1 00:00:02,418 --> 00:00:06,213 Everybody, everybody, listen up. I need your ideas now. 2 00:00:06,297 --> 00:00:08,674 Ideas, please, right now. Go, go! Come on! 3 00:00:08,758 --> 00:00:10,384 Michael, we don't know what you're talking about. 4 00:00:10,468 --> 00:00:12,344 Wet cement outside. It's drying fast. 5 00:00:12,428 --> 00:00:16,056 Come on, this is a lifelong dream. What do I write? What do I write? 6 00:00:16,140 --> 00:00:17,766 Michael, you could put your initials in it. 7 00:00:17,850 --> 00:00:19,393 M.G.S. No. 8 00:00:19,477 --> 00:00:23,977 Some idiot named Mark Greg Schputnick will claim credit for it. I don't... 9 00:00:24,649 --> 00:00:26,484 That is true. Once in a lifetime opportunity, people. 10 00:00:26,567 --> 00:00:27,609 - Come on! - Well... 11 00:00:27,693 --> 00:00:29,611 Here we go! Yes? 12 00:00:29,695 --> 00:00:30,946 When I was a little girl... 13 00:00:31,030 --> 00:00:32,823 Okay. 14 00:00:32,907 --> 00:00:35,242 Okay, do it! Come on, great! Let's hear it! 15 00:00:35,326 --> 00:00:36,827 We found some wet cement... 16 00:00:36,911 --> 00:00:38,954 It's drying, it's drying. ...in the park in our neighborhood... 17 00:00:39,038 --> 00:00:40,080 All right, come on! 18 00:00:40,164 --> 00:00:41,665 Come on, Phyllis! What did we write? 19 00:00:41,749 --> 00:00:43,292 Oh! Come on! 20 00:00:43,376 --> 00:00:45,378 No! Here it is. You draw a picture. 21 00:00:45,461 --> 00:00:47,004 "Cause that says so much more than words. 22 00:00:47,088 --> 00:00:48,089 No, no! 23 00:00:48,172 --> 00:00:49,173 Come on, give me something good! 24 00:00:49,257 --> 00:00:50,341 Okay, I was watching E! 25 00:00:50,424 --> 00:00:52,676 And I saw Will Smith outside the Chinese Theater, 26 00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:53,844 and, oh, my God, he looked so good. 27 00:00:53,928 --> 00:00:55,095 Pam, translate. 28 00:00:55,179 --> 00:00:57,848 She's talking about the handprints that celebrities make in the cement. 29 00:00:57,932 --> 00:00:58,974 I love it! 30 00:00:59,058 --> 00:01:00,642 If you were a real star, you'd put your face in it. 31 00:01:00,726 --> 00:01:01,727 I love it more! 32 00:01:01,811 --> 00:01:02,895 Michael, that doesn't seem safe... 33 00:01:02,979 --> 00:01:05,189 I love it! 34 00:01:06,607 --> 00:01:07,858 - Come on, let's go! - Come on! 35 00:01:11,529 --> 00:01:15,324 We are here today not to immortalize a man, but an idea. 36 00:01:16,492 --> 00:01:17,951 Maybe the idea of a man. 37 00:01:18,035 --> 00:01:19,244 Hurry, please. 38 00:01:19,328 --> 00:01:21,246 Greatness is only skin deep, some people say. 39 00:01:21,330 --> 00:01:22,748 Can you breathe? Well, that's not true. 40 00:01:22,832 --> 00:01:23,874 Other people believe it's deep down inside. 41 00:01:23,958 --> 00:01:25,042 Hold your breath. 42 00:01:25,126 --> 00:01:26,210 And in this case, that's also not true. 43 00:01:26,294 --> 00:01:28,379 Ready? And... 44 00:01:28,462 --> 00:01:29,504 Go! 45 00:01:29,589 --> 00:01:31,048 Force it in as deep as you can. 46 00:01:31,132 --> 00:01:32,883 That's what she said. 47 00:01:32,967 --> 00:01:36,679 Today's a very special day for me. And it's really not about me. 48 00:01:36,762 --> 00:01:40,223 It's about my grandkids. It's about my great-grandkids. 49 00:01:40,683 --> 00:01:43,602 I can come back here when I'm 100, 50 00:01:43,686 --> 00:01:47,189 and I can find that piece of cement and say, 51 00:01:47,273 --> 00:01:51,026 "That's me. Look, kids. Your daddy left that face hole.” 52 00:01:52,194 --> 00:01:54,696 I don't know. It's a good feeling. 53 00:02:16,177 --> 00:02:17,219 Okay. 54 00:02:17,803 --> 00:02:18,887 Adjective. 55 00:02:20,389 --> 00:02:23,100 "Tall." No, no, "Nice." 56 00:02:24,185 --> 00:02:26,770 Good one. Okay. You ready? 57 00:02:26,854 --> 00:02:27,855 Mmm-hmm. 58 00:02:28,397 --> 00:02:32,526 "The tall man entered the nice building, 59 00:02:32,610 --> 00:02:36,488 "to visit a very nice man. 60 00:02:37,490 --> 00:02:41,990 "'Sit down, Mr. Smith. Can I interest you in any good cat food?"" 61 00:02:45,081 --> 00:02:47,041 It's a man eating cat food! 62 00:02:47,124 --> 00:02:48,917 What about a cat eating man food? 63 00:02:49,627 --> 00:02:52,046 Andy and Angela seem very happy. 64 00:02:52,129 --> 00:02:54,965 I hope nothing horrible ever happens to them. 65 00:03:01,430 --> 00:03:05,892 Yeah, I slept over at a friend's house, and... 66 00:03:06,227 --> 00:03:10,272 I forgot my contact solution, so I had to wear my back-up glasses. 67 00:03:12,692 --> 00:03:13,693 Shut up. 68 00:03:14,276 --> 00:03:15,944 All right, everybody. 69 00:03:16,070 --> 00:03:20,240 Oh, my God. Pam, those make you look so ugly. 70 00:03:20,950 --> 00:03:23,494 Pam, in order to get hotter, you take glasses off. 71 00:03:23,577 --> 00:03:25,537 You're moving in the wrong direction. 72 00:03:25,621 --> 00:03:27,289 I don't have my contacts... 73 00:03:27,456 --> 00:03:29,249 I can't even hear you. 74 00:03:29,375 --> 00:03:32,002 It's just noise coming out of an ugly scientist. 75 00:03:32,503 --> 00:03:35,631 Everybody, we're gonna have a little brainstorming session 76 00:03:35,715 --> 00:03:37,091 in the conference room. 77 00:03:37,174 --> 00:03:38,800 Energize. 78 00:03:39,885 --> 00:03:41,803 You know what would energize me? 79 00:03:42,513 --> 00:03:45,140 If you, Pamela Morgan Beesly... 80 00:03:45,224 --> 00:03:46,266 Don't you, don't you... 81 00:03:46,350 --> 00:03:48,643 If you propose to me during a Michael meeting, I will say no. 82 00:03:48,728 --> 00:03:51,230 Well, it's too late, because I'm proposing 83 00:03:51,313 --> 00:03:54,482 that you get me a cup of coffee, which would energize me greatly 84 00:03:54,567 --> 00:03:56,277 and make me the happiest man in the world. 85 00:03:56,360 --> 00:04:00,860 Everybody, so how are we going to energize our office? 86 00:04:00,990 --> 00:04:03,575 I mean, I haven't done anything since Christmas. 87 00:04:03,659 --> 00:04:07,079 Pam clearly has just given up trying. 88 00:04:07,163 --> 00:04:09,373 So what we need to do is we need to get things going. 89 00:04:09,457 --> 00:04:13,711 We need to get percolating a little bit. Anybody have any ideas what we could do? 90 00:04:13,794 --> 00:04:15,587 Any suggestions? Yes, Andy? 91 00:04:15,671 --> 00:04:19,633 What if we changed our outgoing answering machine message 92 00:04:19,717 --> 00:04:23,554 so it just had a little more zing and a little more pep? 93 00:04:23,637 --> 00:04:26,973 Zing and pep. Those are the kind of words we're looking for. Yes, Jim. 94 00:04:27,057 --> 00:04:29,934 What about if we did an even newer voicemail message 95 00:04:30,019 --> 00:04:31,937 that had even more zing and pep? 96 00:04:32,021 --> 00:04:34,940 Now we're cooking, I like this. Maybe a whole theme. 97 00:04:35,024 --> 00:04:37,109 Like a rap... A rap rhyme. An urban thing. 98 00:04:37,193 --> 00:04:40,487 An urban... Yeah, Stanley, you want to help us out with that? 99 00:04:40,571 --> 00:04:41,697 Stanley! Earth to Stanley. 100 00:04:41,781 --> 00:04:42,782 Not me. 101 00:04:42,865 --> 00:04:45,784 Yes, you. Come on, Stanley, put your little game down 102 00:04:45,868 --> 00:04:47,035 and join the group. 103 00:04:47,119 --> 00:04:48,161 No. 104 00:04:48,245 --> 00:04:49,412 Stanley, we're having... 105 00:04:49,497 --> 00:04:50,581 Leave me alone, damn it. 106 00:04:50,664 --> 00:04:52,332 We're having a brainstorm session. 107 00:04:52,416 --> 00:04:53,959 Did I stutter? 108 00:05:00,424 --> 00:05:04,010 Good. This is good. I'm going to grab a glass of water. 109 00:05:10,184 --> 00:05:11,768 Can I talk to you a second? 110 00:05:11,852 --> 00:05:13,228 What? 111 00:05:14,855 --> 00:05:19,109 I really think that you need to address what happened with Stanley this morning. 112 00:05:19,193 --> 00:05:22,446 What are you blabbering about? Nothing happened. 113 00:05:22,530 --> 00:05:25,449 Well, you know, Stanley was openly insubordinate. 114 00:05:25,533 --> 00:05:26,784 That, in the conference room? 115 00:05:26,867 --> 00:05:28,076 Yeah. 116 00:05:28,160 --> 00:05:30,745 We were joshing around, the two of us. 117 00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:32,706 And he said, "Did I stutter?" 118 00:05:32,790 --> 00:05:35,959 And I said, "What, dawg?" 119 00:05:36,043 --> 00:05:39,212 It was joking, Toby, all right? 120 00:05:39,296 --> 00:05:40,505 He didn't seem like he was joking. 121 00:05:40,589 --> 00:05:43,341 Well, you don't get it, because Stanley is a beautiful, 122 00:05:43,425 --> 00:05:45,802 sassy, powerful black man, 123 00:05:45,886 --> 00:05:47,971 and you're you. 124 00:05:48,055 --> 00:05:50,640 If you had any friends, you would understand. 125 00:05:50,724 --> 00:05:54,477 Friends joke with one another. "Hey, you're poor." 126 00:05:54,562 --> 00:05:58,816 "Well, hey, your mama's dead." That's what friends do. 127 00:05:58,899 --> 00:06:01,109 It's... You're so white. 128 00:06:02,403 --> 00:06:04,738 All right. Well... 129 00:06:04,822 --> 00:06:08,242 If you really believe that Stanley was joking... 130 00:06:08,325 --> 00:06:09,326 Mmm-hmm. 131 00:06:09,702 --> 00:06:10,911 Why don't we go ask him now? 132 00:06:10,995 --> 00:06:12,913 Okay, I will. 133 00:06:12,997 --> 00:06:14,873 I'm not feeling very well right now, though. 134 00:06:14,957 --> 00:06:18,335 My stomach hurts, so I may be going home early today. 135 00:06:19,211 --> 00:06:21,838 You know, Michael, sometimes my daughter's stomach hurts 136 00:06:21,922 --> 00:06:23,340 when there's a mean girl at school. 137 00:06:23,424 --> 00:06:27,924 Well, sometimes my stomach hurts when you come into my office. 138 00:06:28,178 --> 00:06:30,513 So it's probably psychological. 139 00:06:33,475 --> 00:06:37,437 You meet a lot of ladies driving an Xterra, because you pull up to a stoplight 140 00:06:37,521 --> 00:06:42,021 and look over, and there's an Xterra next to you, they're always driven by chicks. 141 00:06:42,151 --> 00:06:43,652 So there's your icebreaker. 142 00:06:45,529 --> 00:06:46,530 Scratch! 143 00:06:46,614 --> 00:06:48,115 That's a racing stripe. 144 00:06:48,699 --> 00:06:49,741 Bumper's sagging. 145 00:06:49,825 --> 00:06:51,535 Hmm. I doubt that very much. 146 00:06:51,619 --> 00:06:54,747 This car is crap. I will buy it for next to nothing. 147 00:06:54,830 --> 00:06:55,872 How next to? 148 00:06:55,956 --> 00:06:57,040 Well, here are your options. 149 00:06:57,124 --> 00:07:00,293 You can sell it for parts, drive it off a cliff, 150 00:07:01,003 --> 00:07:05,503 you can donate it to a person that you'd like to see die in a car crash, or 151 00:07:05,883 --> 00:07:09,011 you can sell it to me and I'll use it as I would a wagon on my farm. 152 00:07:09,094 --> 00:07:11,346 It will be towed by a donkey. 153 00:07:11,430 --> 00:07:13,265 I have to pick one of those? Yes. 154 00:07:13,349 --> 00:07:14,433 Can you go over those options again? 155 00:07:14,516 --> 00:07:15,642 You know what? 156 00:07:15,726 --> 00:07:19,938 You knock $1,500 off the price right now and I will take it off your hands. 157 00:07:20,022 --> 00:07:21,314 It's gotta be now. 158 00:07:21,398 --> 00:07:22,440 Well, I had the Blue Book value... 159 00:07:22,524 --> 00:07:23,775 Seal the deal. Let's do it. 160 00:07:23,859 --> 00:07:26,862 Let's do this thing. Three, two, one. 161 00:07:26,946 --> 00:07:28,364 Can I think about it? 162 00:07:28,447 --> 00:07:29,823 Five, four, three, two, now. 163 00:07:29,907 --> 00:07:30,908 Let me think about it. 164 00:07:30,991 --> 00:07:32,993 Now. Now. Say it. Do it now. 165 00:07:33,077 --> 00:07:34,078 Thinking about it. Thinking. 166 00:07:34,161 --> 00:07:35,203 Do it now! Do it. Shake my hand. 167 00:07:35,287 --> 00:07:37,539 You will sell me this car. Shake my hand. 168 00:07:37,623 --> 00:07:39,207 Yeah, all right! 169 00:07:43,629 --> 00:07:45,172 What? 170 00:07:45,255 --> 00:07:48,508 I see that you gave me that form 171 00:07:48,592 --> 00:07:51,344 that I asked you to give me, Stanley the manly. 172 00:07:51,428 --> 00:07:54,431 So thank you for that. I guess we are back to normal. 173 00:07:54,515 --> 00:07:56,308 What are you talking about? 174 00:07:56,392 --> 00:08:00,892 Well, you know, the thing that you said earlier that you didn't mean. 175 00:08:02,982 --> 00:08:06,068 And that I forgive you for. The whole thing's silly, isn't it? 176 00:08:06,151 --> 00:08:09,571 Friends don't need to apologize to friends, as far as I'm concerned. 177 00:08:09,655 --> 00:08:10,739 So we are cool. 178 00:08:10,823 --> 00:08:13,242 I am not going to apologize to you. 179 00:08:13,450 --> 00:08:15,702 It's like I used to tell my wife. 180 00:08:15,786 --> 00:08:20,286 "I do not apologize unless I think I'm wrong, and if you don't like it, you can leave." 181 00:08:20,582 --> 00:08:25,082 And I say the same thing to my current wife, and I'll say it to my next one, too. 182 00:08:25,671 --> 00:08:28,340 Jim is in charge of Stanley only in sales-related matters. 183 00:08:28,424 --> 00:08:30,843 Hence the green line. Green for money. 184 00:08:30,926 --> 00:08:33,678 Sales, get it? There is this yellow zigzag 185 00:08:33,762 --> 00:08:36,264 that does give Ryan the authority to discipline Stanley. 186 00:08:36,348 --> 00:08:37,349 Great. 187 00:08:37,433 --> 00:08:38,600 However, in so doing, 188 00:08:38,684 --> 00:08:42,604 it zigs past your name, hence zagging you and making you appear weak. 189 00:08:42,771 --> 00:08:45,940 Thus the yellow color. Yellow for cowardly. 190 00:08:46,025 --> 00:08:47,359 What's the pink? 191 00:08:47,443 --> 00:08:48,527 Menstrual cycles. 192 00:08:49,194 --> 00:08:50,320 Okay. 193 00:08:50,654 --> 00:08:55,154 Is there anybody up here, anybody at all, that can deal with this 194 00:08:55,409 --> 00:08:56,827 other than me... You. 195 00:08:56,994 --> 00:09:01,494 Well, there is the emergency disaster mode for the org chart. 196 00:09:02,458 --> 00:09:06,958 This gives me full authority over every single person in the office. 197 00:09:08,172 --> 00:09:09,298 I never said you could do that. 198 00:09:09,381 --> 00:09:10,840 All you have to do is say it. 199 00:09:10,924 --> 00:09:12,175 Okay, I'll think about it. 200 00:09:12,259 --> 00:09:13,718 Say it. Just do it. 201 00:09:13,802 --> 00:09:18,302 Don't think, say it. Do it. Five, four, three, two... 202 00:09:19,099 --> 00:09:22,560 Do it. Give me control, Michael. 203 00:09:25,981 --> 00:09:30,235 I promise to give authority back to you when this crisis is over. 204 00:09:30,319 --> 00:09:31,862 Do it, Michael. 205 00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:34,656 Do it. Hey. 206 00:09:35,824 --> 00:09:38,159 This office needs a strongman. 207 00:09:39,161 --> 00:09:40,370 Say it. 208 00:09:42,331 --> 00:09:43,707 No. So... 209 00:09:44,958 --> 00:09:49,128 All right, well then, you're gonna have to deal with this yourself. 210 00:09:55,177 --> 00:09:58,471 Hey, Pam. I really like your glasses. 211 00:09:58,555 --> 00:10:00,056 Oh, thanks. 212 00:10:00,140 --> 00:10:03,726 All the girlfriends that I've ever had have worn glasses. 213 00:10:03,811 --> 00:10:05,604 Oh, okay. 214 00:10:05,687 --> 00:10:07,647 Yeah, it's kind of a turn-on for me, actually. 215 00:10:07,731 --> 00:10:08,732 I should probably get back to... 216 00:10:08,816 --> 00:10:09,817 Like librarians. 217 00:10:09,900 --> 00:10:11,234 ...entering the... 218 00:10:11,318 --> 00:10:12,986 Could you just say, 219 00:10:13,070 --> 00:10:14,780 "These are due back Thursday"? 220 00:10:14,863 --> 00:10:15,905 No. 221 00:10:29,002 --> 00:10:32,714 Dunder Mifflin. This is Pam. Okay, go ahead. 222 00:10:35,926 --> 00:10:37,761 A lot of jazz cats are blind, 223 00:10:37,845 --> 00:10:41,098 but they can play the piano like nobody's business. 224 00:10:41,557 --> 00:10:46,057 I'd like to put the piano in front of Pam without her glasses and see what happens. 225 00:10:46,895 --> 00:10:48,646 I'd also like to see her topless. 226 00:10:53,277 --> 00:10:54,486 Mike. 227 00:10:54,653 --> 00:10:56,363 I'm very busy here, man. Darryl... 228 00:10:58,448 --> 00:10:59,991 Have you ever been in a gang? 229 00:11:00,075 --> 00:11:01,159 Why? 230 00:11:01,243 --> 00:11:03,912 It's an advice question, and 231 00:11:03,996 --> 00:11:07,541 if you don't want to talk about it, I completely understand. It's... 232 00:11:07,624 --> 00:11:09,500 No, no, no. I know it's very, very personal. 233 00:11:09,585 --> 00:11:10,711 No... 234 00:11:12,713 --> 00:11:13,714 I have. 235 00:11:13,797 --> 00:11:16,090 I knew it. Okay. 236 00:11:16,175 --> 00:11:17,926 Who are we talking about here? 237 00:11:18,051 --> 00:11:19,677 Crips, Bloods? Both. 238 00:11:19,761 --> 00:11:20,762 God. 239 00:11:20,846 --> 00:11:23,056 Yeah, them and the Latin Kings. 240 00:11:23,140 --> 00:11:26,017 The Warriors, Newsies. Okay. 241 00:11:26,101 --> 00:11:28,061 Okay, so dig this. 242 00:11:29,188 --> 00:11:32,608 You're on the street and one of your gang disses you. 243 00:11:32,691 --> 00:11:34,526 Oh, my goodness. Yeah, right. 244 00:11:34,610 --> 00:11:36,945 So what do you do to get him to make it right? 245 00:11:37,029 --> 00:11:41,529 Well, see, in the gang world, we use something called "Fluffy fingers." 246 00:11:43,994 --> 00:11:45,036 What is that? 247 00:11:45,120 --> 00:11:47,705 That's where if somebody really gets in your face, 248 00:11:47,789 --> 00:11:50,291 you know, you just start tickling them. 249 00:11:53,086 --> 00:11:54,420 Really? Yeah. 250 00:11:54,504 --> 00:11:56,339 And he starts tickling you. 251 00:11:56,423 --> 00:11:59,050 You know, pretty soon you're laughing and hugging. 252 00:11:59,134 --> 00:12:01,344 Before you know it, you've forgotten the whole thing. 253 00:12:01,428 --> 00:12:05,265 Y'all can just go to church together and get an ice cream cone. 254 00:12:05,349 --> 00:12:07,893 I would have never thought that 255 00:12:09,186 --> 00:12:10,979 gangs would be tickling each other. 256 00:12:11,063 --> 00:12:12,981 Well, it's effective. 257 00:12:22,950 --> 00:12:27,287 I think it's self-explanatory. Hey, Jim! Come here for a second. 258 00:12:27,371 --> 00:12:29,790 Can you answer me something as a true Eagles fan? 259 00:12:29,873 --> 00:12:31,541 Oh, boy. 260 00:12:31,625 --> 00:12:33,710 How do you live with a franchise this bad? 261 00:12:33,794 --> 00:12:35,462 On a wing and a prayer, mostly. 262 00:12:35,545 --> 00:12:37,338 All right, whatever you say. 263 00:12:37,422 --> 00:12:39,257 Listen, while I have you here with Toby, 264 00:12:39,341 --> 00:12:41,801 I need to give you a formal warning about your job performance. 265 00:12:42,386 --> 00:12:44,012 A formal warning? 266 00:12:44,596 --> 00:12:47,932 It's actually not a joke. I know how you spend your time here. 267 00:12:48,183 --> 00:12:50,310 I know how little you care about your job. 268 00:12:50,394 --> 00:12:52,562 And honestly, if you spent as much time selling 269 00:12:52,646 --> 00:12:55,440 as you do goofing around with Dwight and hanging out at reception, 270 00:12:55,524 --> 00:12:58,276 we wouldn't be having this conversation. 271 00:12:58,735 --> 00:13:01,946 I'm sorry, is this because I talked to Wallace about your website? 272 00:13:02,030 --> 00:13:04,115 Because I really didn't mean to go over your head. 273 00:13:04,199 --> 00:13:06,534 This has nothing to do with that, all right? 274 00:13:06,660 --> 00:13:09,871 I always appreciate constructive criticism about my job performance. 275 00:13:09,955 --> 00:13:11,456 I thrive on it. 276 00:13:11,957 --> 00:13:13,917 I'm sorry, then do you mind explaining it a little better? 277 00:13:14,001 --> 00:13:15,127 "Cause I'm not sure what's really... 278 00:13:15,210 --> 00:13:17,045 Whoa. Don't get all defensive, all right? 279 00:13:17,129 --> 00:13:18,755 It's just a warning. 280 00:13:18,839 --> 00:13:22,384 If you want the details, Toby can provide them. You take it easy, all right? 281 00:13:22,592 --> 00:13:26,012 I'd say all the goofing around at Pam's desk 282 00:13:26,096 --> 00:13:29,557 and hanging out with Pam has finally caught up to him. 283 00:13:30,517 --> 00:13:32,268 You know, with Pam. 284 00:13:36,356 --> 00:13:38,941 Hey, what happened? What did Ryan want? 285 00:13:39,026 --> 00:13:40,444 Oh, we were just 286 00:13:40,527 --> 00:13:43,112 talking about bureaucratic stuff. 287 00:13:43,196 --> 00:13:44,697 Because you're very important. 288 00:13:44,781 --> 00:13:45,823 Yeah. 289 00:13:55,125 --> 00:13:58,336 Oh, what's Dwight up to? Oh, probably nothing. 290 00:14:03,550 --> 00:14:05,927 What the hell is this all about? 291 00:14:07,512 --> 00:14:09,263 You're flipping my car for profit. 292 00:14:09,348 --> 00:14:10,891 It's my car now. 293 00:14:10,974 --> 00:14:15,474 I gave you a deal based on what you said to me. 294 00:14:15,604 --> 00:14:19,941 Yeah, well, seller beware. Now if you'll excuse me, 295 00:14:20,025 --> 00:14:23,987 I've got to monitor a three-way bidding war for my car on eBay. 296 00:14:25,364 --> 00:14:27,741 I've got a Mad Lib for you. 297 00:14:27,824 --> 00:14:31,786 "A stupid, idiotic numbskull 298 00:14:31,870 --> 00:14:35,874 "named Andy Bernard sold his Xterra 299 00:14:35,957 --> 00:14:39,961 "to a smart and capable man named Dwight. 300 00:14:40,045 --> 00:14:43,631 "This is shaping up to be an awesome day for Dwight." 301 00:14:56,478 --> 00:15:00,978 Okay, everybody. Shh. Listen up. Earlier today, Stanley sassed me, 302 00:15:02,234 --> 00:15:05,487 and Toby gave me some suggestions on how to discipline him. 303 00:15:05,570 --> 00:15:08,364 They did not work, obviously, because they were stupid. 304 00:15:08,448 --> 00:15:12,160 So I am now going to fake fire him. 305 00:15:12,994 --> 00:15:13,995 What does that mean? 306 00:15:14,079 --> 00:15:16,081 It's like a mock execution. 307 00:15:16,164 --> 00:15:18,166 That's not a good idea. Yes, it is a good idea. 308 00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:20,377 It's the only possible solution I have left. 309 00:15:20,460 --> 00:15:21,794 Well, you can actually fire him. 310 00:15:21,878 --> 00:15:22,962 No... 311 00:15:24,047 --> 00:15:25,048 I've had enough of you. 312 00:15:25,132 --> 00:15:26,383 Why are you telling us this? 313 00:15:26,466 --> 00:15:30,219 Because I want you to behave as if I'm actually firing him, Oscar, okay? 314 00:15:30,303 --> 00:15:32,763 Michael, if you hadn't told us this, 315 00:15:32,848 --> 00:15:35,475 then we would've thought that you were actually firing him. 316 00:15:35,559 --> 00:15:40,059 I'm not firing him! I will need you to act like I am firing him. 317 00:15:40,230 --> 00:15:44,525 Just... What I'm going to do is I'm going to pretend that I'm firing him. 318 00:15:44,693 --> 00:15:47,862 And I need you to act like I am firing him. Do you get that? 319 00:15:48,029 --> 00:15:49,739 Do you get it? I'm teaching him a lesson. 320 00:15:49,865 --> 00:15:52,701 He needs to learn humility, all right? That's all I'm... 321 00:15:52,826 --> 00:15:55,662 Okay, here he comes. Let's just play-act. 322 00:15:58,039 --> 00:16:00,791 Stanley, may I talk to you for a second? 323 00:16:07,257 --> 00:16:10,426 Stanley Hudson, you are fired. 324 00:16:17,601 --> 00:16:19,144 Are you serious? 325 00:16:19,728 --> 00:16:22,230 I am serious. We are all serious. 326 00:16:23,607 --> 00:16:25,317 You are fired like a heart attack. 327 00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:28,778 You're firing me over three words? 328 00:16:28,862 --> 00:16:30,905 Yes. Have you lost your mind? 329 00:16:30,989 --> 00:16:34,242 Do you think I'm gonna let you do this to me? 330 00:16:34,326 --> 00:16:37,162 I've watched you screw up this office for 10 years, 331 00:16:37,245 --> 00:16:40,373 and I'm filing a lawsuit, and I'm gonna tell them about every stupid thing 332 00:16:40,457 --> 00:16:41,791 you've ever done up in this office. 333 00:16:41,875 --> 00:16:43,042 All right, okay. 334 00:16:43,126 --> 00:16:45,795 You know what? Now you know how I feel. 335 00:16:47,005 --> 00:16:48,506 This was a fake firing. 336 00:16:49,883 --> 00:16:53,177 Lesson learned. Good work, everybody. Very nice. 337 00:16:53,261 --> 00:16:54,553 So I'm not fired. 338 00:16:54,638 --> 00:16:56,765 That's it. 339 00:16:56,848 --> 00:16:58,975 And... 340 00:16:59,059 --> 00:17:00,477 Do you have anything to say to me? 341 00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:02,645 Ooh, yes, I do. 342 00:17:03,772 --> 00:17:07,025 You are out of your damn little pea-sized mind. 343 00:17:07,108 --> 00:17:11,608 What is wrong with you? Do you have any sense at all? 344 00:17:11,780 --> 00:17:14,407 Do you have any idea how to run an office? 345 00:17:14,491 --> 00:17:17,827 Every day you do something stupider than you did the day before. 346 00:17:17,911 --> 00:17:21,205 And I think, "There's no possible way he can top that." 347 00:17:21,289 --> 00:17:24,500 But what do you do? You find a way, damn it, to top it. 348 00:17:24,626 --> 00:17:26,002 You are a professional idiot... 349 00:17:26,086 --> 00:17:27,754 Hey, stop it! 350 00:17:29,089 --> 00:17:30,548 Okay, everybody out. 351 00:17:30,632 --> 00:17:32,467 Who? Yeah, everybody except Stanley. 352 00:17:40,934 --> 00:17:41,976 Let's go. 353 00:17:42,060 --> 00:17:43,728 I can't find my glasses. Okay, you know what? 354 00:17:43,812 --> 00:17:47,023 Why don't you take my hand and leave them, and let's get out of here. 355 00:17:47,107 --> 00:17:48,525 Okay, okay. 356 00:17:52,279 --> 00:17:56,741 It's Michael versus Stanley, and it is the clash of the titans. 357 00:17:56,825 --> 00:18:00,787 In one corner, you have Michael, and he is mad. 358 00:18:00,870 --> 00:18:04,707 And then in the other corner, you have Stanley, and he's mad. 359 00:18:06,042 --> 00:18:07,793 So that's about it. 360 00:18:28,023 --> 00:18:30,025 I don't understand why you keep picking on me. 361 00:18:30,108 --> 00:18:31,109 Oh, for the love of God. 362 00:18:31,192 --> 00:18:32,443 You just 363 00:18:32,527 --> 00:18:37,027 do, and I don't know why, so please help me understand. 364 00:18:37,157 --> 00:18:41,657 Fine. Here it is. You are a person I do not respect. 365 00:18:42,912 --> 00:18:46,081 The things you say, your actions, your methods and style, 366 00:18:46,166 --> 00:18:49,752 everything you would do, I would do it the opposite way. 367 00:18:53,590 --> 00:18:55,258 Well, Stanley, 368 00:18:55,342 --> 00:18:58,011 maybe you are feeling that you don't respect me 369 00:18:58,094 --> 00:19:00,221 because you don't know me very well. 370 00:19:00,305 --> 00:19:03,099 Michael, I've known you a very long time, 371 00:19:03,266 --> 00:19:07,395 and the more I've gotten to know you, the less I've come to respect you. 372 00:19:08,605 --> 00:19:10,023 Any other theories? 373 00:19:16,363 --> 00:19:18,656 All right, you don't respect me. 374 00:19:19,824 --> 00:19:21,283 I accept that. 375 00:19:22,827 --> 00:19:24,411 But listen to me. 376 00:19:24,496 --> 00:19:28,996 You can't talk to me that way in this office, you just can't. I am your boss. 377 00:19:31,461 --> 00:19:32,628 Can't allow it. 378 00:19:33,588 --> 00:19:34,589 Fair enough. 379 00:19:41,471 --> 00:19:45,971 I am a good person, and sometimes good people don't get no respect. 380 00:19:47,352 --> 00:19:48,770 Rodney Dangerfield. 381 00:19:50,230 --> 00:19:53,858 "Hey, I don't get no respect. No respect at all. 382 00:19:54,776 --> 00:19:58,112 "When I was in the sandbox as a kid, I got no respect. 383 00:19:59,447 --> 00:20:01,866 "My wife likes to talk after sex. 384 00:20:01,950 --> 00:20:05,912 "So she called me from a hotel room, said, 'I don't respect you.' 385 00:20:07,330 --> 00:20:08,789 "Thoughtless. 386 00:20:10,750 --> 00:20:14,420 "You know what don't get no respect? Airplane food. 387 00:20:15,088 --> 00:20:18,800 "Why don't they just make the plane out of the airline food? 388 00:20:21,678 --> 00:20:26,178 "My wife don't get no respect. So... Take her, please, for example. 389 00:20:28,893 --> 00:20:32,229 "If you don't get no respect, you might be a redneck." 390 00:20:33,690 --> 00:20:37,360 "Respect is nice." Borat. 391 00:20:40,864 --> 00:20:44,993 "What's the deal with Grape-Nuts? No grapes, no nuts. 392 00:20:46,661 --> 00:20:48,329 "I don't get no respect.” 393 00:20:50,457 --> 00:20:54,586 So I'm thinking as a reward for our loyal clients 394 00:20:54,669 --> 00:20:58,589 that we contact their assistants and we find out where they live, 395 00:20:58,965 --> 00:21:03,465 and then, we go to their houses in the middle of summer and go caroling. 396 00:21:04,345 --> 00:21:08,845 It is a summer Christmas sale-e-bration, and we'll call it, "A summer sales-a-lot." 397 00:21:12,395 --> 00:21:14,563 Feedback, anybody? Stanley? 398 00:21:15,940 --> 00:21:18,692 Has potential to be your best idea yet. 399 00:21:20,528 --> 00:21:21,987 That's the dumbest thing I ever heard. 400 00:21:22,155 --> 00:21:23,698 Damn it, Phyllis. 401 00:21:23,782 --> 00:21:26,075 All right, everybody out except Phyllis.