1 00:00:05,614 --> 00:00:09,531 - MORNING, DWIGHT. 2 00:00:09,574 --> 00:00:11,750 - WHO ARE YOU? 3 00:00:11,794 --> 00:00:13,317 - WHO AM I? 4 00:00:13,361 --> 00:00:14,579 I'M JIM. 5 00:00:14,623 --> 00:00:17,060 WE'VE BEEN WORKING TOGETHER FOR 12 YEARS. 6 00:00:17,104 --> 00:00:18,714 WEIRD JOKE, DWIGHT. 7 00:00:18,757 --> 00:00:19,715 - YOU'RE NOT JIM. 8 00:00:19,758 --> 00:00:21,151 JIM'S NOT ASIAN. 9 00:00:21,195 --> 00:00:22,500 - YOU SERIOUSLY NEVER NOTICED? 10 00:00:22,544 --> 00:00:25,634 HEY, HATS OFF TO YOU FOR NOT SEEING RACE. 11 00:00:28,115 --> 00:00:29,594 - ALL RIGHT THEN, JIM. 12 00:00:29,638 --> 00:00:31,379 UH, WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME ABOUT THAT SALE 13 00:00:31,422 --> 00:00:33,685 THAT YOU MADE YESTERDAY? 14 00:00:33,729 --> 00:00:35,426 - UH, WELLINGTON SYSTEMS? 15 00:00:35,470 --> 00:00:37,472 SOLD THEM TEN CASES OF 24-POUND LETTER STOCK. 16 00:00:37,515 --> 00:00:39,343 OR WERE YOU TALKING ABOUT KRIEGER-MURPHY? 17 00:00:39,387 --> 00:00:40,997 BECAUSE I DIDN'T CLOSE THAT ONE YET, 18 00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:43,869 BUT I'M HOPING I'VE GOT A VOICEMAIL FROM PAUL KRIEGER 19 00:00:43,913 --> 00:00:46,394 WAITING FOR ME. 20 00:00:46,437 --> 00:00:48,961 - PLEASE ENTER YOUR PASSWORD. 21 00:00:53,662 --> 00:00:55,098 YOU HAVE ONE NEW MESSAGE. 22 00:00:55,142 --> 00:00:56,534 - HOW DID YOU KNOW? 23 00:00:56,578 --> 00:00:58,014 NO! NO, NO. 24 00:00:58,058 --> 00:00:59,363 THAT IS SENSITIVE INFORMATION. 25 00:00:59,407 --> 00:01:01,409 ONLY FOR EMPLOYEES, NOT OUTSIDERS! 26 00:01:01,452 --> 00:01:03,106 - DWIGHT, CUT IT OUT. I'M TRYING TO WORK. 27 00:01:03,150 --> 00:01:05,282 - YOU DON'T WORK HERE! YOU'RE NOT JIM! 28 00:01:05,326 --> 00:01:07,415 - JIM, I GOT US THAT DINNER RESERVATION. 29 00:01:07,458 --> 00:01:08,546 GRICO'S, 7:30. - OH, GREAT. 30 00:01:08,590 --> 00:01:11,419 CAN'T WAIT. 31 00:01:12,942 --> 00:01:14,857 - JIM'S AT THE DENTIST THIS MORNING, 32 00:01:14,900 --> 00:01:17,251 AND STEVE IS AN ACTOR FRIEND OF OURS. 33 00:01:17,294 --> 00:01:19,253 - I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE, 34 00:01:19,296 --> 00:01:21,168 BUT YOU ARE NOT JIM. 35 00:01:21,211 --> 00:01:23,909 THISIS JIM! 36 00:01:27,348 --> 00:01:29,263 OH, MY-- 37 00:01:29,306 --> 00:01:31,395 OH, D-- OH, HOW DID-- 38 00:01:31,439 --> 00:01:32,396 [gasps] 39 00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:35,399 [cheerful music] 40 00:01:35,443 --> 00:01:43,538 ♪ 41 00:01:55,027 --> 00:01:57,334 - HEY, STUDY BUDDIES! 42 00:01:57,378 --> 00:01:59,510 - OH-- OKAY. 43 00:01:59,554 --> 00:02:01,425 - GETTING THINGS DONE. AWESOME! 44 00:02:01,469 --> 00:02:04,298 - IT'S ALL ABOUT FINDING WAYS TO MAKE YOURSELF MORE EFFICIENT. 45 00:02:04,341 --> 00:02:05,603 LIFE HACKING, BABY. 46 00:02:05,647 --> 00:02:07,431 THIS MORNING, I BRUSHED MY TEETH IN THE SHOWER. 47 00:02:07,475 --> 00:02:09,216 SAVED MYSELF 90 SECONDS. 48 00:02:09,259 --> 00:02:10,695 WHICH I JUST USED TO EXPLAIN THIS TO YOU. 49 00:02:10,739 --> 00:02:12,175 DAMN IT. 50 00:02:12,219 --> 00:02:15,439 SINCE ANDY PROMOTED ME TO ASSISTANT REGIONAL MANAGER, 51 00:02:15,483 --> 00:02:16,614 I'VE BEEN TRYING TO STEP MY GAME UP. 52 00:02:16,658 --> 00:02:18,312 YOU KNOW, BE MORE PRODUCTIVE. 53 00:02:18,355 --> 00:02:19,748 IN FACT, YOU KNOW WHAT? 54 00:02:19,791 --> 00:02:21,228 LET'S KNOCK OUT A FEW MORE OF THESE SOUND BITES 55 00:02:21,271 --> 00:02:23,621 WHILE WE'RE HERE. 56 00:02:23,665 --> 00:02:26,189 WHOA. THAT PERSON HAS REALLY 57 00:02:26,233 --> 00:02:30,280 GOTTEN HIM--OR HERSELF-- INTO QUITE A PREDICAMENT. 58 00:02:30,324 --> 00:02:32,761 - S'IL VOUS PLAIT... 59 00:02:32,804 --> 00:02:35,677 DITES-MOI... 60 00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:38,810 [nonsensical mispronounced French] 61 00:02:38,854 --> 00:02:41,161 - AH, FRENCH. 62 00:02:41,204 --> 00:02:42,988 IT'S A GREAT LANGUAGE. 63 00:02:43,032 --> 00:02:45,382 IF YOU'RE A CHAIN-SMOKING ACROBAT. 64 00:02:45,426 --> 00:02:48,037 - I'M JUST TRYING TO FIT IN BETTER WITH ANDY'S FAMILY. 65 00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:50,126 THEY ALL SPEAK MORE THAN ONE LANGUAGE. 66 00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:51,693 USUALLY WHEN I'M THERE. 67 00:02:51,736 --> 00:02:53,564 - YOU WANT TO LEARN A REALLY IMPRESSIVE SECOND LANGUAGE? 68 00:02:53,608 --> 00:02:54,870 TRY DOTHRAKI. 69 00:02:54,913 --> 00:02:56,437 WIN OVER ANY MAN IN MY GUILD. 70 00:02:56,480 --> 00:02:58,352 DOTHRAKI IS THE NATIVE TONGUE OF THE NOMADIC, 71 00:02:58,395 --> 00:03:01,398 WAR-MONGERING HORSE LORDS OF ESSOS, AS FEATURED 72 00:03:01,442 --> 00:03:04,793 IN THE SUPERB HOME BOX OFFICE SERIES GAME OF THRONES. 73 00:03:04,836 --> 00:03:06,403 IT HAS A LOT OF NUDITY. 74 00:03:06,447 --> 00:03:09,841 WHICH I FAST-FORWARD THROUGH TO GET TO THE CHOPPED-OFF HEADS. 75 00:03:09,885 --> 00:03:12,061 I COULD TEACH YOU IF YOU WANT, IT'S A LOT EASIER THAN FRENCH. 76 00:03:12,104 --> 00:03:13,236 - YEAH. LET'S DO IT. 77 00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:14,890 - ATHDAVRAZAR! -OH-- 78 00:03:14,933 --> 00:03:16,457 - IT MEANS "EXCELLENT." 79 00:03:16,500 --> 00:03:17,458 AND WE HAVE BEGUN. 80 00:03:17,501 --> 00:03:21,201 [tapping on desk] 81 00:03:21,244 --> 00:03:22,245 - IS EVERYTHING OKAY? 82 00:03:22,289 --> 00:03:23,377 - HMM? 83 00:03:23,420 --> 00:03:24,769 OH-- OH, YEAH. 84 00:03:24,813 --> 00:03:26,510 YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, FINE. 85 00:03:26,554 --> 00:03:28,251 FINE, FINE, FINE. 86 00:03:28,295 --> 00:03:30,514 I MEAN, I D-- I JUST DON'T WANT TO BURDEN YOU 87 00:03:30,558 --> 00:03:32,386 WITH MY MASSIVE STRESS FREAK-OUTS. 88 00:03:32,429 --> 00:03:33,822 - GREAT. 89 00:03:33,865 --> 00:03:36,346 - IT'S JUST THAT I AM TAKING MY DRIVER'S LICENSE TEST 90 00:03:36,390 --> 00:03:38,870 IN TWO DAYS, AND I NEED TO PRACTICE 91 00:03:38,914 --> 00:03:40,307 WITH AN EXPERIENCED DRIVER IN THE CAR. 92 00:03:40,350 --> 00:03:42,309 BUT I'VE HAD NO TIME TO DO THAT, 93 00:03:42,352 --> 00:03:45,355 THANKS TO "DEMANDY." 94 00:03:45,399 --> 00:03:48,228 I JUST WANT TO HIT THE OPEN ROAD 95 00:03:48,271 --> 00:03:51,361 AND DRIVE, MAN. BUT... 96 00:03:51,405 --> 00:03:52,623 IN WHOSE CAR? 97 00:03:52,667 --> 00:03:54,886 - NELLIE! 98 00:03:54,930 --> 00:03:57,759 GET YOUR WRINKLY OLD BALLS IN HERE. 99 00:03:57,802 --> 00:04:02,285 - [sighs] 100 00:04:02,329 --> 00:04:05,419 - NELLIE, I COULD PRACTICE WITH YOU IN MY CAR AT LUNCHTIME. 101 00:04:05,462 --> 00:04:06,463 - OH, PAM, THANK YOU. 102 00:04:06,507 --> 00:04:09,031 YOU ARE MY SAVIOR. 103 00:04:09,074 --> 00:04:10,511 [giggling] 104 00:04:10,554 --> 00:04:12,295 - OH, MY GOD-- - OHH-- 105 00:04:12,339 --> 00:04:14,166 [giggling] 106 00:04:14,210 --> 00:04:15,864 - I'M SORRY I'M LEAVING YOU ALONE FOR LUNCH. 107 00:04:15,907 --> 00:04:18,083 - DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. 108 00:04:18,127 --> 00:04:21,086 I HAVE A THING. 109 00:04:21,130 --> 00:04:22,871 A THING OF SOUP. 110 00:04:22,914 --> 00:04:27,397 WHICH I'VE BEEN WANTING TO TRY. 111 00:04:27,441 --> 00:04:29,443 - THIS IS MY RESEARCH 112 00:04:29,486 --> 00:04:31,880 INTO HOW WE MIGHT PRODUCE CHILD-PROOF PAPER 113 00:04:31,923 --> 00:04:34,143 THAT DOESN'T GIVE YOU PAPER CUTS. 114 00:04:34,186 --> 00:04:35,318 WE CAN'T. 115 00:04:35,362 --> 00:04:39,061 AND HERE IS A PRINTOUT OF YOUR GENEALOGY 116 00:04:39,104 --> 00:04:40,497 FROM THISISYOURFAMILYTREE.COM. 117 00:04:40,541 --> 00:04:42,630 EXECUTIVE-SUMMARY ME. HIT THE HIGHLIGHTS. 118 00:04:42,673 --> 00:04:44,327 - WELL, IT TURNS OUT 119 00:04:44,371 --> 00:04:47,199 YOU ARE A DISTANT BLOOD RELATIVE 120 00:04:47,243 --> 00:04:50,290 OF MICHELLE OBAMA. 121 00:04:50,333 --> 00:04:51,595 - AS IN-- - WIFE OF BARACK, 122 00:04:51,639 --> 00:04:54,424 LOVES GARDENING, WANTS TO WIPE OUT FAT CHILDREN. 123 00:04:54,468 --> 00:04:56,339 - [mouthing silently] WOW. 124 00:04:56,383 --> 00:04:58,863 - THIS IS SUPER-FLATTERING. 125 00:04:58,907 --> 00:05:03,085 SHE'S THE MOST POPULAR PERSON IN AMERICA. 126 00:05:03,128 --> 00:05:05,348 THIS IS A BIG DAY FOR BOTH OF US. 127 00:05:05,392 --> 00:05:06,958 MY FELLOW AMERICANS, 128 00:05:07,002 --> 00:05:08,873 I HAVE A FEELING MY APPROVAL RATING 129 00:05:08,917 --> 00:05:11,354 IS ABOUT TO GO THROUGH THE ROOF. 130 00:05:11,398 --> 00:05:16,533 TURNS OUT, I AM RELATED TO MICHELLE OBAMA. 131 00:05:16,577 --> 00:05:18,666 - I WAS INTIMIDATED BY ANDY'S FAMILY BEFORE. 132 00:05:18,709 --> 00:05:21,625 AND NOW I HAVE TO SEE THE FIRST LADY AT HOLIDAYS? 133 00:05:21,669 --> 00:05:22,800 SHE'S GONNA BE LIKE, 134 00:05:22,844 --> 00:05:24,411 "WHAT'S YOUR STANCE ON POLITICS?" 135 00:05:24,454 --> 00:05:26,717 OR, "WHAT IS THE BEST WAR TO DO?" 136 00:05:26,761 --> 00:05:29,111 AND I WILL JUST BE LIKE, 137 00:05:29,154 --> 00:05:30,634 "DUH--" 138 00:05:30,678 --> 00:05:31,853 - ALL RIGHT! 139 00:05:31,896 --> 00:05:34,334 WE GOTTA GET RID OF ALL THIS JUNK FOOD. 140 00:05:34,377 --> 00:05:35,857 GET FIT, AMERICA! 141 00:05:35,900 --> 00:05:39,339 NOT SURE IF THE BUZZ HAS REACHED THE ANNEX YET, BUT, UH, 142 00:05:39,382 --> 00:05:42,907 I'M RELATED TO MICHELLE OBAMA. 143 00:05:45,736 --> 00:05:46,998 - YEAH, WE NOTICED EARLY ON 144 00:05:47,042 --> 00:05:48,957 ANDY REALLY APPRECIATES ENTHUSIASM. 145 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:50,698 - SO WE DECIDED THE BEST WAY TO GET AHEAD HERE 146 00:05:50,741 --> 00:05:52,047 IS TO BE HIS CHEERLEADERS. 147 00:05:52,090 --> 00:05:54,484 OHH! 148 00:06:01,970 --> 00:06:03,711 IT'S STARTING TO HAVE THIS REVERSE EFFECT, THOUGH, 149 00:06:03,754 --> 00:06:06,409 WHERE I REALLY DO THINK THE STUFF HE DOES IS AWESOME. 150 00:06:06,453 --> 00:06:08,106 - YEAH, ME TOO. IT'S WEIRD. 151 00:06:08,150 --> 00:06:09,804 HARD TO REMEMBER WHAT'S REAL AT THIS POINT. 152 00:06:09,847 --> 00:06:12,415 - JUST CLAP THROUGH IT, MAN. 153 00:06:12,459 --> 00:06:15,331 - YOU'RE LOGGING SALES AT TEN DIFFERENT TIMES. 154 00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:18,421 IF YOU LOG 'EM ALL AT ONCE, YOU SAVE A LOT OF TIME. 155 00:06:18,465 --> 00:06:19,422 IT'S CALLED BATCHING. 156 00:06:19,466 --> 00:06:20,336 - THIS IS REALLY GOOD, DARRYL. 157 00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:21,990 - LIFE HACKING, MAN. 158 00:06:22,033 --> 00:06:23,295 - THERE HE IS! 159 00:06:23,339 --> 00:06:24,296 - ANDY, YOU GOTTA CHECK THIS OUT. HE JUST-- 160 00:06:24,340 --> 00:06:25,559 - [shushing syllables] 161 00:06:25,602 --> 00:06:28,518 RIGHT NOW I NEED CANNED TUNA, OKAY? 162 00:06:28,562 --> 00:06:31,391 DARRYL, GUESS WHICH TALENTED INDIVIDUAL 163 00:06:31,434 --> 00:06:33,523 WHO ALSO HAS A KILLER SINGING VOICE 164 00:06:33,567 --> 00:06:35,743 IS RELATED TO THE FIRST LADY. 165 00:06:35,786 --> 00:06:37,571 - TRACEE ELLIS ROSS. 166 00:06:37,614 --> 00:06:41,357 DAUGHTER OF THE FIRST LADY OF MOTOWN, DIANA ROSS. 167 00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:42,402 - IT'S ME! [chuckling] 168 00:06:42,445 --> 00:06:43,968 I'M RELATED TO MICHELLE OBAMA. 169 00:06:44,012 --> 00:06:45,579 - WHAT? REALLY? 170 00:06:45,622 --> 00:06:47,537 - I MEAN, IT'S DISTANT, BUT-- 171 00:06:47,581 --> 00:06:50,322 - [chuckles] THAT'S COOL, MAN. 172 00:06:50,366 --> 00:06:51,367 - RIGHT? 173 00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:54,457 DARRYL SAID, "COOL, MAN." 174 00:06:54,501 --> 00:06:56,720 HE CALLED ME A COOL MAN. 175 00:06:59,506 --> 00:07:02,204 - YOU KNOW, I REALLY DO THINK IT WOULD BE WORTH IT TO PULL OVER 176 00:07:02,247 --> 00:07:03,640 AND JUST TAKE TEN MINUTES TO EAT. 177 00:07:03,684 --> 00:07:06,077 - MM-- THE THING IS, PAM, 178 00:07:06,121 --> 00:07:07,775 I'M GONNA BE EATING WHILE I'M DRIVING, 179 00:07:07,818 --> 00:07:09,385 SO I MIGHT AS WELL GET GOOD AT IT. 180 00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:11,692 - BRAKE LIGHTS. BRAKE LIGHTS, BRAKE LIGHTS, BRAKE LIGHTS! 181 00:07:11,735 --> 00:07:13,476 [tires squealing] - WHOO! 182 00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:16,087 - I'M JUST SAYING, WHAT DOES IT IMPLY IN THIS COUNTRY 183 00:07:16,131 --> 00:07:18,655 WHEN A WHITE PERSON SHARES AN ANCESTOR WITH A BLACK PERSON? 184 00:07:18,699 --> 00:07:21,484 - YOU THINK THAT ANDY'S FAMILY OWNED SLAVES? 185 00:07:21,528 --> 00:07:23,704 - WELL, SOMEBODY OWNED SOMEBODY. 186 00:07:23,747 --> 00:07:27,490 AND I DON'T THINK ANYBODY WOULD BUY AN ANDY. 187 00:07:27,534 --> 00:07:28,360 - I THROAT-RIP. 188 00:07:28,404 --> 00:07:29,797 - FOTH AGGENDAK. 189 00:07:29,840 --> 00:07:31,059 - YOU THROAT-RIP. 190 00:07:31,102 --> 00:07:32,364 - FOTH AGGENDI. 191 00:07:32,408 --> 00:07:33,801 - HE-SHE-IT THROAT-RIPS. 192 00:07:33,844 --> 00:07:34,845 - FOTH AGGENDA. 193 00:07:34,889 --> 00:07:36,151 - MORE OF A BARBARIC GROWL. 194 00:07:36,194 --> 00:07:37,674 - [growling] FOTH AGGENDA. 195 00:07:37,718 --> 00:07:39,415 - LOUDER. YOU'RE SHOUTING IT FROM THE BACK OF A HORSE. 196 00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:41,330 - FOTH AGGENDA! 197 00:07:41,373 --> 00:07:44,115 - PRETTY CRAZY ABOUT ANDY AND MICHELLE OBAMA, HUH? 198 00:07:44,159 --> 00:07:46,509 - [laughing] YEAH. 199 00:07:46,553 --> 00:07:49,251 IT'S ALMOST UNBELIEVABLE. 200 00:07:49,294 --> 00:07:50,382 - WHAT? 201 00:07:50,426 --> 00:07:51,862 - WELL, DO YOU KNOW HOW ANDY HAS BEEN 202 00:07:51,906 --> 00:07:54,735 REALLY SALTING MY ONIONS LATELY? 203 00:07:54,778 --> 00:07:56,214 - SURE. 204 00:07:56,258 --> 00:07:58,260 - WELL, WHEN HE ASKED ME TO LOOK UP HIS ANCESTRY ONLINE, 205 00:07:58,303 --> 00:08:00,262 I REMEMBERED THAT NEWS STORY ABOUT MICHELLE OBAMA 206 00:08:00,305 --> 00:08:02,656 HAVING WHITE RELATIVES, AND I JUST KNEW 207 00:08:02,699 --> 00:08:05,223 HE WOULD EAT THAT UP. 208 00:08:05,267 --> 00:08:07,530 - SO HE'S NOT RELATED TO MICHELLE OBAMA? 209 00:08:07,574 --> 00:08:08,966 - PAM, 210 00:08:09,010 --> 00:08:13,928 I BARELY KNOW HOW TO TURN ON MY COMPUTER. 211 00:08:13,971 --> 00:08:16,278 - NELLIE'S PRETTY FEARLESS. 212 00:08:16,321 --> 00:08:20,064 AND I THINK SHE MIGHT BE MAYBE EVEN ALMOST SORT OF FUN. 213 00:08:20,108 --> 00:08:21,544 - [whispering] PAM! 214 00:08:25,069 --> 00:08:26,462 - WELL, IF THERE'S ANOTHER EXPLANATION, 215 00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:29,117 I DON'T REALLY SEE WHAT IT COULD POSSIBLY BE. 216 00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:30,335 I-- 217 00:08:30,379 --> 00:08:32,337 - WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? 218 00:08:32,381 --> 00:08:34,470 I'M RELATED TO THE FIRST LADY, OKAY? 219 00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:36,428 GET OVER IT. 220 00:08:36,472 --> 00:08:38,343 I STILL NEED WEEKLY STATUS REPORTS FROM MOST OF YOU. 221 00:08:38,387 --> 00:08:41,477 SO CAN WE GET BACK TO WORK, PLEASE? 222 00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:42,652 GET BACK TO WORK. 223 00:08:42,696 --> 00:08:46,047 [mimicking whip-cracking] 224 00:08:46,090 --> 00:08:47,527 - ANDY-- - [mimics whip-cracking] 225 00:08:47,570 --> 00:08:48,484 - ANDY, NO! 226 00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:50,442 I WOULD BE VERY POLITE TODAY. 227 00:08:50,486 --> 00:08:52,009 - WHY, IS IT EMPLOYEES' DAY OR SOMETHING? 228 00:08:52,053 --> 00:08:54,142 I CANNOT KEEP TRACK OF THESE B.S. HOLIDAYS. 229 00:08:54,185 --> 00:08:56,013 - YOUR CONNECTION TO MICHELLE OBAMA 230 00:08:56,057 --> 00:08:59,408 HAS CERTAIN NEGATIVE CONNOTATIONS. 231 00:08:59,451 --> 00:09:02,106 MOST LIKELY, YOUR FAMILY WERE... 232 00:09:02,150 --> 00:09:04,369 SLAVE OWNERS. 233 00:09:04,413 --> 00:09:05,762 - DOES ANYONE ELSE THINK IT'S POSSIBLE 234 00:09:05,806 --> 00:09:08,896 THAT I COME FROM SLAVE OWNERS? 235 00:09:12,334 --> 00:09:14,641 - WHOA. THAT PERSON HAS REALLY 236 00:09:14,684 --> 00:09:17,469 GOTTEN HIM--OR HERSELF-- INTO QUITE A PREDICAMENT. 237 00:09:19,428 --> 00:09:20,864 - HEY, MOM, IT'S ANDY, GIVE ME A CALL 238 00:09:20,908 --> 00:09:22,387 WHEN YOU GET A CHANCE. GOT A QUICK QUESTION FOR YOU. 239 00:09:22,431 --> 00:09:23,737 UH, NO BIG DEAL, JUST ABOUT AMERICA'S NATIONAL SHAME. 240 00:09:23,780 --> 00:09:26,870 THANKS, BYE. 241 00:09:26,914 --> 00:09:28,089 WHERE WERE WE? 242 00:09:28,132 --> 00:09:29,612 UH--YES, OKAY. 243 00:09:29,656 --> 00:09:31,571 YOUR... PRODUCTIVITY THING. 244 00:09:31,614 --> 00:09:33,268 - YES, YES, YES. 245 00:09:33,311 --> 00:09:34,269 - GREAT. 246 00:09:34,312 --> 00:09:36,663 OOH, SPREADSHEETS. YUM, YUM. 247 00:09:36,706 --> 00:09:37,533 - I INCLUDED SOME TIME-SAVING IDEAS. 248 00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:38,621 - UH-HUH, UH-HUH, UH-HUH. 249 00:09:38,665 --> 00:09:39,709 LOOK, I'M NOT GONNA LIE TO YOU. 250 00:09:39,753 --> 00:09:42,146 I'M A TEENSY BIT DISTRACTED RIGHT NOW. 251 00:09:42,190 --> 00:09:44,192 - LOOK, ANDY, EVEN IF YOUR ANCESTORS 252 00:09:44,235 --> 00:09:47,064 DID OWN SLAVES, IT WOULDN'T BE YOUR FAULT. 253 00:09:47,108 --> 00:09:50,241 THIS IS ONLY WEIRD IF YOU MAKE IT WEIRD. 254 00:09:50,285 --> 00:09:52,026 - RIGHT ON, BROTHER. 255 00:09:52,069 --> 00:09:53,027 WORD DAT. 256 00:09:53,070 --> 00:09:54,245 - MM-- 257 00:09:54,289 --> 00:09:58,075 - ADOR! - DARAS. 258 00:09:58,119 --> 00:09:59,250 - QAZER! 259 00:09:59,294 --> 00:10:00,687 - DARAS. 260 00:10:00,730 --> 00:10:03,124 DOES ANYONE HERE HAVE FERMENTED MARE'S MILK? 261 00:10:08,129 --> 00:10:09,304 - HEY, ERIN. 262 00:10:09,347 --> 00:10:10,740 - ATCHOMAR CHOMAKAAN! 263 00:10:10,784 --> 00:10:12,786 - OH--OKAY. 264 00:10:12,829 --> 00:10:14,831 SORRY. 265 00:10:14,875 --> 00:10:16,659 - OH, STILL, IT MUST BE GREAT TO HAVE SOMETHING ELSE GOING ON 266 00:10:16,703 --> 00:10:18,182 OUTSIDE OF WORK. 267 00:10:18,226 --> 00:10:19,923 - YEAH-- TURN SIGNAL. 268 00:10:19,967 --> 00:10:21,577 IT'S EXCITING TO BE PAINTING AGAIN-- 269 00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:22,622 THOSE ARE THE WIPERS. 270 00:10:22,665 --> 00:10:24,580 SO THE-- IT'S JUST-- 271 00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:25,668 THERE YOU GO. YEAH. 272 00:10:25,712 --> 00:10:26,887 [chuckling] 273 00:10:26,930 --> 00:10:28,540 YEAH, THINGS GET SO BUSY WITH THE KIDS-- 274 00:10:28,584 --> 00:10:31,152 RED LIGHT--THAT IT'S NICE TO HAVE THAT CREATIVE OUTLET-- 275 00:10:31,195 --> 00:10:32,588 RED LIGHT, RED LIGHT, RED, RED-- 276 00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:33,850 [tires screeching] 277 00:10:35,852 --> 00:10:37,811 - THAT IS BRILLIANT, PAM. 278 00:10:37,854 --> 00:10:39,508 I'D LOVE TO SEE SOME OF YOUR WORK. 279 00:10:39,551 --> 00:10:41,075 - WELL, SINCE WE'RE STOPPED AT A LIGHT... 280 00:10:41,118 --> 00:10:44,644 UH, HERE IS... 281 00:10:44,687 --> 00:10:47,647 THE MURAL I DID FOR ANGELA'S BABY. 282 00:10:47,690 --> 00:10:50,388 - THAT IS AMAZING, PAM. 283 00:10:50,432 --> 00:10:53,609 OH, I LOVE THE LION IN THE TUXEDO. 284 00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:58,396 - ANGELA INSISTED THAT ALL THE ANIMALS BE FULLY CLOTHED. 285 00:10:58,440 --> 00:11:02,618 - HEY, HAS ANYONE TURNED IN THEIR STATUS REPORTS UP HERE? 286 00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:05,099 - VOS. 287 00:11:05,142 --> 00:11:07,754 - SO NO? 288 00:11:07,797 --> 00:11:09,669 DO YOU THINK MAYBE YOU COULD REMIND PEOPLE? 289 00:11:09,712 --> 00:11:11,714 I'M TRYING TO DOWNPLAY THE WHOLE BOSSY-BOSS THING TODAY. 290 00:11:11,758 --> 00:11:12,715 - BECAUSE OF YOUR SLAVES. 291 00:11:12,759 --> 00:11:16,371 - NOT MY SLAVES, MY ANCESTORS'. 292 00:11:16,414 --> 00:11:18,765 MAYBE. PROBABLY NOT. 293 00:11:18,808 --> 00:11:20,723 - WELL, IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL ANY BETTER, 294 00:11:20,767 --> 00:11:22,943 THE DOTHRAKI WORD FOR "SLAVE MASTER," 295 00:11:22,986 --> 00:11:27,295 AZZAFROK, IS A TERM OF RESPECT. 296 00:11:27,338 --> 00:11:29,297 I'M LEARNING HOW TO SPEAK DOTHRAKI. 297 00:11:29,340 --> 00:11:30,602 COLOR YOU IMPRESSED? 298 00:11:30,646 --> 00:11:32,343 - THAT YOU'RE LEARNING A MADE-UP LANGUAGE 299 00:11:32,387 --> 00:11:34,650 FROM HBO'S GAME OF THRONES? 300 00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:38,219 I HAVE A LOT GOING ON TODAY, 301 00:11:38,262 --> 00:11:42,179 BUT THIS WAS A GREAT NERD-OUT. 302 00:11:42,223 --> 00:11:43,267 - DWIGHT, YOU DIDN'T TELL ME YOU WERE TEACHING ME 303 00:11:43,311 --> 00:11:44,704 A FAKE LANGUAGE. 304 00:11:44,747 --> 00:11:46,357 - PEOPLE LAUGHED AT KLINGON AT FIRST, 305 00:11:46,401 --> 00:11:50,231 AND NOW YOU CAN MAJOR IN IT. 306 00:11:52,537 --> 00:11:53,495 - HI, GUYS. 307 00:11:53,538 --> 00:11:55,758 - HEY, BOSS. I AM SO THIRSTY, 308 00:11:55,802 --> 00:11:57,586 CAN I HAVE A SCOOP OF WATER? 309 00:11:57,629 --> 00:11:59,762 - YEAH. YOU DON'T HAVE TO ASK ME-- 310 00:11:59,806 --> 00:12:03,287 [stifled laughter] 311 00:12:03,331 --> 00:12:04,680 HA HA. OKAY, GREAT. 312 00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:05,855 VERY FUNNY. I GET IT. 313 00:12:05,899 --> 00:12:07,683 JUST BECAUSE MY ANCESTORS HAPPENED TO BE-- 314 00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:10,251 [cell phone ringtone playing Dixie] 315 00:12:16,605 --> 00:12:18,563 - VERY FUNNY, KEVIN CHANGED MY RINGTONE. 316 00:12:18,607 --> 00:12:19,782 VERY FUNNY. 317 00:12:19,826 --> 00:12:22,219 I LIKED THE ORIGINAL SONG ON MY RINGTONE. 318 00:12:22,263 --> 00:12:24,091 WHICH, YOU MAY REMEMBER, 319 00:12:24,134 --> 00:12:26,093 WAS DIAMONDS ON THE SOLES OF HER SHOESBY PAUL SIMON, 320 00:12:26,136 --> 00:12:27,659 FEATURING, 321 00:12:27,703 --> 00:12:32,360 LADYSMITH AFRICAN-AMERICAN MOMBAZO. 322 00:12:34,231 --> 00:12:38,192 - GOOD. VERY GOOD. [cell phone beeping] 323 00:12:38,235 --> 00:12:40,716 - OH-- NO. 324 00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:42,849 HERE, IT'S, UH, A TEXT FROM ANDY. 325 00:12:42,892 --> 00:12:46,330 "NEW SPECIAL PROJ. NEED FAM. TREE FOR EVBODY. 326 00:12:46,374 --> 00:12:48,855 "REALLY DIG UP DIRT. A.S.A.P." 327 00:12:48,898 --> 00:12:50,030 AND THEN IN PARENTHESES 328 00:12:50,073 --> 00:12:51,683 HE WROTE OUT, "AS SOON AS POSSIBLE." 329 00:12:51,727 --> 00:12:52,902 - MM. 330 00:12:52,946 --> 00:12:57,037 UGH, LOOKS LIKE IT'S PRETENDY TIME AGAIN. 331 00:12:57,080 --> 00:12:58,516 WRITE BACK, 332 00:12:58,560 --> 00:13:00,649 "LOOKING FOR DIRT." 333 00:13:00,692 --> 00:13:02,390 OH, CAN I HELP? 334 00:13:02,433 --> 00:13:04,914 WE COULD SAY SOMEONE IS RELATED TO, UM, 335 00:13:04,958 --> 00:13:07,003 TONYA HARDING. 336 00:13:07,047 --> 00:13:10,354 - PAM, I'M RELATED TO TONYA HARDING. 337 00:13:10,398 --> 00:13:11,486 - OH-- GEE, I'M-- 338 00:13:11,529 --> 00:13:14,619 - NO, I'M JUST PRACTICING MY LYING. 339 00:13:14,663 --> 00:13:16,534 I LOVE IT. - BRILLIANT. 340 00:13:16,578 --> 00:13:18,710 - WHAT SHOULD WE SAY ABOUT JIM? 341 00:13:18,754 --> 00:13:22,062 - UM, OH--UH, SAY HE'S RELATED TO RICHARD NIXON. 342 00:13:22,105 --> 00:13:23,280 IT'S AN INSIDE JOKE. 343 00:13:23,324 --> 00:13:25,065 HE LOOKS REALLY NIXONY WHEN HE WAKES UP. 344 00:13:25,108 --> 00:13:27,241 - MY EX BEHAVED LIKE NIXON. 345 00:13:27,284 --> 00:13:31,636 ALL OF THE LYING, NONE OF THE SEXUAL CHARISMA. 346 00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:33,508 I JUST MADE A JOKE THEN. 347 00:13:33,551 --> 00:13:34,639 - I'M SORRY. 348 00:13:34,683 --> 00:13:36,380 IT'S JUST, UM-- 349 00:13:36,424 --> 00:13:37,729 I ACTUALLY DO HAVE THIS WEIRD FEELING 350 00:13:37,773 --> 00:13:39,514 THAT THERE'S SOMETHING JIM ISN'T TELLING ME. 351 00:13:39,557 --> 00:13:41,385 - OH, NO. 352 00:13:41,429 --> 00:13:42,822 UGH, AN AFFAIR. 353 00:13:42,865 --> 00:13:45,085 IT IS ALWAYS AN AFFAIR. 354 00:13:45,128 --> 00:13:46,869 - JIM? NO. 355 00:13:46,913 --> 00:13:49,045 - [sighing] HOW CAN YOU BE SURE? 356 00:13:49,089 --> 00:13:53,093 - BECAUSE HE JUST LOVES ME TOO MUCH. 357 00:13:53,136 --> 00:13:56,357 - YOU'RE A COCKY LITTLE THING, AREN'T YOU, PAM? 358 00:13:56,400 --> 00:14:00,404 - I HAVE DONE A LITTLE GENEALOGY RESEARCH OF MY OWN. 359 00:14:00,448 --> 00:14:02,972 TURNS OUT I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE WITH A FEW SKELETONS 360 00:14:03,016 --> 00:14:05,148 IN THE OL' FAMILY CLOSET. 361 00:14:05,192 --> 00:14:07,629 FOR EXAMPLE, 362 00:14:07,672 --> 00:14:09,370 PHYLLIS' GREAT-GREAT-GRANDMOTHER 363 00:14:09,413 --> 00:14:12,503 WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR SPREADING CHOLERA TO THE UNITED STATES. 364 00:14:12,547 --> 00:14:13,722 - EW. 365 00:14:13,765 --> 00:14:16,594 - KEVIN IS RELATED TO BOTH JOHN WAYNE GACY 366 00:14:16,638 --> 00:14:18,161 AND JOHN WAYNE BOBBITT. 367 00:14:18,205 --> 00:14:20,511 - AND JOHN WAYNE? 368 00:14:20,555 --> 00:14:22,122 - NO. NOT THAT I SEE HERE. 369 00:14:22,165 --> 00:14:24,907 - WAYNE JOHNSON? THE ROCK? 370 00:14:24,951 --> 00:14:27,954 YOU MEAN DWAYNE, AND NO. 371 00:14:27,997 --> 00:14:29,781 WHAT ABOUT JIM HALPERT? UH-OH. 372 00:14:29,825 --> 00:14:32,610 TURNS OUT, DISTANT RELATIVE OF THE REVILED 373 00:14:32,654 --> 00:14:34,743 RICHARD NIXON. 374 00:14:34,786 --> 00:14:36,571 - PAM ALWAYS SAYS I LOOK LIKE NIXON. 375 00:14:36,614 --> 00:14:38,573 THAT'S CRAZY, RIGHT? 376 00:14:38,616 --> 00:14:41,054 I MEAN, THERE'S NOTHING THERE. 377 00:14:41,097 --> 00:14:45,841 TRU-- 378 00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:48,365 OH, NO. 379 00:14:48,409 --> 00:14:49,497 - DWIGHT'S GRANDFATHER-- 380 00:14:49,540 --> 00:14:51,238 - WAS A MEMBER OF THE BUND, 381 00:14:51,281 --> 00:14:53,327 WHICH IS NOT TECHNICALLY THE SAME THING 382 00:14:53,370 --> 00:14:54,371 AS THE NAZI PARTY. 383 00:14:54,415 --> 00:14:56,939 SO-- [clears throat] 384 00:14:56,983 --> 00:14:59,115 - I WAS GONNA SAY HE WAS A TAX EVADER. 385 00:14:59,159 --> 00:15:01,117 - OH. 386 00:15:01,161 --> 00:15:03,206 I WAS JOKING ABOUT THAT WHOLE BUND THING. 387 00:15:03,250 --> 00:15:04,991 OH-HO, THE LOOK ON YOUR FACES. 388 00:15:05,034 --> 00:15:08,342 [laughing] 389 00:15:08,385 --> 00:15:09,647 - AND MEREDITH IS A BLOOD RELATIVE 390 00:15:09,691 --> 00:15:10,779 OF LIZZIE BORDEN. 391 00:15:10,822 --> 00:15:12,128 - COOL. 392 00:15:12,172 --> 00:15:13,390 [mimics Psychostabbing sound effect] 393 00:15:13,434 --> 00:15:14,304 - STOP IT! STOP IT, YOU'RE FRIGHTENING ME. 394 00:15:14,348 --> 00:15:16,002 - ANDY, DID YOU CALL THIS MEETING 395 00:15:16,045 --> 00:15:18,439 JUST TO TALK JUNK ABOUT OUR FAMILIES? 396 00:15:18,482 --> 00:15:20,528 - YEAH, THAT--YOU'RE BEING REALLY MEAN. 397 00:15:20,571 --> 00:15:22,704 - NO, I'M PROVING A POINT, OKAY? 398 00:15:22,747 --> 00:15:24,532 WE ALL HAVE ANCESTORS WHO MAY HAVE 399 00:15:24,575 --> 00:15:26,751 DONE HORRIBLE THINGS IN THE PAST. 400 00:15:26,795 --> 00:15:29,015 BUT IT'S IN THE PAST, AND IT'S NOT OUR FAULT. 401 00:15:29,058 --> 00:15:30,930 SO WE DON'T HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT. 402 00:15:30,973 --> 00:15:33,323 - THE DIFFERENCE IS, ANDY, THAT YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE HERE 403 00:15:33,367 --> 00:15:36,109 STILL BENEFITTING FROM THE TERRIBLE THINGS 404 00:15:36,152 --> 00:15:37,327 YOUR ANCESTORS DID. 405 00:15:37,371 --> 00:15:40,026 - MIGHT HAVE DONE, AND HOW DO YOU FIGURE? 406 00:15:40,069 --> 00:15:41,636 - YOUR FAMILY'S RICH. 407 00:15:41,679 --> 00:15:43,203 I HAVE TO BELIEVE THAT A BIG PART 408 00:15:43,246 --> 00:15:45,683 OF THE BERNARD FORTUNE WAS EARNED ON THE BACKS OF SLAVES. 409 00:15:45,727 --> 00:15:46,902 - YOU KNOW, THERE'S NOTHING WRONG 410 00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:48,730 WITH BEING SUCCESSFUL IN AMERICA, OSCAR. 411 00:15:48,773 --> 00:15:51,037 I'M NOT GONNA APOLOGIZE FOR MY FAMILY'S WEALTH. 412 00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:54,605 THAT WEALTH COULD ONE DAY BENEFIT SOCIETY, 413 00:15:54,649 --> 00:15:56,651 IF CAPITAL GAINS ARE EVER TAXED AT THE SAME RATE 414 00:15:56,694 --> 00:15:57,695 AS EARNED INCOME. 415 00:15:57,739 --> 00:15:58,696 [cell phone ringing Dixie] 416 00:15:58,740 --> 00:16:01,264 - OKAY, KEVIN DID THAT. 417 00:16:01,308 --> 00:16:03,875 I DO NOT WISH I WAS IN DIXIE. 418 00:16:03,919 --> 00:16:05,138 HEY, MOM. HOW ARE YOU? 419 00:16:05,181 --> 00:16:08,054 DID ANY BERNARDS EVER OWN 420 00:16:08,097 --> 00:16:11,492 A PLANTATION IN THE SOUTH? 421 00:16:11,535 --> 00:16:12,928 SHE SAID NO. TAKE THAT! 422 00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:15,278 FOLLOW-UP QUESTION, DID ANY BERNARDS 423 00:16:15,322 --> 00:16:18,412 EVER MAKE MONEY IN AN UNSAVORY WAY? 424 00:16:23,286 --> 00:16:24,505 [quietly] I JUST ASKED YOU-- 425 00:16:24,548 --> 00:16:26,420 WHY DIDN'T YOU USED TO SAY THAT? 426 00:16:26,463 --> 00:16:28,030 OKAY, STOP, STOP. 427 00:16:28,074 --> 00:16:29,336 STOP TALKING. STOP TALKING. 428 00:16:29,379 --> 00:16:32,339 THAT'S--NO. I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THAT. 429 00:16:32,382 --> 00:16:33,601 OKAY, YOU'RE INTERRUPTING A MEETING. 430 00:16:33,644 --> 00:16:34,645 I HAVE TO GO. 431 00:16:34,689 --> 00:16:37,561 LOVE YOU. BYE. 432 00:16:37,605 --> 00:16:40,825 WELL, TURNS OUT THE BERNARDS OF YORE DID NOT OWN SLAVES. 433 00:16:40,869 --> 00:16:42,088 - REALLY. 434 00:16:42,131 --> 00:16:43,611 - WE MERELY TRANSPORTED THEM. 435 00:16:43,654 --> 00:16:47,745 WHICH, AT WORST, MAKES US AMORAL MIDDLEMEN. 436 00:16:54,752 --> 00:16:56,189 - YO, D-DOG, I NEED YOUR HELP. 437 00:16:56,232 --> 00:16:57,451 I'M TRYING TO THINK OF THINGS I CAN SAY THAT MAKE IT 438 00:16:57,494 --> 00:16:59,018 SOUND LIKE I HAD A MORE DIFFICULT CHILDHOOD 439 00:16:59,061 --> 00:17:00,106 THAN I ACTUALLY HAD. 440 00:17:00,149 --> 00:17:01,324 - YOU GONNA PO' MOUTH. - EXACTLY. 441 00:17:01,368 --> 00:17:02,673 HELP ME PO' MOUTH, DARRYL. 442 00:17:02,717 --> 00:17:05,154 - ACTUALLY, ANDY, YOU PROMISED ME FIVE MINUTES 443 00:17:05,198 --> 00:17:06,547 TO TALK ABOUT PRODUCTIVITY SUGGESTIONS-- 444 00:17:06,590 --> 00:17:09,071 - WHAT IF I SAID THAT MY DAD BEAT ME, 445 00:17:09,115 --> 00:17:11,334 AND I JUST LEFT OUT THE CROQUET OF IT ALL? 446 00:17:11,378 --> 00:17:13,858 OR, I COULD JUST GO ALL THE WAY 447 00:17:13,902 --> 00:17:15,251 AND SAY I GREW UP IN AN APARTMENT. 448 00:17:15,295 --> 00:17:17,166 OR IS THAT TOO CRAZY? 449 00:17:17,210 --> 00:17:19,125 - THAT COULD WORK. 450 00:17:19,168 --> 00:17:20,778 - YOU KNOW, DARRYL, THIS IS 451 00:17:20,822 --> 00:17:23,085 TEXTBOOK ASSISTANT REGIONAL MANAGER STUFF HERE, 452 00:17:23,129 --> 00:17:26,132 AND I FEEL LIKE I'M DOING ALL THE HEAVY LIFTING. 453 00:17:26,175 --> 00:17:28,395 I'M COMING UP WITH ALL THE IDEAS HERE. 454 00:17:28,438 --> 00:17:30,440 - I'M GOING FOR A WALK. 455 00:17:30,484 --> 00:17:32,573 - OKAY. 456 00:17:38,013 --> 00:17:39,623 - GOOD... 457 00:17:39,667 --> 00:17:40,798 GOOD, AND-- 458 00:17:40,842 --> 00:17:43,062 [thuds] 459 00:17:53,333 --> 00:17:54,986 - YOU DOING ALL RIGHT, MAN? 460 00:17:55,030 --> 00:17:57,119 - I'M DONE. 461 00:17:57,163 --> 00:17:59,295 I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE. 462 00:17:59,339 --> 00:18:00,949 - YEAH. 463 00:18:00,992 --> 00:18:03,865 NOT THE EASIEST DAY TO BE ASSISTANT REGIONAL MANAGER. 464 00:18:03,908 --> 00:18:06,607 - IT'S NOT JUST TODAY, IT'S EVERY DAY. 465 00:18:06,650 --> 00:18:08,522 SEEMS LIKE THE BETTER TITLE I HAVE, 466 00:18:08,565 --> 00:18:10,263 THE STUPIDER MY JOB GETS. 467 00:18:10,306 --> 00:18:13,962 - AW, COME ON, IT CAN ALWAYS GET BETTER, RIGHT? 468 00:18:14,005 --> 00:18:16,791 - HMM. YEAH, RIGHT. 469 00:18:16,834 --> 00:18:17,835 - NO, I'M SERIOUS. 470 00:18:17,879 --> 00:18:20,186 THERE'S ALWAYS SOMETHING BETTER. 471 00:18:20,229 --> 00:18:21,491 - LIKE WHAT? 472 00:18:21,535 --> 00:18:24,320 - LIKE, HYPOTHETICALLY, 473 00:18:24,364 --> 00:18:27,541 IF I SAID THAT THERE WAS ANOTHER JOB 474 00:18:27,584 --> 00:18:30,109 THAT YOU AND I COULD BOTH HAVE. 475 00:18:30,152 --> 00:18:31,893 - WHAT KIND OF JOB? 476 00:18:31,936 --> 00:18:37,246 - SOMETHING COOL, LIKE SPORTS MARKETING, OR-- 477 00:18:37,290 --> 00:18:38,639 DOES THAT SOUND LIKE SOMETHING YOU'D BE INTO? 478 00:18:38,682 --> 00:18:39,944 - HELL YEAH. - RIGHT? 479 00:18:39,988 --> 00:18:41,076 - THAT SOUNDS AWESOME. 480 00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:42,164 - OKAY, BUT WAIT. WHAT IF I TOLD YOU 481 00:18:42,208 --> 00:18:43,209 THAT IT WAS IN PHILLY? 482 00:18:43,252 --> 00:18:44,862 SO YOU'D HAVE TO-- - I LOVE PHILLY. 483 00:18:44,906 --> 00:18:46,299 - RIGHT? 484 00:18:46,342 --> 00:18:48,170 - IT'S NOT EVEN A THOUGHT-- - NOT EVEN A THOUGHT. 485 00:18:48,214 --> 00:18:51,869 IT'S NOT EVEN THAT FAR AWAY, I COULD STILL COMMUTE--EXACTLY. 486 00:18:51,913 --> 00:18:53,436 EXACTLY. 487 00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:55,351 ALL RIGHT. 488 00:18:55,395 --> 00:18:56,483 - WHAT? WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. 489 00:18:56,526 --> 00:18:58,093 SO WHAT, IS THIS HAPPENING? 490 00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:00,095 - OH, IT'S HAPPENING. 491 00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:01,575 LET'S JUST KEEP IT BETWEEN YOU AND ME 492 00:19:01,618 --> 00:19:02,619 FOR RIGHT NOW, ALL RIGHT? - OKAY. YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. 493 00:19:02,663 --> 00:19:03,968 FOR SURE, FOR SURE, FOR SURE. 494 00:19:04,012 --> 00:19:06,841 MAN. AND PAM'S INTO IT? 495 00:19:06,884 --> 00:19:08,147 - WE GOTTA HAVE A TALK ABOUT IT, 496 00:19:08,190 --> 00:19:09,365 BUT I THINK THAT SHE'S-- 497 00:19:09,409 --> 00:19:10,584 I THINK SHE UNDERSTANDS-- 498 00:19:10,627 --> 00:19:12,020 - AW, COME ON, MAN. - WHAT THIS IS. 499 00:19:12,063 --> 00:19:13,195 I THOUGHT YOU HAD SOMETHING REAL. 500 00:19:13,239 --> 00:19:14,283 - WHAT? NO, NO, NO. 501 00:19:14,327 --> 00:19:15,676 COME ON. THIS IS REAL. 502 00:19:15,719 --> 00:19:17,982 - IT'S NOT REAL 503 00:19:18,026 --> 00:19:22,161 UNTIL YOUR WIFE IS ON BOARD. 504 00:19:23,249 --> 00:19:25,207 - SO WHAT DID YOU WANT TO SHOW ME? 505 00:19:25,251 --> 00:19:28,079 - THAT IS QUITE AN UGLY WALL, ISN'T IT? 506 00:19:28,123 --> 00:19:30,169 - YEAH. IT'S REALLY UGLY. 507 00:19:30,212 --> 00:19:32,171 - NEEDS SOMETHING, DOESN'T IT? 508 00:19:32,214 --> 00:19:33,215 I'M THINKING, 509 00:19:33,259 --> 00:19:36,218 A MURAL. 510 00:19:36,262 --> 00:19:37,219 - YOU MEAN ME? 511 00:19:37,263 --> 00:19:38,220 - YES, YOU. 512 00:19:38,264 --> 00:19:41,223 YOU ARE SO TALENTED. 513 00:19:41,267 --> 00:19:43,051 IT'S GOING TO BE MY NEXT SPECIAL PROJECT. 514 00:19:43,094 --> 00:19:45,488 HIRING SCRANTON'S MOST DANGEROUS YOUNG MURALIST 515 00:19:45,532 --> 00:19:47,490 TO PAINT THE WAREHOUSE WALL. 516 00:19:47,534 --> 00:19:49,100 - OH, MY GOD, I LOVE IT! 517 00:19:49,144 --> 00:19:50,363 UH--I-- NELLIE, 518 00:19:50,406 --> 00:19:52,060 THIS IS BRILLIANT! 519 00:19:52,103 --> 00:19:53,235 HEY! - HEY. 520 00:19:53,279 --> 00:19:55,063 CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND? 521 00:19:55,106 --> 00:19:58,501 - ANYTHING YOU HAVE TO SAY TO HER, 522 00:19:58,545 --> 00:19:59,546 YOU CAN SAY TO ME. 523 00:19:59,589 --> 00:20:00,634 SHE NEVER LOVED YOU. 524 00:20:00,677 --> 00:20:02,288 - WHAT? NO, I-- I GOT THIS. 525 00:20:02,331 --> 00:20:03,550 [giggling] OKAY. 526 00:20:03,593 --> 00:20:04,768 - [quietly] OKAY. THIS IS HIS FAULT. 527 00:20:04,812 --> 00:20:06,248 IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. 528 00:20:06,292 --> 00:20:10,034 I AM GONNA FIND YOU SOMEONE BETTER, AND RICH. 529 00:20:10,078 --> 00:20:11,949 AND FILIPINO. 530 00:20:11,993 --> 00:20:15,910 BUT WE'LL BREAK THAT TO HER LATER. 531 00:20:15,953 --> 00:20:17,651 YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT? 532 00:20:17,694 --> 00:20:19,261 - YEAH. 533 00:20:19,305 --> 00:20:20,349 YOU TOO, HUH? 534 00:20:20,393 --> 00:20:23,961 - YEAH. 535 00:20:24,005 --> 00:20:27,095 GO ON, SPILL IT. 536 00:20:27,138 --> 00:20:30,881 TELL HER ALL THE GORY DETAILS, YOU SNAKE. 537 00:20:30,925 --> 00:20:32,056 - HEY. 538 00:20:32,100 --> 00:20:33,928 HE DESERVES THIS. 539 00:20:33,971 --> 00:20:37,714 AND HE SAID I COULD GET IN ON IT TOO. 540 00:20:37,758 --> 00:20:40,587 [whispering] YEAH. 541 00:20:40,630 --> 00:20:43,285 - OH, PAM, NO. 542 00:20:43,329 --> 00:20:45,156 OH, I CAN'T BEAR TO WATCH THIS. 543 00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:47,333 - I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WAS SO WORRIED ABOUT. 544 00:20:47,376 --> 00:20:51,206 I HAVE THE BEST WIFE IN THE WORLD. 545 00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:54,296 - I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE HE DIDN'T TELL ME. 546 00:21:03,479 --> 00:21:04,654 - I WAS HELPING NELLIE DRIVE-- 547 00:21:04,698 --> 00:21:07,483 - DO NOT CARE. 548 00:21:12,227 --> 00:21:14,316 - FONAS CHEK! 549 00:21:14,360 --> 00:21:17,101 - DOTHRAS CHEK! 550 00:21:17,145 --> 00:21:20,279 [giggles] 551 00:21:20,322 --> 00:21:22,324 - I LIKE THAT GUY. 552 00:21:22,368 --> 00:21:24,413 WE SHOULD HOOK HIM UP WITH MEREDITH. 553 00:21:24,457 --> 00:21:27,198 - HMM--