- THE COUNTY TOOK MY CATS.
- WAIT, ALL OF THEM?
- TWO SACKS' WORTH.
APPARENTLY, MY APARTMENT COMPLEX HAS RULES
ABOUT HOW MANY PETS ARE TOO MANY FOR A STUDIO.
- SO YOU--
YOU WANT TO QUIT DUNDER MIFFLIN TO PURSUE ACTING?
- EVERY MINUTE
THAT I SPEND HERE
IS TIME NOT SPENT MAKING AUDITION VIDEOS
FOR REALITY DATING, COOKING, OR SINGING SHOWS.
- I'M ACTUALLY HERE TODAY. SURPRISE.
SO I WAS WONDERING IF MAYBE I COULD HAVE MY DESK BACK.
- YOU KNOW, I'VE ACTUALLY BEEN WORKING PRETTY HARD HERE
ON A DAILY BASIS, SO... - MM-HMM.
- I KIND OF FEEL LIKE I'VE EARNED THIS.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW? - YOU TOTALLY HAVE.
YOU HAVE EARNED IT.
BUT MAYBE I COULD BE WITH MY WIFE.
THAT'S KIND OF THE WHOLE REASON WHY I'M HERE.
- RIGHT.
WELL, I'M HERE TO SELL PAPER.
[knocks on desk]
- I WOULD LIKE TO INVITE YOU ALL
TO MY BLACK BELT CEREMONY RIGHT HERE IN THE OFFICE
AT LUNCH.
HA! [applause]
- I AM SO PROUD OF YOU, SCHROOBERRY BLUE.
[laughter]
- I'M LOOKING FOR A NEW MANAGER,
AND WITH HIS PERFORMANCE THIS YEAR,
I HAVE BEEN CONSIDERING DWIGHT.
- IT SHOULD BE DWIGHT.
- DO YOU THINK I'M MAKING A TERRIBLE MISTAKE
QUITTING MY JOB TO BECOME AN ACTOR?
- HONESTLY, I THINK YOU MIGHT BECOME HOMELESS...
OR MAYBE EVEN STARVE.
- YOU CAN STAY ON AS A SALESMAN, ANDY.
- THANK YOU.
- DWIGHT, COULD YOU COME IN HERE FOR A SECOND, PLEASE?
[cheerful music]
♪
- SAY IT AGAIN.
- WILL YOU BE THE NEW MANAGER?
- WHERE?
- WHAT BRANCH?
- HERE. SCRANTON.
COME ON.
COME ON, DWIGHT. GET UP.
LET'S GO.
IT'S GOOD NEWS.
- I'M SORRY.
I'VE JUST WAITED FOR THIS MOMENT MY ENTIRE LIFE.
I MEAN, I WAS INTERIM MANAGER ONCE,
BUT THEN I SHOT THAT GUN.
- WHAT?
- BUT THIS ISN'T INTERIM MANAGER.
NO.
IT'S DWIGHT K. SCHRUTE...
MANAGER.
- WHY DO YOU ALREADY HAVE THIS?
- IN CASE MICHAEL OR ANDY
EVER GOT KILLED IN A TRAFFIC ACCIDENT
AND THERE WAS A TRADE SHOW ON THE SAME DAY.
YOU WILL NOT REGRET THIS DECISION, DAVID.
- I KNOW.
- I WILL NEVER, EVER LET YOU DOWN.
- I KNOW, DWIGHT.
I KNOW.
[laughs] OKAY.
ALL RIGHTY. YOU'RE GONNA DO GREAT.
- HEY. - WOW, HEY.
- HI.
[exhales] - WHAT'S UP?
- UM, I HAVE A QUESTION.
- OKAY.
- OH, I HAD A QUESTION.
- REALLY?
- I DID! - YEAH, TOTALLY YOU DID.
- SUPER IMPORTANT.
- I NEED YOU TO STAY RIGHT HERE
WHILE YOU THINK ABOUT IT.
- OKAY. - ALL RIGHT? I'M GONNA WAIT.
- ALL RIGHT.
I DID NOT COME BACK HERE JUST TO SEE YOU.
- NO, I'M SURE YOU DID NOT.
[whispering] WHAT WAS YOUR QUESTION?
- I DON'T KNOW,
BUT IT MIGHT TAKE ME A LONG TIME TO FIGURE IT OUT.
- WELL, THEN, I SHOULD FIGURE OUT
THINGS TO DO WHILE I'M WAITING. - MM-HMM.
EXACTLY. [giggles]
- HEY, EVERYBODY. I CHANGED MY MIND.
NOT LEAVING.
I'M GONNA STAY ON IN SALES.
- OH, THANK GOD... [laughs]
BECAUSE SALES COULD BE YOUR BEST ROLE YET.
- HEY. GOOD CHOICE, MAN.
SERIOUSLY.
DON'T WANNA SEE YOU IN A PORN NEXT YEAR.
- OKAY.
- OOH, THERE'S A GREAT PLAY ABOUT A SALESMAN.
- DEATH OF A SALESMAN.
- I DON'T THINK SO.
- SURE, DEATH OF A SALESMAN BY ARTHUR MILLER.
IT'S A GREAT PLAY ABOUT CRUSHED DREAMS.
- MM...
NO, THIS ONE WAS WRITTEN BY SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS.
- [groans]
GOT ANY HOT LEADS?
- SEE, SO YOU JUST PUSH FROM UNDER
AND TURN IT AROUND, AND BOOM.
NOW, THE STAPLE CRIMPS OUTWARD.
- I HAD NO IDEA.
AND HERE, I'VE BEEN STAPLING THE SAME WAY FOR 20 YEARS
LIKE A FRICKIN' SHEEP.
- LOOK WHO'S BACK. - I'M BACK.
OH! HEY, LOOK, AND NOW, IT'S LIKE A DOUBLE DATE.
- WOW. - [laughs]
- 'CAUSE, UH-- BOP, BOP.
TWEEDLE-LEE-DOO.
- ACTUALLY, MAYBE WE SHOULD GO ON A DOUBLE DATE SOMETIME.
THAT'D BE FUN.
- YEAH, WE SHOULD DO THAT FOR REAL SOMETIME.
- WELL, HOW ABOUT THURSDAY?
- OH, WELL, THURSDAY'S TOUGH BECAUSE--
- WEEKNIGHTS ARE ACTUALLY TOUGH JUST BECAUSE--
- THEY ARE. THAT'S TRUE, YEAH.
- JUST FORGET IT. [giggles]
FORGET I SAID ANYTHING. - OH.
- ATTENTION, EVERYONE. JUST A QUICK ANNOUNCEMENT.
LITTLE RECONFIGURATION TO THE STAFF.
DWIGHT SCHRUTE-- - DAVID.
CAN I JUST DO ONE THING
WHILE YOU'RE MAKING THIS ANNOUNCEMENT?
AND THEN, I'LL NEVER, EVER DO IT AGAIN.
- I DON'T THINK SO. - BUT IT'S JUST ONE THING.
JUST LET ME--LET ME DO THIS-- - DW-DWIGHT, DWIGHT.
COME ON. WHAT I WAS ABOUT TO SAY IS DWIGHT--
- AND THEN I'LL NEVER DO IT-- [cell phone vibrates]
- OH.
I-I'M SORRY, I GOTTA--
THIS'LL BE A SECOND, SORRY.
- JUST WAIT. SEND IT TO VOICE MAIL.
- YEAH.
- [groans]
COME ON.
- THEN WE'LL GET HIM A NEW SET OF DRUMS.
- OH, MY GOD. [door closes]
OH, MY GOD. [groans]
DWIGHT SCHRUTE IS
MANAGER!
[laughs] - OH, YEAH!
- WHOO! - YEAH!
- BRAVA. BRAVA.
- WAY TO GO, DWIGHT. - WHOO!
- CREED BRATTON IS THE NEW MANAGER!
- CONGRATS.
- WHAT'S GOING ON?
- DWIGHT'S THE NEW MANAGER. HE FREAKING DID IT.
- CONGRATULATIONS, DWIGHT.
- PAM.
- CONGRATULATIONS, BUDDY.
- THANK YOU, JIM.
- CONGRATS, DWIGHT.
- GET OUT OF JIM'S SEAT.
- WHA--BUT I FOUGHT FOR THIS SEAT.
- YOU'RE AN ANNEX KID. YOU MIGHT BE BULLPEN.
WE'LL SEE. GIVE IT A COUPLE YEARS.
SCRAM.
- [scoffs]
- [sighs] IT'S NICE TO HAVE YOU BACK.
- SO... - SO...
- I WANTED TO OFFER YOU A NEW POSITION.
- LET'S HEAR IT.
- ASSISTANT REGIONAL MANAGER.
- NOPE. CAN'T ACCEPT THAT JOB.
IT'S NOT A REAL JOB. - JIM.
- I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I COULD ACCEPT
IS ASSISTANT TO THE REGIONAL MANAGER.
THAT IS A REAL JOB AND ONE I'D BE PROUD TO TAKE.
- SHAKE ON IT?
[blows raspberry] DONE. WAY TO NEGOTIATE, IDIOT.
[chuckles]
- DON'T GET ME WRONG.
I AM DEFINITELY HERE FOR PAM.
BUT THIS IS AN AWESOME ADDED BONUS.
- SO ALL THE NUMBERS ADDING UP?
- HEY, I DIDN'T GET A CHANCE TO SAY IT, BUT...
CONGRATULATIONS, DWIGHT.
[chuckles] - THANK YOU.
- YES, CONGRATULATIONS.
- YEAH, AND, DWIGHT, I'D LIKE TO BE
THE FIRST TO SAY CONGRATULATIONS.
- THIS IS A BIG DAY FOR YOU.
- HMM.
YES, IT IS.
CARRY ON.
- HOW DID I JUST ABANDON MY DREAM SO QUICKLY?
IT'S 'CAUSE I HAD A FALLBACK. THAT'S THE PROBLEM.
WHEN YOU HAVE FALLBACKS, IT'S JUST EASY TO GIVE UP.
WHEN CORTES LANDED IN MEXICO,
ONLY WAY HE GOT HIS MEN TO DEFEAT THE AZTECS
WAS BY BURNING ALL OF HIS OWN BOATS,
SO THEY COULD NEVER RETURN HOME.
HUGE DICK MOVE,
BUT VERY EFFECTIVE.
I NEED TO BE THAT SAME KIND OF DICK TO MYSELF.
EVERYONE! [sighs]
CHANGED MY MIND AGAIN. - WHICH IS IT NOW?
DREAM OR NO DREAM?
- UH, DREAM.
GOIN' WITH MY DREAM.
GOTTA GO ALL IN. AIN'T THAT RIGHT, JIM?
- OH, DON'T LOOK AT ME,
'CAUSE I THINK YOU'RE MAKING A TERRIBLE CHOICE.
- ALL IN!
WHOO!
TOBY!
HEY. I CHANGED MY MIND AGAIN.
I AM GONNA LEAVE DUNDER MIFFLIN TO PURSUE ACTING AFTER ALL.
- OKAY, THEN, ANDY. - YEAH.
BUT HERE'S THE THING.
I CAN'T HAVE GOOD OLD DUNDER MIFFLIN TO FALL BACK ON,
OR ELSE I'LL NEVER SUCCEED.
GOTTA BURN THOSE BOATS!
SO I NEED YOU TO GO INTO MY FILE
AND PUT DOWN THAT I WAS FIRED FOR THEFT
AND/OR GROPING WIENERS.
- A-ANDY, YOU KNOW I CAN'T DO THAT.
IT'D BE LYING. - SERIOUSLY?
- YEAH, I'M-- - COME ON, JUST DO IT.
- I CAN'T. - ALL RIGHT, FINE.
JUST KNOW THAT YOU MADE ME DO THIS.
- OH, COME ON. ANDY, NO.
- GOD, TOBY, DON'T-- STOP BLOCKING MY HAND.
- NO, NO.
- THIS IS YOUR-- YOU BROUGHT THIS ON.
- NO, NO. ANDY.
- OKAY, ALL RIGHT. GROPED YOU GOOD.
OFF TO HOLLYWOOD!
- [sighs]
[phone rings]
- THIS IS ANGELA.
OH. [clears throat]
HELLO, MS. POLODNIKOVSKI.
UH, HOW CAN I HELP YOU?
DID MY RENT CHECK NOT CLEAR?
BECAUSE I JUST TRANSFERRED ANOTHER $25 TO THAT ACCOUNT.
SO IF THERE'S A PROBLEM, IT'S CLEARLY ON YOUR END.
AND--OH.
OH. OH, OKAY.
GOOD.
THEN, UM... [clears throat]
WHAT IS THIS ABOUT?
NO, NO. HEY, HEY.
NO, YOU ARE OUT OF LINE, MS. POLODNIKOVSKI.
NO. NO, YOU ARE.
NO, YOU ARE!
EVICTED? FINE!
I DON'T WANT TO LIVE
IN THAT CESSPOOL ANYWAY. [kicks desk]
LISTEN, I GET MY SECURITY DEPOSIT BACK.
YES, I DO.
YE-- THAT IS NOT FAIR!
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU HAVE SO MANY HAIRS ON YOUR CHIN,
ANIMAL CONTROL SHOULD'VE TAKEN YOU AWAY.
[gasps] THAT IS VERY UNLADYLIKE.
YOU ARE DISGUSTING!
[hangs up phone]
- WHAT DO YOU THINK THAT WAS ABOUT?
- DAVID.
I LOST THE SCRANTON WHITE PAGES ACCOUNT.
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH PAPER THAT IS?
AND I'D JUST LIKE TO POINT OUT
I WAS MAD AT DWIGHT.
I DID IT OUT OF SPITE.
- WE PUT THE PAST BEHIND US, THOUGH, ANDY.
- WHAT IF I TOLD YOU I HATE YOU AND THIS COMPANY?
- ENOUGH, ANDY. ENOUGH!
- JUST STOP FORGIVING ME, DAVID. PLEASE?
THIS IS MY LAST CHANCE TO HONOR WHAT IS BEST INSIDE MYSELF.
WHAT IF I TOOK A DUMP ON YOUR NEW CAR?
- OH, MY GOD.
- ELEANOR ROOSEVELT ONCE SAID,
"THE FUTURE BELONGS TO THOSE
WHO BELIEVE IN THE BEAUTY OF THEIR DREAMS."
[bleep]. I THINK SHE'S RIGHT.
I FEEL CALM NOW. - GET OUT!
GET OUT!
- I FEEL LIKE, FOR THE FIRST TIME
IN A LONG TIME,
I'M DOING THE RIGHT THING.
- ANDY. - YEAH?
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- UH, HEAVY STUFF LIKE BOOKS ON THE BOTTOM.
SO THEY DON'T SQUASH MY KNICKETY-KNACKS ON TOP.
- OKAY, THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEAN.
[sighs]
YOU DON'T HAVE TO LEAVE BECAUSE YOU SAID YOU WOULD.
DON'T LET PRIDE RUIN YOUR WHOLE LIFE.
OKAY?
IT'S NOT WORTH IT.
- WOW.
ANGELA.
WHAT WE HAD WAS GREAT,
AND HONESTLY, I THINK ABOUT IT A LOT TOO...
- UGH.
- BUT I JUST-- IT'S IN THE PAST.
AND I FEEL LIKE WE SHOULDN'T... - NO, THAT'S NOT--
- REHASH-- - NO, NONE--NO, STOP.
IT'S JUST-- [groans]
- EXACTLY. - OKAY.
WELL, HAVE A GOOD TRIP.
GOOD LUCK, ANDY.
- THANKS, ANGELA. YOU TOO.
- THANKS.
A-BRIDGE A-BURNT.
NO TURNING BACK NOW.
EVERYBODY, LORELEI AND I
WOULD LIKE TO SAY THANK YOU AND GOOD-BYE
THE ONLY WAY WE KNOW HOW.
- OH, GOOD LORD. - CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE?
- YOU KNOW, ANDY, YOU COULD JUST SAY A REALLY NICE GOOD-BYE.
- TUNA, I'M A PERFORMER,
AND PERFORM I SHALL.
[playing I Will Remember You]
♪
♪ I WILL REMEMBER YOU
♪
♪ WILL YOU REMEMBER ME?
♪
♪ DON'T LET YOUR LIFE
♪ PASS YOU BY
♪ AND WEEP NOT
♪ FOR THE MEMORIES
♪ REMEMBER ALL THE GOOD TIMES ♪
♪ THAT WE HAD
♪ I LET THEM SLIP AWAY FROM US ♪
♪ WHEN THINGS GOT BAD
♪ HOW CLEARLY I FIRST SAW YOU ♪
♪ SMILIN' IN THE SUN
♪ WANT TO FEEL YOUR WARMTH UPON ME ♪
♪ I WANNA BE THE ONE
♪ I WILL REMEMBER YOU
- YOU OKAY?
- IT'S JUST A REALLY NICE SONG.
- ♪ WILL YOU REMEMBER ME?
♪ DON'T LET YOUR LIFE
♪ PASS YOU BY
♪ AND WEEP NOT FOR THE MEMORIES ♪
♪ DON'T LET YOUR LIFE
♪ PASS YOU BY
♪ AND WEEP NOT FOR THE MEMORIES ♪
♪
[applause]
- AWESOME.
- [groans] - NICE!
- [laughing] - THANKS, MEREDITH.
MM. - WHO KNOWS?
MAYBE ANDY WILL MAKE IT.
HE'S NOT TERRIBLE. - YEAH.
AND PEOPLE WORSE THAN HIM MAKE IT ALL THE TIME,
LIKE LIL' ROMEO.
- NO, HE'S GOOD.
- HE WASGOOD.
- [exhales]
- GOOD NIGHT, KEVIN. - NIGHT, OSCAR.
- TENTS?
ARE YOU THINKING OF GOING CAMPING?
I THOUGHT YOU FOUND NATURE VULGAR.
- WELL, I'VE CHANGED MY MIND.
- [whispering] WAIT A MINUTE, ANGELA.
YOU'RE NOT THINKING OF LIVING IN A TENT--
- OH, GOD, WOULD YOU JUST MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS?
- OKAY, LISTEN. I'M JUST GONNA SAY THIS.
YOU ARE NOT GOING TO LIVE IN A TENT.
- OH, GOD.
- COME STAY WITH ME.
- YOU DON'T WANT ME AT YOUR PLACE.
- I DO. YES.
NOT FOREVER, BUT U-UNTIL YOU GET BACK ON YOUR FEET,
WHICH WON'T BE LONG.
IT'S THE LEAST I CAN DO.
- WELL...
- SEPARATE BATHROOMS.
- THANK YOU.
- YOU'RE WELCOME.
LET'S GO GET PHILIP.
THEN WE'LL GET YOUR STUFF... - OKAY.
- AND GET THE HELL OUT OF THAT PLACE.
- OKAY.
ARE YOU ALLOWED TO HAVE PETS?
- OH, ANGELA.
- YESTERDAY, I WAS JUST YOUR AVERAGE, ORDINARY PAPER SALESMAN
WITH A FARM AND A BUNCH OF PIPE DREAMS ABOUT BEET FUEL.
TODAY, I LEAVE HERE
A REGIONAL MANAGER WITH A BLACK BELT.
AH!
IT REALLY IS AMAZING HOW YOUR LIFE CAN CHANGE
IN ONE DAY.
[exhales]
- YOU TALK TO WADE AND COLIN?
- NO, I JUST SAW I MISSED THEIR CALL.
WHY? WHAT'S UP?
- WE GOT AN OFFER ON THE TABLE.
- WHAT KIND OF OFFER? - A BUYOUT.
- WHAT? - WE'RE IN PLAY, BABY.
- OH, MY GOD. - WE DID IT.
- WE DID IT! [laughter]
- HEY, AND LOOK.
THE BUYERS WANNA MAKE SURE IT'S NOT JUST A PHILLY PLAY.
- OKAY. - SO GET THIS.
THEY'RE GONNA PAY FOR US TO GO PITCH OUT WEST.
WE'RE TALKING SPURS, THE JAZZ, COWBOYS.
BLAKE GRIFFIN, BABY.
- WOW, THAT IS... - YEAH.
- WOW. - WE DID IT.
- YEAH, WE DID IT. - [laughs]
- HEY, HOW LONG--HOW LONG DO THEY THINK THAT'S GONNA TAKE?
- WADE SAID WE COULD DO THE WHOLE COUNTRY IN THREE MONTHS.
- OH, MAN.
YEAH, I CAN'T DO IT.
- CAN'T DO WHAT?
- THIS, MAN. I-I CAN'T DO THIS TO PAM.
- NO, NO. JIM, THIS IS DIFFERENT.
THIS IS EVERYTHING. - [chuckles]
I KNOW.
AND I-- I CAN'T DO IT.
- [exhales]
SO IS YOUR PLACE ALL BACHELOR, SLOBBY, AND GROSS?
- NOPE, IT'S NEAT AND TASTEFULLY APPOINTED
LIKE MOST GAY MEN'S HOMES.
THE STEREOTYPE HOLDS UP.
- I WOULDN'T KNOW. I NEVER LIVED WITH A GAY GUY.
- ANGELA, YOU JUST WERE--
- [sobbing]
I LOVE HIM.
- I KNOW. - [sobs]
- I UNDERSTAND MORE THAN MOST,
BUT WE BOTH HAVE TO MOVE ON.
YOU--YOU CAN'T--
- NO, NOT THE SENATOR.
I LOVE DWIGHT.
- HEY.