- GOOD MORNING. - GOOD MORNING.
- AND HOW ARE YOU ON THIS FINE D--
[weeps]
LAST WEEK, ERIN TOLD ME THAT OUR RELATIONSHIP
WILL BE PROCEEDING WITHOUT ME.
- I NEED YOU. - DAH! DWIGHT.
- IT'S MY AUNT SHIRLEY. SHE'S ON HER LAST LEGS.
- I DON'T SEE HOW THIS IS MY PROBLEM.
- ANGELA, YOU OWE ME ONE, REMEMBER?
- HOW WOULD YOU LIKE A NICE, WARM BATH?
- HOW WOULD YOU LIKE A MEAN, COLD SLAP?
- OW! - HI!
HEY, DO I LOOK OKAY? - YOU LOOK GREAT.
- OKAY. - YEAH.
- JIM SET UP A JOB INTERVIEW FOR ME TODAY IN PHILLY.
I'M PAM HALPERT. - OH. HI.
THEY CALL ME MARKY MARK AROUND HERE, BECAUSE
HERE AT SIMON REALTY, WE ARE ONE FUNKY BUNCH.
- OH, MY GOD. HE'S MICHAEL SCOTT.
- DARRYL, CLARK, KEVIN, TOBY, PLOP,
TAKE A KNEE. ALL RIGHT...
COULDN'T SHAKE THIS FEELING THAT ERIN'S DATING SOMEONE,
SO I LOOKED AT HER PHONE.
I FOUND OUT SHE'S BEEN TEXTING A GUY NAMED PETE.
- IT JUST OCCURRED TO ME THAT
ANDY HAS BEEN CALLING ME PLOP FOR SO LONG,
HE FORGOT MY REAL NAME.
WHICH IS PETE. MY NAME IS PETE.
[cheerful music]
♪
- [grunts]
- TIME TO GET CLEAN.
- IT'S HOSING TIME, AUNT SHIRLEY.
HAVE A SEAT.
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE A HARD TIME HEARING HER
OVER THE ROAR OF THE HOSE.
- WE HAVE TO DO CHAINS? - OH, YOU'LL SEE.
HERE WE GO. - GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD.
- LET'S DO IT. READY?
HERE'S A BOX CUTTER TO GET HER CLOTHES OFF.
- DWIGHT! - LET'S GET TO IT.
GIVE IT A WHIRL. - NO. NO.
DWIGHT, I AM NOT GONNA HOSE YOUR AUNT DOWN
LIKE SOME ANIMAL.
- STOP YOUR BELLYACHING AND HOSE ME.
- I NEED YOU TO HOSE MY AUNT.
- NO, DWIGHT. - OKAY, YOU ARE USELESS.
- NO, NO. - GIVE ME THE HOSE.
- DWIGHT, I WON'T DO IT. [both shouting]
I AM GONNA GIVE YOUR AUNT A PROPER BATH
AND A HAIRCUT LIKE A LADY!
AND YOU TWO ARE GONNA SHUT UP ABOUT IT!
DO YOU HAVE A BATHTUB?
- YES, MA'AM. - GOOD.
- HEY, NELLIE.
MM.
I AM SO SICK OF FEBRUARY.
IT'S THE SHORTEST MONTH, BUT IT SURE DOESN'T FEEL THAT WAY.
WE SHOULD CATCH UP.
- UM...
- YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN GOING OVER MY NOTES FROM THE TRIAL--
- OH, NO, TOBY, NO.
- I FEEL LIKE I MIGHT HAVE GLOSSED OVER A FEW MINOR POINTS.
- NO, TOBY, YOU CANNOT KEEP BLATHERING ON
ABOUT THIS SCRANTON STRANGLER.
DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
GET IT OUT OF YOUR SYSTEM, WHATEVER IT TAKES.
- I'VE BEEN DRAFTING A LETTER.
- FOR TWO YEARS!
THEN WHAT? ANOTHER YEAR PICKING OUT A STAMP?
ANOTHER SIX MONTHS BEFORE YOU DECIDE TO LICK IT?
JUST--I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT.
- HEY. YOU GOT A SEC TO TALK?
- KIND OF PAINFUL TO CHAT WITH YOU, PETE,
EVER SINCE THE OL' ONE-TWO PUNCH TO MY SCROTUM POLE,
TRANSLATION--PENIS, TRANSLATION--MY MANHOOD.
- YEAH, LOOK, UH...
I UNDERSTAND BREAK-UPS ARE TOUGH.
YOU KNOW, IT HAPPENS TO ALL OF US
AT SOME POINT IN LIFE.
BUT YOU GOTTA MOVE ON.
- GREAT ADVICE.
THANK YOU. YOU CAN LEAVE NOW.
- LISTEN TO HIM, ANDY.
HE'S TRYING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING
THAT YOU REALLY NEED TO HEAR.
- AWESOME PERSPECTIVE. THANKS FOR BUTTING IN.
- WELL, I'VE BEEN WHERE YOU ARE NOW.
I DATED THIS GIRL ALICE,
AND IT WAS AN UGLY BREAK-UP.
SHE WORKED AT A MARKETING AGENCY RIGHT NEXT TO MY HOUSE.
I'D RUN INTO HER EVERY DAY, BUT I HAD TO GROW UP
AND DEAL WITH IT, AND I DID.
WE'RE EVEN FACEBOOK FRIENDS NOW.
- SEE? WE CAN ALL BE FRIENDS.
- YEAH. - JUST GET OVER IT.
IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE AWKWARD.
- I DO THINK WE CAN HAVE A FAIR...
- YEAH, SO LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS,
YOU JUST GOTTA EAT 'EM, RINDS AND ALL.
AND, IF YOU DON'T WANT TO EAT 'EM,
YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND WILL SHOVE THEM DOWN YOUR THROAT
WITH THE HELP OF HER HUNKY NEW BOYFRIEND.
SO THAT'S FUN.
- NOTHING TO SEE HERE.
BOSS AT WORK.
THIS WILL BE YOUR DESK, RIGHT UP FRONT.
BEST SEAT ON THE ROLLER COASTER.
YOU MUST BE THIS TALL TO RIDE THIS RIDE.
NO PREGNANT WOMEN ALLOWED.
ARE YOU? I'M NOT ALLOWED TO ASK, SO--
- I AM NOT-- - YOU'RE NOT PREGNANT.
I DIDN'T ASK HER IF SHE WAS PREGNANT.
SHE JUST OFFERED IT.
THE LAST THREE GIRLS HERE ALL GOT PREGNANT.
- WOW. - DON'T--DON'T BE AFRAID.
IT'S A DIFFERENT CHAIR.
I DON'T WANT A GUY UP HERE.
I WANT TO, YOU KNOW, SEE A WOMAN COME IN AND DO A GREAT JOB.
SOMETHING--I HAVE TO LOOK OUT THIS WINDOW--
- I'M SORRY, I THOUGHT THIS JOB WAS FOR THE POSITION
OF OFFICE MANAGER.
- IT IS. YEAH.
YOU'D MANAGE THIS OFFICE.
YOU'D ANSWER THE PHONES AND FORWARD THE CALLS,
AND, YOU KNOW, GO FOR A COFFEE RUN NOW AND AGAIN.
- SO KIND OF LIKE A RECEPTIONIST.
- YEAH. LIKE A RECEPTIONIST,
BUT WE CALL YOU THE OFFICE MANAGER,
BECAUSE IT'S LESS DEMEANING.
BY THE WAY, HOW LONG ARE THESE CAMERAS
GONNA BE FOLLOWING YOU AROUND?
BECAUSE I THINK THIS IS PRETTY COOL.
[whistles]
PRETTY, PRETTY COOL.
LARRY DAVID, CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM.
DO YOU LIKE THAT SHOW? - YES.
- WELL, I THINK THEY INDULGE THEMSELVES A LITTLE TOO MUCH.
[inhales]
I LIKE SCRIPTED.
- I SPENT TEN YEARS AS A RECEPTIONIST
TO MICHAEL SCOTT.
AND I HAVE KIDS NOW.
AND I JUST-- I CAN'T.
- OW! THE BRAID IS TOO TIGHT.
- OH, HUSH.
LOOSE BRAIDS REFLECT A LOOSE CHARACTER.
NOW STAY STILL.
- YES, MA'AM.
- I THINK YOUR HAIR IS MUCH TOO LONG FOR YOUR AGE, BY THE WAY.
- OKAY.
- THERE.
- THANK YOU, ANGELA.
- I'M GOING TO THE PRISON
THIS AFTERNOON TO GO AND TALK TO THE STRANGLER.
- PROBABLY BEST TO USE HIS REAL NAME RATHER THAN STRANGLER.
- DON'T USE HIS REAL NAME.
GEORGE HOWARD SKUB?
THAT'S A DEVIL NAME.
- ANYWAY, I JUST WANTED TO SAY I'M DOING IT.
I'M GOING.
- HE'S DOING IT.
[cell phone buzzes]
- HEY.
- HEY, HOW'D THE INTERVIEW GO?
- OH, MY GOSH. WAIT UNTIL I TELL YOU.
THIS GUY WAS UNBELIEVABLE.
OKAY, SO-- - I CAN'T WAIT
TO HEAR ABOUT IT LATER.
DO YOU WANT TO COME IN AT 8:00? AND DON'T EAT,
BECAUSE I'M ORDERING IN.
- 8:00? REALLY?
- I'LL MAKE IT WORTH YOUR WHILE, I PROMISE.
- SURE. I MEAN, IT'S PHILLY.
I CAN KILL FOUR HOURS.
SO, YEAH, I'LL SEE YOU AT 8:00.
- ALL RIGHT. LOVE YOU. - LOVE YOU.
- HI. - HI.
- I'M HERE FROM BCI MARKETING CONSULTANTS
TO MEET WITH ANDREW BERNARD.
- OH, YES, THE CONSULTANT.
ANDY SAID YOU CAN START RIGHT AWAY.
SO I WILL TAKE YOU TO YOUR DESK.
- OH, OKAY, GREAT. THANKS.
- MM. FRESH MEAT.
FRESH MEAT! [making kissing noises]
- JUST KEEP WALKING. DON'T GIVE HER ANYTHING.
SHE'LL TAKE IT AND RUN.
I'M ERIN BY THE WAY. - NICE TO MEET YOU.
CUTE SWEATER. - OH, THANKS.
YOUR SHOES MATCH. I'M BAD AT SMALL TALK.
- I'M KEVIN.
- PETE?
- ALICE.
[softly] OH, MAN.
- IT'S BEEN A WHILE, HUH?
- OH, DO YOU TWO KNOW EACH OTHER?
- YEAH. WE HAVE A HISTORY.
- OH. - HISTORY. WOW.
OKAY. WE DATED FOR TWO YEARS.
- THAT'S SO RANDOM.
- WELL, IS IT?
- ANDY ALSO HIRED A MANAGEMENT CONSULTANT TODAY.
OH, NO.
- HEY, ERIN, LOOK WHO'S BACK.
THE BIRDMAN.
- HELLO, BEAUTIFUL.
- DIDN'T YOU TWO USED TO DO IT?
- WE ABSOLUTELY DID. THANK YOU FOR REMEMBERING THAT.
- SHE'S LOOKING GOOD. - MM. [laughs]
- HI. TOBY FLENDERSON.
I'M HERE TO SEE GEORGE HOWARD SKUB.
THIS IS THE PRISON.
I AM NOT GOING IN THERE
WITH EXPECTATIONS, PER SE.
I WILL MEET GEORGE HOWARD SKUB.
I WILL TELL HIM THAT I BELIEVE HE IS INNOCENT.
I WOULD UNDERSTAND IF HE FELT MOTIVATED TO HUG ME.
I WOULD UNDERSTAND IF A FRIENDSHIP BEGAN.
HOW DID BOGART PUT IT?
[as Bogart] I THINK THIS IS THE START
OF MY FIRST FRIENDSHIP.
- SO PETE WAS A LIBRARIAN?
- HE WORKED AS A LIBRARIAN FRESHMAN YEAR.
- WAS HE, LIKE, THE SEXY LIBRARIAN?
- OKAY. - IS THERE SOMEBODY
WHO'S IN CHARGE OF MARKETING?
MAYBE I SHOULD SIT NEAR HIM OR HER.
- HI. - HI!
- HI. HOW'S IT GOING?
- HI. GOOD.
I'D LOVE TO DISCUSS STRATEGY WITH YOU
IF YOU HAVE A MARKETING-- - WOW, THIS SURE IS INTENSE.
HAVING TO SHARE A WORKSPACE WITH SOMEONE
YOU USED TO GET IT ON WITH.
- ANDY, THAT IS REALLY INAPPROPRIATE.
- AWKWARD! - IT IS AWKWARD.
THIS IS A REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE SITUATION THAT YOU'VE CONTRIVED.
- REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE SITUATION.
- YEAH.
- THAT'S ALL RIGHT, PETE. YOU CAN HANDLE IT.
I MEAN, WE ALL JUST GOTTA MOVE ON.
AIN'T THAT RIGHT, PROFESSOR LECTURE-MUCH?
UH, QUESTION.
HOW'S THAT MEDICINE TASTE?
YOUR OWN-FLAVORED?
IS IT JUST ME, OR HAVE THESE TABLES TURNED?
HMM. HMM.
- SO THERE'S NO MARKETING DEPARTMENT?
both: NO.
- YOU KNOW, TIMES WERE TOUGH.
I WAS UNEMPLOYED.
I WAS STILL HEARTBROKEN OVER YOU.
I'D LOST A GOOD 50 POUNDS.
BUT AS YOU CAN SEE I PUT ALL THAT WEIGHT RIGHT BACK ON.
FEEL HOW FAT MY BUTTOCKS ARE.
YEAH. IT'S CRAZY.
TOUCH IT. IT'S LIKE A WARM PUMPKIN.
- SO ANDY JUST CALLED YOU UP OUT OF THE BLUE?
- YEAH. HE TOLD ME YOU TWO BROKE UP.
- YEAH.
- YOU MUST BE PRETTY HORNY.
- WELL, THE GOOD NEWS IS, NO MORE GUILTY CONSCIENCE.
AT LEAST YOU KNOW HE IS THE STRANGLER.
THE PROOF IS IN THE GRIP.
DID THEY SAY WHEN THE VOCAL CORDS WOULD HEAL?
ONE WEEK? OKAY.
TWO WEEKS?
OKAY.
YOU OFFERED YOUR NECK IN SEARCH OF THE TRUTH.
THE PROUD NECK OF JUSTICE-- ISN'T THAT THE EXPRESSION?
WELL, ANYWAY, IT WAS--IT WAS VERY BRAVE.
IT REALLY WAS QUITE BRAVE.
- I FEEL LIKE A SHOW PONY.
- AND YOU LOOK LIKE ONE TOO. THANK YOU, ANGELA.
- YOU'RE WELCOME. WOULD YOU LIKE SOME STEW?
- BY ALL MEANS. AND I WILL CARVE THE ROAST SKUNK.
ANGELA. - MM-HMM?
- WOULD YOU LIKE THE STINK SACK?
- IS IT ANY GOOD? - NO.
YOU DON'T EAT IT. IT'S A TOY, LIKE A WISHBONE.
YOU KNOW, PRETTIEST GIRL GETS THE STINK SACK.
- THANK YOU.
- SO WHEN'S THE WEDDING?
- UM...
ACTUALLY, WE ARE JUST FRIENDS.
- THAT'S WHAT MOSE SAID ABOUT HIS LADY SCARECROW,
AND LOOK WHAT HE DID TO THAT POOR THING.
- HELLO?
- HEY. BACK HERE.
- [laughs]
WOW. SERIOUSLY?
OH, MY GOSH.
IS THAT CHAMPAGNE? - SI, SENOR.
[pop]
- OH, JIM, I SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU I DIDN'T GET THE JOB.
- OH, MAN. I'M SO SORRY.
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? - OH, YEAH.
I'M MORE THAN ALL RIGHT.
THERE'S JUST NOTHING TO CELEBRATE?
- ARE YOU KIDDING?
YOU'RE IN PHILLY. WE'RE HAVING DINNER TOGETHER.
AND THIS IS JUST CONSOLATION CHAMPAGNE.
IT'S FROM THE PART OF FRANCE
THAT IMMEDIATELY GAVE UP TO THE NAZIS.
- [chuckles] - HERE.
- YOU'RE VERY QUICK ON YOUR FEET.
I REMEMBER YOU.
FUNNY.
- ALL RIGHT, SO TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT.
- OKAY, WELL...
GOSH, THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELP TODAY.
YOUR PERSPECTIVE WAS VERY USEFUL.
THANK YOU.
- IT WAS NOT AN UNPLEASANT WAY
TO SPEND AN AFTERNOON.
DWIGHT, DWIGHT. - RIGHT.
NOT OUTSIDE. THE HORSEFLIES.
YOU KNOW WHAT, MY FARM IS ONLY A FEW ACRES EAST OF HERE.
OR WE COULD USE THE SLAUGHTERHOUSE.
- NO, DWIGHT, THE SENATOR.
- LEAVE HIM. HE PROBABLY WON'T EVEN NOTICE THAT YOU'RE GONE.
BE WITH ME, MONKEY.
- I CAN'T BE YOUR MONKEY, DWIGHT.
- I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT SOME FRISKY ROMP
IN THE WAREHOUSE.
WE HAVE WASTED TOO MUCH OF OUR LIVES IGNORING THE FACT
THAT WE BELONG TOGETHER.
THE 80 OR 90 YEARS THAT I HAVE LEFT OF THIS LIFE...
I WANT TO SPEND WITH YOU.
- I MADE A VOW.
I GAVE MY WORD.
- STAND BY YOUR MAN.
IT'S WHAT I WOULD WANT IF YOU WERE MINE.
- GOOD NIGHT, D.
- HOW ARE YOU DOING? IS IT REALLY ROUGH?
- IT IS SO UNPLEASANT. YOU?
- HEY, LOVE TURDS!
CONFERENCE ROOM NOW.
THANK YOU ALL FOR COMING IN.
JUST WANTED TO CHECK IN.
HOW WAS EVERYONE'S DAY?
- HONESTLY, IT WAS A LITTLE WEIRD.
- REALLY? HMM.
THAT'S INTERESTING, BECAUSE ERIN AND PETE
THOUGHT IT WOULDN'T BE WEIRD AT ALL.
WHY DO YOU THINK IT WAS WEIRD, GABE?
MAYBE BECAUSE YOU AND ERIN USED TO BE AN ITEM?
- I STILL WEAR ERIN'S BUTTON-DOWNS
AROUND THE CONDO SOMETIMES,
SO IT FEELS TO ME LIKE WE'RE STILL IN A RELATIONSHIP...
- GABE. - A LOT OF THE TIME.
- UGH.
- AND, ALICE, I UNDERSTAND
YOU ONCE DUMPED PETE. OUCH.
- IT WAS AN AMICABLE BREAK-UP, ANDY.
- OKAY, WHILE WE'RE REWRITING HISTORY,
YOU NEVER HAD A DRINKING PROBLEM.
- IT WAS COLLEGE.
THAT IS WHAT YOU DO.
- DUDE, YOU'RE ALSO SUPPOSED TO GO TO CLASSES,
SO THERE'S THAT.
- HEY, ANDY, IS THIS AT ALL WORK-RELATED?
- WE'LL GET TO THAT.
GABE, DID ERIN EVER
TELL YOU THAT SHE LOVES YOU?
- [laughs] NO, NO, NO. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
SHE WOULDN'T EVEN LET ME SAY IT.
IT WAS ADORABLE. SHE'D PLUG HER EARS
AND SCREAM HER HEART OUT.
- GABE, CAN YOU STOP TALKING?
BECAUSE EVERY WORD OUT OF YOUR MOUTH
IS LIKE THE SQUAWK OF AN UGLY PELICAN.
- I GOT A TATTOO FOR YOU.
- I DIDN'T ASK YOU TO GET THAT NIKE SWOOSH.
NOBODY DID. YOU DID THAT FOR YOU.
- JUST DO IT.
YOU WERE THE IT THAT I WAS JUST DOING.
- SO YOU'RE DATING A SECRETARY NOW?
MOVING UP IN THE WORLD, PETE.
- SHE'S NICE TO ME.
- HOW'S THAT P.E. DEGREE COMING?
THAT'S WHAT HE WANTED TO BE.
HIS DREAM IN COLLEGE WAS TO BE A GYM TEACHER.
- WELL, GUESS WHAT,
HE COULD STILL BE A GYM TEACHER.
IN FACT, WE COULD ALL STILL BE GYM TEACHERS.
SO LET'S-- - I TECHNICALLY CANNOT.
I DON'T HAVE THE LUNG CAPACITY TO BLOW A WHISTLE.
- OH, MY GOD.
- WHAT KIND OF MUSIC ARE YOU INTO, PETER?
- UH, I LIKE ALL KINDS OF MUSIC, GABE.
- REALLY? ALL KINDS?
SO YOU LIKE SONGS OF HATE
WRITTEN BY THE WHITE KNIGHTS OF THE KU KLUX KLAN?
ERIN, ARE YOU EVEN HEARING THIS? - NO!
- GABE, HE DIDN'T EVEN SAY THAT.
- HE'S NOT A VERY SOPHISTICATED MAN.
I MEAN, HE CAN'T USE CHOPSTICKS,
SO DO I NEED TO SAY ANYTHING ELSE?
- [laughs] ERIN, I'VE BEEN TO JAPAN.
I KNOW HOW TO USE CHOPSTICKS SO WELL.
COME BACK.
ONE NIGHT. GIVE ME ONE NIGHT WITH YOU.
- WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE? - I HAVE SHAVED EVERYTHING.
- I DON'T WANT YOU TO SHAVE--
- I WASTED TWO YEARS OF MY LIFE ON YOU.
YOU REALIZE THAT, RIGHT? - I JUST WANT TO BE REAL CLEAR
THAT CHOPSTICKS IS NOT THE MEASURE OF A MAN.
- I AM AS SMOOTH AS A PORPOISE FOR YOU.
- WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY AT THE BEGINNING,
"THIS ISN'T REALLY GOING THAT WELL"?
- SHOVEL HIS SASHIMI INTO HIS MOUTH
AS A SPORT.
- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, YES,
THAT IS A LEGITIMATE QUESTION.
DOES MAKING ERIN AND PETE FEEL BAD
MAKE ME FEEL BETTER?
YEAH.
YEAH. IT DOES.
- SO IMAGINE, LIKE, THE REAL ESTATE VERSION
OF MICHAEL SCOTT, AND THAT WAS THIS GUY.
HE DID HALF THE INTERVIEW AS ACE VENTURA.
- TELL ME ABOUT THE COLOGNE. HOW MUCH?
- OH. AN ENTIRE BOTTLE AT LEAST.
- YOU'RE DEFINITELY HOARDING THIS, BY THE WAY.
- GUESS--GUESS WHAT POSTER HE HAD ON HIS WALL.
- AUSTIN POWERS. - MM-MM.
- FERRIS BUELLER. - MM-MM.
YOU'RE GETTING COLDER.
- NOT NIGHT AT THE ROXBURY.
- NO.
THE ODD LIFE OF TIMOTHY GREEN.
- I'M SORRY. HOW DID YOU THINK I WAS EXPECTED TO GUESS THAT?
- I DON'T KNOW. BUT IT'S INTERESTING, RIGHT?
- IT'S FASCINATING. - HE SAID HE CAN'T HELP
BUT TEAR UP WHEN HE LOOKS AT IT, AND IT'S RIGHT NEXT TO HIS DESK.
HE MUST LOOK AT IT, LIKE, 20 TIMES A DAY.
- THAT'S AMAZING.
WELL, LISTEN, YOU CAN'T WIN 'EM ALL, RIGHT?
- MM-HMM. - SO THE NEXT INTERVIEW
HAS TO BE BETTER.
- I DON'T KNOW.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
OF COURSE IT WILL. YOU'RE AMAZING.
- I KNOW. IT'S JUST, EVEN IF IT WAS
A GREAT BOSS AND A GREAT JOB,
I JUST--I DON'T-- I DON'T KNOW IF I--
IF I WANT TO-- I DON'T KNOW IF I WANT THIS.
- HUH.
THIS IS A LITTLE OUT OF LEFT FIELD.
- IS IT?
I JUST-- I LIKED OUR LIFE IN SCRANTON.
- AND I HAVE STARTED A BUSINESS IN PHILADELPHIA.
- LITTLE DID MY GRANDFATHER KNOW,
MAHJONG WOULD BE HERE TO STAY.
- HOBBIES OF THE EAST CONTINUES IN A MOMENT.
- [clears throat]
YOU COULD ALL BE DOING THIS.
JUST SAYING.
I WATCH WAY TOO MANY ADS ONLINE,
AND I DON'T DO ENOUGH SIT-UPS.
SO I BOUGHT THESE.
NOW EVERY TIME AN AD POPS UP ONLINE,
I GET 30 SECONDS OF AB-BLASTING.
I CALL IT ADS FOR ABS.
IRONICALLY, I LEARNED ABOUT THE BOOTS FROM AN AD ONLINE.
- WHY CAN'T YOU JUST DO REGULAR SIT-UPS?
- I'LL TELL YOU WHY.
BECAUSE...
THE FLOOR...
IS...
DISGUSTING.
YEAH. MY TRAINER SAID,
"EVERYBODY FAILS WORKING OUT."
THAT'S HOW YOU WIN.
OKAY. ALL RIGHT.
OKAY. KEVIN, A LITTLE HELP, BUDDY.
- OH, WHY DON'T YOUR FAMOUS STOMACHS HELP YOU NOW?
- CAN SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME?
- OH, THESE TEAS ARE HOT.
CAN SOMEONE HELP ME, PLEASE?
OH, THANKS. YEAH.
OKAY. - JUST...
JUST...
PEOPLE, I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE!
SOON MY CORE WILL GET STRONG AGAIN,
AND, WHEN THAT HAPPENS, I'LL BE ABLE--
HEAD RUSH! AH!
CAN SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME?
I-- HEY.
I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE!
I'LL BE RIGHT HERE!
OH, THAT'S NOT GOOD.
HEY, GUYS, I'VE GOT 20 BUCKS FOR ANYONE WHO WILL HELP ME.
KEVIN, WOULD YOU LIKE A PIZZA?