1
00:00:14,880 --> 00:00:16,370
Stop it!
Stop what?

2
00:00:16,448 --> 00:00:18,416
You're talking
about me in Morse Code.

3
00:00:18,483 --> 00:00:20,917
But you know what? Joke's on
you 'cause I know Morse Code.

4
00:00:20,986 --> 00:00:21,975
Ha!

5
00:00:23,288 --> 00:00:24,846
Yeah, that's what
we're doing.

6
00:00:25,223 --> 00:00:27,817
In our very limited free time
and with our very limited budget,

7
00:00:27,893 --> 00:00:30,657
we went and got a nanny, and
then we went out and took a class

8
00:00:30,729 --> 00:00:33,630
on a very outmoded and very
unnecessary form of communication

9
00:00:33,698 --> 00:00:36,258
just so we can talk
about you in front of you.

10
00:00:36,868 --> 00:00:39,166
Yep, that's exactly
what we did.

11
00:00:40,205 --> 00:00:43,868
It all started when Dwight was tapping
his foot against the leg of his desk.

12
00:00:44,209 --> 00:00:45,471
When I asked him
to stop, he said,

13
00:00:45,544 --> 00:00:48,707
"I will when you
lose the baby weight."

14
00:00:50,415 --> 00:00:54,408
Very well. I must have
imagined it. I apologize.

15
00:01:07,532 --> 00:01:10,695
Detonator? Detonator. Where?

16
00:01:11,236 --> 00:01:12,498
Michael!

17
00:01:12,871 --> 00:01:15,840
Jim, are you
clicking a detonator?

18
00:01:16,541 --> 00:01:18,133
It's a pen.
Michael, come on.

19
00:01:18,210 --> 00:01:20,542
Get back to work,
Dwight. Please.

20
00:01:22,848 --> 00:01:23,837
Fine.

21
00:01:27,719 --> 00:01:30,051
Hey, tap away.

22
00:02:07,225 --> 00:02:07,452
Whoo!

23
00:02:08,326 --> 00:02:12,160
Things with Donna are so...
They're going great!

24
00:02:13,632 --> 00:02:17,625
I... We're just
clicking on every level.

25
00:02:18,336 --> 00:02:23,069
Emotionally, and sexually, and orally.

26
00:02:23,375 --> 00:02:28,278
<i>And I am not used to
relationships going this well.</i>

27
00:02:28,346 --> 00:02:31,645
I'm actually having trouble
focusing on my job.

28
00:02:32,450 --> 00:02:35,078
<i>And I like it</i>

29
00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:38,050
Who enjoys the weekends?

30
00:02:39,190 --> 00:02:42,353
Of course. Now the
weekend is always great

31
00:02:42,427 --> 00:02:46,523
if you have someone, which I
do. I have Donna, she is hot.

32
00:02:46,765 --> 00:02:48,130
She has a Pilates butt.

33
00:02:48,199 --> 00:02:51,600
But we need to find something to
do this weekend beside have sex.

34
00:02:52,404 --> 00:02:53,769
Did I say that?
Yes, I did.

35
00:02:53,838 --> 00:02:56,807
And the reason you are here
is that I need ideas

36
00:02:56,875 --> 00:02:59,673
for things that Donna and I can do
on the weekend. So just shout it out.

37
00:02:59,744 --> 00:03:01,575
I have an idea for your weekend. Okay.

38
00:03:01,646 --> 00:03:03,841
Let me go back to my
desk right now. Okay.

39
00:03:03,915 --> 00:03:06,110
You get out of here,
big dog.

40
00:03:06,184 --> 00:03:08,118
No, no, no, no, you guys
sit down. I need ideas.

41
00:03:08,186 --> 00:03:09,175
Stanley got to go.

42
00:03:09,254 --> 00:03:10,619
Yeah, Well, Stanley
doesn't help with anything.

43
00:03:10,689 --> 00:03:11,951
Come on, shout them out.
Shout them out.

44
00:03:12,023 --> 00:03:13,285
Walk around apple orchards.
Oh!

45
00:03:13,358 --> 00:03:14,620
Super romantic.
That's fun.

46
00:03:14,693 --> 00:03:15,819
Eel fishing.
All right.

47
00:03:15,894 --> 00:03:17,521
Curl up with
your favorite DVD.

48
00:03:17,596 --> 00:03:19,029
You and Donna
should hit the Poconos.

49
00:03:19,097 --> 00:03:21,861
They have heart-shaped
Jacuzzis, room enough for three.

50
00:03:21,933 --> 00:03:24,094
We actually went to the
Poconos last Tuesday.

51
00:03:24,169 --> 00:03:29,072
We headed up there, we went to a
little Chinese bistro, P.F. Chang's.

52
00:03:29,374 --> 00:03:31,467
Why would you go all the way
to the Poconos to P.F. Chang's

53
00:03:31,543 --> 00:03:33,272
when we have
the Great Wall in Scranton?

54
00:03:33,478 --> 00:03:34,911
Because when your
super-hot girlfriend

55
00:03:34,980 --> 00:03:36,345
says, "I want to
go to Mount Pocono,"

56
00:03:36,414 --> 00:03:39,212
you go to Mount Pocono,
and you do her.

57
00:03:39,284 --> 00:03:41,548
And we screwed. Whoops!
TMI!

58
00:03:41,620 --> 00:03:43,884
Wait, that's crazy far. Are
you sure she's not cheating?

59
00:03:43,955 --> 00:03:46,082
You know what, Kelly,
this is the real world.

60
00:03:46,157 --> 00:03:48,591
<i>Not,
The Real World, Scranton.</i>

61
00:03:48,660 --> 00:03:50,218
Oh, my God,
this is super weird.

62
00:03:50,295 --> 00:03:51,353
When Ryan had
two girlfriends,

63
00:03:51,429 --> 00:03:53,124
he used to take me to
some diner in Hazleton

64
00:03:53,198 --> 00:03:54,324
just so the other
girl wouldn't see.

65
00:03:54,399 --> 00:03:56,867
Some diner?
It was the Starlight Diner.

66
00:03:56,935 --> 00:03:59,995
<i>It's in a Life magazine
spread about Americana.</i>

67
00:04:00,071 --> 00:04:01,732
You guys think
Donna's cheating on me?

68
00:04:02,007 --> 00:04:03,941
No. Michael, no.

69
00:04:04,009 --> 00:04:07,410
You had a nice meal with your
girlfriend in a lovely place.

70
00:04:07,479 --> 00:04:09,071
And sex. We had sex, too. That is right.

71
00:04:09,147 --> 00:04:11,047
Don't make any more of it.
How?

72
00:04:11,116 --> 00:04:13,209
How what? How do I not
make any more of it?

73
00:04:13,284 --> 00:04:15,115
You could start by
concluding this meeting.

74
00:04:15,186 --> 00:04:16,210
All right.

75
00:04:16,521 --> 00:04:19,422
Okay. And she won't say, "I love you."

76
00:04:19,491 --> 00:04:20,480
Oh, no.

77
00:04:20,558 --> 00:04:21,855
How many dates
have you been on?

78
00:04:21,926 --> 00:04:24,554
Nine dates. I said
it on the second date.

79
00:04:25,130 --> 00:04:28,657
That seems quick,
even for lesbians.

80
00:04:28,867 --> 00:04:30,926
Does she keep her phone
locked around you, Michael?

81
00:04:31,002 --> 00:04:33,334
Does she watch how much she
drinks around you, Michael?

82
00:04:33,405 --> 00:04:35,305
Does she leave the room
when she takes phone calls?

83
00:04:35,373 --> 00:04:37,841
Does she keep perfume in her
purse? Does she shower before sex?

84
00:04:37,909 --> 00:04:39,740
Does she shower
after sex? Does she...

85
00:04:39,811 --> 00:04:41,108
Yeah, she does all that.

86
00:04:41,179 --> 00:04:42,407
Sorry, dude.
Oh, no, no, no, no.

87
00:04:42,480 --> 00:04:44,380
Michael, do not let
your imagination run amok.

88
00:04:44,449 --> 00:04:45,711
Run what?
Amok.

89
00:04:45,784 --> 00:04:47,911
It means don't let your
imagination run out of control.

90
00:04:47,986 --> 00:04:49,681
Why didn't you
just say that, Pam?

91
00:04:49,754 --> 00:04:51,915
Michael, do not let your
imagination run out of control.

92
00:04:51,990 --> 00:04:53,423
Well, that's easy
for you to say.

93
00:04:53,491 --> 00:04:55,391
You have a bad imagination, it's stupid.

94
00:04:55,460 --> 00:04:56,950
I live in a fantasy world.

95
00:04:57,028 --> 00:04:58,154
You do?

96
00:04:58,229 --> 00:04:59,958
Yes, Jim, I do.

97
00:05:00,031 --> 00:05:01,862
And I can't stay
in a relationship

98
00:05:01,933 --> 00:05:03,730
that is full of
lies and deceit.

99
00:05:03,802 --> 00:05:05,633
But you didn't believe any of
this was true five minutes ago.

100
00:05:05,704 --> 00:05:07,831
That's what makes it so raw.

101
00:05:07,906 --> 00:05:10,238
Ever since I found out that
Donna might be cheating on me,

102
00:05:10,308 --> 00:05:12,333
I have not eaten or slept.

103
00:05:13,745 --> 00:05:16,714
It's the not knowing,
that's what's killing me.

104
00:05:20,018 --> 00:05:22,384
Oh, God, that tickles.
What do you...

105
00:05:23,288 --> 00:05:25,552
I want
someone to follow Donna.

106
00:05:25,623 --> 00:05:26,954
I want her tailed.

107
00:05:28,059 --> 00:05:30,084
I need the name of a
good private investigator.

108
00:05:30,395 --> 00:05:32,556
I think
I've got one for you.

109
00:05:33,998 --> 00:05:35,761
This is you.
How much do you charge?

110
00:05:35,834 --> 00:05:37,392
$100 a day plus expenses.

111
00:05:37,469 --> 00:05:38,834
I'll give you 50.
Money's no object.

112
00:05:38,903 --> 00:05:39,961
Done.

113
00:05:40,038 --> 00:05:42,268
I'm just going to warn you, and
I say this to all my clients,

114
00:05:42,340 --> 00:05:43,671
you might not
like what I find.

115
00:05:43,742 --> 00:05:44,800
Okay.

116
00:05:44,876 --> 00:05:47,310
And you might not
like how I find it.

117
00:05:51,082 --> 00:05:53,414
Of course.
Yeah, that's terrible.

118
00:05:53,485 --> 00:05:55,680
Okay, let me get back to you.

119
00:05:56,788 --> 00:06:00,053
Hey, Stanley, one of my clients just
called and said that their Sabre printer

120
00:06:00,125 --> 00:06:02,389
started smoking
and caught on fire.

121
00:06:02,794 --> 00:06:06,821
My doctor told me to cut out
hotdogs. We all got problems.

122
00:06:10,201 --> 00:06:13,170
Hey, Gabe, I need to talk to you
about something. It's really important.

123
00:06:13,238 --> 00:06:15,297
There's no way that you guys
have any almond butter, right?

124
00:06:15,373 --> 00:06:17,568
Yeah, I don't know. Look,
one of my clients called.

125
00:06:17,642 --> 00:06:18,904
He was in the middle
of a big printing job

126
00:06:18,977 --> 00:06:20,877
and the back of the
printer started smoking

127
00:06:20,945 --> 00:06:22,606
and then the paper
tray caught on fire.

128
00:06:22,847 --> 00:06:25,941
That's weird. I haven't
heard of that happening.

129
00:06:26,151 --> 00:06:27,778
I would even settle
for apricot preserves.

130
00:06:28,119 --> 00:06:29,279
What are we going
to do about this?

131
00:06:29,354 --> 00:06:31,914
I don't know. Call HQ,
see if they know anything.

132
00:06:32,657 --> 00:06:37,151
Yeah, that's what I'll
do today. All right.

133
00:06:37,228 --> 00:06:38,718
Let me know what they say.

134
00:06:40,999 --> 00:06:43,627
Wow, that dude is good.

135
00:06:43,701 --> 00:06:44,827
What do you mean?

136
00:06:45,069 --> 00:06:47,128
You didn't feel like
he was hiding something?

137
00:06:47,405 --> 00:06:48,463
I don't know.

138
00:06:48,540 --> 00:06:51,168
Like he was
covering something up?

139
00:06:51,810 --> 00:06:52,799
Maybe.

140
00:07:02,887 --> 00:07:04,980
Two years ago,
Andy blamed the warehouse

141
00:07:05,056 --> 00:07:07,581
for a late shipment
that he forgot to process.

142
00:07:07,659 --> 00:07:10,651
We got yelled at pretty bad,
almost lost my job.

143
00:07:10,728 --> 00:07:13,094
Man, I was mad as
hell at the time.

144
00:07:13,164 --> 00:07:16,531
But I said, "Darryl,
just wait. He's a fool.

145
00:07:16,601 --> 00:07:20,093
"There's going to be an
opportunity. Just be patient."

146
00:07:22,907 --> 00:07:24,101
Hey, stranger.

147
00:07:24,175 --> 00:07:26,268
Oh, hi.
You work for Michael.

148
00:07:26,344 --> 00:07:28,244
I work with Michael.
Right.

149
00:07:28,313 --> 00:07:30,144
Dwight Schrute.
Donna, hi.

150
00:07:30,315 --> 00:07:32,408
All cases are
solved with logic.

151
00:07:32,483 --> 00:07:35,975
The only logical way to find out if
Donna is a cheater is to seduce her,

152
00:07:36,054 --> 00:07:40,218
bring her to orgasm, then call
Michael and tell him the sad news.

153
00:07:41,659 --> 00:07:43,422
Wow. It's a little early for
ice cream, don't you think?

154
00:07:43,494 --> 00:07:45,962
It's never too early
for ice cream, Jim.

155
00:07:46,030 --> 00:07:48,021
But we didn't
have any ice cream,

156
00:07:48,099 --> 00:07:49,828
so this is mayonnaise
and black olives.

157
00:07:49,901 --> 00:07:50,925
Oh!
Oh, my God.

158
00:07:51,002 --> 00:07:52,162
It's comfort food,
all right?

159
00:07:52,770 --> 00:07:53,794
God!

160
00:07:53,872 --> 00:07:55,737
Michael, this whole Donna
thing is going to be okay.

161
00:07:55,807 --> 00:07:57,206
You just...
Stop beating yourself up.

162
00:07:57,275 --> 00:07:58,936
I know. Well,
I hope you're right.

163
00:07:59,010 --> 00:08:00,034
We'll see what Dwight says.

164
00:08:00,111 --> 00:08:01,339
Why do we have to
see what Dwight says?

165
00:08:01,412 --> 00:08:03,141
Because I have him
investigating her.

166
00:08:03,214 --> 00:08:04,340
I'm waiting for
a text update.

167
00:08:04,415 --> 00:08:05,575
Michael,
no, no, no, no, no, no.

168
00:08:05,650 --> 00:08:06,776
No, no, no, no, no.
Undo that.

169
00:08:06,851 --> 00:08:09,046
Undo that.
It's too late to undo it.

170
00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:11,953
I need to know, otherwise this
thing is going to spiral out of amok.

171
00:08:12,023 --> 00:08:15,220
Michael, okay, I'm going
to talk straight to you

172
00:08:15,293 --> 00:08:16,555
because I think you need
to hear it. Michael...

173
00:08:16,628 --> 00:08:17,925
This
is so disgusting.

174
00:08:17,996 --> 00:08:20,794
Stop eating it.
Do you want to be happy?

175
00:08:20,865 --> 00:08:24,631
Look at you. You have a major
self-destructive streak in you.

176
00:08:24,903 --> 00:08:26,530
I know.
And you...

177
00:08:26,604 --> 00:08:30,233
You kind of torpedo every
romantic relationship you're in.

178
00:08:30,308 --> 00:08:31,468
That's not true.

179
00:08:34,712 --> 00:08:36,612
You're right.
I ruin everything.

180
00:08:37,548 --> 00:08:39,482
And I have known
some wonderful women.

181
00:08:39,717 --> 00:08:41,844
Holly, Carole, Jan.

182
00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:43,046
Helene.

183
00:08:43,121 --> 00:08:44,179
Helene?

184
00:08:44,255 --> 00:08:45,950
My mother.
Oh!

185
00:08:46,024 --> 00:08:47,013
My mother, Helene.

186
00:08:47,091 --> 00:08:48,718
Oh, yeah. Yes, yes, yes.

187
00:08:48,793 --> 00:08:51,785
All of the greatest
loves of my life.

188
00:08:52,196 --> 00:08:56,462
You should stop this. You
should call Dwight right now.

189
00:08:58,303 --> 00:08:59,634
All right.

190
00:09:05,576 --> 00:09:08,204
Oh, gosh, we're both going for
the same weight at the same time.

191
00:09:08,279 --> 00:09:09,371
You go ahead.
Thank you.

192
00:09:09,447 --> 00:09:10,539
It's all yours.

193
00:09:28,466 --> 00:09:29,455
You okay?

194
00:09:29,534 --> 00:09:30,762
Yeah, I'm good.

195
00:09:31,035 --> 00:09:33,833
Hey, you know an exercise for two
people that uses the whole body?

196
00:09:35,740 --> 00:09:37,708
Yeah, I think I know
what you're talking about.

197
00:09:37,775 --> 00:09:39,606
Tractor pull.

198
00:09:39,677 --> 00:09:41,770
Too bad there's
not a tractor here.

199
00:09:49,620 --> 00:09:51,019
One thing you need
to know about me,

200
00:09:51,089 --> 00:09:53,353
I don't quit until
something tears or pops.

201
00:09:55,093 --> 00:09:57,391
You look like you're
getting a good workout.

202
00:09:57,495 --> 00:09:58,519
Can I feel your pulse?

203
00:09:58,596 --> 00:10:00,496
Nope,
I'm good. Thanks.

204
00:10:00,565 --> 00:10:01,793
Really?

205
00:10:02,033 --> 00:10:03,295
Hey. All right.

206
00:10:03,368 --> 00:10:04,892
Young man, can you
wipe down that seat?

207
00:10:04,969 --> 00:10:06,266
Get out of my way.

208
00:10:06,404 --> 00:10:09,396
Tomorrow's
fertilizer, am I right?

209
00:10:09,607 --> 00:10:10,631
I'm out of here.

210
00:10:10,708 --> 00:10:12,073
Donna, Donna, wait. Please.

211
00:10:12,143 --> 00:10:13,838
I'm sorry, okay?

212
00:10:13,911 --> 00:10:17,039
Listen, we both know
why I'm here.

213
00:10:17,382 --> 00:10:20,545
To see you naked

214
00:10:20,818 --> 00:10:24,652
while I'm naked.

215
00:10:25,089 --> 00:10:27,523
You stay away from me
or I'm calling security.

216
00:10:28,659 --> 00:10:30,217
Donna, come...

217
00:10:33,231 --> 00:10:34,425
You're back. What happened?

218
00:10:34,599 --> 00:10:37,124
I pulled muscles in both my
thighs. Thanks for asking.

219
00:10:37,201 --> 00:10:38,634
No. What happened with Donna?

220
00:10:38,703 --> 00:10:40,398
Yeah, no.
She's not cheating.

221
00:10:40,538 --> 00:10:43,769
Oh, man! Will you help me
work out this knot? Right here.

222
00:10:43,875 --> 00:10:45,843
Put your fingers here.
Ugh! No, no.

223
00:10:45,910 --> 00:10:47,138
Are you sure?
I'm positive.

224
00:10:47,211 --> 00:10:50,339
Yeah, here's your expense
receipts. Right there.

225
00:10:50,415 --> 00:10:52,076
Who eats eight
protein bars?

226
00:10:53,017 --> 00:10:54,314
People who don't
trust egg whites.

227
00:10:54,385 --> 00:10:56,819
Okay. Well, I am just
glad this is all over.

228
00:10:56,888 --> 00:10:57,946
Oh! Me, too.

229
00:10:58,022 --> 00:10:59,853
And by the way,
I told her not to,

230
00:10:59,924 --> 00:11:01,653
but she's coming over
here and she's furious.

231
00:11:01,926 --> 00:11:03,553
What? No, she didn't
say that. You're right.

232
00:11:04,328 --> 00:11:05,989
I was paraphrasing.

233
00:11:06,397 --> 00:11:08,922
What she actually said was,
"What is with him?

234
00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:11,366
"He is crazy. I'm coming
over there to talk to him."

235
00:11:11,669 --> 00:11:13,159
And this was after
I had no other recourse

236
00:11:13,237 --> 00:11:15,205
but to tell her
and gym security

237
00:11:15,273 --> 00:11:18,208
that you had sent me there
to see if she was cheating.

238
00:11:18,910 --> 00:11:22,812
Also, I joined the gym.
You'll be billed monthly.

239
00:11:25,716 --> 00:11:28,241
I am not
paying for that membership.

240
00:11:37,328 --> 00:11:39,922
Maybe you'd be more
comfortable in your own office.

241
00:11:39,997 --> 00:11:42,227
No, I like the attention.

242
00:11:44,635 --> 00:11:45,624
Is she here yet?

243
00:11:45,703 --> 00:11:46,761
No.

244
00:11:47,939 --> 00:11:49,372
Wait, yes.
That's her?

245
00:11:49,440 --> 00:11:50,964
Yeah.

246
00:11:52,076 --> 00:11:53,100
Mmm-hmm.

247
00:11:53,177 --> 00:11:57,341
Right. Right. Right.
Okay, I'll talk to you later.

248
00:12:01,486 --> 00:12:03,545
How could you think
I would cheat on you?

249
00:12:03,621 --> 00:12:06,089
I didn't, everybody
else here did.

250
00:12:06,157 --> 00:12:09,354
Everybody convinced me
that something was up.

251
00:12:09,427 --> 00:12:10,985
They poisoned my mind.

252
00:12:11,062 --> 00:12:12,188
That's pathetic.

253
00:12:13,664 --> 00:12:16,064
Well, no, it's a lie.

254
00:12:16,734 --> 00:12:18,133
That's not what happened.

255
00:12:18,536 --> 00:12:21,437
I just like you. I can't
believe I get to be with you.

256
00:12:22,406 --> 00:12:24,567
You work at
an adult arcade.

257
00:12:25,610 --> 00:12:26,975
You could have
any man you want.

258
00:12:27,979 --> 00:12:32,382
When I tell you I like you,
you need to trust me.

259
00:12:32,583 --> 00:12:34,050
Not some freak.

260
00:12:35,386 --> 00:12:37,047
If you want to dump me,
I totally get it.

261
00:12:37,121 --> 00:12:38,645
I told you I like you.

262
00:12:39,957 --> 00:12:42,858
Well, you are bonerific.

263
00:12:46,264 --> 00:12:50,394
Hey, if I said that we should go
away for a couple days, you would...

264
00:12:50,735 --> 00:12:51,793
Poop my pants.

265
00:12:51,869 --> 00:12:53,700
Have you ever
been to Vero Beach?

266
00:12:53,771 --> 00:12:55,568
Oh, my God, Vero Beach?

267
00:12:55,640 --> 00:12:58,541
No. Is that on the water?

268
00:12:58,609 --> 00:12:59,598
We're going.

269
00:12:59,677 --> 00:13:00,803
We are?
Yeah.

270
00:13:00,878 --> 00:13:02,345
What's up?
I read your e-mail.

271
00:13:02,413 --> 00:13:04,074
Close the door.

272
00:13:04,549 --> 00:13:06,073
Okay.

273
00:13:06,150 --> 00:13:09,517
I don't have a plan exactly,
more of a loose structure.

274
00:13:10,354 --> 00:13:13,482
Gives me freedom to
improvise. It's like jazz.

275
00:13:16,527 --> 00:13:18,495
<i>* Andy don't mess with me *</i>

276
00:13:20,331 --> 00:13:21,559
I'll figure something out.

277
00:13:22,133 --> 00:13:23,896
Some freaky stuff going on.

278
00:13:23,968 --> 00:13:26,163
I was walking by Gabe
and I heard some things.

279
00:13:26,537 --> 00:13:27,868
Such as?

280
00:13:27,939 --> 00:13:30,271
It was kind of mumbled.
I don't know.

281
00:13:30,341 --> 00:13:34,710
The only thing I could make out
clearly was, "Andy, problem, eliminate."

282
00:13:34,779 --> 00:13:35,871
Something. I don't
know what it meant.

283
00:13:35,947 --> 00:13:37,539
What? You don't
know what it meant?

284
00:13:37,615 --> 00:13:41,176
How about, "Andy is a problem
and we must eliminate him."

285
00:13:41,519 --> 00:13:43,680
Oh! I hadn't even
thought of that.

286
00:13:43,754 --> 00:13:45,381
Yeah.

287
00:13:50,628 --> 00:13:52,289
Oh, hey,
I love your earrings.

288
00:13:52,363 --> 00:13:53,421
Thank you.

289
00:13:53,497 --> 00:13:55,124
Did Michael
get them for you?

290
00:13:55,199 --> 00:13:57,224
No, I bought them myself.

291
00:13:57,602 --> 00:13:58,830
Where?

292
00:13:59,003 --> 00:14:00,561
Steamtown Mall.

293
00:14:00,638 --> 00:14:03,368
Claire's? Zales? Ricky's?
Earrings, Earrings, Earrings?

294
00:14:03,441 --> 00:14:04,965
Fancy Girl? Platinum Cat?

295
00:14:05,109 --> 00:14:06,133
Where?

296
00:14:06,210 --> 00:14:08,508
You know, I actually
got them in Philadelphia.

297
00:14:08,579 --> 00:14:09,773
In a mall down there.

298
00:14:09,847 --> 00:14:10,871
Franklin Mills?

299
00:14:10,948 --> 00:14:14,111
King of Prussia?
Springfield? Governor's Place?

300
00:14:14,719 --> 00:14:16,152
Franklin Mills.

301
00:14:20,057 --> 00:14:21,251
What?
Hmm.

302
00:14:21,993 --> 00:14:22,982
Oh!

303
00:14:23,794 --> 00:14:25,455
It's probably nothing.

304
00:14:25,529 --> 00:14:29,590
Okay, heart-shaped jewelry is not
something that a woman buys for herself,

305
00:14:29,667 --> 00:14:32,431
a man definitely
bought it for her recently,

306
00:14:32,503 --> 00:14:34,403
and it wasn't Michael.

307
00:14:34,639 --> 00:14:37,267
Wait, so you like heart-shaped
jewelry, though, right?

308
00:14:37,341 --> 00:14:38,706
No.

309
00:14:38,809 --> 00:14:41,209
Except for the pendant
that you bought me.

310
00:14:41,279 --> 00:14:42,803
Which I love.

311
00:14:45,416 --> 00:14:46,405
Psst!

312
00:14:54,158 --> 00:14:56,319
Creed's head
of Quality Assurance,

313
00:14:56,727 --> 00:14:58,627
so he'd definitely
be wrapped up in this.

314
00:14:58,996 --> 00:15:01,294
So there I am
minding my own business,

315
00:15:01,365 --> 00:15:03,629
and Darnell offers me
three bucks.

316
00:15:03,701 --> 00:15:06,602
All I've got to do is walk
by Andy and go like this.

317
00:15:06,671 --> 00:15:09,572
Darnell's a chump. I
would've done it for anything.

318
00:15:09,640 --> 00:15:11,574
I've done a lot
more for a lot less.

319
00:15:13,644 --> 00:15:17,705
<i>So, it turns out Donna and I have
a Facebook friend of a friend in common,</i>

320
00:15:17,782 --> 00:15:21,013
so I was able to see
some of her pictures online.

321
00:15:22,219 --> 00:15:24,380
This was taken
two weeks ago.

322
00:15:25,423 --> 00:15:28,756
And this was
taken the same night.

323
00:15:30,561 --> 00:15:33,029
This photo was
taken this morning.

324
00:15:33,597 --> 00:15:34,962
It's Cece.

325
00:15:35,032 --> 00:15:37,762
She's never going
to do anything wrong.

326
00:15:37,868 --> 00:15:40,803
Isn't that something?
Wow. That's exciting.

327
00:15:40,871 --> 00:15:42,634
Hey, Michael.
Hey.

328
00:15:42,740 --> 00:15:44,264
Sorry to interrupt you.

329
00:15:44,342 --> 00:15:46,674
I actually have something very
important to talk to you about.

330
00:15:46,744 --> 00:15:47,938
Well, it can wait.
Business related.

331
00:15:48,012 --> 00:15:49,775
It can wait.
I lied, it's personal.

332
00:15:49,847 --> 00:15:51,144
It's about me
and Jim, we're...

333
00:15:51,215 --> 00:15:53,513
You're the only
person I can talk to.

334
00:15:53,584 --> 00:15:55,449
Jim is her husband.
Oh.

335
00:15:55,519 --> 00:15:57,146
And... And they're
having problems...

336
00:15:57,221 --> 00:15:58,711
No, no, we're not...
...and so she comes to me.

337
00:15:58,789 --> 00:16:01,121
We're not having problems,
but it is personal.

338
00:16:01,192 --> 00:16:03,092
And I was...
In bed.

339
00:16:04,295 --> 00:16:08,061
Yes, yes, I desperately
want to speak with you

340
00:16:08,132 --> 00:16:09,690
about my sex life with Jim.

341
00:16:09,767 --> 00:16:12,031
Oh, my God, look at how
cheap street-level rooms are.

342
00:16:12,103 --> 00:16:14,799
Am I the only person
who enjoys people-watching?

343
00:16:14,872 --> 00:16:16,305
I need you to sign this!

344
00:16:16,907 --> 00:16:18,841
So bad!
Okay, weirdo.

345
00:16:19,610 --> 00:16:21,874
I love...
This idea is neat.

346
00:16:21,946 --> 00:16:22,935
I've never been.
Yeah.

347
00:16:23,013 --> 00:16:24,071
It sounds lovely.

348
00:16:24,148 --> 00:16:26,275
Yeah, I think it'll be a nice
trip. We're going to get a lot done.

349
00:16:26,350 --> 00:16:28,341
You're going to want to
look at the date on that.

350
00:16:29,387 --> 00:16:31,218
Oh! Wow. Look at golfing.

351
00:16:31,288 --> 00:16:32,346
Are you a golfer?

352
00:16:32,423 --> 00:16:33,947
I am, but I gave
my clubs away.

353
00:16:34,024 --> 00:16:35,514
Swear too much.

354
00:16:39,597 --> 00:16:40,621
Hey, you okay?

355
00:16:40,698 --> 00:16:43,633
Yeah, I just remembered that
I have to go to the bathroom.

356
00:16:43,701 --> 00:16:45,100
Pam?
Absolutely.

357
00:16:48,506 --> 00:16:51,339
Look, I'm not down anymore, so if
the guys start making fun of you,

358
00:16:51,409 --> 00:16:53,274
you've just gotta
stand up for yourself.

359
00:16:53,611 --> 00:16:56,341
I know. It's just, I'm
scared... ANDY: I got your text.

360
00:16:56,414 --> 00:16:57,540
It said, "911."

361
00:16:58,149 --> 00:16:59,377
Glen, could you
excuse us?

362
00:17:05,956 --> 00:17:07,389
It's bad.
What's bad?

363
00:17:07,458 --> 00:17:08,447
It's real bad.

364
00:17:08,526 --> 00:17:09,720
Still no plan.

365
00:17:09,994 --> 00:17:11,928
Oh, God.
It's getting bigger.

366
00:17:11,996 --> 00:17:15,864
I might have to go public here, but
no one's going to believe me. Uh...

367
00:17:15,933 --> 00:17:18,197
I need proof. I need, like,
a printer to catch on fire.

368
00:17:18,269 --> 00:17:19,896
I can videotape it.
Yeah.

369
00:17:22,973 --> 00:17:24,099
There it is.

370
00:17:24,175 --> 00:17:25,267
There what is?

371
00:17:25,443 --> 00:17:26,569
What?

372
00:17:26,777 --> 00:17:29,575
Who the hell is this?
Who is this guy?

373
00:17:29,647 --> 00:17:31,137
I don't know who it is.
God!

374
00:17:31,215 --> 00:17:33,308
Lowest of the low, that guy.

375
00:17:33,384 --> 00:17:34,851
Just a notch above Toby.

376
00:17:34,919 --> 00:17:36,011
You know what?
What?

377
00:17:36,086 --> 00:17:39,249
I'm going to kill him.
No, I'm not. I feel... No.

378
00:17:39,323 --> 00:17:41,416
I'm not going to kill him.

379
00:17:41,492 --> 00:17:43,323
You just have to go in there.
You have to hear it from her.

380
00:17:43,394 --> 00:17:45,419
I have to hear it from her. But
you have to settle down first.

381
00:17:45,496 --> 00:17:48,158
I need to have her
tell me herself. Okay.

382
00:17:48,232 --> 00:17:49,221
Okay.
Right?

383
00:17:49,300 --> 00:17:50,358
Yes.
I need to have her say...

384
00:17:50,434 --> 00:17:52,026
I need to say, "What the
hell is that? Calm down first.

385
00:17:52,102 --> 00:17:53,364
"What the hell is that?"
Hey, look at this.

386
00:17:53,437 --> 00:17:54,597
Look at this baby picture.

387
00:17:54,672 --> 00:17:56,105
Oh, God,
no. Oh, my God.

388
00:17:56,173 --> 00:17:57,231
Hi, Michael.

389
00:17:57,308 --> 00:17:59,139
Hi, Michael.
Okay.

390
00:17:59,210 --> 00:18:00,370
Okay.

391
00:18:01,011 --> 00:18:02,171
Okay.

392
00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:06,639
I talked to corporate. Turns out there
have been 12 reports of faulty printers.

393
00:18:06,717 --> 00:18:08,116
Out of 400,000.

394
00:18:08,853 --> 00:18:11,014
We've investigated. Every
time it's been user error.

395
00:18:11,088 --> 00:18:13,056
They block the vents
or something, I don't know.

396
00:18:13,123 --> 00:18:14,715
That's why we have
the fine print.

397
00:18:15,092 --> 00:18:16,650
Thank you for bringing
this to our attention.

398
00:18:16,727 --> 00:18:18,217
So, I'd like to
reward you for that.

399
00:18:21,732 --> 00:18:25,065
That's good for five bucks at
Dunkin' Donuts. Any Dunkin' Donuts.

400
00:18:26,070 --> 00:18:27,059
Oh.

401
00:18:37,681 --> 00:18:40,115
You know what? We should really
do something fun this week.

402
00:18:40,317 --> 00:18:41,579
Yeah.
Wouldn't that be fun?

403
00:18:41,652 --> 00:18:42,846
Yeah.

404
00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:44,114
How about Thursday?

405
00:18:44,188 --> 00:18:45,348
Thursday works, yeah.

406
00:18:45,422 --> 00:18:47,788
What do you want to do? I
can't do it Thursday, book club.

407
00:18:47,858 --> 00:18:49,257
How about Friday?

408
00:18:49,326 --> 00:18:50,953
Oh! Friday doesn't work.

409
00:18:51,028 --> 00:18:54,464
Oh, really? 'Cause I was thinking
we could go to this concert.

410
00:18:54,532 --> 00:18:58,059
Spice Girls are opening
for Weird Al. Front row.

411
00:18:58,135 --> 00:18:59,762
Be a great, great concert.

412
00:18:59,837 --> 00:19:01,429
Shoot. I'm working.

413
00:19:01,539 --> 00:19:03,234
Oh! Okay, well,
maybe I should stop by.

414
00:19:04,408 --> 00:19:05,841
Well, won't you
be at the concert?

415
00:19:05,910 --> 00:19:07,309
Nope, that's Tuesday.

416
00:19:07,444 --> 00:19:08,934
Well, I can make it
on Tuesday.

417
00:19:09,613 --> 00:19:11,205
You're cheating.

418
00:19:13,117 --> 00:19:14,516
You're cheating on me.

419
00:19:16,954 --> 00:19:18,819
How do you know?

420
00:19:19,590 --> 00:19:20,648
Pam told me.

421
00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:24,557
Did she see me?

422
00:19:25,129 --> 00:19:26,357
Nice effort.

423
00:19:26,630 --> 00:19:29,656
We're printing on 24-pound
premium stock paper,

424
00:19:29,733 --> 00:19:33,430
approximately 300 sheets in.
So far no signs of distress.

425
00:19:33,504 --> 00:19:35,472
You haven't even
introduced yourself. Right.

426
00:19:35,539 --> 00:19:38,064
<i>My name is Andrew Baines Bernard
and if you're watching this,</i>

427
00:19:38,142 --> 00:19:40,667
<i>it's because I've turned state's
witness, because I'm in danger,</i>

428
00:19:40,744 --> 00:19:42,075
<i>because I know too much.</i>

429
00:19:42,246 --> 00:19:43,372
You should talk
in a higher voice

430
00:19:43,447 --> 00:19:45,039
'cause the camera
makes you sound weird.

431
00:19:45,115 --> 00:19:46,104
Higher, okay?

432
00:19:46,183 --> 00:19:48,651
<i>Recently certain events
have come to my attention...</i>

433
00:19:48,752 --> 00:19:49,741
Higher.
Make it higher?

434
00:19:49,820 --> 00:19:53,449
<i>Okay. I have come to
the conclusion that the Sabre Corporation...</i>

435
00:19:53,524 --> 00:19:54,548
One more, yeah.

436
00:19:54,625 --> 00:19:57,093
<i>May be
overlooking certain safety regulations.</i>

437
00:19:57,161 --> 00:19:58,924
<i>At the danger...</i>

438
00:20:01,198 --> 00:20:02,187
<i>It's smoking.</i>

439
00:20:03,300 --> 00:20:04,824
I knew it!

440
00:20:05,402 --> 00:20:08,030
This...
We are blowing the roof off!

441
00:20:08,973 --> 00:20:10,907
<i>Blowing the roof off!</i>

442
00:20:12,109 --> 00:20:14,077
Nice, nice.

443
00:20:14,278 --> 00:20:16,872
This is my partner,
Darryl Philbin.

444
00:20:16,947 --> 00:20:19,415
He's been my partner
through this entire thing.

445
00:20:19,483 --> 00:20:21,781
I don't want to
prank anymore.

446
00:20:22,152 --> 00:20:24,484
Things get real.
It's not funny.

447
00:20:24,989 --> 00:20:28,049
I'm just going to be good.
Stay in my room,

448
00:20:28,125 --> 00:20:31,322
go to church, try to do
one nice thing per day.

449
00:20:31,829 --> 00:20:34,957
I do not want
to prank anymore.

450
00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:37,560
Who is he?

451
00:20:38,469 --> 00:20:40,027
Wait, what do you mean?
The other man.

452
00:20:40,104 --> 00:20:41,628
Who's the guy?
Who is it?

453
00:20:42,206 --> 00:20:44,606
It's you. I'm married.

454
00:20:47,511 --> 00:20:49,240
I'm the mistress?

455
00:20:51,615 --> 00:20:53,776
Okay, everybody,
let's take this next hill!

456
00:20:53,851 --> 00:20:56,820
<i>Excuse me. Yeah, I'd appreciate
it if you'd just let me run this.</i>

457
00:20:56,887 --> 00:20:58,980
You know what? You had your
chance, you're no leader.

458
00:20:59,056 --> 00:21:01,024
<i>Up, out of your seat! Let's
blast! Don't listen to him.</i>

459
00:21:01,091 --> 00:21:03,889
<i>We're approaching a
cool-down, down a gentle hill.</i>

460
00:21:03,961 --> 00:21:06,657
No! The hill's a trap. Let's take
the dirt road off to the side.

461
00:21:06,730 --> 00:21:08,561
<i>No, guys, no.
We're just cooling down.</i>

462
00:21:08,632 --> 00:21:10,566
If they catch us,
they will rape us.

463
00:21:10,634 --> 00:21:14,593
Go for the cliff.
And three, two, one, jump!

464
00:21:14,772 --> 00:21:17,900
No! You're dead, you're
dead, you're dead. Good jump.

465
00:21:18,142 --> 00:21:21,441
You're barely alive.
Okay, now, nice cool-down.

466
00:21:21,512 --> 00:21:22,536
Check your pulse rate.