1 00:00:02,379 --> 00:00:03,922 Erin, hey. 2 00:00:04,172 --> 00:00:06,841 In two minutes, I want you to come into this meeting 3 00:00:06,925 --> 00:00:09,469 and tell me that I have a really important phone call. 4 00:00:09,928 --> 00:00:11,805 I'm not going to take it 5 00:00:11,888 --> 00:00:14,599 because I want him to know how important the meeting is to me. 6 00:00:15,433 --> 00:00:17,394 Who's calling? Nobody. 7 00:00:17,477 --> 00:00:21,648 Just say that I'm... Just make it up that I have a phone call. 8 00:00:21,731 --> 00:00:23,400 And then I'm going to refuse to take it. 9 00:00:23,650 --> 00:00:24,693 You're not going to take it? 10 00:00:24,776 --> 00:00:25,735 Just make up a phone call. 11 00:00:25,819 --> 00:00:27,028 It's not a real call. 12 00:00:27,112 --> 00:00:28,196 Just make it up. 13 00:00:28,279 --> 00:00:29,823 Oh, okay. And then come in and tell me. 14 00:00:29,906 --> 00:00:30,949 Okay. 15 00:00:31,074 --> 00:00:32,075 It doesn't matter what it is. 16 00:00:32,158 --> 00:00:33,201 You're not going to get it, though. 17 00:00:33,284 --> 00:00:34,244 I'm not going to take it. 18 00:00:34,327 --> 00:00:35,662 And then he's going to be like, 19 00:00:35,787 --> 00:00:37,163 "Wow, this is a really important meeting." 20 00:00:37,247 --> 00:00:39,124 Copy that. Okay. 21 00:00:40,709 --> 00:00:42,127 Okay, so, 22 00:00:42,335 --> 00:00:44,921 tell me exactly what kind of deal 23 00:00:45,004 --> 00:00:48,466 you are getting right now and I'll tell you how we can beat it. 24 00:00:49,217 --> 00:00:50,218 Well, we've been going with... 25 00:00:50,301 --> 00:00:51,302 Andy? 26 00:00:51,386 --> 00:00:52,387 Yeah? 27 00:00:52,470 --> 00:00:53,471 You have a very important call. 28 00:00:53,596 --> 00:00:56,057 I'm sorry, I'm with a very important client. It'll have to wait. 29 00:00:56,599 --> 00:00:58,685 Are you sure? It's really, really important. 30 00:00:59,352 --> 00:01:03,815 There is nothing more important to me right now than this meeting. 31 00:01:04,899 --> 00:01:07,569 Really? Because your mother is dead. 32 00:01:12,073 --> 00:01:13,658 Oh, my God! 33 00:01:14,534 --> 00:01:16,077 I don't think she's dead. 34 00:01:16,327 --> 00:01:19,330 She's dead. She was hit by a bus. 35 00:01:20,165 --> 00:01:21,958 She's not dead. This is exactly 36 00:01:22,083 --> 00:01:23,877 the kind of thing my mom pulls. 37 00:01:24,169 --> 00:01:26,838 This isn't one of those times. It's the police. 38 00:01:27,672 --> 00:01:30,008 They said it's the worst they've ever seen. 39 00:01:30,091 --> 00:01:32,510 Andy, I'm really sorry about your mother. 40 00:01:33,136 --> 00:01:35,013 My deepest condolences. 41 00:01:36,973 --> 00:01:40,727 You must take this call. It's... 42 00:01:42,437 --> 00:01:44,355 Yeah, line one? 43 00:01:44,439 --> 00:01:45,732 Line two. 44 00:01:46,149 --> 00:01:47,150 Okay. 45 00:01:49,402 --> 00:01:50,904 Hi. It's Darryl. 46 00:01:50,987 --> 00:01:53,281 Erin told me to pretend to be a cop and say your mom died. 47 00:01:53,364 --> 00:01:54,532 Oh! 48 00:01:55,450 --> 00:01:56,451 Gosh. 49 00:01:56,534 --> 00:01:57,952 Dude. Thank you, Officer. 50 00:01:58,036 --> 00:01:59,537 Look, man, this is a bad idea. 51 00:01:59,662 --> 00:02:01,122 Did she have any last words or... 52 00:02:01,206 --> 00:02:03,082 Really? That is messed up, man. 53 00:02:03,166 --> 00:02:07,545 Make sure that your client gets the best deal possible. 54 00:02:07,796 --> 00:02:08,922 You're a bad man, Andy Bernard. 55 00:02:09,047 --> 00:02:10,757 That is so Mom. That stuff can come back and get you. 56 00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:12,634 It's called karma. You do not want to be messing... 57 00:02:12,717 --> 00:02:13,885 All right, but thank you, Officer. 58 00:02:14,010 --> 00:02:15,220 I've got an uncle... 59 00:02:17,889 --> 00:02:20,350 Erin, please hold all my other calls. 60 00:02:22,894 --> 00:02:24,395 Where were we? 61 00:02:47,001 --> 00:02:48,336 Hey, Cathy. Hi. 62 00:02:48,419 --> 00:02:49,754 How's it going? Everything make sense? 63 00:02:49,879 --> 00:02:51,214 I think everything is under control. 64 00:02:51,381 --> 00:02:52,757 Great. You should sit down. 65 00:02:52,841 --> 00:02:54,175 No, I'm fine. 66 00:02:54,300 --> 00:02:55,677 No, I should go fill out my paperwork. 67 00:02:56,094 --> 00:02:57,178 Okay. 68 00:03:00,640 --> 00:03:03,101 That was just me. Pregnant Pam. 69 00:03:04,102 --> 00:03:05,436 And I make sounds much worse than this. 70 00:03:05,603 --> 00:03:06,980 We know. 71 00:03:08,439 --> 00:03:12,694 I'm training a temp to be my replacement while I'm on maternity leave. 72 00:03:12,777 --> 00:03:15,363 I should have mentioned I'm pregnant. 73 00:03:16,072 --> 00:03:18,324 You probably didn't notice because 74 00:03:18,449 --> 00:03:20,743 it's impossible to tell because I'm so small. 75 00:03:20,827 --> 00:03:22,912 But yeah, I'm pregnant. 76 00:03:24,205 --> 00:03:25,748 Oh, come on. 77 00:03:25,999 --> 00:03:28,084 Hey. Asking for a friend, 78 00:03:28,167 --> 00:03:30,211 do you happen to know if that new girl is single? 79 00:03:31,671 --> 00:03:32,755 Doubt it. 80 00:03:33,298 --> 00:03:34,799 Yeah. Me, too. 81 00:03:36,593 --> 00:03:37,719 You doubt it? 82 00:03:37,844 --> 00:03:38,970 What's that? 83 00:03:39,345 --> 00:03:40,889 Why do you doubt that she's single? 84 00:03:41,556 --> 00:03:45,310 Honestly, I have no idea. I just figured we'd save her from Ryan, right? 85 00:03:50,732 --> 00:03:52,483 What are you doing with my lunch? 86 00:03:52,650 --> 00:03:54,402 I'm delivering it from the fridge. 87 00:03:54,485 --> 00:03:56,905 It's like a porno. "Hey, did anybody order a pizza?" 88 00:03:57,155 --> 00:03:58,656 It's not pizza. 89 00:03:58,823 --> 00:04:00,325 Yeah, and we're not about to make love. 90 00:04:00,408 --> 00:04:01,659 I just thought maybe you'd want 91 00:04:01,784 --> 00:04:03,036 to eat lunch at your desk today 92 00:04:03,119 --> 00:04:05,121 so that during lunch we could go down 93 00:04:05,246 --> 00:04:07,248 to the warehouse and bang out a few tunes. 94 00:04:07,332 --> 00:04:09,500 I like the sound of that. ls Kevin here? 95 00:04:10,919 --> 00:04:12,337 You tell me. 96 00:04:18,092 --> 00:04:20,720 So word on the street is she has a boyfriend. 97 00:04:21,930 --> 00:04:23,765 Well, he's probably a drug dealer. 98 00:04:23,848 --> 00:04:25,600 That's the best way to land a hot girlfriend. 99 00:04:25,725 --> 00:04:27,518 You just... You get her hooked on blow. 100 00:04:28,937 --> 00:04:30,939 It's going to be nice to have just like a 101 00:04:31,022 --> 00:04:33,524 healthy, young, fit presence in the middle of the office. 102 00:04:33,608 --> 00:04:34,609 Yes, aesthetically speaking, strictly. 103 00:04:34,692 --> 00:04:35,652 Yeah. 104 00:04:35,735 --> 00:04:37,153 - She adds a nice presence. - Good energy. 105 00:04:37,236 --> 00:04:38,947 Yeah, it's going to be nice to have 106 00:04:39,030 --> 00:04:40,657 someone hot at Pam's desk, huh? 107 00:04:41,491 --> 00:04:42,951 No, no. Not even. 108 00:04:43,076 --> 00:04:44,577 I'm kidding. 109 00:04:44,661 --> 00:04:47,997 Oh, my gosh, you guys. She's obviously super cute. I get it. 110 00:04:48,581 --> 00:04:50,625 But I'd like to point out there is 50 pounds 111 00:04:50,708 --> 00:04:52,669 more of me to love, if that's your thing. 112 00:04:52,752 --> 00:04:54,087 Pam, you look more beautiful now than ever. 113 00:04:54,170 --> 00:04:55,254 Radiant. 114 00:04:55,338 --> 00:04:57,674 Thank you, guys. Really, thank you, very sweet. 115 00:04:57,757 --> 00:04:59,801 Yeah, you have this sexy glow. 116 00:04:59,884 --> 00:05:02,261 Well, it's one of the most common fetishes. 117 00:05:03,262 --> 00:05:04,472 Really? Well, thank you all. 118 00:05:04,555 --> 00:05:06,933 You know, it's not just pregnant women who don't get their due. 119 00:05:07,016 --> 00:05:08,559 You know who's gorgeous? 120 00:05:08,643 --> 00:05:09,894 Helen Mirren. Yes. 121 00:05:09,978 --> 00:05:12,981 Yes, have you seen her in a bikini? Amazing. 122 00:05:13,064 --> 00:05:15,984 What would be the hottest thing ever is a pregnant Helen Mirren. 123 00:05:16,067 --> 00:05:17,360 Ooh! 124 00:05:19,904 --> 00:05:23,282 Okay, okay. Okay, no, no, no. 125 00:05:23,366 --> 00:05:25,618 This is disgusting. Do you realize what you're saying? 126 00:05:25,702 --> 00:05:29,122 The hottest thing ever would be a 66-year-old pregnant woman? 127 00:05:29,205 --> 00:05:31,124 In this case, yes. No! 128 00:05:31,207 --> 00:05:35,586 There are universal biological standards of beauty and attraction. 129 00:05:35,712 --> 00:05:38,840 And you are purposefully celebrating the opposite of them 130 00:05:38,923 --> 00:05:40,883 to mollycoddle a pregnant woman. 131 00:05:41,092 --> 00:05:42,093 No, we're not. No. 132 00:05:42,260 --> 00:05:43,261 Yes, you are. 133 00:05:43,344 --> 00:05:47,098 And another thing, Helen Mirren was born Helen Mironoff. 134 00:05:47,306 --> 00:05:51,019 That's right, you're fake salivating over a Soviet-era Russian. 135 00:06:06,451 --> 00:06:07,660 Nice scatting, man. 136 00:06:07,744 --> 00:06:11,039 Thank you. I think I said "doop" instead of "boop" at one point. 137 00:06:11,122 --> 00:06:13,416 Not bad, fellas. You're better than you look. 138 00:06:13,499 --> 00:06:15,293 Hey, screw you! 139 00:06:17,295 --> 00:06:19,130 Hey, Robert. Are we meeting early? 140 00:06:19,255 --> 00:06:21,090 Just taking a stroll. 141 00:06:21,924 --> 00:06:23,885 What exactly have I stumbled upon here? 142 00:06:23,968 --> 00:06:26,679 Well, we're all musicians and we play together sometimes. 143 00:06:27,013 --> 00:06:28,097 You're a band? 144 00:06:28,222 --> 00:06:29,307 Thank you. 145 00:06:29,390 --> 00:06:31,893 We're called Kevin and the Zits. 146 00:06:32,310 --> 00:06:33,895 That was never agreed upon. 147 00:06:34,020 --> 00:06:35,646 I miss being in a band. 148 00:06:36,314 --> 00:06:38,149 Miss no more. What do you play? Join us. 149 00:06:38,274 --> 00:06:40,068 I have a tambourine. 150 00:06:40,276 --> 00:06:42,987 Tambourine? You know I'm the CEO, right? 151 00:06:43,821 --> 00:06:46,074 CEOs don't play tambourines. Tambourines are for girlfriends. 152 00:06:46,157 --> 00:06:48,910 I play harmonica. I think I have one in the car. 153 00:06:48,993 --> 00:06:50,745 Great. Nice. 154 00:06:51,829 --> 00:06:54,248 Guys, Robert is going to be a zit. 155 00:06:54,665 --> 00:06:56,793 Again, never agreed upon. 156 00:06:57,126 --> 00:06:59,378 I had totally given up on hanging out with Robert California 157 00:06:59,462 --> 00:07:01,672 and now he wants to be in our band. 158 00:07:01,756 --> 00:07:03,132 And when you're in a rock and roll band 159 00:07:03,216 --> 00:07:04,550 with somebody, you're bonded for life. 160 00:07:04,634 --> 00:07:07,345 Usually that life is short and tragic. 161 00:07:07,845 --> 00:07:09,305 That's okay, right? 162 00:07:09,430 --> 00:07:10,848 Yeah, even cooler. 163 00:07:10,932 --> 00:07:13,351 We all got to go sometime. 164 00:07:14,477 --> 00:07:16,312 HEY HEY 165 00:07:16,395 --> 00:07:18,064 Helen Mirren. Hot? 166 00:07:19,023 --> 00:07:20,775 Yeah. Super pretty. 167 00:07:20,858 --> 00:07:21,901 Huh. 168 00:07:22,610 --> 00:07:23,694 What about Cathy? 169 00:07:23,820 --> 00:07:24,904 The temp? 170 00:07:25,071 --> 00:07:27,031 Yeah, do you think she's hot? Nope. 171 00:07:27,365 --> 00:07:29,325 I'm not asking if you're into her. 172 00:07:29,450 --> 00:07:31,452 Just objectively, do you find her attractive? 173 00:07:31,911 --> 00:07:33,037 I'm telling you I don't. 174 00:07:33,746 --> 00:07:35,164 You don't find Cathy attractive? 175 00:07:35,289 --> 00:07:36,707 No, I don't. 176 00:07:36,958 --> 00:07:40,419 No, I'm not going to tell my nine months pregnant wife 177 00:07:40,503 --> 00:07:43,422 that I find her replacement objectively attractive. 178 00:07:43,506 --> 00:07:45,174 Just like I'm not going to tell my 2-year-old daughter 179 00:07:45,258 --> 00:07:48,344 that violent video games are objectively more fun. 180 00:07:49,220 --> 00:07:51,681 It's true, but it doesn't help anybody. 181 00:07:52,390 --> 00:07:53,808 Look at her. 182 00:07:55,143 --> 00:07:57,186 Even I want some fries with that shake. 183 00:07:58,896 --> 00:08:02,692 Okay. I don't. So are we good? 184 00:08:07,363 --> 00:08:09,031 That's just absurd. 185 00:08:09,157 --> 00:08:10,867 Yes, because she's hot, right? 186 00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:12,869 Her breasts are large, her waist is small, 187 00:08:12,994 --> 00:08:14,662 her reproductive health in ample evidence. 188 00:08:14,745 --> 00:08:16,581 Facial symmetry, come on. 189 00:08:17,748 --> 00:08:20,710 The thing about pregnancy is people treat you differently. 190 00:08:21,210 --> 00:08:22,962 Like you're a kid, almost. 191 00:08:23,045 --> 00:08:24,964 They lose all sense of boundaries. 192 00:08:25,047 --> 00:08:29,260 They start acting weird, telling you things that clearly aren't true. 193 00:08:29,677 --> 00:08:32,096 I know it sounds nuts but I think Dwight 194 00:08:32,263 --> 00:08:34,724 is the only one who's telling me the truth. 195 00:08:35,850 --> 00:08:37,935 Dwight, am I hot right now? 196 00:08:38,269 --> 00:08:40,438 Why would I or anyone else think that you're hot right now? 197 00:08:40,521 --> 00:08:42,273 I can't impregnate you and that's the driving 198 00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:44,192 force between male-female attraction. 199 00:08:44,567 --> 00:08:46,611 What about before? Was I attractive before? 200 00:08:46,861 --> 00:08:48,029 Eh... 201 00:08:48,112 --> 00:08:51,574 You were at your most attractive when you were 24, with a slight gradual decline. 202 00:08:51,657 --> 00:08:54,035 And a steep drop off when you got pregnant for the first time. 203 00:08:54,118 --> 00:08:55,620 Gradual recovery and... 204 00:08:56,245 --> 00:08:59,248 Well, now obviously you're at an all-time low. 205 00:09:00,791 --> 00:09:01,792 Hmm. 206 00:09:04,462 --> 00:09:07,131 I think Jim's lying to me about not being attracted to Cathy. 207 00:09:08,132 --> 00:09:10,885 You think Jim's lying? That's so cute. 208 00:09:11,469 --> 00:09:12,553 I know he's lying. 209 00:09:12,845 --> 00:09:13,888 5 bucks if you can get him to admit it. 210 00:09:14,013 --> 00:09:15,056 Done. 211 00:09:15,890 --> 00:09:17,558 I never touch a pregnant woman. 212 00:09:17,683 --> 00:09:19,352 Yeah, that's the Dwight I need. 213 00:09:21,103 --> 00:09:23,439 If we're going to work together, we need some ground rules. 214 00:09:23,522 --> 00:09:24,565 Okay. 215 00:09:24,649 --> 00:09:27,860 Rule one, our only loyalty is to the truth. 216 00:09:28,653 --> 00:09:30,196 I think so. Okay. 217 00:09:30,321 --> 00:09:31,948 Rule two, we stop at nothing. 218 00:09:32,907 --> 00:09:35,326 What is that... Is it... Well, okay. 219 00:09:35,409 --> 00:09:36,577 Rule three. 220 00:09:37,203 --> 00:09:38,204 Don't fall in love. 221 00:09:38,329 --> 00:09:39,372 Yup. Good. 222 00:09:40,164 --> 00:09:41,749 We're going to bust this guy. 223 00:09:41,874 --> 00:09:43,459 Honesty is very important to me. 224 00:09:43,542 --> 00:09:47,046 So important. And then we will destroy the man himself. 225 00:09:47,129 --> 00:09:50,049 Let's just see how we feel when we get there. 226 00:09:51,050 --> 00:09:52,843 Well, you came to the right person. 227 00:09:52,969 --> 00:09:54,762 You have to follow your intuition, Pam. 228 00:09:54,845 --> 00:09:56,764 You don't want to end up like Elin Nordegren. 229 00:09:56,847 --> 00:09:59,558 Actually, what am I saying? You wish you had her life. No offense, Pam. 230 00:09:59,809 --> 00:10:01,560 None taken. What have you got? 231 00:10:02,019 --> 00:10:04,981 It is called the Matchmaker Test and it is very powerful. 232 00:10:05,064 --> 00:10:06,983 Basically, we have Pam ask Jim which 233 00:10:07,066 --> 00:10:08,943 of his friends he would set up with Cathy. 234 00:10:09,026 --> 00:10:10,945 If Jim picks a really hot friend, 235 00:10:11,070 --> 00:10:13,030 then we know he thinks that Cathy's hot. 236 00:10:15,199 --> 00:10:16,367 Hmm. 237 00:10:25,918 --> 00:10:27,628 Hey, you found us. 238 00:10:27,753 --> 00:10:29,463 You guys sound great, man. 239 00:10:29,547 --> 00:10:33,342 Darryl, Andy, Kevin, this is Curtis Dorough, local musician, 240 00:10:33,426 --> 00:10:35,094 and the officiate at my wedding. 241 00:10:35,219 --> 00:10:36,929 Local musician? 242 00:10:37,054 --> 00:10:38,848 Local legend. I used to come hear you 243 00:10:38,973 --> 00:10:40,808 play every week at the Deerhead. 244 00:10:40,891 --> 00:10:42,685 Dude, you're on TV. 245 00:10:43,185 --> 00:10:45,313 You're the sportscaster on Channel Seven. 246 00:10:45,688 --> 00:10:47,023 Go, Eagles! 247 00:10:47,315 --> 00:10:48,691 You do that on TV. 248 00:10:48,816 --> 00:10:50,192 You guys mind if they join us? 249 00:10:50,401 --> 00:10:52,028 No. Yeah, sure. 250 00:10:52,570 --> 00:10:54,947 Guys, I've got some instruments right here. 251 00:10:55,239 --> 00:10:56,407 Hey, why don't you and me play those? 252 00:10:56,574 --> 00:10:57,742 Yeah? 253 00:10:57,825 --> 00:10:58,951 Okay, this is awesome. 254 00:10:59,076 --> 00:11:00,244 What shall we play? 255 00:11:00,328 --> 00:11:02,413 Maybe we should warm up with some scales? 256 00:11:02,496 --> 00:11:04,123 Midnight Rambler? Yeah. 257 00:11:04,707 --> 00:11:06,167 Midnight what? 258 00:11:13,382 --> 00:11:16,344 Have you heard about the midnight rambler? 259 00:11:20,765 --> 00:11:22,641 Hey, this is crazy 260 00:11:53,297 --> 00:11:56,050 Hey, I was talking to Cathy. Turns out she is single. 261 00:11:56,133 --> 00:11:58,677 Oh, I stand corrected. 262 00:11:58,928 --> 00:12:01,514 I thought it might be fun to set her up with someone. 263 00:12:01,597 --> 00:12:02,932 Any ideas? 264 00:12:03,641 --> 00:12:05,893 Oh. You know who might be good? Mike Tibbets. 265 00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:08,062 Mike Tibbets, really? 266 00:12:08,145 --> 00:12:09,480 Hey, who's this Mike Tibbets guy? 267 00:12:09,647 --> 00:12:10,981 What kind of car does he drive? 268 00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:13,442 Not his mom's car. 269 00:12:13,526 --> 00:12:15,986 Yeah, because his mom's car's probably not a Nissan Z. 270 00:12:18,155 --> 00:12:19,490 Touché? 271 00:12:22,159 --> 00:12:23,661 Kelly, calm down. 272 00:12:23,786 --> 00:12:25,246 I mean, I guess he'd be okay with hair. 273 00:12:25,329 --> 00:12:27,164 Okay, you should see if he'll get hair plugs. 274 00:12:27,331 --> 00:12:28,707 I don't think Jim cares about his hair. 275 00:12:28,833 --> 00:12:30,209 Yeah, but I do, Pam. Okay? 276 00:12:30,292 --> 00:12:31,460 It's called being a nice person. 277 00:12:31,585 --> 00:12:32,753 I don't see what's so ugly about him. 278 00:12:32,837 --> 00:12:34,463 He's got the broad face of a brewer. 279 00:12:35,256 --> 00:12:36,674 Jim's on to me. Hmm? 280 00:12:37,383 --> 00:12:39,343 Yeah, Jim barely talks to Mike. 281 00:12:39,427 --> 00:12:40,803 We had to go through like two levels 282 00:12:40,886 --> 00:12:42,263 of friends to even find his profile. 283 00:12:43,180 --> 00:12:45,433 Jim picked someone just unattractive 284 00:12:45,558 --> 00:12:47,852 enough to shut me up without tipping it. 285 00:12:48,394 --> 00:12:50,604 Just ugly enough to have deniability. 286 00:12:50,688 --> 00:12:52,148 Yup. 287 00:12:52,523 --> 00:12:55,526 Mike Tibbets is like the most boring looking guy I know. 288 00:12:55,609 --> 00:12:59,613 So if that was for the Matchmaker Test, I think I'm in the clear. 289 00:13:00,614 --> 00:13:03,659 If that wasn't for the Matchmaker Test then... 290 00:13:03,742 --> 00:13:05,828 Cathy, he's a really nice guy. 291 00:13:05,953 --> 00:13:07,705 Well, Jim may be lying with his words, 292 00:13:07,830 --> 00:13:09,582 but he can't lie with his body. 293 00:13:10,666 --> 00:13:12,293 I'm going to write something mean on his wall. 294 00:13:12,376 --> 00:13:13,961 No, Kelly, don't. 295 00:13:14,044 --> 00:13:15,379 The male reveals attraction 296 00:13:15,463 --> 00:13:18,632 through unconscious and involuntary physical signs. 297 00:13:18,716 --> 00:13:20,593 The puffing of the chest. 298 00:13:20,676 --> 00:13:21,719 Mirroring. 299 00:13:21,844 --> 00:13:24,221 Increased blood flow to the crotch. 300 00:13:25,264 --> 00:13:26,891 I say we start there. 301 00:13:26,974 --> 00:13:28,058 With the crotch? With the crotch? 302 00:13:28,392 --> 00:13:30,060 With the crotch. 303 00:13:43,991 --> 00:13:44,992 Whoo! 304 00:13:46,869 --> 00:13:47,953 Psst. 305 00:13:48,037 --> 00:13:49,663 We're not here. Who said that? 306 00:13:49,747 --> 00:13:51,123 Exactly. 307 00:13:51,373 --> 00:13:52,666 How'd I get this long triangle? 308 00:13:52,791 --> 00:13:54,084 Okay, just shut up. 309 00:13:54,752 --> 00:13:56,754 Is he puffing out his chest? 310 00:13:56,921 --> 00:13:58,923 I can't tell. It's unnaturally sunken. 311 00:14:01,592 --> 00:14:04,261 Busted. He just was mirroring. Did you see that? 312 00:14:04,345 --> 00:14:06,555 No. Maybe he just said something funny. 313 00:14:06,639 --> 00:14:09,808 Jim has no discernible sense of humor, Pam. You should know that. 314 00:14:10,267 --> 00:14:11,894 I think he's just making her laugh. 315 00:14:12,019 --> 00:14:13,687 Time for me to find out. 316 00:14:16,857 --> 00:14:18,817 Why is he making her laugh so much? 317 00:14:18,943 --> 00:14:20,694 Just going to walk over here. Whoa! 318 00:14:20,778 --> 00:14:24,323 I'm slipping and falling! I'm stumbling. I need something to grab onto! 319 00:14:24,406 --> 00:14:25,366 Hey, are you okay? I'm fine. 320 00:14:25,449 --> 00:14:26,700 Dwight! Dwight! I'm totally fine! 321 00:14:26,784 --> 00:14:27,785 Yes? 322 00:14:28,702 --> 00:14:29,828 What? Jim? 323 00:14:29,954 --> 00:14:31,121 Sorry about that. 324 00:14:31,705 --> 00:14:33,582 Cramp. I'm just... Dwight! 325 00:14:35,417 --> 00:14:36,752 Why? 326 00:14:36,835 --> 00:14:39,755 I'm sorry, I fell down, Mr. Balance. 327 00:14:49,014 --> 00:14:50,182 Leave. 328 00:14:53,310 --> 00:14:55,980 Does your husband ever have soft erections? 329 00:14:56,105 --> 00:14:59,733 Because if not, I just grabbed a very soft penis for nothing. 330 00:15:00,276 --> 00:15:02,778 Why was he making her laugh so much? 331 00:15:08,576 --> 00:15:09,785 Hey, I'll just be a second. 332 00:15:09,868 --> 00:15:11,662 Yeah, take your time. Okay. 333 00:15:14,039 --> 00:15:16,041 That line from Zoolander. Mmm-hmm? 334 00:15:16,458 --> 00:15:18,794 It was from a deleted scene so we were both right. 335 00:15:18,877 --> 00:15:20,129 Told you. 336 00:15:22,506 --> 00:15:23,924 Do I hand in my expense reports 337 00:15:24,008 --> 00:15:25,384 to a particular accountant or... 338 00:15:25,467 --> 00:15:27,177 Oscar, Cathy has a question. 339 00:15:27,428 --> 00:15:30,055 Sorry, I'll just go ask Oscar. 340 00:15:34,852 --> 00:15:36,770 Yeah? You okay? 341 00:15:36,854 --> 00:15:38,772 Why won't you just admit that she's attractive? 342 00:15:38,856 --> 00:15:40,149 It's kind of annoying that you won't say it. 343 00:15:40,232 --> 00:15:42,026 Okay, what can I do to make you believe me? 344 00:15:42,860 --> 00:15:45,654 Well, Dwight had this idea and I thought it was kind of crazy, 345 00:15:45,738 --> 00:15:47,364 but maybe that's where we are now. 346 00:15:49,533 --> 00:15:52,536 She called it crazy? Man. 347 00:15:52,620 --> 00:15:54,330 That's insulting. All I did was 348 00:15:54,413 --> 00:15:56,081 propose a makeshift lie detector test. 349 00:15:56,165 --> 00:15:58,042 Monitoring his blood pressure, pulse, 350 00:15:58,125 --> 00:15:59,960 perspiration and breathing rate. 351 00:16:00,294 --> 00:16:03,714 Yeah, it's nuts. But I don't know what else to do. 352 00:16:04,089 --> 00:16:06,091 And she called it nuts? 353 00:16:06,342 --> 00:16:08,385 Seriously, that was hot. 354 00:16:08,510 --> 00:16:10,888 Feel like you and the newsman had a groove going. 355 00:16:11,221 --> 00:16:13,223 Did you know that Lisa toured with Chaka Khan? 356 00:16:13,390 --> 00:16:14,892 Are you serious? 357 00:16:14,975 --> 00:16:16,435 From Star Trek? 358 00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:18,062 Hey, you caught some of that? 359 00:16:18,437 --> 00:16:19,438 I caught it. 360 00:16:19,521 --> 00:16:20,481 What, you don't like the Blues? 361 00:16:20,564 --> 00:16:22,816 I might enjoy seeing you guys play the Blues. 362 00:16:22,900 --> 00:16:23,984 Well, we are playing. 363 00:16:24,068 --> 00:16:26,654 We're all playing together. These are our jam buddies. 364 00:16:26,737 --> 00:16:29,406 It's a jam session. We go where the music takes us. 365 00:16:30,783 --> 00:16:32,910 I think the music left without you. 366 00:16:38,374 --> 00:16:39,708 Come on. Stop shoving me. 367 00:16:39,792 --> 00:16:42,753 "Stop shoving me. Stop grabbing my penis." Grow up. 368 00:16:43,295 --> 00:16:45,506 Take off your jacket and take a seat. 369 00:16:47,174 --> 00:16:50,552 When it lies, the human body exhibits many telltale signs. 370 00:16:52,054 --> 00:16:53,555 Really? This could all go away 371 00:16:53,639 --> 00:16:55,516 if you just tell me the truth. 372 00:16:55,599 --> 00:16:57,476 Are you all in line? 373 00:16:57,893 --> 00:17:00,270 Why don't you go check out the sympathy cards, old man? 374 00:17:00,437 --> 00:17:03,107 Now I'm going to ask you just a few simple questions. 375 00:17:03,190 --> 00:17:06,485 Wait for this to constrict. Here we go. 376 00:17:06,777 --> 00:17:08,195 Is your name Jim Halpert? 377 00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:09,780 Si. 378 00:17:11,281 --> 00:17:13,701 Wait, that's it? That's the question you're going to ask him? 379 00:17:13,867 --> 00:17:15,244 We have to start with a baseline question 380 00:17:15,327 --> 00:17:16,662 to establish what the truth is. 381 00:17:16,912 --> 00:17:20,040 You have to share the machine with others. 382 00:17:20,499 --> 00:17:22,126 Well, that's what they taught me 383 00:17:22,209 --> 00:17:23,752 in my 19th century kindergarten. 384 00:17:23,836 --> 00:17:26,547 Okay, Dwight, come on. You can go first. 385 00:17:27,464 --> 00:17:28,549 Jim, are you serious? 386 00:17:32,928 --> 00:17:35,431 You know what? This reminds me, Cece needs a new toothbrush. 387 00:17:48,110 --> 00:17:49,403 Maybe we could switch instruments. 388 00:17:49,528 --> 00:17:50,863 Yeah. 389 00:17:50,946 --> 00:17:53,198 'Cause my body's starting to get bruised. 390 00:17:53,657 --> 00:17:56,660 Yeah, maybe everyone move one instrument to the right. 391 00:18:11,842 --> 00:18:14,511 We had to leave because of creative differences. 392 00:18:14,678 --> 00:18:17,139 Yeah, they kind of had a specific sound 393 00:18:17,264 --> 00:18:19,683 that didn't really fit in with our thing. 394 00:18:19,767 --> 00:18:24,605 Guys, this means they're Kevin and the Zits now. 395 00:18:24,688 --> 00:18:27,191 No, man. We are. 396 00:18:28,942 --> 00:18:30,903 Well... I know, I know. 397 00:18:31,195 --> 00:18:32,821 Okay, you're done. 398 00:18:32,946 --> 00:18:34,531 I have a new heart, you know. 399 00:18:34,698 --> 00:18:37,451 Do you really, Tin Man? Okay. 400 00:18:38,202 --> 00:18:39,661 Where were we? 401 00:18:39,745 --> 00:18:41,205 No, I'm not worried. 402 00:18:41,371 --> 00:18:44,166 Because this lie isn't for me, it's for Pam. 403 00:18:44,333 --> 00:18:47,586 And when she gets her body back and her confidence back, 404 00:18:49,046 --> 00:18:51,673 yes, I will tell her the truth. 405 00:18:52,508 --> 00:18:53,801 That... 406 00:18:54,384 --> 00:19:00,182 I had feelings for a co-worker today that I haven't had in years. 407 00:19:02,768 --> 00:19:04,603 In my defense, he was grabbing my crotch 408 00:19:04,728 --> 00:19:06,605 fairly aggressively at the time. 409 00:19:07,397 --> 00:19:08,649 Do you find Cathy Simms attractive? 410 00:19:08,774 --> 00:19:10,067 No. 411 00:19:13,362 --> 00:19:14,655 Yep, he's lying- 412 00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:16,615 See. Was that so hard? 413 00:19:16,990 --> 00:19:17,991 I am not lying. 414 00:19:18,075 --> 00:19:19,034 Really? 415 00:19:19,117 --> 00:19:22,120 Pam, are you really going to listen to his stupid homemade test? 416 00:19:22,204 --> 00:19:23,664 I would listen to my homemade test 417 00:19:23,747 --> 00:19:25,207 because your husband is definitely lying. 418 00:19:25,290 --> 00:19:28,752 In fact, he's lied about every question, even his name. 419 00:19:29,127 --> 00:19:30,921 Who are you, really? Wait, what? 420 00:19:31,004 --> 00:19:34,299 Look at the numbers. Every single time it's come up 150 over 100. 421 00:19:34,383 --> 00:19:36,510 Your husband is a pathological liar. 422 00:19:36,593 --> 00:19:38,262 Jim, you have high blood pressure. 423 00:19:38,428 --> 00:19:40,138 He is definitely attracted to her. 424 00:19:40,389 --> 00:19:41,598 Doesn't your dad have high blood pressure? 425 00:19:41,765 --> 00:19:42,975 Yeah, but I don't smoke. 426 00:19:43,141 --> 00:19:44,434 When was the last time you went to the doctor? 427 00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:46,311 I don't know. It's important to go every month 428 00:19:46,395 --> 00:19:47,813 and get your prostate checked. 429 00:19:47,896 --> 00:19:48,939 You can do it at home by yourself 430 00:19:49,106 --> 00:19:50,148 with your finger. You just stick... 431 00:19:50,232 --> 00:19:51,316 Okay. 432 00:19:51,441 --> 00:19:52,568 Dwight, stop. 433 00:19:53,110 --> 00:19:56,822 I'm not kidding. I mean, I need you to take care of yourself. 434 00:19:56,905 --> 00:19:58,240 What would we do if something happened to you? 435 00:19:58,323 --> 00:20:01,785 Okay, easy. Trust me. I'm around for the long haul. 436 00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:04,872 It's not really your choice, though, is it? Death waits for no man. 437 00:20:05,205 --> 00:20:06,248 Okay. 438 00:20:06,373 --> 00:20:07,416 Come on, let's go. I want to call your doctor. 439 00:20:09,293 --> 00:20:12,170 Doesn't it worry you in the slightest that Jim is not his real name? 440 00:20:12,254 --> 00:20:13,297 Just go home, it doesn't matter. 441 00:20:13,463 --> 00:20:14,548 But the... 442 00:20:14,798 --> 00:20:17,301 Hey, Cece's toothbrush. 443 00:20:20,888 --> 00:20:21,972 Thank you. 444 00:20:22,097 --> 00:20:24,975 Ooh, baby, I love your way 445 00:20:25,893 --> 00:20:27,311 Every day 446 00:20:28,645 --> 00:20:31,857 Want to be with you night and day 447 00:20:32,816 --> 00:20:34,276 And day 448 00:20:34,568 --> 00:20:37,279 Ooh, baby, I love your way