1
00:00:00,432 --> 00:00:03,657
This year I decided to really get
into the spirit of Halloween.
2
00:00:11,536 --> 00:00:14,501
*** decision I've ever made.
3
00:00:16,727 --> 00:00:18,882
My *** head went into
the pumpkin no problem...
4
00:00:19,010 --> 00:00:21,804
- It won't ***.
- ...but I can't get it out.
5
00:00:22,439 --> 00:00:24,053
Try again.
6
00:00:24,055 --> 00:00:25,755
I mean, I could try
destroying the pumpkin...
7
00:00:25,757 --> 00:00:27,006
No! No! No! No!
Please!
8
00:00:27,008 --> 00:00:29,291
But as Jim and I discovered...
9
00:00:29,293 --> 00:00:31,427
No!
10
00:00:31,429 --> 00:00:35,014
...any blow to the pumpkin itself
could prove fatal to me.
11
00:00:35,016 --> 00:00:36,966
At first, I drove myself crazy
12
00:00:36,968 --> 00:00:38,150
thinking about the things
I should've done differently.
13
00:00:38,152 --> 00:00:39,468
Yes, Dwight.
14
00:00:39,470 --> 00:00:41,687
I never should've
played that joke on Erin.
15
00:00:41,689 --> 00:00:42,838
I never should've hollowed out
16
00:00:42,840 --> 00:00:45,441
this damn pumpkin
in the first place.
17
00:00:45,443 --> 00:00:48,661
But then I realized
I was being silly.
18
00:00:48,663 --> 00:00:51,614
I mean, the pumpkin
should rot off of my head
19
00:00:51,616 --> 00:00:54,500
in a month or two...
right?
20
00:00:54,502 --> 00:00:57,503
[Cheerful music]
21
00:01:01,981 --> 00:01:04,099
Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com
22
00:01:04,134 --> 00:01:06,328
- Hey, guys.
- Hey.
23
00:01:06,330 --> 00:01:08,831
- Pam, what are you?
- I'm Doctor Cinderella.
24
00:01:08,833 --> 00:01:10,466
Cece's really
into princesses now,
25
00:01:10,468 --> 00:01:12,768
so we decided to turn them into
positive female role models.
26
00:01:12,770 --> 00:01:14,637
I'm an oncologist.
27
00:01:14,639 --> 00:01:16,305
And you are a dog.
28
00:01:16,307 --> 00:01:18,340
No, I'm a puppy.
29
00:01:18,342 --> 00:01:20,226
Dang it!
I was worried that would happen.
30
00:01:20,228 --> 00:01:21,527
- It's okay.
- Um, Jim,
31
00:01:21,529 --> 00:01:22,895
you're not dressed up at all.
32
00:01:22,897 --> 00:01:26,566
Sure I am.
I am...
33
00:01:26,568 --> 00:01:28,183
one of the Men In Black guys.
34
00:01:28,185 --> 00:01:29,452
Can I have your sunglasses?
35
00:01:29,454 --> 00:01:31,320
Jim, come on.
I thought we were past this.
36
00:01:31,322 --> 00:01:33,122
So the sports marketing
business
37
00:01:33,124 --> 00:01:35,157
that Jim told everyone about
except for me?
38
00:01:35,159 --> 00:01:37,376
There's
a big investment lunch today,
39
00:01:37,378 --> 00:01:39,528
so I decided
to skip the costume.
40
00:01:39,530 --> 00:01:41,264
Unless he has a secret costume
41
00:01:41,266 --> 00:01:43,082
that he told everyone about
except for me.
42
00:01:43,084 --> 00:01:45,034
[Chuckles] Getting a lot of
mileage out of this, aren't you?
43
00:01:45,036 --> 00:01:47,503
Yeah, well,
get used to it, bud.
44
00:01:49,706 --> 00:01:52,058
♪ A jitterbug ♪ [Laughs]
45
00:01:52,060 --> 00:01:53,426
You guys look great!
46
00:01:53,428 --> 00:01:56,378
Just a reminder:
The party is right after lunch,
47
00:01:56,380 --> 00:01:58,230
so make sure you get
all your work done before that
48
00:01:58,232 --> 00:02:00,733
or throw it out.
Any questions?
49
00:02:00,735 --> 00:02:03,986
The senator
will be joining us later.
50
00:02:03,988 --> 00:02:05,021
Not a question.
51
00:02:05,023 --> 00:02:06,889
- No, it wasn't.
- Excellent.
52
00:02:06,891 --> 00:02:08,908
That reminds me,
has anyone seen Treble?
53
00:02:08,910 --> 00:02:10,409
Anyone?
54
00:02:10,411 --> 00:02:13,746
I could have sworn
I saw some Treble somewhere.
55
00:02:13,748 --> 00:02:15,615
[A cappella group singing
Karma Chameleon]
56
00:02:15,617 --> 00:02:18,584
Oh, ladies and gentlemen,
Here Comes Treble!
57
00:02:18,586 --> 00:02:20,252
- ♪ I'm a man ♪
- ♪ A man ♪
58
00:02:20,254 --> 00:02:22,788
♪ without conviction ♪
59
00:02:22,790 --> 00:02:27,376
♪ you come and go,
you come and go ♪
60
00:02:27,378 --> 00:02:28,711
[Finger snapping]
61
00:02:28,713 --> 00:02:32,915
♪ Karma, karma, karma, karma,
karma chameleon ♪
62
00:02:32,917 --> 00:02:38,304
♪ you come and go,
you come and go ♪
63
00:02:38,306 --> 00:02:41,807
♪ loving would be easy if your
colors were like my dreams ♪
64
00:02:41,809 --> 00:02:47,480
♪ red, gold, and green,
red, gold, and green ♪
65
00:02:47,482 --> 00:02:48,764
♪ karma come on ♪
66
00:02:48,766 --> 00:02:51,233
Ah! So good!
67
00:02:51,235 --> 00:02:53,268
[Giggles]
68
00:02:53,270 --> 00:02:55,955
What lab did these
little clones escape from?
69
00:02:55,957 --> 00:02:57,657
My Cornell a cappella group.
70
00:02:57,659 --> 00:02:59,258
You were in
an a cappella group?
71
00:02:59,260 --> 00:03:00,960
You went to Cornell?
72
00:03:00,962 --> 00:03:03,112
Yeah.
Uh, okay, ha, ha, ha, ha.
73
00:03:03,114 --> 00:03:04,947
But you have no idea
how lucky you are,
74
00:03:04,949 --> 00:03:08,968
because HCT is doing a set
at our Halloween party.
75
00:03:08,970 --> 00:03:10,753
Ugh, I don't want
to sit through
76
00:03:10,755 --> 00:03:12,254
a whole concert of that.
77
00:03:12,256 --> 00:03:13,973
I do.
I love the boss's interests.
78
00:03:13,975 --> 00:03:15,841
Atta boy, Clark.
79
00:03:15,843 --> 00:03:17,292
Where you boys staying?
80
00:03:17,294 --> 00:03:19,795
How does it work in the rooms?
You get a privacy partition?
81
00:03:19,797 --> 00:03:22,481
No. No, nope, not--
No, stay away.
82
00:03:22,483 --> 00:03:24,316
You know what I just realized?
83
00:03:24,318 --> 00:03:27,269
They might actually
call me up to solo
84
00:03:27,271 --> 00:03:29,655
on George Michael's Faith.
85
00:03:29,657 --> 00:03:31,891
That was one of
my signature songs.
86
00:03:31,893 --> 00:03:36,278
Oh, man.
That would be insane.
87
00:03:36,280 --> 00:03:39,548
I'm so not prepared.
88
00:03:39,550 --> 00:03:42,334
Are you sure you're okay with
me putting in this much money?
89
00:03:42,336 --> 00:03:44,170
Yeah.
I mean, listen,
90
00:03:44,172 --> 00:03:45,821
if we're gonna do this thing,
then we should do it right.
91
00:03:45,823 --> 00:03:47,656
You're the best.
92
00:03:48,959 --> 00:03:50,659
I kind of am.
[Chuckles]
93
00:03:50,661 --> 00:03:52,595
- It's crazy.
- Okay.
94
00:03:52,597 --> 00:03:53,596
- I'll see you in a little bit.
- Okay.
95
00:03:53,598 --> 00:03:54,797
Jim, look, I'm eating you.
96
00:03:54,799 --> 00:03:56,549
- Shut up.
- Ha, ha!
97
00:03:56,551 --> 00:04:00,436
Hey, Erin,
look, these are nerds.
98
00:04:00,438 --> 00:04:01,670
I'm eating Jims.
99
00:04:01,672 --> 00:04:04,640
[Both laugh]
100
00:04:04,642 --> 00:04:06,142
Must eat more Jims.
101
00:04:06,144 --> 00:04:08,027
[Chomping loudly] [Laughs]
102
00:04:08,029 --> 00:04:09,445
Stop it! Stop it!
103
00:04:09,447 --> 00:04:11,313
- I'm spilling Jims...
- Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
104
00:04:11,315 --> 00:04:13,149
- All over the carpet, Erin!
- Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
105
00:04:13,151 --> 00:04:16,535
[Laughs]
106
00:04:16,537 --> 00:04:18,571
Mm. Mm.
107
00:04:23,210 --> 00:04:27,246
Hello, little pill.
What do you do?
108
00:04:28,965 --> 00:04:31,717
Dumatril is licensed
to treat anxiety symptoms,
109
00:04:31,719 --> 00:04:35,204
such as panic attacks,
excessive worrying, and fear.
110
00:04:35,206 --> 00:04:39,425
Translation,
there's a madman in our midst.
111
00:04:40,393 --> 00:04:42,228
Okay, I give up.
What are you?
112
00:04:42,230 --> 00:04:43,729
I'm Sexy Toby.
113
00:04:43,731 --> 00:04:46,265
[Laughs] Gross.
114
00:04:46,267 --> 00:04:48,184
I love it.
[Laughs]
115
00:04:48,186 --> 00:04:50,886
Dumatril!
116
00:04:50,888 --> 00:04:53,155
Something wrong, Dwight?
117
00:04:53,157 --> 00:04:55,908
- Dumatril.
- Yes?
118
00:04:55,910 --> 00:04:58,560
This is a pill
I found here in the office,
119
00:04:58,562 --> 00:05:00,229
but it's not for worms
or eczema,
120
00:05:00,231 --> 00:05:01,396
like any normal pill.
121
00:05:01,398 --> 00:05:03,732
It's not for any disorder
of the body.
122
00:05:03,734 --> 00:05:05,901
[Whispering]
It's for a disorder of the mind.
123
00:05:05,903 --> 00:05:08,788
The mind is part of the body.
124
00:05:08,790 --> 00:05:12,908
Okay, this is a pill
that combats insanity, okay?
125
00:05:12,910 --> 00:05:15,711
Whoever is taking it
is not only insane...
126
00:05:15,713 --> 00:05:18,097
[Whispering]
they are now off their meds.
127
00:05:18,099 --> 00:05:20,099
Dwight, our
co-workers' health issues
128
00:05:20,101 --> 00:05:21,383
are really
none of our business, so--
129
00:05:21,385 --> 00:05:23,919
Why are you trying so hard
to bury this thing, huh?
130
00:05:23,921 --> 00:05:24,920
What's going on, Nellie?
131
00:05:24,922 --> 00:05:26,438
- Talk to me.
- Mm?
132
00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:27,773
It's my pill.
133
00:05:27,775 --> 00:05:30,776
I have an anxiety issue
and I'm not ashamed of that,
134
00:05:30,778 --> 00:05:35,147
but I'm not loving the idea of
Dwight having that information.
135
00:05:35,149 --> 00:05:39,819
I once saw him yell at Phyllis
for sneezing wrong.
136
00:05:39,821 --> 00:05:40,820
Yeah, you're right.
137
00:05:40,822 --> 00:05:42,121
This man needs
to be apprehended.
138
00:05:42,123 --> 00:05:44,206
I'll get my apprehension kit.
139
00:05:44,208 --> 00:05:47,209
[Scatting]
♪ Dudes... ♪
140
00:05:47,211 --> 00:05:48,210
What's up?
141
00:05:48,212 --> 00:05:49,745
[Overlapping greetings]
142
00:05:49,747 --> 00:05:51,797
I know it's pathetic
to re-live your college years,
143
00:05:51,799 --> 00:05:53,549
but cut me some slack, okay?
144
00:05:53,551 --> 00:05:57,002
Because I was
a freaking rock star in college.
145
00:05:57,004 --> 00:05:58,587
When I joined
Here Comes Treble,
146
00:05:58,589 --> 00:06:00,923
that's when I became somebody.
147
00:06:00,925 --> 00:06:02,925
When I got the nickname
Boner Champ,
148
00:06:02,927 --> 00:06:07,897
that is when I became me.
149
00:06:07,899 --> 00:06:10,065
You didn't come here
to sit in a room, right?
150
00:06:10,067 --> 00:06:11,984
You came here for some
intergenerational "bro" time.
151
00:06:11,986 --> 00:06:13,802
Well, now's your chance!
I'm here.
152
00:06:13,804 --> 00:06:15,821
You got Qs, I got As.
153
00:06:18,391 --> 00:06:20,642
Did you say you've got AIDS?
154
00:06:20,644 --> 00:06:23,913
No, I don't have AIDS.
That's not what I said.
155
00:06:23,915 --> 00:06:25,948
Next question.
156
00:06:28,451 --> 00:06:29,835
You don't have any--
157
00:06:29,837 --> 00:06:33,488
any questions
about the old days?
158
00:06:33,490 --> 00:06:35,841
[Clears throat]
159
00:06:35,843 --> 00:06:38,460
You at least want to know why
they call me Boner Champ?
160
00:06:38,462 --> 00:06:41,513
I thought Broccoli Rob
was the Boner Champ.
161
00:06:45,168 --> 00:06:47,136
I'm sorry, what?
162
00:06:47,138 --> 00:06:51,390
I just thought Broccoli Rob
was the Boner Champ.
163
00:06:55,779 --> 00:07:00,199
Broccoli Rob was Broccoli Rob.
164
00:07:00,201 --> 00:07:02,318
Andy Bernard
is the Boner Champ.
165
00:07:08,257 --> 00:07:13,676
- I hadn't realized that everybody here
dresses up every year. - Me neither.
166
00:07:13,710 --> 00:07:15,361
It's Halloween.
167
00:07:15,395 --> 00:07:18,264
That is really,
really good timing.
168
00:07:18,298 --> 00:07:20,299
I was just talking
to some of the actives,
169
00:07:20,350 --> 00:07:23,269
and they think
that you're Boner Champ.
170
00:07:23,303 --> 00:07:24,470
I'm so sorry.
171
00:07:24,521 --> 00:07:25,921
I don't know how
that could've happened.
172
00:07:25,939 --> 00:07:28,107
Did you maybe
tell them that or--
173
00:07:28,141 --> 00:07:31,160
I just-- I just started yappin'
about the old days,
174
00:07:31,194 --> 00:07:33,595
and I guess the wine coolers
were flowing,
175
00:07:33,614 --> 00:07:36,148
and, you know,
somehow things just got hinky.
176
00:07:36,199 --> 00:07:38,600
Could you call them
and just tell them the truth?
177
00:07:38,619 --> 00:07:40,069
'Cause I know
it's really stupid,
178
00:07:40,103 --> 00:07:42,955
but it's also really, really,
really important.
179
00:07:42,990 --> 00:07:45,758
Will do.
180
00:07:45,792 --> 00:07:46,959
I love you, Andy.
181
00:07:46,994 --> 00:07:49,245
Love you too.
182
00:07:49,279 --> 00:07:51,247
So the workspace looks awesome.
183
00:07:51,281 --> 00:07:52,614
- Wow.
- And the graphic designer
184
00:07:52,633 --> 00:07:54,634
is gonna be sending us in
some of the logo treatments.
185
00:07:54,668 --> 00:07:55,635
Can't wait to see them.
186
00:07:55,669 --> 00:07:57,386
- You guys rock.
- I killed it.
187
00:07:57,421 --> 00:07:59,722
- Boom.
- Rockin'.
188
00:07:59,756 --> 00:08:01,223
Oh.
[Laughs]
189
00:08:01,258 --> 00:08:02,308
- You get some?
- There we go.
190
00:08:02,342 --> 00:08:04,176
I also have been
running the numbers,
191
00:08:04,227 --> 00:08:06,562
and between our backers
and our own investment,
192
00:08:06,596 --> 00:08:08,464
we're looking great
for a full year on this.
193
00:08:08,482 --> 00:08:10,266
Oh, uh,
is it too late to get in?
194
00:08:10,300 --> 00:08:11,667
Oh, no, no.
195
00:08:11,685 --> 00:08:13,853
Jim, I explained everything,
so you're all set.
196
00:08:13,887 --> 00:08:15,337
Oh, no, I actually
talked to my wife,
197
00:08:15,355 --> 00:08:17,890
and we'd really like to,
you know, invest,
198
00:08:17,941 --> 00:08:19,191
get in on the ground floor.
199
00:08:19,226 --> 00:08:20,342
Wow, well,
200
00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:22,528
what level of investment
are you thinking about?
201
00:08:22,562 --> 00:08:28,016
We were thinking somewhere
between $5,000, $10,000.
202
00:08:28,035 --> 00:08:29,318
I can do the full $10,000.
203
00:08:29,352 --> 00:08:30,319
We should just...
204
00:08:30,353 --> 00:08:31,320
[Blows air] all in.
205
00:08:31,354 --> 00:08:32,321
All right, welcome aboard.
206
00:08:32,355 --> 00:08:33,322
All right.
[Laughs]
207
00:08:33,356 --> 00:08:34,407
Awesome, cool.
208
00:08:34,458 --> 00:08:37,877
Hey, Darryl.
I'm just here to...
209
00:08:37,911 --> 00:08:40,246
Smear some peanut butter
on my forehead.
210
00:08:40,297 --> 00:08:43,833
You know, to protect
his brain from the nanobots
211
00:08:43,867 --> 00:08:47,553
that the government
put in the air conditioning.
212
00:08:47,587 --> 00:08:50,172
That makes sense to you, right?
213
00:08:50,206 --> 00:08:53,542
Or does it sound...
crazy?
214
00:08:57,681 --> 00:09:01,016
I can't really picture it.
Can you get it on there?
215
00:09:01,050 --> 00:09:03,569
Yeah.
216
00:09:03,603 --> 00:09:06,238
And maybe get the cheeks.
217
00:09:06,273 --> 00:09:07,990
So this makes sense, then.
218
00:09:08,024 --> 00:09:09,191
Or is it crazy?
219
00:09:09,225 --> 00:09:12,060
Get under your chin first,
yeah.
220
00:09:12,079 --> 00:09:13,612
Is that where the nanobots
like to come in?
221
00:09:13,663 --> 00:09:15,414
Take it all the way
up to your lip, yeah.
222
00:09:15,449 --> 00:09:17,700
Okay, is that
how they like to get in?
223
00:09:17,734 --> 00:09:20,736
Yeah, that's crazy.
224
00:09:23,707 --> 00:09:26,459
I don't know.
I just don't know.
225
00:09:26,510 --> 00:09:28,744
Yo, bad boys of a cappella.
226
00:09:28,762 --> 00:09:30,012
All: Hey.
227
00:09:30,046 --> 00:09:31,013
Heard any good stories lately?
228
00:09:31,047 --> 00:09:33,549
Or new twists on old stories?
229
00:09:33,583 --> 00:09:36,802
Yeah, I got a call
from Broccoli Rob.
230
00:09:36,853 --> 00:09:39,254
I guess you really are
the Boner Champ.
231
00:09:39,272 --> 00:09:40,890
Did he tell you
how I got the name?
232
00:09:40,924 --> 00:09:41,941
No.
233
00:09:41,975 --> 00:09:44,443
Spring sing '95,
234
00:09:44,478 --> 00:09:47,947
got completely ripped
on bud dries.
235
00:09:47,981 --> 00:09:51,367
I had sex with a snowman.
236
00:09:51,401 --> 00:09:53,819
I just went at that thing.
237
00:09:53,870 --> 00:09:55,287
Cold would've stopped
most people,
238
00:09:55,322 --> 00:09:57,957
but I stayed locked in.
You know,
239
00:09:57,991 --> 00:10:00,626
took the face off.
Just seemed easier that way.
240
00:10:02,078 --> 00:10:03,746
And I told Phyllis
not to put it out,
241
00:10:03,780 --> 00:10:06,549
but she insisted, so anyway...
242
00:10:06,583 --> 00:10:08,467
- Hi. Oh, Oscar.
- Oh.
243
00:10:08,502 --> 00:10:10,619
Remember my husband,
the senator?
244
00:10:10,637 --> 00:10:12,621
Senator Lipton,
nice to see you.
245
00:10:12,639 --> 00:10:13,789
Nice to see you, Oscar.
246
00:10:13,807 --> 00:10:16,308
Wait a second,
who designed this spread?
247
00:10:16,343 --> 00:10:18,293
The sweets and savories
are all mixed together.
248
00:10:18,311 --> 00:10:19,311
This is mayhem.
249
00:10:19,346 --> 00:10:21,897
So, Oscar, you're a dinosaur?
250
00:10:21,932 --> 00:10:23,265
Actually,
I'm the electoral college.
251
00:10:23,299 --> 00:10:25,651
Ouch!
Right on target.
252
00:10:25,685 --> 00:10:26,652
[Laughs]
253
00:10:26,686 --> 00:10:28,237
You know what?
This is outrageous.
254
00:10:28,271 --> 00:10:30,656
I have to find Phyllis.
You two talk, okay?
255
00:10:30,690 --> 00:10:33,659
Sorry, babe.
Phyllis!
256
00:10:33,693 --> 00:10:36,662
God, it's just
so good to see you.
257
00:10:36,696 --> 00:10:39,365
I-- uh-huh, just...
[Chuckles nervously]
258
00:10:39,416 --> 00:10:41,917
All having this
wonderful Halloween gathering.
259
00:10:41,952 --> 00:10:43,118
Excuse me, is that punch?
260
00:10:43,152 --> 00:10:46,672
They didn't know
about the snowman story,
261
00:10:46,706 --> 00:10:48,791
and when I told 'em,
they were not impressed.
262
00:10:48,825 --> 00:10:51,177
- What is with these turkeys?
- Right?
263
00:10:51,211 --> 00:10:53,929
Hey! You better do Faith,
you get me?
264
00:10:53,964 --> 00:10:56,298
We don't know it.
265
00:10:56,332 --> 00:10:57,666
So learn it.
266
00:10:57,684 --> 00:10:59,768
You all go to Cornell,
you're like eight Rain Men.
267
00:10:59,803 --> 00:11:01,003
Just learn the frickin' song.
268
00:11:01,021 --> 00:11:03,272
Look, I know it was big
with the old guys, but--
269
00:11:03,306 --> 00:11:06,225
Buts...
are for pooping.
270
00:11:06,259 --> 00:11:07,359
Okay?
Make it work.
271
00:11:07,394 --> 00:11:09,812
You have to
or Andy will flip out...
272
00:11:09,846 --> 00:11:11,847
and make it a surprise please.
273
00:11:14,784 --> 00:11:17,653
This isn't stupid.
274
00:11:17,687 --> 00:11:19,688
What?
275
00:11:28,465 --> 00:11:30,866
- Hey.
- Hey.
276
00:11:30,884 --> 00:11:32,251
Hey, Toby.
277
00:11:36,056 --> 00:11:37,973
Are-- are you me?
278
00:11:38,008 --> 00:11:39,725
Yeah.
[Laughs]
279
00:11:39,759 --> 00:11:41,677
Oh, my goodness, look at--
[Both laughing]
280
00:11:41,711 --> 00:11:43,512
- Look at this.
- Yeah.
281
00:11:43,546 --> 00:11:45,648
[Indistinct mumbling]
I thought I'd,
282
00:11:45,682 --> 00:11:46,815
you know, be you.
283
00:11:46,850 --> 00:11:48,350
- Look at-- look at me.
- Oh, look at you!
284
00:11:48,384 --> 00:11:50,069
[Laughs]
285
00:11:50,103 --> 00:11:52,104
It's funny, right?
286
00:11:59,062 --> 00:12:01,063
Mm.
287
00:12:06,620 --> 00:12:09,838
All right, all right,
just stay focused on the pill.
288
00:12:09,873 --> 00:12:13,626
Okay, look, Dwight,
let's just call this thing off.
289
00:12:13,677 --> 00:12:15,127
I mean, it's just
an anxiety pill.
290
00:12:15,178 --> 00:12:16,578
Lots of people have anxiety.
291
00:12:16,596 --> 00:12:17,579
You think I don't have anxiety?
292
00:12:17,597 --> 00:12:18,847
I have anxiety all the time.
293
00:12:18,882 --> 00:12:21,016
Every waking moment of my life
is sheer torture.
294
00:12:21,051 --> 00:12:23,752
I have land disputes to settle
and idiot cousins to protect
295
00:12:23,770 --> 00:12:25,888
and ne'er-do-well siblings
to take care of,
296
00:12:25,922 --> 00:12:27,473
but I don't need
some stupid pill
297
00:12:27,507 --> 00:12:28,724
to get me through all this.
298
00:12:28,758 --> 00:12:30,258
Cool, free upper.
299
00:12:30,277 --> 00:12:32,928
Ah, ha, ha!
The jig is up, psychopath!
300
00:12:32,946 --> 00:12:34,446
- What? Hey, what--
- Yeah! Yeah, gotcha!
301
00:12:34,481 --> 00:12:36,264
- Don't dog-catch me!
- Gotcha!
302
00:12:36,283 --> 00:12:37,432
- Yeah!
- Oh!
303
00:12:37,450 --> 00:12:38,767
Let's see you
get out of this web, huh?
304
00:12:38,785 --> 00:12:40,903
- The pill is mine.
- Wh--
305
00:12:40,937 --> 00:12:42,371
Get her out.
306
00:12:42,405 --> 00:12:45,107
- Oh.
- Stop baggin' my head!
307
00:12:47,544 --> 00:12:48,777
[Door slams]
308
00:12:48,795 --> 00:12:50,913
[Sighs]
309
00:12:50,947 --> 00:12:54,333
Oh, Dwight, look,
it's just a pill, all right?
310
00:12:54,384 --> 00:12:56,284
It's for anxiety--
I take it every day,
311
00:12:56,303 --> 00:12:59,388
and it makes me feel better.
312
00:12:59,422 --> 00:13:02,908
And maybe it could
help you too.
313
00:13:02,943 --> 00:13:05,311
[Indistinct chatter]
314
00:13:05,345 --> 00:13:06,628
- Oh, hey! How'd it go?
- Hey.
315
00:13:06,646 --> 00:13:08,147
Oh, man, it was great.
They were great.
316
00:13:08,181 --> 00:13:09,398
Did you end up investing?
317
00:13:09,432 --> 00:13:11,350
- I did, yeah.
- How much?
318
00:13:11,401 --> 00:13:15,771
Uh, man, by the end,
I guess it was... about ten.
319
00:13:15,805 --> 00:13:17,740
"About" ten?
320
00:13:17,774 --> 00:13:19,825
Ten.
It was the full $10,000.
321
00:13:19,859 --> 00:13:22,328
- Wow.
- Yeah.
322
00:13:22,362 --> 00:13:24,330
- Wow.
- Yeah. Yeah.
323
00:13:24,364 --> 00:13:25,497
It's a good thing
we talked about it, though,
324
00:13:25,532 --> 00:13:27,166
- 'cause we had to--
- Yeah, yeah, no.
325
00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:28,834
Yeah.
326
00:13:28,868 --> 00:13:30,169
- So did everybody--
- What is it? Hold on.
327
00:13:30,203 --> 00:13:31,620
Did everybody
end up investing $10,000?
328
00:13:31,654 --> 00:13:33,989
Um, oh, man,
I don't actually know.
329
00:13:34,007 --> 00:13:35,457
What?
330
00:13:35,491 --> 00:13:36,792
They weren't really
talking that much about money.
331
00:13:36,826 --> 00:13:38,627
They just said,
"we're good with investing,"
332
00:13:38,661 --> 00:13:39,712
and-- and I--
333
00:13:39,763 --> 00:13:44,133
Ladies and gentlemen,
Here Comes Treble.
334
00:13:44,167 --> 00:13:45,934
[A cappella group vocalizing]
335
00:13:45,969 --> 00:13:47,502
They said they were
done with the investing,
336
00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:49,104
and then
you volunteered $10,000?
337
00:13:49,139 --> 00:13:51,357
- ♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
- No, no, I had to.
338
00:13:51,391 --> 00:13:52,775
Look, I needed to look like
a team player, Pam.
339
00:13:52,809 --> 00:13:54,676
So you invested $10,000
to look like a team player?
340
00:13:54,694 --> 00:13:56,195
- You weren't there.
All: - ♪ And I'll be... ♪
341
00:13:56,229 --> 00:13:58,147
It was very clear
that $10,000 was what we had--
342
00:13:58,181 --> 00:13:59,615
- We'll talk about it later.
- No, I want to
343
00:13:59,649 --> 00:14:02,184
- talk about it now.
- Pam.
344
00:14:02,202 --> 00:14:05,287
Jim, that was
most of our savings.
345
00:14:05,321 --> 00:14:11,076
♪ And I'll be better
when I'm older ♪
346
00:14:11,127 --> 00:14:17,032
♪ I'll be the greatest fan
of your life ♪
347
00:14:17,050 --> 00:14:19,918
Wait. Wait, hold on.
348
00:14:19,969 --> 00:14:22,838
Where's the band?
'Cause there's no way
349
00:14:22,872 --> 00:14:24,757
you guys are making this magic
with just your mouths.
350
00:14:24,808 --> 00:14:25,874
That's what she said.
351
00:14:25,892 --> 00:14:28,227
What, am I overdoing it?
352
00:14:28,261 --> 00:14:30,879
No. No.
353
00:14:30,897 --> 00:14:32,097
♪ That color them wonderful
stop me ♪
354
00:14:32,148 --> 00:14:33,565
- We said "some."
- We'll talk about it.
355
00:14:33,600 --> 00:14:34,900
- We said "some."
- We'll talk about it later.
356
00:14:34,934 --> 00:14:35,984
♪ Steal my breath ♪
357
00:14:36,019 --> 00:14:38,987
We said "part,"
not "all."
358
00:14:39,022 --> 00:14:41,890
♪ And I'll be ♪
359
00:14:41,908 --> 00:14:43,659
♪ your crying shoulder ♪
360
00:14:49,763 --> 00:14:51,897
♪ Fill up
and you don't have to pay ♪
361
00:14:51,899 --> 00:14:53,047
♪ bah dah bah ♪
362
00:14:53,049 --> 00:14:55,734
♪ come on and give us a play ♪
363
00:14:55,736 --> 00:14:57,352
All: ♪ get a wash
right away ♪
364
00:14:57,354 --> 00:14:59,721
- ♪ car wash, yeah ♪
- Yes!
365
00:14:59,723 --> 00:15:01,690
- Oh, man.
- That's how you do that!
366
00:15:01,692 --> 00:15:04,659
- Whoo!
- Thank you.
367
00:15:04,661 --> 00:15:06,411
Show some pride.
This is crap.
368
00:15:06,413 --> 00:15:09,547
I agree, yes. Crap.
Continue.
369
00:15:09,549 --> 00:15:12,500
Now, folks, by special request,
370
00:15:12,502 --> 00:15:14,603
we're going to take it
a little old school.
371
00:15:14,605 --> 00:15:18,173
There is a former Trebler
in this room.
372
00:15:18,175 --> 00:15:19,240
Who?
373
00:15:19,242 --> 00:15:21,242
It's Mr. Andy Bernard!
374
00:15:21,244 --> 00:15:23,878
[Humming on tuning harp]
375
00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:25,931
[Humming
George Michael's Faith]
376
00:15:25,933 --> 00:15:28,767
No, do not sing that.
Do not-- oh, man.
377
00:15:28,769 --> 00:15:31,803
He reminded us today
of how much he means to us,
378
00:15:31,805 --> 00:15:34,522
and we certainly
seem to mean a lot to him,
379
00:15:34,524 --> 00:15:37,225
so without any further ado,
here's an old Treble classic.
380
00:15:37,227 --> 00:15:40,762
♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪
381
00:15:40,764 --> 00:15:42,930
♪ dank, dank, dank,
dank, dank ♪
382
00:15:42,932 --> 00:15:44,783
♪ dig-a, dank, dank, dank ♪
383
00:15:44,785 --> 00:15:46,651
Both: ♪ a-well,
I guess it would be nice ♪
384
00:15:46,653 --> 00:15:49,120
♪ if I could touch your body ♪
385
00:15:49,122 --> 00:15:53,792
♪ I know not everybody
has got a body like you ♪
386
00:15:53,794 --> 00:15:55,994
- ♪ but I gotta think twice ♪
- Whoa! Whoa!
387
00:15:55,996 --> 00:15:57,245
♪ Before I give my heart away ♪
388
00:15:57,247 --> 00:15:59,447
What the hell
is Broccoli Rob doing here?
389
00:15:59,449 --> 00:16:00,799
She said
you wanted to hear Faith.
390
00:16:00,801 --> 00:16:02,751
That's Broccoli Rob's
signature song.
391
00:16:02,753 --> 00:16:05,253
♪ Oh, but I need some time off
from that emotion ♪
392
00:16:05,255 --> 00:16:07,121
That's my signature song.
393
00:16:07,123 --> 00:16:09,140
I really didn't know that, man.
394
00:16:09,142 --> 00:16:11,259
I just thought
you wanted to hear it.
395
00:16:11,261 --> 00:16:13,261
Russell, I'm dressed
like George Michael.
396
00:16:13,263 --> 00:16:15,597
I thought
you were Adam Lambert.
397
00:16:15,599 --> 00:16:17,015
Wha--
398
00:16:17,017 --> 00:16:19,184
The more I hear about
all this a cappella drama,
399
00:16:19,186 --> 00:16:22,187
the more I think
it's kind of pathetic,
400
00:16:22,189 --> 00:16:24,856
but when you're with someone,
you put up with the stuff
401
00:16:24,858 --> 00:16:26,574
that makes you
lose respect for them,
402
00:16:26,576 --> 00:16:29,143
and that is love.
403
00:16:29,145 --> 00:16:31,079
Are you okay?
404
00:16:31,081 --> 00:16:32,447
- He's still mad.
- Okay.
405
00:16:32,449 --> 00:16:34,949
Shut up, Broccoli.
406
00:16:34,951 --> 00:16:37,819
Champ, I feel awful
about this whole thing.
407
00:16:37,821 --> 00:16:39,170
Russell called me up,
408
00:16:39,172 --> 00:16:43,041
and they said they needed
20 ccs of George Michael, stat,
409
00:16:43,043 --> 00:16:45,493
so just... wham!
I sprang into action.
410
00:16:45,495 --> 00:16:47,012
You know me.
411
00:16:47,014 --> 00:16:49,514
I assumed you wanted to hear me
do your signature number.
412
00:16:49,516 --> 00:16:51,433
You thought I wanted
to sit in the audience
413
00:16:51,435 --> 00:16:52,884
like some slutty Treb rat?
414
00:16:52,886 --> 00:16:55,353
A man's signature solo
is his for life.
415
00:16:55,355 --> 00:16:57,355
Okay? That's group policy
and you know it.
416
00:16:57,357 --> 00:17:00,191
Look, it's not my fault
I still live near campus,
417
00:17:00,193 --> 00:17:02,360
and it's my duty as an alum
418
00:17:02,362 --> 00:17:03,862
to be friendly
to the young guys,
419
00:17:03,864 --> 00:17:07,198
and stop in two,
three times a week.
420
00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:08,666
Just don't do the song anymore.
421
00:17:08,668 --> 00:17:11,018
I'll tell you what...
We'll have a sing-off for it.
422
00:17:11,020 --> 00:17:13,688
You pick 12 alums from any year
to back you up
423
00:17:13,690 --> 00:17:15,407
and I'll do the same,
424
00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:16,825
and I'm so confident
that I'll win,
425
00:17:16,827 --> 00:17:18,376
I won't even warm up.
426
00:17:18,378 --> 00:17:20,361
Fine, go ahead,
thrash your pipes.
427
00:17:20,363 --> 00:17:22,330
My pipes are primo, Champ!
428
00:17:22,332 --> 00:17:26,051
Why don't you ask
Trey Anastasio about my pipes?
429
00:17:26,053 --> 00:17:28,720
I knew you would go there,
you son of a bitch!
430
00:17:28,722 --> 00:17:32,707
He said, and I quote,
"hey, Rob, nice pipes."
431
00:17:32,709 --> 00:17:34,592
- That happened!
- Okay, fine, yeah,
432
00:17:34,594 --> 00:17:35,593
- that's one guy's opinion.
- That's real!
433
00:17:35,595 --> 00:17:37,145
- That'll never change!
- Okay!
434
00:17:37,147 --> 00:17:40,181
Okay, doesn't mean
you're the best singer ever!
435
00:17:40,183 --> 00:17:41,349
Dick.
436
00:17:41,351 --> 00:17:43,050
I thought that concert
was pretty great.
437
00:17:43,052 --> 00:17:46,855
Oh, yeah. I decided
acapelca music is awesome.
438
00:17:46,857 --> 00:17:48,823
They lost me
when they sang Monster Mash.
439
00:17:48,825 --> 00:17:51,743
That song obviously
glorifies the occult.
440
00:17:51,745 --> 00:17:54,612
Angela, it's Halloween.
You have to sing Monster Mash.
441
00:17:54,614 --> 00:17:57,398
Oh, you have to, Jim?
You literally have to?
442
00:17:58,534 --> 00:18:00,118
Uh...
443
00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:01,569
No, I'm just--
I'm saying,
444
00:18:01,571 --> 00:18:04,005
what would happen
if they didn't sing it?
445
00:18:04,007 --> 00:18:07,041
Would they go to jail?
Would they be shot?
446
00:18:07,043 --> 00:18:10,211
Okay.
We'll just forget it.
447
00:18:10,213 --> 00:18:11,713
- No, no, I'm interested.
- Mm-hmm.
448
00:18:11,715 --> 00:18:13,131
I mean, I think
everybody's interested
449
00:18:13,133 --> 00:18:15,249
in why they have to sing it.
450
00:18:15,251 --> 00:18:17,084
- 'Cause it is Halloween.
- Mm-hmm.
451
00:18:17,086 --> 00:18:18,303
So if you're gonna
sing a concert,
452
00:18:18,305 --> 00:18:19,420
it's a good idea
to throw that one in.
453
00:18:19,422 --> 00:18:20,522
Yeah, yeah, no, no,
454
00:18:20,524 --> 00:18:22,223
it's a good idea
to brush your teeth,
455
00:18:22,225 --> 00:18:25,443
but you have to,
um, feed your children,
456
00:18:25,445 --> 00:18:27,745
send them to school.
457
00:18:27,747 --> 00:18:28,897
You know,
all things you can't do
458
00:18:28,899 --> 00:18:31,282
if you just keep
singing Monster Mash.
459
00:18:31,284 --> 00:18:37,122
It turns out Pam really,
really hates Monster Mash.
460
00:18:37,124 --> 00:18:41,459
I mean, like, never bring
that song up in front of her.
461
00:18:41,461 --> 00:18:45,446
Even though
Jim was making great points,
462
00:18:45,448 --> 00:18:47,248
like, in favor of the song,
463
00:18:47,250 --> 00:18:52,954
Pam was like,
"no. Hate it. Stupid."
464
00:18:52,956 --> 00:18:55,757
This is all so silly, right?
465
00:18:55,759 --> 00:18:57,142
[Grunts]
466
00:18:57,144 --> 00:18:58,843
What am I gonna do,
move back to Cornell?
467
00:18:58,845 --> 00:19:01,146
[Laughs] Yeah.
468
00:19:01,148 --> 00:19:03,515
I mean, what if we did that?
469
00:19:03,517 --> 00:19:06,768
Like, we got jobs
and we were happy all the time?
470
00:19:06,770 --> 00:19:09,187
Oh, well, Andy,
we're not moving to Cornell.
471
00:19:09,189 --> 00:19:10,805
[Chuckles] Duh, I know.
472
00:19:10,807 --> 00:19:12,690
- That would be insane.
- Yeah.
473
00:19:12,692 --> 00:19:15,026
It could totally work, though.
474
00:19:15,028 --> 00:19:18,329
I don't know why we wouldn't.
475
00:19:18,331 --> 00:19:19,781
Oh, my God, are we doing this?
476
00:19:19,783 --> 00:19:23,117
Oy. Andy,
what is going on?
477
00:19:24,503 --> 00:19:29,090
If I am not Boner Champ...
478
00:19:29,092 --> 00:19:30,842
I don't know who I am.
479
00:19:30,844 --> 00:19:34,212
Well, you know,
maybe you're the wise, old guy
480
00:19:34,214 --> 00:19:38,800
that the new, um,
B-O-N-E-R Champ looks up to.
481
00:19:38,802 --> 00:19:40,167
You know,
you could just--
482
00:19:40,169 --> 00:19:41,168
Make a donation.
483
00:19:41,170 --> 00:19:43,354
Well, I was gonna say
be a mentor.
484
00:19:43,356 --> 00:19:45,673
Yes.
485
00:19:45,675 --> 00:19:48,393
I'm gonna make a donation.
486
00:19:48,395 --> 00:19:50,311
And it just so happens
I know someone
487
00:19:50,313 --> 00:19:52,730
who works at
the Bernard family foundation.
488
00:19:52,732 --> 00:19:55,233
- Her name is "mom."
- Oh.
489
00:20:00,706 --> 00:20:02,356
[Whispering]
I want some of those pills.
490
00:20:02,358 --> 00:20:04,542
Oh.
Well, good for you.
491
00:20:04,544 --> 00:20:05,793
I mean, you'll need
a prescription.
492
00:20:05,795 --> 00:20:07,795
Oh, no. No, no, no,
they're not for me.
493
00:20:07,797 --> 00:20:09,697
They're for my cousin Mose.
494
00:20:09,699 --> 00:20:12,717
He's just having a tough time,
being wifeless
495
00:20:12,719 --> 00:20:16,337
and a high-pressure job
and his crazy cousin Mose.
496
00:20:16,339 --> 00:20:17,589
- Other cousin Mose.
- Mm.
497
00:20:17,591 --> 00:20:21,709
Got it.
Well, you tell Mose
498
00:20:21,711 --> 00:20:24,762
that he's a good man
and I hope he feels better.
499
00:20:26,765 --> 00:20:30,735
Which one?
Mose or the real Mose?
500
00:20:30,737 --> 00:20:33,054
The real Mose.
501
00:20:33,056 --> 00:20:35,556
He says thank you.
502
00:20:44,323 --> 00:20:46,291
Mom, I had
this really charitable idea
503
00:20:46,293 --> 00:20:49,443
to set up a scholarship
for a cappella kids at Cornell,
504
00:20:49,445 --> 00:20:51,913
and just need to wire
some money over there.
505
00:20:51,915 --> 00:20:53,280
What?
506
00:20:53,282 --> 00:20:55,282
[A cappella group singing
Cornell Alma Mater]
507
00:20:55,284 --> 00:20:58,786
♪ Far above the busy humming ♪
508
00:20:58,788 --> 00:21:01,406
♪ of the bustling town ♪
509
00:21:01,408 --> 00:21:04,625
♪ reared against the arch of
heaven looks she proudly down ♪
510
00:21:04,627 --> 00:21:07,095
What's wrong?
511
00:21:07,097 --> 00:21:10,231
My parents are broke.
512
00:21:10,233 --> 00:21:13,685
♪ Lift the chorus,
speed it onward ♪
513
00:21:13,687 --> 00:21:18,305
♪ loud her praises tell ♪
514
00:21:18,307 --> 00:21:22,243
♪ hail to thee,
our alma mater ♪
515
00:21:22,245 --> 00:21:26,280
♪ hail, all hail, Cornell ♪
516
00:21:26,909 --> 00:21:28,000
Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com