1 00:00:01,086 --> 00:00:04,923 Christmas time is here! 2 00:00:05,006 --> 00:00:07,592 Wow! Thanks, guys. That sounded amazing. 3 00:00:07,967 --> 00:00:12,931 Hi, I'm Andy Bernard, and I am the first office Santa ever 4 00:00:13,139 --> 00:00:15,141 to make holiday wishes come true. 5 00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:17,435 Who's excited to get their holiday wishes? 6 00:00:17,769 --> 00:00:20,105 Holiday wishes. What's that, Stanley? 7 00:00:20,522 --> 00:00:23,066 We know exactly what holiday you're referring to. 8 00:00:23,692 --> 00:00:27,862 It is important to be mindful of all belief systems at our holiday party. 9 00:00:28,238 --> 00:00:30,323 I've been here 18 years, and I've suffered 10 00:00:30,448 --> 00:00:32,575 through some weird thematic Christmases. 11 00:00:32,867 --> 00:00:36,079 A Honolulu Christmas, a Pulp Fiction Christmas, 12 00:00:36,162 --> 00:00:39,207 a Muslim Christmas, Moroccan Christmas, 13 00:00:39,290 --> 00:00:41,000 Mo Rocca Christmas 14 00:00:41,126 --> 00:00:42,168 I don't want it. 15 00:00:42,252 --> 00:00:44,754 Christmas is Christmas is Christmas is Christmas. 16 00:00:44,838 --> 00:00:48,049 I got Stanley tickets to see Lewis Black for his birthday. 17 00:00:49,384 --> 00:00:51,553 Might not have been the best idea. 18 00:00:52,429 --> 00:00:53,888 I don't want no Kwanzaa wreath. 19 00:00:53,972 --> 00:00:56,641 I don't need a dreidel in my face. That's its own thing. 20 00:00:56,725 --> 00:00:58,560 And who's that black Santa for? 21 00:00:58,810 --> 00:00:59,811 I don't care. 22 00:00:59,894 --> 00:01:02,939 I know Santa ain't black. I could care less. 23 00:01:03,398 --> 00:01:06,025 I want Christmas. Just give me plain 24 00:01:06,109 --> 00:01:08,820 baby-Jesus-lying-in-a-manger Christmas. 25 00:01:20,039 --> 00:01:22,625 What is the status on my wish? Fulfilled. 26 00:01:22,709 --> 00:01:25,670 Brought my bicycle so I can be your designated driver later, 27 00:01:25,754 --> 00:01:29,299 in the event that you drink too much, which is by no means required. 28 00:01:29,382 --> 00:01:31,384 What about my wish that we don't have to attend meetings 29 00:01:31,468 --> 00:01:33,136 that degrade our sense of adulthood? 30 00:01:33,219 --> 00:01:34,387 That, I cannot do. 31 00:01:34,471 --> 00:01:37,182 But I did get you an acre of property on the moon. 32 00:01:38,141 --> 00:01:39,517 Where, dark side or light side? 33 00:01:39,976 --> 00:01:42,061 Light side. Is it by the Sea of Tranquillity? 34 00:01:42,645 --> 00:01:44,606 As a matter of fact, yes. Directly adjacent. 35 00:01:45,190 --> 00:01:47,317 Beachfront. Thank you, Andy. 36 00:01:47,567 --> 00:01:50,361 So whose wish is next? What about Santa's wish? 37 00:01:51,070 --> 00:01:54,532 My biggest wish is that you all get along well with Jessica. 38 00:01:57,577 --> 00:01:59,037 Come on, guys, Jessica. 39 00:02:00,038 --> 00:02:01,331 Jim, tell them who Jessica is. 40 00:02:01,915 --> 00:02:03,082 She's not your grandmother, is she? 41 00:02:03,166 --> 00:02:05,001 Gam-Gam's name is Ruth, Jim. 42 00:02:05,084 --> 00:02:08,296 You should know. I introduced you on speakerphone that time. 43 00:02:08,880 --> 00:02:10,507 Jessica is my super serious girlfriend, 44 00:02:10,590 --> 00:02:13,218 who is seriously awesome and seriously sexy. 45 00:02:13,885 --> 00:02:16,304 Only thing that's not serious, by the way, our repartee. 46 00:02:16,429 --> 00:02:18,473 That's great. When you know, you know. 47 00:02:18,556 --> 00:02:19,974 Hey, what's Ruth's deal, man? 48 00:02:20,058 --> 00:02:21,851 Totally out of your league. 49 00:02:22,018 --> 00:02:24,187 So, in summation, ho ho ho, 50 00:02:24,270 --> 00:02:25,980 please be nice to Jessica, and mistletoe 51 00:02:26,105 --> 00:02:27,816 is not an excuse for sexual assault. 52 00:02:27,899 --> 00:02:29,734 And don't go near Gam-Gam. 53 00:02:32,403 --> 00:02:34,656 I love Jessica, and I haven't even met her yet. 54 00:02:34,739 --> 00:02:37,200 It's like, we don't even need to meet, you know? 55 00:02:37,283 --> 00:02:39,327 I already love you. Stay home. 56 00:02:41,579 --> 00:02:42,914 I just want you to know that I will be mean 57 00:02:43,039 --> 00:02:44,165 to Jessica, if you want me to be. 58 00:02:44,249 --> 00:02:45,542 Oh, no, no, it's fine, Kelly. 59 00:02:45,750 --> 00:02:48,002 It's really no problem. I was already planning on being mean to her. 60 00:02:48,086 --> 00:02:49,295 That's okay, I don't want you to do that. 61 00:02:50,213 --> 00:02:51,464 Hello. 62 00:02:52,799 --> 00:02:54,300 Merry Christmas, Erin. 63 00:02:54,467 --> 00:02:57,011 Kelly, happy Pancha Ganapati. 64 00:02:57,095 --> 00:02:58,137 Ew. What is that? 65 00:02:58,221 --> 00:03:00,974 The five day Hindu celebration in December, 66 00:03:01,099 --> 00:03:03,893 honoring the god Ganesh, patron of the arts. 67 00:03:04,686 --> 00:03:05,687 Cool. 68 00:03:05,770 --> 00:03:07,397 Hey, man. Hey. 69 00:03:07,647 --> 00:03:09,107 How you holding up? 70 00:03:10,066 --> 00:03:11,860 Because of your wife leaving you. 71 00:03:11,943 --> 00:03:13,111 Kevin. 72 00:03:13,194 --> 00:03:15,697 I actually appreciate the human intimacy. 73 00:03:15,780 --> 00:03:18,032 I feel like a kitten being cradled by a gorilla. 74 00:03:18,116 --> 00:03:19,158 Yeah. 75 00:03:19,242 --> 00:03:21,995 It's been 10 days since I had sexual intercourse. 76 00:03:22,370 --> 00:03:24,622 Well, you came to the right place. 77 00:03:25,123 --> 00:03:27,417 It... This party will cheer you right up. 78 00:03:27,750 --> 00:03:30,461 I hope so. The corporate party was wretched. 79 00:03:30,545 --> 00:03:34,215 I am so tired of the Black Eyed Peas. 80 00:03:34,299 --> 00:03:36,384 It's rock and roll for people who don't like rock and roll. 81 00:03:36,467 --> 00:03:38,803 It's rap for people who don't like rap. 82 00:03:39,220 --> 00:03:41,472 It's pop for people who don't like pop. 83 00:03:42,473 --> 00:03:43,474 Ah. 84 00:03:44,100 --> 00:03:45,226 Heartbreaking. 85 00:03:45,435 --> 00:03:46,436 Oh. Thank you. 86 00:03:48,771 --> 00:03:55,612 Well, I hate to have to take my Santa hat off and put on my hard ass hat, 87 00:03:55,904 --> 00:03:58,907 but this is serious. 88 00:03:59,532 --> 00:04:02,744 It's come to my attention that somebody who shall remain nameless 89 00:04:02,827 --> 00:04:04,704 wants to switch desk clumps. 90 00:04:05,288 --> 00:04:07,540 Fine with me. Jim can leave any time he wants. 91 00:04:07,624 --> 00:04:08,791 Good-bye. Wasn't me. 92 00:04:08,875 --> 00:04:10,209 It wasn't either of you. 93 00:04:10,418 --> 00:04:11,878 Cathy wants to leave our clump? 94 00:04:12,837 --> 00:04:15,924 Don't look. Who it was is not important. 95 00:04:16,341 --> 00:04:18,593 But she did say that your constant pranking 96 00:04:18,718 --> 00:04:21,012 and one-upsmanship is driving her crazy. 97 00:04:21,220 --> 00:04:24,182 She or he. I just want to say this is not my fault. 98 00:04:24,265 --> 00:04:26,476 Okay, the weak always bully the strong, 99 00:04:26,559 --> 00:04:28,186 contrary to what you see in the media. 100 00:04:28,269 --> 00:04:30,396 I am always acting in self-defense. 101 00:04:30,813 --> 00:04:32,732 Occasionally preemptive self-defense. 102 00:04:33,816 --> 00:04:35,401 Ow! What are you doing? Hey! Hey! 103 00:04:35,485 --> 00:04:36,819 Respect the hat. 104 00:04:37,528 --> 00:04:38,988 Pam never seemed to have a problem with us. 105 00:04:39,113 --> 00:04:42,825 All right. I'm gonna speak in a language you both understand. 106 00:04:43,326 --> 00:04:44,452 Moe-nay. 107 00:04:45,536 --> 00:04:46,537 What was it? What is it? 108 00:04:47,038 --> 00:04:48,039 Money. 109 00:04:48,998 --> 00:04:51,876 You both have sizable Christmas bonuses coming your way. 110 00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:53,461 If I catch either of you messing with the other, 111 00:04:53,544 --> 00:04:55,672 I will give both bonuses to the other person. 112 00:04:56,130 --> 00:04:58,299 Can't do that. No, absolutely not. 113 00:04:58,383 --> 00:05:02,136 You need consequences. Okay, I want you both walking on eggshells. 114 00:05:05,598 --> 00:05:08,393 Hi, I'm Jessica. I'm looking for Andy. 115 00:05:08,476 --> 00:05:11,980 Jessica, yes. We don't say hi. We hug. 116 00:05:14,941 --> 00:05:17,402 I'm Erin. Sorry. Ooh! 117 00:05:17,568 --> 00:05:19,237 I hope you feel really welcome. We all want you here. 118 00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:20,363 Oh. 119 00:05:20,571 --> 00:05:23,074 My ex is meeting my sex. 120 00:05:24,409 --> 00:05:25,785 Which is always scary. 121 00:05:26,035 --> 00:05:29,622 You know? And not just because you think they might talk about your penis. 122 00:05:30,456 --> 00:05:31,874 That's just part of it. 123 00:05:32,208 --> 00:05:34,043 Hey! Jess, Erin. 124 00:05:34,127 --> 00:05:35,628 I hope you're not talking about my penis. 125 00:05:35,753 --> 00:05:36,879 Hi. Hi. 126 00:05:37,005 --> 00:05:39,924 Hey, everyone, I want you to meet Jessica. 127 00:05:40,425 --> 00:05:43,094 She is an assistant cross-country coach at Bryn Mawr. 128 00:05:43,428 --> 00:05:44,429 Wow. 129 00:05:44,554 --> 00:05:47,473 Erin, by the way, amazing receptionist. 130 00:05:47,598 --> 00:05:50,518 Oh, that's great. Backbone of the office. 131 00:05:50,935 --> 00:05:52,603 Which is funny, actually, because my spine is a mess. 132 00:05:52,687 --> 00:05:53,730 What? Oh. 133 00:05:53,813 --> 00:05:57,984 Scoliosis. Had to wear a back brace for three years, but I never did. 134 00:06:00,987 --> 00:06:02,780 Oh, no. 135 00:06:03,156 --> 00:06:04,824 Oh, no, it's kicking in. 136 00:06:04,907 --> 00:06:07,994 Spontaneous scoliosis. 137 00:06:11,039 --> 00:06:12,040 Oh. 138 00:06:12,123 --> 00:06:14,459 This thing could take your arm off, your head off. 139 00:06:14,542 --> 00:06:15,877 You know, just exercise caution. 140 00:06:16,085 --> 00:06:17,086 Thank you. All right. 141 00:06:17,170 --> 00:06:18,504 All right. 142 00:06:19,380 --> 00:06:20,882 Oh, yeah, 143 00:06:21,132 --> 00:06:23,760 and there's a Christmas party upstairs tonight I wanted to tell you about. 144 00:06:24,010 --> 00:06:25,553 Isn't that just for popsicles? 145 00:06:25,887 --> 00:06:26,888 Popsicles? 146 00:06:26,971 --> 00:06:29,390 Yeah, like, upstairs people. 'Cause you got a stick up your butt. 147 00:06:29,807 --> 00:06:32,852 Ah. See, I thought it was because they're all so rich 148 00:06:32,935 --> 00:06:35,229 they could eat popsicles all the time. 149 00:06:35,313 --> 00:06:37,482 What? I... In my... 150 00:06:37,565 --> 00:06:40,026 Well, you should definitely come. The foreman always comes. 151 00:06:40,318 --> 00:06:43,362 Plus it's fun, you know, cookies, smoked fish, 152 00:06:43,738 --> 00:06:45,364 alcohol, people acting stupid. 153 00:06:45,490 --> 00:06:48,701 You had me at "clookies." I can't wait to find out what they are. 154 00:06:50,161 --> 00:06:51,120 What should I wear? 155 00:06:51,204 --> 00:06:53,581 Oh, it's nice. It's real nice. People get dressed up. 156 00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:56,501 I will look so handsome for you, Darryl. 157 00:07:05,468 --> 00:07:06,469 Uh... 158 00:07:08,679 --> 00:07:09,847 I'm gonna... 159 00:07:14,852 --> 00:07:16,854 Dwight really wants my bonus. 160 00:07:17,772 --> 00:07:19,357 He's trying to entrap me. 161 00:07:20,358 --> 00:07:22,860 Oh, God, now I can't drink at this thing. 162 00:07:25,113 --> 00:07:27,115 I get really pranky when I drink. 163 00:07:27,782 --> 00:07:29,283 Erin, what can I get for you? 164 00:07:29,367 --> 00:07:32,036 Do you have cola? Kirkland, if you have it. 165 00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:33,996 Why would you come to a bar and ask for a cola 166 00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:35,998 when you can get some from the kitchen? 167 00:07:36,707 --> 00:07:39,502 Did some small part of you want something a little stronger? 168 00:07:40,545 --> 00:07:44,382 Ryan, Kevin, Phyllis, Oscar, come and take these shots. 169 00:07:44,507 --> 00:07:45,800 Yes! 170 00:07:46,050 --> 00:07:47,051 Will do. 171 00:07:47,593 --> 00:07:50,721 The fifth one is for you, Erin. You can take it or leave it. 172 00:07:51,722 --> 00:07:53,558 To take it would be to accept that you're 173 00:07:53,683 --> 00:07:55,518 at a party, and you're an adult woman 174 00:07:56,227 --> 00:07:58,521 and you have an adventurous spirit. 175 00:07:58,729 --> 00:08:00,189 To leave it would be fine, too. 176 00:08:00,273 --> 00:08:02,567 One, two, three. Yes. 177 00:08:02,650 --> 00:08:03,901 Okay. 178 00:08:04,902 --> 00:08:05,903 Wow! 179 00:08:06,362 --> 00:08:07,572 Whoo! Hey, hey, nice. 180 00:08:08,656 --> 00:08:09,991 Jiminy Christmas! 181 00:08:10,449 --> 00:08:12,118 Jiminy Christmas, indeed. 182 00:08:12,493 --> 00:08:14,579 Hit her up. Oh, yes. 183 00:08:14,662 --> 00:08:16,581 - Yeah. - Wow! 184 00:08:19,625 --> 00:08:21,711 Yeah, I just got my replacement credit card. 185 00:08:23,504 --> 00:08:26,924 Do you want the number? Oh, it's 4-7-9-3 186 00:08:27,425 --> 00:08:31,846 O-O-3-2-3-3-1-3. 187 00:08:32,972 --> 00:08:36,434 The security code is 9-2-7. 188 00:08:36,684 --> 00:08:38,436 Okay, great, thank you very much. 189 00:08:38,728 --> 00:08:39,937 Bye. 190 00:08:43,941 --> 00:08:45,443 So Dwight did take the bait. 191 00:08:46,861 --> 00:08:51,407 He used my credit card numbers to send a $200 bouquet of flowers 192 00:08:52,325 --> 00:08:53,701 to my wife. 193 00:08:54,160 --> 00:08:55,161 From me. 194 00:09:00,708 --> 00:09:01,709 Boom! 195 00:09:02,752 --> 00:09:04,962 Look, it's Christmas, so you're allowed... 196 00:09:05,880 --> 00:09:06,881 Hello. 197 00:09:15,139 --> 00:09:17,558 I meant dressed up compared to normal. 198 00:09:17,642 --> 00:09:19,477 You usually dress like a Ghostbuster. 199 00:09:19,769 --> 00:09:21,520 Okay. I thought you'd wear a sweater. 200 00:09:21,604 --> 00:09:23,272 Since when does a sweater mean "dressed up"? 201 00:09:23,356 --> 00:09:24,357 Am I your grandson? 202 00:09:24,482 --> 00:09:25,483 Come on, stay, all right? 203 00:09:25,566 --> 00:09:26,943 It's good for people to get to know you. 204 00:09:27,443 --> 00:09:30,112 As a contestant on Dancing with the Stars maybe. 205 00:09:30,863 --> 00:09:35,326 I want my sugar-free cookie, and then I want a sugar cookie. 206 00:09:36,035 --> 00:09:37,662 And then I want my nap. 207 00:09:37,787 --> 00:09:39,247 That's right. 208 00:09:39,497 --> 00:09:41,332 Thank you. 209 00:09:41,707 --> 00:09:43,125 She is remarkable. 210 00:09:43,584 --> 00:09:45,628 Edgy impressions. Thank you. 211 00:09:46,170 --> 00:09:47,672 How many drinks have you had tonight? 212 00:09:47,797 --> 00:09:49,298 I can't be driving everybody home. 213 00:09:49,757 --> 00:09:51,425 A thousand. Woah! 214 00:09:52,051 --> 00:09:54,011 Maybe you should take a break. 215 00:09:54,887 --> 00:09:56,555 Maybe you should mind your own business. 216 00:09:58,099 --> 00:09:59,684 Just kidding. 217 00:10:03,396 --> 00:10:04,981 Ah! I've been attacked! 218 00:10:05,064 --> 00:10:08,150 Oh, my God. Someone put a porcupine in my drawer. 219 00:10:08,651 --> 00:10:09,610 Oh, my God. 220 00:10:09,694 --> 00:10:12,863 Yeah, I was just sitting here at my desk, and I reached into my drawer 221 00:10:12,947 --> 00:10:15,241 to grab my toothbrush and some tooth powder, 222 00:10:15,366 --> 00:10:17,451 and all of a sudden, I was attacked 223 00:10:17,576 --> 00:10:19,704 by this bloodthirsty rabid creature. 224 00:10:20,037 --> 00:10:23,374 I wonder, in this office, who has access to a porcupine? 225 00:10:23,582 --> 00:10:26,711 Or who in this office knows that I have access 226 00:10:26,836 --> 00:10:28,629 and is trying to set me up? 227 00:10:28,879 --> 00:10:31,674 Hmm. You know, this sounds a lot like the premise 228 00:10:31,757 --> 00:10:33,759 of my latest Chad Flenderman novel, 229 00:10:34,051 --> 00:10:35,511 A Murder for Framing. 230 00:10:35,594 --> 00:10:38,472 Chad Flenderman. Just an easy-going black guy who knows 231 00:10:38,556 --> 00:10:40,766 the streets, yet he also went to Oxford. 232 00:10:41,726 --> 00:10:46,939 So just as comfortable on a motorcycle as he is on Air Force One. 233 00:10:48,399 --> 00:10:51,360 And he's also the world's leading Egyptologist. 234 00:10:52,069 --> 00:10:56,282 Toby, nobody cares about your sex-crazed black detective. 235 00:10:56,449 --> 00:10:59,410 No,no,no,no,no, women chase him. He misses his wife. 236 00:10:59,493 --> 00:11:01,746 Hello, lacerated hand here, folks. 237 00:11:01,829 --> 00:11:03,080 Nice try. This is ridiculous. 238 00:11:03,164 --> 00:11:04,332 Oh, is it really? 239 00:11:04,415 --> 00:11:06,625 Two separate times you have set me up to believe 240 00:11:06,709 --> 00:11:08,711 that I was being recruited by the CIA. 241 00:11:09,420 --> 00:11:10,671 Three times, actually. You see? 242 00:11:10,755 --> 00:11:12,131 Jim, this has your fingerprints all over it. 243 00:11:12,214 --> 00:11:13,299 Andy, you've got to be kidding me. 244 00:11:13,424 --> 00:11:15,551 Fingerprints can be planted. 245 00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:16,844 You know, with a severed hand... 246 00:11:16,927 --> 00:11:18,054 Do you think that's what happened? 247 00:11:18,179 --> 00:11:19,305 Do you think he used a severed hand? 248 00:11:19,388 --> 00:11:21,724 Okay, you know what, why don't we just call Animal Control? 249 00:11:21,807 --> 00:11:24,435 You might want to run that by Angela. 'Cause it's so cute. 250 00:11:24,894 --> 00:11:28,314 No. Porcupines don't have souls. They're like dogs. 251 00:11:28,397 --> 00:11:29,357 Yes, I'm calling from Dunder Mifflin. 252 00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:32,193 We have a very rabid porcupine in our office. 253 00:11:32,443 --> 00:11:33,444 Someone should come pick it up. 254 00:11:33,611 --> 00:11:34,612 Come down right away. 255 00:11:34,862 --> 00:11:36,781 I don't know, let me ask. Were you quilled? 256 00:11:36,864 --> 00:11:37,865 Yes, I was quilled. 257 00:11:37,948 --> 00:11:39,325 And what's its name? Henrietta. 258 00:11:39,450 --> 00:11:40,451 Oh. 259 00:11:40,534 --> 00:11:42,244 What? Uh... 260 00:11:42,953 --> 00:11:45,247 All right. Get her out of here, Dwight. 261 00:11:55,549 --> 00:11:56,550 Hey. 262 00:11:56,967 --> 00:11:59,303 Guys, I just wanted to say... Come here. 263 00:12:00,221 --> 00:12:03,224 I am so happy you guys are together. Okay? 264 00:12:03,974 --> 00:12:05,810 And you both have such beautiful hair. 265 00:12:06,852 --> 00:12:07,895 Thank you. 266 00:12:08,479 --> 00:12:09,980 I hope you guys get married. 267 00:12:11,107 --> 00:12:13,567 And who knows? Maybe at the wedding, I meet someone. 268 00:12:13,943 --> 00:12:14,944 Okay. 269 00:12:15,027 --> 00:12:18,072 And later on tonight, I hope I see you guys kiss. 270 00:12:21,325 --> 00:12:23,160 Yay. 271 00:12:23,327 --> 00:12:25,746 Okay, well, I'm gonna go do another reverse spit. 272 00:12:26,580 --> 00:12:29,333 That's how the cool kids say "get a drink." 273 00:12:33,629 --> 00:12:35,714 That's... That's the girl you dated? 274 00:12:36,674 --> 00:12:39,885 Yeah, she's not always like that. It's... 275 00:12:40,386 --> 00:12:42,304 No, she seems fun. 276 00:12:43,514 --> 00:12:45,641 Yeah, excuse me. Okay. 277 00:12:47,518 --> 00:12:48,519 HEY HEY 278 00:12:48,602 --> 00:12:51,439 Have you had anything to eat besides candy canes? 279 00:12:51,814 --> 00:12:52,940 Every martini has an olive. 280 00:12:53,065 --> 00:12:54,233 Okay. 281 00:12:54,650 --> 00:12:56,777 Maybe I should make you some oatmeal or something. 282 00:12:56,861 --> 00:12:59,697 I don't want to put you out, but if someone's making oatmeal, 283 00:12:59,780 --> 00:13:01,031 I'll take an apple cinnamon 284 00:13:01,115 --> 00:13:04,118 and a maple brown sugar in one bowl with whole milk. 285 00:13:04,201 --> 00:13:06,203 Hey, I never told you my Christmas wish. 286 00:13:06,495 --> 00:13:07,997 Okay. It's about you. 287 00:13:08,831 --> 00:13:12,209 That's not what it should be. It should just be like a trinket or something. 288 00:13:12,835 --> 00:13:15,713 It's that I wish Jessica was dead. 289 00:13:16,213 --> 00:13:19,717 You mean you wish she wasn't here or something. 290 00:13:19,842 --> 00:13:23,804 I wish she was in a graveyard under the ground 291 00:13:23,888 --> 00:13:26,182 with worms coming out of her mouth. 292 00:13:27,641 --> 00:13:30,311 Hey, you know, you can't say that, okay? 293 00:13:30,394 --> 00:13:32,730 That's my girlfriend that you're talking about. 294 00:13:32,855 --> 00:13:35,149 You and I are not together anymore. 295 00:13:36,025 --> 00:13:38,694 You need to get over it. Take your wish back. 296 00:13:39,403 --> 00:13:41,655 Too late. It's already been wished. 297 00:13:42,198 --> 00:13:45,409 And you promised it would come true. You wrote it in an e-mail! 298 00:13:45,743 --> 00:13:49,705 So which one are you, a murderer or a liar? 299 00:13:58,839 --> 00:14:00,090 HEY HEY 300 00:14:00,466 --> 00:14:02,343 So there was talk of oatmeal. 301 00:14:07,389 --> 00:14:10,267 You know, don't listen to what anyone is saying. 302 00:14:10,684 --> 00:14:13,062 You look like a princess. 303 00:14:13,270 --> 00:14:15,022 Yeah. Thanks. 304 00:14:17,816 --> 00:14:18,943 I was too embarrassed. 305 00:14:20,110 --> 00:14:22,780 Hey, guys, sorry to interrupt. I just found this on my desk 306 00:14:22,863 --> 00:14:24,782 and need to talk to somebody about it. 307 00:14:25,282 --> 00:14:26,325 Can you believe that? 308 00:14:26,408 --> 00:14:28,285 Is that Cece? Yes, it is. 309 00:14:28,536 --> 00:14:30,120 Oh, man. That's awful. 310 00:14:30,704 --> 00:14:31,789 Cece is Jim's daughter. 311 00:14:31,956 --> 00:14:33,040 Oh, my God. 312 00:14:33,290 --> 00:14:34,542 How could somebody do that? 313 00:14:34,625 --> 00:14:35,793 I know. I mean, the way I see it is, 314 00:14:35,918 --> 00:14:37,086 you can deface any picture of me. 315 00:14:37,169 --> 00:14:38,796 Any one. Pick one. Not my kid, though. 316 00:14:39,004 --> 00:14:40,297 Who did this? Who did this? 317 00:14:40,422 --> 00:14:41,549 Do you know who did this? I don't... 318 00:14:41,632 --> 00:14:44,176 I know who did this. Dwight. 319 00:14:44,301 --> 00:14:45,469 Dwight? Yeah, he did. 320 00:14:45,553 --> 00:14:46,554 What? No. He should pay. 321 00:14:46,637 --> 00:14:48,472 He is gonna pay. This is fire-able. 322 00:14:48,597 --> 00:14:49,974 - Okay. - It's... I mean... 323 00:14:50,057 --> 00:14:51,100 Let me just see it one more time. 324 00:14:51,183 --> 00:14:55,229 You know what? I know who my friends are now. 325 00:14:55,312 --> 00:14:56,647 But I shouldn't have got you involved. 326 00:14:56,814 --> 00:14:59,066 Because the truth is, I don't even really care about this picture. 327 00:14:59,149 --> 00:15:00,401 It's a little out of focus. 328 00:15:00,484 --> 00:15:01,986 It was probably an accident, right? Like... 329 00:15:02,152 --> 00:15:03,362 That's no accident. 330 00:15:03,445 --> 00:15:06,991 Right. You're right. So maybe it was me who did it. By accident. 331 00:15:07,616 --> 00:15:09,201 What? I'll figure it out. 332 00:15:09,285 --> 00:15:12,162 Get to the bottom of it. Merry merry. 333 00:15:15,624 --> 00:15:16,834 Enough of this garbage. 334 00:15:19,086 --> 00:15:20,921 This is Christmas. 335 00:16:35,621 --> 00:16:37,247 Christmas! 336 00:16:42,878 --> 00:16:44,088 You all right, Santa? 337 00:16:44,171 --> 00:16:45,547 You know those movies where two friends 338 00:16:45,631 --> 00:16:47,383 are sleeping together and it's like, 339 00:16:47,466 --> 00:16:49,009 hey, can they stay friends? 340 00:16:49,176 --> 00:16:50,177 Yes. 341 00:16:50,260 --> 00:16:51,220 Do you think two friends who are 342 00:16:51,303 --> 00:16:52,596 not sleeping together can stay friends? 343 00:16:53,305 --> 00:16:55,015 Two friends who are not sleeping together, 344 00:16:55,140 --> 00:16:56,892 can they remain friends? Yes, yeah. 345 00:16:57,393 --> 00:16:59,561 No. I... I don't know. 346 00:16:59,645 --> 00:17:00,813 Okay. By the WHY, 347 00:17:00,938 --> 00:17:03,107 I'm not gonna mess with your and Dwight's bonuses. 348 00:17:03,190 --> 00:17:05,275 I think it's causing more problems. 349 00:17:05,359 --> 00:17:07,152 So just be yourselves, have fun, 350 00:17:07,277 --> 00:17:09,113 and try not to let it affect your work. 351 00:17:09,530 --> 00:17:11,073 All right. I will definitely do that. 352 00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:12,408 All right. I'll tell Dwight. 353 00:17:13,534 --> 00:17:15,119 You know what? You're sitting and thinking. 354 00:17:15,244 --> 00:17:18,122 And it's probably better if it comes from me anyway. 355 00:17:18,664 --> 00:17:20,374 Christmas miracles do happen. 356 00:17:20,457 --> 00:17:22,501 Yes, they totally do. 357 00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:26,296 You can't click on these Kardashian links. 358 00:17:26,463 --> 00:17:27,881 That's why you have so many viruses. 359 00:17:27,965 --> 00:17:29,174 Well, help me, okay? 360 00:17:29,258 --> 00:17:30,300 I'm trying, but... 361 00:17:30,426 --> 00:17:31,385 You need to... Kelly. 362 00:17:31,468 --> 00:17:33,637 Yo. On it. Game on. 363 00:17:38,475 --> 00:17:42,062 I don't know what I was thinking, it was awful. Awful. 364 00:17:42,146 --> 00:17:43,647 Jessica, did you just fart? 365 00:17:47,443 --> 00:17:49,153 And that is how it's done. 366 00:17:49,987 --> 00:17:51,405 I would like another alcohol. 367 00:17:52,156 --> 00:17:54,742 Let's you and I take a walk. Oscar, you're in charge of the bar. 368 00:17:54,825 --> 00:17:57,369 What? I haven't bartended in forever. 369 00:17:58,162 --> 00:18:00,456 Never considered myself a mixologist. 370 00:18:01,123 --> 00:18:04,877 Oh, this is daunting. Um, I need a mortar, pestle, muddier. 371 00:18:05,169 --> 00:18:06,795 Does anyone have any chocolate shavings? 372 00:18:08,213 --> 00:18:09,923 Your heart is broken. 373 00:18:10,007 --> 00:18:11,842 So's mine. And? 374 00:18:12,509 --> 00:18:13,761 And what? 375 00:18:14,344 --> 00:18:16,054 And do you have any advice or anything... 376 00:18:16,180 --> 00:18:18,515 Oh, my God. ...to help me feel better? 377 00:18:18,599 --> 00:18:20,184 I've been married thrice, and each 378 00:18:20,267 --> 00:18:22,603 has ended in an acrimonious divorce. 379 00:18:22,686 --> 00:18:25,147 I'm not sure I'm the best person to give love advice. 380 00:18:26,899 --> 00:18:29,026 I was hoping you were going to make me feel better. 381 00:18:29,401 --> 00:18:33,906 When you do your makeup, how long does it take usually? 'Cause... 382 00:18:33,989 --> 00:18:35,240 It depends. 383 00:18:35,699 --> 00:18:38,035 Chad Flenderman's kryptonite... 384 00:18:38,202 --> 00:18:39,203 Woah. 385 00:18:39,369 --> 00:18:41,288 We got a real Clarence Thomas here. 386 00:18:44,875 --> 00:18:45,876 Hi. 387 00:18:48,295 --> 00:18:49,797 I'll see you at home. Okay. Okay, great. 388 00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:51,215 Perfect. Bye. 389 00:18:52,841 --> 00:18:53,926 I still don't get why you can't 390 00:18:54,009 --> 00:18:55,302 just call her a cab and pay for it. 391 00:18:55,886 --> 00:18:59,014 I would, it just... That wasn't the holiday wish. 392 00:18:59,306 --> 00:19:03,310 Either he drives or I drive, and now I'm drunk and mad. 393 00:19:04,061 --> 00:19:06,396 Okay, We- Okay, We- 394 00:19:07,606 --> 00:19:09,483 All right, come on, Meredith. 395 00:19:09,566 --> 00:19:12,027 Bye. Thank you, Santa. 396 00:19:12,110 --> 00:19:13,529 You bet. 397 00:19:13,612 --> 00:19:15,739 Thank God Erin's getting a ride home with Robert, 398 00:19:15,823 --> 00:19:17,407 'cause she is trashed. 399 00:19:17,491 --> 00:19:18,992 And who better to drive her home than Robert? 400 00:19:19,076 --> 00:19:22,037 I mean, what a stand up guy, you know. 401 00:19:22,287 --> 00:19:25,123 I mean, he's going through a lot. Separating from his wife, 402 00:19:25,666 --> 00:19:28,919 showing up at the Christmas party in a track suit and a blazer. 403 00:19:32,297 --> 00:19:33,966 Let's go, let's go. I'm coming, I'm coming. 404 00:19:34,049 --> 00:19:35,717 I'm coming, I'm coming. 405 00:19:35,801 --> 00:19:37,427 Hang on. All right. 406 00:19:38,262 --> 00:19:41,098 Woah! My stuff! What? What is all that? 407 00:19:41,306 --> 00:19:42,391 It's my valuables! 408 00:19:42,516 --> 00:19:43,600 It's junk. 409 00:19:43,684 --> 00:19:45,269 This is my treasures. No, they're my treasures! 410 00:19:45,352 --> 00:19:46,603 You're a hoarder. My God! 411 00:19:46,728 --> 00:19:48,689 No, I'm not! I'm gonna sell it on eBay! 412 00:19:48,772 --> 00:19:50,440 No, no, no, you be careful. 413 00:19:50,566 --> 00:19:53,277 Be careful! Ah! My Santa suit's stuck. 414 00:19:59,199 --> 00:20:02,286 What are we gonna do with all that bonus money, Henrietta,huh? 415 00:20:02,452 --> 00:20:04,830 Where are we? This ain't my street. 416 00:20:07,291 --> 00:20:09,334 Oh. This is the posh part of town, huh? 417 00:20:12,462 --> 00:20:13,839 Oh, my God. 418 00:20:16,008 --> 00:20:18,218 Wonder what a studio condo would cost in this neighborhood. 419 00:20:18,302 --> 00:20:20,762 Meredith, shut your drunk hole right now. 420 00:20:24,016 --> 00:20:25,809 Erin, it was great fun tonight. 421 00:20:26,476 --> 00:20:30,272 Take a few aspirin, drink a whole lot of water, sleep in in the morning. 422 00:20:32,608 --> 00:20:34,985 Thank you. Good night. 423 00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:41,617 What are you smiling for? 424 00:20:42,242 --> 00:20:44,036 You thinking what I'm thinking? 425 00:20:46,204 --> 00:20:48,040 I'm sure I am not. 426 00:20:48,957 --> 00:20:50,334 Let's get you home. 427 00:20:51,752 --> 00:20:52,753 Ow! 428 00:20:54,004 --> 00:20:55,422 Take it easy! 429 00:21:01,470 --> 00:21:03,263 Oh, man! 430 00:21:03,889 --> 00:21:06,099 Fell asleep. Took a nap. 431 00:21:07,225 --> 00:21:09,353 Hey, guys. I feel refreshed now. 432 00:21:09,686 --> 00:21:11,146 How's it going? Dwight. 433 00:21:11,355 --> 00:21:15,525 Took a little nap right next to Jim's desk. I feel so good right now. 434 00:21:15,692 --> 00:21:17,152 Mmm. Cookies. 435 00:21:17,778 --> 00:21:19,237 What's everyone staring at? 436 00:21:20,364 --> 00:21:23,116 Oh, man! I was supposed to tell Dwight something. 437 00:21:24,952 --> 00:21:26,495 Come on, Jim. 438 00:21:28,455 --> 00:21:29,957 I got nothing.