1 00:00:36,304 --> 00:00:37,271 Michael. 2 00:00:37,305 --> 00:00:38,806 D'oh! God! Dwight, come on! 3 00:00:38,839 --> 00:00:40,374 I wanted to talk to you about the downsizing-- 4 00:00:40,408 --> 00:00:41,709 There's no downsizing. Ai'ight. 5 00:00:41,742 --> 00:00:42,843 But if there were, I'd be protected 6 00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:44,412 as Assistant Regional Manager? 7 00:00:44,445 --> 00:00:45,779 Assistant to the Regional Manager, Dwight. 8 00:00:45,813 --> 00:00:47,615 Yeah, so I don't have to worry, right? 9 00:00:47,648 --> 00:00:48,716 Look, look, look-- 10 00:00:48,749 --> 00:00:50,084 I talked to corporate 11 00:00:50,118 --> 00:00:51,285 about protecting the sales staff, 12 00:00:51,319 --> 00:00:52,653 and they said they couldn't guarantee it 13 00:00:52,686 --> 00:00:54,088 if there's downsizing, okay? 14 00:00:54,122 --> 00:00:56,290 But, there's no downsizing, so just don't-- 15 00:00:56,324 --> 00:00:58,526 Bottom line-- do I need to be worried? 16 00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:01,429 Mm mm mm...maybe. 17 00:01:01,462 --> 00:01:03,664 (Michael) It looks like there's gonna be downsizing. 18 00:01:03,697 --> 00:01:07,168 And it's part of my job, but...blech. 19 00:01:07,201 --> 00:01:08,669 I hate it. 20 00:01:08,702 --> 00:01:11,605 I think the main difference between me and Donald Trump 21 00:01:11,639 --> 00:01:14,775 is that, uh, I get no pleasure out of saying the words, 22 00:01:14,808 --> 00:01:16,444 "you're fired." 23 00:01:16,477 --> 00:01:17,678 [as Trump] "You're fired." 24 00:01:17,711 --> 00:01:19,813 "Uh, you're fired." 25 00:01:19,847 --> 00:01:21,282 He just makes people sad, 26 00:01:21,315 --> 00:01:23,617 and an office can't function that way. 27 00:01:23,651 --> 00:01:25,519 No way. "You're fired." 28 00:01:25,553 --> 00:01:26,887 I think if I had a catchphrase, 29 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:28,822 it would be, "You're hired. 30 00:01:28,856 --> 00:01:31,292 And you can work here as long as you want." 31 00:01:31,325 --> 00:01:33,127 But, that's unrealistic, so... 32 00:01:37,298 --> 00:01:38,332 (Dwight) It's a real shame. 33 00:01:38,366 --> 00:01:40,434 Because studies have shown that more information 34 00:01:40,468 --> 00:01:41,835 gets passed through water cooler gossip 35 00:01:41,869 --> 00:01:42,803 than through official memos. 36 00:01:42,836 --> 00:01:47,308 Which puts me at a disadvantage because... 37 00:01:47,341 --> 00:01:49,543 I bring my own water to work. 38 00:01:49,577 --> 00:01:51,412 Why'd you do this? 39 00:01:51,445 --> 00:01:52,646 (Dwight) I didn't do it. 40 00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:53,881 What do you mean? 41 00:01:53,914 --> 00:01:56,317 Oh, the water cooler was brought over here 42 00:01:56,350 --> 00:01:59,320 for...maintenance. 43 00:01:59,353 --> 00:02:01,555 So, what do you guys hear? 44 00:02:01,589 --> 00:02:02,590 What's the scuttlebutt? 45 00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:09,197 Get set for Operation Morale Improvement-- 46 00:02:09,230 --> 00:02:11,199 starring Michael Scott. 47 00:02:11,232 --> 00:02:13,401 Now, I think I've had a little stroke of genius, 48 00:02:13,434 --> 00:02:15,736 in that I have had my assistant Pam-- 49 00:02:15,769 --> 00:02:16,837 Smile, Pam. 50 00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:19,540 I have had her go out and find out whose birthday 51 00:02:19,573 --> 00:02:20,541 is coming up, 52 00:02:20,574 --> 00:02:22,943 so we can have a little celebration for them. 53 00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:24,412 Not bad! Not bad at all! 54 00:02:24,445 --> 00:02:25,413 All right! 55 00:02:25,446 --> 00:02:27,215 And the birthday person is... 56 00:02:27,248 --> 00:02:28,816 drum roll please... 57 00:02:36,224 --> 00:02:37,191 Who is it? 58 00:02:37,225 --> 00:02:38,192 Whose birthday is it? 59 00:02:38,226 --> 00:02:39,360 Um, actually, 60 00:02:39,393 --> 00:02:41,895 we don't have any staff birthdays coming up. 61 00:02:41,929 --> 00:02:43,364 Next person on the...calendar. 62 00:02:43,397 --> 00:02:46,800 Okay, um... that would be Meredith. 63 00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:48,269 Yes! All right! 64 00:02:48,302 --> 00:02:49,270 Come on down, Meredith! 65 00:02:49,303 --> 00:02:50,904 But it's not until next month. 66 00:02:50,938 --> 00:02:55,343 Um...uh, okay. Well, great. 67 00:02:55,376 --> 00:02:57,211 Well, you know, it'll be a surprise. 68 00:02:57,245 --> 00:02:59,447 You still want to have a party? 69 00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:01,949 Yeah. Why not? Sure. Go ahead. 70 00:03:01,982 --> 00:03:04,285 Live a little. C'mon, Pam. 71 00:03:04,318 --> 00:03:06,787 C'mon. Shake it up. Shake it up. 72 00:03:06,820 --> 00:03:09,757 Shake it up! 73 00:03:09,790 --> 00:03:10,858 Bdddrrrooop... 74 00:03:10,891 --> 00:03:13,894 Uh, Spock, are there any signs of life down there? 75 00:03:13,927 --> 00:03:15,596 Well, let me check, Captain. 76 00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:17,798 [makes scanning noise] 77 00:03:17,831 --> 00:03:19,933 [scanning noise] 78 00:03:19,967 --> 00:03:23,271 No Captain, no signs of life down here. 79 00:03:23,304 --> 00:03:26,607 Just a wet blanket named Pam. 80 00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:28,276 [laughs] 81 00:03:28,309 --> 00:03:30,578 Bddddddrrrrooooop. 82 00:03:30,611 --> 00:03:32,680 Star Trek... 83 00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:36,450 Well, for decorations, maybe we could... 84 00:03:36,484 --> 00:03:37,685 it's stupid, forget it. 85 00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:38,786 What? 86 00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:39,987 Well, I was just gonna say 87 00:03:40,020 --> 00:03:41,555 maybe we could have streamers, 88 00:03:41,589 --> 00:03:44,258 but that's dumb, everybody has streamers. 89 00:03:44,292 --> 00:03:45,092 Never mind. 90 00:03:45,125 --> 00:03:46,827 No, yeah, I think that's a good idea. 91 00:03:46,860 --> 00:03:48,729 What color do you guys think? 92 00:03:50,298 --> 00:03:52,766 Well, there's green... 93 00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:54,835 uh, blue... 94 00:03:54,868 --> 00:03:57,738 yellow...red... 95 00:03:57,771 --> 00:03:59,473 How about green? 96 00:03:59,507 --> 00:04:01,442 I think green is kind of whoreish. 97 00:04:01,475 --> 00:04:02,443 (Pam) This was tough. 98 00:04:02,476 --> 00:04:04,945 I suggested we flip a coin, 99 00:04:04,978 --> 00:04:08,316 but Angela said she doesn't like to gamble. 100 00:04:08,349 --> 00:04:09,249 Of course, by saying that, 101 00:04:09,283 --> 00:04:12,786 she was gambling that I wouldn't smack her. 102 00:04:12,820 --> 00:04:15,423 These are my party-planning bee-otches. 103 00:04:15,456 --> 00:04:17,725 Pulled off an amazing '80s party last year. 104 00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:18,792 Off the hook! 105 00:04:18,826 --> 00:04:20,661 (Michael) So I was thinking, 106 00:04:20,694 --> 00:04:21,762 if you haven't already gotten 107 00:04:21,795 --> 00:04:23,697 a cake, um, maybe go in 108 00:04:23,731 --> 00:04:26,033 for one of those ice cream cakes from Baskin Robbins. 109 00:04:26,066 --> 00:04:27,301 They're very good. Very delicious. 110 00:04:27,335 --> 00:04:30,438 Meredith's allergic to dairy, so... 111 00:04:30,471 --> 00:04:31,739 She's not the only one 112 00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:33,507 that's going to be eating it, right? 113 00:04:33,541 --> 00:04:35,609 And I think everybody likes ice cream cake. 114 00:04:35,643 --> 00:04:38,746 It's not, uh... not just about her, so... 115 00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:39,880 It is her birthday-- 116 00:04:39,913 --> 00:04:41,081 Mint chocolate chip! 117 00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:41,982 would be good. 118 00:04:42,015 --> 00:04:44,318 How about some... mint chocolate chip? 119 00:04:46,086 --> 00:04:47,621 Hey. 120 00:04:47,655 --> 00:04:50,691 So, listen, I was thinking that it might be a good idea 121 00:04:50,724 --> 00:04:55,529 if you and I formed an alliance. 122 00:04:55,563 --> 00:04:57,331 'Cause of the downsizing... 123 00:04:57,365 --> 00:04:59,032 I think an alliance might be a good idea. 124 00:04:59,066 --> 00:05:03,437 You know, help each other out. 125 00:05:03,471 --> 00:05:08,409 Do you want to form an alliance...with me? 126 00:05:09,977 --> 00:05:11,379 Absolutely I do. 127 00:05:11,412 --> 00:05:12,780 Good, good, excellent. 128 00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:14,348 Okay, now we need to figure out 129 00:05:14,382 --> 00:05:15,483 who's vulnerable and who is protected... 130 00:05:15,516 --> 00:05:16,484 There may be-- 131 00:05:16,517 --> 00:05:17,485 (Jim) At that moment, 132 00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:18,919 I was just so happy. 133 00:05:18,952 --> 00:05:21,389 I mean, everything Dwight does annoys me. 134 00:05:21,422 --> 00:05:22,756 Did you get your tickets? 135 00:05:23,857 --> 00:05:24,892 To what? 136 00:05:24,925 --> 00:05:27,461 The gun show. 137 00:05:30,030 --> 00:05:32,800 [laughs quietly] 138 00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:35,369 And I spend...hours 139 00:05:35,403 --> 00:05:37,405 thinking of ways to get back at him, 140 00:05:37,438 --> 00:05:39,540 but only in ways that would get me arrested. 141 00:05:39,573 --> 00:05:41,074 And then here he comes and he says, 142 00:05:41,108 --> 00:05:44,478 "No, Jim, here's a way." 143 00:05:44,512 --> 00:05:46,814 And there's one other thing, and this is important: 144 00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:49,783 let's keep this alliance totally a secret. 145 00:05:49,817 --> 00:05:50,784 [whispers] Yeah. 146 00:05:50,818 --> 00:05:52,886 Don't tell anyone. 147 00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:54,588 An alliance? (Jim) Oh, yeah. 148 00:05:54,622 --> 00:05:55,623 What does that even mean? 149 00:05:55,656 --> 00:05:57,525 I think it has something to do with Survivor, 150 00:05:57,558 --> 00:05:58,526 but I'm not sure. 151 00:05:58,559 --> 00:06:00,928 Um... [laughs] 152 00:06:00,961 --> 00:06:02,896 I know that it involves spying on people, 153 00:06:02,930 --> 00:06:04,732 and we may build a fort in accounting-- 154 00:06:04,765 --> 00:06:05,733 Jim. 155 00:06:05,766 --> 00:06:06,634 Hey. Hey. Hi, Pam. 156 00:06:06,667 --> 00:06:08,669 Listen, could I talk to you for a second 157 00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:11,004 about the... paper products? 158 00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:13,006 Did you tell Pam about the Alliance? 159 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:14,575 What? No-- Just now! 160 00:06:14,608 --> 00:06:16,644 Oh, no, no, no, no. Dwight, no. 161 00:06:16,677 --> 00:06:18,646 I'm using her, for the alliance. 162 00:06:18,679 --> 00:06:20,514 (Jim) Who knows the most information about this office? 163 00:06:20,548 --> 00:06:21,649 Pam. 164 00:06:21,682 --> 00:06:22,783 Right. That's good. Good. Pursue this. 165 00:06:22,816 --> 00:06:23,951 Well, I'm trying to. Mm-hmm. 166 00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:24,952 Do you see what I'm doing? Mm-hmm. 167 00:06:24,985 --> 00:06:26,887 But listen, I'm gonna have to talk to her a lot. 168 00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:27,755 All right? 169 00:06:27,788 --> 00:06:30,190 And there may be chatting and giggling. 170 00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:31,925 And you gotta just pretend to ignore it. 171 00:06:31,959 --> 00:06:33,060 Wipe it away. Done. 172 00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:34,127 All right. 173 00:06:40,668 --> 00:06:42,636 Can you get her? She's right there. 174 00:06:42,670 --> 00:06:43,937 That is Meredith. 175 00:06:43,971 --> 00:06:45,939 The birthday girl. 176 00:06:45,973 --> 00:06:49,142 And this... is Meredith's card. 177 00:06:49,176 --> 00:06:50,978 "Happy Bird-Day." 178 00:06:51,011 --> 00:06:52,480 [laughs] 179 00:06:52,513 --> 00:06:55,583 Um, let's see...Jim. 180 00:06:55,616 --> 00:06:58,852 Jim wrote: "Meredith, I heard you're turning 46. 181 00:06:58,886 --> 00:07:00,087 "But, come on, 182 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:02,990 you're an accountant, just fudge the numbers." 183 00:07:03,023 --> 00:07:04,625 Not bad. Pretty funny. 184 00:07:04,658 --> 00:07:07,795 I don't appreciate condoning corporate fraud, though. 185 00:07:07,828 --> 00:07:09,497 Uh, here's the thing. 186 00:07:09,530 --> 00:07:10,698 Whatever I write here 187 00:07:10,731 --> 00:07:13,667 has to be really, really funny. 188 00:07:13,701 --> 00:07:16,103 Because people out there are expecting it. 189 00:07:16,136 --> 00:07:18,606 I've already set the bar really high. 190 00:07:18,639 --> 00:07:21,609 (Michael) And they're all worried about their jobs, you know? 191 00:07:21,642 --> 00:07:23,110 It's kinda dark out there. 192 00:07:23,143 --> 00:07:25,813 Can you imagine if I wrote something like, uh, 193 00:07:25,846 --> 00:07:29,116 "Oh, Meredith. Um, Happy Birthday. 194 00:07:29,149 --> 00:07:32,085 You're great. Love, Michael." 195 00:07:32,119 --> 00:07:33,887 [scoffs] 196 00:07:33,921 --> 00:07:36,790 [gags] 197 00:07:36,824 --> 00:07:37,858 [laughs] 198 00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:41,595 They seem awfully chummy, don't you think? Yeah. 199 00:07:41,629 --> 00:07:43,263 What do you think that's about? 200 00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:46,133 Only one way to find out. 201 00:07:46,166 --> 00:07:47,768 I'm on it. 202 00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:51,739 You are not going to believe this. 203 00:07:51,772 --> 00:07:53,006 What? I believe it. 204 00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:54,542 Well, tensions were high in the kitchen. 205 00:07:54,575 --> 00:07:55,876 I could tell from the body language. 206 00:07:55,909 --> 00:07:57,010 Hey, that looks good. 207 00:07:57,044 --> 00:07:58,278 What is that, turkey? 208 00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:00,080 Italian. 209 00:08:00,113 --> 00:08:02,683 Oh, Italian. Nice. Wow. 210 00:08:02,716 --> 00:08:03,751 You got the works there. 211 00:08:03,784 --> 00:08:06,286 Red onion, provolone. Yeah. 212 00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:07,755 (Jim) Toby and Kevin, 213 00:08:07,788 --> 00:08:08,856 they're trying to get Angela kicked off. 214 00:08:08,889 --> 00:08:09,890 Good. Let 'em. 215 00:08:09,923 --> 00:08:11,091 That's fine. It helps our cause. 216 00:08:11,124 --> 00:08:12,292 Well, I don't know. 217 00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:13,794 Because if Kevin's in accounting, Yeah... 218 00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:15,028 and Toby's in human resources, 219 00:08:15,062 --> 00:08:16,564 and they're talking? 220 00:08:16,597 --> 00:08:17,731 Oh...they're forming an alliance. 221 00:08:17,765 --> 00:08:18,866 I love their sandwiches. 222 00:08:18,899 --> 00:08:20,568 I love their sandwiches too. 223 00:08:20,601 --> 00:08:21,802 Yeah, their bread's really good. 224 00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:23,203 Their bread is very good. 225 00:08:23,236 --> 00:08:27,074 Damn it! God! Rrrrrrr! 226 00:08:27,107 --> 00:08:30,811 [car alarm] 227 00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:32,646 Okay, listen. 228 00:08:32,680 --> 00:08:34,882 We need to assume that everyone in the office 229 00:08:34,915 --> 00:08:35,849 is forming an alliance, 230 00:08:35,883 --> 00:08:37,851 and is therefore trying to get us kicked off. 231 00:08:37,885 --> 00:08:40,654 God damn it! Why us? 232 00:08:40,688 --> 00:08:41,955 Because we're strong, Dwight. 233 00:08:41,989 --> 00:08:43,090 Because we're strong. 234 00:08:43,123 --> 00:08:45,158 Meredith, Meredith. 235 00:08:45,192 --> 00:08:47,828 Mary...Mary had a little lamb. 236 00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:49,797 Mary...Meredith had a little lamb. 237 00:08:49,830 --> 00:08:50,998 Don't bring that lamb to work, 238 00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:52,199 or it'll poop on the floor-- 239 00:08:52,232 --> 00:08:53,200 [door knocks] 240 00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:54,267 Hey! Oscar. 241 00:08:54,301 --> 00:08:55,268 C'mon in, what's up? 242 00:08:55,302 --> 00:08:56,336 Uh, I'm sorry to bother you. 243 00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:57,738 Oh, not at all. Come on in. 244 00:08:57,771 --> 00:08:58,739 What's goin' on? 245 00:08:58,772 --> 00:09:00,040 My nephew is involved 246 00:09:00,073 --> 00:09:03,877 with, um, a charity for cerebral palsy. 247 00:09:03,911 --> 00:09:04,945 And I was wondering 248 00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:08,048 if maybe you'd like to... 249 00:09:08,081 --> 00:09:09,650 you know... 250 00:09:09,683 --> 00:09:11,619 What? Uh, donate to the charity. 251 00:09:11,652 --> 00:09:13,854 Oh, God. Of course I would. 252 00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:15,889 Pshhh. Get it over here! 253 00:09:15,923 --> 00:09:16,890 Get that over here. 254 00:09:16,924 --> 00:09:18,091 Thank you. 255 00:09:18,125 --> 00:09:20,360 You know, I'm always good 256 00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:22,663 for some serious buckage. 257 00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:24,832 Wow. Two dollars? Three dollars? 258 00:09:24,865 --> 00:09:25,833 People out here 259 00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:29,369 do not care about...diseases. 260 00:09:29,402 --> 00:09:33,173 I'm going to give you $25. 261 00:09:34,675 --> 00:09:36,677 That's...that's... 262 00:09:36,710 --> 00:09:37,678 That's very generous. 263 00:09:37,711 --> 00:09:38,679 Oh, my gosh. 264 00:09:38,712 --> 00:09:40,047 Well, listen, Oscar. 265 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,783 Generosity, and togetherness, 266 00:09:42,816 --> 00:09:44,217 and community, 267 00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:49,156 all convalescences into...morale. 268 00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:50,724 That's what I say, so... 269 00:09:50,758 --> 00:09:51,859 [clicks tongue] 270 00:09:54,327 --> 00:09:55,295 (Pam) Hey, Jim. 271 00:09:55,328 --> 00:09:57,030 Can I talk to you for a second? 272 00:09:57,064 --> 00:09:58,165 Sure. What's up? 273 00:09:58,198 --> 00:09:58,999 Um, I don't know. 274 00:09:59,032 --> 00:10:01,134 I'm just, like, going a little crazy. 275 00:10:01,168 --> 00:10:04,404 'Cause I keep overhearing all of these conversations 276 00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:06,139 between Michael and corporate 277 00:10:06,173 --> 00:10:08,308 about, like... staff issues. 278 00:10:08,341 --> 00:10:09,743 Oh, no. Yeah. 279 00:10:09,777 --> 00:10:12,245 He's making me take notes on these meetings, 280 00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:13,113 and I'm like, 281 00:10:13,146 --> 00:10:14,982 "These people are my friends," Right. 282 00:10:15,015 --> 00:10:17,150 but he's all like, "This is confidential, 283 00:10:17,184 --> 00:10:18,385 you can't tell anybody." 284 00:10:18,418 --> 00:10:21,288 But I don't know, I just feel like I wanna-- 285 00:10:21,321 --> 00:10:22,289 Just promise me 286 00:10:22,322 --> 00:10:23,356 you're not gonna say anything? 287 00:10:23,390 --> 00:10:24,758 I will not... 288 00:10:24,792 --> 00:10:25,625 I'm not gonna tell anybody. Okay. 289 00:10:25,659 --> 00:10:26,994 This is between you and me. Yeah. 290 00:10:31,799 --> 00:10:33,701 Jackpot. 291 00:10:33,734 --> 00:10:34,702 (Jim) That was beautiful. 292 00:10:34,735 --> 00:10:36,369 All her idea, too. 293 00:10:36,403 --> 00:10:42,042 Awesome. She's so great. 294 00:10:42,075 --> 00:10:43,944 Meredith. Bad breath. 295 00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:45,312 Meredith has bad breath. 296 00:10:45,345 --> 00:10:46,313 [door opening] 297 00:10:46,346 --> 00:10:47,314 Hey. Hey. 298 00:10:47,347 --> 00:10:48,315 You wanted to see me? 299 00:10:48,348 --> 00:10:49,316 Uh, yeah. 300 00:10:49,349 --> 00:10:50,684 What do you know about Meredith? 301 00:10:50,718 --> 00:10:51,752 I don't think she'd be missed. 302 00:10:51,785 --> 00:10:55,689 There's not going to be downsizing, Dwight, okay? 303 00:10:55,723 --> 00:10:59,192 I just--I need to know a little bit more about... 304 00:10:59,226 --> 00:11:00,260 my friend. 305 00:11:00,293 --> 00:11:02,062 Name: Meredith Palmer. 306 00:11:02,095 --> 00:11:05,132 Uh, personal information: divorced twice, two kids. 307 00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:06,333 Uh, Employer: Dunder Mifflin Paper, Inc. 308 00:11:06,366 --> 00:11:09,036 Awards: multiple Dundies-- 309 00:11:09,069 --> 00:11:10,771 I know all that. I-I know all that. 310 00:11:10,804 --> 00:11:11,805 I just--I need something 311 00:11:11,839 --> 00:11:13,006 kind of embarrassing, you know? 312 00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:14,474 Kinda fun, inside... 313 00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:16,443 She had a hysterectomy. 314 00:11:17,945 --> 00:11:19,079 Which one is that again? 315 00:11:19,112 --> 00:11:20,280 It's where they remove the uterus. 316 00:11:20,313 --> 00:11:23,116 Oh, God, Dwight, no! 317 00:11:23,150 --> 00:11:25,085 I'm trying to write something funny here, okay? 318 00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:26,987 What am I gonna do with a removed uterus? 319 00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:27,855 It could be kind of funny. 320 00:11:27,888 --> 00:11:30,824 You know what? I am on a deadline here. 321 00:11:30,858 --> 00:11:32,025 And, just--okay. 322 00:11:32,059 --> 00:11:34,427 Thanks, thanks for your help. 323 00:11:34,461 --> 00:11:37,330 I'll work it out. Thank you, Dwight. 324 00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:40,734 That wasn't a waste of time. 325 00:11:40,768 --> 00:11:42,970 Okay, here's the deal. All right. 326 00:11:43,003 --> 00:11:44,471 Pam says that one of the alliances 327 00:11:44,504 --> 00:11:45,873 is meeting in the warehouse 328 00:11:45,906 --> 00:11:46,807 during Meredith's birthday party. 329 00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:48,075 Oh, my God, we have to be there. I know. 330 00:11:48,108 --> 00:11:49,176 But it's gonna be a little tough, 331 00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:50,878 because there's no good place to hide down there. 332 00:11:50,911 --> 00:11:51,879 No, no, yes there is. 333 00:11:51,912 --> 00:11:52,880 Behind the shelves-- oh, my God. 334 00:11:52,913 --> 00:11:53,881 What, what, what? 335 00:11:53,914 --> 00:11:55,082 I know. I know. 336 00:11:55,115 --> 00:11:56,283 I know exactly what to do. 337 00:11:56,316 --> 00:11:57,284 Great. 338 00:11:57,317 --> 00:11:58,385 (Dwight) I'm a deer hunter. 339 00:11:58,418 --> 00:12:00,520 I go all the time with my dad. 340 00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:01,855 One thing about deer, 341 00:12:01,889 --> 00:12:04,157 they have very good vision. 342 00:12:04,191 --> 00:12:06,393 One thing about me, 343 00:12:06,426 --> 00:12:12,199 I'm better at hiding than they are...at vision. 344 00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:13,867 This is gonna be perfect, okay? 345 00:12:13,901 --> 00:12:15,202 Centrally located. Perfect cover. 346 00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:16,469 I can hear and see everything. 347 00:12:16,503 --> 00:12:18,071 Good. 348 00:12:18,105 --> 00:12:19,072 [door knocking] Michael. 349 00:12:19,106 --> 00:12:20,073 Just a sec. 350 00:12:20,107 --> 00:12:21,274 Are you done yet? Almost there. 351 00:12:21,308 --> 00:12:22,275 Just a...second. 352 00:12:22,309 --> 00:12:23,443 It is perfect. 353 00:12:23,476 --> 00:12:25,378 Thank you. Excellent. 354 00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:27,380 Here we go. It is time. Thank you. 355 00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:28,949 Okay! C'mon, let's go! 356 00:12:28,982 --> 00:12:31,885 Get the cake! Here we go. C'mon, c'mon, c'mon! 357 00:12:31,919 --> 00:12:33,120 Shh! Be quiet! 358 00:12:33,153 --> 00:12:34,988 Wait, this isn't gonna work. The lid's open. 359 00:12:35,022 --> 00:12:36,890 So, tape it down. 360 00:12:36,924 --> 00:12:37,991 I can't do that. 361 00:12:38,025 --> 00:12:39,359 Then you won't be able to breathe. 362 00:12:39,392 --> 00:12:41,028 Look, I can breathe just fine, okay, 363 00:12:41,061 --> 00:12:42,429 but if it makes you feel better, 364 00:12:42,462 --> 00:12:44,031 I'll poke holes in the box. 365 00:12:44,064 --> 00:12:45,899 Thank you. Thank you. Okay. 366 00:12:45,933 --> 00:12:48,501 [door opening] 367 00:12:48,535 --> 00:12:51,304 Surprise! 368 00:12:51,338 --> 00:12:53,040 Oh! Surprise! 369 00:12:53,073 --> 00:12:54,041 No, it's a-- 370 00:12:54,074 --> 00:12:55,976 It's surprise, Meredith! 371 00:12:56,009 --> 00:12:57,177 (Michael) One, two, 372 00:12:57,210 --> 00:13:00,547 * Happy Birthday to you * 373 00:13:00,580 --> 00:13:01,548 Find the key... 374 00:13:01,581 --> 00:13:02,983 * Happy Birthday * 375 00:13:03,016 --> 00:13:04,584 So, you want me to stay here 376 00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:07,320 and, you know, stand next to the box, or-- 377 00:13:07,354 --> 00:13:08,121 No! 378 00:13:08,155 --> 00:13:10,290 You need to go upstairs to the party 379 00:13:10,323 --> 00:13:12,025 so people don't notice that we're both gone. 380 00:13:12,059 --> 00:13:13,393 Right. That's good. 381 00:13:13,426 --> 00:13:17,064 Can I trust Jim? I don't know. 382 00:13:17,097 --> 00:13:20,067 Do I have a choice? No. Frankly, I don't. 383 00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:23,236 Will I trust Jim? Yes. Should I trust Jim? 384 00:13:24,938 --> 00:13:26,106 You tell me. 385 00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:29,476 * Happy Birthday, dear Meredith * 386 00:13:29,509 --> 00:13:32,612 * Happy Birthday to you 387 00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:35,415 * And many more * 388 00:13:42,222 --> 00:13:43,223 You were surprised, weren't you? 389 00:13:43,256 --> 00:13:44,224 Yes. 390 00:13:44,257 --> 00:13:45,993 You looked freaked, man. 391 00:13:46,026 --> 00:13:48,395 We said, "Surprise," and you were, like, "What? 392 00:13:48,428 --> 00:13:50,297 What the hell's goin' on here?" 393 00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:53,066 Good cake. Why don't you have some? 394 00:13:53,100 --> 00:13:54,101 I...I can't, um. 395 00:13:54,134 --> 00:13:55,335 C'mon. A little bit. A little bit. 396 00:13:55,368 --> 00:13:56,303 No, no, I can't eat dairy. 397 00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:58,371 Oh, right. Oh, God. Too bad, it's so good. 398 00:13:58,405 --> 00:13:59,406 Yeah, it makes me sick. 399 00:13:59,439 --> 00:14:01,208 You know what? 400 00:14:01,241 --> 00:14:03,210 If I were allergic to dairy, 401 00:14:03,243 --> 00:14:04,344 I think I'd kill myself. 402 00:14:04,377 --> 00:14:07,847 'Cause this is way, way too good. 403 00:14:11,084 --> 00:14:12,152 (Pam) He's in a box? 404 00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:14,154 (Jim) Pam, he's in a box. 405 00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:16,423 He's downstairs in a box 406 00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:17,958 on the floor near the shelves. 407 00:14:17,991 --> 00:14:18,992 [laughs] 408 00:14:19,026 --> 00:14:20,393 I'm serious. Go down there. 409 00:14:20,427 --> 00:14:21,428 And work your magic... 410 00:14:25,665 --> 00:14:26,499 (Pam) Hey, where are you? 411 00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:30,537 Yeah, we were supposed to meet here. 412 00:14:30,570 --> 00:14:31,571 What? 413 00:14:33,340 --> 00:14:35,608 Oh, my gosh! 414 00:14:35,642 --> 00:14:37,110 That ties in perfectly 415 00:14:37,144 --> 00:14:40,313 with something that Michael was telling me earlier. 416 00:14:40,347 --> 00:14:43,416 I just don't know what some of the people in, 417 00:14:43,450 --> 00:14:46,086 like, accounting, are gonna do. 418 00:14:46,119 --> 00:14:47,554 It said specifically that... 419 00:14:47,587 --> 00:14:49,289 Oof... 420 00:14:49,322 --> 00:14:50,290 Oh... 421 00:14:50,323 --> 00:14:52,259 Hey, Jim. 422 00:14:52,292 --> 00:14:53,293 Good party, huh? 423 00:14:53,326 --> 00:14:55,328 Just a little something I...whipped up, you know, 424 00:14:55,362 --> 00:14:56,396 a little morale boost. Yeah? 425 00:14:56,429 --> 00:14:57,264 No big deal. 426 00:14:57,297 --> 00:14:58,431 Speaking of which, I meant to tell you. 427 00:14:58,465 --> 00:14:59,699 Very impressive. 428 00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:02,469 The, uh, donation you gave to Oscar's charity. 429 00:15:02,502 --> 00:15:03,503 Oh. What was that, 25 bucks? 430 00:15:03,536 --> 00:15:07,674 Yeah, well, you know, money isn't everything, Jim. 431 00:15:07,707 --> 00:15:09,442 It's not the key to happiness. 432 00:15:09,476 --> 00:15:11,378 You know what is? 433 00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:12,545 Joy. 434 00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:14,181 You should remember that. 435 00:15:14,214 --> 00:15:16,716 Maybe you'd give more than $3.00 next time. 436 00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:18,986 Yeah, well, $3.00 a mile 437 00:15:19,019 --> 00:15:21,054 is going to end up being, like, 50 bucks. 438 00:15:21,088 --> 00:15:22,055 So... 439 00:15:22,089 --> 00:15:23,590 God, I can't even calculate 440 00:15:23,623 --> 00:15:26,226 what you're gonna have to give. 441 00:15:32,632 --> 00:15:33,600 Is Oscar around? 442 00:15:33,633 --> 00:15:35,602 I just thought it was a, 443 00:15:35,635 --> 00:15:38,738 kind of a flat, you know, $25 444 00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:40,473 one-time donation. 445 00:15:40,507 --> 00:15:42,342 I didn't think it was a per-mile kinda deal, 446 00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:43,743 you know, so... 447 00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:46,479 Well...that's what a walk-a-thon is. I know-- 448 00:15:46,513 --> 00:15:48,081 It says it right on the sheet. 449 00:15:48,115 --> 00:15:49,216 Look, look at the sheet. 450 00:15:49,249 --> 00:15:51,384 It says it's however many dollars per mile. 451 00:15:51,418 --> 00:15:53,987 Right. Got it. Yes. So, it does. 452 00:15:54,021 --> 00:15:54,988 Um... 453 00:15:55,022 --> 00:15:56,356 I just think it's kind of cheap 454 00:15:56,389 --> 00:15:57,590 to "undonate" money to a charity. 455 00:15:57,624 --> 00:15:59,292 No. No, no, no, no, no. 456 00:15:59,326 --> 00:16:01,494 I-I wasn't--that wasn't what I was...no. 457 00:16:01,528 --> 00:16:03,530 I-I-It's not about the money. 458 00:16:03,563 --> 00:16:05,698 It's just... 459 00:16:05,732 --> 00:16:11,038 it's the ethics of the thing, Oscar. 460 00:16:11,071 --> 00:16:12,405 How's your nephew? 461 00:16:12,439 --> 00:16:14,074 Is he in good shape? Yeah. 462 00:16:14,107 --> 00:16:15,608 How many miles did he do last year? 463 00:16:15,642 --> 00:16:17,010 Last year, he walked 18 miles. 464 00:16:17,044 --> 00:16:18,511 Son of a bitch. 465 00:16:18,545 --> 00:16:20,147 That is impressive! Good for him. 466 00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:43,636 Happy birthday, Meredith. 467 00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:44,704 (Michael) Read it out loud. 468 00:16:44,737 --> 00:16:46,073 And say who wrote everything, 469 00:16:46,106 --> 00:16:48,108 so we know whose is the best. 470 00:16:48,141 --> 00:16:51,111 "Happy Bird-Day." 471 00:16:53,313 --> 00:16:55,715 "Meredith, good news: 472 00:16:55,748 --> 00:16:57,584 you're not actually a year older, 473 00:16:57,617 --> 00:17:00,720 because you work here, where time stands still." 474 00:17:00,753 --> 00:17:02,055 [laughter] 475 00:17:02,089 --> 00:17:03,590 I don't know about that-- 476 00:17:03,623 --> 00:17:04,591 (Meredith) That was Stanley. 477 00:17:04,624 --> 00:17:08,361 "Meredith, Happy Birthday. 478 00:17:08,395 --> 00:17:10,697 You're the best, Love, Pam." 479 00:17:10,730 --> 00:17:11,731 (all) Aw. 480 00:17:11,764 --> 00:17:14,334 Blech! 481 00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:15,602 Thanks, downer. [scoffs] 482 00:17:15,635 --> 00:17:16,803 (Meredith) This is from Michael. 483 00:17:16,836 --> 00:17:20,473 "Meredith: Let's hope the only downsizing 484 00:17:20,507 --> 00:17:21,674 that happens to you 485 00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:27,380 is that someone downsizes your age." 486 00:17:27,414 --> 00:17:28,848 (Michael) Because of the downsizing. 487 00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:30,517 Rumors. 488 00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:34,554 And because you're gettin' old. 489 00:17:34,587 --> 00:17:36,789 No, I get it-- it's funny. 490 00:17:36,823 --> 00:17:38,125 You didn't get the joke. 491 00:17:38,158 --> 00:17:39,226 So...that's cool. 492 00:17:39,259 --> 00:17:40,059 That's--you know what? 493 00:17:40,093 --> 00:17:44,164 Actually, I have a bunch of these... 494 00:17:44,197 --> 00:17:45,365 good ones that I didn't use. 495 00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:48,401 Um...oh, where's that, uh-- 496 00:17:48,435 --> 00:17:50,103 oh, okay, here's a good one. 497 00:17:50,137 --> 00:17:52,139 Um, "Hey, Meredith, Liz Taylor called. 498 00:17:52,172 --> 00:17:55,108 She wants her age back and her divorces back." 499 00:17:55,142 --> 00:17:56,109 'Cause Meredith's been divorced, 500 00:17:56,143 --> 00:17:57,277 like, twice? Is that right? 501 00:17:57,310 --> 00:17:58,445 Uh, you're right. 502 00:17:58,478 --> 00:17:59,646 (Michael) Did I get that right? 503 00:17:59,679 --> 00:18:01,648 Okay. Right. Yes. 504 00:18:01,681 --> 00:18:03,883 Divorce... 505 00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:06,353 um...oh, okay. 506 00:18:06,386 --> 00:18:08,621 "Meredith is so old." 507 00:18:08,655 --> 00:18:09,422 How old is she? 508 00:18:09,456 --> 00:18:11,858 Well, if everybody... could do it. 509 00:18:11,891 --> 00:18:13,460 "Meredith is so old..." 510 00:18:13,493 --> 00:18:14,694 (everybody) How old is she? 511 00:18:14,727 --> 00:18:15,728 "She's so old, 512 00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:17,330 "she went into an antique store 513 00:18:17,364 --> 00:18:18,798 and they kept her." 514 00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:24,304 (Michael) Well, that wasn't even mine. 515 00:18:24,337 --> 00:18:26,773 I got that off the internet...website... 516 00:18:26,806 --> 00:18:27,807 so, don't get mad at me... 517 00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:28,875 Uh... 518 00:18:28,908 --> 00:18:30,877 Nice party, Michael. 519 00:18:30,910 --> 00:18:33,780 This isn't my fault. 520 00:18:33,813 --> 00:18:34,781 Um, ladies, 521 00:18:34,814 --> 00:18:36,583 not your best effort. 522 00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:37,584 The streamers? 523 00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:39,186 I think we could have done better than that, 524 00:18:39,219 --> 00:18:40,220 don't you think? 525 00:18:40,253 --> 00:18:42,789 Phyllis wanted red. I didn't. 526 00:18:42,822 --> 00:18:43,823 Oh, boy, you... 527 00:18:43,856 --> 00:18:46,159 Okay, wait-- all right, people, 528 00:18:46,193 --> 00:18:48,761 hold on, hold on, hold on just a second, okay? 529 00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:49,796 I think we're losing sight 530 00:18:49,829 --> 00:18:51,864 of what is really important here. 531 00:18:51,898 --> 00:18:56,936 And, that is that we are a group of people 532 00:18:56,969 --> 00:18:58,471 who work together. 533 00:18:58,505 --> 00:19:01,808 I was--I really wasn't gonna flaunt this. 534 00:19:01,841 --> 00:19:04,944 I have made a very sizeable donation 535 00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:08,681 to Oscar's nephew's... 536 00:19:08,715 --> 00:19:11,751 Walk-A-Thon. 537 00:19:11,784 --> 00:19:12,752 $25. 538 00:19:12,785 --> 00:19:13,753 Per mile. 539 00:19:13,786 --> 00:19:14,887 Per mile, yes. 540 00:19:14,921 --> 00:19:18,458 When I retire, I-I-I don't want to just 541 00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:21,294 disappear to an island somewhere. 542 00:19:21,328 --> 00:19:23,396 I want to be the guy who gives everything back. 543 00:19:23,430 --> 00:19:25,898 A check for the kids. 544 00:19:25,932 --> 00:19:26,699 And for the team. 545 00:19:26,733 --> 00:19:28,535 (Michael) I want it to be like, 546 00:19:28,568 --> 00:19:32,439 "Hey, who donated that hospital wing... 547 00:19:32,472 --> 00:19:34,441 that is saving so many lives?" 548 00:19:34,474 --> 00:19:36,876 "Uh, well, I don't- I don't know. 549 00:19:36,909 --> 00:19:38,811 It was anonymous." 550 00:19:38,845 --> 00:19:43,450 "Well, guess what? That was Michael Scott." 551 00:19:43,483 --> 00:19:45,652 "But, ah... it was anonymous, 552 00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:48,988 how do you know?" 553 00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:51,624 "Because I'm him." 554 00:19:51,658 --> 00:19:55,995 Thank you, Michael. 555 00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:57,664 (Michael) Come here. 556 00:19:57,697 --> 00:19:59,999 Don't cash that until Friday, okay? 557 00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:02,269 Really? Today? Yeah. 558 00:20:02,302 --> 00:20:04,737 Oh. Happy Birthday. Thanks. 559 00:20:04,771 --> 00:20:05,738 I could say something-- 560 00:20:05,772 --> 00:20:07,907 Don't do that. Okay. 561 00:20:09,909 --> 00:20:10,943 Okay, okay-- I have something 562 00:20:10,977 --> 00:20:13,446 that totally tops the box! 563 00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:14,781 Oh, tell me! Tell me! Okay. 564 00:20:14,814 --> 00:20:16,349 I have just convinced Dwight 565 00:20:16,383 --> 00:20:18,718 that he needs to go to Stamford, 566 00:20:18,751 --> 00:20:19,919 and spy on our other branch. 567 00:20:19,952 --> 00:20:20,720 No, no, no. 568 00:20:20,753 --> 00:20:22,722 (Jim) But before he does so, 569 00:20:22,755 --> 00:20:24,624 I told him that he should dye his hair 570 00:20:24,657 --> 00:20:25,692 to go undercover. 571 00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:27,026 [laughter] 572 00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:29,496 If we can get him to drive to Connecticut 573 00:20:29,529 --> 00:20:30,363 and put peroxide in his hair-- 574 00:20:30,397 --> 00:20:31,631 [door slams] What the hell is this? 575 00:20:31,664 --> 00:20:32,732 What, are you trying 576 00:20:32,765 --> 00:20:33,600 to cop a feel or somethin', Halpert? 577 00:20:33,633 --> 00:20:34,934 No, dude, no-- Dude, no, I was just-- 578 00:20:34,967 --> 00:20:36,969 listen--whoa-- 579 00:20:37,003 --> 00:20:38,305 God, I don't even-- 580 00:20:38,338 --> 00:20:39,806 I don't even know how to explain this. 581 00:20:39,839 --> 00:20:41,007 Um, uh... 582 00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:43,009 Dwight asked me to be in an alliance. 583 00:20:43,042 --> 00:20:44,010 [laughs] 584 00:20:44,043 --> 00:20:47,380 And, then, um, um, we were-- 585 00:20:47,414 --> 00:20:48,848 we've just been messing with him, 586 00:20:48,881 --> 00:20:50,883 uh, because of the whole alliance thing. 587 00:20:50,917 --> 00:20:51,884 Um... 588 00:20:51,918 --> 00:20:53,052 It's just office pranks. 589 00:20:53,085 --> 00:20:54,454 It's stupid. It's just office pranks. 590 00:20:54,487 --> 00:20:55,522 An alliance? 591 00:20:55,555 --> 00:20:57,557 What the hell's he talking about? 592 00:20:58,725 --> 00:21:00,760 I have absolutely no idea. 593 00:21:03,330 --> 00:21:06,333 C'mon. 594 00:21:09,802 --> 00:21:11,671 (Dwight) Do I feel bad about betraying Jim? 595 00:21:11,704 --> 00:21:14,073 Not. At. All. 596 00:21:14,106 --> 00:21:15,742 That's the game. 597 00:21:15,775 --> 00:21:17,344 Convince him we're in an alliance, 598 00:21:17,377 --> 00:21:19,546 get some information, throw him to the wolves. 599 00:21:19,579 --> 00:21:21,448 That's politics, baby. 600 00:21:21,481 --> 00:21:23,450 Get what you can out of someone, 601 00:21:23,483 --> 00:21:24,817 then crush them. 602 00:21:24,851 --> 00:21:26,018 I think Jim might have learned 603 00:21:26,052 --> 00:21:28,321 a very valuable lesson.