1 00:00:01,390 --> 00:00:03,140 Good morning everybody! 2 00:00:03,210 --> 00:00:06,010 Who'd like an authentic NY bagel? 3 00:00:06,630 --> 00:00:08,100 - Stanley? - Thank you. 4 00:00:08,170 --> 00:00:09,010 Oh, no, no, no. 5 00:00:09,050 --> 00:00:11,750 I got a pumpernickel just for you. 6 00:00:12,530 --> 00:00:14,150 H and h. 7 00:00:14,180 --> 00:00:17,280 You went all the way to New York City to get us bagels? 8 00:00:17,350 --> 00:00:19,990 Oh, why, is there a place closer that sells them? 9 00:00:20,060 --> 00:00:21,160 This was really nice, Dwight. 10 00:00:21,190 --> 00:00:22,710 - Thanks. - Thanks. 11 00:00:22,750 --> 00:00:24,070 Oh, don't mention it. 12 00:00:24,140 --> 00:00:25,540 You owe me one. 13 00:00:25,680 --> 00:00:27,000 You all owe me one. 14 00:00:27,210 --> 00:00:29,040 - Good morning, Michael. - Good morning, Dwight. 15 00:00:29,070 --> 00:00:29,900 Hungry? 16 00:00:29,930 --> 00:00:32,200 No. I had a fish stick sandwich. 17 00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:33,930 Actually, I had two fish stick sandwiches. 18 00:00:33,960 --> 00:00:35,610 My girlfriend didn't want hers, 19 00:00:35,680 --> 00:00:38,370 because I guess I'm the only aphrodisiac she needs. 20 00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:40,030 Fish sticks are not an aphrodisiac. 21 00:00:40,070 --> 00:00:41,130 You're thinking of deer penis. 22 00:00:41,170 --> 00:00:42,000 It worked. 23 00:00:42,040 --> 00:00:44,330 Regardless, that was over two hours ago, 24 00:00:44,360 --> 00:00:48,470 and it is now a scientific fact that you are hungry--bagel? 25 00:00:48,660 --> 00:00:50,200 I don't mind if I do. 26 00:00:50,310 --> 00:00:51,700 Okay, I brought cheese too. 27 00:00:51,770 --> 00:00:53,490 I'm taking one for my lady friend. 28 00:00:53,570 --> 00:00:55,210 - Excellent. - Brain food. 29 00:00:55,250 --> 00:00:56,970 - Thank you very much. - Okay. 30 00:00:58,430 --> 00:00:59,510 You owe me. 31 00:00:59,590 --> 00:01:03,070 Can't a guy just buy some bagels for his friends so they'll owe him a favor, 32 00:01:03,110 --> 00:01:08,330 which he can use to get someone fired who stole a co-manager position from him anymore? 33 00:01:08,680 --> 00:01:13,600 Jeez... When did everyone get so cynical? 34 00:01:14,330 --> 00:01:17,210 35 00:01:17,250 --> 00:01:25,460 36 00:01:32,450 --> 00:01:34,590 The Office Season 6 Episode 8 37 00:01:35,050 --> 00:01:37,060 Pam, would you care for a bagel? 38 00:01:37,130 --> 00:01:38,200 Oh, no, thank you. 39 00:01:38,270 --> 00:01:41,380 Oh, that's right, you're a woman, and you need to refuse food the first time. 40 00:01:41,420 --> 00:01:42,960 I'll try again. 41 00:01:43,360 --> 00:01:45,750 Please, Pam, reconsider and have a bagel. 42 00:01:45,820 --> 00:01:47,560 I have an early lunch. 43 00:01:48,460 --> 00:01:52,730 Michael's been trying to get Jim and me to hang out ever since he started dating my mom. 44 00:01:52,760 --> 00:01:55,670 I don't know, I really hoped this thing would just die out. 45 00:01:55,740 --> 00:02:00,470 But today he's planning a birthday lunch for my mom, and we have to go. 46 00:02:01,140 --> 00:02:02,560 No way out. 47 00:02:04,150 --> 00:02:05,910 No way out. 48 00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:07,610 These are amazing. 49 00:02:07,650 --> 00:02:08,700 You took all these? 50 00:02:08,770 --> 00:02:11,740 I've always found beauty in uncommon places. 51 00:02:11,810 --> 00:02:12,970 Homeless people. 52 00:02:13,010 --> 00:02:16,370 Graffiti photography lets me capture all that. 53 00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:18,320 Have you ever been photographed before? 54 00:02:18,390 --> 00:02:19,550 Just by, like, friends. 55 00:02:19,590 --> 00:02:22,050 Well, here's what I've been doing around here. 56 00:02:22,660 --> 00:02:25,480 It's for a series on exposure in the workplace. 57 00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:26,520 Pammy? 58 00:02:26,590 --> 00:02:29,900 - Hey... - hi. 59 00:02:30,290 --> 00:02:31,900 - Happy birthday. - Thank you. 60 00:02:31,940 --> 00:02:34,490 Girls...there they are. 61 00:02:34,530 --> 00:02:35,910 Birthday lunch. Birthday lunch-- 62 00:02:35,950 --> 00:02:39,870 there's no better medicine than birthday lunch. 63 00:02:39,900 --> 00:02:45,320 It'll cure all of your, "Gee, I don't know if Michael should be dating my mother, " 64 00:02:45,700 --> 00:02:50,820 and fixes all occurrences of," I don't really see them together. 65 00:02:50,860 --> 00:02:55,650 “so open wide, Pam, and take a big ol' spoonful of birthday lunch medicine. 66 00:02:55,690 --> 00:02:57,720 Take with food. 67 00:02:58,290 --> 00:03:01,930 Pam, aren't you gonna introduce us to Michael's girlfriend? 68 00:03:01,970 --> 00:03:04,100 I think you guys all remember my mom from the wedding. 69 00:03:04,130 --> 00:03:06,250 Yeah, I think everyone's met Helene. Shall we? 70 00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:08,720 Wait a minute, is that another birthday present for me? 71 00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:10,850 'Cause you already gave me a necklace. 72 00:03:10,920 --> 00:03:12,270 Oh, my god, I love it. 73 00:03:12,310 --> 00:03:14,140 - Tell her how you gave it to me. - No, that wouldn't be... 74 00:03:14,170 --> 00:03:17,220 he put it around my neck while I was still asleep this morning. 75 00:03:17,250 --> 00:03:18,490 What a nice way to wake up. 76 00:03:18,530 --> 00:03:22,990 Yeah, the rest of the story has been censored due to inappropriosity. 77 00:03:23,030 --> 00:03:24,600 - Because of sex? - Kevin! 78 00:03:24,640 --> 00:03:27,490 Hey, please, Kevin... You're fired. 79 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:29,110 Sorry. 80 00:03:29,150 --> 00:03:30,050 Work with a bunch of idiots. 81 00:03:30,090 --> 00:03:31,970 - Shall we go? - Yes, let's go. 82 00:03:32,710 --> 00:03:33,990 Oh, wait. 83 00:03:34,060 --> 00:03:37,380 Swartz lumber is on the phone for you, Pam, and they say it's urgent. 84 00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:39,710 You guys, just one second. 85 00:03:41,610 --> 00:03:43,310 Oh, my gosh! 86 00:03:43,710 --> 00:03:45,590 Are you serious? 87 00:03:46,010 --> 00:03:47,340 Shipping emergency. 88 00:03:47,370 --> 00:03:48,620 I don't think I can go to lunch. 89 00:03:48,680 --> 00:03:50,360 Oh, man, that's crazy. 90 00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:51,900 We were on our way out too. 91 00:03:51,950 --> 00:03:53,910 I know. Isn't that always how it goes? 92 00:03:53,950 --> 00:03:56,260 Rarely, if ever. 93 00:03:56,310 --> 00:03:57,570 Let me give it a whirl. 94 00:03:57,630 --> 00:03:58,990 - I want to handle it. - That's okay. 95 00:03:59,040 --> 00:04:00,790 - I feel like. - It's my pleasure. 96 00:04:00,820 --> 00:04:02,770 Hello? Well, that's great. 97 00:04:03,030 --> 00:04:04,910 Turns out the paper was there all along. 98 00:04:05,050 --> 00:04:06,830 Oh, thank god. 99 00:04:07,700 --> 00:04:08,990 Something's up. 100 00:04:09,070 --> 00:04:11,290 That paper was never supposed to arrive. 101 00:04:11,410 --> 00:04:13,670 So, Pammy, are you still liking sales? 102 00:04:13,700 --> 00:04:15,930 Yeah. It's exciting. 103 00:04:16,650 --> 00:04:20,470 Uh, you know, Michael and I were talking, 104 00:04:20,550 --> 00:04:24,360 and maybe if you put in a little more face-to-face time with your clients, 105 00:04:24,440 --> 00:04:26,600 you could improve your sales. 106 00:04:26,630 --> 00:04:28,280 Pam's sales are fine, actually. 107 00:04:28,320 --> 00:04:30,200 Just want you to succeed, Pammy. 108 00:04:30,570 --> 00:04:33,140 You know what? We shouldn't even be talking about business today. 109 00:04:33,180 --> 00:04:34,120 Thank you. 110 00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:35,610 Today's about family. 111 00:04:35,830 --> 00:04:37,760 Why did I get in the car? 112 00:04:37,830 --> 00:04:39,470 I could have struggled. 113 00:04:39,670 --> 00:04:42,240 I have a whistle in my purse. I didn't even blow it. 114 00:04:43,670 --> 00:04:46,250 Oh, Dwight, I have a little surprise for you. 115 00:04:46,290 --> 00:04:49,240 Let me guess, you ate the bagel I gave you and loved it. 116 00:04:49,280 --> 00:04:50,670 Yes. 117 00:04:51,290 --> 00:04:53,290 And I wanted to return the favor. 118 00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:54,560 I was polishing my loafers, 119 00:04:54,620 --> 00:04:58,770 and I happened to look over and notice that your briefcase was a little worse for the wear. 120 00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:04,030 So a little elbow grease, and she's polished right up, back to her former glory. 121 00:05:04,100 --> 00:05:06,350 - Oh, well... - Feel it against your cheek. 122 00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:08,490 I will. 123 00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:10,540 You give me a gift- Thank you note. 124 00:05:10,610 --> 00:05:13,330 You invite me somewhere--RSVP. 125 00:05:13,530 --> 00:05:17,450 You do me a favor--Favor returned. 126 00:05:18,620 --> 00:05:20,810 Do not test my politeness. 127 00:05:20,950 --> 00:05:22,250 Let me get that door for you. 128 00:05:22,330 --> 00:05:23,260 - There we go. - Thank you very much. 129 00:05:23,300 --> 00:05:27,170 - And I got it for you. - Oh, goodness. Thanks 130 00:05:27,390 --> 00:05:29,680 Hey, you know, here's a healthy fitness tip. 131 00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:31,410 If you clench your buttocks together while walking, 132 00:05:31,460 --> 00:05:33,180 you can really take the pressure off your knees. 133 00:05:33,250 --> 00:05:34,790 - Is that right? - Observe. 134 00:05:37,480 --> 00:05:38,500 - Right? - That really works. 135 00:05:38,540 --> 00:05:40,100 Yeah, feel free to use that anytime. 136 00:05:40,140 --> 00:05:42,410 - Okay... - hold on a second. 137 00:05:42,480 --> 00:05:45,900 Do not walk around with your jacket cattywampus. 138 00:05:45,970 --> 00:05:47,850 And that needs to be straight as an arrow. 139 00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:49,180 Thank you very much. 140 00:05:50,210 --> 00:05:51,550 - Oh, boy. - Okay. 141 00:05:51,580 --> 00:05:53,300 Thank you very much for that. 142 00:05:54,070 --> 00:05:57,690 - Have a seat. Please. - Have a seat yourself. 143 00:05:57,880 --> 00:06:02,790 You know what, I am going to preemptively change the batteries in your wireless mouse. 144 00:06:02,830 --> 00:06:04,020 - Not necessary. - No, no, no. 145 00:06:04,100 --> 00:06:05,910 You don't have to do that. 146 00:06:06,450 --> 00:06:08,130 Andy is complicating things. 147 00:06:08,170 --> 00:06:09,430 But I'm not worried. 148 00:06:09,500 --> 00:06:11,340 This will only up my game. 149 00:06:12,420 --> 00:06:14,680 Hello. "Scott," table for four. 150 00:06:14,710 --> 00:06:16,600 Welcome, Scott family. 151 00:06:16,740 --> 00:06:18,210 It'll be just a moment. 152 00:06:18,280 --> 00:06:19,860 I used to love coming here. 153 00:06:19,940 --> 00:06:21,300 The chicken parm is good. 154 00:06:21,370 --> 00:06:22,820 Big part of my childhood. 155 00:06:23,110 --> 00:06:25,720 Oh, maybe Michael will start dating that too. 156 00:06:26,080 --> 00:06:27,500 What table should we take? 157 00:06:27,530 --> 00:06:29,200 So many to choose from. 158 00:06:30,260 --> 00:06:32,440 - Oh, my god! - What? 159 00:06:32,510 --> 00:06:37,230 All I see are boring old tables with no birthday decorations. 160 00:06:37,300 --> 00:06:38,530 Oh, wait a second! 161 00:06:38,570 --> 00:06:39,900 You mean this one? 162 00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:42,990 Michael, you did all this? 163 00:06:43,060 --> 00:06:45,280 It's not about taking credit. Let's just say we all did it. 164 00:06:45,320 --> 00:06:47,550 Well, thank you. All of you. 165 00:06:47,660 --> 00:06:50,270 Well, it was actually me alone, so.... 166 00:06:50,570 --> 00:06:52,100 Wow, look at this place. 167 00:06:52,170 --> 00:06:54,010 It really makes me want to go to Italy someday. 168 00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:55,440 Oh, you'll love it. 169 00:06:55,510 --> 00:06:56,970 You can have my guide books. 170 00:06:57,030 --> 00:06:59,050 I think I'm done with those really long plane rides. 171 00:06:59,130 --> 00:07:02,490 Oh, thank you for-- thanks for lending me the book. 172 00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:05,790 So, mom, which birthday are we celebrating this year? 173 00:07:05,830 --> 00:07:07,370 Oh, sticking with 49. 174 00:07:07,410 --> 00:07:08,670 49 again? 175 00:07:08,710 --> 00:07:09,990 That's nine years in a row. 176 00:07:10,020 --> 00:07:11,900 This is now our longest family tradition. 177 00:07:11,940 --> 00:07:13,420 That's funny. 178 00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:16,640 Well, as long as you're running numbers, Pam, help me out with this one. 179 00:07:16,710 --> 00:07:19,340 Let's see, honey, you're six months pregnant, 180 00:07:19,420 --> 00:07:21,400 but you've only been married for 30 days. 181 00:07:21,470 --> 00:07:23,020 So what does that add up to? 182 00:07:23,090 --> 00:07:24,860 Ooh, burn. Burn on you. 183 00:07:24,930 --> 00:07:26,450 And a little bit on me too. 184 00:07:27,030 --> 00:07:28,960 You're 54 years old. 185 00:07:29,070 --> 00:07:31,000 No, I'm 58. 186 00:07:32,370 --> 00:07:34,120 You're 58 years old? 187 00:07:35,410 --> 00:07:37,160 Congratulations. 188 00:07:37,320 --> 00:07:41,400 The only time you should care about a woman's age is if she is too young for you. 189 00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:44,490 And I am not robbing the cradle. 190 00:07:44,610 --> 00:07:48,340 If anything, I am robbing the grave. 191 00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:50,930 Mom, have you decided what you want to be called? 192 00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:52,810 I like "Nana." 193 00:07:52,890 --> 00:07:55,060 but I also like the classic "grandma." 194 00:07:55,130 --> 00:07:56,720 - Please be grandma. I want you to be grandma. - Definitely a grandma. 195 00:07:56,790 --> 00:07:59,280 Michael, what do you think? Grandma? 196 00:08:01,990 --> 00:08:03,360 Grandma. 197 00:08:09,010 --> 00:08:11,860 Hey, would you guys ever do a triathlon, you think? 198 00:08:12,070 --> 00:08:13,280 Maybe. 199 00:08:13,350 --> 00:08:14,500 Helene? 200 00:08:14,580 --> 00:08:15,260 Oh, oh, no. 201 00:08:15,330 --> 00:08:16,200 I don't think so. 202 00:08:16,240 --> 00:08:17,190 I am. 203 00:08:17,230 --> 00:08:18,390 I'm definitely gonna do it. 204 00:08:18,430 --> 00:08:20,530 I've already got the run and the bike thing down. 205 00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:22,360 I just need to learn how to swim. 206 00:08:22,430 --> 00:08:23,790 Come on, you in? 207 00:08:23,820 --> 00:08:27,610 No, no, I think a triathlon is pretty much something I can rule out. 208 00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:29,560 It just doesn't interest me. 209 00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:30,950 So it's a matter of interest. 210 00:08:30,990 --> 00:08:32,180 Good. Okay. 211 00:08:32,640 --> 00:08:34,390 It's not anything you would have ever done. 212 00:08:34,470 --> 00:08:37,130 Mm, I might have done it when I was younger, 213 00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:40,600 but now there are just other things that I'd rather be doing than running and jumping. 214 00:08:40,670 --> 00:08:42,640 Well, there's no jumping in a triathlon. 215 00:08:43,300 --> 00:08:44,780 You're thinking the broad jump. 216 00:08:44,820 --> 00:08:46,260 Would you try... 217 00:08:46,330 --> 00:08:47,890 - Bungee jumping? - No. 218 00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:49,050 - Snowboarding? - No, no. 219 00:08:49,090 --> 00:08:50,140 You want to go snowboarding? 220 00:08:50,180 --> 00:08:51,750 I might. 221 00:08:51,830 --> 00:08:54,340 Michael, what are you talking about? 222 00:08:55,340 --> 00:08:56,600 Nothing. 223 00:08:56,640 --> 00:09:03,400 Just life and... Doing things... Before you die. 224 00:09:03,450 --> 00:09:04,670 I don't know. 225 00:09:04,740 --> 00:09:06,370 Do I really want to go snowboarding? 226 00:09:06,410 --> 00:09:07,880 No. 227 00:09:07,950 --> 00:09:11,650 But I-- I would like to if I wanted to. 228 00:09:16,990 --> 00:09:18,090 What's going on in here? 229 00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:19,240 Andy bought lunch. 230 00:09:19,280 --> 00:09:20,890 Oh, no, really? 231 00:09:22,050 --> 00:09:24,610 Took a page right out of the old Schrute book of niceness. 232 00:09:24,690 --> 00:09:26,810 There is no book. There's only a survival guide. 233 00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:30,590 You bought breakfast for everyone, so I got lunch for everyone. 234 00:09:30,660 --> 00:09:32,760 Okay, well, allow me. 235 00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:33,650 You know what-- 236 00:09:33,720 --> 00:09:36,390 gosh, these tacos are awfully complicated to make. 237 00:09:36,460 --> 00:09:38,620 I will make everyone's tacos. 238 00:09:40,920 --> 00:09:42,190 So we should get the check? 239 00:09:42,260 --> 00:09:44,040 - What about your gift, Michael? - Oh, no, no, no. 240 00:09:44,110 --> 00:09:46,810 No, it's stupid. You'd hate it. I hate it. 241 00:09:46,880 --> 00:09:48,360 - I'm sure I won't. - Yes, you will. 242 00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:51,250 He locked himself in his office all morning working on it. 243 00:09:51,330 --> 00:09:53,230 Oh, gimme! Look at this wrapping paper. 244 00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:55,760 It's got the word "love" on it in every language! 245 00:09:55,830 --> 00:09:59,670 I literally--I put no thought into the wrapping at all. 246 00:10:00,060 --> 00:10:02,130 Might as well have been toilet paper. 247 00:10:02,770 --> 00:10:04,760 Toilet paper... 248 00:10:04,980 --> 00:10:09,510 "a scrapbook of our first memories," by Michael Gary Scott. 249 00:10:09,580 --> 00:10:13,230 For my girlfriend Helene on your birthday." 250 00:10:13,300 --> 00:10:15,730 That’s just an arbitrary title. 251 00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:17,140 Okay, here's a penny. 252 00:10:17,180 --> 00:10:18,620 - What's that from? - Penny for your thoughts. 253 00:10:18,660 --> 00:10:20,270 It was from the wishing well at the mall. 254 00:10:20,340 --> 00:10:24,420 You threw it in, and I went back later, waded in, and I found it. 255 00:10:24,650 --> 00:10:25,750 That's amazing! 256 00:10:25,820 --> 00:10:27,610 It's not amazing at all. 257 00:10:27,630 --> 00:10:30,150 It's sort of weird that I went and did that. 258 00:10:30,230 --> 00:10:32,920 And now your wish won't come true, so that blows. 259 00:10:33,370 --> 00:10:36,100 - A poem. - Oh, that I plagiarized, I think. 260 00:10:36,250 --> 00:10:40,420 "I cannot go to school today said little Peggy Ann McKay," 261 00:10:40,950 --> 00:10:42,360 - is that Shel Silverstein? - Yeah. 262 00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:45,980 "I have the measles and the mumps, a gash, a rash, and purple bumps, 263 00:10:46,050 --> 00:10:51,160 and my teacher's really mean-- happy birthday, I love you, Helene." 264 00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:52,880 that's really nice, Michael. 265 00:10:52,910 --> 00:10:54,770 Well, I think it sucks. 266 00:10:55,360 --> 00:10:57,420 I think it's wonderful. Absolutely wonderful. 267 00:10:57,460 --> 00:10:59,590 Well, that's because you and I have very different taste. 268 00:10:59,630 --> 00:11:01,130 And you like lame things. 269 00:11:01,210 --> 00:11:05,150 It's a generational sort of gap between us. 270 00:11:05,220 --> 00:11:07,260 God, a scrapbook. 271 00:11:07,340 --> 00:11:08,520 Home run, Michael. 272 00:11:08,590 --> 00:11:11,500 - You set the bar so high. - That was a bunt. 273 00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:14,910 Whoa, whoa, whoa, Dwight, I'm gonna do this. 274 00:11:14,980 --> 00:11:16,280 Hey, hey, hey, relax. 275 00:11:16,310 --> 00:11:17,410 I got it covered. 276 00:11:17,470 --> 00:11:20,650 - No, no, no. - No, I insist. 277 00:11:22,290 --> 00:11:24,140 Okay, Dwight, this is ridiculous. 278 00:11:24,220 --> 00:11:26,380 Don't worry about it. You can just owe me. 279 00:11:26,680 --> 00:11:29,210 Hey, where'd you go? 280 00:11:29,350 --> 00:11:30,700 Oh, just went to the bathroom. 281 00:11:30,770 --> 00:11:33,140 And then you stopped at the bar on the way back? 282 00:11:33,210 --> 00:11:34,710 Got thirsty. 283 00:11:34,790 --> 00:11:36,030 Okay, weirdo. 284 00:11:36,090 --> 00:11:37,420 Come on, it's time for cake. 285 00:11:37,500 --> 00:11:38,650 Oh, okay. 286 00:11:38,680 --> 00:11:42,690 Honestly, for a long time I thought I was going to grow old with holly. 287 00:11:43,150 --> 00:11:46,960 And then I met Helene, and she is great. 288 00:11:47,100 --> 00:11:52,850 And she already knows and has done everything that I have ever wanted to do, 289 00:11:53,140 --> 00:11:56,230 and can tell me about it. 290 00:11:56,890 --> 00:12:01,410 But I think I want to do those things myself. 291 00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:02,510 The cake's really good. 292 00:12:02,550 --> 00:12:03,570 Oh, I know. 293 00:12:03,610 --> 00:12:05,390 I love it when they use butter-cream frosting. 294 00:12:05,430 --> 00:12:07,440 Finish your cake, Helene. 295 00:12:07,890 --> 00:12:12,890 I want you to enjoy that cake because I have something terrible I need to tell you, 296 00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:20,120 and I want you to enjoy your cake before I tell you this terrible, terrible thing. 297 00:12:21,870 --> 00:12:24,360 Al Helene, I think you're a wonderful person, 298 00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:29,440 and I--god, I've enjoyed dating you and being your boyfriend so much. 299 00:12:29,510 --> 00:12:32,270 But I’ve to consider Pam's feelings. 300 00:12:32,340 --> 00:12:35,290 As a friend and a -worker, 301 00:12:35,320 --> 00:12:41,470 I cannot in good conscience continue to date you when I know what this is doing to her. 302 00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:45,000 Michael-- Michael, it's- it's okay. 303 00:12:45,040 --> 00:12:46,250 No, it's not. 304 00:12:46,290 --> 00:12:48,590 I know that it took me a little while to come around, 305 00:12:48,680 --> 00:12:55,590 and it's still a little weird to get used to, but you obviously make my mom very happy. 306 00:12:56,390 --> 00:12:58,630 And that makes me happy. 307 00:12:59,330 --> 00:13:02,380 Wow, that just-- you've really grown. 308 00:13:03,010 --> 00:13:04,050 Well... 309 00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:05,700 Oh, thank you, Pam. 310 00:13:05,780 --> 00:13:10,600 And I hope you're as gracious during this next part. 311 00:13:11,740 --> 00:13:16,390 Helene, once again, you are a wonderful person, and you have lived a great life. 312 00:13:16,430 --> 00:13:17,400 And I envy it. 313 00:13:17,440 --> 00:13:18,940 And I want it, someday. 314 00:13:18,970 --> 00:13:20,850 But just in the future. 315 00:13:21,130 --> 00:13:23,600 You need somebody who-- o understands your references. 316 00:13:23,670 --> 00:13:24,940 Who is Kafkaesque? 317 00:13:24,980 --> 00:13:27,250 I've never--I don't know him. 318 00:13:28,670 --> 00:13:32,120 There's another woman, and her name is Italy... 319 00:13:32,150 --> 00:13:34,850 and skydiving... and bungee jumping. 320 00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:36,090 Okay, so... 321 00:13:36,130 --> 00:13:37,480 And I want kids. 322 00:13:37,510 --> 00:13:41,770 And you, unfortunately, have already completed that part of your journey down there. 323 00:13:41,810 --> 00:13:44,240 - Michael! - It's not my decision. It's mother nature. 324 00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:47,730 And mother has very strict rules about... 325 00:13:55,240 --> 00:13:56,850 fertility. 326 00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:59,720 Yeah, I, um... I got it. 327 00:14:00,050 --> 00:14:01,690 I'm 58. 328 00:14:01,770 --> 00:14:03,610 What am I supposed to do now? 329 00:14:04,170 --> 00:14:06,040 - Well, hobbies... - Stop. 330 00:14:09,750 --> 00:14:11,690 - What's going on? - Stupid thing wedged up there. 331 00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:13,220 No one in this office will help me. 332 00:14:13,330 --> 00:14:14,480 Move it. 333 00:14:14,670 --> 00:14:16,970 What if Dwight dies and I still owe him something? 334 00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:19,170 That is a recipe for a ghost. 335 00:14:19,210 --> 00:14:22,500 - Oh, yeah, you're gonna owe me big time. - It’s like a little envelope...there you go. 336 00:14:22,530 --> 00:14:25,000 Got it. "To Dwight"? 337 00:14:28,510 --> 00:14:29,690 A Starbucks gift card. 338 00:14:29,730 --> 00:14:31,600 Surprise! 339 00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:33,710 It's for everybody. 340 00:14:34,050 --> 00:14:36,170 $15 value. 341 00:14:37,130 --> 00:14:40,190 Damn it! I am no closer to taking Jim down. 342 00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:42,030 Ugh, what a waste of the day. 343 00:14:42,110 --> 00:14:45,690 I could have grown poison mushrooms that'd be this high by now! 344 00:14:46,700 --> 00:14:47,810 They're mushrooms. 345 00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:49,490 They don't get that high. 346 00:14:49,820 --> 00:14:51,550 Pamela Beasley Halpert. 347 00:14:51,630 --> 00:14:53,770 - What? - May I have a word with you in my office, please? 348 00:14:53,840 --> 00:14:54,590 I am working. 349 00:14:54,620 --> 00:14:57,870 Well... This is a work-related matter. 350 00:14:57,900 --> 00:14:59,610 - Really? - Yes. 351 00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:01,590 - Really? - Yes. 352 00:15:01,620 --> 00:15:03,630 Join me, please, won't you? 353 00:15:07,500 --> 00:15:10,360 - I'm going to give you a raise, Pam. - Why? 354 00:15:10,430 --> 00:15:12,600 Because of all the good work you've done. 355 00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:14,600 I have the lowest sales record of anyone here. 356 00:15:14,640 --> 00:15:16,060 No, no. 357 00:15:16,100 --> 00:15:17,260 It's not about numbers, Pam. 358 00:15:17,290 --> 00:15:18,370 It's about attitude. 359 00:15:18,410 --> 00:15:21,070 I have the worst attitude of any person here. 360 00:15:21,260 --> 00:15:23,860 Do you want the raise or what? 361 00:15:24,090 --> 00:15:25,290 - Yeah, I'll take it. - Okay. 362 00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:27,060 Hey, Pam. 363 00:15:27,140 --> 00:15:29,270 With this raise there are strings attached. 364 00:15:29,790 --> 00:15:35,650 And the string is attached from my heart to your mean attitude. 365 00:15:35,730 --> 00:15:36,710 You're bribing me. 366 00:15:36,770 --> 00:15:39,340 No, no. No, am not. 367 00:15:39,380 --> 00:15:41,280 Unless you want me to. You want me to? 368 00:15:41,390 --> 00:15:43,620 'Cause I will. I will bribe you. 369 00:15:43,780 --> 00:15:48,550 No...your face is saying don't. 370 00:15:48,590 --> 00:15:51,090 Unless I haven't offered you enough. 371 00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:53,820 Your face isn't changing. 372 00:15:54,770 --> 00:15:56,080 What is it? 373 00:15:56,120 --> 00:15:59,120 Talk to me, face. Tell me what Pam's brain is thinking. 374 00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:02,880 Oh, come on, what do you want? What do you want? 375 00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:04,240 Do you want a million dollars? 376 00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:05,540 Do you want to hit me? 377 00:16:05,580 --> 00:16:07,180 You want me to get down on one knee and beg you? 378 00:16:07,210 --> 00:16:09,310 - I want to hit you. - What? 379 00:16:09,380 --> 00:16:11,240 I want to hit you. I'll do that. 380 00:16:12,470 --> 00:16:14,780 Okay. What? 381 00:16:14,820 --> 00:16:16,300 I don't-- are you kidding? 382 00:16:16,340 --> 00:16:17,480 No. Are you kidding? 383 00:16:17,510 --> 00:16:20,780 Ye--no. I don't-- all right, come on. 384 00:16:20,820 --> 00:16:23,660 I'll take off my jacket and tense my stomach, and you just... 385 00:16:24,340 --> 00:16:28,190 No, I don’t think I can hit you in the office. 386 00:16:28,250 --> 00:16:29,630 Ok. 387 00:16:29,730 --> 00:16:32,190 So we'll do it after work? 388 00:16:32,220 --> 00:16:33,710 In the parking lot. 389 00:16:33,740 --> 00:16:35,620 In front of everyone. 390 00:16:35,720 --> 00:16:37,210 I'm gonna hit you as hard as I can. 391 00:16:37,250 --> 00:16:39,030 Okay. 392 00:16:39,070 --> 00:16:40,160 - Okay. - Okay. 393 00:16:40,190 --> 00:16:41,760 - See you then. - See you. 394 00:16:46,990 --> 00:16:47,880 Quick question. 395 00:16:49,710 --> 00:16:51,140 Are you scared? 396 00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:52,790 Never. 397 00:16:52,900 --> 00:16:53,960 About what? 398 00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:55,040 A little. What are you talking about? 399 00:16:55,070 --> 00:16:56,330 Heard about the punch. 400 00:16:56,370 --> 00:16:57,310 - What punch? - Pam. 401 00:16:57,350 --> 00:16:59,960 She's gonna punch the crap out of your face after work. 402 00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:02,020 I'm pretty sure we said "slap." 403 00:17:02,060 --> 00:17:02,990 No, it's a punch. 404 00:17:03,020 --> 00:17:05,010 And Pam has that crazy pregnancy strength now. 405 00:17:05,050 --> 00:17:09,580 I'm getting concerned that you don't seem to understand what's going to happen. 406 00:17:09,980 --> 00:17:11,220 Do you? 407 00:17:11,500 --> 00:17:13,680 Uh. I’m good. 408 00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:15,240 All right, see you there. 409 00:17:17,860 --> 00:17:20,140 - Do you and Pam ever get frisky? - Inappropriate. 410 00:17:20,170 --> 00:17:23,280 I mean, do you ever wrestle with each other? 411 00:17:23,340 --> 00:17:24,720 - All the time. - Really? 412 00:17:24,750 --> 00:17:26,710 - Is she strong? - She wants it bad, Michael. 413 00:17:26,740 --> 00:17:27,960 Can you stop this? 414 00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:29,810 - I can. - Okay. 415 00:17:29,880 --> 00:17:33,040 - And I don't support her choice to hit you. - I don't either. 416 00:17:33,070 --> 00:17:35,380 But at the same time, she goes crazy. 417 00:17:35,580 --> 00:17:38,240 And I do understand her reasoning. 418 00:17:38,900 --> 00:17:40,200 I know. 419 00:17:40,270 --> 00:17:41,280 I just need some time. 420 00:17:41,350 --> 00:17:42,650 - Give me some time to think about it. - You gotta do something. 421 00:17:42,720 --> 00:17:45,170 - Give me some time to make a decision. - How much time do you need? 422 00:17:45,210 --> 00:17:48,060 - No me than a week. Maybe two. - Come on, man! 423 00:17:48,130 --> 00:17:49,890 Pam, can I talk to you for a second? 424 00:17:49,930 --> 00:17:51,880 I heard about the hit. 425 00:17:51,910 --> 00:17:53,870 Just to be sure, it's off company property, right? 426 00:17:53,910 --> 00:17:54,900 - Right. - Okay 427 00:17:54,940 --> 00:17:56,790 I think it should probably be okay. 428 00:17:56,830 --> 00:17:58,380 - Okay. - Okay. 429 00:17:58,660 --> 00:18:04,420 And... The--the power comes from the back foot. 430 00:18:04,620 --> 00:18:08,180 So it's all one motion through the body. 431 00:18:08,380 --> 00:18:10,890 So there's-- you stay a little low. 432 00:18:11,100 --> 00:18:12,580 There's a twist. 433 00:18:12,610 --> 00:18:14,130 You keep your shoulder down. 434 00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:16,230 You kind of throw out the arm. 435 00:18:18,070 --> 00:18:19,520 Okay, wait. 436 00:18:19,930 --> 00:18:21,680 It's-- you're saying it comes from the foot? 437 00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:22,910 Yes. 438 00:18:22,950 --> 00:18:24,280 Okay. 439 00:18:24,690 --> 00:18:26,910 Yeah. Okay. 440 00:18:27,540 --> 00:18:29,970 Hey, everybody, he's not in the men's room, 441 00:18:30,010 --> 00:18:32,790 although the seat was warm, so we may have just missed him. 442 00:18:32,860 --> 00:18:34,070 My money's on Pam. 443 00:18:34,110 --> 00:18:36,840 It's not a fight what other outcome could there be? 444 00:18:36,910 --> 00:18:38,080 Michael could win. 445 00:18:38,110 --> 00:18:39,050 How? 446 00:18:39,120 --> 00:18:39,970 He can't hit back. 447 00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:42,830 Why can't you just agree with me sometimes? 448 00:18:43,060 --> 00:18:45,240 Am I scared of getting hit in the face? No. 449 00:18:45,460 --> 00:18:50,180 Every day, weirdos pay dominatrices hundreds of dollars for that very privilege. 450 00:18:50,360 --> 00:18:52,230 I'm scared I'm gonna love it. 451 00:18:53,220 --> 00:18:54,720 Let's do this! 452 00:18:55,050 --> 00:18:56,750 It's okay, guys, I can handle this. 453 00:18:56,930 --> 00:18:58,100 Everybody can go home. 454 00:18:58,170 --> 00:19:00,120 We're here for the show, Michael. 455 00:19:00,220 --> 00:19:02,270 You're just a bunch of voyeurs. 456 00:19:02,340 --> 00:19:03,510 Are you eating popcorn? 457 00:19:03,550 --> 00:19:04,810 Has almost no calories. 458 00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:06,090 You ready? 459 00:19:07,310 --> 00:19:08,160 Yes. 460 00:19:09,620 --> 00:19:11,560 - You have to keep your hands down, Michael. - I know. 461 00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:15,720 Okay. All right. 462 00:19:16,790 --> 00:19:17,580 No! God! 463 00:19:17,620 --> 00:19:19,160 Michael! You have to keep your hands down. 464 00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:20,730 Put your hands in your pockets. 465 00:19:20,770 --> 00:19:22,310 Okay. 466 00:19:28,240 --> 00:19:29,860 Pam! Pam... 467 00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:33,390 I’m really sorry. I'm sorry. 468 00:19:33,430 --> 00:19:34,560 What are you sorry for? 469 00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:37,030 So many things. I don't know, it's hard to choose. 470 00:19:37,060 --> 00:19:38,830 How' bout for dating my mom. 471 00:19:38,870 --> 00:19:40,760 - Maybe that's... - And dumping her on her birthday. 472 00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:42,260 Yes. 473 00:19:45,140 --> 00:19:52,030 Okay, just... Don't ever date a member of my family again. 474 00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:55,340 Okay. No problem. 475 00:19:56,220 --> 00:19:58,320 For the record, your mom came on to me. 476 00:20:00,500 --> 00:20:02,340 Holy crap! 477 00:20:04,430 --> 00:20:06,330 - Are you okay? - No! 478 00:20:06,540 --> 00:20:08,200 You're okay. 479 00:20:09,410 --> 00:20:10,550 Feel better? 480 00:20:10,620 --> 00:20:12,370 No. You were right. 481 00:20:14,900 --> 00:20:16,100 Com wait, why are you limping? 482 00:20:16,170 --> 00:20:17,410 I don't know. 483 00:20:17,480 --> 00:20:19,280 Let's get some raw meat on that face. 484 00:20:19,350 --> 00:20:21,320 I've got a chicken in the freezer upstairs. 485 00:20:21,390 --> 00:20:25,850 As I watched Pam's big, strong hand coming toward my face, 486 00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:29,090 I saw my entire life flash before my eyes. 487 00:20:29,170 --> 00:20:30,510 And guess what. 488 00:20:30,620 --> 00:20:32,240 I have four kids. 489 00:20:32,930 --> 00:20:35,540 And I have a hover-car and a hover-house. 490 00:20:36,520 --> 00:20:40,160 And my wife is a runner, and it shows. 491 00:20:40,420 --> 00:20:44,290 And Pam and Jim are my best friends, and our kids play together. 492 00:20:44,970 --> 00:20:51,730 And I am happy, I'm rich, and I never die. 493 00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:56,490 It doesn't sound like much, but it's enough for me. 494 00:20:57,450 --> 00:20:59,530 Good, good. Just keep it on there for another five minutes. 495 00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:02,380 Let the swelling go down. 496 00:21:02,710 --> 00:21:04,190 Oh, thank you. 497 00:21:04,260 --> 00:21:06,640 Thanks. I owe you one, Dwight. 498 00:21:08,670 --> 00:21:09,930 Fire Jim. 499 00:21:09,980 --> 00:21:11,210 No. 500 00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:13,250 I'm cashing in the favor. Fire him! 501 00:21:13,290 --> 00:21:14,340 - What are you talk... - do it! 502 00:21:14,370 --> 00:21:15,260 Promote me. 503 00:21:15,310 --> 00:21:17,150 - Tri-managers? - Forget that. 504 00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:18,390 - Can I have an office? - No. 505 00:21:18,430 --> 00:21:21,530 You know what? You can keep your stupid favor. It's worthless. 506 00:21:21,610 --> 00:21:24,190 And this is my dinner on your face. I'm keeping it! 507 00:21:25,580 --> 00:21:27,490 Oh, that feels better. 508 00:21:28,580 --> 00:21:29,490 Grammar Checked by Ikaiz