1
00:00:02,379 --> 00:00:03,922
Erin, hey.
2
00:00:04,172 --> 00:00:06,841
In two minutes, I want you
to come into this meeting
3
00:00:06,925 --> 00:00:09,469
and tell me that I have a
really important phone call.
4
00:00:09,928 --> 00:00:11,805
I'm not going
to take it
5
00:00:11,888 --> 00:00:14,599
because I want him to know how
important the meeting is to me.
6
00:00:15,433 --> 00:00:17,394
Who's calling?
Nobody.
7
00:00:17,477 --> 00:00:21,648
Just say that I'm... Just make
it up that I have a phone call.
8
00:00:21,731 --> 00:00:23,400
And then I'm going
to refuse to take it.
9
00:00:23,650 --> 00:00:24,693
You're not going
to take it?
10
00:00:24,776 --> 00:00:25,735
Just make up
a phone call.
11
00:00:25,819 --> 00:00:27,028
It's not
a real call.
12
00:00:27,112 --> 00:00:28,196
Just make it up.
13
00:00:28,279 --> 00:00:29,823
Oh, okay. And then
come in and tell me.
14
00:00:29,906 --> 00:00:30,949
Okay.
15
00:00:31,074 --> 00:00:32,075
It doesn't matter
what it is.
16
00:00:32,158 --> 00:00:33,201
You're not going
to get it, though.
17
00:00:33,284 --> 00:00:34,244
I'm not going
to take it.
18
00:00:34,327 --> 00:00:35,662
And then he's
going to be like,
19
00:00:35,787 --> 00:00:37,163
"Wow, this is a really
important meeting."
20
00:00:37,247 --> 00:00:39,124
Copy that.
Okay.
21
00:00:40,709 --> 00:00:42,127
Okay, so,
22
00:00:42,335 --> 00:00:44,921
tell me exactly
what kind of deal
23
00:00:45,004 --> 00:00:48,466
you are getting right now and
I'll tell you how we can beat it.
24
00:00:49,217 --> 00:00:50,218
Well, we've been
going with...
25
00:00:50,301 --> 00:00:51,302
Andy?
26
00:00:51,386 --> 00:00:52,387
Yeah?
27
00:00:52,470 --> 00:00:53,471
You have a very
important call.
28
00:00:53,596 --> 00:00:56,057
I'm sorry, I'm with a very important client.
It'll have to wait.
29
00:00:56,599 --> 00:00:58,685
Are you sure? It's really,
really important.
30
00:00:59,352 --> 00:01:03,815
There is nothing more important to
me right now than this meeting.
31
00:01:04,899 --> 00:01:07,569
Really? Because
your mother is dead.
32
00:01:12,073 --> 00:01:13,658
Oh, my God!
33
00:01:14,534 --> 00:01:16,077
I don't think she's dead.
34
00:01:16,327 --> 00:01:19,330
She's dead.
She was hit by a bus.
35
00:01:20,165 --> 00:01:21,958
She's not dead.
This is exactly
36
00:01:22,083 --> 00:01:23,877
the kind of thing
my mom pulls.
37
00:01:24,169 --> 00:01:26,838
This isn't one of those times.
It's the police.
38
00:01:27,672 --> 00:01:30,008
They said it's the worst
they've ever seen.
39
00:01:30,091 --> 00:01:32,510
Andy, I'm really sorry
about your mother.
40
00:01:33,136 --> 00:01:35,013
My deepest
condolences.
41
00:01:36,973 --> 00:01:40,727
You must take
this call. It's...
42
00:01:42,437 --> 00:01:44,355
Yeah, line one?
43
00:01:44,439 --> 00:01:45,732
Line two.
44
00:01:46,149 --> 00:01:47,150
Okay.
45
00:01:49,402 --> 00:01:50,904
Hi.
It's Darryl.
46
00:01:50,987 --> 00:01:53,281
Erin told me to pretend to be
a cop and say your mom died.
47
00:01:53,364 --> 00:01:54,532
Oh!
48
00:01:55,450 --> 00:01:56,451
Gosh.
49
00:01:56,534 --> 00:01:57,952
Dude.
Thank you, Officer.
50
00:01:58,036 --> 00:01:59,537
Look, man,
this is a bad idea.
51
00:01:59,662 --> 00:02:01,122
Did she have
any last words or...
52
00:02:01,206 --> 00:02:03,082
Really?
That is messed up, man.
53
00:02:03,166 --> 00:02:07,545
Make sure that your client
gets the best deal possible.
54
00:02:07,796 --> 00:02:08,922
You're a bad man,
Andy Bernard.
55
00:02:09,047 --> 00:02:10,757
That is so Mom. That stuff
can come back and get you.
56
00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:12,634
It's called karma. You do
not want to be messing...
57
00:02:12,717 --> 00:02:13,885
All right,
but thank you, Officer.
58
00:02:14,010 --> 00:02:15,220
I've got an uncle...
59
00:02:17,889 --> 00:02:20,350
Erin, please hold
all my other calls.
60
00:02:22,894 --> 00:02:24,395
Where were we?
61
00:02:47,001 --> 00:02:48,336
Hey, Cathy.
Hi.
62
00:02:48,419 --> 00:02:49,754
How's it going?
Everything make sense?
63
00:02:49,879 --> 00:02:51,214
I think everything
is under control.
64
00:02:51,381 --> 00:02:52,757
Great.
You should sit down.
65
00:02:52,841 --> 00:02:54,175
No, I'm fine.
66
00:02:54,300 --> 00:02:55,677
No, I should go
fill out my paperwork.
67
00:02:56,094 --> 00:02:57,178
Okay.
68
00:03:00,640 --> 00:03:03,101
That was just me.
Pregnant Pam.
69
00:03:04,102 --> 00:03:05,436
And I make sounds
much worse than this.
70
00:03:05,603 --> 00:03:06,980
We know.
71
00:03:08,439 --> 00:03:12,694
I'm training a temp to be my replacement
while I'm on maternity leave.
72
00:03:12,777 --> 00:03:15,363
I should have
mentioned I'm pregnant.
73
00:03:16,072 --> 00:03:18,324
You probably
didn't notice because
74
00:03:18,449 --> 00:03:20,743
it's impossible to tell
because I'm so small.
75
00:03:20,827 --> 00:03:22,912
But yeah, I'm pregnant.
76
00:03:24,205 --> 00:03:25,748
Oh, come on.
77
00:03:25,999 --> 00:03:28,084
Hey. Asking for a friend,
78
00:03:28,167 --> 00:03:30,211
do you happen to know
if that new girl is single?
79
00:03:31,671 --> 00:03:32,755
Doubt it.
80
00:03:33,298 --> 00:03:34,799
Yeah. Me, too.
81
00:03:36,593 --> 00:03:37,719
You doubt it?
82
00:03:37,844 --> 00:03:38,970
What's that?
83
00:03:39,345 --> 00:03:40,889
Why do you doubt
that she's single?
84
00:03:41,556 --> 00:03:45,310
Honestly, I have no idea. I just figured
we'd save her from Ryan, right?
85
00:03:50,732 --> 00:03:52,483
What are you
doing with my lunch?
86
00:03:52,650 --> 00:03:54,402
I'm delivering it
from the fridge.
87
00:03:54,485 --> 00:03:56,905
It's like a porno. "Hey,
did anybody order a pizza?"
88
00:03:57,155 --> 00:03:58,656
It's not pizza.
89
00:03:58,823 --> 00:04:00,325
Yeah, and we're not
about to make love.
90
00:04:00,408 --> 00:04:01,659
I just thought
maybe you'd want
91
00:04:01,784 --> 00:04:03,036
to eat lunch at
your desk today
92
00:04:03,119 --> 00:04:05,121
so that during lunch
we could go down
93
00:04:05,246 --> 00:04:07,248
to the warehouse and
bang out a few tunes.
94
00:04:07,332 --> 00:04:09,500
I like the sound of that.
ls Kevin here?
95
00:04:10,919 --> 00:04:12,337
You tell me.
96
00:04:18,092 --> 00:04:20,720
So word on the street
is she has a boyfriend.
97
00:04:21,930 --> 00:04:23,765
Well, he's probably
a drug dealer.
98
00:04:23,848 --> 00:04:25,600
That's the best way to
land a hot girlfriend.
99
00:04:25,725 --> 00:04:27,518
You just...
You get her hooked on blow.
100
00:04:28,937 --> 00:04:30,939
It's going to be nice
to have just like a
101
00:04:31,022 --> 00:04:33,524
healthy, young, fit presence
in the middle of the office.
102
00:04:33,608 --> 00:04:34,609
Yes, aesthetically
speaking, strictly.
103
00:04:34,692 --> 00:04:35,652
Yeah.
104
00:04:35,735 --> 00:04:37,153
- She adds a nice presence.
- Good energy.
105
00:04:37,236 --> 00:04:38,947
Yeah, it's going to
be nice to have
106
00:04:39,030 --> 00:04:40,657
someone hot at
Pam's desk, huh?
107
00:04:41,491 --> 00:04:42,951
No, no. Not even.
108
00:04:43,076 --> 00:04:44,577
I'm kidding.
109
00:04:44,661 --> 00:04:47,997
Oh, my gosh, you guys. She's
obviously super cute. I get it.
110
00:04:48,581 --> 00:04:50,625
But I'd like to point
out there is 50 pounds
111
00:04:50,708 --> 00:04:52,669
more of me to love,
if that's your thing.
112
00:04:52,752 --> 00:04:54,087
Pam, you look more
beautiful now than ever.
113
00:04:54,170 --> 00:04:55,254
Radiant.
114
00:04:55,338 --> 00:04:57,674
Thank you, guys. Really,
thank you, very sweet.
115
00:04:57,757 --> 00:04:59,801
Yeah, you have
this sexy glow.
116
00:04:59,884 --> 00:05:02,261
Well, it's one of
the most common fetishes.
117
00:05:03,262 --> 00:05:04,472
Really? Well,
thank you all.
118
00:05:04,555 --> 00:05:06,933
You know, it's not just pregnant
women who don't get their due.
119
00:05:07,016 --> 00:05:08,559
You know who's gorgeous?
120
00:05:08,643 --> 00:05:09,894
Helen Mirren.
Yes.
121
00:05:09,978 --> 00:05:12,981
Yes, have you seen her
in a bikini? Amazing.
122
00:05:13,064 --> 00:05:15,984
What would be the hottest thing
ever is a pregnant Helen Mirren.
123
00:05:16,067 --> 00:05:17,360
Ooh!
124
00:05:19,904 --> 00:05:23,282
Okay, okay.
Okay, no, no, no.
125
00:05:23,366 --> 00:05:25,618
This is disgusting. Do you
realize what you're saying?
126
00:05:25,702 --> 00:05:29,122
The hottest thing ever would be
a 66-year-old pregnant woman?
127
00:05:29,205 --> 00:05:31,124
In this case, yes.
No!
128
00:05:31,207 --> 00:05:35,586
There are universal biological
standards of beauty and attraction.
129
00:05:35,712 --> 00:05:38,840
And you are purposefully
celebrating the opposite of them
130
00:05:38,923 --> 00:05:40,883
to mollycoddle
a pregnant woman.
131
00:05:41,092 --> 00:05:42,093
No, we're not. No.
132
00:05:42,260 --> 00:05:43,261
Yes, you are.
133
00:05:43,344 --> 00:05:47,098
And another thing, Helen Mirren
was born Helen Mironoff.
134
00:05:47,306 --> 00:05:51,019
That's right, you're fake salivating
over a Soviet-era Russian.
135
00:06:06,451 --> 00:06:07,660
Nice scatting, man.
136
00:06:07,744 --> 00:06:11,039
Thank you. I think I said "doop"
instead of "boop" at one point.
137
00:06:11,122 --> 00:06:13,416
Not bad, fellas.
You're better than you look.
138
00:06:13,499 --> 00:06:15,293
Hey, screw you!
139
00:06:17,295 --> 00:06:19,130
Hey, Robert.
Are we meeting early?
140
00:06:19,255 --> 00:06:21,090
Just taking a stroll.
141
00:06:21,924 --> 00:06:23,885
What exactly have
I stumbled upon here?
142
00:06:23,968 --> 00:06:26,679
Well, we're all musicians and
we play together sometimes.
143
00:06:27,013 --> 00:06:28,097
You're a band?
144
00:06:28,222 --> 00:06:29,307
Thank you.
145
00:06:29,390 --> 00:06:31,893
We're called
Kevin and the Zits.
146
00:06:32,310 --> 00:06:33,895
That was never agreed upon.
147
00:06:34,020 --> 00:06:35,646
I miss being in a band.
148
00:06:36,314 --> 00:06:38,149
Miss no more.
What do you play? Join us.
149
00:06:38,274 --> 00:06:40,068
I have a tambourine.
150
00:06:40,276 --> 00:06:42,987
Tambourine? You know
I'm the CEO, right?
151
00:06:43,821 --> 00:06:46,074
CEOs don't play tambourines.
Tambourines are for girlfriends.
152
00:06:46,157 --> 00:06:48,910
I play harmonica. I think
I have one in the car.
153
00:06:48,993 --> 00:06:50,745
Great.
Nice.
154
00:06:51,829 --> 00:06:54,248
Guys, Robert is
going to be a zit.
155
00:06:54,665 --> 00:06:56,793
Again, never agreed upon.
156
00:06:57,126 --> 00:06:59,378
I had totally given up on hanging
out with Robert California
157
00:06:59,462 --> 00:07:01,672
and now he wants
to be in our band.
158
00:07:01,756 --> 00:07:03,132
And when you're in
a rock and roll band
159
00:07:03,216 --> 00:07:04,550
with somebody,
you're bonded for life.
160
00:07:04,634 --> 00:07:07,345
Usually that life
is short and tragic.
161
00:07:07,845 --> 00:07:09,305
That's okay, right?
162
00:07:09,430 --> 00:07:10,848
Yeah, even cooler.
163
00:07:10,932 --> 00:07:13,351
We all got to
go sometime.
164
00:07:14,477 --> 00:07:16,312
HEY
HEY
165
00:07:16,395 --> 00:07:18,064
Helen Mirren. Hot?
166
00:07:19,023 --> 00:07:20,775
Yeah. Super pretty.
167
00:07:20,858 --> 00:07:21,901
Huh.
168
00:07:22,610 --> 00:07:23,694
What about Cathy?
169
00:07:23,820 --> 00:07:24,904
The temp?
170
00:07:25,071 --> 00:07:27,031
Yeah, do you think she's hot?
Nope.
171
00:07:27,365 --> 00:07:29,325
I'm not asking
if you're into her.
172
00:07:29,450 --> 00:07:31,452
Just objectively,
do you find her attractive?
173
00:07:31,911 --> 00:07:33,037
I'm telling you I don't.
174
00:07:33,746 --> 00:07:35,164
You don't find
Cathy attractive?
175
00:07:35,289 --> 00:07:36,707
No, I don't.
176
00:07:36,958 --> 00:07:40,419
No, I'm not going to tell my
nine months pregnant wife
177
00:07:40,503 --> 00:07:43,422
that I find her replacement
objectively attractive.
178
00:07:43,506 --> 00:07:45,174
Just like I'm not going to
tell my 2-year-old daughter
179
00:07:45,258 --> 00:07:48,344
that violent video games
are objectively more fun.
180
00:07:49,220 --> 00:07:51,681
It's true, but it
doesn't help anybody.
181
00:07:52,390 --> 00:07:53,808
Look at her.
182
00:07:55,143 --> 00:07:57,186
Even I want some
fries with that shake.
183
00:07:58,896 --> 00:08:02,692
Okay. I don't.
So are we good?
184
00:08:07,363 --> 00:08:09,031
That's just absurd.
185
00:08:09,157 --> 00:08:10,867
Yes, because
she's hot, right?
186
00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:12,869
Her breasts are large,
her waist is small,
187
00:08:12,994 --> 00:08:14,662
her reproductive health
in ample evidence.
188
00:08:14,745 --> 00:08:16,581
Facial symmetry, come on.
189
00:08:17,748 --> 00:08:20,710
The thing about pregnancy is
people treat you differently.
190
00:08:21,210 --> 00:08:22,962
Like you're
a kid, almost.
191
00:08:23,045 --> 00:08:24,964
They lose all
sense of boundaries.
192
00:08:25,047 --> 00:08:29,260
They start acting weird, telling you
things that clearly aren't true.
193
00:08:29,677 --> 00:08:32,096
I know it sounds nuts
but I think Dwight
194
00:08:32,263 --> 00:08:34,724
is the only one who's
telling me the truth.
195
00:08:35,850 --> 00:08:37,935
Dwight, am I hot right now?
196
00:08:38,269 --> 00:08:40,438
Why would I or anyone else think
that you're hot right now?
197
00:08:40,521 --> 00:08:42,273
I can't impregnate you
and that's the driving
198
00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:44,192
force between
male-female attraction.
199
00:08:44,567 --> 00:08:46,611
What about before?
Was I attractive before?
200
00:08:46,861 --> 00:08:48,029
Eh...
201
00:08:48,112 --> 00:08:51,574
You were at your most attractive when you
were 24, with a slight gradual decline.
202
00:08:51,657 --> 00:08:54,035
And a steep drop off when you got
pregnant for the first time.
203
00:08:54,118 --> 00:08:55,620
Gradual recovery and...
204
00:08:56,245 --> 00:08:59,248
Well, now obviously
you're at an all-time low.
205
00:09:00,791 --> 00:09:01,792
Hmm.
206
00:09:04,462 --> 00:09:07,131
I think Jim's lying to me about
not being attracted to Cathy.
207
00:09:08,132 --> 00:09:10,885
You think Jim's lying?
That's so cute.
208
00:09:11,469 --> 00:09:12,553
I know he's lying.
209
00:09:12,845 --> 00:09:13,888
5 bucks if you can
get him to admit it.
210
00:09:14,013 --> 00:09:15,056
Done.
211
00:09:15,890 --> 00:09:17,558
I never touch
a pregnant woman.
212
00:09:17,683 --> 00:09:19,352
Yeah, that's
the Dwight I need.
213
00:09:21,103 --> 00:09:23,439
If we're going to work together,
we need some ground rules.
214
00:09:23,522 --> 00:09:24,565
Okay.
215
00:09:24,649 --> 00:09:27,860
Rule one, our only
loyalty is to the truth.
216
00:09:28,653 --> 00:09:30,196
I think so. Okay.
217
00:09:30,321 --> 00:09:31,948
Rule two,
we stop at nothing.
218
00:09:32,907 --> 00:09:35,326
What is that...
Is it... Well, okay.
219
00:09:35,409 --> 00:09:36,577
Rule three.
220
00:09:37,203 --> 00:09:38,204
Don't fall in love.
221
00:09:38,329 --> 00:09:39,372
Yup. Good.
222
00:09:40,164 --> 00:09:41,749
We're going to
bust this guy.
223
00:09:41,874 --> 00:09:43,459
Honesty is very
important to me.
224
00:09:43,542 --> 00:09:47,046
So important. And then we
will destroy the man himself.
225
00:09:47,129 --> 00:09:50,049
Let's just see how we feel
when we get there.
226
00:09:51,050 --> 00:09:52,843
Well, you came to
the right person.
227
00:09:52,969 --> 00:09:54,762
You have to follow
your intuition, Pam.
228
00:09:54,845 --> 00:09:56,764
You don't want to end up
like Elin Nordegren.
229
00:09:56,847 --> 00:09:59,558
Actually, what am I saying? You wish
you had her life. No offense, Pam.
230
00:09:59,809 --> 00:10:01,560
None taken.
What have you got?
231
00:10:02,019 --> 00:10:04,981
It is called the Matchmaker
Test and it is very powerful.
232
00:10:05,064 --> 00:10:06,983
Basically, we have Pam
ask Jim which
233
00:10:07,066 --> 00:10:08,943
of his friends he would
set up with Cathy.
234
00:10:09,026 --> 00:10:10,945
If Jim picks
a really hot friend,
235
00:10:11,070 --> 00:10:13,030
then we know
he thinks that Cathy's hot.
236
00:10:15,199 --> 00:10:16,367
Hmm.
237
00:10:25,918 --> 00:10:27,628
Hey, you found us.
238
00:10:27,753 --> 00:10:29,463
You guys sound
great, man.
239
00:10:29,547 --> 00:10:33,342
Darryl, Andy, Kevin, this is
Curtis Dorough, local musician,
240
00:10:33,426 --> 00:10:35,094
and the officiate
at my wedding.
241
00:10:35,219 --> 00:10:36,929
Local musician?
242
00:10:37,054 --> 00:10:38,848
Local legend.
I used to come hear you
243
00:10:38,973 --> 00:10:40,808
play every week
at the Deerhead.
244
00:10:40,891 --> 00:10:42,685
Dude, you're on TV.
245
00:10:43,185 --> 00:10:45,313
You're the sportscaster
on Channel Seven.
246
00:10:45,688 --> 00:10:47,023
Go, Eagles!
247
00:10:47,315 --> 00:10:48,691
You do that on TV.
248
00:10:48,816 --> 00:10:50,192
You guys mind
if they join us?
249
00:10:50,401 --> 00:10:52,028
No.
Yeah, sure.
250
00:10:52,570 --> 00:10:54,947
Guys, I've got some
instruments right here.
251
00:10:55,239 --> 00:10:56,407
Hey, why don't you
and me play those?
252
00:10:56,574 --> 00:10:57,742
Yeah?
253
00:10:57,825 --> 00:10:58,951
Okay, this is awesome.
254
00:10:59,076 --> 00:11:00,244
What shall we play?
255
00:11:00,328 --> 00:11:02,413
Maybe we should warm up
with some scales?
256
00:11:02,496 --> 00:11:04,123
Midnight Rambler?
Yeah.
257
00:11:04,707 --> 00:11:06,167
Midnight what?
258
00:11:13,382 --> 00:11:16,344
Have you heard about
the midnight rambler?
259
00:11:20,765 --> 00:11:22,641
Hey, this is crazy
260
00:11:53,297 --> 00:11:56,050
Hey, I was talking to Cathy.
Turns out she is single.
261
00:11:56,133 --> 00:11:58,677
Oh, I stand corrected.
262
00:11:58,928 --> 00:12:01,514
I thought it might be fun
to set her up with someone.
263
00:12:01,597 --> 00:12:02,932
Any ideas?
264
00:12:03,641 --> 00:12:05,893
Oh. You know who might be good?
Mike Tibbets.
265
00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:08,062
Mike Tibbets, really?
266
00:12:08,145 --> 00:12:09,480
Hey, who's this
Mike Tibbets guy?
267
00:12:09,647 --> 00:12:10,981
What kind of
car does he drive?
268
00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:13,442
Not his mom's car.
269
00:12:13,526 --> 00:12:15,986
Yeah, because his mom's car's
probably not a Nissan Z.
270
00:12:18,155 --> 00:12:19,490
Touché?
271
00:12:22,159 --> 00:12:23,661
Kelly, calm down.
272
00:12:23,786 --> 00:12:25,246
I mean, I guess
he'd be okay with hair.
273
00:12:25,329 --> 00:12:27,164
Okay, you should see
if he'll get hair plugs.
274
00:12:27,331 --> 00:12:28,707
I don't think Jim
cares about his hair.
275
00:12:28,833 --> 00:12:30,209
Yeah, but I do, Pam. Okay?
276
00:12:30,292 --> 00:12:31,460
It's called
being a nice person.
277
00:12:31,585 --> 00:12:32,753
I don't see what's
so ugly about him.
278
00:12:32,837 --> 00:12:34,463
He's got the broad
face of a brewer.
279
00:12:35,256 --> 00:12:36,674
Jim's on to me.
Hmm?
280
00:12:37,383 --> 00:12:39,343
Yeah, Jim barely
talks to Mike.
281
00:12:39,427 --> 00:12:40,803
We had to go through
like two levels
282
00:12:40,886 --> 00:12:42,263
of friends to even
find his profile.
283
00:12:43,180 --> 00:12:45,433
Jim picked someone
just unattractive
284
00:12:45,558 --> 00:12:47,852
enough to shut me up
without tipping it.
285
00:12:48,394 --> 00:12:50,604
Just ugly enough
to have deniability.
286
00:12:50,688 --> 00:12:52,148
Yup.
287
00:12:52,523 --> 00:12:55,526
Mike Tibbets is like the
most boring looking guy I know.
288
00:12:55,609 --> 00:12:59,613
So if that was for the Matchmaker
Test, I think I'm in the clear.
289
00:13:00,614 --> 00:13:03,659
If that wasn't for
the Matchmaker Test then...
290
00:13:03,742 --> 00:13:05,828
Cathy, he's a really
nice guy.
291
00:13:05,953 --> 00:13:07,705
Well, Jim may be
lying with his words,
292
00:13:07,830 --> 00:13:09,582
but he can't
lie with his body.
293
00:13:10,666 --> 00:13:12,293
I'm going to write
something mean on his wall.
294
00:13:12,376 --> 00:13:13,961
No, Kelly, don't.
295
00:13:14,044 --> 00:13:15,379
The male reveals attraction
296
00:13:15,463 --> 00:13:18,632
through unconscious and
involuntary physical signs.
297
00:13:18,716 --> 00:13:20,593
The puffing of the chest.
298
00:13:20,676 --> 00:13:21,719
Mirroring.
299
00:13:21,844 --> 00:13:24,221
Increased blood flow
to the crotch.
300
00:13:25,264 --> 00:13:26,891
I say we start there.
301
00:13:26,974 --> 00:13:28,058
With the crotch?
With the crotch?
302
00:13:28,392 --> 00:13:30,060
With the crotch.
303
00:13:43,991 --> 00:13:44,992
Whoo!
304
00:13:46,869 --> 00:13:47,953
Psst.
305
00:13:48,037 --> 00:13:49,663
We're not here.
Who said that?
306
00:13:49,747 --> 00:13:51,123
Exactly.
307
00:13:51,373 --> 00:13:52,666
How'd I get
this long triangle?
308
00:13:52,791 --> 00:13:54,084
Okay, just shut up.
309
00:13:54,752 --> 00:13:56,754
Is he puffing out his chest?
310
00:13:56,921 --> 00:13:58,923
I can't tell.
It's unnaturally sunken.
311
00:14:01,592 --> 00:14:04,261
Busted. He just was
mirroring. Did you see that?
312
00:14:04,345 --> 00:14:06,555
No. Maybe he just
said something funny.
313
00:14:06,639 --> 00:14:09,808
Jim has no discernible sense of humor, Pam.
You should know that.
314
00:14:10,267 --> 00:14:11,894
I think he's just
making her laugh.
315
00:14:12,019 --> 00:14:13,687
Time for me to find out.
316
00:14:16,857 --> 00:14:18,817
Why is he making
her laugh so much?
317
00:14:18,943 --> 00:14:20,694
Just going to
walk over here. Whoa!
318
00:14:20,778 --> 00:14:24,323
I'm slipping and falling! I'm stumbling.
I need something to grab onto!
319
00:14:24,406 --> 00:14:25,366
Hey, are you okay?
I'm fine.
320
00:14:25,449 --> 00:14:26,700
Dwight! Dwight!
I'm totally fine!
321
00:14:26,784 --> 00:14:27,785
Yes?
322
00:14:28,702 --> 00:14:29,828
What? Jim?
323
00:14:29,954 --> 00:14:31,121
Sorry about that.
324
00:14:31,705 --> 00:14:33,582
Cramp. I'm just...
Dwight!
325
00:14:35,417 --> 00:14:36,752
Why?
326
00:14:36,835 --> 00:14:39,755
I'm sorry,
I fell down, Mr. Balance.
327
00:14:49,014 --> 00:14:50,182
Leave.
328
00:14:53,310 --> 00:14:55,980
Does your husband
ever have soft erections?
329
00:14:56,105 --> 00:14:59,733
Because if not, I just grabbed
a very soft penis for nothing.
330
00:15:00,276 --> 00:15:02,778
Why was he making
her laugh so much?
331
00:15:08,576 --> 00:15:09,785
Hey, I'll just be a second.
332
00:15:09,868 --> 00:15:11,662
Yeah, take your time.
Okay.
333
00:15:14,039 --> 00:15:16,041
That line from Zoolander.
Mmm-hmm?
334
00:15:16,458 --> 00:15:18,794
It was from a deleted scene
so we were both right.
335
00:15:18,877 --> 00:15:20,129
Told you.
336
00:15:22,506 --> 00:15:23,924
Do I hand in
my expense reports
337
00:15:24,008 --> 00:15:25,384
to a particular
accountant or...
338
00:15:25,467 --> 00:15:27,177
Oscar, Cathy
has a question.
339
00:15:27,428 --> 00:15:30,055
Sorry, I'll just
go ask Oscar.
340
00:15:34,852 --> 00:15:36,770
Yeah?
You okay?
341
00:15:36,854 --> 00:15:38,772
Why won't you just admit
that she's attractive?
342
00:15:38,856 --> 00:15:40,149
It's kind of annoying
that you won't say it.
343
00:15:40,232 --> 00:15:42,026
Okay, what can I do
to make you believe me?
344
00:15:42,860 --> 00:15:45,654
Well, Dwight had this idea and I
thought it was kind of crazy,
345
00:15:45,738 --> 00:15:47,364
but maybe that's
where we are now.
346
00:15:49,533 --> 00:15:52,536
She called it crazy? Man.
347
00:15:52,620 --> 00:15:54,330
That's insulting.
All I did was
348
00:15:54,413 --> 00:15:56,081
propose a makeshift
lie detector test.
349
00:15:56,165 --> 00:15:58,042
Monitoring his
blood pressure, pulse,
350
00:15:58,125 --> 00:15:59,960
perspiration and
breathing rate.
351
00:16:00,294 --> 00:16:03,714
Yeah, it's nuts. But I don't
know what else to do.
352
00:16:04,089 --> 00:16:06,091
And she called it nuts?
353
00:16:06,342 --> 00:16:08,385
Seriously,
that was hot.
354
00:16:08,510 --> 00:16:10,888
Feel like you and the
newsman had a groove going.
355
00:16:11,221 --> 00:16:13,223
Did you know that Lisa
toured with Chaka Khan?
356
00:16:13,390 --> 00:16:14,892
Are you serious?
357
00:16:14,975 --> 00:16:16,435
From Star Trek?
358
00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:18,062
Hey, you caught
some of that?
359
00:16:18,437 --> 00:16:19,438
I caught it.
360
00:16:19,521 --> 00:16:20,481
What, you don't like the Blues?
361
00:16:20,564 --> 00:16:22,816
I might enjoy seeing
you guys play the Blues.
362
00:16:22,900 --> 00:16:23,984
Well, we are playing.
363
00:16:24,068 --> 00:16:26,654
We're all playing together.
These are our jam buddies.
364
00:16:26,737 --> 00:16:29,406
It's a jam session. We go
where the music takes us.
365
00:16:30,783 --> 00:16:32,910
I think the music
left without you.
366
00:16:38,374 --> 00:16:39,708
Come on.
Stop shoving me.
367
00:16:39,792 --> 00:16:42,753
"Stop shoving me. Stop
grabbing my penis." Grow up.
368
00:16:43,295 --> 00:16:45,506
Take off your jacket
and take a seat.
369
00:16:47,174 --> 00:16:50,552
When it lies, the human body
exhibits many telltale signs.
370
00:16:52,054 --> 00:16:53,555
Really?
This could all go away
371
00:16:53,639 --> 00:16:55,516
if you just
tell me the truth.
372
00:16:55,599 --> 00:16:57,476
Are you all in line?
373
00:16:57,893 --> 00:17:00,270
Why don't you go check out
the sympathy cards, old man?
374
00:17:00,437 --> 00:17:03,107
Now I'm going to ask you
just a few simple questions.
375
00:17:03,190 --> 00:17:06,485
Wait for this to
constrict. Here we go.
376
00:17:06,777 --> 00:17:08,195
Is your name Jim Halpert?
377
00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:09,780
Si.
378
00:17:11,281 --> 00:17:13,701
Wait, that's it? That's the
question you're going to ask him?
379
00:17:13,867 --> 00:17:15,244
We have to start
with a baseline question
380
00:17:15,327 --> 00:17:16,662
to establish
what the truth is.
381
00:17:16,912 --> 00:17:20,040
You have to share
the machine with others.
382
00:17:20,499 --> 00:17:22,126
Well, that's
what they taught me
383
00:17:22,209 --> 00:17:23,752
in my 19th
century kindergarten.
384
00:17:23,836 --> 00:17:26,547
Okay, Dwight, come on.
You can go first.
385
00:17:27,464 --> 00:17:28,549
Jim, are you serious?
386
00:17:32,928 --> 00:17:35,431
You know what? This reminds me,
Cece needs a new toothbrush.
387
00:17:48,110 --> 00:17:49,403
Maybe we could
switch instruments.
388
00:17:49,528 --> 00:17:50,863
Yeah.
389
00:17:50,946 --> 00:17:53,198
'Cause my body's
starting to get bruised.
390
00:17:53,657 --> 00:17:56,660
Yeah, maybe everyone move one
instrument to the right.
391
00:18:11,842 --> 00:18:14,511
We had to leave because
of creative differences.
392
00:18:14,678 --> 00:18:17,139
Yeah, they kind of
had a specific sound
393
00:18:17,264 --> 00:18:19,683
that didn't really
fit in with our thing.
394
00:18:19,767 --> 00:18:24,605
Guys, this means they're
Kevin and the Zits now.
395
00:18:24,688 --> 00:18:27,191
No, man. We are.
396
00:18:28,942 --> 00:18:30,903
Well...
I know, I know.
397
00:18:31,195 --> 00:18:32,821
Okay, you're done.
398
00:18:32,946 --> 00:18:34,531
I have a new
heart, you know.
399
00:18:34,698 --> 00:18:37,451
Do you really,
Tin Man? Okay.
400
00:18:38,202 --> 00:18:39,661
Where were we?
401
00:18:39,745 --> 00:18:41,205
No, I'm not worried.
402
00:18:41,371 --> 00:18:44,166
Because this lie isn't
for me, it's for Pam.
403
00:18:44,333 --> 00:18:47,586
And when she gets her body
back and her confidence back,
404
00:18:49,046 --> 00:18:51,673
yes, I will tell
her the truth.
405
00:18:52,508 --> 00:18:53,801
That...
406
00:18:54,384 --> 00:19:00,182
I had feelings for a co-worker
today that I haven't had in years.
407
00:19:02,768 --> 00:19:04,603
In my defense,
he was grabbing my crotch
408
00:19:04,728 --> 00:19:06,605
fairly aggressively
at the time.
409
00:19:07,397 --> 00:19:08,649
Do you find
Cathy Simms attractive?
410
00:19:08,774 --> 00:19:10,067
No.
411
00:19:13,362 --> 00:19:14,655
Yep, he's lying-
412
00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:16,615
See. Was that so hard?
413
00:19:16,990 --> 00:19:17,991
I am not lying.
414
00:19:18,075 --> 00:19:19,034
Really?
415
00:19:19,117 --> 00:19:22,120
Pam, are you really going to listen
to his stupid homemade test?
416
00:19:22,204 --> 00:19:23,664
I would listen to
my homemade test
417
00:19:23,747 --> 00:19:25,207
because your husband
is definitely lying.
418
00:19:25,290 --> 00:19:28,752
In fact, he's lied about every
question, even his name.
419
00:19:29,127 --> 00:19:30,921
Who are you, really?
Wait, what?
420
00:19:31,004 --> 00:19:34,299
Look at the numbers. Every single
time it's come up 150 over 100.
421
00:19:34,383 --> 00:19:36,510
Your husband is
a pathological liar.
422
00:19:36,593 --> 00:19:38,262
Jim, you have
high blood pressure.
423
00:19:38,428 --> 00:19:40,138
He is definitely
attracted to her.
424
00:19:40,389 --> 00:19:41,598
Doesn't your dad have
high blood pressure?
425
00:19:41,765 --> 00:19:42,975
Yeah, but I don't smoke.
426
00:19:43,141 --> 00:19:44,434
When was the last time
you went to the doctor?
427
00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:46,311
I don't know. It's important
to go every month
428
00:19:46,395 --> 00:19:47,813
and get your
prostate checked.
429
00:19:47,896 --> 00:19:48,939
You can do it at
home by yourself
430
00:19:49,106 --> 00:19:50,148
with your finger.
You just stick...
431
00:19:50,232 --> 00:19:51,316
Okay.
432
00:19:51,441 --> 00:19:52,568
Dwight, stop.
433
00:19:53,110 --> 00:19:56,822
I'm not kidding. I mean, I need
you to take care of yourself.
434
00:19:56,905 --> 00:19:58,240
What would we do if
something happened to you?
435
00:19:58,323 --> 00:20:01,785
Okay, easy. Trust me.
I'm around for the long haul.
436
00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:04,872
It's not really your choice, though, is it?
Death waits for no man.
437
00:20:05,205 --> 00:20:06,248
Okay.
438
00:20:06,373 --> 00:20:07,416
Come on, let's go.
I want to call your doctor.
439
00:20:09,293 --> 00:20:12,170
Doesn't it worry you in the slightest
that Jim is not his real name?
440
00:20:12,254 --> 00:20:13,297
Just go home,
it doesn't matter.
441
00:20:13,463 --> 00:20:14,548
But the...
442
00:20:14,798 --> 00:20:17,301
Hey, Cece's toothbrush.
443
00:20:20,888 --> 00:20:21,972
Thank you.
444
00:20:22,097 --> 00:20:24,975
Ooh,
baby, I love your way
445
00:20:25,893 --> 00:20:27,311
Every day
446
00:20:28,645 --> 00:20:31,857
Want to be
with you night and day
447
00:20:32,816 --> 00:20:34,276
And day
448
00:20:34,568 --> 00:20:37,279
Ooh, baby, I love your way