
It's exciting to be
painting again--
269
00:10:22,198 --> 00:10:23,231
those are the wipers.
270
00:10:23,233 --> 00:10:25,199
So the--
it's just--
271
00:10:25,201 --> 00:10:26,317
there you go.
Yeah.
272
00:10:26,319 --> 00:10:27,685
[Chuckling]
273
00:10:27,687 --> 00:10:29,370
Yeah, things get so busy
with the kids--
274
00:10:29,372 --> 00:10:31,873
red light-- that it's nice
to have that creative outlet--
275
00:10:31,875 --> 00:10:33,207
red light, red light,
red, red--
276
00:10:33,209 --> 00:10:34,576
[Tires screeching]
277
00:10:36,629 --> 00:10:38,630
That is brilliant, Pam.
278
00:10:38,632 --> 00:10:40,164
I'd love to see
some of your work.
279
00:10:40,166 --> 00:10:41,833
Well, since we're stopped
at a light...
280
00:10:41,835 --> 00:10:45,303
uh, here is...
281
00:10:45,305 --> 00:10:48,306
the mural I did
for Angela's baby.
282
00:10:48,308 --> 00:10:51,042
That is amazing, Pam.
283
00:10:51,044 --> 00:10:54,395
Oh, I love
the lion in the tuxedo.
284
00:10:54,397 --> 00:10:59,050
Angela insisted that all
the animals be fully clothed.
285
00:10:59,052 --> 00:11:03,404
Hey, has anyone turned in
their status reports up here?
286
00:11:03,406 --> 00:11:05,823
Vos.
287
00:11:05,825 --> 00:11:08,559
So no?
288
00:11:08,561 --> 00:11:10,244
Do you think maybe
you could remind people?
289
00:11:10,246 --> 00:11:12,497
I'm trying to downplay the whole
bossy-boss thing today.
290
00:11:12,499 --> 00:11:13,531
Because of your slaves.
291
00:11:13,533 --> 00:11:17,035
Not my slaves, my ancestors'.
292
00:11:17,037 --> 00:11:19,570
Maybe.
Probably not.
293
00:11:19,572 --> 00:11:21,506
Well, if it makes you
feel any better,
294
00:11:21,508 --> 00:11:23,741
the Dothraki word
for "slave master,"
295
00:11:23,743 --> 00:11:28,012
azzafrok, is a term of respect.
296
00:11:28,014 --> 00:11:30,014
I'm learning
how to speak Dothraki.
297
00:11:30,016 --> 00:11:31,248
Color you impressed?
298
00:11:31,250 --> 00:11:33,051
- That you're learning
a made-up language
299
00:11:33,053 --> 00:11:35,470
from HBO's Game of Thrones?
300
00:11:35,472 --> 00:11:38,940
I have a lot going on today,
301
00:11:38,942 --> 00:11:42,927
but this was
a great nerd-out.
302
00:11:42,929 --> 00:11:43,978
Dwight, you didn't tell me
you were teaching me
303
00:11:43,980 --> 00:11:45,313
a fake language.
304
00:11:45,315 --> 00:11:47,065
People laughed at Klingon
at first,
305
00:11:47,067 --> 00:11:50,818
and now you can major in it.
306
00:11:53,105 --> 00:11:54,105
Hi, guys.
307
00:11:54,107 --> 00:11:56,290
Hey, boss.
I am so thirsty,
308
00:11:56,292 --> 00:11:58,376
can I have a scoop of water?
309
00:11:58,378 --> 00:12:00,495
Yeah.
You don't have to ask me--
310
00:12:00,497 --> 00:12:03,948
[Stifled laughter]
311
00:12:03,950 --> 00:12:05,466
Ha ha.
Okay, great.
312
00:12:05,468 --> 00:12:06,634
Very funny.
I get it.
313
00:12:06,636 --> 00:12:08,469
Just because my ancestors
happened to be--
314
00:12:08,471 --> 00:12:10,888
[Cell phone ringtone
playing Dixie]
315
00:12:17,396 --> 00:12:19,180
Very funny,
Kevin changed my ringtone.
316
00:12:19,182 --> 00:12:20,464
Very funny.
317
00:12:20,466 --> 00:12:22,934
I liked the original song
on my ringtone.
318
00:12:22,936 --> 00:12:24,569
Which, you may remember,
319
00:12:24,571 --> 00:12:26,821
was Diamonds on the Soles
of Her Shoes by Paul Simon,
320
00:12:26,823 --> 00:12:28,472
featuring,
321
00:12:28,474 --> 00:12:32,977
Ladysmith African-American
Mombazo.
322
00:12:34,913 --> 00:12:38,916
Good. Very good.
[Cell phone beeping]
323
00:12:38,918 --> 00:12:41,502
Oh-- no.
324
00:12:41,504 --> 00:12:43,654
Here, it's, uh,
a text from Andy.
325
00:12:43,656 --> 00:12:47,041
"New special proj.
Need fam. Tree for evbody.
326
00:12:47,043 --> 00:12:49,677
"Really dig up dirt.
ASAP."
327
00:12:49,679 --> 00:12:50,762
And then in parentheses
328
00:12:50,764 --> 00:12:52,263
he wrote out,
"as soon as possible."
329
00:12:52,265 --> 00:12:53,431
Mm.
330
00:12:53,433 --> 00:12:57,702
Ugh, looks like
it's pretendy time again.
331
00:12:57,704 --> 00:12:59,270
Write back,
332
00:12:59,272 --> 00:13:01,155
"looking for dirt."
333
00:13:01,157 --> 00:13:02,957
Oh, can I help?
334
00:13:02,959 --> 00:13:05,609
We could say someone
is related to, um,
335
00:13:05,611 --> 00:13:07,662
Tonya Harding.
336
00:13:07,664 --> 00:13:10,948
Pam, I'm related
to Tonya Harding.
337
00:13:10,950 --> 00:13:12,050
Oh--
gee, I'm--
338
00:13:12,052 --> 00:13:15,136
No, I'm just
practicing my lying.
339
00:13:15,138 --> 00:13:17,288
- I love it.
- Brilliant.
340
00:13:17,290 --> 00:13:19,424
What should we say about Jim?
341
00:13:19,426 --> 00:13:22,727
Um, oh-- uh, say
he's related to Richard Nixon.
342
00:13:22,729 --> 00:13:23,845
It's an inside joke.
343
00:13:23,847 --> 00:13:25,730
He looks really Nixony
when he wakes up.
344
00:13:25,732 --> 00:13:27,899
My ex behaved like Nixon.
345
00:13:27,901 --> 00:13:32,186
All of the lying,
none of the sexual charisma.
346
00:13:32,188 --> 00:13:34,305
I just made a joke then.
347
00:13:34,307 --> 00:13:35,406
I'm sorry.
348
00:13:35,408 --> 00:13:36,991
It's just, um--
349
00:13:36,993 --> 00:13:38,509
I actually do have
this weird feeling
350
00:13:38,511 --> 00:13:40,144
that there's something
Jim isn't telling me.
351
00:13:40,146 --> 00:13:42,029
Oh, no.
352
00:13:42,031 --> 00:13:43,564
Ugh, an affair.
353
00:13:43,566 --> 00:13:45,817
It is always an affair.
354
00:13:45,819 --> 00:13:47,652
Jim?
No.
355
00:13:47,654 --> 00:13:49,787
[Sighing] How can you be sure?
356
00:13:49,789 --> 00:13:53,741
Because he just
loves me too much.
357
00:13:53,743 --> 00:13:56,961
You're a cocky little thing,
aren't you, Pam?
358
00:13:56,963 --> 00:14:00,998
I have done a little
genealogy research of my own.
359
00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:03,668
Turns out I'm not the only one
with a few skeletons
360
00:14:03,670 --> 00:14:05,803
in the ol' family closet.
361
00:14:05,805 --> 00:14:08,372
For example,
362
00:14:08,374 --> 00:14:10,007
Phyllis'
great-great-grandmother
363
00:14:10,009 --> 00:14:13,311
was responsible for spreading
cholera to the United States.
364
00:14:13,313 --> 00:14:14,395
Ew.
365
00:14:14,397 --> 00:14:17,181
Kevin is related to both
John Wayne Gacy
366
00:14:17,183 --> 00:14:18,850
and John Wayne Bobbitt.
367
00:14:18,852 --> 00:14:21,319
And John Wayne?
368
00:14:21,321 --> 00:14:22,820
No. Not that
I see here.
369
00:14:22,822 --> 00:14:25,606
Wayne Johnson?
The Rock?
370
00:14:25,608 --> 00:14:28,693
You mean Dwayne, and no.
371
00:14:28,695 --> 00:14:30,528
What about Jim Halpert?
Uh-oh.
372
00:14:30,530 --> 00:14:33,397
Turns out, distant relative
of the reviled
373
00:14:33,399 --> 00:14:35,283
Richard Nixon.
374
00:14:35,285 --> 00:14:37,368
Pam always says
I look like Nixon.
375
00:14:37,370 --> 00:14:39,170
That's crazy, right?
376
00:14:39,172 --> 00:14:41,756
I mean, there's nothing there.
377
00:14:41,758 --> 00:14:46,577
Tru--
378
00:14:46,579 --> 00:14:48,996
Oh, no.
379
00:14:48,998 --> 00:14:50,097
Dwight's grandfather--
380
00:14:50,099 --> 00:14:51,883
Was a member of the Bund,
381
00:14:51,885 --> 00:14:53,935
which is not technically
the same thing
382
00:14:53,937 --> 00:14:54,969
as the Nazi party.
383
00:14:54,971 --> 00:14:57,638
So--
[Clears throat]
384
00:14:57,640 --> 00:14:59,774
I was gonna say
he was a tax evader.
385
00:14:59,776 --> 00:15:01,776
Oh.
386
00:15:01,778 --> 00:15:03,861
I was joking about
that whole Bund thing.
387
00:15:03,863 --> 00:15:05,696
Oh-ho, the look
on your faces.
388
00:15:05,698 --> 00:15:08,950
[Laughing]
389
00:15:08,952 --> 00:15:10,401
And Meredith
is a blood relative
390
00:15:10,403 --> 00:15:11,485
of Lizzie Borden.
391
00:15:11,487 --> 00:15:12,620
Cool.
392
00:15:12,622 --> 00:15:13,871
[Mimipsycho stabbing
sound effect]
393
00:15:13,873 --> 00:15:14,939
Stop it! Stop it,
you're frightening me.
394
00:15:14,941 --> 00:15:16,707
Andy, did you call this meeting
395
00:15:16,709 --> 00:15:19,043
just to talk junk
about our families?
396
00:15:19,045 --> 00:15:21,111
Yeah, that-- you're being
really mean.
397
00:15:21,113 --> 00:15:23,447
No, I'm proving a point, okay?
398
00:15:23,449 --> 00:15:25,115
We all have ancestors
who may have
399
00:15:25,117 --> 00:15:27,284
done horrible things
in the past.
400
00:15:27,286 --> 00:15:29,720
But it's in the past,
and it's not our fault.
401
00:15:29,722 --> 00:15:31,622
So we don't have
to talk about it.
402
00:15:31,624 --> 00:15:33,975
The difference is, Andy,
that you're the only one here
403
00:15:33,977 --> 00:15:36,811
still benefitting
from the terrible things
404
00:15:36,813 --> 00:15:37,962
your ancestors did.
405
00:15:37,964 --> 00:15:40,765
Might have done,
and how do you figure?
406
00:15:40,767 --> 00:15:42,433
Your family's rich.
407
00:15:42,435 --> 00:15:43,818
I have to believe
that a big part
408
00:15:43,820 --> 00:15:46,470
of the Bernard fortune was
earned on the backs of slaves.
409
00:15:46,472 --> 00:15:47,605
You know, there's nothing wrong
410
00:15:47,607 --> 00:15:49,306
with being successful
in America, Oscar.
411
00:15:49,308 --> 00:15:51,692
I'm not gonna apologize
for my family's wealth.
412
00:15:51,694 --> 00:15:55,145
That wealth could one day
benefit society,
413
00:15:55,147 --> 00:15:57,131
if capital gains are ever
taxed at the same rate
414
00:15:57,133 --> 00:15:58,182
as earned income.
415
00:15:58,184 --> 00:15:59,166
[Cell phone ringing Dixie]
416
00:15:59,168 --> 00:16:01,836
Okay, Kevin did that.
417
00:16:01,838 --> 00:16:04,505
I do not wish I was in Dixie.
418
00:16:04,507 --> 00:16:05,756
Hey, mom.
How are you?
419
00:16:05,758 --> 00:16:08,676
Did any Bernards ever own
420
00:16:08,678 --> 00:16:12,013
a plantation in the South?
421
00:16:12,015 --> 00:16:13,598
She said no.
Take that!
422
00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:15,900
Follow-up question,
did any Bernards
423
00:16:15,902 --> 00:16:18,936
ever make money
in an unsavory way?
424
00:16:23,859 --> 00:16:25,076
[Quietly] I just
asked you--
425
00:16:25,078 --> 00:16:26,994
why didn't you
used to say that?
426
00:16:26,996 --> 00:16:28,696
Okay, stop, stop.
427
00:16:28,698 --> 00:16:29,947
Stop talking.
Stop talking.
428
00:16:29,949 --> 00:16:32,950
That's-- no.
I don't want to know that.
429
00:16:32,952 --> 00:16:34,335
Okay, you're interrupting
a meeting.
430
00:16:34,337 --> 00:16:35,369
I have to go.
431
00:16:35,371 --> 00:16:38,122
Love you.
Bye.
432
00:16:38,124 --> 00:16:41,509
Well, turns out the Bernards
of yore did not own slaves.
433
00:16:41,511 --> 00:16:42,760
Really.
434
00:16:42,762 --> 00:16:44,345
We merely transported them.
435
00:16:44,347 --> 00:16:48,182
Which, at worst,
makes us amoral middlemen.
436
00:16:52,737 --> 00:16:54,918
Yo, D-Dog.
I need your help.
437
00:16:57,621 --> 00:16:58,955
I'm trying to think of things
I can say that make it
438
00:16:58,957 --> 00:17:00,456
sound like I had a sore
difficult childhood
439
00:17:00,458 --> 00:17:01,557
than I actually had.
440
00:17:01,559 --> 00:17:02,926
- You gonna po' mouth.
- Exactly.
441
00:17:02,928 --> 00:17:04,143
Help me po' mouth, Darryl.
442
00:17:04,145 --> 00:17:06,596
Actually, Andy,
you promised me five minutes
443
00:17:06,598 --> 00:17:08,097
to talk about productivity
suggestions--
444
00:17:08,099 --> 00:17:10,483
What if I said
that my dad beat me,
445
00:17:10,485 --> 00:17:12,936
and I just left out
the croquet of it all?
446
00:17:12,938 --> 00:17:15,321
Or, I could just go all the way
447
00:17:15,323 --> 00:17:16,873
and say I grew up
in an apartment.
448
00:17:16,875 --> 00:17:18,608
Or is that too crazy?
449
00:17:18,610 --> 00:17:20,560
That could work.
450
00:17:20,562 --> 00:17:22,278
You know, Darryl, this is
451
00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:24,747
textbook assistant regional
manager stuff here,
452
00:17:24,749 --> 00:17:27,583
and I feel like I'm doing
all the heavy lifting.
453
00:17:27,585 --> 00:17:29,986
I'm coming up
with all the ideas here.
454
00:17:29,988 --> 00:17:32,005
I'm going for a walk.
455
00:17:32,007 --> 00:17:34,040
Okay.
456
00:17:39,463 --> 00:17:41,130
Good...
457
00:17:41,132 --> 00:17:42,265
Good, and--
458
00:17:42,267 --> 00:17:44,434
[Thuds]
459
00:17:54,862 --> 00:17:56,396
You doing all right, man?
460
00:17:56,398 --> 00:17:58,731
I'm done.
461
00:17:58,733 --> 00:18:00,867
I gotta get out of here.
462
00:18:00,869 --> 00:18:02,368
Yeah.
463
00:18:02,370 --> 00:18:05,321
Not the easiest day to be
Assistant Regional Manager.
464
00:18:05,323 --> 00:18:08,124
It's not just today,
it's every day.
465
00:18:08,126 --> 00:18:10,043
Seems like
the better title I have,
466
00:18:10,045 --> 00:18:11,861
the stupider my job gets.
467
00:18:11,863 --> 00:18:15,381
Aw, come on, it can always
get better, right?
468
00:18:15,383 --> 00:18:18,251
Hmm.
Yeah, right.
469
00:18:18,253 --> 00:18:19,335
No, I'm serious.
470
00:18:19,337 --> 00:18:21,838
There's always
something better.
471
00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:23,056
Like what?
472
00:18:23,058 --> 00:18:25,925
Like, hypothetically,
473
00:18:25,927 --> 00:18:29,095
if I said that
there was another job
474
00:18:29,097 --> 00:18:31,547
that you and I could both have.
475
00:18:31,549 --> 00:18:33,382
What kind of job?
476
00:18:33,384 --> 00:18:38,688
Something cool,
like sports marketing, or--
477
00:18:38,690 --> 00:18:40,189
does that sound like
something you'd be into?
478
00:18:40,191 --> 00:18:41,357
- Hell yeah.
- Right?
479
00:18:41,359 --> 00:18:42,408
That sounds awesome.
480
00:18:42,410 --> 00:18:43,526
Okay, but wait.
What if I told you
481
00:18:43,528 --> 00:18:44,577
that it was in Philly?
482
00:18:44,579 --> 00:18:46,279
- So you'd have to--
- I love Philly.
483
00:18:46,281 --> 00:18:47,663
Right?
484
00:18:47,665 --> 00:18:49,532
- It's not even a thought--
- Not even a thought.
485
00:18:49,534 --> 00:18:53,286
It's not even that far away,
I could still commute-- exactly.
486
00:18:53,288 --> 00:18:54,954
Exactly.
487
00:18:54,956 --> 00:18:56,906
All right.
488
00:18:56,908 --> 00:18:58,007
What?
Wait, wait, wait.
489
00:18:58,009 --> 00:18:59,675
So what, is this happening?
490
00:18:59,677 --> 00:19:01,511
Oh, it's happening.
491
00:19:01,513 --> 00:19:02,845
Let's just keep it
between you and me
492
00:19:02,847 --> 00:19:04,130
- for right now, all right?
- Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
493
00:19:04,132 --> 00:19:05,414
For sure, for sure, for sure.
494
00:19:05,416 --> 00:19:08,301
Man.
And Pam's into it?
495
00:19:08,303 --> 00:19:09,552
We gotta have a talk about it,
496
00:19:09,554 --> 00:19:10,937
but I think
that she's--
497
00:19:10,939 --> 00:19:12,105
I think she understands...
498
00:19:12,107 --> 00:19:13,439
- Aw, come on, man.
- ...what this is.
499
00:19:13,441 --> 00:19:14,807
I thought you had
something real.
500
00:19:14,809 --> 00:19:15,892
What?
No, no, no.
501
00:19:15,894 --> 00:19:17,193
Come on.
This is real.
502
00:19:17,195 --> 00:19:19,428
It's not real
503
00:19:19,430 --> 00:19:23,483
until your wife is on board.
504
00:19:24,785 --> 00:19:26,602
So what did you
want to show me?
505
00:19:26,604 --> 00:19:29,705
That is quite an ugly wall,
isn't it?
506
00:19:29,707 --> 00:19:31,774
Yeah.
It's really ugly.
507
00:19:31,776 --> 00:19:33,576
Needs something, doesn't it?
508
00:19:33,578 --> 00:19:34,794
I'm thinking,
509
00:19:34,796 --> 00:19:37,797
a mural.
510
00:19:37,799 --> 00:19:38,831
You mean me?
511
00:19:38,833 --> 00:19:39,832
Yes, you.
512
00:19:39,834 --> 00:19:42,668
You are so talented.
513
00:19:42,670 --> 00:19:44,504
It's going to be my next
special project.
514
00:19:44,506 --> 00:19:47,090
Hiring Scranton's most
dangerous young muralist
515
00:19:47,092 --> 00:19:49,092
to paint the warehouse wall.
516
00:19:49,094 --> 00:19:50,560
Oh, my God, I love it!
517
00:19:50,562 --> 00:19:51,978
Uh-- I--
Nellie,
518
00:19:51,980 --> 00:19:53,729
this is brilliant!
519
00:19:53,731 --> 00:19:54,847
- Hey!
- Hey.
520
00:19:54,849 --> 00:19:56,732
Can I talk to you for a second?
521
00:19:56,734 --> 00:20:00,103
Anything you have
to say to her,
522
00:20:00,105 --> 00:20:01,137
you can say to me.
523
00:20:01,139 --> 00:20:02,188
She never loved you.
524
00:20:02,190 --> 00:20:03,940
What? No, I--
I got this.
525
00:20:03,942 --> 00:20:05,141
[Giggling] Okay.
526
00:20:05,143 --> 00:20:06,308
[Quietly] Okay.
This is his fault.
527
00:20:06,310 --> 00:20:07,860
It is not your fault.
528
00:20:07,862 --> 00:20:11,497
I am gonna find you
someone better, and rich.
529
00:20:11,499 --> 00:20:13,449
And Filipino.
530
00:20:13,451 --> 00:20:17,420
But we'll break that
to her later.
531
00:20:17,422 --> 00:20:19,205
You know what
this is all about?
532
00:20:19,207 --> 00:20:20,923
Yeah.
533
00:20:20,925 --> 00:20:21,991
You too, huh?
534
00:20:21,993 --> 00:20:25,494
Yeah.
535
00:20:25,496 --> 00:20:28,598
Go on, spill it.
536
00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:32,435
Tell her all the gory details,
you snake.
537
00:20:32,437 --> 00:20:33,769
Hey.
538
00:20:33,771 --> 00:20:35,454
He deserves this.
539
00:20:35,456 --> 00:20:39,308
And he said I could
get in on it too.
540
00:20:39,310 --> 00:20:42,145
[Whispering] Yeah.
541
00:20:42,147 --> 00:20:44,897
Oh, Pam, no.
542
00:20:44,899 --> 00:20:46,782
Oh, I can't bear to watch this.
543
00:20:46,784 --> 00:20:48,951
I don't know what I was
so worried about.
544
00:20:48,953 --> 00:20:52,622
I have the best wife
in the world.
545
00:20:52,624 --> 00:20:55,641
I still can't believe
he didn't tell me.
546
00:21:04,745 --> 00:21:05,961
I was helping
Nellie drive--
547
00:21:05,963 --> 00:21:08,798
Do not care.
548
00:21:13,370 --> 00:21:15,671
Fonas chek!
549
00:21:15,673 --> 00:21:18,307
Dothras chek!
550
00:21:18,309 --> 00:21:21,644
[Giggles]
551
00:21:21,646 --> 00:21:23,712
I like that guy.
552
00:21:23,714 --> 00:21:25,765
We should hook him up
with Meredith.
553
00:21:25,767 --> 00:21:26,682
Hmm--
554
00:21:31,102 --> 00:21:35,615
Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com