1 00:00:08,090 --> 00:00:09,341 [Sighs] I'm having second thoughts 2 00:00:09,375 --> 00:00:11,426 about one of the shirts I packed. 3 00:00:11,477 --> 00:00:13,979 The blue one with the stripes. 4 00:00:14,013 --> 00:00:16,181 I'm sure it's fine. It's a blue shirt. 5 00:00:16,215 --> 00:00:18,650 Well, yeah, but I'm wondering if it's too blue. 6 00:00:18,684 --> 00:00:23,855 Like, am I making a statement with the blueness? 7 00:00:23,889 --> 00:00:27,091 I am leaving early today for Philly, 8 00:00:27,109 --> 00:00:30,829 because tomorrow is the first day of my new job. 9 00:00:30,863 --> 00:00:33,315 So I figure I'd get in at 5:00, 10 00:00:33,366 --> 00:00:35,867 check into a hotel at about 6:00 11 00:00:35,902 --> 00:00:37,652 so I can get a real good night 12 00:00:37,703 --> 00:00:40,522 of restless sleep and nervous puking. 13 00:00:40,556 --> 00:00:42,073 Uh, excuse me. Trying to get work done. 14 00:00:42,107 --> 00:00:44,209 Some people don't care about Jim's new sports job 15 00:00:44,243 --> 00:00:45,877 in Phila-whatever. 16 00:00:45,912 --> 00:00:48,580 So you know my job has something to do with sports, 17 00:00:48,614 --> 00:00:51,282 but you don't know the end of the word "Philadelphia"? 18 00:00:51,300 --> 00:00:52,651 Philadelphia. 19 00:00:52,685 --> 00:00:54,669 From the Greek philia, meaning "love," 20 00:00:54,720 --> 00:00:56,638 and adelph, meaning "Adolf." 21 00:00:56,672 --> 00:00:57,973 "The city that loves Adolf." 22 00:00:58,007 --> 00:01:00,008 Good luck with your new enterprise. 23 00:01:00,059 --> 00:01:01,726 And don't wear the blue striped shirt. 24 00:01:01,761 --> 00:01:05,230 It makes your neck look like an old mop handle. 25 00:01:07,650 --> 00:01:08,850 Oh... Hey, guys, 26 00:01:08,901 --> 00:01:10,902 the Christmas party is today. 27 00:01:10,937 --> 00:01:12,687 Merry Christmas, everyone! 28 00:01:12,738 --> 00:01:14,239 - No. - Is it? 29 00:01:14,273 --> 00:01:15,490 - I mean, it says "X-mas party," 30 00:01:15,524 --> 00:01:17,859 but I think we all know what that's code for. 31 00:01:17,910 --> 00:01:20,195 So we're not gonna have a Christmas party this year? 32 00:01:20,246 --> 00:01:22,163 Angela, how could you do this to us? 33 00:01:22,198 --> 00:01:24,082 Oh, right, like I'm responsible 34 00:01:24,116 --> 00:01:26,117 'cause I'm in charge of the party planning committee. 35 00:01:26,151 --> 00:01:27,919 Well, you are the one in charge of it. 36 00:01:27,954 --> 00:01:30,154 Don't blame me for something we all forgot. 37 00:01:30,172 --> 00:01:32,874 Yeah, let's not blame her for something we all forgot. 38 00:01:32,925 --> 00:01:36,160 I didn't realize how many of Angela's opinions I agreed with, 39 00:01:36,178 --> 00:01:37,996 until she tried to have my kneecap shattered 40 00:01:38,014 --> 00:01:39,431 for sleeping with her husband. 41 00:01:39,465 --> 00:01:42,784 She makes a lot of very sound points. 42 00:01:42,818 --> 00:01:44,019 I knew the party was today, 43 00:01:44,053 --> 00:01:46,104 but nobody asked me to plan it, so I didn't. 44 00:01:46,138 --> 00:01:47,806 Hmm, funny how that works. 45 00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:49,507 [Scoffs] We're out there 46 00:01:49,525 --> 00:01:51,476 sweating our balls off every day, 47 00:01:51,510 --> 00:01:52,777 bustin' our balls. 48 00:01:52,812 --> 00:01:54,446 We deserve a Christmas party! 49 00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:56,347 Well, then, why don't we just get some liquor 50 00:01:56,365 --> 00:01:59,701 - and those mini-cupcakes? - Mini-cupcakes? 51 00:01:59,735 --> 00:02:02,621 As in the mini version of regular cupcakes, 52 00:02:02,655 --> 00:02:05,373 which is already a mini version of cake? 53 00:02:05,408 --> 00:02:07,876 Honestly, where does it end with you people? 54 00:02:07,910 --> 00:02:10,528 What about an authentic Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas? 55 00:02:10,546 --> 00:02:12,330 Drink some gluhwein, 56 00:02:12,364 --> 00:02:13,882 enjoy some hasenpfeffer. 57 00:02:13,916 --> 00:02:16,551 Enjoy Christmas with Saint Nicolas' 58 00:02:16,585 --> 00:02:19,370 rural German companion, Belsnickel. 59 00:02:19,388 --> 00:02:22,424 Yes! That, that, that! 60 00:02:22,475 --> 00:02:24,926 We're definitely doing that. Are we all in agreement? 61 00:02:24,977 --> 00:02:25,977 - No. - No! 62 00:02:26,012 --> 00:02:27,562 - Done, right? - No. 63 00:02:27,596 --> 00:02:28,930 I want tropical Christmas. 64 00:02:28,981 --> 00:02:31,766 - Topless Christmas. - Tapas Swiss miss! 65 00:02:31,817 --> 00:02:35,153 Spanish tapas and Swiss miss hot cocoa-- 66 00:02:35,187 --> 00:02:36,955 what's so hard to understand? 67 00:02:36,989 --> 00:02:39,724 Or, who was it that suggested 68 00:02:39,742 --> 00:02:41,409 the authentic Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas? 69 00:02:41,444 --> 00:02:42,744 I think it was someone really popular. 70 00:02:42,778 --> 00:02:44,562 - We already said no. - No, no, no. 71 00:02:44,580 --> 00:02:45,830 Too weird. 72 00:02:45,865 --> 00:02:47,082 This is me and my family 73 00:02:47,116 --> 00:02:48,500 celebrating Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas 74 00:02:48,534 --> 00:02:50,335 in 1982 on the farm. 75 00:02:50,369 --> 00:02:52,070 There's me and my brother jeb 76 00:02:52,088 --> 00:02:53,905 breaking the ceremonial pig rib. 77 00:02:53,939 --> 00:02:56,508 He doesn't come back for Christmas anymore. 78 00:02:56,542 --> 00:02:59,577 The sepia tint is from an app on my phone. 79 00:02:59,595 --> 00:03:03,848 This is the same photo, Matrix style. 80 00:03:03,883 --> 00:03:05,300 I'm not understanding the confusion. 81 00:03:05,351 --> 00:03:06,685 Am I the only one who wants to try 82 00:03:06,719 --> 00:03:09,054 hufflepuffs and schnauzerhosen, 83 00:03:09,088 --> 00:03:10,254 and meet this glenpickle guy? 84 00:03:10,272 --> 00:03:11,523 [Shrill whistle blows] 85 00:03:11,557 --> 00:03:13,808 Party planning committee, emergency meeting. 86 00:03:13,859 --> 00:03:17,445 Now. 87 00:03:17,480 --> 00:03:19,764 - I'm on it. - Right. 88 00:03:19,782 --> 00:03:20,932 I'm just hoping German terrorists 89 00:03:20,950 --> 00:03:22,350 don't take over this Christmas party. 90 00:03:22,385 --> 00:03:24,736 Make me go all John McClane on their asses. 91 00:03:24,770 --> 00:03:27,155 Wait, German terrorists? That's oddly specific. 92 00:03:27,206 --> 00:03:29,624 And I think-- I think you mean John McCain. 93 00:03:29,658 --> 00:03:31,442 Die Hard reference. 94 00:03:31,460 --> 00:03:33,878 - I haven't seen it. - You haven't seen Die Hard? 95 00:03:33,913 --> 00:03:36,047 - Mm-mmm. - Why haven't you seen Die Hard? 96 00:03:36,082 --> 00:03:38,083 I don't know, I just haven't. 97 00:03:38,117 --> 00:03:40,451 Come on, you had to have at least seen some of it. 98 00:03:40,469 --> 00:03:41,469 No. 99 00:03:41,504 --> 00:03:44,723 "Now, I have a machine gun. 100 00:03:44,757 --> 00:03:46,674 Ho, ho, ho." 101 00:03:46,726 --> 00:03:48,226 [As Bruce Willis] "Come out to the coast, 102 00:03:48,260 --> 00:03:50,178 we'll get together, have a few laughs." 103 00:03:50,229 --> 00:03:52,480 None of this makes any sense to me! 104 00:03:52,515 --> 00:03:54,983 Oh, yeah, and when he takes the gun off his back, 105 00:03:55,017 --> 00:03:57,569 and he's like, "yippie-ki-yay, mother--" 106 00:03:57,603 --> 00:03:59,687 Actually, he doesn't say that there. 107 00:03:59,739 --> 00:04:04,025 He says it earlier when he's on the radio with Hans. 108 00:04:04,076 --> 00:04:06,644 Yes, you are right. Forgive me. 109 00:04:06,662 --> 00:04:08,747 - Oh, that's okay, bud. - Nope. 110 00:04:08,781 --> 00:04:10,582 - Common mistake. - No, it's not. 111 00:04:10,616 --> 00:04:12,200 Nerd! 112 00:04:12,251 --> 00:04:14,318 Do you know every line of the movie? 113 00:04:14,336 --> 00:04:16,087 My brother dared me to memorize it, 114 00:04:16,122 --> 00:04:18,923 and I did it, and I loved doing it. 115 00:04:18,958 --> 00:04:20,992 Okay, let's hear it. 116 00:04:21,010 --> 00:04:23,294 - Hear what? - Die Hard. 117 00:04:23,328 --> 00:04:25,663 Every line. Go. 118 00:04:25,681 --> 00:04:26,931 You don't like flying, do you? 119 00:04:26,966 --> 00:04:29,017 Don't change the subject. 120 00:04:29,051 --> 00:04:30,552 No, that's the-- 121 00:04:30,586 --> 00:04:31,970 Movie is starting. 122 00:04:32,004 --> 00:04:33,504 We're thinking of collaborating 123 00:04:33,522 --> 00:04:35,356 with Mike Schmidt on some of his charity work. 124 00:04:35,391 --> 00:04:37,892 I love Philly. Dirty town. 125 00:04:37,943 --> 00:04:40,812 Ah-ha-ha! Philly! 126 00:04:40,846 --> 00:04:44,199 - Exciting stuff, man. - Whoo! 127 00:04:44,233 --> 00:04:46,350 So you sure you remembered everything for your trip? 128 00:04:46,368 --> 00:04:50,321 - Yeah, I think so. - Think that through for a sec. 129 00:04:50,355 --> 00:04:52,157 Yeah, Jim's going to Philly tomorrow. 130 00:04:52,191 --> 00:04:53,408 He said he was gonna take me with him, 131 00:04:53,459 --> 00:04:54,876 but that was two months ago. 132 00:04:54,910 --> 00:04:57,445 And I haven't heard anything since. 133 00:04:57,480 --> 00:05:00,515 I mean, he said that, right? 134 00:05:00,549 --> 00:05:03,218 What else could you possibly be forgetting? 135 00:05:03,252 --> 00:05:06,037 - Uh-- - Things? People? 136 00:05:06,055 --> 00:05:07,538 [Chuckles nervously] 137 00:05:07,556 --> 00:05:09,424 You know who's not gonna get to work 138 00:05:09,475 --> 00:05:11,042 on some exciting new startup this year? 139 00:05:11,060 --> 00:05:13,311 George Howard Skub, 140 00:05:13,345 --> 00:05:16,264 AKA the alleged Scranton strangler, 141 00:05:16,315 --> 00:05:18,266 because he's in prison 142 00:05:18,317 --> 00:05:20,218 for something he may not have done. 143 00:05:20,236 --> 00:05:22,904 I'm sorry, the-- uh, the Scranton who? 144 00:05:22,938 --> 00:05:25,573 The Scranton strangler. George Howard Skub. 145 00:05:25,608 --> 00:05:26,891 Haven't I told you about the jury 146 00:05:26,909 --> 00:05:28,026 I was on a couple years ago? 147 00:05:28,060 --> 00:05:30,328 [Gasps] Oh, what happened? 148 00:05:30,362 --> 00:05:31,830 I mean, if you can talk about it, obviously. 149 00:05:31,864 --> 00:05:33,031 Because if you can't, I mean, I understand. 150 00:05:33,065 --> 00:05:37,168 I-- I could-- I could talk about it. 151 00:05:37,203 --> 00:05:38,402 See you next Christmas. 152 00:05:38,420 --> 00:05:39,704 I could, sure. Have a seat. 153 00:05:39,738 --> 00:05:41,422 I would start at the beginning, 154 00:05:41,457 --> 00:05:45,510 but I think I need to go farther back. 155 00:05:45,544 --> 00:05:47,595 We're the party planning committee, 156 00:05:47,630 --> 00:05:49,297 and we did not get where we are 157 00:05:49,348 --> 00:05:50,765 by playing it safe. 158 00:05:50,799 --> 00:05:52,717 We got here by being risk takers. 159 00:05:52,751 --> 00:05:54,969 And, yeah, 160 00:05:55,020 --> 00:05:57,856 Dwight's party is gonna be terrible. 161 00:05:57,890 --> 00:06:00,608 Maybe. 162 00:06:00,643 --> 00:06:04,028 Maybe it's not. 163 00:06:04,063 --> 00:06:05,947 Maybe it's going to be great. 164 00:06:05,981 --> 00:06:11,486 And, if it's great... 165 00:06:11,537 --> 00:06:12,954 I think we all know 166 00:06:12,988 --> 00:06:17,275 what that would mean to us. 167 00:06:17,293 --> 00:06:19,127 Let's do it. 168 00:06:19,161 --> 00:06:20,962 Yes. Phyllis! 169 00:06:20,996 --> 00:06:22,297 No. 170 00:06:22,331 --> 00:06:24,132 I don't want my name attached to this party. 171 00:06:24,166 --> 00:06:25,133 What does that even mean? 172 00:06:25,167 --> 00:06:26,284 Where would your name appear? 173 00:06:26,302 --> 00:06:27,302 Please just take my name 174 00:06:27,336 --> 00:06:28,419 off of everything. 175 00:06:28,453 --> 00:06:31,589 Just take her name off of everything. 176 00:06:31,623 --> 00:06:33,174 [Clears throat] 177 00:06:33,225 --> 00:06:35,760 The party planning committee, minus Angela, 178 00:06:35,794 --> 00:06:41,349 has decided that we're all going to do Dwight's Christmas. 179 00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:42,850 Yes! Yeah! 180 00:06:42,902 --> 00:06:44,903 Yeah! Okay! 181 00:06:44,937 --> 00:06:47,355 Yes! It's a Christmas miracle! 182 00:06:47,406 --> 00:06:48,823 Yeah! 183 00:06:48,857 --> 00:06:51,192 - Whoo-hoo! - Dwight, there is one rule 184 00:06:51,243 --> 00:06:53,027 that you need to take very seriously. 185 00:06:53,078 --> 00:06:54,946 - Uh-huh. - And that is... 186 00:06:54,980 --> 00:06:56,080 Uh-oh. 187 00:06:56,115 --> 00:06:57,498 That there are no rules. 188 00:06:57,533 --> 00:07:01,319 You have never been cooler. 189 00:07:01,337 --> 00:07:03,204 Best Christmas ever. 190 00:07:03,255 --> 00:07:06,507 - You're welcome. - Thank you. 191 00:07:11,943 --> 00:07:16,330 And Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas has officially begun. 192 00:07:16,382 --> 00:07:18,966 Ugh. What is this stuff, lava? 193 00:07:19,001 --> 00:07:21,952 That is gluhwein, otherwise known as glow-wine, 194 00:07:21,970 --> 00:07:23,921 also used to sterilize medical instruments. 195 00:07:23,955 --> 00:07:26,891 And, interesting factoid, 196 00:07:26,925 --> 00:07:29,477 this is the very spoon that guided my soft skull 197 00:07:29,511 --> 00:07:31,846 through the birth canal when I was born. 198 00:07:31,897 --> 00:07:33,798 - Enjoy. - What is it? 199 00:07:33,816 --> 00:07:35,933 Don't touch it. 200 00:07:35,967 --> 00:07:38,820 - Somebody's found the hog maw. - Oh! 201 00:07:38,854 --> 00:07:39,904 What? 202 00:07:39,938 --> 00:07:41,305 It's a Pennsylvania Dutch specialty. 203 00:07:41,323 --> 00:07:43,107 Hog maw. That's a beauty, isn't it? 204 00:07:43,141 --> 00:07:44,942 I don't even want to tell you what it's made of 205 00:07:44,976 --> 00:07:46,477 until after you try it. 206 00:07:46,495 --> 00:07:48,579 Ugh. I'm not eating mystery meat. 207 00:07:48,614 --> 00:07:50,198 It is stuffed pig stomach. 208 00:07:50,249 --> 00:07:52,667 And, after we finish it, we get to break the pig rib. 209 00:07:52,701 --> 00:07:54,035 - Can't wait. - Weird. 210 00:07:54,086 --> 00:07:55,653 Where are the sugar cookies? 211 00:07:55,671 --> 00:07:57,338 Where's the karaoke machine? 212 00:07:57,372 --> 00:07:59,156 This is austere, Meredith. 213 00:07:59,174 --> 00:08:03,177 This is celebrating Christmas for all of the right reasons. 214 00:08:03,212 --> 00:08:06,848 The cookies and toys and sweets are mere distractions. 215 00:08:06,882 --> 00:08:08,999 I mean, most people don't even know 216 00:08:09,017 --> 00:08:11,385 that a candy cane represents a shepherd's crook, 217 00:08:11,437 --> 00:08:13,855 which I assure you does not taste like peppermint. 218 00:08:13,889 --> 00:08:15,339 It tastes like sheep feces. 219 00:08:15,357 --> 00:08:16,724 How would anyone even know-- 220 00:08:16,775 --> 00:08:18,175 Have you ever tasted a shepherd's crook? 221 00:08:18,193 --> 00:08:19,944 I don't know. Is it what you expected? 222 00:08:19,978 --> 00:08:23,397 I feel like-- Dwight is holding a candle 223 00:08:23,449 --> 00:08:25,867 and reading a poem. 224 00:08:25,901 --> 00:08:29,620 So happy right now. 225 00:08:29,655 --> 00:08:33,858 [Speaking German] 226 00:08:33,876 --> 00:08:35,409 Wait, what is that I hear? 227 00:08:35,461 --> 00:08:36,861 Is someone on the roof? 228 00:08:36,879 --> 00:08:38,746 How strange. 229 00:08:38,797 --> 00:08:41,666 Excuse me. I have to run to my car 230 00:08:41,700 --> 00:08:44,201 to take a dump. 231 00:08:45,871 --> 00:08:48,539 I wish my car had a bathroom. 232 00:08:48,557 --> 00:08:49,874 "Let Heinrich plant the detonators 233 00:08:49,892 --> 00:08:51,142 and Theo prepare the vault. 234 00:08:51,176 --> 00:08:53,594 - After that--" - Eh. That wasn't the line. 235 00:08:53,645 --> 00:08:55,429 I'm sorry, Pete. 236 00:08:55,481 --> 00:08:57,115 That is transcribed by some fan. 237 00:08:57,149 --> 00:08:58,616 They make mistakes. 238 00:08:58,650 --> 00:09:01,285 I don't know. This looks pretty legit. 239 00:09:01,319 --> 00:09:02,670 [Cell phone chimes] 240 00:09:02,704 --> 00:09:05,656 Oh, my gosh. I just got an email from Andy. 241 00:09:05,674 --> 00:09:07,592 That means they hit land. 242 00:09:07,626 --> 00:09:09,961 "What up, shorty? We got in last night, 243 00:09:09,995 --> 00:09:13,264 sold the boat, went out, got drunk, 244 00:09:13,298 --> 00:09:16,350 saw Life of Pi, got super depressed 245 00:09:16,385 --> 00:09:18,803 and introspective. 246 00:09:18,837 --> 00:09:21,038 Gonna hang out here a while. 247 00:09:21,073 --> 00:09:22,824 Maybe a couple of weeks. 248 00:09:22,858 --> 00:09:26,043 Figure this whole life thing out. 249 00:09:26,061 --> 00:09:29,430 Maybe see Hobbit. Lates." 250 00:09:31,883 --> 00:09:33,851 Hey. Everything okay? 251 00:09:33,885 --> 00:09:36,220 So what comes next? 252 00:09:36,238 --> 00:09:39,941 Right, um, okay. 253 00:09:39,992 --> 00:09:42,743 So he says, "after we call the police, 254 00:09:42,778 --> 00:09:44,779 they'll waste hours trying to negotiate--" 255 00:09:44,830 --> 00:09:46,447 We should just watch the movie. 256 00:09:46,498 --> 00:09:47,565 That makes much more sense. 257 00:09:47,583 --> 00:09:49,784 Or we can just sit and talk, though. 258 00:09:49,835 --> 00:09:50,868 No. No more talking. 259 00:09:50,902 --> 00:09:51,919 It's movie time. 260 00:09:51,954 --> 00:09:55,590 I mean, are you sure... 261 00:09:55,624 --> 00:09:58,409 Yeah, I probably have a copy or two in my car. 262 00:09:58,427 --> 00:09:59,877 Oh, great. Great! 263 00:09:59,911 --> 00:10:01,512 So we're watching Die Hard, now. 264 00:10:01,547 --> 00:10:03,381 Good! This is a good plan. 265 00:10:03,415 --> 00:10:05,049 Okay. 266 00:10:05,083 --> 00:10:07,218 Here's the thing about moonlight. 267 00:10:07,252 --> 00:10:09,086 It's not sunlight. 268 00:10:09,104 --> 00:10:11,755 [Mouth full] I love this hog mama. 269 00:10:11,773 --> 00:10:13,307 Dwight said it's "hog maw." 270 00:10:13,358 --> 00:10:14,525 [Chokes] 271 00:10:14,560 --> 00:10:15,943 What is maw? 272 00:10:15,978 --> 00:10:18,112 It's the lining of the stomach of-- 273 00:10:18,146 --> 00:10:19,197 [Cackling] Ohh... 274 00:10:19,231 --> 00:10:20,982 [German accent] Judgment is nigh, 275 00:10:21,033 --> 00:10:23,401 for the Belsnickel ist I! 276 00:10:23,435 --> 00:10:25,453 Yes, he is finally nigh. 277 00:10:25,487 --> 00:10:27,455 I am nigh! 278 00:10:27,489 --> 00:10:29,940 Every year, my grandfather would dress up as Belsnickel 279 00:10:29,958 --> 00:10:30,958 at Christmas. 280 00:10:30,993 --> 00:10:34,462 He was... okay at it. 281 00:10:34,496 --> 00:10:36,581 I am great. 282 00:10:36,615 --> 00:10:38,449 You know how they say some people were born to be bad? 283 00:10:38,467 --> 00:10:42,003 Well, I was born to be Belsnickel. 284 00:10:42,054 --> 00:10:44,005 Ohh, Belsnickel 285 00:10:44,056 --> 00:10:46,257 has traveled from distant lands 286 00:10:46,291 --> 00:10:48,459 to discover how all the boys and the girls 287 00:10:48,477 --> 00:10:50,478 have been behaving this last year. 288 00:10:50,512 --> 00:10:53,764 Whoo hoo hoo hoo hoo! Ohh... too much strudel. 289 00:10:53,798 --> 00:10:56,851 So he's kind of like Santa, except dirty and worse. 290 00:10:56,902 --> 00:10:58,802 No, much better-- no one fears Santa 291 00:10:58,820 --> 00:11:00,655 the way they fear Belsnickel. 292 00:11:00,689 --> 00:11:02,356 Wow. It's my favorite part of Christmas. 293 00:11:02,407 --> 00:11:03,407 The authority. 294 00:11:03,442 --> 00:11:05,359 - And the fear. - Yes, exactly! 295 00:11:05,410 --> 00:11:07,278 Come on, Dwight, you're making this up. 296 00:11:07,312 --> 00:11:09,363 - No... - This is a real thing. 297 00:11:09,414 --> 00:11:11,866 "Belsnickel is a crotchety, fur-clad gift giver 298 00:11:11,917 --> 00:11:14,201 related to other companions of St. Nicholas 299 00:11:14,253 --> 00:11:16,320 in the folklore of Southwestern Germany." 300 00:11:16,338 --> 00:11:17,622 - Ah. - Wow. 301 00:11:17,656 --> 00:11:19,123 Okay, great. Seriously, you guys? 302 00:11:19,157 --> 00:11:20,791 Now you believe in Dwight's traditions, 303 00:11:20,825 --> 00:11:22,843 when some Democrat looks it up on Wikipedia? 304 00:11:22,878 --> 00:11:27,815 "His partner, Zwarte Piet, or Black Peter, a slave boy, 305 00:11:27,849 --> 00:11:31,602 often portrayed in colorful pantaloons and blackface." 306 00:11:31,636 --> 00:11:34,355 Uh-uh. No, Dwight. No. 307 00:11:34,406 --> 00:11:35,823 Oh, come on. 308 00:11:35,857 --> 00:11:38,309 We don't blindly stick to every outmoded aspect 309 00:11:38,327 --> 00:11:39,577 of our traditions. 310 00:11:39,611 --> 00:11:42,530 Come on, get with the spirit of it, you guys. 311 00:11:46,585 --> 00:11:47,835 [Phone blips] 312 00:11:47,869 --> 00:11:49,920 [Cell phone buzzes] 313 00:11:57,162 --> 00:11:58,462 [Suspenseful music] 314 00:11:58,497 --> 00:11:59,830 Okay, Karl was actually 315 00:11:59,848 --> 00:12:01,849 a ballet dancer in real life. 316 00:12:01,883 --> 00:12:04,302 - Isn't that crazy? - Mm. [Chuckles] 317 00:12:06,855 --> 00:12:09,223 Jim, that guy. 318 00:12:09,274 --> 00:12:10,391 [Scoffs] 319 00:12:10,442 --> 00:12:12,226 You gotta stick to your word! 320 00:12:12,277 --> 00:12:14,478 Like when you say something to a buddy, 321 00:12:14,512 --> 00:12:16,981 a real buddy... 322 00:12:17,015 --> 00:12:18,699 what are you gonna do, lie? 323 00:12:18,734 --> 00:12:19,817 To your buddy? 324 00:12:19,851 --> 00:12:22,019 [Sighs] It's awful. 325 00:12:22,037 --> 00:12:24,071 Take a bowl and pass it down. 326 00:12:24,122 --> 00:12:25,740 Thank you, Dwight. These are nice. 327 00:12:25,791 --> 00:12:26,907 No, these are gift bowls. 328 00:12:26,958 --> 00:12:29,043 When you receive a gift, it will go in the bowl, 329 00:12:29,077 --> 00:12:30,361 but the bowls must be returned at the end. 330 00:12:30,379 --> 00:12:31,412 They're a set. 331 00:12:31,463 --> 00:12:34,498 Now, hold your bowls forward. 332 00:12:34,532 --> 00:12:38,169 The Belsnickel will decide if you are impish 333 00:12:38,203 --> 00:12:39,720 or admirable. 334 00:12:39,755 --> 00:12:41,555 Oh, it's like naughty or nice. 335 00:12:41,590 --> 00:12:43,724 No, impish or admirable. 336 00:12:43,759 --> 00:12:45,042 Quick question-- do you just decide 337 00:12:45,060 --> 00:12:47,044 who gets what in the moment, or did you make a list? 338 00:12:47,062 --> 00:12:49,546 - I decided earlier. - Oh. Nice. 339 00:12:49,564 --> 00:12:51,715 - Did you check that list? - Of course I checked it. 340 00:12:51,733 --> 00:12:53,234 But more than once? 'Cause you could have made a mistake. 341 00:12:53,268 --> 00:12:55,019 - I checked it more than once. - Okay, so you made a list, 342 00:12:55,053 --> 00:12:57,554 you checked it twice, and now you're gonna find out who's-- 343 00:12:57,572 --> 00:12:58,823 Impish or admirable. 344 00:12:58,857 --> 00:12:59,824 Damn. 345 00:12:59,858 --> 00:13:02,193 Phyllis Vance! Cheer or fear? 346 00:13:02,227 --> 00:13:03,394 Belsnickel is here. 347 00:13:03,412 --> 00:13:07,081 I judge your year as... 348 00:13:07,115 --> 00:13:10,084 admirable. 349 00:13:10,118 --> 00:13:11,619 There you are. 350 00:13:11,670 --> 00:13:13,037 Oh. What are these? 351 00:13:13,071 --> 00:13:15,239 It's a set of rubber gaskets for canning jars. 352 00:13:15,257 --> 00:13:18,042 - I'd rather have the bowl. - You can't have the bowl! 353 00:13:18,076 --> 00:13:19,794 Oscar Martinez, 354 00:13:19,845 --> 00:13:21,929 cheer or fear? 355 00:13:21,963 --> 00:13:23,297 Belsnickel is here. 356 00:13:23,348 --> 00:13:26,934 I judge your year... 357 00:13:26,968 --> 00:13:28,135 as impish! 358 00:13:28,186 --> 00:13:30,971 Ow! You hit people with that thing? 359 00:13:31,022 --> 00:13:32,089 No, I'm carrying around the stick 360 00:13:32,107 --> 00:13:33,557 in order to look cool. 361 00:13:33,591 --> 00:13:34,725 For the kinder. 362 00:13:34,759 --> 00:13:35,976 Ooh. 363 00:13:36,027 --> 00:13:36,977 Mouse trap. 364 00:13:37,028 --> 00:13:38,396 In a head-to-head contest, 365 00:13:38,430 --> 00:13:41,315 people prefer Belsnickel over Santa every time. 366 00:13:41,366 --> 00:13:42,616 There aren't as many songs about him, 367 00:13:42,651 --> 00:13:45,403 but I attribute that more to rhyming difficulties. 368 00:13:45,437 --> 00:13:47,071 My brother and I wrote one once. 369 00:13:47,105 --> 00:13:48,906 It was about a fickle pickle salesman 370 00:13:48,940 --> 00:13:50,607 who would tickle you for a nickel. 371 00:13:52,544 --> 00:13:53,911 [Giggling] Oh, you know what? 372 00:13:53,945 --> 00:13:55,746 - I gotta go. - Stop giggling. 373 00:13:55,780 --> 00:13:57,281 Oh, really? Already? 374 00:13:57,299 --> 00:13:58,416 - Yeah, it's all right. - It's a punishment. 375 00:13:58,450 --> 00:13:59,417 Hey, where are you going? 376 00:13:59,451 --> 00:14:01,118 I have to go to Philly. 377 00:14:01,136 --> 00:14:02,503 But this was amazing. 378 00:14:02,554 --> 00:14:04,088 - Okay? - But you work tomorrow. 379 00:14:04,122 --> 00:14:05,172 Yeah, I know, I'd just like to settle in 380 00:14:05,223 --> 00:14:06,290 and get a good night's sleep. 381 00:14:06,308 --> 00:14:07,925 But we were gonna break the pig rib. 382 00:14:07,959 --> 00:14:09,427 - Ohh. - Remember? 383 00:14:09,461 --> 00:14:11,846 That's right. 384 00:14:11,897 --> 00:14:14,098 No matter! Belsnickel cares not 385 00:14:14,132 --> 00:14:16,434 about this-- off with you! 386 00:14:16,468 --> 00:14:18,152 Perfect. Merry Christmas, everybody. 387 00:14:18,186 --> 00:14:19,653 Wait, wait, wait, wait! 388 00:14:19,688 --> 00:14:21,305 Don't you want to know your present? 389 00:14:21,323 --> 00:14:23,274 You know what? Yeah. Have at it. 390 00:14:23,308 --> 00:14:26,193 Jim Halpert, cheer or fear? 391 00:14:26,244 --> 00:14:28,162 Belsnickel is here. 392 00:14:28,196 --> 00:14:30,314 I judge your year as impish. 393 00:14:30,332 --> 00:14:32,116 Ohh! Are you nuts? 394 00:14:32,150 --> 00:14:33,317 - I judge you impish! - Ow! Ow! 395 00:14:33,335 --> 00:14:34,502 Okay, that is three, 396 00:14:34,536 --> 00:14:35,986 and you didn't hit anybody that hard. 397 00:14:36,004 --> 00:14:37,204 They're not abandoning the party. 398 00:14:37,255 --> 00:14:38,622 Just-- just-- hey! 399 00:14:38,656 --> 00:14:40,324 [Shouts indistinctly] That's enough, I'm done! 400 00:14:40,342 --> 00:14:41,959 - Okay? Agh! - Impish! 401 00:14:41,993 --> 00:14:44,044 Aah! Ow! 402 00:14:44,095 --> 00:14:47,181 Belsnickel, I gotta run out early too. 403 00:14:47,215 --> 00:14:49,683 [All groan] 404 00:14:49,718 --> 00:14:52,686 Oh... what was that? 405 00:14:52,721 --> 00:14:56,507 Now I'm gonna be all whipped for my first day at work. 406 00:14:56,525 --> 00:14:59,860 God. 407 00:14:59,895 --> 00:15:01,812 One second. 408 00:15:01,846 --> 00:15:03,697 - Oh... - Well... 409 00:15:03,732 --> 00:15:05,733 this is it. 410 00:15:05,784 --> 00:15:07,851 I'm probably never gonna see you again. 411 00:15:07,869 --> 00:15:10,354 Shut up. I'm trying to be serious. 412 00:15:10,372 --> 00:15:13,741 Okay, sorry, sorry. 413 00:15:13,792 --> 00:15:16,076 I can't believe this is actually happening. 414 00:15:16,127 --> 00:15:17,878 Listen, thank you so much 415 00:15:17,913 --> 00:15:19,580 for putting that all together. 416 00:15:19,631 --> 00:15:22,366 That was the perfect last Christmas party. 417 00:15:25,253 --> 00:15:26,921 All right, wish me luck? 418 00:15:26,972 --> 00:15:29,056 Okay. 419 00:15:29,090 --> 00:15:30,891 Good luck. You're gonna be great. 420 00:15:30,926 --> 00:15:32,042 I'll call you when I get in. 421 00:15:32,060 --> 00:15:33,928 - Okay. - All right. 422 00:15:33,979 --> 00:15:35,930 - Love you. - Love you. 423 00:15:45,106 --> 00:15:47,992 [Laughter, indistinct chatter] 424 00:16:04,175 --> 00:16:05,876 [Elevator bell dings] 425 00:16:05,910 --> 00:16:07,711 - What's going on? - Party's over. 426 00:16:07,745 --> 00:16:11,915 You quit on Christmas, Christmas quits on you. 427 00:16:11,933 --> 00:16:14,018 And guess what, kids. 428 00:16:14,052 --> 00:16:17,938 Belsnickel isn't real. It's me, Dwight! 429 00:16:22,008 --> 00:16:24,608 We found some old decorations on the warehouse. 430 00:16:24,609 --> 00:16:27,227 Oscar ran to the store for some food and drink, 431 00:16:27,278 --> 00:16:29,312 and I dipped into my stash of eggnog. 432 00:16:29,346 --> 00:16:31,114 I guess they needed me after all. 433 00:16:31,149 --> 00:16:33,016 It's like in It's a Wonderful Life 434 00:16:33,034 --> 00:16:35,252 when Jimmy Stewart realizes that all those people 435 00:16:35,286 --> 00:16:37,304 at the building and loan were just jerks, 436 00:16:37,338 --> 00:16:39,072 and he was the real hero. 437 00:16:39,107 --> 00:16:42,709 Kevin. Kevin! Aaah. Stop it! 438 00:16:42,743 --> 00:16:45,128 Oh, it sounds like the party's 439 00:16:45,163 --> 00:16:47,214 - starting up out there. - Yeah. 440 00:16:47,248 --> 00:16:51,518 So anyway, the entire jury wants me to vote guilty. 441 00:16:51,552 --> 00:16:53,753 But then I did a little research of my own, 442 00:16:53,805 --> 00:16:55,889 and forget everything you thought you knew 443 00:16:55,923 --> 00:16:57,340 about fingerprinting. 444 00:16:57,374 --> 00:16:59,509 Meredith's a little cute. 445 00:16:59,543 --> 00:17:02,229 I'm just realizing. 446 00:17:02,263 --> 00:17:04,564 She got, like, a Emma Stone thing. 447 00:17:04,599 --> 00:17:07,567 [We Wish You a Merry Christmas playing] 448 00:17:07,602 --> 00:17:09,236 ♪ 449 00:17:09,270 --> 00:17:12,656 Boo! 450 00:17:25,069 --> 00:17:28,038 For what it's worth, I liked your party better. 451 00:17:28,072 --> 00:17:29,572 Everyone thought the food was gross, 452 00:17:29,590 --> 00:17:32,742 and that Belsnickel was some darkly erotic freak. 453 00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:35,929 I don't think anyone thought that. 454 00:17:35,963 --> 00:17:38,798 Jim couldn't even stay till the end of the party. 455 00:17:38,850 --> 00:17:40,884 Well, that didn't have anything to do with you. 456 00:17:40,918 --> 00:17:43,103 I don't care. Guess how much I care 457 00:17:43,137 --> 00:17:44,804 - on a scale of one to ten. - Zero. 458 00:17:44,856 --> 00:17:46,606 Damn it! 459 00:17:54,765 --> 00:17:58,885 I'm gonna tell Jim to go fuck himself. 460 00:17:58,920 --> 00:18:01,821 [Groaning] 461 00:18:01,873 --> 00:18:05,325 Do you think Andy would ever jump off an exploding building 462 00:18:05,376 --> 00:18:08,611 tied to a hose for me? 463 00:18:08,629 --> 00:18:12,582 Yeah. Definitely. 464 00:18:12,616 --> 00:18:15,752 [Explosions, screams on TV] 465 00:18:15,786 --> 00:18:18,638 [Sobs] 466 00:18:18,673 --> 00:18:20,390 Hey, what's-- 467 00:18:20,424 --> 00:18:22,959 oh, no, come here. Hey, hey. 468 00:18:22,977 --> 00:18:26,229 Come on, huh? 469 00:18:30,601 --> 00:18:32,435 I'm still Andy's girlfriend. 470 00:18:32,469 --> 00:18:35,438 Oh, yeah, of course. I know. 471 00:18:35,472 --> 00:18:38,275 But you can leave your arm. 472 00:18:44,415 --> 00:18:49,452 [Overlapping chatter] 473 00:18:49,486 --> 00:18:50,954 Dwight, want me to get you some eggnog? 474 00:18:50,988 --> 00:18:53,673 No, thanks. I'll just have another Dumatril. 475 00:18:53,708 --> 00:18:56,343 Jim taught me this really cool way to take it. 476 00:18:56,377 --> 00:18:59,162 You crush it into a powder, and you snort it up your butt. 477 00:18:59,180 --> 00:19:00,630 Yep, I did say that. 478 00:19:00,664 --> 00:19:02,682 - Jim! - What's going on? 479 00:19:02,717 --> 00:19:03,934 Where's the Belsnickel? 480 00:19:03,968 --> 00:19:05,001 Oh-- 481 00:19:05,019 --> 00:19:08,388 oh, my God! 482 00:19:08,439 --> 00:19:10,673 What are you doing? 483 00:19:10,691 --> 00:19:12,559 Last time I saw you, you were whipping me out of the building. 484 00:19:12,610 --> 00:19:14,677 Shh. Let's not speak of that. 485 00:19:14,695 --> 00:19:16,363 The pig rib. 486 00:19:16,397 --> 00:19:18,181 We could totally break the pig rib! 487 00:19:18,199 --> 00:19:21,201 I'm gonna dig it out of the trash. 488 00:19:21,235 --> 00:19:24,020 What happened? Did you miss your bus? 489 00:19:24,038 --> 00:19:26,656 No. I just missed my wife. 490 00:19:28,459 --> 00:19:29,576 I found it! 491 00:19:29,627 --> 00:19:31,244 And I found out 492 00:19:31,295 --> 00:19:32,712 that there's a bus at 5:00 AM. 493 00:19:32,747 --> 00:19:37,083 [All cheering and chanting] 494 00:19:42,723 --> 00:19:43,723 Oh! 495 00:19:43,758 --> 00:19:46,760 [All groan] 496 00:19:46,811 --> 00:19:48,895 Damn it! 497 00:19:48,929 --> 00:19:52,349 Jim got the bigger half. 498 00:19:52,383 --> 00:19:53,716 Back for more, huh? 499 00:19:53,734 --> 00:19:57,387 Ooh, nog it. Let me get some nog. 500 00:19:57,421 --> 00:20:00,607 [Indistinct chatter] 501 00:20:00,641 --> 00:20:03,360 Thanks, Phyllis. Where's Andy? 502 00:20:03,394 --> 00:20:06,529 - You! - Oh, hey, man. 503 00:20:06,563 --> 00:20:07,947 Oh, you know what? Before I forget again, 504 00:20:07,999 --> 00:20:09,899 I talked to the guys about hiring you. 505 00:20:09,917 --> 00:20:14,037 They're gonna bring you in for an interview. 506 00:20:18,876 --> 00:20:20,093 That's great. 507 00:20:20,127 --> 00:20:21,544 Right? 508 00:20:21,578 --> 00:20:24,714 - Thanks, man. - Hey, of course. 509 00:20:24,748 --> 00:20:27,550 I shall come by at your convenience. 510 00:20:27,584 --> 00:20:29,052 Thank you, sir. 511 00:20:29,086 --> 00:20:31,087 - Whoo! - Go get 'em. 512 00:20:31,105 --> 00:20:33,256 Oh! Whoa! [Alarmed shouts] 513 00:20:35,026 --> 00:20:38,194 [Alarmed shouts] 514 00:20:38,229 --> 00:20:40,096 Very impish. 515 00:20:49,595 --> 00:20:55,000 Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com 516 00:20:55,433 --> 00:20:58,055 Two dimes, seven nickels-- well, okay, 517 00:20:58,073 --> 00:20:59,157 no, that doesn't add up. 518 00:20:59,191 --> 00:21:02,827 - It was one quarter and-- - Shh. 519 00:21:02,862 --> 00:21:03,862 What? I was just explaining-- 520 00:21:03,896 --> 00:21:05,864 Shh. 521 00:21:05,898 --> 00:21:07,165 - Why wouldn't it-- - Shh. 522 00:21:07,199 --> 00:21:13,070 - But why? - No... more... talking. 523 00:21:13,088 --> 00:21:15,456 Are you gonna kiss me? 524 00:21:15,508 --> 00:21:20,244 Yes.